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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 253 Comments · by

Splurge Monday’s TPS Report: Jo No Fui Blazer

The Personal Shopper (TPS)

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Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Jo No Fui BlazerI'm not overly familiar with the designer Jo No Fui, but damn this is a gorgeous blazer. The draping in the front and the pleating in the back is very reminiscent of the 1940s, bt the leather almost gives a nod to the 1980s… love it. The blazer is available in limited sizes at Yoox for $535. JO NO FUI Blazer Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-2)

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Comments

  1. Catherine

    Super immediate early thread jack. I just found out I needed to have certified my laptop by Friday for the NY bar exam. I was waiting until I got a new computer this week! Besides the fact that I should have registered my old one (I now know!) and am obviously not smart enough to pass… HOW SCREWED AM I?

    At the very least, I am a fast test taker and I do have good handwriting…
    Advice on handwriting? Help me corporettes! I need support in a time of crisis?

    • springtime

      I hand wrote because I didn’t trust my laptop (it’s pretty old). I was fine. I felt like it made me be more conscious of what I was writing. It was nice not to have to worry about that on exam day. Just show up with your pencil and go.

      A good answer isn’t necessarily super long. It’s thorough, but direct. I would hand write again if I had to do it over (thank god that’s not going to happen : ) ).

      • eaopm3

        This is a late reply, but this is the exact reason I hand wrote mine, as well. I didn’t trust my computer and that was just one more thing to stress about during the exam. (Plus, it was going to cost me even MORE money to get the program loaded onto my Mac and I wasn’t willing to do it.)
        I practiced handwriting essays out so that my hand wouldn’t get tired, and so that I kept my handwriting legible. The only other tip I have is that I would make a quick outline of my thoughts before starting my essay response, so that I didn’t forget any major points.

    • ezt

      I had to handwrite the bar exam because I forgot my power cord at home (one half of it, more precisely and more infuriatingly), and only realized after midnight the night before in my hotel room, as I started to get all my stuff ready. I was horrified and had a total meltdown, of course, but I calmed down by the morning and just handwrote it, and it was completely fine. A few people around me had issues with their computers freezing/ randomly losing material, so I ended up being pretty grateful that I handwrote! Don’t worry – it will be fine!

    • soulfusion

      I took the NY bar in the olden days before typing was an option. I have terrible handwriting but someone managed to decipher it and I passed. Since I always took notes on my laptop I switched to handwriting everything while studying for the bar – I took notes and created outlines and took practice exams all handwritten. I even switched to using cursive again to save time. But most of all – don’t panic. This is not the end of the world and does NOT mean you are not smart enough to pass. Good luck!!

    • Maddie Ross

      I handwrote one and typed one and passed both. Handwriting is a pain in the a** because your hand will KILL by the end, but that alone will not break you on the exam. I would recommend, if you learn this way (and I do), that you handwrite your notes as much as you can while studying so you build up strength to write for long periods time.

    • anon

      You can do it! I handwrote all of my practice essays in preparing for the CA bar because I was certain Examsoft was going to crash my computer and I wanted my hand to be strong enough. Just remember to underline your headers and key words/phrases.

    • MOR

      I hand wrote my bar exam and it was fine. After the traumatizing experience of having my laptop overheat and shut off twice during one law school final, it just seemed less stressful to do it the old-fashioned way. Just make sure you’re taking your practice exams in the same manner as you’ll be taking the real one (writing legibly!), and you’ll be fine.

    • Blonde Lawyer

      I hand wrote two bar exams in 2009 because I just didn’t trust my computer. I’m glad I did. You can do it. Practice writing stuff before hand so you build up those muscles again.

    • Virginia

      No advice really, but I will be thinking of you and your writing hand. FWIW, while the state that I will be taking the bar in allows laptop testing, it is a lottery system so not everyone gets that luxury. It’s not the NY exam, but if those individuals can manage, I am sure that you will be fabulous.

  2. Travel Bug

    I’ve never been to Asia, and I’m starting to save up for a trip in Fall 2013. I will probably have about two weeks, and may be travelling by myself for part of it. I have a few ideas of where to go:

    India
    Hong Kong
    Thailand and Vietnam

    I would like the trip to be mostly about city sights — great food, museums, shopping, etc. — but also have some time outdoors whether that’s beach, hiking, or whatever.

    Do you all have recommendations about where to go with that amount of time or great travel stories to share? I will be on a budget and would like to stay under $4,000 including airfare. Any suggestions greatly appreciated!

    • Sf Anon

      Those are all pretty different. I’ve never been to india but my impression is that you might want more than 2 weeks.

      I personally love south east Asia, and think you could put together a great 2 week trip through Thailand, Vietnam and Cambodia. I will say that I didn’t find the big urban cities ( bangkok, phenom pen, etc) as interesting as trekking out to temples in the countryside, and exploring smaller towns. Temples in Angkor wat were a favorite. We had some incredible food, but more like amazing street food or casual restaurants.

      If you want a super urban experience, a trip splitting time between hong kong, Singapore and shanghai could be fun. This will likely be more expensive, but there are lots. Of michelin star restaurants, etc.

      SE Asia would be my bet though.

      • Sf Anon

        Also, I hear wonderful things about Laos. In Cambodia, siem reap, the small city that is the base for exploring Angkor, is great. I also really liked Chiang Mai and Chiang Rai in northern Thailand. You could spend time there and cross over to Laos.

    • r

      With $4000 you could easily be a high roller in India, Thailand, or Vietnam. Hong Kong is a bit pricier. However, 2 weeks isn’t much time, so I would limit your travel to one country, and just one region of the county. You also have to consider that in two weeks, at least 2 of those days will be eaten up with travel time since it takes a full day to get there (and do you want to spend/waste time recovering from jetlag?)

      SE Asia is very inexpensive to travel in, but there is a ton to see and do and just to take in. It is a hard choice – they all are so amazing, so I can’t help. I’d write all the places down and pull out of a hat and decide like that because you’ll have a great time wherever you go!

      • Skippy pea

        Sorry, this is just not true, especially for India. The airfare itself will eat up about 1500, not to mention internal travel as India is a large country! You could get away with splurging less on eating tasty healthy food, but as a visitor, you will not know where to look for those places.

        With that kind of budget and time limitations, you will be only able to see few cities in this trip. Which is actually not bad for a first visit.

        Having said that, India offers something diffent than Thailand and Vietnam. So decide on the kind of adventure you want and go accordingly!

        • Laura #2

          Totally depends on how you travel. In 2010, I spent two weeks in India with two friends and spent $250 while I was there – this included all food/lodging/transportation and gifts. My friends lived in India for 4 months on $4k (admittedly, they were staying for free with friends/volunteering for part of that time), which included their air fare from the US. We were clearly traveling on the cheap – honestly, it was cheaper than I would have done myself – but it doesn’t need to be expensive. We were in the South of India, which was beautiful, but I think the bigger tourist attractions are mostly in the North.

    • Kontraktor

      No advice on where to go, but whatever you do, make sure you make the necessary medical arrangements early and start looking into what shots you might need. Some of them require starting the series a year or so in advance of when you want protection. For example, if you don’t already have a Hep A vaccine, you’ll want one, and I think those 2 doses are spaced at least 6 months apart. Medical planning will be especially necessary if you want to venture out of the cities and into the countryside.

      • r

        The second Hep A shot is the booster, so you can get this when you return from your trip.

      • Sf Anon

        But you will be adequately protected before your trip with 1 hep a shot. The second one 6 months later gives you lifetime immunity. This is what I did before my trip to Cambodia last year, and then got the second shot 6 months later. They do recommend getting squared away with immunizations at least a month prior to departure though.

        • Kontraktor

          Right. Point is though, some vaccines do require a series to gain 100% immunity, and it is important to plan for that. Re vaccines/treatments with boosters and whatnot, if one were especially paranoid as I am, one might want to get all series/boosters/etc. and the like taken care of before leaving just to be overly vigilant, especially since there is a lot of time before the trip and there is no reason not to.

          The CDC’s website is great for this sort of thing. There is a lot of good information about what vaccines are recommended by country. Also you can check there to see if you might want/need malaria prohpylaxes. Very useful.

          • E

            Hep A is the main one where this comes up, and like others have said, only the first is necessary to be protected when you travel. I did just one before a trip to Africa (and can do the second at my convenience).

          • Laura #2

            Japanese Encephalitis is also suggested in several parts of SE Asia, and it’s a two dosage vaccine that requires a month spacing between doses, with both doses required before travel. To your point, you don’t need to get started a year ahead of time for that, but you can’t go in two weeks before you leave. Besides that, I think it’s better to space out that many immunizations if possible – I’ve done the two-shots-in-each-arm-and-a-simulatenous-oral-vaccine and it made for a rough few days.

      • Kontraktor

        Oh, btw, definitely budget in these medical costs. Insurance sometimes doesn’t cover travel medicine type things (depends on your plan obviously). I know I had to pay out of pocket for my Hep A vaccine when I got it for traveling and it was about $250 when all was said and done. Since you are potentially planning on doing some trekking in rural areas, you might end up needing a few more things, so definitely consider that monetary aspect as well.

      • Herbie

        Second Kontractor. Start working out the vaccination situation now. I still have memories seared into my brain of about 9 different shots on the same day.

    • AN

      I’m Indian but live in SE Asia.

      1. Airfare is expensive so budget 1000 bucks or so for that
      2. Depending on where you want to stay, hotels can be expensive. India, for instance, has posh and costly ones but not a lot of good hotels in the mid range. SE Asia though does have good hotels at several price points
      3. Either stay in India and add on Sri Lanka /Thailand or focus on SE Asia (Indonesia, Malaysia, Cambodia, Thailand). Not both.
      4. Decide whether you want urban experiences or not. If yes, then go with KL, hong kong, Bangkok etc. Or do you want to do the beach thing? If so, then Thailand, Indonesia etc
      5. Safety is key. Note that in many of these places (Singapore, Indonesia etc) the death penalty applies for drug possession
      6. Get all your shots and meds

      I would skip Singapore as it is exactly like any western country, only cleaner, safer and more boring. I live there but would not recommend for tourism.

      Happy to answer more queries if you want.

      • SF Bay Associate

        That was my impression of Singapore as well, though it was kind of nice to have a change from the hustle and bustle and dirt and poorly functioning infrastructure of Thailand (Bangkok- meh… crowded, dirty, confusing, overwhelming… I suspect it would be great with insider/local knowledge, but it’s crazy as a tourist with a Lonely Planet and a Fodor’s; Ayuthaya – amazing and beautiful; Chiang Mai – awesome, beautiful, cultural, manageable). Everything is clean and smooth and shiny in Singapore, and god, the food. It’s almost worth flying back there just for laksa and chicken rice.

        +1 on vaccines being expensive and not covered by standard health insurance.

        • Kontraktor

          Seriously. I had some friends traveling to a part of a country where Japanese enchephalitis vaccines were recommended and those were easily $300+ at a travel clinic. Getting 2 or 3 (or even quite a few if you’re due for boosters) vaccines, stocking up on any RX meds for the trip duration, and undergoing preventative treatments for things like malaria could easily add to be a $1000+ cost alone.

    • js

      Consider Louang Prabang in Laos. It’s a beautiful small city with lots of colonial architecture. Very manageable to start out a trip. Short plane ride from Bangkok. EVERYTHING in that region takes you through Bangkok. Bangkok is also underrated as a fun city with tons to do. For city travels, Hanoi and Hong Kong are both fantastic. Hanoi is crazy busy, very foreign to my American eyes. I loved it. And there are easy overnight trips to Ha Long Bay or the mountains from Hanoi. HK is more western. I spent 10 days in HK, including 3 in Macau. You can definitely spend that much time on the island, but its more than most people will do or recommend.

    • Skippy pea

      With two weeks and the budget, I would recommend either looking at
      1) flight to HK, with stopover in Beijing ( which I would definitely recommend over Shanghai). Plan to spend about 4 days there. Three in Beijing and one day in Xian to go see the terra-cotta warriors. Then fly to HK and spend a few days there. After that fly to Bangkok and spend a few nights there before flying back.

      2) fly into Delhi and spend time around Delhi taking in various old sites and Tajmahal and Agra. Then take a train to Rajasthan and see the marvelous sites around and old forts. You might even be able to go further down and check out the lions of Gir if time permits.

      Another part of India you could do is the south. Fly into Bangalore and just go down from there taking in old temples and fabulous beaches.

      3) spend entire two weeks in Thailand and Cambodia. Relax by the beaches. I have not done this yet, but sounds wonderful.

    • Solo traveler

      I’m on a 3.5 month trip in southeast Asia right now, and I think that with two weeks you really can only do one country or maybe two if you’re willing to fly between cities. If you’re looking for shopping and a bustling city along with really nice beaches, I think Thailand is the way to go. You can start off in Bangkok then head down to the beaches on a quick flight or the train+ferry, which is really fun but time-consuming. If you’re looking for a city feel and beaches I would skip Laos, because it has neither of those (though I spent three weeks there and LOVED it. I’d be happy to chat with you about my experiences in traveling in SE Asia as a solo female traveler who went to all the places you mentioned as possibilities.

    • Blonde Lawyer

      If you are new to international travel, I’d consider Singapore and then resorts for your more rustic excursions. Singapore is all food and shopping but there is still a ton of culture and people speaking a ton of languages but you can still always find people that speak English because it is an official language there. I find it less anxiety reducing than other trips for that reason alone. You could also venture to Sentosa to do the beach thing.

      I end up going to Singapore b/c of husband’s family connections there but both times we have added on secondary trips. One was to Phuket, Thailand where I think we stayed at a Four Seasons resort and the second was to Lang Kawi Malaysia where we stayed at another resort w/ an amazing spa! I liked the “western” atmosphere in the resorts and it gave me a nice break from the culture shock of being off resort.

      If you have never ventured anywhere w/ serious poverty, squat pots, lack of running water, etc. and don’t know your comfort zone, having a resort to go back to can be a sanity saver when you just need a break or a shower.

    • Travel Bug

      Thanks for all of the great tips! You all have given me some great ideas to think about. I’ve traveled pretty extensively in Latin America, so I’m guessing I have many of the needed vaccinations, but will need to redo malaria medication and anything that is specific to where I end up going.

      • ss

        Not sure if you’re still reading but wanted to encourage looking into budget airlines for inter-city travel in Asia. Jetstar (owned by Qantas) and Tiger (owned by Singapore Airlines) fly to many regional destinations from their bases in Singapore and Air Asia has regional bases in Kuala Lumpur, Bangkok and Jakarta. All 3 are inexpensive, reliable, comfortable by North American standards and can be easily booked online. There are a couple of good local operators for India and China as well although I’d second the many comments that adding India or China to a 2-week itinerary in Asia will be overwhelming and expensive, unless you are prepared to focus on a single destination once there.

        Post again when you’ve firmed up some plans – I live in Asia, know the places you’ve mentioned and am happy to help fine-tune an itinerary.

      • Laura #2

        One other random thing that might be useful, depending on how off-the-beaten-path you are going: I brought a SteriPen to India (as did my travel companions) and it was great – bottled water was available in most of the places we were (and again, we were pretty off-the-beaten-path) but it was nice knowing we had a way to sanitize our own water. Yes, it was a bit conspicuous at times, but then again, so were we, simply by nature of the fact that we were foreigners. We actually rarely bought bottled water while we were there and drank sterilized tap water almost the entire time. I was pretty wary at first but didn’t get sick at all during the two weeks I was there. Definitely not a necessity, but it was certainly nice to have.

        Happy travels! :)

    • ChinaRette

      Hi travelbug, sorry I’m late–it’s morning here in China! I’d throw in my 2 cents and recommend: Seoul. There’s usually cheap airfares to the airport (esp. via Chinese carriers), it’s urban, and lots of people speak English. The food is great, there is some shopping, and it’s a hip place in general. There are also many historical sites and art museums to see. Check out the Seoul guidebook by Seoul Selections (Google it)–much better than Lonely Planet! You could spend 2-3 days there and feel like you’ve seen a lot, or spend 4-5 days there and have plenty to see. Plus, if you’re American, you don’t need a visa to visit.

  3. Anonsensical

    Would love some recommendations for cute and comfortable silver (or pale gold, but not dark bronzy gold flats). I got a pair of Justine flats by Nurture at Dillard’s over the weekend and loved them, right up until 15 minutes of wearing them around the house left my right foot covered in blisters. :( I returned them and am now obsessed with finding a suitable replacement. I adore the silver metallic Carson flats by Frye, but they’re a bit out of my price range.

  4. MaggieLizer

    Love the gathering in the front, not sold on the leather.

    Rant right off the bat – Why do boys say “Your expectations are too high” when they mean “I’m a doosh and can’t be bothered to show the slightest amount of interest in anything about you or your life that doesn’t involve me”?

    • cfm

      Well, my pet peeve is when threads go “why do men do blank?” cuz I’ve never heard of a boy ever saying that, and I think you are talking about one boy, not all boys.

      But, he essentially did say that he is a doosh. He said hey, your expectations are too high (for me). I’m only going to be at this level, I’m not going to build a ladder to get to your level (what you deserve, or better yet, you deserve someone who is already there at that level)

      JSFAMO!

      • TCFKAG

        Amen sistah.

        And MaggieLizer, you deserve better! What he was saying, in a nutshell, was “I’m just not that into you” so you expect too much of me. So, thank goodness he’s letting his flag fly early and you’re not getting too invested (I hope). Drop him like he’s hot.

      • MaggieLizer

        I agree with the second point. As to the first, this is the third boy who has said this to me under pretty much the same circumstances. It’s great that you’ve had the fortune to not have to deal with this kind of immaturity, though; there really are still good ones out there!

        • TCFKAG

          Where do you find these boys? Are you going out at immaturity R US?

          Seriously, I’ve never heard this line.

          Is your expectation that they take a bullet for you?

          This is sort of blowing my mind. (Excuse me if I sound loopy, I have an interview in the afternoon today, which means I get to spend the whole morning nervous and antsy and fatalistic.)

          • cfm

            also blowing my mind. Maggie, do you mind sharing what some of your expectations are? Or they just say this out of no where?

            TCFKAG, good luck today!

          • MaggieLizer

            Good luck on your interview! And yeah, apparently I know how to pick ’em. This one was a friend for over 10 years, and he’d always come to me for support. I got biopsy results back that were concerning, told him about it, and he blew it off. I asked about his reaction later, thinking maybe he was just having a bad day or something, and he said that he just forgot that I’d told him, and that my expectations were too high. I think it’s a pretty low bar to expect a friend of 10+ years to react/remember/ask about it when you find out you potentially have a life-threatening illness. The others have also been pretty basic things.

          • TCFKAG

            Maybe he’s just one of those people who’s stupid and didn’t understand what a biopsy was or thought it was just “gonna be a benign cyst” or something.

            Though really…that’s basically indefensible. I think in cases like that, its even more JSFAMO. I mean, how do you explain the inexplicable?

          • CA Atty

            Oh, I used to hear this in college and law school. My expectations were returning a call or text within 24 hours (not like a firm deadline, a general guideline) unless something was going on, and not lying to me about what they were doing, i.e. “oh, I’m at work” really? Then why did your roommate just post on facebook that you’re playing Halo with him?

            Oh, and showing up to my friend’s funeral to support me like you said you would rather than blowing it off and trying to excuse it later with “well, it was pretty far away” (a whole hour drive).

            Maggie, you’re better off knowing what kind of friend this person is.

            And good luck TCFKAG!

          • Anony

            This line is not uncommon. AT ALL. I’ve heard this before and I have female friends who have. Most recent was a man who was upset at me that I wasn’t acting more interested – essentially, he wanted me to ask him on a date. It wasn’t enough that I had cleared my schedule and told him when I was free, and that I would like to see him. I was supposed to call and say “let’s go out”. Since I didn’t, my expectation was too high.

            Just saying, don’t call OP out (even lovingly :) ). There are a lot of jerks out there.

        • anon^8

          Maybe its time to take a step back from the situation. If its the third boy who has said it, maybe its something to do with the way you’re presenting the information.

          • GovtMom

            +1.

            If it’s one man who does this, then it’s them. If it’s two, I would start to wonder whether you’re contributing somehow to the situation. If it’s three, then you are most definitely contributing. It’s time to step back and see what’s going on here without just blaming it on men in general.

            And IMO, males stop being “boys” when they pass the age of 18. They’re adult men. And that is just about the only generality I will say about men.

        • Monday

          I agree that this information up front is helpful, so that you can JSFAMO all the more quickly.

          I will also add that I think hearing this 3x is actually potentially a good sign that you’re being consistent and clear with your expectations! My relationship disasters were always due to giving the impression that everything was negotiable. Bit by bit I sacrificed what I wanted, until all I had was an ability to say I was dating someone. Great. What you seem to be doing, instead, is effectively screening out people who aren’t going to give you what you want. I think it’s a good indicator that you have high self-respect and are not wasting time.

          BTW, most expectations are not “unreasonable” in an objective sense. It’s just a matter of finding a match with the other person. Expectations vary widely, and all you need is one (cute) man who shares the same ones you have. Good luck, and be well.

      • just Karen

        I’m feeling dumb, but what does JSFAMO mean? Google isn’t providing me the usual quick answer…

        • Monday

          Surprised that ELLENWatch didn’t come up in your search! It means “Just say FOOEY and move on.”

          • MaggieLizer

            I’m totes getting that mug. And thanks, Monday, I’m definitely working on my screening skills!

          • jcb

            lololol. I was sitting here wondering the same thing … should have ordered one of those mugs!

          • ELLENWatch

            For the record, the acronym is first mentioned in a post called “you have to be pickey,” but Ellen herself coined the phrase in a separately posted comment. The relevant entry for that is titled “just say FOOEY and move on,” because the phrase seemed an instant classic even before anyone had repeated it.

            Ellen was actually offering advice to someone about providing job references.

            At your service, as always,
            ELLENWatch

          • NOLA

            Did anyone else notice that there is FUI (FOOEY) in the designer’s name for the blazer?

          • mamabear

            I submitted JSFAMO to urban dictionary. It’s under review. I’ll let you know if it gets added.

            (I will admit, I didn’t know what JSFAMO was when cfm posted it, and you would think I’d be all over it!)

    • Constance Justice

      I was recently asked on a date via email. The email said something along the lines of “I really want to ask you out, however, I am concerned that you might actually be smarter than me. How is Friday?”

      Is he trying to elicit a response from me that ensures him that I am not smarter than he is? What is this?

      • Anony

        LOOOL! I wouldn’t respond. I mean, what could you say? I think he just screened himself out.

      • Jo March

        That would send me alarm signals. Why does he care if you are smarter? Is he expecting you to giggle, duck your head, and reassure him that you couldn’t *possibly* be smarter than a big tough man like him? Either way, YUCK.

      • jcb

        Surely that was just an awkward attempt at a joke/compliment? He probably rewrote that email 5 times to make it better, and ended up making it worse. I am kind of glad that it’s the guy’s job to do the asking (IMO – I realize that plenty of women ask guys out, and I don’t think anything of it really, I’m just not one of them).

        • Constance Justice

          This is a good perspective. Honestly, I haven’t gone on a date in well over a year. I always find some excuse to decline. I’ve just felt more satisfaction in my career and my current social life than I ever had with any boyfriend. I guess I could stand to step away from the cynicism and give the poor guy a chance.

      • Constance Justice

        haha! I don’t know if the idea that me being smarter might be an issue is a bigger warning sign, or the fact that it reads like he was thinking, “well, I want to ask her out but I think she might be smarter than me. Nah! that’s impossible! I’ll ask her for Friday!”

  5. SF Bay Associate

    Ladies, Nordie’s just did second markdowns on many things marked down for the Half-Yearly Sale. Go check your purchases for additional markdowns. My Diotta dress went down $55, which the Nordie’s chat lady adjusted within a minute. Nordie’s, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways…

    • Freda

      SF Bay Associate – total TJ question, but I’m heading to SF tomorrow, flying into SFO, and will be heading downtown. I was thinking about taking the BART b/c flying in around evening rush hour and figured a cab would be sitting in traffic and expensive, but I’ll have a fairly decent-sized suitcase with me. Is that going to be a total pain to haul a suitcase on the BART? (I’ve done it in D.C. on the Metro, and it’s a total pain). Is the BART pretty easy to use?

      • Kontraktor

        Freda, just moved to the Bay Area/have used BART to and from airport a bit, and I don’t think it would be impossible per se to lug a large suitcase around, but many of the down town escalators in the BART system seem broken. I was just venturing around downtown the other day and was surprised (okay, maybe not really, I too came from DC) that so many escalators were down. Also, I noticed in some of the down town stations/exits that there was only one set of stairs or one narrow escalator for foot traffic going up and coming down, so quarters were close. I think since SFO is basically the last stop on the line you should be able to get a seat somewhere that your suitcase won’t bother people too much.

        Also trains only come about every 15 minutes (sometimes 20), so there is that consideration to factor in as well. But, all told, I would recommend BART if you don’t have a problem lifting your suitcase and could carry it up a flight of stairs or few if you needed to.

        • SF Bay Associate

          That’s true about the escalators. There’s actually an article in the SF Chronicle today about how 24 escalators are broken. But Bart isn’t as deep below the city as the Metro is, so there aren’t nearly as many stairs to haul baggage up. Also, check the Bart website – I think there’s a page which lists which escalators and elevators are open. Even if the escalators are broken (I’m guessing you’re getting off at Powell, Montgomery, or Embarcadero), it’s still better than a cab.

      • SF Bay Associate

        BART is very easy to use. SFO is the first stop for that line, so you will be able to get on the train with your baggage very easily and get yourself situated. Lots of other people with baggage will be getting on with you. Yes, the train will get crowded after a few stops, but you won’t be the only one taking up more space than just a person, and we’re used to people (both locals and tourists) with baggage on BART. A cab will be over $70 and super slow. If I were you, I would definitely take BART, which is how I usually get to the airport.

        • Freda

          Oh, thank you all so much. This makes my decision much easier – and I’ll wear clothing that allows me to lug a heavy bag upstairs if necessary!

  6. b23

    I love that jacket. Love, love, love.

    Question for y’all: I have a friend who is currently in medicine but is very unhappy. He thinks he might want to go into politics, such as working on campaigns. Any ideas on how to enter that field? Do you think he needs to get a master in public policy or anything? He doesn’t have any background in it right now. I keep telling him he should start volunteering in local races and getting involved in our party at the local level. Any tips would be helpful!

    • Ellie

      Your advice is spot-on.
      Campaign lifestyle is pretty horrible, though if your friend is working medicine that might be helpful. Thing really really long hours, 7 days a week, with no time to eat anything but fast food. Then nothing to do for months until you find your next gig. And chances are he won’t be able to do “cool” work– anything beyond knocking on doors (which some people don’t mind; I hate) or organizing the people who knock on doors– for a few years. Unless he’s working for a very small race (local level, not even a congressional race), he won’t be able to do policy work right off the bat.

    • Early Money Is Like Yeast

      Yes, politics is not like West Wing for the vast majority of people involved in it. Its really low paid and not particularly glamorous. (Think your office is in a donated space filled with used, donated furniture and you often have to buy your own office supplies.) That said, I find the work incredibly rewarding and my co-workers really inspiring.

      I think your friend should volunteer on a campaign that he feels passionate about and get a sense of what the work is. He should also ask as many people he knows who works in that realm out to coffee to see what is up and get a sense of what the actual jobs are in politics. I would not advise him to go back to school. This will not help him land a job on a campaign. Politics is staffed through very informal networks and frankly political science classes/profs have no real involvement in actual campaign work. People in campaign politics hire staff that they’ve worked with well in the past or that people they know have worked with well in the past.

    • a.

      I think that’s basically what he needs to be doing. I have a couple of friends who parlayed volunteer work in local races –> volunteering for Congressional campaign –> internship with state-level political bigwig –> internship in office of victorious Congressman –> full-time positions on the Hill.

    • zora

      agree with all of the above. campaign work is brutal. He doesn’t really need a special degree to get into it, but the vast majority of people have to work their way up in the system, by starting as a volunteer, unpaid internships, etc, for at least a couple of years until you start getting real jobs. I know it’s a ‘girl blog’ but maybe have him check out some of the posts on CapHillStyle about the hill life, getting political jobs, she has written some good descriptions of how it goes.

      Also, even when you get a ‘real job’ on a campaign, the money is pathetic. Seriously pathetic. For someone who has been in the medical field, it might be a shock how little money you are expected to live on. And if you are on campaigns, you are constantly job hunting, expected to pick up and move anywhere in the country they need you, etc. I agree with starting as a volunteer in local campaigns, getting to know some paid staff campaign workers to learn more before making up his mind that that is what he wants to do.

      One caveat: you say he is unhappy in medicine, but one thing that is rare in politics is someone who has a solid background in an issue who wants to come in and work on policy, so getting a public health degree, or having some more background in public health and working on health policy would be an in that most people wouldn’t have.

  7. Houda

    Just a random post to say Hi and update on my vacation.
    I am back from my vacation in the US. I spent two weeks in Squirrel Hill Pittsburgh. That was the best trip ever. I loved the community in there, I attended the CMU graduation, and as per some of your recommendations, went to Schenley park for a quick run (I was so excited to see a rabbit).
    For the kid’s kippah, I went to the judaica store on Murray and spent an hour looking at everything, then got a suede hand-painted kippah with Flinstones cartoon on it.
    Thank you all for the recommendations on places to go in Pitt.
    And now to the exciting part: I got to update my work wardrobe :)
    I got:
    – a ton of shells and blouses from LOFT.
    – 2 signature white pants from Ann Taylor. PSA: the linen one is fully lined and very comfy.
    – few knit items from Ralph lauren
    – Red mary jane platform pumps with medium heels
    Also I got a wristlet and a wallet from Coach with no-logos all over, and I have to say the quality of the leather is simply amazing.
    The rest was just workout clothes so I can kick off the summer workouts.

    • TCFKAG

      Yay. People were wondering where you were earlier this week and also how things went with your scary co-worker.

      Also, good shopping girl. And the idea of a flinstone painted kippah tickles me pink for some reason.

    • ELS

      Houda, you were in my old stomping grounds! I lived on the border between Squirrel Hill and Shadyside for three years in law school.

      If you’re ever back in the area, let me know. I’ve got so many recommendations. But I’m glad my old city was a good time. I miss it dearly.

      • Houda

        I have been to several places in the US but I have to say that in Squirrel Hill I felt at home.
        I was squatting at Mineo’s pizza and Razzy Fresh.

      • NOLA

        I went to Pitt for one grad degree but didn’t live up there (the dark years when I lived with my brother). Shadyside is such a pretty neighborhood. One of my friends lived there with her husband who is a law librarian (but no longer at Pitt). This makes me miss Pittsburgh!

    • SF Bay Associate

      Welcome home, Houda. Glad to hear your trip was awesome and that you’re home safe!

    • LinLondon

      Ahhh, this made me smile! I am always extolling Pittsburgh’s virtues and people think I’m crazy. I went to college there and I miss it so much sometimes! I hope you went to Pamela’s!

    • Seattleite

      I lived in Squirrel Hill 20 years ago, and loved it. I’m very envious, and glad you had a good time!

  8. (slightly cheerier) Summer

    Thanks, everyone, for the advice over the weekend about making the most of my summer clerkship even though I don’t feel like I fit in. I talked to my supervising associate about not being invited out, and it turns out I had sort of given the impression that I didn’t want to be invited, which is not the case! I really want to try to get to know everyone and be part of the team, I just wasn’t getting the opportunity because of what people assumed. I’m also going to make more effort to ask people what they’re up to and make it sound like I’m up for doing anything they’re doing.
    I think this is going to be a good week. :)

    • TCFKAG

      Hey…once you’re a little more comfortable, you can even SUGGEST an activity with someone you particularly get along with. Woah. Like coffee. :-P

      Seriously, try to relax a little. I know summer associateship seems like the end of the world and all, but if you’re too tense, that won’t help. Its supposed to be at least somewhat fun!

    • a.

      :) good luck! I hope the rest of your summer is full of social activities with your coworkers.

  9. DC Jenny

    So I have happy news: I got engaged!

    I also have a problem: I am totally dreading telling people at work. There is going to be squealing. And a big fuss. And tons of questions about an engagement ring I neither have nor want. They will want to know about the proposal and be disappointed with the story, which is: We had a conversation and decided this is the right thing for us right now. I am uncomfortable with all of this on many different levels.

    Would it be terrible just to not tell them? At least for a while? I sense that this would be wrong because it’s a small, gossipy office and they would want to know but….ugh.

    • Ellie

      No, it wouldn’t be horrible. Definitely seems like a KYO situation, but it is your personal life and if you feel fine keeping them separate, go for it.

    • EC MD

      Why not just wear the ring and let people notice? If they ask, quick, warm answers are totally ok.

      “It was just the right time”

      “We’re taking it one step at a time”

      “I’m not sure, he picked it out. I’m happy with it.”

      • nona

        I got the impression that there was no ring – which is even better if OP doesn’t want to share the news. You just go about your office life as you’d like, and just include the engagement information if it ever becomes appropriate in conversation. But – you don’t owe the office gossips this (or any) information.

      • EC MD

        You are totally right. I misread in pre-coffee haze. Yeah, screw ’em, don’t tell them anything

    • cfm

      Well, you def don’t have to tell them now. But you will at somepoint right? I feel like it will come out. I would just do a day, dont begrudge them the fussing just for a day, and answer something like this. “No I don’t have a ring, he knows exactly what I want and its saving for the future. I want my first ring to be the one he puts on my hand when we get married! He proposed during a quiet moment just the two of us, and he said how right getting married feels” You can do a little spin without lying, because I’m sure you both talked about how much you love each other at somepoint during that convo.

      Congrats!

    • ELS

      I think it’s totally appropriate to not tell them, or to hold off on telling them. This is especially true since you don’t want an engagement ring, so presumably there is no outward sign of engagement. Though even if you did have one, I’d have no ethical or moral objection to you taking it off for work if you didn’t want to tell the office yet (or ever).

      It’s your personal life. You get to decide how much you share.

      Of course, it’ll be harder to not tell everyone once you and your fiance actually do tie the knot, since there may be W4 revisions to be made. But, if you’re anything like me, you come back and say, “SURPRISE! We eloped!” And then everyone will proceed to be stunned and move on.

      Oh, and congratulations/best wishes to you!

      • CKB

        Or you’ll be like my co-worker (who eloped). Suddenly her emails had a different last name, and we had to ask what was going on, but in a way that was very polite and non-intrusive because I think some of us (I did, anyway) had assumed she & her SO were already married.

    • NOLA

      Sounds like Carrie and Big ;)

      But seriously, it’s up to you to tell or not to tell. Also depends on how much time you have for squealing and gossip right now. Because there’s no ring to give it away, you can take your time.

      And congratulations!

      • DC Jenny

        Here’s hoping the wedding turns out like their second one and not the first!

    • TCFKAG

      If there’s no ring — I see no reason to tell them you’re engaged until…basically you need leave to get married.

      That’s how my husband handled it basically. (He has some issues with under-sharing at work, but that’s a post for another day. His co-workers call him “the man of mystery”. Which makes me giggle.)

      • TCFKAG

        Another funny story on this same front. A guy a worked with several jobs ago, worked with every day, probably 15-20 years above me. I knew some stuff about his personal life, but as far as I knew he was single though divorced. Then one day I ask “Got any plans for the summer.” And he says “Yup…getting married”.

        And I think he didn’t tell most other people until he got back with a wedding ring on.

        • PharmaGirl

          I’m often jealous of male co-workers in that regard. No one knows when they’re getting married or having child yet a woman’s engagement and pregnancy are public knowledge!

    • Janie

      No advice but just wanted to say that we did the same thing re no ring and no big proposal, and I get how awkward it is to explain to everyone that you chose not to follow “the rules”

      Good luck!

      • Monday

        Ditto to this and to N. below. I’m sure you’ll look back with no regrets even if it feels awkward now at times. My mom is the diplomat dealing with basically everything in my case, though of course that isn’t advised for the work context…

    • N.

      Just because they would want to know doesn’t mean you have to tell them! I absolutely understand why you’re uncomfortable — my engagement was pretty much exactly the same (no ring, no big proposal) and I just opted not to tell anyone who was likely to be disappointed by my lack of a “good” story. It takes away from the joy when you’re excited, and then the people you tell react with disappointment because it’s not romantic enough or whatever. I told co-workers and other casual acquaintances closer to the wedding when I had a few details to share that they could get excited about as well.

    • DC Jenny

      I just thought of a great cop out plan. I’m leaving in a couple of months to do an assignment in a different office for several months. I’m Facebook friends with a couple co-workers, so I will change my FB status after I’m already out of the office, and then hopefully by the time I get back the news won’t be fresh and everyone will leave me alone.

      And thanks everyone! I’m glad you all don’t think I’m weird for wanting to keep this to myself. I’ve been super-excited to tell friends and family, but my co-workers don’t really get me or my relationship like people close to me do.

      • Research, Not Law

        LOL, excellent use of FB.

        I never really told coworkers that I was engaged. No particular reason; I’m just socially awkward. While I told 2-3 work friends, most people didn’t know until I came back from my honeymoon. In retrospect, that hurt a lot of them. I haven’t lost sleep over it, but I should have made sure they knew before I got married at least.

    • MaggieLizer

      Congrats! Are you inviting any of your coworkers to the wedding? If so, you might want to tell them before you send out the save-the-dates. If not, no need to tell anyone until you have to book time off for your wedding.

    • mamabear

      Congratulations on your engagement!

      If you really don’t want a big fuss at work, what if instead of an announcement, you just casually start saying things like, “when Sam and I get married…” or something that implies you’ve always been planning to get married. Rather than an I GOT ENGAGED THIS WEEKEND kind of announcement.

      If they ask you about your ring, I suggest you say something like, “I don’t have an engagement ring. I really didn’t want one,” rather than, “I think engagement rings are stupid,” which will make all of your ring-wearing coworkers feel self-conscious. :)

      • DC Jenny

        Thanks, I like that.

        I already had a little talk with myself to remember not to let loose with any diatribes about engagement rings because lots and lots of people I like and respect have/want them. The answer I have prepared is, “We just aren’t ring people.” Nice and non-judgey and doesn’t include the words “chattel” or “blood diamond.”

        • Anne Shirley

          Just a heads up- “ring people” sounds judgy. Maybe just “I don’t want a ring”. But “ring people” to me would definitely imply a type of person wears a ring and you. Are. Not. Them.

          • DC Jenny

            Even if said in a neutral tone of voice? It’s really true, too, that neither one of us likes wearing stuff on our hands. We aren’t doing wedding rings either, which I anticipate will be a whole other round of awkward conversations.

          • KLG

            Just another perspective. I think “we’re not ring people” sounds non-judgy when said neutrally. I see what Anne Shirley is saying but to me it sounds fine.

        • N.

          Chattel and blood diamond for the win! I’m with Alanna, I also want to be your friend.

          • Anon

            I told people that we were getting tattoos on our ring fingers (so there could be no removal of wedding ring). That was so out there that it shut people up about the rings. I am with you on the blood diamonds. When women announce their engagement to me, I never fuss about the ring but instead focus on the fellow. We’re all just perpetuating this diamond frenzy by oohing over rocks. It’s just like fur — those of us who think it’s wrong have to stop fake-approving of it so that others have the courage to buck the trend. /rant

        • anon

          Not all diamonds are blood diamonds. Not all people have diamonds in their rings. I agree that saying “ring people” could sound judgy and rude. If anybody asks, what’s wrong with just saying “I decided I didn’t want an engagement ring” or “I’ll just be wearing a wedding band”? Zero possibility of rudeness or judgement there.

    • KLG

      Congrats!!!! That’s very exciting! And don’t worry, even if you did a traditional big proposal with a traditional ring, there would be awkward conversations. Engagements/weddings are one of those areas where people just can’t keep their comments/questions to themselves (mainly because everyone is desperate to justify their own choices :)).

      Feel free to tell or don’t tell as the mood strikes you. They’re your coworkers; you don’t owe them any explanations about your personal life unless it happens to interfere with your work. But if you want to tell, as long as you are matter of fact about it and aren’t like “we would NEVER get an engagement ring or do a lame proposal, EWWW” a lot of people will get the hint and just be like “that’s nice, congrats! Have you set a date?”

  10. recent grad

    I am in the market for some new flats, mostly for commuting, but would like a more versatile pair that I can wear at work if I don’t feel like wearing heels. The problem is that I have narrow feet and high arches. Anyone have any recommendations on brands that are good for narrow feet? A little bit of support/cushion would be super too! TIA!

    • Betsy Bee

      I also have narrow feet with high arches. Love the JCrew CeCe flat and the Cole Haan bacara. Both are expencive but totally worth it.

  11. MZANON for this

    Sigh – frustrated and need someplace to vent!

    Submitted a resume for a job and received a call from the organizations HR person 2 days later asking to set up a 45 minute call. Returned the call, and left message. Nothing…. I called and left another message today, but hate feeling like I am hounding this lady, but SHE CALLED ME FIRST. (sorry for the Ellen caps)

    Sounds like a really good job, and good match with my resume. Is it too much to ask for a return call? Even if it is to say, sorry, no longer interested!

    • Houda

      Here are some alternative scenarios so you do not take it personally:
      1- Maybe they are busy contacting several other people for the same position.
      2- Maybe the recruiter went on a vacation and will be back in few days.
      3- Maybe the conf call is with a couple people from hiring company and their schedules conflict so it is taking more time to get them around the same table (phone) to talk to you.

      Don’t give up

      • Ellie

        Agreed.
        It’s so hard when job hunting, because applications I put in are the most important thing going on for me. But for them, getting back to you is just another thing on the to-do list. No fun, but true.

      • Former MidLevel

        This. But also – don’t call again. Two messages is more than enough. Be patient.

  12. Whit

    I also have narrow feet/high arches and own the Boden Everyday Flats in several cute colors (both suede and leather versions) and love them for work/commuting. I think they are about average in terms of padding/cushioning — I wear flats almost constantly, and they are better padded than J Crew Cece flat (another favorite) and much better than French Sole (no padding but stylish!).

    Don’t pay full price for Boden, though! They have frequent discounts, 10 – 25%, which they email.

  13. Grateful Senior Attorney

    Posted this last night, but want to make sure the right people see it:

    The wedding was yesterday and thanks to the help of the hive, it went off spectacularly well! I used the quotes from the Goodridge case that were selected, along with TCFKAG’s genius take on 1st Corinthians, along with some personal stuff, and everybody loved it, my friend the mother of the bride was happy, and it was just a big win all around. Oh, and everybody loved my opening quote from”The Princess Bride.” Big fun.

    Plus on the morning of the wedding I was at Nordstrom Rack and found a jersey dress in a beautiful sea green that made exactly the fashion statement I wanted to make: “I’m super well preserved and looking good, but today is not about me.”

    Thanks again for your help, ladies!

    • TCFKAG

      hahaha. The idea that I was somehow involved in writing someones wedding ceremony is really really funny. Maybe I should mention that in my interview today.

      • Senior Attorney

        Heh. Add a line for “Wedding ghostwriter/scriptural deconstructionist” to your resume.

        • TCFKAG

          Can I also add, “Anonymous fashion consultant on-line shopper”?

          Somehow I’m not sure either of these things are going to impress managEing partners. :-P

  14. bigfoot

    I’m looking for some black pumps or wedges –

    2-3″ heel, no taller than 3″
    wide heel base (no stilettos, I’ve already received my lifetime quota of sprained ankles and have to walk down a brick “historical” sidewalk every day for 1/4 mile)
    The shoe top must be leather. Preferably, the shoe bed will also be leather. I had an allergic reaction to a super-cheap pleather shoe about two weeks ago, and now, for the foreseeable future, I cannot seem to have man-made materials anywhere near my feet without having a reaction. Plastic anything is out.

    I’d like something under $75 – these are my basic black work shoes, just now in all-natural materials. I already have my kick-butt shoes but need something not outstanding that I can wear a few days a week, at least until we figure out what’s going on with my feet.

    Any suggestions?

  15. Anon 64

    Any suggestions for a therapist in Boston? I have a very difficult time talking (and some tough stuff to talk about, like most), so I need a really good one and am willing to spend time finding someone. Somewhere around Brookline or Downtown would be ideal, but basically it just has to be T-accessible.

  16. a.

    I know this has been discussed ad nauseam but Google is failing me. I find myself in need of a pair of hose for very buttoned-up event on Sunday. I would prefer something I could grab at CVS or another drugstore-type place, instead of having to hie myself the 40 minutes to the mall. What does Team Hose recommend? Thanks in advance for preserving my dignity, decorum, and gravitas y’all

    • TCFKAG

      Well…today I am wearing a pair of hose I was forced to purchase at CVS and I am very grumpy about it. But if I had to buy a pair at CVS I’d buy the L’Eggs Silky Sheer Nude Hose (make sure to get the Silky Sheer ones). Other people though, I think, have had better luck with other things.

      But if you have time to make it to a TJ Maxx, a Marshalls, or a Target and can get Hanes Silk Reflection Silky Sheer nude hose (or really any of the Silk Reflections line) they are way better.

      • mamabear

        TCFKAG, what color do you wear in the Hanes?

        I have worn L’Eggs nude shade in a similar desperate situation and they are really not anywhere close to a natural looking shade on me.

        • TCFKAG

          I think I wear little color. I accidentally ordered Barely There or something last time and now I have to return them all because it looks like I’m trying to look Latina from the waist down (no joke…its 15 shades too dark.)

          And the reason I’m grumpy about my L-Eggs is that my discerning eye thinks they’re too dark. Though the contract attorney in the cube next to me says they’re fine.

    • Kontraktor

      I really like On the Go Hose, a brand sold at CVS, because they are very thin and sheer. Buy a couple of pairs because their extreme thinness makes them run easy.

      The only issue with them is that sometimes I can only find ‘queen’ sizes, but I like to stock up when I can find my regular, non-plus size.

    • Jules

      I know some don’t like the drugstore brands, but I’ve bought the Leggs silky sheer (I forget the exact name, but silk is in there somewhere) and they’ve always been fine. However, just like the department stores, the drugstores don’t have the same selection of pantyhose that they used to, so stop in somewhere early in the week to give yourself time to go the mall if you have to.

    • Sconnie

      I like L’Eggs Silken Mist (I think is the name) and also Sheer Energy. Silken Mist is more sheer but more delicate (aka run-prone) and Sheer Energy is a bit thicker with more spandex or something (I find they stay up better). I probably wear Sheer Energy more, but that’s because, when I wear hose, I don’t entirely mind if they’re noticeable. I’m Team No Hose, so if I do wear them, it’s because I have to, so I kind of want them to be seen.

    • Seattleite

      a. – Aren’t you an A.mazon user? Hanes Silk Reflections are on Prime.

  17. anonforthis

    Update on DOOSH (not really, just lazy lazy coworker that was mooching off me for lunch and carpooling without pitching in for gas)

    He informed me this morning that he is planning to be done with this job by the end of the summer (he doesn’t yet have another plan). That means I only have to deal with the carpool for 2 more months(!). This is great because this morning, I was 1/2 an hour late for a meeting because he forgot to set his alarm, so I was stuck waiting outside his house for 20min, even though I had mentioned I had a morning meeting the night before. End in sight, y’all!

    • cfm

      Its great that there is an end in sight. I mean this in a gentle way, but your story is one of the most doormat stories I have ever heard. I am worried that he is just saying that and something else will happen. The fact that you waited for him for 20 minutes and were late to your own meeting- I’m actually having a hard time comprehending the level of passiveness that requires. He gets a five minute grace period, and then you should have just left! I’m trying to say this in a way that doesn’t sound condescending, but do feel taken advantage often? Because this guy is an extreme, extreme case, and he still manages to take advantage of you. i can’t help but think of the other people who are just slightly pushing your boundries.

      • anonforthis

        Fair enough – I am probably too much of a doormat in day to day life. I can’t leave without him because the one time I did, Boss (who is his relative and got him the job) was seriously annoyed with me. So I basically have to sit around and wait, though usually he is in reasonable time.

        • cfm

          Then you need to stand up to your boss a bit too. “Boss if this is annoying we should talk about what is more important, me driving him, or me being at the meeting. he frequently is not ready on time, so if it bothers you, please speak to him about time management strategies he can use to be ready on time.” Bosses are gods, you can give your boss a little pushback.

          If he thinks you driving doosh adds more value to the company than you doing your actual job, you should start sending out resumes asap.

          • Godzilla

            OMG, THIS THIS THIS. Seriously, ask your boss to give him money for a cab or something, since he turned one of his employees into a pro-bono cab driver. And you know what, I don’t think you should put up with this for another MINUTE, let alone another 2 months.

            What a dooshy McDoosh. Both of them.

        • Jennifer

          The boss sounds kind of awful. I think you should cast about for a new job!

        • Moonstone

          I work in a place where people get hired because they are related to bosses. It’s not so easy to tell the boss that his relative is a causing problems. If they have to choose, they are always going to choose the family member.

      • Anne Shirley

        + 470000. You need to get help for your passiveness, or your entire life you will be waiting around for people.

        • HereThere

          I’ve gotten over my passiveness in many regards (still working on some) and can say this: it is definitely worth doing. You feel awful for a while, but then you realize that you feel better and people respect you more.

    • TackyMum

      Anonforthis. First rule of carpooling: When picking up slacker for carpool and they aren’t ready to go, you give them one minute, then you leave.

    • GovtMom

      I’m very glad for you that there’s an end in sight … BUT you are letting the situation resolve itself without taking any action. Like cfm said, there’s a level of passiveness here that blows me away. This is a fantastic opportunity for you to stand up for yourself, not let yourself be a doormat — and you’re squandering it. Something for you to think about: how often do you let difficult situations resolve themselves instead of playing an active role in resolving them? If this is a pattern for you, you need to address it.

      Back to this situation: are you *sure* Boss expects you to sit around and wait? Are you basing this on the one time that doosh was late and Boss got annoyed? If this is 100% true, then you need a new job, ASAP. You were hired for a job with your company, NOT to be this guy’s personal chauffeur. If your job has become personal chauffeur, there is a massive problem that needs to be addressed with Boss. See above re playing an active role in resolving difficult situations in your life.

    • NOLA

      Seriously, I would have left his lazy a$$ at home for making me late for a meeting. I can understand your boss not wanting you to leave him, but does he prefer for you to miss a meeting? Unbelievable.

    • AN

      If you insist on being a doormat, then don’t get upset when people step over you.

      Are you willing to put up with this cr@p for two months more? It is your credibility at stake when you are late for meetings or whatever. Just say NO and move on.

  18. Catherine

    I tried this before but it didnt work! Corporettes! I need advice/reassurance/cold hard truths! I just realized the deadline to register my laptop for the NY bar exam was Friday. Which means… Im handwriting. Also an idiot. And kind of freaking out. Help!

    • flip

      I took the bar 2 years ago and we were not allowed to use a laptop. (You could bring your own type-writer. Few did.) We were all used to typing our law school exams but managed to hand-write the bar exam just fine. You will totally be fine!! It’s amazing how fast you can actually write when you have to!

      • CKB

        And use an gel ink pen – when I wrote my accounting exam a few years ago our exam prep instructor told us gel ink helps decrease hand fatigue when writing. I figured it couldn’t hurt!

    • anon too

      I took the NY bar the year that the laptop software “ate” some test takers’ answers if you used a certain toggle. People were actually crying in the laptop testing room.

      When I took the Illinois bar a couple of years later, although I had no problems with the New York Bar exam software, I decided to handwrite because of my previous experience. It was not bad at all, and I had no problems completing the essays and passing the exam.

      For what is worth, I have taken four different states and handwritten two and typed two, and other than having a sore hand, handwriting is not all that bad.

    • anonfish

      I feel very old writing this, but class of ’03 here and we didn’t get to use laptops at all! I think maybe there was a pilot program at the time but it sounded like an atrocious idea to me back then. I suppose now it’s different if you are used to using computers for exams. Try doing at least one practice test by hand so you get used to it. Also take some time to go pen shopping and find a pen that you like writing with. Gel pens are good. Buy a large quantity. Good luck!

    • Deep End

      I’m taking a second bar in July and handwriting. I’ve been writing out notes, note cards and practice essays to get my hands used to writing a lot again. You’ll be fine. Like anon too I took the NY bar the year the software ate a bunch of exams, and I find it far less stressful to not rely on electronics during the test (I hand wrote that year too).

      Again, you’ll be fine. Relax. Just write out some essays before the big day to get into the hang of it.:)

    • Kontraktor

      My grad school exams consisted of 12 hours of straight hand writing of essays.

      -Make sure you bring pens that are comfortable to you. Test out a few/try out a few kinds and bring a selection. I once read some tips that switching from a thick pen to a thin pen part way through can sometimes help hand fatigue.
      -Be prepared for your hand to cramp. Not sure if you could bring some aspirin into the test facility, but your hand will cramp, it will be sore, and it will be hard to move your fingers out of the hand writing position. Not sure what to do to combat this other than recognize it will likely happen and possibly put your pen down and stretch your hand now and again.
      -Could you practice a little by transcribing some newspaper articles or something? We hand wrote everything in high school and I was a speed demon then, but after a few years in college/work/etc., I found I was so out of practice on fast hand writing.
      -Realize it’s going to take you longer to physically write your responses so factor that into your time management strategy.

      Is there any way to get an extention on the laptop registration? Can you call the office in charge and find out if there is any way to be able to use a computer?

    • rosie

      I had to handwrite my first bar exam (it was a state where everyone did), and then I handwrote for my second exam (you could choose), because I didn’t have to sit for the whole exam, and I realized how much anxiety was caused by worrying about computer failure when I was in law school. I suggest practicing writing out answers when you do practice questions. I definitely had to build up the endurance, but it’s not too bad. Have a bunch of pens that you like and are comfortable for you–go to an office supply store and get a few pens to try–I ended up bringing to the test a pretty wide pen that I had practiced with, and then a handful of the pens that I use day-to-day. I stopped lifting weights and doing things that put pressure on my hands, because I found that I was getting pain from that kind of thing more quickly than I used to.

    • Lyssa

      My state started allowing laptops the year after I took the bar, so I had to handwrite – I have some preexisting ulnar nerve problems and terrible handwriting to boot, and was really concerned about it, but managed without feeling any major time pressure. My wrist was sore for literally months after, though. My tips:

      * Outline on scrap paper before you start writing, or write out headings on your booklet being really careful to leave enough room to write everything you’ll need under each one.

      * Only write on one side of the paper and leave wide margins, in case you need to add something. Skipping lines between sections will help, too. This is not the time to be prissy about wasted paper!

      * Advil. Take some before you start, and again at lunch. Hopefully, this will keep any hand cramping at bay until it’s all over.

      * Handwrite your practice exams under time pressure.

      * Find several pens that you like, and switch them up.

      * Don’t worry too much about prettiness – your handwriting will look awful, just make sure it’s legible.

      Good luck, you’ll do great!

    • springtime

      read my reply at the start of this comment thread to another poster. you’ll be FINE!

    • SF Bay Associate

      You’re totally fine! I used a laptop for CA, and it crashed. I wasted 20 minutes on the blue screen of death. My DH’s laptop also crashed, and he lost 30 minutes dealing with it, basically not answering one of the questions. Another friend’s crashed, and it didn’t recover, so she lost work and suddenly had to handwrite, which really freaked her out. The bar exam software is poorly written, terribly unstable, and full of bugs. None of the proctors have any technical experience and will not help. I keep telling my programmer friends to write a new software and make a killing. Meanwhile, you won’t be the least bit worried about computer problems, won’t lose any of your work, and won’t waste time trying to fix virtually inevitable technical issues. You might end up really happy that you missed the deadline. I do suggest you do some hand and arm strengthening exercises (squeeze a stress ball firmly multiple times a day or something), because your hand will get tired – best to “train” now!

    • Divaliscious11

      Calm down, I took NY back before computers were allowed. You’ll survive.

  19. js

    Question for mothers and pregnant ladies: When did you start wearing actual maternity clothes to the office? The kind A no jeans, no leggings, business casual one?

    • Ellen

      I think the answer is: It depends — that is after you start to be showeing your baby! In my family, we show right away, b/c we are for the most part very skinny. We all have a little xtra behind in the tush, so that does NOT count.

      But once you get puffie up front, you should ALWAYS start weareing clothes to prove you are pregenent.

      I want to have a child ASAP, but must get MARRIED first.

      • Godzilla

        Your WHOLE FAMILEY has an extra behind in the tush? Honey, I think your whole familey needs to go to the doctor IMMEDIATELY. That is NOT normal.

    • PharmaGirl

      I started wearing maternity pants at almost exactly 20 weeks. I ended up wearing maternity leggings a fair amount because it was a brutally hot summer. Before giving in to the maternity pants, I used a Be Band with my regular pants unbuttoned. I managed to hold off on maternity tops for a long time, maybe 30 weeks, and just wore my blousier tops.

    • CKB

      Do it sooner rather than later. Maternity pants especially are just SO much more comfortable than regular pants, even with a belly band, etc.

      • Research, Not Law

        Agree x1000!

        I started wearing maternity pants the day I told work I was pregnant. So, 13-ish weeks for baby #1 and 15-ish weeks for baby #2 (but I’d been wearing maternity pants outside of work with #2 since ~9 wks).

    • mamabear

      Between 4 & 5 months with my first, around three months with my second, and pretty much the day I got pregnant with my third. :) Most of us show sooner with each successive pregnancy.

      I think your body will tell you when it’s time. There will come a day where you so absolutely cannot-stand-for-one-more-minute something restricting around your waist anymore that you seriously consider going pantsless the rest of the day.

      Then you start wearing your blissfully roomy maternity clothes the next day.

    • NoVAAtty

      I think this is also depends on the bloat factor. I have been so bloated I can’t fit in any of my casual shorts – too many buttons! Also, any pants or skirts that were already tight but just fit are now out of the question at only 8 weeks without a bella band due to the bloat. I would hold off until you can’t button/zip. Why waste money until you have to!

    • anon too

      I am 16 weeks along, and I am still in normal clothes, as maternity clothes are ridiculously big on me still. Before pregnancy, I was small (size 0/2), and I wore clothes that highlighted my hour glass shape (or small waist).

      So, I have now bought a few clothing items more suitable for someone apple shape in my normal size (a-line dresses and breezy tops) and two pairs of pants in a size 4. If I want to wear my normal pants or skirts, as of 15 weeks, I need the be-band.

      The in-between stage is admittedly difficult. I have two weddings coming up at 18 and 19 weeks, respectively, and I am very concerned about having something appropriate to wear to both of them. (If my ta-ta’s had not grown so much, I would not be as worried… because I have some flowy dresses )

      Any way, I will be interested to see what the other wise ladies have to say.

      • js

        I think I’m a similar shape. I’m normally top heavy, but enormously so now. 19 wks. I pretty much can’t wear anything empire waisted for

    • sugarmagnolia

      I am at 22 weeks, and will need to start wearing maternity pants in the next few days. I have some dresses that I think I can still squeeze into, but the pants I have on today are just not comfy any longer.

      I agree that comfort is very important, and I realized this weekend (while happily wearing an Old Na*y dress and maternity leggings) that I am much happier and have more energy when I am comfortable.

      Start wearing your maternity stuff when your regular clothes pinch or otherwise make you feel uncomfortable.

  20. Thank You

    You know, every time I read any fellow corporette’s news about quitting jobs to move to better ones, I always wanted to know what it’d be like to get out of such places, the joy of giving 2 week notice, and then not caring a thing about all things that annoy you at work.

    I wrote a post myself asking for advise on how to tolerate unreasonable bosses, how to deal with colleagues with no work ethic etc.

    I finally got some offers (yes, more than 1 :)) and gave my 2 week notice last Friday. Feels so great…

    Thank you all…

  21. Gap Year Experience?

    I’d love to draw on the resources of the Hive –

    My little brother is a rising senior in high school. He’s got great grades, just rocked his SATs, and is not going to have any problem getting into his first choice college, that he’s already picked out).

    He’s also just turned 16, and so will graduate just before his 17th birthday (he skipped a grade in middle school). He’s very interested in taking a gap year to gain some experience and see the world, and my family and myself are very supportive of this idea. It doesn’t need to be paid, but it would hopefully be inexpensive, say <$5000/year (there is a subculture of very expensive gap year programs for wealthy children, we've learned). However, we're learning that his being under 18 is a major problem for 99% of gap year programs.

    It can be anywhere, even international, but what we're concerned about is that it be a 'comprehensive' program – not to just move somewhere and work and pay rent, utilities, etc right now. He is not afraid of hard work, and is an Eagle Scout, and generally is very mature and has his act together.

    Do anyone have experience, recommendations, or resources relating to gap year programs that accept 17 year olds? Or other similar opportunities for someone who is under 18?

    • Gap Year Experience?

      Sorry about the double post – I hit post once, and it showed up as posting twice with one post in moderation and one post not in moderation.

      Yet, I was still not ‘posting too quickly.’

    • Lyssa

      I don’t know any specific programs, but it seems to me that the absolutely best thing that he could do would be to get some experience in the field that he’s interested in working or majoring in. This would not only give him really good experience and contacts, but also would let him “test” a field before he really commits to it. I would bet that he has some really great contacts through the Eagle Scout program – have him think about everyone that he knows of any connection to that works in something that he’s interested in, and see if there are any interships (perhaps informal, or even just hanging around the office sort of things) that he can get involved in. Also, once he has commitments to a school, he should be able to make contact with some professors in his (anticipated) major, who might be able to help him out. Good luck to him!

    • HereThere

      What about having him go straight from HS to college and then taking a year off during school? I love the idea of a gap year and wish I could have taken one. The only reason I suggest doing it during rather than before college is: he is too young for formal programs and probably to travel alone sans program (different renting/travel requirements prohibit minors). Plus, it might be a better experience for him if he chooses it after really knowing what he wants to see and do (not necessarily career-wise, since a gap year should be separate, but the general, do in life sense). I mean, I wouldn’t have had any idea of doing a gap year when I had graduated high school, but now I can think of so many places and things that a year probably wouldn’t be enough.

      I think there are some programs that take those under 18, especially those run outside the US. It’s a very popular thing to do in Europe and Australia (at the very least, probably other places, too), so they have them for those graduating young. (Plus, he could take advantage of age and student discounts!)

      If cost is a concern, there are a lot of programs that are not labeled as gap year programs but are volunteer trips (or similar) that can last from a few weeks to months or a year+. Maybe he should look into travel mixed with some volunteer trips to make it more affordable while seeing more. (Plus, some of the volunteer opportunities sound amazing and fun!)

    • Research, Not Law

      I’d look at programs oriented towards high schoolers, such as a Rotary exchange.

      He could spend a year at a community college knocking out baccalaureate core courses. He should first check if they would transfer to his college of choice.

      He should also check with his college of choice upon acceptance. They may have programs at their school. He could spend his gap year in a program designed for high schoolers or spend his second year in an internship or study abroad program.

    • Research, Not Law

      I’d look at programs oriented towards high schoolers, such as a Rotary or AFS exchange.

      He could spend a year at a community college knocking out baccalaureate core courses. He should first check if they would transfer to his college of choice.

      He should also check with his college of choice. They may have programs. For example, he could spend his gap year in a program designed for high schoolers or spend his second year in an internship or study abroad program.

      • GYE

        Thanks for this suggestion –

        One of the issues he has is that he already has through dual-enrollment courses more than 40 college credits – so he could technically finish college in under three years – meaning he’d graduate when he was 19. As he says, not cool.

        • anon

          I graduated HS at 17 and then spent a year in Norway as an AFS student — lived with a Norwegian family, went to HS, but didn’t worry about grades or transferring credits. This was an excellent experience; highly recommended!

  22. Gap Year Experience?

    I’d love to draw on the resources of the Hive –

    My little brother is a rising senior in high school. He’s got great grades, just rocked his SATs, and is not going to have any problem getting into his first choice college, that he’s already picked out.

    He’s also just turned 16, and so will graduate just before his 17th birthday (he skipped a grade in middle school). He’s very interested in taking a gap year to gain some experience and see the world, and my family and myself are very supportive of this idea. It doesn’t need to be paid, but it would hopefully be inexpensive, say <$5000/year (there is a subculture of very expensive gap year programs for wealthy children, we've learned). However, we're learning that his being under 18 is a major problem for 99% of gap year programs.

    It can be anywhere, even international, but what we're concerned about is that it be a 'comprehensive' program – not to just move somewhere and work and pay rent, utilities, etc right now. He is not afraid of hard work, and is an Eagle Scout, and generally is very mature and has his act together.

    Do anyone have experience, recommendations, or resources relating to gap year programs that accept 17 year olds? Or other similar opportunities for someone who is under 18?

    • anon

      I was an exchange student through Rotary International when I was in high school, and I recall there were several students I met from the U.S. who were doing a gap year (though no one called it that back then). At the time, the costs were not high, but he would have to attend school. You should look for your local Rotary club and ask through them.

      • FormerExchange

        There are a number of scholarship exchange programs (including Congress-bundestag to Germany and I think it’s called YES which I think is middle east). They are competitive, but don’t require any language skills to begin with. These will also point you to a bunch of exchange organizations if that is of interest to your brother. It is quite common to not know the language of the place you are going, and it’s a great adventure!

    • Cornellian

      I’m not sure what exactly “gap year” means, but can he do an exchange program? In Germany people finish high school at 19 and 20 in a lot of the states, so if he went there he’d still be school-aged. I was a high school exchange student and it has done amazing things for me in life.

      • Cornellian

        follow up questions, now that I’ve thought more about it:

        -does he speak any foreign language? how well?
        -what might he be interested in studying?

        I wonder if a Scandinavian country might be a cool place to look. He could learn a new language, but always fall back on English in an emergency. Yale seems to have a helpful website on this http://www.yale.edu/yalecollege/international/welcome/gap_year.html .

    • Anne Shirley

      Just to clarify- $5000 for the program, plus costs for rent and housing and travel, right? Or is he planning on working to defray those costs? Cause $5000 is not living expenses for a year.

    • Midwesterner

      Isn’t the purpose of a gap year to just kind of live life? Otherwise, it would be school or volunteer work or something. I would tell him to pick a place, get a job, pursue his hobbies, and live life.

      • Midwesterner

        My comment above may betray my biases. I am one of those independent (cynical?) types and hate the idea of paying good money to an organization in exchange for something resume worthy.

      • GYE

        It is. I guess there are two main issues.

        The big issue is that he is 17 years old – so in most places he can’t rent an apartment, do a lot of things that we take for granted as adults. The age has become a big issue.

        The second issue is that he def wants to work or volunteer in some capacity – he’s interested in the environment and natural resources. He lives where I grew up, which is in a rural Southern town with (1) no opportunities for a 17 year old HS graduate, and (2) he doesn’t want to stay there, where the only social life he’d have would be with the people who ultimately didn’t go to college.

        • nona

          Has he checkout if the National Park service has any sort of programs for high school aged students? If he’s interested in the environment and natural resources? A quick google search brings up these options:

          http://www.nps.gov/aboutus/jobsforstudents.htm

          Don’t know anything about them personally, but it’s a thought.

        • Romans et al.

          There are formal, supervised, “Gap Year” and “Fifth Year” programs, but you have to look hard to find them. I recommend the following groups to parents of kids not ready for college and being “on their own.” (I do evaluations for school placement across the age range…fwiw.)

          Dynamy.org
          508-755-2571

          ThinkingBeyondBorders.org (international experiences)

          Interimprograms.com
          609-683-4300 NJ
          617-547-0980 MA

          Additional resources to pursue can be found in a listing from the following site:
          http://www.ahem.info/InterimPrograms.htm

      • DC Law

        +1, I had a friend who did Americorps for a year before college and she loved it (and met her now-husband through it!).

    • Alanna of Trebond

      This is school-specific, but if his first choice college is Princeton and he gets in, they have a program that allows you to do the gap year through school. (Just google Princeton Bridge Year, but I’ll try to put the link in a reply).

    • KS

      I did a “gap year” before it was called that, many moons ago. I was also barely 17 when I graduated from high school, so taking a year between high school and college made sense. At that time, the only option was to spend a year attending a foreign high school, but as I did it in a European country where students tend to be 19 when they graduate, I wasn’t older than everyone else, and living with a host family gave me a base and allowed me to become immersed in the language and culture. I didn’t have to take school all that seriously, but as it turned out the year abroad helped me to place out of language and math requirements at college, which was nice.

      These days, a lot of international student exchange programs include an internship or work component, so there are many more options than when I did this. Check out AFS, YFU, World Learning, Rotary, etc. He could have a great experience, with enough of a base or structure for someone his age, and also come out of it fluent in a new language and with valuable cross-cultural skills and experience.

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