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Coffee Break: HydraTherapy Wet Skin Moisturizer

teal bottle reading Curel Hydratherapy Wet Skin Moisturizer

I've seen a lot of reader discussions recently about dry skin in the winter — and this is one of the easiest ways I've found to add a lot of extra moisture, quickly: in shower lotions. I've bought both the Curél one pictured, as well as the Nivea version — they're the fastest way to lotion your entire body, in my experience.

(I tend to turn off the shower and then apply the lotion before toweling off, but that's me.)

It really makes a huge difference! I did my son's back recently and it was still extra moisturized a full 24 hours later. It isn't sticky, it doesn't smell, and it absorbs very quickly. I haven't noticed any extra residue or slipperiness in my shower, either. I would recommend it to anyone looking for dry skin help in the winter!

The pictured one is $10.44 at Amazon and other drugstores. If you're looking for something

This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

Sales of note for 12.5

255 Comments

  1. Help me address this Christmas card because I am overthinking it. A friend is part of a blended family. No last names have changed. Should I address to the Smith-Jones Family? Sally Smith and Bill Jones and family? Smith-Jones seems weirdly formal.

    1. I would write:
      Sally Smith
      Bill Jones
      John, Jane, and Joan
      xxx Maple Street
      Whereever, USA

    3. My spouse and I have different names.

      We refer to ourselves by the Name1 Name2 Family but are not offended by any permutation above.

      I think the key is to just recognize both names.

    4. We call ourselves the Smith and Jones family. I don’t hyphenate my name, nor does my husband, so Smith-Jones isn’t the thing for us.

      1. Yeah, that’s how I should’ve written it. It really is an “and” rather than a hyphen.

      2. I think the “and” is a lot nicer than a hyphen, especially when no one in the family uses Smith-Jones (a distinct name from Smith or Jones).

    6. I do:
      First Name First Name First Name (however many in the family)
      Last Name Last Name (however many in the family)
      Address

        1. This is what we do. Me, my partner and my son all have different last names. So it’s Smith/Jones/Brown.

    8. I kept my name. We are the Smith/Jones family, if you don’t feel like writing out Joe Smith and Jane Jones.

    9. For holiday cards for close friends where this is the case, I just address them to first names exclusively (I also do this for folks who I *think* have/have not changed their name, but am not 100% sure). Otherwise I agree with others about using “The Smith and Jones Family.” My husband and I have different last names and appreciate any address version that uses both.

        1. This blows my mind! I thought the last names were, like, mandatory for some reason. Postal service-required. LOL.

          1. I think the postal service does not give two f’s what you put on the name line of the address as long as the rest is legible and according to the usual format! I have a bunch of family members with birthdays around Christmas and I have addressed things to SIBLING BIRTHDAY or MOM BIRTHDAY many times so my parents can accurately stash things away separate from Christmas presents. My grandfather used to send separately postmarked Christmas cards addressed to our family dog in the early 2000s.

          2. According to my mailman husband, they are supposed to deliver by name and address. So if it is a name that is not usually associated with that address, it might not get delivered. My husband says if he can tell it should be delivered to that address (like says Mom or something), he will deliver it. They have to pay attention to names because sometimes mail for one person in the residence gets forwarded.

          3. I wonder how many more hundreds of pieces of mail I have to refuse for the previous tenant before our mailman stops associating that name with this address. They had a proper mail forwarding in place when they moved but here we are 4 years later and still get at least one piece per week.

      3. First name only is “know your audience, and have your audience know you”. It annoys me bc my family who do this have the attitude that I’m wrong and weird not to have taken my husband’s name. It might be different in your circle. Any combination of Smith Jones with or without punctuation would be appreciated. The post office wrote out last names inside our mailbox and they have screened out mail for the wrong last names, not for mail with no last names.

    11. My entire social circle including me has different last names from their spouses. For cards, I just do First & First or First & First and family (if there’s kids), or their house moniker if there is one, like House Targaryen (some friends have gone in this direction with combo names). I have fun with it. Sometimes I’ll toss in superlatives like “our fantastically fun friends Jane and Joe”.

    12. Not really a solution but my fave card addressing story: My uncle (who shares our last name) sends our card addressed to the Smith Family. Meanwhile our shared last name is actually Jones with no Smith ever in the mix anywhere. He did it the first year on accident and was mortified but forgot to change it the next year, and now it’s our running joke.

      2. I love that you can laugh. I’ve never used Jones and am Jane Smith everywhere. I get particularly annoyed when I get mail for the Jones (husband’s surname) Family from my bio Smith relatives. It’s a special kind of erasure to not be included by people who share your last name.

        1. Hey, are we related? My family of origin did this to me, even when I explicitly told them I was keeping my name. Then again, they disowned me eventually, so there is that…..

          2. Oops. My ex’s family went out of their way to call me what they thought should be my married name. Like, who sends an Arbor Day card? Someone who wants another opportunity to incorrectly address you as Mrs. Jones, that’s who.

            Fortunately I am no longer a Mrs. Jones in any sense!!

    13. Sally Smith, Bill Jones, & Family

      Or

      Sally, Bill, and Family

      Or

      Sally & Bill

      No one is a Smith-Jones

    14. I’m the Smith in the situation. Use “Smith Jones family” (space between) or “Smith/Jones family” (slash between). Don’t use a hyphen, unless someone in the family like kids uses the hyphenated last name, in which case the hyphen is fine.

      1. I am also the Smith in this situation, and agree “Smith Jones family” is preferable (that is what we use for our return addresses). But I do not get upset over Mr. and Mrs. Jones or The Jones Family; I’m just pleased you remembered us and sent us a card.

    16. I am not a traditionalist in general, but I am glad I took my husbands name and that our son has that name. I love being the “Smith Family” as one unit. My last name was hard to spell and pronounce so I don’t miss it.

      1. I plan on hyphenating mine to Smith-Jones and having my husband keep Jones and any of our kids can be Jones.

        That way we can be the Jones family, but I still get to keep my name but also I want to saddle my kids with a hyphenated name

    17. I do First Last & First Last. Or Last Last Family. We have different last names and as long as you make some effort to include both names, I don’t really care. I do get slightly annoyed at my passive aggressive relatives who just put husband’s last name even though they know perfectly well I didn’t change my last name.

      1. +1 I really don’t care unless the card is addressed only to my husband’s last name.

          1. Fun fact: We are still getting a few cards addressed to Husband and Late Wife Hisname. She passed away 12 years ago and we’ve been married for six.

          2. Ha, that reminds me of one of the unusual facets of working in the business office in a hospital/nursing home: we had two lists for “Anything Addressed to These People Is Spam” – one for people who didn’t work for us anymore, and one for residents who had died!

      2. I do First Last & First Last if the couple does not have children. If there are children, especially with different last names like in a blended family, I do Last Last Family. I like Last and Last Family and may switch to that this year.

      1. Unless you don’t know the spouse at all it’s pretty weird to exclude them like that. It’s traditional to lump kids together in the “and family” but an adult partner not so much.

  2. How do you organize your to-do list? I am not a paper planner person – my phone calendar is my ride or die – but I seem to do better with a paper to-do list that I can cross things off of. Right now I just use a legal pad, but I’d love something a little nicer looking, and maybe a way to organize the to-dos into categories…

    1. I use GoogleKeep on my phone for personal lists and OneNote on my laptop for work lists.

    2. I think it depends on your job and life. I have a weekly planner — week on one side and blank page on the other — where I write my priorities for the week and the deadlines and to-dos that need to happen on a specific day. That to do list is organized into “work” and “home”. I sometimes do a separate for “errands” if I need to that week. But for work I usually just note which projects are a priority that week or have major deliverables that I am focused on, while each project has its own to do list, kept with the file for that project. This is more of a tool to keep me focused on the big picture and on track, and I make daily lists in a plain notebook if I’m having a particularly scattered day.

    3. I also went back to paper to-do list. I love crossing things off so much!

      You can get a nicer book, instead of a pad. Like look at the Moleskin lines.

      1. This is what I do. I *need* to cross stuff off on paper, but a planner doesn’t quite work. I don’t do lists every day, I need the freedom to have tons of space. Having a little notebook (I like 6 x 8 in) where I just date the top of the page works – it looks nicer, feels more polished, smaller than a legal pad, and the pages stay safe. It’s amazing how quickly a legal pad can get trashed if you carry it from place to place.

    4. Same, and I buy myself a nice large size Moleskine twice a year (dotted hardcover only lol) and that is my life in terms of notes and lists until I fill it up.

    6. I’m same as you. Phone/Outlook calendar is critical for scheduling. There’s no way I can do that on paper since my meetings move around all the time. But I do my to-list on paper. I use the Levenger notebooks, so my to-do list is always on this notebook paper I buy that has a colored border which means I can easily find it in my notebook. I would probably do a separate to-do list notebook, but it’s annoying for me to have to carry around a separate notebook along with the one I use for meeting notes.

    7. Bullet journal, but not pretty. An entry for every day with a list of that day’s to-dos, plus hours worked on every item. I also make notes from meetings under the daily entry.

      My book is messy, not p interest perfect, but it keeps me on track. I just bought the lechtturm book for 2023! I like the dot grid, personally, so that’s why I buy the recommended one. Any notebook would do, though.

    8. I buy a boxed stand-up calendar (roughly 4 inches x 4 inches) with a page a day. Every night, I use the back of the day’s tear-off page to make my list for tomorrow. I keep the sheet in my pocket/purse/on my desk all day and cross things off as I do them.

      One year, the calendar was vocabulary in a second language. Another year it was photos of national parks. Etc.

  3. I realized over the weekend that I have a big problem with comparing and competing with other people in my extended social circle. No with family members or my immediate friend group, but with people who I see every once in a while in my overall social group. I’ve had a lot of insecurity about not making enough money or being in certain prestige fields in order to keep up with them, and I’ve channeled it into “oh, well, they’re high-strung/less happy” or whatever kinds of thoughts like that. This weekend, I realized I actually make as much if not more than most of them, and that I tend to cling to ways to feel superior in order to compensate for insecurity. This also manifests in wanting to prove my relationship is a good relationship, and getting insecure when people post Instagram posts going on and on about their one true love. I’ve realized that many of the relationships I was trying to compare to have their own flaws (one of them broke up last week), and that you can never know what’s actually going on in someone else’s relationship.

    I feel like I’m starting to come out of this and recognize how deep the well of insecurity is, and move toward wanting the best for other people and to be low-key about my own accomplishments or joy. But I still have hiccups, like wanting to be prettier than the new girlfriend of a guy I used to have a crush on… (ugh, I know).

    How do you go about stopping comparing or needing to find flaws in other people in order to feel okay about yourself? Does anyone else have experience getting over doing this?

    1. I think it’s best to stop using social media. There’s no need to see what stories people want to share about themselves on social media. If you like and miss the people, reach out directly and you’re likely to get a more nuanced view of their lives. If you don’t like and miss them, then you won’t feel competitive if you know nothing about them.

      1. +1. Even just unfollowing those people helps. I unfollowed cousins who made me crazy in this way and have zero regrets about it.

        1. I’ll go further and say that even posting on social media, for me, encouraged the comparison/showing off mentality. I really think the very format of social media for personal use encourages performing how happy, successful, popular, attractive etc. you are. There are ways of doing it differently, but it requires swimming hard against the stream. Quitting completely was the way to go for me.

          1. +1

            I didn’t unfollow people bc I’m not the type to be jealous of someone else, but stopping posting myself? Cured a ton of “this will look so good on fb / insta” nonsense appearance competition drivers immediately.

      2. +1000. I quit FB for this reason and never looked back. Although from what I understand, most of my extended social circle quit as well over the last few years.

    2. I know this is suggested a LOT… therapy. It is suggested because it is the best solution to the problem.

      The insecurity is not going to go away on its own. There are likely a lot of inner monologues going on in your head, maybe put there by you, maybe by other people.

    3. Yes, and through a lot of therapy I’ve realized the need to compare myself favorably to others was because I felt I wasn’t enough on my own. Like, I didn’t have inherent self-worth, so I got my sense of worth from being “better” than other people. Yikes. I’ve come to recognize that I have the same worth as everyone else, and that worth comes from existing.

      That and paring down my social media to only follow people I am truly close with and would want them show me their vacation photos if we were seeing each other in person.

    4. Get off social media.

      Hang out with real friends. You know who they are.

      Volunteer. You need to realize how lucky you are, and how good you really have it. Helping people is one of the best ways to get outside of yourself. And it feels good too. And it is a good thing to do. Triple win.

      Therapy.

    5. I’ve never thought this way so I can’t help with tips, but it’s definitely something to work on because that is just a miserable way to live. Some comparison is healthy but more when you see an example to model, but not when you see a competition. Run your own race and comparison is the thief of joy are two incredibly true clichéd sayings.

    6. I don’t consider myself like this personally, but I have a friend/former coworker who is this way with me, and it really drove a wedge in our friendship. There have been years where we’ve seen each other only once or twice because of it, limits set by me. She’s getting better, a bit, because she’s more successful now, but I kind of hate that’s what it took for her to be a better friend to me.

      So yes, please work on this for your own sake, before you lose friends over it!

    7. This is probably just perspective issue. You see yourself at your worst, with unwashed hair, unbrushed teeth, the time you misused a word, memories of braces and glasses and whatever mean stuff middle schoolers said plus all of your hopes and dreams. You see others online who you aren’t close enough to know their details. As a result, the ones you envy are the ones who are far enough away that you only see the pics and info they share. No one shares their worst shots, they share the 1 out of 100 photos they took, they share filtered shots, they share the top stuff.

      TLDR; you are comparing your blooper reel to their highlight reel.

      It’s human. Give yourself grace <3

  4. My cc bill was really close to my limit last week (after i paid the statement balance it went down to half my limit). Should I ask for a credit increase or just try to pay it off more frequently than once a month in full?

    1. I would do both – usually your credit card company will increase the limit if you ask without running a credit check, so there’s no harm in asking.

    2. Both probably. Ask for an increase, but pre-pay this month to get available credit fast.

    3. I would ask for more credit. The percentage of credit you use is a factor in your credit score, so it’s definitely worth asking. Your target credit card usage should be 33% or less.
      Depending on when you’re planning to use credit, it may be worth opening another credit card account. Both hard credit checks and age of credit are factors on your credit score, so don’t do this if you’re buying a house in the next couple of years. But if you’re 5-ish years away from really needing a good credit score, it’s worth pursuing. If credit limit is an issue, try a card from a bank where you have retirement accounts, or American Express. Store cards will offer you less credit, and Chase seems exceptionally stingy among bank cards, although I don’t have an account at Chase.

      1. Age of credit means age of your oldest credit line. As long as you’re keeping your first card open, opening new cards won’t negatively impact that. Hard credit checks do impact your score, but very minimally. Your % usage is a much bigger factor (that and whether you pay on time are the two primary factors). Opening a new card is worth it if she can’t get a larger line of credit from the current card.

  5. Low stakes afternoon Q :) I host an annual Christmas party, and I normally put out bowls of chocolates around on various tables. Growing up, my mom always put the classics out – red and green M&Ms and red, green, and silver Hershey’s kisses. What candies would you like to see? Lindor, Ferrero Rocher, Ghirardelli? It’s going to be an absolutely humungous party this year, so I can put out a few different kinds.

    1. Lindor and Ferrero Rocher (especially the coconut ones), for sure! I think Ghiradelli has gone down in quality for the price point.

    2. Something in wrappers would be my preference at a large gathering. The idea of multiple germy hands in the shared M&M bowl does not appeal at all.

      1. +1

        Yes yes… You know someone’s fingers are going into your M&M’s…. then to their wet lips/tongue…. then back into your M&M’s. Colored Hershey’s kisses or little individually sized Ghiardelli squares etc.. are the way to go.

        Our hospitals are full already with flu/RSV/COVID. All parties will spread germs, but M&Ms are just asking for trouble!

      2. yes to wrappers! I would also like some nuts, but maybe provide little cocktail plates and put a spoon in the bowl. That’s what I do and it seems like everyone catches on.

      3. Yes! While I love M&Ms the communal bowl would be discouraging, but a cute little spoon may help.

    4. Hershey Kisses, maybe Ghirardelli or Dove chocolates. I am not a fancy individual, though.

    7. Order Meltaways from Bankers Candies in Greenwood, NE. Small, local chocolate shop, individually wrapped, will blow your mind and tastebuds away!

      2. And the colors are different flavors, so you can carefully avoid the caramel ones (silver, for reference) while eating all the dark chocolate cherry (purple).

        1. Lol, I have never heard of this but just ordered the caramel because I didn’t want to risk a cherry chocolate popping up in an assorted mix!

    8. Ferrero Rocher and Lindor seem most festive, but maybe also something minty like Ghirardelli peppermint bark or even peppermint patties!

    9. Not yuck yum, but all those are gross. If I’m going to eat grocery store candy, bring on the mini Twix, snickers, that family of chocolates. Or See’s FTW.

  6. In your eyes, what is the ideal age to have your first kid? My friends and I were discussing this this weekend, as it seems like there’s a balance to strike between the amount of money/stability you have, versus the energy/fertility. I’m worried about fertility especially, and worried about waiting too long and no longer being able to have kids.

      3. +1, I realize you can’t plan it but I had mine at 29 and it was great – I was old enough to be pretty senior in my career (I had been on a specific team for 4 years, and at the company for 6 years in total at that point) so enough goodwill/knowledge that I felt like I was able to safely coast for a bit after I came back. We also had a good amount saved and our parents were young enough to still be able to do the more physical caretaking a small baby/toddler needs.

      4. Had my only child at 29 and like others, feel like that was perfect. I will be 47 when he leaves for college next year and still feel like I have plenty of good road ahead of me. But I also feel like I got to enjoy my younger years and didn’t sacrifice anything I wasn’t ready to give up by having him when I did.

      5. I was a week shy of 28 and I agree that still feels right. He was grown and out of the house while I was still reasonably young.

    2. Early 30s. Established enough in my career, had a couple years of marriage, but no fertility issues yet and a decent amount of energy. But also I kind of hate this question because I don’t want to make someone who had their kid earlier or later feel bad or start a countdown clock or something. Kids will age you no matter when you have them, ha.

          1. I was being cheeky. I lived that and frankly do not recommend. In high school, when we learned about chromosomes and how the Downs risk goes up if you have a baby after 35. And when I was 17, that seemed crazy. Who’d have a baby after 35?!

            In my mind, my life would be straight out of NYT Vows entries. I did the right things. I joined the right things. I finished my schooling and if I had met Mr. Right right then, we’d date and then be engaged in a year and married a year later and then would have some time to live the ideal DINK life before kids. Life isn’t a series of predetermined outputs based on your inputs.

      3. yes! 28 was my goal for the breast cancer/breast feeding reason but gave birth to my first when i was 34, and my second when i was 36. i remember wishing i’d had more energy for my first.

      4. In terms of ‘life happens’ – I planned on having two kids. Had catastropic difficulties during labor (which were totally unforseen) so one and done it is. Luckily our family felt complete at one, but hoo boy do people LOVE to judge how awful we are for having ‘just’ one.

        1. I’m sorry people are being crappy to you about only having one. I’m an only with an only child and I feel like there are so many advantages. All the adult onlies I know are happy well-adjusted people with friends and families of their own. You’re not scarring your kid for life, I promise!

        2. That’s so incredibly crappy. We have two now, but that was absolutely not a foregone conclusion. Secondary infertility really screwed with my body and my head, and it was really hard to have people drawing weird conclusions about why my kid was an only child for 5 years. Especially when I really wanted two closely spaced sibs.

    4. Somewhere between 28 and 32. The advantage of starting younger is having more options for second or third kids, as well as for spacing. Pregnancy kicked your butt and postpartum was not all that much better? Spend a few years repairing your reputation at work before going through that again. Two toddlers is more than you can handle but want a third? Table it for a few years and see where you are.

      Something I have no problem saying but no one warned me about: the moment you get married, people will start pressuring you for babies. It really does help if you can be married for a year or two before starting to try – it’s good for your relationship and the nosy womb-watchers will exhaust themselves.

    5. I had my only at 30 and overall thought it was a good time. My career progression would have been easier if I had waited for 2-3 more years though, but that’s very specific to my particular career.

    6. Really dependent on how many kids you want and your personal fertility. I had my only at 34 and was lucky to conceive immediately, and it worked out really well.

      Personally nothing about being a mom at 28 sounds ideal to me. At that age I had just gotten married, was establishing myself career wise and was nowhere near ready for kids. I’m so grateful for the better financial situation, better work-life balance and years I had alone with my husband that came with not becoming a mom until my mid 30s. I was young enough that pregnancy was still very easy physically, and I will become an empty nester not long after turning 50. My only regret about not having my kid earlier is that she’ll have less time with her beloved grandparents (who had me at the same age, so they were 68 when she was born and likely won’t live to see her graduate college), but I don’t think that should be the deciding factor for most people. Your own financial stability, emotional readiness and relationship are more important.

      1. Same. My now husband and I were still pretty crazy partying and traveling at 28. Also in our circles we also would have been one of the first to have kids which I think would have been very, very difficult for me.

      2. +1. First at 33 and I’m quite happy with that. I wish we could start trying again now (34), but we need to wait until at least a year after chemo, so I’ll be at least 35 if we are lucky enough to have a #2. Luckily my eggs are frozen, so we have options.

      3. Time with grandparents is the only thing that really makes me sad. My grandma had my aunt early and my mom late, and my cousin had kids early and I had mine in my mid thirties, and the result is that my grandma got to meet my cousin’s kids (her great-grandkids) and not mine, and my aunt has a great-grandkid whereas my mom just became a grandma 7 years ago). Sometimes I feel like if everyone keeps moving on this trajectory no one will really know their grandparents anymore and that kind of sucks but maybe we’ll all have such health advances that it won’t matter.

    7. When you feel you are in a place to provide a loving home. Calendar age doesn’t matter.

      1. That is objectively not true, especially for women. Calendar age does very much matter for being able to get pregnant, for the ability to conceive and carry a healthy baby, and (to a lesser extent) for the energy to handle the physically demanding days of infancy and early childhood.

        For lawyers I would say between 28 and 34. Younger means you are pregnant and taking leave while establishing yourself professionally and older you start to run into fertility issues, especially if you want to have more than 1.

    8. Too many variables to have an ideal age. Depends on your career field in terms of the best career wise. I also personally think it’s ideal to be able to be married for a bit before having kids and not trying to get pregnant on your wedding night. I also think it depends on how many kids you want to have. I’d you only want one that’s different than three

    9. There’s no ideal age–there are significant advantages and disadvantages to every age for each person.

    10. By 30. Then your kids are grown when you’re young enough to enjoy the empty nest phase and to work while they’re expensive. I didn’t do this but friends did and it would have been ideal. Having young kids in your 40s is brutal.

      1. I feel like if you want a career, you either have to have kids by 30 or after 40. I went the early route, but have lots of friends who chose 40. We’re all consistently more established in our careers than my friends who started at 35ish. Having a baby means slowing your professional trajectory. I was young enough to miss that, and still took off. If you’re 40, you’re likely established enough to work through it. My late 30s first time moms rally seems to struggle with getting mommy tracked.

        I hope that’s changed in the last few years, but I do think it’s something to consider.

        1. This seems like a weird generalization. All my friends have careers (many of them high-powered, prestigious careers) and every single person had first babies between 30 and 35.

        2. 40 isn’t a choice that you always get. I know so many people who married later and tried really damn hard to have kids and it just wasn’t in the cards. That, when so many just easily (or so it seems on insta) fall pregnant, is just a rough road that you really feel that you travel alone. Sure, you could go through that at 30, but even at 30, there are options that have better odds than those same options at 40.

          1. The question was ideal though. I didn’t get to have kids before 30 either, but it would have been the ideal age.

      2. My then-husband was 45 when our only child was born. When I got to be 45 I thought “OMG you couln’t pay me enough to have a baby now!” But of course I was exhausted by 17 years of parenting at that point so maybe if I’d been all rested up by 45 years of childlessness it would have been different!

    12. I had my first at 28 and it was great. I had already hit my stride at work and marriage but still had that 20s energy and ability to bounce back from birth. It’s also nice to exit the birthing/nursing/diapers phase when I’m only in my mid thirties too.

      That said, I would rather have fewer kids older with a good partner than younger with a jerk.

      1. I was still partying my face off at 24. Would not have worked for me at all. Four years later, when I got pregnant? Totally different story.

        1. Obviously you have to want to have kids at that age and give up “partying” to some extent (though not entirely as some people seem to think), and to plan to invest in yourself later, but my friends who still have kids at home in their late 40s and 50s seem to really, really resent their children and, if still together, their spouses. They’re done. And my own mother, who had me at 31, could not wait to stop being a parent, so I got effectively zero emotional support after I left the house at 17. Younger parents seem to do a much better job of following through into young adulthood.

          1. I think this is a total overgeneralization that isn’t remotely accurate for everyone. I had kids on the later side, though not “late” in my social circles (mid-30s) and I think I’m a MUCH better mom because I waited until I was really ready. I had been married for years, had time to travel, sleep in, go to the theater and fancy restaurants, etc. I was never much of a drinker so not so much with the “partying,” but that’s not the point…the point is that I had my 20s and early 30s to be selfish and focus on ME and what I wanted to do, and by the time I had kids I’d gotten all that out of my system and was ready for a different, quieter stage of life that was much more focused on my kids and their needs. I don’t judge anyone who wants kids in their 20s, but I know I would have been an absolute mess as a mom if I’d had kids at 24 or even 28. I would have resented my kids so much for making me give up my fun life. My kids are tweens now and although they have their moments, overall I enjoy parenting and don’t feel “done” at all. I definitely look forward to being there for them emotionally even after they leave home. That’s horrible that your mom decided she was done parenting when you turned 17, but I really doubt it has very much to do with the age at which she became a parent.

    14. Obviously it depends, but I’d say loosely around 30. FWIW, I had mine at 32 and 35, and that was perfectly fine – still very fertile, bounced back easily. I’m 42 now and still feel like I could handle it similarly. But I see the downside of having kids later more on the back end – my parents were mid-50s when they became grandparents, but I could easily be pushing 70. Also, having to rush for a second or third is rough – looking back, I think I might have liked to consider a third; I know I could have if I’d tried, but it would have been more likely if I’d been younger.

      1. Same.

        I knew my great grandparents. My kids loosely remember one great grandparent, now departed. My grandkids will likely know me as an old woman and not my parents.

    15. I don’t know the answer and wouldn’t necessarily delay because of possible fertility issues but I had my fourth at 41 and am pregnant with my fifth at 45 and have no energy issues at all. My last pregnancy was my best and this one is a close second. I bounced right back after all of them (32,35,38, and 41). I feel no different than I did 12+years ago with my first. Just my anecdata.

      1. Aw, congratulations! I would have loved another couple of babes in my 40s but life got in the way. Enjoy!!!

    16. My ideal age is never. Just reminding anyone who feels pressured by society (or by family during the holidays) that it’s a choice you get to make for yourself and no one else’s opinion matters.

    17. hah, that’s a fun question
      with a great big pile of “best laid plans” and all that… in my secret ideal planning, I was going to meet the right guy in grad school, have 1-2 years of stability/reputation building/career growth and then have a kid at exactly 30.5

      the “right guy” part of this didn’t happen and graduating into covid lockdowns slowed down career growth way more than I wanted, and so that’s all off track but it sounded pretty ideal!

    18. Had mine at 32 and 34, my husband is 7 years older. Works for us – I was far enough in my career that I don’t think it slowed anything down and we were in a secure place financially and had the house. I did learn between the pregnancies that I was running low on eggs and so I will say it would have been a maybe too late start if I wanted a third kid, but I also think that’s an unusual position that most women won’t be in. The only reason I would have wanted to start sooner is that our parents are in their 70s and definitely had more energy a few years ago. But overall I wouldn’t change our timing.

  7. I love the Lush body conditioners for an easy in-shower moisturizer. It is the same concept, slather over wet skin at the end of a shower. I especially like the solid ones, I feel like I get more use out of them, plus the eco-friendly part is nice.

    1. I love Lush. Everything smells so good. I wish the stores would bring back the sales associates using the products on your hand, it was always so relaxing.

  8. has anyone fixed an anterior pelvic tilt? i’ve had a lot of problems with hip flexors over the years and apparently it all comes back to the tilt thing.

      1. I’ve had an ouchy hip for a few weeks and stretching, yoga, and rolling haven’t helped it. In trying to decide whether to see a PT I was looking at anatomy pictures on google and decided my iliascus was bugging me. I had a lot of trouble with my psoas after my first daughter was born so I’m not surprised it’s a hip flexor problem. In googling which exercises to do I found something saying strengthening/stretching the iliascus wouldn’t help if you don’t fix the root cause, the APT. i’ve since realized that the way i sleep and the way i sit are both probably behind the stupid tilt. looking at my old Katy Bowman book on alignment, but will probably just buy a course of hers. I also bought a weird device called the Pelvic Clock or something.

        (I’ve seen PT off and on over the years and think they’re brilliant but would rather find some exercises to try to do at home first to see if I can self correct.)

        1. Well, I have no idea what the heck you are talking about and would defer to the PT myself.

  9. Rant:
    Trying to keep track of shipping status for things I ordered last weekend. I saw today that an order was delivered on 11/29 (2 days after I ordered it, somehow) but the picture was not of my front door. Thankfully, whoever did get it took it to the apartment complex’s leasing office, but not before they opened it. The store I ordered from always packages the clothes in a paper bag sealed with a sticker, and whoever got it opened the box and the bag. Did they want to see what was in it before they decided to keep it or take it to the office? Did they genuinely not look at the label and also have an order coming from the same store? Why can’t FedEx just take packages to the right door to begin with?

    1. I have accidentally opened packages addressed to my neighbors, and my neighbors have done the same. It was an accident. I often don’t see the return address or the return addess is meaningless (e.g. “Shipping Department”. Don’t mentally accuse your neighbor of lusting after your stuff and be grateful that you received it.

      1. Oh, and the reason FedEx makes mistakes is that the drivers are human and under intense pressure especially at this time of year. Yes, it’s annoying that your sticker was ripped and your package wasn’t pristine, and if you think the item is damaged, contact the seller – they generally make it good. If it looks fine, try to forget that someone else touched it.

      2. +1

        But also, FedEx is the worst. Mail and UPS both ring the doorbell or knock. FedEx just leaves it, marks things as delivered hours or days before the truck comes around, delivers things to the entirely wrong BLOCK (like, our house number but 2 blocks away) and then says “why didn’t *you* check other blocks with your street number?” as if that makes one bit of sense… no.

        1. I never have issues with UPS and USPS. FedEx once delivered a very large heavy box with an assembly required bookshelf in it to the leasing office, who refused to help me move it since they do not accept tenant packages from carriers. FedEx refused to send the driver back so I had to figure out how to get it in my car by myself to my apartment a quarter mile away.

    2. I definitely don’t always look that closely at boxes that get delivered to us before opening them, so I wouldn’t assume that they were planning on stealing your stuff just because it was opened. We also get packages that arrive at least partially open pretty regularly, so it might not even be their fault. I’m glad you got it eventually!

    3. It could be the second one – that they had something from the same or similar store and just opened it without thinking. Our unit faces the street and the other two are in the back, and delivery drivers will just drop any package over the wall. I’ve come really close to opening my neighbor’s Am@zon box!

    4. Good grief you’re lucky you got it back. We all order from Amazon and similar stores and I’ve absolutely cut all the way into packages before realizing it isn’t something I ordered.

    5. I have opened other people’s packages accidentally when they were mis-delivered. I’m getting a lot of packages this time of year and I’m not that careful.

      Don’t assume malicious intent.

  10. My husband and I are hosting a distant relative couple (very nice friendly people but frugal) and their 3 year old son at our place for a week this Christmas and I am suddenly freaking out that we won’t know what to do with ALL that time together especially since most of our ideas of fun don’t take a 3 year old into consideration! PLEASE HELP. We live in a smaller city outside of San Antonio so can drive into “town” a couple of days but going to other places like Austin would mean a lot of driving as all of us would not be able to book last minute hotel rooms with our small budget. HELP!!

    1. Even with the best-behaved 3 year old, I probably wouldn’t want to make trips requiring hotel rooms within another trip anyway! How far away is SA for you?

      1. +1 3 year olds are entertained by the simplest things. No need to go to San Antonio (day trips might be challenging if the child still naps) and definitely no need to stay overnight in another Texas city. Just go to playgrounds and stuff like that.

      2. Haha good point! SA is about an hour one way but definitely doable a couple of times at least.

        1. One hour each way would be challenging for a lot of kids that age. The biggest factor is probably whether they still need naps and how good they are at napping on the go. If they need a nap and don’t nap well in the stroller, the parents may want to skip the day trips.

    2. San Antonio! I have an almost three year old and would do the zoo, Alamo, River Walk, caverns (if allowed at that age), and maybe Sea World. Will a toddler understand the Alamo? No. Will it be different and novel and let him/her run around? Yes.

      2. My kids are slightly older, but we just went to San Antonio and that giant playground, I think the Yanaguana Garden, near the Alamo was their favorite part of the entire trip. There’s a playground part, a big area to run, and a giant sand pit/ splash pad area. And it’s free.

        The Alamo is free but I think you need a timed reservation, and there’s a Kids Tour (I want to say it was less than $20/person) that even let the kids do a hands-on mock cannon firing. It was cute, but 3 is likely too young to make that worth the cost.

        If I were visiting you, a day trip into SA that included lots of time at that park plus a leisurely walk around the Alamo, and maybe a lunch on the River Walk, would be perfect, and we’d fill the rest of the time with local playgrounds and driving around to see the lights. Maybe have some suggestions ready to go, like the DoSeum or a BounceHouse place or storytime at your local library, in case you need to get out of the house again, but otherwise that sounds like a great trip.

        If you have one or two novel toys, that would be great. Some friends of ours bought a few of those dollar bin Hot Wheels at the grocery store and a large roll of painters tape. They made a giant “track” on the carpet in their living room with the tape, with a couple parking spots, and it kept my young kids occupied for two straight days.

    3. You don’t need to go to Austin. What are your ideas of fun? Do you have any playgrounds nearby? Have you asked the parents what they might want to do? As a parent I’d never just show up somewhere for a week with my kid in tow visiting people without kids and expect to be entertained for a week

    4. You have so many options! With a three year old, you can:
      1) Spend a morning at a local park, then go home for lunch and nap. Order pizza for dinner.
      2) Spend the morning at a children’s museum, then go home for lunch and nap. Babysit the three year old and have the parents go out for dinner.
      3) Spend the morning at the zoo and get lunch at the zoo. Go home for nap or let the child nap in the car en route home. Play board games after the child is in bed.

      I think the key to success with littles is to really downgrade your activities. Do things that are close, easy, and active. Don’t worry about big trips and definitely don’t get a hotel room! And if you can do a little babysitting so the parents can get out on their own, then that’s a huge gift to them.

      1. This is my schedule when I travel with little kids. Activity in the morning then chill. I wouldn’t even necessarily expect people without kids to join the activity.

        I also enjoy having adults-only time after the little one is asleep.

    5. My experience of 3 year olds is that they need lots of play time and don’t really care about the kinds of things adults find really interesting.

      Is there a local playground? The parents can take the kiddo daily. If there’s more than one, all the better–they can explore local playgrounds. Is there somewhere with sticks, pinecones, etc, like your backyard or a park? Loose parts play!

      If you use any social media geared to your town, I imagine that you can get a pile of toys to keep the 3 year old busy for free or cheap. Maybe just run them by the parents first for a safety check.

      Add in some easy baking projects, making play dough, some rolls of different colored painter’s tape, and protecting nap/rest time and you have an excellent time for a 3 year old.

    6. Most 3 year olds like the simple things in life and need their routines. You could suggest a day trip to your relatives, but don’t be surprised if they decline. I would scout local playgrounds, nature trails, farmers’ markets, and other places to play and explore. Drive or walk to see Christmas lights in your community.

      Do you have local friends or coworkers who have the same-age or slightly older kids? They may be able to suggest places to go, or even let you borrow a few toys that their kids may have outgrown. (I’d totally lend someone my kid’s train set and a scooter that he hasn’t touched in over a year.) But I’d also assume the parents have a handle on what their kid needs.

      1. When my son was 3 he would have enjoyed things like going to watch trains at a rail yard and standing outside a construction site to gaze fondly at diggers. Beyond that, playgrounds and restaurants with outdoor seating would be good things to scope out.

        1. We lived near some tracks, and my son would ask me to walk him down to the tracks. Then we would sit there for up to 45 minutes until a train came. Then we would watch the entire train and count the cars. Then turn around and walk home. Easily 1 hour or more filled.

        2. Are you my sister? At that age my nephew’s favorite things in the world were backhoes and diggers and cement mixers, etc., and all types of transit! They visited me a few years back and we took him to watch a construction site while we were out and had been doing “adult” things for a bit (strolling around, getting lunch at a restaurant). He loved it. <3

          The aquarium on the other hand, while enjoyed, was an ORDEAL.

    7. I don’t think you need to do anything too intense. Parks, playgrounds, hiking trails, christmas lights, baking cookies, craft projects, etc are all perfect for a 3 year old. The zoo if you’re feeling adventurous.

    9. Oh hi, I have a three year old. Go to local playgrounds (all of ‘em, take a tour of one each day). Adventure at the grocery – bonus if they have the tiny carts. Let them choose their own box of cereal or yogurt.

      Do you have any toys at your house? Three year olds are super into other people’s toys. If you don’t have any, call up some friends to borrow. I’d definitely load you up on toys for the week if you called me. A tea set and the Melissa and Doug Ice Cream Counter go along way. Three year olds love to serve and make up rules.

      A fresh coloring book, colors or water wows. Maybe some playdoh and pipe cleaners. Get all your blankets out and make a big blanket fort. Play a few rounds of “The floor is lava” by the Kaboomers when they need to get their sillies out.

      Three year olds can be delightfully simple, so think micro adventures rather than big things. A trip to the gas station to get a donut will score you as many points as anything more elaborate.

      1. All of this. TBH my kid is 5 and this is still pretty much what we’d do. The bar for impressing young kids is very low.

    10. SA and Aus aren’t that far away so I wouldn’t over think this or let the 3 yo drive plans. Between the two, kids might sleep. And, if not there is plenty In between if the adults’ patience wears out.

  11. My husband lost his job last week. It was a surprise, but had been a long time coming – I’d been begging him to quit and find something new for three years, and he instead basically “quiet quit”. His boss said, “It doesn’t seem like you want to work at this job anymore,” and that’s entirely true.

    However: he is destroyed. Emotionally wrecked. He has struggled with anxiety and perfectionism his entire life, and this has made him feel worthless. He’s historically been a gold-star, type A, top performer kind of person, and this just has wrecked him.

    Any suggestions, tips, advice?

    1. I’m sorry. Was he not given the chance to be put on a performance improvement plan or anything? At most employers you get warnings and plans to try to improve before they fire you.

      1. If he didn’t want to be in the job, a PIP is going to do nothing, especially if management is part of the issue, since managers don’t get mandates to themselves adjust to make the PIP work (and sometimes the opposite). As an anecdote, I was on a PIP for 16 months because my main manager did nothing to address our relationship and workflow (and she didn’t want me to go but didn’t acknowledge her role in the problem and no one else did either) but everyone else I worked with demanded management keep me while I was on their projects and expressed bewilderment at the situation.

      2. No PIP or even a conversation. This was totally out of the blue. I think that’s part of the issue – if he’d had an earlier convo, I think he probably would have decided to quit on his own. But the way it went down was brutal.

        1. At my employer everyone gets a PIP before they get fired. “Quiet quitting” is a pretty vague term that can be used to mean everything from not going way above and beyond to barely doing the minimum, but unless he’s doing something incredibly egregious like not showing up when he’s scheduled to work or going AWOL and not responding to emails, I think firing with no warning or chance to improve is somewhat surprising.

          1. He worked 80 hours a week up until the pandemic. During the pandemic, when our kids were in zoom school, he basically pulled way back and worked, like, 40 hours a week. It’s probably not fair of me to call it quiet quitting. It’s more that he chose to prioritize family and his own health instead of killing himself for his job.

          2. This and same experience with my DH 9 years ago. He didn’t recognize his PIP for the writing on the wall it was. Not a good feeling to read your DH’s PIP and think “they did a good job on documentation here.” But if he doesn’t see it or ‘want’ to see it, now is not the time for “I’m telling you/I told you” so. I counsel patience. Plus having whatever you need stashed away to cover 6-12 mos expenses. And wherever therapy might be needed to cope with the “surprise “ as it sinks in.

        2. Oh, wow, 7:12, That was SO helpful to the OP! Do you think that is what she should say to her husband? To the OP, I really hope that you are financially able to withstand this financially while he collects unemployment. You have to let him go through his mourning process while being his cheerleader. It could be a long time before he recovers emotionally and financially.

    2. A week is not a very long time. It took me a lot longer to process it when it happened to me, and it was an extremely mutual thing with a very nice severance package. Rejection of any form stings.

    3. Your husband is probably dealing with a lot of guilt, shame, relief, and everything all at once. His self-identity and confidence also have taken a major blow. Give him lots of grace to deal with this situation on his own timetable.

    4. I agree that he needs time. It just happened.

      Like you, I would be trying to re-frame… “Thank goodness… you know you hated that job…. I am relieved for you… you’ll get something better I know it….”

      Are you guys financially ok until he finds something?

      I fear that what your husband needs the most is treatment of his anxiety, and that something may have been brewing for awhile. Watch carefully … he may fall into a depression, which happened to a cousin when he was in a similar situation. What was tricky was his wife kept saying… if only he could get a job, he will regain his confidence and feel better about himself. But when depression/anxiety is eating away at you and your feelings of self worth, you can’t be your best for researching and applying for jobs. Lots of self-sabotage. Once his depression was treated, he did great.

    5. Patience and holding your tongue if you have anything to say about how he might have contributed to this. Not holding my tongue is my biggest regret from when my husband was fired many years ago. It was a terrible job for him and he had quit trying. With years of perspective I can see he should have just quit but I said things then I still regret now.

  12. Guidance– I have accepted a new job. They would, ideally like me to start Tuesday January 3. My current job is closed the week between Xmas and New Years and I am taking the 22nd and 23rd as personal days. I told them i would start Monday 1/9 because I needed to get paid for the break and I was concerned my current job would take the position that i wasn’t eligible if I didn’t come back afterwards. I had planned to quit today but my boss is unexpectedly out of the office. I think my current job would have felt that I should give them 4 weeks notice which isn’t quite happening now. 1) should i wait for my boss to come back or quit over the phone? 2) does anyone think that 4 weeks is really reasonable, should i try to push my new start an extra week? 3) thoughts on the likelihood of them telling me to go before the break so they don’t have to pay me? Feeling pretty anxious and about to burst and can’t discuss with people who know my office for obvious reasons! appreciate your thoughts.

    1. If you want to get paid for the holiday break, you need to wait until after the break to give notice. Sorry I know that’s not what you want to hear. But if you give notice before 12/22 they will almost certainly send you packing without holiday pay. I work for an employer with a similar paid holiday shutdown, and they would never pay someone for it who’s given notice.

      1. I agree with this. I would ask the new job for a mid-January start date, so you give notice to your current job after the holiday break.

    3. 4 weeks notice is unreasonable and unnecessary and no one will remember you for it. Give them 2.

      1. so does two count if i give it and then work a week and then take vacation and then come back for a week?

        2. My colleagues have taken PTO during their last 2 weeks, no pushback. It sounds like your current job doesn’t have a backup plan for when someone quits if they expect 4 weeks notice – which is silly.

      1. i work for a small nonprofit my boss is the top of the pyramid unless i went to the board

    5. Whenever a new employer has told me their “ideal” date, I’ve had to push it back a week or two and never received any problems with it. The ideal date is usually asap and they often know you will need longer. But in any event, 2 weeks notice is absolutely fine.

      1. so if i need the vacation is the strategy to come back and then quit and tell new job i cant start until 1/16? or is it ok for my two weeks to straddle a vacation?

        1. so I think because your company is just flat-out closed, your situation is a little different. If you give 4 weeks’ notice, your company may say “well since we’re closed the 3rd week of the 4, how about we make your last day 12-23.” That is short-sighted of them because your colleagues will take note and then NO one will give them 4 weeks’ notice ever again, but could happen.

        2. No no I am not telling you what to do. Just that there are lots of options, including giving 2 weeks with some vacation, 4 weeks with some vacation, pushing off your start date, etc. I guess if you are at a small nonprofit you’re worried they will need you? Or they will ding you and gossip about you behind your back? Don’t worry about that. Do what works for you within the normal parameters of 2 weeks being fine, and a new employer willing to give extra time because that, too, is commonplace.

    6. Where are you located? Two weeks’ notice is pretty standard for US professionals.

      I would ask New Job for a mid-January start date so you give notice after you return from the holiday break.

      1. PS – employers know that hiring around yearend is sensitive bc of when bonuses pay out, etc, and that people have a lot of good reasons to want to hang around Old Job a little longer at this time of year.

        1. +1 Ask to start mid-January and give two weeks notice after the holidays. They’ll get it.

      2. i’m in NYC. of course it’s standard. i work for crazy people with no sense of proportion or boundary. hence new job.

        2. Then I say giving 4 weeks notice is an unnecessary concession to people who have presumably already taken enough from you, and who have no power over you at this point.

    7. Only give them weeks. Save your over and above for your real friends, not the company you are leaving. Use the time to wrap up your tasks or get them ready to hand off. Ensure you can access your HSA, 401(k) and whatever else externally and that you have all the company contacts you need for references or networking saved to a place you can access it after you leave.

    8. A few years ago, my husband started a new job a few days after the new year because he had to move cross country and he figured it would be easier not to start on January 2, given the complications of moving over the holidays and most of the people he worked with still being on vacation. It turned out that decision meant he wasn’t eligible for a raise the next year, because he technically hadn’t been there the whole year, and then the year after that there were no raises due to Covid, and he ended up going more than two years without even a col increase, which made that few days delay a very costly decision! So make sure your new employer doesn’t have a policy like that!

    9. Today would be 5 weeks’ notice. I am confused. Also, do you need an extra strong bridge with the current job in the future, because 4 weeks is a long notice and one day seems like not a thing to worry about at all. I am afraid you are taking the current job into consideration too much and maybe have some undue anxiety generally.

    10. Oh hai I was in this same situation a few years back. I wanted to get paid for a week off and I knew that if I quit before the break, my boss’ boss would insist on the Friday before the break be my last day in the office. Soooo I negotiated a later start date with my new job, took my break, had a very relaxing time, came back, and quit on the Tuesday after everyone returned. Started at the new job two weeks later, having only taken a weekend between jobs (but that was fine as I’d just had time off).

      I think chances are very high that if you give notice now, they will ask you to wrap everything up before the break. I would wait to give notice.

    11. Find out when your new employer prefers you to start, give only two weeks and ignore if you have vacation in there. Wrap up things beforehand, write close out memos, etc. so you can still leave on a good note.

  13. Are you sure they don’t have their own plans and are just using your place as a crash pad (and they want to do city things)?

    Keeping in mind that 3 year olds are called “threenagers,” they don’t need a lot for activities. Playgrounds. Snacks. I would bet that any of these things are near you: trampoline park, swimming pool, splashground, libraries or bookstores with reading times, small hikes. look up recipes for borax, get some water beads. if there’s a big waterpark in san antonio or a toddler amusement park (where all the rides are for kids under 5) that would be worth a trip for the parents.

    1. There have been some big safety concerns with water beads lately, don’t get these. I’m not normally a big risk adverse person but these just seem like a bad idea. (I have kids).

      1. (By the way I didn’t mean the last part to imply you don’t have kids, I don’t know, but just to say I come at it with that perspective).

  14. Dear doctor offices,
    I am sorry that I am plus size. Please give me a gown that covers more than one breast. It’s hard enough doing this visit when I know I’m being judged for being unhealthy. But the added insult of being almost bare has me borderline tears at the moment. And today of all days was when I chose to wear underwear with dancing cows on it. My doctor looks like she is a size negative zero. I hate this so, so much.

    1. Jesus, Oh my …. I am so sorry for you and feel your pain. You are absolutely right. I am actually stunned they are so insensitive. At my clinic, they just have the largest size gowns and I thought that was a great way of making sure everything has what they need.

      FYI – What I do in that circumstance is wear the gown reversed, and take down one arm at a time for your breast exam. The doc will understand exactly what you are doing and if they try to correct you, just say it’s too small the other way.

      Thank you for this FYI.

      My most recent complaint has been for my family members with disabilities. They don’t even examine you at all when you are more disabled – if you come in in a wheelchair…. forgetaboutit. And the number of clinics that don’t even bother to have accessible tables/beds for patients to sit that they could transfer to….. Never mind accessible exam tables in GYN clinics and assistance….

    2. I’m sorry. This should not happen. I recommend the Weight and Healthcare newsletter, if you have any wish to read about advocacy on these issues.

    3. I’m so sorry this is happening to you! Doctor’s offices can be just horrible for this stuff. Sending much love from this internet stranger.

    4. Don’t you dare apologize. This is not your fault; it is their fault. It is their JOB to treat and care for the body you have, not the body they “want you” to have or the body they think you should have. I would write a sternly worded letter as a matter of customer service and basic human dignity and send it to the doctor and the head of the practice. And then I’d find a new doctor. You are a person of worth and are entitled to be treated with dignity and respect, regardless of whether your body has fat on it or not. All bodies are good bodies.

  15. Recommendations for winter-appropriate sneakers to wear with jeans? My most current pairs are either light gray or white, and I cannot get used to how weird and frumpy they look with all my winter gear. Yes, this is a me-problem. I think charcoal or black would be much better.

    1. Black and grey sneakers are abundant. What style of shoes do you generally like? Are you looking for high profile or high top because winter or you don’t care (I don’t)? Do you have a brand preference for style/comfort/fit? How much would you like to pay?

    2. I like navy blue sneakers with jeans. I don’t have a specific recommendation because mine are old.

    3. I like leather sneakers rather than fabric for cold weather. Check out Cole Haan, Veja, etc.

  16. Can anyone suggest helpful resources for planning to age without family help?
    I am in my early 30s, not partnered up, doubt I will be, no kids. I am generally happy with these facts, but I worry about planning for when I can’t take care of myself anymore. I am from a culture where it’s expected that the children take care of elderly parents, and that’s what I have seen my parents do for theirs. My sibling and I plan to split the responsibility of our parents as equally as we reasonably can, both financially and logistically (it is likely that they will either a) outlive their money or b) one of them will need expensive care in later life). But I know that even in families where that’s not the cultural norm, many adult children do end up helping aging parents somehow, it’s just a matter of to what extent.
    I know that having child(ren) is no guarantee that you will be taken care of and I personally don’t want to have a child only for that reason. I don’t think it fair to that hypothetical child to be raised by someone not emotionally equipped to be a good mother AND then have to take care of her in her old age.
    I earn a middle class income (but below 6 figures) and do my best to save for retirement, though I’m not maxing my 401(k) and Roth IRA. I currently rent and don’t see myself buying unless I have to, so it’s not like I could sell my home later in life to help pay for a nursing home.
    When I think of old age, I think of how I’ll be less capable in the following ways: financially (lower earning capacity or living off what I have amassed before retirement), physically, and mentally (dementia thankfully doesn’t run in the family AFAIK, but I don’t expect to be the lucky 80 yo who is just as sharp as I am now and I imagine I will not be able to keep up with tech advancement or scam prevention).
    No matter how much I save, I doubt I can save enough to pay for LTC or the best nursing home/assisted care for myself. I hope I have friends when I’m old, but they’ll likely be just as old and frail as me, if I don’t outlive them. I enjoy the solitude of living alone, and when there’s something in my life I can’t do alone, I a) figure it out from the internet b) ask a friend or pay a neighborhood kid for help c) go without. My life trajectory is one I’m generally happy with, until I get to that last phase of life. But I’m struggling on how to plan for it. Is this just what aging is?

    1. I have all of these same questions, with the added piece that I have no siblings. So far all I’ve come up with is to move into a house or apartment buildings with friends so we have somewhat of a commune.

    2. NYTimes has two articles talking about end of life/senior living. The articles themselves are good but the comments are probably the most useful part. Dec 3. Who Will Care for ‘Kinless’ Seniors?

    4. Long term care insurance is cheaper the younger you buy it. Have you looked into the possibility of any group/affinity plans? I know it’s all expensive but it sounds like a good fit for your situation.

      1. +1. Buy it now.

        Also, I don’t get the resistance to owning property. It gives you options if and when you need them.

      2. I have started looking into LTC insurance. However, of the 9 seniors (mix of couples and singles) I know who purchased it, not one had their care covered when the time came, so I’m confused as to how it actually helps. I also have 2 chronic conditions that I feel like would make it even less useful for me if they exclude coverage for card needed due to those. My understanding is that ACA protections for pre-x conditions don’t apply to LTC.

        @6:39: I’m not very handy and have found I prefer being able to put in a maintenance request rather than stress about things like flood insurance, lawn care, HOA nuisances, replacing the roof, etc. But if that’s what it takes to afford my old age needs, maybe I could look into a townhome or condo (at least no yardwork that way…).

        1. Girl, little secret, you can hire 100% of the help needed to maintain a home. It doesn’t appeal to the frugalwoods followers on this board, but my version of calling the super is just calling the handyman. If that’s your issue, it’s easy to solve and honestly better because you can do things your way.

          1. And PS – you are correct about LTC insurance, it’s a bum product that doesn’t help most with what they need. Put that money elsewhere like into a condo.

        2. Yes, LTC insurance is useless. DO NOT BUY IT. You will pay for it for decades, the costs will skyrocket as you age and are not well limited in most cases (if the companies even still exist by the time you need to use it…..), and in most cases, it wont be enough care if your needs severe enough where you really need it. Meaning, it is not enough to keep you in your house if you need full time or around the clock care, to avoid a nursing home.

          I am in my 50’s now, single, no kids, no large extended family to help. I’m kind of shocked OP that at your young age you are stressing about this. What I would tell you is start maxing out your 401k/ROTH, but take more time living your life and investing in friendships. The chances are still very good that you may find friends or a partner or multiple partners over the next many decades of your life that will be part of your long-term, end of life plan.

          There are lots of options. For me, I have to either get my act together and move closer to the few relatives I have or make a plan with my several single female friends. While I wont have a spouse or child or person who could ever take care of me like I took care of my parents, I hope that I will have friends/neighbors/community I have invested in enough that might at least help me in a pinch with small things. But I have accepted that I need to save my $$ like crazy now, try to hire a decent lawyer/accountant at some point that I hope I can trust for long term help with my finances if I can’t manage them anyore, and accept that I will eventually go into a nursing home if I because severely disabled or lose my ability to take care of myself independently. But I will figure out a way to check out early if my trajectory is undesirable.

          What I would have a hard time with is if something catastrophic health wise happens in my 50s or 60s. That has happened to many in my family, so my genetics is not great. That will really stink because I wont have all my ducks in a row by then.

    5. I have been thinking about this too because of recent articles on NY Times and Washington. The articles are good though depressing but the comments section is much more interesting with people sharing their struggles but also their plans. NYTimes Dec 3. Who Will Care of ‘Kinless’ Seniors? Washington Post Nov 30. A Son’s Decision to Help His Father Die.

    6. Buy a house or a condo or something you own. Build equity in it. When you hit the stage (if you hit the stage) that you need to go to assisted living, you sell the house and pay for it that way. Also, you’re only 30. Life is long. Lots will happen in your future including a high likelihood of finding a partner if that’s what your looking for. I’m all for financial responsibility and planning, but you’re borrowing a lot of trouble here.

      1. PS – just saw your “I won’t buy a house unless I have to” comment, and this is exactly why you do have to buy a house (or condo or some asset you can sell) and why you should do it now so there’s time to have it appreciate.

        1. See, that’s where I disagree with you. Instead of buying a house, I invested my $$ for the last couple decades and now my retirement fund (retiring alone) is more secure. Remember, owning often costs you a lot more than renting in the long run, particularly as a single I would be tempted to buy more than I really need, and most of us singles are not buying these lucrative properties in high cost of living cities that skyrocket in value. Our home is a place to live – not a liquid investment vehicle.

          1. You may be right on paper, but in reality most people do not fund a retirement account the way they would a house. They draw on it times of “emergency” and almost never have an actual amount at the end of life to pay for necessary care. A house is an “easy” set it and forget it and it probably appreciates a ton vehicle. Even almost no maintenance and a dump will still be sold many years down the line for a profit in many places. No, not everywhere, but many. It’s a better strategy when you add in psychology.

          2. Well, I give the smart women on this site more credit.

            I would have wasted a lot more $$ buying a house, which would have not brought me enough joy to compensate. And with job insecurity how it is these days, when you are a single woman on a single income buying houses is even more of a set up for lost $$ if you have to sell before you at least cover closing costs/interest/appreciation/extra expenses etc… There are a lot of downsides.

  17. That Curel lotion is my favorite beauty products! I use this year-round and I have not had dry, itchy skin in the 2 years that I’ve been using it. It is a real game-changer ❤️

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