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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 170 Comments · by

Coffee Break – Rhianna Heels

Coffee Break

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rsvp - Rhianna (Taupe) - FootwearFor the pros with heels out there: I am in love with these RSVP heels. They look stylish and chic, and I love the multitude of colors they come in. Do note, though: they are almost 5 inches high!! They were $79, but are now marked to $54 at Zappos. rsvp – Rhianna (Taupe) – Footwear (L-3)

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Comments

  1. b23

    Okay, I just told this really annoying story to a friend at lunch that had no point but was about how I don’t have to watch what I eat. And she’s a little heavier than me. I realized what I was doing halfway through the story, was like, “Why am I telling this story???,” but couldn’t think of a way to get out of it without sounding awkward. And now I feel like a big jerk. I’m really beating myself up about it. What should I do? I feel like apologizing would be really awkward. Why did I tell that stupid story????? Ugh.

    • Bertie

      Hmm. Maybe indirectly apologize? Like a quick “jeez I’m feeling off my game today – sorry if I said anything weird over lunch. If I did, I didn’t mean anything by it” and leave it at that. Maybe she didn’t even notice?

    • CA Atty

      I would say just try to let it go and if it ever comes up again, just laugh it off. “You know how sometimes you start telling a story and by the time you’re halfway through you’ve forgotten why?”

      Honestly, 90% of the time I’m the heaviest person at the table and if your story was about how you have a “problem” (medical, emotional, whatever) and that’s why you don’t have to watch what you eat, that makes me feel better. If you story was about how you just HATE all that terrible-for-humans food and it doesn’t even TASTE GOOD I’ll be a bit envious but hope that at some point I’ll get to where it doesn’t taste good to me either and anyway, I wouldn’t be any more envious than of your figure and the clothes you get to wear in general anyway.

      I think it’s just too awkward for you to bring up, then it just highlights that not only is your friend heavier than you, but you KNOW she’s heavier than you. For me, before I started this super-fun (and sarcastic!) weight-loss journey, I kind of just hoped nobody noticed that I was wearing a size double theirs.

    • Em

      As a heavy girl, your story wouldn’t have bothered me (unless you implied that something was wrong with me in the process instead of just talking about yourself). On the other hand, an apology phrased in such a way as to presume that I’m fragile or sensitive about my weight probably would get my back up.

      So unless you think you accidentally implied that your friend should be more like you or is otherwise “defective”, I’d let it go.

      • Merabella

        Agreed! I think we all have moments where we put our foot squarely in our mouths, but sometimes just letting it go and acting like it didn’t happen is the best course of action. Unless you said something like “I know you are fat because you don’t watch what you eat, but I have amazing genes and am so super awesome I don’t ever have to worry about being fat like you” you should be fine.

    • Bluejay

      As a chubby lady myself, I wouldn’t be upset by your telling this story. She may think that she’s great looking and doesn’t watch what she eats herself. You should be careful not to presume that just because someone is heavier than you, they’re self-conscious about it or would like to be thinner. And you also shouldn’t feel like you should be embarrassed about your own natural body shape or metabolism. People come in a variety of shapes and sizes and that’s normal and fine.

      • b23

        The problem is that she was just telling me how she needs to lose weight and start eating right. That’s why I told my story. It just triggered this conversation with my husband I had just had and then I told it. I did not even think before I said it. So stupid!

        Anyway, I think y’all are right that I should just move on. It would be insulting to bring it up, I think. :(

        • Germy

          Yeah, you would be saying, “Sorry I pointed out that I don’t have to worry about my weight while you do.” Better to pretend it never happened — you’re not going to make her feel better (assuming it made her feel bad in the first place). But I don’t think what you said was so terrible — awkward, yeah, but not mean.

    • GovtMom

      I’m definitely on the heavier side and I have to watch what I eat not to gain more, never mind losing. My best friend in college and later, law school roommate, was nicknamed Olive Oyl. She could eat whatever she wanted, in whatever quantity — and did not gain weight.

      My point? We’re all different. You’re like my friend. Your friend sounds like she’s more like me. Don’t worry about your story … it reflects your reality.

    • anon

      well, I’m heavy and probably would have felt bad about it. But if we are friends and I know you love me to pieces, I wouldn’t hold a grudge or anything. We’ve all put our foot in our mouth at some time.

      • Coalea

        This.

        Also, I think it speaks highly of you, b23, that you are concerned about the impact that your story had on your friend. Unfortunately, I think a lot of people might not be as sensitive.

        • Em

          This is true, and I’m sorry if my comment came off as too harsh, b23! I definitely have had a friend who made a point of telling stories about how thin she was to me specifically because I wasn’t, and that is extremely irritating (even though I know it came from a point of insecurity and tried to forgive it on that grounds). It doesn’t sound like you’re like that at all and I’m sure your friend knows and recognizes that.

  2. LR

    Early TJ – I have an interview this week for an engineering position at a small company in a small, informal East Coast city. I tried on my only suit (charcoal, subtle pinstriping) and the pants are just a little too tight. I went out at lunch and bought some Spanx to see if that helps, and I also bought a Tahari by ASL suit from Macy’s as backup. I’ll put a link below, but it’s a medium grey pin-striped skirt suit.

    How would you style it? I have black pumps and I was thinking a jewel-toned shell, but I have some button downs that would probably also work. Nude hose? I’m not a hose person and I wouldn’t need it at work, but I probably should for an interview, right?

    I’m looking forward to this interview – I’m very happy with my current job so this is just in case the opportunity looks like it’s worth pursuing. If I were to take it, it’d be a big raise so this is really just about seeing if the company and I are a good fit and worth leaving a job I like very much. I have to thank you all too, because I wouldn’t have even applied before I started reading this site. I don’t quite meet the qualifications on paper, but they called me for a interview almost immediately after I applied so they must be interested. :)

    • Former MidLevel

      Congrats on the interview! Black pumps and a jewel-toned shell or button down would be fine. I tend to favor shells, but that’s just my personal style. And yes, wear hose. :)

      • Former MidLevel

        Oh, and one totally unsolicited note – this suit would look a lot better if you replace the buttons. This is not such a big deal that you can’t wear it to your interview, but just a thought for the future.

        • LR

          I hate the buttons too! I debated not buying it because of them but I hadn’t seen anything else I liked. I think I’ll stop at the sewing store tonight to see if I can find some replacements. I’m handy enough to sew buttons, haha.

          • Former MidLevel

            It’s an easy enough fix (says the woman who can’t sew anything but buttons). And good luck!

      • TCFKAG

        Yellow or pale blue would also be pretty, if you wanted to lighten it up to be more in line with the season.

    • Godzilla

      Engineering – people will not notice nor car if you wear hose (even at an interview). Unless it’s a huge consulting firm with international offices, which doesn’t sound like the case here. Also, feel free to wear flats or pumps, as long as you can comfortably walk around. Everything else is up to you. Good luck!

      • LR

        Nope, definitely a small office with under 100 people across the company. It’s consulting and not manufacturing so I shouldn’t have to do a lot of walking, but it’s true that I definitely don’t need to be fashion forward. I’m not sure I have nice enough flats for a skirt suit, but maybe that’s a good reason to go shoe shopping. :D

        I like TCFKAG’s pastel idea. I don’t own much yellow but I bet I have blue. I’ll have to scope out my closet tonight.

        Thank you all!

      • Anon for this

        Depends on what sort of engineering firm and who is hiring. I know for a fact my Dad would notice something was not right are legged – and I’m pretty sure he thinks all hose are tights – as the CEO of an engineering firm that’s regional in nature and whose clients are state governments and transportation authorities. Among that group, there seems to be a lot of old, conservative, male decision makerts. Not saying its right, and not saying he’d make a decision based on it, but he’d definately notice and think it odd (and potentially call me and ask me why women don’t wear “tights” with skirts anymore – not like that’s ever happened :-p)

    • TNT

      FWIW, I’m an engineer 15 years into my career. the pp is right, no one will care about the hose, and your styling sounds fine. Once again, most people won’t notice. But, I think the last time I wore a skirt suit to an interview was right out of college.

      Ever since then I’ve always worn a pant suit. A site tour is frequently part of an interview, even if it’s a desk job. And the last thing I want is to walk up a flight of stairs with grates for treads wondering what the people below are thinking.

      I think it makes me look capable and “equal” (sadly, still necessary). For the same reasons , I almost never wear skirts to work, and when I do, I have to think about what’s on my agenda for the day.

      • Godzilla

        Concur – I can’t believe I forgot to mention it. If a skirt suit is all you have, that’s fine, but you may feel more comfortable in pant suit.

      • TNT

        Yup and I tend to wear oxfords with a heel. Lace up shoes…because I’m sure they’ll stay on my feet and I am sure I can keep up with the walking pace of someone who is likely to be taller than me. Wouldn’t work with a skir though.

        • LR

          I wore a pants suit for my interview at my current company. This is a desk job in a high rise, so grates or anything to worry about. I certainly wouldn’t wear a skirt on a field work day, but I think it’s okay for the office and I do wear them occasionally at my current job. The interview is at a woman-owned firm, so I’m not too worried about fitting in at the potential new office either.

          That is good advice in general, though. I didn’t get a summer internship at an asphalt plant, and I believe it was because I wore dress pants, a button down, and heels. The manager made a crack about me getting dirty when we toured the facility. I heard he hired a guy, and I was at least equally qualified.

          If the Spanx do their job, I’ll stick with my pant suit just in case. :D 5 years post college, I’ve put on a couple pounds. Oops!

        • Lynnet

          Personal Rant- One of my engineer friends wore crocs to a job interview. With her suit. After I had spent hours shopping with her and teaching her about professional dress for interviews (she doesn’t have the background with which to know on her own). She told me it didn’t matter because engineers don’t care how you dress. But she also didn’t get the job.

      • M-C

        Totally agree. It’s one thing to look dressed up for an interview, but it’s quite another to look girly-dressed-up for an engineering interview. If I wear a suit it can work (even though jeans and t-shirts is all I’ll see on others), I won’t look too stuffy if I wear pants and no pumps or pearls or anything like that :-). But a skirt suit, wow, I’ve only ever worn one of these once :-).. it was an immigration interview, I’d never do it for work.

  3. Anon-who-loves-cookies

    I ran my first ever 5K this weekend. I had a fantastic time and didn’t realize how fun a race can be. I’m looking foward to my next one and I was scouting out races all day yeaterday. My pace was really bad. I think it was the slowest I’ve ever been but I had a great time. My goal for race #1 was just to finish – and I did!

    When I was training I was doing a timed run/walk (20 seconds/40 seconds) to give my legs time to recover. I was following a training program and I felt like I was doing great. A couple weeks ago, I started running with a partner who also run/walks, but she likes to run when she feels moved to do so. So we run for a minute or two, but it takes me much longer to recover.

    I want to start training for the next 5K and possibly a longer race (half-marathon or 10K race in the fall). I’m not really concerned with my pace in a competitive way, except that I need around a 15 min. mile for the longer races. And, if I’m going to pony up the registration fee for a longer race, I want to make sure I can complete it.

    I love running with a partner because it keeps me motivated, I enjoy it, I look forward to it and the time flies. But, I feel like I’m not training at my potential when I’m with my running partner. I don’t want to be the pushy person who says this is the training program I wnat to follow, so we have to follow this one. But, I’m a little OCD and the lack of a plan drives me insane. But, the benefits of getting out there and running (because I’m motiviated to go with my friend) do outweight some of the negatives!

    Any thoughts on running with groups? With others? How do you choose a pace?

    • phillygirlruns

      when i was training for longer races, i followed a hal higdon plan that called for three runs a week – generally one shorter, one speedwork session or tempo run, and one long run. i did my long runs with a friend and everything else solo. i only ran with people who were OK with my pace, and since the point of the long run (for me, anyway) was to cover the distance, i was much less worried about maintaining a specific pace, so if we got really chatty and drifted off a bit it wasn’t a big deal. i actually found my best running buddies on twitter – we met in public places during peak running hours, so the omg-are-you-a-serial-killer aspect was pretty minimal.

    • KLG

      What about going with your running buddy some of the time and then by yourself some of the time? Kind of a best of both worlds deal.

    • CA Atty

      Congrats on your race! I had a running buddy in college (“coincidentally” my lowest weight ever!) but have not ever since and tend to shy away from groups. My schedule is just not rigid enough and exactly the problems you’ve outlined. I see two options for you,

      1) if you want to stick with your current running buddy, introduce her to a plan, any plan (bridge to 10k, hal higdon, something you find through the google machine, whatever) and see if you can get her excited to follow it. Even express to her, the lack of structure is driving me crazy! That would drive me crazy too. You can also get a gps or gps app on your phone and that way even if the lack of structure is annoying, at least you have an idea of how far/how fast you went at what points and if you’re improving or stagnating.

      2) Join a different group. Fleet Feet is a running store, the one in my area is kind of annoying (in that the people who work there are annoying, and they don’t seem to have great inventory) but they always have running groups, frequently with coaches, at every level. That can be a real goal-oriented way for you to kick it up a notch…and maybe current running buddy would want to join with you! If there isn’t a fleet feet in your area (and you should look, I was recently amazed to see how endemic the place is across the US, I had thought it was much more regional!) then check your local running stores, or turn to social media. For instance, on SparkPeople (the tracking/exercise/diet website I use) there is a group specific to my County and there’s a running group that meets at a location very close to my house every weekend.

    • anon...to some

      I run alone, because I run slow – a 12:30 mile is a good time for me. There aren’t many people as slow as me, so I’m solo as a matter of fact. I have a stopwatch and I train by giving myself a certain amount of time to get a certain place; i.e. I have 6 minutes to go 1/2 mile, or, like tonight, I have 51 minutes to go 4 miles. I’ve taken about 1:30/mile off my time in the last 3 months by doing this. Maybe a weekly goal to make a certain time or distance?

      Also, I’m putting in my plug for the sparkpeople group here. Now my fellow sparkers will know who I am. But there is a ‘running goals’ section and we’ll cheer you on/hold you accountable.

      • CA Atty

        FYI, our SparkPeople group is Sparkers who enjoy C*rporette. (minus the asterisk) We got one new person just today, come be our second! :-)

        I’m training for a 10k (this weekend!) and anon…to some is training for a race next weekend.

      • CA Atty

        I got moderated! What I said was:

        FYI, our SparkPeople group is Sparkers who enjoy [this website] (which an asterisk did not help get me through the filter). We got one new person just today, come be our second! :-)

        I’m training for a 10k (this weekend!) and anon…to some is training for a race next weekend.

      • Anon-who-loves-cookies

        Thanks ‘rettes! I think the result is going to be suggesting a program for us to follow, but if that doesn’t work – then I might need to run alone on some days and have my running buddy with me on the longer runs. I might look into a local running group – I will be headed to the only running store this weekend (to get fit for running shoes), so I will ask around.

  4. JB

    Had an abnormal pap last week and now I am going in for coloscopy. Anyone had this procedure before? Any words of wisdom? Anything to relax my fears?

    Thanks!

    • Anon

      I asked this exact question several weeks ago and got a lot of positive responses. Someone with better google fu than me can explain to you how to search past threads!

    • Anon

      This happened to me once and while I remember being really nervous about the whole thing at the time, everything turned out totally fine. The colposcopy procedure isn’t terrible but it isn’t necessarily a blast either (my doc recommended I take a prescription strength dose of ibuprofen an hour before, which really helped with any discomfort). There was some bleeding after, so bring liners to wear, just in case. The doctor did take one bioposy during the procedure, which was the worst part, but my results turned up clear, fortunately, and everything’s been just fine ever since.

      It was not a fun thing to go through, but it’s a fairly common procedure, so don’t worry too much. Odds are, everything is fine, and even if it’s not, you most likely caught whatever it is early and you can treat it. Good luck!

      • zora

        exactly the same as what Anon just said!
        I was totally nervous and freaking out, but I also took pain killers before, and it was definitely more uncomfortable than a regular pap, but it was not as bad as I was expecting.

        I’ve had a couple more now, and the more I try to relax and take deep breaths, the less it hurts. I would also be very honest with your doctor that you are nervous and anxious, and hopefully they will help by taking things slow and saying calming things.

        And yes, it is just a precaution, because it is a much more accurate test than the regular pap, so the chances are that the results will be nothing to worry about. And even if it is something, if you are catching it early it will be easy to take care of and you will be fine. So, try not to worry, just think of it as being careful and double checking, and don’t think too far ahead. Just take one step at a time. (now if i could only take my own advice) ..

        You’ll be good! Hugs!!

    • NOLA

      It’s not much worse than a pap and it just takes a second. I’ve had a few, no big deal.

    • Anon

      If you are the panicky type (I am when it comes to medical procedures) you can ask for something. My gyn gave me a valium (literally prescribed one) and had me take that + two ibuprofen before the procedure. It helped—and in my case, everything was fine.

    • AEK

      I had one a few years ago. Had to double up on paps for 2 years afterward (2 per year) but I never had another abnormal result and now I’m back to yearlies.
      The procedure is about as uncomfortable as a pap, slightly longer though.
      I understand your anxiety. Just know that there’s not necessarily anything scary going on, and it’s good just to do the check-it-out thing. Try not to be scared until you have more of a reason… an abnormal pap is very, very common.
      (Also, just as an aside, my now-GYN did my colposcopy that turned out to be nothing. He said he’s doing more and more from referrals from general practitioners/internists who also do paps as part of routine physicals…he thinks that they are too quick to make referrals based on a single, slightly off pap, instead of just repeating the pap.)
      Good luck & I hope that you get reassuring news, quickly!

    • Anon

      I had one a few years ago. It’s a bit painful, but I didn’t take anything for it and the doctor didn’t suggest it. It’s more painful than a regular pap, but nothing that that required any pain reliever. It takes about 5 minutes and you’ll feel fine in a few hours. I would suggest just going home to relax after so try to clear your schedule. Keep in mind, as others have said, you will likely bleed after for a day.

  5. MaggieLizer

    My BFF’s house was broken into last week and her electronics and most of her jewelry were stolen. She’s really missing her nice costume jewelry to wear when she dresses up to pray; most of it was either from Pakistan or inspired by the styles of that region. I’d like to surprise her with a few pieces (no bangles – she still has those) or a jewelry set, and I can spend about $100. Suggestions?

  6. Merabella

    I am going to a family event in NOVA in a few weeks. I usually don’t have any doubts about what to wear to stuff like this, but my mother has tripped me out.

    For those of you in the know, what do you wear to church in NOVA?

    • DC Association

      What religion is it (i.e. Catholic, methodist, A.M.E….)? That will make a difference. and, what type of event? Baptism, first communion, etc?

    • CW

      Do you have an outfit that you usually wear for spring events (bridal showers and the like)? I’m sure whatever that is would be completely appropriate (think lighter colored dresses, skirts, etc.). If you’ll have bare arms, bring a cardigan for church.

      • January

        Second this. You should dress nicely, but you don’t need to do anything out of the ordinary (like cover your legs or your head).

    • Anon for this

      I found Catholic churches in the South dress more formal than Catholic churches in the North. First communions are usually pretty formal occasions too. Men will likely wear suits. Wear a conservative dress or skirt and top and you should fit right in.

    • Bluejay

      Ooh, DC Catholic here. Wear a dress that covers your shoulders and comes to at least the top of your knee. Sandals are fine.

      • DC Association

        Second this. I am Catholic and go to church in DC…which NOVA essentially is. Every church is different, of course, but I’d say wear something that you’d wear to a wedding or baby shower. You know, cute dress, nice pants w/cute sweater or blouse, etc. No need to get as dressed up as you’d get for a wedding.

        If the communion is happening during regular mass…well, don’t be surprised when you see people in jeans and a crappy t-shirt!

    • TCFKAG

      Dress as though you’re going to Easter. Nice dress, floral if possible, with a cardigan over it in church.

      Done. :-) Pretty hat if you’re feeling fancy.

      • nona

        Technically it still is Easter for the Catholics. :) Granted, the Easter season doesn’t have the same dress code as Easter day, but the church is still likely to be decorated in a version of Easter.

        Also, I probably would avoid wearing too much white to a First Communion, since most of the girls participating will likely be wearing white.

    • Merabella

      Thanks for the comments on here ladies. I thought that this would be the dress code, but you know how it is when your mom makes you second guess your choices. I think I need to remind myself that I’m competent in these situations, and to not take her criticisms too close to heart.

    • NOLA

      Zappos says they’re 4 3/4″ but they look lower to me. I’m wearing 5 inch heels right now and they’re pretty comfortable but they have a substantial platform, which these do not. Obviously, YMMV.

  8. eastbaybanker

    My 4-year relationship has hit a total impasse. We’re starting counseling this week. I’m having a hard time getting work done today. But hey, at least I’m wearing a new sweater in that spearmint color of the moment. I could be in a failing relationship AND badly dressed!

    • Flamingo

      That’s the attitude! In all seriousness, sorry to hear you are going through a difficult time. But kudos to you for taking action steps to figure out what’s next and trying to maintain a positive attitude. Hope it works out for the best.

    • M-C

      Good for you! Got to have something to look forward to, right :-)?
      Also, is this counseling your idea? I’m asking because I’ve only ever known one couple to go to counseling and not be broken up in the end, only poorer and later. Four years isn’t that long, in fact it’s just about long enough to realize that there really isn’t much beyond the sex, so maybe that could be happening? Your relationship isn’t necessarily failing, you could just be waking up :-).

  9. SunnyD

    With the running and clothing discussions today…. Has anyone tried the running dress? I’ve seen some that I think are really cute and I wear a lot of running skirts, but I don’t get the dress. What are its benefits (other than being cute)? I assume you still wear a running bra and some kind of shorts/undies underneath. Is it more comfortable or cooler than skirts or shorts?

    • CA Atty

      I love running skirts and can’t wait to shrink back into mine (soon!) and I really want to try the running dress. The benefit to me would be that there’s no waistband to adjust/mess with and your shirt won’t ride up. Right now I’m having a serious issue with these tank tops that I got specifically to run in and that I LOVE…but there is no need for me to be flashing my belly button when I’m jogging! With that said, I think you would have to be careful that the whole dress doesn’t ride up! I’m 90% sure it would for my shape until I get WAY down near my goal. :-)

    • Legal Marketer

      I have two running dresses but I don’t usually run in them. I do wear short compression shorts underneath (and a sports bra).
      I think they are comfy and cute – I wear them to races where I’m watching friends compete or other “sporty” events.
      I also like packing them for trips or weekends away when I think I might get a run in. They can be a regular outfit for hiking or similar active sightseeing and if I have some time, I can go for a run without having to pack and/or change into a completely new outfit.

  10. AIMS

    Random question: do those gradual tan lotions go bad? I have one I bought last summer that I never used and am wondering if it would still be okay to use. It’s the Nivea one that’s also shave minimizing, if it matters. TIA!

    • Merabella

      I believe they have a shelf life, but they should have an expiration date on the bottle if so. I don’t think it can hurt you, I just think it may not be as affective.

    • Lyssa

      I’ve got one that’s 2 years old (or more) and I’m still using it. The texture has changed a little (it’s thinner), but it still seems fine.

    • 30

      I’ve had bad reactions from using lotions that were more than a year old. So you might try a small patch of skin first (or get a new bottle).

    • coco

      A year should be fine. Try it a few times and see it makes a difference. At worst, it will just do a not so great job at moisturizing your legs.

      • AIMS

        Thanks guys! There’s definitely no expiration date, so I will give it a test run today in a discreet area today. I usually have very little discipline when it comes to using things like this so am a bit reluctant to just buy a new bottle knowing that I will probably stop using it relatively quickly. My fear was having a weird reaction.

    • N.

      I usually chuck mine at the end of the season after I had a bottle that separated a bit over the course of a winter and then made me extra streaky and weird looking when I tried to use it in the spring. IMHO it’s worth the ten bucks buy a new bottle.

        • coco

          I have a Neutrogena face cream that was supposed to be a gradual tanner. It has an expiration date of 2005 and I’m still using it. I’m about 99% positive it isn’t adding a tan, but I like it as a moisturizer. My dad is a scientist at a pharmaceutical company and he’s convinced that things (including medications) are good years after the expiration date. Has the cream separated? If not, just shake it a few times, you should be fine. :)

          Side rant: why do companies always discontinue my favorite products?? I ration out that face cream…

  11. PCV

    I grew up in Kentucky, and my first question would be to find out the denomination. Episcopalian tends to be slightly dressier, Baptist less so but not flashy, non-denominational megachurches pretty casual, etc. Some church ladies go all out with the pastel skirt suits, hats and pumps, but younger women generally don’t. As long as you’re put-together and not too glammed up, you’ll be fine. You’ll be safe with business casual.

  12. MsZ

    Just a heads up . . . the one pair of rsvp shoes I purchased were so. uncomfortable. The inside material was very unforgiving, sweaty cardboard and the leather was plasticky and inflexible. Those shoes were the ones that finally put me over the edge to save up for more expensive, nicer shoes as opposed to having 50 pairs of $50 shoes.

  13. FP Angie

    Totally BIT IT in the parking garage. Tiny tear on my suit… not too bad so I don’t think I have to change… luckily not in front of anyone… ouch.

    • Merabella

      I did this on the way to an interview once. Scratched up my whole leg. I wanted to die of embarrassment. Did get offered the job though, maybe they felt bad for me…

    • Blonde Lawyer

      I found myself in the basement of our office today and ended up using the restroom down there. On my way out, I missed a giant step. I had my hand on a support pillar and ended up swinging around it stripper style on my way down. Nice big scrape down my wrist and it is bright red, soon to be bruised. Sore too. I felt like an idiot but in retrospect, super funny. I almost wish someone saw. I’m in three quarter sleeves so everyone is seeing the damage. No keeping this klutz a secret.

      I hope you aren’t too sore tomorrow!

    • M-C

      Do investigate reweaving for your tear if it’s in a spot that you can’t just resew. Hard to find (usually dry cleaners that do alterations) and not that cheap, but totally invisible results.
      And arnica cream is very good for bruises – got started on it the time a friend pulled me back into the path of the motorcycle :-)..

  14. yay

    I got my mpre score about 5 minutes ago and I passed! I basically knew I would, but since I put it off until spring 3L year, it’s a relief that I got it on the first try :)

    • IBL

      Congratulations! :) It’s exciting to succeed at anything, even if you expected to, and therefore you should celebrate a little.

    • LawChick

      Congrats! I did the same thing and waited to take it until the last semester of 3L year. I also lucked out and passed the first time. Enjoy the high and try to get some rest for a few weeks before studying for the dreaded bar exam!

      • CountC

        Congrats!

        I had to take it again for a new jurisdiction, thought I would not because I slacked and thankfully passed.

    • TCFKAG

      Congrats. You’re minimally ethical to be a lawyer. (That’s not that impressive really!!! Lol.)

      • 2L

        I passed too…I know it’s not a difficult test but it’s nice to have it out of the way! :) Congrats and have a great graduation!

  15. b23

    I just bought a skirt from Banana and am wearing it today. It has gotten SO stretched out and unattractive looking. I still have the receipt and paid full price for it (so stupid, I know, they have sales all the time). Any chance they’ll take it back for store credit?

    • Sansa

      So i used to work at BR, and i’ll tell you, if you came into the store i worked at, your chances wouldn’t be great, but here’s some tips
      be as nice as humanly possible. I’m sure that goes without saying, but managers of retail stores have so much “power”, and even if they say ‘we can’t take it back”, yes they can, they just don’t want to – but if you are nice, they are more willing to do it.
      you could ask for a price adjustment – it wouldnt get you your total money back, but if it has gone on sale now (as it may have, as everything is always on sale) they could credit you back the amount.
      I’d phrase it mostly as “is there anything you can do” rather than “can i return this”? they may offer you some type of discount on a future purchase, or switch it out for another similar skirt.. so what i’m saying is it’s worth a try, but don’t get your hopes up.

      • Related About Returning Jeans

        What about returning jeans after you’ve washed them once to see how much they shrink? I took the tags off, ran them through the cycle, tried them on, saw that they are now way too short, and want to return them. I can’t wear them, so if I can’t return them, they will go to Goodwill or similar.

        What is the etiquette here?

        • your sales associate

          There are certain stores, particularly ones that start with B, that will take back clothing, in any condition, as long as it has the original tags on it. Generally, though, the SA will know that you have washed and/or worn said clothing and will judge you harshly for it (sorry, but it’s true) and only take back the clothing because it happens to be store policy.

        • Bluejay

          Do they say that they won’t shrink? did you follow all the instructions? If so, it sounds like they’re defective and you can legitimately return them.

          • EFL

            Unfortunately, denim shrinks for the first few washings so I guess that can’t be considered as a defect. It’s the nature of the beast (linen does, too). In an ideal world, manufacturers would pre-treat the fabric several times before cutting, but that is obviously not cost effective. In a not-ideal-but-still-nice world, manufacturers would pre-treat the fabric at least *once* but that doesn’t happen often, for denim or other garments (that’s why so many garments are “dry clean” nowadays, and why knit tops twist so much, but it’s another story).

            The best solution I’ve found for jeans is to buy non-dark wash. Pre-faded jeans have come through some distressing so they may shrink less (although the modern distressing process tends to use sand, not water, so I’m on shaky ground here. All I know is that my 36″ dark wash jeans are now barely 34″, while their pre-faded counterparts remains at 35″+ . At my height, every inch matters :) ).
            Any way, the darker the wash, the less likely it has been pre-treated : denim always bleeds a bit when wet (due to indigo dyes, it seems), so pre-treating may cause it to loose its pretty saturated color. All the more when the factory use lower quality fabric that has not been dyed thoroughly.

    • PharmaGirl

      I have brought back a pair of pants to BR for this same reason. I wore them once and through within a few hours they completely sagged in the bum and were practically falling off my waist. I was able to return for a credit but YMMV depending on the store manager’s attitude that day.

    • a passion for fashion

      I’d take it back and say its essentially defective, which it is. If it stretched out so bad you can’t wear it.

      • Sansa

        another warning – make sure anything you try to bring back, you have washed/cared for in exactly the manner prescribed by the tags. that’s teh favorite way for the manager to get out of letting you return something.

    • anon

      Is it the Sleek (stretch cotton) suiting material? I bought a pantsuit in that, during a one-day 50% off sale, and by noon on the day I wore it, it was a stretched out, wrinkled mess. I doubt I will ever wear it again. Even at 50% off I felt robbed. Didn’t occur to me to take it back, though, now I wish I had. I actually bought 2 suits at that sale, and did take back the one I had not worn.

  16. MygnBg

    I am going to Orlando for a conference this week, and will be there for a couple of extra days. Any suggestions on things to do?

  17. SoCal Gator

    Tomorrow they are retaking everyone’s photo for our new website — they will be in color. While they will not be full body shots, they may be more than just the usual headshot. They sent around samples of more informal poses which show roughly the top half. I am debating whether to wear my French Gray ( a medium gray) Ann Taylor suit or my very dark navy Boss suit. Both are new and fit well, although the Boss jacket had to be taken in when I lost more weight and they never look as good as if you started out with the correct size.

    With either option, I plan to wear my favorite Reiss collared blouse, which is a lovely warm blue, with pearls. I am concerned that the Boss jacket is too dark and will look black. On the other hand, I wonder if the gray is too light. I also worry about the collared blouse as many website articles say to avoid them for photos, but this one lays flat on a jacket collar and looks great. My non collared tops are dressy tees and I am concerned they might look too informal (I have a sapphire blue Ann Taylor tee that might work).

    I did dig out and read the two posts that Kat has on Corporette, but am still feeling a bit unsure. What do you all think?

    • Esquirette

      Consider the gray suit. My firm did similar shots for our webpage and, for some people who were wearing dark suits, their arms blended with their bodies and things looked a bit odd. I think medium gray sounds nice. You could try hunting around on a few firm sites to see what other photos look like.

    • M-C

      Totally do the grey. I do website photos and black is heinous, unless you want to look goth.
      Also consider the t-shirt. Once the photo gets to screen resolution, nobody will be able to tell it’s a t-shirt, but the collar is likely to look awkward.
      And google this site for “website photo”, there’s been at least one really good previous discussion on the topic here.

  18. SoCal Gator

    I have no idea why this put my post into Awaiting Moderation except that I mentioned the name of this website — is that enough?

    Here is my post, minus that reference, since I have no idea how long it will stay in limbo (sorry for any resulting duplication):

    Tomorrow they are retaking everyone’s photo for our new website — they will be in color. While they will not be full body shots, they may be more than just the usual mugshot. They sent around samples of more informal poses which show roughly the top half. I am debating whether to wear my French Gray ( a medium gray) Ann Taylor suit or my very dark navy Boss suit. Both are new and fit well, although the Boss jacket had to be taken in when I lost more weight and they never look as good as if you started out with the correct size.

    With either option, I plan to wear my favorite Reiss collared blouse, which is a lovely warm blue, with pearls. I am concerned that the Boss jacket is too dark and will look black. On the other hand, I wonder if the gray is too light. I also worry about the collared blouse as many website articles say to avoid them for photos, but this one lays flat on a jacket collar and looks great. My non collared tops are dressy tees and I am concerned they might look too informal (I have a sapphire blue Ann Taylor tee that might work).

    I did dig out and read the two posts that Kat has on this site, but am still feeling a bit unsure. What do you all think?

    • Former MidLevel

      I think that either suit would work, but I’d vote for gray. And if the collar lays flat, I think the Reiss blouse would be find.

    • sadie

      Go with the grey. Despite the fact that I wear black 24/7, it’s looking a little dated to me and your blue jacket will probably read as black. A lighter neutral, like your grey, sounds fresh and modern to me. I think your collared blouse sounds like a great idea.

    • French Grey

      I think you’re better off with the French Grey. Also, see if someone has one of those large clips that they can use to pull your jacket tight at your mid-back so that it looks like it fits properly. I don’t know why, but jackets that fit in real life always look too big in photos. Don’t forget powder, lipstick and blush.

  19. KK

    My vote, without seeing the actual colors in question, would be the gray suit and the sapphire blue tee shirt. I think a collared shirt + pearls will look uptight, but it’s a hard call without seeing the actual collared blouse in question.

    Also, wear lipstick, and rest assured that no one will notice your outfit as much as you will!

  20. Thoughts on...

    …dating a divorced guy? He’s been out of the marriage for a year and a half. We just met and I’m seriously starry eyed, but I have never gone down this road before.

    • Blonde Lawyer

      Never been there either but things that would matter to me are:

      1.) What was the reason for the divorce? Did he cheat? Was he bored? etc.
      2.) Is he being a grown up about it? Does he take care of his kids? Did he trash her property?
      3.) Is he over her? I wouldn’t mind him being sentimental about her, obviously they were married. . . but I’d have a problem if he was just dying to get back with her if only she would come around.

      • M-C

        Seconded too (or thirded :-)??).
        Consider this also, if you live long enough it’ll be impossible to find some guy who isn’t divorced. You don’t really want a widower who’s feeling bad about how she was so much better than you could ever be :-). And if a guy gets old enough, like 35-40, without ever being married, that’s kind of a big red flag for being unable to be in any relationship at all.
        So see, you’re just practicing adulthood :-).

    • desigirl

      Some questions to ask yourself and Mr. Divorcee

      1. Has he dated anyone else before you? (don’t waste time being anyone’s rebound)
      2. Does he have kids, if so what are his custody/child support arrangements (don’t get serious with any man who isn’t taking care of his current responsibilities)
      3. How does he speak of his ex/Does he take any responsibility for the breakup of his marriage? (avoid men who speak bitterly or angrily about the ex- they are not over the realtionship yet)

      I’m not saying that you have to put the guy through a deposition, but you should discover the answer to each of these questions before you become serious about him. Wishing you the best!

    • MygnBg

      Personally, I think I almost prefer it. My DH was divorced for about the same amount of time when we met (no kids). He was still pretty bitter, but once he got over it completely, it made things very nice for us. We were able to skip a lot of the drama that newlyweds go through, because he already had been through it and learned how to differentiate between the little things that don’t matter and actual important issues.

    • Mrs. Second Wife

      I met my husband about seven months after his wife announced she wanted a divorce and about two months after she moved out. They had been married 21 years and had two kids (10 & 15) at the time. I have commented about this before a couple times, so you might be able to search based on some of the terms below in case I am not thorough this time. In no particular order:

      * pre-marital counseling. do it. with someone who has lots of experience in step-families.
      * read Wednesday Martin’s “Stepmonster” with him and discuss it.
      * ditto “stepwives” (I forget the author) and “stepcoupling” (different author, whose name I also forget now)
      * ask to see his divorce order and have a family lawyer go through it with you.
      * ask to see his and his ex-wife’s parenting plan for the kid(s)
      * talk early and often about how you each view the role of the following in a marriage: sex, money, kids, politics, religion.
      * try to get an accurate read on his former wife. does she have true mental health issues? if so, and if there are kids, that will affect your life. forever.
      * if he has been emotionally abused, talk about how he has healed/can heal himself to be strong in your relationship. do this with the pre-marital counselor, above.

      • M-C

        Good points, Mrs 2, but I think a bit premature. Sounds like OP is just having a fling right now. She should take your advice, but only when she’s actually thinking of marrying him.

    • Aurelie

      I’m doing this now. As with any relationship, it depends on the person. Ask him questions about it. He may not want to relive it, but you need to know enough about the circumstances of his divorce to know if he is ready to move on and the right type of person for you. If he seems like he is hiding something or struggling to move on from the divorce, take things slowly because he may not be the one for you. Make sure you find out whether the guy is actually divorced, or if he is just separated. Find out if he has any kids. Don’t be afraid to double check his story.

      • River Song

        What desigirl said, absolutely. You do NOT want to be the first person a divorced (or separated) man dates. And Mrs. Second Wife has offered some excellent advice. Don’t let the child thing scare you. I’m a stepmom, and it can be great. We get a bad rap in faerie tales. But one of the advantages to dating a man with kids is that you get a preview to how he will be as a father, if you decide to have your own children.

        • ADB_BWG

          I’m the sister of a divorced guy. I’d suggest that even if the divorce happened for reasons that you don’t want in your marriage, people can and do change.

          My brother was (IMHO) a good husband, though he certainly could have been better. But with a much nicer and saner wife (again, IMHO!) and with the insight he gained from post-divorce individual and group counseling, he will be able to be an awesome husband.

    • KLG

      I never intended on dating a guy who was divorced or a guy with kids, but like you, I found myself starry eyed with someone who had been divorced about the same amount of time. Since we were both 30ish, it turned out we had roughly the same emotional baggage from past relationships even though he had been married and I had not. I was confident he was over his ex though. I don’t necessarily agree with the way he treated his ex during their marriage (or how she treated him for that matter-they were just terrible to each other!) but I was also confident based on how he treated me that he had learned a lot and things were likely to be different. They have proven to be so and we are very very happy. BUT the lawyer in me says to make sure he is really divorced.

      Just to tag onto Mrs. Second Wife a little, (I know you didn’t mention kids so it may not even be an issue) some times the mother of his kids is actually nice and decent to you and to him and things with her are mainly NBD and somewhat flexible. It is hard to parent when you only have a child half the time and there are difficulties inherent in that that I keep uncovering but on the other hand, it’s been excellent “trial” parenting for me and great to see that he and I generally have similar parenting styles and are calmly able to discuss our differences and compromise on them.

    • Original Poster

      Thank you, everyone – great advice and I assure you it will be put to good use.

    • Anon

      My amazing husband had been divorced for two years when I met him… and when we met, he was at the ripe old age of 30. (He’d married his high school sweetheart. Things didn’t work out.)

      Two fantastic things his divorced status brought to our relationship:

      1) He’s hyper-aware of how a relationship can go bad, fast, so he’s very proactive about talking things through at the first sign of nastiness.

      -2) He knew how to plan a wedding! Bonus: He remembered what seemed important at the time but actually wasn’t, and vice versa.

  21. SMC-JD

    Year and a half out and he should be fine. Just watch out for the obvious red-flag of being angry and bitter about his ex (unless his ex is a felon) and (if he has kids), give some thought to how you want to handle that.

  22. oclg

    Did anyone watch Girls on HBO last night? I enjoyed it and (embarrassingly) related to a lot of it. Even though I’m not that far removed from it, t made me so glad to not be 24 anymore.

    • KinCA

      I did! I was intrigued by the concept because I just turned 24 a few months and because I’d read good things about it. I was entertained by it but I didn’t relate to it all that much, especially that cringe-inducing first scene where her parents cut her off and she reacts so poorly. But I think I will keep watching though; it’s interesting and I love the dynamic between the two main characters (Hanna & Marnie).

    • Equity's Darling

      It’s waiting at home for me to watch tonight! And I am 24, so hopefully it doesn’t hit too close to home and is just enjoyable instead…

    • cc

      Saw it, kind of hated it. Ive been feeling very out of tune with the reviews, I usually like all the “cool shows” (but shh I don’t like mad men either)

      • oclg

        I emphatically do not like Mad Men either. I don’t know why, but I just can’t deal with it.

        I liked Girls. I think the part I related to most was when Hannah called Alex (? I think that’s his name) and said “Hey I was in the area wondering what you’re up to.” I’ve definitely gone all the way somewhere just on the off chance of bumping into someone or calling to say I was in the area. I’m only 25, so it’s definitely relateable, even if it does make you cringe. I also love the Hannah/Marnie dynamic.

        • AIMS

          I liked it. But I also like Mad Men.

          I am 30, so can’t say I am in that demographic exactly, but it definitely strikes a universal tone with some stuff (e.g., the dooshy guy, the dropping in, the awkward friendship you maintain in groups, etc.).

          I think one of the most interesting aspects of the show is how un-produced it feels. For instance, the s*x scene — so totally not shot to be appealing, as is usually the case with these shows. I also like the seeming lack of judgment the show seems to have for its characters, inc. visually. Not sure how that will play out as the show progresses, but I thought it was an interesting aspect so far.

          As far as what rang true, I have to say that even though some of it might have been slightly exagerated, as everything else, I really identified with the intimacy of friendships when you’re young. Friends I meet later in life just don’t go into the bathroom with me, much less shave their legs with me in a tub. Not that it’s bad thing, but it’s just something you don’t get much when you start to get older.

  23. 312

    Anyone have a recommendation for a low grade hold gel or style cream? I usually load up on the anti frizz products, but feel like I need to add a little something to have more control over my style.
    Thanks!

    • 30

      I like both the FrizzEase gel and the mousse. I use the gel in winter, mousse in summer.

    • Ashley

      I really like Aussie gel, and Not Your Mother’s styling cream. Both can be found at Wal-Mart in a variety of strengths (gel) and concerns (styling cream for shine, smoothing, curl definition, et.c). I actually don’t like the curly cream by NYM, but sometimes I steal the smoothing cream my husband uses on his long hair. The Aussie gel comes in a purple bottle with a kangaroo on it, and the NYM smoothing cream comes in a white bottle with teal accents.

    • Equity's Darling

      Oooo, I love it- and it would be fine for my office.

      I think it would be too cutesy if it was in some of kate spades more usual bright colours, but with the subdued black/cream, it’s definitely not too cutesy (plus, it’s not cute too cutesy). I can see some people being “meh” on the bow, but I like it- it could always be removed, leaving just the lovely pattern and classically cut dress.

      • Equity's Darling

        Sorry, I meant to write that it’s not *cut* too cutesy, in that it’s not flouncy at the bottom, etc.

      • Former MidLevel

        Agreed. And if you wanted to add some color, I think it would look lovely with a bright cardigan.

      • viclawstudent

        Yeah, I like it, but think I’d remove the bow (in part because I think it could limit what sort of jackets/necklines you wear with). It looks simple enough to do, though, and it’s otherwise very nice. (The sale price is tempting me.)

        I suspect it would be a bit memorable, but no more so than any dress/skirt/shirt with a print. Unless you’re wearing it two days in a row, shouldn’t be a problem.

  25. Another Sarah

    Fashion advice needed!

    BTW, thank you all for your excellent replies to my post on this weekend’s open thread. It gives me a lot to think about!

    Next week I’ll be headed to San Diego/Tijuana to do a training for one of our clients. We’ll be sleeping in San Diego, but traveling to Tijuana every day. Any ideas on what to wear? I’m thinking nice suiting skirts and decent shirts (like oxfords or short-sleeved shells), but I wanted to make sure that would be OK. Otherwise, any ideas to stay out of trouble? We’ll be escorted to/from the border, so hopefully that will be enough. Thoughts? Thanks in advance!

    • CA Atty

      You should be fine with the escort. TJ isn’t really that bad, they’re used to the teenagers/college kids coming down to party. Just stay with the group. Oh, and don’t eat the tacos from the roadside stands. I don’t think I ever did but I remember some of my companions doing so and I read the other day that there is a good chance there’s horsemeat in there.

      Your outfits sound fine, I would consider more pants just because I always feel like they give you a little more protection from the elements and TJ is diiiiirrrrrrrty, on the other hand, I imagine that rather than hanging out in clubs you will be in somewhat of a business district, so you might not have to worry about it.

      Close toed shoes.

      • M-C

        Oh now, that’s terrible advice – you’ll never get anything as good as those roadside tacos anywhere in the US :-).

  26. newassociate

    Hi, longtime lurker here. I have a rather basic question, that has probably been covered before and my apologies if so. Being the only female attorney in my small law office and the first attorney in my family/circle of friends I do not know who/where else to ask: what kind of bag should I bring to court?

    I have a nice purse (Michael Kors, a splurge to myself after getting this job offer) but I’m beginning to make some court appearances now (CMCs and the like) and I just feel awkward carrying a regular purse, even though it is technically big enough to stuff the limited number of files I’ve had to bring so far. I feel I should be carrying a suitcase or something along those lines. Any suggestions? Budget at this point would be no more than $100, but hopefully I could upgrade in a few years.

    Thank you in advance!

    • Bonnie

      I see very few attorneys carrying real briefcases to court. I usually just carry my big tote bag that can fit a few files. If I need to take more, then I take my small rolling bag. I have a briefcase that I received as a gift and I never use it.

    • anon

      I usually take my Tumi tote bag, or if I have a lot, then my firm gave me a black Tumi tote bag to use. I have seen plenty of female attorneys with a purse and carrying the file/redwell they need. Some people carry briefcases, some carry litigation bags (usually people who seem older than me – I’m a 6th year), and some just carry their files.

    • Anonymous

      Check out tjmaxx an the like – I got an amazing deal (think 40-ish) on a lidos tote that looks amazing

    • newassociate

      Er, briefcase, not suitcase. That would just be silly ;) Thanks for the advice ladies, I’ll keep an eye out at TJ Maxx and in the meantime I’ll not feel so weird with the purse!

      • KLG

        Also look for female attorneys who are also in court and take a look at what they’re doing. I do think some of this stuff is very regional (my friends and I have a constant debate over whether rolling litigation bags are appropriate, some of us use them all the time and others say they’d never be caught dead with one because no one in their area uses them).

        When I saw a newbie I splurged at the Coach outlet on a large black leather tote ($498 down to $250) that is big enough for a pretty big file and if there’s room, I toss my purse inside. If not, I carry my purse separately. I never upgraded to a “real” briefcase or anything because black leather goes with everything and I found the tote to be very functional.

  27. phillygirlruns

    anyone who (like me) drools over the black halo “jackie” dress, refinery29 has a $151-off-$300 deal right now.

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