This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
Readers recently had a great discussion on how to set boundaries with clients and coworkers who take advantage of your time, skills, and efforts — but it's a huge topic, so let's discuss! What are your best tips for setting boundaries with coworkers and clients?
I think it's important to note at the outset that coworkers are different than clients are different than bosses — and most of the advice herein applies to coworkers most strongly. Keep in mind that bosses and clients may expect you to answer questions that ultimately lead nowhere — that isn't an intentional wasting of your time (or busywork), but rather the normal part of doing business.
Some of our previous discussions may also be of help here — we've talked about the colleague who takes credit for your work, how to tell your boss you're not her personal assistant, and what to do with the client who hits on you.
How to Set Boundaries with Coworkers Who Take Advantage Of Your Time, Skills, and Efforts
That said, here are some of my best tips on how to set boundaries with these types of people:
Set boundaries on your time. I always appreciate when people note that they will not be responding to email until Monday morning, for example. Know your office, though!
Pass the buck. This won't work with everyone — but if that coworker of yours keeps finding sneaky ways to make you do their work, it's OK to refer repeat offenders to other people. “You know who would know this? Jim in marketing!” (This would work less with clients or with bosses!)
Make it clear where they are in your list of priorities. “I have to get done X, Y, and Z for other people, and then maybe I can spend 15 minutes helping you with this.”
Get them out of your space. You may also want to refer to our post on how to deal with chatty coworkers, because a lot of the tips will work there, as well — it's especially important to get this person out of your space because you kind of get trapped into the conversation then. Walk to the printer with them or go to the office coffee station — that way, there's an obvious moment where you can say, “OK, great talk, I'll see you later!”
When this came up with the readers, some of their tips were also amazing:
One reader noted that the tone is important — you can be warm and kind without leaving space for negotiation.
Be assertive in content, but not in tone, i.e., “Unfortunately, I won’t have bandwidth this week for this task. You can try asking X if he can take it on.”
Don’t get mad at people for asking you for things and don’t get preemptively defensive. Less is more – you don’t have to explain yourself or justify anything. Be as warm and kind with it as possible, but don’t leave space for negotiation.
Another reader stressed setting time/space boundaries, as well as putting her own priorities first:
Send an email while I’m commuting home? If it’s about something for the next morning I’ll answer it after I’ve had my dinner, not in a hungry, hangry rush before I eat. If it’s not about the next morning I’ll reply once I get to work in the morning. Teams chat me while I’m taking a break for a walk outside? If it’s not something that needs to be done that minute I’ll address it in 1/2 hour when I’m back. Basically I put my own priorities in terms of schedule, work, etc., ahead of others in all cases unless it’s something that needs to be dealt with quickly at that minute. And I stopped ever apologizing “for the slow reply.” If they have an issue they can raise it, but I don’t preemptively apologize anymore.
And guess what? Nothing has ever come up that made this strategy a problem, and I stopped feeling like I couldn’t budge from my seat or take time for personal priorities because I needed to be able to respond at a moment's notice.
A third reader noted that she stops being so useful to the offender:
Set the boundary and then stop being so useful to them, e.g., coworker who emails me instead of the help inbox. The first time I answer and tell them the help inbox is where they should direct questions like this in the future. Any subsequent times they email me I don’t respond for 1-2 days (and still redirect them to the help inbox). Eventually they realize the help inbox is more useful and quicker than emailing me.
Readers, have you had this come up? What are your best solutions for setting boundaries with coworkers who take advantage of you? If you've felt like you needed to set boundaries with your boss or a client, what are your best tips for that?
Stock photo via Stencil.
AJ
YAAAS to being deliberately un-helpful to the time moochers. Find another sucker cuz it ain’t gonna be me. It’s like the old advice of ruining the first pot of coffee you are asked to make.
The office boundaries I struggle with is the supervisor who spreads everyone’s personal business, as in shares the details of your recent stomach bug with co-workers. Loudly asks how you are recovering from that medical procedure in the hallway. Tells co-workers that so-and-so will not be at 100% because the kid is sick again, etc. Such an HR nightmare, but I need to share some details to get time-off approved.
Year 3 of the pandemic
The chief of staff to my unit head keeps asking me for my home address. I have an office. But she wants to mail me things at home. HR has said that it is inappropriate for anyone at work to ask for my home address. Yet this person has requested it via Teams chat, in email, and verbally. Does anyone have polite redirects? In addition to other issues I have with these requests, It feels too information asymmetrical for me to be giving my home address to someone but not have their home address. Quid pro home address…
Anonymous
i would be direct at this point. “i will not be providing my home address. any correspondence needing to be mailed can be sent to my office. here is address”
Anonymous
My recent boundary establishment was asking my employer to have HR draft a job description for my role, re-grade it, and give me a promotion and a pay raise.
I was hired from my covid home office to build widgets and told no one else knew how to do it. After 3 months, they had me paint landscapes and sculpt in mixed media. I have not since seen a widget.
Employer occasionally gives me feedback that I really do not have much experience with this work. However, it is a totally different job. I do not recognize this job. I am covered in paint and plaster dust. I wear goggles for the welding work.
On the one hand, I “won” the painting and sculpting work in a work group ranking system after our department was re-organized. On the other hand, it has been much more stressful to learn how to paint and sculpt than to crank out the widgets.
Anyone find themselves doing a totally different job at work? Was it like a frog boiling on the stove? Did you volunteer for the painting and sculpting?