Coffee Break: Tennis, Anyone?
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Readers turned me on to the brand Nadri years ago for affordable faux diamonds, and I really like the few earrings I have from them — they've stayed sparkly and bright through years of use.
These small huggie earrings look great — they look delicate and yet substantial, and I think the sparkle of the stones will add some brightness to anyone's face.
They come in four options, all for $40 — I've pictured the silver-on-silver look, but they also have a diamond/gold version and gold versions with a blue or green center stone. Nice.
(Nadri has a whole line called “Tennis, anyone” if you'd like to peruse the other offerings. Looking for the real thing? These $3,800 earrings are similar in that there are a lot of little stones and one bigger one; I also love these diamond huggies from Bony Levy (40% off!) or these delicate earrings from Suzanne Kalan (another reader favorite, but more for drooling)!
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Sales of note for 3/21/25:
- Nordstrom – Spring sale, up to 50% off: Free People, AllSaints, AG, and more
- Ann Taylor – 25% off suiting + 25% off tops & sweaters + extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 40% off everything + extra 20% off
- Eloquii – $39+ dresses & jumpsuits + up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – 25% off select linen & cashmere + up to 50% off select styles + extra 40% off sale
- J.Crew Factory – Friends & Family Sale: Extra 15% off your purchase + extra 50% off clearance + 50-60% off spring faves
- M.M.LaFleur – Flash Sale: Get the Ultimate Jardigan for $198 on sale; use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Buy 1 get 1 50% off everything, includes markdowns
I’m burned out and ready for a career change, but have no idea what I want to do next. All I know is that I’m lonely working from home, actively dislike my industry, and would rather not sit at a desk for the rest of my life. Does anyone have a resource or even a list that can get me started brainstorming?
Last Thursday afternoon had a post about non-desk jobs!
Design your work life book
I agree,
I have just read Desig your life and I am starting Design your work life.
Also in a previous career change I tried What colour is your parachute?
In an old post here other people recommed some of them: https://corporette.com/5-books-to-read-if-youre-considering-changing-your-career/
Fun reading question— I like doing reading “projects,” and I’m considering methodically reading everything by a certain author. I haven’t landed on who, yet!
Has anyone purposely (or accidentally) read everything by a specific author? Who did you pick, and why?
Liane Moriarty, because she’s a compelling storyteller and the themes run much deeper than what the simple description shows. The only one I didn’t like was Nine Perfect Strangers, gawd, that was a weird trip.
+1 to your entire comment! I’ve read all her books and either loved or at least enjoyed all but Nine Perfect Strangers. She’s such a wonderful character builder.
Absolutely yes! I read all her books without even meaning to. And she weaves in some serious ethical, moral questions into otherwise light reading — always leaves me thinking. Ugh I love her.
Louise Penny’s Three Pines Series! The Currently Reading Podcast is going to do a special series of podcasts dedicated to the series if you would like some structure/company on this journey.
When I was a kid (11 or 12?), I read every book by Agatha Christie. There are probably a couple dozen other mystery writers I’ve also read every book by, but she’s definitely the most prolific of them. I’ve re-read some of them recently, and they actually hold up surprisingly well for being 100 years old (minus the occasional minor racism).
Looking at responses has reminded me of some others. I’ve also read everything by Ann Patchett, Louise Erdrich, Barbara Kingsolver, Geraldine Brooks, Jane Smiley, Julia Glass, Emma Donoghue, and Andrea Barrett. For mystery writers, Louise Penny, Tana French, Jacqueline Winspear, Sue Grafton, Sara Paretsky, Dorothy L. Sayers, Ian Rankin, and Laura Lippman.
Oh, gosh! Yes — everybody in your last sentence!
I have read everything by Tana French and highly recommend if you like moody Irish mystery novels.
Lynn Kurland – fluffy romances about medieval Highland ghosties matchmaking their present-day descendants
Grace Livingston Hill – active 1910-1940 – basically like reading a clean, cheesy Hallmark movie set in the past (they were contemporary novels when they were written, but they’re 100 years old to us now) – complete with plucky heroine saving the day and finding love. Bonus for fun vintage vocabulary that we don’t use any more – when’s the last time you reached for a dictionary?
I work in politics. When I read, all I want is for it to be happy and fluffy, fluffy and happy.
Have you ever read Georgette Heyer? I think her books would be right up your alley.
Yes! I read her in my late 20s! Some of her books dragged for me a bit, so she’s not one of my all-time faves, but she’s good!
F Scott Fitzgerald, Ernest Hemingway, Joseph Heller
Jane Austen, of course. As well as the Brontes.
I think I’ve read everything by Ann Patchett, Anne Tyler, Alice Munro, Joan Didion, and John Irving as well. Amy Tan too. Maxine Hong Kingston, Margaret Atwood, Isabel Allende, Andrew Sean Greer, Anne Lamont, Jane Smiley.
When I read a book I really like, I tend to look for everything else the author has written. I like to buy real books, used.
(I feel embarrassed that I skipped John Steinbeck, especially given how obsessed I am.)
I have a long post in mod but how could I forget Ann Patchett and Anne Tyler! And Barbara Kingsolver!
Oh right, Barbara Kingsolver too! Hive Five!
Barbara Kingsolver is the only author whose books I will re-read. Sometimes several times. It’s like visiting old friends.
I do this all the time!
I read the entire Agatha Christie oeuvre as a kid (and I am so old that she was still writing way back then, so I had the joy of reading the later ones as they came out when I was in high school).
It is quite usual for me to go on an author binge and keep clicking “buy” when my Kindle suggests more works by an author I like. I’ve been through all of Liane Moriarity, all of Emily St. John Mandel, Louise Penney. I’m pretty sure I read all of Ray Bradbury back in the day. All of Jane Austen and heartbroken there were so few.
Others:
Octavia E. Butler (the pride of Pasadena)
J.K. Rowling, including the Robert Galbraith, but I’m done with her for a variety of reasons — oh, and I couldn’t make it all the way through The Casual Vacancy
N.K. Jemison
Monique McDonell, who is an Australian romance writer and a personal friend
Jennifer Ryan, who has written four really fun WWII novels
Helene Wecker — only two books but they’re great
There are a lot of others that I’ve read a lot of but not all. Back in the day I was really into mystery novels/series by Anne Perry, Robert B. Parker, Dick Francis, John Le Carre, John Lescroart (fun fact: he sent his kids to the same nursery school I did, back when he had a day job as a paralegal), Jonathan Kellerman, and a bunch more of that ilk. Oh, and I read a lot of Stephen King but “It” did me in (I read it as a new mom and the kids-in-peril plot was more than I could take) so I gave up on him until last year’s “Fairy Tale.”
And now you’ve read my novel! ;)
Margaret Atwood
John Irving
Don’t forget to read the works that are not novels – nonfiction, short stories, poems, etc. It’s a fun project and you can see their work develop if you move in chronological order.
I love doing this with musical artists; I don’t think I’ve ever quite managed it even with my very favorite authors.
Robin McKinley. I like her earlier books best but Sunshine is my favorite more recent one.
Oh same, I really loved Sunshin despite a lot of reviewers not liking it as much. If you like Urban fantasy I find Ilona Andrews and Kim Harrison do it very well.
I read cookbooks like this. Like, I don’t just read the recipe. Some are quite instructional, some are autobiographical, some are both. I also love reading about cuisines from cultures other than my own.
I enjoy thrillers and mysteries, so I’ve read all the books from Riley Sager, Ruth Ware and Mary Kubica. I’m also working my way through the books from Alice Feeney.
I haven’t come across an author in years whose works I liked enough to find everything they wrote.
When I was a kid (8 to 12ish) I read Walter Farley, Marguerite Henry, Agatha Christie, L.M. Montgomery. When I was a teen I read V.C. Andrews and Anne Rice.
Brandon Sanderson (sci fi/fantasy writer). I just really love his stuff. I’ve got his two most recent books that I haven’t read but that’s it.
My bf reads all his books too.
Yep, I definitely purposefully do this. Taylor Jenkins Reid, Naomi Novik and Blake Crouch are the few that spring to mind. I’m also aware of the thriller authors I’ve enjoyed in the past (Ruth Ware, Greer Hendricks + Sarah Pekkanen, Rachel Hawkins) so if I’m ever in the mood for one I’ll go see if they’ve written something new.
I love the Outlander series – about every other year (plus whenever she releases a new book) I reread the whole series. 9 books that are more than 1000 pages each! It’s a project!
Taylor Jenkins Reid. Her books also take place in the same “universe” so it’s fun when a book references a celebrity character from one of her other books.
I’ll be the wet blanket and say I think this would be boring. I can think of a few authors where I’ve read all their books (Ann Patchett, Emma Straub, Curtis Sittenfeld, Taylor Jenkins Reid) but I’ve never done it back to back and I think that would get really dull unless it’s a mystery/action series with the same protagonist, like the Louise Penney Inspector Gamache mysteries or the Stella Rimington Liz Carlyle spy novels.
No one said it has to be back-to-back or uninterrupted. Mine weren’t. But one can certainly choose an author to “study” over whatever timeline suits.
I do this! I love mysteries/thrillers/crime novels as well as historical fiction and narrative nonfiction. Recent ones have been Madeline L’Engle (very different viewing many of her books from an adult perspective), Karin Slaughter (especially the Grant County and Will Trent series, but also her standalone ones), Eric Larson, Barbara Kingsolver, Ruth Ware, Kate White, and Greer Hendricks + Sarah Pekkanen.
Fredrik Backman. The Beartown series is slightly different from his other novels. The way his writing understands human feelings and thoughts hits me hard.
A few summers ago I discovered Karin Slaughter by reading “Pretty Girls”. I then proceeded to read all of her Will Trent and Grant county series books and all of her standalones. I know pre-order every time she announces a new one!
Once reading project floating in my head is to read Anna Karenina. I never have, and I’m intrigued. But I also have a massive TBR list and it is so long…
I too have a massive TBR, and Anna Karenina is still on there despite my nearly making it to the end once. I’ve heard some really good things about Maggie Gyllenhaal’s audiobook narration and am planning to try that next to see if I can go the distance with it!
I read Anna Karenina, and I understood it well enough to get the occasional references to it in articles or whatever, but it was just OK. I’m a reader, not a lit professor, I read for fun, and I said what I said.
I have done this a lot over the years, but not methodically and on purpose to read everything, but because I genuinely like their style and want to keep reading, or keep auto-buying. If I were to do it on purpose, it would be Shakespeare or similar, someone where I’ve read almost everything and just need the last few plays.
It’s normally a genre author for me, and then usually because something about the language, setting or style is enjoyable to me, so that the stories themselves are secondary.
I posted above, but two of my absolute favorite authors who have very small collections are:
John Kennedy Toole (RIP) who wrote my very favorite book, which I read over and over.
and
Donna Tartt, who only releases something every 10 years or so. But I love all three of her novels, and I ignore what critics have to say. I was HOOKED on The Secret History when it came out, and it seemed like everyone was talking about it.
DONNA – WRITE ANOTHER BOOK!!
Mary S. Lovell, Ken Follet, James Michener, Fiona Walker, Liane Moriarty. All over the place!
Agatha Christie …read all her books, including the non mystery ones
PG Wodehouse
Jane Austen
Oscar Wilde
Philippa Gregory
Georgette heyer
I’ve read everything by Vladimir Nabokov, Milan Kundera, Gogol, and John Updike. I haven’t read everything but have read most of the short stories by Jorge Luis Borges. This was all in college when I had the time. I can totally recommend reading this way – you land nicely in the completeness of what an author offers, and somehow you get to know them a bit too.
Wondering if you could share whether or not you are taking or have taken Hormone Replacement for perimenopause/menopause? What have the discussions been like with your providers? What was decision making process like re: HRT? Are you seeing a menopause expert? How did you decide to stop taking it?
I’m also curious about the many impressive women on this board who have pushed through Cancer at a young age, and may be on HRT because treatment or surgery pushed them into an early menopause. I have found that if they were lucky enough to see a good fertility provider during their cancer treatment, often they have had the best discussions and planning regarding their long term hormonal health. Or not, unfortunately….
For me, I am 53 and am in the throes of severe perimenopausal symptoms, and honestly have been having some changes for at least 10 years. My PCP completely brushed them aside for years, my current GYN thinks they aren’t that bad and wont even talk about HRT, and my PCP is open but likes to try lots of other medications BEFORE starting HRT. It seems crazy to me to take like 5 different medications/topicals/supplements when one thing might fix everything AND give me additional health benefits.
My symptoms are all atypical for me, and currently are dry eyes/mouth/skin/hair/vag, hot flashes, night sweats, sleep problems (wake up multiple times a night with sweats/flashes then can’t get to sleep, then wake up cold etc,, cycles), mood lability, increased migraines (used to only have about 1 per year… but now….), crazy bleeding… then nothing for months…. If these “aren’t that bad” symptoms, I’d give my left b00b to find a 53 year old man with worse ones …..
It is my understanding that by taking hormones, not only will all of these symptoms likely improve, but for my age/risk factors, I may improve my bone health (osteoporosis runs in my family) and lower my risk for colon cancer (which also runs in my family).
I am going to make an appointment with another GYN in my area, who specializes in Menopause, and female trauma, hoping that she will be more open to discussion. Sadly, my current GYN was also chosen because she lists menopause as her specialty and all she did was hand me a pamphlet about menopause when I listed my symptoms.
I found the recent article in the NY Times about menopause/women’s health and the recent podcast from the Huberman Lab on Female Hormone Optimization really interesting, and motivated me to try to get more advice.
None of my peers will talk about this, which is shocking to me, actually.
So I’m not sure I’m using the term correctly but I’m 48 almost 49 and continue to take hormonal birth control. At this point it’s about controlling perimenopause symptoms and not for actual birth control (seems highly unlikely I’d get pregnant naturally now). My plan is to stay on this until my early 50s, then switch to an estrogen only pill at a lower dose. I think of this as HRT, but maybe that’s something else? It wasn’t hard to get my doc on board as she suggested it.
That’s really great. Thanks for sharing this.
I should add, very curious if anyone had tried this approach and has thoughts on it! I’m not experiencing any peri symptoms at the moment but I’m assuming the pill is just masking that. Tales from the other side, please!
It may be masking it or you may not have hit that stage yet. I just turned 49 and have not used any BC since my 20s and have no symptoms other than that 2or 3 times in the last year my period has come later than expected. (But also came extra/early due to COVID and COVID vaccine three times.) My gyn refused to give me anything but progestin-only pills when I requested BC after 40 and I have just declined them. I assume she is basing this strictly on my age and possibly my weight despite the fact I have no underlying risk factors either by genetics or personal test results. She has not done blood work or asked about results from other providers who have (they are great!) and my BP is consistently on the low end of normal even in a medical setting.
That is messed up! Fwiw, you can get birth control online from providers like Nurx.
Answer in mod for inexplicable reasons. But late 40s and I take the pill and plan to continue that. Not sure if that’s what you’re talking about though.
Thanks for your thoughts. No, usually the traditional birth control pill is not typically what we mean when we talk about HRT for perimenopause/menopause. It certainly is great for birth control and it definitely CAN help/mask the signs of peri/menopause. But HRT for menopause/peri- is usually lower doses of the hormones.
As a young woman, one birth control formulation lowered my estrogen levels to the point that I was getting menopause symptoms. I cannot see how that would help if I were already dealing with perimenopause/menopause!
Things I happen to know but cannot personally vouch for: the book Estrogen Matters apparently has a list of physicians who are willing to do hormone tests and prescribe bioidentical hormones (usually through a compounding pharmacy).
Obviously your own risk profiles are the issue – someone at a high risk of stroke is not as good a candidate for HRT as someone at a high risk of osteoporosis and Alzheimer’s.
I didn’t do hormone replacement because of the cancer risk in my genetics and also because the pill gave me migraines and I had to go off of it in my 30s, but I think you should definitely talk to a menopause specialist – I wish I had one near me! There are statistical advantages and disadvantages to HRT.
I follow Dr Jen Gunter on social media and have her book & recommend you do the same in addition to your workup.
Thanks so much for sharing. Are you peri-/menopausal now? I ask because hormone replacement for this is different enough from the pill that everyone should re-assess. For my Mom, her migraines actually decreased once she went on HRT. Also for me, the relative risks of cancer really need to be parsed out because it may actually help my cancer risks.
And honestly, the disrupted sleep alone is probably screwing with me so much that I am really screwing up my body now and feel so tired/crappy that I don’t think my body is going to be fending off ANYTHING these days.
It is so disappointing that women’s health is so poorly managed. I live in one of the biggest cities in the US, and still have a hard time finding a menopause expert.
I am fully menopausal now, and the worst of it is over for me, though I still flush if I have a drink, so I stopped drinking for the most part. Instead of hot flashes out of nowhere, I just have a harder time cooling down if I get hot due to weather or activity. When I was in the hot flash phase, I had those paper and bamboo fans from chinatown in every drawer.
I didn’t have all the dryness you mention, but I have a constantly drippy nose now, so that’s fun.
I hadn’t heard that there was HRT that doesn’t trigger migraines like the pill! Maybe I missed out.
As a cancer survivor whose cancer was fed by estrogen, I got thrown into menopause with estrogen blockers. It’s been a doozy. Hot flashes and night sweats (and related lack of sleep) are the worst. My oncologist won’t give me HRT, but there is a Rx med to lessen hot flashes that she’s mentioned. I’m reluctant to take more meds, so I’ve held off thus far.
Things I have done: reduce added sugar, reduce alcohol (both have helped), added acupuncture (also helpful, there was a recent study with menopause symptom benefits of acupuncture).
It totally stinks, and props to the NYT for the coverage of something that gets no coverage.
If the med your onc is recommending is Effexor, I can’t begin to explain how much this has helped me. I would recommend giving it a try. My hot flashes got better immediately.
I am also 53 and experiencing perimenopause. My symptoms are almost identical to yours except the crazy bleeding part. My female PCP didn’t want to try HRT and instead prescribed Benadryl to help with sleep! I changed PCPs. My gynecologist immediately prescribed a new combo estrogen/progesterone once a day pill called Bijuva. I’ve been on it for about 3 months now. It has really helped with brain fog. I have fewer hot flashes and night sweats, but they aren’t gone. My sleep is better but I still never sleep through a whole night without hot/cold cycles, and I need to pee at least once every night. HRT hasn’t helped with the vaguely PMS-y feelings I often have (irritable, hungry, achy). And it hasn’t helped with the 10 lbs I’ve gained that I had attributed to menopause. Like you, I think a lot of this is the result of poor sleep. My gyno was shocked that the progesterone didn’t fix my sleep – she said it takes care of that quickly for most people.
Thanks so much for sharing this!
You also brought up the important symptom of Brain Fog/cognitive changes, which I initially just accepted, thinking “I’m getting older….” But does this have to be?!? And of course, it is hard to know if it is just because of your poor sleep and mood swings/irritability making all thinking more difficult.
Yes, the sleep disruption is really what should be jumped on by Doctors. It is associated with so many additional bad things… cognitive changes, mood problems, poor immune function, increased cardiovascular risk etc…
You’re welcome! A friend my age recommended the medicine trazodone for sleep – she said it gave her perfect sleep. My gyno prescribed it and I took it for about 3 days before stopping. It made it impossible to fall asleep and my mind raced all night. So that wasn’t the right sleep med for me. I haven’t tried anything else yet.
Anecdotal, but I’ve heard that non-oral HRT is less likely to add to weight gain, topical ones does not impact the metabolism in the same way.
I’m only 39 but I’ve used vaginal estrogen due to hormonal problems related to being postpartum and breastfeeding. It was pretty easy to get, but I think it’s only good for vaginal and urinary symptoms.
could you please talk about the urinary symtoms and how vag estrogen might help?
I’m one of the young cancer patients you mention (BC in my 30s) and have been in chemically induced menopause as a result. I am “banned” from taking any type of HRT because of my diagnosis. That said, as someone who is in menopause and has no opportunity ever to not be, I feel like I should say that it’s actually no so bad for me and while I support people who want to take HRT, your life is not over if you don’t or can’t.
Thanks so much for sharing your perspective. It is really helpful.
I have a fabulous GYN who will discuss options, and is willing to try things based on quality of life as well as risk factors. I’m 50 and have the Mirena IUD, which I’ll keep for another 5 years, most likely. The localized hormones help with some symptoms, she says (and Dr Gunter and the NYT article also mention). I’ve had both hormone-receptive breast cancer as well as a blood clot, so HRT is not really a good choice for me unless my perimenopause symptoms are extreme and I’d go into knowing there would be real risks. My GYN (who gave me Gunter’s Menopause Manifesto!) mentioned a few drug options to control specific symptoms that she would offer if I wanted. Right now my symptoms are present but not too bad, and frankly stopping weekday wine has significantly lessened my night sweats and wake-ups. Other than the Mirena, I’m getting more exercise and drinking less.
Thanks so much for sharing your experience. I’m so glad you are doing well!
If you want HRT, you should see a reproductive endocrinologist not a GYN as it’s more in their wheelhouse.
That being said, I’m one of the cancer patients you mention. Went through menopause all at once in my late 20s and I take HRT (best practice is currently estrogen patches + if you have a uterus, progesterone 10 days a month to induce a withdrawal bleed). I had a lot of issues before HRT that have resolved – insomnia, weight gain, joint pain.
All that being said, the last time I checked with my RE, the current recommendation is to stop HRT at age 55 as that’s when most women go through menopausal and the risks start to outweigh the benefits. So some of the reluctance you are seeing to prescribe HRT may be due to those recommendations given you are fairly close to the cutoff.
Interesting! Thank you for sharing this.
Since you started replacement young, I can understand why you have had a reproductive endocrinologist following you. It is even more complicated and important for your situation. It may seem strange, but almost all traditional perimenopausal/menopausal women who become symptomatic are seen by GYN instead of endocrinologists, or PCPs for management. And that may not be the best idea.
I hope you are still reading! I had a gyn who was very resistant to HRT even though my symptoms made me miserable especially the sleep deprivation and brain fog, but perimenopause made me develop severe GERD, overactive bladder (which made the sleep issues worse) and put me on a ton of other meds to manage everything that menopause kicked off. My PCP suggested that I find someone from the North American Menopause Society (you can search for a dr by zip code). My new doctor was fantastic and going on HRT was a game changer for me. I am low risk for cancer and cardiovascular issues, though.
Yes, I’m still reading! Thank you for sharing. Thanks for mentioning the North American Menopause Society as a screening tool for doctors. I will use that.
I didn’t completely get to menopause until age 58, and I took hormonal birth control up until then. My OB/GYN was not too thrilled about it, but it’s what worked for me. I used a NuvaRing, and starting in my early 50s she would have me remove it for a couple months a year to check if I was still having fairly regular periods — yes, I was, the horrible heavy kind with cramps that made me want to keel over. Plus night sweats. Plus I still needed to not get pregnant. I’d go back on the NuvaRing, symptoms would ease. Lather, rinse, repeat. Finally one year when I stopped using the NuvaRing I never had a period again. Since then, other symptoms have been minimal except I may need a va3inal estrogen cream soon.
Thanks so much for sharing this. Experiences can vary so much, and it is really useful to hear how birth control methods can carry some of us during the transition years.
As soon as my perimenopausal symptoms started disrupting my sleep, I went to my regular PCP who suggested HRT right away, but who also described several other treatment options. I decided to try gabapentin first, which helped some, but not enough. I went back to my PCP and asked for hormone therapy. I’m now on transdermal estrogen in the form of a vaginal ring plus ten days per month of oral progesterone. I’m 55 and started this treatment last summer. It’s a game changer, very effective for me, and easy. Wish I’d done it sooner. Someone above mentioned an age 55 cutoff, but I’ve never heard of that. The articles I’ve read talk about continuing hormone therapy until age 60 if not longer. Unfortunately, even when you’re fully menopausal (i.e., one year after your last period) the other symptoms often persist and you still need treatment. My PCP never once brushed off these symptoms or told me to just suffer through them. I’d have gotten a new PCP if she had. It’s maddening that so many women have to jump through hoops to get this basic medical care.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience!
I think if you have to start Hormone Replacement very young because of cancer treatment or early menopause, the guidelines are different about when to stop, because you have often been on a longer treatment program. I have also seen/read that hormones can be continued past menopause and that once you hit older ages (70s) there is more concern about the pros/cons.
Did you read the recent article on this topic in the NYT? My experience was so similar to the author’s. I was having symptoms that were substantially impacting my quality of life – mainly hot flashes at night that disrupted my sleep. The first MD I consulted told me she would only prescribe HRT for more “severe” symptoms, leaving me feeling like she thought I was just whiney. A year later, I saw a specialist who advised that HRT is a “no brainer” for me. My symptoms 100% resolved within a couple weeks after I started on it, and I’ve had no side effects.
Yup, you and I are had similar early experiences. And yes, I read the NYT article, which was one of their most popular articles for more than a week…. and it inspired me to find a new doctor.
Thanks for sharing!
Tell me other people are like this. I had so much to do this morning that I got totally overwhelmed and scrolled on Pinterest for an hour. Everything seems urgent and everyone’s fussing at me over things that are due and…ooh, pretty pictures will make me feel better!
100%.
Oh yeah, been there, done that. The dopamine hit is real.
Ugh yes, way too often. I don’t know how to get out of it once I get into it.
Oh, you are 100% not alone, she says, organizing her Goodreads TBR for the umpteenth time.
This is called the “dark playground” and I definitely experience it! Explanatory link to follow.
https://waitbutwhy.com/2013/10/why-procrastinators-procrastinate.html
I can’t always get out of the dark playground, but sometimes it works to set a timer for 15 minutes to see how much I can get done, with the promise I can go off task again when the timer goes off. (Pomodoro style. Which I “discovered” while babysitting an 8-year-old.)
I like this mindset. And for me it usually means I end up getting caught in my work and working for way more than the allotted time.
Who hasn’t been there!
Reposting from the AM thread since I posted late: Any advice on what to about a problematic neighborhood cat when the owners won’t do anything? Our neighbors have an unaltered male cat that is 100% outdoor. It poops and pees in our yard and it attacks our (spayed) female cat, who spends the majority of her time inside but used to like to sit on our porch in the afternoons. Now she is afraid to because he chases her, pees on her, and at least once has pulled out some of her fur. The latest is that he has started coming up to the windows of our house at night, and if he can see her inside, he yowls and screams such that she is running all over the house trying to get out of his sight. Often after this happens, she poops or pees outside the litterbox.
We mentioned this to our neighbors and they shrugged it off as just a cat being a cat. Animal control in our city won’t do anything unless an animal bites a human or is stray. Anything we can do? Our cat is so freaked out at this point that she won’t go near the windows, and that is really sad for a cat that used to love sitting in a windowsill looking out at the world (much less one that used to love to lay in the sun on our porch). I’ve tried letting our dog out whenever I see him, and he will chase the cat out of the yard, but there is no long-term deterrent effect.
I forgot to mention this when I posted this AM, but we have a fence…the cat jumps over it.
Well, I can’t tell you what to do, or what I would do, but I can tell you what my sister did in a DC neighborhood with an outdoor cat that harrassed her small dog and killed birds at her birdfeeder. She picked up the cat, put the cat in a carrier, and walked over to the owner’s house. She told them that if the cat continued to trespass on her property, harrass her dog, kill birds, etc.,, next time she would pick up the cat and turn him in as a stray. She also recited chapter and verse about outdoor cats living shorter lives due to coyotes, cars, etc., and the damage they do to the dwindling bird population. You already talked to them, but maybe this will give you some ideas. Some people buy coyote urine (hunter’s websites) and sprinkle it around the boundaries of their yard. Sorry!
The crazy thing is that literally have a pack of coyotes in the neighborhood! I am actually shocked this cat has made it this long.
This stinks. I might try neighbors and animal control again, explaining the extent of the problem.
Can you do anything to make your yard unappealing to neighbor cat? Prickly plantings, motion sensor-based sprinkler, etc?
I’ve seen motion detecting sprinklers used on cat reality shows.
My grandfather did this to deter squirrels – it worked!
We will totally try that if people think it works! I know exactly where he comes over the fence so I guess we could just put one right there.
Trap it and take it to a cat rescue.
If your neighbors won’t do anything about it, that makes them crappy neighbors. Your poor cat.
Ugh, I’m sorry for your kitty. Is there any way to close in your porch or build some sort of catio so your cat can be outside in peace and without being harassed? Maybe an invisible fence to keep the other guy out? I don’t know if that will solve it, though, now that your poor cat is afraid.
Does the other cat live outdoors 100% of the time? He sounds kinda … feral, though I guess that’s what you’ll get with an unneutered male. You could try various nontoxic deterrents if it’s in an area that won’t affect your cat, too.
So invisible fences keep animals in, not out – they depend on the animal wearing a collar in order to work. Our neighbors have an invisible fence for their dog so they could actually put a collar on their cat and use it to contain him, but they won’t. Because they feel like he needs to roam or whatever.
I would trap the cat and get it neutered. In my areas you can get vouchers for low cost spay/neuter for $10. I know it’s not your cat, but it would make life much better for this male cat and would prevent him from impregnating another stray. That should eliminate a lot of his marking behaviors. You can also try the motion activated sprinklers.
You can also contact rescue orgs/shelters to see if they have an opening to take him in. I’m not sure where you live, but it’s not kitten season in colder areas so some rescues might have space. I know it’s technically the neighbor’s cat, but they let him roam free and he is intact. They suck and don’t deserve this cat. And this cat deserves a better life.
Yeah, I would hesitate going this route unless you know for sure that this pet isn’t licensed, registered, etc. This cat has crappy owners but you can’t just … trap and neuter a cat with an owner.
Also, check your local ordinances before you get yourself in hot water. In my city, at least, cats are allowed to roam. (They’re supposed to be spayed and neutered, too, but just saying that you have to tread cautiously.)
How is the OP going to get into hot water? Cats are not usually licensed like dogs. And there no central database of cat registrations that I’m aware of. The owners sound useless and I doubt there are enough resources in animal control to care or know that a single, essentially stray cat got neutered. At least get him neutered and released back into his territory. I guarantee the owners are too dumb to know he got fixed.
So weirdly, if the cat doesn’t have an owner then it’s considered wildlife and is allowed to roam, and you can’t do anything other than contact a local rescue, which will trap and neuter it. If it has an owner, it’s also allowed to roam unless it is pooping/peeing, causing damage, or behaving aggressively. Because it does poop and pee in our yard, that makes it technically a nuisance animal (meaning they’re required to contain it), but they won’t. (“Behaving aggressively” means to people, not other animals, so what it’s doing to our cat doesn’t count.)
The better life thing sounds all great in theory. Reality is that a feral cat that’s no longer a kitten isn’t likely to get adopted so you’re sentencing it to basically life in prison or death. That’s what you would really be doing. And it’s not her cat.
I also find it ironic that she is sicking her dog after this cat (one or both will be hurt eventually) but also stressing that her own cat can’t be outside.
I’d put reflective things on the windows so it can’t see inside and will lose interest in your cat. Do prickly plantings and scent to make the yard less inviting. Keep your own cat indoors, which is where all cats should be.
I have filled up super soakers with a mixture of water, apple cider vinegar and food coloring. When the unwanted cat came around, I hit him (always Him) with it. It sent him running home, and he smelled off enough to alert his owners that he got in trouble. He also rolled on their white carpet and left color marks.
It is kind of rude, but given that they are letting the cat roam, they don’t have any room to complain.
This is glorious and I love it. What are they going to do, complain to you that your yard is full of food coloring?
I like your style. Make it their problem.
I second this approach! I would also pick up all the cat’s poo and throw it in their yard.
An animal doesn’t deserve having acidic vinegar shot at it. Seriously, what is wrong with you guys?
Help me decide what to bring to my friends Super Bowl party on Sunday! I am in charge of dessert. It will be probably 8-12 adults and one 3-year-old.
I found a recipe for “funfetti dip” that I thought could be pretty good with graham crackers, but not sure if that’s too heavy? Maybe some kind of bar? I want to do something fun that’s a crowd pleaser. Appreciate any tips!
Funfetti dip is a dessert side, not a full dessert. I would do a big pan of brownies and maybe bring the dip, too.
I would be pleased to enjoy some funfetti dip on my brownies, just saying.
I think a hand-held dessert would be good. Rice Krispie treats, brownies or cookies.
I would want “finger foods”: brownies, cookies, cupcakes, a bar. Something that’s easy to grab and eat while watching the game. Nothing that requires a plate or utensils or too much of my attention.
If you want to be festive, I’d do cupcakes with green sprinkles (go birds!!!) and yellow or red sprinkles (boo chiefs). That’s assuming you’re in neutral territory, of course. If you’re in Eagles or Chiefs territory, obviously just do your team colors.
Agreed that handheld desserts are the way to go. In my experience mini desserts are more popular than regular size ones in a buffet situation. Use a mini muffin tin or cut your brownies smaller than usual.
I think funfetti dip would be good with pretzels too. That might cut the sugar component.
Pioneer Woman’s Knock You Naked brownies, maybe without nuts (we don’t serve anything with nuts to my three year old, not for allergy reasons, just choking hazard reasons).
Fruit + chocolate dip.
Dessert dip with kids seems like a recipe for germ-sharing (double dipping!). Rice Krispie treats topped with a layer of chocolate are delicious, and you can add sprinkles too. Put choc chips on top while the treats are still warm; you can help them melt in the oven if needed and then smooth it out. If you make brown butter rice krispie treats they are extra delicious.
My favorite-ever rice krispie treats are the ones where you put peanut butter powder (like PB2) in the marshmallow mixture and then they either have milk chocolate chips in them, or a chocolate/peanut butter swirl on top. They are crowd pleasing; I can barely ever make enough for everyone at a party to get as many as they want. Tons of recipes out there if OP searches.
Brown butter Rice Krispy Treats. Sweet and salty RKT (add crushed plain potato chips to the cereal). Eggnog RKT (vanilla extract and spiced rum in the marshmallow mixture).
Fruit cobbler. Use a big bag of mixed frozen fruit as your starting point.
Funfetti dip sounds super gross! Especially with a 3-year-old who will inevitably stick their fingers in the dip. Brownies are great.
Rice Krispy Treats and Brownies (shoutout to the one-bowl brownie recipe on the Bakers Unsweetened Chocolate box) will cover the chocolate lovers and the non-chocolate lovers. If you’re making multiple batches, I’d also do one brownie batch with nuts and without. Both are finger foods and not terribly messy.
I wouldn’t bring the dip thing to someone else’s house because of the huge mess potential.
Canadian here – assuming there are no peanut butter allergies, consider peanut butter marshmallow butterscotch squares. Can never remember the actual name for them but it is melt one package of butterscotch chips with a cup of peanut butter and a stick of butter. Cool to a touchable temp. Mix in color marshmallows, and put in a 9×13 pan to resolidify in the fridge.
We call them scotcheroos in the Midwest!!! So delicious.
At least Rice Krispie treats made with that concoction with chocolate on top are called scotcheroos. I may have read too quickly.
This is also what I call these (per my Minnesotan mother!).
I would do brownies and rice krispie treats.
Definitely rice crispy treats, but use Fruity Pebbles. An optional funfetti dip topping would be tasty and colorful, but something less sweet might be better
Smitten kitchen has a blondie recipe with bits of pretzel and caramel mixed in… it’s so so good and perfect Super Bowl food.
I’m having a weird problem in that I’m forgetting to eat. It’s 3:18 now and I’ve had a Fairlife protein shake, an apple, and a string cheese. I’m really overweight and trying to lose 50-75lbs; this no-hunger thing has happened a lot.
Last month my average calories were 1450 and I gained a lb. Trying to focus on sleep, protein, fiber… any thoughts on how non-hunger is playing in? (Heading to make a chicken taco now.)
If you’re consistently undereating, it may be wreaking havoc on your metabolism and hunger signals.
My original comment disappeared, but my guess is that too few calories are messing up your hunger signals (and probably your metabolism).
I’m fine about eating on days I”m in the office but on my WFH day and weekends I often don’t eat until the afternoon, at which point I’m hangry and eat way too much and only want junk. I’m trying to get myself on a schedule for eating breakfast and lunch at home.
I WFH on Fridays and I usually grocery shop and meal prep on Sundays or Mondays so my problem is that there’s “nothing to eat” in my apartment on Fridays and Saturdays. I’m working to be better prepared with a few easy options on hand at least for breakfast and lunch (as I’m probably eating out Friday and Saturday nights). I try to do easy and shelf stable and not unhealthy options: Cheerios and almond milk, easy whole wheat or chickpea pasta and marinara and then try on Thursday or Friday to hit the grocery store to grab just one or two servings of fruit and veggies to tide me over.
Also, if you haven’t yet, I’d highly, highly, highly recommend working with a dietician. It’s been one of the best decisions I’ve made for myself recently!
You’re probably eating more satiating foods and or you’re getting used to fasting periods.
Any reason why you’re not planning your meals? I’m slowly losing a significant amount of weight and also tracking my protein calories and fiber. It’s really hard to stay on track without pre planning my meals. (This takes less than three minutes but can make everything easier ahead of time. for instance this morning my fiber was low so I just made room for raspberries.) this means that I’m eating at regular times and I get hungry about an hour before my meal. I don’t think there is anything at all wrong with what you’ve eaten today, but I’m getting the sense that you’re kind of winging it which seems like it’s making things more challenging.
WRT only losing 1 pound on 1450 calories, are you weighing every day? I used to be in the ww mentality of weighing once a week and it made progress hard to see. Otherwise, I’d go to the doctor. You should be losing weight on that amount after 30 days unless there’s something else going on.
So I did have my day planned – chicken taco for lunch and then we were supposed to be having a pork egg roll bowl thing for dinner. With a greek yogurt somewhere in the mix. But I pushed lunch so I wouldn’t be full when I exercised, and then decided to have the apple instead of greek yogurt after the workout… and now having just eaten I’ll probably skip dinner if my husband is open to it. If stuff isn’t sitting directly in front of me (and I have to prepare it) then I just forget. (Drank the shake because I brought it with me to dropoff, and ate the apple because I had washed it earlier and put it on my desk.)
There were years of my life (maybe a decade) where I saved way too many calories for wine. I always used to lose a ton during Dry January, but not this year.
It seems like there’s too much food preparation required each day. My guess is that you are hungry, but not hungry enough to get over the hurdle of a somewhat complicated lunch especially when you know that dinner will require more work later. And I’m guessing this because I run into the same problem when I get too ambitious.
Simplify it. My lunch was a bowl of homemade soup reheated in the microwave for two minutes. My day was far from ideal and I’m running on 5 hours of sleep, but because the hurdle to eating lunch was so low, it was easy to fit in.
Two friends got laid off today – one at a big tech company and the other at a medium-sized start up.
At the same time, several friends started new jobs recently!
Makes it hard to get a handle on the job market is like. People are definitely getting new jobs but also layoffs everywhere.
It also shows how sort of normal getting laid off is. None of these people really anticipated it, they had just gotten great reviews. Hopefully (and I think this’ll be the case) they won’t get dinged for it in the job search
I don’t mean this unkindly, but are you very young? It would never occur to me that a layoff would reflect poorly on someone. It’s completely normal and in times of mass layoffs (like now and 2008-2010) usually totally unrelated to performance.
I don’t think layoffs should reflect poorly on someone, but some people definitely just see gaps on resumes and don’t care to think about why. Or assume that low performers were laid off.
Of course if that gap is in 2008 or now it should be obvious what the reason likely is, but hiring really is a very biased, possibly judgmental process
The reality is they do. Even in a mass layoff, the underperformers and problem employees always go, often along with good employees too. It’s the always inclusion of the former group that does make it a stigma that’s hard to overcome.
I think it depends on the industry. In investment banking the bottom 1-5% of performers are “laid off” every year. So as someone in finance- if you were laid off in a year that wasn’t 07-09, I assume that it does reflect on you.
Same with law. There are always performance-related layoffs. Some firms try to hide economic layoffs as performance layoffs (and they are all sort of related — even in a downturn, you won’t sack your stars, but they do unfairly hit what is seen as a cost center where they often just need to reduce the spending and some cuts are more painful if poorly thought out (often the case though). It just s*cks.
Tech is actually a very small portion of the employed population. They just get a lot of press as the employees are often high income, lots of folks invest in these companies, and … well, they often control the press don’t they? etc…
Layoffs are a very normal part of an economic downturn. It’s also very normal for layoffs to happen in one sector of the economy while recruiting is still happening in another.
No one gets dinged in the job search for an economic layoff.
Having been laid off myself one, I will. Ever again assume layoff = prior performance. In my case I had been promoted 3x in 3 years, ran a division and completely turned it around…and was laid off as soon as our company was acquired. I was 37 and pregnant at the time. My job was taken by a 45 year old white guy.
I rallied! My life is awesome now, much better than when I had that job! But man, I do don’t see that coming and my entire perspective on layoffs has changed.
+1 to this, especially when there are well known mass layoffs in a particular sector like tech.
The only issue is that the companies that are hiring often try to take advantage of the fact that they’re in a “buyers market” so to speak, and to pick up experienced talent for less than they would usually have to pay. This happened to me after 2008 (I work in finance). I got an offer I really wanted to take, but they would not budge on salary, which was far below market for the position. I stayed with the troubled company and it worked out OK, but I’m STILL mad at that other company for trying to do me dirty like that. The in-house recruiter even told me the company’s hiring strategy was to pick up talent for cheap!
sorry, nesting area. this was for Clara.
This was (imho) one of the worst knock on effects of the 2008 downturn – people got stuck in jobs and employers worked the heck out of us without giving raises/bonuses because you were ‘lucky to even have a job’. I interviewed periodically from 08-10 and there were so many applicants for every posting! I also heard from recruiters that I’d lost out on mid-career (5-7yrs experience) roles to people a decade older than me because, hey, why not hire the overqualified person at a cheaper rate! It definitely impacted my earnings as my firm (and lots of others) hated to pay/promote home grown talent and you were more respected after you’d gone elsewhere and come back (terrible policy btw).
+1. I was hired in early 2008 (phew) and got my salary cut in 2010 – the market was still really bad so I didn’t feel like I could go anywhere then.
It also screwed up the talent pool for years. People didn’t get the experience they normally would get, so there just weren’t a lot of mid-level people a decade later.
OP of this post (4:08) here. I’m older Gen X and have watched all the advancement opportunities come along too late for me as the larger boomer generation before me occupied those seats for way too long. Now all the boomers are finally retiring, and it should be my turn, but I’m within 10 years of retirement and I’m too old to solve their problem!
I don’t know how these large, publicly traded companies got along having essentially no bench for so long, but here we are.
Very happy to finally be working for myself.
“I’m older Gen X and have watched all the advancement opportunities come along too late for me as the larger boomer generation before me occupied those seats for way too long. Now all the boomers are finally retiring, and it should be my turn, but I’m within 10 years of retirement and I’m too old to solve their problem!”
PREACH. I just got promoted after 6 months in my new job (which is honestly working out better than I thought it would when I got it). My boss keeps talking about all the exciting career potential for me in the future and how “in a few years you could move up to a VP-level role and from there – who knows!” What she doesn’t know (and I’m not going to tell her) is that I have 9 years and 6 months left to work, and I am really not looking to set the world on fire in that time – just hold on until we have everything squared away for retirement, my kid is launched, etc.
If they had gotten to me in my mid-late 30s I would have been fired up to get on the ladder and climb climb climb! But now I’m 45 and I’m tired and the Boomers stayed in place too long – so long that my husband I started socking money away because we figured we might as well retire early if we were never going to get our shot at moving up to the big chair. I’m sure some enterprising Millennial will come along that wants to work 70-hour weeks for the next ten years and end up on the top of the heap, and more power to that person.
I did that climb climb climb in my mid 40s and I learned a lot, but I’m not sure it paid off. The year I left that job, right after bonuses were paid, a bunch of us in the same age/experience/level cohort figured out we’d all resigned. Like 5 of us, in a pool of about 20 total. All older Gen X. Boss and his bosses were boomers.
Of the remaining 15 at my former level, only one is there now. No promotion opportunity!
I am not the menopause poster above but one of the commenters. I’m 58 and fully menopausal. I used to love a glass of wine in the evenings, but now it just makes me have a hot flash and it also makes my face flush, which is problematic for my rosacea.
So I’m all but off the sauce (save one Friday night cocktail most weeks – worth it). I’ve sort of been toying with the idea of using THC/CBD for relaxation. My husband is a lifelong fan of all things MJ, but my history of trying a couple of times is that I just get anxious and paranoid and also eat a lot. I’d like something more akin to a glass of wine, where you just feel a little relaxed and maybe warm (but not hot!) and you can settle into the evening/weekend.
Husband has brought home a couple of CBD based edible things for me, but I notice absolutely nothing with them, so I wonder if I am actually looking for a little THC… but not enough to make me paranoid?
Have any of you experimented with this for yourselves, and what did you end up using?
Signed,
Sauvignon Blanc, I miss you!
I take a 5mg THC, Indica dominant, gummy here and there (usually before dinner so that by the time it wears off, I am so ready for bed or already in bed). It’s just enough to relax me and make me in a jovial mood. I buy the 10mg ones and cut them in half or quarters; you will want to experiment with strains and dosage. DH gets himself 10mg Sativa-dominant gummies and they make my heart absolutely race for around 30 minutes, even taking a half of one. Neither the indica or sativa-dominant ones make me paranoid or have had any uncomfortable side effects (well they do make me wicked thirsty).
relaxed and in a jovial mood sounds perfect! Thank you.
And I am always wicked thirsty :)
I like the CBD/THC gummies. I usually take a quarter of one (so 2.5 mg). I have found the people in our local store to be super helpful, so my suggestion is to go there yourself and tell them what you said above, and they should be able to give you good suggestions for which ones to try.
There is a brand called Lumi, which makes a gummy called “Microdose.” You can read all about it on their site, but it’s basically gummies for beginners who just want a little bit of exactly what you’re describing. I think they’re awesome. Most notably, I got an amazing night to sleep when I took them. I have since graduated to their normal doses, and sleep like a rock. (I like to take them before bed. I also have some non-sleepytime ones, which are fine, but I don’t generally like to do that during the day because it makes me paranoid and weird…so we may be similar?)
You could try something like Delta 8 or Delta 9 – they are similar to THC but not THC specifically. I find I need about 50% more Delta 8 or Delta 9 to get the same effect as THC; so I’ll take a 25mg Delta 8 gummy to get the same effect as a 10mg THC gummy.
I use gummies and CBD softgels from Georgia Hemp Company & I highly recommend.