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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
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The dress is $139 and available in sizes XS–XL. Colorblock Midi Dress
While it's not a dress, this pretty, spring-y skirt from Halogen comes in sizes 1X–3X and is on sale for $47.40 at Nordstrom.
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Sales of note for 10.10.24
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- Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
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- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
- Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
- White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Good Morning!
Thanks to the commenter who posted about Transgender Day of Visibility yesterday! I hope the day was happy. Here is some music: https://blog.thecurrent.org/2020/03/transgender-day-of-visibility-artists-you-need-to-know/
A good comic on social distancing from the virus’s point of view https://xkcd.com/2287/
If your local grocery is out of flour here are a couple small mills you can order from https://www.janiesmill.com/wheat-products https://www.weisenberger.com/
You can donate to the Lee Initiative which is feeding restaurant workers who lost their jobs https://leeinitiative.kindful.com/campaigns/1060413
Or the National Bail Out fund which is bailing moms out of overcrowded jails https://secure.actblue.com/donate/national-bail-out-1
Art of the day http://www.thepowerplant.org/Exhibitions/Virtual-Tour.aspx
lsw
Love those donation options! Thank you! Also a pitch to donate to your local Feeding America food bank affiliate.
Anonymous
It’s not just restaurant workers now. I think that they were the first wave but nonprofits in my city that rely on $ spent by visitors (admissions fees, gift shop purchases, snack purchases, field trips) have laid off something like 75%-80% of their staffs, largely leaving just security / maintenance people.
I know that friends of mine with small businesses are debating the merits of cutting salaries to have fewer layoffs or perhaps layoffs would be better b/c for some people they are less worse off by being able to file for unemployment.
I hope HOPE that this is a short-term shock, but it is so hard for so many. Our food banks are indeed slammed. People are losing their lifeline so that others may live and deserve all of our help.
AnonInfinity
I was surprised to learn that nurses and other medical staff in my area are also being laid off or their hours are being cut because no one is coming in for anything elective or even necessary but non-emergent right now!
Anonymous
A friend has had his hours reduced as surgeries that can be deferred have been deferred. My biopsy was moved, so those people aren’t filling that time on their schedule — it is just empty (good b/c less exposure to people, bad because no one wants to pay workers for time not spent working and no income was coming in then).
Anon
I was surprised by this too, because I had read that some hospital ICUs are already needing to cross train staff, give residents more responsibilities, and take in volunteers. How would a nurse who normally helps with surgeries not be helpful to COVID patients right now? There may be an answer, but it does feel strange that healthcare workers may not actually have job security right now.
Anon
Yes! My Occupational Therapist friend has her hours wildly cut because she does a lot of post surgery rehab. Unfortunately she’s per diem, not salary, so she’s about to be in a really tough spot.
Anon
I feel like the color went out of my face reading that. Maybe she doesn’t have relevant background, but I thought people often needed occupational therapy following extubation.
Anonymous
This is catastrophic for most arts and cultural organizations. I know of two major regional theatres that have furloughed at least 50% of staff. Most small and mid-sized groups, and even some large ones, do not have reserve funds to cover expenses with no ticket sales for any length of time.
Anon
To the extent I have an option, I am just eating the money I spent on shows at smaller venues (historic theatres, etc.) for this very reason. I am so afraid we will lose these opportunities in my very poor small town.
MagicUnicorn
Thank you for posting the links to the mills! Yeast has been out of stock locally for 3+ weeks now so I’m very glad to have found some at last.
Cbara
For those with flour and no yeast who want to make bread: https://www.forkinthekitchen.com/3-ingredient-beer-bread/
MagicUnicorn
Ha! Beer is more precious than yeast in my house right now. I do have a sourdough starter going, but am more comfortable baking yeast bread.
Here is the sourdough link I am using in case anyone else wants it: https://www.theperfectloaf.com/frequently-asked-sourdough-starter-questions/
Senior Attorney
You can also make soda bread if you have baking soda: https://www.allrecipes.com/recipe/16947/amazingly-easy-irish-soda-bread/
Senior Attorney
Oops here’s one without buttermilk: https://recipeforperfection.com/soda-bread-without-buttermilk/
Ribena
I loved the XKCD comic! London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine scientists have estimated that our lockdown measures have got the R0 number down to 0.62 which makes me really happy – numbers will get worse for the next 2-3 weeks as infections that already happened play out but I hope we will see the growth then slow down a bit.
Good Morning!
wow thank you that’s very hopeful information! Love hearing some good news.
Anonymous
to add to this, do an internet search for the les mis “one day more” cover featured by the guardian. The lyrics *and* the singing were awesome. Definitely cheered me up this morning.
Ribena
On this note, search “Llandudno Goats West Side Story.”
Anon
OMG this was actually my favorite thing yesterday and I’m now adding it to my “places to go” plan after this all calms down.
Ribena
Llandudno itself isn’t a huge destination but north Wales is gorgeous. I’ve been visiting the countryside near Criccieth for my summer holidays for the past few years and I’ll be pretty heartbroken if I don’t get to go this year.
Never too many shoes...
Those are both great!
Anon
I’m 5 months pregnant; due in August. It took us 2 years of fertility treatments to get pregnant (along with some miscarriages) and so I are just so thankful and hopeful for a healthy baby. However, I am a little sad that I won’t get to experience all the joys of pregnancy. My baby shower is likely cancelled, the maternity dresses I bought will likely be little worn (no one will even see me pregnant at this rate – ha), and I’m not even certain what my birthing experience will look like (can my husband come at all? can he stay after the baby is born?). I was originally hopeful by August things would be somewhat normal, but now I’m not even certain my family will be able to visit/meet the baby when he’s born. I am lucky to have a job I can keep doing at home and so far my family and friends (and myself!) are healthy, but still feeling a bit melancholy about it all.
Anon
I’m sorry. That is a loss for you. Someday you can tell your child she was born during unprecedented times!
Senior Attorney
Aw, hugs. It’s okay to grieve the experience you’d hoped to have!
Anon
I totally understand. I have been through years of infertility too and for a brief second thought I might be pregnant during this and I was so upset at the thought of all the things I wouldn’t be able to do with our long awaited child. Alas, not pregnant but I totally understand those feelings.
Patricia Gardiner
I’m so sorry, friend. I’m hoping that you can have a healthy pregnancy very soon.
Anonymous
Right there with you, and I’m really sorry. I’m due at the beginning of July, and in addition to all of the uncertainty about medical care and birthing classes and whether my husband will be able to meaningfully participate in this process, I’m just sad. Sad that I can’t go shopping person for baby supplies. Sad that my babymoon and baby shower were cancelled. Sad that my sister and my mom have never seen me pregnant. I’m mourning the loss of those things even as I count my blessings that my small family is safe and healthy at the moment, and that I have a safe house with lots of food and the ability ot work form home. I’m allowing myself to be and feel all those things at once.
Patricia Gardiner
Congratulations on the pregnancy from this internet stranger (and fellow IF parent)!!
As others said, I’m so sorry this time is not what you hoped and planned for. It seems so unfair that after everything you went through, you don’t get to experience this time with unadulterated joy.
Telco Lady JD
I’m really sorry. I’m in a similar boat – though only about 9 weeks pregnant. I’m hopeful that we’ll be able to do some “normal” pregnancy stuff later this summer, but I can empathize that this isn’t at all how I planned on pregnancy going. Please continue to take good care of yourself – and your little one!
MJ
I just placed an order with both mills. Phil Weisenberger himself replied to my order. This made my day! Thank you for sharing!
Good Morning!
Aww that’s really cool! :) thanks for letting me know, keep us posted on what you make!
Feeling sad / Reality setting in
Really feeling sad this morning. Virginia’s state at home order goes until June 10, which to be honest is not surprising, and it feels like there’s no end in sight, no light at the end of the tunnel, and who knows when things will be fully normal? The situation wasn’t getting better in these last two weeks but part of me still hoped. Now I can’t believe this is going to go on for months. Unlike some others, I’m not a fan of working from home. I even miss small work things like chatting with colleagues or being able to pop out for a quick walk or coffee run. That life already seems so far away and I miss it. I feel like I’m mourning my old life and routine. I’m not quite sure how to plan these next two+ months. I’m lucky to be able to work from home, but it’s isolating. Sigh. Is anyone else feeling similarly?
Anonymous
If it helps, yes. Exactly the same.
Anonymous
Yup (raises hand). My husband told me last night at dinner that Toronto had prohibited large gatherings thru the end of June and he lamented how it would impact sports seasons. I started crying because I realized it’s highly unlikely that camps are going to happen this summer and I am not sure I can be home with my kids for 5-6 months+.
Anonymous
Also in Toronto and cried when I heard that events are cancelled to June 30, but for opposite reasons – the grass continues to always be greener. I am single and live alone and the thought of being alone with no in-person social interaction for that long is almost too much for me to process. I wish I had a husband or kids or even a roommate to fill that time with.
Shopaholic
Plus our public health officer today said the current social distancing policies would likely go on for another 12 weeks which seems interminable at this point
Never too many shoes...
Also in Toronto and freaking out. My autistic son lives for summer and splash pads. What are we going to do? Just typing it makes it hard to breathe.
Anonymous
Backyard sprinkler FTW!
Never too many shoes...
My concrete back yard is not that fun bit we do have a vegetable patch and a hose.
Anonymous
Can you organize an after 5 cocktail hour with your coworkers with Zoom or maybe an optional lunch drop in? It helps in feeling connected. Or if you regularly hop out for coffee with a coworker or two schedule a “coffee catch up.” I’m not that social but was surprised by the boost participating gave. Go for a brief 15 min walk when you can. Just breaking up the day also helps.
Anonymous
All good tips. I do all those things and feel exactly like the OP.
Anon
I have always hated working from home. Now that I have a toddler it is so stressful. My husband is helping but she’s in mommy phase now so I’m a distracted mess on my conference calls. I miss daycare, adult interaction, my husband is also going deaf like the other husbands been reading about here, our apt feels cramped and messy, I miss my cleaning person, going out for salads at lunch, coffee I don’t make myself, even miss meetings as these phone calls seem so ineffective and disjointed. I am just taking it a day at a time, some days better than others…
Cb
Oh so much this! I just want a Pret salad and an oat milk latte.
Walnut
I threw myself the grumpiest pity party this past weekend and this was my narrative – nearly word for word.
Anon
Small joy- but I got myself a milk frother and making myself fancier cappuccinos is nicer than just the plain stuff and super easy.
Airplane.
Can you make yourself a coffee, take a walk and facetime with a friend? I’ve tried to replace workplace chatting with colleagues and coffee breaks with virtual catch up with my friends. It helps that I have a dog, so I try to double up by taking him on a walk around the neighborhood. I’ll be honest, as this is week 3 of WFH, my dog is like “oh you guys are home….again.” I feel like I am walking him for my benefit and he’s just meh about the walks. Exact opposite of normal.
anon
I feel you. I’m obviously lucky to be healthy, able to work from home, and not concerned about job security, but it is still hard. I’m very recently divorced, so in addition to a lot of other changes, I’m living alone in a tiny apartment, in a city that has shut down, without a car, for the first time in a long time. I was already feeling pretty isolated from past couple friends/friends with kids/family after the divorce, so this certainly hasn’t made things easier. I don’t have any great advice for you other than trying to be kind to yourself. Eat the mac and cheese, take the nap, have the wine. Internet hugs (social distancing!) from a stranger.
Monday
Yes. I’m really struggling with finding anything I can look forward to. I can think of things that may make things a bit easier, but that’s not the same as actually looking forward to something. (Is anyone looking forward to something? Honestly looking for any ideas.)
No Longer Anon
I am legitimately looking forward to the new episodes of Making the Cut on Friday. I’m also looking forward to my April Book of the Month pick arriving.
That’s about it.
Anon
That’s such a good way of saying it. Everything isn’t totally doom
And gloom but there’s nothing tangible to look forward to or get excited about.
Anon
THAT’s why this groundhog day existence is wearing on me! Thank you for identifying it!
Anon
One thing that has helped me is finding new ways to do the old things I used to look forward to on my calendar. Zoom happy hours can substitute for wine and chats. Netflix Party is a new way to watch a movie with friends.
Beyond that, I have always found a lot of joy and comfort in cultural events, so I am trying to find some I can stream. I went to a virtual concert on Saturday and it was so heartwarming to see the live stream chat from attendees all over the world finding a brief respite from the situation, including attendees from northern Italy and Spain. We were able to “talk” during the performance in a non-disruptive, supportive way that would never happen at a public gathering. People would ask questions about an instrument or the inspiration behind a particular piece, and then the musicians answered questions after each set.
Structure and routine really helps. I get out for a brisk walk every day no matter what, and I always find my mood lifts from the fresh air and seeing other people (at a safe distance!) just being out and about.
I also try to do one helpful, nice, or supportive thing a day for someone who is struggling more than I am. I just sent some cards to friends who are trying to WFH with toddlers and my 87-year-old great aunt who is now socially isolated.
And I find some comfort in researching organizations that are trying to help and donating to them. It helps to feel like I am contributing in some way.
I am lucky to be able to WFH to ride this out, so I think the bigger challenge for me is staying mentally sane in addition to physically healthy. I find comfort in knowing that as long as I am staying put, I cannot get this virus or give it to anyone else. And the more time goes on, the more data we have about who has it, where it’s coming from, and hopefully progress continues toward a vaccine.
Of course, none of this makes the situation go away, but all these little things really add up.
anon
I’m looking forward to a family visit that WILL happen, eventually. Unlike a concert or something, I know it was postponed, not cancelled. We can still talk and make plans for it in the meantime.
Mallory
I’ve been enjoying really leaning into home-based projects I don’t normally have as much time to do – crafts, painting, organizing, gardening, etc. It makes it feel like right now is a time I GET to do these these at my pace, unrushed, rather than I don’t get to do other things…
Anonymous
I always WFH, but my house is typically quiet from 9-3:30pm. Now, I have my DH working from home too, and my three kids under 8 home with me. We are half going stir crazy and half going actually crazy. my kids hate zoom. My husband hates working remotely. our house is always noisy and messy.
We find going to really helps. The other day i packed the kids in the minivan and drove around town after dinner. We didn’t even get out of the car- just drove around looking for interesting things. It really helped.
Could you go for a drive and take some calls from ANYWHERE that isn’t your house?
Aquae Sulis
We’re banned from going out driving… they’re issuing fines for that where I live.
Anon
Do you know the rationale behind it? Is it to reduce car accidents / strains on the hospitals?
Anon
Where is this?!?
Anonymous
You are more likely to visit gas stations, etc., as a result.
Anon
Where is this? All the orders I’ve heard of still permit people to go to some essential stores. How would they know if you were driving around or going grocery shopping?
anon
I also feel you. In so many ways I’m incredibly lucky and in a good position to weather this pandemic– healthy, good health insurance, (so far) good job security, understanding employers, no kids, good savings and decent financial resources– but I feel like I’m mourning the loss of lots of small things that collectively add up to big things. There’s anxiety about whether we’ll have enough business at work and there’s talk of salary cuts. I have friends who are suffering because they’ve been laid off. I want to be kind to myself with respect to my productivity, but the looming economic anxiety makes that hard. I miss my friends. Zoom “wine nights” have been incredibly helpful. I worry about my divorced parents feeling isolated and worried. I started dating someone right before this all started and while we’re still seeing each other, which is great, I was really excited for how our young relationship would proceed and all the plans we had — games, concerts, travel, restaurants, festivals– all of which are now cancelled. Things are still going okay, but this has really changed the course of our relationship and I’m not sure it’ll ultimately be for the best. Also, I know that in the back of my mind that if I didn’t have him I’d be losing my mind with loneliness, isolation, and depression. Mental health feels precarious.
No Problem
Yup. I went to get groceries on Monday right after the gov’s announcement because I realized that I was going to need a lot more wine and chocolate. I was just putting things in my trunk at the same time the clap for healthcare workers started, and I could hear people doing it from neighboring buildings. I almost lost it. Just the sheer enormity of 10+ more weeks of this hit me in that moment. Like the poster below I’m also single and I live alone. So what, I’m supposed to go until the middle of June with zero in-person social interaction? Virtual happy hours are great, but not the same.
What I started this week was setting daily goals for myself. I downloaded the Productive app (there are many similar ones), which lets you set daily/weekly tasks or goals for yourself. A couple are work things – motivation is seriously lagging there too – but most are in the self care category. I’m committing to going out for a walk every day, even if the weather is gross, because I need the exercise and it boosts my mood. I even went out for a walk in the rain yesterday, and while my jeans and socks got wet, it was the best thing I did for myself all day. I’m committing to at least 15 minutes of tidying/cleaning every day so that I don’t live in my filth. I’m committing to putting down the phone and reading a book for 30 straight minutes to escape into a different world. It’s all baby steps, but it’s making me take this one day at a time.
I am hopeful that the governor set the June 10 date as the end because he would rather cancel the order early if things are going well than to set an earlier deadline (end of April or something) and then have to extend it.
Anon
Also single and live alone… it’s hard. Really hard. I feel selfish for it feeling hard when I know the parents have it hard, and the people who’ve lost their jobs have it hard, etc. but I still have to have a little pity party sometimes and acknowledge that it’s hard for ALL of us right now. Even though groceries are getting back to normal, I have a job, and the weather is gorgeous, this still sucks.
The short walks–even in crap weather–really do help! Keep at it.
anonymous
It is really hard. Humans are social creatures– love and belonging and social contact are real needs. It’s a different kind of hard. I know my friends who are struggling with managing kids and having no alone time think my single life of freedom and quiet time sounds like luxury, whereas all I’m thinking is “wow, you have human contact and people who love you. No one would know if I died, cue existential crisis.” Bottom line, all or nothing isn’t healthy.
No Problem– sounds like you’ve got some solid plans! I’m trying to do the same. I went for a run this morning instead of fussing and grumping and thinking about it all day, but not doing it– like I did yesterday–and I feel so much better.
Anon100
I’m an introvert but…. this is too much alone time for me, too much “in my own head” time to remain sane. I miss hearing background murmurs of office talk, just so that I don’t feel alone. Zoom & phone calls just aren’t the same – they feel too planned, in a way. I’ve put on some podcasts to feel less alone at home, but it’s not fulfilling the spontaneous interactive component of office watercooler chat.
The one thing that I’ve found to help is a quick walk outside, even a short 3 minute walk in drizzly rain to boost my mood, or do a PopSugar Fitness workout because those make me feel more like I’m in a group class.
Anon
I must be another level of introvert; I can’t relate to any of this at all.
Anonymous
LOL same!
Anon
Same. I get more than enough coworker time through IM and Zoom. I agree on the importance of taking walks though.
Anon
+1
Anon100
I only have had 2 Zoom calls (1 work and 1 personal, I don’t have a lot of friends) and 1 conference call over the last two weeks so it’s starting to feel really isolating for me to be home alone. We also don’t have coworker IMs – let’s just say my employer is pretty big on in-your-seat-at-the-office time and suddenly transitioning to remote work was not handled well. Usually I’d just head over to the local library or coffeeshop to read a book or head out for a hike at a state park if I started to feel like I was spiraling into the deepest parts of my mind but obviously that’s not possible now. I mean, usually I do get overwhelmed from *too much* people interaction, but this is starting to feel like too much in the opposite direction?
anon
+1. I hate being stuck inside and the lack of adventure in my life, but I LOVE the social isolation.
anon
ditto for me. I’m probably closer to a misanthrope than an introvert; all this alone time is basically my dream (obviously I would never wish for it in the circumstances we’re in). I’m so happy I have no social obligations and don’t have to see my annoying co-workers or go to work in my sad window-less office.
anon
Yep, same here! I love being away from chatty, gossipy coworkers and am very happy with the solitude.
Anony
Ha ditto! I do not miss *most* of my co-workers and I don’t mind being away from people in general… I’m a Highly Sensitive Person though so this time has been truly relaxing and not stressful. I even started working out (3 days in a row!!!!) and have been taking daily walks. I feel better than I have in a long time (albeit for a few bad days but that was mostly ‘what is the purpose of my live’ postulating).
Anon
+1
Carrots
Yep, same. In Virginia as well, and being honest to an anonymous internet board, that announcement put me in a bad place on Monday evening/Tuesday morning. I live alone and have really been feeling the effects of it the last three or four days. I’ve been doing all the virtual things and walks and keeping in touch with groups, but it’s still very isolating and starting to hurt my mental health.
Anonymous
I am also in Virginia, and the announcement actually made me breathe a sigh of relief. Finally, we are taking this thing seriously and taking some action. The University of Washington models don’t show Virginia peaking until late May. I just don’t think the order was strong enough. My professional services firm is still keeping its office open and requires supervisor permission to WFH, when it should be ordering all of us to WFH. And my stupid neighbors are socializing and allowing their kids to play in groups.
Mpls
In Minnesota, solo, WFH for over 2 weeks now. The first week was rough, the second week was a bit better. But it will go back and forth – there’s a layer of grief for all the plans and expectations you had for this time, that you’re being forced to readjust. I also admit that I’ve been going to bed earlier – because I’m bored. And I’m comfort reading old favorites (instead of checking off all those should-reads off my list).
Give yourself the space to have the bad days (I had one yesterday – my internet modem died over the weekend and I was anxiously awaiting the new one via UPS, but the low level stress got to me) and figure out what you can do to be kind to yourself. Make sure you get outside (I know I haven’t been doing that enough).
A.
Big hugs from an internet stranger. I have good days and bad ones, and I use a lot of the advice on this board to stay sane. One thing that’s really helped me is trying to focus no more than three days out. When I start thinking about how long this will likely last, I get lost in a pit of despair. When I focus closer-in, it feels better/more manageable.
Housecounsel
One thing that pretty much all of us have lost is something to look forward to. I was so excited about this trip and that concert and this outing. I was talking to my mother last night and she is crushed about missing a reunion weekend that is a highlight of her year. I am thinking of seniors who don’t get a commencement. I am acutely aware of my privilege right now. I am blessed in so many ways. But the disappointment and ennui (not sure I have ever used that word before but it seems to fit) don’t seem to have an end date.
Yesterday I found out that an attorney I know not personally but by reputation died of the virus at 62 after two weeks on a vent. He was healthy before, not that it matters. This really has me unsettled.
Anonymous
I’m home with my two adult children and my husband, all of us WFH. While I am so very grateful that all of us are employed and able to WFH, it has been stressful. It’s like a mini office building here plus all the chaos of four adults living in the same house with some mental health issues thrown in for good measure. A little thing that has been very helpful is to do a weekly “Menu” and post it. I describe items so they sound like what you would find on a restaurant menu (“Oven- roasted chicken with garden herbs” rather than just ‘chicken’). Daily dinner has suddenly become a daily topic of conversation (and a welcome diversion from all the bad news).
Saguaro
Oh I love this! Especially since meals have been the main focus and highlight of my family’s day!
Anonymous
Even alone, thinking about meals and menus (and how to conserve stocks) rather than planning to make something, getting home, and just making whatever is easy – salads, eggs, vegetables, etc. gives me a boost.
anne-on
Yup. My kid is worse off because really, very little replaces the human interaction for smaller kids. But I miss seeing people, shopping in a store.
And, (really) really selfishly, I’m upset about losing the ability to go to my gym. I worked very hard over the last 18 months to lose and keep off almost 20lbs while adding muscle, and I simply don’t have the free time (or equipment!) at home to keep it up. It is such a small thing in the grand scheme of things, but it is making me mopey.
Anon
I’ve seen a lot of good videos of people incorporating their kids into their work outs (Zumba and Yoga are really good for this) – teaching them the techniques, giving them their own light weights – using their own kids as weights. It’s a way to pass the time and get an 80% effective workout.
Anony
Yes! WFH is so boring for me, but I’m lucky that I can do it – even though, to be honest, my position and program isn’t really WFH. I think everyone is doing a ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ thing because we all know we have no work to do from home, or very little… it’s so bizarre. Everything is bizarre. My positive is that I’m doing the Blogilates Beginner’s 4-week program AND taking daily walks; previously did very little in the way of fitness so there’s that! DH provides an essential service but is self employed so at least we aren’t stuck together all day, every day. We will all make it through this somehow!
Daffodil
Same here. I wrote here a few weeks about about DH was having doubts about our marriage. Now, we’re in the same house together 24/7, both working remotely, and he’s super stressed about the pandemic and is ignoring/won’t confront our marriage issue (he’s still in therapy, but doesn’t want to talk about it with me or reach a resolution bc he’s constantly tired and stressed). Ive been quite depressed the last two days especially, hearing how much longer we’re going to be like this.
Anon
I woke up at 5 AM this morning. The thought of staying at home till night made me depressed. I did some browsing till 6, then worked till 7, tossed and turned for another 30 minutes. Then I decided to go on a drive just to feel a bit normal. As I passed Trader Joe’s, I couldn’t resist going in. I bought some fruits and vegetables. I feel guilty about going to grocery shop when I really could have managed not stepping into any grocery shop for a week. Strange times..
Anonymous
Yes! I’m a single extrovert and live alone in the DMV. When I saw June 10th, I burst out crying. You
Rhody Lawyer
Yes. I hate working from home every day. I’d be happy to have it as an option 1, maybe 2, days a week but the projection of every day for months on end makes me panicky. I’m an introvert and love my alone time, but even with my husband and my 21 year old college kid here I feel isolated. I miss my work buddies, and I have a hard time making myself feel invested in any work tasks when physically removed from the office. I recognize that I am incredibly fortunate to even have the ability to work from home, not to mention having a room i can use as an office, plenty of food in the house, etc. But that doesn’t mean it’s not a bummer.
Anonymous
Honestly, I would rather get sick, either die or get better, and have it be resolved in a few weeks. I know that is selfish to all the health care workers and society in general but that’s what I would prefer. This is a long slow torture.
Dumbbells
Trying to be creative with fitness and think it may finally be time to get some dumbbells. Does anyone have recommendations? Normally I’d turn to Amazon but I’d like to try to support another retailer.
anon
Dumbbells are in short supply right now….you will find that only the smallest <5lbs are available from most retailers….good luck!
Anonymous
Dumbbells are in short supply right now….you will find that only the smallest <5lbs are available from most retailers….good luck!
Anon
My target’s small workout section was cleared out on Saturday.
Anon
Same, although there were 2 sets of 6 pound dumbbells. I snagged 1.
Anon
Same, I’m also on the email list for when they come back in stock and not once have I gotten to the email before they were sold out again.
Anonymous
If you think you might want a range of weights, PowerBlock adjustable dumbbells are awesome. I’ve used mine several days a week for 5 years and they are going strong. One got bent at a year ago (no idea how this is even possible) and the company sent me a replacement. They are not shipping right now, but you might be able to find them at a reseller.
Aunt Jamesina
+1, I love my Power Block weights!
mascot
We recently got a Bowflex adjustable kettlebell (8-40lbs). It doesn’t take up much room and lives in my office so it’s easy to take a break and do some exercises.
Our local sporting good chain had online ordering/curbside pick-up.
AnonATL
We have the Bowflex version of these and they are great, but obviously super heavy to move the full set around.
I will say the stackable shape makes them really awkward for certain exercises. For tricep kickbacks, they whack my wrist and I can’t fully extend my wrist out. I feel like it’s impeded proper form for a few other exercises too, but I distinctly remember how much it hurt my wrists for tricep kickbacks.
They aren’t available on Amazon currently, but a few of the other chain sporting goods stores have them. I bet you could find them on a local marketplace website too.
Airplane.
Do you have a buy nothing group or local FB marketplace group where you can post? There have been folks at home everyday looking to sell or give away the weights they never use. They were still in high demand though. I’ve never missed my commercial gym so much – it’s a block away and I walk by it and just stare at it wistfull like it’s a sad romantic movie.
Anon
Ocean State Job Lot normally sells them and they are likely open because they sell food and home maintenance stuff.
Mpls
Think outside the box and find heavy things you can hold – full bottles of laundry detergent, a pile of books.
Or find bodyweight exercises that don’t require dumbells – pushups, squats, planks, etc.
Anon
Looking for some advice on keeping my sanity: I’m currently work from home (kept as a backup for when someone in the office gets sick) and it’s taking a toll on my mental health.
I’m a huge extrovert – I honestly have social plans 6-7 days a week in normal life, I visit my family weekly, I’m friends with my roommate, I have some good friends at work. I’m someone who never sits still and is rarely solo. Now I obviously have none of that (roommate left the city and is with her parents for the duration). Except for my once weekly food shopping outing, I don’t see a soul.
I’m also working 6 days a week, 12hr days doing some really mentally and emotionally exhausting work (work in local government and am planning for when this get bad).
I do some video chatting with family and friends, I try to take some time for self care every day, and I exercise every day. I drink lots of water and try to still eat lots of vegetables. My hobbies are all outdoors/active/done with other people/involve things that are shut down but I bought some paints and am trying out a new hobby. On the rare days I finish work before dark, I take a walk outside. I’m trying to keep my daily routine as normal as possible and keep up healthy habits. It’s better than nothing but I’m just so sad and angry right now.
I knew this career was gonna be hard (and I do LOVE it…just normally when things get this tough I can also blow off some steam and now I can’t), and obviously this outbreak is hard on everyone. I’m trying to be grateful , aside from stressed and lonely I’m doing fine.
For the extroverts who are now totally solo and for those who are doing super intense/depressing work without any way to blow off steam, how do I keep my sanity?
Clementine
That sucks and I’m sorry.
Something that’s really helping me is to block off 15-30 minutes and take a walk midday. It’s better on sunny days. I actively put it on my calendar so I feel less worried that people are going to wonder where I went.
OP
Unfortunately our expectation is to be away from our computer no longer than 3 minutes. On nice days at least I can work on my deck a bit. One day I did leave to pick up a lunch I ordered from a local place (no contact) which was nice. Of course was still feverishly checking my work phone but something is better than nothing? My immediate boss is great, but overall leadership is meh at best.
I think I’m just in a tough situation (I know, who isn’t!) and the only way out is through. But yikes, it’s a slog to get through.
Good Morning!
> Unfortunately our expectation is to be away from our computer no longer than 3 minutes.
This is just bonkers. My poops last longer than 3 minutes. What the heck!!
Anonymous
Exactly what I was thinking!
Clementine
Yeah, that’s a banana crackers unreasonable expectation to have all day, every day. And I say this having spent my career in government, including working for insane politicians who would email you at 4:30AM and then start calling at 5:30AM asking if you had prepped facts for a press release yet because they sent it to you HOURS ago.
If that is the real (and not just in your head ’cause I’ve been there) expectation, here are some options:
– Laps back and forth on your street/around your block while checking your work phone so you’re never more than 5 minutes from getting back to your computer.
– Do a Fitness Blender workout while still being able to actively watch your other screen. (Quothe Elle Woods: Exercise makes endorphins. Endorphins make people happy!)
– Open ALL blinds and window treatments and let the sunlight STREAM into your space. Open windows, even if it’s chilly.
OP
Waking on my block is a great idea! Unfortunately the big boss sat us down and in no uncertain terms told us the expectation …
I see where he’s coming from but also agree it’s bananas. Basically the work we are doing would (and should) never be done remotely but we’ve obviously had to adapt so this is the compromise.
Anonymous
1. You have us.
2. Go fug yourself dot com — the comments are fantastic.
3. I was about done with social media and am so grateful for it right now.
Anon
Your number 3 is so me. I had given up everything, I checked Facebook maybe once a month to see how some of my relatives were doing but that was it. Now I’m back on there every day and honestly grateful to have that connection with other people going through the same. (I mute my occasional fox-watching relative who is somehow still clinging to this being no big deal.)
Anonymous
Could you try a streaming class for exercise, so you hear the voice of another human? Or do guided meditation that includes voices? I have also found music is helping and have Pandora playing when I need a boost of energy.
Anon 2.0
I really recommend going on a drive even if you don’t get out of the car. Drive through a unique neighborhood, or out the country (depending on where you live), or to a lake, etc.
Anonymous
This is likely a violation of your stay at home order. Transport is just supposed to be used for essential activities.
Anonymous
Dear lord.
Anon
I’ve been operating with the mindset that life won’t be normal until there’s an widely available vaccine, which I’ve heard is 16-18 months away. I don’t know (I hope not) that the world will be on this level of lockdown that entire time but I’m certainly not making any plans until summer 2021.
How long do you think life will be like this? What mental approach are you all taking for this?
Airplane.
My mental approach is to take it one day at a time. No one can know when life will be normal again or when a vaccine is available so I’m not going to stress over something I can’t begin to control. I’m someone who absolutely loves travel and the anticipation of travel and plan a few international trips throughout the year. Now I have nothing on the books and it feels pretty crappy. So I just focus on one thing I can look forward to – making myself a fancy cocktail tonight, adding a treat to my grocery delivery this week, making a plan for movie night – make popcorn in my popcorn popper and adding truffle oil, the good salt and garlic powder and picking out a movie I’ve been looking forward to watching, etc.
Ribena
I’m trying not to think too far ahead. I made the mistake of doing that at one point around the start of last week/ the one before and started thinking about having to have Christmas sat by myself in my flat 400 miles from my parents. And then couldn’t stop crying! (Not particularly religious, I guess I’d describe myself as culturally Christian – so we do the traditions).
Anonymous
Honestly, one day at a time. Things change so much in a day. They really do. Projecting statis out 18 months is probably not realistic. My humble prediction is that we get better at protecting healthcare workers and other front-line workers and are better able to target resources to the say 20% or less of infected people who need escalated medical interventions. And we do a lot more testing. We also are able to use antibodies in recovered people to help sick people survive and eventually get a robust vaccine.
CostAccountant
I think life will get more normal at times. Its projected this first wave with wrap up by July. Dr. Fauci has said there may be a 2nd and 3rd wave – but expects we will be better prepared. I think we can get a clear picture by looking to China. They are lifting some restrictions and life is somewhat returning to normal. I think its going to be fits and starts – but the more restrictive restrictions will probably be lifted by July at the latest.
Anon
I think hope is important in general, and particularly in this case. There are more ways through this than just one (a vaccine), like when all the data is gathered and properly analyzed, maybe realizing the death rate is similar to the flu (and we don’t lock down for the flu); or maybe with extremely rapid and available testing rolled out, being able to let those that are healthy out and about; or maybe before we get a vaccine we get a therapy for it that is so good we can loosen. I’m sure there are many, many other things that could happen that I am not smart or creative enough to even imagine. Maybe I’m a little rose eyes glasses about this because I live near Silicon Valley, but we as a society come out with truly crazy, smart, innovative things all the time. And a lot of those people are on. this.
(I’m not looking to get into debates about why my above points may or not work. I think honestly none of us knows. And that takes away from the hope I think we all need).
Anon
Maybe we build more hospitals. Maybe we get fully and completely stocked in medical supplies so it’s no longer a matter of worrying about denying people care.
Anonymous
I know in my state it isn’t that simple. Hospitals need to have something called a “certificate of need” to build anything new and often those are contested. Population growth has helped, but this is an unprecedented need, so previously we built to a “current need” standard. It always seemed a bit soviet to me. Plastic surgeons seem to operate on a different system — they can open at will.
Anon
Fair, I didn’t say any of this was simple, but it is all in the realm of possibility and I think it is fair to say we all have no idea how it ends up playing out. No one does. If two months ago you had said I was going to be ordered to stay in my home and be stressed about buying basic food, I would have laughed at you.
The original Scarlett
I share your optimism and POV, also close to SV and am also encouraged by the reports that our SIP appears to be working here
anon
Honestly, I’m enjoying the slower pace of life now. It’s a nice change from the usual hectic pace. My husband is still working regular hours (law enforcement) but we still have more family time together. I’ve been able to finally get ahead of my work instead of feeling like I’m drowning, I’m able to read more books and spend more time practicing the piano, and I’m having fun getting creative with frugal recipes using my pantry staples. We also finally tackled a home improvement project we haven’t had time to do before. It’s nice to be able to spend more time with my family instead of constantly rushing around. It sounds like I’m alone in this but I’m actually perfectly happy in this quarantine.
Pure Imagination
I’m right there with you. I’m stressed about the state of the world and the health of my family and friends, but I could stay in quarantine for quite a while and be fine.
Ribena
Me too. It’s really making me re evaluate what I’ve prioritised and I am thinking about going down to a 4 day work schedule after this is over to give myself more time to slow down. It would be less than a 10% pay cut for 50% more free time each week.
(That said, as I said above, I don’t know how long I can stand the total isolation!)
Thanks, it has pockets!
Honestly, same. It’s a little frustrating and inconvenient at times, but I’ve actually appreciated the extra time to myself.
Anonymous
It is kinda nice to pause on all the things I normally have to, like hair, nail, facial appointments, check ups, obligatory family visits, doing my hair and makeup every day, travel for work, etc.
Belle Boyd
I was reading an article the other day that was linked from CapHillStyle. Not sure if it was in the actual article or if it was a link in the article I was reading, but it was basically a timeline on how long this could go on. More or less, the article said that if the social distancing rules are lifted this summer, we could see bars and restaurants opened back up, but nothing like concerts, sporting events, or music festivals this year. It also mentioned that there is a chance for a second flare-up come September and we could be doing this all again in the fall. I was completely disheartened. I live for summer concerts. It’s what I do. I don’t go on vacations. I put my vacation time and the money I’d spend on travel and hotels toward concert tickets. So far, I have five shows planned for this year. Two (one from last week and one coming up in May) have been rescheduled to June and July. There are two big, definite sell-out shows that I was really looking forward to and one show I missed last summer that was a week after my car accident that just by luck is coming back to town this fall. I’m hopeful that the “show will go on”, but I’m being realistic and know that the chances are going to be slim. And honestly, I’m going to be on edge being around so many people (and so many germs!)
And then there’s fall… That’s my favorite time of the year to go to camp. We have an RV in a small RV park that is closed right now, and if this all flares up again, they may close again in the fall. I didn’t get to do anything last fall when I was recovering from my accident and it feels like I won’t get to do anything this year/this fall, either. A neighboring town has a big festival my sister and I always go to. We plan for it the minute we can put vacation time in at work. If things get bad again in the fall, that’ll be canceled, too. There’s just so much up in the air right now and it feels like my life is on hold and has been on hold since my accident at the end of last summer. I’m trying to stay positive and find something good in each day, but truth is, I’m getting depressed feeling like I don’t have much to look forward to now.
Anon
Solidarity. I also live for Summer Concerts. I know there are WAY worse things happening right now, but I currently have tickets to see my favorite artist at my favorite venue mid June and the thought of that being canceled makes me want to cry and I am holding out irrational hope.
(Please no harsh comments about how that is not happening. Not what I mentally need right now :)
Thanks, it has pockets!
I have tickets to see my all-time favorite band at a really awesome venue this August. If the concert is cancelled, of course I’ll understand and not be a jerk about it, but I will be seriously bummed about it.
Anon
I will add, bc we sound similar, Live Nation has a whole daily schedule of either past concerts being aired at a certain time, or some artists doing live online shows at a certain time. I went through the lists and added a couple to my calendar, and I have to say, I know this is going to sound silly, but seeing “Phish” on my calendar for last night helped my mood all day, like as if I had a real world plan for a night out.
Belle Boyd
I need to check this list out! I also saw that Garth Brooks and Trisha Yearwood are doing a concert from their home studio tonight on CBS if any of you ladies are country music fans. I’m planning to watch to get a “fix.” It doesn’t sound silly, adding a show to your calendar. It’s something to look forward to, and right now, I’ll take every little thing I can get!
Thank you ladies, too, for “getting” me on this. I was worried it would sound like such a first world problem, but this is what I do. I spend all winter looking forward to concert season and I’ve been really feeling it hard on top of the anxiety of the whole situation. The one that’s really hitting hard is a reunion tour for a favorite group this August. I wasn’t expecting it to happen and nearly fell out of my chair when I saw the announcement. And then there were rumors that one of my absolute favorite singers would be opening! My friend and I were so excited for this one – planning to tailgate before the show… if it doesn’t happen I will legit cry. Seriously ugly cry. Hell, I might just do that anyhow.
Going to check out Live Nation right now. Hugs (germ free, of course) to all of you fellow concert-goers! Here’s hoping we still get to go!
anonshmanon
I think some restrictions will be lifted once we have the production in place for enough tests with fast results, masks for everyone and maybe a way for any sick employee to take leave and not continue spreading for the sake of a paycheck.
The Bay area which had the restrictions in place very early, is looking at their numbers with careful optimism. It seems to be helping!
Anon
I’m doing the same thing we did when I was a kid and money was tight – make a game/challenge out of how long between trips to the store, how many days can I go without spending money, how to make dinner out of the random stuff at the back of the cupboard, find stuff around the house to do that we forgot about (all those seeds in the fridge!), etc. I hated it back then (“But everybody else orders pizza on Friday night, why can’t weeeee???”), but it’s serving me well now. 11 days, $0… longest streak I’ve had since I didn’t *have to* because I legit didn’t have any money.
Good Morning!
I grew up spending summers extremely isolated, not seeing anyone besides my mom for a long time, no tv, obviously no internet. It was so miserable but it prepared me well for now when I have all these movies I can watch etc. Who knew the shittiest part of my childhood would come in so useful!
Anon
Oh, that was far from the shittiest part of my childhood. Those parts are why I’m not feeling lonely or isolated by not being around people as this crud makes its way through civilization and why I’m fairly calm through this whole thing, because eh, it’s out of my control, so why stress over it.
Anon
Another Anon here; I feel very similar to this! I’ve been pretty calm about the whole thing, just like ::shrug:: that [insert activity] is over now, moving on. I had a similar sounding childhood, so maybe that’s where the calm is coming from during all this.
Anon
Yes, to me this has felt a lot like being broke. I was thinking that when people were debating their anxiety levels over paper towel and TP availability.
Anon
And as you mentioned, this is even more true when it comes to food. I can still put together some semblance of a meal out of “whatever is left” in a fridge or pantry. Most people always have enough starches (even if it’s not flour) and leavening lying around to make a passable, no recipe muffin or quick bread. There are some tricks to making “stone soup” taste pretty good. Or taste good to someone who has done all this before, anyway! It is definitely strange how in some ways this can feel like back to normal.
anne-on
Yup. I feel like people freaking out about cooking food didn’t have the experience of ‘what can I make with the $10 I have and/or pantry staples lying around’ experience I did in my 20s. And there are SO many more food bloggers/recipes available online now, really, teaching yourself to meal prep/plan/cook is so much easier now than it’s ever been.
Anon
Hmm. Yes, I really agree with that. Thanks for sharing. I’ve been wondering why I didn’t feel anxiety over food or necessities, and I think that explains it. Making more money didn’t make me feel safer, but that also means risking it isn’t as scary either.
Anonymous
One week at a time. I think end of June/Start of July is not unrealistic if social distancing stays in place until then. In my Cdn province, the Health minister is also a doctor and he thinks that is possible. I’m planning nothing right now for this summer which is somehow oddly freeing after years of a tightly schedule 3 kid life.
There may be another wave of shutdowns for a month or two during flu season but we’ll al be more experienced with WFH by then, plus hopefully there will be more treatments developed. Even if there is not a vaccine before the 2021 flu season, there will likely start to be herd immunity by then.
Pure Imagination
We are going to plan some isolated trips to go camping as soon as restrictions allow. This is something that we enjoy anyway so it doesn’t feel like a compromise. However, I doubt that we will travel internationally for some time, which is a huge bummer.
Anonymous
Hardest thing around here is that all our state parks and national forests are closed – some already through the summer and some likely to get extended that long. Many county and regional parks that are hiking/camping destinations also closed. These outdoor activities are a huge part of most people in my state’s summer and the thought of no hiking or camping for months and months is really extremely depressing.
KS IT Chick
I am letting go of the idea of normal. Nothing about this situation is normal, and trying to make it normal is just another sort of stress.
My husband and I are in the process of moving. Under the best of conditions, that is stressful. Our current plan is to do what we can and once we reach the point of needing professional movers we will wait. (We can’t move the sofa and dining room table ourselves.) Then we will get the house on the market. That’s what normal will look like. I don’t know when that will be.
Anon
I agree with that, but I would actually rate the uncertainty of a vaccine in 18 months as >75% and I do think antiviral treatment will play a role in the recovery. I think it’s more productive to think of what 2021-2025 will look like as a new normal. Here is my hypothesis: with compulsory mask wearing AND robust, accessible testing (potentially weekly/monthly testing for some, but also things like a mail-in test before going to the Dr. for a physical, or a mail-in test before having a holiday dinner), we won’t be on lock-down anymore, but we won’t be eating out/going to the movies/going to concerts/doing most entertainment activities. I don’t think most of us will be riding public transit or going to work at a desk job either. It’s also hard for me to imagine that schools/daycares/camps can return to normal before treatments are available.
Anonymous
Wow. This is an incredibly depressing forecast. I don’t want to live that way at all.
Anon
Yeah. Not to be overly dramatic but if that’s the reality I’d rather this thing just take me out now
Thanks, it has pockets!
I’m prepared for our current state of things – remote work, restaurants doing takeout and delivery only, most non-essential businesses closed, no parties or social gatherings, etc. – until mid June or early summer. And even then, we may see a lot of precautions in place until the vaccine comes out. Maybe we do see the virus subside in the summer and we have some small window of cautious normalcy in the summer, before having to stay in for the fall in case it picks back up again like the Spanish Flu did.
ohMinnow
Also, templates that Italy, Spain, and China present, as they move through it, will help us figure out next steps.
Anonymous
I am looking to the 1918 flu pandemic as an example: there will be multiple waves of infections with concomitant tightening and loosening of social distancing measures, then the virus will finally down for good once most everyone has had it. I am skeptical that a safe, effective vaccine can be developed and widely administered before we reach herd immunity. Vaccine or not, I’m guessing it will be around two years before things stabilize.
I am in VA, where the governor has closed schools for the remainder of the year and imposed a relatively lax stay-home order until mid-June. If the current round of infections has passed its peak by then, my guess is that most state governments will loosen restrictions over the summer in hopes that they can get some economic activity restarted. My family, however, will likely remain at home over the summer. My husband’s employer is making noises that it is eager to shut down some of its buildings and go to permanent WFH for many of its employees. There is no way I am sending my teenager to camp or sports practice. I am high-risk and will push for a doctor’s note if necessary to continue WFH.
I’m not sure exactly what we’ll do come fall. Husband and I will likely continue working from home. School will probably start up again in September. If the virus is not circulating widely, we’ll probably send her to school but not sports for the first few weeks. When things ramp up again in late September or early October, if schools don’t close again but the situation is obviously dangerous, we will probably have to pull her and homeschool for the remainder of the academic year. That will be a tough decision, as she’s very committed to her high school IB program.
No matter how things play out, I’m not going back to the office or traveling again until I acquire immunity one way or another.
Travel, sigh
My husband occasionally travels for work. He’s a consultant and afraid of losing his job if he doesn’t take this upcoming job in Washington state (“a few weeks” out, mid to late April timeline). While I have a hard time believing that this trip will come to fruition (shelter in place??), I am hoping for travel tips. Husband will drive (it’s a full day away, but flying is absolutely out), but he will need to stay at a hotel and eat food. The place he’s contracted for is not healthcare related.
Obviously people live and work in Washington state, but I’m curious about… logistics of the rest. We have exactly one N-95 mask and we have some disposable latex gloves. He could bring cleaning spray and paper towels. But … What else?
Does he self isolate when returning home? What would you do?
Anonymous
He doesn’t go. The trip won’t happen.
Pure Imagination
+1. Of course he doesn’t go.
Mrs. Jones
+1
No Longer Anon
Washington is essentially shut down. I’d be surprised if it went ahead, since almost everyone is WFH here besides essential personnel who actually can’t work from home.
Anonymous
Is he somehow in health care? My friends don’t re-wear clothes (and put them in a separate bin) and scrub out as soon as they get home, incl. washing hair. He can do that and isolate when he returns home. I know friends who are going to NYC for healthcare “deployments” to provide some relief.
Travel OP
No, he doesn’t, which is why I don’t understand why his boss told him yesterday that he is going.
I don’t understand how this other company could be considered “essential”, but I don’t know.
If this trip had been planned for weeks / months I would understand that it would definitely be cancelled now. However, the trip just got planned and husband was informed yesterday that he was assigned to the travel portion of the contract.
Thanks for the tips. Self isolation when he gets home is something I thought of but dreaded (we have two kids).
Airplane.
Food anxiety OP from yesterday – Did you or your husband go out and get milk for your preschooler and food for your family? I was thinking about this again this morning. I hope the comments helped and that you get some help with anxiety.
Clementine
I was thinking about this too. Sending good vibes to you.
Food anxiety
I’m better. Thanks. It was a weird manifestation of the lack of control over everything. My husband has promised he won’t let us starve.
I’m just trying not to think too much because it’s all so scary. I have to balance my fears or the virus with my fears of running out of food. I was spiraling and it was hard to look at the maps and know the vast majority of the cases are here and then hear people say there is food in Maryland.
It’s hard to hear people comparing this to communist Russia or east berlin and saying I should just be ok with that. I know I’m a privileged American but it’s hard to accept hardships like that.
I think a lot about this life, which is just such a minefield of danger and struggle. It feels like all the joy is just over. I feel like I’m up against everyone else in trying to keep my family safe. It’s turning me into a person I never wanted to be. I feel really foolish and angry at myself for not doing more. Especially for trusting people about the masks.
I’m logging off now. I’m taking it day by day. There is food now. We’re not coughing yet. But I know two people personally who have already died and they were relatively young. The refrigeratored trucks are ready for the bodies in our town. I hope I’ll have a better day.
Anonymous
I hope you spend part of your day finding a telemedicine mental health provider.
Anon
I’m glad you got food. Please call your primary care provider if you have one, or urgent care if you don’t, to see about a referral to a therapist and/or meds so you can acquire tools to better deal with your anxiety. Even in the current trying times, these things exist and access is actually better than it was in a lot of places because everyone recognizes how stressful this is and insurance is loosening restrictions on telehealth. Please make the call.
Anon
Sending you lots of good and healthy thoughts. Also a reminder that there are people you can talk to – today – on the phone to help you work through these feelings. You feel what you feel, and that is fact, but I hope you can find some peace during these challenging times.
Smile when you give your child his next cup of milk. You’re doing great.
cbackson
You may not see this, but in case you do: I have struggled with anxiety and panic in the past and this situation is really exacerbating it. CBT and Pema Chodron’s book When Things Fall Apart have really helped me. The latter is a bit of a shock to the system because the Buddhist approach to dealing with these situations (accept that we have no control and learn how to live with that understanding) is very different than a typical Western approach (struggle to assert control), and it might not work for you, but I have found it helpful in the past and it’s helping me now.
No Longer Anon
It sounds like you’re still experiencing a lot of anxiety and somewhat spiraling. I know it’s hard to get care right now, but I hope you can reach out to a primary care doctor and let them know you’re really struggling. This is hard- but anxiety makes it harder. There’s help available, even now.
Airplane.
I’m glad you have food now.
Anon
I also want to reflect how much grief and anxiety you are still holding here. With help, you can navigate these feelings and thrive. It doesn’t have to feel like this. I’ll be keeping you in my thoughts – I really hope you reach out to your doctor.
AIMS
“It’s hard to hear people comparing this to communist Russia or east berlin and saying I should just be ok with that. I know I’m a privileged American but it’s hard to accept hardships like that.”
I totally get this but I think the thing that people are trying to say when they compare to worse times isn’t that, ‘it could be worse, it’s been worse, and you’re spoiled if you don’t get it’. It’s that even in those worse times, joy wasn’t lost! People still lived, loved, laughed, had great s*x, babies, good meals (yes!), made and consumed art, and all that. I think about my grandparents who lived through revolutions, world wars, Nazi invasions, etc., and I think about my grandma who always said that she had ‘the happiest life’. I think the point isn’t just to say ‘hey be grateful it’s not worse,’ it’s that you can still find joy in life no matter what. I mean isn’t that the point of Life is Beautiful, etc.? So maybe right now is not the joy time, but it isn’t lost forever. The human capacity to adapt is incredible.
So try to remember that. And if you’re having a bad day, that’s okay, it doesn’t have to be bad forever. Life will get better. It always does (and then it gets worse.. but then better! It’s just how it is).
Good Morning!
This is a very powerful comment.
Monday
Thanks, AIMS. I also find some comfort in thinking about the wars and disasters that our ancestors lived through. It’s true that it could be much, much worse. But also I feel a sense of solidarity and hope. Societies and nations go through horrible, devastating upheavals. This is one of them. It will become part of history like all the rest. First we will tell the next generations about it, and eventually it will be covered in textbooks.
Senior Attorney
Yes, your last sentence is so true, AIMS. The good times don’t last but the bad times don’t last, either. And now here we all are living through a VERY BAD TIME but it will end and we if we can keep our humanity we will come out the other side and there will be good times again.
Anon
I liked the xkcd comic linked above partly because the worst part of this is something outside our control. Despite bad actors, bad opinions, and some pretty shocking failures, civilization is trying to respond to this the right way and to do a better job than we were able to do the last time around. I think accountability is important, find it easy to focus on human adversaries, and have a pretty dark outlook on civilization in general, but I have to admit that so, so many people are contributing to making things turn out better than they might have.
Never too many shoes...
This is very wise, AIMS.
I have been thinking about a line I have always loved from a total fluff book (Ya Ya!) dished out in the middle of a terrible situation – Life is short but it is also wide. This too shall pass.
Vicky Austin
Short but wide – love that.
Anon
just need to vent. My sister and husband have been self quarantining for 2 weeks. They live in Brooklyn. Now they are planning on going to her in-laws house instead of our dad’s house. Our mom passed away recently and so our dad is all alone and still getting used to it, while her in-laws have each other. the other night my dad said to me on the phone that he wishes they would go to him (not yet knowing they are planning on going to her in-laws). he is going to be so hurt. i would happily go to my dad’s if i could safely get there even though honestly going to my in-laws would be better/more helpful for me (i have two toddlers), but i live halfway across the country. my sister and i already do not have the best relationship, so i can’t really intervene, but i am so disappointed in her
Vicky Austin
Ack, I’m sorry. Family dynamics are so tangled and difficult sometimes.
Airplane.
Can you set up more facetime with your dad and kiddos? Helping him feel more family connection with you and your toddlers will maybe help you let go of disappointment in your sister.
Anonymous
Can you try to see this from your sister’s point of view? Unless your dad moved to be near her, it sounds like you are the one who moved far away. You probably have a really manageable work life and a giant house compared to whatever tiny place she has in Brooklyn. I might be projecting here, but as the person who stayed in NY to be near family, it is so hard when the out of staters start pointing fingers about those of us who work longer hours and have tougher commutes and less work life balence BECAUSE we want to stay near family not doing enough. Sorry if that is harsh. But that’s what’s going on on our end.
Anon
Not OP and don’t know her specific situation but I’d also like to vent about a self righteous sibling who moved cross country only to point fingers and say I don’t do enough or I don’t do right or how lucky I have it when, really, all yours if you’d move back bro! I love (I don’t) how people like to have imaginary scenarios of selflessness of what they would do if they could when they cannot so they aren’t.
Airplane.
Oof, actually, I do agree with this. Not even just about siblings and parents and moving, but I totally see a lot of self righteous people who like to have imaginary scenarios of selflessness of what they would do if they could when they cannot so they aren’t. OP, if you are the one who moved away, it is a little unecessarily judgy of you.
Anon
+100 I feel like the imaginary selfless people are everywhere right now and it really is rubbing me the wrong way
OP
um no, I live in a 2 bedroom apartment with 2 toddlers. moved for DH’s job. under normal times he works a ton and travels a ton. my sister lives about 4 hours from my dad.
Anon
Does your sister know any of this or are you mad at her for something she doesn’t even know she’s supposedly done wrong? Also you’re making a lot of assumptions about her in-laws, who I assume she knows much better than you do.
Anon
+1 there are a lot of assumptions in the post. Also presumably this is a family decision. Her husband’s views and family also matter here. I’d be livid if my husband demanded we go to his family over mine which is essentially what you are mad at your sister for not doing.
Small wins
DH and I are child free by choice and in the midst of this whole thing no one has dared utter the words ‘you’ll change your mind’ or ‘it’s different when they’re yours’. So that’s my little victory. Any other ladies gave small victories to share?
Vicky Austin
My mom apologized to me for something!
Small wins
That sounds like a huge win to me!
Airplane.
I’m with you on this small victory!
Speaking of, whatever happened to the OP from the start of quarantine who was angry and bitter about her child free coworkers not checking in more and offering to help her! That was insane.
Small wins
I forgot about her! I’d be curious to know if she’s changed her view.
anne-on
Ha, oh yes, I’d be curious for an update there. And from the lawyer who was pushing back on the expectation that she do non-billable work.
Anonymous
Right, especially now that layoffs are starting are starting (and Cadwalader news from yesterday — oof).
The Introvert
Petty of me, but as a strong introvert who works in a very small building with 6 extreme extroverts, I’m rather enjoying the angst of the extroverts dealing with an introvert’s environment.
Pure Imagination
Ha I totally get this and am here for the pettiness right now as I deal with my extrovert coworker all day every day…
Anon
+1. I’m trying to be empathetic, but honestly part of me feels glee over cosmic pay-back for the lifetime of coping introverts have dealt with!
anon
+2, severe introvert and I can’t deny I enjoy this part of it.
Anon
+1
It’s really true that the dip in quality of life extroverts are experiencing right now is proportional to how much better things have gotten for me (even despite the awful circumstances).
Another introvert
Oh yes! Severely introverted me thinks, oh, so extroverted you feels stressed daily if not hourly due to the amount of human interaction because this is NOT what you’re built for, well WELCOME TO MY WORLD. I know this does not cast me in good light. I know it’s petty or worse. But I have had a friggin lifetime of being expected to meet extrovert standards of interaction.
Anon
+1, but also just realization that I’m not “broken” (as I’ve honestly always felt for being an introvert) but simply adapted to a different life environment. It honestly makes me feel much better that there are life circumstances when my lack of desire to socialize casually is an advantage.
emeralds
Love this idea. I shrugged off the quarantine WFH doldrums to propose & lead a new project at work, which people are responding to really well! It’s not a huge endeavor or anything, but it has a short turnaround period and it’s been nice to have something to focus on.
Anon
I’ve been on the fence about having kids for awhile, mostly because I’ve never found someone I thought would be a strong partner and father. I don’t want to end up like most women doing the majority of the care taking and housework. I’m shocked at how many people can’t stand being home with their kids. I know it’s hard to juggle work and kids and I’m not blaming them at all. It just makes me feel like I’m really making the right decision not to have kids as I sit here in my pjs, “working” and watching Netflix.
Anon
My husband and I were actually talking about how we’d be bored out of our minds if we didn’t have a kid. It’s definitely exhausting working 1.5 full time jobs but children provide so much entertainment and get our minds off the current situation.
Pure Imagination
Really? My husband and I are also on the fence about having kids, but having too much free time/being bored is DEFINITELY not our problem. We were just saying last night that we wish there were more hours in the day so we could do the things we want to do during quarantine. This whole situation has made me reconsider (yet again) whether my life has space for kids in it – and I’m not even able to do my outdoor hobbies right now!
Is it Friday yet?
Yeah, if you’re bored because you don’t have another person to entertain you, that’s a lack of imagination, not a reason to procreate. I also really miss all my outdoor hobbies, spending time with my friends IRL, and going to the gym, but am having zero problems keeping myself entertained at home – and I don’t even have someone else here to interact with.
Anon
“Bored” was not the right word. There are things I enjoy doing from home like reading, Netflix and baking. But what I meant was that without kids keeping me so busy, I know my mind would go to darker places and I would be more depressed and anxious. That might not be true for everyone, but it’s true for me and I imagine a lot of other people. I wasn’t suggesting a pandemic is a reason to procreate but people are saying it’s a reason NOT to procreate and I don’t agree. This is (hopefully) a once-in-a-generation situation and not something we’ll find ourselves in again once the current situation is fully resolved. Most of the time parents aren’t trying to work full time with no childcare, so you can’t really compare our stress levels in this extraordinary situation to normal life with kids.
Anon
I’m not sure about once in a lifetime. They’ve been preparing for the flu to mutate in a pandemic direction for decades. I’ve seen multiple medical experts call this the practice run for the “big one.” Obviously we hope to be better prepared for influenza (and there are people are working hard on an “all flu” vaccine concept as we speak).
Anon
Flu is much easier to prepare for because we already have so much research about and vaccines for it, and we all have some underlying immunity to flu (different strains, but it still helps). Also flu is much less deadly than this virus. “Pandemic” just means widespread, it doesn’t mean deadly. The swine flu was a pandemic but less people died than in a regular flu season.
Anon
And yet many experts express more concern about a bad, novel strain of influenza. Maybe I am phrasing things wrongly in talking about its potential as a pandemic, but I thought the concern was that novelty could sidestep prior immunity. The deadliness would depend on the other effects of the mutation that made it novel (strains of the flu can be much more deadly than the annual flu). But yes, we have decades of vaccine research going into combating a bad, new flu. SARS vaccine research funding, in contrast, dried up before they’d even finished animal trials.
Anon
I said once in a generation not once in a lifetime. A generation is 20 years. I don’t think most experts expect another extended worldwide shutdown to prevent a disease in the next couple of decades. And if you have small children now, you won’t have really small kids in 20 (or even 10) years. There are plenty of excellent reasons not to have children, but I don’t think “I don’t want to be trapped at home with small children during the next global pandemic” is a good one.
Anon
Right. We were about to TTC before this, and this has actually given me the push I needed to want to have a kid. Spending time with a kid right now seems a lot more fulfilling than watching Netflix and organizing my house.
Pure Imagination
No kids here but I have a long list of fun activities I don’t have time to get to at home – Netflix and organization among them :) Kids can certainly be fulfilling, but the alternative doesn’t have to be vegging in front of the TV.
Airplane.
Really? All over this board and IRL in my life are parents complaining about having to watch, teach, intervene, and chase after their kids while working from home or just being trapped at home. I’m like OP this quarantine made me sooooo glad I don’t have to chase after children all over the house in quarantine. I haven’t heard childfree friends complain about boredom at all, it’s more complaints about not being able to go to restaurants and bars, cancelled travel and events and gym closures.
Anon
So I’ve definitely complained, both here and in real life, because it IS exhausting working full time and then being a half time preschool teacher. At the same time, I have literally never been more grateful I have kids and most of my mom friends feel the same way. This is a sad, scary time and I’m so glad my family unit is bigger than just my husband and me. I also tend to be anxious and the fact that I’m working and taking care of children for a large portion of the day gives me no time to sit around and stew. I know if I didn’t have kids keeping me busy I would be going on a lot more anxiety spirals. And my kids also bring SO much joy to my life. Yes, it can be exhausting wrangling them, especially now, but they make me laugh and smile constantly and that comic relief is so badly needed right now. And their hugs just make everything better.
I’m not saying everyone wants or needs to have kids. It’s a perfectly valid choice not to have them. but if you are in the fence about it, I don’t think this current pandemic and venting from exhausted parents should deter you. The fact that children are stressful and exhausting at times (and especially so now when none of us have childcare and are tying to still work fulltime) is not at all mutually exclusive with the fact that they are an incredible source of joy and happiness.
Anon
Anon at 11:53am – as a childless married woman, I found your comment very hopeful and refreshing. Thanks.
AnonLondon
“The fact that children are stressful and exhausting at times (and especially so now when none of us have childcare and are tying to still work fulltime) is not at all mutually exclusive with the fact that they are an incredible source of joy and happiness.” That comment above is 100% my experience as well. This is exhausting and scary, but I have also never been more grateful to have my kid and we’re still planning on having another (presuming our secondary infertility issues resolve).
Anon
Honestly, a lot of those people complain about anything. (I’m not talking about women who genuinely have problems with getting their homes to function with a husband who doesn’t pitch in and bosses who demand too much.) Their currency is having it harder in life than everyone else around them. If they have kids, it’s JUST SO HARD and YOU CAN’T UNDERSTAND UNLESS YOU’RE A MOTHER. If they don’t have kids, you’re a SMUG MARRIED and YOU CAN’T UNDERSTAND.
Seriously, I just tune it all out at this point, except for people who have good heads on their shoulders and have the perspective to relish the good times when they have them. Those people, from what I’ve seen, admit that this is challenging but are looking for resources to help their kids and enjoy the good moments that come up through all this.
Is it Friday yet?
+1 I’m taking a certain pleasure in seeing everyone bitch about their kids/husbands right now, while I relax, WFH without distraction, and read all the books/watch all the Netflix/knit all the things. Who feels sorry for who NOW?
Pure Imagination
Thanks for the knitting tips you and others provided! I just knitted my first potholder and it looks pretty decent!
Is it Friday yet?
Yay! I’m still very new to it myself – I think I’m going to start on a shawl tonight…
NOLA
I’m a pretty experienced knitter, but between work, planning for singing next week, and trying to get out and run, I have had zero time or energy to pull out my latest project. I keep hoping?
Anonymous
Yea, I’m not entirely proud of it, but I am having a lovely #smugsingle momeny for once!
anon
Take all that pleasure. Live your best life and I will vicariously live it through you.
I love, love, love my children but I am an introvert. This much constant time together with literally no break from other people in any meaningful way is exhausting me. I would handle a quarantine SO WELL if I lived alone. I am made for it. I would have read five novels by now.
That said, I would be handling this much better as a fulltime SAHM too. Trying to bill as much as possible to avoid get laid off in a house full of people is just stressful.
Anon
You would not be handling the quarantine well. Anyone who is handling this well is not human. Everyone is suffering whether you are single or married with kids. Working from home or laid off. We are all suffering in some way. Let’s try to be a little more sympathetic and this goes for me too!
Anon
This is largely me, too. But, to Anon at 10:37’s point, I have to recognize that this isn’t a normal circumstance for kids, either, based on what I’m picking up from my parent friends. I think a lot of them are needier than normal or acting out their emotions more intensely. They need social interaction that isn’t their parents, they probably like their normal routine of school or daycare, and they don’t want to be cooped up. They’re also feeling a big range of emotions, pick up their parent’s anxiety, and they probably understand more about the news and uncertainty than people given them credit for.
ohMinnow
I stand pettily by your side. Some bloggers are complaining about being home with their children all day … it is just too much ! Like really, these life choices you made are too much ???
Anonymous
When I had a child, I never intended to stay home with her all day. There used to be such a thing as school.
Anon
Right Anonymous at 2:02, exactly. Nobody made the life choice to not be able to send our children to daycare or school. Hold the judgment.
Anon
It’s kind of sad but probably true that there is no one who wants to spend all that much time with many kids without getting paid to do so.
Anonymous
It’s not the spending time with your kids – honestly, that’s awesome. They’re cool little people. It’s the spending time with them while working a full time job. I didn’t work from home before and I didn’t bargain on that.
Airplane.
#smugDINK
Airplane.
I feel like all the anecdotes of quarantine with 2 WFH parents has made it even clearer that most women doing the majority of the care taking and housework. Ugh.
Anon
Yep. This is why I’m single with no kids. Every boyfriend I ever had never seemed like he would be a good partner. Most seem like they are still stuck in the 1950’s. I’m sure there are some good ones out there, but I haven’t found any.
Anon
The lock-down has made me so grateful for my wonderful choice in a partner. They are my best friend, and the only person I would want to spend this time with. I’m also grateful to the really, really hard work of my 20s, which gave me a job that fulfills me, a house and yard to be safe in, a dog to play with, and the therapy/perspective/growth to control my life-long anxiety enough to feel and post this.
Clementine
Honestly, same.
I worked my pants off in my 20’s so that I was at a point in my career where I had stability and control. I am thankful for that, for my house and yard, and lots of therapy.
Mostly though, I am so thankful for the human I picked to spend our lives together. He’s done so much more than I have in terms of childcare and just… keeps our family going.
Anon
I’m someone who doesn’t dye her hair, wax her eyebrows, wear fake nails, eyelash extensions or have any kind of beauty regimen that requires frequent updates. Sometimes I feel like I could do “more” to be a tad prettier but I feel pretty secure in how I look without that stuff. Right now I’m taking serious pleasure in the fact that I will look like my normal self in another month or two while some people I know are concerned they will be unrecognizable without their frequent salon/spa trips. It’s particularly ironic how we are now all suddenly doing all these Zoom meetings with video so everyone is getting seen more than normal.
Airplane.
What? No, we are getting seen less than normal because we can’t leave out houses. Zoom meetings are trying to replace the in person meetings we would normally have.
Anon
I’ve had a lot of meetings that would normally be phone calls that are now on Zoom. It’s like once some people learned about Zoom they wanted to use it all the time. I guess the Zoom membership is cheaper than some teleconference lines so some places don’t want to pay for both and are ditching the telecon lines in place of all Zoom all the time.
So Anon
That I filed for divorce, had the divorce finalized and sold the marital home last year. Having to shelter in place with my ex?? Shudder. And I am finally free of the what-ifs and was this right questions? He said he loved me while hanging up with the kids this week, and I responded, “ok. Bye.” That felt good.
Senior Attorney
OMG me, too! I ran away from the former marital home seven years ago this month, but I still absolutely cringe when I think about being stuck with the ex in this situation.
Anon
Yikes, this thread is full of people being happy because of others’ unhappiness and that strikes me as not a great way to make yourself feel better.
Is it Friday yet?
I’m not happy because of others’ unhappiness, I’m happy because for the first time in like ten years my single status is a point of jealousy, not pity. I’m finally not being condescended to about meeting the right person someday, it’s great!
ohMinnow
Exactly this!
Airplane.
+1. I’m happy that other women have finally stopped trying to convince me they know my own mind bettwe than I do when it comes to procreating. Not the same.
Anon
+1,000. Sometimes parents talk about how exhausted, broke, and tired they are but then shame you for not having kids.
Pure Imagination
First things first, I’ve decided to pick up a regular handle after nearly a decade of posting as Anon (what can I say, I’m lazy and a follower at times). Looking forward to talking with you all under my new name! It came to me in a burst of inspiration last night.
Second of all, I have a new contender for worst employer ever (from Ask a Manager yesterday): https://www.askamanager.org/2020/03/my-company-wont-pay-us-if-we-dont-install-spy-software-on-our-personal-computers.html
I hope my boss doesn’t see this and get ideas. That would be a firm nope from me. My question is do employees have any legal ground to refuse this without getting fired?
Airplane.
No, they likely don’t. Employer is not violating any law by asking employee to install monitoring software on their computers, if employee refuses, employer can fire them for insubordination. Like a lot of things, it sucks but it’s not unlawful.
anon
I assume the employees are wanting to use their personal PCs for work and employer wants to protect their data from spyware/bad actors. Nothing wrong with that….in fact that is smart business strategy. If employees don’t want to install spyware on personal devices, use the devices/computers provided by the employer! There is way too much business risk associated with employees using personal computers for work.
Thanks, it has pockets!
Right, if it’s primarily a security measure, I’d be fine with it, but I may want some assurance that the company isn’t going to be actively spying on my everyday activities, and stuff like web browsing habits and productivity data will only be audited if there’s a concern that I’m slacking off during work hours. I work for an endpoint security company and I understand BYOD concerns, but I don’t want to work for a company that doesn’t trust me.
Anon
It’s definitely primarily a security measure. No company should trust their users not to click on bad links, visit bad sites, have software that talks to places it shouldn’t talk to, etc. It’s not personal, just reality.
The fact that they are requiring people to use their personal computers for work is another issue – and who is to say these people have personal computers at all. The prudent thing to do would to take your work desktop home. They should be pretty small if they’re modern computers.
anonshmanon
Anon@12:18, when you say it’s definitely primarily a security measure – what’s that in regards to? If you are referring to the AAM-article, it says there explicitly ‘The software tracks activity level and app and URL activity, and it has a function to send periodic random screenshots back to the employer.’. That’s surveillance of employees.
Pure Imagination
Even for personal computers? I don’t want to use my personal computer for work, but we have not been issued laptops. I would think it opens up some risk to the employer to install spyware on a personal device (like viewing PHI).
anon
Employer needs to issue and laptops to employees – this is 2020. Laptops are not expensive and collaboration software for WFH employees is very advanced. Sounds like your employer is stuck in the 1980s
Pure Imagination
I agree. My boss doesn’t :)
Airplane.
Yes. I’m not aware of a law that says employers must issue you a work laptop or a law that prohibits employers from asking you to use a personal device for work purposes. This is not going to protect an employee from getting fired for refusing to install monitoring software on a personal laptop employer is telling them to use for work purposes. Even if the software views your personal information on your device, what employment law does that violation? It won’t protect the employee from firing if she refuse to install. Again, I agree it sucks and is unfair, but don’t think it’s unlawful.
MagicUnicorn
If this were my situation, I believe my personal computer would be discovered to be too old, too slow, and would have too little space available to both install the software and to do anything more basic than sporadically check work emails.
Ribena
Nice username – it makes me think of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
Anon
Yesn one of the flavors.
Senior Attorney
Pleased to meet you, Pure Imagination! :)
Monday
More evidence that the media is indeed interested in bad-acting employers during Covid-19:
https://www.washingtonpost.com/business/2020/03/31/worker-retaliation-mistreatment-coronavirus/
Side note. I’m so tired of language around workers feeling “comfortable” or not. It ignores the inherent power dynamic and glosses over the obvious risk of being the one to say you are not “comfortable” with your working conditions.
C
We have been in the process of buying a new bed for a long time and I have decided to get a canopy bed. I love one on Pottery Barn’s website but was wondering if anyone can recommend any other stores?
Just looking for a good quality and sturdy bed (I still have nightmares of some flimsy lightweight IKEA beds I had when I was much younger…) that will last for a long time – we only just moved to the US and I don’t know where to look.
BB
Room and Board! Although not sure if they have canopy beds but they have very high quality, well made furniture.
Anon for this
Anon for this because I was venting to my colleagues about it. Double check that the PB bed you are eyeing arrives in pieces small enough to fit up your stairs. The bed I’d ordered is no longer on the website – it was similar to Antonia – but the headboard and footboard were pre-welded-together with the canopy poles and the resulting giant 6×8 rectangle could not make it up my small city staircase.
We chose an Ethan Allen bed instead and have been very happy with the quality. Have had it 2 years now.
Anon
We had a similar problem– we ordered a bed from a local craftsman. It was a platform king bed, and it would not fit through our front door.
anon
Fancy and fun! I know there are probably calm, adult, canopy beds out there, but I’m picturing you and your partner embracing a totally over-the-top aesthetic and it makes me smile.
Sorry, not advice though.
Formerly Lilly
My expectations are for furniture to last for another generation to use it, and I am very satisfied with my pottery barn bed.
Casper
For anyone having trouble getting milk, eggs, etc: Try your local convenience store. I did all of my grocery shopping at the local 7-11 yesterday and was able to get milk, eggs, flour, sugar, coffee, pasta and a few other things all with no line.
Ribena
Yes! I haven’t set foot in a large supermarket since this all started and it’s been pretty good. I did feel like a caricature of myself yesterday, sitting on my sofa in my millennial pink living room (painted by the last owners of the flat but I love it) wearing my new Lucy & Yak dungarees (I loooove them) eating own brand houmous from the local Italian convenience store/deli.
anon
Local large supermarkets in PA have eggs, and restock quickly. One day they didn’t have any eggs in the ‘regular’ dairy section but lots of eggs over in the ‘healthy organics’ aisles.
BB
Will also add: Drug stores! We have one of the new format Walgreens here that has a floor of normal drug store stuff and a floor of pantry items + dairy. They were the only place I could find salt this week – not sure why this was a panic buying thing…
A.
I’ve had the time to pay a little more attention to my skin lately because, well, quarantine. I have two whiteheads on my right eyelid and am wondering about the best way to deal with these given the delicate nature of that particular area of skin. Usually if I get whiteheads, it’s on my nose so the skin’s a little tougher. Any thoughts?
Anonymous
Warm washcloth and leave them alone. Don’t f with your eyes during a pandemic.
Monday
I think they are probably milia, not whiteheads. I also have some around my eyes. Before checking it out with a dermatologist, do not treat them like pimples.
Anonymous
+1
Anon
A warm washcloth may help.
Monte
Are you sure it is a whitehead and not milia? I typically just ignore them because picking at them will only make things worse.
Anon
Yes, sounds like milia. Don’t pick at them. If they’re still bothering you when this is over, go to a derm.
Senior Attorney
Yeah, the derm will make short work of them with a sharp pointy object.
Never too many shoes...
I have to confess, I did a little self-surgery on one under my eye recently. Bad, I know, But too much time at home…
HFB
Does anyone know of an app or computer program I could use to do an inventory of the food and cleaning products in my kitchen and produce the list in a spreadsheet? We have a barcode scanner that can read the labels on things (it’s for my partner’s work). But we need some kind of API or interface ….thing….that will “translate” those labels to generate a list (basically we need something like the software that the grocery store cashier uses to ring up a purchase, but obviously those are proprietary). I’ve done it manually before (writing/typing up a list) but that takes longer.
BTW, I am not the poster from yesterday who was panicked about the food supply, I just think it would help with meal planning and shopping lists, I have time on my hands and my partner and I are data nerds so we would find this mildly entertaining.
For the time being I do not think we are looking to also track what we use up…Im just looking to take a snapshot for today of what we have.
Thanks everyone!
Anon
That sounds like a lot to keep up with. It seems you’d spend more time maintaining the electronic database (scanning everything, removing certain portions when you cook with it, adding new items) than you would with a simple organization system. Two things that ultimately really helped me –
1) putting a white board on the fridge and freezer and just writing what was in there as I put it in and erasing with an erase – or let’s be real my finger – as it was used
2) organizing my pantry by category, stacking identical items, and having a system where everything can be seen – there is no “back of the pantry”. If the shelves are deep, I use shelves inside to lift things in the back.
The above allows for a simple eye scan to determine what we do and don’t have.
Anon
I think the time component is a feature, not a bug.
Anon
If you shop at a store like Wegmans and use your shopper’s card, you can get a list of what you bought from the website and stick it in a spreadsheet.
Vicky Austin
Paprika app won’t talk to your barcode reader, but it will do this.
Anon
out of curiosity – what are law firms doing about summer internships?
Airplane.
+ what is everyone doing about summer internships?
AIMS
Right now we are taking a TBD approach.
Anon
We’re currently still planning for interns to arrive the first week of June, but realistically I think there’s no way that’s happening.
Anon
In consulting. Haven’t heard what we’re doing specifically but have heard that other firms are planning for their interns to be entirely remote. I will be SHOCKED if we don’t drastically reduce hiring numbers (we tend to be short sighted). There’s also been talk of moving start dates for new campus hires.
Nonny
I’m at a UK retail bank and ours are cancelled, and people on our rotational training programmes have had spring moves postponed to September. I get the impression this is more because of logistics than because of costs. We’re still seeing the ramifications of the curtailed graduate recruitment after 2008 as it feeds through to middle and senior management.
Veronica Mars
My intern is going to be 100% remote, so we’ll see how that goes.
Anon
what industry are you in?
Veronica Mars
B2B technology, so we’re better equipped than most.
Anon
https://github.com/gcreddy42/hiring2020
Anonymous
I am a public health student and my internship is going to be fully remote – they plan to ship me a company laptop for the summer, which I will then ship back if things aren’t different by August. The caveat is that even if COVID-19 doesn’t get better, I will still need to intern because the work I will doing will essentially free up my manager to focus more on COVID. I have peers whose international experiences have been totally cancelled, peers who are in limbo, and peers who are still looking for remote opportunities.
I think internship details will vary greatly by organization and by industry. I hope future employers take this into account when current students graduate.
Anon
Higher ed, but our student interns will work remotely just like our regular staff.
Anonymous
I hadn’t thought of this. Does the CARES act address students? Not everyone can just bunk up with mom and dad over the summer. I probably could have under these extreme circumstances, but they would have been extremely unhappy and hostile about it.
Housecounsel
My daughter’s dream internship was cancelled last week.
Pregnant during Covid19
Just venting. I’m over 39 weeks pregnant and due to give birth any day now. I just found out that my OBGYN had secondary exposure to Covid-19, and is in isolation pending her test results. I have a lot of anxiety with medical professionals, and praying that my OBGYN tests negative and the baby stays in until she gets the all clear. I’m pretty upset and can’t focus on work with potential of delivery of first baby is with a doctor I’ve never met before.
Anonymous
Hugs! I gave birth with a midwife had had never met before. Two actually. There was a shift change while I was pushing! They were both amazing and kind and the exact people I needed for the moments. It’s going to be ok.
Anon
This may be a dumb / google question but what is the benefit of a midwife over a doctor? And how does one go about finding these professionals? Sounds like you were in a hospital setting, right?
Anon Lawyer
There are two types of midwives. Certified Nurse Midwives and Certified Professional Midwives. The first have training equivalent to nurse practitioners (sometimes even PhDs) and often practice in hospital settings. At my hospital, the midwives took “normal” births that weren’t high risk. They obviously didn’t do c-sections and the like, but they’re specialists in labor and delivery and I felt completely comfortable with them. The OBs were, of course, on call when necessary (and our ultrasounds were with perinatologists). CPMs often deliver in birthing centers and homebirths and the statistics about safety with them is a little more dicey.
I think it generally depends on the individual practitioner but I personally found thee CNMs to be a little more patient-centered.
Anonymous
It was amazing! The are all certified nurse midwives and yes I gave birth at a big hospital with a great NICU. I had an epidural. My aunt was an l and d nurse who became a midwife and all the women in my family go to them. They are really women focused and emphasize evidence based medicine. They do everything except c sections (but they let you know when you need one and go to surgery with you) and provide prenatal care as well as most regular ob/gyn things. They were awesome and let me push for hours without threatening a c section, because my baby’s heart rate was ok. Maybe an ob would have done that, maybe not.
Anon
Agree that you may feel less strongly once you’re in the hospital. My in-hospital labor lasted 26 hours with my first and went through 3 shift changes, none of which were my OB. The last doc was actually my fav though and I was glad to have the switch up. Focus on your nurses and your support partner, and know that if all goes well the OB is just there to catch the baby when it’s time. And congratulations!
Anon
all the hugs. it is definitely a scary and unusual time to have a baby. that being said, most people these days end up delivering their baby with a doctor they’ve never met before depending on who is on call, even in normal times. i had twins and was admitted with preeclampsia a few days before delivery and my doctor came to see me then, but a different doctor did my c-section, a third doctor treated me the day after the c-section and a fourth doctor the day after that. i had never met any of them before. i actually loved the 3rd and 4th docs more than my own doc. hang in there. this is definitely an unprecedented time
Senior Attorney
Hugs and love from another mom whose baby was delivered by a doc I’d never seen before. It was fine, and you will be fine, too. And the best part is at the end you get a baby!!
anon
+1 totally valid to be upset but most of my friends had their baby delivered by a doc they’d never met (or maybe met once) since the chance of your doc being on call when you go into labor is pretty low
Anon
Almost everyone delivers with a doctor they’ve never met before? Unless you have a scheduled C, you deliver with whatever doctor is on call when you go into labor. It’s not that big a deal. And I say that as someone who loved my OB and hated the on call doctor. You just deal with it.
Anonymous
+1. There is not much chance that your own doctor will be on call when you go into labor anyway. You just have to play the hand you’re dealt.
Anon
I was guaranteed to deliver with a doctor from my practice and was scheduled with each doctor during prenatal visits so that I’d meet them prior to delivery. It was one of the reasons I chose that practice and hospital.
OP
My doctor is solo practitioner and she delivers all babies unless she’s on vacation, which wouldn’t have been case around my due date. The group that may be on call in her potential absence is majority male doctors. I doesn’t matter for some, but I went out of my way geographically to find a female OBGYN I felt comfortable with and do so for all my medical needs.
Anonymous
That really stinks. I’m sorry. If I found out in late pregnancy that I’d likely have to give birth with a male doctor I’d be crushed. But at the moment, when my son was born, I swear I would have let the janitor catch him.
Also, fwiw, while I would never choose a male ob, I know one personally and he is a lovely human and a great doctor and I’m really hoping you have someone like him. Hugs.
Anon
I agree with all of this. I definitely would have felt that way while pregnant but not having my doctor there was the least of my worries when the day came.
OP I’m sorry this totally stinks.
Mrs. Jones
I didn’t know the doctor that delivered my baby, and it really didn’t matter.
purely hypothetical
This is clearly not going to happen in the near future (or possibly, ever, that’s why I’m posting), but has anyone ever stayed at a gardening-focused all-inclusive resort? I asked DH what would make him feel celebrated and loved and out-of-the-ordinary, and he said something absurd like taking a helicopter to a mountain top just to garden or renting out a whole mansion just for gardening (absurd as in cost/fantasy given our life and income). Basically, we don’t care to spend a ton of money on chef’s tasting menus or an old bottle of whiskey, but if he could choose anything, a crazy gardening scenario would be it. He’s also talked about more public gardening scenarios, and I know there’s varying degrees of such an experience available out in the world. The thing is, I’m very private about that stuff. I’m open to the idea in theory, but I don’t want to see other people doing things, and I don’t want us to be on display doing things. I like the idea of a cabana on a beach that could be public, but it’s not. No one else is around, but they could be. I did some research on some of the adults-only resorts and they’re too far out of my comfort zone, even in the tamest versions of the experience. I feel like the best tactic would be to rent a ridiculous house for a weekend or something and just create our own thing. But maybe there’s a way to make it happen without it being totally private for the whole time (again, thinking of situations where you’re in your own space but what if someone walked by and the window were open or something like that)? A milestone wedding anniversary is coming up in about a year, so it would be the perfect time to surprise him with a fantasy-fulfillment (assuming we can actually book such a trip in a year).
Ribena
It took me half your post to figure out if you meant real or figurative gardening! Oh dear…
(No ideas for you, unfortunately, sorry)
purely hypothetical
In case it wasn’t clear, figurative gardening :) Darn euphemisms to avoid mod!
Senior Attorney
Haha I have no suggestions but I love where your head is at!!
Anon
What about camping either in tents or glamping in the fancier pre-set up “tents” that are more like small cabins. We did that one summer, had too much to drink and had loud rough gardening completely forgetting that we were surrounded by vinyl and that other campers could possibly hear us. I realize that was super rude of us an was not at all our intention. It was a not very popular weekend and there were few kids around thankfully. You could either find an adults only one where such behavior might be considered ok or you could go to a regular campground but try to be quiet and polite and not get “caught” unlike us.
Pure Imagination
Camping or better yet, backpacking.
Never too many shoes...
I can’t think of anything less sexy.
Anon
Hahaha I’m glad I’m not the only one who had that reaction. Eating disgusting food and pooing in the woods and getting ticks and all kinds of other gross bugs on me… I’d be hard-pressed to think of anything that would turn me on less!
Lyssa
My thoughts too! One of my co-workers had a kid recently who got married and the honeymoon was a 2 week hike on the Appalachian trail – I guess good for them, but that just sounds beyond terrible to me.
Airplane.
Yuck, agreed. No hot showers is not a good recipe for hot sexy gardening. Not for me.
Pure Imagination
It’s all about attitude! Sleeping under the stars next to a romantic mountain lake with no one around and no distractions with a partner you love? It’s heaven to me.
Anon
In concept, it’s awesome… but I’m so turned off by BO, which is inevitable in a multiday camping trip. And yes, I realize I stink, too, which doesn’t help the mood.
Anonymous
I think your best bet would be an air BNB swanky house. Think like gardening next to the private pool, in the kitchen, in the garden etc. Maybe going out for dinner in something more racy than usual – leave the undies at home. Pick something in another country to up the ‘exotic’ factor. You have a year to look around for options and prices may improve next year with such a downturn in business this year.
Ellen
In these days of virus and corona fears, right now, even the thought of “gardening” in the s-s-xueal sense is probably the LAST thing on my mind. We are all just trying to figure out how to stay healthy here in the City, and I am not at all focused when I see a guy on anything other then “will he stay at least 6 feet away from me?” I am NOT interested in even thinking of men in bed with me or doing stuff to me that would otherwise be erottic, but now only I live from day to day; in fact any thoughts of huffeing and puffeing is the wurst for my psyche b/c I have no man, and for that, I dont want one right now. Ptooey!
Once this is over, then I can think about stuff like men for gardening, but not now. YAY!!
Anon
Pretty much all adults-only resorts are super romantic and there will be opportunities for intimacy outside your room. Not, like, doing it in the public pool in broad daylight, but you can find a secluded spot on the beach late at night or in your private pool. Then there are swingers resorts where you CAN do it in the pool in broad daylight, but I think you have to be comfortable not only with people watching, but with people approaching you and wanting to participate, which is a big NOPE for me.
Anon
Maybe one of those treehouse style resorts? I stayed in one in Nicaragua and they are all separate, but anyone could be walking through the walkways to the common areas of the resorts. And ours had a private plunge pool next to our treehouse. Def gardened there. (Aqua Resort in Playa Gigante, if you’re interested).
Anon
This is at the top end of the budget range, but in certain places (I know Tahiti and the Maldives for sure, but I’m sure there are others) you can book resorts that include a “Robinson Crusoe” experience where they take you to a deserted island for the day and leave you there, and you have the whole island to yourselves for the day. The overwater bungalows that are common in those areas are also incredibly romantic, although they don’t have a ton of privacy (you can see other people’s balconies and they can see yours).
Anon
So, I haven’t done this but there is a place called Esalen in Big Sur that focuses on a bunch of stuff including gardening. I’m not sure if it’s exactly what he has in mind, but it looks like there are a few offerings, like a “Tantra” retreat that could *kind of* fit the bill?
Bonus, Big Sur is amazingly beautiful.
purely hypothetical
Ohh, I love all of these suggestions! We’ve definitely done the camping thing, where we’ve had to be polite or where our campground is just secluded enough but sure someone could still stumble into the wrong spot, and that was in his top 10 memories (this was before we got all dirty and sweaty hiking, we were still clean from the drive to the campsite). I’m with the poster above about people approaching to participate, that’s a hard pass for us. We did a boudoir shoot in a hotel one year and that was really fun. I dressed up and did fancy hair and makeup, DH shot the photos and we went down for fancy dinner in the bar or a drink by the pool between takes. Highly recommend that if you’re at all interested in photography, it was such a fun evening and a nice change from our normal gardening situation. Love the ideas about treehouses or overwater bungalows for enough-but-not-totally private options, I think someone potentially hearing us is much more acceptable than someone seeing us, and technically, it could be coming from any room!
Struggle Bus
I was doing well week one (turned out I kinda liked working from home?). Week two had some ups and downs. Week three (this week), I just cannot get it together. I stare at my computer blankly or get lost in random other website. I just want to curl up in bed and watch tv for a few days.
Finally Made a Name
+1 this is real
Anonymous
+1 million
Anonymous
Same. Weeks 1 and 2 had some ups and downs but so far this week has been a huge struggle. Work is insane (in-house for a large healthcare org) but I am just so down mentally and emotionally that I feel like I am falling behind and failing. All I want to do is sleep for a year.
Anon
Same. This week is the hardest so far. I’m just over it.
Asia Anon
Checking in from Seoul. I’m doing ok, voluntarily WFH and social distancing. I take daily walks and watch a lot of Netflix and Met Opera.
Re-iterating some thoughts based on the measures regarding COVID-19 in Korea – some of which seem to be garnering more acceptance in the US recently as well. Re #1 amd #2, I got this exact message from a friend in China 3 months ago – it’s not just shelter-in-place that works; every little bit helps.
1. Masks + social distancing are essential. Even cloth masks will be better than nothing (for the public) in the absence of N95 respirators.
2. Every single person has to assume they may already be infected (even truer in the US) and take precautions to protect others accordingly, even if they don’t have symptoms.
3. Spacing the seats apart in offices and cafeterias supposedly helps (if people absolutely have to be there). Also changing the seating pattern so people are not facing each other when they sit in cafeterias. Most major workplaces have realigned seats so everyone is seated in a row facing the same side or, if space is limited, partitions on the tables.
4. Supply chains in Korea haven’t been affected (although prices of fruit and legumes may become higher due to shortage in foreign workers to help with the harvest). In a logical world the US should have even less trouble sourcing food (since it produces far more produce per capita than Korea). Things seem to be calming down a lot more this past week, but again: DON’T PANIC.
5. TP and cleaning products have never run out here. Not sure whg this phenomenon exists in other countries. To be fair, the more expensive residences have built-in toilet bidets, so rich people actually use less TP at home — it’s supposed to be much more sanitary to use water, too (says some of my doctor friends), so go ahead and use the showerheads (extendable types are ideal).
6. Plain bar of soap is supposed to be more effective against the virus than antibacterial foam wash, for reasons beyond my comprehension (also says my doctor friends).
Anon
Glad to hear you are doing okay. Thank you for sharing these thoughts.
Veronica Mars
Has the gvt really sent out care packages? I saw one on reddit and was impressed!
Anon
Thanks for sharing.
Anonymous
Re #1, I feel incredibly disillusioned re the CDC’s early guidance that masks are not helpful. I understand there is a shortage and trying to conserve them for healthcare workers, but that is not what the CDC told us. They said it was not helpful unless you’re sick (in which case you should be staying home, anyway. I believed them. I parroted the advice to others. I looked down upon and privately rolled my eyes at those wearing masks anyway. In retrospect it seems obvious that this was bad guidance. I never thought that even in the Trump era I couldn’t trust the CDC, but that does seem to be the case and it just feels really dystopian to me.
Pure Imagination
I agree. I think it decreased trust in expert guidance at a very bad time.
Anonymous
Yep. I am trying so hard to do the right things and convince my Fox News watching parents to do the right things, but when the guidance flip flops like that it makes it sooooo hard.
Anonymous
It’s consistent in that it doesn’t help unless you are ‘sick’ but they are realizing that ‘sick’ was previously used as synonymous with symptomatic and a lot of ppl are asymptomatic so don’t feel ‘sick’ but may be spreading it. Which is why masks work.
anonshmanon
wait a minute, it’s my understanding that the simpler (cloth or surgical) masks ARE only helpful if you are sick, i.e. prevent you from spreading your droplets. They hardly provide protection for the wearer and if not handled correctly, can create a false sense of safety and make spread worse. The difference is that we have come to the conclusion that we should all work under the assumption that we might be infected, and that’s why face coverings are now recommended.
Actual respirators and N95 masks would protect the wearer.
Anon
This is what they were telling us, but it wasn’t evidence based.
anon
which part do you mean? There is absolutely evidence on how surgical masks/bandanas allow more droplets to pass than N95 masks.
Anonymous
Right, and so under previous guidance if you were wearing a mask in public it was like wearing a sign that read “I am sick but not self isolating”. The data in Iceland show 50% of positive tests were asymptomatic patients, so yeah, assume everyone is sick (including you).
Anon
I also repeated this advice and feel ashamed now. A friend with CVID set me straight by showing me the same research that her immunologist showed her when advising her to wear masks. I spent a little time learning about the history of CDC appointments under the current administration and how many people have quit. I also learned a little more about the extremely elementary mistake the CDC made with the original US produced testing kits. People like Fauci are experts, but my impression now is that not everyone involved has been an expert.
Pure Imagination
Do you have a link to that research? Would love to check it out.
Finally Made a Name
Hot take: people aren’t only panic buying. They’re also buying items to cook at home. I ordered a variety of basic baking supplies because I haven’t baked in years as well as condiments and sauces this week. I didn’t have mustard. I eat out for most of my meals.
Ribena
Yes, I read that circa 40% of meals are normally eaten outside the home (will be different per area of course) – so not only is there the panic buying, there’s also the very real need to increase grocery purchases when all meals are being catered from your kitchen rather than other places.
The corollary to this is that all of the suppliers who normally do wholesale to the restaurant and cafe trade are kind of stuck. I’ve seen lots work together to do D2C trade over the last few weeks, which helps them as well as consumers. A milk producer here that normally supplies coffee shops had their best sales day EVER last Monday because of the amount of people who have ordered their milk directly or through one of the pivoted services (eg bakeries that now have delivery of bread, eggs, milk, and bacon).
anon
I agree – there is definitely panic buying but also just a lot more buying due to being at home all the time. Even on things like TP, we are going through a lot more because 100% of restroom breaks are at home instead of at the office, at daycare, in the park, at a restaurant, etc. Definitely true for food, our grocery bill has gone wayyyy up because we are eating at home instead of eating out so frequently
Anonymous
Yeah, I don’t get why the shortages are being blamed entirely on hoarding and panic buying. Of course grocery and TP sales will go up if everyone has stopped eating out and is using the bathroom at home 100% of the time. My family usually spends 75% of its waking hours outside the house, which means that theoretically we now should need 4x as much toilet paper at home. There needs to be a way to redirect goods from the institutional market to the retail market.
Thanks, it has pockets!
You’re probably not wrong. I know I tend to go grocery shopping on the weekends to get what I anticipate needing during the week, but I will also stop by the store during the week to pick up ingredients for specific dinners I decide to make. Now, I’m getting better at meal planning and figuring out what I’m going to need for the next 7+ days, so when I do go to the store, I am buying more than I might usually get on my usual weekend trips.
Anon
What are people actually doing about SOs? Like, actually, not theoretically.
My college aged daughter is home. She has a long term boyfriend who was also sent home. He lives an hour away. So far they’ve seen each other twice for hikes maintaining 6’ distance (and I know she is not lying about this, most of her complaining is related to the fact that she hasn’t touched her boyfriend in a month.)
I realize the 100% perfect thing to do would be to tell her that they absolutely can’t see each other. But these young adults were basically living together at college, and I think my daughter’s mental health is important too. What would you do?
Anon
My view is that she can’t be living in your household and having regular contact with someone not living in your household. If you’re ok with the boyfriend moving in, or her moving into the boyfriend’s, then they can form their own household (and if my kid had really been living with her BF before this, I would be fine with that).
Anon
If they’re staying more than 6 feet apart, the public health officials in my state would not consider that contact.
Anon
Your state doesn’t have a stay at home order? Because 80% of the country does now, and stay at home orders prohibit seeing non-household members even if you’re 6 feet apart.
I also think we should do more than the bare minimum our public health officials require.
Anon
Do you have a reading comprehension problem? We have a statewide hunker down order but state officials are specifically telling people to go outside, as long as they maintain social distancing. It’s not hard to do, I live in the state with the lowest population density by far.
Anon
Going outside is not synonymous with going outside to meet friends. The latter is NOT ok under shelter in place/stay at home.
Monday
I am in this situation with my SO, whom I don’t live with. We are indefinitely walking buddies only, 6′ apart. I’ve tried to find any loophole anywhere, but there isn’t one. Everyone’s mental health is important, by the way–that was included in the loopholes that don’t work.
Anonymous
Are there other people in your households? If not, why the distancing? I am definitely seeing by SO. He lives alone. I live alone. We hang out together.
anonshmanon
I would think that if both of you live alone and have been isolating for 14 days (no contact, including grocery store employees), that would be the time to declare yourselves not infected and get together.
Unfortunately, with the OPs kid and the BF both living in households with other people, such a long chunk of real isolation is much harder to realize. But that would be my criterion.
Anon
I’m OP. Boyfriend has taken a job delivering food, which complicates things. But I’m not going to get mad at him about that – he’s providing an essential service.
Anon
Let them keep doing exactly what they’re doing (and lots of virtual dates) or one moves into the other’s home.
AIMS
I’m in the minority but I don’t think it’s the end of the world if two people who are otherwise isolating see each other. I would understand if one worked in a hospital setting or whatever, but if his family is observing all the rules and yours too, I’d say it’s a calculated risk just like going to the supermarket. But I realize there are people out there who feel differently.
Anon
Agree, the risk is very low.
Struggle Bus
Maybe I’m too puritan but I feel like if everyone thinks this way, then social distancing doesn’t work.
Anon
You’re correct.
Airplane.
But they are not “otherwise isolating” because they each live in different households. If these were two single people living alone I would say it’s OK to pick one of the two residences and isolate together. But that’s not the case. Don’t do it, there are other ways to address mental health than putting everyone else at risk.
Anon
I’m with AIMS. My boyfriend and I are each socially isolating and WFH but he comes to my place for a couple of nights a week (usually the weekend and 1 WFH day). We each have pets who would not be good together, otherwise he would just move in, so this is a compromise.
Anon
This is basically me too. It’s too early of a relationship for us to completely move in together, although we may end up there by the end. But neither of us wants to go without seeing each other, and it would be absolutely horrible for my mental health to have no in-person contact (and don’t flame me for this if you are one of the people living with your SO and/or kids, you don’t get it). We had been seeing each other a few days a week, with him coming over around 4 and staying till midday the following day. With the change in things, he is planning to come over tomorrow and stay the weekend. I suspect that will be our pattern going forward.
We are both otherwise socially isolating. I would likely have different feelings about it if we lived with our families, like I assume your daughter and her bf do. It increases each of our risks slightly, but I’m willing to take that chance and don’t see how it is different from a household of 2+ people.
Struggle Bus
My SO and I are essentially in this situation. We don’t have cars and live in small studios so regular 6 foot apart walks or quarantining together just isn’t safe or practical. It’s really really hard but we are facetiming all the time and reminding ourselves of the cliches like taking it one day at a time, absence makes the heart grow fonder, etc. My mom also gave me good advice: “this is just the start of your lives together.” Which helps me put it into perspective that it’s hard now but it won’t be like this FOREVER. Even if it feels like that. That may help your daughter get some comfort here.
There’s no specific end date in sight which I think is what makes this the hardest. I’ve never done a real long distance relationship but from what I understand having a next date on the calendar to see each other seems to help LD couples a lot. So it’s hard but I think part of the time we’re in now is making the hard choices and making the choices we don’t want to make but need to make.
TrixieRuby
My husband and I are coping pretty well in our suburban home just outside of Boston with just the two of us; our sons are in their twenties and live elsewhere. We have a dog who needs to be walked every day, so that is helpful and amusing. Even though spring has not spring and it is chilly, we set up out largish deck so we could be outside. We have contemplated having people over, probably one couple at a time, for a 6 foot apart cup of coffee or glass of wine, bring your own glass and bottle. In fact, we would be about 8 feet apart. Would you do this? Or is this unwise? And, Massachusetts is a ‘stay home” state, so there is that. What do you think?
Pure Imagination
1. No
2. Yes
3. Follow what your state is telling you to do.
Senior Attorney
I agree.
Getting together on purpose and staying six feet apart is not at all in the spirit of social distancing orders. Good Lord. What are we, kids who are trying to stretch the rules as far as we can?
Anon
I blame celebrities and influencers who are totally doing this and encouraging us regular people to do it. Ellen DeGeneres/Julia Louis Dreyfus and Reese Witherspoon/Laura Dern posted social media photos of themselves hiking 6 feet apart. I was so disappointed in all of them.
Anon
No, do not do this. It is unnecessary. Nice? Sure. Necessary? No. The whole point of this is not to skirt the rules and find a loophole by standing 6 feet apart. Maybe in a few months, ok. But right now is the most critical time for reducing cases and “flattening the curve”. We know this can live in the air and on surfaces for a while. What if they have to go to your bathroom? Are you wiping down the furniture they sit on after? Sorry if this sounds snippy, but I’m getting really tired of post after post about…. what about if I do this and stay 6 feet apart? Stop. Just stay home. Alone. Watch Netflix. Get a hobby. Lord. Like pretend this is the Walking Dead and society has collapsed and you need to protect yourself from the worst of it for 2 weeks. Pretend like this is the worst case scenario.
Pure Imagination
+1. Plus the six foot guideline is not a hard and fast rule. There’s some evidence that you actually need more like 30 feet. STFH and tell your friends to do the same.
CostAccountant
This should be part of the official government recommendations: STFH and Slow the Spread!
Anon
This is unwise. The stay at home orders are just that – the six feet apart isn’t an absolute but rather a recommended distance for when you have to go out in the world. Do virtual happy hours.
One thing I have seen people do is establish one other family to kind of “quarantine” with as your only social outlet – each knows the other’s family limited to no exposure and can safely socialize (almost like extending your household) – but this requires a great amount of trust between friends/families.
Anon
NO!!! Do not do this. A stay at home order means you can only leave your house for essential reasons. Walking the dog or getting physical exercise are essential. Socializing is not. (Even if you don’t have a stay at home order, I think it’s selfish, but if you have a stay at home order, you’re breaking the law. Certainly the intent of the law, if not the letter of it.)
Also there was a recent MIT study that the virus can actually spread up to 27 feet, so 6 feet is WAY too close.
Anon
6 feet is the suggested social distance for very brief interactions. The longer an interaction lasts, the farther apart they want us to be.
Thanks, it has pockets!
No, don’t do this. It drives me crazy that people are having social gatherings and then arguing it’s fine because they’re being careful and they’re technically within the guidelines – outside, 6ft, no physical contact, etc. It follows the letter of the guidelines but goes against the spirit. The state doesn’t want people having people over or visiting each other, even if you’re really, really careful. If you must chat with friends, there are plenty of apps that allow you to do this on your phone or laptop, and drinking during these chats is always allowed! You can sit on your deck all you want, you just can’t have people over to join you.
And I know how frustrating it is! I look forward to the days we can gather again for deck drinking, cookouts, brunches, board game parties, in-person movie nights, going to the beach with friends, etc. but we can’t be doing that stuff now, no matter how careful we think we’re being. Stop, please, stop looking for loopholes and strategies to justify having get-togethers.
Anon
Everyone in my neighborhood is doing this and it’s driving me insane!! We’re all going to have to be quarantined for so much longer because so many people refuse to follow the damn rules!
Anon
Right?! And inevitably, these people will share it on social media with some cutesy hashtag #6ftapartselfie. And then everyone will be, like, oh yea, this is fine to do. And we will be quarantined forever. Stoooooooop. Just stay home. For all the anxiety on this board over this, we sure do get a lot of questions from people intent on prolonging this as long as possible.
Anon
the states and the media need to a do a better job communicating everything, because I do understand why people are confused (i personally have only been going to the grocery store once a week and solo walks)
Anon
The national government could obviously be doing a better job, but my state has a stay at home order that’s pretty clear. You can only leave your house for an essential purpose. The essential purposes are listed in the order. “Outdoor physical fitness” is one of them, but there’s absolutely nothing on there about seeing friends or socializing. And it specifically says you’re not supposed to intentionally congregate with people who aren’t living in your household.
Monday
+1. I’m a health care worker, read my orders carefully, and care, but the above comments are seriously the first time I have heard that being outdoors 6′ apart is not safe or acceptable. Parties were obviously wrong to me, but not individual meetups.
Pure Imagination
The advice has been crystal clear in California. Not sure about other states.
Thanks, it has pockets!
I live in MA and our state guidelines have been fairly clear as well. Stay home as much as you can, essential errands and exercise are fine, going to a restaurant to get takeout is okay, but no social gatherings, no playdates, no visits. Even small ones.
Anon
People in my state think they only have to physically distance if there are more than 10 people in the group. They’ve mixed up the “maximum ten people” rule with the six feet rule. Communication has not been clear.
Thanks, it has pockets!
I often see people standing around in front yards chatting, and I’m sure they’re standing 6ish feet apart, but it’s still irritating to see. I can’t confront them because I don’t know them that well, I’m sure most people would get defensive if called out, especially by a total stranger, and they can easily turn it back on me because I’m also outside.
Anon
Unwise.
Anonymous
O
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Selfish, gaming the system, clearly not social distancing, why must we do this every day, you are not special
Finally Made a Name
Also in a ]Boston suburb, and I think this is unwise. As others have pointed out, will you be sanitizing everything others touch? What if someone has to use the bathroom? Alternatively, you could do a videochat wine time from the safety and comfort of your own home.
Anon
Absolutely no. And the reason everyone gets so heated over this is the more people who think like this means the longer people like us who are following the rules have to stay in quarantine. This is not about you. Please stop.
I almost hope at some point these are troll posts.
BeenThatGuy
This calls for a quote from Forest Gump “Stupid is as stupid does”.
Staying 6 feet apart is the recommendation. If you do this, what will you do if they have to go to the bathroom? Ask them to leave? Are they bringing there own glasses for wine/coffee? We are all responsible for each others well being. Our collective effort to flatten the curve is critical. This cannot be overstated. We are at an infection point and individual choices can have a dramatic effect on other people’s lives. Don’t be stupid.
Airplane.
Seriously, can we just stop with this? No social gatherings. Only leave your house for essential errands, essential work, solo or household exercise physically close to your home. Don’t. have. gatherings. If you’re going to do this anyway against the guidelines, stop. asking. for. permission. here. I. beg. you.
Thanks, it has pockets!
^^^ This. If you’re dead set on having social gatherings knowing it flies in the face of social distancing guidelines, we can’t stop you. We can’t break down your door and break up your party. We can’t lock you in your house or form a human chain around it to keep your friends and family away. But don’t come here hoping we’ll nod enthusiastically saying “that’s a great idea! that’s so creative! we’re gonna do the same thing! finally, a way to safely see friends and family without getting in trouble! you’re so smart!” because we won’t, we’ll strongly advise against it, and probably judge you for thinking you’re somehow above the government guidelines everyone else is trying to follow.
And I’m not normally a judgy person. I typically feel you should mind your business unless someone’s being really rude, but lives are at stake right now, so yeah, I’m gonna judge people who only care about their so-called “need” to have friends over.
Anon
+1! We can’t form a human chain even if we stand six feet apart.
Anonymous
Just wanted to share. Someone I know posted a video of this on social media. A family member had a milestone birthday and they were obviously unable to celebrate together with family and friends. The family member stood at the end of their driveway while a parade 10-15 other families drove very slowly by in their own cars, which were all decorated with signs and balloons, playing music, yelling “happy birthday” out the window and celebrating. It was really sweet and creative.
Minted Rose
Was this in Canada? It sounds like my previous neighbour (she turned 60). It was definitely so sweet to see!
Anonymous
So NYC is finally closing playgrounds. Shocking that weeks of – if you don’t distance, it’s closed – did not move New Yorkers to stop playing basketball and stop taking their kids to climb on jungle gyms.
anon
same in CA state parks. We can’t have nice things apparently.