Coffee Break – Jade Necklace

Kenneth Jay Lane Jade NecklaceColorful statement necklaces are huge right now, and I love the look of this one from Kenneth Jay Lane. The stones are nice and big, but lay flat against your neck — and I love that saturated color. Zappos has them in jade (pictured), coral, and lapis, for $300 each. Kenneth Jay Lane – 7336 Necklace (Jade) – Jewelry



  1. '80s Hair :

    Thank you ladies for all of the suggestions yesterday for our ‘80s day at work tomorrow. I tore through my closet yesterday to find something to wear only to find that I don’t think that I have anything appropriate! I’m going to stop by H&M and Forever 21 after work and hope that they have something that can pass. I’m also going to pick up some blue eye shadow and maybe a really bright pink blush. Assuming I have time after that, I’m going to put my hair in several braids tonight so it will be crimped in the morning. (Sadly I don’t have bangs!) Otherwise I will tease it in the morning, but having never done that before, I’m not sure I want to try for the first time in the morning. I have a huge can of hairspray, so if nothing else I can go to town with it.

    If anyone is looking for a way to kill an afternoon, google ‘80s makeup tutorials on youtube. I want to go spend all my money at Sephora for all of the makeup stuff I never even knew I was missing! And find places that it’s appropriate to have blue/magenta/orange eyes that require index cards to perfect!

    • I wish you could post a picture of the finished product. This sounds like it’s going to be a lot of fun! I’m sure you will be able to find lots of 80s-looking neon and splatterpaint and whatnot at H&M etc …

    • Migraine Sufferer :

      You might have better luck finding 80’s attire at a local thrift shop.

    • Easy 80’s outfit: Men’s white dress shirt with popped collar & sleeves rolled to your elbows. Straight or skinny jeans, rolled to just above the ankle. Flat oxfords or keds.

    • There’s also a great tutorial somewhere on cutting a t-shirt to get the open-neck, off-one-shoulder look. I did this for my last 80’s event, and it worked great. DH got a suit jacket from a thrift shop that was a few sizes too big and rolled the sleeves up– he looked great, too! You could do a long bright t-shirt, a belt, some leggings, giant socks…. have fun!!

    • Also, for accuracy (since I was a teen in the 80s), eyeshadow was more “frosted” but really not crazy blue – that was 70s.

  2. Oooh… love the necklace.

  3. So, I am prepping myself for my first car purchase (looking at used cars that are a few years old and buying from a dealer). I’ve been doing my Kelley Blue Book research and am wondering what other negotiation preparations I should do. Any tips/suggestions for a car-buying newbie? Thanks! :)

    • Use your Google-fu to find Slate’s series of podcasts on Negotiation. They’re very helpful in terms of negotiations tactics. :-)

      There are other websites that are more specific to car-buying, especially used-car buying, but I found the primer just on Negotiation tactics to be a great starting point.

    • Anonsensical :

      Don’t be afraid to walk away and think about things/do more research. Dealers will try to get you to agree to buy something right on the spot. They also might try to avoid giving you a number ~ don’t let them play the “how much do you want to pay per month” game with you. Focus on the price of the car and whether the car is worth it. And don’t let them talk down to you because you’re a woman! Last time we went car shopping, we crossed several dealers off the list simply because the salesmen ignored me and talked exclusively to my husband, even though the car was for me. Once when I went to a dealer by myself, the salesman started talking about the engine specs and said, “Now here’s some info your husband will be interested in.” Grr.

    • There is a website, , which will show you what other similar cars have sold for in the recent past in your area.

      Don’t rely entirely on Blue Book value, I find that it overvalues cars. Do your research on autotrader and others to know what’s actually out there on the market and what people are charging. Ask to see a carfax. And as others said, don’t be afraid to walk out the door.

    • If you’re not buying the car in cash, make sure you do your homework on financing options too. Dealers make most of their profit from financing but most consumers only research and negotiate the purchase price. Get rate quotes from your bank or credit union prior to going to the dealership. The dealer may be able to beat these quotes but at least you’ll come in prepared. The dealer has some discretion in setting the financing rate so don’t be afraid to negotiate it.

      • This. We had a pre-approval from our credit union that no dealer could match.

        If you’re buying with a loan, negotiate the price of the car separately from the financing.
        If you’re buying with cash, I have heard stories of people negotiating a much lower price on the car and agreeing to use dealer financing, and then paying off the balance immediately. But you have to read the fine print and make sure that there’s no prepayment penalty and you’re not responsible for unpaid interest charges.

        • I am planning on buying in cash – any thoughts on what I should watch out for with that/how it can impact pricing/when to mention this is my plan? I’ve been told dealers prefer to have you finance through them so am wondering how this impacts my negotiations. Thanks to everyone for their thoughts – this has been very helpful! Any and all additional advice is very welcome :)

          • Don’t tell them til the very end — nod and smile about financing and even respond with mild enthusiasm. Don’t mention it until you’ve negotiated the price. We always pay cash for cars, and it cracks me up, writing a personal check for several thousand dollars.

          • Keep your mind open re financing. My dad bought a new car a few months ago, planning to pay cash. Ended up he could get another $1000 or so off by financing. So he financed, then paid the bill in full when the first month’s payment was due. If you finance for X months, it does not mean you actually have to take that long to pay it off!

            Also, comparison-shop new cars. I thought about buying a used Prius about 6 months ago. The price difference between used from CarMax and brand new really wasn’t all that much, maybe 15% of the purchase price. For that, I would sooner have a car that is only mine, fully warrantied and at its peak.

          • Second keeping your mind open re financing. Frequently the dealership/company will have incentives that are pretty appealing. I once bought a new vehicle for 0% interest and didn’t even pay it off early as I had planned because, really? 0% interest? What’s the point!

            My most recent car has 0.9% interest and I got $2,000 cash back. If I were able to (and didn’t have student loans at much higher interest) I could have paid it off the next month and reaped both rewards. You do have to be careful with the cash back idea, since frequently the dealership just adds that money to the price of the car, so make sure you aren’t overpaying for the car by $2k.

    • SF Bay Associate :

      Consumer Reports is absolutely the best source of information when buying a car. Unbiased advice (no ads –> not beholden to advertisers) and thoroughly tested reviews. I strongly suggest you sign up for online access or buy (or browse) the book at your local bookstore.

    • Go through the Internet department of a dealership for quotes. They can’t size you up over the computer and it may make negotiating easier.

    • Sydney Bristow :

      Check out ads in the paper and bring those in if you go to a different dealership. I was able to get a dealership to match the price in an ad of a competitor because I was ready to buy on the spot but willing to go to the competitor a few hours away if necessary.

      • Sydney Bristow :

        Sorry, I somehow skipped the part that said you were buying a used car. Not sure my advice works in that situation.

        See if you can get it checked out by a mechanic that you (or someone you know) trusts. Test drive it long enough so that you can drive it on the freeway, through curves, on regular streets, etc. double check for yourself that everything works including the a/c, automatic windows and locks on all the doors, that the key works in the trunk and the trunk pop thing works too. In high school, all of my friends had at least one of those wrong with their cars and didn’t realize until later. I didn’t realize that my car didn’t have cup holders or that beeping noise when you leave your lights on. Random things you don’t think about until you wish you had them.

    • I found this online with some searching, but make a list of all the things to check on each car you check out and have it with you to go through. There are things to look at and places to check for damage, and then there’s a list of things to do while you are test driving to test for any issues with the operation of the car.

      The salesperson at the dealership kept saying to me: the car is warrantied you don’t have to check things, we’ll fix it if there’s a problem. But that drove me nuts. Of course I’d rather *not* have a problem, then find out there is one when i get home and have to come back! Anyway, there were things on that list that helped me decide between different cars.

    • Make sure you get both sets of keys and remotes. And that all standard equipment that came with car originally is included (ex. privacy cover for cargo area of SUV). Will require some extra research on your end to find out what was standard for a new vehicle.

    • Anonymous :

      I have spent the last three months car shopping. I suggest getting yourself to Carmax. All the mechanics in my family buy their cars there. But, more important, Carmax sales people are not making commissions, so you will get much more clear, unbiased advice from sales people. It is also a good comparison/base to use if you go back to a dealer. Finally, I found that Carmax has much more financing options than dealers – and the financing and warantees were much more clear and straight forward. I was able to use the warantee offer from Carmax to get a better deal on a used car at the dealership.

    • Car shopping :

      Here is what has worked well for me.

      Test drive until you find the exact car you want.

      Then go to the websites of all the dealers in the area for that make of car and get quotes from them. When they have nothing to get you on but price, it helps. You can take a quote from one dealer to another (if it’s closer to your house or has a better service dept) and ask them to match it. I have done that more than once and saved many thousands that way.

      • The search engine at Edmunds does that for you, within a radius you specify.

        Check the Carfax report. Ask the dealer to provide one, don’t pay for it. They’re not foolproof, but it offers some assurance that it wasn’t a flood car or has a salvage title. The ownership history can offer some clues — beware cars that were once registered in hurricane states, for instance.

        Know what the service costs are up front, and exactly what is not covered by the warranty.

        If you have zeroed in on one particular car and know the market, try to negotiate a price on the phone so that the salesperson can’t read you.

  4. Anyone want to help me redo my “fun” wardrobe? I’m a first year attorney, so most of my purchases have been work-related. I have recently started dating again, and I realized that I have very few date night tops! I’m looking for tops that meet te following criteria:
    -under $50
    -preferably not sleeveless
    -tapered at the waist (hourglass figure)

    Any suggestions? TIA!

    • Merabella :

      this is cute, and could be dressed up with fancy jewelry.

    • Check out the sale section at White House Black Market. New York & Co and H&M are other places to look. Probably Express, but I haven’t been there in years.

    • phillygirlruns :

      someone recommended express’s wedge tees on here a few weeks ago – i will second that. they’re cute, inexpensive (i think the one i picked up was $25?) and (as a fellow hourglass) flattering.

    • This might be a bit on the casual side, but I just bought it and it is awesome. Super soft, very flattering, very comfy. The colors are brighter and much more vibrant in person. Runs large so size down. On sale for less than $20.

    • Macy’s. I know I sound like a broken record, but I just redid virutally my entire non-work wardrobe, and a lot of it came from Macy’s. For the kind of tops you’re talking about, check out the part of the store where the Michael Kors and JNY and Lauren by Ralph Lauren areas are. Also INC.

  5. To Say, Or Not To Say :

    I am a junior associate. An even more junior associate joined my department less than a year ago. He is an okay guy, sometimes a bit TMI/too forward. He is chatty with me, but that may be because I am chatty (i.e., what he tells me may not be what he shares with everyone in the department). Today, we were talking about one girl he is dating because she is an MD and wrote him a prescription for an infection he was telling me about. Unsolicited, he showed me some photos of her on his phone. Then, he showed me photos of some other girl I guess he is dating, and said something like, “I’d like to see her without her clothes on,” and a few more things in that vein (none more explicit, but all kind of uncomfortable). I responded along the lines of, “I think that’s something you need to discuss with her, not me.” But I am wondering whether I should say something to him, either as a woman who was offended or as a coworker who thinks he is being really inappropriate, about how he really needs to stay away from those kinds of discussions in our department. I feel kind of meh about him and, as someone who avoids awkwardness, would be inclined to drop it, but I am wondering if others would do something in this situation.

    • Anon for this :

      So, this is very close to an example used in the harassment training session I just attended yesterday – really inappropriate!

    • MaggieLizer :

      Your response was perfect – it let him know that you don’t welcome those kind of comments without getting preachy. I’d drop it unless he says something else equally inappropriate. It sounds like you’re really trying to reach out and mentor him, which is nice of you, but honestly if he can’t figure out on his own that he shouldn’t make comments like that then your mentoring efforts are probably better spent elsewhere.

  6. Ooh pretty!

    Watching the weekly comedy show that is Prime Minister Question Time. These easter egg colored suits are amazing. Is it so they stand out on tv? I’m all for color but somehow a lime green blazer seems a bit inappropriate for the House of Commons.

    • I love PMQ; you have no idea.

      • It’s amazing, right? I know they are insanely well prepped but the fact that they can just do these off the cuff insults amazes me. Does someone write their jokes?

        • I love that the PM (I wouldn’t single out one in particular; I’ve been watching this show for many, many years) always has the Big Book of Answers, but never looks at it.

        • A lifetime or (several decades of a career) spent in verbal brawling makes one really good at these things.

        • I was an intern for an MP and we would sit around each week thinking of questions to submit for Question Time. The office was notified if our question was picked and we would formulate a response for the Right Honorable MP. Then he would tell us it was crap and we would try to do better.

        • Try ‘have I got news for you’ not prepped, just fast comics.

          And no. Not prepped on the questions. But it’s their job to know this stuff

      • Gail the Goldfish :

        PMQ is indeed awesome, but let’s face it, it was better when Tony Blair was PM.

    • I love Question Time! Sooooo wish we did it here. Can you imagine?

  7. To whoever it was (a., I think?) who recommended Warby Parker glasses, I thank you and I curse you.

    I’d been on the fence about them for a few weeks, but I finally pulled the trigger and I love my new sunglasses.

    On the other hand, I’m ashamed to say how many hours I’ve wasted playing with their virtual-try-on feature.

    • They’re really fantastic, especially for the price! My SO has a pair from them and I was pleasantly surprised at how nice they are for a hundred bucks, shipping and try on and all that included.

    • Ha ha! I felt the same way about Zenni. I love the try-on thing. Unfortunately, my prescription would not allow me to order the sunglasses I really wanted. I wonder if Warby Parker would?

    • Ha! Yes, it was me. I’m glad you love your sunnies :)

  8. Anon for this... :

    I need some interior decorating/marital compromise advice. Curious yet? My DH and I will soon be moving into our first house, after years of living in apartments. Frankly, I have not cared much about decorating the various apartments we’ve lived in because they’ve been short term and not ours. But I feel differently about the house. I want it to be beautiful and sophisticated–more like the houses I grew up in than the ones he did. Anyway, DH’s basic design philosophy is that the purpose of flat surfaces and walls is to place/hang snapshots of the kids on his side of the family. I am not against kids or snapshots, but this is not the aesthetic I am going for, you know? Plus, doing dusting when every surface is covered in photos is just not cool.

    So far, DH has left most of the house stuff to me so far, but I anticipate this photo thing will become an issue. Does anyone have ideas about how/where we can incorporate the photos he likes in a sophisticated way? I was thinking about things like those photo collage frames, placed in “family” areas of the house instead of “public” areas–e.g., the breakfast nook instead of the living room wall. And I’m thinking of giving him carte blanche in the study. Any other ideas? I would appreciate any and all advice!

    • Give him one room to use as a study and let him hang whatever he wants in there. Every other room should be mutually agreed upon, except you get one room to decorate as you please, too.

      Also, if you can get nice coordinating frames and hang them in an artsy way, or put them on a shelf, photos can be a nice part of the decor. Note I said part of the decor, not the only decor.

      • This. Give him one place where he can hang pics of the kids on his side of the family.

        • Anonsensical :

          I have to say, I think restricting photos of his side of the family to his space might make him feel like you don’t really consider his family to be your family, too. In the interest of marital harmony and inclusiveness, you might want to let him have a tasteful number of family photos displayed in a tasteful way in your shared spaces. That way, he’ll know it’s not that you don’t care about his family, but that you just want things to look nice.

          • Totes McGotes :

            I think that’s a good point. Another approach is to totally restrict kid photos to one area but also mix in a couple from your side (or your friends’ kids or whatever) so you are participating and the message is more “This is where kid-photos go” and less “I hate your family.”

            If you want to use the fridge for that, you can actually buy magnetic sheeting and make magnets *out* of the pictures so that you don’t also have to have a junky-looking fridge with 7583496 magnets to hold the pics up. Plus that way the photos can earn their keep…

          • I didn’t mean the photos should only go in his room, just that he shouldn’t be able to decorate in any way he wants in the other rooms – the decor of other rooms should be *mutually* agreed upon.

    • karenpadi :

      You could do groupings of pictures that are framed in the same frame (e.g., a plain black frame about 2″ thick). This is more sophisticated when you add matting to each frame (think a 3″ white mat and a 2″ black frame. Even more sophisticated if all the pictures are black and white. Super-sophisticated if you add in more generic “accent” black and white pictures of various sizes (like a close-up of a flower or favorite toy–no faces).

    • TGI...Th? :

      Agree on devoting a room or some designated “family” place. Also, aand I personally don’t like them, but they do fill this sort of need: Can you compromise on a digital frame somewhere that will flash an endless loop of his endless photos?

      Also, see if you can get some rules like “this is where this year’s school photo goes and will be replaced next year by next year’s photo.” I say this as someone who probably has a dozen pictures of my SIL’s kids from birth through late grade school cluttering our living room at the moment. She sends large ones, too. Grrr.

    • lawsuited :

      YES. I completely understand where you are coming from. I hate clutter of all kinds, and too many mismatched photo frames on surfaces or walls falls into that category for me. But, we have lovely photos of people that are special to us, and I understand that SO wants them displayed. For me, I buy only the basic PB black photo frames so I know they all go together. They’re put up in different areas of the house and we switch out the photos in the frames rather than adding new ones.

      My aunt has huge sheets of metal screwed to the wall in her hallway that she sticks photos, kids’ art, postcards, etc. to with magnets. I would never put something like that in my front hallway, but it could be a good idea for your DH’s office, workshop or rec room so he could have all his snapshots concentrated in one area?

    • Pretty frames placed (sparsely) about your home are good and if you have a good (somewhat private?) hallway for it (especially in a stairwell), a grouping of photos hung on the wall with coordinating frames look great! Good luck and have fun!!

      • I have a friend who did this in her stairwell — although she had family photos elsewhere, the stairwell walls were covered in family pictures — all in matching frames/matting — it made it look very pulled together, not haphazardly ‘quaint’ — which works for some, but not all.

    • I am not big on using photos of family to decorate, but I made a photo collage on one small wall in our living room and used a bunch of amazing frames that go with the decor in the rest of the house. I made all the photos black and white and none of them (except for a few more special photos) are black and white. It looks more artsy than it does family portrait wall and it was inexpensive because I got the photos made at W*lgreens and the frames at TJMaxx.
      And – if it makes you feel any better at all, three deer heads are hanging in our house and they aren’t even family. ;)

    • Anon for this... :

      Thank you so much for all of these helpful suggestions. I love these ideas and will definitely make use of them in our new home!

    • just Karen :

      I have a ton of plain black frames going up our stairwell in kind of a frame collage – all sizes, but matching frames. I love the aesthetic, it’s common space, but it’s wall space i wouldn’t otherwise use for anything.

    • Clutter and Schmaltz Hater :

      I can’t take clutter of any kind, and visual/aesthetic clutter is the worst. But, family (any side) is family. The only real issue is how and where to have the photos, not whether to have them — think of it as the interior design version of time, place and manner restrictions on free speech.

      Some thoughts:

      * limit them to one area of the house
      * keep them all framed the same (pick a basic frame from a place that will always exist so you can resupply in different sizes and it will always go together — something simple and black from Aaron Bros.) The consistency looks more elegant because it is less visual clutter.
      * I personally prefer family photos in frames on top of pieces of furniture, not on the wall. That space is limited, though, so every so often I clear out old ones and replace with new ones. (I keep the old ones, just not framed).

    • I think framed photos of family members/groups/individual kids — esp. if they are in black and white — can still look sophisticated and as though they are meant to be part of the interior design. I’m not sure I agree that putting them all in the same size and color frame and mat is the best way to go.

      If it were me, I’d mix photos with framed prints of art/drawings/etchings/maybe even maps. To get a visual on what I mean, go on Pinterest and type “gallery wall” in the search box. I think many of these are stunning! And I’m definitely an anti-tchotchke/anti-clutter person.

  9. ones and zeroes :

    Or you could just buy a bunch of these and make the necklace yourself?

    • still need a handle :

      I like that idea! how would you connect the pieces?

    • Good crafty find! I didn’t know that you could buy gemstones pre-wrapped like this. I’m very tempted, since there is no way I could afford the $300 version!

  10. Job Huntress No More! :

    TJ- I was offered a position! Thanks to the ladies who were so supportive last week when I discussed losing my job after my supervisor up and left a month after I started.

    The position isn’t fantastic pay, but it’s livable, with opportunities for pay raises fairly quickly. I was hired though a temp agency for an election cycle job, and I’m planning on figuring out where to go with my career over the next six months. I’ve purchased Meg Jay’s Defining Decade recommended here, and I’ve got a lot of thinking to do.

    I do have a question for the wiser and more worldly on thank you notes. I’m not used to being offered a job on the spot -do I still send thank you’s to my interviewer if they’ve already accepted me, particularly when they’ve hired me through a temp agency? How about thank you’s to the temp agency?

    I need a new handle! Hmm..

    • Alway’s send THANK YOU NOTES, even to temp agencie’s! You never know when you will need them again!

      I got my job b/c I was very freindly to the manageing partner in the elevator, and that was BEFORE I was even lookeing for a job. I was an interne, in the building delivering a subpena for my OLD boss, Mr. Frank, and I asked the manageing partner if he knew the person I had to serve a subpena to in the ELEVATOR. So the manageing partner asked me what I did, and b/c I went to LAW school, so he said to look him up after I gradueated about a job.

      NOW I have a law job for the manageing partner, all by bieng very freindly to him in the ELEVATOR!

      • Blonde Lawyer :

        Ellen, if you are real and the story is true, it is a great one.

        • Given the current working relationship between Ellen and manageing partner, at least as she describes it, I’m not sure it is such a good story. :/

    • Former MidLevel :

      Congrats! And I probably wouldn’t send a straight out “thank you” note to the interviewer if you were hired on the spot. But you could send an email saying something like – “I just wanted to say how much enjoyed meeting you on Wednesday and am really looking forward to joining XYZ Corp.”

    • Sydney Bristow :


  11. I love statement necklaces. I think if you’re wearing a very subtle shift dress style, adding a statement piece really livens the entire look.

  12. Polly Purebred :

    I need some quick advice: I work in a small office. Our supervisor is on vacation this week, and while she is gone, she seems to want to know what is going on in the office. I get daily emails and texts from her asking for updates. Our office manager appears to be taking advantage of the fact that our boss is gone this week — she worked 4 hours on Monday, was “sick” on Wednesday, and left an hour early today claiming she’ll work from home. I know that she wouldn’t do this if our supervisor was here. I don’t have any true position of authority at this company, at least not yet, so I don’t want to be perceived as “telling” on someone. Yet, I know that my supervisor would want to know that the office manager has been MIA most of the week. Should I mention this to my supervisor? And what would be the best, most professional way of bringing this up without seeming/feeling like I’m in 9th grade? Please don’t judge me for being 32 and unable to figure this out on my own.

    • Don’t tell on her. Update the supervisor on stuff under your control or that is your direct responsibility. Don’t make it seem like you’re giving updates on the rest of the office. If your supervisor asks about other stuff politely and in a friendly manner suggest that she ask the person in charge of that directly.

    • Unless her updates specifically ask for a roll call as opposed to status reports on various projects, I wouldn’t bring it up.

    • momentsofabsurdity :

      I would not bring it up. My boss is out of the office frequently and things absolutely get more relaxed – people come in later, leave earlier, etc. (When the cat’s away…) I just get my work done (admittedly in a more relaxed fashion) and leave other people to deal with their own schedules.

      I only bring up an issue of absenteeism or slacking if it’s legitimately affecting my ability to do my work. (Ie, if my boss calls to check in on a project and asks why there’s been no progress – but “Jane” hasn’t been in to help finish it, “Oh, I am up to date on my piece of it but still waiting on Part B from Jane”). Otherwise, I mind my own beesewax.

    • No, definitely do not mention this. In my office, this sort of behavior is totally normal when supervisors are gone – face time basically evaporates. People just do what needs to get done and then they go home. They dress a bit more casually, wear their commuting shoes all day, and that sort of thing. This is not the type of info a boss calling in from vacation is typically seeking anyway.

      Now, if work is going undone or this person has performance problems more generally and your boss asks you specifically if you’ve noticed anything – sure, go ahead and share. Or if it’s really an imposition for everyone else at the office. But I didn’t get the impression from your post that it was anything like that.

  13. Blonde Lawyer :

    After reading the link to the orange crochet non-bikini top in the earlier post I figured I’d air my latest marketing grievance.

    American Eagle Aerie makes some really cute bras, and they carry some hard to find sizes to boot. However, I just cannot support their new market ploy of “concert bras” aimed at teenage girls. I guess I’m just getting old. The concept is they have these great bras that look so good they are perfect for when you take your shirt off at a concert this summer. There are tons of pictures of young girls at concerts with fully clothed boys, while the girls are standing their in short shorts and their “concert bra.” Ugh. Should I start yelling “get off my lawn” or is this ridiculous?

    I’m not sure if there has been any backlash yet in the media.

    • Is this for real? This is completely ridiculous. It’s fabulous that they sell matching underwear, too. If you’re old, I’m right there with you, and I’m only 26.

    • I’m with you. I know I was young and dressed ridiculously not that long ago, but I have a 12 year old step daughter who already *needs* to wear a bra (as in I would consider it inappropriate for her not to wear one at this stage of her development) and I HATE taking her to the mall for new clothes because of stuff like this. Kids know what is popular and that’s what they gravitate towards. Thankfully I grew up in a house which we never got to wear the latest fashions so being a grinch and telling her no way no how not til she’s 30 comes naturally but sometimes I also want to know where I can find cute clothes in her size that are actually age appropriate! And don’t even get me started on finding her a bathing suit that was cute and modest…

      • SpaceMountain :

        I ordered a swimsuit from Lands End, fully prepared for my 12-yr-old daughter to reject it, but it came today and she is wearing it! It’s modest, but it has stripes and is kind of cute, or at least acceptable enough.

        • Doh!!!! Why didn’t I think of that???? Next year I am just going to order a ton of stuff online from Athleta, Lands End, etc. and let her go “shopping” from a bunch of stuff I have prepicked and then return the rejects.

    • Ugh. I’d be right there with you, shaking my cane at them.

    • Merabella :

      I fully support your anger about this! I do not think it is ridiculous at all, but I may be an old lady as well, since I was the one who posted about the crochet non-bikini top…

    • Senior Attorney :

      Zoh my dawg. That is just reprehensible.

      Get off my lawn, American Eagle Aerie!!

    • I’m 26, and I must also be an old lady, because I think that’s ridiculous!

    • SF Bay Associate :

      I would be right there with you shaking my cane at the kids. Absolutely horrifying.

    • Eh. I am not outraged. Maybe if I had a daughter. But these basically look like crop tops or bikini tops. No, I would not want to have my 13 yr. old wear one, but teens will do these things and adults will always forget what it was like to be 15 and shake their metaphoric finger. Plus by the time you’re old enough to take off your shirt at concerts unattended, well, you’re going to either do it or not. Your specific bra has nothing to do with it. Not to mention, I’ve worn my share of questionable items at that age and turned out just fine. For the record, it was my friends with parents who were really strict about all this stuff that tended to get into trouble. My parents just focused on raising me to make sound decisions and to be careful, no matter what I was wearing.

      • Blonde Lawyer :

        I guess my issue is that they are basically endorsing taking your shirt off at a concert. It is one thing for it to be the risque sneaky thing teenage girls do. It is another thing to say “hey, everyone is doing it, you should too and wear our bras while you do it!”

        • Yeah, I agree with this. And maybe this is me being a prude, but I think the same thing is happening with three some s in college. Shows, etc. are saying everybody does it, and I just don’t think that’s true. It’s okay if you don’t do it and don’t want to do it.

          (And I will point out that three some s in shows and movies are always two girls and one guy, which I think makes it much less likely the girl is doing it for herself and not for the guy’s enjoyment.)

    • Ew. on so many levels. I mean I’m no prude and knew what was up in high school, but I feel like there is much more pressure to be slutty (outwardly) at a younger and younger age. Ick.

      and for what it’s worth if I had a daughter, I would say when I was your age the girls who didn’t take off their shirts got to meet the band. the ones who did got thrown out by security. those were the days.

    • Gail the Goldfish :

      I’ve decided that, given the current trajectory, at some point society will get to the point where it’s totally socially acceptable to just go topless. (I mean, at least bras cover as much if not more than bikini tops, right?)

      I don’t know how I feel about that, but I’ve accepted that’s where it’s going. See through shirts, that orange crochet “top” thing someone posted earlier. It’s happening.

      • It is on the beach or by the pool. I don’t think it’s about what’s acceptable to show, it’s about making appropriate choices based on the environment and social situation.

  14. Bluejay and Leslie Knope, thanks for the sympathy in this morning. It’s not really the end of the world because they said I would get the promotion in 6 months when the detail is over, but I’m upset because I’m losing about 8 months of the extra income, and this will push back my time frame for all future promotions. Plus, I really shouldn’t be punished for doing a detail that is in the best interest of my Agency. I guess the bottom line is that it’s good to know that they think I deserve the promotion, but cra*ppy that they are delaying it. Thanks for replying!

    • Can you get a temporary promotion for your detail?

      • Yeah, I would definitely ask for the salary bump now! Your agency pays your salary even when you’re on detail, right? Of course they should give you the new salary.

    • They told me they are “looking into alternatives to soften the blow”. I’m guess that might be a bonus or something, but honestly I think they are just worried about the budget and want an excuse to delay paying me what I’m worth.

    • I responded in the other thread too late, but you should ask them when you get the promotion if they can make it retroactive to now (without retro pay), so it won’t screw you up on time-in-grade.

    • They can give you the promotion now and still detail you. I’ve known 2 people detailed to positions that were 2 grades below them and they did it to me. You’d still be sitting on the promotion line but an sf-51 (??-it’s something different but close to a sf-50) would be generated to move you temporarily to the detail position for manning purposes. The 51 should not effect the raise from the promotion.

      • Bit of background that may make my answer make more sense. Our analysts are higher grades than the first line supervisors. If hiring was going to be slow, they would pick someone to detail to the supervisor position from the analysts. Pay and time in grade would not be lost but the analyst would be sitting on their original line and a temp supv line for manpower & HR purposes. The 51 was generated to give them the “supervisor” authority incase of union complaints

  15. Polly Purebred :

    Thanks for all of your advice. I’ll keep my mouth shut unless she specifically asks if the office manager was here during the week.

  16. Senior Attorney :

    I never thought it would happen in a million years, but it is becoming not-inconceivable that my job could be eliminated in the coming months. It’s a government job and although it’s a law job, I don’t exactly practice law. I have a Biglaw/Midlaw background but can’t. even. imagine. going back to that, plus I don’t have the ability or inclination to get BigLaw/MidLaw-sized clients, which is what it’s all about at my level (20-plus years out of law school). I can (barely, if I squint my eyes real tight) imagine hanging out my shingle if I had to. There are a variety of areas in which I could practice and develop clients, I think.

    Has anybody transitioned from a “job job” to solo practice? Any sole practitioners here? Any tips about how to prepare for possible unemployment? Other words of wisdom? As I said, it’s not a for-sure thing, but the recent shift from “it could never happen” to “it might possibly conceivably happen” is freaking me out to a significant degree.

    • No solo experience, but could you look for another govnt position? I don’t know if you’re in DC, but things are starting the thaw out a bit.

      • Senior Attorney :

        In out West in a state where the government is pretty much crumbling. Moving is not really an option for various reasons. But certainly another gov’t job would be my first choice.

        • If your in Portland OR I may know of a government opportunity for a law job — I am being purposefully vague; but respond to this if you want to know more and I may be able to pass something on.

          • Senior Attorney :

            Thanks a million but I’m much further south. Maybe someone else from Oregon would be interested!

    • Solo Practitioner :

      Yes. I was at a government agency and then opened my own office a year ago.

      Email me at rosie—tbnd—@—gmail.—com (without the dashes) if you want to chat.

    • Blonde Lawyer :

      Also consider small firms. A lot of small firms in my area consist of a couple big law refugee partners that take a bunch of clients with them, then get a ton of new business, and don’t know what to do with it all, so they hire people like me. Many will take in experienced trial attorneys so they can just move a pile of cases right off their desks onto the new person. My current job actually just hired a senior attorney for that purpose. I think the pitch went like this “Senior dude – I have too many cases but Blonde Lawyer is too junior to first chair all of these herself. I need another senior dude that is not swamped with his own book of business.”

      The downside is that most of these jobs are just announced through word of mouth so start talking to any friends at small law.

    • Have you thought about academics? That much experience in government has to have made you an expert on something (probably lots of things!), and I would think that the transition to a law school would be easier/more pleasant than the transition to private practice. Plus, a lot of law schools love to be able to tout that kind of practical experience. If writing law review articles isn’t your cup of tea, feel out local schools for clinical/adjunct/non-teaching positions?

    • RussiaRepeat :

      Just spitballing, but administrative law judge or permanent clerk to a judge might suit you–I know a woman who was able to get the latter position in a state court after many years out of practice and, while it had its frustrations, was a reasonably satisfying gig.

    • I just went through the same thing. Twenty years out of law school too. The hanging out your shingle thing is very expensive and it can take years nefore you are making any real money. What I did was to network like crazy. Go down every path that opens. Don’t rest until you talk to everyone you know, everyone they recommend, and everyone you meet. Constantly rewrite your resume and cover letter even when you think they are perfect. A lot of paths will lead nowhere. Don’t be discouraged. One will open up for you before long.

    • Sydney Bristow :

      I’ve been considering going solo or possibly starting a virtual firm and working on only a few matters so that I can keep doing document review for now too while I gain some experience with it. One thing I’ve found helpful since I started thinking about it is the ABA’s listserve called Solosez. You don’t have to be an ABA member to join. There are a ton of emails every day, many of which I don’t care about, but I’ve learned a lot just from reading the threads that apply to me.

  17. Inexpensive picture frames – can anyone recommend a place to find simple frames? I’m in NYC, so local stores appreciated, or online resources would be great. I’m trying to update all of my frames so that they’re of a similar style.

    • Merabella :

      IKEA, Target, Michaels, Wal-Mart’s Better Homes Collection…

    • I get a lot of frames at HomeGoods, TJ Maxx, Marshall’s, type places. There’s a TJ Maxx & a HomeGoods and also a Michael’s on the upper west side on Columbus in the 90s. Or there’s one on 19th and 6th.

      • There’s a HomeGoods in NYC?! How did I not know this? I am now really excited.

    • lawsuited :

      Not from NYC, but IKEA has a variety of cheap (some nice, some not-quite-so-nice) pictures frames and delivers.

      • Romans et al. :

        You might also try Aaron brothers framing, Hobby Lobby, Michaels.

        Somewhere along the way, I thought that some shops were selling identical frames in different sizes and gave a little “map” for arrangements. Maybe it was

        exposures on line dot com

    • Bed Bath and Beyond has a boxed set of like 10 frames in different sizes. If you can find a coupon it ends up being pretty cheap. I have also bought a bunch of ugly wood frames from hobby lobby during the 50% off frames sale so they come out to like $2.50 a frame and then a can of black spray paint and painted them black. They looked exactly the same as the black frames they sell for $20 bucks each for a fraction of the price.

  18. Maddie Ross :

    Totally random question — has anyone else ever had problems with a dog eating grass? Mine has started feasting on grass on morning while he’s out doing his business in the backyard. And if was just eating, I wouldn’t care, but it causes him to vomit everywhere inside the house. Any suggestions to get him to stop short of watching him like a hawk when he’s outside? We have a big fenced in yard and I’m not anxious to have to add that time in to my morning routine. Is there something that causes this? Is he not getting some kind of nutrient in his food maybe?

    • He might have an upset tum. Try adding a spoonful of plain yogurt to his food for a few days.

    • A vet told me it’s because the dog’s stomach hurts, so that combined with the vomiting warrants a trip to the vet.

    • My dog does this all the time, particularly when a) he’s really hungry and b) he ate something bad or is sick. I think when it comes to the latter, dogs have some kind of instinct to eat grass to make themselves throw up. He might have a bug or something. But I know when my dog wants to eat grass there is no stopping him. He has a complete nervous breakdown if not allowed to go out and eat the damn grass. Our vet said it’s pretty normal for them to do it from time to time.

      • Cornellian :

        Mine too! You would think I was raking him over hot coals by not taking him outside a fifth time so he can eat the grass. I second the upset tummy idea, and would see if it passes.

    • momentsofabsurdity :

      I’ve always heard dogs eating grass is a natural instinct to make themselves throw up. That said, my dog also eats grass if we’re out for a walk and he’s dehydrated. I think he likes how it tastes.

      As per my vet, you can give a dog some Pepcid for nausea – .25mg/lb for how much the dog weighs, 1-2x per day.

      • TGI...Th? :

        Just make sure it’s regular Pepicid (not the advanced or extra strength or whatever it’s called). My vet has had me use half a tablet twice a day for my 13 pounder–so the dosing they gave above sounds right on.

        But do take him to the vet. A sudden change like that often means something is going on. (Obviously, it depends what the vet observes. But my experience has been that it may not even have to be a big bill. A dewormer and antibiotic was enough to settle down my boy’s tummy.)

    • Legal Marketer :

      Yes, something is making his stomach upset. Eating grass makes most dogs vomit and most of them know it, so that’s his way of getting rid of whatever is bothering him.

      Have you switched food/treats lately? Any other household products that he might be ingesting (dogs lick weird things)?

      I haven’t heard the yogurt trick before but it makes sense. Otherwise just call your vet and see what they suggest for upset stomach (I’ve heard ground beef and brown rice can help settle their stomach.)

    • My dog eats grass all the time. Does that mean her stomach hurts all the time? Now I’m worried!

      • Alex Mack :

        Mine too! But she’s a breed that is known for having stomach issues. I had no idea there was a reason beyond just her being an (incredibly adorable) weirdo!

    • SouthernLegal :

      I got the “posting too fast” message several times today, so I am trying again. Sorry if there end up being multiple posts.

      Some dogs eat grass because they are sick, but some simply like the taste of grass. Sometimes dogs eat grass in a particular area because it’s attracted to a scent, spill, etc. If the pup is showing other signs of being sick, then a quick trip to the vet may be in order.

      If it is eating grass because it has decided it likes it (even though it pukes it up later), there are a couple of things you can try. The most straightforward is to get a muzzle – a good-fitting soft muzzle will work for dogs that aren’t super determined to get the muzzle off, or a basket muzzle with a stool guard can be used for more determined pups – both types should be available at your local pet store and online. If the pup is only eating grass in a particular area, you may have to see if you can tell why. If you can’t, I found sprinkling cayenne pepper liberally over the spot and repeating as necessary will deter most dogs. I currently have a couple of pups who simply like grass in general, but who get high-quality dog food and are not missing any key nutrients. I found that by putting small amounts of thawed, previously frozen green veggies in their regular food 2-3 times per week stopped the grass eating. It was cheap, easy and quick, with the added benefit that the pups loved it and thought they were getting special treats.

      Good luck!

    • Anonymous :

      my dog will even eat the house plant if his tummy is bad! To settle the dog’s tummy you can add plain rice to the dog food or mix some canned pumpkin into the food. Both serve to solidify whatever is going on in there…

  19. TGI...Th? :

    Huge shopping challenge. My friend is getting married in 5 weeks at an outdoor wedding and needs a dress. She wants something tea length and not strapless (so would prefer cap sleeves or the like). The dress doesn’t have to be white–peach, champagne, teal, or green would make her happy. She’s in her 50s and wants to look appropriate for her age.

    Any thoughts? Most of the bridal shops require many months notice and it’s really challenging to find modest options with this length. I’ve sent her links from all the places I can think of and etsy, but nothing has really been close to what she is looking for just yet.

    Any recs on somewhere Chicago area with dresses in stock or some online suggestions?

    •, JCrew, and Ann Taylor are all readily accessible and have some cute options in both the brides and bridesmaids sections. She should also check our her local Nordstroms.

      • This one is knee length but has elbow length sleeves and comes in “champagne”:

      • If I had $2600 to spend on a tea length dress, this would be it:

    • (white, lace overlay)

    • Bloomingdales- Jones New York Collection Cap Sleeve Dress with Hem Detail (knee length but otherwise looks appropriate)

      J Crew- Mirabelle Dress in Silk Chiffon (knee length or floor length also but comes in a myriad of colors)

    • Here’s a nice, age-appropriate lacy white dress from Talbot’s:

    • If I had $1300 for a reception dress I would be ALL OVER this:,default,pd.html?dwvar_1NMU0036_color=100&start=9&cgid=wedding-belles-dresses

    • j.crew cecelia long dress, and have it hemmed. not sure if it’s still available but is definitely available on ebay.

      • SV in House :

        How about:

    • SV in House :

      This is long, but lovely: or this:

    • SV in House :

      or this:

    • TGI...Th? :

      Thank you, everyone! Some of these I had thought of and suggested–glad to know I have good taste. :P

      A lot of these are new to me though. And some really pretty options. I had never heard of bhldn. I just suggested she look at the cover-ups and consider as a way to maybe extend some of the options she has been weighing.

      Anyway, I’ll keep you all posted on what she ultimately chooses and wears. (Is it wrong when I already know what I’m wearing as a guest and chose it weeks ago??) Anyway, thank you all so much.

  20. Barrister in the Bayou :

    Ok, so I’m generally happy at my job. BUT, a great position came up with the local court of appeal and I’m tempted to apply for it. What kind of references should I list? I obviously cannot list my current employer or anyone else at this office. But I also cannot use my former employer – since things did not end well there (he was a yeller and I resigned because I couldn’t handle the emotional abuse). I’ve also come to find out that another former boss bad-mouthed me to a prospective employer in the past (costing me a clerkship); this former boss had nothing but great things to say to my face about my work product, but she apparently trashed talked about me behind my back.

    So who can I use? I’m pretty far out from other employers (3 years or so) and would feel weird calling them to ask if I can list them as references.

    • Senior Attorney :

      In the scheme of things, 3 years is quite recent and I think you should definitely call those slightly-more-remote employers and ask for references. The court should understand you don’t want to give current references unless and until you have an offer pending!

      • Senior Attorney :

        Oh, and if you are doing any significant community work, that can be a source of references, too. In addition to the former employers, not instead of.

      • Yeah, I third this– three years isn’t that far, and if that’s how far you need to go back to be sure you can get a good reference, I say do it. Also, we recently talked about references with a would-be clerk (it sounds like this is more of a staff attorney position?), and I suggested professors — even if you’ve been out quite a while, are there any you keep in touch with?

    • Blonde Lawyer :

      Do you have to list them in the application? When I applied for my current job, I said I would give references if I was given offer and we agreed on a salary, with the understanding that my offer could be rescinded if my references didn’t pan out. That way, my new boss only talked to my boss at the time after I was sure I would accept the job.

  21. Advice please! I forgot I had a “business attire recommended” reception today – I would have worn a suit. I’m wearing The Skirt in “storm” (mid-grey) and have a black blazer. Is that ok or do you think it’s “suit or bust?”

  22. VERY NICE!!!
    I’m posting looks from Los Angeles, windows of Beverly Hills and the Hollywood farmers market… take a look:

  23. Male opposing counsel called me “hon” and hung up on me. What would you do?

    • Send him an official letter recording the discussion, especially if it involves a discovery dispute.

      Then, next time you talk to him, call him sport. Or champ.

    • call him ‘babe’ but in a really derisive way, like Richard Belzer used to do on the Alan Thicke show. Yes, I am old :p

    • Argh! Opposing counsel called me to tell me an argument I made in court the other day was “cute”. And then he asked how old I was and how long I’d been practicing. I thanked him for his generous compliment, and evaded his other questions. Jerk.

      • Anonymous :

        1. You could tell him that his argument “was precious, too.”

        Also, I’m putting these statements and replies on a card and keeping it my desk for when these calls occur.

        • don’t do that. tons of lawyers use the term “cute” to describe arguments. male and female. if he was generally being an ahole because of other things he may have been a jerk, but I had like 90% of my professors call an argument cute in law school

          • Totes McGotes :

            I have never, ever heard of that. Could it be a regional thing?

          • I have never ever heard of that either. Midwest and CA experience. To me that would be extremely offensive.

    • This happened to me once, a year or so ago, but I just got all red and flustered reading your post. What a d*ck.

    • Whenever someone hangs up on me (it’s really only happened a couple of times) I immediately call them back and say we must have gotten cut off, because I know he would never be so unprofessional as to hang up on me. Then I make whatever point I was trying to make. Or we yell a little bit back and forth, depending on who it is. Joys of being a lawyer. Man, I am so sick of opposing counsel who are a$$holes. And there seem to be more and more of them every year. Or maybe I’m just getting less tolerant every year.

  24. Diana Barry :

    Kat, if you’re still reading, it’s “the stones lie flat against your neck”, not “lay flat”. :)

  25. Oh dear hive, your thoughts, please! I will stay brief! I just started an in-house position basically heading up the trial unit in a brand new company. After less than 3 months, I find I hate it! Lots of the co-workers are just unpleasant (mostly sr mgmt types that I have to deal with) and I have a junky little office with no window- causing me to suffer terribly. It is like a broom closet over by the bathrooms -and everyone else has plush offices w/ multiple windows looking out at the mountains. I sound petty, but it is just a lot of little things that are making me so sad. Like we run out of toilet paper for days until I schlep some in, or we don’t have water or soap. So now I am supposed to take over on a large complex matter and remove it from outside counsel. I feel like that would be bad if I set that in motion and then leave (my SO has a job in Dream City and I have several promising leads (which is another conundrum- I have basically no vacation and a 3rd round interview in 2 weeks) to join him there- 300 miles away). What should I do? Stall on taking over the matter and see if things improve? This is only my 3rd job out of law school, so even though my other gigs lasted a long time, making me quite experienced, I never had this type of New Job Malaise :(
    Cookies and wine for now, but what about tomorrow?

    • You don’t sound petty! That sounds pretty crappy to me. Prepare to kick butt at your interview in Dream City, and look forward to your move. If you have no vacation time, well, just don’t show up that day – send a brief note to anyone who might be looking for you that something came up and you won’t be in, but you’ll be checking email periodically.

      And, if you were worried about it, I think a brief stint at a brand new company on your resume will be no big deal – very easy to explain that you took a risk in a start-up type situation and it just didn’t turn out the way you’d hoped. The resources to be effective in the position (including TP!) simply weren’t there.

    • Anonymous :

      How is the money? I have stayed in pretty crappy jobs because of the money. I call it “riding the wave”.

    • Fake sick on interview day, and get the new job. Your current job sucks. No reason to stick around a year to prove it.

  26. HELP! So, I’m being dramatic, but I picked up my favourite black suit from the dry-cleaner today and the blazer is hideously over-starched and shiny! Like, so badly that there is no way I could wear it in any context without being hugely embarrassed. Now I’m kicking myself for trying out this dry cleaner near my house. Is there anything I can do? Is it ruined forever?

  27. Really late, but I just found a typo in something I wrote that also said the Untied States! I’m going to have to look out for this one now too.

    • PTOOEY!

    • Blonde Lawyer :

      If it makes you feel better, when someone last posted about this typo I looked at it about 50 times and couldn’t find the typo. I had to look at yours a few times to see it too. The way our brains and eyes work, most people would read over it without seeing it. Have you ever seen those things that take out all the vowels yet you can still read the word? like that.

  28. I’ve been on the hunt for a mint-colored statement necklace like this one, though at a much lower price point. Has anyone run into something similar? I’m not quite crafty enough for the DIY suggestion posted earlier…

    • I'm Just Me :

    • I'm Just Me :

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