Coffee Break: Fragola Tote
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As we've noted, it's a tricky time for workwear — trends are moving so fast that at the moment it feels like “everything's in” — plus, no one is quite sure what “workwear” looks like for the office any more. So it's good to remember about places like Rent the Runway, where you can find a lot more workwear than they had even just a few years ago (including a lot more in sizes up to 22!).
I like this fun tote from Furla, and wish I'd thought to rent it for a conference I recently attended — it would've been great to have something new that felt special.
The tote is $498 originally, or you can rent it for 4 days for $85. You can also buy it now (“pre-loved”) for $253.85 or sign up for one of RTR's memberships (the most-loved one is 8 items a month for $99). Nice.
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Sales of note for 2/7/25:
- Nordstrom – Winter Sale, up to 60% off! 7850 new markdowns for women
- Ann Taylor – Extra 25% off your $175+ purchase — and $30 of full-price pants and denim
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 15% off
- Boden – 15% off new season styles
- Eloquii – 60% off 100s of styles
- J.Crew – Extra 50% off all sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40% off everything including new arrivals + extra 20% off $125+
- Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 40% off last-chance styles
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 40% off one item + free shipping on $150+
Life (or maybe the pandemic or maybe age) has slowed me down in general. How do I reverse this? I mean things like – back in the day if a business trip or fun trip came up for tomorrow/tonight, I could pack a bag in 20 min and get out the door. Now anything whether it is a few hour errand in town or an actual trip seems like it is days of planning as I plan out – what time will we leave; do I shower before leaving or the night before; do I have the right luggage; check on masks, gas in the car; how many times do we need to take out the trash because if there’s dinner trash, can’t just leave that; what are we eating for dinner – don’t want anything too heavy because we need to sleep well.
Is this just aging and having a house? DH and I are both 40 – no kids and we both feel like we’ve gotten this way. We were talking about this and DH was like – at 25-30 in biglaw (we didn’t know each other then) if you suddenly got 4 days off and were going on an impromptu trip, all you cared about was grabbing your passport/phone/charger + any clean clothing in whatever suitcase you saw first and leaving. It was about the adventure, not will I have reflux if I eat the wrong thing; will the kitchen be gross if I didn’t do dishes. So his takeaway – we’re old.
Anyone else feel like this? Part of me feels the pandemic has made this MUCH worse – when you don’t leave the house daily for work, leaving for anything seems like way more of a production than it used to. Can we reverse this? My only solution is that since we don’t have kids (likely can’t), should we re-introduce some last minute adventures just so we don’t turn into 60 year olds worrying about having to go into the city for a drs. appointment some four weeks from now??
I think it’s age. I’m mid-40s. I just need more sleep than I used to. Jumping at a day off to do something that will exhaust me doesn’t sound as pleasing. But I do like exploring where I am when I have a day off. Don’t clean – just go. Find a brewery. Take a walk in a touristy area. Be a tourist in your own town. Plan vacations because you’re more mature now and have control over your schedule to do it right.
I miss renting. When I rented, it wasn’t “who will water the new grass,” and “the bug guy is coming” and “OMG the WEEDS.” Now, I sleep soundly b/c I am so exhausted by tasks. I took a month off of work once b/w jobs and b/c I owned a house, I was never busier in my life. Constantly in motion. I was grateful to have a job finally so I could sit all day and not try to FINALLY clean the baseboards. I blame it on homeownership (which I did as a single person, no kids) in an older house that was a bit of a fixer.
I do think having a house that’s more than a one bedroom rental apt. changed things for me. There is always something to do.
I miss renting. I’m the one who posted about wanting to hire a property manager for my own house that I live in.
I passed on a big historic house that would have been a project (but gorgeous and inspiring) for a smaller, more modest, nothing special house that was in better shape, and I’m wondering if that has sapped my motivation? I have nothing against this house at all; it’s very livable. But my apartment had higher ceilings and fewer chores.
And then I wonder if I’m just projecting feelings about moving during a pandemic and looking at my pre-pandemic renter life through rose-colored glasses. But so far owning a house feels like I’m living and sleeping at a second job that I don’t want to have.
As someone who thinks she wants a house – single so there wouldn’t be a partner to help – what is it that you feel like you’re doing all the time? Is it cleaning/upkeep? Or bigger projects? Like what type of chores are unexpected or is it that chores just take longer because the place is bigger?
I was never trying to improve the rental. All beige paint and carpet were fine. I wasn’t going to spend a penny on anything I couldn’t take with me when I left.
To start with: there was nothing on any window. Day 1, I had to tape up newspapers to change. Then blinds? Curtains? Some of each? So many decisions I had never thought of before. And curtains won’t hang themselves. A stepladder and cordless drill are helpful, but you have to go to a store and buy. Molly bolts. Stuff like that.
Then: overgrown landscaping. Water drainage issues. Maybe I want a dog (yes, but only on weekends? Also: furnace filters. Why do I need so many different types of bulbs?
Not OP but I had a culture shock of sorts when I bought a house. It’s just endless. Every time something goes wrong there end up being 100 sub-tasks that spawn out of nowhere, and there’s constantly something going wrong. For context, my house build in 1950, kept up well and recently renovated (not flipped) when I bought in 2018.
Some people love little house projects but I hate it. I love my house but I feel SO tied down by it.
Others said it well. It’s just that anything that come up is my problem and not the landlord’s, and yes every task involves subtasks and equipment and skills.
It’s also not as easy or straightforward as I thought it would be to just hire out tasks I don’t want to deal with or learn about (if I’m not knowledgeable about something, I don’t know which of two workpeople giving me wildly different assessment and quotes are leading me on, if not both, etc.). Obviously I can learn about things I don’t care about, but it’s just a drag.
For me (who bought as a single woman no partner and now has a partner and kid) it’s mostly bigger projects.
Unless you have money buy a quality recent build (and I think those words are almost antonyms) there are approximately 10,000 home ownership tasks each on their own timeline of being due again, but you don’t really know where on that timeline or what they are. Obviously you know that ACs need replacing and rooves don’t last forever. But it’s everything. Pipes, floor boards, paint jobs, waterproofing on external structures, refrigerators, carpet, filters, windows, electrical wiring, etc. I think as a renter some of this work gets done between owners (when no one is living there) but that doesn’t work when you’re an owner AND resident. Chores definitely do take more time if it’s bigger or has a yard, but I think that’s easier to predict than all of the repairs/replacement/renovations.
I’ve been here for three years and for context have probably spent about 9 months’ worth of mortgage + property taxes on fixing/replacing things, and that’s with doing lots of work myself, including drywall, painting, replacing fixtures, my own yardwork, etc. Plus hundreds and hundreds of hours. I’d say I spend 5x more time on my house than I did as a tenant.
As a counterpoint, I purchased a townhouse when I was single and love it. I intentionally got a townhouse, so I would not have a yard to deal with. In the eight years I’ve owned, I’ve had to hire repairman 4 times and normally do a few simple repairs when my brother visits. I maybe spend 15 hours a year on maintenance, as opposed to cleaning which I would also have to do in a rental. I’m sure a yard would drastically increase the upkeep time.
In my neighborhood, a lot of 60+ people are buying new build luxury condos b/c they like luxe living and the area but want to look a door and visit the grand kids, travel, go to their beach condo, etc. Homeownership is the biggest time suck ever. It keeps me off the street and out of trouble, but still.
It keeps me off the street and out of trouble, but still.
HAAAA!
(I am in the street and in trouble and my house is a disaster.)
I ran away from my house and my marriage at 55 and moved into a new fancy apartment. I thought for sure I would end up in a fancy condo but it turned out I missed having a yard, and also I hated the parking situation when I had people over. So here I am at almost 64, with a 74 year old husband, off the street and out of trouble with NEVER ENDING house stuff.
I still miss renting. I do like not sharing walls with strangers and having one door to the outdoors (groceries are a million times easier!!!). It’s a difficult love, being a homeowner.
And just picking up the phone so the guy can come and fix whatever has gone wrong. Heavenly.
This is our dream retirement plan – hand our house down to our kid, and buy a turn-key condo with some outdoor space.
Ha! I can sympathize, it took me ages to get my toiletries bag ready for my first post Covid trip. But the second time was much quicker. I think it will all come back to us as we speed back up.
DH and I talk about this when we think about our younger days. Conclusion is always – the way we lived at 25 may have been age appropriate but was relatively gross and that’s why were always ready to party. Not that we live perfectly now but I vividly remember leaving on trips with dishes still in the sink because oh we’d do them when we got home; forget taking out the trash. Nowadays dinner isn’t done until every dish is cleaned and put away. Yes it’s square to live this way but somewhere along the way both of us prioritized a nice home and realized that ultimately you have to deal with house stuff so either do it proactively or come home a week from now to gross dishes, trash, and piles of laundry, your choice.
Headed to my parents/inlaws for a week. DH has already made one trip to the garage to load our suitcases and gas up the car so that when we leave tomorrow we just breeze out of here with pursues/laptop bags. At 25 it would’ve been fine to be rushing around packing the morning of, leaving late, and then ending up stuck in rush hour because you left late but now we just want as little hassle as possible. I guess it makes us old but life is calmer now.
So we actually got better at this during the post-vax stage of the pandemic. We are normally uber-planners who book vacations 6+ months in advance, make lists of restaurants, etc. But, countries were constantly changing requirements and testing etc so we were reluctant to book anything nonrefundable or too far in advance at this point. So we just kept an eye on travel requirements, Covid numbers, and flight prices, and booked our last three 1-week international vacations on about 3 weeks’ notice each. That was enough time to round up necessities and do some basic research so we didn’t have any major FOMO regrets, but just *little* enough time that we were forced to be spontaneous and think on our feet while away. It was REALLY refreshing!
Pandemic has def made things worse. Just had a 29 year old coworker talking about this. Laptop stops working, IT says no problem, if you come in we can get a new one set up for you immediately, can you come in in 2 hours. Her immediate reaction – I need to shower; I need to pack up this laptop and my work stuff to work from the office today OMG only 2 hours. And she lives a 10 min walk from work. She was laughing about it later saying we all used to get out the door daily and it didn’t take 2 hours but now it’s just such a big deal because we’ve fallen out of our routines. So it isn’t just you.
My office just started going back, mostly just a couple of days a week, and everyone I’ve run into is like, OMG HOW DID WE DO THIS 5 DAYS A WEEK EVERY WEEK???
Doesn’t matter if the person is older or younger, kids or no kids, we’re all just completely exhausted by the effort to get to the office twice a week. I imagine we’ll eventually get used to it again, so for now, I’m just being amused.
before the pandemic, i didn’t understand the friends in my 20s who would take an hour to just get dressed. so if we made last minute plans, they had to be in 1-2 hours MINIMUM.or the friends who could only do 1 thing a day, whereas i could be out the door in 15-20 min tops and could fit like 3-7 fun thing + errands into my nyc weekend day. Pandemic has turned me into that person that does 1 thing a day, and MUCH more understanding of those friends.
Late 20s and I’m not as good at this as I used to be (I’d say I’m still adventurous but more cautious/way less spontaneous). I think some of this is age: 28 is still young and fun but it’s a different lifestyle than 24/25 pre pandemic was but I mostly spent the last 2 years working a ton and not traveling much. I am very much looking forward to this summer and going back to spontaneous day trips for hiking or the beach.
I also think this is a muscle that needs to be flexed! Plan some spontaneous weekend trips, plan to do new/different activities on them, ahd do them without much warning. Can you plan a trip and not give details ri your husband until you’re on the way there and then have him do the same?
I’ve never worked from home (health care) but have this issue too. When I’m home from work, I just want to get on my couch and not budge. Wait service would be welcome. I’m relieved when I have no after-work plans all week. Even packing my lunches and then dealing with the dirty containers in the evening, for example, just seems so burdensome!
So it might just be–I don’t want to say “age” per se, but maybe caring more and being more responsible? Knowing that all potential contingencies are always on you to manage/fix? Feeling like you’ve already been working forever, but recognizing there are still probably more working years ahead of you than behind?
I think the pandemic has slowed everyone down but overall it’s just age + running a household. When I was in my 20s visiting my mom or aunt or cousin and we’d be going someplace together I’d always roll my eyes at how long it took them to get out the door. It was a constant – let me put the roast in the fridge so it’ll start to thaw; let me run the dishwasher so it’ll be done by the time we return; let me fluff the pillows on the couch/pick up the kids’ toys/take out the recycling since we’re walking thru the garage anyway. It was like OMG give me a break. Being that age now though I realize these things all have to be done, so it’s either do them now/multitask so some things will get done while you’re away or start slogging the second you get home.
I think this is just what running a household is and when you were 25 in big city biglaw, you weren’t doing that. You were more likely living an extension of college life – get up/dressed, to work, work long days, come home and crash or go out and have fun and then crash, repeat. Whether the trash was taken out or sheets were changed probably didn’t matter much.
The older I get the more I realize that when you plan ahead just a bit, it saves you hassles later when you’re ready to go. So for me that won’t be anything crazy but surely it will include gassing up the car a few days before a long drive; packing a bit early and possibly loading the car early so I’m not huffing and puffing hauling things the morning of; taking out the trash etc.
But you can flex the muscle a bit – I’d set aside one weekend day to just GO. Doesn’t have to be anything huge but just local trips or things you want to check out. Wear whatever you’re wearing and get out the door and while out don’t worry about – oh we should stop at the grocery store bc we’re out of x. Just make that one day or half day about adventure and all the laundry/cleaning/grocery shopping etc. can wait a half day.
I think part of this is the effect of experience. You used to run out the door with a bag in 20 minutes – but what did you forget? And what negative experiences did you have because you didn’t have those things? You’ve learned those lessons and trained yourself to double-check and be more deliberate about what you pack, because you know the investment of that time up-front pays off in time not wasted on the trip, or grossness avoided when you get back by not having ripening trash sitting there for a week. If you were willing to disregard those lessons, you could probably get back to that 20 minute timeframe – but is that a tradeoff you’re willing to make?
My vote is that it’s a lapsed habit. A few years ago when I was really into running it took me less than five minutes to get out the door for a run because I knew what workout clothes to throw on for the weather, knew exactly where my earbuds were, what I needed to bring, what playlist I’d listen to. Now if I go for a run it takes me a half hour of gearing myself up mentally, figuring out what clothes are weather appropriate, deciding which tracking app to use…you get the picture.
I’m in the same boat as you with dashing off on trips now versus several years ago and I’m hoping that with practice I’ll be able to get better at being spontaneous again.
Same thing going on for me and it’s just pandemic related, in my opinion. I used to travel 50% of the time for work, internationally. I used to just leave my house and eventually get on the plane with roughly equivalent brain space as going to the grocery store. Now it’s a totally different story, I start mentally packing and gearing up more than a week in advance. It feels so much longer and harder getting to and through the airport/train station.
I’m only 3 years older than pre-pandemic and so are you, so I don’t think it’s age. Rather it’s simply being out of practice of the go-go-go and instead being habituated to having everything at the fingertips all the time from being at home. I think if you get back into the groove it will all get easier gain. Some of that is getting used to being somewhat uncomfortable for an extended period of time again (cold airplanes, sitting for long car rides, having to get limited groceries locally, maybe not sleeping well the first night, not having a washing machine etc). Humans are creatures of habit!
I live in an apartment without central air. It’s an old brownstone with wonky windows – different sizes, uneven, some have screens/storm windows, some have thicker sills, etc. I think it will only be moderately painful to rig a regular window unit for the living room, but I’d like an option where I can keep the screen down for the bedroom. Does anyone have a good rec for a portable unit where the “vent” part can go up against a window screen?
I had one of those in an old rental and honestly it was an eye sore and pain in the neck to use b/c you needed to block of your window in an awkward way for the vent. Maybe they have improved but I would rather not repeat the experience for myself. Have you looked at wall mounted windowless a/cs? They are very common in Europe and Asia and I’m not sure why I rarely see them in the US but I definitely have seen them in some restaurants in NYC so it seems possible.
are you talking about mini-splits? Those have a big condenser located elsewhere (outside) and wires and drainage etc. to deal with – so while they look neat and clean on the wall, there’s a lot behind the scenes. Unless you’ve seen something super different than I have!
OP here – I should have mentioned it’s a rental, so the choices are limited.
Hisense portable AC from Lowes. Amazing. Works great. Screens are a non issue. Takes minutes to set up to vent out your window. We have one in our Florida home and one in
North Carolina.
If you just want to be able to still open the window, install a window unit AC at the bottom as usual, move the screen up to the top, and open the window from the top down when you need to. (I’m in NYC with 60s era metal window frames and this works for us; may not be possible on older windows).
We like our $300 portable Toshiba air conditioner from Home Depot.
Not an exact response but check out these: https://www.homedepot.com/p/W-B-Marvin-21-37-in-W-x-15-in-H-Clear-Wood-Frame-Adjustable-Window-Screen-AWS1537/202088350
Check out a “Saddle” air conditioner. It might have a way to keep the screen. The saddle straddles the inner and outer window. https://www.wayfair.com/Soleus-Air–WS3-Series-Energy-Star-Window-Air-Conditioner-with-Remote-WS308E201-L6229-K~TCRH1050.html?refid=FR49-TCRH1050_51720991&PiID%5B%5D=51720991
How do y’all deal with difficult people in your life? I have a housemate who’s demanding / likes to get her way. Also tends to make passive aggressive comments or get a bit annoyed when she doesn’t. I’m a very accommodating person and it’s hard for me to be assertive in general, but the heat she brings to conversations sends me into even more of a tailspin. Is there a secret trick to navigating this type of person where you don’t feel like you have to gear up for battle any time a decision is made?
Lean out hard. I had a similar roommate a few years ago and you need to force yourself to stop caring. Take everything she says at face value even if you know she really trying to hint at something different and don’t put it upon yourself to decipher her passive aggressive comments. Pick your battles and know when you hold your own. Put your text convo with her on Mute and don’t get into heated back and forths in person with her if you can help it. Try to be accommodating to the extent you find reasonable when she explicitly tells you something is wrong/bothering her. People like that are very used to others just getting out their way to avoid unpleasantness and in my specific experience, she backed off a lot once she realized I wasn’t afraid to tell her to eff off when she was being ridiculous.
you find new housing and cut this person out.
+1
Sounds like you two are a terrible match and who needs that kind of aggravation?
Suggestions on how to get a certified pre owned car from a reputable place? Interested in buying a reasonably priced second car for return to work. Should I just go to the local CarMax?
Sorry for the double post. Thought it went to moderation
Any suggestions for where to get a certified pre-owned car from a reputable place? I would like to easily buy a reasonably priced gently used car, not picky about make and model. Should I just go to the local Car Max? Thanks
I think that Car Max is fine if you’re not a haggler. You could probably do better as a haggler, but IMO CarMax is a picky car buyer and prices fairly (spouse works for a chain of dealers). BUT now new cars may be priced favorably to used cars. Dealers often won’t go above sticker, so you may want to check a large-volume local dealer for the same car new just b/c the warranty coverage will be better / for longer.
Around here, at least, dealers are totally going above sticker. Hubby’s new car was $10,000 above and we felt super lucky to get it.
I know one regional dealer chain is sticking to sticker b/c they value customer loyalty and don’t want to be seen as gouging people. They get hosed when someone turns around and resells for $, but don’t want anger from long-term customers who often need a car to get to work.
I’m happy to hear that! This was a hard-to-find luxury vehicle so very different scenario.
I just bought a car in January. I went in assuming I wanted the same thing you’re outlining, but used car prices are INSANE. As a point of anecdata, I was quoted $26k for a low-mileage 2020 in the basic trim class of the model I wanted. MSRP on a new 2022 in the trim class I wanted was $27k. I ended up paying $27.5k at a different dealership. I’d seriously look at new right now, but yes be picky with your dealer.
Used car prices are so out of control right now you won’t get anywhere haggling anyway, so I’d go with something like CarMax if you’re set on used. That said, you are probably better off buying a new car right now. Low mileage, recent model year cars are essentially the same price as new in my area.
How do I choose a contractor?
Have had 3 come out to give estimates for mold repair/kitchen remodel. 2 gave roughly the same price, one was $10,000 cheaper. All 3 have good reviews (cheaper place was not as amazing but still very solid).
Am I an absolute idiot for wanting to go with the cheapest option? I’m mostly just annoyed this is happening because the layout isn’t going to change at all so I don’t think this is really adding any value to the house, we’re going to be moving in 3-5 years anyway, and it’s an older home.
Have you actually talked to former clients, in addition to just reading reviews? That’s how I’d pick.
Well, considering your last sentence, I would absolutely go with the cheapest. I look at Angie’s list for reviews, or get a recommendation from a neighbor.
Why are you doing this, considering your last sentence?
Dishwasher was leaking so there’s mold and the floors are water damaged.
I would talk to people who have worked with the contractors. Ask for references and actually call those references. Check your neighborhood facebook groups, colleagues, etc.
Mold repair is important. A lot of health issues can crop up as a result, esp. if you are staying for 3-5 more years. Kitchen remodel is a different issue. How extensive is the remodel?
Would it be easy to sell your home if you go the cheaper route? Say you have to sell in 1 year, not 3-5 years. Is this going to be an issue? Or is your house in a desirable location and people will throw money at it anyway?
In this market it’d be super easy to sell the house- a similar house was on the market for less than 24 hours. Who knows where we’ll be in 3-5 years but it’s a very desirable location so I don’t think selling will be an issue. It’s a 1980s house so really location is the only selling point (and why we bought it).
Speak to the references. I wish we had on our contractor and in the end it ended up fine but we’d have had different expectations re: communication if we’d called the references.
Is there any guarantee that they won’t go over budget? I would tend to assume that the cheaper person will either be slower (hiring less labor) or more likely to go over budget. My experience with renovations is that you can’t get work done that is fast, cheap, AND high quality. You can have 2 out of 3 of those, but not all 3.
In some cases, I’ve found that less expensive contractors also do higher quality work. The big companies usually charge an arm and a leg and are just okay. Smaller operations run the gamut. You can find expensive and good, reasonably priced and excellent, cheap and bad, or overpriced and terrible. I have always done best with small contractors who come with personal recommendations so I can screen for reasonably priced and excellent.
This has been my experience too. The best people aren’t quite as “in it for the money” as the big companies (or have less overhead anyway). But they are hard to distinguish from people who don’t even know what they’re doing without recommendations.
Maybe I’m foolish but I’d roll the dice and go with the cheap one.
So you need to talk to references, and also pick the one you click with the best. I would not choose on price with only a 10k differential. You’re getting estimates and if 2 of 3 say it’s 10k more, that’s likely closer to the real cost. Also, with construction projects, estimates are just that – estimates. They aren’t final prices. A lot of contractors underestimate to get the business and it ends up costing the higher price in the end anyway. My experience is that the old expression you can get “cheap, fast, or good, pick 2” is spot on, and also that the cheap estimates never end up that way. I’d find out how soon they can start and how long they estimate the project taking – those are way more critical than price when you’re basically talking about the same ballpark. Signed, someone who has rental properties and had renovated multiple houses.
I lift heavy and do functional fitness (like Crossfit but not) at the gym. I find that when I get home after an hour-long workout I am completely drained — like all the air has been sucked out of me — and I need a 2-hour nap. Am I doing too much at the gym? Should I roll back to 60-70% most days? Or is there something wrong with me? I love my workouts and feeling strong, but I can’t really afford for a workout to cost me 3.5 hours of the day. Is this just how it is and I need to steal time elsewhere?
You either need to cut back or see someone, or both. That’s not normal.
+1 Not normal.
Are you drinking enough water? If I don’t make it through large water bottle during the workout and more throughout the day, the same happens to me. Sipping throughout the day worked for me.
As a former crossfit junkie and olympic lifter, first thing I’d do is have a protein shake immediately following the workout. Liquid protein will digest very quickly and help you recover. If you don’t feel less exhausted in 30 minutes, then scaling back might be the best course of action. These kinds of workouts are not designed to take a full hour; you might be over doing it. If you are lifting heavy before your workout, you could considering limiting the HIIT portion to 15/20 minutes.
I sometimes do the protein shake, esp if I do a morning workout, but not always. I am going to see if I notice a difference. Thanks.
It sounds like you’re way overdoing it, under-fueling your workouts, or both.
Hmmm. Thanks. I can’t eat anything for hours before a workout without feeling very nauseous. I usually go first thing in the morning but if I am going after work I don’t eat after about 1230 and even then it can be a problem so sometimes I just fast. Maybe I need to figure out some kind of “goo” or gummy chew fuel (like runners use) to have beforehand.
You can’t starve yourself pre workout. This is disordered. If you can’t keep down a piece of toast and peanut butter go way less hard.
I promise it is not disordered in terms of an attempt to change my body size or composition. I just really feel any food in my throat if I eat within hours of a workout — even half a banana, definitely bread — and it doesn’t matter what I am doing. But I am going to look into gummies/goos/possibly liquid fuel as I said.
That’s just not true. Different people are going to have different tolerances for this. It doesn’t make them disordered.
Absolutely working out heavy without eating first will do this to you!!!!!
This is not safe, or healthy.
Find something else you can eat, or change your workout time
Wow okay here’s your problem!! Your body needs fuel!
I work out early enough in the morning that I don’t have time to eat, digest, and get the workout in. Clif shot blocks work really well pre-workout, and then I eat a banana with peanut butter as soon as I finish the workout (followed by a real breakfast after I shower).
Thanks. I will try those. They are pricey, though!
I work out fasted, run fasted too because if I eat before working out, I’ll puke.
Someone else mentioned this, but have your protein shake within 20 minutes of ending your workout. If you google STACY T. SIMS, MSC, PHD, she’s got a lot of great information specifically for women. She’s an exercise physiologist and nutrition scientist.
I made that change (the protein shake within 20 minutes of finishing the workout) and it’s helped a lot with fatigue. You may still be overdoing it, but at least try that and see if it helps.
Are you under-eating the rest of the day? Or not getting enough rest?
Are you consuming enough calories and/or water? Had this happen many years ago where I’d go work out – nothing strenuous like you we’re talking treadmill and elliptical and would come home and nap. Saw a dr. who said I needed way more calories and also water – hadn’t realized how much more water you require as I was living in a hot climate for the first time having grown up in New England. Personally I’d see a dr. though I know most people tinker with their work outs themselves.
Here is a Q for our college / univ people. My niece is a sweet person, but essentially a teen with not a lot of life experience. She went to a Lutheran high school but not one that was especially strict (e.g., she is not Lutheran, lives with dad who is not especially religious). She then enrolled in a very strict Christian college and has gotten herself on double-secret probation, on the verge of getting kicked out for violating various social rules (boy in room after hours, etc.) even though she is a straight-A student. The school let her take exams but is holding her transcript and awarding any spring credits pending her disciplinary hearing. I want to say that I hope no Basic State U will hold this against her and let her transfer, but I don’t know this (or whether the current school could award her no credits for the spring since her last infraction arose during the semester on the last day of classes) (and even if that happened, might an transfer school award her some sort of ungraded credits for that work)? Kiddo had to borrow for school and the lost of the credits is just making her alternatingly weepy and stabby.
[I do not know why she went to Strict Christian College — my guess is some friends were going there and she never read the handbook, but I did and my initial reaction was OMG I, a suburban minivan driver, would be kicked out within a week just for some of the colorful language on some of my t-shirts. I am a regular churchgoer and former Sunday school teacher, but of a whiskeypalian foul-mouthed sort, so likely to be burned as a witch.]
What is the question?
She should be fine to transfer to a state school after something like this. How many credits she’ll bring with her will be a different question.
I absolutely share your and her frustration.
In mod…she should be fine to t*r*a*n*s*f*r to a state school after something like this if she has a strong academic record and can explain the circumstances around her disciplinary issues and why her first school wasn’t a good fit. How many credits she’ll bring with her will be a different question.
I absolutely share your and her frustration.
+1 to this. I’m a professor and if students don’t get the credits, it’s unlikely new school can give them credit. Even when credits are awarded, lots of classes don’t tr*nsfer, so I’d be surprised if there was a way to give her credits she didn’t earn, even if the reason is stupid. But that seems like a really extreme situation- I’ve heard all kinds of horrible stories about how students end up at several different colleges and take forever to graduate (or never do), but this is a new one for me. What a lousy situation.
They need to talk to an admissions person at the college she’s thinking of transferring to, since there’s no one size fits all answer it’ll vary by “offense” and the new university’s policies. Most likely, it’ll come down to writing some kind of essay on what happened and what she learned from the experience (I had to write one about a speeding ticket for my grad school application, of all things). An experienced admissions person has seen and heard it all and will be able to advise how best to proceed.
I don’t think a random state school is going to hold this against her. It sounds like a terrible fit; I hope your niece can GTFO of that place.
Will strict Christian college credits transfer to a normal state college to begin with? Yes, I am openly questioning the academic rigor of a strict Christian college. Growing up Bob Jones University was the strict Christian college one might aspire to attend and I don’t think any of the news I’ve read from the place indicates it’s a great education. I’m guessing this isn’t a Bachelor of Science related major at the very least, which may help in her case.
Is she planning on or having to switch majors, because that could affect credit transfer. I did not get all my community college credits applied when I started at the flagship state college. I was not changing states or majors, very much in the science side of things, and the community college was a feeder to the university. I didn’t expect some classes to transfer, but other credits that I was expecting to transfer did not. It all worked out though, but also tuition wasn’t as astronomical so the credit loss wasn’t quite as painful.
This sounds like a very frustrating but big life lesson experience for the niece. I hope that student loan debt forgiveness is a real thing when she needs it, and I hope she thrives in a place that is a better fit for her.
Couple of thoughts.
She may not be able to port all or even some of the credits over to another school, but she may be able to test out of the corresponding classes. I was able to do this when changing schools; there was a fee for the test and I think they then charged the equivalent of the credit hours I tested out of, but at least I saved time and all the book/tech/lab fees for those classes.
Another option she could look at is a local community college, then into the basic state U. Perhaps in combination with testing out of some classes.
Best of luck to your niece. Micromanaging, controlling religious institutions suck.
OP here. Thanks — this is a good idea. Our local state U (different state than niece) has a BA-completion program for working adults where you can get ungraded credits for either things you can test out of or “life experiences” that line up with some sort of coursework. School is a legit small but very religious college, regionally well-regarded (I’m told); not Bob Jones. Kid is a business major so I assume that things like accounting are pretty standard, at least at the intro level. I get that it would be very different if you were majoring in “running the praise band and church planting” side of things.
I’m 48 now. But back when I was a youth, I transferred out of Carthage college (religious) when I was dinged for skipping chapel. I had literally attended every single week but somehow the sign-ups must have missed me somewhere. My dad thought it was funny. I was furious since I’m not religious and it was a huge waste of time and my GPA was otherwise stellar. When I transferred to a state school, I not only got all of my credits counted but one of them (a women in lit class over a January term that was only supposed to be like a credit since it was a January class) transferred for MORE if you can believe it. The equivalent at state school was like a three credit course or something. I only share because I had been so stressed out about transferring and it turned out it actually worked in my favor AND I was able to enjoy a college experience that was way more like the one I wanted. Transferring was the best thing I ever did. I hope she finds similar happiness.
A sweet friend of mine has been coming to my mess of a backyard and doing lovely things, like planting bulbs or put down mulch…. just because she enjoys it and knows I have no time right now.
For those of you that enjoy gardening – what is a nice gift to give her, probably related to gardening? Maybe under $50.
Thanks!
tbh I do not like giving people gifts that relate to hobbies they are super into, bc they tend to be very particular about it.
I would bring her bouquets from your yard or maybe treat her to a manicure after spring planting season is over :)
100% this. Don’t buy people things for their hobby, you will get it wrong.
I love (real) gardening and can’t think of a gift that would be good for any gardener. If she cares about you so much that she’s helping in this way, I’d do something to show you care about her once you have time. Take her out to a fancy restaurant or have her over for fancy drinks in your garden?
So, I am that friend, and I do it because I love it. If you really want to give her a gift, take her out for coffee, a drink, or a meal. I have all the gardening supplies I need, but if you wanted to give me a gift card to the fanciest plant nursery nearby, I’d have that card spent within the week, lol.
Gift card to a good nursery. Give her a massage gift certificate. Take her out to dinner or treat her family to a drop off meal?
Coffee, lunch, or dinner out.
I do a lot of gardening. Don’t get me something specific, but a gift card would be used! I have my eye on a few indoor plants and planters :)
PSA: If you own a dog, when you go home tonight, please triple check that your dog has no access to chocolate. My almost 5 year old dog, who has never once gotten into any food in our pantry, got into a large baking chocolate bar. The chocolate was in a basket in the pantry but she could reach it if on her hind legs. I woke up yesterday and found the cardboard evidence in the living room. We called the vet and were told to bring her in immediately but she still had to spend the entire day at the vets office. She at an entire 4oz bar of 60% cacao chocolate, and for a 26 pound dog, that is toxic. The vet had to give her medicines for both her racing heart and her blood pressure and had to keep her very sedated as well as give her IV fluids. I feel awful as a “dog mom” that I allowed this chocolate to be in her reach but she had given us no issues ever with getting into the pantry. And why, oh why, couldn’t she have gotten the Cheese its instead??
So, just a PSA so you don’t end up with our situation. Triple check those chocolate candies or baking supplies are not reachable even by the most sneaky 4 pawed friend.
I’m so sorry you went through this. I have two family members who have been through this with their dogs. (Get all the Xylitol out of the house or locked down too.) It’s so scary. I hope she’s feeling much better with treatment.
Xylitol is the devil (and I am not even a dog).
Thank you for the reminder! Hope your pup comes through okay. My Lab horfed a chocolate muffin whole off the counter when I turned my back for 30 seconds a few weekends ago. He was fine, but I felt like the worst dog owner ever. Sending you good thoughts.
I’m convinced this is why labs are such huge dogs. Mine has eaten her share of chocolate over the years but it takes a lot more to bring down an 85lb dog than a 26lb!
So sorry that happened to your dog! Also remember to keep anything in a plastic bag or container (chips, treats, etc) where dogs cannot get to them because they can suffocate.
I also vote not normal. I work out fairly intensely now, and I feel tired but invigorated after a workout.
I drink lots of water before, during, and after working out. I also drink a protein shake within a half hour of finishing. Maybe try to increase your water intake and nutrition to see if that helps?
Nesting fail. This should be with the exhausted excercise OP.
Seen. Thanks.
I’m feeling sad about how many of my friends have cancelled or flaked on social plans lately. I’m on maternity leave, and I was hoping it would be this wonderful time of spending time with my SAHM friends, and…it hasn’t turned out that way. This week, I’d made plans to meet up with 3 different friends, and all three cancelled for one reason or another (one has covid (blah!), one’s baby has a cold, one had a bad night of sleep and didn’t have the energy to meet up). Most sad has been that one of my best friends is a busy SAHM, and I thought that when I was on maternity leave we’d finally get to hang out more, but, she has been transitioning back to work (super exciting for her:-)) and she’s told me she’s too busy that last several times I’ve suggest meeting up, and just now told me she had no availability for the next month:-( This of course all makes me wonder if I’ve done something to make people not want to hang out with me, and, I’m open to that possibility. I’ll promise you guys that I don’t monopolize the conversation with talk about baby poo, and still want to talk with my friends about their lives. I’m pretty sure my close friend would tell me directly if I’d done something to upset her, and she still texts regularly. More likely, it seems like it’s just a symptom of the modern world where people are super busy, covid regularly wrecks plans, and friends are never at the top of the priority list. But I’m sad. And lonely. After two years of covid I’m really ready for time with friends again!
I’m also just surprised that I, the person with the newborn, seem to be the person who is most reliable about showing up once plans are made.
Any suggestions on how to approach making social plans? Or how to make the rest of my maternity leave awesome?
So sorry, this sucks! Is this your first?
I actually am not surprised with a newborn you are the most reliable. For many people, bringing around a newborn socially can almost be like bringing around an accessory; they sleep a lot and are super portable even when they are sleeping, if you’re breast feeding food is always there, and yet they aren’t on a strict schedule yet that you have to work around. It’s when they get a little older that it’s often harder with portability, entertainment needed, food packing, strict schedules etc. I’m guessing your SAHM friends have at least slightly older kids in these stages and that might be part of the issue? I also had trouble hanging out with my SAHM friends on maternity. I think for the reasons mentioned above; and just because they are SAHM doesn’t mean they haven’t filled their own lives. (I also wondered if there was maybe a little bit of resentment that their maternity friends constantly cycle through and would just expect them to be free and hang out, implying they don’t have a structured scheduled life that they can just turn off?).
So!! What do you do? You meet new moms with similarity aged babies (like ideally born within a month or so of yours) that are also on maternity and you hang out. How? Check out if there are any structured moms groups in your area facilitated by someone so you don’t find yourself as a new mom wrangling schedules for a bunch of new moms; see if there is a baby boot camp workout group or something nearby if you are recovered enough; or pick up other moms at the library or park. Good luck! And hugs.
OP, I’m really sorry this is happening! I think the above poster is correct, though. And your friends’ reasons sound legitimate, even though it super sucks for you. I hope you can find the connection you need soon.
Agree to try to meet some moms with similar aged babies. Mine is 21 years old now but I will never forget getting rejected from a mom’s group because I would be going back to work, but I hear mom’s groups are much more realistic now! I’d try Facebook or your local Nextdoor.
Just one tip for Nextdoor: if you post something to try to set up your own informal group, I would suggest being up front and specific about what you are looking for and at what size group you will cut off at. Like, “looking for other moms with Jan – Mar babies to meet up, if there is a lot of interest will cut the group off at (7?) and encourage others to then start a new group”. But say it however nicely you can and just blame it on your new mom capacity to wield a big group. This might have been unusual but I remember a mom tried to set one up in my old neighborhood and she got like 20 moms interested and the kids mentioned had age ranges spanning years and I could just tell it was doomed to fail. For starters it would be really hard to try to find somewhere to meet each time, and you really do want moms with as similar ages as you can down to the months for this for a variety of reasons (that will matter much less as the kids get older but now is not that time!). If you set some basic parameters up front and then cut off comments when you get the number interested that you originally indicated, you won’t feel like you are hurting feelings.
That’s just my two cents, if this is even a path you go down.
Super helpful, thank you!
Yep, definitely my first. And he’s an easy Angel baby:-). Thanks so much for your comments and perspective. Yeah, it’s a good reminder that my friends already have their routines, and good point about the possible slight bit of resentment. I’ll try to find those mom’s with babies the same age!
It’s not that your friends aren’t prioritizing you–they are literally sick!
Does anyone have suggestions for an attractive or just minimalist step stool? Our new kitchen has super high cabinets and I can’t access them currently.
We have several different ones from IKEA (10 years old now, so I’m sure specific models have changed). Nothing amazing, but minimalist wood designs that look fine and are cheap and sturdy. I use the one in the kitchen pretty much daily.
ha, jinx.
Ikea?
We have a library step stool- one of those round rolling ones. Not sure if it counts as minimalist, but it makes me happy.
I got this last year and I love it. It’s so lightweight and portable and sturdy.
I like the folding ones that I hid away when not in use. Bought them at Bed Bath & Beyond.
I have one of the very small, one-foot high fold-up stools that you see in the checkout line at Home Goods and a taller folding step stool from the harward store with the top step about 2-1/2 feet high. Since they both fold up, I tuck them into the several inches of space tetwen the refrigerator and the wall and just pull them out as needed.
+1 These are exactly what I have and exactly where I store them
I can’t tell anyone IRL this because my husband isn’t replying to the group chat with our realtor so presumably he can’t look at his phone, but our old house finally sold after 1.5 years on the market!!! WE ARE FREE!
Congrats!!!!!!!!
Yay! I was in that position, many years ago – I loved loved loved our former house, in our old city, but when we relocated it was an incredible relief when it finally sold. Phew!
Woohoo!
Happy dancing for you!