Coffee Break: Mila Flats
If you're starting to get into the flared pant trend, I will note that pointed toes look a lotttt better with them than round toes. It's almost like you need the little point sticking out. You can wear heels with flared pants, obviously, but flats also work — you just want to make sure that if you're wearing flats with your pants that they're hemmed properly. (For a trouser with a flared leg, I'd make sure they weren't brushing on the floor and in fact are covering all of your ankle and even most of your vamp — really just your toe should be sticking out.)
These flats have been on my radar for a while, and now they're on sale — huzzah. They were $150, but are now down to $105 at Boden. (They also have lucky sizes left in a pretty pink.) Note that Rothy's has a similar pointed-toe style right now (but not strappy) with ivory dots.
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Sales of note for 12.5
- Nordstrom – Cyber Monday Deals Extended, up to 60% off thousands of new markdowns — great deals on Natori, Vince, Theory, Boss, Cole Haan, Tory Burch, Rothy's, and Weitzman, as well as gift ideas like Barefoot Dreams and Parachute — Dyson is new to sale, 16-23% off, and 3x points on beauty purchases.
- Ann Taylor – up to 50% off everything
- Banana Republic Factory – up to 50% off everything + extra 25% off
- Design Within Reach – 25% off sitewide (including reader-favorite office chairs Herman Miller Aeron and Sayl!) (sale extended)
- Eloquii – up to 60% off select styles
- J.Crew – 1200 styles from $20
- J.Crew Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off $100+
- Macy's – Extra 30% off the best brands and 15% off beauty
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off, plus free shipping on everything (and 20% off your first order)
- Steelcase – 25% off sitewide, including reader-favorite office chairs Leap and Gesture (sale extended)
- Talbots – 40% off your entire purchase and free shipping $125+
Sales of note for 12.5
- Nordstrom – Cyber Monday Deals Extended, up to 60% off thousands of new markdowns — great deals on Natori, Vince, Theory, Boss, Cole Haan, Tory Burch, Rothy's, and Weitzman, as well as gift ideas like Barefoot Dreams and Parachute — Dyson is new to sale, 16-23% off, and 3x points on beauty purchases.
- Ann Taylor – up to 50% off everything
- Banana Republic Factory – up to 50% off everything + extra 25% off
- Design Within Reach – 25% off sitewide (including reader-favorite office chairs Herman Miller Aeron and Sayl!) (sale extended)
- Eloquii – up to 60% off select styles
- J.Crew – 1200 styles from $20
- J.Crew Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off $100+
- Macy's – Extra 30% off the best brands and 15% off beauty
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off, plus free shipping on everything (and 20% off your first order)
- Steelcase – 25% off sitewide, including reader-favorite office chairs Leap and Gesture (sale extended)
- Talbots – 40% off your entire purchase and free shipping $125+
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Are you doing your Christmas shopping now with the impending worsening of supply chain issues? Anything else you’re stocking up on? I don’t mean hoarding 10# cans of corn in your basement, but just reasonable items you might want to keep an extra of on hand?
Definitely, I have a few yearly items I can’t find locally and I’m placing my online orders ASAP.
Some (though I don’t do a lot of gifts anyway), and I’m just keeping an extra box of anything I really wouldn’t want to run out of (toilet paper and tampons, mostly).
The supply chain issues I’ve personally noticed have been for things I might want but don’t need, so I’m taking it as a sign I should probably consume less anyway.
Nope. The vast majority of us need less crap, not more. Give experiences & buy locally made. It’s only as much of a problem as you choose to make it.
Thissssss.
Yes, so much this. Hyper consumerism is killing our planet, we don’t need gifts! Just spend some quality time with family.
I’ll tell my 6 year old, lol
I’m fairly minimalist and a big believer in not spoiling my kid. Nevertheless, I will be buying him some new toys, new books, and new clothes for Christmas. (The old ones always get donated.) Not sure why he should do without sidewalk chalk because I’m supposed to gift “experiences.”
No one is suggesting you give your child a lump of coal. There are plenty of great toys for 6 year olds you can get from a local business or from a small business on a site like Etsy.
Tell that to the grandparents, who balk at the idea of experience gifts? Like I’ve tried for a decade; it’s not happening.
I will spend quality time with my family. Quality time building the new lego sets that will be under the tree. I’m STOKED and you better believe I purchased early.
LEGO building is a big part of how we spend Christmas vacation every year! It’s fun!
Exactly. I had a family member pass away unexpectedly last year before the holidays. It’s really changed my perspective on exchanging random things just for the sake of it. I’m focusing more on spending quality time with my loved ones.
Eyer0ll. Love how selective this crew is about environmental responsibility.
Well, there are people who buy every color of a J Crew sweatshirt and people who consume a little less. There’s a spectrum.
I did almost all of my Christmas shopping this month. DH and I still need to buy for 4 of his adult family members, which is on this week’s to-do list. I’ve even wrapped gifts for my nieces and nephews! My mom always finished her Christmas shopping by Halloween, and it’s been an aspiration as an adult. The supply chain issues motivated me to actually do it this year for the first time. I was able to buy plenty, but I did notice a lot of out-of-stock items. Now I’m looking forward to a holiday season where I’m not scrambling to get things done. I also cut family photos from our to-do list this year and will only send Christmas cards if I’m feeling it.
DH and I have a typical practice of keeping one extra of our regular household items on hand. I’m making an extra effort to stay on top of that, but we’re not stocking up more than that.
Basically same. I shopped earlier this year and it’s nice to have buying gifts crossed off my check list.
Finish by Halloween? That seems to make it more about what’s best for the giver than receiver. I’d rather assess what people want/need a lot closer to when they receive and when it’s in a window they could actually return if they don’t like, especially if they don’t want to be forced to rush.
I’ve always finished by Halloween and am an excellent gift giver – getting things done doesn’t mean your gifts suck. I also don’t gift needs, I like to give people things they want and wouldn’t buy for themselves.
This seems like a stretch. How much do people’s wants and needs change in two months’ time?
The bulk of my gifts are for my 6 year old and my 9 nieces and nephews. I doubt my kid’s interests will change much before Christmas. He can only be convinced to ask for one Christmas gift (when he was 4, it was grippy socks, and he wouldn’t list anything else). For my nieces and nephews, I buy each an age-appropriate gift for around $20 and call it good. The gifts aren’t all that personal anyways because I don’t know them that well. Most of them are receiving board games this year.
As for the adults, I’m just as likely to rush in December than I am in October. I’ve been a Christmas Eve shopper twice, both times in law school when my exams wrapped up around December 22nd. One of those years, DH and I purchased all the gifts for his family during a 30-minute trip to the wine store between the airport and his family’s house, though it helps that DH is a sommelier. This past month, I’ve browsed used bookstores for special editions and unique books, bought a few new releases that seem like a good fit for the recipient, purchased a serving piece on Etsy, and ordered a few things that my parents specifically asked for. DH won’t spend more than 10-15 minutes shopping for any one gift, no matter when we do it or whether it’s in person or online. He’s definitely a “good enough” type of shopper.
I shopped for the kids already because we celebrate Hanukkah which is really early this year, but there were no issues and everything I ordered shipped immediately. Our grocery stores also seem well-stocked and we just ordered several large furniture items that don’t seem to be delayed. I know this supply chain stuff is in the news but I really haven’t experienced it, and I don’t know anyone who has personally either.
My wall oven’s electrical circuit fried in a post-Ida power surge on September 12th. We ordered a new one on September 16th, and it was back-ordered 4-5 weeks. It’s been that long, and we have no timeline on receiving the oven.
I’ve noticed a few things on my in-laws’ wish list are shown as backordered, so I’ve started some shopping, but not planning on finishing this month or anything like that.
Yes – I bought cream cheese and canned pumpkin now because I think there will be a shortage for baking.
And I’m buying all the kids presents now. I don’t care if an adult has to wait to get their present, but the kids presents are my number 1 priority.
I actually had a hard time finding pumpkin for a pasta recipe last week, so you might be right about that.
I vaguely remember a poor pumpkin crop in…2020?…that was predicted to lead to a canned pumpkin shortage in 2021. Anyway, I bought lots of canned pumpkin last holiday season because it lasts a couple years.
One of our local pumpkin patches couldn’t open this fall because they didn’t have a good crop. :(
Randomly, I seem to recall reading that canned pumpkin isn’t even pumpkin…
Yep. I’ve noticed that it’s not so much that shelves are bare, so much as there’s a much more limited quantity of stuff available, so if you see something you like, grab it, because it might not be there later. Like LL Bean right now is sold out of a bunch of staples online that they’d never normally be out of. So if there’s something I want, I’m ordering now. We’re getting our kids bikes for Christmas (well, the grandparents are) and I told them to buy whatever they saw in their local stores now to avoid a scramble.
I’ve heard TP’s going to be a problem, but I just have a mental block on stocking up again ha.
I usually do my Christmas shopping right after Thanksgiving (not Black Friday, but small business Saturday and cyber Monday). I only buy for my parents and brother, 1 combined gift for my one aunt and uncle, 1-2 gifts for extended family swaps, and 1-2 friends secret Santa’s (used to do grandparents too, but they’re all dead). I’m glad my extended family and friend groups do swaps/secret Santa’s, there’s no need to get every aunt/uncle/cousin/friend a gift. My strategy is to spend 1 night online and order everything I’ll order online, and then spend 1 night shopping in person downtown. All year round I keep a running list on my phone with ideas for people. (I do the same for wedding gifts: one night before wedding season I pull up everyone’s registries and purchase things for each wedding).
As for other items: I try to replace things well before I run out so there’s always a buffer. When I open the reserve, I try to replace it that week.
My supply chain issues have been focused around household appliances that died and needed to be replaced and parts (appliances and cars), none of which are things I would just buy early.
I posted above about my oven, but same.
OP here – I think I’ve felt the pinch of supply chain issues mainly surrounding home items. Our stove needed an expensive repair and I would have rather replaced but the wait was months. Same with a replacement window, it took over 3 months to get the replacement. We are attempting some light kitchen updates and I am running into the same thing. Also had to get a new vehicle and it was sheer luck we were able to secure one.
I had to order something to the US from London so I definitely splurged for air mail/DHL. It was a day late but not, you know, months late.
I had planned to trim my Covid pantry down and go back to a just-in-time model, but have instead continued re-stocking when I run out of something.
I’ve started buying gifts. But that’s partly because both of my kids, all of our parents, and lots of nieces/nephews have fall birthdays, so I have to spread it out a bit, in terms of time/energy/money. If I waited until December to shop, I’d be in trouble.
Local gift receivers will get locally-made products that I buy in person. Long distance gift receivers will get electronic gift cards.
I buy my basics at Costco, so I never worry about running out of something.
Last week, my local Costco was out of toilet paper and paper towels, for what that is worth.
Yes. Just made my list last weekend and ordered the first 2 items of about 15-17 total items. I’m a big cyber Monday/Thanksgiving week shopper so I was reluctant as I figured I’d be paying higher prices for things but reality is for the things I was just looking up – they were already on such deep discount that I figured buy now because I know that when they sell out, that’s it; it’ll take the store months to restock – if they do at all. But this feels much less festive honestly.
My kids are little (5 and 8) and I have bought some of their santa gifts already (things they have been asking for very specifically for a couple of months), because I don’t want to be caught flat-footed. Otherwise, I’ll probably roll the dice.
I’ve also bought the Santa gifts. We don’t buy a huge pile of toys but the items they’ve had on their wish lists forever? I’m not waiting!
Following up on the boot conversations from yesterday and this morning: What kind of boots or booties are people wearing with tights and dresses for work these days? In the Before Times I wore black leather booties with a stacked heel or knee-high Aquatalia suede boots with black tights and sheath dresses. Both feel dated, but flat boots, chelsea boots, and lug soles don’t seem dressy enough for business formal, and I prefer heels because I find it advantageous to be at eye level with the men.
Following — it is now tights weather, so I’ve got to figure this out STAT. I have some Fly London shoe-booties and that may be what I do b/c they have thick funky soles.
Ooh are my beloved Fly Londons having a moment?
In 2019 I wore a lot of flat black leather knee-high boots + black tights + pencil skirt. However I’ve long since abandoned heels for eye level purposes, as I’m still a good 4-5″ shorter WITH them.
Black riding boots – low wide heel, no lug sole.
Tight or floppy shaft?
Up to right below the knee or mid-calf?
Even riding boots are different this year. I have some from 2012ish, so I imagine they are very much not-in but I’m not sure how to wear now even if this is a classic.
Slim shaft but not tight as in elasticated. Firm leather. Hits just below knee, or as close as I ever get as I have long shins.
Slim (my favorite are Aquatalia, suede front, elastic panel on the back), just-below-knee.
Mid-calf boots make me look like a Victorian schoolchild, so not purchasing!
What look/items of clothing/accessories/shoes would you describe as being “current” and what would you describe as being distinctly outdated/shelve for now?
Current: straight leg jeans and pants, luxury neutrals, loafers
Dated: A-line skirts, skinny jeans/pants/leggings (still wearing my somewhat skinny jeans tho), bright colors, color blocking
I’m also very interested to note that “they” tried to make skinny jeans unstylish before, but women had invested so much in tall boots to wear over skinny jeans that they refused to budge. So the industry first changed the shoe style (high end athletic shoes, more low boots) and then tried again to change the jeans style, and it’s working.
That said, one of the most dated looks to my eye is tall boots over skinny jeans or leggings. I realize it’s practical in snowy climates, but I think you can do better with actual snow boots.
Yeah, I’m trying to figure out how to style some Sorrel booties and shorter boots (but with like a 3″ Joan of Arctic wedge heel). Any thoughts on that?
Ugh, this is my issue with flares in the New England snow. I refuse to give up skinnies, they are just SO much easier with snow boots. I got a pair of these for my ‘casual’ winter boot wear last year (running around when there is snow/ice but not actively snowing/playing in snow). Thankfully the lug sole seems to still be current:
https://www.zappos.com/p/sorel-lennox-lace-velvet-tan/product/9400628/color/870086
Gawd, I hate the fashion industry. So much waste, all in the name of being current, whatever the eff that means this week. I work on a college campus. Some women are wearing mom jeans, straight jeans, and dorky shoes. Others are still wearing skinnies. It all looks fine.
+1 still wearing my skinnies and leggings. I WFH so I don’t care what’s perceived as current.
You can pry my A-line skirts out of my cold, dead hands. I carry my weight in my thighs and I’m a runner, so nothing else fits over the chunk.
No one said you couldn’t wear them. Just that they’re not “current”
I don’t know that dated is the right word but I feel like pant suits > skirt suits. When I do wear skirts/dresses now, it’s either with a non-matching blazer, sweater blazer/long cardigan or the skirt/dress is just longer (midi-ish). Anything too tight just seems less modern right now. Or at least like it needs to be paired with something more voluminous for balance.
Yes on the tight. Tight is not modern, or at least not tight on the top and tight on the bottom/ bodycon.
I agree with skirts – I feel like nobody wears skirts anymore unless it’s a skirt suit maybe. Dresses and pants all the way.
I’m thinking floaty tops and flutter sleeves might be on their way out. I was looking at one of my favorite blouses the other day and I was like, nope, not anymore.
I’m thinking floaty tops and flutter sleeves might be on their way out. I was looking at one of my favorite blouses the other day and I was like, nope, not anymore.
I think you can wear many styles now and the look and be current – it’s all about styling. Skinny jeans, for instance, I feel have become a classic item, as most people can wear them comfortably and they are versatile, and can be easily mixed with more trendy pieces.
I really like this post from You Look Fab (about fall/winter 2021 trends) that also elaborates on how “in” and “out” is not so binary anymore.
https://youlookfab.com/2021/09/10/fall-and-winter-2021/
I think I size-shifted (perimenopause? just age-related metabolic slowing) in 2017 and have a feeling that most of my clothes date from then. I hate being cold and am going to just do the Olsen Twin thing this winter and wear as much black as possible and as many layers as possible and go with black accessories. It really does work for them.
Black Hygge!
Due to a weird but very good confluence of events I have gone from not being able to afford a downpayment to being able to afford a solid down payment in the last 24 hours. I’ve been kind of randomly looking around at condos but not seriously searching. Any book recommendations for home buying? I have zero idea where to even start or what this process looks like.
I’d click around bankrate dot com for all things personal finance-related. Play around with the calculators. Look at zillow and pay attention to HOA fees — some include a lot (and are very high) but some are lower. Don’t buy place with a flat roof unless you live somewhere like Phoenix.
Any book for first-time home buyers will be helpful – we started with the Nolo one. No book will necessarily teach you everything, but it will teach you what questions to ask. IMO, putting energy into selecting a good realtor is where you get the most bang for your buck – once you have a basic understanding of the process, that person can help you with everything else involved.
Also – congratulations.
I generally like the For Dummies series as good intros by expert authors, so Home Buying For Dummies, though you have to adjust to the demands of the present market.
Do you talk to friends about money? I don’t mean like – the price of apples or cars went up. I mean investments, retirement, salaries even loosely (like maybe not disclosing your own but discussing industry wide if you’re in the same space)? Just curious how much if at all women talk about this. I feel like men do – pretty openly – like not even just with friends but other guy coworkers etc. I may post this on a morning thread if people don’t mind, if it comes thru really late here.
I talk about money and things like salary negotiations and investing, but I don’t give exact numbers to anyone who doesn’t need to know. I’m happy to share exact salary with a coworker at my company who is looking to negotiate, but I don’t share it with nosy family. I have two friends who would 100% judge every decision I make (“why don’t you want to fly out for Thanksgiving, you make enough to afford it…”) and I’m not opening that can of worms.
Some friends, yes, others no. I’m generally a very open person and so I don’t mind sharing my information generally, even salary and bonuses. But some friends who I’m at the same stage in life with and we’re both trying to save and improve habits, we will literally open our accounts together and read out the numbers and cheer each other on.
Yes I talk openly about it. I’m a public servant also married to a public servant so anyone with even basic Google skills can figure out how much we make and what we paid for our house. I really don’t care that people know.
Not really. One of my friends looked up our house price and commented on it to me and I felt very weird about it. I talk to coworkers pretty openly because our salaries are all public (state govt).
No. I’m conscious of the fact that by virtue of my profession (not even one that pays super high), I am earning more than my closest friends. Several are SAHMs who work very part-time, and they’re constantly talking about how tight their finances are. It would seem very tone-deaf to say, well, actually DH and I are pretty comfortable! So I just don’t talk about it at all.
I talk very openly with my lawyer friends about finances and salary information. With my non-lawyer friends, I’m still generally open but am less likely to give exact numbers. My friends know I make in the 6 figures and if they cared could find my exact salary because I’m a fed, but I have not expressly told them I make x amount when I have told my lawyer friends that. The difference is both that salary information is more relevant to people in the same field and that many of my non-lawyer friends make about 2/3 of what I do. Similarity, I’m more likely to discuss investing with my lawyer friends, since we all spent time in biglaw and have a nest egg from that period of our lives. To the best of my knowledge, few of my non-lawyer friends have investments outside of their retirement accounts.
Yeah, when it comes up in conversation, which isn’t often.
Yes, but not actual numbers, just investment strategies, savings vehicles, etc.
I would like to more than I do. I’m sort of/kind of early retired and am trying to figure out how secure I’d feel about retiring all together. I can talk to friends about the pros and cons of continuing to work for mental stimulation and not relying on retirement assets but sort of paying my own way with my self employed work…
but in terms of overall assets/ net worth, I think I have enough saved for retirement, and that brings up all kinds of unpleasantness when I try to discuss that, possibly because my friends aren’t there yet. Or maybe because when you’re staring it down, it never feels like enough. It’s an anxiety provoking issue and just talking about it invites comparison, good or bad.
I’m not loaded but I think I have enough where I could live on 3-4% of the total, which should work like a perpetuity.
With some. One friend is in the same type in house role as I am, so we talk salary, bonuses, etc. at a high level. I talk with other friends (some at work) about home prices, car prices, private school costs, saving for college, etc. as we have been generally in the market for a combination of those items lately. However, I do not talk specific salary details with my work friends.
How do you deal with people taking sides about a friend/family member’s divorce when you would rather stay neutral? I know a ton of people going through divorces rn. Some I’m close to and I know a lot about the relationship, some I’m less close to, but none of the divorces came as a shock to me. I don’t think anyone is a bad person. With one exception, I don’t think anyone is “the bad guy” in their divorce. For the most part, I like everyone and I want to stay on good terms with everyone. The couples are generally ok with this, but it’s the other friends and family members who are pushing to take sides. I’m tired of the constant trash talk about the ex. I don’t feel right listening to people saying uncharitable things and not speaking up. But I also don’t want to trash talk my friend/family member. When I try to shut it down with something neutral, everyone just kind of keeps talking. Aside from walking away, any way to deal with this? Kind of dreading the holidays.
Can you literally say “I would rather stay neutral” and then immediately change the subject? By stating your intention, you are sharing your boundary and others might be more likely to want to respect it.
Since you mentioned the holidays: “Oh, Sue, let’s not ruin this lovely time of time year by talking about something divisive. Hasn’t Cousin Jill done a great job with all the decorations? I really love her Santa collection.” Repeat as needed; walk away as needed. Also useful for politics, religion, etc, etc.
I went with saying that I know X is angry about the divorce but I didn’t think trash talk is good for the kids to hear.
I think you’re taking the right approach – try to redirect the conversation. Sometimes I’ll “go to the bathroom” (step away from the conversation) then reenter it in a few minutes, which by that time sometimes they have moved on, or, they’ll be more open to a changed subject. Also, I think right now when the news is fresh, they are more likely to gossip – think that by the holidays (hopefully) it will be somewhat old news.
If you’re comfortable, I think being up front but non-confrontational (Hey folks, would rather not talk about this right now) could work with the right group. You could even try concocting a white lie/excuse to change the subject (Hey folks, been dealing with some frustrating issues at work and don’t have the bandwidth to discuss drama/topics like this right now..)
I just went through a divorce and cringed at people who were mean about my ex-husband. It didn’t work out. But he’s still the father of my children and a decent guy. It was actually a relief to hear people say they would stay in touch with him because I felt bad about asking for the divorce, but the substance abuse issues were out of control and I didn’t want to live like that any more. Your impulses to stay neutral are correct.
I only take sides if my closer friend has been wronged by the ex (usually cheating but in one case, also trying to financially rip off my friend) in which case I’m like a mama bear and would fully rip the head off of the scumbag ex.
Walk away. Every time.
Speak up when people are trash talking and then change the subject. You’re an adult, you can use your words.
I had a relatively amicable divorce and worked hard not to ask friends to choose sides. But over time, I have two friends I have known since college (we’re 50) that I no longer consider friends. My ex is no longer my spouse for a reason and I felt consistently betrayed that lifelong friends didn’t take my side because their husbands liked having my ex around as a golf partner.
Please don’t mistake not gossiping about the split as being a good friend to both. Even in an amicable situation, divorce is devastating to all parties. Don’t forget this.
Anyone recommend a good divorce lawyer for a friend to consult with in the DC metro area (she’s in DC near MD)? She’s pretty sure she needs/wants a divorce and I suggested she should consult with someone first on how to take the first steps, but would love to be able to give her a name of someone good! (I know it’s late over there, may post tomorrow)
Geller Law Group has been recommended by neighbors-they have a few offices in the area.
Responding to the reply comment on my comment yesterday re: anxiety in very young children and how we found a psychologist to diagnose/treat.
My advice for a 4 year old (or child) is to look for a child psychologist or group that diagnosis autism and other related or comorbid conditions. They will often also specialize in ADHD, anxiety, etc. Ask your pediatrician if they have recommendations, and if they are unhelpful or dismissive, the school district may be able to point you to someone they recommend for outside consults.
In our case, our ped was pushing us to have our son evaluated for autism. We balked because it just didn’t feel right, but we went to the specialist she recommended. After spending two hours alone with our child, the specialist came back and said, “yep, autistic. Get him in OT and don’t expect him to have friends, do activities, eat what you serve.” I’m paraphrasing but those were his recommendations (not mine, so please don’t jump on me!). We felt like his summation didn’t capture our child well, so we went to a different psychologist for a second opinion, who spent and hour a week for 6-8 weeks to diagnose what was going on. She came back with, “he’s not autistic but he is so anxious that he completely shuts down to the point that he presents as classically autistic until he’s comfortable with you.” We (he) did lots of sessions with her, she referred us to a psychiatrist for meds and medical treatment, and we also went to a family counselor to work on how to parent him where he’s at.
When we moved cross country a few years later, we google searched “child psychologist” and narrowed in on practices that highlighted their work with anxiety and ADHD. Additionally, we chose a pediatrician that felt comfortable with anxiety in children and teens.
Hope that helps. If you’d like to talk more, I could set up an anon mail dot com.
Any advice/tips/tricks for throwing a baby shower? I’ve never actually been to one and am now co-hosting one soon.
Sure!
I’m of the opinion that you should cater to the desires of the guest of honor – some may love the games/being the center of attention, others may hate it. So, have that conversation with them when planning.
Typically in my experience there are snacks, drinks, present opening in front of the group, and maybe games along with some appropriate decorating. I feel you can do as much or as little of this as you like or the guest of honor wants. These are one of those things where you can be elaborate or simple. Typically they are more involved when it’s the first baby.
1) invitations – work with the expectant mom on who she’d like to invite. If there’s a theme, tell people in advance. Follow up on RSVPs to make sure you know who’s coming. A lot of people will bail day-of so invite a few more than you’d like to have as a final number
2) have snacks/finger food and both alcoholic and non alcoholic beverages while people are arriving.
3) Play an icebreaker game. A lot of baby shower games are embarrassing to the mom to be, so ask her what she likes. For instance, as a large person when not pregnant, I didn’t want to play the “guess how many inches around that belly is” game
4) have plenty of time for opening presents. Someone should write down who gifted what for each, and if you’re an extra good friend, help with thank you notes right after
5) cake
6) party favors and goodbyes. Now is when the expectant dad shows up if you want him there, unless it was a couple’s shower from the get go.
Decor-wise, I always love the showers that have photos around of the mom & dad at various ages until current.
99.9% of all shower games are terrible and most guests will find them super cheesy. I would love a shower which just includes food/drinks, gifts, and time to talk to everyone. Definitely check with the guest of honour, but if she doesn’t want games, I would definitely not push it.
The one shower game I do enjoy, especially when multiple generations are involved, is “guess whose baby picture.” It’s most fun when you just show the pictures on a big screen and everyone shouts out their guesses and then discusses instead of writing down answers and keeping score.
+1. I did a baby shower for a friend and we treated it like a brunch party. People talked with each other and ate food. Neither of us wanted stupid games, so we didn’t do them. It was great.
If there are a lot of people that don’t know each other, it’s nice to have an activity that can give people something to do so they don’t feel awkward and will probably lead to conversation like decorating onesies with fabric paint or a little quiz to guess baby’s due date, hair color, weight, etc.
M favorite two favorite shower activity when someone threw me a baby shower was:
– the one where people write messages on diapers. It made me laugh at 3am diaper changes to read some of the messages people left us.
– having people bring an additional pack of diapers or wipes to donate to the local diaper bank. I know you’re not really supposed to dictate what people bring, but I think it helped take the pressure off me feeling like everything was a gift grab.
Also- i liked that we had a Jack and Jill shower.