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Gift Idea: Coway Air Filter

Conway air filter

If you have some COVID-cautious people in your family, this could be a great gift idea: it's an air purifier that (according to Wirecutter) can filter out coronavirus particles.

My brother and I got this Coway Airmega purifier for my parents for an early Christmas present, since their dining room can get a bit stuffy, and all parties are really pleased with it — it runs quietly, is easy to use, and generally feels like good value for money.

(By contrast, we made a Corsi-Rosenthal box at some point and, while functional, it's just not very pretty — and the filters and box fan still usually run you about $75. Also in contrast, a friend has this air purifier for larger spaces — and again, while functional and even kind of stylish, it's a bit loud when it's running full speed.)

Readers, have you bought any air purifiers, either for yourself or as gifts? In general, what are you getting for COVID-cautious people on your wish list?

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Sales of note for 12.2.24 (Happy Cyber Monday!! See our full sale listing here!)

230 Comments

  1. This isn’t quite AITA, but help me know what I’m doing wrong here.

    Over the past 7 years, I’ve worked with 3 associates in a law firm. The first was a mom, with kids slightly younger than mine. We tried a lot of things to help make her schedule work, and did a ton of training. I tried to be clear even before we hired her that I really wanted to have an open door and thought that that was working. Until management told me one day that she had quit (this is after letting her go to 50% FTE and having a month off before going to that schedule).

    Two more associates followed. I tried to do better — more transparency, more introductions to clients, more one-on-one training. One told me in person that they were taking an in-house job a step away from the work we were doing (more generalist work); the other one I heard was leaving from management.

    I am just exhausted — it takes a lot of time to train someone and just when we reach about 2 years, I am restarting (there was maybe 6 months of overlap with each of the associates) over from close to scratch. I think that we have good lifestyle (weekend work, if any, is self-scheduled for people who want to get ahead of their week, I WFH every night after leaving early for kid stuff, I don’t fuss re face time, you might meet your hours, but it’s predictable and not something like 3000 hours, if you are under, it is NBD b/c I don’t write off time, either and mgt knows this). Where am I going wrong? I desperately want someone to come and stay b/c I want to go part-time, but I can’t because there is no one who really does this work enough to be indepedent. There is actual partnership promotion potential if people just stick around.

    What needs to be different? We are friendly but I’ve never asked for a de-brief, but we get together for lunch here and there and exchange xmas cards and have gone to the driving range. I am too worn out to keep doing this every other year.

    1. I mean assuming you aren’t a yeller or passive aggressive or a micromanager or something and your post doesn’t indicate it given that they still keep in touch with you, it doesn’t sound like people have left because of YOU. People need to look out for their own selves so if their family needs them at home or if they get an in house job that they had tried for for years which is often the case for in house, yeah they are going to leave even if they have only been there for a year and regardless of whether you want to go PT. Lots of people lateral to firms with a time limit and financial goal in mind, when that is met or another option comes along, they bounce. People now aren’t concerned about staying four years or whatever.

    3. Without knowing more about what you do, the issues could be related to your specific practice area or the firm generally. If it’s your specific practice area, try to do a better job recruiting for interest/compatibility at the front end. My firm had this issue with several associates that had been recruited for clerkships/litigation credentials and then started recruiting for interest/compatibility and had better luck with retention. If you are in a super specialized area, it’s possible that the people you are hiring may not like being pigeon holed, and if that is the case, you may consider hiring someone as a “staff attorney” as opposed to an associate role.

      Are you having issues retaining associates at the firm overall? This post could have been written by a partner I worked closely with at my old firm, who has lost several of the associates she trained recently. Her retention issue unfortunately is not anything she has done but instead is related to decisions/behaviors by other senior partners.

    4. Check with pay and benefits. If those are low, this is inevitable. Next, consider if this role is what people would think of as indefinite or if it’s likely a stepping stone position. Then, consider that so many now want to work remotely or hybrid and you’ll lose people to that if yours isn’t. If there are others they work with or systems they work within, consider if those may be bothersome enough to seek out another position.

      It also sounds like the interviewing process is a problem; each of the three had life reasons to leave which were each super valid. If it was me, I’d be more transparent in the job posting, I’d interview with specific questions about their longer goals, I’d ask them their feelings about being in management, I’d inquire about why they prefer in-person work, etc. It sounds like you need someone at the moment and they need a job at the moment, so hiring happens, but either the role isn’t set up to be long-term or the hiring process is not finding people who are the right fit.

      Sending support and hope that you are both introspective and not absorbing it as an intentional personal rejection.

    5. Do you need to hire someone straight out of law school, or can you hire someone who has worked in government, non profit, in house, etc. and is interested in partnership track?

    6. You could be describing my old firm (right down to me being the one who left firm life to go in house). Take a long, hard look at your compensation. For some reason our partners seemed to be under the impression they were paying market. They were decidedly not. The hours (1900) were in line with other mid-sized firms but the pay was 15-20% lower. People followed the money after staying a year or two to get experience to make them more marketable.

      Also what are your billable hours? Because there is a lot of room between a lifestyle firm and 3000 hours.

    7. I may have some perspective here. My firm burned through five female associates, and one male associate, who were all hired/expected/slated to take over a book from a female partner who wanted to go part time or retire. I lateraled in as attempt #7, stayed, and made partner, but it was really frustrating and I considered leaving many times. I live in a landlocked state (MCOL city) working for a mid-size firm. My hours expectations were objectively reasonable for the area. Without getting too detailed, my frustrations came in a few major buckets:
      – Lack of clarity about the timeline for the partner retiring or going PT
      – Lack of clarity about what management knows vs. what I knew/was presumed to know
      – Lack of consistent work; my area in particular had unpredictable work spikes. We’re talking some months I’d be lucky to cobble together 80 hours in a month and other months I would bill a minimum of 8-10 hours/day, including Sundays. There were no discussions about how to manage those peaks and valleys.
      – Lack of consistent feedback, progressive handoffs, and repeatedly-changing expectations. This happens with most associates who deal with multiple partners, but I think the 1:1 relationship needs to be absolutely solid with a handoff situation.
      – No one really acknowledged any issues with departing associates; every partner believed each associate truly had a unique reason for leaving…when they really didn’t.

      I’m not saying you have any of these issues or patterns, but it can be hard to truly see what the other person thinks and feels. Your view of what is reasonable or expected is rarely communicated clearly to the other side. I struggle with this now as a delegating partner, too – so please don’t take this hard.

      If you’d prefer, and have any budget, I’d strongly consider reaching out to past associates who have been gone at least 6 months and ask them to lunch. Tell them ahead of time that you’re genuinely curious what you could do better as you’re looking to hire into the role they left. Listen more than you talk during those lunches. Make it a safe space for them to talk. Don’t offer excuses and don’t argue, even if they tell you things you absolutely believe are false or wrong or incorrect or absurd. I also know a few firms that hire an outside consultant who does independent interviews of those people, offering anonymity. With three departures, the goal would be making them comfortable to talk to you or that person about what could be needed for someone else to stick.

      1. I’m interested by your last bullet point; can you expand on that (with anonymity, obviously)? I’m at an office right now where everyone who leaves (and it seems to be frequent) is just hand-waved with a “guess the industry wasn’t a good fit for them, it’s not for everyone!” and I feel like that’s similar.

        1. I’ll try!

          In a not-so-distant past life, I was an HR consultant for many organizations. Different types and different sizes. I didn’t headhunt or recruit, but I was engaged to identify system opportunities or redesign departments. Many organizations can’t, or won’t, see patterns. The patterns are almost always there – kinda like statistics, you can shape them into different narratives, but an outsider with no organizational loyalty can spot them easier than insiders (I affectionately call them koolaid drinkers).

          Think about how many people give one reason for leaving to their team or boss, and a totally different reason for leaving to their family or close friends. This is 100% normal. What I tried to do is understand if the org’s assumption – this industry isn’t for them, this part of the country isn’t a good fit, we need to change recruiting so they’re more independent, whatever reason – was true. Many times, people who leave would go back to a similar org or similar industry within 5 years. That told me it was an org problem. If people truly did leave the industry altogether, and stayed out of it, then I questioned who are they hiring? If for healthcare for example – I get it, you assume a nurse wants to be in healthcare or in a hospital but maybe he doesn’t know until he tries it. Then maybe he tries to find a remote job without direct patient care. So if the org found out a large percent of hires were leaving for a different lane of the industry, the org might think about, how do we either absorb them internally elsewhere and tell them we have other jobs and/or how do we hire differently. Can we convince the board to invest money into focusing our hiring only on people who have prior hospital experience and are less likely to jump industries. This costs money in payroll but less in turnover long term.

          The reason I say ask after 6+ months is because our memories change and are influenced by time. A recent departure may have 19 horrible things to say because they’re ticked off about the send off party or lack thereof. Or they may only be willing to say good things in case their next gig falls through. After more time, the super bad and super good things crystallize differently and people generally can better compare with their next experience.

          Hope this helps. It’s a little ramble but trying to give an example. I have learned never to believe “everyone left for a unique reason” and “everyone left because they don’t like the industry.” I do believe “everyone left because of pay,” “bad boss,” “horrible PTO” but it’s more common that companies aren’t willing to change those things (or think it’s 10% of the reason).

          1. How did you get into that line of work? I’m making a career change and that sounds like something I’d be really interested in. I’d love to hear more!

        2. I’m not the poster above, but I’ve experienced a lot of these issues as well and can speak to my experience with that last bullet point.

          At my old firm, the VAST majority of very good associates who left were working with a couple of specific partners. They were Problems, as was the general culture of the firm (said partners kind of exemplified a lot of the problems). Every time someone left, there was some sort of mythology built up by the other partners about why that one specific person left, and no one wanted to look at any patterns or listen to any criticism that spoke to the overall issues. It was really demoralizing to be left behind in that situation because it was just so clear any concern you raised wasn’t going to be taken seriously. Leading to more people leaving.

    8. I agree with others that you need to look at comp if you aren’t paying market. But also, associates leave! Most associates don’t plan on staying at a firm forever. You should expect most associates to leave after a few years, and you should be passively scoping the market and networking at all times to ensure you have a pipeline when someone does leave.

    9. Honestly as a mom of young kids and 40 year old lawyer there is nothing short of job loss and/desperation that would have me billing hours at a firm again. You’re definitely NTA but why are you stuck here? you’re exhausted because law firm life is terrible. So terrible that you yourself want to go part time and you’re somehow so wrapped up in this place that you think you cant do that unless you personally unload your work on someone competent.

      By all means have lunch with the last associate but start looking around. The problem isn’t you! People are just over grinding and working weekends. Do you know what happens when my kid is sick? I take care of her and take generous pto and don’t have to figure out what night or weekend I’ll have to spend billing to make that up. And many, many people have jobs like this and make decent enough money.

    10. You’re probably doing nothing wrong. The fact is working at a law firm is the least desirable job for most lawyers. Of course they’re looking to leave. I’d expect that and hire accordingly. Maybe this means more paralegal support and less lawyer support or bringing in another partner, etc. I’d rethink your model because this turnover is expected and trying to fight that is a losing battle.

      1. +10000. I am in house now. In my 40s, single, and child free and there is no way in h e l l I’d go back to firm life and all the younger lawyers I know are all desperate to leave firm life before they get too stuck.

    11. OP here. I think we are paying market — we routinely benchmark to be middle of the pack in our city for BigLaw and boutiques. My group may or may not make hours but you could be at 85% for years and we feel that that is not a problem. So also closer to a good lifestyle than other firms. I don’t yell.

      I am here because I grew up very poor and in our city, in house jobs are notorious for drama, layoffs, and being either where your career goes to plateau or being on-call 24/7 for some gigs. I have clients and am reluctant to give up that flexibility to be at the whim of one client that might see me as just a cost center. I have a special needs kid who requires a lot of expensive things (school, therapies, doctors, maybe lifetime care) but who also needs a lot of time and attention (as does his brother, who doesn’t have these issues and just wants to be a regular kid). It is hard. I’d like to dial back at work but just feel stuck. I’d like to do 75% of what I do now.

      We have tried laterals and new hires. Maybe the economy has just been good enough so that people pay off their loans and buy a house and a car and go?

      One issue I can see is workflow, but I don’t know how you get in regular work so that each day you have a 9-5 pace. I haven’t had that since my clerkship and if you know how to do that, tell me please! But it is much better here than at my prior firm, so I see how BigLaw can be much worse (we don’t call you and tell you to go to Peru and then your wondering what to do with your new puppy when you are gone an unknown number of days).

      1. “Maybe the economy has just been good enough so that people pay off their loans and buy a house and a car and go?”

        I mean, isn’t that what most people do? Obligatory IANAL, but that’s like, the conversation here every day.

    12. Isn’t this normal for the industry? A very small number of law firm first year associates make partner, which means most leave. Doesn’t sound like you’re doing anything wrong.

    13. 1. Law firm work, even at a reduced schedule, doesn’t give you predictable schedules! It doesn’t mean you have reliable open evenings, that you won’t have to work on vacation, etc. A reduced schedule just gives you permission to have a lower chance of these things happening than otherwise.

      2. Billable hours are awful. There’s no such thing as PTO really…. Just time that you’ve billed enough elsewhere to enjoy a few days not doing so. Unless a client emergency happens and then see #1.

      3. Most associates join firms for the goal of getting a few years of solid training and money before departing for in-house or government work. Why would your firm be any different?

      Also, the mention of others’ time being written off- if your firm docks associate billable hour credit if they take any time off the bill to the client, that s-cks and is a morale-killer for associates. Just because you don’t do it doesn’t mean your firm doesn’t have a reputation.

    14. As a BigLaw person who’s selected, trained, and said goodbye to multiple associates for a particular role, I have some thoughts. The first is that to some extent, attrition is unavoidable. It’s rare for someone to stay with the same company for 10+ years. That’s especially true for law firms, which are famously pyramidal. Plenty of juniors come in wanting to pay off their student loans, save up for a down payment, and then move to a job with a better quality of life, and that’s absolutely understandable but hard to screen for at the interview stage. Talk to your remaining associates without making excuses or explanations to see if there is a specific unspoken reason why everyone’s leaving, but other than that, there’s only so much you can do.

      What worked for me was hiring internally. We have a handful of long-time counsel who are underutilized, either because they’re subject matter experts in something that doesn’t need a full-time SME or because their line of business dried up years ago. One of them was willing to retrain, and he isn’t mine full-time and is not interested in taking over the client relations work, but it’s 30 hours/week of work that just gets done without my involvement, and that’s amazing.

  2. Apparently a side benefit of exhaustion and burn out is that I am finally setting boundaries. Goodbye “friend” who stopped showing up for me, goodbye “friend” who tries to guilt trip me if I see a random meme text and don’t immediately respond, goodbye freelance expectations that I work for free after my contract ends because people forgot to turn in paperwork to close the project so someone thinks I should send daily reminders.

    SO done with it all!

    1. Go you! I love this for you. It is so freeing to set boundaries with flaky friends and clients. And the best part is it opens up space for you to bring better relationships into your life!

  3. Inspired by my recently graduated/new apartment having 23 year old niece – what thoroughly ‘boring’ adult gift were you the most excited to receive (or hope to receive) this year?
    We’re surprising her with a set of good pots/pans (from Bed Bath and Beyond so she can return if needed). I remember being THRILLED when my boss at the time gave me a bottle of wine and a $500 gift card to HomeDepot as a housewarming when I closed on my second apartment.

    2. The best gift I received for my first wedding (in my 20s) was a box of OXO kitchen gadgets like a veggie peeler and so on — the highlight being the handheld whisk broom and dust pan.

      1. Same! A part-time job I was leaving when I graduated college gave me a huge basket of those fiddly little items (ice cream scoop, citrus reamer, peeler, chip clips, potholders, a mini cutting board that I use CONSTANTLY). They were all excellent quality (OXO or similar) and I still have them. It was a fabulous gift.

        (They thought I was engaged when they were putting all that together; I wasn’t, but about two days after graduation I was, so it worked out, ha.)

    3. I have been really happy and gotten more use than I expected out of a like dip serving tray I got for a housewarming.

    4. To be honest, I haven’t received any gifts like this that are up to my standards. I’d rather have one nice All Clad pan or Le Creuset pot than an entire set of Teflon cookware in a giant box that someone scored on super sale at Walmart. I know, I know, it’s the thought that counts, but a lot of my family members are quantity over quality people.

      Every household item I have and value is something I very very specifically asked for, and sent a link to my husband!

      1. So … you were entitled like this when you were a kid, moving into your first apartment?

        Wow…

        I don’t think I knew the name Le Creuset until I was in my 40s.

        1. I agree with this poster. Having one nice thing over bulk just makes sense. The Teflon cookware example is spot on. It’s something people with some disposable income would probably quickly replace and it would just be wasteful in the end.
          And it’s 1000% normal for college kids to know about brands like Le Creuset, it’s not like they check for college ID’s at Williams and Sonoma or that they don’t stumble upon cooking related content online.

        2. I knew the name Le Creuset as a teenager, because my grandparents had some that was decades old and still going strong.

          I will also quibble with calling someone “entitled” because they spend the same amount of money differently. My LC braiser is almost fifteen years old and I bought it for $100 (outlet sale). The problem is when people buy expensive and then throw out because it’s “old” (I’m looking at you, Mom, who got rid of a Wedgewood service for 20…), not when people buy quality and take care of it.

          1. on the other hand, I *love* people who buy expensive and then get rid of it because it’s ‘old’! I have scored some amazing finds at thrift stores over the years thanks to them!

        3. Right? I’m still using the mustard yellow Club pots and pans my parents got for their wedding presents (and they work just fine, BTW). Who TF can afford to give Le Creuset to a kid just starting out? Most adults can’t afford that stuff.

        4. it’s not entitled to want quality over quantity. take out the brand names this person listed and the point still stands. when we were young and poor and just starting out we shopped second hand because we could get better quality for the same price or less as the walmart specials that would have been the only thing we could afford new. i still have some of those items today, the same would not be said of the walmart stuff. over twenty years later and no longer young or poor and i still love shopping second hand, although now i can afford to shop at antique stores as well as thrift stores.

          1. +1 maybe a better example would be one cast iron skillet over a set of cheap nonstick pans that will need to be tossed in a few years once they scratch, etc

          2. +1 I’m the person who made the comment about wanting one nice piece over a complete set from Walmart, and my first “real” pan purchase was a new Lodge cast iron pan. My second was a used Le Creuset, which I still have 20+ years later.

      3. This is a know your receiver issue. Sure people who care about cooking and kitchen stuff may be like this and too good for Teflon. Those of us who cook out of obligation are more than happy to receive big box of Bed Bath Beyond pots and pans no matter the brand and other small kitchen utensils so that when we need them, we have them. Bonus points if everything you give is dishwasher safe as we throw in everything even if it gets scratched or whatever.

        1. I put all my Le Creuset and All Clad into the dishwasher. That’s the point with the good stuff. I cook with it every day, put it in the dishwasher, and it will still last me a lifetime.

          1. Point is some of us really do not care. Like great if it’s a pot for a lifetime or a pot for five years, we just aren’t that interested in pots so whatever anyone gives us is fine. YMMV.

          2. FWIW, my Calphalon and generic Macy’s white bakeware are now 10+ years old (15 in the case of some law school gifts!) and treated the same way and still look almost new.

      4. +1 everything I own is really nice. I want to one and done stuff, keep it forever and my family is… not like that, they want a ‘deal’ but I’m more the type to splurge on peugeot salt and pepper mills. I started collecting fancy stuff when I moved out at 17.

        1. Well, I guess a lot of us just have very different budgets and come from different backgrounds.

          I would have been thrilled at 23 if someone bought me a set of pans. Knowing the costs of a single Le Creuset or All-Clad pan was outside of the budgets of anyone in my family I guess you guys are from a different world.

          1. it’s not really about the brand names though, just quality over quantity.
            we started our first apartment with hand-me-downs and shopping second hand, because budget. no one could afford the quality items new, but we could afford them second hand.

        2. +2 – I also only own and buy nice things. Nothing wrong with that, we’re not doing it at y’all.

    5. In my first place away from my parents, my most-loved items were the little handheld vacuum my uncle gave me because I could slurp up all the spiders that were too nasty to squish by hand and a solid set of basic hand tools (screwdrivers, hammer, hand-crank drill, utility knife, 5-in-1 tool, pliers). The vacuum died long ago, but those hand tools are still in regular rotation and my husband has learned they do NOT travel from their home base for more than a short-term excursion without my blessing because I use them frequently and I WILL notice if they go missing.

      1. But…do spiders keep on living in the vacuum?! This is why I’ve never been able to suck them up. I picture them living in the vacuum and then crawling out eventually! ARG!!

        1. Right???
          Back in the day we had this dustbuster-like contraption made for catching spiders. Only the suction was terrible so you just ended up stuck to the wall with a trapped, pissed-off spider.

          1. I wish I still had this.

            Currently when a spider needs to be sucked up, I do so with the cordless vac and then put it outside overnight. My husband will at some point empty it into the outside trash. I am not taking any chances!!

        2. There should be a flap inside the vacuum to keep living things from crawling out. But you need to make sure the flap actually closes up, and isn’t propped open by hair tumbleweeds, etc

    6. Good plunger from the hardware store. Basic tool kit and a kit with different hooks/nails for hanging things on the wall.

    7. For a few years, my step-mom used to gift me different Fiestaware pieces and I LOVED it.

      1. That is so fun. What a great suggestion. You don’t even have to stick with one color, because mixing is so fun!

    8. My husband is a ToolMan and he gifts new grads extensive tool sets, his expectation and research as to what is best at the time. I give linen dish towels and kitchen knives (which, yes, I know it’s bad luck to give knives as gifts).

    9. A Le Cruset cast iron pan as a college graduation present — I STILL use it regularly over 20 years later.

      1. +1 I got one as wedding gift (even though we didn’t register). It brings me a smile every time I use it. I’d recommend picking something classic like the white version and a receipt so they can swap out the color if they’d like.

    10. Y’all know I love me some rainbow and some tie dye. My greatest gift to myself in my new apartment (I moved this past fall) was iridescent silverware and cooking utensils. Not only did it make the space feel more like me and give me items that make me happy every time I use them, they were a slight bit more than the cheapest whatever items and they weren’t secondhand, which felt like a financial milestone.

      When I gift someone moving into a new space, I gift them something that’s very them. Sometimes it’s dishes in a pattern that they enjoy (including their favorite color or animal or such) or utensils in a color they love or a dish towel set that fits their personality (“don’t do c0ke in the bathroom” saying to someone who works at a treatment center who found it hysterical) or magnets (either something tied to their decor or a gift certificate to have photo magnets made of whatever makes them happy).

      I think the happiness aspect comes from either being given a gift that shows the giver knows you well or it’s something more personal or more expensive than the thing you could afford or would splurge on for yourself!

    11. A nice chef knife that I got for college graduation and protect from my knife-illitetate in-laws to this day (please use a cutting board, not my tile counter! There is a reason soft-ish cutting surfaces exist!

      Also, my very large oxo cutting board (a wedding present). See above.

      2. +2 to the good-quality chef’s knife. I bought one (Wustof) in grad school, in probably 1995 (?) and still use it EVERY day.

    12. A big 40-piece set of matching tupperware. So much better than the cheap random containers I accumulated throughout undergrad.

      If she has roommates I’d avoid fancy communal kitchenware that could get ruined. I was shocked at how careless my roommates could be. Bonus tip: tell her to take photos of all kitchen gear when she moves in or buys something new. You won’t believe the arguments I’ve witnessed over the rightful owner of a muffin tin.

    13. Moving out of the dorms into my first college apartment – we were promised a microwave but the previous tenants took it with them. I was super overwhelmed and my parents immediately bought me one from wal-mart. My mom also gave the disgusting refrigerator a deep clean. So grateful for them.

    14. I actually don’t even remember this, but apparently when my younger brother graduated from college I gave him a thoroughly stocked first aid kit. Like bought a giant organizer and filled it with all the medications and supplies for basic first aid and common ailments. He brought this up recently as one of the best gifts he received in his twenties… said he kind of rolled his eyes when I first gave it to him, but then it proved indispensable time and time again. I need to remember this for future gifts!

      1. That reminds me; when I bought a car from a friend, he left me with The Club. He’s older than me and very old school and it’s been a decade since. I’ve never used The Club. However, even when I sold the car, the key to The Club got put on my new key ring (and it lives in my trunk). It reminds me every time I see it that I am being taken care of by him.

        I had a friend once give me a set of tie dye bandages she found at a store. It was silly at the moment but every time I got injured and needed a bandage, it reminded me that I was loved by her.

        I can’t speak for your brother, but I do suspect that the items of the gift were whatever but the feelings he feels each time he needs and uses something in there reminds him that he’s loved during a time when he is hurt and that feeling is everything. <3

    15. Electric kettle with temperature settings. I drink multiple mugs of tea, and it is so much easier to get the brew right.

      Good electric screwdriver with a bit set.

    16. A nice wooden cutting board. It depends on the size of her apartment but my brother, who is normally terrible at gift giving, gifted me a really nice butcher block cutting board that lives on my kitchen counter and doubles as extra counter space if i lay it out over half of my sink. See also: a good quality chef’s knife.

    17. i love boring adult gifts! i’m not getting any this year, though.
      i still use the roasting pans friends of my in-laws gave us for our first christmas together, and two years ago i got a french rolling pin that i absolutely love.
      when we got our first apartment my aunt was downsizing and i inherited 2 generations (my grandmother and my aunt) worth of housewares, some i still have and use regularly.

    19. Is she a coffee drinker, and if so, would she want something like a Nespresso, Aeropress, or whatever fancy coffee gadget you feel comfortable splurging for?

      It’s not a boring adult present, but I cannot begin to tell you how much money I have saved since buying a $20 cold brew maker and a Nespresso machine and frother. Anything that Starbucks can make, I can make better and cheaper.

  4. The post last week from someone who was struggling with drinking at night felt so familiar… except for me it’s food. I eat healthy, normal meals all day, work out, and feel fine. Then at night it’s like the monster is unleashed. I eat straight from the bag and shovel down processed, salty, or sugary foods until I’m numb. It’s almost like I hear voices in my head telling me all the things that are wrong with me, which makes me want to eat more. Then I go to bed feeling so full and bloated and ashamed, and I wake up feeling terrible. And then the cycle begins again.

    The behaviors feel just like what I hear people say about problems with drinking:
    I only do this alone.
    My friends have no idea it’s happening.
    When I’m doing it, it’s like I’m inhabiting this completely alternate universe where it’s almost like it’s not really happening (except it definitely is, because none of my clothes fit).

    I think I’ve always had these tendencies, but it got so much worse during early COVID. I live alone and the gym used to be my safe place to cope with anxiety. Without access to the gym (or other people) I devolved into eating food like a hibernating bear, craving extra calories to feel safe. It was exacerbated by the grocery shortages at the beginning of the pandemic—I literally felt like I might not be able to get the food I needed, so once stuff became available I over-ordered, stuffing my pantry and then ending up with way more food than any one person needs.

    Anyone else struggling with this? Any ideas on how to fix it? I am disciplined, accountable, and responsible in every other area of my life but this. I really hate this and I’m so ashamed that I can’t stop doing it.

    1. Yes, I totally understand.

      I went from a person who never ate at night/snacked before bed, to one that ate all the snacks at home, alone. Ate completely normal/healthy during my meals. Also have anxiety, and not enough outlets for this.

      I am making little steps, so far.

      I try not to keep a lot of this stuff in the house anymore. I only shop once every couple weeks, and shop from a strict list, and don’t shop when I am hungry. If I feel the need to buy the cookies or chips, I only buy one package. If it eat all of them in one night…. well, that’s it for the 2 weeks.

      I keep a huge Costco container of unpopped popcorn at home. If I need to pig out, even the popcorn cooked over the stove in olive oil is still better than the junk I was eating before. Don’t buy the microwave popcorn.

      And of course, you know…. you need to treat the underlying problem…. your anxiety etc.. You are already doing a great job at looking about yourself and thinking about your triggers. I have started some basic breathing exercises/mindfulness/list making approaches to my anxiety, and in an ideal world… I’ll start exercising again. I’m going to start with just a walk after dinner, and then brushing my teeth to discourage eating just a little.

      And I just started mentioning my anxiety to my doctor. I KNOW I need to go on meds at some point, although counseling would probably help. But with my limited time and terrible health insurance and knowing myself, I think hitting it hard with meds would be helpful soon. But deep down, I know that I need to address my PTSD and issues from my past. If you have those too, I’m so so sorry. You are not alone, and I know how hard it is.

      There are a lot of us. I promise you.

    2. I can definitely be like this. I know its emotional eating because its feels different – I’m not eating because I’m hungry, I’m eating because I don’t feel good. Or its a quick, easy serotonin boost.

      Someone else can give better overall advice, but just to be practical – would things like grapes or blueberries work? It turns out it is in fact possible to eat too much of those, but still better than some other sweets.

      1. YUP. I could meditate or write in my journal or practice mindfulness, sure, but eating pasta out of the colander with my hands is a lot faster.
        OP I don’t have any real concrete advice, but this kind of thing is super common. Hang in there.

          2. I’m sure you have some habits we could judge if you cared to post them. Please keep these kinds of sentiments to yourself. Be better than this.

          4. Pugs — I know it’s late, but just so you know, I don’t even always let it cool 😂

        2. Pugs — I know it’s late, but just so you know, I don’t even always let it cool 😂

        3. I am glad I am not the only one who does this! (Eating pasta out of the colander with my hand, see also shredded cheese out of the bag, etc.)

    3. Oh, yes. And with food, you can’t go cold turkey and just quit. You have to deal with “moderation” and that is hard, especially when comfort food is comforting and I worked in proximity to my kitchen for 2 years. Boo! Sometimes, a tasty dish or snack is the only thing I can do in a day that has a sure-fire ROI. And the having something tasty when I’m annoyed or sickly is indeed an emotional comfort. IDK what the answer is here — walking that walk myself, one step at a time.

      1. YES. You said it so perfectly. Sometimes life is hard and the only immediate comfort I can provide myself comes in the form of the instant rush of binging hyper-processed food. I guess I need to learn other ways to soothe myself that don’t involve empty calories.

        I was actually able to eat normal-sized meals and go to bed without stuffing myself last night as a test and I was shocked at how much healthier and lighter and happier I felt this morning. In just one day. And I realized the awful feelings, the bloatedness, the weight gain… all of it, I’m doing it to myself. It feels like it just “happens,” but I am actively doing it! And I need to stop.

        1. I think you’ve reached the first step. I went through this a few years ago, and it was awful for a long time. I was doing it to myself, and I couldn’t stop. I journaled alot. I took up a hobby (knitting) that used my hands affter dinner, so I ddin’t want to get my fingers dirty with treats. I journaled more.

          You mention the gym being your sate space and a way of coping with anxiety. Are you able to return to the gym? Is that helping? If you can’t go back to the gym, can you start taking a walk after dinner?

          I do drink fruit teas in the evening. They are just sweet enough for me, and there is something comforting in holding the hot mug in my hands. And it kind of gives a finish to the food day.

    4. Can you give your body what it wants in a different way?

      When I really want dessert, I make a date shake. Frozen banana, oat milk, and dates, blended. Very filling, perfectly healthy.

      When I really want savory, I eat some olives. Yummy blast of salt with a few calories.

      When I want a drink, it is herbal tea. Or sparkling water and fresh lemon juice in a massive wine glass.

      Get rid of all the processed stuff so it is not available.

    5. This ties into anxiety, possibly into CPTSD, and may qualify as an eating disorder. Please seek mental healthcare from someone who specializes in these. I don’t say this to scare you but since you sound like you feel alone in this process– many of the people on “My 600 Lb Life” have similar experiences of using food as comfort due to trauma (which covid and the loss of human contact clearly was for you). If you can get past the exploitation aspect of the show, it might help you to see stories of others who feel similarly so you feel less alone. (If it’ll cause you more anxiety, obviously avoid it.)

      Sending you love!

      1. I was wondering this, too. Self-medication comes in a variety of forms, and it seems like something a professional can help with.

    6. Sounds like you have a binge eating disorder. I have struggled with this my whole adult life. I’d suggest picking up a book or 2 from Geneen Roth. Specifically When Food is Love and When You Eat at the Refrigerator, Pull up a Chair.

      2. +1 recommendation for Geneen Roth. I read her books a few years back when I was really struggling with some old disordered eating behaviors that had popped up again during a stressful time in my life. She has a great way of framing and reframing behaviors and motivations around food. It was helpful to me in that I was able to ask questions about why I was eating what I was eating and when, and realize what the behavior was really about (because it was not about hunger). As a side benefit, a lot of what she talks about with food applies to money as well, and for me, binge behaviors for eating and spending are connected (when I constrain one, I tend to go overboard with the other). Reading her books helped me get my eating AND my finances in a better place.

        1. Thank you for the recommendations. I’ve just borrowed from the library. I can relate to what you wrote about spending and food. Light bulb moment.

    7. A couple of things –

      I cook dinner most nights, and I try to remember to save one lunch worth of leftovers, because I know I will be happier to have it for lunch tomorrow than I would if I help myself to a second serving because it tastes good, not because I’m hungry.

      I wash my face and brush my teeth. After that, I don’t want to head to the kitchen and then have to do the face washing/teeth brushing teeth again.

      My doctor recently recommended I try to lose some weight very slowly (I have a history of crash dieting and subsequent regain +) and I’m using the My Fitness Pal to count calories. My goal is 1600 calories a day. It would be a crash diet for me at 1200, and as I said, I’m going slowly. Having accountability like this has been really helpful. When I hit my calorie target, it’s just very de-motivating to add more food and go way over into the “negative” space (when you have calories left it’s positive, when you’ve overdone it, it’s negative.) This is very individual I’m sure, but being accountable to the app/myself has made it much easier not to head to the kitchen and have more food when I’ve hit the max.

      And, there are certain things I just can’t have in the house. I know I can’t have chocolate ice cream, and I can only have as much pizza around as I can eat in one meal. I’m no good at resisting either of these when they’re in the fridge/freezer.

      Hope some of this helps. I’m pretty far from any sort of goal weight, and I’m honestly not trying to be “skinny”, but I do just want to stop being ashamed of my behavior around food.

    8. I struggled with compulsive eating that was borderline binge eating disorder, and what I found helpful was a 12 step group, Overeaters Anonymous, plus continuing to treat my underlying anxiety and depression through therapy and medication. OA gave me a support system and a framework; therapy and medication helped reduce the need to numb. OA isn’t perfect, and I am no longer active in the program, but it helped me and it is free. And since leaving, I have since managed to maintain a mostly healthy relationship with food. (Definitely not perfect). Look into OA, and if you try a meeting and don’t like it or don’t find the other members people you can relate to, try a different meeting – they all have their own flavor.

      I would also try to talk to a therapist and see if there is an underlying anxiety disorder that needs treatment. These past few years have been so hard; we all coped the best we could, not always in healthy ways. Try to forgive yourself for turning to food for comfort in a terrifying time — it was there, and it wasn’t very destructive to others, and it helped you get through. Thank goodness for that. You can acknowledge what it did for you, let go of the shame, and also acknowledge that now you want something different. If you want to change, you probably need more help in some form or another – if you could tough it out alone, you would have already. Best of luck and big hugs!

  5. Sending love.

    I know we have some here who are grieving losses of pets and people, whose kids no longer believe in Santa, whose travel plans got changed or cancelled, who are newly single not by choice, whose bodies aren’t the same, whose lives are not the same, and who are otherwise sad.

    Sending love.

    I know we have some here who are struggling to be patient when job applications and dating applications and promotion possibilities are in limbo.

    Sending love.

    I know we have some here who have tough memories tied to holidays, who are triggered by festivities or celebratory tv movies or carols. I know we have some who wish they were ending the year more something or less something than the way their year is ending.

    So even though I can’t hug each of y’all in person and I may someday walk past you on the street without even knowing it and I can’t buy an island and a jet and a yacht in order to bring us all together for R&R, please know that this internet stranger is sending you love <3

    1. Aww, Dr. The Original… your posts always bring such warmth to the community! Wishing you all the same love and compassion you continuously extend to all of us, at this time and always.

      1. + a million. Thank you for all the love you put out, Dr. The Original! Sending you some back.

  6. Do you have ~$20 gift suggestions for a 35-year-old single woman who lives in a major city, is very free-spirited/spontaneous, and enjoys composting, sustainability, art, journaling, tea and literature? She works as an assistant for a major university. In the past, I’ve given reusable (steel?) straws, literature-based postcards, candles from a black-owned company, etc.

    I’m married, have three kids, live in the suburbs, like to be hyper-organized, and am not free-spirited (anymore, at least)! I have no idea what to do this year. Thank you!

    1. gift card to a CBD shop like Plant People?

      reusable gift wrap like baggu?

      gift card to something to support locally – coffee or tea shop?

    2. Papaya compostable paper towels (I use cloths, too, but I love mine) and beeswrap! They both wear out over time and need to be replenished.

    3. What about earrings or a bracelet or anklet from an artist who uses sustainable materials?

    5. A little over budget, but On The Lookout is a Black woman-owned jewelry company. There are some items in the sample sale that might work. Nashipai is a fair-trade jewelry and accessories company. The Peach Fuzz has funky hair clips, accessories, and sassy bumper stickers.

    6. Beeswrap or Stasher or Ziptoc bags are my most recent favorite sustainability purchases.

    7. Space heater in the bathroom and hot water bottle tucked into the foot of your bed like 20 minutes before you’re getting in bed. Magic.

    8. Fancy tea.

      Or maybe some silicone food storage items– someone above mentioned stashed bags, and they are wonderful. However, I more often use both my set of silicone bowl covers (like 7 different sizes, fit a variety of things, even e.g. half an apple, or an open cat food can) as well as my silicone sheet wraps (multiple sizes, like bees wrap but silicone and hence can be washed in hot water)– they don’t wrap things as well as beeswrap, but are extremely useful.

  7. I live in the cold cold mountains. Does anyone have a favorite cozy bedtime routine? I’m so chilly I don’t want to wash my face at night, change into pjs, etc. if you have any favorite warm bedtime routines I’d love to hear. Must be fast because I have big job and toddlers and I’m not trying to take a 40 min hot bath every night. I have like 15 min to brush teeth, wash face, change, and get into bed. I don’t need to wind down (I’m plenty exhausted!) I just need to get through the necessary self maintenance stuff. Mid 30s if relevant. Thank you!

    1. I have an electric throw size blanket. I tuck my pjs into it and turn it on for about 20 minutes before I put them on. They are nice and toasty when I get into them.

      When I was a child, my sisters and I slept in a very cold attic room, and we used to put our school clothes for the next day in bed with us so they were warmish when we got dressed in the morning.

      2. Yep I have an electric blanket and 20 minutes makes all the difference. I like to be cool through the night but I’m a California transplant in Scotland and I need a bit of a warm boost

      3. +1 to the electric blanket or a heated mattress pad. I used to live way up north and getting into warm sheets was the single best thing about those cold cold days. I’ll also second preheating your pajamas, and add that I thought bathrobes and slippers were fun extras until I moved up north and realized what a difference they can make!

        Depending on your routine, you could preheat the bed/PJs while you put the kids to bed or whatever, then put on nice warm PJs and bathrobe, quickly brush your teeth etc while the pajamas are still warm, and jump into your nice toasty sheets.

        1. Heated mattress pad >> electric blanket. Preheat bed, get in and read book for 20 min while marveling at being warm for once.

          You may also get good mileage out of a towel heater to heat PJs etc.

    2. – Sit on a heating pad twenty minutes before you begin your routine so you’re not cold to begin with. When you start your routine move the heating pad to your bed. Your sheets will be nice and toasty for later.
      – Make sure you have thick rugs in your bathroom and next to your bed. Cold tile and wood floors suck.
      – Robes are wonderful. Get one with tight-fitting sleeves so you can scrunch them up your arms and keep them dry while at the sink.
      – They make thick towel-like headbands that keep your hairline dry while you wash your face. I got one at Ulta.

    3. Could you get a little towel warmer to put your pjs in before you put them on? Throw them in there while you wash your face, brush your teeth, etc. and then change into them after they’ve gotten nice and toasty.

    4. I would never wash my face at night if I didn’t have a space heater in my bathroom. Highly recommend. I wash my face every single night.

      I also recommend handknit wool socks for pJ time. You can get them on Etsy. Life changing.

    5. so this is specific to a ski cabin we rented and not daily life… but it was warmest in the living-kitchen area by the fireplace and so I set up my skincare in the kitchen and washed my face there, lol.

      Regular life, co-sign the recs for fluffy rugs and towel warmers!

    6. When changing clothes in winter, I do it one “half” at a time and wait for the newly-applied garments to warm up so as to not lose a bunch of body heat all at once. (It might look like: put on warm sleep socks. Take PJs to bathroom; remove pants, pee, & immediately replace with PJ bottoms. Brush teeth & wash face. Take off top & put on PJ bottoms.)

      2. that is exactly what I do, so funny. Put the PJ pants on when peeing. Put PG top on after face washing (because who wants wet cuffs?)

        But again, the bathroom space heater is non-negotiable.

    7. I use one of those wheat (?) filled pillows you can microwave and drape over your shoulders. I sometimes put it in the bed to warm it up before I get in. It brings me joy. :)

  8. What are you easy fun useful stocking stuffers for “grown ups” for this year? I do them mostly for my siblings and one niece that is 18.

    So far I have….

    chocolate stuff
    nice chop sticks
    A mini puzzle
    Something Burt’s Bees
    Funny Pez

    1. What about roaming the area near the check-out at Home Goods or items at 5 Below? Either can include unique or fun items at cheaper prices and small enough for stockings!

      1. agree, but don’t buy the food from Home Goods. It tends to be very old and stale!

    3. Trader Joes hand cream. Mini tape measure (this is surprisingly useful). A fun spice mix. Mini bottle of flavored olive oil or vinegar. Sleep eye mask. Nail file. Novelty patterned socks.

    5. I doing this for my SO and have the following items so far. Note he travels for work.
      – travel size stain remover sticks for his toiletry bag
      – gum (he chews gum alot)
      – his favorite candy (one small package)
      – nice lip balm (Burt’s Bees in this case)
      For my adult, 30 something brother, I’m including a lego minifigure package as he’s really into legos.
      He has specific toiletry and shaving items he likes, but uses the full size as he typically checks a bag when travelling. If he did travel size, I’d include one or two of those.
      Practical and luxurious things I’d use and would also gift:
      – Lavender dryer bags from Trader Joes
      – Venus and Rifle Paper Company Razors (very pretty floral pattern addition and those razors are a step above many others I’ve used)
      – Flavored nice lip balm (Eos or Burt’s Bees)
      – one pair of Bombas socks or one pair of nice, trendy sock (fair aisle crew socks seem to be popular this year) OR
      – Slipper socks
      – A beanie hat (basic to luxurious). I’m using beanie hats as the stocking this year and tying a ribbon around it all with a name tag for the person
      – stainless or high end plastic reusable utensils in a travel pouch (Hydroflask, REI and other places have these)
      – Bath b*mbs or fancy soap
      – cash or gift cards in small amounts to buy a coffee, or a months subscription to a streaming service

    8. Individually wrapped Ghiradelli peppermint bark (this is the only acceptable brand) and fun size payday bars.

      Tweezerman tweezers for a young lady. Star Wars lego minifigs of particular characters for a big, big fan of Boba Fett. (I found a boba and jango set on etsy)

      I will probably get off my butt and go to a dispensary for some edibles as well. I just really hate going there, but delivery is very expensive (California here)

      Speaking of California, pistachios are always a great stocking stuffer. As is See’s candy. The foil wrapped Santas and the lollipops are great for stockings.

    9. Lindor truffles are a mainstay (there’s a store near us where I get all sorts of fun flavors). And then I go to an Asian market and get some Pocky sticks and ginger candies and other uncommon sweets.

  9. Any here try a FODMAP diet for gas/bloating? Any tips on navigating it?

    How strict were you? How quickly did you see results? How did you reintroduce things back in?

    My PCP gave me no advice other than “try it!”. The nurse handed me a sheet when I left the appointment, but all it does is list the foods (bad / allowed).

    I am pretty bummed about all the things I am loosing….. like how can you be a cook and food lover (especially Indian/Asian food) and not eat onions/garlic?

    2. Yes. You have to be extremely strict for the first 8 weeks I think(?) and then add things back. It’s an elimination diet so the idea is you completely eliminate a food or group of foods and let your digestive system recover a bit to a more normal status. Then one by one, you test things and add them back in a very controlled way, so you can identify if something doesn’t work for you.
      I did definitely feel relief after a week or maybe two (was awhile ago so I dont specifically remember). Now, I know several trigger foods I need to avoid, or have them anyways but understand the likely repercussions.
      For resources, I strongly recommend joining FB support groups, which were an enormous resource to me (will l!nk some in a comment but might get stuck in m0d so check back). And also the FODMAP app from Monash University is the official one, because they created the diet and are the lead researchers so I would trust them over any others.
      A lot of people recommend working with a dietician, and if you can find one who specializes in FODMAP, that might be helpful, but most don’t know much so wouldn’t be more helpful than your nurse. I just did it all myself by getting deeply involved in the FB groups and researching online.

        1. Thanks so much. This is very helpful.

          It is very surprising to hear how long you have to be on it. I would think… if you stop the foods, aren’t you going to know right away? Or are you actually waiting until your bacterial flora changes / evolves …. maybe that’s why you have to wait so long

          My PCP was like… try it for a couple weeks and see if it helps. She didn’t even say anything about reintroducing foods, but I just assumed this had to be allowed at some point.

    3. I have no tips but commiseration. A very close friend of mine has intense stomach problems and been told by many doctors to do low FODMAP. It is incredibly restricting and unsustainable to eat low FODMAP for extended periods of time.
      There’s a lot of info about it online but you may want to talk to a dietician about how to make it work better for you.

    4. Yes but my comment got stuck. Check back later for a more detailed response!

    5. I have never been strict about it but have largely followed the concepts at times and yes it helps. For me I use it mostly for cereals and vegetables by not eating the ones that are known to cause the most gas and keeping the vegetable sizes for the more bloat inducing ones in check. FWIW I’m Indian and I’ve never done the garlic or onion part of the diet. I’m inclined to think my body is ok with those given that they were in every food fed to me by my parents since I started eating. Like if I’m doing FODMAP I wouldn’t go for a huge pile of onion rings but I don’t worry if the vegetable I’m eating has a little fried onion in the base. Frankly with onion rings I assume what bothers people is the heaviness, oil in addition to the pile of onions.

      1. Same here. Few people follow all the restrictions indefinitely. A lot of FODMAP foods are totally fine with my IBS. Others I can tolerate in small doses or when prepared a certain way (steamed cauliflower is deadly, riced cauliflower cooked until golden is tolerable). Of course it varies person to person but maybe start by cutting out the obvious foods: cruciferous vegetables, beans, lentils, spicy seasonings, etc. Familiarize yourself with soluble vs. insoluble fiber and the sources of each type. Check out sources of resistant starch as well- it does a number on my stomach.

    7. Yes, and for me it was about gluten,unfermented dairy (so not cheese, but milk, half-and-half, and ice cream), onions and garlic, and beans. I miss the beans more than the gluten, TBH. I also found out I don’t do well with high FODMAP fruits, but for the most part: gluten, alliums, and beans. All of those will give me horrible gas/bloating as well as cramping and inflammation, up to the point of having bloody stools.

      I went on a medically-supervised elimination diet where I drank some kind of foul hypoallergenic protein drink for three days, followed by adding food groups back in every couple of days, going from low-FODMAP foods up to higher FODMAP foods. When we got to beans and legumes, it was horrible; when we got to gluten, it got worse; when I added in milk, pretty horrible became truly terrible and all my symptoms returned, including skin rashes and blood in my stool. I cut out those things – back to normal.

      One thing I think is helpful about elimination diets: I had forgotten what “normal” felt like. I had been in pain/discomfort and dealing with bad bathroom problems for so long, it was revelatory for me to be just a normal person, going about my day, p00ping on a regular schedule without having diarrhea or needing laxatives, and without abdominal pain or fatigue or horrible bloating that meant I couldn’t fit into my clothes. Once I felt better, I did not want to go back to feeling the way I had previously.

      I am not going to tell you it is fun or easy but I will tell you that being able to book an early-morning flight without experiencing the IBS “morning rush” in the airport (or on the plane!) is a great thing. Not spending a couple of days curled up in bed or on the couch wanting the pain to stop, but not knowing how to make it stop, is also good. I completely hear you about “how the heck do you cook without these things” and the basic answer is, you figure it out. After I changed my diet, I stopped having weird rashes, my skin cleared up, my migraine frequency went way down and my IBS became completely manageable instead of being barely tolerable. What’s that saying – no one says it will be easy, they just say it will be worth it? It was worth it for me. I changed my diet 10 years ago and would not go back now to the way things were for any amount of money.

    8. Thanks so much everyone. I will download the App, study the diet and maybe think about asking for a nutritionist – especially because cutting out all dairy and lentils really decimates my protein sources since I avoid meat too.

      And thank you so much Indian Anon for sharing your experiences. I think giving up so much Indian food would make me depressed!

    9. Did anyone try a course of Xifaxin to see if it helped, instead of life long dietary changes?

      1. Yes, and while it helped with some of my loose-stools episodes it made my constipation symptoms epically worse and more painful. I primarily have IBS-C, not IBS-D, so Xifaxin was not an effective therapy for me. There’s also this, which I took from this link:
        https://www.uspharmacist.com/article/overview-and-treatment-of-ibs-with-predominant-constipation-in-women

        Cost and Affordability of Medications

        While prescription pharmacologic therapy is the mainstay of treatment for IBS-C, these medications come with a hefty price tag. Optimizing first-line nonpharmacologic and alternative treatment options may help prevent patients from needing to use the expensive prescription medications. Psyllium fiber is both an inexpensive and easily accessible OTC recommendation to use initially in patients with IBS-C as it improves overall symptoms. While a trial of the low FODMAP diet may incur the initial added cost of a dietician, patients who have symptom improvement from the diet can be identified within 2 to 6 weeks.1 Those who don’t see an improvement in abdominal pain and bloating during this limited trial can move on to other treatment modalities, whereas patients that do respond can continue to work with their dietitian and potentially lower their overall medication cost long-term. PEG could be considered as well, given that it is inexpensive and improves stool frequency and consistency. In those looking to minimize cost, PEG could be used for its laxative effect in combination with other approaches, such as peppermint oil and GDPs, to help with abdominal pain.

        Some of us also just have a general problem with being on a daily medication for the rest of our lives, where you have to get the prescriptions renewed, get them filled, etc. For me dietary changes are less disruptive than managing a daily prescription medication.

    10. Have you ruled out other causes for bloating? It’s not normal. I thought I was gluten intolerant and now owe my life to a primary care physician who made me get a colonoscopy to rule out anything even though I had no family history, wand wasn’t normal age or anything (even fought the insurer to cover)–turns out it was colon cancer caught just before spreading outside the colon. (And, yes, after finding out I had cancer and no celiac issues, I really did say to husband that I was excited to eat normal pie crusts and biscuits again because that’s how much I hated eating GF.)

      1. Oh, my dear….. I remember you posts well and thank you for your comments. I do have a lot of cancer in my family history, and because of your story/encouragement, I made sure and got my colonoscopy last month. It was ok, but I do have polyps and they were removed (they run in my family, as does colon cancer and pancreatic cancer). Interestingly, my bloating got worse after the colonoscopy… don’t know why.

        It does worry me that my mother had a lot of bloating with her pancreatic cancer, and as we know, symptoms of pancreatic cancer can be minimal. My mom’s cancer was not detected until it was quite advanced and metastasized everywhere. There isn’t any good screening for PC, unfortunately, so it is quite unsettling.

        I hope are doing better, and that your life is long and healthy. Thank you for making a difference in my life.

    11. My sister-in-law did this and it really helped her. She learned she cannot have onions or garlic, but she can have garlic oil and chives, so she uses those as replacements in a lot of things.

    12. The book Fiber Fueled has a four week recipe plan that is pretty good. I’ve made some of the recipes and enjoyed them. I think it says you can use scallions and cook with garlic infused oil, so you’re not doomed to no flavor.

  10. I ran out of my liquid eyeliner so I tried a couple of new ones and both of the new ones (including a pricey one from the department store makeup counter) cause the black line to appear on top of my lid and basically smear around all day. I have hooded eyes that are also, apparently, oily. I also have very sensitive eyes and contacts. Can anyone recommend an eye primer that will allow me to use the eyeliners without having them smear everywhere? Thank you!

    1. If you can’t re-buy what worked before due to discontinuing, try @mazon or eb@y or p0shmark!

    2. I have hooded, oily eyelids, and I’ve liked Bobby Brown eyeliners. With the liquid ones, I just let it dry by keeping my eyes lightly closed or looking down for 30 seconds. Sometimes I use an old Sephora brand eye primer, sometimes not.

    3. Milani eye primer. Yes, from that random drug store brand. It’s like $3. Trust.

      Try also Wet n Wild waterproof liquid eyeliner. Not.going.anywhere.

      YouTube beauty blogger EmilyNoel83 does her annual EmilyAwards of the best in drugstore and high end beauty products every December. She’s super down to earth. I’ve been watching her for 10 years and she’s never steered me wrong.

    4. I have hooded, oily eyelids and I’ve tried everything. I like the Maybelline MasterPrecise waterproof liquid liner. It rarely budges, but I have to be sure to let it set.

      I used to always use the Urban Decay eyelid primer, but sometimes it didn’t seem like it was doing anything so I stopped. Ultimately, I think the combo of hooded lids and oily skin is always going to be tricky with liquid liner, but this is the best solution I’ve come up with!

    5. I have the same problem! I use Physicians Formula Eye Booster liquid eye liner, no primer. Glossier Sky Wash liquid eye shadow doesn’t budge all day, and is a better primer for powder shadows than the Urban Decay.

      1. +1 to the PF Eye Booster Liquid, it doesn’t go anywhere and makes clean lines close to lashes.

    6. +1 to the PF Eye Booster Liquid, it doesn’t go anywhere and makes clean lines close to lashes.

    7. I do pretty well with stila stay all day microtip, despite having super oily eyelids (not sure if they’re hooded). I have contacts. You may have already tried this one though!

  11. My twin girls would like to get tested to see if they have identical or fraternal twins. Originally we were told they are identical because it looked like they shared a placenta. Later, we were told that there were two placentas that had fused, so they’re either fraternal twins, or they are identical but the egg split very early on. So, now we just don’t know, but my girls would like to know for sure. Their pediatrician has no idea how we would get a DNA test done for this purpose. Does anyone have any suggestions?

    1. I g00gled. There is an item called “Twin dna testing” by easy dna, though it may be that any dna testing would show since it would either show same or sister dna.

    2. 23 and me tells me how close by percent various relatives on it are. So they’d know if they were 100% or some other percentage. Cousins it turns out don’t share much DNA but even a bit is significant.

      1. +1

        I’d do this. It will be additionally interesting for them to see all the data on their shared genetic tendencies/traits plus all the ancestry type stuff. Could be a nice learning opportunity for them.

    3. This would be obvious on 23 and me or any similar site that lets you compare ancestry, though you’d have to decide how you feel about the data privacy issues. I have to imagine there’s some other way of doing it, though.

    4. Identical twin mom here. It’s common for MoDi twin placentas to have pathology reports that say ‘fused’ even though they aren’t really 2 separate ones fused together (something about the way they write the report). But yes, +1 to googling a twin DNA test and going from there.

    5. 23 and me will let you compare genomic similarity. I.e. their genes will either be ~50% similar (and thus fraternal) or ~100% (and thus identical). Alternatively, paternity testing would tell you their similarity if you want to keep their dna out of 23&me’s database.

    6. It looks like LabCorp offer this. You may want to look into the privacy statements and how the samples are stored before picking a place to do the tests.

    7. I would use 23 And Me because this isn’t what they’re designed for. I would assume they’re okay with some amount of rounding. Plus the privacy issues, which make it a huge no go for me anyway. I’d try to find something more medical.

    8. Apparently, an outfit called Alpha Biolabs does twin testing (zygosity tests) for $119.

    9. +1 to NOT going with 23 and me for privacy issues.
      Suggest asking your ob-gyn or maternity hospital. My friend’s newborn twins are confirmed to be identical and they did the test while in the hospital.

  12. Has anyone come to peace with their apple-shaped body? All clothes and tips seem designed for people who either have waists or are willing to be uncomfortable and cinch the fat to create them.

    1. Ha, I’m a pear and feel like so much of clothing is meant for apple-shaped women. Swing dresses, peasant tops, tunics… I like IGer clubforty.claire – she’s good at showing how to style clothing to flatter your body type.

      1. Same. I struggle so hard to find pants that fit my thighs but don’t pinch my waist. I’m curvy on the bottom but cut like a rectangle through the torso. Worst of all worlds.

    2. Yes, I have, at least for the time being. I dress for how I look now (apple-ish), not how I wish I looked (hour glass), or how I used to look (pear-ish). After having kids, my body changed a ton. It doesn’t for everyone, but for me I am just shaped completely differently now. Pants are the hardest because my waist is apparently disproportionately large, but I’ve figured out looks that work for me after some trial and error. After fully accepting myself and finding some looks that work, I’ve started to feel more confident and comfortable in this new body. And above all, I remind myself that the shape of my body is by far the least interesting thing about me, so why spend time thinking about it?

    3. oh Hi,
      Menopause has made former bottom-heavy hourglass me into an apple. It’s an adjustment for sure. Some of it is easier though. Pants are easier. Straight legs trending is great. I wear more jackets now. Before this I always wanted some butt coverage. Now I want things that glide over the midsection and I don’t mind a high hip jacket anymore.

      My particular sweet spot is a knit jacket, like the merino wool ones Talbots offers every year. I have two from last year and just ordered one of the cabled ones from this year’s selection. They have waist shaping, which is great if you have a waist, but also creates a visual waist even if your own is not well defined.

      I tend to emphasize my above-bust area more now. Necklaces, brooches (only at holiday time), scarves that are not as long as they used to be (and never infinity scarves, thankfully I skipped that one), and I wear more c0llared items now – not necessarily to give any lurking tr-l l s their jollies! Bring the eye up to your beautiful face!!

  13. Has anyone here tried Rogaine? My hair has always been thin and fine, it hasn’t really changed due to age yet (mid 30s now). I always assumed Rogaine was only for hair loss related to aging, but I heard a dermatologist discussing how it works and that it can be used to treat multiple causes of hair loss (ie stress related). Topical use seems to be very low risk. I don’t expect it to change my hair texture, but maybe it would ensure all hair follicles are performing optimally and increase density. Do you think it’s worth trying?

    1. Yes! It can’t hurt and it may help. I experienced hair thinning in my mid 30s and started using it and it definitely worked. My hair is back to the way it used to be—thick and full.

      Caveat: For it to work, you do have to use it daily, or at least close to it. And you can’t ever stop or the loss will return. I occasionally forget, but I would say I use it 85-90% of the time. I like to use it before bed all over the scalp, and then in the morning I’ll wash the front part of my hair so I don’t have to deal with the residue.

      1. +1

        I think someone on this site even mentioned trying it on your eyebrows and I was startled to say it worked for me!

        Definitely use the generic. The men’s labeled minoxidil is fine and is cheaper than the “made for women”. They charge more for the one used “for women” (scam). Good prices at Costco.

        No downsides except the inconvenience of doing nightly, and to me, I found it annoying/messy. I take a tiny dose of the pill form now – again someone recommended it on this site – and I’m pretty pleased.

    2. I tried it and it didn’t work. No harm no foul. My former boss also tried it and forgot to tell her hairdresser. That did NOT turn out well. Make sure you tell your hairdresser if you color your hair.

    3. Someone cautioned me about this on here and I’ve never forgotten it. Be careful because the active ingredient is toxic to cats. If you have a cat like mine, who likes to lick your hair and pretend she’s grooming you, then you’ll want to be super careful.

  14. How do you style a sleeveless LBD in winter? Or do you not? I have the dress linked in the comments and I’m trying to decide how I could wear it for a date on Saturday. I’m in DC so it will be chilly but not brutal. Winter coat will be necessary though.

    2. The fabric seems too thin for winter unless you kept your coat on, which seems detrimental to the look. I suppose you could put a blazer or pashmina or something over the top and wear tall boots, but it might still look like a summer dress under winter items. You could also try to The Nanny it up and try a turtleneck under it to see if it’d work without looking silly or having the hem bulk up your waist where a thin fabric would show it. Hope the date goes well!

    3. I like this dress but it’s tough to make the outfit warmer. Just wear a big coat on the way over and hope that the venue is heated well. During winter I stick to sleeveless dresses that look good with a leather jacket or short dresses that work with tights. This dress is meant to be worn on its own so any toppers or warm accessories will dumb it down.

    4. If you’re really determined to wear this particular dress, I think a scoop-neck silky thermal layer (like 32 degrees) might be ok with that neckline, and it would give you sleeves. I’d definitely wear black tights and boots too.

      Another angle is to wear some sort of cape. It will stay on your shoulders better than a wrap. I’m wearing one right now in my very cold home office. Mine is alpaca from Cuyana.

  15. It’s normal to wonder if you r made a mistake right after giving notice at your job that you’re leaving, right? Asking for me.

    3. yes, 100% normal. I even felt this way when I left my horribly toxic first law firm. spoiler it was 100% the right decision to leave.

    5. This has happened to me at literally every job I quit. I blame the relief of getting out of a potentially bad situation, nerves about something new and/or people being extra nice to you as you’re leaving.
      Good luck in your journey!

  16. I hate all of my shirts and sweaters. All of them. Is it crazy to donate 75% of them, wear the 25% and then buy a handful more that I actually like?

    2. Just buy what you really like, only a few, and only the ones you are absolutely 100% sure about. Don’t try to sale shop for this, where you end up with a bunch of stuff you’ll hate again in a year or less.

    3. Life is too short to hate your clothes. There are SO many sales going on right now that I’m sure you can update your wardrobe with some key things without breaking the bank. I’ve been pleasantly surprised by Jcrew factory lately! If your taste is more classic Brooks Brothers, Ralph Lauren, Vineyard Vines, etc. are all having 30-40% sales on a pretty regular basis and there is a friends and family sales going on at Bloomingdales.

    4. Not crazy. I did similar and now I have 5 gap body tshirts for sleeping and no-bones days, and am slowly building a wardrobe of MM Lafleur T-shirts one at a time.

  17. Just want to say that this air filter is great if you have asthma and dust is a trigger. I run it every night and my nighttime asthma symptoms (bouts of uncontrollable coughing) have improved so much.

    1. Good to know. I have a young kid who has had really bad nighttime coughing for a while and I wonder if we’re headed towards an asthma diagnosis(too young for testing).

  18. Recommendations for replacing my “collection I have accumulated over 30 years and nothing matches?”

    Based on my research, what I want is Nordicware Naturals aluminum half sheet with cooling grid and plastic cover and matching cupcake tin with plastic cover. Only issue: I can currently fit two 12 x 18 sheets side by side on my oven rack, and the Nordicware is 13 x 18, which means I would not be able to do that.

    How much does this matter? Does any reputable company still make 12 x 18? If so, which ones? Some of mine are EKCO, which I now know has not existed since 1992.

    I use them for baking and for roasting vegetables.
    Thanks.

    1. 13 by 18 is half sheet size and you’ll be very happy with them because everything is cut for them, like silpats or pre-cut parchment paper. Mine are also Nordic Ware. I have like 5 of them none of them are pretty any more because I actually use them, but I’m so spoiled now I can’t roast or bake on anything else.

      I never put pans side by side anyway, as my oven has a warmer side and a cooler side. I do bake things simultaneously on different racks though. Before I had a convection oven, I just switched racks and rotated the pans 180 degrees halfway through cooking. But now I have convection and it handles multi rack backing really well.

      1. Oh, and yes to the matching racks. They’re perfect for cooling after baking, but also perfect to fit just inside the half sheet pan to create a roasting rack. Absolutely buy them together!

    2. Do you have to do two sheets at once?

      I have a much beloved Nordicware half-sheet which doesn’t even fit in my current oven (grumble), but I almost never need a second one of that size.

    4. Sur La Table gets close – it’s 12.25. The Platinum pro holds up a lot longer than the silver line.

  19. Advice?

    Met someone in Nov 2021. I was in the beginning of a dramatic relationship situation. New friend asked a lot about it, ongoing questions, we talked weekly or daily for much of it, including leaning on her a few drama rounds and when I exited the relationship in March. I loaned her some money which she paid back. Based on all of this, I considered her a close friend. I attended the soft launch of her business. I was taking an online course via my company and she lamented she wished she had access. I knew the leadership decently and inquired and was given permission to include her in the zoom sessions. 5 courses over 5 weeks, 2 hrs each. Friend came to 90 mins of first one, then never showed up again. The first time I put out boundaries of being work slammed, she got mad at me. When I reemerged from it, it was a week of silent treatment. I texted asking to talk it through, said I didn’t like her being mad at me for boundaries and I felt like she harmed my work relationship by bailing on the class. She responded that she’d just been so busy. I felt unheard but didn’t want to press it. A few days later, she sent a “thinking of you” text which I saw to clear the notification while in the middle of something. She then texted within an hour mad that I saw it but didn’t respond. I pushed it off texting that I was busy til next week, ttyl. I haven’t heard from her in the 3 weeks since.

    Now I can’t tell if I’m letting go of a friend if I don’t try again to work through this or if this is someone who is unhealthy for me to try to engage with again. I don’t want to be a jerk for letting go of someone too easily, I also don’t like not being able to have boundaries or checking a text without being reprimanded.

    AITA?

    1. This is the friend drama I no longer deal with in my life. I’d let her fade away.

      I don’t think you are the AH here. She sounds intense and not in a good way.

    2. Ok. on the courses, maybe she was not actually interested in attending, but was just making small talk about “oh that sounds great, wish I could go.” I would cut a friend slack on not attending 10 hours of meetings when they’re busy, the same way you expected her to cut you some slack when you were slammed at work.

      But yes, if your friendship with her just brings drama to your life with no good stuff attached, of course you should end the friendship. I have one friend who gets mad at me for not answering texts from time to time, but he accepts my apology (which is sincere) when he calls me out for it, and I know 100% that he would drop everything and fly across the country to be with me if I needed him, and that is worth the occasional mismatch of communication styles.

      So you have to weigh the good with the bad and see where you land. This all sounds like petty stuff to me, to be honest.

      1. I agree none of it sounds major, but it also sounds like you want to let this friendship go. So that’s what you should do.

    3. Wow this is… a lot.

      Question- the only person I know who has read receipts turned on their texts is my mother. Do you leave yours on for a reason? Nobody needs to know when I opened their message. Half the time it’s bc the notification popped up and i accidentally tapped it.

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