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Coffee Break: Muslin Blanket

This may be a weird one, but it really is one of my recent favorite purchases — the kind where you buy one for yourself and immediately want to buy one for everyone you know: a cotton muslin blanket for my bed.

If you're familiar with the kid blankets from Aden & Anais, this is verrrry similar — I've only washed mine the once (I have a flat sheet below it), but it's so soft. It's warming without being suffocating, and feels breathable and light. Every time I touch it it makes me happy, although maybe that's because it reminds me of my kids' blankets.

The one I got is $50ish at Amazon depending on size and color, but you can find similar options at Pottery Barn and the like for $199+. The one I have is white (it's very bright compared to my ivory duvet), and the King size fits my King size bed.

(Ack! Alert! I just checked Aden & Anais to see if they have grown up blankets (nope) but: they have weighted blankets! If you have a kiddo who's bigger than 20 lbs, do consider it — they're so amazing for sleep.)

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Sales of note for 12.5

131 Comments

  1. Can anyone recommend a baseball hat with a wide/long brim that doesn’t look dorky? I wear sunscreen regularly and a hat when walking, but am noticing the sides of my face have some brown freckles or spots, probably where the brim doesn’t cover.

    1. It sounds like this could be melasma, which is sun AND heat, stress, or hormone related. It doesn’t always show up when we were there is direct sun exposure unfortunately, and it can be hard to treat or remove.

    2. Are you wearing sunscreen?

      I had melasma on the left side of my face only; I think it had to do with that side of my face being exposed to the sun more when I am driving. I upped my focus on sunscreen and used Eminence Organics products that have what they describe as a “natural hydroquinone alternative” (hydroquinone apparently being the standard treatment for melasma/hyper-pigmentation). I got it first at a fancy day spa, now I buy it here, where it is still pricey: https://buynaturalskincare.com/eminence-organics-bright-skin-moisturizer-spf-40.html

      I started with both the daytime moisturizer and the night cream, dropped the night cream when the melasma mostly went away. It’s been several years, so I can’t recall exactly, but I think the pigmentation was back to normal in a few months.

    4. Wide brim hat, sunscreen (I notice it on the car window side) and there are some creams that can help fade it. I used a Lancôme one.

    5. It might be time to move on from a baseball cap to a wide brimmed hat. You can find cute and stylish versions. I have 4-6, ranging from dorky to chic, depending on what I am doing. Baseball caps don’t protect the face.

  2. For those of you who lean liberal, check out JoJoFromJerz on Twitter. I promise you’ll love her.

    1. I do lean Liberal, b/c of my liberal upbringing, and I just wanted to share with the HIVE the NYT article that shows the recent USSC opinion on abortion is both an insult to women as well as to the judicial system:
      https://www.nytimes.com/2022/06/24/opinion/dobbs-ruling-roe-v-wade.html

      As an attorney and counselor at law, as well as a woman of childbearing age, I want the flexibility not to have to bring a baby to term if I do not want to. It is MY body and MY choice, and the men in the Supreme Court should not be abel to dictate what I can and cannot do with my body while they sit back and burp after eating and drinking on my dime all day @ the court. How the women in the court can stand having to share bathroom facilities with these guys are beyond me. If they were smart, they’d insist on having separate (but equal) facilities as required by Title IX. To be fair, I also think that transwomen should not be permitted to engage in competitive swimming on shotput against other women b/c it is not fair. I do think they can play tennis and baseball with men, b/c those are different sports.

  3. Hi Ladies,

    Our lord and master the Supreme Court has spoken and s3x is now for procreation only. No s3x for fun anymore, especially with men who voted for the Cheeto or who think everyone is making a big deal over nothing.

    1. No. I will have sex with and when I want to. Don’t lecture women about what we can or can’t do. This isn’t cute and it isn’t a solution.

      1. If you are getting it on with guys like this I am going to judge your taste all day long.

        1. Men like this can still be good in bed, though. And I am not sleeping with anyone for his pleasure; I am doing it for my own (even if that comes from giving pleasure). If one of the “overreacting” dudes slips into the mix, I’m not going to beat myself up over it. I am not referring to a relationship.

      2. Actually I do think that if all women refused to have $ex with men, the problem would be fixed pretty quickly.

        You better believe that if my state decides that a fertilized egg has more right to live than I do, the only form of BC I will trust is abstinence.

        1. I will no longer sleep with someone I’m not in a relationship with… too risky for me

          1. Consent now includes “do you/I enthusiastically consent to becoming a parent as a result of this encounter?”

    2. Gross. If I were single, this would definitely push me into waiting until I was in a very serious relationship to have s3x. There are other activities that don’t lead to pregnancy, is my thinking. I’m being somewhat flip, but also, not really. This is essentially the choice I made in college and was terrified of an accidental pregnancy. Do I think it’s realistic for the vast majority of people? Nope, I don’t.

        1. Not the commenter, but no it isn’t smug it’s sadly, horribly, tragically realistic. It breaks my heart that this is the kind of advice I’d give my daughters today and that I wouldn’t advise sleeping around like I did, which I think is a massive loss for women.

          1. Do you not have any sons? Because the same advice applies to boys/men. I am going to be asking everyone who brags about how they are educating their girls differently now and how their church or whatever provides services to girls and women what they are doing to educate boys and men about how to avoid becoming a parent and potentially endangering an intimate partner.

          2. Umm, I’m not the one you’re mad at . . . And no, I don’t have any sons, I have two daughters and I’m heartbroken. I agree there’s no difference in how I’d talk to a boy v a girl, though. I am just speaking to my experience and how that changes for this generation. Don’t worry, I’m as pissed off as you are.

          3. It is different for boys and girls, though. Only the person who gets pregnant will die from an ectopic pregnancy or miscarriage that doctors refuse to treat.

          4. I agree that the personal consequences are different, but I also think boys should be told and taught to care about the consequences to women.

          5. I will tell my son the exact same thing I would have before Dobbs: don’t sleep around, and be aware that even with protection, sex can result in pregnancy.

          6. See, I’m the opposite, the very best thing my husband and I both did was sleep around. We were able to commit to each other because of thot experience. It’s shameful that choice is gone now for this generation.

  4. Any folks with creative hobbies or jobs have advice on nurturing creativity when distracted by or distraught over current events?

    I’m trying to get the second draft of my novel done and have been having major issues focusing since Friday…

    1. If you figure it out let me know, I’ve had major issues writing anything since late 2016…

    3. As far as I know there’s no way to do it- creativity is one of the first things to go when stressed/upset. Be gentle with yourself, and give yourself time to grieve/exercise (throwing axes is quite fun)/see a friend for something lighthearted.
      Can you do the boring overhead stuff instead (not a writer- spellcheck/coherency check) instead of the work that requires full focus of your creativity? Today I’ve been doing footnotes and checking on orders instead of the harder stuff that is usually why I love my job.

    4. Do something physical that requires concentration (like ballet for me) then come back to it. Or might need to leave it until things feel a bit better.

      1. I am taking a pottery class, and the combination of doing something with my hands, and a challenging technique requiring my concentration, has been very good to not think about the world for a few hours.

  5. Looking for willpower help. I feel like I lost all discipline and consistency/routine. For most of the 2010s, I used to wake up at 6, workout, eat breakfast, go to work, bill 6-8 hours, volunteer/see a friend/have a client meeting 3-5 nights per week, sleep and eat at normal intervals. My house has never been magazine worthy, but I did weekly chores and someone could drop by unannounced and I’d happily welcome them in without shame.

    The last couple years, I struggle to wake up before 8, I am working out with a trainer once per week but can’t seem to find time to do more, billing less, eat worse, house is a mess, you name it. I can’t pinpoint any one thing… feels stale to blame the pandemic. I “know” how to eat right, how to move, how to clean, but doing it is a huge challenge. I have tried sticker charts, having a friend be an accountability buddy, small rewards like a coffee or mani, telling myself I’ll feel better in a month… but I just can’t seem to get up this hill. I’m late 30s, generally healthy (physical last month, doc has no mental health concerns for me), live alone, no kids.

    Any suggestions?

    1. Nope but in the exact same boat here, so commiseration. Have you had any professional milestones that might have started the feeling? Burnout? A number of my friends seem to have felt this way once they make partner and realize that this is … sort of it … until they retire.

      I also think this is much more common with the childfree – as someone without kids as well, the folks that I know do have kids at our age are so exhausted and stressed from the kids / covid / extracurriculars / the future / etc that they don’t have any time or space to consider anything that isn’t in front of them! No shade on that, I’m boggled by the parents I know and the fears they’ve gone through, but there’s just a lot less bandwith.

      For me, I have had success short term with getting a cleaning person weekly and then signing up for something new – I did a 10 week rock climbing course and an 8 week glass blowing course to just spark a bit of joy and novelty into my life. I realized that I just needed to build the life I wanted and stop waiting for things to get better. I’m thinking about picking a crazy goal and working towards it (a triathlon somewhere exotic?) just to keep giving that extra push.

      Also – be kind to yourself. We’ve all been through a huge trauma with covid and it’s going to take time to recover. Success doesn’t mean it all need to be the same as before, just that it’s something you’re happy with.

    2. Could it be depression? Did you talk to your doctor about your mental health? If not, please do. I think you’d be amazed at how much help medication can be, with few to no side effects.

    3. Your doc had no concerns about sleep quality? (Struggling to wake up in the morning can be a warning sign for stuff like sleep apnea.)

    4. This sounds like depression to me. Pre-meds (and now when I have a really bad episode) everything took SO MUCH effort, even things I knew were supposed to be simple and easy. When you say your doc has no mental health concerns, what did they do to screen for that? Did you mention what you wrote here to them?

    5. I recognize that this isn’t really answering your question, but, dude, we are living through a traumatic time (Trump, COVID, shooting after shooting after shooting, Dobbs) and you’re still working out! And billing at least several hours a day! While you live alone, which means that all chores/adulting/etc fall on your shoulders! Instead of framing it as a loss of willpower, could you think of it as doing the best you can in a hellscape? It’s kind of bananas that through all of this, we have all just… kept working, and grocery shopping, and just generally (mostly) kept the trains running on time. I empathize completely with just feeling… off, and I guess I’m encouraging you to give yourself a little grace. At least for myself, when I pile on shame and “shoulds,” it only makes me feel worse. I sincerely hope we won’t *always* be in the hellscape, so I’m trying to give myself a break a little to do what’s necessary to get through.

      1. Yeah, this. Which is basically what I think every time some version of this question comes up. OF COURSE we’re not all at peak productivity right now. Not that output is necessarily what we should be judging ourselves on anyway.

        1. Of course we’re in awful, difficult times… but then I think of everything my grandparents lived through and everything they accomplished during their awful, difficult times. I feel like we could wallow and try to just focus on getting through the day 2 years ago but now this is just how this period in my life is and I don’t want difficult times to be an excuse as to why I’m not living the life I want.

          1. I mean sure but they didn’t smartphones for doom scrolling and the internet for sucking all their time and energy.

          2. Do you have rose-tinted glass about prior generations? Some of them dealt with difficult times with alcoholism, screaming at their spouses, etc.

            Any way, maybe pick one thing to work on and go from there. What will most improve your life? Is it socializing with friends? Doing something novel? Traveling somewhere? Accomplishing some workout goals?

          3. Spoiler alert, they weren’t living the lives they wanted either.

            My grandma dropped out of school in 8th grade to help run the family farm when all the men went away to war. Not all of them came back, so she helped raise the family from that point on. She got married at 22 and pumped out a bunch of kids while still milking dairy cows every morning and making every single effing meal from scratch. She went back to high school as an adult and got her GED the year her youngest graduated high school. Her husband died soon thereafter, so she had to sell the farm and get a job at the local grocery store. Eventually she became a bank teller, working 6 days a week until she passed away from breast cancer.

            I was really close to her and sometimes when I was older, she would confide that she had much bigger dreams than any of that, and that she hated cooking and canning with a passion. She was smart and driven and capable, but spent a large part of her most-capable years doing laundry and feeding animals, all while pregnant and breastfeeding.

            Yes times were hard, and yes some women accomplished a lot. But for the vast majority of women (particularly including women of color), daily survival was the most they could hope for. They knew what they were missing out on, and it was painful. Yes it’s been hard to be in this mode for two years. But back then it was an entire existence for many people.

    6. I’m wondering if this is at least a little bit your body/mind just asking for rest? It sounds like you are a super high-performing person and were running yourself really, really hard for a long time! It’s totally reasonable to want to get some of that energy and discipline back, but I also wonder if you may want to allow yourself space to have a slightly quieter schedule and not pathologize it or treat it as problematic.

      If I were you, I’d take some time to draft out what’s really, truly important to me and what aspects I want to re-introduce because I love them and they improve my life vs which you feel like you “should” be doing. It may be that there are other types of exercise besides lifting at the gym that you enjoy more and will be easier to integrate. Maybe taking time to cook healthily for yourself can come at the expense of volunteering or taking on an additional client meeting. It’s okay to slow down a bit and figure out what’s really important to you and cut out what isn’t.

    7. Same boat here. I did start Wellbutrin for depression (and it’s off label for adhd so we hoped it would help my concentration issues).

      I think the best we can do right now is try to get back into habits and when we fail, try again. There’s a WW expression that you don’t drown from falling in the water – you drown from staying in the water.

  6. Help me refresh/update my current “date night” wardrobe. I’m early 30s and jumping back into dating like it’s my job but I kind of hate all my current date clothes and am struggling to find things to wear that are current but not Y2K trendy. I don’t want to look like I’m trying to be a 20something.

    I own straight leg jeans, a couple ruffle puff midi dresses, Birks…I want clothes that feel sexier than a ruffle puff dress but not tight AND short AND strappy. I’m an apple shape, size 10. I used to wear a silky cami and skinny jeans with some fun sandals and call it a day but that all feels so dated now.

    Help?

    2. I think high-waisted straight leg jeans + skimpy top (silky tank or corset-type tank) + gold hoops + heels is a super cute date night outfit!

    3. I’m a pear size 8 who just did this
      I found a lot of date night tops at Express. In the winter, I bought some (fake) leather pants and thin-heel boots that made me feel good. I realized that anything cropped looks great on me, which luckily is in style right now. Wrap crop tops were especially flattering, and you can still wear them with the straight leg jeans. I really didn’t wear dresses until it was warm enough to wear them without tights.
      I have some cute rompers that look good but tbh I don’t think are guys favorites. Generally a few sundresses and wrap dresses.

    4. Boobs, butt, leg, a nice smile, and a defined waist. Men don’t care whether your style is Y2K, they care about boobs, butt, leg, a nice smile, and a defined waist.

      1. Ick. Where are you based? What type of guys are you interacting with?

        OP, when I was dating, I showed up in t-shirts, jeans, sneakers, and a big puffy jacket. Most guys just cared about whether I was fun to talk to / seemed kind. I’m really glad I weeded out the ones you are referring to by not trying to highlight any particular body type. Honestly, I think the more you focus on comfort/authenticity in what you wear the more fruitful the process will be.

        1. They’re all the ones I describe. Some are better at hiding it than others. I didn’t write it as a compliment to men. Just reality.

      2. Roughly put, but I do agree with this. I wear whatever I want, but if its a more stylish/trendy look I sometimes save it for friends who will appreciate it a lot. My guy compliments my clothes and sense of styles, but he definitely appreciates the formula here over what’s trendy. Yesterday he asked me if girls put anything on their eyelashes (it came up in convo) – aka yesterday he found out what mascara is.

    5. I think you need a great pair of jeans that make you feel good (whether it’s the straight leg jeans you already own or a new pair that you buy), a couple of sexy but not trying too hard crisp white tees/tanks/shirts (depending on level of formality required), a cute pair of sexy flat sandals and a pair of heels, and some fun earrings (hoops or whatever suits your aesthetic). Also, a few cute but easy dresses (slip maybe?) and maybe a great light jacket to wear over everything that will transition into fall. I used to have one that just made everything else I was wearing look cooler and more intentional.

    6. Do you have a mall nearby? Trying on a million tops wearing your favorite jeans could be a good way to find a date night outfit.

    7. I think the outfit in this video at 23.5 minutes would be great, in a date appropriate material for the top. Not overtly sexy, but no ruffles or puffs of any kind.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AYbIk4gOdnQ

      I’ve been binging this UK stylist’s different body shape styling videos lately, it’s very refreshing to see current, normal people styled in high street clothes.

    8. When I got back into dating a year ago, I worked with a personal stylist at Nordstrom. Her advice was to have one designated “first date” outfit that made me feel great. I also never had to think about what to wear. We built it around my favorite pair of jeans that I already owned. Then I worked with her to add in pieces slowly over the course of a couple of months, so I had a couple of seasonal outfits.

    9. How about the Michael Stars Wren dress in black? Tight but not short or strappy. Makes shoulders look great. When paired with Birks or other flat sandals, does not look like you are trying too hard.

    10. Thanks all! Going to do a big Nordstrom order of jeans (realized I don’t have a pair of white jeans and those are a key part of my summer date outfits) and some more current heeled sandals. I also found some silky slip dresses on Poshmark so will try that as well as some silky tops—thanks for the reminder about Express!

      Logically I know that men aren’t going to notice what’s trendy or anything, but I also want to feel “cool” and a bit sexy..but not overly so! I’ve gained weight and am a bit curvier than I used to be, so trying to find a happy medium of showing off the good parts but not being boobs in your face haha

      1. Good luck finding whatever you feel best in! But “curvy with boobs in your face” would be a big hit with a ton of straight dudes, lol.

    12. I’m in the same age range and also have been trying to up my dating wardrobe. I’ve had some success in finding cute summer dresses at Lulu’s online. A lot of it skews a little younger, but I’ve found a few dresses for date nights in the heat.

  7. My partner isn’t good with conflict – he is pissy for days if I say one thing. I mostly pick my battles. Anyone have any tips on how better to approach or books to read?

    1. How better to approach HIM? It seems to me that he is the one who needs help with how better to deal with conflict. Couples counseling could be useful, to give you both the tools to work out issues together. But it is not your responsiblity to learn how to manage him; he needs to be an adult who can handle conflict, not a pouty teenager.

      1. ETA, I was married to that person for 25 years, and all that time and energy I spent avoiding conflict and picking battles and never really working things out took a serious toll. There are a lot of reasons we divorced, but this issue was underlying almost all of our problems. Do not be like me.

        1. +1. Wrote a longer response below, but my dad’s behavior like this was devastating to my mom and took years to get over. It’s basically conditioning you to never have an opinion/blame yourself for someone else’s feelings /walk on eggshellss constantly. Learning how to “better approach him” is learning how to make yourself smaller and minimize your own needs, which is something you’d probably need therapy to work through unlearning later on.

        2. Yes. I was married to him for 15 years and there’s no book, no approach, no nothing. Don’t be like me. Run for your life.

    3. My boyfriend was like this when we first started seriously dating and I had to set really firm boundaries. Basically was like “I need a partner who is able to deal with conflict and confrontation in a healthy, constructive way. It is a basic expectation of mine to be able to communicate my feelings/needs and not have it prompt an argument, be met with defensiveness, or create tension within the relationship. I love you and I want to be with you, but I’m not willing to compromise on this. If you are unwilling to work toward that, please let me know and we can re-evaluate whether or not we are fundamentally incompatible.”

      He got the message loud and clear and it spurred him to work aggressively on himself so he wasn’t like this. Now he’s incredibly patient and gentle when I bring things up and we basically never fight (we used to fight several times a month).

      It’s a fundamental requirement for any healthy relationship that you can communicate it without it devolving. It sounds like he’s engaging in at least two of the four horsemen of the apocalypse: defensiveness and stonewalling. You should NOT have to deal with that or think it’s on you to work around. If you wind up buying a house or having kids with this person, think of how nightmarish it will be if your input or attempts to address difficult topics are met with this reaction? You will be deterred from ever bringing things up and wind up losing more and more of your ability to voice your opinions. OR you will constantly be engaging in battles to try to be heard.

      He may not realize how toxic he is being. It is actually probably a pretty adaptive behavior for him – I imagine you wind up being the one to apologize just to make things okay again and/or beg for his attention. It’s putting labor on you to repair things and it is ultimately very manipulative (even if unintentionally so). Setting firm boundaries with him may go a long way to draw attention what he’s doing and give him an opportunity to course-correct (i.e., “This isn’t okay. If you want to hear me and communicate constructively, I am here to do that. But I am not comfortable being treated like this by someone who is supposed to love and support me.”)

      If you do draw attention to the issue and he doesn’t show any interest in working on it, LEAVE. My father was this way and it only got worse with time. My mother had so much resentment and felt so silenced/walking-on-eggshells with him that she wound up developing rage issues of her own and being unable to handle conflict (she is/was the sweetest person outside the context of that relationship).

      This is not on you to fix, there is no book you can read, and honestly, trying to figure out how to “better approach” will probably condition you to figure out how to perpetually try to anticipate someone else’s spiraling emotional reactions. That isn’t healthy growth.

      1. +1000 – I had to have a similar conversation with my now-husband and he took it super seriously and put in the effort (including therapy) to make improvements. For him it was a crutch he developed to avoid his own negative feelings about being unworthy, which sounds melodramatic when you’re talking about things like, “could you fold that laundry?” but that’s where it eventually spiraled to. Once he realized how manipulative and damaging it was (and that there was a real risk of losing me), he put in the work. This is not something you can fix on your own.

        1. Echoing this! There’s nothing you can really do here except for set boundaries for what you will and won’t accept, and allow him to proceed accordingly.

    4. Why? What’s the confusion. Your partner is a mean jerk. Break up. A book won’t do anything except let you delude yourself into wasting more time.

      2. +1 That’s a depressingly accurate book for lots of situation. Spoiler: the answer is that “he chooses to do that”.

    6. That sounds exhausting tbh. The global conversation is “We need to be able to talk about hard things, like when we disagree on something. No two people can agree on everything all the time. I feel like when I say anything a little difficult for you to hear, you are upset for days. That doesn’t work.” Then see if he is willing to improve.

      If he’s not willing or able to do better, it may be better to move on than read a bunch of books. You can’t make someone be in a healthy relationship with you.

    9. Oh honey, no. I never advise breaking up off of two sentences, but this is a recipe for a disaster of a life. DTMFA.

  8. For the poster curious about taking care of their natural nails, this is my favorite manicurist youtube channel.

    https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC72QuninCn1xZ62hrbhGXHg
    She is very scientific about how to care for nails and breaks down the science and anatomy of the nail so it is easy to understand and follow her advice at home. She also posts responses to reader questions of caring for their damaged nails, complete with pictures and detailed analysis.

    Her videos on cuticle removal – and what is cuticle versus living skin – has been huge for me, as well as her tutorial on weekly warm oil treatments. She also has tons of demonstrations and comparisons of products.

  9. anyone have any favorite history podcasts or audiobooks about French Rev? Long car trip coming up and all of us are interested in it.

    1. Revolutions by Mike Duncan does the French Revolution. He is awesome. Lots of other revolutions too, and a TON of hours of content.

  10. Thanks to those who chimed in on my Madrid question – I decided to tack on 3 full days, plus will have a decent chance for a breakfast wander before flying home :)

    Any and all suggestions welcome – notes taken on (1) checking out which of the “big 3” museums most interests me because I enjoy art but not enough to spend all my time on that, and (2) investigating Toledo vs. Segovia as a day trip. I see some tour companies try to do both in a day but that sounds unappealing as opposed to just hopping on a train by myself.

    The only thing I can’t eat is crustaceans (so no paella probably, alas) – everything else is fair game!

    1. You’ll definitely want to hop on a train and wander yourself. Book train/bus tickets ahead online. For me it was the train with Renfe to Toledo and bus with La Sepulvedana to Segovia.

      In Toledo I circumvented the crowd by taking a walk along the river to enter at Puente san Martin. It was lovely because only locals out walking their dogs were on this trail, and the view of the city wall wrapping up the hill was amazing. But you may not want to do this if you’re not up to walking a lot. Also remember to take the sight seeing train. They take you to a mirador to see the panoramic view of the city.

      Segovia felt much much more crowded when I went. I think it’s because people tended to congregate more in a few spots: the aqueduct at the town entrance, the castle, and the cathedral, and the tiny alleys connecting these spots. Once you walk away from the town entrance towards the shorter end of the aqueduct, the crowd thins out considerably. The castle IMO is only worth it for the view from the tower. It is otherwise very Disneyland esque. Didn’t go inside the cathedral because I was churched out. So the only things I cared about in Segovia was the aqueduct (impressive) and the roasted pig (so good).

      1. Just happened to check back and thank you for the detail! Love long walks so the tip on Toledo is great.

    2. People will say that Flamenco in Madrid is not as good as in the south – but any Flamenco is better than what I have at home. We went with Essential Flamenco and it was lovely.

      If you like food, eat all the tapas. The Mercado is well worth the visit. Tinto y Tapas was amazing.

      I am jealous! Madrid was my last overseas travel before the pandemic and I had a great time.

    3. I have just replied to your yesterday’s question. I will write later a bit more with the walking tours for 2 days but for now:
      1) Prado museum has a free brochure in the information desk with the main (20) masterpieces and they organize twice a day a tour with the main ones in Spanish & English. It is free in the afternoon after 18.00 but you need the ticket.
      Reina Sofia is compulsory to see El Guernica (Picasso civil war painting) after that, I allow you to leave if you want (also free everyday after 19.00)
      For me these are the two museums you have to see. The others as Thysen (free on Mo) its up to you but I would recomend Sorolla museum instead with a really beautifull patio.
      2) I wrote you about the day trips in my other post and yes, you can do any of them taking the train
      I will include later places and what to order to eat in Madrid but the autentic paella (the valencian one) is vegs&meat then fair game for you if you want to try it.
      If you have more specific questions more than happy to help. I saw really late the post of other person that is coming on July to Madrid/Andalucia and if she needs any input I will added too.

  11. I feel like this is for AAM, teen girl edition. We have a travel soccer team. “Evelyn” is the oldest kid and the captain and she is a great leader. “Nikki” is the vice-captain (not sure the name); she skipped a grade or two (so is very very young relative to the other girls). “Pam” got passed over for the role; Pam is not a bad leader, but can be bossy and wasn’t around a lot last season due to being in a play or something. Pam and Nikki have very involved moms, but they don’t actually go to tournaments much b/c of other kids’ schedules. That job falls to me (my kids are clueless about what comes next; they sort of stick to their lane and are wildly un-ambitious for titles). Last tournament, Pam and Nikki got into a verbal dust-up with Pam claiming that Nikki only got her role b/c of her mom and wasn’t qualified and then Nikki proceeded to threaten to quit the team and demand that her mom come and get her and demanded that the other kids pick sides of being on Team Pam or Team Nikki. Evelyn tried her best to get them to knock it off but chaos ensued among 3/4 of the Team for a day until Nikki seemed to realize that all of the senior girls thought she was a brat and had lost all respect for her and then her mom took her home. Peace returned.

    I don’t know at what point an org like this fires a kid from what isn’t even a job, but I feel like we need to have a Come to Jesus sit-down before these kids go on the road next among kids and parents (or I am going to refuse to go again, in which case some ratio that will cancel the trip unless another mom steps up). Given how many moms’ involvement winds up with nepotism claims and how the girl drama can poison a group of kids, I am not optimistic that we don’t quit and find another team.

    WWYD? I am really just supposed to be there for bed checks and dealing with any medical emergencies while we are on the road. The other moms on the last trip were first-timers and I’ve tried to tell them that it wasn’t like this last year but OMG what a hot mess.

    2. Sounds like Pam, not Nikki, started it and is the problem. It would be unfair to strip Nikki of her leadership role for reacting to bullying. Pam needs to be on notice that she will be suspended from the team if she pulls this kind of nonsense again.

      Nikki’s age is irrelevant. If she was selected for the leadership role, it’s because she is qualified.

        1. If I were the coach, I’d probably just let Evelyn run the show. It takes one girl to bring the drama and two to keep it going. Failing grades all around.

      2. Pam needs to respect who was chosen for co captain even if she doesn’t like it.

        I would ask if this is the first verbal altercation between the two; sounds like Pam might have been digging at Nikki for a while.

    3. If you are just a chaperone, it’s not your problem. Let the coach deal with it.

      1. Oh, if only travel sports were like that. Chaperones deal with all the ISH, especially as the coaches often roll in for games and aren’t always there for the first overnight. Our coaches often have their own kids, kids’ camp schedules, and are covering for each other on the fly (especially if COVID is rolling through their house, as often seems to be the case with someone on the team). Ugh. I’m happy to do this for my kids, and IDK if boys’ teams are like this, but I’d be happy if they quit this for chess or something co-ed like swimming or track.

        1. I was a travel sports mom for years, and it was definitely frowned upon for parents to get involved in this kind of drama. It was 100% the province of the coaches.

        2. Yeah, idk, this 100% sounds like the coach’s job to handle. They set the tone, or should, anyway.

    6. Captain and team leadership are picked by the coach, no? Or a voting process facilitated by the coach? Then it IS the coach’s problem and you do not get involved with any sort of sit down / come to jesus resolution process.

    7. Do parents honestly get involved with this kind of thing now? Kids need to learn to deal with conflict, it’s part of growing up. I would stay out of this.

      2. As a Girl Scout leader, I’d say that 10-20% of the parents get involved with this kind of thing. The rest are in more of a “figure it out yourself”-type mindset, absent a truly dire situation.

        While my inclination is to let most inter-girl conflict ride, the parents who get involved in this kind of thing are usually the ones who are quickest to claim “bullying” if their kid is unhappy or other kids are unhappy with their kid. So I tend to take parent complaints very seriously, as a CYA and since some of the more helicopter-y parents get worn out by an actual process for conflict resolution (i.e., they find another activity where they can be Queen Bee).

    8. Stay out of the girl drama. Coach your own daughter on how to deal with it to the extent it affects her, but stay out of it. Do not talk to the other girls’ moms. Do not put yourself in the middle of it in any way.

    9. How are Pam and Nikki’s moms at receiving criticism about their kid? Some parents take the position that their little angel couldn’t possibly be the problem, others are more clear-eyed about the imperfection of kids and their inter-kid relationships.

      I’m from the Sister Michael / Hank Hill school of management. Nikki can’t throw tantrums and demand people pick sides, Pam doesn’t get to accuse her teammates of nepotism. Evelyn is the captain, that’s not changing. I’d call a meeting with Nikki, Pam, Evelyn, their parents, and the coach. Lay out ground rules (e.g., we aren’t litigating what happened), and make sure everyone is on the same page re: conduct going forward. Then I’d make sure the rest of the team knows that this stuff isn’t going on anymore.

      1. All parents are inclined to think the best of their kid (my eldest is more oblivious than mean, my youngest loses his temper but then feels terrible about it), but some parents really think their kid does no wrong.

  12. Very slow day working from home today and purposefully trying to stay away from the news. But we have beautiful weather and I have all the windows open in my apartment. The breeze apparently invigorated me to clean up hobby and project supplies from the last two weekends, clean the kitchen, wash the couch cover, mop, and pull up the living room rug to beat out dirt. If you ever want to be disgusted, shake out an area rug some time. I’ll be looking for a new rug sometime soon I think. Currently have a cream and oatmeal wool rug that sheds like a small dog and starting to look dingy and worn.

    I have a bottle of wine chilling in the fridge to break open with a friend who’s stopping by later.

    1. A cream and oatmeal rug sounds beautiful, but something that I am not capable of owning.

    2. I LOVE my Ruggables for this reason. I can put them in the washing machine and poof, clean!

  13. Googling narcolepsy. I lost a TON of sleep last week and since then, have had 3 nap days in a row. It’s almost like having lunch diverts any remaining mental energy once the strain of digestion is added and I just crash for an hour. Luckily, each day was a WFH day (including the weekend). WTF is wrong with my body? I’m glad not to have been driving, but it’s like my brain glucose tanks and it goes into shut down / reboot mode. I’m sleeping at night but it would be nice to have that 1.5 hours back each afternoon.

    2. My ex had narcolepsy. He could sleep for 12 hours at night and take a 4 hour nap in the afternoon. He would fall asleep in random situations, including sometimes standing up, and at work. This lasted years and it’s a seriously debilitating condition. If that sounds like you, ask your PCP for a sleep test, but based on what you just said you’re just tired and catching up on sleep.

    3. It sounds like you’re just regular tired. I also drag in the afternoons if I eat a heavy lunch. I keep it really light at lunch now – salad, vegan wraps, fruit, etc. I can’t recover after a giant burger or something like that.

    4. I mean, you lost a ton of sleep? It takes weeks to catch up from missed sleep.

      Unless there’s something I’m missing about why you missed sleep?

  14. I have a sisal rug in my dining room. And a COVID dog. Dog gets fed or has gastric mis-adventures that are deposited on the sisal rug even though there are 3 ruggables just for this reason. There are lately two slight stains that I wasn’t able get out completely. Maybe I want a new rug but if we can’t have nice things is a rug gable the answer? At least I could get one with a pattern?

    1. Sisal and my dog are not compatible, but wool is great. Feels good and the stain remover stuff doesn’t damage them.

        1. I think it being split across two lines makes it more confusing. I read it as rug gable too.

        2. It was not obvious to my afternoon brain. I was thinking that maybe a rug gable was something one put on a rug to protect the rug from what dogs do on the rug. Shrug.

    4. Get a real hand knotted wool rug. I can’t believe how nicely they clean up. Nothing like sisal or even cotton. Though a pattern doesn’t hurt!

      Or, for a dining room, consider real oil cloth (not like a vinyl tablecloth — the painted cotton rugs lacquered over to work as thin, water resistant floor coverings).

      I haven’t tried a kilim style wool rug yet. I know people who like Ruggables, but I haven’t tried that yet either. It would drive me mad if they curled up at the edges which it seems like they always start to do.

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