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Over at CorporetteMoms today, Ann is swooning over the fall colors from Essie — and I agree they're really fun! Her favorite shade is a dark brownish red, which kind of got me nostalgic for Chanel's Vamp — it all seems in-keeping with the resurgence of late 90s/early aughts fashion, right?
Apparently Chanel changed the formulation slightly in the late 90s to one with more shimmer and red (and less black), and that version, Rouge Noir, has been sold for years. (Here's a beauty blogger's post from 2013 on the topic.)
If you want the lower cost version, you can find the newer Essie collection at Ulta — or Nordstrom and others have the Chanel polish for $30. (Huh – Ulta has Vamp as a purchase option, although it's sold out right now. Maybe Vamp is still around… Also still around: the OPI shade that everyone swore was a dupe for Vamp back in the day.)
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Sales of note for 10.24.24
- Nordstrom – Fall sale, up to 50% off!
- Ann Taylor – Friends of Ann Event, 30% off! Suits are included in the 30% off!
- Banana Republic Factory – 40-60% off everything, and redeem Stylecash!
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
- J.Crew – Friends & Family event, 30% off sitewide.
- J.Crew Factory – 40% off everything
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Up to 30% off on new arrivals
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 40% off entire purchase, plus free shipping no minimum
- White House Black Market – Buy more, save more; buy 3+ get an extra 50% off
Anon
I have to thank you all for turning me onto the Athleta Brooklyn pant. I remember a post on here about how women were wearing them as dress pants post-pandemic. I realized I had a pair in my drawer that I had bought on clearance to wear as athletic wear – in particular, to wear to physical therapy for my knee because they were stretchy. I remember the physical therapists complimenting them, but at the time I still thought of them as athletic wear and took their compliments from that perspective.
But since you all said the thing about work pants, I’ve now worn them to a couple of work events with an otherwise businessy outfit, and I swear someone asks me where I got them every time I wear them.
I don’t generally understand pants right now – cropped flares? Really? – but at least I understand these. Thank you!! I have them in three colors now. (Black, navy, navy windowpane.)
Anon
I have a pair and liked them at work in the sticky summer. I have a lined version that is similar from 2021-2022 winter that I wear to work with a chunky black wool turtleneck. But not for Big Meetings, but for ordinary days. Footwear may be a challenge once it gets colder, but for 3 seasons, I feel like I have good options.
Anon
Yes for sure for ordinary days. But I did wear them to a business casual conference – I’ve been wearing them for travel because they’re comfortable, and my flight was delayed so I showed up to the first session of the conference in my traveling clothes and other women still complimented my pants!
eggplant
Echoing this — I bought these pants because of this board, and now I own them in three colors. They are simply the best thing to happen to my post-pandemic wardrobe. I wear them at home on my WFH days and they are juuuuust fancy enough to put me in the “at work” mindset (when I don’t feel like wearing sweatpants). And I wear them to the office, and I still feel comfy. Just a great compromise pant.
Mrs. Jones
I have two pairs in black and wear both weekly. They really are versatile.
Anon
Really?? I have them and can’t see past the athletic part. How are you styling them? They’re comfy AF, so really curious!
pugsnbourbon
I don’t have those specific pants but I have similar ones – I wear them with loafers and a dressy t-shirt. I’m on the casual end of business casual.
Anon
For the conference, I wore them with a silky top worn untucked, a collarless longer blazer (I’m tall), and ankle strap pointy toe flats (that I bought based on a post here).
Anon
I used a verboten word and am in m0d
For the conference, I wore them with a silky top worn untucked, a c-llarless longer blazer (I’m tall), and ankle strap pointy toe flats (that I bought based on a post here).
Anon
Thanks! Y’all are inspiring me to play around.
Anon
I’m glad they work for someone. I bought a pair based on recs here and they were awful. Between the clingy, swishy fabric and the shapelessness, I could not bring myself to even wear them around the house. Back they went.
Anon
I think you bought the wrong size if they are clingy. I agree they’re somewhat swishy, but mine are looser in the leg than skinny pants or my iconic Eileen Fisher pants.
Anon
No, it was more like static cling than too snug a fit. They were definitely loose in the leg, and any larger in the waist would have required suspenders to stay up. They just felt and looked awful.
BeenThatGuy
No, it was more like static cling than too snug a fit. They were definitely loose in the leg, and any larger in the waist would have required suspenders to stay up. They just felt and looked awful.
Anon8
Favorite salad recipes or combos? I’ve never been much of a salad person but lately have been on a kick. Especially looking for heartier salads with lots of flavor.
Anon
This is basically a Sweetgreen knock-off, but a great fall salad is kale, chicken breast, butternut squash, almonds, apple, and goat cheese. Balsamic, olive oil, salt, and pepper for the dressing.
Anon
https://picklesnhoney.com/delicata-squash-quinoa-kale-salad-recipe/
Anon
Romaine, chickpeas, water tinned tuna, feta, kalamata olives, olive oil, and lemon juice.
Bibb lettuce, candied walnuts, pomegranate seeds, blue cheese, bacon.
Romaine, chopped red bell pepper, oil tinned tuna, kalamata olives, olive oil, red wine vinegar.
Caesar salad: Romaine, mayonnaise, olive oil, Worcestershire sauce, Dijon mustard, crushed anchovies, lemon juice, Parmesan cheese.
Anon
Arugula, rare beef or smoked sardines, shaved parmesan or pecorino, olive oil, black pepper.
Consider adding a soft cooked boiled or fried egg to any autumn salad to make it heartier!
Anonymous
I want to dine with you.
Anon
A Niçoise salad still my forever favorite.
Greens (I like little gems romaine) tossed with a vinaigrette – I use tarragon vinegar in the vinaigrette- topped with canned tuna in oil, boiled and halved tiny potatoes, sliced hard boiled eggs, cooked and cooked green beans, and tiny black olives. Sometimes tomato wedges or halved cherry tomatoes, but I only like them when they’re in season. Sometimes thinly sliced radishes. Sometimes a bit of cucumber. But overall it’s a great salad and isn’t like a deprivation salad. Very satisfying.
It’s a classic for a reason.
Vicky Austin
This is not fall-like, but I recently had a salad at a Mexican restaurant that was romaine, red onion, avocado, mango and peppery chicken with a citrusy vinaigrette. Man that mango was delicious, and chicken + avocado would be very filling.
Book Rec
Late to the morning thread but wanted to add an option: The Widows of Malabar Hill. I just finished it and it was really good!
Wheels
I really enjoyed this book too.
Last Minute Europe Travel Questions
Hi everyone – this is incredibly late due to the logistical firestorm that caused my international business travel to be approved 2 days before takeoff (my pulse is still coming down) but I am now in Brussels and headed to the Cotswolds in the UK on Wednesday. Both are for work. A few questions:
– I booked an airport transfer through Transfeero for from the airport/to my lodging. Any experience with them?
– I am looking to book local taxi service in the Cotswolds, but very little luck. I am spending my day at the Fire Service College, which is about a mile from town. Any experience with taking taxi OR walking to/from town? It’s about a mile.
– How much advance time should I plan at Heathrow for my return flight? It’s an American Airlines direct to DC. I’ve heard horror stories, so any tips are highly appreciated!
Anonymous
For your Cotswolds question – the Cotswolds is an a large rural district, not a town, so for taxis, search for services in your local town (Moreton-in-Marsh? ).
If you do end up walking a bit, it’s a beautiful area for hiking.
Anon
We planned on 3 and a half hours back in April. United was a nightmare. Security was a breeze. We ended up with about an hour post security. Give yourself lots and lots of time.
Londoner
Whereabouts in the Cotswolds would you be? Have you tried asking your hotel to book you a cab?
I try to be in Heathrow 2 hours in advance of US bound flights. Assuming you are a US national and are flying carry on only, you might be able to check in online, a little less time in advance could be OK too. Now that the summer is over, it should be a bit less crazy.
Last Minute Europe Travel Questions
Sorry for the late reply! I will be in Moreton-in-Marsh. The hotel is trying, but seems like they aren’t having much luck either, unfortunately.
Anonymous
In August, we arrived at Heathrow almost 3.5 hours in advance. We had to drop off a rental car and we’re traveling with a kid. We had plenty of time
ALT
This is such a dumb question, but where does one find a basic digital watch? I just want a sleek watch that just shows me the time in digital format. I don’t need or want any fancy features. I found a $20 one that’s sleek-ish on Amazon but wondering if anyone here has any more ideas.
I have a Fitbit that has died and I do like that but I don’t *need* to keep track of my steps and I don’t want to pay $100…I’d like to pay $50 or less. Thanks!
Anon
Timex brand? Check Target/Wal-Mart.
Anon
This is the answer.
Coach Laura
Timex ironman. I’ve had about 5 over the past 20 years…until I switched to an AppleWatch.
Anonymous
Is there such a thing as no scrub toilet bowl cleaner? I feel like I’ve seen commercials for it but don’t see any such products at Home Depot. Not wanting anything to put into the tank, rather something that can be sprayed or poured in and then flushed to keep things clean between scheduled cleanings.
Anonymous
I am so excited, have just booked to bring my 2 daughters 13 and 18 to New York from Sydney for Christmas and New Year.It will be their first trip to New York. I have all of the accommodation arranged and have booked the Rockettes. Apart from shopping, the Xmas lights, tree, ice skating , usual touristy things etc, can native New Yorkers please suggest some experiences which will be unforgettable for them. Also I’m wondering what might be a great place to eat on Christmas Day , as our family tradition is a lunch. Can’t wait!
Anon
Tickets for the Nutcracker (NYC ballet) went on sale today! Wollman rink in central park is more fun for ice skating than Rockefeller center.
Anon
Definitely Wollman rink!!
Anne-on
Any particular interests? Afternoon tea at Bergdorf’s has a gorgeous view, if they love books the Strand or Housing Works bookstore in Soho are both great (pair with breakfast or brunch at Balthazar for a perfect morning in my nerdy book-loving heart!). Teens may be into one of the instagrammable pop-up art exhibits, and if they’re into music definitely check to see if anyone they like is playing. If you don’t want to commit to an entire cruise, maybe try to do the staten island ferry around sunset (early, say 4:30ish?) and walk across the bridge to get pizza/dessert in DUMBO (jacques torres is right by the bridge on the brooklyn side and would be my vote for sweets). Enjoy!!
Cat
Theater! If nothing else, Hamilton?
Also consider some walking food tour type of experiences, so you can sample lots of local favorites.
Anonymous
Actually I would say Phantom of the Opera over Hamilton because Phantom is closing Feb 2023 on Broadway (*cries*) and Hamilton will still be around for a bit on Broadway and touring.
For Chinese food – you can find decent spots all across the city, but I would trek out to Brooklyn or Flushing for more varied cuisines than old-style Cantonese.
Anonymous
My teenager and her friends are also into
Wicked
Six
Mean Girls
Hadestown
NYCer
The Mark on the Upper Eastside generally has a very nice Christmas lunch.
Anonymous
Jewish New Yorkers go out for Chinese food on Christmas Day – that could be an unforgettable experience. (I don’t think this is just a New York thing at all but there are a lot of Jewish New Yorkers and a lot of great Chinese restaurants here).
Anon
My protestant midwestern family does this, too.
LaurenB
Jewish people all over go out for Chinese on Christmas Day. Nothing uniquely New Yorker about that, lol!
Anon
Definitely the theatre!
Anonymous
I love the Tenement Museum and a day exploring the Lower East Side. I’d do lunch at Katz’s, get a reservation for a tour at the Tenement Museum, and then poke around and shop and explore. It makes for a really fabulous half-day or day.
You can join the other teenage girls standing in front of Taylor Swift’s apartment on Franklin Street.
There are a million Christmas events – music, lights, etc. – all over the place. You don’t have to do all of them but a few could be really fun.
I enjoyed attending an Easter service at Trinity Church downtown recently; I bet they have gorgeous music for Christmas Eve.
When we go, we always see a ton of theater – Six and Hadestown would be great. The Music Man with Hugh Jackman is divine. I also recommend Beetlejuice or Moulin Rouge the Musical for teenagers. It’s fun and easy to go to Juniors in Times Square for post-show cheesecake, or go to Sardi’s for fancier food and fun Broadway caricatures.
Have a wonderful time!
Anonymous
along the salad poster lines – what are your favorite soups this fall? i can’t wait to start making them
Anon
We eat soup almost all winter because it’s so easy to make. I have a binder full of our favorite recipes, but here are two of them that are available online. My trick for soups is to rely heavily on shortcuts – dried chopped onions sold near the spices; frozen veggies, particularly frozen diced hash brown potatoes; diced ham sold near the sandwich meat; and the jarred real bacon pieces that are the modern bacon bits.
https://www.allrecipes.com/recipe/56927/delicious-ham-and-potato-soup/
https://www.tasteofhome.com/recipes/hearty-manhattan-clam-chowder/
Harvest soup
Melt butter
Saute a large handful of chopped sage for a few minutes
Add cubed butternut squash, yellow potatoes, carrots, and apples in the following ratio – 1 part butternut squash to 1/3 part yellow potatoes to 1/4 part carrots to 1/4 part apples. Add curry powder (start with 1-2 tsp, you can add more later if you make a big pot of soup). Add chicken stock or veggie stock to just cover and cook until soft. I like a rough texture so instead of a blender or an immersion blender I just roughly mash for a minute or two with a potato masher until it’s the way I like. Add salt, pepper, and taste for seasonings (more curry here if needed).
Serve with crusty bread and butter and a green salad.
Anon
Hmmm, sounds delicious and I have all ingredients by some coincidence at home. Will give it a go! Thanks!
Anon
What kind of curry powder? I like sweet curry, is that more dependent on other things or does the type matter?
Anonymous
Not Harvest Soup but I make japanese-style curry in my instant pot, which is sweeter than other curries in my opinion. I buy the curry roux cubes, add some vegetables, chicken, a bit of chicken broth and it comes out super delicious. Eat with carb of choice, be it bread, rice, naan, udon noodles, and sort of noodle, etc.
Harvest Soup
I use one from Frontier Coop with turmeric, paprika, and fenugreek.
Anon
I made a really good lentil soup the other day. Finely chopped onion and celery to start, bigger cubes of carrot, garlic, red pepper flakes (this is the secret), then add lentils and hot water from the tea kettle and simmer around 30 minutes. I add salt with the aromatics and I do not find it makes the beans tough.
I like to serve this with some greens in the bottom of the bowl (spinach, chard) and then squeeze on some lemon. This week I had some fresh basil so I used a little of that along with the lemon. Plain yogurt is also good as a topping for most types of soup.
Vicky Austin
I am hyyyyyped for soup season. I think I posted this soup last year, but I swear it’s magic: from Molly Gilbert’s One Pan & Done:
6 Tbsp unsalted butter
1 large yellow onion
Salt
Pepper
3 large russets
1 lb carrots
4 cups vegetable or chicken broth
1/2 cup milk or half-and-half (technically optional)
Peel the carrots and potatoes and chop everything up into rough cubes. Melt the butter in a Dutch oven. Add the onion with S&P and saute until soft. Add potatoes, carrots and broth. Bring to boil, reduce to simmer and let go for 20 minutes, covered. Blend until smooth, stir in milk if using and season with more S&P.
Vicky Austin
PS: I have never made a recipe from this cookbook that wasn’t delicious. Some of the other soup recipes in it that are perennial favorites are the Broccoli Parmesan Soup and the Spicy Sausage & Tortellini Soup. Highly recommend for soup fans and beyond.
Anon
I posted about lentil soup but I wanted to add that if you’re really committed to soup, make your own stock. I save up roast chicken carcasses and other chicken bones plus onion tops, carrot peelings, celery scraps, and herb stems and when I have a gallon ziploc full in the freezer, I make stock. Either for a few hours at a very slow simmer on the stove, or for 45 minutes in the instant pot.
I might save a quart of strained stock in the fridge for a soup I’m making in the next day or two, but most of it gets frozen in half pint canning jars in the freezer. I use it in almost everything that calls for water, pan sauces, risotto, bolognese sauce, the occasional gravy, etc.
For veggie stock, it’s so quick I just make it right before it make soup. Omit the chicken bones, maybe add more types of vegetables, and just 30-45 min on the stove or 5-10 in the instant pot.
Anon
InstantPot was a life changer for me. I was always discouraged from making my own stock because it takes ages to cook. With InstantPot, I just throw all in, set the timer and let the magic happen. It gets even more flavors out.
Fun fact: I was doing chicken broth once and it was so delicious I drank 3 whole cups of it. Only when I was cleaning up, I have realized I threw in duck legs instead of chicken legs. My online grocery stored delivered duck legs instead of chicken legs that day and I haven’t realized it before.
Seafinch
Same! We threw a rotisserie chicken carcass in last night with stalks and scraps from the freezer. Had three litres of gorgeous, dark gold stock (well, bone broth?) today with loads of collagen. Huge flavour! I whipped up a chicken soup in 15 minutes. Kids devoured it.
Anon
I like this one, though I use spinach or green peppers instead of kale:
https://pinchofyum.com/sweet-potato-peanut-soup
Anon
Sundubu-jjigae (very easy to make; I use the simplest recipe I could find; I just have to make sure to saute the gochugaru flakes at the beginning so it tastes right when it’s finished).
Clothing Inspiration
If you were settling into your new life as a 100% remote employees, and feeling like your sartorial mood for fall was comfy but a little bit steampunk but also the top is Zoom-ready, what would you wear?
Anonymous
Maybe a high-necked Victorian shirt with or without a tight-fitting double-breasted vest. Or maybe leave the steampunk leanings for outside of work.
Anon
High neck, mock neck, or bow neck blouses that have sleeves with some volume (like bishops sleeves). H&M currently has some that seem to fit the bill.
anon
I tested positive for covid the 14th of September. I’m still coughing and feeling a little run-down, like I have a cold I can’t shake; when would y’all start venturing into the world again, as masked as possible, and does the answer change depending on what the activity is (mask-required group fitness classes, an outdoor meal, public transit, etc.)?
Anonymous
I would wait until I was testing negative on rapid tests, but after 10 days I think you are fine either way.
Anonymous
Similar experience and this is what I did. And I don’t think you need to be extra careful about masking at this point except where required. After a while, you may want to start masking again to protect yourself and others, of course. (I got my second infection within 100 days of my first, so the window isn’t that large, but there should be one.)
Anon
This. I had covid mid June (one month after 2d booster) and then tested positive again a week ago. I go nowhere except mandatory work meetings and wear a KN95, and yet here I am. Trying to guess how I am going to get to the three months so that I can get the new booster.
Anonymous
Depends on how severe your symptoms were and how long you have been without a fever unaided by medicine following 10 day isolation. Read the CDC page.
Anon
I would wait 10 days or until a negative rapid test, whichever is sooner. Since it’s been 10 days you’re good to go IMO. Assuming you feel up to it.
Michigan Blues
Blowing off some steam here.
My parents are in their early 80s and in declining health. I’m in California, they are in Michigan.
My oldest sister (S1) lives near them and sees them almost every day and helps them with appointments, meals, and just being there. My older sister (S2) also lives near them and stops by sporadically. S1 and S2 have a strained relationship. S2 feels as if S1 and I have had more support (financially) from our parents and a more supportive relationship with them in general. On the one hand, I kind of agree with her about the supportive relationship component, but on the other hand, she can be self-centered and needy. My parents lose patience with her when she vents to them, and it often turns ugly.
Soooo, my parents revised their estate planning, and I’ll be the executor. My parents told me that I’m going to have to put up with some hurt feelings because they are dividing the estate as follows: 35% each to me and S1 and 30% to S2.
They say it’s because S1 has been there for them and that I would do the same if I lived near by. (But I don’t, obviously.)
Long story short, I know it’s my parents’ decision. I just feel like they’re being petty by leaving this as a surprise for S2 to learn after they die. She’s going to be grieving their loss. And then she’s going to learn that she’s getting less than her siblings, which is only going to reinforce her feelings that our parents loved her less. Selfishly, I’m not looking forward to being the sounding board when this happens.
And no chance that S1 would volunteer with me to allow us all to get 33 1/3. My sisters recently had an ugly fight with each other in front of my parents with name calling and decades’ worth of accusations, recriminations, and resentments aired.
Thoughts, anecdotes, wisdom, etc. appreciated.
Anon
I have a middle sister who can be dramatic and needy, but unlike yours, she was treated equally by our parents (both now deceased.)
Your parents, on the other hand, have created this monster. I’d really try to talk them out of this now, but failing that, can you split your share evenly with S2 without touching S1’s share? It feels like the morally right thing to do.
Vicky Austin
This is what I would do in your shoes, OP. I’m sorry.
I don’t remember where I read it, but a favorite metaphor of mine is that sometimes, with family relationships, the only way to explain the complicated and sad dynamics is to say a grain of sand is stuck in a camera lens. Something extremely tiny can warp our views and relationships forever, to an unbelievable extent, and it just goes on getting more and more warped. When you try to get to the root of the problem, there’s almost nothing there, and yet this whole big pattern has formed around it. I can empathize, and I hope you and your sisters can all find peace.
Michigan Blues
That is such an apt metaphor, Vicky. Thank you.
Anon
So true.
Anne-on
First off, I hate when parents throw bombs from beyond the grave this way. It happened in my family and resulted in decades of hurt feelings/estrangement. If they know their decisions now, I’d decline to keep their secret.
They can do whatever they want (it is their money) but I’d make them own it – ‘mom and dad, I will respect your wishes and carry them out after you pass but I am not keeping this from my sisters. They can hear it from me or they can hear it from you, what do you prefer?’ I’d also make it VERY clear to your sisters that you don’t support this and you are passing along the new now not to stir the pot, but so that nobody is blindsided AND grieving.
Anon8
+1000 you said it better than I could have
Michigan Blues
+1 I’m inclined to do this, Anne-on.
Anon
“I hate when parents throw bombs from beyond the grave this way. It happened in my family and resulted in decades of hurt feelings/estrangement.” +1 this happened in my family too.
Also 30 vs. 35 percent seems so dumb and petty. I can understand writing someone out of the will completely if you’re mad – it will certainly cause drama but at least you’re accomplishing something. But over such a tiny amount? It just seems silly.
anon
Right. Nothing like sending a message of “We’re not angry with you, but we loved your sisters just a little bit more” to f*ck someone up for decades.
Anonymous
+1
Smokey
Somehow, your post made me feel a little better about the increasing estrangement I am experiencing with my sisters. There is no money involved but decades of small slights, resentments, and hostility just keep adding up, to the point that some of us are now barely civil to one another. We are in our sixties and it feels increasingly likely to me that these issues will never be resolved, so I am working instead on accepting that this is where we are and what will be. I’m sorry for the situation your parents are putting you in, but I guess it makes me feel a little better to know that mine is not the only family where all sisters don’t get along.
Michigan Blues
Hopefully, there are some moments of civility to be had amongst you and your sisters. My sisters’ most recent altercation reportedly started out very pleasantly until it erupted into unpleasantries.
Kenny Rogers probably said it best, “know when to walk away, know when to run.” (Sorry, my sense of humor pops up when it shouldn’t.)
Anon
I have a sister who was always the difficult one and now she has joined a cult – and it is a cult – that involves a certain former president. I fear she is lost forever and it’s not just that the rest of us want nothing to do with her, but it’s vice versa as well. She’s turned this into an entire victimhood thing – don’t ask me to explain this logically, because logic has never applied to her.
Nesprin
They’re stirring the inheritance pot for a differential of 5%?
That seems very very silly- are they usually pot stirrers? Would “i want to have a better relationship with S2 and doing this would make that impossible” make any inroads?
Anonymous
Tell them “I don’t appreciate you setting up a conflict for me to manage. It should be evenly split.”
Anonymous
It’s their wishes how they split the estate, but the poster does not have to be the executor. That’s what I would do. I would resign as executor. I’m going through an estate settlement right now that is not contentious and it is such a mess And creates such awkwardness that I would never walk into the situation being described here
Liza
+1 this is a great option. Then OP isn’t left in the position of having to justify or explain her parents’ choices to her siblings. A neutral 3P, or a relative who isn’t a beneficiary, should do it.
Anon
This is why I wish my parents would have a lawyer or non-related third party be the executor of their wills, not a family member.
Michigan Blues
Your comment made me chuckle. They chose me because I am a lawyer. They also didn’t want someone else to charge the estate for this work.
If my role is going to be Judge Judy/Jerry Springer/Oprah, I should probably demand a stiff fee.
Anon
Can you charge the estate for your services and then use S1’s share of the fee plus your extra few percent to bring S2 to 1/3?
Anon
My mom had my husband be her executor. He’s a fair guy and my siblings acknowledge that, and no one felt cheated even though he lives in the same house as me.
I didn’t want a bigger share, there wasn’t much to inherit anyway, and we are all basically fair people.
However, of my siblings is married to a POS who isn’t as fair, and he got his thieving in by “stealing” stuff from our late mother’s house.(sibling knew, but she wouldn’t discuss it.)
Joke’s on him because we ended up hiring junk haulers to get rid of everything anyway. He did us a favor.
NW Islander
Left field reply: Give S1 your extra 5%, so you and S2 are on equal footing. S1 sees them almost every day according to you. Her time is worth a LOT even before you add in stuff like gas, etc. She is giving up so much more than you in terms of time and living her own life, and I would want to recognize that contribution.
Anon
I like this approach and it seems fair.
anon
I like this approach too. S1 is actually seeing the parents everyday and supporting them. That’s a fine justification for her to get more. But giving S3/OP the same amount as S1 because she would do the same if she were there, when she’s actually not there and is doing less than S2, makes no sense.
OP, if you want peace between you and both of your sisters, this is the way to go. It sounds like your sisters’ relationship with each other is already fraught, and I’m not sure splitting things equally will change that (especially if S1 ever finds out her portion was reduced to make things equal).
Anon
I also like this idea. Even if your parents care you about equally (doesn’t sound like it, ha) S1 should be compensated for all the time and money spent caregiving.
Senior Attorney
+1
Anon
Great idea.
Coach Laura
Funny, if OP gives S2 half the difference between 30% and 35% (as someone above suggested), then that would be almost exactly 33%. 32.5% to S2, which is very close to the 33% 3-way split. I would do that in OP’s shoes, but it still doesn’t address what will happen when S2 finds out that she was slighted/cheated. The extra 2.5% or 3% probably won’t smooth things over and S2 may – with justification – be mad forever.
Anon
This is a nice idea but I think it misses the point. It changes nothing about the thought that the parents favored 2 children over the other one.
OP, if it was me I would tell my parents that this is petty and cruel. They can either make it even, give S1 a bigger share since she’s doing more day to day work caring for them, or I would refuse to be the executor.
Coach Laura
Well, OP can certainly tell her parents that it is cruel but it’s possible they won’t change the will. OP could refuse to be executor as a carrot/stick, but the end result may be the same. And depending on the amount of the bequest, there may be tax implications for OP if she gifts it, so it’s not a perfect solution anyway. It’s a mess. But I was just commenting on what I thought was “interesting”.
Anon
Agree with this approach as well.
Anon
Yikes. Your parents suck and S2’s feelings are totally justified. Good luck to you, that’s gonna be ugly!
Ginger
I also have two sisters and I’m the executor of my mother’s estate. Both sisters have been financially irresponsible/unlucky w men/whatever and my parents bought each of them a house in a LCOL area at different points in their lives. I didn’t get a house but that’s fine because I have my own paid off house in a HCOL area and I’m just grateful I’m not living my sisters lives. Well, I read my mother’s will and she is deducting the houses from each sisters of share of the estate. I know this will cause a ish storm. S1 is a doormat and S2 is a manipulator who often drags S1 into her messes. I have decided that when the time comes, if needed, I will bribe them to cooperate. If they behave nicely, I will forfeit my executor’s fee and add it back to the estate proceeds. If S2 gives me a hard time and S1 can’t reign her in, it will cost both of them because I will take every penny of the executor’s fee that I’m entitled to.
O.P.P.
OP, here. You‘ve described so many similarities with my situation, but the current split makes it difficult for me to bribe compliance.
I‘m fully expecting one of my sisters to turn to me for financial support once my parents are gone. That’ll be fun.
Anonymous
Why don’t you just give your sisters the difference to even it up. Sound like you got a healthier DNA lot and don’t need the money.
nice
Executor’s fee? Are you serious?
sigh…
frustration crustacean
I’m one of those people who take far far far too much ownership of their work.
I’m meh to middling about my current job: boss is fine, don’t interact with my coworkers, we’re probably going full office in January, work isn’t fulfilling or interesting for the most part. There’s nowhere to go in this group but loads of positions elsewhere in the organization doing similar work, but I want to go back to school to go on to professional school. There was a throw away comment about another promotion and a job description change, but my boss has so much going on I can barely get on her schedule to get her to let go of the tasks which I was promoted into already, which is kind of fair, because we can’t keep people in my older/co-position to do that work. Anyway.
Yes I feel guilty.
I want to leave the place better than I found it. So I want to write SOPs and guidelines for the stuff I do. Boss kind of stumbled into some of the tasks we share because the person who’d been in their role before was… not great.. and there was a ton of turnover. (Seriously, 5 years is loooooong for our group). I’m a really organized technical writer when I want to be so I could make a good going-away book and get some of the processes we’ve been trying to work on nailed-down.
Timeframe: unlikely to be under 3 months (I’d have to get head hunted by a dream job, which isn’t going to happen). Possible in nine months (at the end of the spring semester, because they can pay up front for at least once). Reasonable with in the next year.
I’d plan to have a complete report on my Current Projects that are Mine; then how-to guides for setting up new projects in our data entry/project running system and the admin/management tasks I do. Basically get the fiddly bits turn key. Which would help me anyway.
Thoughts?
Anon
Huh?
Anonymous
None of this makes any sense so I struggle to believe you are a gifted writer.
If you want a new job go get one.
In the meantime, continue to do your current job.
Do not invest any time or energy in this random project you made up that no one asked you to do.
pugsnbourbon
What are you asking? When you should go back to school or when you should job hunt?
If you want to leave your job, start looking. Document as much as you can during your notice period, then leave. They will figure it out.
Anonymous
I think it’s always good to be organized because you never know what could happen outside of getting another job. If being organized with project statuses and SOPs — go for it!
Anon
You want to write up SOPs/desk manual/etc. for your job. That’s a good idea. You should just do it whether or not you’re leaving. You don’t need to wait for anything else to happen before you get started on it. Let me tell you from experience, your motivation to do it once you know you’re leaving will plummet.
frustration crustacean
this is a very good point. thank you.
Anon
A few months ago, I started a new job in a new city. I finally admitted to myself today that I don’t really like my new company and decided that I don’t care anymore at work. I don’t care about things that used to upset me or make me a little jealous. I don’t care about getting credit for something. I’m still putting forth my best effort (so no, I’m not quiet quitting), but taking my emotions out of everything today made the day so much easier. I’m going to take the next year or so in stride as I look for the next thing.
Anonymous
I am sorry that you don’t like your new company. I am not in that position. But I will say that my life is massively improved by putting some distance between my emotions and my work. Some might say I am not getting ahead because of it, and maybe that is so, but I still try very hard at my job and work to do better every day (sounds like you do the same) while also not feeling personally devastated when things go wrong and I find my personal well-being is much better for it.
pugsnbourbon
I actually became a much, much better employee when I quit tying so much of my self-worth into my job. And a happier person overall.
Anonymous
Just want to say you are me but I’m a year in and burned to a crisp. My review glowed not only about how talented I am but also unflappable. I found that rich because the reality is that I don’t care about things enough anymore to get worked up about awful clients, unfair deadlines, mansplaining coworkers and crummy processes from a completely clueless project manager. I work like a dog but my heart isn’t in it anymore. I’m in final rounds of interviewing right now and I pray the next gig won’t leave me feeling so dead inside.
Anon
On the fall food and beverage grain, every fall I rediscover iced chai lattes. I’m a cook so I know I can make my own chai, but I think it would be hard to beat the Tazo chai concentrate. I mix equal parts chai concentrate with oat or other “milk” and serve it over ice.
Last night I found this cocktail on line :
Chai Goddaughter
2 oz chai concentrate
1 oz half and half
1 oz amaretto liqueur
1 oz vodka
I used 1.5 oz chai concentrate and 0.5 oz vodka and it was delicious! The perfect fall evening drink.
pugsnbourbon
Oooh, that sounds good.
Anon
I also saw a recipe for a Chai Russian, which is basically a White Russian/Caucasian + Chai, and I’m going to try that next!
The Chai Goddaughter almost tastes like eggnog, but better.
Anonymous
Oh boy. I don’t know if you just made or ruined my fall.
Anon
I *heart* chai and can’t wait to try this. Thank you for sharing!
Telco Lady JD
OOOH! My husband would LOVE this chai concentrate, I think.
Anon
Can anyone recommend an attorney in Alameda County CA to review a contract for a small modular build (MIL cottage)?
Anon
Reece Halpern – rh @ halpernlawoffice dot com or (510) 527-4337
Anon
Thank you!!