Coffee Break: Rainbow Stripe Scarf

136 Comments

1. I’ve been at-home-dye hiding my grays and flirting with the idea of stepping up the game and going to a salon to get it fancy-fixed and properly covered/blended in/whatever it is they do. My hair is very dark brown and I’m just not ready to go full-gray.

   Talk to me about the process. Has anyone fully switched from at-home to salon gray coverage?
   Do you have to let your hair grow out for a few months (without dyeing – the horror!) to reset the roots?
   What do I ask for? Is there something I can google to see what this looks like? I’m really ignorant of salon hair services.

   1. I have been almost fully gray since my 20s, so have been faithfully coloring my hair for years. I have a lucky combination of a ton of dark brown hair that grows very fast – so it was awful to try to do it myself before I changed to a salon. I ended up finding an independent stylist with her own booth rental rather than a full salon, and we worked out a deal: I go every three weeks for only a root touch up, no blow-dry, for a very small fee – essentially $10 more than 2 boxes of at-home color, which is what I needed to cover all of my roots. Then once every 4 months or so, she does an all-over color and cut at her regular price. I know some people think I am insane for going every 3 weeks but it was the only way I could keep up with it and not ruin my bathroom/towels with at-home dye.

      1. For Christians, the book “Unbound” has really helped me see my relationships in a different light. When I truly “let go” all the nonsense remains but I’m so not upset by it any more.

         1. Go away.

            1. Um…one rude. two…how does your response even make sense? Are you mad because she’s Christian and has a perspective from that angle? Sorry, we don’t like bigots around here you can go away.

            2. Oh come on. It’s legit of her to offer a resource that may specifically resonate with Christians. It’s not like she even posted any elements of Christianity for you to pick a bone with. We’re talking about hair dye.

         2. She’s mad because someone/a bot is spamming to advertise for a book . How is a book about relationships related to a hair dye question? How does that comment even make sense? I agree with the sentiment of “go away.”

            1. I wonder if this is actually a reply intended for the comment below about setting boundaries with an annoying mother.

            2. This. I’m anon who said go away. It’s spam. It has nothing to do with the thread it’s in. Calm down.

            3. Ladies,

               We MUST respect each other more in the HIVE. After all, we are ALL women and if we do NOT respect each other, how can we EVER expect to mount an attack against men who seek to objectify us? This is a site for UNITY, not DECISEVENESS. WE MUST REMEMBER that KAT and KATE expect more of us as a group of PROFESSIONALS. Yay!!!!

   2. You should search on Yelp for a color specialist (or at least people who say they can do good color and get good reviews) and then go in for a color consultation. I would discuss your desire not to have roots/talk about how often they think you’d need to come in and cost.

      I personally have moved away from salon coloring to home coloring because I need to cover my roots up to every three weeks now (SO MUCH GRAY) and so going to a salon for this is cost prohibitive. Back in the day, when I had only a sprinkling of gray, I would go more like every few months to get bayalage, not full or partial highlights.

2. I need a reality check. I have a difficult mother. I’m working on boundaries. She texted my husband and me over the weekend – said she’d be in our neighborhood tonight and could we meet for dinner. I replied that we are trying to limit how often we eat out but we’d be happy to meet for a walk later in the evening. She did not reply, went radio silent on that group text thread (this means I’ve irritated her by not immediately agreeing to whatever she proposed). I’ve spoken to her via phone briefly since then; neither of us brought it up. If my mother goes by her SOP, she’ll text around 6 PM tonight and say “where are we meeting for our walk?” But that’s inconsiderate right? She should have replied to the original message, not just assumed we’d wait around all evening for her. Right? Sounds kinda petty when I type it all out but she likes to push and control. Just wondering what you’d do.

   1. I would call her or text her and say “what’s the plan tonight? are we meeting for a walk? if so, what time?”

      1. I’d add “if I don’t here from you by x time, I’ll assume you can’t make it” … or maybe the devil would sit on my shoulder and I’d say “since I haven’t heard back from you re: a walk, we made other plans. Just letting you know so there’s no confusion about meeting up. We look forward to seeing you next time.”

   2. If it was my parent, she would’ve expected an invitation to dinner at my house, and that would be why she would be upset. Could that possibly be the reason?

      But AIMS’ suggestion is how best to move forward from this particular situation.

      1. Nah I don’t think she expected an invitation to dinner at my house. But who knows – it’s impossible to tell what upsets her. Good theory. AIMS’ suggestions is what I always do…and nothing changes…and I’m tired of it. When I’ve mentioned I’d like more notice/for her to be proactive, I’m shut down in various ways.

         1. You said you wanted a reality check. Obviously we don’t know all the dynamics & background. But in and of itself it doesn’t seem unreasonable for me if someone reached out to me on a weekend to say “hey I’ll be in your area, can we do dinner?” Obviously they should be fine if the answer is no, but I don’t know how much more notice is required here. Why does everything have to be scheduled 3 weeks in advance?
            As for her silence when you suggested a walk, that seems petty. But (gently) it seems a bit petty to me that you would say no to dinner with her but be available for a walk, presumably at the same time, when, again presumably, you’re going to have dinner anyway. So I can see feeling slighted in that situation – you didn’t say, “I have a work dinner but can meet for a walk after,” so if a restaurant is out, why not invite her over? You trying to eat out less doesn’t really negate your ability to eat together. Not saying you’re wrong, she’s right, just pointing out what her issues here might be. Finally, you spoke! She didn’t bring it up. But neither did you! Your mom doesn’t sound great. But you seem like you may contributing to this dynamic. Again, maybe not, I don’t know your life. Just pointing a few things out based on what information you gave. My personal approach is to just ignore all this kind of drama. I am not above following up on text messages where someone doesn’t respond. It makes my life easier and makes me a happier person. She may be passive aggressive but I think you can handle this differently.

            1. See, with my crazy mom, her silence would mean she wants me to respond with “I haven’t heard from you, what’s wrong, is everything okay??!!” She wants to feel betrayed and slighted and then have me suck up and apologize. That’s how crazy moms operate. You can’t approach them like regular people with healthy communication skills!

            2. thanks for the different perspective.

            3. My mom is also overbearing but it is because her mom let her go wild, and I was illegitimate (she has no idea who my dad is). I asked if she would trust me not to sleep with men when she was working and she said she couldn’t and that made me feel cheap, so I rebelled but at least I have protection. If this Administration has its way, our kids will be out of luck and be like my mom, unless they all sign up to a vow of chastity (unlikely). We need to teach our kids responsibility but give them trust so they do not go wild like me. I’ve had my fill of men and now just want to enjoy my time without the distraction of having to please men just because they spring for dinner at Outback. I’m worth more than the price of a Hangar steak dinner. We all are.

            4. And yet comments like this garbage escape moderation….

            5. As someone with a difficult mother, I don’t disagree with this.

               I believe you when you say she’s difficult OP, but this may be one of those situations where someone’s overall unreasonableness colors your perception of everything they do a little unfairly. I have to confirm plans with people all the time and I think of it as pretty normal to send this kind of text. In principal, sending a text just to confirm the going-for-a-walk plan isn’t, in and of itself, too much.

            6. I generally agree with Anon at 3:14. Obviously everyone’s family dynamic is different, but I tend to ignore the passive aggressive slights and try to communicate and make plans directly.

               The day before your Mom is in town, text and say, “We hope to meet up with you for a walk. We’ll meet you at ‘X’ location at ‘Y’ time unless we hear otherwise.” And just make that location already convenient for you.

   3. She didn’t confirm or reply so you live your own life and do your own thing. I have a mom like this too. You can’t give in to their passive-aggressive guilt trips.

      1. “I hate you, don’t leave me” is an old, but accurate book on borderline personalities if anyone is interested.

         1. thank you!!

   4. It just sounds like a failure to properly communicate, leaving aside your history of difficulty. Here’s how I view it as an objective observer: two people who aren’t good at or are not making the effort to plan. Not someone who is trying to push and control you.

   5. Eh, if you said you’d be free later for a walk, and she texts you later for a walk, that doesn’t seem inconsiderate. It seems like she’s following up on what you said.

3. Anyone have a generic script for hand written thank yous? By virtue of being a woman this task has fallen upon me, and as an introvert writing 40 personalized messages is the same “social drain” as actually talking to people. There are no gifts or anything to mention in these notes. The notes are mainly because of social convention and keeping the peace. If I have a script I figure I can just stack em up and write them in pretty cursive while watching trash TV and it might be not awful. TIA!

   1. Can you explain why you are writing 40 thank you notes without mention of a gift? Might help with the scriptiing.

      1. Could be for sympathy cards/funeral contributions.

      2. Yeah, I am pretty good at cranking out thank-you notes but I have no idea what’s going on here.

      3. It was a no gifts type of event. Hosting a fancy dinner party, etc. it was a big enough event that guests did travel and gave cards.

         1. Thank you so much for coming to our event. It was lovely to see you.

            Signed
            You

            For the other 50% of the cards, they should be in your husband’s hand writing because he should f%^*ing write them.

            1. +1 this is the basic script I would use. Maybe add a “looking forward to seeing you again soon!”

         2. I don’t think you need a thank you note if they didn’t give a gift. Everyone who attended our destination wedding traveled, but I only sent written thank yous to people who gave us a gift (I did sincerely thank everyone individually for coming, traveling, etc. in person).

         3. You don’t thank guests for coming to a party you host. This isn’t any sort of obligation. Why u being weird?

         4. Depending on the specific nature of the event, you might have it backwards. If you host a dinner party, for instance, the guests send the thank yous, not the host.

   2. When you say “by virtue of being a woman this task has fallen upon me,” what do you mean? These notes are from you and your husband? Tell him he must write his half. Can you clarify the purpose of the note? If they are not for a gift or for a nice thing someone did for you, are you sure you have to write the note? I don’t know what social convention dictates a note for something other than a gift, meal, or specific kind action. But if you do have to write the note, tell your husband his time is no more important than yours and he must write his half.

      1. Etiquette doesn’t require a thank you note to thank someone for attending your party if no gifts were exchanged. Cards do not count as a gift. In fact, technically, your guests should be thanking you for hosting them. And yes, your partner should be helping you if you feel you must write them (assuming it was not your birthday party).

         1. This. They should be thanking you.

         2. Unfortunately I have a lot of elderly relatives who will literally give me the silent treatment if I don’t write this thank you card. So even though I think its ridiculous I will do it begrudgingly. Then they will make a scene about the thank yous so I have to write them for everyone because if Aunt Sue hears that Uncle Tom got a card and she didn’t then she will be p*ssed…

            1. Then let them. They are weird and rude.

            2. Know that if you don’t send them, etiquette is 100% on your side. Since when does anyone send a thank you for attending an event they’ve hosted? Do people in your family who host Thanksgiving send a thank you to all of their guests? This is weird and I wouldn’t cater to petty relatives who don’t understand social niceties. You can’t be the only one in their social circle not sending thank yous for attending a party you’ve hosted. And this goes double if it’s your husband’s family. If it doesn’t bother him, don’t borrow trouble.

      2. I agree in general but I feel like this is a situation where cards truly don’t need to be written, so you can’t fault her husband for not doing this task like you would with thank yous to a wedding.

   3. What are you thanking people for?

      1. Attending and traveling.

         1. “Thank you so much for travelling to X event. I’m so appreciative of the time and energy you spent with us. I’ll fondly remember our conversation about Y/when Z happened.” something along those lines…? But as said above, men can write thank you notes too!

         2. See my comment in moderation. Do an automatic card with everything printed. If you want to personalize the message beyond that, write on the card a little post script to each person. In addition, buy an address stamp for the return address. So easy and fast.

         3. Writing a thank you note to thank your guests for attending is so incredibly not required, Emily Post doesn’t even mention it. http://emilypost.com/advice/different-ways-to-say-thank-you/

         4. Don’t do this. It’s completely unnecessary and absurd.

         5. +1. This isn’t necessary. I promise. If they attended a party you hosted, etiquette calls for them to write you a thank-you note. Even if they traveled.

            Honestly, I wouldn’t write them. And if my husband asked me to write half of the ones he felt he should send, I’d say no.

            1. And you should give the relatives the silent treatment for not sending you thank-you notes!!

   4. Dear Person,

      Thank you for X. We appreciate your support/thoughtfulness [“at this difficult/challenging time,” if appropriate]. We look forward to Y [“seeing you at Christmas/again soon”].

      Kind regards,
      Name and Name

   5. Dear so and so. It was great seeing you at X. Husband and I really appreciate your making the effort to be a part of this special day/event. I wish we’d had the opportunity to visit more, but there simply wasn’t enough time. I look forward to catching up in the not too distant future. Again, thanks so much for participating.

      1. Even if you insist on sending thank you notes, under no circumstances should you apologize for any aspect of your hospitality. So omit the part about “simply wasn’t enough time to visit.”

   6. Super time saver option, go to Minted and create a photo card based on your event/holiday. Include a message inside about the event that’s printed. (funeral? “Thank you all for your support and gifts during this difficult time. We appreciate all that you have done to ease this burden. Love, family”)(Fundraiser? “Thank you for all you did to host the annual potluck. It all came together so well and I’m glad we contributed $XXX to our cause. Sincerely, X”). They have automatic address printing on the envelope. You upload, create, and print. Then it’s just stuffing envelopes and stamping. Done & done.

      1. Anyone who expects a “thank you for coming” note is going to freak out about a pre-printed card. That’s way, way tackier than not sending a note thanking someone for their attendance at your event.

   7. I don’t have any advice but it drives me crazy when I get thank you cards for shower or wedding gifts and they’re signed “Love, X and Y” but so obviously written by the wife. Make your damn husbands write the thank you notes!!

      1. There’s not really a good alternative. Only one person can write each card unless there’s a bizzaro handing off. Of course the sentiment is from both parties. I did half my wedding thank yous and my husband the other half. We signed them from both because clearly only one person writes each card.

         1. We did this, too. We divided it up: he wrote the ones to my side of the family, I to his, and we split up the friends the same way (diviing up the shared people). We figured it would go a long way for my aunt whoever to see that DH wrote the card, and vice versa. I think I said “My family is probably sick of me by now. Here, you write these.”

         2. Er, why can only one person write on each? We bought thank you cards that were blank on the inside and I wrote on half of each and he wrote on the other half.

            1. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with this, but it’s going above and beyond imo

            2. Because it’s a gift to the couple as a unit and the couple should write one note. Separate notes from each spouse (even on the same card) is so weird.

            3. Yeah, it probably was. Not saying etiquette requires others to do their cards this way, I was just surprised that it would be described as bizarre or impossible to do it this way. I didn’t really think about it that much, just suggested to DH that it might be a nice way to do it and he agreed and then we did it.

         3. When my husband and I give cards from both of us (thank you or otherwise), the person closest to the recipient(s) writes it and signs their own name, then hands it over to the other for a signature. It bugs me that probably 90% of the thank you cards I receive from a couple are written by the woman in the relationship.

            My husband and I divided our wedding thank yous (though we both signed our names ourselves), and husband will be writing our future baby-related thank yous (I figure gestating and giving birth is more than my fair share).

            1. It seems odd to get so worked up about how other people choose to divide up household tasks. I do 100% of the thank-yous in our house (DH has dyslexia, illegible handwriting and hates doing them), but in return he does many other household chores including all the grocery shopping and the vast majority of the cooking. I don’t know why it “bugs” you that more women write thank you notes when you have no idea what the rest of their division of labor looks like.

            2. That’s what we do, too.

            3. Hi Anon, it only bugs me because if card writing were a task shared equally between the sexes across hetero relationships, I’d see a trend more like 50% of the cards being written by women in my life (and I run in a generally progressive crowd!). I have absolutely NO issue with an individual woman writing any given card– who knows, maybe her husband does 95% of the emotional labor and work in the home otherwise– but the fact that most of them are planned for, purchased by, and written by women means that it is not at all an equal task. Women overall are still considered responsible for social niceties in many heterosexual relationships– and are often the ones who take the heat when thank you cards aren’t written.

            4. I’m with Anon at 5:16. Maybe it’s sexist but I handle the thank yous and social niceties but I enjoy those things and my husband hates them. I hate doing a lot of other things (like taking out the trash, also gendered but I haven’t done it since we got together and I consider it one of the major perks of a relationship). I’m a feminist all day long but even I can’t get worked up about how couples divide labor.

      2. That seems like a weird thing to get upset about. Either way, one person is going to write it and sign both names right? I don’t know any couple who wrote thank yous together – if they both do it, they just divide up the notes 50/50.

      3. I write all the thank you notes in our family because my husband has learning disabilities that makes it difficult for him and has horrible penmanship. In return, he wraps gifts because I have no spatial awareness and can’t cut a straight line. There is more than one way to divide tasks between members of a couple without dividing each task in half.

   8. You don’t send a thank you for a card. Then they would have to write a thank you for the thank you and it would be endless!

   9. If the OP is from the south, writing a thank you note for attending, say, an engagement party is absolutely required. Engagement parties in the south can be mini wedding receptions with caterers and professional flower arrangements and live musicians. (And yes, I’m speaking of my own and many I’ve been to.) They are thrown by family friends and there’s a tit-for-tat involved (Debbie co-hosts the one for Sue’s daughter with the understanding that Sue will later co-host the one for Debbie’s son). The co-hosts (I’ve been to parties with as many as 30 co-hosts) pay for the caterers and the flowers and the musicians (and may also go in together on a gift), so yes, you write a note. Depending on how far people traveled (and key relatives are expected to travel for the main e-party (there are likely to be several e-parties, depending on the town and the parents’ social circle) just as if it were the wedding), you write a thank you note to guests, too.

      Oh, and if you send a pre-printed card they’ll still be talking about it 10 years later. So yes, OP needs to hand write these.

      PS – OP, I’ve had great experience with Reeves Engraving for stationery. Good luck!

      1. FYI: This party was 100% self-funded, so I am thanking them for eating food that I paid for (but a caterer made). I just have curmudgeonly elderly relatives.

         1. “Thank you for coming to our party. It was a joy to host you. Looking forward to seeing you soon.”

      2. Wow. I’m not from the South, and this felt like an trip to a different country. Who knew?

         1. Right? 0__0

         2. I *am* from the south and wouldn’t write a thank-you note to people for attending my engagement party, so YMMV.

            1. I’m from the south and didn’t have an engagement party at all. I’ve been to ones like this poster is describing, but I’ve also been to some that were much more chill. Most people I know didn’t have one though.

      3. Ok but even if the engagement party is like a mini-wedding, you don’t write a thank you for attending a wedding! Only giving a gift.

      4. No no no. I am from the south and had 2 engagement parties, both of which were large, catered, had flowers, etc. I’ve been to a dozen more. You write thank you notes to anyone who co-hosted and anyone who gave a gift. (Some people who won’t make it to the wedding like to give a gift at the engagement party.) You do not write a thank you note just for attending. In some cases, the people who attended should write thank you notes to the host.

         1. I’m from the South and I agree with this completely.

   10. Postable.com is a life saver and their scripts are realistic enough that unless someone’s personally familiar with your handwriting, they might assume it’s real. AND, if you have a sloppy-scrawl’d partner, they can still type :)

   11. Perhaps you have a photo of the event (even a kind of generic one of the venue if it was a special place) that you could send with a very brief – thank you so much for coming and making the night so special!

4. Dear so and so. It was great seeing you at X. Husband and I really appreciate your making the effort to be a part of this special day/event. I wish we’d had the opportunity to visit more, but there simply wasn’t enough time. I look forward to catching up in the not too distant future. Again, thanks so much for participating.

5. What does one wear golfing? I am invited to a social golf outing with higher-level colleagues in a few weeks and have no idea what that entails, who pays, what to wear, although I am fairly sure jeans or yoga pants are not okay. Other than that I am feeling very lost.

   1. For clothing, think bermuda shorts or a skort if you’re so inclined. Check Athleta. I think a nicer tshirt or a short sleeve polo shirt is the way to go.

   2. Not a golfer but have experience with country clubs. The club will have a dress code, so look that up. It depends on how fancy the club is. At minimum you’ll probably need golf shorts or skirt and a collared shirt. No big logos. No jeans. No racerbacks. No short skirts.

   3. You could wear chinos and a sporty top (think Columbia) if you have anything like that on hand.

   4. Ok I’m weird because I think gold clothing is cute so i would (and have) order a whole getup.

      But if you’re not inclined to do that, wear non-jeans non-yoga pants (like cropped chino or khaki pants would be fine) and a polo shirt.

      Definitely wear some kind of visor or cap because you’re out in the sun for a looonnng time, and bring sunscreen.

      I personally think golf shoes are essential, but look at the course requirements online and see if they require them. Flip flops are out but you could probably get away with regular workout shoes.

   5. Are you golfing or just coming for the social portion? Is it a tournament or a small get together?

      1. Small get-together. It’s an annual non-tournament outing the group does every year just for the fun of it and this is my first time being included in this group. Sounds like I need to invest in a polo shirt and some longer shorts. Presumably clubs can be rented?

         1. Depends on where in the country you are- but in my area you do not wear Columbia if you’re going to a country club. Get yourself to vineyard vines, get a skort and a polo shirt, and a light tech-material baseball hat. You can wear flat clean sneakers. The club might have loaner clubs, but you can also rent from somewhere like clubhub.
            Sometimes people will change between golfing and dinner- if they do, you’ll likely be invited into the ladies locker room to freshen up. Bring a simple sundress (again, vineyard vines would be appropriate) and flat sandals to put on.

            1. Holy crap, I just looked at the cost to rent and I am definitely out. Not an activity my salary can support.

            2. If you’re going to play more than a couple times, it may be worth it to just buy a set. Look at play it again sports, craigslist/fb marketplace in your area, or go get a boxed set at Dick’s.

            3. Yeah, no. I was hesitant and nervous about the event in the first place, but even the base rental cost for clubs is way more than I am willing to dump on this. Hard pass for me.

   6. Yes to all of the above, but also, wear clothing that is loose and stretchy! People wear polo shirts because they are comfortable and because they let you twist your body to get a good hit on the ball.

      1. Forgive my dumb beginner question. Is it a thing that is done to follow alongside to socialize and not actually golf? I hate mini-golf with a passion and am recovering from a shoulder injury that definitely won’t allow for twisting. Perhaps I should bow out?

         1. Is it a golf outing or a mini-golf outing?

            1. Regular golf, but if it bears even a remote resemblance to mini-golf I would only be in it for the social aspect. However, looking at the costs involved, unless it turns out to be an all expenses paid event AND I am not expected to actually golf, I believe I will have a prior commitment.

   7. Since you made a general “don’t know what to expect” statement: here’s an overview of etiquette, rules, etc – https://www.pga.com/golf-instruction/instruction-feature/fundamentals/golf-beginners-golf-etiquette-rules-and-glossary

      If you’ve never played, I’d also recommend asking a friend who plays for a trip to the driving range (or to play 9 holes *when a course isn’t busy*) to cover the fundamentals. If that’s not an option, YouTube videos are better than nothing.

   8. My large consulting firm used to do an outing like this, and like you I was (still am) a complete newbie to golf so let me outline for you what happened:
      – I was one of many associates and younger folks who did not know the first thing about golf – so I could hang out with a couple of other women friends and we were fine
      – I wore (as folks here suggested) a polo tee (think I got it from Lands end) and didn’t want to do shorts so went with some comfy yet flexible pants like maybe chinos
      – Company paid for the whole thing, as soon as I came in, the coordinator took me over and gave me my set of clubs
      – It started with some “driving practice” which is where you stand in front of a big net and just practice hitting the ball in one place. Everyone stood in a row and did it so it wasn’t like the spotlight was on me, in fact at times it was hard to tell whose ball went where.
      – There was a lot of chatting and lingering overall. Refreshments were served. You didn’t need to play if you didn’t want to. You could loiter. It was a sunny day out of the office with beautiful views on all sides and fun to just hang out.
      – Then they teamed us into groups of 4 (paired up some better golfers with newbies) and we went off in a golf cart and hit some balls. Again, the folks showed me what to do and it wasn’t a big deal if I didn’t do well because the best score of the 4 was what counted.
      – After some time we all came into the clubhouse and had more snacks and hors’d’oeuvres.

      I recommend checking first discreetly with the organizer whether your firm will pay for it, if so then go.

6. Wallpaper help? In love with the Foret wallpaper in Midnight by Julia Rothman at hygge and west (link to follow). But it’s a little more than we want to spend and I’m worried about installing it myself since it’s so pricey.

   This is for the small vestibule/entryway of our home and we want something dark and dramatic, preferably with some blue in it. Thanks!

   1. https://www.hyggeandwest.com/collections/wallpaper/products/foret-midnight

   2. I’d bite the bullet and go with the Hygge and West, but I’ll admit that they have some wallpapers that I absolutely adore and would buy in a heartbeat if I had walls to paper.

   3. wow yeah that’s a lot of pattern. If you like it, get it, and pay for someone to install it so it looks right.

7. Try K2r. It is my entire extended family’s go-to for bad grease stains. I’ve even had great success with it after the article of clothing has been through the wash.

   It’s a spray-on powder that absorbs the grease on fabric, then you dust it off and launder as normal. I’d recommend applying it outdoors, though. It smells like it kills brain cells by the dozens.

   1. This was me! Thank you!! I think Dawn did the trick, but I’ll remember this for next time!

8. Is it customary to use MBA after one’s name? I didn’t think it was, but I have a colleague who does this. She signs all over her emails as Her Name, MBA. What makes it even worse is that she is really not the brightest bulb on the tree, bless her heart, so she’ll send an email asking the stupidest question and sign off with her name and MBA. People in our office are noticing and it’s getting to the point where it’s drawing more than just eye-rolling.

   1. It is not that common, but she is probably doing it because she’s not the brightest bulb on the tree and wants to feel… not that way.

   2. I used to have a colleague like this, and not only did she sign her name Clueless Jones, MSXX, she also had a running list of every little certification she had, from Google apps to her Reiki certification (we definitely don’t work in a Reiki-related field). It was hilariously long (unlike her tenure at our workplace).

   3. It is only common in some fields IME. My husband works for a defense agency with lots of ex-military people and they add every degree, certification, you name it to their email signatures. I have not come across this outside of that field, though.

   4. I think there’s a difference between it being in your signature (that auto-populates at the bottom of emails) and that being how you sign off when you type your own name. At my organization, your degree, title, and department are included in the email signature next to the company logo and social media information (we all have Twitter in our dept for work content). However, I do not sign off on emails with My Name, MBA.

9. On Topic (weird, right?): The scarf is actually really adorable. But does anyone actually ever spend $300 on a scarf that doesn’t say Hermes on it? It seems extraordinarily overpriced. Maybe it’s just me?

   1. Wow, I didn’t even notice the price because it never gets hot enough where I live to wear a scarf. But, honestly, this looks like a $30 scarf. Hypothetically, I might spend $200-300 on a scarf if it seemed like the materials were really high quality (real cashmere, etc).

      1. It looks exactly like the scarves Gap had last winter (or maybe the winter before last) for — $30.

   2. Was thinking the same thing. It’s a pretty scarf, but excuse me how much?!

   3. I went to a women’s college and this strikes me as something a newly out-of-the-closet firstyear would knit for herself.

      1. Haha totally! It’s not cute and it’s definitely not $300 cute.

      2. That made me laugh. Thank you.

   4. Not me. It is pretty, but mabye worth $50. The manageing partner wants me to be more fruegel, and this is not even fruegal Friday! So I will exersize restraint and think twice b/f buying. YAY!!!!!

   5. For that much, it would have to be some special fiber. I just spent about $300 on a handmade alpaca scarf. I think my limit for normal wool is around $200 but that would have to be super fine wool. I’m guessing that’s not the case with Shopbop.

10. Is it unreasonable to buy a piece of fine jewelry every year? My Grandma has all of these wonderful pieces that she definitely DID NOT inherit, and I’m wondering if it’s practical, or just a bit TOO MUCH to purchase every year (unless given a gift as one that year), so when my daughter or nieces grow up, they can be gifted beautiful heirloom pieces.

    I don’t know, it feels a bit extravagant, but also a practical way to build a jewelry collection. For what it’s worth, I’m not talking about $5 and $10k pieces every year (maybe in that range only for milestone birthdays and events like 40, 50, 60, retirement), but more in the vein of precious metals and semi-precious stones, in the sub $2k range.

    1. If it fits comfortably within your budget, go for it! Jewelry is far more likely to be usable for the next generation than clothing and handbags, and is much less of a burden than something like a china set or furniture. I also like that jewelry can often be altered to better reflect the a new wearer through resetting.

    2. If you have the disposable income and it makes you happy to establish that sort of tradition, you do you.

       If you’re feeling guilty about it being “too much,” donate half your heirloom budget to charity. You could donate in your children/nieces/nephews’ names, share the certificates/thank yous with them, and make that a tradition too.

    3. I think buying an amethyst ring or what have you is much more practical than spending that money on a purse. A stone could last for hundreds of years. My mother loves wearing her grandmother’s pearls that are about 80 years old now.

    4. If it makes you happy and fits within your budget, go for it. It’ll be a lot of jewelry if you live a long time. But once you have a collection you love, your priorities/desires/whims may change, and that’s OK too.

    5. Some of my favorite pieces are inherited. Actually, I think I only have four or five pieces of fine jewelry that weren’t inherited, and one is a ring made with stones from an inherited piece of jewelry.

    6. If you can afford it and it gives you pleasure do it! I love the family pieces I inherited (they’re beautiful and it gives me a sense of connection to my family). A $2k/ year budget would be too much for me, but I work in a casual environment and don’t go out much (young kids at home). I probably spend ~$500 on a piece every three years or so. But, hey, if you have the money why not try it for a few years and see how it goes?

    7. Biased because I’m South Asian but this seems fairly normal to me. My brother and I both used inherited stones and reset them for our engagement rings (his for my SIL, mine for myself), and my mom gave all the women in my generation (my cousins and me) an heirloom piece for our sixteenth birthdays. I can pass them down to my kids and hopefully thereafter – I really like having stuff that belonged to my grandparents.

       1. Yeah, my mom’s will has an extremely detailed list of every piece of gold/diamond jewelry she has and who will be gifted what. Like, 100 pieces in all.

    8. I think buying a piece every year is fine.

       But fashions in jewelry change and I wouldn’t necessarily count on all the relatives wanting to wear it decades from now.

    9. I think it is up to each individual to determine:
       1) what they want to spend their money on
       2) whether they can afford to buy what they do buy
       3) whether they need to collect, or just replace and give away what they don’t want any more.

       That is why I am such a big contributor to the GNP. I buy, but then recycle so I can buy more. I give my stuff away to NY Cares and The Salavation Army among others, and my cleaneing lady also helps me to thin my collection of stuff.

       I am going to the Hamtons again this weekend, as the manageing partner’s brother’s son will be there, and he always like to flatter me. I told him to keep his hands to himself when we are in the pool though. YAY!!!!

    10. Wait, am I only supposed to buy one piece per year? :)

        Yes of course this is ok. It’s way better than spending the same $ on disposable F21/H&M type clothing.

        Or at least that’s what I tell myself. My kids will inherit my jewelry and it will still be worth something.

    11. WHY are you judging your GRANDMOTHER??? It’s her money, right? Are you worried she’s frittering away your rightful inheritance? M*Y*O*B!

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