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There are a ton of great markdowns at the Saks sale, including some steep markdowns like this Marc by Marc Jacobs tablet case: it was $138, but is now marked to $55.20. It's fun, it's bright, it's functional, it's on sale: lovely. Marc by Marc Jacobs Wildcard Striped Embossed Tablet Case
(L-2)
Sales of note for 9.30.24
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
- Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Fall Cyber Monday sale, 40% off sitewide and $5 shipping
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Anon for this
So I am wondering if you all could weigh in on an issue that has been on my mind for months now. I would like you to tell me if I am overreacting, but in any case, what I can do. My cousin (a few years older than me) is the mother of 2 small kids, and married to someone whom I have come to regard as selfish, arrogant and immature. She — the most organized person I’ve ever met – has been under a tremendous amount of stress this past year: having a new baby *right* after her father died, and being executrix of his estate. FWIW, although the estate is rather straightforward, there has been endless paperwork/detail work, not to mention having to deal with disgruntled siblings because of it. I do not envy her at all. Anyway, she has stayed at home for the last three years, taking care of her kids, while her husband works. She has worked when she can (a weekend here or there, or a few times per month when her father was alive and could watch kid #1). At her child’s family birthday party late last year, she seemed especially stressed out, largely because her husband was not helping out with anything, and she was handling the kids and all the entertaining. She confided this to me during the party, and I asked her if she had actually asked him to do something or given him a job, and she said no. So it was resolved that she would do so. At this point, she started crying and confided further that he has said hurtful things to her in the past, including something about “getting off her fat a$$ and cleaning up the room” when he came home one night –after she had spent all day alone taking care of the kids. He also remarked (and it may have been more than once) that she needs to start pulling her weight (moneywise) or something to that effect, when it was a joint decision that she would stay home during the kids’ pre-school years.
Every time I think about the “fat a$$” comment, I want to cry, and I feel hurt on her behalf, because I don’t know how I could ever forgive my husband for saying something like that. She and I talked soon after that, and she said she did ask him to help out, and was very receptive to that. We’ve never talked about the comment or the income issue, however, since, although it’s really bothered me. Further, it bothers me that it appears that she is really doing all of the work for the kids, even when he comes home from work, and she also has the estate work. And during his time off, he visits his mother alone and hunts for days at a time, leaving her alone even more. I know my cousin, and I don’t think she envisioned this situation for her life. It worries me that maybe he is emotionally abusive to her. She and I visited a bit this weekend, and she seemed a little off to me – sad? Depressed? She is hard to talk to sometimes (i.e., might deny something she said to brush it off), so I didn’t ask her about it. She’s also had a really hard time since her dad died. I appreciate any input, and sorry for the novel.
TBK
This sounds like a great time to listen and ask questions. Getting involved in other people’s marriages can be tricky because a set-up that’s fine for one person would make another feel murderous. But it sounds like it’s more than just YOU feeling like her husband is being a jerk. It sounds like she’s also not 100% happy. It may be in talking, she realizes that, while he’s being a jerk lately, he still has more good qualities than bad and she wants to stay with him. She may realize that he’s being a jerk but she isn’t being direct enough (I feel like everyone does this sometimes — seethe because SO didn’t do X when you never expressed any expectation that SO should do X you just think s/he should “know”). Or she may realize she’s completely unhappy and needs to make a major change. But it sounds right now like she’s so overwhelmed she doesn’t have the space to even work through all of this. The most helpful thing might be for you to find times to get together with her (or talk on the phone or email) and just give her a non-judgmental place to work through what’s going on.
OP
Thanks for the reply, TBK. I agree with listening, and maybe I should ask her some open-ended/noncommittal questions about how she’s doing. I just wish there were something I could do to ease the load. But maybe the listening is it. I also hear you about the seething because someone isn’t reading your mind, and at first I though that was the problem at the party. She is kind of a control-freak with stuff, but wants help in a very specific way, but you have to read her mind. When she added the other stuff was where I became concerned [for her] and angry, though.
eek
Agree with everything, especially the last sentence. Give her a safe place to, listen, but don’t offer judgment of her or her husband because what you could inadvertently push her away, make her feel worse, or her situation could improve and she it’s likely she would remember anything negative said. Bottom line, she deserves to be happy and safe, but no one can do that but her.
eek
Uh, my apologies for smart phone sentence structure.
OP
I guess what I would like her to know is that she shouldn’t put up with stuff like that (overt insults), but then I don’t have any constructive advice, if she would ask. I have always been the “little cousin,” so it feels weird for me. If pressed at some point in the future, what can I say to her that will come off as helpful and not as though I’m putting down her husband or as if I’m suggesting divorce or something like that?
TBK
Maybe try something like “wow, how did that make you feel?” And if she says “it made me feel like cr@p/he doesn’t care/he doesn’t understand what I contribute,” you could say “yeah, I think I’d feel that way, too. Does he know that’s how you felt?” If she says no, or that she shouldn’t have to tell him that, you might encourage her to tell him next time how comments like that feel to her. Maybe the guy’s just an @sshole, but if he is, that’s something she’s going to have to realize on her own. But maybe they’re just going through a rough spot and neither one is on their best behavior. If that’s the case, it might mean they just need to talk to each other more to help them develop more empathy for the other. You can’t know from the outside which is the case, but you can help her talk about it so she can figure it out herself.
AIMS
I don’t think there is anything you should do beyond being there for her if she needs you to be and being open to talk if she wants. Don’t bring it up unless she does and don’t critisize him harshly even if she does, it will only come back to haunt you. It is almost never a good idea to get involved in anyone’s marriage and what may be unforgivable to you may be entirely forgivable to her. I know it’s hard to sit back and do nothing when someone we love seems to be getting mistreated, but you can’t fight your cousin’s battles. There is almost always more going on in any given relationship than meets the eye, too, so there may be a lot more to it than he’s a jerk and she is a doormat.
Eleanor
I don’t know if this is what you’re looking for, but in these type of situations I sometimes find people are more receptive to language that sounds less personal, and more objective. So, if she told you her husband told her to get off her fat a*s, you could say, “Wow, that’s really rude” or “really inappropriate,” rather than “That’s awful.” I realize the word inappropriate still means you’re judging the behavior as much as the word awful, but I think somehow using awful implies you’re calling the husband awful, whereas inappropriate puts the emphasis more on the behavior.
I also think using language like this can avoid sounding like you’re judging her for staying with an “awful” person, which (in my limited experience with this kind of thing) I think is important for making her feel like she can talk to you.
mascot
+1 to what AIMS said. The only people who really understand the ins and outs of a relationship are the people in it. Also, you may only being hearing the vents and she may not be telling you about that time he was up in the middle of the when both kids were puking. We don’t always update people on the good as much as we complain about the bad.
OP
This is great advice, guys. Thank you so much for your input!
Anonymous
I’ve struggled with similar issues with my sisters. Neither of them married exemplary husbands, and both have struggled in their marriages. I find what works best is to be there as a supportive ear. Let your cousin vent to you. But offer her advice, only if asked (even when it is hard), and reserve your opinions because ultimately they won’t her. Just ask her questions and walk her through her own resolution to any given issue. E.g. if she tells you that he called her a name, ask her what she said in response. Ask her if he says something like that again, how does she plan to handle it, etc. This is really difficult but good luck!
OP
Thanks — it’s good to know that others can relate. I appreciate you sharing your perspective.
DC Kolchitongi
Has anyone here married a non-native English speaker and successfully learned to speak their spouse’s native language? Especially if it’s a somewhat obscure non Western language without a lot of resources available? PLEASE TELL ME YOUR SECRETS. I’ve exhausted the available classes in the area, and there are virtually no online resources above the level of “let’s learn to write the alphabet!”, and so unless I want to pay thousands for a university course, I’m on my own now.
Did Rosetta Stone work? How about setting aside a “language hour” every day with your husband? I’ve been reluctant to do that because it’s quite burdensome for him to have to do a deep dive into grammar, vocabulary, and culture every time he says something I don’t understand. (Even more so because he’s dyslexic, and not the best with language in general.)
I’m so jealous of my State Department friends who get this training doled out for free. Wish there was some way for me to sneak into their language institute!!
Woods-comma-Elle
I haven’t, but I guess probably the best way to do it would be to get formal lessons/book/Rosetta Stone etc on the one hand, but then have times where you speak his language at home. Not so much that he sits down and teaches you, but more so that you are exposed to the language. You can do stuff like listen to the radio/watch TV shows in his home language, just so that you are immersed in the language as this I find is often the hardest part about becoming fluent in another language as there is only so much you can learn from books etc.
Anon
Suggestion for something in between online courses and university courses – how about finding a grad student who is willing to tutor you for an hour or two a week? That would be a lot cheaper than a course, and you’d get lots of conversation practice.
LizNYC
When I lived in DC for a short time, I took language courses for a foreign language through the embassy. I went once a week to meet with a teacher for something like $25/hour (in 2003), where we went over grammar, spelling, sentence structure and conversation. I learned a lot (though the language, sadly didn’t totally stick with me — that was my deficiency though) and enjoyed doing it.
Even if the embassy itself doesn’t offer languages, someone there might know of a teacher. Good luck! I’ve often read of people who are learning a 2nd language in adulthood one day just “getting it” after struggling with it — and then they can converse and everything!
Nonny
I experienced this in a previous serious relationship (which was also long-distance most of the time, which didn’t help either!). I initially looked into Rosetta Stone but came to the conclusion that it was completely useless for anything other than travel phrases, and I wanted to be fluent. So I started looking into language classes. I was also limited in that I was working enormously long hours at that time, so it was hard for me to commit to regular language classes.
What I ended up doing was getting a private tutor who came to my workplace about once per week. I booked a conference room and treated it like any other meeting. It worked really well, and I liked the flexibility. An added bonus was that my employer paid for it, but I would have done it even if they didn’t.
I made a point of trying to converse with my then-SO in his native language over the phone and on Skype, and I often did my language homework with him over Skype so he could explain things to me or give me “extension” lessons which I would then discuss with my tutor. I also watched a lot of films in that language with English subtitles, which helped me get a feel for how the language was used in context.
zora
I agree with Nonny’s eval of Rosetta Stone, but I think it’s a good first step for learning the basics of simple vocab, conjugation and grammar, and from there I felt prepared to learn more complex stuff.
Also, I had forgotten and agree with watching TV/movies in that language. When I was getting conversational in French, I watched the French news every night, picked up a lot that way.
DC Kolchitongi
Yeah, that’s in line with what I’ve heard from others about Rosetta Stone. And good point about TV… I’d asked my husband to download me some Korean kids shows at one point, must remind him again!
OG Lawyer
I live in Hawaii, and one of our commercial, non-cable TV stations plays nearly non-stop sub-titled Korean dramas, (I love them!), comedies, and restaurant shows. Everything, except the news shows, is subtitled. It’s a great way to supplement more structured instructions.
Also the dramas explain a lot of the subculture — I see much more formal respect for elders, and beware the mother-in-law. You can rent the dramas at lots of Korean stores.
I suggest you take a 2 week vacation in Hawaii to relax and to watch Korean movies. . . .way more fun than the Rosetta Stone.
zora
Have you looked around for a ‘conversation group’ in your area? I used to find them through meetup dot com. I’ve even seen them on craigslist. I think the ideal for me, the way i learn, would be to spring for the Rosetta Stone, make myself do it a certain number of hours a day/week and combine that with a regular conversation group with people who are willing to practice with me and correct me, etc.
Susie
My husband is learning my somewhat obscure native language (Hungarian). There isn’t even a Rosetta Stone for it, but he has the Pimsleur series and a few other books/CDs plus podcasts. To be honest I am a horrible/impatient teacher so he is doing it pretty much on his own. He understands a good bit now and speaks a little bit, but usually he’s too shy to try it around other people. My family is always really impressed and my parents probably appreciate the effort more than I do.
tesyaa
I understand Hungarian is one of the hardest languages to learn, so kudos.
Susie
Yes, it’s not related to anything else. Though in terms of pronunciation it is very straightforward, you sound it out exactly as it’s written unlike english.
DC Kolchitongi
How does he like Pimsleur? Worth a try?
The one advantage to learning a somewhat obscure language is that the standards for any foreigners are SO low! I feel a little like a trained circus monkey in his native country because just ordering a coke or giving directions to a cabbie results in shocked applause. From what I understand of western Europe, the same thing does not happen there (to say the least).
Susie
He seems to like the Pimsleur; I’m not sure if it’s great but it’s pretty much the best thing available (for Hungarian at least.) My biggest beef with it is just that it is very formal – in Hungarian you conjugate differently depending on who you are speaking with, and he speaks to me like for instance a child to an elder which just sounds weird to me since I’m his wife.
DC Kolchitongi
Are Hungarian and Korean related??? Levels of formality are a constant struggle for me. My inability to remember which precise level of formality to use to which family member is absolutely hilarious to my in-laws.
Pip
I haven’t actually looked at this site, but it looks intriguing and potentially helpful:
http://fsi-language-courses.org/Content.php
“Welcome to fsi-language-courses.org – the home for language courses developed by the Foreign Service Institute.
These courses were developed by the United States government and are in the public domain.
This site is dedicated to making these language courses freely available in an electronic format. This site is not affiliated in any way with any government entity; it is an independent, non-profit effort to foster the learning of worldwide languages. Courses here are made available through the private efforts of individuals who are donating their time and resources to provide quality materials for language learning.”
DC Kolchitongi
Wow, thanks for digging that up!
Susie
Hey they have Hungarian! I’ll pass this along to my husband too, thanks!
Anon
Which language is it? It’ll depend and maybe we know of some that you haven’t discovered. If the only resource is a university class, it would be worth it to pay the money. I’ve had a SO try to teach me their language and they were a pretty terrible instructor. Definitely needed a solid class to learn things about grammar, parts of speech, sentence structure, etc since it was all so different from English. I wasn’t really able to learn the alphabet and read things online or watch movies and pick up right away like I would have with a European language because it was too confusing to me.
Anon
Some resources you haven’t discovered yet, that is.
DC Kolchitongi
Good point. It’s Korean.
Living in DC which has a large Korean population, I thought there’d be more people in my position trying to learn the language, but so far everyone I’ve met in class has been either a gyopo trying to brush up on jondaetmal and whatnot, or non-Koreans who just really, really love K-Pop and manga. Offerings at the Korean Embassy seem to be geared towards these two groups of people… mostly the K-Pop fans tbh. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but I am looking for very different things out of a class than they are.
Jugguleh?!
If you’re in DC, there are a bunch of universities and maybe you can work out an audit rate.
Also, Northern VA has a ton of korean ajummas that speak korean and I’m sure would love to work on their English conversational skills. Try posting up flyers seeking a conversation partner.
Third, watch a lot of kdrama? My sister barely spoke any and could not speak with our relatives for a long time. She took a year or two in college, but then really picked up a ton by watching kdramas. (available on netflix!)
Also, check your attitude–there should be quite a few resources for learning korean as it’s really not that obscure (not a village in the mountains). As for language learning, I find the key to be immersion and practice beyond the basic level.
Lastly, my sig other only knows one word (my “name” on this post) so you’re way ahead of the curve here.
Anonymous
Yes, there are tons of Koreans in this area, so I would be very surprised if you were not able to find tutors here. Annandale and Centreville both have very large Korean populations. You could try Korean bookstores to see if they have materials for beginners. I also did a quick search of the Fairfax County library catalog, and they have materials for students of Korean.
Jenna Rink
I was just going to suggest looking into universities that offer audit rates. My school (not in your area) offers a significant discount on course audits, under $500 vs. $2000 to take a class for credit. Usually the details of the audit are between you and the professor, so you could probably do all the work and get corrections.
DC Kolchitongi
@ Jenna Rink Good idea about the auditing, that hadn’t occurred to me!
@ Juggaleh None of this was very helpful, but hey, thanks for the heads up that Korea isn’t a village in the mountains. My husband will be so very excited to hear that you clued me in.
Killer Kitten Heels
A friend of mine learned her husband’s (somewhat obscure) native language through self-imposed immersion. Basically, whenever she and her husband were with speakers of his native language (friends and family, mostly), she asked them to speak native language rather than English, at least for a few hours. She’s still not a particularly adept speaker, but she understands the language fully when it’s spoken to her.
DC Kolchitongi
That’s so inspiring!
a.k.
Are there any short educational podcasts in that language, or iphone/ipad apps (like for children)? I listened to a “learn French in 10 minutes a day” podcast that would never be a substitute for full language learning, but it was a nice supplement to other classes.
belils
In DC, there is also the Global Language Network, a non profit which offers several levels of classes for a really reasonable price — and you get all but $25 or so back at the end if you have good attendance, so it is basically free. I took an introductory course and loved it. Not the fastest paced, but very good for conversation (and they do have higher levels, too), and, well, really cheap. They just finished enrollment for their fall semester, but there are also spring and summer semesters.
http://thegln.org/
belils
And they often have Korean!
DC Kolchitongi
Very cool! I had somehow not heard about this before. Thanks for the link!
Kate
I’m not married, but my boyfriend I have been together for many years and it’s probably about time I learned his (notoriously difficult) native language. He’s been teaching me some basic words (usually one a day) just for fun, but I want to get serious about it so I can communicate with his family abroad. I previously used Rosetta Stone for language study in college and would probably start with it again, but I think the best way to develop my skills without an accent would be to do “immersion days” or something with my boyfriend and find a class where I can practice with others. Immersion days would be good for him as well – language is really “use it or lose it” and as it is, he only uses his native language a few times a month.
In college, I found a “Slow German” podcast that was really helpful. I’m sure there are similar ones available for other languages as well.
Anon
I’m terrified I might be close to getting fired. I’ve had a tough few months personally, and have been dealing with a pretty significant breakup. I thought I was doing ok but looking back, I think I’ve potentially been slightly depressed, as my motivation has dropped off significantly. I’ve been dropping the ball quite a bit at work and haven’t been putting in the hours I should. I found out today through a reliable source that the managing partner has raised concerns to the partner I work for, and another partner for whom I do significant work apparently has also raised concerns about my work product.
I know I need to turn this around before I get fired but I don’t know how. I also am still suffering from motivation issues and am tired/generally not feeling well all the time, which makes it difficult for me to really put in the time and work necessary.
roses
Can you afford/are you able to take a temporary leave of absence? If you’re up front that you’ve been struggling and need time, perhaps they will be more receptive and you can turn things around when you feel better.
Charlotte
I suffer quite frequently from motivation issues a lot at work, and I’m not saying I have any real answers, but can you focus right now on getting sleep and eating well (limiting processed foods, eating real food) and just breaking your work down into tiny chunks? I find that that helps me get going back in the right direction and helps me build momentum. Also, I don’t know what kind of relationship you have with your supervising partner, but is it possible to talk to him about what has been going on with your work and why, and how you are planning to improve?
L
Take care of the depression, stat. It’s not an overnight fix, but either go to your PCP or therapist or some combination thereof.
This is a know your office situation, but also own up to the fact you haven’t been yourself. Spare them the details, but if you think it will help you can say you’ve been dealing with a medical situation and are taking steps to correct your problems (have a concrete work plan).
Honestly, the best thing for me in these situations has been to come in on weekend and get myself ‘organized’ for the week. I go through all the things that need to be done and write them down into small tiny steps. Then I assign days of the week to them. Block them off on your calendar if you have to. There is something about having small manageable lists that makes me feel better and then the motivation follows.
But really, doctor ASAP
eek
It sounds like you have a realistic view of the situation and you know it’s not right, which is huge. I’ve been in your shoes and it’s a lot to go through; it’s likely you have exhaustion. Since you’re feeling stuck, I’d offer up a short-term and long-term solution: a five minute solution and the take care of yourself (therapy, tools, medication – if it’s something you’re amenable to and will help, sleep, exercise, diet, and doing things that make you happy).
Start small – is there anything small that you can do today? If not today or if it seems too overwhelming, decide on one action item for tomorrow. What is the smallest thing you could do that represents a baby step towards a goal? “If I only do one thing tomorrow it will be _____.” And visualize yourself doing it. Ex. I will work on the project plan at my desk after I make myself a cup of coffee (identify the when and where). Make yourself accountable to someone, even if it’s this community. Look for your successes, build good habits, create new behaviors, and remind yourself of all your accomplishments. Don’t beat yourself up when failures occur, just try to reframe the problem and focus on incremental change.
Finally, I don’t know if this will help you, but reframing the motivation problem helped me. Motivation doesn’t lead to action, rather action leads to motivation. Break down the problem/task, take on a small action item and DO IT. You’ll feel good because you’ll have a sense of accomplishment and a weight off your shoulders. It’s possible you could find yourself motivated to continue the action and work towards change.
Houston Attny
I agree with the comments regarding (1) a visit with the doctor and (2) talking with your supervising partner.
Not to suggest you are not depressed because it sounds like you have been through it (goodness – no wonder you’re exhausted), but sometimes, there are also medical reasons that we feel completely lethargic. A lack of vitamin D, B12, iron, thyroid issues, etc, can leave us drained. A good internist can help you with blood work, physical well-being and mental well-being.
And also, if you feel like it’s appropriate in your office, I think there is a great deal of merit in owning up to what’s happening. Just as you told us: “I haven’t been giving this my all, and while there are some personal matters that have contributed to that, I’m also seeing a doctor to get to the root of it.” (Or, if you’re like me and are way more private, simply, “I know I haven’t met your standards or my own on my work product, and I am working to fix this. I wonder if we might talk about how to go from here.”) I hope it opens up the discussion.
eek
Yes, speak up! Let people know, even if you don’t want to elaborate. I know of many a stories of people, including partners that were let go; come to find out after that x person was going through a divorce/had a sick parent/insert any other major life issue. If they’d let people in, people would’ve been more understanding. “oh, that’s why I can’t get a hold of Anon.” It really can make a difference.
AIMS
I posted this in the morning thread but late, and wanted to maybe get a few more replies here so reposting. Thanks to everyone who already responded.
….planning a trip to California. I think the plan is to fly into LA and leave from San Francisco. I’ve been to LA a few times before but never up North. My questions:
– What’s a good place to stop along the way from LA to SF? Any particular hotels/towns that you’d recommend? Right now our only plan is to drive the scenic road but I have no idea what that actually entails.
– What part of SF should we stay in? What about in LA? We’re going to have a car but like to enjoy a bottle of wine with dinner without having to worry about driving back so any place that is walkable would be perfect.
– Do you need a car in SF? I’m trying to figure out if it’s better to keep it the whole time or return it shortly after we make the drive.
– Other tips or not to miss things? Any specific restaurants or hotels?
We’re going to have about 10-12 days total ….. Thank you!
Anon in NYC
In terms of LA, I’d highly recommend a stay in Santa Monica and checking out the surrounding beach towns. Manhattan Beach Post in Manhattan Beach is great. Nearby to LA, Santa Barbara is supposed to be gorgeous.
You don’t need a car in SF, unless you plan to make day trips out of the city (Napa / Sonoma is only about a 1 hour drive away). Even so, you can rent a zip car if you wanted to do that.
LH
I responded late on the morning thread so reposting my response:
My favorite places to stop in between LA and SF are Santa Barbara, Big Sur and Carmel. Definitely stop at Big Sur for the scenery even if its not an overnight stop (its on Highway 1 aka “the scenic route” so no detour involved). You don’t need a car in SF if you plan to stay in the city, but I highly recommend going to Marin county for great views of the GG bridge and/or hiking (and Sausalito is a cute little town) and to Napa/Yountville if you enjoy wine tasting, great food and a nice relaxing ambiance. For those side trips you’d need a car, but maybe you could do them first and then a few days carless in SF. My favorite SF restos are Frances and Acquerello but I’ve enjoyed or heard good things about most of the ones Orangerie mentions too. If you go to Napa, you can’t go wrong with food in Yountville – Redd, Bouchon, Bistro Jeanty, Bottega and brunch at Auberge du Soleil are faves (I think Ad Hoc is a little overrated/overpriced but its definitely still good).
(and adding to my prior response): I don’t know LA that well but I’ve stayed at the Magic Castle Hotel, which is nice and reasonably priced. Its in Hollywood though, which is not my favorite part of LA. If you want the Hollywood/entertainment industry touristy experience it might be good though. Since I’ve been a couple times now, the next time I go to LA for fun I think I’ll stay in Beverly Hills or Santa Monica.
ER
Another vote for Big Sur, Carmel and maybe Monterey. It should be so relaxing and a great way to kick back after the drive up the coast. In fact, if I were planning a trip, I would stay in Carmel for two nights. Big Sur has some incredible hikes with ocean views, and I would take advantage of an afternoon hike on the drive up the coast. On the second day, depending on what you like to do, you could either (A) go on another hike in Big Sur or (B) stay close to “downtown” Carmel, walk a few blocks down to the beach with an amazing cup of coffee in the morning, then in the afternoon rent bikes and bike around 17-Mile Drive (make sure there is actually a bike rental place in Carmel – we drove our bikes down when we did this), and enjoy dinner in Carmel. Monterey would be a worthwhile stop on your way to SF if you are a Steinbeck fan or if you love aquariums – otherwise skip it.
It should be beautiful weather for another 4 weeks or so. Starting in late October, you’re taking a chance that it could be rainy and cold in Northern California. If you’re planning for Dec. through Feb., Santa Barbara is probably a better choice than Carmel.
In SF, I would not skip visiting the Castro. It is truly a historic neighborhood and I think it’s overlooked by the tourists who tend to hang out at Fisherman’s Wharf for reasons I do not understand. Another idea: have dinner at Piperade and then after dinner hike up the Filbert Steps to Coit Tower.
An unsolicited tip: there is no restaurant in SF at which you can eat where jeans would be remotely out of place. However, no matter what time of year you go, if you wear a dress in the evening, you will be freezing.
buffybot
Agree with the previous poster that Santa Monica is a nice area of LA to stay in. I like being able to walk down to the boardwalk/bike path along the beach. The promenade (especially with the farmer’s market) is fun to visit, although the stores are just your standard mall stores.
Venice is also a neat area (and Santa Monica adjacent). There are great restaurants and boutiques along Abbot Kinney. I also think it’s fun to walk along the canals and see all the houses with their gardens, etc. Although less picturesque, there are also awesome bars and restaurants downtown.
In terms of culture, the Getty museum and villa are great to visit (and require a car).
In terms of places to visit on your way up to SF — Santa Barbara, San Luis Obispo, Big Sur, Monterey, Santa Cruz are all popular destinations. Not sure how much you want to stretch out your drive, versus spend the bulk of your time in LA/SF. Sunset Magazine actually just did a neat article maybe a month ago about Highway 1 — I would look at that and see if you can get ideas about where you might want to stop.
In SF, you can probably get away without a car. I’d consider staying around Union Square just for ease of access to other parts of the city. Fun things to do/see include:
– The Ferry Building
– A trip to Golden Gate Park: California Academy of Sciences, the DeYoung (go up and see the view if it’s not foggy), Japanese Tea Gardens and botanical gardens
– Have dim sum
– The zoo (if you’re into that sort of thing, I always love zoos) or the Exploratorium
Consider day trips to Sausalito and the Marin headlands (car) or Berkeley (BART)
Lists of restaurants or bars would be a whole other novel…
AIMS
Thanks everyone! These are really great tips and ideas. I am saving everything here and on the morning thread for my notes.
In terms of the drive from LA to SF, what’s a reasonable course to chart in terms of time? I was imagining 2-3 days in LA, and at least 4 or so in SF, with trips to Napa, etc., during that time. Is 2-3 days for the drive in between reasonable or should I factor in more time? We’d like this to feel leisurely and fun but I realize that there is a LOT to see and 10-12 days may not be enough time to see everything.
LH
The drive should take about 8-9 hours depending on traffic, so its driveable in 1 day but it wouldn’t be leisurely. I’d do it in 2 days, with an overnight in Big Sur (which in addition to being one of the best things to see in route, is also roughly the halfway point). That would allow for a more leisurely drive, significant sight-seeing in Big Sur/Hearst Castle, and short sight-seeing + lunch stops in Santa Barbara, San Luis Obispo, Carmel, etc. 2-3 days in LA and 4 in SF sounds pretty good to me – Marin and Napa are easy day trips from SF and that would still allow you 2 days for sightseeing the city itself.
ER
That sounds reasonable to me, too, but it also just depends on the time of year and whether you’re more of a city vacation person or an outdoorsy vacation person. (For example, I would never think of LA as a vacation destination, but would happily spend a week in Big Sur.) Also, if you’re going to do day trips from SF, you will probably want to keep that rental car.
Sydney Bristow
The California Academy of Sciences is amazing. Highly recommend!
California
In between LA and SF, Santa Barbara, San Luis Obispo, Paso Robles, Big Sur, Carmel, Monterey, and Santa Cruz are all potential stops. SLO and Santa Cruz have more of a college town vibe, Paso Robles has wine and olive oil and one or two good restaurants focusing on local food, Monterey has the aquarium. Santa Barbara probably has the most food and hotel options, but depending on your timing, you might want to spend the night a little further north of LA. If you do stay there, the Tuesday night or Saturday morning farmer’s market are worth checking out. The Mission, Courthouse, and Botanical Garden are interesting as well (great views from the top of the courthouse, it’s open to the public). Most of the Santa Barbara County wineries are close to an hour north of the city (closer to Lompoc, Buellton, and Solvang), not sure about hotels there, but they’d probably be cheaper than SB itself. There aren’t many places to stay in Big Sur unless you want to camp or spend >$300 per night, but all of Hwy 1 along that stretch of coast is beautiful. Just keep in mind that the road is very slow, if you’re trying to stick to a schedule, and can get fogged in, so hitting it in the afternoon may better than morning. The Hearst Castle is surprisingly interesting, but requires reservations, and the Elephant Seal colony nearby (Piedras Blancas) is also entertaining for a quick stop (how entertaining varies depending on the season, but there are almost always some there). Nepenthe and the Big Sur Bakery are both good for food- there aren’t that many places to stop for food or gas in a several hour stretch, and the gas is really expensive! Julia Pfeiffer Burns State Park and Point Lobos State Reserve can be worth a stop, but if you just want to hike or walk on the beach, there are also lots of random pull-offs with trails (If they’re not posted as private property, they’re generally fair game. Pay attention to the tides if you’re on the beach, though). I’m jealous, have fun!
California
As to time for the drive, you can do it in a long day if you don’t stop much. You could also easily spend 3-4 days. It depends a lot on whether you’re more of a city person or are more into hiking and wandering around beaches and smaller towns.
ABC
Getting here late and it looks like I am going to echo a lot of what the others have already said.
I would definitely stay in Santa Monica in LA. It is pretty walkable (if you are near the Third Street Promenade) and the beach is right there. Montana area of Santa Monica is very cute. I love the Getty — also a short drive away. My favorite hotels in the area are the Loews and Casa del Mar, but both can be a pricey. A somewhat cheaper (but also great!) alternative is Hotel Oceana.
As for your drive up the coast, Santa Barbara, Carmel, Big Sur and Monterrey are all great places to stop.
Enjoy your trip!
In House Counsel
AIMS, my husband and I did the drive around Hwy 1 a couple years ago. Our itinerary (which felt like a good amt of time in each spot and not rushed):
flew into SF
Sat –> Tues — sightseeing in SF including a day trip to Napa area, Sausalito/Muir Woods etc.
Wed –> drove down towards Carmel (did the 17 mile drive at Pebble Beach and explored Carmel); stayed overnight in Carmel
Thurs –> day trip to Big Sur for hiking (incl. lunch at Nepenthe); stayed overnight in Carmel
Fri –> drove down towards Santa Barbara with a pit stop at Hearst Castle; overnight in Santa Barbara
Sat –> 1/2 day in Santa Barbara; drive to Malibu and spend afternoon in Malibu on the beach
Sun — Monday –> explore LA (incl. the Getty) and catch red eye home on Monday
The drive along Hwy 1 was GORGEOUS and we always talk about wanting to go back and do the drive up Hwy 1 now from SF towards Oregon. Have fun!
Yellow
I’ve just started using the sylebook app and I am obsessed. I know people love the excel spreadsheet that is going around- this is really similar. I had some fun last night cataloguing some of my clothes and love that you can keep a calendar of the clothes you wore each day (with notes for where you were/who you were with) and it makes packing lists for trips!
I’ve been really trying to buy quality over quantity and I’ve found this so helpful. I’m hoping that using it will keep me from showing up to two meetings with the same client or two weddings among the same group of friends in the same memorable outfit!
Does anyone else use this? Any special tricks you know?
Veronique
I’ve been considering something like this. I have the excel spreadsheet but would like something that combines the calendar/tracking function of the spreadsheet with the pictures/visual function of something like Go Chic or Go Home. Does the style book app allow you to do both? Can you use it on the computer or just on your phone? Thanks!
Anonymous
Anyone willing to email me this Excel spreadsheet? There’s been a lot of talk about it and I’m really curious. My address is a n o n r e t t e AT g m a i l (no spaces). Thanks in advance!
Orangerie
In every thread where it’s come up, I posted my email address and offered to send it to anyone who requests it that way (I created the sheet). orangerie09 at gmail (zero before the 9). I’m happy to share but would prefer people not distribute my work.
Anonymous from 5:03
Thanks Orangerie! I will email you right now!
gov anon
I just downloaded it as well. I’m adding things as I wear them. I think the calendar will eventually be useful once I have more items added to the app. I’m also hoping it will help me see what I don’t wear.
Orangerie
I’m applying to a part-time MBA program and would like to purchase gift cards as a thank you (delivered with a handwritten card) for the two people who are writing my recommendation letters. One is my current direct supervisor and the other is a superior I worked with at my prior firm.
I considered doing Starbucks/Peets or iTunes gift cards but I think Amazon would be the most useful and appreciated. I was thinking $50 for each, but am not sure if that seems appropriate. FWIW, they are only writing one letter each as I’m not applying to multiple schools.
Thoughts?
AIMS
I don’t think you need to send gift cards in this situation. A heartfelt card expressing your appreciation is all you need. Once you get in, you can follow up and *maybe* then send a bottle of wine or something along those lines to say thanks for their enthusiastic recommendation. But I think a gift card now would just be a bit awkward, at least for me.
Orangerie
May I ask why you’d find it awkward? No snark, I’m just curious. If it makes a difference, I wouldn’t send anything until after the letters and my application were submitted. I don’t want it to seem like “hey, here’s a gift, please make sure you write a good letter!”
ac
For your supervisor, t’s gifting up, which is a tricky issue, and it’s also tricky since you don’t want it to seem like compensation for the recommendation.
I actually think a small ($10-15) starbucks giftcard would be fine (as would taking them out for coffee), but a more significant amount is problematic.
zora
It’s ‘gifting up’ whether it is to current or former supervisors. Also, it does have a quid-pro-quo feel to it, regardless of the timing. People do recommendations for other jobs or for school all the time, a personal thank you is all they expect.
Nellie
I agree that giving gift cards as thank-yous is weird for your boss / former boss. Trying to articulate why is hard, but I think it’s because it seems like a personal response to a professional favor. Also “giving up” is tricky, period. A thank-you is in order, but I think that can be done with a note. Or taking them out to lunch.
AIMS
Pretty much what everyone else said. It’s awkward for the same reason that I found it awkward when an intern gave me a $25 giftcard to Starbucks along with her thank you note. I appreciated the sincere thank you note, but the gift card just made had a weird “reward” aspect to it. It’s part of my job to supervise interns, and it’s part of that responsibility that I will write them rec letters and provide references. But while I really appreciate the thank you notes, I don’t expect or need gifts with them. I think I would feel differently if I was particularly helpful in getting them a position and then – after they got it – they wanted to send me some token gift as thanks along with their note saying how much they appreciated all my help. That seems more appropriate somehow. It’s hard to articulate why.
tesyaa
Interesting. I once got a gift card from an intern (not law though), and while I wasn’t expecting it and I certainly didn’t need it, I appreciated it and I didn’t look askance. She included a note expressing gratitude that I attended her summer-ending presentation, and apparently a lot of the other interns’ supervisors didn’t bother.
NOLA
As a supervisor, I’m really uncomfortable with my supervisees giving me anything other than a card.
Anon
It feels like a bribe. I wouldn’t be comfortable accepting a gift for writing a letter of recommendation.
Orangerie
Thanks, everyone! I hadn’t thought of it as analogous to a bribe but I can definitely understand this perspective. I will send a nice note when they complete their letters.
Anonymous from 5:03
Once I got a nice note after the recommendation letter and a nice follow up note once the person I recommended was enrolled in the program (telling me how much she liked it and thanking me again). The nice follow up note really stuck with me. Just an idea for down the road in case you’re interested…
Jules
I would say no gift card — especially to a current supervisor — but a nice, handwritten note.
dancinglonghorn
I frequently write these type of letters and would find $50 a large amount. What I like is getting a nice card that says “buy a coffee on me” with maybe a $10 Starbucks card. FWIW, this is what I do and it seems to work.
TBK
Are there any websites where you can put in a starting city and a date and get all the best airfares to wherever (e.g., it shows you everywhere you can go for $400 or less roundtrip)? Trying to pick a babymoon destination and would love to see just what deals might be out there. Does anyone do this?
KC
The only one I know off the top of my head is http://www.airfarewatchdog.com/cheap-flights/from-a-city/
You can also sign up for a fare alert for a city and they’ll email you weekly or daily fares from that city to various destinations.
BB
Kayak does this…but the interface isn’t great. Go to “More” -> “Explore”
Anne Shirley
Kyack is the best I’ve found, and it’s not very good.
Also fortheloveofgod can we just not with the babymoon? Why of why must taking a vacation with your partner get a cutesy name?!? Sorry TBK, it’s not you, I just can’t with babymoon and push present.
Kelly
A little harsh (Tai) but I agree with the sentiment. I think giving these official titles to things is a consumerist / marketing ploy— it normalizes it so that everyone feels like they have to do a “babymoon” or buy a “push present”… like what happened with engagement rings, years ago. Now it’s a must, where it didn’t even exist for all of history until some clever advertiser gave it a name.
tesyaa
Agree 100%.
AIMS
The term “push present” makes me want to throw up a little. For the love of all that is holy I will never understand why any normal grown woman would want to refer to any item in a way that would make a perfect stranger think of their v*gina.
Em
“Push present” creeps me out. It sounds so transactional. Like, you’re so shallow that you created a new human life in exchange for a pretty handbag or diamond tennis bracelet. Ick.
Nonny
Agreed…and also with AIMS’ comment.
Eleanor
Agree with this.
Bee
I’m conflicted about “push present.” On the one hand, I hate the term for the reasons that AIMS and Kelly stated. On the other hand, I think I’d be pretty upset if my partner didn’t give me a little gift – like a spa day or massage or something – to thank me for taking on, like, 90% of the burden of bringing our child into the world. That’s the kind of effort that I think deserves some display of appreciation. But maybe I’m just a gifts Love Languages person. So if a gift is common enough, and becomes so common that it’s kind of expected, does that mean it should get a label, just not a gross one? Would it be as objectionable if it were just called a “thank you present” instead of a “push present”?
“Babymoon” just confuses me. Honeymoons are taken AFTER the wedding, with your new “honey.” So shouldn’t a babymoon refer to your first trip with your new baby? Or if the “moon” refers to a romantic-type trip, then your first trip alone as a couple after the birth of the baby? It just seems to be reaching a bit to call a pre-birth vacation a “babymoon.”
Anne Shirley
I think when your partner gets you a massage because you’re pregnant, that’s just called being nice. But I don’t think a gift-because-you-are-pregnant should be expected, and it isn’t so burdensome to describe that it needs a word just for that.
Avodah
I thought I was the only one who thought this… I am glad I am not alone.
mintberrycrunch
Do you feel the same way about “honeymoon”? Genuinely curious, no snark/argument intended.
I love the idea of both babymoons and push presents, since to me they are special experiences/gifts designed to commemorate a very important moment in a couple’s life…. it’s not just an ordinary vacation or gift. But I can see how the names (particularly push present) could rub people the wrong way.
tesyaa
The names sound so childish. I can’t speak for “honeymoon” since it was around long before any of us were, while I can remember the days before “babymoon” entered the lexicon. “Honeymoon” has also taken on other meanings, such as in a new job setting, etc.
tesyaa
But don’t look to me for usage, since I am not of the younger generation. The childishness of the names is not the issue; it’s the materialism/marketing aspect that is more annoying, as Kelly says.
Kelly
Yeah, the infantalizing language assigned to pregnancy in general annoys me, too. Don’t get me started on “baby bump.” Everything does not need a cutesy nickname!
Anne Shirley
Nope. Honeymoons have been around for ages. Your special experience/gift with a pregnancy is the f-ing baby. Oh, and the coo-ing. And the baby shower. Enough with making every single d@amn occurance a thing.
See also pre-printed “will you be my bridesmaid” cards. No. No I will not be your bridesmaid because apparently the pod people have eaten your soul.
Nonny
Oh, I am so with you, Anne. And I can do without the cooing too. If people coo at my baby I will probably throw up. Yes, babies are cute some of the time, but nothing justifies cooing. Really, people. We are all adults here, let’s talk that way.
LizNYC
My friend has a “will you be my maid of honor?” card displaying prominently in her (home) office and every time I see it, I throw up a little.
(I also HATE the term “push present.” Sounds like you’ve unwilling carried that small human for nine months.)
TBK
We never got a honeymoon, so we’re doing this instead. We also haven’t had a vacation of any kind since we got married. It’s not because it’s some kind of consumerist ploy. It’s because we think it’s important to our marriage to spend some time together, away from everything, before we have to dive into caring for two newborns.
tesyaa
Interesting. I once got a gift card from an intern (not law though), and while I wasn’t expecting it and I certainly didn’t need it, I appreciated it and I didn’t look askance. She included a note expressing gratitude that I attended her summer-ending presentation, and apparently a lot of the other interns’ supervisors didn’t bother.
tesyaa
oops
Anne Shirley
To be clear, love that you are taking a vacation! Great idea. I just hate the name.
Kelly
ditto. no need to defend your trip.
tesyaa
I would never criticize the idea of a vacation for an expecting couple. But to me, it’s just a “vacation” (or if I wanted to go into detail, a “pre-baby vacation”.)
I think it’s generational, and I am losing the generation war, so call it whatever you like! Sorry if I seemed critical!
NbyNW
TBK, enjoy the trip before the twins arrive!
I’m old (compared to the demographic of this board) and I’m so glad there weren’t push presents and babymoons when I had my kids because I would never have gotten them (from my spouse who doesn’t understand my Love Language) so those would have been two more occasions to be sad about. (Besides anniversaries, birthdays, valentine days, surgery recoveries, deaths in the family, etc., etc. ad nauseum.)
LH
Agree 100% about “push present” (such gross terminology & I don’t agree with the concept – the baby is the gift!) but don’t get whats wrong with babymoon – it seems similar to the word honeymoon & signifies a very special vacation. Although I do think its weird when people start calling everything a “moon.” I know people who had “engagementmoons” which I guess is a vacation shortly after getting engaged to celebrate? Sort of ridiculous. But honeymoon and babymoon are pretty standard at this point.
Anne Shirley
It’s not a veryspecial vacation. It’s a vacation. Not everything is special. The vacation took in between jobs? A vacation, not an unrmploymentmoon. the vacation my parents took to celebrate their 30th anniversary? A vacation. Not a 3othmoon. Vacations are already special.
Orangerie
+1
LH
I would argue that the time before the birth of a first baby, when its just the couple for the last time ever in their lives, is actually an incredibly special time and a vacation during this time is definitely a special, once in a lifetime event, just like a honeymoon. Vacations to celebrate anniversaries are special too. And labeling it that way i.e. “30th anniversary vacation” isn’t weird, its nice. If you’re that worried about what other people call vacations they take to celebrate very special times in their lives maybe you need to look at yourself and figure out why it bothers you so much.
Anne Shirley
Oh, I’ve looked. It bother me so much because creating cutesy new words for things mainly women discuss infantalizes us, because it creates an obligation where none is needed, and sets off another way in which rich people honor a very special time and everyone else just gets on with life. It’s the kind of overwrought nonsense word that’s only come about because of our incessant need to share everything.
And if you can’t complain about cutsey words whilst posting regularly on a blog called Corporette, where can you?
Bewitched
Plus one million. I almost fell off my chair laughing! Thanks for the afternoon giggle, AS!
Sydney Bristow
No, obviously a vacation taken while between jobs is a “funemployment trip.” ;-)
mascot
Shrug. We got each other commemerative gifts to celebrate becoming parents. The piece of jewelry that my dad gave my mom to celebrate my being born is something I wear daily. She subsequently gave it to me as a milestone gift when I graduated law school. Everyone has their own ideas about sentimental gift giving.
LH
I think my problem with “push present” (other than the gross name) is the idea that its expected or earned. If the dad chooses to get the mom a gift to celebrate the birth of the baby (or vice versa), I think its nice. I just don’t like the idea that women expect to be rewarded with a present (that stereotypically has a lot of monetary value) in exchange for giving birth and I feel like that’s what the term push present connotes (at least commercially).
AIMS
This is all semantics so take this for what it’s worth. I don’t think anyone has any issue with one parent giving another parent a token to celebrate and commemorate the event. If someone says to me, “gee, my wife just gave birth and I’d like to give her something to remember this by and to show my appreciation for what an amazing thing she just went through,” I’d think that person is super sweet. BUT – when someone says to me “I need to give my wife a push present” or “I’m asking my partner for this bracelet or handbag as a push present,” I cringe just a little because it just seems so commercial and anatomical and transactional and not remotely spontaneous or sweet. I guess they’re just words but words do matter.
I also think people are also just responding to the entitlement inherent in naming these things. It’s like it goes from “aw, what a nice idea” to “me, mine, now.”
Ella
Yes to what AIMS said. Sentimental gifts to commemorate an occasion is sweet.
Demanding a fancy handbag for agreeing to be pregnant for 9 months is consumerist and creepy.
I'm Just Me
Back in the 90s when my kids were born, a baby moon was the first weeks you spent bonding with the baby immediately after birth. The early days of your leave when you just spend hours lazing around staring at the little miracle you had just given birth to.
I find the concept of using babymoon to mean a trip without the baby funny.
anonymama
In this case, the use of babymoon was pretty innocuous, and easy shorthand for a much longer description that would include “vacation before baby(ies?) come(s), preferably relaxing, moderately romantic, comfortable while pregnant.” There is a lot of subtext to “babymoon” that there is not in “vacation”.
Equity's Darling
I use Google Flights
LH
I think Skyscanner basically does what you’re describing (you can enter “everywhere” as the destination)
Anonymous
I like nowcation . com
zora
WhatThe- With Today!!??! I just dropped my absolutely favorite mug ever, on carpet, and it broke into a million pieces, AND my breakfast was in it, and so I then had to clean up oatmeal all over the floor. Now i have no breakfast, and no favorite mug. And the second shift moved our chairs around so someone else has my chair. And… I don’t know what else, but I’m sure there’s something else. :oP FOOEY
Jules
What a terrible horrible no good very bad day, so sorry to hear it. One possibility on the mug, if it wasn’t handmade/one-of-a-kind is to stalk it online and on e-bay. DH and I had two large coffee mugs that we bought in California 19 years ago — I was pregnant but it was a vacation, NOT a babymoon, I’m with the older-generation-you-kids-get-off-my-lawn group with regard to that term, as well as “push present,” yuck — and really loved but I broke one. The other is still miraculously in one piece but the print is very faded.
Last year, DH stalked the brand (it was Chaleur) on e-bay and surprised me at Christmas with replacements for both. Maybe you can find the mug again, at least?
zora
yeah, i doubt it. It was a one-off I found at goodwill like a million years ago, but it is (was {sniff}) just a basic Gibson, and I’ve looked at thrift stores for years, and never found anything close enough to buy. Sigh. I’ll keep looking, obviously, but I don’t know why I can never find mugs the size and color I want. I know I am ridiculously picky, but I also must have totally horrible taste that no one in the world agrees with ;o)
Jules
Bummer. But an e-bay search for “Gibson mug” had 2073 results – take a look, you might get lucky!
And what’s wrong with being ridiculously picky?
zora
I don’t know, I assume there is something wrong with it, because when I describe what kind of forks I want to buy, for example, people look at me like I am craycraytown ;o)
Nonny
Um…ok, so there is something else wrong with your day as well, unless you are currently in Japan or environs.
Viz: you still haven’t eaten breakfast yet? That is the mark of a very bad day indeed. :-(
zora
Truth. Altho, that is not unique to today, I have the WORST eating habits ever. so dumb. ;oP
Seriously
relax
zora
ok, sorry to post again today, but, I desperately need a new travel/carry-on bag. Mine is falling apart, and yet I keep searching and searching and not finding exactly what I need.
I found two on piperlime today that are ALMOST perfect, except for not having a top zipper(!!!!) Why is it so hard to find a top zip tote? I’ll put the two links below, if anyone has any ideas for where I could look to find something equivalent with a top zip I will lurv you for ever and ever.
zora
the affordable one: http://piperlime.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=95368&vid=1&pid=955303002
zora
the aspirational one
http://piperlime.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=95368&vid=1&pid=951575002
NM
I like the second one – with e bates you get at least 5% back – not much, but it’s something…
zora
yeah but still no zip top :( I think snap tops should be fired.
Gail the Goldfish
Does it have to be leather? I have a LeSportSac for a travel tote that’s about that size that I got precisely because it’s a ziptop. I wouldn’t take it on business trips or anywhere where I was required to look nice, but it’s good for everyday travel. Plus, it’s far more lightweight than a leather equivalent. I got a plain navy one for cheap on ebay or etsy or somewhere (as opposed to the crazy prints you usually see). Also check Tumi, though their price range tends to be aspirational. But they last forever.
zora
Yeah, it is for business trips especially. Therefore I need it to go over my shoulder AND be wide enough for a laptop, and look professional. Again, i am so crazy picky, I can’t ever find anything that checks all my boxes.
hoola hoopa
Look at the Sydney Shopper and the Sydney Tote at Fossil.
hoola hoopa
Shopper only, sorry. Just noticed that the tote has a zippered pocket, not a main zipper.
zora
Gasp!!! that just might be it! I had been ignoring Fossil, because they were always doing that distressed leather look that is so unprofessional looking, but these look super nice. Thanks! It just might happen!
ShaneBot
Ditto the longchamp.
However, I’ve discovered that between my noise-cancelling headphone, ipad, knitting, bottle for water, snacks, lunch, camera, I should just schlep a lightweight duffle onboard.
Bonnie
A zipper is a must for a travel tote. I made the mistake of using an open top tote once during a flight and all of my things fell out when the bag tipped over. What about a le pliage tote? I particularly like the expandable ones: http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/longchamp-le-pliage-expandable-travel-bag/2980320?cm_cat=datafeed&cm_ite=longchamp_'le_pliage'_expandable_travel_bag:226466&cm_pla=bags:women:suitcase_(carry-on)&cm_ven=Google_Product_Ads&mr:referralID=133ab20d-1fe8-11e3-a8bc-001b2166c62d
zora
I am also really picky about having lots of pockets on the outside/inside. i am also kind of in the non-conformist camp in regards to Le Pliage ;o) Sorry! But thanks for helping!
Killer Kitten Heels
I’ve been carrying the MZWallace “Kate” bag, and I cannot say enough good things about it – it’s nylon, so it’s super-light for the size, and it has a million pockets, so I can actually keep track of everything instead of losing the smaller stuff in the morass otherwise known as the insides of my previous tote bag, AND it has about a zillion zippers, so I never worry about anything falling out. Their bags are a little pricey, but worth it for both style and function. (As for formality level, even though it’s nylon I carry it anywhere I’d carry a nice leather bag – I feel like the way it’s structured and the leather trim really elevates it.)
zora
ooo, thanks, I’ll check these out, too.
Thanks for all the ideas, r e t t e s! you always pull through when I think I have totally hit the wall! ;o)
Cb
I have a dakine one that’s the shape of a longchamp shopper but cheaper, in a nice but muted pattern. It’s also made out of recycled water bottles.
anon
So it might be too late for me to expect a response here, but I have been reading the Ask A Manager archives, and have found some pretty solid, reasonable advice. Is there a similar site for relationship questions that anyone is aware of? Allison (the manger) is very straight-forward in her answers to these questions that come in (and some of them are off the wall). It think it would be great for both learning and for entertainment purposes and perhaps to make me feel better about my current situation if I could find a similar relationship blog. Ask A Manger definitely made me happy that I don’t work at some of these dis-functional workplaces.
roses
It’s more sex-focused than relationship-focused, but Savage Love is excellent.
NYC
Carolyn Hax.
Echo
Hello ‘rettes! I’m in search of a good shoe for choir performances, definitely a flat. I’ve had good luck with the Ara brand shoes, but I can’t seem to put my finger on the right style (Ara or otherwise). Any thoughts for a gal with tendinitis who’d like to stay comfortable without straying into granny chic? TIA!