Coffee Break – Wee Initial Ring

Wee Initial RingI love tiny initial rings. For years I’ve worn a small gold signet ring with a “K” on it — a gift for my first communion, if I recall correctly — as a pinky ring. After I got married I was looking for a small ring with either a “V” (my maiden name is Vogele) or a small bird on it (Vogele = “little bird” in German), and now I’ve been looking for J-initials (for my son, Jack). See, lots of purposes! I love this particular sterling silver ring from Anthropologie — it’s stackable, it’s super teeny, and I love the delicate lowercase letters. And at $56, it’s super affordable. Wee Initial Ring



  1. anonforthis :

    What do people think of this as a bridesmaid gift? Too style-specific?

    • too style-specific. maybe a peice of jewelry you want them to wear in the wedding?

    • If you know their styles, this is a great gift.
      Re: jewelry to wear to the wedding gift… If the bride wants me to wear a specific piece that she gives all the bridesmaids, I am always happy to do so, but I have never worn the jewelry I’ve been given in that context after the wedding, because most of it has not been my style. I think it tends to be even more style specific than the ring pictured above, unless you know each of their styles well enough to vary the piece. Just my two cents!

    • I would like it a lot – I’d layer it with other rings I own. But you’d have to know everyone’s ring size. Also, if you’re stacking a lot of rings, you may need to wear a bigger size in the stacking rings than you would in a single ring. Sounds like it could get too tricky.

      I’m staring at a little silver plated pewter box on my mantel right now. It was a gift a friend gave me for throwing her wedding shower 15 years ago and I love it. Maybe something more like that?

    • phillygirlruns :

      i think it’s cute, but maybe problematic for the sizing issues raised by others. a friend recently got married and gave us monogram necklaces as gifts – i would never have picked it out on my own but i wear it regularly now.

    • lucy stone :

      Maybe too style specific. I gave my maids an L.L. Bean tote, a Tervis tumbler with their name on it, a pearl necklace, and a compact, if that helps you.

    • Not liking the ring of it :

      I think it’s very style specific. Although I think the rings are cute, I can’t imagine wearing one given my ginormous hands. I don’t see many of my friends wearing one either. Kind of seems a little too cutesy or artsy or something? (In fairness, I feel that way about a lot of stuff from Anthro. Fun, but not always right for day-to-day style situations…)

    • I got my bridesmaids nice pearl bracelets with a silver clasp. I didn’t ask them to, but they all wore them to the wedding and they seemed versatile enough that they’d wear them again.

    • Dunno about the bridesmaid angle, but I think I’m getting this ring as soon as my Anthro employee discount (!!) kicks in. I usually wear gold, but my favorite necklace is actually silver, and I’m constantly bemoaning the fact that if I wear it, I can’t wear any other jewelry.

  2. AnonInfinity :

    I’m very bummed today. One of the big partners told me that I missed a big legal issue in a memo I’ve been writing (and he’s been editing) for weeks, and that the memo still needs “a lot of work.” The conversation was this morning. I’m trying to stop thinking about it (cue sadness spiral “I didn’t do a good job. I don’t understand what I’m doing. Partner will never give me work again. I’m a horrible lawyer.”)

    Anyway, someone help me cheer up!

    • If it’s been going back and forth for a few weeks then the partner missed it too?

      • This was my thought as well. Dudes been missing it for weeks as well.

        • AnonInfinity :

          Yes. This is true. It’s a complex blend of “OMG, why didn’t I understand the issues” and “OMG, why didn’t he tell me this problem a week ago so I could have corrected it by now.” So, feelings of sadness, incompetence, and anger all mixed up.

    • These things happen. Make it your goal to turn the memo into something really great. Final product can make up for a lot. Also, instead of playing the conversation over in your head for the rest of the day, give yourself a few minutes to just think about it but while asking yourself how you can ensure something like this can be avoided in the future. Make a checklist of things you can do in the future. You’ll feel proactive and it will be easier to see this for what it is: a good lesson. Feel better. I know it sucks but we’re only human and all you can do is try to make the situation better from what it is now.

      • AnonInfinity :

        Good point about the final product. I do understand what’s happening now, so hopefully the final draft will be completely excellent. (Though I also hoped that about this draft… ack!)

        What kinds of checklists do you have (or did you have) to make sure you didn’t miss issues? I’ve been trying to write down common pitfalls as I’m going along, but it just feels impossible to be able to see everything. Is this something that comes with lots of experience?

        • It’s hard to say in the abstract. I think it gets easier with experience. Obviously, this pafrtner didn’t catch the issue right away either so these things happen. I think you should just pay attention to the kinds of mistakes you make – are they substantive or procedural?
          To issue spot, I think it helps to think of a voice saying “because??” at the end of your sentences. Think through all the implications. Also, if this is a memo, think about what the other side will argue. Imagine you’re opposing counsel. What arguments would you raise?

    • AnonInfinity, trying to make lemonade here… maybe the fact that he told you is a good thing? I know partners who wouldn’t have said anything– would have just never given you more work and six months down the road would have blind-sided you with a negative review. So, um, that’s good.

      And anyway, chin up! Almost everything is fixable in the law, including memos.

      • This! A situation like this sucks, but the fact that Partner told you about the problem and wants you to fix it is actually a really good thing, right? If Partner thought you were incompetent, he wouldn’t keep wasting his time with you! He obviously thinks you’re competent enough to correct the mistake and learn from it. Prove him right!

        • Also, the fact that he told you what was wrong is excellent as well. I’m an accountant, and my last job in public practice, one partner I worked for would give me a letter back saying “It’s wrong. Fix it.” and not tell me what was wrong. I could spend a couple of hours looking at the darn thing before seeing a grammar mistake, or something equally as petty, even though the numbers & accounting explanations were all correct. Can I just say how glad I am I don’t work there anymore?

          • LOL, this reminds me of my last accounting job at a public auditing firm, and why I went to law school. The manager on an audit I was working on made a correcting entry on the summary workpaper, but neglected to give any information on the source of the entry (this was in the old days, before everything was on computers – yes, we hand-wrote our work papers in pencil, pages and pages of them – Man I feel old). I spent 6 hours trying to locate the source of the entry in a room full of audit workpapers, and finally wrote him what I thought was a light-hearted note, saying “I give up, I’ve been looking all day, could you let me know the background on this entry?” He fired me for “giving up” even though he’s the one who violated all of our training and policies by not noting the source of the entry. Guess I’m still a little bitter about that.

          • Oh, and the reason I couldn’t find it was because he coded the [email protected] entry wrong. Jerk. Somedays I’m really glad I’m a lawyer and not an accountant anymore.

          • That’s awful! I’m still an accountant, but as a controller in a big worldwide company now, rather than a staff accountant in a little 2 partner firm. Everything is WAY better – pay, benefits, recognition, work. Best professional decision I ever made. It’s not totally perfect, but I never cry after work anymore, and that is worth ALOT. Not to mention I didn’t mind trading tax season for month end at all. Even though it means there are only 2 weeks per month I could go on vacation. Instead of 3 months per year I couldn’t take time off.

    • Former MidLevel :

      Sorry – that is the worst feeling. But remember, great lawyers aren’t the ones who never make mistakes. They’re the ones who learn–including from mistakes. You have to let it go (I know, it’s hard) and focus on the project without getting bogged down in the feeling that his critique was a personal attack on your competency. You can do this. Really.

    • law clerk :

      This happens to everyone sooner or later.

      Second, you’re not alone. This morning my judge went on the bench and had to decide a motion for a new new trial that was argued and briefed by both parties. Without any preparation from me. Which is my entire job. Somehow in my review of the case for today’s docket, I completely missed a pending motion for a new trial in addition to the sentencing that the case had been sent in on. So I subsequently received a “what are you doing in this office if you are not researching the legal issues I have to decide on the bench” conversation. Cue my sadness spiral.

      And it just made me think – I know objectively that I’m a pretty good law clerk. The last time I made a mistake has been more almost six months ago. But it has completely ruined my day, and I have thought about how I can’t wait to get out of here and start working for a firm in two months. But then, I wonder what I will do when inevitably this issue happens at some point when I’m at my new job, that I plan to be at 10+ years? I always feel as though this person will never again think I’m competent at my job.

    • AnonInfinity :

      Because I love being all up in my own thread — Thanks already you guise. It’s definitely not the worst mistake ever. And, in partner’s defense, he was very nice about it and told me that he doesn’t mean to sound harsh and that this is a good learning experience. So, it’s not like he brought me in and berated or yelled at me. I just hate messing up badly with someone that I so respect and want to impress.

      (Herbie, I do think that your lemonade comment is true — I know partners who would have done that. I do *think* that Partner and I have a bit more of a mentoring relationship than he has with some other associates, so hopefully he’s not thinking that I’m just dumb.)

      • onehsancare :

        When I was a very young lawyer, I carried a small pebble in my suit jacket that was my “Everyone makes mistakes” rock. Every day I had it with me, because every day I needed to remember that–not necessarily because I had made the mistake that day, but maybe I needed to be ready to reassure a clerk or another associate. It helped.

      • Merriweather :

        I also think it might be helpful to go back to Partner when the memo is done, and say something like “I’ve been thinking about doing X to correct my mistake (checklist, whatever), do you have any other ideas?” That will show that you took it seriously and are not going to let it happen again.

    • What a total doosh! Dont Worry, the manageing partner at my firm is ALWAYS telling me that he would have done this HIS way, or that way, or ANY other way then I did, and then he goes “OH PISHAW” and tells me that I am alot like his wife and grunts a few times!

      I do NOT want to be thouht of as his WIFE (the concept of him and me in the same bed is NOT something I want to even consider).

      So if someone says that it can use work, just tell him that that is what they are theyre for–to review and improve on your work. I am SURE that they could NOT do alot on their own. You have done the liones’ share of the work and they are ONLY toucheing it up a bit.

  3. Has anyone seen any cute white/off white blazers? I am looking for something not too pricey (b/c it’s white and I am a spiller) and that’s not going to be glarinzgly white in that cheap-ish way that some whites can be (where every speck shows and every bit of lint sticks).

    • momentsofabsurdity :

      The Limited has some cute white blazers. I dig this one:

      • Nordstrom Jrs! :

        I think it was thier frenchi line? They’ve got quite a few, some linen and some dressier.

    • J.Jill actually has a really cute linen blend white blazer. It was featured here on the Blazer Hunt Kat posted a few weeks ago. It’s $ 99 regular price but has been going on 30% off sales fairly regularly. Sorry, on phone so can’t provide link.

  4. Also a rec: if anyone is looking for cute comfy and slightly dressy summer sandals, I just bought these in black. The white is also cute. They look waaaaaaay nicer than $40 and are (so far) amazingly comfortable. I probably wouldn’t wear them at work, but I am definitely going to wear them to and from work. FWIW, I have a wide-ish foot and they are very flattering on.

  5. Just five more days until my vacation, you guys! My husband and I haven’t had a real, just us, no other obligations vacation in forever, since before I went to law school (I think the last one was 2005). We’re so due! Plus, this will double as a babymoon, since, well, there’s a baby a’comin’.

    We’re going to Punta Canna, Dominican Republic. It’s an all-inclusive resort (The Paradisus), and I’m hearing that there’s not much off-resort to do, so I guess I really don’t need tips on what to see and do, but I’d love to hear experiences if anyone’s been there. Mainly because it would give me something fun to think about while I count down the hours.

    Also, any tips for managing the whole pregnancy thing? I’ll be 12 weeks exactly. I’ve been extremely fortunate in the first trimester, no morning sickness or fatigue at all. My tummy’s just starting to pooch out a little bit, so my bikini won’t look nearly as cute (I’d be all about wearing a bikini if I had an obviously pregnant belly, but right now it just looks like I drink too much beer), but oh, well. Also, I’m trying to think up all of the fun virgin drinks I can. Who knew that we’d wind up getting pregnant right after booking an all-inclusive which includes tops-shelf alcohol! And a sushi bar! (My husband says that I should just eat the sushi if I want. – still deciding)

    • Have fun! For a mocktail, try grapefruit juice (or some other tart juice), lime juice, a teensy bit of grenadine, and club soda.

      • Virgin pina coladas (pineapple juice and cream of coconut) are super delicious. Enjoy!

    • virgin strawberry (or other) daiquiries are also very refreshing. Plus, you know, fruit, healthy….

      • Mmm I could go for a daiquiri! Lyssa, drink a virgin one, while sitting on a beach, for me.

    • A few years ago I worked with someone who loved vacationing in Punta Canna. She & her dh tried to go every year or two. She said the best thing about it was laying in the sun, playing in the water & eating. Very relaxing, and she always came back SO TAN. It always sounded wonderful to me. So, stock up on trashy novels & sunscreen & relax.

      As a non-drinker I vote for virgin mango daquiris. I find strawberry daquiris a little too sweet. The mango are yum, or at least the ones I had on St Maartin a few years ago were! You could also just ask the bartender to surprise you with something fruity & non-alcoholic – let them be creative.

      • I think asking the bartender is a great idea– just be sure they understand completely that you want NO alcohol. Storytime! When I was much younger, my family was on vacation in Florida, and my younger sister (about 8 at the time) ordered a Shirley Temple at the hotel restaurant. The waitress didn’t know what that was, so my mom explained that it was Sprite and Grenadine. After a few goes at the explanation, during which time my mom tried several different ways of describing the drink, the clearly still baffled waitress left. When the drink she came back with was more brown than pink, my frustrated mom told my (very picky) sister to just be quiet and drink it. When my sister wouldn’t stop complaining, I tried it — it was scotch and soda.

        Have a great vacation!!

    • Kontraktor :

      Lysaa, never been pregnant but re your sushi. My friend’s doctor recently told her something amusing but true when she asked if it was okay to have sushi on occasion. “Japanese women have been having babies just fine for centuries. And women from a lot of other cultures and places have too.” It’s not to say don’t be careful about what you do or eat, but it is to say that there have always been a myriad of variables people have undergone while pregnant (in terms of food and behavior preferences), and the human race has survived for a really long time.

      My thoughts might change if I ever get pregnant, but right now my philosophy is that a little bit probably doesn’t hurt.

      • that’s such a false argument though. Lyssa, in this moment, doesn’t care if statistically, the human race will continue on if pregnant women eat sushi. She is concerned about her baby. So if 95% of the women who eat sushi are fine and have healthy babies, yes, society is surviving. But if 5% don’t, Lyssa is not concerned about the 95%, she is concerned with not being in that 5%.

        Now I don’t think the risk level is anywhere close to 5%. I’ve never been pregnant, I don’t know if there even is a risk factor at all. I just hate when people do the “oh people have been eating blank for years! and society is still ok!”

        • Kontraktor :

          The point is that there have always been things that people ‘should do’ and ‘shouldn’t do’ when pregnant (heck, even in general). Did your FB feed explode when it apparently came out that drinking coffee is good for you now? Two weeks ago it was bad for you. Red wine is in, then it’s out. I’m just saying that health standards for pregnant people (or regular people) have changed considerably over time and culture. How can one piece of advice be 100% right?

          I’m saying that if a pregnant person wants to do XYZ thing but isn’t sure if that is okay or not, she can remind herself that probably no one thing is “teh evilz pregnancyz monsterz” because what was fine today was probably bad at some point in time, so why stress yourself worrying that one piece of fish will kill you and or your fetus? I guess it might, but what’s the point of being so alarmist and frightened about everything?

          Again, I’m not saying be brazen or totally ignore advice you want to believe in or advice your doctor has told you. I’m saying that it is unncessary to be afraid to be of small deviations in ‘perfect’ behavior because there have always been diverse standards on what is and what is not ‘okay,’ and there is no evidence to suggest that run-of-the-mill Thing ABC is so harmful that your baby will die instantaneously if you look at it wrong.

          • No yeah I totally get that sentiment- its impossible to take everything into account unless you get like a bubble to live in. I just theoretically hate that argument because it totally mixes up what a pregnant woman is actually worried about.

      • I see what both of you are saying, and, cfm, I know that I sometimes hate that argument, too. But, at the same time, I think that it applies here.

        I guess on one hand, I don’t want to be in that 5% (or whatever it is), but, on the other hand, if I avoided every situation where there is a small risk of great problems, I’d never leave the house. I guess right now the most likely external force that could cause a miscarriage is a car accident, but, obviously, I’m not going to give up driving/riding in cars.

        I’ll check out sushi a little bit before we go to see how severe the risks really are, and also check out what’s offered – if it’s not great, I’m not eating it (which is my general diet rule, anyway), and, of course, if the safety standards don’t seem great (this is another country, after all), I won’t eat it, and if it’s not something that I really, really want at that time, I won’t eat it. Otherwise, I’ll weigh and consider it. We’ll see (hubby doesn’t even like sushi – no objections to the raw fish, he just doesn’t like nori!), so it’s probably not a big thing. I’ve already had non-heated lunch meats a few times, so there’s that (and that’s far less delicious than sushi). And feta, which I think is also supposed to be out.

        The health standards and what’s OK are all over the place for pregnancy! I’m generally going with moderation, particularly with caffine (under 300 mg/day, which isn’t hard because I generally prefer tea to coffee anyway), and alcohol (sips off my husband’s drink, tiny bit of rum in a homemade “virgin” pina colada last week, a half glass of wine when I’m eating something nice). I’m still working out what to do with the bacteria-related stuff, though, since that’s less of an “too much is really bad” issue and more of a “risk” issue.

        Oh, did I tell you when I told my parents? I said I wanted a family dinner and we all met at a restuarant, and they were all “what in the world is up since she never calls for a “family dinner”?”, so as soon as I got there, I ordered a nice glass of red wine. My dad immediately did that “Darn it!” thing. Hehehe. Gave the glass to my husband post-announcement.

        • Kontraktor :

          I think the only thing anybody can do is be as informed as possible and do things in moderation with reason. It sounds like you’re doing just that. I think taking a hollistic approach to pregnancy and health as such is all one can do because life just has too many variables otherwise to 100% avoid everything.

          • I agree. It reminds me of the old town dr in my dh’s (small) hometown. He used to say “You live your life, and then you die of cancer”. I don’t mean to make light of cancer, but there are SO many risk factors out there for so many things, that I think all you can do is make the decisions you are comfortable with and then live with the consequences (if any).

            It’s amazing how recommendations have changed for pg women. I first got pg 16.5 years ago, and had my last baby 6.5 years ago. I’ve seen & heard alot. And don’t get me started on childcare recommendations!! They change every year, it seems.

        • Gail the Goldfish :

          I’ve never been pregnant, but is the reason you’re not supposed to eat sushi because of concerns with mercury levels? If that’s the case, maybe just aim for the fish species that are lower in mercury? (I’m sure there’s a list somewhere, but generally it’s the smaller, lower-on-the-food chain fish).

          (I subscribe to the “it’s a miracle the human race hasn’t died off yet given how many things are supposed to kill us” theory)

          • AnonInfinity :

            I think it’s the mercury and the risk of food-borne pathogens?

          • PharmaGirl :

            It’s more than just the mercury levels int his case. I would stick to the veggie and cooked fish sushi. I was far from a zealot when pregnant but did steer clear of sushi and cold cuts from most delis. Just so it’s clear I wasn’t a nutty pregnant person, I drank coffee every morning and had wine on occasion as I felt those were not as risky as food borne illness.

          • Yeah I agree with PharmaGirl on avoiding sushi and deli meats. I drink coffee etc, but don’t want to mess around with pathogens because that’s not a moderation type thing.

    • I’ve read that there are different fish species that are better than others for sushi eating when pregnant. Partially to do with mercury (and that’s a quantity thing, i.e., one piece of tuna is not going to cause birth defects) and partially to do with the types of parasites/bacteria that would make you sick. As an example, salmon is always treated for parasites before served in restaurants bc the parasite load in salmon is very high. So salmon sushi is going to be safer for pregnant women. I think mackarel is one of the fish that has a higher risk of bacteria that can cross over to the fetus.

      Congrats on the pregnancy!

    • Heh, and here I thought that my comments about my bikini tummy were the ones that risked controversy!

      • I have not been to a Paradisus resort or an all-inclusive in DR but have been to a few in Mexico and on a cruise. First things first, the sushi at these kinds of places is usually pretty horrible- bland and not yummy at all. For that reason alone, you are probably better off skipping it. Second, I am about as far along as you are and really missing sushi, so I have looked into this. My research has led me to the following conclusion- sushi made from low-mercury fish at an excellent sushi restaurant (like Nobu) with impeccable cleanliness standards is probably ok once or twice as a splurge- but you still can’t be sure how the fish is handled before it gets to the restaurant. For me, I just don’t think it’s worth it and I’m abstaining. Also, with regard to salmon, my doctor said that wild salmon is fine but farm raised is questionable because of the mercury content in the fish that the salmon eat.

        Other slightly paranoid food tips- beware lettuce, watermelon and other foods with a high water content. Generally speaking, those types of food have the potential to have a higher bacteria content. Other than that, whatever you eat, have an incredible vacation!

  6. Machine-washable workwear? :

    Thank you ladies for your advice on this weekend’s on how to dress for the lab. I truly appreciate it, and I’m so very glad that there’s a bunch of us who work in the lab/field/factory who have to think about how easily that sheer, floaty blouse will catch fire when considering if it’s appropriate for work! Thanks so much for helping me think thru a slightly more feminine “khakis and a polo” equivalent.

    Looks like I’m now on the hunt for statement jewelry to dress up cotton tees/cardigans! Suggestions, particularly places to check out in SoCal would of course be appreciated, but I mainly just want to say thanks so much, and that I appreciate your help.

    • I’m so sad I missed that conversation! I no longer work in the lab but I used to wear a lot brighter colours, and layer pieces (ie. henley with a bright tank underneath). I also had a lot of fun with hoop earrings, often with little stones on them, I never bothered with rings or bracelets as they had to come off right away.

      • PharmaGirl :

        Wish I had seen it too! Granted, my style was more preppy hipster in my lab days, but I was definitely fashion forward compared to my fellow lab rats! My current black and gray office casual attire is so boring in comparison.

    • Someone posted a link recently (last week maybe) to a really gorgeous and ridiculously cheap necklace from JC Penney. I went to the site, they had lots of nice beaded necklaces and other “statement” pieces; you might start there.

      • Research, Not Law :

        I second that! It wasn’t me who posted the link, but I was amazed at the beautiful statement pieces that JCP had the last time I ran through. Who knew?

        • I went to the mall today to return something and popped into JCPenney to use the restroom. I left with two St. John’s Bay linen tops that are going to be perfect for summer. $20 each. I could not believe it. Still can’t. I can’t find them on the website but they have vertical pintucks on each side of a button placket, and cap sleeves (which I hate, but I will layer.) One is a greenish light turquoise (my perfect weird blue color) and the other is a lightish plummy purple. They also had a cornflower blue and true red.

      • PharmaGirl :

        Oooooh, that was in response to one of my requests for interview wear!

  7. OMG YOU GUYS, I’M MORTIFIED. MY SCARF JUST SLIPPED OFF MY HEAD. IN PUBLIC. IN CUBICLE LAND PUBLIC. Thank God I was wearing a huge headband underneath, which is why I didn’t feel it gradually slipping the entire day but all of a sudden I felt a whoosh and something landing on my shoulders. OHMAHGAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

    I wore my scarf in a different style today because of doctor’s orders but this ish is ridonk. At least only my smashed up lazy bun was exposed? I’m cringing thinking about this. I’m gluing my scarf on from here on out.

    • momentsofabsurdity :

      Oh no Ru! I don’t know if this would help but my Muslim hijabi friend usually wears an underscarf that has a bit of elastic around her head so even if her scarf slips down she’s fine.

      I bet everyone was so focused on the monotony of Cubeland they didn’t even notice!

      • My headband is an underscarf – it covers most of my head. I know that at least one person saw. And others saw me walking around negotiating with the disobedient fabric. I’m gonna wear like 23490 safety pins tomorrow.

    • I’m headscarf-ignorant. Is that like nudity, ala having your pants fall down or something?

      if so, oh honey! Sorry!

      • It *FEELS* like nudity, although I don’t know how people will take it. Also, I wonder how quickly word is gonna get out that I’m fake blonde (there’s no way it’s natural). Kinda like your wrap dress opening even though you were wearing a slip underneath. Shudder.

        • what???? I don’t get the fake blonde part…how would anyone know you are blonde?

          • Well, my scarf fell off my head. And my underscarf covered everything except for my bun. My bun is made up of my hair….most of which is highlighted blonde.

    • So I can properly empathize, where would you say this ranks on a scale from one to Janet Jackson?

      (PS this is kind of a test post; site has been eating all of my comments for three days now. I miss you guise.)

      • Hmmm, I’d say 0.8*JJ. Because the one person who saw is the new intern I’m training. I’m just gonna go crawl under my desk now. Spend time with my shoes.

    • To be honest, most people probably didn’t notice and will forget. Or if they did notice, they won’t think much of it. What was the saying people were mentioning here the other day? That even if people do notice a faux pax that they go right back to noticing themselves?

      I used to eat lunch a lot at this community center where a large Orthodox Jewish family happened to visit frequently as well. The main lady of the family always covered her hair with a hat. I think I saw her adjusting herself a few times or maybe even saw her hat slip once or twice, but I didn’t really think much of it. I mostly ignored it.

      I went to school with a lot of Muslim girls also and occasionally they’d have hair accidentally poking out or they would adjust themselves and it was similarly not too big a deal. I know it seems mortifying but these things happen! We have all had embarassing wardrobe malfunctions and almost nobody remembers them eventually. :)

      • I know I’m being whiny but sigh, I expect perfection from my attire! LOL, one day, when I’m 87, I’ll get over it.

        • I feel I have walked around with runs in my stockings, gone out with the vents still closed on a skirt/jacket, had a missing earring and not realized (like dangly ones too!), and probably countless other things too. Virtual hugs!!!

          • The other morning at the bus stop I saw a woman wearing two different shoes…but she got on a bus before I could say anything. They were both black and similar styles so I have to imagine it was a mistake…hopefully she had a drawer full of shoes at work!

          • I have also gone out of my house completely inadvertantly without a br* on. Who does that!! Me I guess. We all have awkward wardrobe moments occasionally.

    • Just remember what Mamabear says Ru. People will notice for a minute, and then go back to thinking about their favorite topic, themselves.

      I also…may quote Mamabear too much, but she’s so WISE!

      • I may have to get that mug. JSFAMO.

      • I was just about to say the same thing!

      • this is actually so true, because honestly, if i noticed a coworker have a wardrobe malfunction out of the corner of my eye or whatever, I think I would immediately start thinking about MY most embarrassing wardrobe malfunction moment and be all embarrassed for myself! And promptly forget about my coworker ;o)

        so, Hugs and Sympathy!!

      • Also, obviously not to minimize your experience AT ALL, but if I remember correctly RU — you work in a largely non-Muslim work environ yes? So for many of your co-workers, they may just see it and then think…oh…and then move on. I mean, I think this would be true even if you worked in a largely muslim environ, but if most of them are non-muslim (especially non-muslim men) they are not even going to process that this is a thing. :-P Men can be oblivious in good ways as well as bad sometimes.

        • I’m really really *really* hoping this is the case. But if there is one thing I learned about working in a 95% male office, is that men gossip JUST AS BADLY as women do, they just hide it from us.

          • karenpadi :

            So true. I didn’t realize how much they gossip until I had to go through the email of a departed (male) attorney. Every other message was gossip!

    • Totes McGotes :

      If it makes you feel better, this happened to someone at my law school graduation – as they were slipping the hood over her head, her scarf somehow got pulled and came off in front of thousands of people… feeling better yet?

    • A little commiseration…if it makes you feel any better…my suit pants ripped at the seam today. I was just informed of this 30 minutes ago. No idea how long ago it happened. And of course, this is the day I’m wearing hot pink underwear…

      • Around last Christmas, when there were tons of chocolate treats in the kitchen, I was eating a piece of fudge at my desk and apparently dropped a tiny bit in my chair. And sat in it for a while, moving around, smearing it all over my light gray pants. Then walked around the office for a while with a big smeary brown fudge spot on my behind, until someone finally told me. That was a wonderful day.

    • it could be worse :

      Ya, that’s sad Ru. You lost modesty but to most non-Muslim guys, it’s only remarkable that they can see what your hair looks like. But trust me, to American guys it’s not like seeing you naked -they’ve seen hair before in the workplace.

      I have a former co-worker who was travelling in a Muslim country and was walking down the street wearing a long, wrap skirt when her skirt fell off, exposing everything as she stood there in … her thong. The man behind her yelled and quickly covered his (grand)son’s eyes. She said she was lucky to get out of there without incident.

  8. Has anyone test-drove/purchased one? Intriguing, but wondering about operation and maintenance since it is a relatively new electric car.

    • SF Bay Associate :

      I see them on my commute every day. They are gorgeous and seem to have serious acceleration, judging by their ability to cut into a lane and hit the gas without interrupting traffic flow. The first time I saw how well they accelerated, my jaw dropped. A partner in my office knows a guy at the dealer, so he got to REALLY test drive one a few months ago, put the car through some serious maneuvering and speed paces. He said it was an absolute joy to drive. I am so jealous that you might get one!

    • They have good records, but a very limited dealer network (obvi). I have a lot of friends from college that work there (and drive/test drive/get to borrow them). I have heard they are wicked fun to drive due to their souped-up nature vs. weight. I can’t comment on the new sedan though–just the roadster.

      I do think they look great. I drive by the Tesla dealership in Menlo Park all the time, and see them on the way to my work, as they are also just off Page Mill.

    • locomotive :

      This is probably a completely unhelpful comment but one of our MDs drives one and it is astonishingly quiet. Like I understand that it’s an electric car but it always blows my mind when he drives by and it just this quiet little purr. Also I’m not even a car person and I stop and admire it. So AHHH if you get one that’s amazing!!

      • Thanks, all your comments were helpful. I drive like a grandma, so the fast acceleration would probably terrify me – but it’d be great fun for the hubs and kids. For the first time in my life (nearing 40), looking at luxury cars and I’m kinda squeamish bc I’m not used to the flash but husband has a long commute, so looking for comfort primarily. Tried out the Audi A4 (husband talked me into it as I still remember the problems with the Audi 8000) – and loved it despite myself. But thinking the electric factor of the Tesla would make me comfortable owning a luxury vehicle. Planning on visiting the one dealership in my general area for a test drive; will report back if folks are interested. Thanks for humoring my query!

  9. Vent and request for advice/commiseration! I’ve been back to work after 12 weeks of maternity leave and I’m finding it so difficult to get into a sustainable workout routine. My husband and I are both professionals, and as it my schedule each day is approximately:

    -5:30ish: Wake up and nurse baby (unless baby wakes up earlier, then we’ll snooze in the glider together until 5:30)
    -Afterwards, get ready and depending on who needs to be in the office when, husband or I will drop off baby with nanny (a SAHM in our neighborhood).
    -In the office by 8:00ish.
    -Then, depending on our schedules, husband or I will pick up the baby. If I have to do it, I leave by 5:45. If not, leave between 6 and 6:30.
    -Get home and cook dinner (or pick up something on the way home).
    -Feed baby and get bottles, etc ready for the next day.
    -Husband and I pick up/do dishes and relax for about 30 minutes before he works in his office at home until midnight or so each night (yeah, his job sucks) while I take care of/bond with baby until the baby goes to be around 10ish. At that point, I have about 20 minutes to myself before I’m exhausted and fall in to bed.

    Because I have to leave earlier now to pick up the baby from the nanny, I can’t work out during lunch (and normally that would just take longer than the time I have to spare at lunch anyway). I don’t know what I’m asking for…advice? Maybe just being told that eventually I’ll get in to a better groove and will be able to fit it in? My husband is really good about helping out at home re cleaning and dishes when I need it, so I don’t think it’s an unfair distribution of labor question. Anyway…help?

    • Are you pumping at work, too?

      It sounds like you’re being too hard on yourself. Having a new baby is hard. Having to transition back to work is hard. Yes, you’ll find a way to get on a schedule that suits you, but you may not get there for six months. It is totally normal to feel like you can’t do it all. Give yourself a break.

      Hang in there, Mama!

      • I am pumping at work. I have my own office and door that shuts and my company is very pumping-friendly, so that isn’t too much of a problem. Pumping about 3 times a day right now. Thanks for the advice, it’s good to read that things will probably sort themselves out in time.

        • I asked about pumping because I was thinking, if you’re working out to try to lose weight, pumping will do a lot of that for you. I felt like I could eat anything while I was pumping and still lose weight.

          It was kind of a rude awakening when I stopped pumping and my metabolism went back to just supporting me. :)

          Maybe you can just take nice long walks with baby in a stroller on the weekends and not worry about workdays for now.

          • Research, Not Law :

            Ditto all of this! I’d add: get yourself an ergo or structured carrier and wear baby while you walk for a little boost in resistance ;)

            I also use my ergo to do some lunges, etc during weekend naps. Baby #2 isn’t crib napping yet. Sigh.

            Sorry if this sounds harsh, but don’t even try to fit in gym time right now. I know how hard that is to accept, but it’s hard enough with a little baby. They will get older and more independent, and you’ll be able to get a routine.

    • could your bonding time include a walk around the neighborhood w/ the baby in a sling or something? (I don’t have kids so sorry if this is way not possible!)

    • I struggle with this too. I can usually get my older two kids down for bed by 9pm, but my youngest (a year old) sometimes likes to nurse for a while before going to bed. (My husband often works till midnight too–at least 3 nights a week.) But I have finally started to exercise once I get the baby down. I tell myself that I will do at least 10 minutes, and usually once I get started I am fine to run on the treadmill for 30 minutes or do the full zumba or pilates workout (also about 30 minutes.) So it is definitely a small start, but it is more than I was doing before. The nights my husband is home I have him entertain the baby or help put the older kids to bed and try to get in an hour workout then, but that doesn’t always happen. We always try to do something active on the weekends too, even if it is just a long walk around the neighborhood. Honestly, this season of life just makes it difficult for me to get a good workout in all the time, so I just do my best…

      • No matter how slowly you’re going, you’re still lapping everyone on the couch!

    • I am sure it will get easier with time. Meantime, what about being dilligent about getting in good weekend workouts and going for walks with baby at night. Maybe not exactly what you have in mind, but 30 minutes of speedy walking with a stroller is bound to have its benefits. Plus, babies need fresh air.

    • JJ, your schedule is much less forgiving than mine, and I am having trouble finding time to work out too. My husband travels during the week, so I’m totally on my own M-Thu. I do work from home, which helps. Today’s schedule worked pretty well for me. Baby usually sleeps until 7, but she got up an hour early today, so:

      5:45 am – 6:30 am: Feed baby
      6:30 am – 7:15 am: Eat breakfast, get dressed, play with baby
      7:15 – 8:00 am: Take baby to daycare
      8:00 am – 4:30 pm: Work. I worked through lunch and took a 30 min jog.
      4:30 pm – 5:15 pm: Pick up baby
      7:30 pm – Start bedtime routine (bath and nurse until bedtime ~ 9:30 pm)

      After she goes to sleep, I have a glass of wine and do a little more work. I’m pretty sure that this is more commiseration than advice. The other thing I’ve tried is doing a workout video while baby plays on the floor. I interact with her, make funny faces, talk to her, tickle her, etc. while doing moves or in between moves. It seems to work ok as long as the video is short. Sometimes I just take her for a walk after dinner (in the baby carrier) if the weather is nice. It’s not super hardcore, but it’s something.

      Good luck!! It really is a logistical challenge. My main problem is that I just don’t want to waste ANY time that I have to spend with my daughter. I just keep telling myself that she needs a strong, healthy and happy mommy! Soo…maybe you could do some work after baby goes to bed to gain some workout time during the day? Maybe you could get a meal service so you’re not cooking and cleaning? Nanny/neighbor kid to play with baby while you do an exercise video or weights/situps/etc? Let daddy put her in a carrier and sit with him while he works for half an hour? Hmm…maybe I should try some of these myself!

      • Whoops, ignore implicit assumption that your baby is a girl…!

        • Ha! Baby is a boy – and you voiced my exact concern right now. If I’m not working or sleeping, I feel like I should be spending every minute with my son. Who knew mommy guilt set in so quickly?

          I think I just need the reminder that I can spare 30 minutes a few times a week to work out, and that I can be a good influence to my son re working out and taking care of your body.

          • Also, remember that your son is very, very dependent on you at this age. As he gets older, that slowly changes and you’ll suddenly realize one day you have way more time to get ready in the morning, or he goes down at night much easier, or he starts sleeping much better so you feel well rested. It’s gradual, but it does happen. I promise. The stage your in feels like it will last forever until one day you look back & realize how much easier life is than it was at this stage.

    • Been there :

      I’m the infamous poster with the long commute/baby/biglaw job and I posted a very similar question in early December on a weekend open thread (maybe the one that was a week and a half after Thanksgiving)? I empathize. It’s rough. I got some good advice on that thread, so maybe some of it will help you if you can go back and check it, and I also posted an update in January (search for “sleep trainer”). A couple of thoughts: (1) Can your nanny take care of bottles? Maybe just dump all of your milk in a Nalgene bottle and let her take care of it. I know how washing bottles can easily eat up 20 minutes. It also gets better as the baby gets older and eats fewer, larger bottles. (2) We cook on Sundays so that we just need to reheat food during the week. Could you try this? I know it’s hard to block out the time with a baby that needs to be entertained, but I seriously could not imagine cooking during the week. (3) It does get better as the baby gets older and gets less needy. My son is 8 months now and he plays by himself while I hang out nearby and catch up on work or talk to my husband. (4) Do you have a cleaning lady? (5) I’ve found time to go to the gym by taking the baby to daycare an hour early and going to the gym before work. I feel guilty about spending less time with him, but it’s honestly the only time the entire day that I have to myself. Maybe some of your bonding time could be running with the baby in a jogging stroller? I know my baby gets bored if he’s in the house for too long and loves to spend time in his stroller outside. (6) I shower at night. It cuts about 30 minutes off of my getting ready time in the morning. (I also take a quick no-hair-wash shower after the gym, so don’t think I’m (too) gross.) (7) Paper plates. (8) I really want to hire someone to come do chores for me for an hour a day in the evening, but I haven’t figured out how to find someone.

      I’ll try to write more later, but work calls. It is really hard and I hope you get some good suggestions.

      • I can’t tell you how happy it makes me that you are now the one giving advice. Isn’t motherhood crazy like that? Six months ago you were drowning, now you have concrete suggestions for someone in your previous shoes. Glad things have progressed!

      • I’m so glad to hear that things are still on an upward trajectory for you :)

      • I remember your post and I think I even commented on it with advice. This is the Corporette circle of life!

      • So happy to hear from you. I remember your original post and actually commented a few weeks ago wondering how you were doing. Ditto to the “circle of life” comment. Congrats for making it this far!

    • PharmaGirl :

      You will be able to fit it in once your baby has a better schedule. I still don’t work out but my son now goes to bed like clockwork at 7:30 pm so I have at least 2 hours to get things done before my bedtime.

    • soulfusion :

      I don’t have kids but I am just transitioning back to work after being on disability leave for most of the last year (which has wrecked my body so I REALLY want to find the time/energy to work out). I keep giving myself pep talks about how I don’t have to be BACK all at once. So for right now I am giving myself permission to not cook and to focus on weekend workouts until I’ve adjusted to working again and any mid-week exercise beyond my walk to work is a bonus. But I’m a believer (theoretically for myself, but firmly as advice for other people) that it is okay to not do everything. Any large life shift (like a baby) is going to squeeze some things out until you find some equilibrium and comfort in the new situation and then other things can be layered back in. Congratulations and good luck!

    • Barrister in the Bayou :

      Why don’t you try to do a really short workout? It’s better than no work out. Check out the bodyrock website. I don’t know your fitness level, but the workouts are 12 minutes long and pretty intense (but they vary exercises for different fitness levels). I’ve done them a few times and they’re pretty effective if you don’t overdo it.

    • Oh, JJ, I’ll echo the others–don’t be so hard on yourself!
      Coupla things:
      -agree w the cleaning help. I wish that I would have done it sooner! I have someone every two weeks, though I’m considering weekly now that my guy is a running-around-fun-maniac of a toddler!
      – definitely do the easy meals
      -if you are nursing (and officially my hero for pumping three times a day!), I’m going to go out on a limb and say that it will be difficult for you to consume enough calories to nurse well *and* workout hard (esp while the baby is this young; when he starts to wean to solids, that’s a different story). That being said, my own body image stunk and I couldn’t wait to start back, for both the physical and mental benefit of a good workout.
      -as noted by previous posters, it gets so much easier as they get older. Your little man is just getting to a great age for a jogging stroller. They are so much easier to use, IMO, and more comfortable for the baby. BOB are nice but $$; I have a Schwinn that was about 1/3 of the price. I feel much less-guilty about going for a run with the baby along (and talking about all of the scenery has helped my endurance, lol).

      Basically, three cheers for you for doing what you’re doing already. It gets better and better—hang in there.

    • Give yourself a few months to settle back into the work routine (and maybe have your baby shift to going to bed earlier/sleeping longer). Unless you are Beyonce, it is totally normal not to be working out with a three-month-old baby. In general, I find that it is almost impossible for me to work out unless I do it first thing in the morning, but I couldn’t get back into things regularly until my kids were sleeping until 6 or 6:30, so that I actually had time to work out at 5 or 5:30. As a veteran of working and pumping, it will get easier. But your baby is still quite little, so be kind to yourself in the meantime….

    • Thanks *so* much for the advice and helpful words, everyone. It looks like my first assumption was correct – I just need to give it time. Other than not working out as much as I’d like, my life is pretty great (awesome baby, helpful husband, job I enjoy), so in the grand scheme of things, I can wait a few more months for a semblance of a better routine.

      • Anon in CA :

        No advice, but I am T-minus 2 weeks and counting to the end of my birth control. I think we’re really going to do this. I am terrified – I know I know how to parent (raised my brother, lots of babies around I have watched for the weekend), I’m just so scared that I won’t have the energy to do this. I’m at a small law firm, but it’s litigation so it isn’t all THAT flexible. I was honest when I was hired not too long ago about wanting to have kids soon, and they said that was totally fine, but I’m still freaked out.

        We have a gardener, I have a good line on a housekeeper (she was a friend’s live-in and nanny for years, so she is great), and I will find some kind of daycare arrangment for when I come off maternity leave (probably 6 weeks if all goes well). My husband works construction hours, so he can be home by 4-5 for pick up, and I can do drop-off around 8am so not too horrible. Well, I mean it is horrible because I can’t quit work to stay home…we’re not finacially there…but I don’t want to put it off anymore. Look at that, mommy guilt already!

        It helps knowing the hive is here to help :)

      • JJ, no magic answers but agree with everyone else that you may need to wait a while.

        Specific suggestions:
        – Grill/cook lots of chicken breasts, large shrimp, flank steak etc on the weekend, then cut up, put in containers in fridge. Buy salad greens in a bag, sliced almonds, feta cheese crumbles, blue cheese crumbles or shredded cheddar cheese, cherry tomatoes, olives, fancy salad dressing. For dinner, toss choice of meat on greens, add toppings. Serve. Repeat 5 nights a week. Don’t cook until September.
        – Or try Crock pot meals. Plan on weekend. Toss in ingredients. Serve. For a good website, people here turned me on to Stephanie at A Year of Slow Cooking
        – Buy pre-cooked meals from Whole Foods or Costco. Casseroles. Rotisserie chicken. Add packaged salad or cut-up veggies from the salad bar.

        – You said your day-care provider is in the neighborhood. How about a fast walk w/stroller too/from daycare for exercise? Then throw in a few yoga poses after bath time. Trade off time w/hubby on the weekend to take a spin class or go for a run. Or go on long walks together with baby in front carrier or in stroller.
        – Lift weights once a week on weekend. Do body-weight exercises here and there during the week when you have 5 minutes – chair dips, squats, calf raises, push-ups, lunges.

        Enjoy your little one!

  10. Do you think a high/low skirt can be appropriate for work, if the ‘high’ is knee length?

    • momentsofabsurdity :

      I would think you need a pretty casual work environment and more than that, the high-low needs to be subtle (ie, not front knee-length, back floor-length).

      A dress like this would probably be fine at my (casual) office, even though I’m not personally a fan of the style:

      • momentsofabsurdity :

        On the flip side of my advice, I think a dress like this could work in most offices (with the belt replaced), but it is baaaaaaaaaaaarely high-low.

    • I don’t think the issue is appropriateness as much as the issue is that high-low skirts are SO “fashion-y” that I just think they’d look out of place in most business casual to business workplaces. Plus, when the high part of a high low skirt is knee length, the whole thing can end up pretty frumpy.

      But, all that said, I actually think both the ones momentsofabsurdity posted aren’t bad. But as she said, they’re not TOO high-low if you know what I mean.

  11. still anon for now :

    Oh goodness, here is another pregnancy threadjack. I am not Lyssa, btw, though I wish I was as cool as her. Also, I’m not looking for any empathy – just objective suggestions.

    What suggestions/styles do you have for someone who needs to hide her pregnancy bump as long as possible? Who is an attorney that will see significant court time?

    I’m naturally a size 14 with a bit of belly even before being pregnant. I’m starting a new position in a few weeks, with a new firm in a new location, and found out we’re pregnant last week. I lost my last two pregnancies in the first trimester (8 wks and 11 wks). As a result, I do not want to tell anybody at all for as long as possible. I know it will not be great when I eventually tell my new, small firm that I am (as far along as possible) pregnant, but those repercussions will be less than starting a new job, and everyone finding out I’m pregnant, then having a miscarriage.

    I’ll be in suits most of the time, but could also wear some sleeved business-formal dresses if need be, and I have the luxury of starting this job with whatever clothing mix I need to have, so that I don’t suddenly switch to dresses a month into the position. I’ve never made it so far as to ‘pop’ or noticeably show while clothed before.

    My goal is to make it as close to 20 weeks as possible, and if we’re still cooking then, I’ll tell the whole world.

    • MissJackson :

      I’ve never been pregnant, so take my advice here with a massive grain of salt:
      I think that this is actually going to be a lot easier since you’re starting at a new firm where (1) people don’t really know your natural/normal weight and body type and (2) people really don’t know your style. So, you can just be the slightly heaver girl who wears looser fitting clothing, I would think. Dark colors mask best, usually. Also, as I understand it how much you show varies a lot by person, so you may not be all that visibly pregnant at 20 weeks!

      I’m so sorry that you’ve gone through miscarriages in the past — sending you good vibes this time around.

      • Kontraktor :

        On the other hand, you may pop early. I knew somebody whose more form fitting clothes stopped fitting at 8 weeks, was wearing a band with her bigger normal clothes at 10 weeks, and was in full-blown materinity clothes at 16 weeks. I would stay stick to looser fitting clothing for now as suggested and develop a plan of how to tell people in case it gets too hard to hide earlier than expected.

      • I feel EMPATHETIC FOR YOU.


        Also, no great suggestions on the whole hiding pregnancy thing. But I just got a suit at the BB factory from the 346 line that has pleats in the front of the skirt. Its not the most attractive feature ever (I was okay with it because its mostly hidden since I wear my jacket buttoned), but it would also be great for hiding baby bumps. I also kind of like it because when I’m feeling my afternoon pudge coming on..well, it doesn’t matter. I have belly pleats!

        • By the way, I should be clear, I was laughing at myself for insisting on the empathy. I felt like that wasn’t clear.

          Also…I’m searching all over for the skirt suit. I’m going to find it if it kills me, so check back later!

          • This might kind of be similar, but you seem not to be able to search the factory line on their website and I can’t find it anywhere. Boo.


    • Honestly, I think you’ll be fine for quite a while. These people don’t know you that well and with suits/jackets you really don’t notice pregnancy early so easily on most people. There are actually 2 pregnant women at my office now and it took me till about month 6 to realize they were actually pregnant! And even then I wasn’t sure and wouldn’t ask till they brought it up because you don’t want to commit that faux pas. One has always had a little bit of a belly so I just assumed that she maybe just gained a little extra weight and the other one I really didn’t notice until she wore a clingy dress at an after work event. Trust me, it’s really not going to be obvious to anyone who doesn’t know you very well. If anything, just avoid typically “hide it” clothes like empire waist tops and dresses because I think those just get associated with pregnancy (in fact, I know a very non-pregnant lady who has frequently been asked when she is due b/c that’s all she wears).

      Oh, and congrats!!! :)

    • Since you specifically decline empathy, I’ll skip it…but…

      Anyhoo. I would actually think that you’d be okay in what you normally wear for quite a while, unless you’re normally super-fitted/tight. Many of the girls I know who were 14-16’s before pregnancy didn’t really start showing until quite late. You could tell if they were showing off the baby bump (with tight tops or clearly-maternity-wear), but in a (buttoned) suit jacket with a semi-thick or structured blouse or top, you wouldn’t have guessed pregnancy– especially if you hadn’t known them long. I haven’t been pregnant, so I can’t be sure, but I would probably stick mostly to high-waisted silhouettes that call attention to your natural waist and away from your belly. Actually, I guess I do have a lot of experience trying to minimize my belly…but I digress. You’ll want to think about comfort, especially with something like a pencil skirt that may rest at your belly, and so you might consider buying a maternity skirt that doesn’t look like one below the actual waistline. If you have a few tops that look nice untucked, bring them into circulation now, so that you can wear them over a maternity skirt if the need arises.

      Good luck!

      • Ooh, just read AIMS suggestions, and I second avoiding empire waist and other “when are you due” shapes. To clarify, when I say high-waisted, I’m thinking of A-lines and pencils, like this one:,default,pd.html

    • So, sorry to hear about your losses. I just told my work that I was pregnant at 16 weeks, and no one had any idea…. (Admittedly, I still do not look very pregnant- just thicker waist with bigger girls.)

      Here are my tips.

      * Buy pants one size larger (yes, they will be big in the bottom and legs), but you may actually look like you are losing weight because your clothes are slightly too big. (You will look more pregnant if your clothes are tight.)

      * Avoid empire waists, but embrace a-line dresses and flowy tops. Old Navy has a cute non-fitted flowy top that look good with business pants now in a bunch of colors. I believe Ann Taylor has some nice a-line dresses that you could pair with a blazer. (The dresses are great because you do not feel like your middle is being squeezed.)

      * Bring focus up to your face with big necklaces and statement earrings.

      I think by week 16 your chance of miscarriage decreases to 0.3%, which I know is not 0%, but your odds will be a lot better. From my online pregnancy chat research, it seems that most people show between 15 and 20 weeks.

    • No empathy per your request, but some thoughts (size 14-16 here, carrying weight in my belly). I would go looking for things that have as much of a flexible waist as you possibly can. You may not show for a bit, but you may bloat. I had several losses and was on progesterone for the 1st trimester of the pregnancy that resulted in my first son. I did not show for a while, but wow, was I bloated.

      How about some ponte fabric stuff? Ponte pencil skirt? Can you get away with a blazer and skirt/pants instead of a full suit? A little bit of stretch in the fabric will be your friend.

      Are you anywhere near a Nordstrom’s or similar store with a personal shopper? Maybe you could have them do some searching for you.

    • You’ll be fine, just start off the job with clothes that fit well or have a little room, and then you can probably work with those clothes for quite a while with belly bands and rubber bands and such. I was in your exact situation ~6 years ago. Found out I was pregnant right after I accepted a new job offer and started when I was ~11 weeks. Had two losses prior, didn’t want to tell anyone. I had a very flat stomach to start (ah, those were the days!) but luckily it was around the holidays so I figure if anyone noticed they’d just think it was holiday weight. But really, no one pays attention. I told around 18 weeks because I thought I was starting to obviously show, and no one had any clue. Particularly when people don’t know you beforehand, they won’t notice that your belly is growing until it’s out to there.
      I feel like the trick is waiting long enough that you’ve had time to ramp up in your new position, but not so long that people wondered why you kept it a secret so long. Good luck!

    • I was in a very similar situation to you with ds#1 – 4th pg after 3 m/c (16,13.5 & 12 weeks) and did not want to tell a soul until absolutely necessary.

      Now, ds#1 is 12, so take this fashion advice for what it’s worth, but I found wearing a blazer/suit jacket unbuttoned hid a lot. And I was able to find maternity pants without a panel, as well as maternity button down shirts that were just roomier and didn’t scream maternity. Most people had no idea I was expecting at all until I was so big I just couldn’t hide it, and that was the way I wanted it.

      I did tell my boss because I had several dr appts I had to go to during business hours, and my dr office was on the other side of the city.

      As others have said, I think starting a new job really works to your advantage because nobody will be comparing before & after pictures of you in their mind, kwim?

    • Funny story – I was mediating @month 5, with a pregnant couple, and my co-mediator, who has known me for ~5 years. I was wearing a drapy dress, and went to move a page from the flip chart to the wall. There was a table in front of part of that space, and the table tucked the fabric under my bump – and the pregnant couple says TOS, are you pregnant? And my co-mediator had this what!? really? look. I wasn’t hiding anything, it was just not relevant.

      Moral: Watch out for “shaping” moments, or be prepared to say…that you are…impersonating Alfred Hitchcock? ;)

    • I started out at a size 12 before pregnancy, and so hopefully my experience will help you: I found the “smocked style” tops (i.e., the elastic around the bottom) to be the ones that consistently and for the longest period of time made me look “chubby, not pregnant.” That was a look I wished to avoid, personally, but might suit your situation well. :) They also will look fine under a blazer or cardigan. Old Navy has a LOT of smocked style tops in cute-ish prints and at reasonable prices. Stock up! Avoid empire waste clothing until you’re ready to announce.

    • You’ve gotten good advice here. I’ll add that a blazer, unbuttoned, will be a huge bump-hider.

  12. momentsofabsurdity :

    Does anyone have any recommendations for a good dry shampoo?

    I am trying to go to the gym every day or every other day but honestly if I wash my hair that much it gets stripped of a lot of its natural shine and bounce. In addition, I never get to enjoy pretty second-day hair!

    However, after the gym I can’t help but feel like my head is a bit dirty. My hair is long, very thick and chemically straightened. Would love some product recommendations!

    • FormerPhotog :

      The All-Nighter is my preference. Smells like tangerines, comes in colors to match hair, and works like OSIS Dust-It as a styling aid.

      I wasn’t a big fan of the Bumble, and all the drug store products made my dyed dark hair ashy.

    • I like the good old Suave brand. I tried Tresemme and it left my thin, fine hair a little icky. Went right back to the Sauve – which I used every other day in lieu of washing my hair to death. HTH!

    • I have really thin and blonde hair, which basically requires washing every day. That said, the only brands I can get by without a wash our Psssst! (my favorite) and surprisingly, Suave. You can find Pssst! on the very bottom shelf in a retro-looking can. Stay away from TresSemme – it is really sticky, and it left gray even in my blonde hair.

    • eastbaybanker :

      I use Tresemme dry shampoo on the rare days I skip a wash. I’m a brunette and it blends well. I’ve used Bumble Bumble brown hair powder in the past but didn’t like using a dyed product because it would rub off on stuff. Also, I didn’t see the point in paying a salon price for something I don’t use that often.

    • phillygirlruns :

      i’ve tried a lot of dry shampoos. at the end of the day – SUAVE. it’s dirt cheap and it works very well, even though i find you need to use a lot of it and have to rub well to keep it

      however, the most effective i’ve bought is the ojon spray. a can of that lasts me as least twice as long as a can of suave (though it’s more like 8x the price, at $25 or so) and works a BIT better. it doesn’t smell as nice as suave, and the nozzle clogs REALLY easily, so you have to shake the can for a full minute or more before you use it to make sure the clay particles are distributed.

      • phillygirlruns :

        GAH. got distracted and hit send without finishing my though… “have to rub well to keep it from staying chalky on dark hair”

    • LinLondon :

      Batiste batiste batiste!! It’s the best!I buy it in bulk! Exclamation mark!

    • I use Suave. The clean/lemon smell is really strong and sticks around for a few minutes. I wouldn’t recommend it if you don’t plan on brushing out your hair, a few brush strokes gets rid of the chalkiness.
      It’s cheap enough to give it a shot (the larger can wad cheaper than the travel size… whaaat?) and even though I don’t love it, I’m not actually sure if the magic I want from dry shampoos even exists.

    • This may sound a bit weird, but I find that the best stuff isn’t regular dry shampoo spray but grooming powders used for animals. I used to show my Maine Coon, which are known for having a “greasy” coat, and I learned to use a colored powder like Jerob Star Dust powder to take care of any oiliness the day after a show bath. Sprinkle a little, work it in, let it sit a few minutes, and then brush out well. I figured if it worked so well on my cat (and, let’s be honest, cat shows are just like beauty pageants), it would work on me.

      Another cat show “trick” is applying cornstarch overnight between show days (which I have used). Just work it in when you get to the hotel after the first show day; then brush out well the next morning at the show.

    • I’ve been in the process of trying out every single dry shampoo. I like Treseme, except for the smell. Suave smells better, but leaves more gray residue. Oscar Blandi powder smells terrific, but is a power rather than a spray and very expensive. The best I’ve found so far is this weird brand I’ve only seen at CVS called Salon Grafix (I think). It’s got a pink design on the bottle, is a totally invisible spray, and has no smell. Plus it comes in a travel size.

    • I love the Umberto version at Target (gold can, sold w the “upscale” products but only about $8). This brand uses rice starch as the absorbent ingredient. No real scent that I can detect. I spray at the roots then blast with hair dryer on hot to “set” it. This seems to avoid the chalky residue issue.

    • Anonymous :

      Equal parts cornstarch and cocoa powder, applied with fingertips. Works great on my light/medium brown hair, but you can adjust based on your hair color (more cornstarch = lighter; more cocoa powder = darker). Easy, cheap, and free of questionable chemicals.

  13. Put a bird on it!

  14. Does anyone go to the gym on their lunch break? If so, how do you manage? Do you shower? What kind of workout do you do? My building has a gym, and I would like to start going during lunch just because it would be a big time saver and a big pick me up during the day, but I don’t want to come back to the office all sweaty. I also commute to work via metro, so I’m not wanting to carry a bunch of stuff to work. This sort of seems like a logistical pain, but maybe it’s worth it for the time save? I’m over analyzing – but I’d be interested in hearing how others do this.

    • momentsofabsurdity :

      I don’t but there is a gym down the block from my office that I am debating joining. I imagine the schedule would go something like:

      5min drive to gym
      5min clothes change
      35min workout
      10min shower (no hair wash)
      5min drive back

      and the only reason I haven’t signed up yet it is that time seems SO tight.

      Not sure that there is a great deal you’d have to carry to work on a day to day basis — you might be able to rent a locker at your gym (or keep stuff at your desk) for shower stuff, deodorant, etc, and leave your gym shoes in your office. Then all you’d have to carry would be a sports bra, tshirt and pair of shorts which really don’t take up much space.

    • I’ve never been able to figure out how to do it myself. A friend of mine does, but she has a hairstyle that can be totally slicked back and she looks beautiful no matter what. I am way too high maintenance (hair, makeup, etc.) and I sweat a lot when I work out. I go right after work then just go home in my gym clothes. My gym is on-campus so it could theoretically work, but I so rarely get an hour away from my desk anyway.

      • Merabella :

        I agree with this. I can never figure out how to work in a workout at lunch. I’m much better off doing it at the end of the day and heading there right after work.

        I like the idea of keeping the gym bag at work and just bringing new clothes every day. The clothes don’t really take up that much space….

    • If my gym had a building, I like to think I would be there at lunch time! I went a couple times to the gym during lunch, but it was too much of a time crunch. I attribute that to the nearly 20 min in the car (10 each way). If it’s in your building, you could have a lot more time to cool down and then shower so you won’t be sweaty. Like moa said, leave the shoes & shower stuff at your office. Clothes won’t take up much room in your purse.

    • I used to go and just do weights, and generally did not get sweaty enough to need a shower, just touch up makeup and hair, and go back to work. When I would do cardio, though, a shower was a must. I really could not do it in less than 1 1/2 hours, even eithout washing my hair.

    • Thanks everyone. I might give it a shot. My building is huge – think 1/2 mile long, and I am of course on the opposite side of the building from the gym, so I have to figure in the extra time to walk over there. I get pretty sweaty when I work out, so maybe I’ll stick with the yoga classes or lifting and see how that goes, otherwise I think I would need a full blown shower.

      Right now, I’ve just been going for little walks at lunch time around campus, but it’s getting insanely hot, so I’m just thinking about ways to mix it up and perk myself up during the day.

      • SoCal Gator :

        I have a standing appointment on Wednesdays at noon with my trainer at the gym in the building across the street. I pack new panties and enough makeup to be able to touch up after a shower where I do not get my face or hair wet. I also pack dry shampoo, hairspray and a round brush so I basically blow dry my hair which is damp at the ends (but I do not get it wet and reshampoo). My hair is fine and straight so this works out well. I am back at my desk in an hour fifteen with a nice glow to my skin from owrking out.

    • FormerPhotog :

      I put in a 45 min run at work sometimes – I will completely admit to just being a bit grody and not even bothering showering, since I don’t ever deal with clients in the office, and I’d only be running if I didn’t have any PM meetings. We do have a shower, and I know that a few of my co-workers avail themselves of it, but I go home and run more, so it seemed silly to run, shower, change, go home, change, run, and shower a second time.

      Granted, the dress code in my office is flexible – on any given day, there are people ranging from just shy of PJs to the business side of business casual. When I interviewed, in my conservative suit and hose, the COO was wearing checkered Vans. He asked that I not plan to surf before work _every day_ (I don’t surf at all….).

      In your case, would it make more sense to hit the gym after work, and then take the metro home? You might get a better work out. Or, I used to go before work and shower then, and I actually miss that a lot.

    • onehsancare :

      I don’t do this any more (my sensitivity to perfume has really limited where I can work out and whether I can even be in a locker room), but I used to work out at lunch and it was perfect. I had a locker and the club had laundry service, so I had two bags rotating–one getting washed, and one clean set in the locker. Everything else lived in the locker, so I could walk over with literally nothing in my hands. (I had little cloth bags of diatomaceous earth to live in my shoes to absorb any moisture, so my sneakers never got stinky.)

      If I’m not washing my hair and it’s the second shower of the day, it’s not a ten-minute shower, it’s a two-minute shower! It’s definitely worth it.

  15. Elbow rips? :

    for those ladies that don’t hate button downs, do any of you have problems with elbow rips? i love brooks brother’s non-iron shirts – they fit great, and they are super convenient to wash and dry, but mine keeping ripping at the elbows. usually after about 1.5 years. anyone know a similar shirt without this problem or a way to avoid the issue? or is 1.5 years the life a BB non-iron shirt?

    • 1.5 years is a while/the approximate lifespan for those shirts if you wear one once a week–mine usually discolor by about that time (due to dinginess). I wear them or TM Lewin or Hawes & Curtis nearly every day. Especially on your “mouse” hand, I find that my cashmere sweaters and same elbow gets thin after a while. That said, I keep my BB shirts for YEARS, and have some Pink shirts from like 2004, and they’re still going strong. Try to figure out when you are putting so much “stress” on the elbows and minimize.

    • Response to elbow rips :

      This is super late BUT my sister’s boyfriend had this problem for years and eventually started getting shirts custom made. His tailor told him that the arms in his shirts weren’t long enough and the elbows were getting pulled/rubbed so that the material got thin, wore out, and eventually ripped. Are you tall/have long arms? He’s quite over 6 ft so it made sense but his shirts never looked particularly short at the wrist. Maybe BB has a Tall option that’s worth trying to see if it will fit better in the shoulders/sleeve?

  16. Constance Justice :

    Anyone want to share their favorite shampoo/conditioner? I have sensitive skin, which seems to include my scalp these days. Also, my hair is long, full (though the strands are not necessarily thick), and wavy.

    • momentsofabsurdity :

      I still haven’t found a better deep conditioner than Aussie 3 Minute Miracle (and I’ve tried some expensive stuff!).

      • big dipper :

        This. And I have sensitive skin and this doesn’t bother my scalp/skin at all.

        • Merabella :

          This. I also have started using leave in conditioner. It is a God send. Got2Be Smooth operator. Working wonders here.

    • Thick, curly hair here, and I love Costco’s shampoo and conditioner (the Kirkland brand). Sulfate free, vegan, and paraben free, plus it smells great and is reasonably-priced. I know it’s a huge bottle to invest in, but I think you can probably return it if it irritates your scalp (you should check with them, but if we can return opened dog food that our dog won’t eat, I would guess you can return open shampoo).

      • Constance Justice :

        Gee, thanks, rosie… like I needed another reason to drop way too much money at Costco. :)

        This sounds exactly like what I am looking for. I will definitely look into it… and hopefully keep the rest of my purchases to a minimum.

    • Clueless Summer :

      Sulfate-free is the way to go (and probably even better if you have sensitive skin) – I like Yes to Carrots.

    • For a long time, my favorite conditioner was Mane N Tail. It’s sold in huge bottles at Walgreens and Rite Aid. It’s supposedly originally meant for horses but it made my hair look awesome. My hair is also long, full, and wavy. It also works great as a leave in. I haven’t gotten it lately because it is too hard to go out of my way for it. NYC is, unfortunately, mostly Duane Reade country.

      I would also add that you don’t need to put conditioner on your scalp, just middle to ends so try that to cut down on possible irritation.

      • Gail the Goldfish :

        Walgreens bought Duane Reade, and lately I’ve noticed some Walgreens-specific items in Duane Reade, so maybe they’ll start stocking it.

      • Constance Justice :

        Thanks, AIMS! I should have clarified that the shampoo irritating my scalp is new, but conditioner irritating the rest of my skin has always been somewhat of an issue.

    • I just started using the new L’Oreal sulfate free shampoo and conditioner – I can tell that my hair is cleaner and softer after just a few washes.

    • I actually like Garnier Fructis Color Shield Shampoo and Conditioner. Products with wheat in them irritate my scalp, and Garnier is gluten free, at least for now. A lot of the expensive brands contain wheat proteins.

    • Research, Not Law :

      I have the same hair and scalp! Another vote for sulfate-free. I also have to be really careful about the natural ingredients as they can cause problems for my husband (such as lavender). I use California Baby Super-Sensitive shampoo (yes, baby shampoo… but I really like it!) and Desert Essence conditioner. I like their coconut line, although they also have a completely fragrance-free line (and a couple of others).

      • Constance Justice :

        Yes! This has been my problem. Sulfate free has only been a partial answer. For example, I tried the organix line and, while my hair was beautiful, I broke out in hives. The sensitivity is worse when I am under a lot of stress and, well, this summer looks like it is going to be quite a doozy work-wise.

        • Just a note: if you’re going to cut sulfates (which I agree with all the above is probably a good idea), also make sure you’re cutting silicones and other non-water soluble things out of your hair care routine. If you don’t use any sulfates, silicone in conditioners and shampoos can build up over time and leave your hair limp/frizzy.

          You’d think that anything that was “sulfate free” would only have water-soluble silicones for this reason, but you’d be surprised.

    • I like Trader Joe’s tea tree shampoo (sulfate free and smells sort of minty clean), followed by rosemary conditioner( Kiss My Face does the trick, as well as Aubrey Organics). I would also recommend Aubrey Organics rosemary shampoo.

    • available only via Amazon but once I tried it about a year ago, I havent used any other kind. “Daeng gi Meo ri” It’s made in Korea so it may be more effective for thicker, Asian-type hair.

  17. Hello friends,
    I will be interviewing at a large law firm. I have never been invited to such an in depth interview. The interview consists of a welcome dinner (presumably with other associates/partners/candidates) then a four hour interview with multiple people the following day. I am coming from out of town. What is the appropriate clothing for this? Do I wear a suit for both or is the dinner more casual where I should wear a business type dress? Thanks for your input.

    • AnonInfinity :

      Suit for both!

      • AnonInfinity :

        To add to my answer — I imagine that most of the folks at the dinner will be coming from work, so they will be wearing suits. You can always take off your jacket if you feel overdressed.

  18. I plan on changing my name when I get married, and was wondering if others that have done so have gone and gotten new diplomas issued in their “married name.” Is this even something that is possible to do? Or do you just have a different (maiden) name on your wall for the rest of your career?

    • I kept my maiden name as my middle name — so my law degree is issued to Jane Smith and I now go by Jane Smith Doe. So it’s obvious that the degrees are mine. Side note, in my case, hyphenating was not an option because both my husband and I have funky Eastern European last names that are a mouthful on their own, never mind combined into one long name. :-)

  19. Shopping challenge for TCFKAG and anyone else who might want to pitch in.

    My good friend needs a pair of shoes for a wedding this weekend. (So someplace with overnight shipping required.) They can’t have an open toe, and they need to have some sort of strap across the instep or a high vamp, because shoes won’t otherwise stay on her feet. Her dress is off-white with a blue and black pattern. She’d prefer tan or a neutral in that family, but could also do black if it looked summery enough. She likes a heel in the 3″ range.

    I found one pair that I thought were perfect but they were $375 and she laughed me out of the room.

    Size 7, or 6 1/2 might work if the shoe is open-backed (like a closed toe sandal or slingback.)

    She’s my fussiest friend!

    • BTW, these are the $375 shoes, which I want badly for myself.

      (read the “about this brand” for a fun fact or two)

    • These come in a nude patent and might work.

      • These won’t work for your friend (shipping time), but someone out there should buy them. I demand it.

        • Are these too not fun enough?

          • that’s funny – when we were online shopping together these were really a contender, but at the end of the day she thought they were too “corporate”

            As I said, she’s my fussiest friend!

        • ohhhhhhhh, come to mamabear! Love those.

          I think she’s looking for something “summerier” but not open-toed.

          • How about these, definitely NOT corporate.


          • Actually, these might be better — because the black would not clash with the dress.


        • Its a little hard to judge, but the vamp on these look kind of high.

    • suuuuuuper anon :

      Would these work?

    • How about these in the pewter?

      Aerosoles are really comfortable.

    • Thanks everyone. I am passing all of these suggestions on to her and will keep my fingers crossed!


    Can I wear these in colbalt on a casual friday? biz cas office but prob leaning more biz than cas. Not a fashion forward office

    • Do you mean that Fridays are biz cas or that it’s normally biz cas and truly a “casual” friday? If it’s the latter and jeans are normally OK on Fridays, I don’t see why these wouldn’t be appropriate when worn with heels and a nice top. If your office isn’t very fashion forward I’d stick to neutrals for a top and shoe but perhaps add another color with jewelry or another accessory.

      • Fridays are casual but not jeans level casual. There really is no definition on the casual part. The office day to day is business casual. Im just a little scared of them I think, but I really like them!

    • Ohhhh. I have been looking for these pants and didn’t think to check The Limited. Thanks for posting. You made my Monday!

      • yay! make sure you google for coupon codes, its 25 off each 50 using virtual dollars. So look for the coupons that are a string of numbers

  21. I love how small the initials are. Great rings for stacking…

    monthly jewelry subscription boxes

work fashion blog press mentions