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Updated: Jul 10, 2019 133 Comments · by

Suit of the Week: Lafayette 148 New York

Suit of the Week |

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For busy working women, the suit is often the easiest outfit to throw on in the morning. In general, this feature is not about interview suits for women, which should be as classic and basic as you get — instead, this feature is about the slightly different suit that is fashionable, yet professional. I think we've featured mostly budget-friendly suits lately, but Neiman Marcus is having some great sales on some higher-end suit separates, including this lovely Lafayette 148 New York blazer, which used to be $698 but is now $523. (Others, like this Elie Tahari or this Derek Lam blazer, are both almost 50% off.) I always feel like blue suits are a great option for summer, and while linen suiting isn't for every day, I've found there's usually at least one day a summer where it's blazing hot and you need to wear a suit and you are thankful for a breathable but professional look. Happy Wednesday, everyone! This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

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Comments

  1. Edinburgh Recs?

    My husband and I will be in Edinburgh for a few days (after a few days at a lodge on the borderlands) in early September. Recommendations for hotels or places to eat/drink/see? Thanks!

    • Skipper

      I love David Bann for posh but homey vegetarian food. I also think the climb to the top of Arthur’s Seat is worth it for the views alone. I also unironically loved tea at Holyrood House. Mimi’s Bakeshop has a better menu and, frankly, better tea, but the Queen never lives -there-. Milk Cafe will cure your hangover with delectably heavy breakfasts all day long. There’s kind of a homely spot called Mum’s in Old Town that makes a good place for a late lunch after the National Museum.

    • Anonymous

      We stayed at Premier Inn on Princes Street. Ask for a room with a few of the castle. It’s so amazing to look out your window at night and see the castle up on the hill all lit up. A great restaurant is the Witchery at 352 Castlehill. Amazingly atmospheric.

    • Anonymous

      On my trip there recently, we had dinner at “The Table” based on a recommendation I picked up here.
      It was fantastic and one of the major highlights from a 2 week trip. 7 course tasting menu for no more than 10 people, sitting directly in front of the chef & his sous chef + waiter.

      Books up early, so set an alarm on the day you need to make reservations.

    • Anon

      We stayed at the Grassmarket Hotel and it was lovely. Also, we did the Murder and Mystery walking tour, and it was so fun — super kitchy, but a great evening activity if you’re into that kind of thing.

    • Cb

      If you want to go budget-y, Motel One is very nice. Rooms are very stylish and good breakfast, and incredibly central. Second the recommendation for Milk at Fruitmarket, David Bann is nice, Henderson’s Street Food is good if you’ve done Arthur’s Seat or the Parliament.
      There are two of us here – wave if you want a this site meetup.

  2. Anon

    Ohhh I love this. This is such a cool color of blue. I’d probably only wear the blazer but I’d wear the heck out of it. As a Tall I love these longer lengths.

    • P

      I love this too. Suggestions for how to style it outside a full suit? I work in Silicon Valley and even though I work in a fairly formal slice of this area, a full suit often comes across as too stuffy.

      • Anon

        I’d seriously wear this with a t shirt and jeans. Or a drapy top and my magical Eileen Fisher crepe ankle pants.

      • Anonymous

        I have one from a prior season and wear it with a linen T-shirt and dark wash jeans. I found the t-shirts at Boden.

  3. Lana Del Raygun

    Does anyone respond to catcallers? I’ve been feeling angry lately and flipping them off, which probably won’t change their ways but it’s pretty cathartic. Various people have told me I should never ever engage with street harassment, because who knows what might happen and I could get murdered, which seems excessively paranoid to me. This morning someone I flipped off yesterday flipped me off and called me a “b*tchy c*nt” but didn’t move off the wall he was leaning on. There’s plenty of foot traffic in this area too.

    • Anon

      Instead of flipping them off, I prefer to give them a thumbs down. Same message but less confrontational.

      Otherwise hugs, and I’m sorry.

      • Anon

        Lol I think it’s John Mulaney who has a joke about this, that he prefers the flip off because the thumbs down conveys shame and disappointment rather than anger, which is a lot harder to process. It actually might be more effective.

        • Vicky Austin

          I got thumbs-downed while driving once. I was SO embarrassed. It was like when your parents would look at you all sad and say, “We’re not mad, we’re just disappointed,” and you, a sensitive person, want to say, “Um, that’s worse!”

    • anon for this

      I’ll be honest, it doesn’t bother me at all. In fact, I kind of like it. I just ignore or smile and keep walking.

      • yup

        + 1

        I grew up in a culture where men yelling out “hey, beautiful” or “gorgeous eyes” is very very common — to the point that if you didn’t get cat called, you’d start to wonder if you were fugly. Of course if someone is insulting you that’s a different story, but compliments are fine and welcomed. Touching is obviously not ok.

        • Lana Del Raygun

          It *is* insulting to assert, even implicitly, that I’m there to be commented on, evaluated on how well or badly I please men, or even commanded to become more pleasing. I’m not. I’m just there to get to the freaking metro.

        • anon

          I mean, you’re entitled to like it if you want, but this makes my skin crawl. I guess I draw a distinction between a genuine compliment and a comment on my appearance from some guy who basically wants to tell me he gets *~*~peni$ feelings~*~* when he looks at me.

        • emeralds

          I mean, there are differing cultural norms around this. And also–there’s a difference between “ciao bella” from a couple of dudes in Italy (don’t love it but fine, I’m visiting their culture) and having a teenager lean out the window of a bus to fake a bl*w job (no thx) and having an Italian tourist make skeezy sotto-voce comments in a Manhattan McDonalds (he loved it when I turned around and was like “you know I can understand you, not okay you sh*thead”). There are also cultures that use street harassment to police and control women’s movements. So, IDK. There are many ways to be and feel, but generally speaking in American culture this is not okay, and even some cultures that have historically trended towards street harassment (e.g. Southern Europe) are moving swiftly away from it.

    • Skipper

      I do, but I’m kind of a melodramatic weirdo and it shows. I get a lot of mileage out of a friendly “oh, hey! how’s your mom doing?” because it seems to either freak people out or confuse them. I once chased off a guy who was loitering near a trash bin by running at him while doing my best “outta my way! about to barf!” impression.

      • busybee

        Yeah I think this fake-friendly kind of thing is more effective. Freaks them out a little. The guy calling you rude names WANTS you to respond in a way that lets him know he upset you, because then he knows he wielded power over you. A response that’s totally out of the blue is not what they want or expect.

    • Anon

      I absolutely don’t think it’s paranoid to fear for your safety with strangers who are catcalling you. Catcalling is about compliments, it’s a power move. And women do literally get murdered for turning men down. But you do you in whatever you’re comfortable with. Personally, I give no response to cat calling; I don’t want to give those jerks the satisfaction of knowing they can interrupt my day and demand my attention.

    • Anon

      Catcalling how? If someone whistles or yells “hey” or something like that, I just ignore it – flipping someone off for that seems over the top. If someone yelled “b!tch” or something like that, I’d be more inclined to give them the finger. But I don’t live in a city where I walk anywhere, so I’m catcalled very rarely.

      • Lana Del Raygun

        Lately it’s been a lot of “Smile!” (I’ve been scowling a lot lately) but when I have a more neutral face on it’s more likely to be “Do you have a boyfriend?” etc. I don’t usually treat “hey” as catcalling because I’m rarely confident they’re not just trying to get someone attention innocuously.

        • Anon

          Oh ok yeah I would flip off someone who told me to smile. That’s f-ing obnoxious.

        • Ellen

          I get that “Do you have a boyfreind?” question all the time when I walk in NYC! And if I told them “no, I don’t have a boyfreind,” what do these jerks think, that I would immediately just run up to them, pull my dress up and and pull my panties down just for them b/c I am so desperate for $ex and them to be my instant boyfreind? No way Hoze! FOOEY on men like these schmoes! If they know I heard them ask, I just smile and keep walking. Otherwise I just play dumb and walk away. How sad is it that I never get decent guys asking me this question? DOUBEL FOOEY!

    • anon

      I don’t, because part of their goal is to get my attention and get a rise out of me. I kinda like the idea of giving a thumbs down, though. It seems very dismissive, which I think is better to display than anger if what these people want is attention/to get a reaction.

    • Anon

      I took a class in college on sexual harrassment and they said to respond with “Stop disrespecting women. I don’t like it, no one likes it. Show some respect.”

      Granted, I never used it because I think enough catcallers are unhinged potential dangers that it isn’t worth it, but YMMV.

      • Jules

        I learned something similar in self-defense class in college, and my go-to response became “leave me alone and stop harassing women.” It names their behavior as harassment, and I liked being able to reclaim a bit of power back instead of just ignoring it and feeling powerless.

        • emeralds

          Oooh I love this.

          I flip them off regularly, and told a 13-year old who commented on my a** to f*ck off last year. Not my proudest moment. Have also yelled at guys whistling at me from car windows “I’m not a f*cking dog.”

          So clearly I need a more productive and shame-y way to channel my rage issues.

    • Monday

      I believe that all’s fair when you’re being catcalled. The offender has initiated an interaction on rude and demeaning terms, so the target is justified responding however she wants to (or not). I sometimes respond, and don’t mind attracting bystander attention either for safety or shaming purposes. I take into account safety factors: whether it’s light enough out, whether other people are around, whether I could be followed to where I’m going, how intimidating the catcaller is physically. I have no idea whether I ever have any impact, but I’m not doing it for him, I’m doing it for myself.

    • pugsnbourbon

      It usually catches me by surprise, but apparently my “disgust”expression is so vivid it gets my feelings across.

      It makes me so, so angry that I have to worry if the creepy who just said “hey sexy” is going to follow me out to the car if I tell him to eff off. I hate it.

    • S

      I wouldn’t let a crowd of people around give you the illusion of safety. Studies show it’s less likely someone will intervene or get help to you if the person turns violent (phenomenon is known as “diffusion of responsibility.”).

      I personally wouldn’t do anything. Not worth engaging, as you don’t know who is on the other end. Just like I wouldn’t engage in an argument with some crazy guy on the train. If they’re doing a power move like that against someone they don’t even know, there’s a chance they’re just not right in the head.

      I stopped flipping strangers off in my mid-20s after someone cut me off and almost caused an accident. He suddenly stopped his car, went up to my window and flashed a gun and threatened to kill my dog who was riding in my passenger seat. (I was on my way to my folks for Christmas.)

      Seriously, you’re not going to stop them from catcalling the next person. So why bother? It comes down to just feeding your own need for justness–you know you’re in the right. But pointing that out is just not worth the safety risk in the grand scheme.

      • Jules

        Actually, I think a negative response in fact might stop them from catcalling the next person. The guy may call you a b or a d*ke or whatever after you call him out, it’s face-saving behavior, but after enough negative reinforcement all but the truly crazy ones probably will think twice about continuing the catcalling.

        • Anon

          This will never, ever happen. And it’s not because they’re all crazy. It’s because they are happy to elicit a negative response and their behavior is tolerated by everyone besides the women they are trying to elicit a reaction from.

          • emeralds

            I did have one of the guys I told not to whistle at me from his truck roll his window down at the next stoplight, apologize, and say he’d never thought about it like that before, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ but that’s one guy out of many. In the moment I was also 50/50 on whether I was going to need to bolt into the nearest business for safety.

    • Anon

      I flipped a cat caller off in a subway station in SF once. He ended up following me around the subway station and screaming at me in my face in Chinese. He was a tall Asian man, and felt particularly enraged that a I (an Asian woman) would flip him off. Thankfully the train arrived, so I just jumped on it asap. But he was really explosive and looked like he was about to hit me, and I was about to fight back had the train not arrived, which would likely have escalated into physical violence. After that I never engaged with cat callers again.

      • Anon

        Also, the thing that most disconcerted me was that some passers by appeared to have judged me for flipping him off, instead of judging him for catcalling me. Sure, it was note polite for me to flip him off, but I felt penalized for fighting back when they should have been judging him. Instead, they seemed to think that it was ok for him to catcall women, but not ok for the catcalled women to fight back.

  4. Anonymous

    Do you have strong preferences re male vs female doctors? Not just for obgyn but generally? Are there experiences which led to those preferences?

    • BabyAssociate

      No strong preference. Oddly enough, all my doctors are women (GP, allergist, dermatologist)….except for my gynecologist. Shrug.

    • Anonymous

      yesssss huge preference for female doctors. Never had a male doctor who listened to me or my health concerns.

    • Anon

      I guess I never really had a strong preference, but the general primary care practice I’ve been going to for the last 5 years has, I think, almost all female doctors and PAs. It’s been great. Most recently, when I had some vague discomfort and pain from my IUD they got me in on the same day and I was just so grateful that they took my concerns seriously enough to fit me in and didn’t dismiss me.

    • Leatty

      Yes. Growing up in the deep south, every doctor/dentist I went to was male, and every nurse/dental hygienist was female. I hate the message that sent me as a kid, so my daughter has a female pediatrician and a female dentist. I also see a female GP and a female GYN (but have a male dentist that came highly recommended)

    • Anonymous

      No. It’s honestly so hard to find a good doctor that I can’t bring myself to care about anything other than the basics. As for the bad doctors, I haven’t noticed any patterns. I had two female and one male doctors tell me to quit my career, rely on my husband’s income, and try for a baby, for example (to treat symptoms that they assumed were stress and “childlessness” related). I had a female MD physician try to sell me essential oils. I had a male doctor yell at me for fainting. Fortunately, there are also good doctors out there, so I eventually was tested, diagnosed, and treated appropriately.

    • Anon

      I didn’t used to, except for OB. But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized that female doctors usually take me more seriously and talk to me in a more respectful tone of voice, so for probably 10 years now I’ve actively sought out women doctors. I have a male endocrinologist to manage my thyroid disease and I dislike him intensely. He’s so rude and dismissive of me, and I often find myself leaving his office practically in tears because of how he talks down to me. Unfortunately, he’s the only specialist in this disease in my area, and going to the major city an hour away isn’t practical on a routine basis.
      For our daughter’s pediatrician, we specifically sought out a woman of color for the reasons mentioned above, plus that I want her to see that women and non-white people can be doctors. And also – if I’m being totally honest – my daughter was born in 2017, so we were interviewing pediatricians in the fall of 2016, we live in a very Trump-y area, where probably 90%+ of white men support Trump, and I thought choosing a woman of color would make it more likely the doctor would share our values. I know you don’t typically discuss politics at the doctor’s office and I wouldn’t care nearly as much if the doctor was only treating me, but for a person who is going to spending quite a bit of time with my kids, I’m more concerned about values. That said, our regular ped is often out of town and we see a white male, and he’s great.

      • Anonymous

        Your infant is talking values with her dr? You realize lots of women quietly voted for DJT too?

        • Anon

          She will hopefully have this doctor until she’s 18 and may need to, for example, go on birth control before then, so no I don’t think values are irrelevant just because she’s an infant when she starts seeing the doctor. And yes I realize plenty of women voted for Trump but the odds that a woman of color voted for him are way smaller than the odds that a white male voted for him. I certainly wouldn’t have chosen a pediatrician that didn’t seem extremely competent and qualified, but yeah all else being equal (which it was), I was more comfortable selecting a woman.

        • anon

          Ever think she might have been referring to her partner as well? Also, just curious, if you stand by your choice to vote for DJT, why be quiet about it?

    • Anon

      All things being equal with respect to competence, yes. I think female doctors empathize with female patients better and are less likely (although it definitely still happens).
      For obgyn I prefer female doctor
      For dermatologist, I prefer a POC as doctor as I have dark skin and find many dermatologists don’t take my scarring, hyperpigmentation and mole worries seriously.

    • Anonymous

      Used to have a very strong preference for females and now I’ll say it’s a mild preference. Had a condescending female PCP which made me realize not all women are great doctors, not all men are bad. That said I think female drs are good listeners and problem solvers (including the one I found condescending). But I’ve seen some great, empathetic males too. I find men (even the ones I overall like and trust) to be a bit more dismissive/NBD about everything. Have to have a sedated procedure and had one guy say – NBD you’re asleep the whole time. Uh I’m going to need more info than that, even though I’m glad it’s NBD for you.

    • Lana Del Raygun

      I have a slight preference for female doctors just because of general nakedness issues, but my first gyn was actually a man and he was great, very empathetic and respectful. Someone who recommended him described him as “a midwife trapped in the body of a man” haha.

    • Anon

      Definitely female for PCP and ob/gyn, don’t care otherwise. The one thing I saw the male on-call gynecologist wasn’t great – he was rushed, did not bother to announce that he was inserting a speculum, and generally had no empathy/understanding of my issue. It could’ve been a one-off, but I don’t feel that males are able to really understand the different factors that make many women feel uncomfortable at gynecological appointments.

    • Anon09er

      Yes, for two reasons. One, I feel that typically the female doctors are less likely to be condescending and more likely to take me seriously. I’m a lawyer and I have a PhD in biology – treat me like the equal professional that I am! Two, it’s a political statement. I’d prefer to give my business to a female professional over a male professional when given the choice. I also choose female minorities when possible.

    • pugsnbourbon

      I’m an outlier but I have a male gyn and I really like him. My PCP is a woman and I’m honestly not thrilled with her any more. I’ve only had women as therapists, not intentionally but not that I think about it, I’d like to keep it that way.

    • Anon

      Prefer male for obgyn, of the ones I’ve tried.
      Don’t care about gender for other docs, but prefer matter-of-fact to feelings!communicators.

    • Women

      All my doctors are women, except the surgeon who did my gallbladder and follow-up care because it was an emergency.

      My therapist is a guy though. It feels like I’m talking to a dad, so I really like it. I had a hard time opening up to female therapists–probably b/c tough relationship with mom (I guess something to explore further with my therapist, ha).

    • Rainbow Hair

      Strong preference for women. I am under no illusions that a doctor will be good because she’s a woman, but hey, at least she’s not a man! … half joking. Generally, though, I’ve found the women I’ve seen have been less condescending, have listened better, and have been less quick to jump to conclusions before hearing me out.

    • Anonymous

      No. My favorite PCP is a woman, but my favorite specialist is a man, and I like them both equally and irrespective of their gender. Its so hard to find someone that’s good that I haven’t found a correlation between gender and whether it works for me. Also, my therapist is a man, and I also feel like I’m talking to a dad. My previous therapist was a woman who, while very nurturing, was a little too emotional. I am not nearly that emotional and prefer the male therapist’s logical approach.

    • Anon

      I generally have not had good experiences with white women doctors actually. They seemed the most dismissive of my concerns. I’m a minority woman. I will give them a chance, but the ones I end up sticking with have almost all been men.

  5. Lucifan

    Does anyone watch Lucifer? I caught it on Neflix about a month ago and I am hooked. So into the show, the cast, the obvious fun and camaraderie the cast has together. Anyone else?

  6. Anonymous

    Does anyone here have the Carson backpack from Tumi?

    Also, I think it has been discussed before, but if you carry a backpack to and from work, what do you use when you go our for errands or lunch during the day? Do you have a little cross-body that lives in a drawer of your office or comes back and forth with you? This seems sort of basic, but I want to be a backpack person and can’t figure it out!

    • MagicUnicorn

      I don’t have that one but would dearly love it if women’s clothing more reliably included phone & wallet friendly pockets. I carry a purse but it seems so unnecessary when my local dudes get by just fine without one. Schlepping it around, hoping the restaurant has purse hooks or chair backs that it can hang from, lugging it through the grocery store, ugh.

    • Anonymous

      I have the voyager tumi backpack and love it but can’t speak for the Carson. I also have small crossbody with my essentials in it (wallet, epi-pen, etc but can also fit my work and personal phones). The small crossbody makes it easy to switch the essentials into any other bag like gym bag or on its own running errand during lunch.

    • Rainbow Hair

      I schlep my whole backpack when I go to buy lunch at work (we don’t have a go-out-to-lunch culture, really), but when I fly I have a cross body that I wear under my backpack, so it’s easy to reach my phone and wallet without taking off the whole thing. It stuffs into the bag for boarding.

    • Anonymous

      I have a Timbuk2, because I was finding that my rotator cuff hated carrying totes on the metro for the whole hour I commuted.

      When I go to lunch I generally go to a place that accepts Apple pay, so that I can just schlep my phone. Otherwise, I’ve made do with Target bags, etc. I usually go to lunch alone since I work in a busy downtown area, so it doesn’t really matter to me what I look like.

    • emeralds

      I keep a small cross-body in my backpack. My wallet, chapstick, phone, and sunglasses case all live in there–I’d rather carry the marginal extra weight than switch stuff back and forth every time I have to run out of the office for something.

  7. Anonymous

    This is probably going to sound like a silly question, but I’ve seen a bunch of folks on here recently asking about developing skin care routines, so maybe I’m not the only onewith questions. Getting into a routine that would take better care of my skin was my New Year resolution and I think I’m getting the hang of which products work and which don’t. My question is, how much time do you wait before subsequent applications in a multi-step process? Apply retinol, wait how long before putting on moisturizer? When I just slather them on essentially right in a row, it feels like a lot… but if I wait too long before putting on moisturizer it seems to defeat the purpose…

    • Anon

      I thought you weren’t supposed to put moisturizer on after a retinol? Or maybe wait like 20 minutes or something?

    • Anon

      My routine –

      Evening: wash off makeup with oil cleanser and tea tree oil eye makeup remover, then cleanse with cera ve foaming cleanser. Towel dry and continue to dry while I brush my teeth. Then apply my curology (mine is Tretinoin, azaleic acid, and niacinimide) and no other moisturizer.

      Morning: rinse face in shower but no soap. Out of the shower towel face and apply vitamin c oil while face is still dewy. Then a very light moisturizer if needed. Physical sunscreen on chest and a BB cream which includes a physical sunscreen on the face (mine is Dr Jart Premium BB, which I love.) This is for a day in the office. If I’m going to be outside a lot I would apply a stand-alone physical sunscreen on my face as well as my chest, and obviously on any other body parts that will be exposed.

      Once per week or so I use Sunday Riley Good Genes instead of the curology at night. I haven’t found a better exfoliant/refresher than this one.

      You don’t need more steps than this. You don’t need moisturizer over your treatment, for instance, unless you’re dry.

      • Anonymous

        I started using the Dr Jart BB after reading about it here. I also love it but the packaging bugs me because it feels like there’s still a lot of product left after the pump stops working. Are there any hacks to actually be able to get to all of the product?

        • Anon

          Hmm I know what you mean but I can always manage to shake the product down to the nozzle until it’s truly empty.

          The packaging is heavy so it might actually be empty when you think there is product left.

        • Miss

          Take off the lid and use one of those spatula things to get product out when the pump runs out.

    • Anon

      For retinol, wait 30 minutes before applying moisturizer. For everything else, honestly, as soon as my face doesn’t feel damp anymore so about 30 seconds.

    • Lana Del Raygun

      I think you have to wait after some acids, but with the products I use I just plough through, occasionally stopping to fan my face if it feels soggy.

    • OP here

      This is interesting. These responses are all over the place so it’s not just me! I am one of the few (at least according to chatter I’ve seen on here) who does see a good response with OTC retinol (maybe because it’s new to me, and it may stop having such an impact over time), but moisturizer I *definitely* need, even in the summer.

      • Anon

        I put retinol on basically right before I go to bed and then I moisturize in the morning.

      • emeralds

        I was briefly on a prescription retinol for a random acne flare (the first of my life, at age 27!) and the derm told me to go: gentle cleanser –> retinol, wait 10-20 minutes for it to dry –> moisturizer. Like you, OP, I can’t skip the moisturizer on a regular basis.

        If we’re talking general routines, I now use an OTC retinol 3-4 nights a week and a chemical exfoliant 2-3. Both are from Paula’s Choice. I use a bb cream with SPF for everyday, and a stand-alone if I’ll be outside a lot. My skin is generally fine, it just needed a little help when I hit the big 3-0.

    • Anonymous

      For retinol you have to wait until your face is totally dry, at least 30 minutes after washing it.
      I might mix Cerave moisturizer with my retinol or add Cerave on top.
      I JUST learned that for Good Genes you’re supposed to put retinol (Luna Sleeping Oil) on FIRST — I try to wait 20-30 minutes between things but I’m not sure you have to. Then you can follow with a moisturizer.
      In the mornings I wait maybe 30 seconds between application of Vitamin C, moisturizer, sunscreen.

      • Anon

        You don’t have to do the Luna with the Good Genes. I have it but since I already use a prescription retinoids, I don’t really need it. I honestly think they sell these as the “perfect combo” to get people to buy two products instead of one.

        I really do love Good Genes and find it very effective, but I have issues with Sunday Riley’s marketing.

    • Anemone

      I buffer my retinol to avoid flaking. I tried diving right in to it full bore, but my skin was miserable. I’m seeing much better results now.

      Night: Wash, moisturize, wait 30 minutes, apply retinol.
      Morning: Wash, apply SPF, moisturize

  8. anon

    Anyone watch “Damages” series with Glenn Close on HBO? Series is from 2009 but it is riveting and I love Glenn Close’s character….anyone?

    • Monday

      Yep, I watched the whole thing. Who knew litigation could have such a high body count?

      • Anon

        I could not take my eyes off of the wardrobes in that show.

        And I could not stop noticing the product placement for Cadillac, as well as the way Glenn Close’s wardrobe was designed to hide her neck wrinkles.

    • Anonymous

      OMG I love Damages even though you really have to concentrate on it.

      And I went to W&M and Glenn Close was my idol even before that (she was Phi Beta Kappa there).

      FWIW, her character, Patty Hewes, wore pretty much all Akris and Akris Punto, size 6, which was auctioned off for charity after the show ended.

    • Anonymous

      hated it as a lawyer — there was one scene involving a deposition where someone mimics an orgasm halfway through? and then also dropped some bomb or totally surprised her lawyer midway through her testimony?

  9. Vicky Austin

    Not to beat yesterday’s dead horse, but the R29 Money Diary from today has the OP going to a celebratory “got a promotion” lunch at a friend’s, so that’s cool.

  10. anon

    Give me strength. I am starting a massive purge in my kids’ playroom and OMG how do we have this many toys. Some they’ve just plain outgrown, and that’s fine, but what really bothers me is the random stuff that they’ve barely played with. DH and I rarely buy toys — it only happens and birthdays and/or Christmas, and we’ve been very selective. Most of that stuff has gone the distance. The extras are from grandparents and overly generous relatives who are … offended by the suggestion of giving experience gifts. (Trust me on this.) I am so bothered by the waste, not to mention the time it’s taking to sell or donate barely-used toys. I know my kids are blessed beyond measure and I shouldn’t complain, but it bothers me a lot. I feel guilty for having so much stuff. I am hoping that we’re slowly exiting this phase — big kid is going into fourth grade, little one is in preschool.

    What kick-started this whole deal is having a pack of kids in my house on Saturday who absolutely DESTROYED the playroom. Stuff was strewn everywhere and it took forever to pick up. I’m not sure they even played with any of it! There just needs to be less stuff in general so cleanup is more manageable.

    • Anon

      I feel ya. We’ve literally never bought my 2 year old a toy and she has…a lot.

    • Anon

      From my own childhood– I think it may just get worse. Kids are harder to buy for when they are 10+, but people still want to buy them tangible gifts. When I cleaned out my childhood bedroom, I had so much unopened $hit and unread books that relatives and my parents had given me when I was a teenager that I was just not interested in. (My parents still give my random trinkets that are already filling up my already small house.)

    • Rainbow Hair

      Not what you asked, but see if your neighborhood has a Buy Nothing group. On mine, toys get snatched up quickly, by parents who are thrilled to get their kid a toy that relates to their niche hobby without having to spend any money or contribute to the waste of making new stuff. Like Kiddo was begging me for “a princess luggage” and I was scheming about how to add princess decals to her existing wheely bag when someone posted her now-10-yr-old daughter’s no-longer-loved Disney Princess bag! Win win win — Kiddo got a bag to take to grandma’s for sleepovers, neighbor got it out of her house, and no one had to make/buy anything new.

    • Anonymous

      My mom’s love language is gifts, my first child is still in utero, and I’m already dreading this.

    • NOLA

      Work is already closed for us in the morning, so I plan to be online first thing. Not sure if I’ll buy anything but we’ll see. At least I have time.

      • Anon

        Stay safe and dry NOLA. Another NOLA poster here – hopefully it isn’t as bad as they say it will be.

  12. anon

    Anyone have experience drawing boundaries with an overly dramatic friend or cutting them off? I am seeing a pattern and it is tiring…friend attracts drama, troublesome colleagues or better yet, doesn’t know how to stop drama and perpetuates it…I am done with the text messages and sky is falling, sky is falling…..person doesn’t seem to listen to kind advise such as “everything is fine, you should take a break and don’t let this get to you”. Any advice please? Maybe some people thrive on or like drama?

    • Anon

      Yup some people really thrive on drama and I don’t think there’s much you can do except be “busy.”

      • AlexisFaye

        I’m your friend. Suggest that she see a therapist/psychiatrist (gently). Some of us are just wired…differently. It’s really hard for us to internalize “it’ll be ok.” We lack resiliency. I know she’d be sad to lose you.

        • anon

          OP here…ok, that’s fair. I appreciate that some are not as resilient as others. Your advice is continue to be kind and suggest therapy. Friend will not listen or heed that advice unfortunately. I think my kindness is taken advantage of…in that friend is taking frustrations out on me. That’s where some boundaries have to come in to play.

          • BeenThatGuy

            For situations like this, I polite, yet dismissive response always works best for me. My favorite tagline is “I’m sorry to hear about XYZ. I hope that works out for you”. If it’s via text, I stop responding. If it’s in person, I’ll say it again if needed, then change the subject or leave. Life is short.

    • Anonymous

      I’m just not the friend to go to with drama. I ignore panicked texts, respond later with one word, don’t engage with it, change the subject etc. sometimes that means losing a friend, sometimes it means I don’t get drama dumped on me anymore.

      • anon

        OP here….thank you – you are me. I can’t take the drama and I have to set firmer boundaries. A little sad about losing a friend

    • anonymous

      If you value this friendship, it might be worth having a convo with her to set the boundary, so that she knows you’re setting it and can be cognizant about her behavior. Even something as simple as stating, “Friend, I know x is upsetting, but I just can’t be a resource for you on this topic right now.” It draws the line but does so in a way that’s not “friend you are driving me to the brink of insanity and I’m judging so hard you for getting caught in this drama,” which will just make her feel hurt. It might not work. But it might. And then ignore/gently dismiss the inane texts.

    • Anon

      That’s funny. Are you sure the problem is not you? I find the ones who complain about other people being drama queens are usually some sort of drama queens themselves.

  13. Pink

    On the same line as the female doctors thread above, does anybody have a recommendation for a female financial adviser?

    I am thinking about engaging the services of one, but so far, the only one recommended to me is a male who keeps asking to also meet my husband (who has a CFA and doesn’t believe in advisers of any kind) when our finances aren’t combined.

    TIA

    • Anonymous

      IDK — I think it’s just a shady industry re how they get paid and how that is disclosed to you / alignment of interests.

      I’d look for a fee-only CFA, but don’t know of any. I know plenty of guys sans CFAs with fancy houses that they need to pay for, but I’m not convinced that the benefit goes both ways (or how you’d ever really quantify it either way).

      • Pink

        I agree with you on the guys with fancy houses and vacations they need to pay for. I’m a bit skeptical but have paid off the student loans, have a pretty small mortgage and would like to do more than just save save save (ie. grow the savings effectively). I get paid to give legal advice, so I’m hoping some of these folks have good advice?

    • Anon

      Do you care if the person is local to you? If so, where are you? I know two great fee only financial planners who are women in my midsized southern city. One actively manages your money and the other has many options to meet and set up a plan and then you manage your own.

      If you’re somewhere larger or don’t care if the person is local, I’ve been listening to a podcast called Matinis & Your Money. The host owns a business called the Financial Gym that’s does in person planning and also planning long distance. I’d look into that if I weren’t happy with my current planner.

    • AnonInHouse

      If you’re willing to work with someone remotely, I recommend Mary Beth Storjohann at Workable Wealth (although her company just got acquired by a larger firm). She specializes in Gen X and Millennial investors. We’ve worked with her for 4 or 5 years now and have been very happy.

    • Anonymous

      I’m on the planner’s side in asking about your husband; it would be unusual to make plans around one person when really, two are involved. Your finances are kind of combined, aren’t they, by virtue of being married? Like if you have retirement funds and he didn’t, how is it that you’d think that plays out?

      (we’ll be the first generation of people where many couples think they are separating their finances; will be fascinating to see how that works out in retirement and the like).

      • Anon

        Why would she need to meet the husband though? I can see saying do you have a partner, what is his/her income and savings? because even if your finances are’t combined it will affect what you can afford and how much you need to be saving (eg. if you’re paying only half the mortgage you can afford a much more expensive house than you could if you were paying the entire mortgage). But I don’t know why she’d need to meet the husband or get a super detailed look at his finances and it seems shady and/or sexist to insist on meeting him.

        • Anonymous

          Easy – if you’re a financial planner, you want to make sure that people’s goals and incentives are aligned. Can’t really do that if you don’t meet both people.

    • Financially advised

      IDK if she works remotely, but Maura Schauss of Washington Wealth Advisors in Falls Church, VA, is excellent. She works with another woman, Ann Blakey, in a team approach.

      I’ve been her client for a few years now. My husband refuses to see an advisor and she’s been very gracious, tactful, and patient about working with me alone while taking into account his earnings, etc.

    • Rainbow Hair

      Drop me an email and I’ll introduce you to someone lovely and ethical I know. Username + e t t e at the g mail.

    • Pink

      thanks all! this is helpful and will email you, Rainbow Hair! I’m in NYC for anybody who has recs in NYC.

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