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Coffee Break – Nuo Tech Chloe Dao Satchel

Nuo Tech - Chloe Dao Satchel 15.6 (Blue Lotus) - Bags and LuggageI always liked Chloe Dao on Project Runway, and it's great to see her designing still. Apparently, she's collaborated with Nuo to create this fun, functional laptop bag. I particularly like the fact that the outside pocket can be used as a pocket or a sleeve to connect your laptop bag to your rolling bag when you travel. It's $79.99 at Zappos (available in blue and orange). Nuo Tech – Chloe Dao Satchel 15.6 (Blue Lotus) – Bags and Luggage (L-2)

Sales of note for 12.3.24 (lots of Cyber Monday deals extended, usually until 12/3 at midnight)

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

238 Comments

  1. Piggybacking on this morning’s discussion of moving to Manhattan and wash and fold laundry–how exactly does this work?

    I am super finnicky about my laundry, for example:
    1. I don’t put a lot of things in the dryer, and the determination is largely based on how something fits. If it’s too big, in the dryer it goes. If it’s just stretched out (jeans), it goes in the dryer for a bit but not the whole cycle. Fitted clothes never go in the dryer.
    2. I am very active, and I wash my tech clothes in special sports detergent that gets the smell out while preserving the tech fabric. Also, no fabric softener.
    3. I use all dye-free, fragrance-free detergents because the additives irritate my skin.
    4. I was tired of the dry cleaner shrinking my work clothes, so I’ve stopped using them and wash all of my delicates and work clothes using Laundress products.

    I’d be afraid that they would throw everything in the dryer and it would either shrink or wear down my clothes much faster. Am I too laundry-insane to ever use a wash and fold service, or is this stuff that they can handle? Like this morning’s OP, I’m contemplating a suburbia to major city move and I’d hate to restrict myself on housing options (to W/D in-unit only–I know I don’t have the patience for communal machines) based on laundry anxiety.

    1. I always wondered about that, too (fellow fussy laundry-doer here).

      I will say, don’t necessarily count out the communal laundry (I’m thinking a laundry room in your building). If the room is clean, well-lit, safe, and has lots of washers and dryers, it might not be so bad. I imagine there must be some places out there where it’s safe to leave your laundry at least while it’s washing, as long as you are there when it stops. My building (not in NYC) has a laundry room on each floor, with 2 big washers and 2 big dryers. I do laundry every other week and get it done pretty fast (and I don’t sit in the laundry room waiting for it).

      1. I have always had a communal laundry room and it has never even occurred to me NOT to leave my laundry. I usually set a timer and pick it up within 5-10 minutes of when it stops, but I leave my basket down there so if someone did want to take it out the second it finishes, they just put it in my basket.

    2. I know that my wash-and-fold place would not be good with those kinds of instructions, but it’s also one of the cheap $1/lb places; there might well be more up-market places that are better with specific instructions.

    3. I think most services would allow you to use your own detergent (so long as you provided it) and would follow specific instructions like no fabric softener. You will probably need multiple laundry bags for this. I think the dryer/air-dry issue is a bit tricky, and I’m not sure a run-of-the-mill place would be able to accommodate you. I have a communal laundry room in my building and I do my own laundry for air dry/delicate items.

      1. Also, as a follow up. If you have a cleaning service, some of them will do your laundry for you. They would just use your building’s communal laundry room, but will be able to follow your instructions/use your detergent, etc. You would need to purchase drying racks for those clothes that you wanted to air-dry, obviously, and they’d be air-drying in your apartment when you got home in the evening.

    4. If you want to use a wash-and-fold service, you have to let go of your laundry anxiety. I used one for years and you have to let go and accept your laundry destiny. They will 100% throw everything in the dryer and what you get is what you get. Sometimes you even get other people’s clothing. I’ve also heard horror stories of washers ripping off the little alligators on people’s Lacoste shirts or the “J” zipper pull on Juicy sweatshirts, or “losing” someone’s Seven jeans. So if you find a place that doesn’t do that, consider yourself lucky. Finding a place that will follow your 4-point list of rules is a pipe dream.

      Caveat: I used the cheap places so it’s possible that higher-end places do exist. They’d probably be ridiculously expensive though (can you imagine how much space you’d need to air-dry everyone’s laundry?)

      1. I just wanted to say, I love “laundry destiny.”

        Anyone need a band name?

    5. I don’t think you can be too finicky with wash and fold places. Sorry.
      Some are better than others but I don’t think following all of the above sounds doable. FWIW, we send out laundry for the convenience, but lots of building have ample laundry facilities (and even if not in the apartment, then laundry on each floor which is pretty convenient). I think if laundry is an issue, you just have to make it a priority to find a place where you can easily do it yourself. It’s not like all buildings in NYC have the same crappy laundry room.

      Another thought is if you have a cleaning person, you could ask him/her to do it when they come according to your specifications.

    6. I totally do the same thing re: dryer and different types of detergents, including washing my own shirts because the cleaners shrank quite a few! So you are definitely not alone. :)

      My additional weirdness is regarding communal machines. Anyone else out there worry about them being “dirty”? Like having hair in them from the last person who used them, or other things maybe to gross to mention??

      1. Yes, I’m with you. That is the number one reason I need in-unit W/D, although I too have my own laundry list of laundry anxiety (haha, Monday afternoon pun).

      2. I just look in them and make sure they look clean. If you live in a building with an on-site janitor (most large buildings), he’ll make sure the machines are clean or clean them himself.

    7. Just curious ~ what sport detergent do you use? My husband could use something like that.

      1. I use Sport Suds. It’s a powder form and you can get it on Amazon. I used to do Sport Wash–the orange bottle sold in most sporting goods stores–but my clean clothes still always smelled like I’d just ran in them on a 90 degree day. Sport Suds is the only other one I’ve tried and it’s been really effective at getting the smell out. It does go fast if you follow their instructions to always run a “cleaning” load first, but I stopped doing that a while ago and haven’t noticed any negative effects.

    8. Wow, thanks for all the replies!

      Great point about laundry being on the floor in large buildings, I hadn’t even thought of that. I could only think of my college days when there were 8 machines in the basement of a 10 story dorm, and if you weren’t down there waiting the second the buzzer went off, your clothes would be in a wet pile in a random beer-stained corner when you did make it down (and hey, with 8 machines for that many people, I understand not making people wait–but wow that’s pressure to have it timed to the second!)

      Also good point that I could send out the run of the mill stuff and do the air dry/delicates in the building even if it is one basement room. It wouldn’t really be that inconvenient if I wasn’t having to also wait for a dryer cycle.

      And yes, I realize my “laundry list” is totally unreasonable (I didn’t even list all of my quirks!). I actually set up my first therapy appointment today for anxiety-related issues, because it’s much bigger than laundry. But it helps hearing the experiences of the hive on this particular issue :)

      1. I actually prefer, in some ways, having a big (and clean and bright) laundry room in my building basement because I can do 3 loads at once. Otherwise I found myself doing launry all afternoon — and inevitably the dryer would beep just as I was drifting off to a nap. Also whether or not people dump your wet clothes in the corner will be a function of how many units there are and how much space there is. In my building, it’s rare that people have to remove other people’s clothes, and usually we just put them in one of the laundry-room rolling baskets or on the folding table.

      2. If it makes you feel better, I have similar levels of laundry-related OCD, which I inherited from my mother. I think a wash-and-fold service is probably not for people like us :)

      3. I don’t think you’re unreasonable — I have a very similar list for laundry. (Maybe that just makes me equally obsessive on this.)

        I honestly don’t think you can trust a wash-n-fold service to hang anything dry or use specific detergent. So I’d recommend you send out to wash and fold just the heavy bulk stuff that can take industrial drying — sheets, towels, dish towels, thick socks, etc. — and use the laundry facility in your building (hopefully on your floor) to take good care of all the special stuff yourself.

      4. I have a washer/dryer in unit now (it’s kind of amazing), but I sometimes miss the communal laundry rooms just because it was nice to be able to do 4 loads of laundry at once (Yes, apartment dwellers, I’m that guy). I’ve never used a wash and fold service because I’m also picky about drying things, but don’t fear the communal laundry room. It has its advantageous. Plus, I saw the maintenance people clean the machines in the communal room. I have never cleaned the washer/dryer in my apartment, and I know no one else ever has, either.

      6. I think your laundry list is pretty normal. I just like to take care of my clothes and my linens, and I don’t want them washed in cheap, smelly detergent. They last longer and look brighter with all-natural, unscented detergent and air drying.

    9. I am particular about what detergents I use and air dry a fair amount of my clothes. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to rank w/d in unit very highly on your list of wants for an apartment, and if you can expand to nice laundry room in the building or on the floor, that will expand your options.

      For me, having access to a w/d all the time and being able to put up a load and not worry about when I’ll be back to fold it do wonders for my peace of mind. I don’t have to worry about wearing a particular shirt on Sunday because I might want to wear it on Thursday, since I can easily wash it in between.

      As others have suggested, a cleaning service could help with this. I remember someone suggested on this site a while ago that you put clothes to air dry in a mesh bag if it’s a mixed load. That would make it easy for your cleaning service to know what to hang up and what to put in the dryer. You could also look into a portable washing machine and only send out the things you’re not as particular about. I don’t have experience with them, so I cannot speak to how well they work.

      1. ha! I use the mesh bag trick with my husband. It’s like an extra reminder that he’s supposed to be paying attention. I put anything that can’t go in the dryer in a mesh bag (I have 4 large mesh bags because sometimes it seems like 90% of my clothing has to lay flat to dry), and he knows that mesh bag = no dryer. We’ve had zero clothing casualties since we instituted this procedure!

        1. That’s so much better than my solution: forbidding my husband from doing laundry. I think he won that one. Darn it.

          1. I am very blessed that it is my husband who is OCD about laundry, and I am therefore forbidden from not only washing and drying laundry, but also from folding it and putting it away.

    10. I responded on the other thread that I used to use wash and fold before I moved to a place with in-unit w/d. I would send out my and SO’s underwear, socks, towels, sheets, t-shirts, pj’s, sweatpants etc. Everything that could go in the drier and not get ruined. For all my jeans, tops, cotton sweaters, etc. I would every now and then do a load in the laundrymat and hang stuff to dry on a dry rack in the apt or handwash in the sink and hang to dry.

      Am very happy with my w/d, but I miss the neatly folded socks.

    11. I use a wash and fold service also. There’s a communal set of washers/dryers, but it’s just a pain and time-suck to use it. I’ve never really gone over with them how picky/specific I can be regarding how my clothes are washed, so I’m not really sure about that. But I only take clothes/items that I would wash normally in a washer dryer. So anything that I feel requires special care (delicates, hang dry, etc), I wash myself.
      One hang up I had in the beginning was the thought of someone else handling my under-things (my parents started me doing my own laundry when I was 12). But once I saw how WAY better the laundry places was at getting stains out then I have ever been, I never thought about it again!

    12. I did wash & fold for years in SF & getting anything close to what you’re talking about wuold be hard here (at least at the normal/affordable places I checked out). I think you’d be likely to hear a lot of “sure, we can do that” and you’d get back a lot of laundry you’d be unhappy with. That said, this was all about 10 years ago (got a W/D in unit then, thank goodness) so perhaps things have changed. You might want just want to limit your search to places with in-unit or in-building laundry. It’s easier to find than you might think in SF. Don’t know about other cities.

  2. a couple months ago i posted about placing an order with a tom james company rep. i met with her based on a referral from a well-dressed, but male, friend of mine. i ordered a suit (jacket, pants, skirt) and one button-front shirt…and then came on here and heard a couple of horror stories.

    suit came in today. here are my initial thoughts:

    skirt and shirt – love and fit very well with no further alterations necessary. as a 32dd, this is the first time i’ve ever had a button-front shirt fit me properly. it’s maybe a bit roomier in the sleeves that i might want under a jacket, but that’s easily fixed should i decide to order more in the future.

    jacket and pants – both need minor alterations (letting the hem out in the pants about 3/4 inch, sleeves in the jacket about 3/4 inch, and letting the jacket out across my back about an inch). pants fit very well in the waist, hips and legs, which is a novelty for me.

    the material is fine but not amazing. it’s a super 100s and while the drape is nice, it feels a bit flimsy. lining is underwhelming but fine.

    all in all – i would probably buy shirts again. depending on how the jacket fits once it’s been let out across the back, i might buy blazers. pants and skirt…meh. the fit is nice, fabric is fine, but it’s not what i would expect for the price. i feel like i bought a j.crew suit at theory prices – which is almost a relief after seeing what a couple of you went through.

    1. Thanks for posting – they have been hounding me for a while, I think I will continue to keep them at bay!

  3. Book Recommendations?

    My SO is not much of a leisure reader, but last summer he tore through Ender’s Game and 2 weeks ago, after seeing the movie, he devoured the Hunger Games triology. I am an avid reader and have really enjoyed our conversations about these books and the political/psychological underpinnings.

    Anyone have recommendations for other books we can read together-ish?

    1. My husband and I have really enjoyed reading Stephen King and Dean Koontz books together (by which I mean, we pass them back and forth and try to not get too far ahead). The Stand is an oldie but goodie by King, and the Dark Tower Series is great, if you’ve never read either of those (lots of good stuff that I think fits “male” and “female” readers and lots and lots of psychological underpinnings). We also really enjoyed Dean Koontz’s Odd Thomas series.

      It’s really been a while, though. First, law school got in the way, then I-phones. We should really get back into doing that.

    2. If you’re looking for books to think more deeply about socio-political issues, maybe:

      The Stranger by Camus
      Animal Farm (you could also do 1984 or Brave New World) by Orwell
      The Things They Carried by Tim O’Brien

      I know I’m missing some obvious suggestions, but I’m sure others will chime in.

        1. Sorry for the repetitive posting, but in the same vein, you could all consider Coetzee’s Waiting for the Barbarians, which is a engaging and also interesting book.

          And if you’re looking for fantasy suggestions, Lynnet’s and CW’s are good. I was going off in a different direction here. :-P

    3. Oh, Oh Me! Pick Me! My only qualifications are that I love both of those books, and I do think a lot about the psychological underpinnings of books like the Hunger Games that people often dismiss as light reads. These are all sci-fi/fantasy, and light/fun to read even while providing food for thought- in line with Ender’s Game and the Hunger Games.

      In terms of longer series, I would recommend The Miles Vorkosigan series by Lois McMaster Bujold. You can start with either The Warrior’s Apprentice or Shards of Honor. I also recommend The Jhereg series by Steven Brust. First book is Jhereg. The Vorkosigan series is more political/philosophical, while the Jhereg series is more psychological. Both are character studies, and both are 10+ books long. But so, so worth it.

      Terry Pratchett writes the discworld series. It’s nominally fantasy, but I’ve seen plenty of arguments that it’s properly classified as satire. I’m not sure where the best place to start is, certainly not with the first book. I’m sure others will have recommendations.

      For a shorter series (I really like series!) you can try The Old Man’s War by John Scalzi. It’s a bit lighter than anything else I’ve recommended, but should still provide things to talk about.

      Also, keep in mind that Orson Scott Card has written well over 50 books. In particular, Speaker for the Dead, the sequel to Ender’s Game, is as good or better than Ender’s Game and should definitely be on your list.

      1. I suppose I should also note that my husband likes all of these (he introduced me to most of them) and also loves The Hunger Games and Ender’s Game.

        Also, love The Dresden Files for a long running character study.

        1. LOVE the Dresden Files. I was about to come on here and suggest that. My husband and I both devoured those books.

        2. I love both the Dresden Files and the Jhereg books (and think that Dresden and Vlad would totally get along if they didn’t kill each other before talking it out.)

          1. The amount of time I have spent in lengthy discussions comparing and contrasting Dresden and Vlad (and the respective series as character studies) doesn’t bear thinking about.

            The problem with the Dresden Files is that you have to read the first three books before it becomes great, and most people look at you really funny when you tell them that.

      2. Ooh – I second Terry Pratchett. I’ve read a number of them in no particular order. I also particularly enjoyed his collaboration with Neil Gaiman, “Good Omens.”

        1. My husband and I both started with Interesting Times, which hooked both of us on Terry Pratchett.

        2. Good Omens is one of my favorite books ever. Read it!

          OP, you might want to check out Neil Gaiman, too, if your hubs enjoys smart fantasy. I read American Gods a couple of years ago and it was excellent–one of those books where images from it still pop into my mind every once in a while.

      3. Along the fantasy – history – type theme, you might also try the Islander/Nantucket series by S.M. Stirling. Its really great. He also wrote the Embeverse series, which is also great.

        1. Love, love, love these books. To start him out, get “Dies the Fire” and “Island in the Sea of Time”.

        2. Neil Stephenson. History/fantasy/sci fi….More sociological stuff than psychological, maybe. Intrigue, certainly…

          He writes across genres, really. Crazy big books and I’m ridiculously excited when a new one comes out. Was introduced to him by a friend who’s a fan of the Ender books and more.

          Nifty to see other Dresden Files fans on here, as well! :)

    4. The Dark Tower Series that Lyssa recommended is good. I tend to like mystery/sci-fi books, and I love a series, so these may or may not be what you’re looking for, but here are some of my favorite series: 1) the Repairman Jack series by F. Paul Wilson; 2) Daniel Silva’s series about Gabriel Allon (Israeli spy-ish); 3) Jim Butcher’s Dresden Files; 4) Game of Thrones by George R. R. Martin; 5) the Sookie Stackhouse books by Charlaine Harris; and last (but certainly not least) 6) Harry Potter.

      If you’re looking for something more historic/political, I loved Team of Rivals by Doris Kearns Goodwin.

      1. I love your #2 and #4-6, so I will be checking out the rest of your recommendations. Thanks!

    5. If you want to stay in the dystopian/larger social issues area, he might enjoy the Maze Runner series by James Dashner. And the Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood is a classic.

      If you want to branch out, I recently got my husband (who reads very little nonfiction) into Neil Gaiman – Neverwhere and American Gods are especially good. And my husband’s favorite recent book is Manhunt by James L. Swanson – I’m actually listening to it now in the car, and it’s good.

      1. The Giver-can’t remember author, but it’s an awesome (but short) book about a futuristic world. Very much akin to Hunger Games but without the epic battle.

        1. Lois Lowry. It’s actually the first of a trilogy, sort of, though the other two are not nearly as good IMO.

        2. I love the Giver! Didn’t realize there were sequels. I will also second Neil Gaiman, having recently read both Neverwhere and American Gods for the first time (after wondering how I missed them in my years of fantasy/sci fi reading). I’ll second pretty much all the recommendations on this thread, actually, except to say I’m not sure guys would enjoy the Sookie Stackhouse books that much (though I think they’re great. But maybe just watch the show with him. The books come off as somehow more girly than the show. Maybe that’s me).

      2. Margaret Atwood is actually 2 books into a dystopian trilogy that I highly recommend if you like the Handmaid’s Tale. The books are “Oryx and Crake” and “The Year of the Flood”.

        1. still haven’t started The Year of the Flood, but I’m so looking forward to it! i love her books so. much.

    6. Wow, thanks for all the recs. We’ve both read through the Potter series numerous times, as well as the “high school assignment reading” (F451, 1984, Handmaiden, etc.) And while I love them, BF is a bit more hesitant. But you’ve given me a lot to entice him with.

      And BTW, I love love love the Giver and I too was disappointed in the 2 “sequels”. I just pretend they don’t exist.

      1. Oryx and Crake by Margaret Atwood. Love love love this book. Futuristic society, lots of social, political, technological issues to consider and discuss. Great characters, tragic circumstances. It’s a great read.

      2. How were they sequels? I just read the second one and didn’t get it.

        For those who like 1984, We by Zamyatin inspired Orwell to write 1984. It was so controversial that it was not published in the Soviet Union until the ’80s.

    7. The Dune series by Frank Herbert. It is sci-fi, but is all about politics and “wheels-within-wheels” machinations. The first book is the best, but I enjoyed some of the others in the series as well. The author’s son also has done prequels which I like for the way that they lead up to the main story.

    8. This is kind of an off the wall suggestion, but take a look at ‘Beat the Reaper’ by Josh Bazell and see if it is something you think he might like. I thought the humor was fun. The sequel, however, is not great.

    9. Oooo!

      – Wheel of Time series. So long, so intense. The first three books are (in my opinion) the best.

      – Seconding the recommendations for Terry Pratchett’s Discworld series (so good!), Dune, and the Voskogian series. (It’s very long, but there have been a few omnibus editions of the series).

      -Dresden Files. My SO *loves* this series. The narration was a little simplified for my tastes (and Harry Dresden was a little *too* awesome) but I’m picky. Definitely a fun fantasy read.

      – Orson Scott Card’s Alvin Maker series. It starts with “The Seventh Son”. It’s an interesting look at an alternate colonial America (with magic!), and we had some fun what if- history discussions.

      -The Cyteen trilogy by C.J. Cherryh . FAVORITE!! This is the series that made me like sci-fi. It’s a psychological sci-fi thriller and has amazingly complex characters. The sci-fi universe is complex and insanely detailed (and somewhat dark). I think there are re-issued books on Amazon that contain all three novels. “Downbelow Station” is a separate prequel set in the same universe, but you can/should start with Cyteen.

      – American Gods by Neil Gaiman. Fun. Some of the plot twists and reveals might not be all that revealing if you know a lot about various mythology, but it’s still a great book. (and less light-hearted than my other favorite of his, Good Omens, that he wrote with Terry Pratchett)

      -Leviathan by Scott Westerfield- This is actually on my to-read list. An alternate-reality novel, set around WW1. It seems like it more high-flying-adventure type, but I’ve heard that the sequel further develops the political aspects.

      1. Heartily second the Cherryh recommendation. All her sci-fi stuff is top-notch- exciting, interesting, great characters, great plot, and good interplay of social/economic/political dynamics.

        Lois Lowry’s _The Giver_ falls apart if you read critically. The birthrate….doesn’t work. Seriously, if you look at the population growth pattern that’s described in the book, the math doesn’t work. It’s so seriously sloppy that I couldn’t enjoy the book. Admittedly, hearing male sci-fi fans trash the book and use it as an example of why “women can’t do math, even basic math or pay attention to basic logic” really irked me, and by extension, made me dislike the author for making herself such an easy target.

    10. Indie author Hugh Howey – The Wool Omnibus. He just started self-publishing these stories recently and this series is incredible – dystopian post-apocalyptic sci-fi in for adults. I think he may have one of the highest rated fiction books on Amazon right now.

    11. Oldie but goodie: Stranger in a Strange Land by HEINLEIN. Futuristic utopian novel with Libertarian ideas in a 1960’s novel.

  4. I bought, and am wearing, a Jennifer Lopez top from Kohl’s under a suit. It’s cute, fits great, and I never thought in a million years I’d buy something from her line! Now I need golden brown hair extensions and false eyelashes. It’s a slippery slope…

    1. I have a dress from her line. I love it. Still, when I wear it, I am obsessive about making sure the tag is in, and I pretty much pray no one recognizes it from the ads. #JLoShame

      1. That’s so funny. I am a fan of Kohls, but on principle skip the JLo racks because I hate her so much (mostly irrationally.) I’ll wear Lauren Conrad’s line, and, like you, make sure the tag is tucked in, but I just can’t bring myself to support JLo.

        1. This is totally how I feel about Jessica Simpson’s line – SUPER cute stuff sometimes, but I just don’t know if I can bear the thought of wearing a Jessica Simpson dress.

  5. First- I got my niece a similar laptop tote bag from nuo tech for Christmas and she loves it. She’s 10, but I got it partly because I don’t think she’ll outgrow the design anytime soon- both cute and young, but also grown up.

    Second–warning, Pregnancy/baby related–I tried to post this in the morning thread, but it’s stuck in moderation: I need a cure for my baby fever (other than having a baby). DH and I recently decided that we will start trying early next year- maybe April. Now I’m thinking January. I have a million good reasons to wait another year and I am nowhere near the age where this kind of urgency is reasonable (I’m just about to turn 28). This may not be the best time to ask, since it seems there are a ton of pregnant corporettes right now (congrats all!), but how do I get over these crazy hormones and focus on the things I need to do first?

    1. In response to the second: This post is not going to help your baby fever- (sorry in advance!) I feel like I could have written your post a year ago. I am 30 but have only been out of law school for two years because I worked for several years after undergrad before going back to law school. So, to be responsible, my DH and I agreed to wait to start trying. I started getting baby fever and we pushed up when we would start trying. We have now been actively trying (not just not preventing) for six months now. I know that isn’t a long time in the grand scheme, but every month I don’t get pregnant it becomes more stressful.
      The problem is that you have to be prepared in the even that you get pregnant the first month (I had a friend who was 32 that experienced this), but in all likelihood, it will be more likely that it will take around a year (based on all of my other friends/acquaintances). So, I guess what I am saying is that I understand where you are coming from, but if I had known that it would take this long to get pregnant, I would have started trying sooner.
      [I’m having a rough day and just needed to vent, so feel free to disregard this!]

  6. So, how much of a stretch is it to think that I can lateral into a Big(ish) Law Firm with minimal experience?

    Background – 2008 grad of a Top 25, who worked less than a year in small firm. After leaving the small firm I was hired by a small(ish) business to do employee benefits stuff, which I have been doing the last 3 years. I’ve been job hunting in general, but a local Big(ish) Firm listed a posting for an Employee Benefit Associate, with 1 to 3 years of legal or industry experience.

    My take – it’s not a complete stretch, but I’m not likely to be at the top of anyone’s list. I’d have to do a writing sample (which I have an idea about) basically from scratch because I haven’t done anything noteworthy writing-wise since law school, but I do have the experience of what the client/customer is looking for since I have been the customer/client for the last 3 years. I know as much about the law in this area as any 1st year associate would know (as in, just enough to probably be dangerous), but my research and writing skills are rusty.

    Either way, I’ll be applying. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. I’m just kind of wondering how much of a long shot I should expect.

    1. It’s not a stretch at all. I lateraled to big law with not much more experience than you have. At least in my niche, the lateral market is pretty tight and we are having a hard time finding anyone with any experience whatsoever. The Big Law firms hire from the same pool we do so they are facing the same issues.

    2. It’s hard to know – a lot depends on the local market, the firm, and other factors. But I’m glad to hear you are going for it. Good luck!

    3. I don’t think it’s a stretch either – employee benefits departments have a hard time recruiting associates, so I think they are more open to people w/ unconventional (if related) background.

        1. I worked in biglaw, and in my firm, it was a running joke that our employee benefits group could never get any summers to choose their department, so they always had to hire laterals. I’ve heard similar from other biglaw firms. However, I realized after posting, that this probably had as much to do w/ the location (NY) and general snob factor of biglaw in NYC as anything else, so YMMV in your region.

      2. I was going to say something similar — I think ERISA/EE benefits is a rather in-demand niche right now (just not that many people who know anything about it), so even a BigLaw firm might be happy just to have some people in the pool of applicants. I’d definitely emphasize that you know what the clients want b/c you’ve been the client.
        Good luck!

    4. I am benefits biglaw. We definitely hire laterals who are not in biglaw, especially if they have LLMs or are otherwise specialized (accounting, auditing, risk, etc.). Go ahead, apply, it can’t hurt, and I bet you will at least get some interviews.

  7. For anyone whose loans were recently transferred from Access to ACS —

    It’s all screwed up now! Got a letter from ACS saying loan transferred from Access. No bill, no new due date. So I call on my own initiative last week. Told due date is now Saturday and I can go create an account online. That’s it. So fine, I do that – try to post the payment on Sat., and it tells me because it’s the weekend, they’re going to schedule it as though it is “scheduled” for Monday, today. Call now to make sure account is marked as timely paid, told it’s 2 days delinquent! And the customer service people could not be worse. Everyone is slower than mollasses and no one understands my problem. So far both the regular person and the supervisor just keep telling me I have 15 days grace period before I am considered in default. Not very helpful when I made the payment on time and my interest rate depends on being timely with payments!!! And mind you, had I not called them in the first place I wouldn’t have even known the payment was due!

    So PSA ladies – 1) don’t try to pay ACS outside M-F reg. business hours; 2) don’t call their customer service if you want help; and 3) if you do call, be sure you have great hearing because the operators all sit in some sort of big room where anytime your operator stops talking, you hear 15 others going all at once. FML!

    1. Do you mean AES or is ACS? I’ve had good luck w/ AES. My payments do frequently post a day or two “delinquent” but it has always been within the grace period and hasn’t affected my interest rate, caused a late fee, or shown up on a credit report to date so I haven’t stressed much about it.

      1. ACS.

        I think probably this will not ultimately affect me either but I am just frustrated that it’s set up in such an incompetent way and that no one I spoke to could either a) alert me to this problem when I first called or b) explain to me that my credit/interest rate would not be affected.

        Instead this was my conversation:

        Me: Hi, I am concerned that my account says delinquent when in fact I posted the payment on the due date.
        Them: I understand, maam. Your account is posted as delinquent because you did not pay it by the due date.
        Me: But I did pay it on the due date.
        Them: Yes, but when you pay it on the due date that is a weekend, it doesn’t count.

        Thanks for the reassuring thoughts though!

    2. I had all my undergrad loans consolidated and that loan was with ACS. Now my Access group grad loans, which were not consolidated and my ACS are all together! So far it looks like Access is transferring only the payment part to ACS and keeping the loan?

      I have had a real problem over the years with ACS double withdrawing. And it would overdraft my account in grad school and they do nothing to fix it. They would say, well, we won’t take a payment next month. What about the fee? Not as a big deal then as it was now because I have a cushion. But, I recently FINALLY got my 1% interest reduction for never missing a payment with them. What is interesting is that I got a letter from my undergrad school that said they are paying back some money because of an error they made about 3 months ago. Still have not seen an adjustment to my loans on ACS. I will wait probably 4 months before making the dreaded call. worst customer service ever.

  8. Do you have inspirational quotes or mantras that you remember or think about on a daily basis? What are they?

    The one I’ve been focusing a lot on right now is, “a year from now, you’ll wish you had started today.”

    1. “Appreciate this moment.” – it’s currently the wallpaper on my phone right now and it’s a great reminder.

      Also, when I feel stressed or overwhelmed by a problem, I always try to ask myself, “In ten years, will this matter?” It’s very helpful for putting things into perspective.

    2. This too shall pass.

      All will be well, all will be well, all manner of things will be well. (Julian of Norwich)

      When things are going really badly, “I’ll cut a b****.” (Only in my head! I swear!)

    3. Not every day, but every bad day – “when you’re going through hell, keep going”. I think that was Churchill. Also, “when a voice inside tells you that you cannot paint, then by all means, paint, and that voice will be silenced”. Van Gogh, I believe. Both gleaned from snapple caps over the years.

    4. Since the thread the other day – “if Brittney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this day.”

      2. x2! I’m going to print that out in fancy font and hang it next to my computer, I’ve got a rough few months ahead of me!

    5. I like:

      Don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good.
      Even the best laid plans rarely survive the first battle.
      and
      The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends towards justice.

      1. “The perfect is the enemy of the good” was the theme song of my dissertation. I had it on an index card taped to my wall at eye level right above my desk.

    6. My mantras lately are:

      “Stop thinking about it/researching it/talking about it and just DO IT.” (supposed I have to credit Nike for that one),

      and for the big projects looming:

      “How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time” – to remind me that every project has small parts to it.

    7. “Nothing so needs reforming as other people’s habits” – Mark Twain.

      Helps with the perspective that sometimes I am someone else’s THAT PERSON.

      1. I’m currently dealing with a strong desire to reform another person’s actions, so thanks for that :)

      2. Every time I see a Mark Twain quote, I realize I need to read more Mark Twain. So where shall I start? I’ve read Huck Finn and A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court, but that’s it. Suggestions?

        1. i absolutely love “A Pen Warmed-Up in Hell: Mark Twain in Protest” a short anthology of some of his short essays, etc. righteously angry and hysterical…

    8. Maybe not on a daily basis, but pretty frequently recently:

      “When you choose an action, you choose the consequences of that action. . . when you desire a consequence you had damned well better take the action that would create it.” Lois McMaster Bujold

      1. I like that one! I’m usually not much of a quote-y person myself, outside of running, but my running quote (err, paragraph) is General Patton: “Now if you are going to win any battle you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do. The body will always give up. It is always tired morning, noon, and night. But the body is never tired if the mind is not tired. When you were younger the mind could make you dance all night, and the body was never tired…You’ve always got to make the mind take over and keep going,” via Runner’s World.

        1. Oh and Marty Liquori, “There is no satisfaction without struggle first.”

          Occasionally, Sartre, “L’enfer, c’est les autres.” Public education FTL.

    9. I have on my wall right now:

      When the day is over and you have done your best…wait the results in peace.

      Good to read when I’m waiting for a decision to come in.

    10. Love quotes! Here are a few that got me through a bad job:

      “Courage does not always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying ‘I will try again tomorrow.'” Mary Anne Radmacher.

      “You is smart. You is kind. You is important.”

      “Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”

      “No one would ever have crossed the ocean if he could have gotten off the ship in a storm.”

    11. This too shall pass.

      And my dad’s fav — illegetimi non carborundum — don’t let the bastards get you down.

    12. “Don’t sweat the small stuff. And it’s all small stuff.”

      “Don’t let the bastards get you down.” (Sometimes bastards replaced with idiots)

      “Rise above. Just rise above.” (this one is in the southern accent of the dear friend who said it to me.)

      “I am so very blessed.”

      “First world problems.”

      “That auto body shop guy is smokin’ hot and I think he was looking down my shirt.” (That one is from this morning.

    13. The world will not end today. The world can’t end today, because it’s already tomorrow in Australia.

      It’ll be alright in the end. If it’s not alright, it’s not the end.

      1. Hee, that makes me think of Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. Some days are like that, even in Australia.

        2. I give that book to all my friends who have babies. And I just read it to my 5-month-old nephew last week.

    15. No mantra but last Christmas (2010) I went to my brother’s rock and roll megachurch and the minister preached this incredible sermon on gratitude. Despite my initial skepticism, it was so powerful I took notes! I try to focus on the things and people I’m grateful for and to show gratitude to people around me who are working hard and doing good things for me and others. I had a necklace made for myself (from an Etsy shop) with little tags that say “blessed” “loved” and “grateful.”

    16. “Slow down you crazy child/Take the phone off the hook and disappear for a while/It’s alright you can afford to lose a day or two”

      Yes, it’s technically a Billy Joel lyric, but it’s always made me feel better when things get overwhelming.

    17. I used to have this poem hanging up on my bulletin board (when I had a bulletin board):

      Invictus

      Out of the night that covers me,
      Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
      I thank whatever gods may be
      For my unconquerable soul.

      In the fell clutch of circumstance
      I have not winced nor cried aloud.
      Under the bludgeonings of chance
      My head is bloody, but unbowed.

      Beyond this place of wrath and tears
      Looms but the Horror of the shade,
      And yet the menace of the years
      Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

      It matters not how strait the gate,
      How charged with punishments the scroll.
      I am the master of my fate:
      I am the captain of my soul.

      -William Ernest Henley

    18. “I believe in the sun even when it is not shining. I believe in love even when I cannot feel it. I believe in God even when He is silent.”
      (Found written on a wall at a concentration camp during the Holocaust)

  9. Now that I’ve nearly finished Season 1 of Downton Abbey on netflix instant, can someone tell me if Season 2 is available for free anywhere? I’m in the US.

    2. I don’t think so – DVDs are out for sale (saw it at Target last week), so that means Netflix likely won’t have it for ages and pbs.org took it down a couple weeks after the PBS airing ended. Amazon has it for sale (DVDs and streaming) for under $20-ish I think.

    3. I don’t believe so, at least not anywhere that you could download it without worrying about a virus.

      I bought it off I-Tunes and spent the $20 or whatever…and figured it made up for the fact that I haven’t made an annual donation to PBS or public radio in a few years.

      1. True. I switch to the streaming only, and then forgot that they do actual DVD thing too. Good catch.

        1. Oops. I forget that too. Oh well, now its on my computer and I can re-watch the Christmas episode to my heart’s content. Which is embarrassingly frequently.

    5. yes… but I’m hesitant to link to any actual sites because they are almost certainly not legit. The key is to stream only. Don’t download anything. And you shouldn’t have to fill out any surveys to see the stream. There are a ton of links for this show because it has been out in Britain for so long, and I think it’s even done airing in the U.S. now- the bbc website doesn’t have it?

    6. I’m pretty sure it’s available streaming (legally and freely) on PBS’s website! I watched them all right when they stopped airing on PBS and they were available then.

      1. They took them down a little while ago (I believe a few weeks after it finished airing in the US.)

        1. Thank you so much! I’m now sitting here at my desk laughing, and hoping not to have to explain why. You made my day.
          :)

  11. @ Ru and other color mavens:

    What color(s) would you recommend with dark teal? Almost all my staples are black or charcoal (with a white T here or there). I also wear a fair amount of dark teal, garnet red and eggplant. This all goes with my coloring and keeps life simple because everything goes together year after year.

    I recently bought a Coach Chelsea Patent Leather tote in deep teal. I have carried it several times with an all black outfit. But now I am planning a trip and think that it will be my carry-on and only purse for the 10 days. It doesn’t really go with garnet or eggplant. So what do I do? Limit myself to black, white and teal for the trip? Buy Ts in other colors (which ones?)? Bring a black bag, which goes with everything, instead or in addition? First world problems.

    Thanks for playing!

    1. I actually would wear dark teal with garnet or eggplant. I also like dark teal with yellow – one of my favorite outfits is The Skirt in yellow with a dark teal sweater over a printed blouse. And while all neutrals would “work,” I particularly like dark teal withgray and espresso brown.

      1. Hmm. Next time I am home during daylight hours, I will put on my eggplant dress and the teal bag and see how it looks. Ditto for anything garnet and the bag. It certainly wouldn’t be the first time I’ve been wrong.

        1. Trying them together is a great idea – how good they look might depend somewhat on the exact hues/saturations. But I do think that, in general, jewel tones tend to look lovely together.

    2. I think teal would go nicely with either garnet or eggplant! Teal is very versatile, in my book.

      1. Same. I have a charcoal suit with both teal and garnet stripes and I get lots of compliments on it.

    3. I have a medium teal bag (bigger, regular leather) that I wear with all sorts of colors, not just teal/grey/black.

      One, I think teal goes with the other colors you listed, and two, even if you are normally adverse to more than one non-neutral solid in an outfit (as I am), purses don’t have to ‘match’ in color, but in tone/spirit.

      1. “even if you are normally adverse to more than one non-neutral solid in an outfit”

        EXACTLY. This is my issue. It is always black/charcoal + the accent color (teal OR garnet OR eggplant). I didn’t know this was an actual thing. I just knew this was how I felt.

        1. Sounds like we may be wardrobe twins, as most of my clothes are non-patterned greys, blacks, and jewel tones. “Mixing it up” for me involves black and white prints.

          I’m trying to force myself away from that, starting with patterns.

          I would LOVE to get comfortable with mixing solids. I love the look on others (e.g. the First Lady), but I fail in the execution.

    4. Oooh! I bought a dark purple dress with white print and wore it on Easter. I was looking for a cardigan to go with it, and suddenly spotted my teal one. At first, I was all “No, that’s crazy.” But the little Ru in my head (don’t we all have one of those?) said, “Hey, just try it.” I did, and it looked really, really good. Way better than any of my neutral cardis.

        1. My favorite color to wear with teal is olive! I did a whole ten day trip with jeans, teal, and olive, almost entirely!

        2. Purple bag (similar color to the dress – yes, I have a bit of a purple problem), silver/pewter shoes, no tights. Tanzinite (sp?) necklace and earrings.

    5. I accidentally wore my navy pants with a teal sweater recently (got dressed in the dark… oops) and decided it looked more sophisticated than the black pants I had intended would have.

      I think this one depends on how easy it is to distinguish the particular navy and particular teal, though.

  12. Help! I cannot find the list of SF recruiters from a coffee break thread some weeks ago. Anyone recall the thread or have any recommendations? TIA!

    1. I don’t remember the thread, but if you search site:corporette on google and search major lindsay & africa it will come up because it was one of the recommendations made.

    2. Bob Major or Marty Africa — both founding partners of Major, Lindsay and Africa.

      2. And apologies for my misspelling — it’s Major, Lindsey-with-an-E and Africa.

      3. Amy, I missed your rec for your favorite massage therapist. Care to share?

        Linklaters was another one of the recs.

    3. Also, Lateral Link and Swan Legal were recommended. I asked the question last Monday afternoon, I believe.

  13. No kidding. I tried paying my bill online Saturday night, and their website was down for hours. And I’ve had the same experience with their customer service reps.

  14. I saw another book thread earlier, so hopefully y’all aren’t booked out.

    I watched the first episode of the second season of The Borgias last night on Showtime, and I’m wondering if anyone knows of a non-dry book I can read to give me a good background on the family. I’m not always into nonfiction, but I thought this could be one of the topics where there’s a lively almost fiction like book out there.

    If anyone has read “The Lost Painting: The Quest for a Caravaggio Masterpiece,” that is the kind of non-fiction that I like.

    1. not non-fiction, but i read “the family” by mario puzo a few years ago and really enjoyed it.

    2. This isn’t exactly on point, but I read Galileo’s Daughter and really loved it (not really about the Borgia’s but same period….sort of). I also read the Borgia Bride, I think, but honestly it left almost no impression on me, so I’m not sure I can really recommend it.

    3. I am an avid history/family dynasty reader.

      This is hard because most books that I have read about the Renaissance tend to be on the drier side. I’m going to research this, because I love this era – ESPECIALLY the Borgias and the Medici. I’ll let you know what I find.

      On a separate, but similar note I love all of Allison Weir’s nonfiction about the Tudors. She has a ton. I also like Antonia Frasier’s Marie Antoinette and all of her books about the French dynasty. Alistair Horne’s book Seven Ages of Paris was also really fun.

    5. funny- my whole weekend revolved around the Borgias… Alexander Dumas wrote a book on them simply called The Borgias which was pretty good- lots of details on who got killed (and how)
      I had a whole list someplace but can’t find it now. If you search for them on B&N’s site or Amazon you get a whole list of mostly good titles and you can pick and choose based on which types appeal to you

    6. I really liked “Brunelleschi’s Dome”, it’s the story of the building of Santa Maria del Fiore in Renaissance Florence, but there’s quite a bit about the political drama of that time.
      “House of Medici: its rise and fall” is also set in Florence, and quite gripping.

      1. …….and I just re read your comment and realized that you were asking for recommendations specifically about the Borgais, not just books similar to “The Lost Painting.”.
        “House of Medici” is a good read about their enemies?

    7. Awesome, thanks all for the recs. I’m going to check all of these out, even the ones that aren’t about the Borgias. I love the time period, and I really love historical fiction. Definitely saving some of these for my upcoming beach vacation.

  15. I asked my husband for a DVF wrap dress for my birthday, so now I’m polling the audience: Which would you choose? Solid or patterned? What color? The main appeal of those dresses is that people are still wearing ones they bought in the 70s, so I want one that will have some staying power.

    1. I vote for the pattern. Solid is all well and good, but I think that the pattern will live forever, and it is more fun.

    2. I would normally say solid because it’s less memorable when worn frequently, more forgiving to most figures, and more timeless. But forget all of that. It’s DVF. She somehow masters pattern in a way that is really flattering and relevant year after year. Have some fun and pick out a beautiful pattern. And then tell us all about it so I can enjoy vicariously.

    4. I have two and they are both pattern on a darker background — i find that helps to pair it with tights in the winter or dress it up for an evening occasion. The lighter/brighter colored ones seem to “playful” for where I work:)

    5. I vote Pattern. You can get basic wrap dresses in solids anywhere. You want a pattern b/c that’s what she does so well, plus they look divine. And, this might just be me, but a pattern would get more “Wow, what a great dress” than a solid! ;)

      1. This is all so good to hear! I was really wanting the pattern, but I was telling myself I should get a solid so it would be more classic. I’m thrilled! I may end up with the one linked to above – I love it!

        And I am lucky to have a great husband who buys me nice things. :)

        1. yeah, that’s one of my favorite patterns, too, good call. ;o)
          And I am so jealous, but thanks for letting all us poor folk live vicariously through you! it is so fun to even imagine getting a pretty pretty DVF dress, siiiiigh…

  16. I read an historical fiction novel about Lucrezia Borgia about a decade ago. Actually, I read two, but one was horrible and I wouldn’t recommend it. Let me go on Amazon and see if I can find the one I liked. Otherwise, I will try to remember to look at my bookshelves when I get home tonight.

      1. Dumas has a book on the Borgias, if I am not mistaken. I think its called the Borgias.
        I went through most of his books like crack in my early years and would highly recommend. Historically accurate enough to be relevant and totally juicy and fun to keep the pages turning. Some other fun ones by him: Twenty Years After and Vicomte de Bragelonne; Queen Margot (about Catherine de Medici’s daughter — sooooo much intrigue…)

        There is ,btw, a pretty good recent non-fiction account by Christopher Hibbert … I think it’s called The Borgias? If you look by Hibbert, you should be able to find it.

    2. The two I am thinking of are “The Borgia Bride” by Jeanne Kalogridis and “Lucrezia Borgia: A Novel” by John Faunce. But now I can’t remember which one I liked. You can read a few pages of each on Amazon.

  17. I’ve complained here before about how going off of the pill meant no periods whatsoever for me. So, I finally went to the doctor about it and she put me on some hormones that are supposed to start my period (then I take Clomid, which I’m irrationally afraid of). I haven’t had one for 100 days at this point. Now, on my 4th day on the meds, and I can suddenly feel that big punch of hormones. And all I can think about is how much I’d like to curl up on the floor and cry my eyes out. Not sad about anything, just want to cry. Grrr, so frustrating! Someone make my system normal!

    1. I started my period today and all I am saying is the “I’ll cut a b****” mantra and sobbing under my desk are taking turns to torment me. HOW WAS MY WEEKEND?!?! Get out.

      1. You might need to actually cut a b**** to make it go away. Be sure she’s at least a real b**** and not an innocent bystander.

    2. Sorry! I had to take the provera to induce bleeding also, after several months. Hope you feel better!

    3. I’m so sorry you’re going through this! I had the same no periods after going off bc, and was diagnosed with PCOS. I had a two day period of crazy when they started me back on birth control to normalize things. I had to excuse myself from a conversation about recycling at work because I was about to burst into tears. Thankfully I had the ability to take the second day off so I could cry in peace at home. Take care of yourself and remember that you’ll be back to normal soon.

    3. Is it sad that I know that the cat wedges are Marc Jacobs knock offs? And that I secretly wanted the real thing?

    4. Okay this is going to sound crazy, since I’m the one who posted the mouse shoes, but those are so cute!!

  19. I want to start giving up Diet Soda but don’t want to give up the afternoon jolt of caffeine. I would like to avoid artificial sugar. Iced coffee? Green tea? Suggestions welcome.

    1. i used to be a diet soda fanatic. every day i drank at least one 20 ounce bottle in the morning, one 20 ounce bottle in the afternoon, and then many, many glasses once i was at home for the night. each week, i estimate i would go through anywhere from two to four 2-liter bottles at home, plus the 10 (!!!) 20-ounce bottles i bought at work.

      i gave up diet soda and all other artificial sweeteners (mainly the half packet of sweet & low in my morning coffee and the occasional crystal light-type drinks) in october 2011 and haven’t looked back since. sometimes i’ll feel stir-crazy during the afternoon, so i’ll go get an iced coffee or a coconut water or make hot tea (i keep a box of celestial seasonings “tension tamer” in my desk), but it’s more the act of getting up from my desk that i want – i am surprisingly energetic without all the caffeine. i’d give it a shot before you automatically replace your soda with something else, you may be surprised.

      1. Tell us how you quit! I drink so. much. diet. coke. It’s probably for similar reasons to you (the “break” in the day or something to look forward to). I don’t drink coffee or tea or other caffeine. I just can’t seem to quit! Did you go cold turkey or wean yourself off or tell yourself something to help? Willpower tips much appreciated…

        1. i did it many many years ago, but I did it sort of cold turkey, but with a timeline.

          1st – I had to cold turkey cut out all fast food and soda for 3 months.

          2nd – the deal was that after 3 months of nothing, I would be allowed to have anything i wanted on Fridays, but not on any other days.

          That made cold turkey possible, b/c i had a date that I would be allowed to have a soda sometime in the future.

          But honestly, after having 3 months of nothing, that first friday when I opened a coke, it was soooo sweet and just made me feel gross. So, i barely had a soda once a month, and after a few months I didn’t miss it anymore, and before I knew it, years had gone by and I hadn’t had a single regular soda in forever. Now, i do have ‘natural’ ginger ales every once in a while, cause they are so delicious and gingery. But I never drink national brand sodas.

          And really, it’s like we’re addicted. But once you kind of retrain your taste buds, soda is kind of gross.

          Altho, the nice thing is now you can get lots of sparkling waters with a little bit of flavor (Trader Joes!) so, you could substitute those, and still get that refreshing, sparkles on the tongue feeling without all the chemicals and sugars.

          1. Thanks!! This is helpful. I think I may just need to go “cold turkey” and set myself a date like you did. I want to quit so badly! I try to take really good care of myself otherwise with my diet and working out and avoiding too many chemical preservatives, etc. but I ruin all of that with my diet coke addiction. It’s my birthday in a couple of days so maybe I’ll use that as a push to turn over a new leaf and try the 3 months cold turkey like you! Thanks zora.

          2. the date when I could start having a little again really helped it not seem like such a huge monumental thing. like: “I can never ever have a soda ever again!!” that sounds scary. but putting an end date on it made it less scary. Plus, it meant that if I scr*wed up, I could just start the three months over again, so it wouldn’t be the end of the world. But I never did fall off the wagon, so it worked!

            Good luck! And good for you! really, you will feel so much better, and in the long run, you will be much much healthier.** You can do it! ;o)

          4. I also quit diet coke cold turkey over a long weekend, and literally sat in my basement for the whole time watching movies and being grouchy. I kid not. After three days of unhappiness, I was pretty much resolved to never touch another diet coke again so I wouldn’t have to relive that moment.

        2. completely cold turkey. i did it as part of a 30-day general nutrition overhaul at my gym, and only because my coach insisted it be the first thing to go. i was SO skeptical because REALLY it has no calories and how could it make a difference and water is boring and and and… so, i gave it up fully intending on resuming my usual habits on day 31. and the fact is…i just didn’t really miss it. i had a little bit of diet coke at a family christmas party, but other than that i haven’t had a single drop since september 30. i think the best part is just how much money i save – i was dropping a good $50/week on the stuff.

    2. Iced tea is my go-to. At first, I could only drink it sweet, but then I got annoyed at how the sugar wouldn’t dissolve and I would get not sweet, not sweet, mouthful of sugar, etc. and I got used to it without sugar. Adding lemon helps.

      During the summer, I’ll make hot tea in a heat-safe bottle at night, put it in the fridge overnight, and have it for the next day.

    3. I drink green tea almost constantly (although not after about 6 o’clock or I won’t be able to sleep). Also second coco’s suggestion that in summer it can be made the night before, cooled in fridge, and then it’s iced tea for the next day (I also just use lemon, not sugar, to brighten up flavours, although I also used flavoured teas – ie peach green or something like that – to cut down on the bitterness of the brew).

      Tea (particularly green or white) is nice because generally people don’t experience the caffeine slump from it – it doesn’t ramp you up as high as coffee or soft drinks and so you don’t crash afterwards.

      Also, apparently apples are more of a pick-me-up than a cup of coffee – maybe try having apple slices in the afternoon instead?

      Re: zora’s mention of sparkling waters – I try to save money on this one by mixing carbonated/sparkling water with a dash of lemon juice. It’s usually cheaper than pre-flavoured ones, and I find it quite tasty.

    4. You can try iced green tea or iced oolong if you want a cool tea, but both are good hot too. I find that both can take some time to get used to without sweetener, but after a while you won’t mind it.

    5. Iced tea, but it’s a lot harder to come by than diet coke when you are stuck in an office building, unless you are set up to make your own.

      If you have a Starbucks nearby, it is quite easy to get hooked on having their ventiblackunsweetenedidcedtea every afternoon. Ask me how I know.

      1. I will raise you a grandeicedgreentealighticewithhalfthesweeteneryouusuallyputinit. It is the most finicky drink I order, but so worth it! I am only saved by the fact that the one Starbucks in my town is on the opposite side from where I live and work.

        For the OP, I think the three-month thing sounds like a really good idea. I used to drink a lot of soda when I was younger, but for some reason around the age of eleven I decided I was never going to drink it again; and now I think it’s disgustingly, cloyingly sweet (unless it has booze in it, mm bourbon and ginger). You’ve just got to give your taste buds time to reboot themselves.

    6. Unsweetened iced tea? It’s more common in some places in the US than others. I used to be able to get it in just about any corner store in my former town, and they just don’t sell it here. I never thought I’d miss crappy Lipton’s tea so much!

      1. I make my own, freeze it overnight in a nalgene, and take it to work in the morning. It stays frozen most of the day.

        I keep backup teabags in my desk drawer and can always brew more if necessary, adding ice from the kitchen.

  20. Dear ‘Rettes,
    I would really appreciate advice from the businesswomen among you. My aunt, who has been a businesswoman for many years, has decided to apply to business school. The problem? She has never written a personal statement before, and she hasn’t updated her resume for a long time. She asked me for help, but I’m a lawyer, not a businessperson. Does anyone have tips I could share with her on brushing up for the b-school application process? Some background: she’s 57, born and raised in a foreign country (U.S. citizen but all her work experience is in that country or European countries). If any of you have the time and generosity to do this, I could send you her materials for editing/comments in a personal e-mail.

    Thank you so much! This means a lot to us both.

  21. I would really appreciate advice from the businesswomen among you. My aunt, who has been a businesswoman for many years, has decided to apply to business school. The problem? She has never written a personal statement before, and she hasn’t updated her resume for a long time. She asked me for help, but I’m a lawyer, not a businessperson. Does anyone have tips I could share with her on brushing up for the b-school application process? Some background: she’s 57, born and raised in a foreign country (U.S. citizen but all her work experience is in that country or European countries). If any of you have the time and generosity to do this, I could send you her materials for editing/comments in a personal e-mail. Thank you so much!! This means a lot to us both.

    1. If she went to any college here in the US, she should call the alumnae/i office and ask for help. Otherwise, she should call the admissions offices of a couple B schools like the ones she is considering (but maybe not the exact ones) and ask for help. They may send her to resources like books or workshops, or they may put her in touch with someone on campus who can help her. Her demographic will appeal to admissions recruiters, so they will want to help.

      1. Also, there is a B school in France (I think, but somewhere in Western Europe) to which she should definitely apply. They are extremely prestigious and attract experienced professionals as students. I am blanking on the name, but someone here will know it.

        2. You may be thinking of IMD, actually, which is in Lausanne (Switzy). It’s only for exec MBAs. INSEAD is also awesome, (and is now in Singapore in additional to outside Paris), but includes many younger students as well. IMD trends older.

          She should check out beatthegmat, accepted.com, businessweek.com’s forums, and Richard Montauk’s “How to Get into a Top B-School” (paraphrasing title, but you can find it). Montauk especially has a ton of “example” personal statements.

          Also, before she gets excited about writing her personal statement, know that many schools have a “slate” of essays (usually four to six), of all different lengths, and that the personal statement length for each school varies considerably. That is to say, unlike law school, b-school applications tend to have to be completely personalized to the school.

          She should apply to exec MBA programs only, BTW, if she is going to a top school. The oldest student in my class (who was also my study groupmate) matriculated at age 44 and was affectionately know as Blue (from Old School). He was the oldest student that my program had admitted in years. She will get more out of a program that doesn’t consist mainly of 28-year-olds.

          Good luck to your aunt.

    2. besides reaching out to her prior college, she should consider working with a professional resume writer. I also found MBA Admissions Strategy: From profile building to essay writing by Avi Gordon to be EXCELLENT and it was a huge help to me getting into an MBA program.

  23. I hate Time Warner! They do not offer mad men on demand. What do I pay them $100 every month again?

    1. I ask myself that question every time the sound randomly cuts out while I’m watching a show. Their cable service is truly horrendous. Then I realize it’s because my roommate controls the cable bill and I’m moving in august so it’s not worth switching. But the day I move into a new apartment and can actually select my own cable provider (hello, Verizon, or perhaps RCN) will be one of the happier days of my life.

    2. At least AMC re-runs Mad Men like crazy during the week – you just have to try to time it right to catch one. But yes that is a bummer

      1. We just moved from an apartment with Verizon to a place that can only get Time Warner. I loathe Time Warner! And it’s so hard to deal with their cr*ppy service after being with Verizon.

        You are not alone.

  24. Travel TJ:

    5 days in Turkey- what would you do?
    Would love to see Istanbul and some beaches, but don’t know if that’s feasible.

    1. I spent 10 days in Istanbul in 2001 and still felt that I didn’t see it all, so I would vote for staying in the city. I went with a girlfriend, and we spent five nights at the Four Seasons (the old one, that used to be a prison, not the new one near the water that hadn’t been built yet) and five nights at the Conrad. The city is so big that we actually wanted to stay in two separate parts, and it was a good choice. My favorite things:

      * Boat ride up the Bosporous to the Black Sea. You get out on the “Asia” side of the water and walk around for a couple hours before getting back on the boat and coming home.
      * Grand Bazaar. Spent an entire day there. Some shopping/buying, but mostly looking and learning and eating. I love porcelain and there is lots of gorgeous porcelain there (I brought home a salad bowl and matching bowls that I still love and use). The gold jewelry section (separate from the stone jewelry section) is amazing. Spent hours going into each stall and trying things on and negotiating. You negotiate based on the price of gold, based on workmanship and carat. Figure out what the rate is in advance (or in the first store) and then get familiar with what 1x, 2x, 3x etc are so you can negotiate quickly. Or use a calculator. Really interesting and so gorgeous. I bought my then step-mother a beautiful bracelet she had requested that I never saw her wear. I hope she leaves it to my half-sister so someone gets some use out of it one day. I wish I had bought some for myself. And the food! Also, if you are a carpet person, you will love this. An entire day. Really.
      * Spice Market. Wow. About an hour or two.
      * Blue Mosque. Hagia Sophia. Hire a guide. Read about architecture and Constantine before you go. I like to draw when I visit these places. Or bring a book and read.
      * Dress modestly. I mean: sandals will likely make you feel too exposed. One day I wore pants that showed my ankles, and I was the only one I saw that day showing that much skin. Long sleeves. Carry a shawl to cover your head when you go into mosques (every 10 feet/5 minutes — they are so beautiful!). When we landed at LAX, all of a sudden every women I saw looked so … so … uncovered. I got over it in a few days.
      * Cistercian baths (underground) tour.
      * Take a Turkish bath! We did it at the spa at the Hotel Intercontinental. If I were going now, I’d do it at the new Four Seasons.
      * The food! Fresh vegetables and eggplant salads and fresh feta and the breads. BAKLAVA!
      * Tour of Topkapi Palace.

      You will have a wonderful time!

      1. Was it really that conservative for clothing? I worked with a bunch of Turkish (several from Istanbul) girls in college and they said they wore the same clothes in the US as they did at home. Facebook bears this up.

        Otherwise, so jealous! I’ve never been, but if I went, I’d really want to get out to the coast. Again, Turkish girls’ Facebook make it look like heaven on earth.

        1. I personally felt more comfortable wearing loose trousers and long-sleeved tops in Turkey, but in Istanbul the mix of clothing is so varied you would be absolutely fine (provided you can cover arms/legs/head while visiting mosques).

          You could consider taking the ferry out to the Princes’ Islands if you want a lazy beach day – they are beautiful and peaceful and a popular day trip for city-dwellers.

    2. Definitely Istanbul (Hagia Sophia, Blue Mosque, Topkapi Palace – all typical tourist places, but so beautiful), and I loved Ephesus. The ruins were extensive and some were quite intact. It was reallly cool. Also, I happened to be there on a sunny day in Spring, when the wildflowers were out among the ruins and a breeze was blowing, so I could be biased. But it was still awesome. Cappadocia was fun, too, but is away from the coast, so you might not have time to get there, see it, and get back in five days and have time to do anything else.

      1. Bodrum is a great beach town and is a one hour flight from Istanbul. We spent 10 days in Turkey two years ago and loved it. As for clothing, I wore t-shirts, capris, sundresses and clark mary janes all over and did not get any stramge looks. When we went into a mosque or hagia sofia I wore log sleeves and covered head, but other than that my normal jcrew-eque weekend outfits were fine.

        If you have any extra time, Romania ia about a 90 minute flight away–we did a two day side trip that was fabulous!

    3. I just got back from Istanbul and LOVED it. You’re going to have such a great time! And I think five days is the perfect amount of time to spend there — that’s what we did, and I felt like we struck a great balance between hard-core sightseeing and just wandering.

      I echo everything above me has said — Bosphorus boat ride, Aya Sofya (unbelievable), Blue Mosque, and Topkapi Palace are all must-sees.

      We also tried a Turkish bath at Cemberlitas Hamam and really enjoyed it. I believe it’s been around since the 1600s!

      It may have been that we were there in chilly March, but I didn’t feel like people were any more conservatively dressed than in the US or Europe. I barely saw any headscarves while we were there (well, except for the mosques — bring a scarf or shawl for when you visit those). Everyone wore a lot of black.

      We stayed at (and loved) Hotel Amira in Sultanahmet. It’s walking distance from the Sultanahmet tram stop, the Blue Mosque, the Aya Sofya, and Topkapi Palace. The lovely English-speaking staff really went out of their way to make us feel welcome. They were also great about helping us with restaurant reservations. And their breakfast spread and 5 PM tea spread were incredible! I can’t recommend it enough.

      Cocoon in Sultanahmet was one of my favorite stops for unique gifts — lots of funky felt hats and vibrant jewelry.

      If you have time and are interested, the Istanbul Archeological Museums (one of the first things in my pics after the Topkapi Palace) was cool — you can see Alexander the Great’s tomb, among other ancient artifacts.

      Oh, and go have dinner at Balicki Sabahattin, a fish restaurant in Sultanahmet. You must go (if you like fish, that is)! Everything is so light, fresh, and flavorful.

      If you like modern art, check out the Istanbul Modern for a taste of the contemporary Turkish art scene. It’s right on the Bosphorus and has a very chic restaurant on the premises with a gorgeous view of the water. It’s a manageable museum — easily done in an hour or two. And it’s a nice change of pace after all the ancient pieces you’ll see elsewhere.

      We also went to Dolmabahace Palace, too (near the Istanbul Modern), which I would say is not a must-see, but we did enjoy it. It’s ridiculously ornate. The grounds alone are worth a visit! And you can say you saw the largest chandelier in Europe.

      Have a great trip!

    4. Second everyone else’s great suggestions.
      In the Grand Bazaar the cashmere scarves are beautiful and so cheap (and pretty much the only thing I could buy to fit in my carry-on only luggage – my boss’ policy!).
      A cocktail at a rooftop bar a sunset, there are a few great ones around.

  26. Kind of a serious note, but have to share.
    Decided i have an alcohol problem, although not the public boozehound….more of a quiet, functional, self-loathing variety. Too much stigma, so dont want to share IRL. Today was my first day booze free in a long time.

    4. It’s a long hard road but deciding there is a problem is a HUGE step. Congratulations and good luck! Hang in there.

    6. You are being very brave. Good for you. When a dear friend went through this (similar circumstances in terms of private drinking), he found it was helpful to schedule lots of stuff away from home — workout, continuing ed class, dinner with friends, whatever. And here are the triggers I learned in AlAlon for when a person feels vulnerable and therefore is more likely to drink: HALT (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired). So try to take good care of yourself. Keep us posted on how you are feeling.

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