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I was excited to see that DS & Durga had a sampler set available that included I Don't Know What — I've heard amazing things about that scent as an “amplifier.” When you spray it with another scent you love, it blooms into something even better.
I'm thrilled to say that I like almost all of the scents so far (I may still have one or two to try), AND I have a new favorite: the fig-heavy scent Debaser, which is a really unusual fragrance profile for me. (I particularly love it after it wears off a bit, so it's definitely the middle notes of “fig, coconut milk, and iris” that I prefer, or perhaps the base notes of “blond woods, tonka bean, and moss.”)
The scents all have unusual “fragrance stories” — and a Spotify playlist to match each scent. (Debaser's is: “The wild shrill of Black Francis coming through the radio in the August heat. Ripe fig, iris, coconut milk, tonka and dry blond woods.”)
The collection comes in a cute little black-and-white box that, yes, is reminiscent of a box of cigarettes — it's $60 at Amazon. Individually, the perfumes are $75 for 10ml “pocket” vials, $210 for 50ml bottles, or $300 for 100ml bottles; you can find them at spots like Nordstrom, Revolve and others.
As an aside, I see that Neiman Marcus has one of my absolute favorite purchases from the past five years or so, the Portraits Scent Library from Penhaligon's… I really like almost all of the scents in this one.
(As a reminder, I tend to like more masculine scents like vetiver, sandalwood, jasmine — I've really enjoyed discovery sets from brands like Penhaligon's, Juliette has a Gun, DS & Durga, and Kilian Paris in recent years. Last fall I wore a lot of this Replica scent as well as some vetiver-forward scents like the ones from Le Labo and Creed. In springtime I like Debaser, as well as this really powdery special edition Jo Malone scent (surprising for me!). Year-round, I seem to always reach for Yasmine by Penhaligon.)
Psst: In the past, readers have had strong opinions that there is no office-appropriate perfume because they can cause migraines and worse in many people, so I'd suggest going without during the workday, or at least scent very lightly. I like perfume and I'm always dying when I see influencers on IG or TikTok applying multiple perfumes to multiple spots directly on their body… I tend to either pick one pulse point to spray it on directly, like my wrist, and then use that single spray to dab elsewhere — or I just spray the perfume and walk into it.
Sales of note for 9.10.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Save up to 40% on new markdowns
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- White House Black Market – 30% off new arrivals
Anonymous
I’m 48 and my period was early by a week this month… all I could think was here we gooooooooo!
Does anyone have any resources for knowing whether you’re in middle or late perimenopause? Or is that just the fun of it, there’s no way to tell?
Anon
It took until 48 for that?! My periods have been irregular by a week or so since 36 or 37.
Cat
you could be in neither still? my period was 2 weeks late at 33 during a super intense work month, then back to normal.
Anon
It would be very unusual for a 48 year old not to be in perimenopause.
Anon
A 48 year old is most likely in perimenopause, but it might it be the cause of irregular periods, especially if it’s only happened once. There are lots of other things that mess with your cycle. Although stress is more likely to delay a period than bring it early, in my experience.
Anon
Might not be*
Anon
There’s a Clear Blue Easy test that will measure your hormones and tell you how advanced your peri is. Because peeing on a stick is a phase no woman wants to leave behind!
I’m 42 and my periods have been wonky for a year already. Welcome to the fun!
Anon
https://open.substack.com/pub/vajenda/p/dont-waste-your-money-on-the-clearblue
anonymous
lol, all that did was convince me to buy it and try it.
Anonymous
My first thought was that it seems young. I’m 50 and still no irregularity.
Anon
Most women are in perimenopause by the end of their 40s, right? I think your experience is the more unusual one.
Anon
+1 average age of perimenopause is 40 to 44
Anon
I had a hot flash last night and my periods have been irregular since I hit 40 (I’m 42) so I think you’re a bit on the later side for perimenopause.
Anon
Mine were irregular immediately following my one and only pregnancy (early 20s) until I finally had a hysterectomy in my mid 40s. I definitely was not in perimenopause that entire two decades.
Your OB should be a good resource for helping figure out where you might be in the grand scheme of things.
Anon
Yeah pregnancy permanently altered my cycles. They got dramatically shorter and lighter and never returned to pre-pregnancy normal, and I was 32 when I gave birth. They did continue getting even shorter in my late 30s and now at 40 I get my period every 2.5-3 weeks and I figure I must be in perimenopause even though I don’t really have any other symptoms. But I definitely don’t think I’m in “late” perimenopause and about to stop having periods altogether. And I definitely don’t think perimenopause started at 32!
Anonymous
My OB was able to tell me I had recent ovulated from an internal ultrasound, which she was doing because I have spotting a few days before my period and occasionally mid-cycle, but she didn’t provide any more guidance than that. I’m 47. She said menopause could be in 2-10 years, which was of course a wider range than I hoped. Spotting aside, my period is pretty regular still.
Anon
For me it was mostly the hot flashes, which weren’t what I thought they would be. I would get hot when I drank alcohol, or rushing to get somewhere, or when a building was overheated. They never came completely out of nowhere, there was always a catalyst. But the heat was intense and took a while to calm down. I carried folding paper fans in my handbag for years. I didn’t realize how extreme they were until I was fully menopausal and stopped having flashes altogether. I never did have night sweats, but lots of covers-on-covers-off, which is still a factor for me.
During perimenopause, my periods got closer together, sometimes less than three weeks. They were very short, but intense. It was like everything that would ordinarily come out over a week decided to come out on day one.
I would say I was perimenopausal from about age 46 through full menopause at around age 52. Official menopause is when it’s been a year since your last period, but my body enjoyed giving me “one last period” two times after an 8 or so month wait right at the end.
Anon
I’m 37 and the symptoms I’d been having for almost 2 years clicked when I had two periods in June. I should note that I only have one ovary which probably led to it clocking out early.
Clementine
Why, oh WHY did I invite my very kind but often say things that are hurtful to me that they don’t realize because they are kind of oblivious in-laws to dinner on a MONDAY?
My husband has been so kind to my mom (driving her to medical appointments when she needed a driver, helping her with house stuff while work was crazy for me) so I can’t just make up an excuse and lock myself in my office all night… but somehow I forgot until like 1PM and now I’m trying to psych myself up for hosting when I am 0% feeling it. Any funny stories to perk up my afternoon?
Cat
This occasion calls for a secret bingo card.
pink nails
+1 huge fan of secret bingo cards.
Also, please pick up YOUR favorite app/dessert.
Anon
Ok I tried to google secret bingo card but I don’t think I’m onto your meaning here. Anyone care to enlighten the rest of us?
Anon
You make a mental list of all the things you expect your clueless/obnoxious relative to say.
Think, comments about weight, your job, your relationship status, your housekeeping, your car….
Cat
I’ve done it on a literal piece of paper kept safely where the subject couldn’t ever see it (like left at home if you’re going to a relative’s house) – you write down the irritating things you think the person is likely to say on a Bingo grid, instead of numbers, and then after the fact see if you hit “Bingo” by crossing off successful predictions.
anonshmanon
here are some potential boxes for your bingo card
Mother in law speculates whether the food you cooked came from a can/the freezer
Father in law opens an anecdote by describing a stranger’s ethnicity which is irrelevant to the story
Mother in law talks about a restaurant experience and references the weight of the waitress
Father in law implies your career is a hobby
Father in law praises your partner’s sibling as more successful and accomplished than your partner
Father in law criticizes your partner’s sibling life choices
Casual homophobia
talk about how homeless people can afford the luxury of cell phones
adapt as needed!
Anonymous
Can anyone recommend lower acid products like low acid tomato sauce? Thanks in advance!
Anon
Not sure why you need low-acid, but if you’ve never heard of Prelief it may be worth looking into. I take it sometimes with acidic foods.
Vicky Austin
My ILs use Fody’s (available at Natural Grocers and the like).
Anon
That sounds like something of an oxymoron? Like, if you need low acid foods, tomato-based sauces are probably not where the menu should start.
anon
My neighbor grows a delicious low acid tomatoes every summer as his wife has GI issues. They are amazing tasting and I didn’t realize they were low acid at all until he mentioned it. I had no idea you could breed down the acid!
Anonymous
My partner had to have a low acid diet for a while. We switched to pestos and cashew based sauces for pasta. I could not find a tolerable salad dressing recipe (they’re so bad without/with minimal vinegar) so we just ate roasted veggies as our side dish almost all the time. For Indian food we started having coconut korma instead of the more typical tomato based sauces. It was a really sad way to live and I was so happy when he got the medical okay to eat acidic foods again.
Anon
When i went to Maui about 15 years ago, I tried low acid pineapple and it was amazing! (I have sensitive teeth)
Anonymous
There is low acid coffee.
Anonymous
Jumping off of the gym thread from earlier – does anyone have a body bag? I’ve always wanted one but haven’t figured out where to hang it. Is it the kind of thing I’m more likely to injure myself than get a good workout (having done things like the Les Mills boxing one)?
anon
my son wanted one for xmas. we have on that hangs from a stand that we got on amazon, not the ceiling. i forget how much it was but nothing crazy
Anon
Barring unusual circumstances, how old were your parents when they started wanting and needing your participation in their regular life? Going to the doctor with them (or joining by phone), you finding a repairman for something around their house, helping them choose which new tires to put on their car, etc. Bonus points if your parent is single and doesn’t have a spouse to lean on.
I think we’re struggling right now because my mom remembers being younger and handling all these things herself (see, the half-painted cabinet in the middle of the dining room that’s been there for 4 months) but realizes things are harder for her now or she doesn’t understand all the parts and pieces.
Also: every member of Congress, all 535 of them, should be required to wait on hold and try to sign a loved one up for Medicare Advantage during open enrollment in December. Until you’ve spent 4 hours on the phone with an insurance consultant, are you even really an American?
Anonymous
mid 70s
Anon
My parents are 74 and 76 and don’t seem close to there yet, although my mom is more competent than my dad and always has been, so if she died unexpectedly I’d probably help my dad with a lot of stuff.
Cat
Not close to needing to do this yet; everyone is in their 70s.
Anonymous
Honestly, I’ve been helping my mom with this stuff since I was a young teenager and my parents divorced.
My dad is in his early 70’s and has not needed help with any of this yet. Neither parent is remarried.
NYCer
My parents are 74 and 75 and single (they got divorced years ago and never remarried), and they are both still very capable of doing things on their own.
Anonymous
My divorced parents are 83 and 81 and do not request this kind of help. This can vary a lot by personality and family dynamic.
Anon
Not yet (fingers crossed)…my parents are in their late 60s, almost 70.
Anon
It’s not the same for all parents. My mom had serious health issues so it all started a lot earlier than it otherwise would have.
Don’t smoke, kids. COPD is no joke. Miss you, Mom.
anon
+1
Both of my parents had severe illness/injury in their 60’s, after being in good health prior. Everything changed overnight. They needed a lot of help, and I had to move back to their city.
Honestly, most of the people who are helping their parents a lot don’t have time to be on this website…
Anon
+1
My mom is 61 with severe dementia. My dad is her primary caregiver, but I help from afar or visit to give him a break. Meanwhile, my grandparents needed very little until their late 70s.
test run
My mom is 68 and pretty much handles everything on her own, but ever since my dad died, she does tend to doublecheck things with my brother and me if they’re expensive/complicated/things that he used to handle (i.e. her mechanic recommended a longer than usual list of car maintenance items and she asked my brother to look it over). She keeps me updated on any health issues (fortunately she is pretty fit still and nothing major so far), but I think that’s mostly because I work in medicine – if she needed surgery or something I would travel to her location and attend appointments with her, etc. but I think we’re a ways away from her asking me to attend/weigh in on routine matters.
anon
We’re immigrants, so most of my life. But
we’re definitely more involved now (late 60s parents) since:
1. A lot can be done online so instead of them going to the thing in person (e.g. paying for the tags at the DMV) , I now do the thing online for them.
2. Medicare is a PITA to navigate like you said.
3. Aging parents require more specialist visits, most of whom don’t speak our language. Or they have more procedures with anesthesia like colonoscopy or cataract surgery and they need a driver.
immigrant eldest daughter
This. My parents are immigrants without high school degrees, so I’ve done this since childhood (am now burnt out and trying to get my younger siblings to step up because it is too much). Anything requiring English fluency or use of technology comes to me.
To answer your actual question, I notice differences in my friends’ parents along their type of profession and income levels. Parents who retired from fields where email/technology use was required seem much savvier at these things, even as they age. They seem to need their kids’ more each year though, perhaps because once they’re retired, they no longer have to keep up with tech skills for their jobs. Parents who have higher incomes have the money to afford outsourcing rather than needing their kid to do it for free (ex: my childhood friend’s parents turned 65 last year, sold their business, and hired someone to help them with Medicare enrollment). I don’t have an exact age for you, but I think comparing your parents to older folks you know similar is probably more helpful than comparing them to the parents of folks who comment here given how much this board skews highly educated/high income.
VVex
We have data for five parents, and the general answer is late 70s to early 80s. We found that couples could handle their obligations mostly alone. After a partner died, some help/support was needed in all cases.
Meara
My mom was on top of it until she passed away suddenly at 77. At which point my dad (83) was utterly incapable. But some of that was also boomer-man helplessness like not knowing how to cook. (A lot was legit issues with vision and hearing—he’s totally with it mentally but can’t do most stuff via phone or much online)
Anon
Three sets of parents and in laws, all are in mid to late 70s and none of them need it yet, though they sometimes need help with driving. I agree that it helps that they’re couples, as they can rely on the other for feedback and assistance when sick. However, I think it’s coming soon. My mom just got diagnosed with a new condition that shouldn’t affect lifespan but will make her more tired and she’ll probably stop driving.
Anon
My mid-90s grandma has finally realized in the past year or so that she shouldn’t climb ladders any longer and begrudgingly asks for help from whichever grandkid is visiting her that weekend.
Anon
Never. My father dies in his 50s but my mother was 89 and very functional until she entered hospice (for less than 48 hours).
Jules
I trhink this is very individual. My mom is very independent at 85, although she would probably ask a grandchild or a son-in-law for advice on car things. (So would I!) My dad died at 82 after a short bout with cancer but before that he also was fine on his own.
anon
Data from multiple sets of grandparents is in their 80s, but it happened fast in all cases. My mother, however, needed my help translating things as a child (like actual translation from another language to English) and never really stopped asking me to “translate” even when people are speaking in English.
Runcible Spoon
Early 80’s, but only if I suggest it — then she is grateful, but if I don’t help, my mom struggles to do stuff herself and gives up or lives with half-measures. It’s not a smooth road; there is lots of resistance by this fiercely independent parent who can’t help viewing her children as, well, only children, so what could they know or have to offer?
Anon
While my mother had dementia I was very involved with her medical, medical crises, and ordinary daily needs. Some of it was too much emotionally for my father. For example, on occasions when she needed to be committed to in patient dementia care for evaluation and meds adjustment, he he knew and voiced that it had to happen but didn’t want to be the one who committed her to the facility. If I hadn’t been around I have no doubt that he would have done what he needed to do, but since I was around the actual doing of it was something I could take off his plate.
However, he is now in his 90’s and still running circles around me mentally and physically. Selfish thought of the day: I really, really, really hope I got his genes.
Anon
I see your selfish thought and agree with it on my end too. Please…
Anonymous
My Mom is 90. My brother and I have been helping with most things since my Dad died a few years ago. If you speak to her she is very independent. Soooo hard.
Senior Attorney
My parents lived on their own and seemed to be doing just fine until everything absolutely fell apart when they had simultaneous health crises in their mid-80s. In hindsight I should have paid more attention.
anon
what are people planning on wearing on their feet to work this spring?
Daffodil
I bought a few pairs of wide-leg pants and am looking for some lug-soled, heeled loafers.
I also have my eye on a pair of chunky mary janes that 14-year-old Daffodil would have died for.
pink nails
I just ordered these from Sperry and am anxiously awaiting the currently lost in ship land package:
Women’s Seaport Two-Tone Penny Heel – the reviews on Zappos are awesome
https://www.sperry.com/en/seaport-two-tone-penny-heel/195019343931.html
Lug boat shoe (my work is very casual so the boat shoe laces are fine)
https://www.sperry.com/en/lug-boat-shoe/195019596757.html
I’m pretty confident the above two will work well since I bought the Sperry Seaport Penny Loafer about 3 years ago and they’re still holding up pretty well; I Just wanted something with a lug sole for this year.
Anonymous
I don’t wear suits often. Can someone remind me appropriate sleeve length? When arms are down is it wrist or first bone of thumb or??? Trying to decide if I should tailor. Now that suit jackets are longer generally, don’t trust my eye anymore. My shoulders and the nipped waist fit beautifully.
anon
If the sleeve is marginally appropriate (meaning wrist or first bone of thumb) i would leave it and now get involved with alterations, if you’re inclined i think cuffing or pushing up (there are a million instagram hacks on how to pull off) is sufficient.
Anon
Anything goes as long as it isn’t past your first thumb bone bump. If it is longer and especially if it has a cute lining print, cuff it. Shorter, you can also cuff it for 3/4 sleeves or just consider it bracelet length.
Nesprin
What shirts are you liable to wear with it? Put the longest sleeved one on, then hem to the end + a hair.
Anon
I’m here to recommend a candle and a car air freshener from DS & Durga – Big Sur After Rain. So good. Worth the $$.
Anon
Over the weekend, my boyfriend and I went to the housewarming party of a couple we’re friends with. My boyfriend has been friends with the guy for 10 years or so, and I’ve always found him a bit off . He’s very stare-y and one of those men who seems to hit on any woman he interacts with. Since dating his partner though, he’s been far more respectful and seems fully committed. I really like his girlfriend.
We were talking with him at the party, and he told us that his goal for this year is to decide if his girlfriend is “the one” and how to figure out how you know when to commit to being with someone long term. They just moved in together, and she’s committed to moving with him to his home country for a few years before they have kids. I was a bit taken aback by the fact that he is still unsure if he wants to commit to her longer term considering how quickly he’s progressing the relationship and how all-in she seems. He said that he is not someone who really feels a lot, but is cerebral and collects data points to decide to signal to himself, “yes, I’m in love.”
I am obviously not going to intervene or say anything to her either way, but it did have me wondering about how people treat relationships. Would you move in with someone you weren’t yet sure about? Do some people use it as a trial period to get to know their partner better? How much uncertainty would you think is reasonable a few years in? It did make me worry I’ve been too confident in assuming my boyfriend is as all-in as I am in being sure about getting married and wanting to be together forever!
anon
Wow, talk about things that should never be said out loud. I feel bad for the girlfriend.
As for your questions, I absolutely would NOT move in with someone I wasn’t sure about. That’s too much potential life upheaval to FAFO about.
Anon
Maybe an unpopular take: moving in (or loving, if you’re doing long distance) is for after engagement. I’ve seen too many couples go sideways when they bought a house together and things fell apart. Or it’s harder to break up because you’ve moved in together and breaking up means getting a new lease and moving and….
Anon
Your post has two different topics – buying together and living together. FWIW, one woman’s (strong) opinion on both points:
I would never buy a house with someone before marriage.
I would never marry someone without living together.
Anon
Agreed.
Anonymous
This, except that I would add that a wedding date should already be firmly set within the next 6 months and the officiant should be booked. Basically when you are so ready to be married that the only reason you haven’t already eloped or gone down to the church or city hall is that you want your family there and it takes time for them to book plane tickets. And even then I would not buy a house together and would keep renting until after the wedding.
Anon
Agree. I should have been more explicit: an engagement in which you both want to be married and have a date set.
Anon
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with moving in with someone even if you aren’t 100% sure it’s headed towards marriage yet. To me, living with someone first and learning what it was like to be around them all the time, managing expenses together, etc. was important before I made such a big commitment. But I wouldn’t move in unless I felt like things were heading in the right direction.
Anon
Dear God in heaven I wish I had lived with my ex husband for a couple of years first. Neither he nor his insanely disfunctional family could not have maintained the facade that long, and it would have solved that problem and a lot of wasted years.
Anon
I personally would only move in with someone if I am seriously committed to the relationship. Looking at it logically, a breakup would only cause that much more discomfort when I’d need to figure out a different living situation at the same time as navigating the emotional upheaval.
I can’t help but think, if the doesn’t love her that much, plus if he stands to gain a lot from living together (free cook, cleaning lady and person to manage your life, still pretty common arrangement for many couples), his calculation might be very different.
S
I’m so risk averse that I kept my empty condo for more than a year after being married. My husband and I would jokingly call it the world’s most expensive closet. Married 15 years now. And have a prenup. And my own savings. Always have a net.
Hopefully she’s building a net at the same time.
Anon
+1 – I didn’t give our realtor permission to put my apartment on the market until I was married.
Anon
My people!
Anon
For the sake of discussion, I don’t know if I ever want to get married again, but my partner and I have lived together for about 4.5 years now. We’re both very happy.
But my overall thought is that it doesn’t matter how I approach living together. What matters is that the couple doing it are on the same page. Maybe the girlfriend here has the same thought process as him or maybe she knows about his thoughts and is okay with them.
If you are worried about your boyfriend and his feelings about your relationship, I do think this is an important enough issue to warrant a conversation!
Annony
Oooohhh. I know this really isn’t the point of your question, but I would guess (fervently hope?!? Haha) that the girlfriend knows who he is and how he thinks about things, and is just comfortable knowing that for him, the “doing” kind of comes before the “feeling” and moving in together is just kind of the necessary step for him to take. It wouldn’t be my ideal, but I think for some men, they just really can’t envision what it might be like to be married or in a long-term commitment, so they kind of have to act it out and then evaluate, “How does this feel? Can I do this? Oh, this wasn’t as terrifying as I thought it was going to be.”
Cat
I can’t fathom being uncertain after years together. You either trust that what you’ve seen of your partner will allow you to weather difficulties and decision-making and shared life in the future as a team, or you don’t. There’s no way that you can vet all possible scenarios.
also, the fact that this guy is talking about his uncertainty to others is just blech.
Anon
To me it just sounds like you need to be talking to your boyfriend as openly and as honestly as you can be about how you’re feeling, and wondering whether he’s on the same page.
I lived with my husband officially for about 6 months before we got married. Before that we were practically living together at my place, but he didn’t let his flat go until the official move-in day. And move in didn’t happen until we had plans to get married firmly in place.
break up or get married
I would not move in with someone I wasn’t sure about. In fact, I personally would not garden, acquire any asset or pet, or live with someone I was not married to, and I would expect to break up or be engaged within two years of dating someone and married within one year after that (so I would answer that no uncertainty is reasonable a few years in). This is a very minority view but it’s not extinct – there are many pockets of traditional/religious communities where men share these expectations. But it doesn’t matter what *I* think, it matters whether the parties in the relationship are on the same page.
Anon
Conversely, I would never, ever get married to someone I hadn’t slept with. What if it’s terrible? That’s what dating is for, in my view. Figuring that stuff out before getting into a relationship with a lot of hurdles against getting out of it, like marriage.
Anon
Same. And I also don’t hold the conservative religious communities that expect this in high regard. They tend to not be communities that treat women as autonomous individuals who deserve equality.
anonshmanon
yeah, I’d probably want to live together for a bit before getting married (what if it’s terrible?). But agree with the poster above that the people IN the relationship need a shared view, regardless of whether it’s what I would do. I am so curious if the girlfriend knows what he thinks!
Anon
Is the GF here the poster from a couple weeks ago who was considering moving to India?
AIMS
If she is and she was just at a housewarming party, I hope she is reading…
PLB
I feel like men do this all the time. Take women on test drives—committed enough to move in together but not propose or wed.
Anonymous
For the past 5 years, I’ve carried the Cuyana Classic Leather Zipper Tote and really like it. I’m shopping for myself for my birthday and am looking at the Cuyana System Tote (16″) and Cuyana Easy Zipper Tote (classic). The dimensions are comparable – any feedback on either of those totes? Thanks!
Anonymous
Under eye moisturizer recommendations? For years and years I always seemed to have one on hand from some subscription box or other. At one point I swear I had a backlog of at least 5. I was shocked to find that I apparently have NONE now and I have absolutely no idea what’s best. I use a moisturizer with sunscreen during the day that I sort of pat under my eyes, but I’d like an extra layer of moisturizer in that area too. What is everyone using? Or is it a total racket and I should just use my normal moisturizer?
anonshmanon
Here is a non-recommendation for the Beach Bum eye cream in a small teal tube – just based on the smell. I personally think that most of these products are not magical(at least not at my drug store price level), but consistently using a decent moisturizer is probably a good thing.
Anon
The skin under your eyes can be different from your face, which is why some people use a separate eye product. I have no qualms getting my regular moisturizer up under my eyes, but I don’t get any of my tretinoin right into the eye bag.
I do end up using an eye cream most evenings and mornings. In the morning I’m looking for something more serum-y because I find it helps my concealer go on smoothly. In the evening, if I do eye cream I use something thicker mainly because I like the feeling. I don’t think it’s working any anti-aging materials. Just keeping my skin hydrated.
Vicky Austin
I like to have one because I rub my eyes a ton (allergies, terrible lifelong habit) and thus end up pulling at the skin under my eyes a lot. The CeraVe one has been good.
Anon
I use aquaphor around my eyes at night. I have combination skin and I’m prone to flaky patches on my eyelids.
Runcible Spoon
L’oreal eye defense, a decent drug store eye cream to dab under the eye each morning.
Anon
I need to make up some dried beans. I usually add some sort of smoked meat, often pork. I’m trying to break the habit. What do you add to dried beans to give them that little added deliciousness? Beyond salt & pepper, onion, celery etc.
anon
not exactly sure what you mean by breaking the habit nor what kind of beans we’re talking about. you could do it w a meat that’s not pork (like a beef bone, that’s the difference between jewish pea soup and southern pea soup). I make a lentil soup that vegan and pretty delicious with a jar of salsa or tomato sauce (i’m not a vegan but it happens to be a vegan recipe).
Anon
Trying to eat more plant-based food = breaking the habit.
Sometimes I think things taste too plain without meat. That’s why I’m aking.
Anonymous
I eat almost no meat, but when I do it is in precisely this context—as a high-impact flavoring for plant foods.
anonshmanon
I would experiment with things like miso, soy sauce, hoisin sauce, nutritional yeast, worcestershire sauce or maggi (basically German worcestershire sauce, I saw at Costco the other day), liquid smoke. Also having a strong base by adding more garlic, onion powder, bay leaves, juniper, allspice and so on.
Anon
Any flavor of Better than Bouillon!!!! I usually use the veggie one, but they’re all very very good in dried beans. And I cook a ton of beans.
Anonymous
What kind of beans?
For white beans, I use bay, onion, garlic, carrot, and strips of lemon zest.
For dark beans, I use bay, onion, celery, carrot, and a dried hot pepper
Anon
Currently I have some dried blackeyed peas, split peas, lentils and some dried garbanzos in my pantry.
Anonymous
Follow the white beans formula for garbanzos.
I would say peas are where I would be most likely to add pork or smoked turkey. You could add liquid smoke instead, but be careful not to add too much.
It would not occur to me to add meat when cooking lentils. Just the basic mirepoix ingredients.
Anon
That is true of me too, about the lentils. I never add meat to lentils – I make them with mirepoix + salt + more red pepper flakes than you would probably think was wise. Maybe I’ll just make those for dinner tonight.
My dad was from the south, so all the cooking in my childhood home revolved around what he liked – which meant some throw-away pork product like salt pork or a ham hock went into every pot of beans, very often blackeyed peas or dried limas. Sometimes pinto. Dried beans being cheap just like the throw-away pork bits seems to mean they were meant to be paired.
Nesprin
Lemon and garlic and olive oil and salt and a trip through the blender since bean dips >> beans.
Jules
Maybe smoked paprika?
Vicky Austin
+1 – this will give you the smoky taste of meat without the meat.
anecdata
Liquid smoke for the smoky flavor
For general bumping up the umami:
– dried mushroom powder
– dried crushed shrimp or anchovies (a little, stopping before it tastes fishy)
– Cheese rinds (cook with, remove before you actually eat)
Anon
Aha I always have cheese rinds. Those may work!
Anon
with good beans (Rancho Gordo is worth the price!), all I use is an onion, salt and pepper. Probably more salt than you might think you need.
anon
All the indian spices, with garlic/ginger etc..
AIMS
This is my favorite: https://anewsletter.alisoneroman.com/p/brothy-beans-video
Cc
To the person complaining about the tickets this morning, I wanted to make sure you saw my and other comments letting you know this is most likely a scam. You should never send money to someone like that for tickets.
Cat
+1, a bunch of us commented the same thing on the second version of the post. Good luck to the OP.
Vicky Austin
My mom is hitting a milestone birthday at the end of this year and I want to do something nice for her. How have you celebrated birthdays for the people in your life lately?
Anon
If you want to go big, I think taking a vacation together is an amazing gift that pretty much any parent would be thrilled to receive from an adult child. I took my mom sailing in the Caribbean for her 70th and it was beyond. If you don’t have the time and/or money for that kind of thin, you can do something smaller, even just like a local weekend at a fancy hotel with a nice spa would be so much fun.
Anon
I think an experience gift would be fun for this – take her for a spa day, or take a fun class together (this would be good so that she can have something to look forward to after her bday), or a 3 month or other recurring gift box. I gave someone a Goldbelly monthly subscription recently and they liked it, and I just started a subscription from Wildgrain for myself – you can send a one time gift box. They have the yummiest croissants and bread – lots of different options to choose from. I have had 2 boxes already and everything was so good!