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Sales of note for 8.30.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price purchase; $99 jackets, dresses & shoes; extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Final Days Designer Sale, up to 75% off; extra 20% off sale
- Boden – 20% off
- Brooks Brothers – Extra 25% off clearance
- Eloquii – Up to 60% off everything; extra 60% off all sale
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide; extra 60% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off orders $125+; extra 60% off clearance; 60%-70% off 100s of styles
- Lo & Sons – Summer sale, up to 50% off (ends 9/2)
- Madewell – Extra 40% off sale; extra 50% off select denim; 25% off fall essentials
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Rothy's – End of season sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear in the big sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 25% off regular-price purchase; 70% off clearance
- White House Black Market – Up to 70% off sale
Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…
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And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Ellen
What a cute white top! I love it, Elizabeth! You have great taste for summer stuff. I was at a great venue last nite (230 Fifth Rooftop). I never knew about this place but there is a great view of Midtown and the Empire State Building that I can NOT even see from our office, which is probably closer than this was, but we look out on another building and are on the 3rd floor, where we only see the dumpsters in the back of the building. FOOEY! Anyway, I recommend it to the HIVE, tho the crowd is for the younger crowd (20’s). I can’t believe that I was one of the more “mature” women there. The guys still wanted to buy me drinks, so I am not completely over the hill, which is nice! YAY!!!
Always Cold
I’m in search of that elusive layer that looks professional and keeps me warm in the polar vortex of office A/C. Not a cardigan – way too thin. Must be machine washable and under $100. I’ve seen lots of options on this site over the years but the ones I remember don’t check one of those boxes – so please refresh my memory if I missed one. THANK YOU.
Anonymous
Does a merino wool or cashmere cardigan not work? Boiled wool is the only thing I can think of that would be warmer than cashmere, and I would think boiled wool is too warm for most offices. I machine wash both merino and cashmere sweaters using the handwash cycle and lie flat to dry.
There is a noticeable difference in warmth between a cotton cardigan, a merino one, and a cashmere one.
Anon
I have a gray ponte blazer that is very comfortable, very warm and looks professional. It goes decently with pretty much everything I own. Mine is from Target’s Merona line (RIP) but maybe if you g00gle those terms you can find something similar.
Lana Del Raygun
Could you get away with something jacketlike for that “this office is too cold and so I’m wearing outerwear indoors” look? Otherwise I would probably go with a silk underlayer.
Brrrrrr
I don’t know how professional it needs to be but in my office a collared fleece jacket with the company logo embroidered on is a popular option. I like the Arcteryx Covert Cardigan for this but they have some other less sporty styles. Patagonia used to have one that was more blazer-ish. I have also found a heating pad to be a big help combined with the extra layer.
Always Cold
This but more professional is what I’m looking for. I’m usually in a Uniqlo heattech base layer, blouse on top, with the world’s thickest wool sweater over it and a cup of hot tea going at all times. A suit jacket is not enough.
I’ll look for the Patagonia style – thanks for the tip.
Anonymous
Have you asked your doctor about this?
Anonymous
Agree. I run cold and I’m wearing a blouse + sweater today but also needing hot tea and a heattech layer indoors seems like a lot. Low iron maybe?
Anonymous
Have you brought in a thermosat to see how warm your office is? That seems like a lot for a standard office AC, like blouse + sweater I get but also needing heattech layer and hot tea in the summer, that makes me wondering if there is a health issue like low iron?
Always Cold
And sadly I’ve started to get side-eye for my thick wool sweater. Time to upgrade :\
Anon
Seriously? Where do you work. I’m guessing you’re imagining the side eye.
Clara
I’m thinking of getting a company sweatshirt just so I can use it for this!
Coffee Cup
Uniqlo Ultralight Down for sure! Lightweight, discreet and warm.
Flats Only
And the “compact”, collarless version of the jacket can be snapped in such a way that you can conceal it under a blazer as long as the blazer is a little roomy.
Always Cold
ooo, good to know, thanks!
Anon
There’s no way you could wear that under a blazer and have it not be noticeably bulky.
Coach Laura
No I have one and it’s very thin. I think you could wear it under a blazer if the blazer is not skin tight.
Clara
I’m in the same exact category today – it’s boiling hot outside, why must offices be so cold!
Mpls
If it’s also humid out, then the AC is probably running over time to remove the humidity, but then it keeps getting colder too.
Or the thermostat sensors are in an oddly warm place?
Anon
I hate it. It’s so bad for the earth to blast the heat in the winter and the AC in the summer, when we could just keep indoor temperatures closer to outdoor temperatures (but more moderate of course) and dress for the weather.
anon
This. It makes me so ragey. I dress for 100 degrees, but then you go to a restaurant that is 70. Most of the time I can convince my husband to eat outside because I personally would rather be a little hot than freezing. I’m definitely colder than most people though.
Anon
Lol I see you don’t live in a year round hot climate. 100 degrees from Texas says hello. But I agree that climates that hover in the high 70s and low 80s in the summer really don’t need to blast the AC down to 60.
Anon
You missed my point – I’m not saying an office building should be 100 degrees, I’m saying it should be warmer inside in the summer, when people are dressed in lightweight clothing, than in the winter, when people are dressed in heavy clothing. My office thermostat is literally set to 65 in the summer and 68 in the winter. That is nonsensical and terrible for the planet.
Anon
Just another possible reason the temps seem so out of control. The way the HVAC works in my office is that the output vents are near the exterior walls/windows, and the intake is in the center of the office. So people near the windows (me) get blasted with cool air in the summer and hot air in the winter to offset the effect of the windows. People in the center of the office still feel hot in the summer and cold in the winter because they’re just getting the residuals. It seems like a terrible system but when I said that to the HVAC guy he shugged and said that was how they all worked.
cat socks
Are you able to use a heating pad? I keep one on my seat that plugs in under my desk and I use it year round in my cold office.
DCR
Similarly, can you get a space heater? They have officially been banned in both of the places I’ve worked, but my bosses saw the space heater at both and didn’t care. (It sucks from an environmental prospective, but I need to be warm enough that I can work.)
Always Cold
Right, neither is allowed, but others in my office have gotten away with them discreetly. Maybe this is the next step. Thanks.
Coach Laura
Look at Fellows Climate Control Footrest on amazon. It has fan, low and high heat settings. I used it in offices where space heaters were banned and it was approved by building management. Plus it’s discrete and not very visible to passers-by. It’s not blow-torch hot but it gets rid of the chill.
Junior Associate
Not what you asked, but I’ve got one of those thick fleece lap blankets from Uniqlo that can also be worn cape-style, and keep them over my lap or shoulders. And +1 to Uniqlo Ultralite Down (vest or jacket) under roomy jackets.
Anonymous
A cashmere cardigan? My office is currently experiencing the polar vortex (the internal thermostats confirm 62F) and I wear a cashmere cardigan over my summer clothes. I don’t run quite as cold but it’s more than enough, if you’ve already got heattech under your shirt. I think they look quite professional if you buy a crew neck one that fits, instead of something more oversized. Mine is from Boden.
Otherwise, I wear my tweed blazer a lot over black dresses. That is also from Boden, and is 98% wool.
Need a New Job
I’m in-house and in my role I don’t do a lot of writing outside of drafting contracts. Any suggestions for what to use as a legal writing sample? All I have been able to come up with is to create my own issue and draft a short memo, to redact a form contract I wrote, or to use terms and conditions that are on a client’s website. None of these seems ideal so I am curious what others who are in-house or in transactional practices do and would also like opinions on if any of these are okay ideas. I did a search here but did not find much.
Anonymous
Have you actually been asked for a writing sample? I’m transactional, and I can’t remember having been asked for a writing sample since on campus interviewing (except for one time when I applied to a university GCs office and they were clearly more used to hiring litigators).
OP
Yes, several of the positions I am applying for ask for one. One of the positions is very contracts heavy so I thought it was unusual too but I still need to come up with something.
The original Scarlett
I would use cover emails to internal / external clients (redacted as needed) to show how you communicate. That’s what I’m interested in when I ask for a writing sample. Also, don’t forget that your cover letter is also a writing sample, too (in an unofficial sense).
Mickey
Do you ever do a write up for a client explaining/analyzing the risks of various courses of action? Could you take something like that and turn it into a one- or two-page memo to the file?
Anon
Do you ever do a write up for a client explaining/analyzing the risks of various courses of action? Could you take something like that and turn it into a one- or two-page memo to the file?
Anon
s!te:corpor*tte.com “paris”
(replace ! and * with the actual letter)
Grateful
Not the OP but thank you so much! Just used this!
OP
Ohhh you’re awesome – thank you
anon
Where do you shop for luxury housewares and furniture? Particularly, unusual ones. Anthropologie is fine, but it seems like there must be other boutiques out there…
Monday
Sounds like you’re willing to spend. I’d go brick and mortar and have some fun. Every upscale shopping district has at least a few boutique, independent home stores, so just go to the nearest one. They will ship/deliver if needed.
anon
Sadly, the closest city is 300 miles away, and I think they have…Ashley? No Ikea. I look for things when I can, but I really won’t fix up my house unless I shop online.
January
My big-spender friends like Room & Board, but that’s a more modern look than Anthro.
Mpls
And R&B isn’t especially unusual – it’s simple, but well made.
January
Now that I see it, I realize that Design Within Reach is the one I was thinking of. :)
Panda Bear
I like ABC Home and Sue Fisher King.
Anonymous
Design Within Reach is out of my price range but always had some interesting options.
Anonymous
The irony in this comment amuses me. : )
anonymous
Honestly I’ve never been sure who “Design within reach” is in reach of. No one we know, including people who are affluent by any measure, feels like they can afford it.
Anon
Yeah, I almost think it’s a tongue in cheek name, since it’s so far out of the reach of almost everybody.
Anonymous
I actually looked into this a while ago because I thought it was so crazy. The store was named Design Within Reach because they offer furniture/ housewares that were otherwise only available if you worked with a professional designer. So, it’s within reach of wealthy folks who want to DIY design and not use a professional interior designer.
Anon
I bought a sofa there for 1500 ten years ago on an Annual sale that I still get compliments on that I think now sells for about 2000. It’s possible to get a reasonable price on a quality piece there. Also their decor is often not outrageously priced.
Out of Place Engineer
We call it “Design Out of Reach” for this very reason! But someday, I will splurge for the Eames lounge chair + ottoman…..
Anon
I just went to poke around their website and they’re offering free shipping if you spend only $5,000!
anon a mouse
Catalog shopping: Ballard Designs, Frontgate, Serena & Lily. If you receive one of these you’ll probably get on the lists for several more.
Rejuvenation (the vintage section), Chairish and One Kings Lane have a more bazaar feeling for unique pieces.
West Elm, CB2/Crate and Barrel, Ethan Allen all have interesting stocks for mass market, and much more online than in stores.
The original Scarlett
On the higher end online since you’re far from a city, St. Frank for textiles; Serena & Lily; Restoration Hardware (not always a boho look, but good quality if they have what you’re looking for); Elsie Greene and Marche for vintage; also everything but the house for vintage antiques (kind of like eBay used to be, online estate sale); One Kings Lane
Anon
Try luluandgeorgia dot com
Architect
McGee & Company. They have bricks & mortar but offer much of their merchandise online as well.
Anonymous
Frontgate, Wisteria, Horchow
Senior Attorney
I love arhaus dot com.
Ms B
1st Dibs.
Hendo
For interesting pieces: Jayson Home. Nicky Kehoe. John Derian. Lawson Fenning. Mjolk. I could go on! Many of these are more expensive than anthro but carry what anthro is copying.
For cutting edge: The Future Perfect. Matter.
Retailers who carry many of the same brands as DWR, but with free shipping and no sales tax: Hive Modern, Horne, Lekker Home.
Hendo
I can’t stop. This is my passion.
BDDW, Cisco Home, George Smith, Roman and Williams, Materia Designs, Egg Collective, Thomas Moser, Ligne Roset, Cassina, B&B Italia, Michael Felix, Commune, Svenskt Tenn…
Direct to consumer furniture: Interior Define, Maiden Home
My dream light fixtures: Apparatus, Atelier de Troupe, Allied Maker
Cat moving
I’m trying to decide how best to move my cat from East Coast to Midwest. I can either drive her or fly her, and here’s my current thinking. Any advice or wwyd?
Fly her: Vet can give her a mild sedative that sounded like kitty-valium. She wouldn’t be totally asleep but she’d be kind of buzzed. It’s a direct 2.5 hour flight (+ maybe 3 hours max of airport time) if everything goes perfectly, which is a big pro. Con here is if the plane is delayed, and also I have no idea how she will react on the meds. If she’s still freaked out and yelling her head off, there’s nothing I would be able to do because we’ll be trapped on a plane.
Drive her: It’s roughly 2 days of driving (15 hours total). She hates the car, but usually freaks out and complains for the first hour and then settles in and accepts her fate. We’d probably stop off somewhere for the night. Pro is we’d have everything in our control with timing and can pull over and stop if she’s really bad. Con is obviously it’s a 2 day journey with a cat.
Equestrian attorney
Honestly I would fly. Driving is generally better, but driving for two days sounds like hell (and my kitty is pretty good in the car, but we only do 2 hours or so to get to our cabin). I recently flew transatlantic with a woman who had two cats, and they meowed a bit but seemed ok after takeoff.
Abby
I’ve flown with my dog maybe twice a year since I’ve gotten her and it’s really not that bad! She’s very energetic so I was nervous, but I gave her meds about two months before her first flight to see how she’d react. Turns out it wasn’t enough, so my vet approved a higher dosage. I also got her airline approved carrier and would have her sit in it regularly while watching tv to get her comfortable. Now she jumps in it on her own if she thinks I might be taking her somewhere.
Security check freaked me out and can be difficult if you’re flying alone, but they let you walk through holding your pet and then check your hands for any residue. My in laws got delayed several hours with my dog once, and they let her walk around. Once on the plane, she goes under the seat and I don’t hear from her all flight. Most passengers next to me tell me they didn’t realize I had a dog until I pick her up when we exit the plane. It’s dark and fairly quiet so I think she sleeps. Treats are helpful and ice cubes can be fed if you’re worried about your cat needing water. Hope this helps!
anonshmanon
+1. Friend of mine did a trial run with the kitty xanex and let her get familiar with the carrier beforehand and it went well.
Anon
Until we had a human child, we took our small dog on all our domestic plane trips, and it was really no big deal. We never even gave her meds. I’d definitely fly.
Anonymous
Fly. I moved across country with my cat so I didn’t really have much choice but to fly. He was pretty freaked out even on the meds but everything went fine. The hardest part was getting through security. If you go through the regular security line, you have to take the cat out of the carrier, walk with the cat through whatever scanner they send you through (not sure if this is still an option with the new full body scanners), and send the carrier through the machine. Alternatively, you can ask to go in a back room and they will inspect the carrier and your luggage by hand. Go to the back room. I was too intimidated to do it but taking the cat out of the carrier was a huge mistake. He tried to make a run for it and I got pretty scratched up. Fortunately the TSA agents and other passengers were really nice and helped me but it was way too stressful for both me and kitty.
Kitty cried on the plane but you couldn’t really hear it over the engine. Make sure you have a seat that has adequate space at your feet so you can put the carrier under there. I have a soft carrier and had no problem. I also brought some food and a water bowl but he didn’t want anything. If we’d been delayed at the airport, though, I would’ve been glad to have it.
Anonymous
FWIW I’d vote drive. I moved/drove cross country with two cats about ten years ago. My car was full of stuff so the cats would find a cozy nook in the car to curl up and sleep most of the time, especially when I turned the heat on. I was worried because I didn’t have enough medication for them for the trip so I tried setting out without giving them any (saving meds for an emergency) and never ended up needing to use any at all.
Anonymous
Please secure your animals when you drive. They need to be in a carrier and buckled in. My friend’s daughter died in a car accident when her normally chill cat freaked out at something on the road and jumped in the daughter’s face. Daughter had driven with the cat loose in the car dozens of times with no incident. You just never know how an animal will react to the unexpected.
Anon
This. It’s very dangerous for both animal and human.
anon
OMG, that is horrific.
cat socks
If you drive, you could still give her the sedative to help keep her calm. I’m not sure which one your vet is prescribing, but I’ve used gabapentin with multiple cats and it calms them down without totally knocking them out. You can give her a little bit before you travel to see how she will react.
If you choose to fly check out Kitten Lady on YouTube. She has a very informative video about flying with cats.
That’s good that it’s a direct flight, but I get your concerns about delays. If I were in your situation, I’d do with driving because I would rather have control.
Anonymous
https://www.nytimes.com/2006/10/06/travel/escapes/06rituals.html
anon
I would drive. One of my cats gets carsick, but a sedative helps tremendously. Both of them are very loud talkers, and I believe they would yell the entire flight. I would not subject others to it.
Texan In Exile
Do you have meezers?
https://www.facebook.com/The.Class.Factotum/videos/797215597339725/
Note to self: Driving will be the only option when we move.
DCR
I’ve done both of these options. It’s always been an issue of my preferred travel method given the situation and cost, given that I was in school. But all things equal, I would pick driving.
During law school, I flew my cat home with me one winter break. I didn’t give her any drugs and it went fine for the three hour flight. My cat didn’t make much noise except during takeoff and landing, and I could lean over and pet her through the side of her cage since I was in economy plus. The worst part was going through security. You have to take the cat out of her cage and carry her through the x-ray (this was 10 years ago, may have changed since), which worried me. She had a harness and leash on, but I was still worried she would freak out and try to run away or scratch me. But altogether, it was fine.
I’ve also taken 4 long drives with my cat. Two were shorter drives of appx. 5 hours between DC and NYC for a summer and two were cross country appx. 22 hour moves in U-Hauls after law school. What I would do is put the harness and leash on my cat, and then let her wonder around the car. I tried one of the drives with my cat in her carrier, and she just howled for hours until I let her out. (It was just too distracting for me as the driver.) With the leash, I could ensure she didn’t get down by the pedals. For the longer drives in the U-hauls, I was with another person so we would start the drives with me in the passenger seat with the cat on my lap. The drives always went well – my cat pretty much just sat on my lap and watched the scenery. We spent the nights in pet-friendly hotels, and she would eat and drink them. I’m sure she didn’t love it (or flying), but it was less stressful for me then flying.
Anon
No one ever mentions litter boxes and I’m genuinely curious. Do you set up a litter box in your car?
Anon
When I moved halfway across the country with my cats, I brought a litter box and a drawstring box liner filled with litter. Whenever I stopped for a restroom break, I set up the box on the floor of the car and they both went if they needed to go. I set it up in hotel rooms at night. I have amazingly chill cats, though.
Anon
Hmm we adopted our two cats as half grown kittens a 4 hour drive away. We put a litter box in the way back of our small suv, a full size one since we had to buy a litter box anyway, and one of the kittens found it during the trip. He took a massive nervous poop that was so pungent we almost drove off the road. We had to scoop it at the next exit and the car remained hazmat level polluted the rest of the way home.
DCR
I set up a litter box on one of the drives, but my cat never used it. My guess is that the stress of a new environment just caused her to eat and drink less, and therefor have to use the litter box less. It’s just not like dogs that are used to seeing new environments and people all the time. Plus, I think my cat only uses the littler box once or twice a day at home – as opposed to dogs, which I understand go more often (but I’ve never had a dog, so what do I know?). For the cross-country moves, we set up a litter box in the hotel rooms and my cat would use it at some point overnight.
Anon
Yes. I have a station wagon and put it in the trunk area.
Cat lady
I did this recently with one cat. It was a 3 day drive and we stopped at friends’ homes overnight. I suggest doing this for a couple of reasons. 1) You can pack all the things you’ll need before your movers arrive in your car including a litter box, food, etc. I stuffed my car with everything from an airmattress and pillows, to clothing, and cat stuff. 2) You’re more in control of the situation whereas you’re a little stuck (as you mentioned) if you fly. Before my most recent 1000 mile journey, I bought this: https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/B00L36K7EE/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o01_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1. It allowed the cat to move around a bit. I put it out a week in advance of our move with one of her beds and a blanket for her to get used to it. Our drive was uneventful. She’s usually a howler in the car and was very good.
Hazel
I used this same backseat carrier for my cat on an 8-hour move last year, and it worked really well. It comes with a portable litterbox and has plenty of room for cat to move around while still being restrained. It did take up the entire backseat, but overall I felt much more comfortable with it than with keeping cat in a small plane-style carrier for the long drive. Cat complained a bit at first, then slept for the entire drive.
Anon
I would fly without sedatives. Kitty sedatives can make them very stressed – ask me how I know.
Anon
Adding: if you fly with a cat, you should put a harness on him/her before s/he goes into the carrier at home. When you go through Security, they will need to put the carrier through the x-ray machine, and you will carry the feline through the metal detector. It helps to have a good grip on the harness as well as the cat, in case the cat tries to make a run for it.
Anonymous
I’m the commenter above who got mauled going through security. I wholeheartedly second the harness suggestion! I had no idea my sweet cuddly little guy could transform into a squirming ball of claws and teeth!
OP
Thanks everyone! I was secretly hoping that flying would be the overwhelming so we could get it over with, but I’m kind of leaning towards car now. We have to drive/move the car anyway, although it’s a pretty small car. Really appreciate the tips on what do with the litter box! I am also remembering that the cat doesn’t do well in small carriers. The last time we put her in a (highly-reviewed, way too expensive) soft travel carrier, she pulled out one of her nails trying to claw her way out. We have a hard sided crate-like one now and she just yells. Maybe I can get her a large crate and she’ll just roam around in it.
Anonymous
Late to the commenting party, but there are also professional pet transport companies. My most likely scenario for a next move involves also having a very young baby and potentially not the assistance of my spouse, so this is my plan.
Anon
I think this is a solid option since you have to drive the car anyways.
I moved 2 cats about the same distance (with one overnight) and it was reasonably painless for everyone involved. Neither kitty got any drugs and they behaved fine – lots of meowing at first, but eventually settled in to sleep. They didn’t use the litterbox or accept any food or water while in the car, FWIW.
I’m sure this isn’t objectively true, but it seems like you have so much more control/power when in your own car versus being at the mercy of an airline. Like, worse case scenario, something is going terribly wrong with your cat in the car, you stop driving immediately and find a vet on google. On an airplane, the options are limited.
anon
this helped with my two- i got a huge one and crated them together v. a tiny carrier.
Not that Anne, the other Anne
We also did that. We got a giant dog crate and then put them both in it. It worked well. The only side effect was getting on the pet supply store’s giant dog mailing list for years, which was actually kind of funny.
Anon
Fly, absolutely. You want to minimize the amount of time and there’s no way flying will take as long as driving, even with delays.
Rainbow Hair
I’ve done both, so here are my thoughts:
If flying:
– Do a test run with the drugs. I did with my high-stress kitty and he was foaming at the mouth miserable and I was in a panic and I am SO glad that didn’t happen while I also had to catch a flight. He was actually pretty OK at the airport; I think he was like “well this is terrifying, all I want to do is stay in my damn carrier.”
– If at all possible, make sure you have one adult per minor/animal. So like, if it’s you, a baby, and the kitty, go for two adults, so one can mind baby through security and one can mind cat.
– Soft sided carriers so no one hassles you about whether it will fit under the seat in front of you.
If driving:
– My kitty held his pee/poop the whole time we were driving (east coast to midwest). We stopped at a motel and set up a litter box for him in the bathroom, and he used it, then slept hiding under the bed.
– Tastiest treats, like wet food if kitty eats it, to ensure hydration and eating in general on the trip. With a large crate you can offer kitty treats/even water IN the crate!
– If you have any inkling that kitty might pee/poo in the carrier, go with hard sided so you can spray it down.
Clara
Do tide pens actually work?
I’m looking for something that could be used both to remove stains when they happen (esp at the office) and also as a pre treatment for stains before the washing machine. Would a tide pen work for that?
Monday
Yes they do work! Often I don’t even need to do any additional stain treatment later. I keep one in my bag.
Anonymous
They work. Saved my wedding dress when I tripped and got mud on it before we’d even left for the church.
Anonymous
I saw your comment the other day! I was so horrified for you! Glad it worked out OK.
Clara
Oh wow a wedding dress – thats quite the endorsement!
Anonymous
Tide pens work well on plant-based stains (ketchup, ink) but not on grease stains.
Worry about yourself
I have one and it does work pretty well, good to have in my desk at work, but I once used it on a blue dress and it lightened the fabric, so I don’t recommend it for colors, but when I get ramen broth on my white shirt, it’s a godsend. That said, I don’t think I’d use it to pre-treat stains, the Oxyclean stain gel is better for that (and safer on colors).
Anonymous
I also found that after a shorter period of time than I expected, the Tide Pens would go “off” – smelling like vomit instead of nothing. Not sure what led to that, but if the idea is to have them around, I should be able to keep them in my car and the like. I stopped buying them for this reason.
Anon
Shout Wipes work so. much. better. than Tide Pens. I stash them everywhere, purse, office, diaper bag. . . I’m a big coffee dribbler.
Anonymous
Carbona roll-on
Housecounsel
I do not want to pay $80 for a polyester blouse. I am so sick of polyester and rayon.
Cat
I don’t mind it for sleeveless garments — but long sleeves + synthetic fabrics is a recipe for BO disasters for me, so I’ll happily concur on this top!
Anonymous
Ok then don’t.
anon
With you on the polyester and rayon! It doesn’t work well for summer in the south and it can be so sheer. Layering in summer is the worst.
I gotta say that, in my opinion, it’s hard to find cotton/natural fiber tops that drape like polyester/synthetic material.
Mpls
Silk is your only natural fiber option for the same drape. Rayon was invented as a replacement for silk – and is plant based (vs the petro based polyester) and breathable – on par with cotton.
Anon
In your experience does rayon cause the same BO problems that polyester does?
Mpls
Shrug – I don’t know. I haven’t noticed an issue with rayon, but I also don’t really notice an issue with polyester.
ATL rette
Not all of us have the budget for silk, so sometimes polyester is the only option.
If you don’t like it, don’t buy it.
MagicUnicorn
At $80, this is getting into silk-budget territory.
Mpls
Not really – most silk blouses are going to cost you double that. If they don’t, I’d start to question the quality, unless it’s a really simple construction.
Anon
I really don’t think OP was suggesting that nobody can or should buy synthetic clothing. Pretty sure she also won’t buy it. Doesn’t mean she can’t comment on a fairly high price for a synthetic fabric.
anon
How do you store your makeup?
I need a bathroom organizing solution. My bathroom does not have any drawers and I don’t like to keep a lot of things out on the counter. So, I throw all of my makeup, hair, and potions into the under sink cabinet and its become a mess. I have a mesh organizer from the container store in there, but its not working because its not really made for little things like eyeliner and tiny brushes.
Anonymous
https://tinyurl.com/y2rg6sjn
Anonymous
One of the reasons I love Birchbox is because I find endless uses for the (pretty!) boxes that everything comes in. I organize my small makeup and skincare stuff in those boxes – one box for eyeliner/mascara, one for lipstick, etc. I use one box for my everyday stuff, too, so I just take out that one box and then file it away with the rest.
Anon
I love Birchbox too! I use the boxes to store some products and then cosmetic pouches to store others. One for eyes, lips, face, etc.
Anon
If you go to someplace like home goods or Marshall’s you will find a ton of clear acrylic makeup organizers and train cases etc. I have no doubt you can find a small train case (ie Kaboodle type thing) that will be the right side for your everyday makeup. I keep my everyday stuff on the counter in one of the acrylic things and it works great for me.
Anon
Mine is something like the last picture here
https://www.containerstore.com/s/bath/makeup-organizers/luxe-large-acrylic-makeup-organizer/12d?productId=10009895
mascot
I use a pencil cup type organizer to store tube type items, brushes, eye liner, etc. Drawer organizer wooden boxes for the rest of the makeup. Caboodles are back- maybe see if something like that is an option since you will be storing it in a cabinet.
Anon
My bathroom also does not have any drawers, plus it has just the small area of counter around the sink, and then a narrow ledge extended from that toward the toilet (yay NYC). I recently bought the “Clarity 3-Drawer Stacking Clear 6.5×7” drawers from the Container Store. They have a very small footprint and 3 drawers to store makeup. Container Store also sells other configurations in this series (e.g., if you have more brushes or lipsticks to store). I put all my makeup in this drawer set, and then on top I put the moisturizers, eye creams, etc. that I use daily. Everything else goes into my medicine cabinets, or organized into bins under the sink.
Anon
In my itty bitty bathroom, the landlord installed shelves above the toilet. I can fit two decent sized wicker baskets on the shelf – one fits a toiletry bag with toothpaste, deodorant, etc, the other holds a makeup bag with just my most-used essentials. I pull the basket down each morning and evening and set it on the toilet to scrounge through what I need. Extra makeup and toiletries live in the guest room closet or in a shoe organizer I hung over the back of the door. Not ideal, but it’s a super small bathroom.
Anon
I kind of want the Caboodles they had back in the ’80s and ’90s, but for grown-ups.
pugsnbourbon
You can absolutely buy caboodles now – I’ve seen them at JC Penney, TJMaxx and, weirdly, Aldi.
Anonymous
Ulta has them too.
Anon
I would love them in something like bamboo, not plastic.
Anon
Instead of going wide, have you thought about going tall? In order to preserve counterspace, I got a tall acrylic makeup storage bin and a clear acrylic brush holder to sit on top of that. It looks far less cluttered.
If you don’t want anything at all on the counter, just get a series of small makeup bags and separate by type (lipsticks in one, foundation in one, blush in one, eyeshadows in one, eyeliners and mascaras in one, and brushes in one). Label them and stick them in one big topless box or shallow tray. Take in and out from under the cabinet in one step.
Anonymous
If you can live without everything having its own separate compartment, a mesh kitchen strainer with pull out handles is an easy way to keep all that stuff together and pull it out and put it back daily. You might need additional solutions for stuff you don’t use regularly if you have a lot.
Insurance Advocate?
A friend needs help with a tricky home insurance situation – navigating how to communicate with the insurance company and ensure he is getting the full benefits to which he is entitled.
Any suggestions for the type of professional that can help? Is this a lawyer, or are there other insurance advocates/providers? His means are limited, but the value of the claim is high and worth pursuing aggressively.
Any specific recommendations in the New York metro area would be particularly appreciated!
westernisland
Possibly an attorney. I’m in a hurricane zone and in my state, homeowner can hire a public adjuster to work the claim on their behalf. The public adjuster gets paid a percentage of the payment made on the claim. I do not know much about the process but based on anecdata alone, it seems to work out well for the homeowner. Even with the public adjuster getting a cut, homeowner usually gets a much larger payout from the insurance company. We are still reeling in insurance claims from last hurricane season and for those that had significant storm damage, managing the insurance claim seems like a full time job.
Anonymous
I’m interested in responses on this. If your friend has a mortgage, it might be worth reaching out to the bank for help. It’s my understanding that the bank will strongarm the insurance company if the damage affects the value or marketability of the house.
A few years ago, a hail storm damaged the siding on some but not all faces of a bunch of houses in my neighborhood. The insurance companies only wanted to replace the siding on the damaged faces. Most of the colors are pretty easy to match, but there’s one peach color that can’t be matched and the new siding was a dramatically different color than the old, sun-faded siding. You can’t very well sell a house that has noticeably different colors of siding on different faces of the house. The homeowners got their mortgage companies involved and, a couple of weeks later, the insurance companies replaced all their siding so it all matches.
PA
what your friend needs is a “Public Adjuster”
much like an attorney, they’ll take a 1/3rd of his insurance pay out. but if it’s as you say and the claim will be high – then the PA will work to make sure everything is fixed/done appropriately. While PA’s can be the WORST of the scam artists, a good PA is worth their salt. They’ll communicate with Ins Co., work with contractors – heck some of them used to be attorneys and fire fighters and contractors, etc. Sorry no reliable references…
Gail the Goldfish
Are manduka yoga mats worth the cost? My cheap gaiam from Target is starting to fall apart after about a year and half of use and I’m wondering if I just need to upgrade.
Junior Associate
I just splurged for one five months ago for home use so can’t speak to whether it will hold up for years and years, but I love mine so far! Much more sturdy than my Stotts pilates mat (which admittedly got 6 years oc heavy use). My yoga studio also has Manduka mats for common use — they probably use them 5 times a day on a daily basis and all of them remain in great shape.
Monday
Mandukas are very durable but have no padding and are usually rougher in texture. That’s a matter of taste. Personally I have a Lululemon 5mm and that’s what I recommend. I need a little bit of padding, and it has a different texture on either side for different needs (grip). I do think if you practice regularly that it’s worth getting a durable mat. It’s like a reliable old friend! And less wasteful.
Anonymous
I have the 5mm Lululemon mat as well and love it. The biggest pro for me is it is the stickiest mat I have ever used. No slipping in hot yoga anymore!
Gail the Goldfish
Hmm I probably need more padding (thanks, knees). I’ll check out the lululemon one too. Thanks!
RR
There are different thicknesses for Mandukas. Mine is 5mm and just as thick as the Lululemon one. It’s also not slippery. But, I didn’t buy the Pro. I bought one of the Ecos.
Cb
I find the Mandukas that I use at the studio too thin. I have a sweaty betty mat that I’ve been using 1x-2x a week for 4 years and it still looks brand new.
Go for it
Following this thread because….
Yes & no. Yes ~as it’s nice and thick on my too many ice skating falls knees ~ no as after 1 year using the Pro I am slipping and peeved! They say clean it, done to no avail.
Now I just use it for Pilates, and need a new mat for yoga.
Anon
Yes, it’s worth it. I’ve had mine for probably 10 years – get a long one if you’re tall. Cheap yoga mats are not great.
Anon
Have been using a Manduka eKo for roughly 9 mo., and, my only negative is that the strong rubber smell hasn’t dissipated much despite regular cleanings. I definitely coming home “smelling like yoga.” (Or maybe it’s just me!)
AnonMidwest
Yes, I use mine daily and it holds up incredibly well. If you’re interested in primarily hot yoga classes they now offer a specific mat that get stickier the more you sweat. It’s similar to (but better in quality) than the lulu mat.
ALX emily
I’m still on the fence about whether I like it (the breaking-in process is more annoying than I thought so far!) but fwiw I recently got a manduka pro lite from rei outlet for like $40 so at least it doesn’t have to be expensive!
Kelly
Not sure if you’re still reading, but I love my Corc Yoga mat. It is made from cork, which is naturally grippy and padded and is a renewable resource as well. I hated the other yoga mats because they smelled awful, and I’m very pleased with my mat now and it’s held up well, too.
Anonymous
Yes. I got mine almost 2 years ago and it still looks new. I don’t slip. It’s thicker than the Lulu mat I used to have so it’s a lot more comfortable for my knees. Only downside is it’s heavy to carry if you don’t regularly leave your mat at your studio.
Anon
I know a lot of you enjoy Dear Prudence. I do too, or did, because I liked Emily better than Daniel, but I still read it.
I just wanted to recommend Am I The A55hole on redd1t. (Replace 5s with s). People did something shady and write in for community judgment. If you can wade through the validation posts where the poster just did the most obvious right thing and wants everyone to agree, there are some real gems. Like the guy who went to a “fancy” restaurant and ordered a $26 steak that was smaller than he expected, called it false advertising and refused to pay for it, and wonders why his girlfriend who was also there and only ordered $15 “noki” will no longer speak to him.
Paint Suggestions
Yes I love that! I read one this morning and can’t stop thinking about how bad I feel for the kid in question – dad adopted a dog for his 9 year old son. The dog has the same name as his 12 year old daughter. Dad refuses to change the dogs name because the son thinks its cruel and is annoyed at the daughter for “ruining the son’s birthday.”
Disagree on dear prudence though – I much prefer Danny to Emily, especially when it comes to questions of s3xual assault.
Anon
OMG! That is one horrible parent. Dad should have just changed the name before giving the dog to his son.
Anon
Omg that dad is TA for sure!!
Anon
I’m torn about my preference. I think Emily gave much more practical real world advice but she skewed a little too conservative/out of touch on sexuality issues. On the other hand Danny often skews too quick to anger/bad intentions on transgender issues and really out of touch with issues surrounding children – he doesn’t have any and doesn’t seem to spend much time around them. For example, the comments on one post went wild when Danny suggested that a school was wildly out of line for preventing PDA between two 11 yr old girls on a school field trip and people had to remind Danny that 11 yr old is a 5th grader not a teenager and PDA on a school function is not and always has been not appropriate, but he went straight to PO’d blinded by LGBTQ lense. Your personal identity should inform your advice if you are a general advice columnist, not blind you to common issues.
Honestly, I think Danny is the reason they started the Care and Feeding column, which I love, because he is just so ill equipped to advise on family and child issues.
Anon
Yes that’s also my issue with Daniel. He gets way way way too emotionally involved in LGBTQ+ issues and can’t be relational about them.
Anon
*rational, not relational, but really I meant objective.
Anon
Yeah that was a TERRIBLE answer. Of course public schools don’t want 11 year olds necking! It’s not because of their sexuality.
Marie
He also reads as out of touch/unrealistic to me about topics related to work politics and office expectations. However, AAM is a solid resource for those questions.
Lana Del Raygun
Honestly I feel like neither of them tended/tends to get into the real issues behind the question the way Carolyn Hax does. And they both give answers like “Yes, your roommate is unreasonable! They should stop!” which, fine, but what is the letter writer supposed to do about that?
Nicole Cliffe’s advice is usually solid but I was totally horrified by her response to the letter about the neighbor boy “borrowing” the daughter’s clothes. No 12yo boy has any business stealing an 8yo girl’s clothes out of her room, let alone taking them in the bathroom to touch himself, and Nicole just blew right past that.
Anonymous
This was obviously a sh**post.
Anon
Oh no, I know so many people like that from my rural hometown. I didn’t doubt that one at all.
Anon
I can totally see my father doing this. I’m pretty sure he has done this, actually.
anon
My parents recently went out to dinner with some (formerly) friendly acquaintances, a couple and their two grown sons. The husband sent back his steak and insisted the restaurant bring him a new one because, he said, his steak was smaller than my dad’s. My parents said they couldn’t tell that one steak was a different size than the other. (My dad would have traded with him, but the guy is allergic to garlic, and my dad’s steak came with garlic butter.)
Also, this family had reached out and asked my parents to meet for dinner, and said they would split the bill. Then the husband “forgot” his wallet (and nobody else had any money?), and my parents picked up the bill. The man said he would Venmo them the money, but he never did.
Anon
I still found it pretty entertaining.
Anon
That subreddit entertains me so much. A lot of it is validation posts, and the rest are 50/50 1) honestly don’t see an issue with their actions and really are a55holes or 2) really needs advice and makes you hurt for them and their life.
cbackson
Is that the subreddit where the woman posted about Timothy the papier-mache mouse?
BB
You might have been trying to respond to me below, but YES that was the thread I was talking about! So crazy! And I can’t believe she posted it on AITA originally! Like, how was that even a question?
anon
I enjoy it when astute commentors identify the real issues that underlie all of the behavior discussed in the post and then the OP comes away with an actual light bulb moment that might make his or her life better. Or it’ll just be ignored, more likely, but at least someone figured it out!
Mickey
Don’t forget to downvote the validation posts!
BB
Related…there’s a thread going around on twitter that originally was on the mentioned subreddit (and then got posted to r/relationships). It involves marriage, in-laws, and a giant talking papier mache mouse. It’s on Captain Awkward’s twitter if anyone wants some seriously WTF reading.
Worry about yourself
That’s my favorite sub right now, I’m addicted!
Inspired By Hermione
I follow Nicole Cliff on Twitter and she once linked to r / AITA, to a particularly grievous post. Hooked me and I read some of them once a week or so.
Worry about yourself
PS, just saw the thread OP was talking about, and I am so bummed it’s locked because hoooo boy do I have something to say. I realize this guy probably hasn’t been to a lot of fancy restaurants, but just how out of touch do you need to be to walk into a nice restaurant, order a $26 steak entree, and get mad when it’s not a big hunk o’ meat? Did it list the size on the menu? Then you figure it’s gonna be a bit of fussed-up meat. Hopefully he knows to at least ask about the presentation next time. Or y’know, just order a pasta dish if he wants a big, filling meal that doesn’t cost too much, meat is expensive dude. If you want a real STEAK-steak, go to a steakhouse and be prepared to spend at least $30 on the entree.
I know, I’m preaching to the choir, but I had to get that off my chest. What a cheap, ignorant, classless pig.
anon
The worst thing about it was that he *ate it* and then refused to pay. Oh, and that he humiliated his girlfriend. Oh, and was so egregiously selfish/obtuse that he believed that the restaurant knew he “called them out” on their sh*t and that is why they kicked him out.
Assuming it wasn’t a sh*t post. That sub has exploded in popularity in recent months so there’s been a lot more of that.
Worry about yourself
I really hope she dumped him, or at least had a serious come-to-Jesus wherein she told him this was an unacceptable way to behave in a restaurant. But honestly, if it is real, I have to wonder why she didn’t try to talk some sense into him in the moment. “Babe, it’s not a big deal, these things happen, the restaurant didn’t do anything wrong, now you just know not to order that here, can we please just pay and go home?”
Anon
Just order a pasta dish – like noki, perhaps?
Anonymous
literally LOL’ing at this.
Anon
I am at the end of a very long application/interview process for a job. It’s a new position that has just been created within a local government agency. On paper, it sounded exciting and like it would be a good fit for me – the agency actually reached out and asked me to apply. During the interview process (multiple phone interviews, in person interview, etc.), I asked/was told 3 different times what the job duties would be, and I got 3 different answers each time. This has definitely raised some concerns for me, especially because two of the answers lean towards being an administrative assistant, which was not in the original job description, and I probably would not have applied if it was. I should be hearing back from them with a decision by the end of the week, and I’m quite torn about what to do if they offer me the job. A newly created position sounds exciting because I would potentially shape it, but it also makes me nervous that they don’t seem to have a clear idea of the job duties. What would you do, in my position?
Anonymous
If you get the offer, I’d tell them that’s great, you’re so excited, and you want to come back in and discuss the position further with your future potential boss.
Anon
Yeah, especially given the amount of time that has passed, it’s reasonable to say that the agency’s vision about this role may have changed over the application/interview period, you have gained additional work experience in that time too, and you want to confirm that this will be the right fit.
Go for it
Ask a manager deals with this.
Anon
This is so not helpful. Do you know how many posts there are on AAM about such similar topics? This is like telling somebody who has a research question “The library deals with this” except even less helpful, because at least the library is organized by subject.
Anonymous
If this is a government job, is there a position description? At least for the federal government, that would be the key description of the role and should give a pretty good sense of how the role is viewed. After that, I would take with the person who would be your manager. If they are assigning you work, there view of the role is key.
Finally, consider the role of the three people who provided different descriptions. Could it be a function of how they are going to interact with the new role? For example, manager for group A just focuses on X, cause that is how he will interact with the role; team member from group B focuses on Y, cause that is the part of the role that he sees.
OP
Yes there is a job description, but it no longer reflects what they’re telling me the job duties are. I asked them about this and they said since it’s a new position, that they’re still figuring it out – I understand that, but it seems to have changed into a role I’m not sure I want. The three times I’ve been told about it are twice from the HR person and once from the position’s direct supervisor.
Anon
I wouldn’t worry/care about what the HR person says. In my experience in the fed gov’t and private practice, they are just not that relevant to workload issues in a practical matter and half the time don’t even understand what goes on in the rest of the company/agency. What matters is what the position’s direct supervisor says the position involves.
Law mama
Agree but also I’d flag for the direct supervisor that HR said something different. There may be some backstory reason that happened that you don’t understand but is important.
Horse Crazy
I have to come up with about 25 trivia questions for my rotary club meeting. They need to be on one topic – we have recently done presidents, local history and summer facts. Any ideas for a fun topic?
Anonymous
Sports. But actually exclusively women’s sports but don’t advertise it that way because how much sports trivia is actually just men’s sports?
Anon
I love this! And then when someone asks why there are no questions (or maybe just a single token question) about men’s sports act surprised like you just put in sports trivia that was interesting and it all happens to be about women.
Anon
Timely with the USWNT too!
Senior Attorney
Love this! And yay, Rotary!!
Anonymous
Maybe something with the nature native to your area? Wildlife, plants, etc.
Lana Del Raygun
Local wildlife/botany? Famous rotarians?
Anon
Extreme weather phenomena and events! (Sorry, I’m in New Orleans and this is on my mind!)
Anon All The Time
This sounds like so much fun! Maybe check out a few educationally bent youtube channels for inspiration? SciShow, Healthcare Triage, the brain scoop, and Animalogic come to mind off the top of my head. Those tend to be factually accurate and cover a lot of random but entertaining topics.
anon bbg
Fun facts about the neighbourhoods/cities that your org supports
anonshmanon
It’s the international year of the periodic table, you can probably find quizzes on that online.
Senior Attorney
Also it’s coming up on the 50th anniversary of the Apollo moon landing so you could do something related to that.
Anonymous
Might be cheating, but visit J!Archive and find a recurring category to pull questions.
OC Mama
This comment is in follow up to a thread a few days ago about college admissions as someone speculated that a student with a 3.7 and 1250 SAT could get into some UCs…I just wanted to share our experience as we just went thought this..
My daughter is a senior with a 3.75 gpa and a 1500 SAT. Is an AP scholar (which means she has a bunch of AP tests with 5s on them) and a 2 sport varsity athlete (not recruited). Major is history and economics. She wrote very good essays.
She got rejected from:
UC Berkeley
UCLA
UC Davis
UCSB
UC Irvine
UCSD
U. of Washington
U. of Wisconsin
U. of Michigan
Tulane
She got accepted to:
UCSC
Cal Poly (very hard for engineering, not as hard for other majors)
Ohio State
U of Indiana
U of Minnesota
U of Illinois
U of Oregon
U of Colorado
Just an fyi for all parents of seniors out there — basically the UCs are super hard now, but out of state is a possibility :) The people we know who are got in and are going to like UCSB are the students with like 4.3 gpa, 1500 sat and in my day would have gone to the ivy league (which was their first choice but didn’t get in)
Anon
Can you explain where her 3.75 put her in the class rank?
Anon
This – if some people have 4.3 GPAs,3.75 is not as impressive as it sounds, and may be only something like 50th percentile class rank, which of course will not translate to admission at top colleges. My best friend’s much younger brother had a 3.8 GPA (on a 4.0 scale), which put him in the top 25% of his class, got a 1450 on the SAT and got into every UC except Berkeley last year.
Anon
There’s also a point at which the SAT works against you. A student with outstanding SAT scores but reasonable, albeit not outstanding, grades looks like a slacker who isn’t making full use of her potential.
Anon
I agree. I think a student with 1500 on the SATs (that’s 99th percentile, so clearly this kid is smart enough for top colleges) and even a couple Cs in high school classes looks like they’re not applying themselves, and that’s a big turnoff to colleges. When I think 3.75 GPA, I think 3/4ths As, 1/4Bs (or maybe mostly A-‘s with a very occasional B+). The fact that there are Cs in there would be a huge red flag to me as an admissions officer, especially with those test scores. Numbers don’t tell the whole story.
Anon
For even more fun, there are different versions of a 1500. If a kid takes the SAT three times and gets:
V 670 M 750
V 690 M 700
V 750 M 720
that “superscores” to a 1500, but looks a lot different from a kid who hits 750 V 750 M on the first try and lacks the funds to take it three times.
Anon
It’s Indiana U, not U of Indiana. Sorry, Hoosier here and it’s a big pet peeve.
Anon
It’s so weird because I told my daughter not to expect to get into any UCs with her 3.4 GPA and 1200 SAT, but she got into Irvine and was wait listed for Santa Cruz. She’s not going to either of them (she’s going to a CSU) but it just shows that the admissions process has a lot more factors than are obvious. She’s a varsity captain athlete and I’m assuming she wrote a hell of an essay – she has never shown it to me.
Anon
I should add that her best friend with 4.0+ GPA, tons of AP credits, 1550 SAT, varsity athlete and dedicated musician, didn’t get into UCLA or UCB and is going out of state to an Ivy.
Anon
I think these schools must be MUCH harder to get into for Californians. I’m in the Northeast, and Berkeley is a safety school for the honors kids who don’t get into any Ivies.
Anon
Admission to the UCs is definitely harder for people living in California – I think they are actively seeking out of state students because they pay more tuition money. I’m in the Midwest, and a coworker’s son went to Berkeley a couple years ago. His stats were better than OP’s daughters’, but not that much, and he isn’t a varsity athlete. He got rejected from all the elite private schools he applied to. He did get into the University of Michigan and I think Wisconsin too.
Anon
They are harder for Californians to get into, no question. They want as much out of state tuition as they can get. UC fights any proposed increases to the minimum % of in-state students they have to take tooth an nail. It pisses me off to no end. I have been paying taxes for these schools my entire life.
Is it Friday yet?
This is also true for UW and kids from Washington (and to a lesser extent, CA and OR). They want that sweet sweet out of state tuition and also some student body diversity.
Anon
Interesting to see the change. Wisconsin was a cinch to get into out of state in ’99. I had a 3.8, a 1310 SAT (on the old scale), a handful of AP 4s, and did clubs but no sports, and they admitted me within days (I was really surprised at the fast turn-around).
I wonder if a kid really wants to go to a UC if that community college pipeline mentioned by another poster really is the way to go – seems like a cool program, but you miss those freshman bonding opportunities. (I have no kids and didn’t comment on the original thread but read with interest.)
Anonymous
Definately this. I had stats about the same as you (top 10% of my very good public high school in CT, 1350 SATs, no remarkable achievements but a bunch of clubs and stuff). Got into UConn with a full ride. Got into U Wisc full ride. Ended up going to Oberlin (no money).
Anon
I’m sure that the college admission game is different then it was 20 years ago when I was applying, and I’m sorry the situation is like that in California. But it also does prove that such a student can get in to some UCs (and your daughter didn’t even apply to some of the “easier” ones) and into some cal schools.
Anon
Not the OP, but 1250 vs 1500 on the SAT is quite different when it comes to college admissions.
Anonymous
Right. This is exactly what everyone said.
OC Mama
OP here – I agree I forgot she did get into UC Riverside but didn’t even visit it.
Anon
It is very interesting to me to see the California prospects like this. I think a lot of people get disappointed when they see rejection status like this and think their kid’s stats aren’t good enough. But I think it’s important to remember that schools use LOTS of criteria to decide on students, a lot of it dealing with their uniqueness and the sort of student body the school wants to build. In California, a nondisabled 17 yr old from a two parent middle class home with good but not astronomically good grades and test scores, and pretty regular extracurriclars is a dime a dozen. Your daughter is special to you but the UC schools don’t know her from Adam and just see how she is just like 1,000 other applicants. In addition, the schools limit the number of people to certain majors, the number of students from a particular city or state and even from a particular HS because they don’t want all of Calabasas HS imported onto one campus (which can cause all sorts of issues, namely not maturing and continuing HS drama and exclusionary groups).
That’s the reason I did and encouraged my minor aged relatives to apply to out of state schools, smaller private schools, and alternate state school systems that don’t see students like them as much – for example I’m in Texas and UT Austin sees a billion kids from Houston, but University of North Texas and OU don’t receive nearly as many kids from South Texas. It’s a game of chances so you have to put in your apps strategically.
Anon
It’s a game about maximizing out of state tuition.
Anonymous
And I hate that. It makes fewer slots available to in-state students of modest means who can’t afford private U (or even if you get a 10K-30K scholarship, many parents can’t afford to send their kids to GW or BU) and there are even fewer scholarships for them to be OOS students at another state’s state U. It is the worst of all possible worlds b/c it means that state U is pretty much for the upper-middle class’s kids, which is completely not the point. Or if state U is to provide educated people for that state (teachers and nurses and engineers and accountants and doctors and social workers and the like), how many people to go to ‘Bama are going to stay there to help build a better state? Once a school gets to be a certain level of a “national” level school, those kids don’t stick around. What is the state and the lucky few in-staters who get in getting???
Maybe we should make all community colleges capable of giving you a 4-year degree. Those of us in the middle will be running out of options for our kids.
Anon
There are already a lot of 4-year degree granting schools that are both cheaper and easier to get in then the flagship schools. No need to turn our community colleges in to that, when they currently serve a very important function.
I just don’t get this thought pattern that it is either flagship state U or community college – there are many public options in between those two in every state I know of (which is admittedly not all 50 states, but I would be extremely surprised to hear of a state that really only has those two choices).
Anon
I think they’re largely omitted from the discussion because a lot of people think they aren’t worth the money. They cost the same as the flagship Us and deliver a value that probably isn’t much better than community college in terms of quality of education, alumni network, etc.
Anon
Anon at 1:05 – That isn’t my experience. For all of the ones I’ve looked at, the non-flagship state colleges are significantly cheaper than the flagship state U. And having gone to a community college, I find it hard to believe that the quality of education, career services, and alumni network within the state isn’t higher.
Anonymous
Honestly, it is such a horrible, horrible racket. I totally respect my community college that will just let you walk in and register. Everything else is some sort of academic beauty pageant where we can take you b/c you are from Montana and we already have our Montana kid, you are from Arlington and while you are really well-qualified, we already took 5 kids who are just like you and now you look “wrong” to us even though we waived the others through, we like you b/c your parents pay more b/c they live 3 miles on the wrong side of the state border (don’t you think that someone in Bethesda might move to McLean the minute the have two kids at UVA?).
I totally respect state Us that don’t have OOS tuition at 3-4x what in-state kids pay.
Ugh.
Maybe there will just be virtual universities by the time my kids were older.
Anonymous
I am not surprised.
I live in CLT and expect that we will not get our kids into Chapel Hill or NCSU but my sibling who lives in Iowa could get her kids into a lot of schools b/c some schools like to check the box for geographic diversity and for state schools, OOS students pay a lot of freight. I expect that we will be sending them as OOS students to USC (the one in South Carolina) or Clemson or College of Charleston as SC state schools heavily recruit NC students with good but not awesome stats and will lower tuition enough to be competitive with going to other NC schools, often bringing it in-line with in-state tuition (which is fairly affordable).
Alabama (Roll Tide!) now has more OOS students than in-state ones, if that tells you anything about the weird calculus of who-pays-what-for-the-same-degree math. It makes car pricing look up front and honest.
Alabama
As an SEC school grad, I hate to give Alabama any credit at all, ever, but they have been killing it at recruiting top OOS students with hefty scholarship to bring their ranking up, which has made it more appealing to kids paying OOS tuition at sticker prices.
I disagree with the practice, but it’s skyrocketed their rankings, including the law school’s, with students going to NYC and larger markets. I even heard an add for the LLM on WSJ’s Secrets of Wealthy Women podcast. Basically, they’re playing the game really well.
It really hurts local students, especially who cannot afford to pay much, and who don’t have five top-ranked UCs to pick from, but only 1 or 2 top public schools in their state.
Seventh Sister
USC did this a lot in the 1990s, but also threw money at local students of color who chose USC over Ivies and UCs and other elite places. It worked really well until the recent rash of scandals.
Anonymous
Fellow Queen City resident here. Especially getting into UNC from Mecklenburg (Or Wake, where a Raleigh is) county…. that’s a crazy high bar.
Anon
She applied to 18 schools? Why? What on earth could justify all those application fees, test scores sent, etc?
Anon
Go away.
Anon
No. It’s a legit question. Is this some new thing? If so, what is the point? Does it impact scholarships/financial aid? I applied to two and both required significant amounts of prep (auditions & essays) and travel to campus. I couldn’t afford more, so that meant applying to my two top choices and calling it a day. I get that everyone’s situation is different but I can’t wrap my brain around what makes the time/energy/money worth it to do so.
Anon
You don’t normally “audition” or need to travel to campus for regular colleges. I’m sure admissions to performing arts schools is very different for these reasons.
follow-up re: wedding planning associate
I applied to about 7 schools in 1999, FWIW.
Anon
It’s more common to apply to many now, because of the internet and the common app. But most people who wanted to go to private or out of state schools applied to ~10, when I was graduating in 2003.
Anon
Yeah, 2 is probably on the low end, but my head is still spinning at the thought of a $30+ application fee X 18 schools, plus essays (I guess one can reuse a bunch of content, so probably not 18 separate essays, but still a bunch of revising and customization), plus additional fees for sending out test scores. Yikes! Does all that time and effort actually yield some benefit?
Anon
You’re a peach, Anon @ 11:5. Just a real peach.
nona
This was my reaction! I applied to 4!
Anon
I applied to one. Which in hindsight, was sort of insane. State school was basically a guaranteed option for me though and I would have gone there if my dream school had rejected me.
Original Moonstone
I’m working with my nephew on an application strategy now. He is a nice guy with average grades coming from a not-great rural high school, and his parents have not saved a dime for his college. In addition to a couple of state schools, he’s applying to some universities with the ROTC program that interests him, as well as about 6 private schools that offer excellent financial aid. It’s worth the $50 application fees to see where he can get in and how much financial aid he’ll be offered. His parents are not interested in doing any college visits, so we are literally picking the schools out of a book and then checking them out online. Anyway, that’s one reason people apply to a lot of schools.
anon
You are a great aunt !!!!
Anon
+1! Your nephew may not be able to say it or even understand yet, but what you are doing will have such a drastic impact on his future.
Original Moonstone
Thanks to both anon at 1:48 and 2:20 for the kind words. I have to walk a tightrope on this to not be too in-his-business so I appreciate the support from Internet strangers.
Anonymous
If you’re still reading, he should consider Davidson College in NC. I’m a very, very proud alum so take everything I say with that in mind. It’s an awesome, incredible school. It has a good, but small, ROTC program. And, the school is committed to meeting 100% of demonstrated financial need through grants, on campus employment and scholarships so students don’t have to take loans.
Anon
I’m not an alum but isn’t Davidson a fairly selective liberal arts college? Not to be rude, but when I hear “nice guy with average grades” I don’t think Davidson or other “name brand” schools. And most private schools meet 100% of demonstrated financial need, so I don’t think Davidson is alone in that regard.
cbackson
Yeah, Davidson is highly selective. It’s not Harvard-selective, but it’s definitely Emory/WashU/USC (the one in CA) selective – in the 15-25% range.
Anon
You apply to all the UCs via one application, where you just check boxes for which campuses you want to be considered for. I’m not OP (I’m the poster whose daughter got into Irvine but will be going to CSU) and we visited a lot of UC and CSU campuses casually when we happened to be nearby for daughter’s sports events (she played both school varsity and club)
OC Mama
OP here – with regard to the GPA – I wasn’t trying to say it was such a great GPA, it isn’t. It is why she didn’t get into the UCs she wanted. I don’t know her rank, her school doesn’t do it. I would say she is in the top 20%. She goes to one of the hardest high schools in CA though. She also had a lot of rigor in her course load (took AP Calculus BC as a junior etc) *however* she had a handful of Cs on her transcript. This is what really brought her down.
anon
OP, I had similar stats to your daughter (22 years ago) and also went to one of the most competitive high schools in CA. I also had two C+s (in AP Calc BC and Physics) and I’m pretty sure that’s what kept me from getting into an Ivy. I ended up at a top 15 school so it worked out fine, but it is clearly a different world now.
Anon
Ah, ok thanks for this further background (I’m the Anon right below). If she has Cs on her transcript, it makes sense that many of these schools are out of reach. I think this is a good lesson for parents that keeping the GPA up is really important – I’m not saying take no honors classes just to maintain a 4.0, but super acceleration is less important than really good grades. (I majored in STEM at an Ivy and at least half my classmates didn’t take AP calc until senior year, so it’s definitely not necessary to take it before then.)
OC Mama
OP here again – she has BETTER stats that I did and I got into UC Berkeley, UCLA and Ivy League schools for Engineering! crazy!
it is a different world!
And my daughter did 13 applications I think – she did it all on her own and is what she wanted. Remember there is a ‘common app’ now and also all the UCs are just one application.
Anon
I’m not surprised about the UCs, especially the most competitive ones, but I am surprised about Washington, Wisconsin and Michigan. Especially Washington – her SAT is well above 75th percentile for admitted students there and her GPA is average for admitted students. With varsity sports and lots of 5s on AP exams, that’s safety school territory (I mean, safety school *for her* – no dig at UW intended). Even for Michigan and Wisconsin, her SATs are really strong. Either there’s something going on here (recommendations are weak? GPA is actually on a 4.5 scale, so 3.75 is not really an A- average?) or it seems like she got extraordinarily unlucky in the admissions game. Kids with similar stats to your daughter can and do get admitted to top public schools and elite private schools all the time.
Anon
Yeah, the UCs are freaking impossible to get into now and there is actually a big movement (maybe a lawsuit? not sure) protesting how many seats are given to out-of-state/international candidates. The system is admitting more because they pay out-of-state tuition, but people argue that the public university system in California is meant to serve in-state students first and foremost. Now highly qualified in-state applicants just aren’t getting admitted at all to schools that would’ve been their safety schools 10-15 years ago. I can see arguments on both sides.
Anon
I am way too involved in this issue, but when UC defends their out of state/international admission % as “diversity” it is a lie. It is about the higher tuition, full stop. And it is a disservice to actual diversity efforts to label it that way.
Anon
Yeah, I agree with this. Most of the UCs have incredibly bloated diversity infrastructure (countless departments, staff members, initiatives, working groups, etc.) that cost the system untold millions, but they neglect pursuing ACTUAL diversity by making tuition (and housing) affordable to the very diverse public school student body in the state of California. Instead of admitting less qualified out-of-state candidates to fund yet another “diversity officer” position for a cool $250K a year, they should be targeting more students from urban centers and rural, non-coastal regions of California who excel at school, but then can’t get into the state’s flagship universities (and can’t pay for it even if they do get in). The priorities are all backwards.
Mickey
Diversity doesn’t just mean racial diversity. Someone who grew up in rural South Dakota, vs New York City, vs Atlanta, vs midsize town Kentucky, ALL bring very different — crucial — perspectives to a freshman college class. Of course if it was only about racial diversity, they could field the entire class from California. But it isn’t.
anon
I know that UC Berkeley is in the process of increasing their enrollment by at least 25%, almost all of them out of state. It’s my understanding that they are required to admit the top so-many percent of in-state high school graduates, but that population has only grown by 10% in the last 15 years. It’s about tuition.
The city and neighborhood groups (Berkeley activist folks ;) are fighting these increases hard, since the UC doesn’t adequately contribute to related problems with housing, municipal costs, trash, parking, ambulances etc.
Seventh Sister
As a CA taxpayer, I find it really galling that the UCs make it so hard for in-state students to attend the UCs and favor of out-of-state students that pay more tuition $.
Senior Attorney
My son was one of those middle-of-the-top-of-the-pack high school students, and he did two years in community college and then transferred to a UC using the guaranteed transfer program. Almost nobody considers community college but it is a great option for kids who weren’t super stars in high school. The caveat is they need to buckle down and do well, but if they do, they have a lot of options for transferring. And, of course, you end up with a half-price college education!
Mickey
That’s amazing! Great job for your son — honestly I’m considering this more and more for our daughters. It’s also a good way for them to get started in college without being completely pushed out of the nest — they can live at home but still get the college experience of going to class, and how the teaching and testing style differs from high school. And at the end of the day, if your degree is from University X, who cares what path you took to get there?
Anonymous
This. I took some credits at San Jose City College (California) and would recommend this school over any of my alma maters! Excellent teaching staff and super small class sizes. SJCC has guaranteed transfer to all the UC and CSU schools and has had a number of students go on to Ivy league schools.
I also took some online classes through Santa Barbara City College. They have great programs for students, and the pictures look just as pretty as Stanford or any other California school.
Anon
Thanks for sharing. Where is she going to go? :)
Anonymous
Hasn’t this been the case for years???
Anon
It’s getting worse and worse. Compounded by increasing population in CA and higher % of overall population attending college.
Anon
This makes me so glad that my state has two really solid but not ultra-competitive public universities (and I think, unlike a lot of states, they still favor in-state students!). Currently, I think well over half the local public high school students get into one of our flagship public Us, so as long as my kid can get decent grades in high school she should have at least a couple of very good college options.
Anon
Dang, applying to 18 schools must not have been cheap! I applied to 9, which was way more than most of my friends.
Mickey
You can often get fee waivers if you can prove financial need or demonstrate that you are a student they would like to entice to apply.
Anon
Yes, I’m aware of that. OP does not sound like she and her family would qualify.
Anon100
Need housewarming + birthday combined gift ideas for a friend! Budget ~$30-$40ish. I’d like to send something to my friend once she’s settled in NC (I’m in the DC area), and friend is pregnant, so wine (and probably chocolate*) is out.
*friend says her stomach has been pretty temperamental this pregnancy so it seems like a non-edible gift is the way to go
anon
Have a pretty bouquet delivered.
Anon
I think it would be hard to get a nice bouquet + delivery for $40.
pugsnbourbon
In the past, I’ve called a local florist directly and given them my “all in” budget. It’s worked out well – I’m not getting top-of-the-line orchids, but the arrangement always looks nice and I feel good about supporting a local shop.
Anon
Yeah, I mean, that’s definitely the way to do it, but $40 including delivery isn’t going to get you much. I just think if you want to maximize value another gift is a better option.
Anonymous
https://www.verabradley.com/us/product/Fleece-Travel-Blanket/15564-15564M67
So soft and cuddly, small, easy to put away, folds up into a travel friendly size so she can bring it to the hospital for labor, machine washable.
SC
My go-to for housewarming is always a gift card to Lowe’s or Home Depot. There’s always SO much stuff you need when you move into a new house.
Anon
I’m trying to get my finances in order. A little late but I switched careers at 30 and essentially had to start over, but I figure better than at 40! I’m 34, no debt, no student loans, car is paid off, etc. I have about $30k in savings, an old IRA from previous employment and my current 401k. I want to ramp up financial situation in terms of savings, retirement, emergency fund etc. Is my best course of action to just put all my extra income into my 401k so I don’t pay taxes on it? Open a separate investment account? Any tips? I know I’m late in the game, but can’t change that now.
Anon
If your emergency fund is good, then putting what you can into a 401(k) and IRA are good bets.
Anon
Depends on your income. Generally you want to max a 401(k) before you do anything else, especially if you don’t have debt. If your income is low enough, and your employer gives you the option to do Roth, you probably want to do it – that means you pay taxes now, but you can save more ($19k post-tax >> $19k pre-tax) and you don’t pay any taxes on the growth or when you withdraw it. If you find yourself with money left over after maxing out your 401(k) then you need to think more seriously about your goals – if it’s saving for retirement, then an IRA and index funds are the way to go, if you want to save for a big purchase (like a house) in the near future, then you might put some money in a CD or high interest savings account. Really the only generic advice is “max your 401(k)” – beyond that it’s highly individual.
Anonymous
Focus on the 401k/retirement accounts. You’re a bit behind (not in a worrisome way) so until you get that to 100k or 150k, I wouldn’t worry about a taxable brokerage account.
Anon
Thanks everyone! Should I just leave my 30k in savings as an emergency fund or put it in something where I’ll get more interest? I’m thinking maybe take $10k and invest it?
Anon
IF nothing else, put it in a money market account. I left my emergency fund in a savings account for WAY too long and made like $60/year. Now I’m in money markets and making 2.25%/year. For your purposes, it functions similarly to a savings account. Shop around – your home bank may not have the most competitive rate. We are at Citizens Access, which is online only and an affiliate of Citizens Bank, and experience has been great.
Anon
I would put it in an online high-interest savings account where you can earn about 2.25% interest. I use Barclay’s but they are all essentially the same.
With regards to how much to keep in savings vs. investing, it depends on what your monthly expenses are. They recommend keeping at least 6 months in an emergency fund, and many financial experts recommend 9 months. What that amount is for you just depends on your monthly expenses.
Anon
As as sort-of follow up to our discussion the other day about taking care of parents got me thinking about taking care of siblings. The impetus was a comment my MIL made to my husband (who is the “man of the family” after his father passed), about the expectation that we will “take care of” my husband’s older sister after my MIL passes. My husband does not get along with his older sister, largely because of how she treats my MIL (manipulative and mean). She is a non-disabled adult, older than us, who lives above her means and sabotages every job she has by creating drama and talking back to her boss (the most recent job, during her first two weeks of training, she complained that she could “train better” than her boss, even though it was a job she never did before). Her own choices put her in financial problems, and she turns to my MIL for help, and my MIL does so. My MIL is afraid she will become homeless after she passes away, but right now my MIL is funding a 2br apartment for her, that she can’t afford on her own (she could easily downsize or get a roommate, but she feels like roommates are beneath her and for people in their 20s and 30s).
I’ll be the first to admit that my husband and I are well off, and good savers. But my husband has no interest in taking care of his sister financially, and honestly, after giving her the benefit of the doubt for years, I’m not inclined to either, after one final episode that made me finally stop standing up for her (when she told her mom to “f** off and f** you” on the day of my FIL’s funeral because my MIL wouldn’t buy her a new dress).
When my MIL made the statement of us taking care of his sister, my husband responded immediately, and not very tactfully, essentially “no way.” Now my MIL (who we take care of her house/yard work for her multiple times a week) is trying to get me involved to “talk some sense” into my husband. But I am backing my husband up on this. Any ideas for scripts to either (1) stay out of this/get myself out of this discussion, and/or (2) more tactfully explain our position so that it doesn’t break my MIL’s heart/make her worry?
Anon
I think you do just that: “MIL, I am not going to be involved in this discussion, and I am certainly not going to be involved to side against my husband. He comes first.”
As for the sister, because I am really blunt, I would say something like, “SIL is a capable adult. We expect that capable adults take care of themselves, barring unforeseen catastrophe. You feel differently and we don’t judge that, but please do not judge our values regarding how we spend our money.”
Anonymous
I would use this an an opportunity to talk to MIL about her estate plan. Assuming MIL is content to keep paying for SIL while MIL is alive, the best way for her to ensure that SIL is “taken care of” afterward is to leave property/$ to her in the will. This doesn’t really take emotion out of the equation, as probate issues can be very volatile, but it might help MIL feel better about how SIL will cope in her absence.
Anonymous
Suggest that you take whatever $$ MIL leaves you, and use it to provide a small monthly income to supplement sister so she isn’t homeless (I’m thinking like enough that she has a small basic studio or a two bedroom with a roommate). I’d actually avoid a hard ‘no’ if MIL has any $$ left as you don’t want her to leave all the $$ to SIL who then blows through it and comes to you looking for more. I would go with “We can’t afford to keep her in her preferred lifestyle, but we wouldn’t want to see her homeless if you’ve passed away.”
MIL’s fear is that the sister will be homeless after she passes. This isn’t about keeping SIL in a certain lifestyle but about allowing MIL to live out her final years without worrying about SIL being homeless. I would avoid specfics, make a general vague reassurance and change the subject.
Anon
OP here – I really should add that MIL does not have enough to fund the remainder of her retirement; we will be helping MIL financially, and will likely pay for any out-of-pocket for nursing care, etc. – so leaving money in a will is not really an option. This is another thing that bothers my husband by my MIL giving her money now (but we are not getting involved/getting into that, because we are not yet providing for MIL financially at this point). The only thing she could potentially leave is the house (if it is not sold to pay for nursing care), but SIL would not be able to afford property taxes/maintenance/etc.
Anonymous
“MIL, I love, but we are absolutely not taking care of sister, ever, and it’s important that you and she know that.”
Anon
Honestly, I’d just go with a “we’ll do what we need to after you’re gone”. This is an issue that is borrowing trouble. Your MIL won’t have any way to enforce a “taking care of the sister” when she’s dead and gone. Just smile pleasantly, don’t expressly commit to anything and don’t do it. Sister will get along just fine when MIL passes without your help. She knows her options she just chooses not to take those right now because she doesn’t have to.
Senior Attorney
This. Honestly it’s not a fight you need to have right now.
Anon
Does the sister have a mental illness? If the mother is worried that she can’t take care of herself, maybe recommending therapy or other assistance would be an alternative.
Anon
OP here; she does not have any mental illness. She is a college educated, capable adult.
Anon
Those things are not at all mutually exclusive.
Anon
And I would venture that if she is truly unable to hold down a job, she most likely does have mental illness in some form, even if it hasn’t been diagnoses. People who are mentally healthy know they need to work and are able to do so.
Anonymous
Yup. Not a pile on, just more facts. My sister went to a top 10 public U, has a grad degree, has a professional job, and has been hospitized formher bipolar disorder twice, has been in and out of rehab as an alcoholic, and has extremely disordered eating. You’d never know.
FWIW nobody pays her bills. She has her own health insurance. She cooks her own food.
Anon
The one person I know who is disabled, with a mental illness, is a college educated adult with a phd. Most everyone meeting her would not assume that she has a disability.
anonshmanon
It might be appropriate to find a way to bluntly communicate all of this to the sister as well.
Anonymous
you do not need to say what you’ll do after MIL is gone – how could you know? Just avoid the conversation – serves no point.
No way
I would say “I agree with (husband) on this and I’m not getting in the middle here.” I would also suggest that MIL talk to an estate planner or get life insurance with SIL as a beneficiary.
Makeup Question
How long can I use my eye shadows? I have a Naked Palette I bought on vacation 3 years ago, and suddenly wondering if they have an expiration date. I only wear them 1-2 times a week and haven’t used them at all in the past year due to some unrelated issues, so a bit hesitant to throw them out.
Anon
I’m not gonna say my mom keeps eye shadows for decades and I’m not gonna say I’ve used one when I need a bold mint shade for Halloween. I’m also not gonna say I keep palettes for 5+ years. Yes, I’m sure bacteria grows on them, but that’s not the kind of thing I worry about.
Monday
In this situation I “shave off” the top layer in the pan using a butter knife. The powder underneath that is good enough for me. Yes, I know we are supposed to throw out “expired” makeup, but the stuff is expensive and the only guidelines we have come from the folks who want us to buy more.
Cat
The Industry will definitely tell you to throw it out… but I’ve definitely kept eyeshadows around for 5 years. I just don’t go through my “evening” colors that fast!
Anon
The powders are basically good forever unless they get wet. Liquids and pastes expire. A lot of the advice about expiration dates is marketing to get you to buy more.
anon
Is it possible to ‘feel’ pregnant right away? Or is the mild queasiness all in my head?
Anon
Sadly, I feel queasy every month – it’s just the (natural, doing their thing at this point in the cycle regardless of pg status) hormones.
Anon
I suspected I was pregnant before my missed period, even though my chances of getting pregnant were very slim (38 years old, gardened 5 days before ovulation). Something just felt off.
Ellen
It is true. You can NOT at any age, think that haveing $ex is risk free, just based on your ovuealtion cycle. I am about your age and NEVER let a man penetrate me w/o a condom, even during my period. If I did, I would be a single mom by now, but the guys are not worthy of being anyone’s baby daddy. FOOEY, b/c I could use a decent man, but none that I know exist! DOUBEL FOOEY!
Anon
I think it would be really unusual to feel nausea right away. That said I had pretty bad cramping for a day or two after conception and my breasts were incredibly sore less than a week after conception (a week before my missed period). I was zero percent surprised when I finally got a positive test on the day my period was due.
Anonymous
I agree breast soreness was the first symptom for me, but I never had nausea.
NYCer
+1. This is going to sound odd, but I also found the veins in my wrists and chest to be way (way!) more prominent/obvious than usual leading up to my missed period.
Anon
It’s not that odd – you have way more blood in your body when you’re pregnant. It increases by 50% or something crazy like that.
Anon
But not overnight. Over the course of the pregnancy.
Anon
I could tell right around when my period was due. My sense of smell changed.
Anonymous
I could tell very early, but it was intense fatigue and breast soreness for me.
Anonymous
I felt pregnant within about a week each time (3 pregnancies). I was light headed and felt off. With my third, I started craving olives, which I normally do not like. I had bad morning sickness, but that did not start until around week 6.
TZ
FWIW- I had a number of phantom symptoms that made me think i was pregnant when I wasn’t: Super sensitive to smell, sore b00bs, a bit of nausea, random cravings, extreme fatigue.
Civil Service
I applied for a job at a county sheriff’s office (within the legal unit) yesterday. Hiring requires a civil service exam. State is Washington. Does anyone have any idea what this exam would look like? Or has anyone taken one for a legal job, anywhere? Search engines aren’t really helping much. TIA!
Anon
How much effort/care do you put into your LinkedIn “about me” – or do you bother? Any tips for writing one that doesn’t suck?
Anonymous
I’m not sure if it actually matters or not, but I took a little bit of time browsing profiles of people with similar career paths to my own to get a sense for what I liked and then used what sounded best to me to write my own. Again, no idea if it’s made a difference, but I like what I have now.
Anon
I think this is a know your geography/specific field thing. No lawyers in my geographic and practice area use that feature. Obviously if it is different in your market, take inspiration from a few sources you trust.
anon
Sorry if this sounds a bit tin foil hat-y, but how does one go about finding potential hidden cameras indoors? I don’t have A/C so I don’t have any ceiling vents, and I don’t know really where else to look. (Short back story: someone who I have found out has in the past hidden cameras in an ex’s house has spent a lot of time (alone) at my place. This person is in the security business so has access to the latest and greatest in camera tech.) Is there some kind of service that can look for this?
Anon
I’m sure there’s some hi-tech way. If you happen to have the kind of shop that sells that kind of thing you could probably talk to someone there, or even ask the police if they have a suggestion or would be willing to take a look. A low-key first sweep that I’ve heard of though is to turn all the lights out at night and slowly shine a flashlight around. Look in for tiny lens reflection anywhere a camera could be hidden.
Anonymous
In outlets/power sockets, smoke detectors, light bulbs, in plants, behind mirrors, on shelves… There is something you can buy that will help to track them down, like a metal detector, called a signal detector. At night, turn off the lights and have a careful look around for flashing lights, that may indicate a device. Walk around and listen, with yourr devices turned off and if your hearing is okay, if you can hear any of faint electrical humming, that may indicate a device.
Anonymous
+1
I’d remove all outlet and light switch cover plates and check behind them.
Anon
Honestly ask on redd1t. There are a ton of nerds on there who would love to help you with this.
Gigi
Hidden cameras are a huge problem in Japan and Korea; the following article provides a helpful guide on how to look for them in your room.
https://www.cnn.com/travel/article/hidden-spy-cam-airbnb-scli-intl/index.html
Pep
Check to see what devices are connected to your wi-fi. You might find something there.
Anonymous
I work in a biglaw firm in a big city where it is the unwritten policy that if you have to go anywhere outside the city you can work from home that day (court or deposition in another county, etc). The nature of my practice makes this the case for me 2-5 days a week, typically. I’m a big fan of this policy because I don’t have to waste an extra hour or so commuting to work on those days. I’ve heard some of the admin staff are gossiping about me lately and how I’m “never here”. I get my work done and have very high billables, but I think the staff must think I’m lazy and not working. Am I being unnecessarily concerned about this? I don’t like that they have the wrong impression and fear the higher ups may feel the same way (though I haven’t heard as much)
Anonymous
First, are you sure this is really the policy? With the caveat that I’m not a litigator, but I’m at a firm where some people who think we have a similar unwritten policy but we really…don’t. Essentially, 1 or 2 really high performers were given that latitude, and then others started following suit, so now there’s a big group of them who do it, but it’s definitely frowned upon. No one will ever actually say anything to them about it (because that seems to be the way of many big law firms), but it impacts their reputation. In your shoes, I would ask a trusted mentor about it.
Second, if it really is the unwritten policy and is totally accepted by attorneys, can you communicate better with your admin/the admin staff? It sounds like they may not realize you are out of the office for work. Perhaps if at the beginning of the week you told your admin your schedule (i.e., when you have court/depositions and when you’ll be working from home) they might gossip less if they understood why you were out.
Mickey
“because that seems to be the way of many big law firms”
TITCR. Passive-aggressive rules the day in BigLaw (law firms generally?). You’ll never hear that people are upset about something you’re doing, until suddenly you’re being denied a raise or bonus when you thought everything was fine.
Anon
I wouldn’t worry about it. But if you have a good relationship with your assistant, could she shut it down? I had a period where I was traveling a ton, and was basically out of the office for about 4 months. I know that when my assistant heard anyone, mainly partners I didn’t work with and who are a$$h0les, say something about how I was never in the office, she would respond with “I know, isn’t it too bad that she had to be [X] for [depositions, trial, client meetings, insert appropriate activity] all week? She has been working so hard, and I miss her also” even though she knew the partner wasn’t saying it because he missed me.
Anonymous
Can I have your assistant? She sounds amazing!
Anon
She is amazing! I’ve left that job, and the main thing I miss is her. Luckily, we have stayed close and I see her more often than I do any of the partners I work with.
Anon
God I hate the “can’t win” aspect of law. They want us busy and networking and litigating but then we get shit when we aren’t in the office.
Anonymous
Ime it’s pretty common for staff to gossip about how certain attorneys (ahem, women) “are never here”. They even talk this way about a (woman) rainmaker partner in my office who’s frequently on the opposite coast with clients. The men who leave at noon every Friday in the summer to play golf, though? They’re entertaining clients aren’t they wonderful. Blech.
Ymmv/know your office on whether this is something to be concerned about. If you work for powerful partners and they’re happy with you, it so does not matter what the staff are saying. But if you don’t work with the Powers That Be, and their secretaries are gossiping about you, then yeah you need to do some damage control. Having good sponsors – people who tell the Powers That Be how wonderful you are – is way more effective than dealing with the staff.
Mickey
Maybe you could head it off by emailing your assistant with an FYI explicitly stating why/when you’re going to be out: “Sally, I’m working from home this morning because I’m heading to the Beeman deposition in Baltimore at 10 a.m., if you could please let anyone who is looking for me know that I’m available by phone and email.”
Anon
Can we talk about waxing? I’ve always been natural down there but like to trim my bikini line before I’ll be in a bathing suit. Pre-kids this really only meant shaving before the occasional beach vacation, which was NBD. But now that I have a toddler I’m in a bathing suit most weekends and some weeknights from June to September and am getting really tired of shaving and the itchy red bumps. Is waxing (just the bikini line) super painful? How long does it last?
Anonymous
For me, waxing is smooth enough for like a week and then the next two weeks of growing it out leave it too long to wear a swimsuit but not long enough to wax until the end of the third week. Dark hair though. My sister gets twice as long out of a wax and has very light hair so regrowth is barely noticeable.
I switched to a bikini with boyshort bottoms for day to day use.
Vicky Austin
If you’ve already decided that you don’t want to shave anymore, disregard – but I LOVE Cremo shaving cream and have never had any problems with red bumps when I use it as directed.
Anon
Just FYI I also get the itchy red bumps from shaving and waxing was a nightmare for me. I got massive irritation and then horrible ingrowns. My skin is just too sensitive for waxing.
I still shave. I just make sure to use a fresh never-used razor every time. Dollar shave club is my friend here.
Never too many shoes...
Laser all the way – never having to think about this stuff again is just, freedom.
Anon
Is it permanent? What’s the cost? Tell me more.
Meredith
Seconding this, laser hair removal for underarms and bikini line was a great decision for me
Anon
+1 I did this probably 10 years ago. It is a little expensive and you have to go several times, but since doing it this particular maintenance is literally something I never have to give an ounce of thought to and was WELL worth it.
Anonz
+1 to doing basic bikini line laser. Speaking of which, I probably need like 1-2 more session to get to never having to shave again (have had ~3-4 laser sessions several years back and while that took care of ~85% of follicles, there are still a few that grow hair). Worth every penny – I found groupons too, so that made it quite reasonable cost wise.
Anon.
I have no advice, but solidarity. I have a two-year-old and just texted my sister a few weeks ago about how annoyed I am to need to be constantly bathing suit ready on the shaving front. Ugh.
Anonymous
I got some little board shorts that match my suit, they are the same material as men’s swim trunks. I just keep them on when I go tot he pool with my daughter. I’m more comfortable and don’t have to worry about this at all.
Anon
Do you have a link? I’m super hairy so they would need to be shaped more like daisy duke shorts than boy short underpants to cover everything, unfortunately :/ Appreciate all the other advice too!
Anon
Board shorts are indeed more like what you’re asking for, not boy short swimsuit bottoms.
Anonymous
I got these from Old Navy and like them. They dry fast and do the job!
https://oldnavy.gap.com/browse/product.do?pid=203712002#pdp-page-content
Anonymous
There are some at Athleta
anon
Not Anonymous at 12:49pm, but I use these shorts:
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B073WT82N7/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1
Anonymous
https://athleta.gap.com/products/womens-swim-shorts.jsp
Anonymous
She is talking about board shorts, not boy shorts. They are not super tight and come in a variety of lengths. You have to wear a swim bottom under them.
swimmer
Do not.
Anon
I found waxing painful and did not the like the time I had to wait – and be hairy – until hair was long enough to wax. Shaving left me bumpy.
I use Nair hair removal cream on the bikini line (not underneath – too sensitive – but I don’t really need removal there) and it works. I just have to be sure to leave it on the longest time recommended (10 mins, I think) because it takes that long for the hair to dissolve. And also the “sensitive skin” version seems too weak so I just use the regular. No irritation, hair is gone.
anon
How often do you have to reapply? This seems like a promising solution.
Aieeeee
Has anyone relocated to London or Paris as a POC? What was your experience like? I might be moving with my spouse — who is white, and who grew up from these parts — and will want to get a job. I’m a lawyer, so already so many issues. But I have heard so many horror stories of racism from multiple friends who live in Germany that I’m balking at the prospect.
Anonymous
Not POC but in case it helps, I’ve spent time in Europe and your friends’ experiences match what I’ve seen re: Germany. My general understanding is that racism is much more likely to be an issue in Paris vs. London. In France it’s more anti-black, anti-Muslim so if you are Hispanic, it may not be as much an issue. London is very diverse and I don’t think racism there is any worse than NYC for example.
Anon
I’m white but I have friends in these cities and agree racism is much less of a problem in London.
Anon
Also not a POC, but sadly, I’ve witnessed and heard about plenty of racism in Germany as well, although most of it was targeted at people of Arab descent. I think London might be your best bet since it’s very diverse and cosmopolitan and doesn’t get hung up on “what about our culture??!!?!” questions like France does.
Anon
Yes – my (white) best friend lives in Paris. French people are very hung up on keeping things “French.” Some of that is cultural (they turn their nose up at Starbucks, etc – which I fully support!) but it does spill over into racial issues because a lot of people don’t see racial minorities as “real” French people. My friend says it is getting better but definitely still a problem. Also, Paris is not that diverse for a major city. I think Paris is over 70% white, compared to <50% for NYC and London.
anonshmanon
Your friends’ experiences in Germany – were they in smaller towns or big cities? I’d imagine POC in rural US state would have more direct experiences with outwardly racist behavior than NYC. Both Paris and London are the biggest metropolitan areas of their countries, with a more progressive voting record than other regions.
Aieeeee
They were in Munich and Berlin so not exactly the countryside!
thehungryaccountant
My partner is hapa, with dark skin and dark hair. He has never experienced outward racism in the states, possibly due to”token minority” views on Asain-Americans in general (but that’s a conversation for a later date).
His study abroad experience in London (5ish years ago) was greatly influenced by his skin color and assumed culture. I believe many people thought he was middle-eastern and therefore Muslim. He was regularly harassed by police, border officials, neighbors, and his host family (yikes). He said that he actually felt most safe in majority-Muslim neighborhoods. I think acceptance greatly depends on how people perceive your “race” and “culture”. If you’re a non-black POC, I would not recommend London based on my SOs experience.
Anonymous
Not first hand, but a friend of mine is Nigerian with (wealthy) family in London. He has said multiple times that there is no way he’d live in London because of the racism.
UHU
Yes, Paris. I also extended periods in the country side. Fabulous. I’m not American nor Black, good looking (this definitely goes a long way), brown tone skin–between Eva Longoria and Zoe Saldana-ish, maybe? French speaking, white partner, had French friends already. Yes, there’s racism, not more than I’ve personally experienced elsewhere. Though I found the English to be more … difficult. French people, I’ve found, are quite fine as long as you speak/make efforts to speak French (though some be obnoxious in demonstrating they speak English better than you speak French, which is often not the case). It’s a culture that is quite social and love to do things in groups and there is a greater higher average appreciation for arts and music than North Americans or those from the UK, so if those are some of your interests, it should be fine.
AnonLondon
One of my best friends is black and every time she visits here from Boston she says she wishes she could move here full time, fwiw. She said she feels much more comfortable in London than she ever has in Boston.
Anon
Boston is hella racist though, especially towards African-Americans. It’s not a place I’d ever want to live if I were Black.
follow-up re: wedding planning associate
A follow-up on my post from yesterday: I’ve discussed this associate with a number of my partners, including the ones who work with her more directly. Apparently she’s currently receiving accommodations for a health condition (he didn’t say, and I didn’t ask, what the accommodations are or what her health concern is), and so our PG leader asked that I respond to her via email not in person so that if we ultimately have to let her go we are able to document that she was provided feedback about performance issues and that it’s not related to her health issues. So I’m putting together that email now. If we meet about it in person, one of our attorney professional development folks (basically our HR for lawyers) will sit in.
As I learned yesterday, this isn’t the first wildly unprofessional thing she’s said or done. I’m omitting the examples, so as not to out anyone, but if you can believe it – the wedding planning thing is, while on the crazier end, not even the most extreme example.
Anon
I understand your need for discretion, but now all I could want is the details of the “craziest thing she’s done!” Haha!
Anonymous
I understand your need for discretion, but now all I could want is the details of the “craziest thing she’s done!” Haha!
Anon
Is it dumb to not want to leave your job, even though you don’t really like it? I’ve been applying a bit, but every time I get to the interviews, I feel like it’s just not the right time to leave. Should I listen to my gut feeling, or just do it? Sorry, I realize this is kind of vague…
Inspired by Hermione
Eh, I think people are more comfortable generally with what they know than what they don’t, even if what they know isn’t great. At least you know the not-great parts of it, rather than a new position where it could also be not great, possibly, but you have no idea. Change is hard and can be really scary.
Anon
This is best explained as “the devil you know vs. the devil you don’t.” You know what you are getting (good and bad) with current job and have already made it through challenges there (the devil you know). With new opportunities, you have no frame of reference to know whether they will be incredible or a disaster and how to handle obstacles until you encounter them (the devil you don’t).
anon
This. When I feel the way you do about my job, OP, I try to find other ways to make my life better short of changing jobs. I moved from a good but not fantastic job to what I thought would be an amazing fit and it turned out to be an unmitigated disaster. I’m a little gun shy now, so perhaps not the right person to give advice, but it’s not dumb at all to feel like you do. I’d encourage you to dig deeper into your dissatisfaction and try to find less drastic remedies. You might be really surprised by what you find.
Anonymous
This is me too. It can be a way of finding out that your job is not as bad as you thought, too. For me it’s the effort of making up excuses to be out, but also the devil you know. Like, maybe this new job is bad too but I can’t know from an hour’s discussion. I’m trying to be really selective on the front end – commute, etc. so I can’t give myself excuses. This is vague too, haha. But I get you.
Anon
I left my job a year and a half ago and wasn’t happy there, but honestly things are much worse now. Don’t take it lightly. Sometimes the devil you know is way better than the devil that will turn out to be insane because his wife yells at him one morning and he decides he wants to screw up a litigation timetable.
Inspired By Hermione
I got an interview with a local government department. Desperately wanted to work there. Was devastated when I didn’t get it.
Turns out the supervisor is insane. Screams weekly, won’t let anyone send external one important emails without her approval- even people who have been there twice as long as she has, insults the director of the office (her boss) to the team weekly, makes men and women cry. SO glad I didn’t get it.
Mickey
There’s nothing wrong with working at a job that simply gives you a paycheck, even if there are aspects that are not great. To quote Ever After, an amazing movie: “No matter how bad things get, they can always get worse.” That is to say, if you’re content, don’t make a move just for the sake of making a move, on the assumption it will be better. There’s always a risk it won’t be.
anon
I get it. I’ve been in that situation for the past couple of years. I’m not super happy where I’m at, but I’m also hesitant to leave the good parts of my job for a position that may not be any better in the long run. The devil you know, and all that. I’m still keeping my eyes open for good opportunities but I’ve made peace with the fact that it’s going to take a nearly ideal scenario to get me to leave.