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Updated: Nov 9, 2021 272 Comments · by

Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Crepe Long Blazer

The Personal Shopper (TPS) | ·

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Older Black woman with short gray hair wearing a purple blazer and blue jeans

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

This eggplant blazer looks like it would become one of those surprise workhorses in my wardrobe. The saturated dark purple would look great with your typical neutrals like black, gray, navy, and camel, but would also look stunning with olive, pink, or a lighter purple.

This fall, I would wear it with an ivory turtleneck, black ankle pants, and loafers.

The blazer is $179 at Talbots and comes in misses sizes 2–18, petite sizes 0–16, plus sizes 14–24, and plus petite sizes 14–22. It also comes in olive green.

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About Elizabeth

Elizabeth is a 30-something lawyer living on the East Coast. She spent seven years as a Biglaw associate in NYC, three years as a partner at a medium-sized firm, and is now in-house counsel for a large company. She loves Diet Coke, '90s sitcoms, and dresses with pockets.

Comments

  1. Anon

    I missed yesterday’s mental health conversation but was really surprised by people’s reaction that they would just say they weren’t feeling well and take the day off and not look at emails, etc. Especially given the prevalence of WFH, I feel like the expectation is there that if you’re sick and need to take a few hours for a nap or whatever, then that’s accepted, but unless you’re really seriously ill, everyone at my office is expected to be working and especially joining client meetings. One person from my team took time off to recover from a major surgery and a friend took a day or two off to deal with the worst of his COVID, but otherwise, people just deal with it, and stay home to avoid getting others sick. What is everyone else’s experience? What is the expectation in your workplace? Is it industry specific?

    • OP

      (also I acknowledge it’s this kind of attitude that the latest generation is railing so hard against, but it very much is the attitude in my workplace so just looking for others’ experiences)

      • Anonymous

        Your workplace is f’d up. I am an old and at everywhere I’ve worked, from 1987 when I started though today, when you are sick you go home, log off, rest. I am a VP at a Fortune 500 company in finance. I don’t take to my bed for a week with a cold but while weak, ill, upset, what have you, I am not effective anyway. Why put in face time. It hasn’t hurt my career. In fact, I feel that looking back drawing boundaries has earned me respect. I value myself, take care of myself and you (employer) should do so too.

        • Anon

          Co-sign. I’ve worked for big companies and small companies and I’ve dealt with some f’d up cultures, but I have never worked somewhere where the expectation is that you work unless you are deathly ill. More often than not I’ve been told, when I mention that I’m not feeling well or have a headache or whatever, to go home and care for myself, and not worry about work. IMO this is the only sensible, sustainable attitude for companies to take. If the whole “lets be humans who care about the health and well-being of other humans” isn’t compelling for people, here’s the business case. A. who wants a sick employee present making everyone else sick; that costs the company a ton and B. it’s far better for people to care for their minor health issues than push through and have minor issues turn into a major health issue that’s much more costly for the company, in terms of time and dollars.

          • Anon

            Law is so different. Was the much storied midlevel big law associate emailing from her delivery room (2015) and it was essentially expected.

      • Ellen

        I think most of Gen Z is not that interested in working to hard, and they will take any opportunity to dog it from home. Now they don’t want to work in the office, and it is going to be very difficult for me to deal with a new attorney that wants to work from home 80% of the time, coming in only on Wednesday’s! Can you imagine? The manageing partner wanted to hire her and we had to b/c the vote of the partners could not override him. When I asked why he wanted her, he said she was very personable and could train under me to become the manageing partner when I get old! I was floored b/c she is not very smart like me.

        Personally I think he was taken by her figure, and b/c she is busty, he is interested in ooogeling her. I said he could not do so if she works from home, but he evidently does NOT even care! I wonder if there’s a way to get him to reconsider. I am not hopful, tho b/c of the partnership agreement, which gives him supermajority voting, all on his own! PTOOEY!

    • Anon

      Agree that this is highly industry dependent. In both my husband’s industry and my own, no one takes sick days except for hospital-level illness or injury (we work in medicine and finance). This was the expectation growing up with my engineer parents too – I missed 6 days of school total from K-12. The idea of a mental health day is so far removed from my reality. In case it matters, I’m a millennial.

      • anonymous

        Same here–millennial lawyer in a law firm. I had a relatively minor surgical procedure a few months ago (under general) and had to fight the urge to tell people that while I would be out of office, I would only be totally unavailable for a few hours and they should feel free to contact me if needed after the procedure was done. My sister got to take a few mental health days when we were growing up. I didn’t. I was told I was tough enough not to need them. I don’t think I took more than a handful of sick days. I do wish I could invoice my parents for all of the therapy I need now to learn how to take care of myself and set and protect boundaries.

    • Cat

      well it’s not black and white, but generally, if someone at my company emailed their manager that they weren’t feeling well and needed to take the day actually off, it’s assumed they have something graphic going on… not that they have a mild cold but are peacing out for the day.

      Post Covid I would expect “I have cold symptoms and should therefore WFH” to be super common… which frankly I’m excited about, everyone hates to be the person at a meeting with the box of tissues…. and everyone else hates to be IN that meeting.

    • anon

      If I am taking PTO, especially for a mental health day (which I don’t announce in any way), I don’t work. I don’t save lives and I have earned my PTO. My work can wait a day.

      FWIW – In-house counsel at $14bn multinational tech/manufacturing co and I have been promoted 5 times in 7 years so it doesn’t seem to be an issue here. Do other attorneys work on their days off sure, but with very minor (VERY MINOR) exception, I refuse to. I am sure some day this approach will affect my upward mobility, but that day hasn’t come yet and I also care more about myself than busting my ass for shareholders when I am using PTO to get “ahead.”

      • Anon

        I have the same attitude and I’m a SVP at my company, never hurt me and I pass it forward by telling my team the same thing.

      • No Face

        I have adopted this attitude, and it really pays off!

        After getting slammed with pandemic burnout, I decided that I am going to rest when I am not feeling well, and I also was not going to bust my ass when my kids had to stay home because of a cough/quarantine/etc. My reward is a large raise for next year! All my work was excellent because I took time to rest and heal.

      • Anon

        I’ve found that WFH while sick is counterproductive: the burnout is unbelievable. I’m so much better off just resting and recharging, then hitting it out of the park when I return the next day.

        • Anon

          This is important. You recover much faster when you rest.
          The US seems to have a pretty terrible culture around sick days. In Australia we get ten sick days a year (they accrue in most workplaces) so we take them when we need them.

    • Anonymous

      I do not check e-mail or participate in meetings when I am on PTO. If I have a cold, I WFH and do not claim PTO. If I have the flu or just had surgery, I take PTO and do not work or communicate with the office. The fact that it is now possible to be in contact with the office 24/7 from virtually anywhere does not cancel the “off” in “paid time off.”

    • Anon

      I absolutely hate the attitude that just because we’re WHF you still need to work when sick. Sick days are there for a reason.

    • Anonymous

      I just started at a fast-paced company with “unlimited” days off. I hate this concept so much. I think it actually makes you feel guilty for time off versus “I’ve earned this PTO day and will therefore spend it however I want.” I also recently found out I have cancer, and it makes me incredibly nervous for the future. I want a clear guideline if I ever end up in the unfortunate position of having to be the one to push it. I’m really, really hoping that won’t be the case.

    • A

      this is likely cultural as well. In the US, you might be expected to wfh if you are unwell. In my european company, you are expected to rest if you are unwell. And also, you don’t want people working if they are stuffed full of meds. Mistake potential is then very high.

      • Anon

        I am never more apt to make a mistake than when I am stuffed full of cold medicine and feel like my head is barely attached to my body. Never have understood why people would want someone to work when they’re feeling terrible. The potential to make costly/harmful mistakes is astronomically high.

    • Anonymous

      I have over 20 sick days sitting in my accrued PTO, and I use them how I see fit. I try not to take mental health days more than once a month but occasionally I wake up and I just can’t, so I don’t. There’s no medal for playing the suffering Olympics and working while you’re miserable.

    • Anonymous

      Let me put it this way – my boss would love if I checked emails on every vacation and every evening and even while sick. I still don’t do it because I think it’s wrong. I haven’t been fired yet and in fact I get promoted and get the best bonuses of anyone at my level. I think this is true for a lot, if not all, of people in similar positions. Your boss has certain preferences, but when it comes down to it, you really aren’t going to lose your job over it. If you are? May as well look for another job now because that’s legit insane.

      • Anonymous

        Also, I want to make one more quick point. I actually have gotten the impression that people respect me more for having good boundaries. I have gotten compliments from a few younger employees about my level of confidence. My boss seems glad to wish me well on vacation and to ask me how it went when I got back. There’s another worker who is not very productive in the office, to the point where others have to pick up his slack almost all the time, and he does check email evenings and vacations. He still has a bad reputation. I really think it’s all about the work you do in the office and the respect for yourself that you demonstrate as well.

        • Anon

          This. I’m your boss and I want you to take real time off. I’m not impressed by people who check email all the time. I’m impressed by people who deliver. Frankly, I don’t even notice someone who’s constantly on because that’s not something I value.

          • Anonymous

            +1 to this. A few years ago I attended an off-site to rate and rank 50+ people in preparation for a RIF. Not once was it mentioned someone came in when they were sick, worked on their day off, never took vacation, were always available etc… It was their results-period.

      • Anon

        Same experience. I am respected more because I set boundaries and am clear about my priorities. My experience is that the people who never take sick or vacation days and work incredibly long hours are perceived as either doormats, or that they’re inefficient, because if you work smart and are strategic with your time, it shouldn’t be necessary to work 12-hour days 7 days a week for years on end. Similar to what others have said, my career has not suffered as a result of setting and holding boundaries – I am in exactly the place I want to be in, professionally – and I’ve also gotten to have a life outside of work and manage my own health so that in my 40s I have excellent health metrics and my energy level is good, etc. Life is a marathon, not a sprint. Manage your energy accordingly.

    • Sarah

      Your workplace culture is insane. I have worked at multiple high pressure places, and people in your generation that allowed for such things created a self-fulfilling cycle. Your sick days and PTO are part of your compensation. You wouldn’t give back part of your salary, so idk why you’re giving back part of your PTO.
      Set boundaries, increment by increment, make sure peoples’ needs are addressed and
      If you’re talking about days that aren’t PTO, part of the social contract of working full time and working late when needed should be that if you need to take an hour at some other time its alright.

      Before someone starts telling me I’m an ungrateful youngster or whatever, I was thinking about it and realized I got a lot of my ideas about setting boundaries at work, being reasonable, having balance from my boomer dad who has been at the same Fortune 500 companies since finishing grad school.

      • OP

        FWIW I’m a millenial, so it’s not about my generation. Based on others’ answers, I think it’s about the company and, really more so, the industry I work in.

        • Sarah

          Just looked up the definition of millennial, I”m on the cusp as well. Then we are both senior enough in our careers that we can start putting our foot down. Just look at Anonymous at 9:41 AM’s comment

      • Anonymous

        +1. My boomer dad set good boundaries as well. He watched some of his teammates work their fingers to the bone doing low-priority work just to impress the boss and opted out. He never, ever worked on any vacations.

    • Anon

      I work in higher ed (staff not faculty). I’ve always used sick days to mean I’ll be offline. If I’m checking emails and joining meetings but just not doing much actual work, I consider that an unproductive working day and I don’t even tell people. I have used sick days for bad colds/flu, migraines and anxiety related insomnia that kept me up all night. I also use official sick leave when my child is home sick from daycare and I have to take care of her. I work through mild colds and mild insomnia. I probably use 10-15 sick days per year, at least half of which are due to my child. I have separate sick and vacation leave (both very generous) and it’s one of the things I like best about my job.

      • Anon

        I also work in higher ed, staff not faculty. The culture of my institution makes it nearly impossible for exempt employees (not faculty) to take time off, but the leave looks generous on paper.

        • Anon

          Sorry, that sucks. I work with a few individuals who don’t respect time off, but fortunately the university-wide culture is to take all of your available vacation leave and to take an actual sick day when you’re sick enough that you can’t really be productive.

    • Anon

      In the workplaces I’ve been, employees take time off for being sick. I once took a full week off for the flu. (Now I get flu shots because…never again!) I take time off if I feel sick, and that includes men strual issues. I also take occasional mental health days. I’ve never heard anything about it.

      So yes, IME people take time off as needed for health issues. But if it becomes “too much” (and I don’t know the exact line), the employer pushes back. My workplaces have had a relatively reasonable balance. (Manufacturing)

    • nuqotw

      I’m a pre-tenure academic. If I’m sick on a non-teaching day, I will pretty much do whatever I decide is easiest / best for me, be it rescheduling meetings or doing them virtually, answering email or not, or what have you. Teaching days are a harder call but if I feel too sick to teach I come up with an activity they can do in my absence and call it good enough. There’s no point in teaching sick (I say having done so much of last week…).

      • Cb

        Yep, me too! I HATE cancelling class, there just isn’t room in the super short UK terms to reschedule it. But I think back at the lecture I gave DELIRIOUS and cringe. Now I think things are slightly easier, if I was contagious but not super ill, I could record a video lecture and post some discussion questions? I did this one day when we were waiting on a PCR test in my house, and it gave me some peace of mind.
        Our sick days aren’t limited though and I wouldn’t bother reporting it for 1 or 2 days (you have to fill out an annoying return to work form).

        • nuqotw

          I’m not sure where you fall on this, but part of my calculus about not teaching sick is that I don’t want my students to feel like they have to show up sick. I made myself super sick multiple times in college by not just going to bed and resting and it was so not worth it. I don’t want my students to do that, but they often will.

    • Anon

      While I agree that it can be industry dependent, I think it’s also important to note that it’s field dependent. Meaning, when I was a tech SME at an industrial manufacturer, I was expected to work like a machinist or a factory assembler out of “fairness” to people in those roles–on site, every day, time-clock conscious. And yet that “fairness” never flowed back towards me: they have a union and pensions. I got none of those protections. So, really, it wasn’t about fairness, it was about forcing everyone to the lowest common denominator of being under management’s thumb.

      Now I’m a tech SME for enterprise software, and it’s a whole different aura. Making a virtual product is very different from making a tangible good, and the work culture reflects that. Less performative butts-in-seats, less micromanaging, more independence and trust.

    • Anokha

      I’m in-house in the Bay Area and, even when people take sick days, they’re constantly checking and responding to email. I hate it, and it means that I never take sick days, because what’s the point?

    • Jeffiner

      Some parents at my kid’s school apparently wanted their kids to log onto the virtual classes when they stayed home sick. The school shut that down fast. If you’re sick, you need to rest and heal, not deal with school. Same applies to work. The expectation that we’re available anytime needs to die.

    • anon a mouse

      My director at a federal agency sent our 150+ person division an email reminding us that mental health is important to overall health and that you can use sick leave for mental health days. I’ve never taken a mental health day but I definitely plan to if I need it, and appreciate the message from the top.

    • anon

      Big law here. Very rare circumstances that you could just not look at emails on the whole all day (other than announced holiday with no cell receptions – actually quite popular), but there is a big difference between glancing at your phone everyone once and a while to triage emails and working the whole day. On balance, if you are taking a proper sick day (e.g., knocking yourself out with nyquil), then people would expect that you or your assistant takes care of any emergencies by passing them on but otherwise sleep. As far as mental health days, people are generally deferential to your taking a day off – easier to do in litigation because not everyone keeps up with why you aren’t in the office (or virtual office) and there are depos, hearings, etc. Long way of saying, our culture is very much that you are an adult and can handle things – problems happen if you just ghost everyone without explanation or a contingency plan for who is handling urgent matters.

    • Anonymous

      Also, I’ve been reading how long COVID can trigger CFS/ME and that pushing yourself back into work or exercise too soon after recovering from COVID is thought to be a possible trigger. More research is needed, but after seeing a family member who had CFS go from being a happy, active, and smart 15-year-old on a competitive swim team to a bedridden, isolated young woman who barely managed to eke out a GED, I’m taking it super seriously (FWIW, this was pre-COVID). We need to take real sick days in these days more than ever.

    • Curious

      Tech here (Amazon). Many people advance by working themselves long hours and taking minimal leave. I’ve moved just as fast and established just as good of a reputation working 45 hour weeks and taking vacation. Leadership knows I won’t take roles that have intense round the clock requirements,.but that’s seen as a benefit because I automate the heck out of anything that requires that and then no one needs to do it and everyone’s happier. So maybe it’s a mix? I’ve never seen a director preserve work life harmony like this, though, so it may be I’ve topped out career progression at the level under. My boss begs to differ. We will see.

    • Anon

      I also worked for a company like that. I have vivid memories of having the flu with a fever and being on a conference call from my bed, looking out the window at a blooming camellia and watching the flowers move in circuses, or at least that’s what my eyes told me they were doing.

    • Coach Laura

      What keeps me from taking mental health days is that it’s hard to be out of the office without pre-planning. Pre-WFH if I needed a mental health day for mental/physical exhaustion, I would call in sick and spend the day in bed/resting. But I have six weeks of built up sick pay so I obviously haven’t abused that option.

      Now with WFH, I will say that I’m sick and will monitor messages. I get and answer short emails and texts and rare emails. Most of the time I don’t return phone calls but will send texts instead, which is accepted in my industry.

      I normally would monitor emails in both of these scenarios because in my role, I don’t have someone who is intimately familiar with my deals and if something hits the fan, it’s better to put out the fire before it becomes an inferno. So a phone call or an email may stop the inferno before it takes off and that is a mental health benefit because I don’t have to clean up a mess the next day.

    • anon

      My employer (small law firm) is hostile to WFH. The culture here is that you work at the office, and you don’t work when you’re home, including sick time and vacation. I only get 6 sick days, with no rollover, so I tend to hoard the sick days in case I get the flu, Covid, a GI virus, migraine, or something later in the year. My husband is WFH and can handle most kid illness, but I’ve taken a sick day when my son needed surgery, and I’d take one if they were both sick. I might take a “mental health” day, but it would have to be for a similar level of acuity as the physical illnesses.

      When I’m sick, I text my assistant and boss and tell them to call me if anything comes up. If they call me, it’s to locate a file or something so they can cover for me, not to ask me to work. I try to check email twice a day, once before lunch and once toward the end of the day, but it’s triage–I’ll forward to the appropriate person to cover, ignore it until I return, or respond that I’m out of the office and will answer their question when I return.

  2. FormerlyPhilly

    Hosting my MIL and FIL for thanksgiving this year (spouse and I are childfree). MIL and FIL prefer a thanksgiving lunch, which sounds fine with me. My menu includes: spatchc*ck herb-y chicken, apple sausage stuffing, mashed potatoes, roasted squashes, and balsamic brussels spouts, along with pecan pie and ice cream.
    When they arrive around 11AM, should I put out some snacks? If so, what?
    Mealtime is 1PM-ish.

    • Anon

      That sounds so delicious! Assuming no dietary restrictions…cheese and crackers from Trader Joe’s. Honey goat cheese with the fig crackers (not the exact name but it’s in a purple box) is a crowd pleaser and no extra work for you.

    • Anon

      We typically do Thanksgiving dinner around 1 or 2. Hors d’oeuvres are out around 11. In our house it is just cheese + crackers, grapes, and maybe either veggies + dip or pretzels. Nothing too exciting or heavy.

      (And of course, this time of year always cues the light-hearted annual fight between my husband and I over what the word “dinner” means. I’m firmly in team dinner-is-the-largest-meal-of-the-day-regardless-of-timing camp. He is team dinner-is-the-evening-meal.)

      • AIMS

        My 3 year old insists that dinner is whenever everyone sits together at the table. If he has dinner by himself he complains about going to be “without having dinner!” and if we have people over for brunch he greets them by saying “thank you for coming to our dinner!”

    • Anon

      Lovely menu…are you serving wine or cocktail when they arrive? Yes, light nibbles would be nice: crudite with dip, cheese and crackers, olives or nuts….keep it light. …could skip crackers and serve sliced apples and some grapes with cheese.

    • Cat

      Yes! I would serve prosecco or Champagne and some light nibbles – you don’t want to get too full for the main event, but sitting around empty handed while those yummy flavors are swirling makes anyone hangry.

      My family does a fruit plate with a yogurt dip and some light cracker-y type stuff that varies by year (think TJ’s raisin rosemary crackers, cheese straw type breadsticks, etc)

    • cat socks

      These are a couple of my favorite appetizers:

      Sweet, Spicy, Salty Candied Pecans (Once Upon a Chef)
      Puff Pastry Baked Brie Bites (Mel’s Kitchen Cafe)

    • Anonymous

      I refuse to let people arrive to a meal I’ve spent hours making full, so I would offer mimosas and set out a crudités platter and a bowl of nuts.

      • Anonymous

        This. I don’t like to show up full to a meal, but I have little self-control in front of cheese platters. Wine or mimosas and some nuts and veggies sound perfect.

    • Anonymous

      I’d make a cheese board and call it good. To include: 3 cheeses, nice crackers, crusty bread/crostini (optional), fig jam and/or honey comb, mustard, olives, marcona almonds or candied pecans, green apple and/or pear slices, 2-3 cured meats (optional).

    • No Face

      Can I come? That sounds delicious.

      Cheese, nuts, and fruits are good. My in laws put out shrimp cocktail too.

    • Anonymous

      Our Thanksgiving appetizers are always things like pickles and olives with crudite. Having something crisp and zingy is a really nice counterbalance to all the delicious mushy Thanksgiving food.

  3. Anon

    I have a job interview coming up with a VP-level individual. I’ve already interviewed with the hiring manager and members of the team. Any advice on what to expect during the VP interview? I’m guessing the questions will be more about soft skills like ability to influence, work across departments, think strategically, etc. This is a for-profit company and I am coming from a non-profit background.

    Also, any suggestions for questions I should ask someone at this level?

    • Anonymous

      What’s your reporting line? If there is at least 1 level between you and the VP, then yes, I would expect more of a soft skills and “fit” interview. If you are reporting directly to the VP, I would still expect questions around whatever subject matter expertise you should be bringing to the table.

      The questions I would expect someone to ask me are more around company culture, “what does success look like in this role?” (and be ready to pivot to illustrative examples of why you’re prepared to succeed), opportunities for professional development and advancement, and frankly anything that’s important to you. Interviews are a mutual thing, and you want to know now if you have a disconnect with leadership.

    • Ellen

      Be very deferential as if he is in the finance industry, he is high up. Smile alot and look him in the eye, b/c otherwise he will start looking at your legs and that is NOT the way to get a job in law. You must be respected for your mind, not your body, and unless you are a real looker, which I am not, you will not get hired.

    • Anon

      These types of interviews vary quite a lot based on the VP. It likely means that you passed everything and the VP is just doing a quick double check. In addition to the questions you suggest, I would be prepared for some friendly chitchat. You can ask about the strategy for the department for 2022, how she would describe the dynamics of the department with their key stakeholders, and what are the keys to success not only in the role but in acclimating to the company culture. Be engaged as they talk a lot about their own story/success.

      • Curious

        +1 ask good questions that show you are interested in vision and strategy and not mired in tactics.

      • Anonymous

        +1 Also. A former colleague gave me what I thought was excellent advice: ask questions about department level strategy at all levels of the interviews. The people who are your peers or your direct manager should give you approximately the same answers as the VPs and above. If they don’t know, or if there’s a disconnect, that’s a red flag.

  4. Anon

    I’m visiting New York this week and I absolutely destroyed my feet the last couple of days walking around. My pinky toes have huge blisters and my heels do too to a lesser extent. I need to wear heels on Thursday. Are there any magical tips to make my feet feel better before then, in between kicking myself for not being smarter about my shoes?

    • anne-on

      Go get the band-aid brand blister band-aids (the hydro colloldial ones) for toes (they are fairly teeny) and heels. You need to put them on bone dry feet and stretch them a bit when putting them on but they will stay put for days (even through showers). They are magical and have saved me on many, many business trips.

      • Anonn

        Put them on now and wear until the heel time. They will provide some protection and stop it getting any worse

      • LK

        Can we just not do this? I know the trendy thing is to talk incessantly about how there’s no reason to dress up / wear heels / whatever for any reason, but recognize not everyone feels that way, and that’s ok.

    • No Problem

      Get yourself some moleskin! It won’t cure your blisters, but will protect them from getting worse and provide some cushioning in those spots. You can either tape it to your bare feet or to the inside of your shoes (the latter suggestion only works if you’re wearing them barefoot; I generally tape it directly to my skin unless it’s a pair of sandals that are bothering me). And of course don’t wear the shoes that caused the blisters again until the blisters are fully healed, and only wear those shoes with moleskin on in the future.

    • Anonymous

      What shoes are you wearing? If the answer isn’t sneakers with socks, go out this morning and first buy those! You have to stop making it worse

    • Anonymous

      The Compeed Blister Strips are the best. Thicker than the Band-Aid version.

    • anon

      Can you get away with tights? As a former dancer, my go to make a nice protective home for the blister with a bandaid then tape the whole thing down with coaches tape so the band-aid stays in place. It’s not pretty but it will get your through it – especially if you’ve ripped the skin open.

    • Anonymous

      I would just not wear heels. You surely have dressy flats. If not, I’d wear the largest pair of heels I own to accommodate hydrocolloid bandages.

    • Anonymous

      Compeed blister strips on your blisters.

      Very comfy sneakers until Thursday, would recommend the wool Allbirds for this, they are very forgiving for pinky toes – and there’s a shop in New York.

      Sleep with your feet slightly up, put a towel under the mattress topper or something.

      Wear tights in your heels, preferable not sheer, so that you can tape your feet if necessary. Sticky plaster tape is great to just secure the compeeds if they’re falling off, or to give yourself an extra layer of protection, especially at the heels.

    • Anon

      Personally I would pop the blisters with a sterile needle and apply the NuSkin spray. Then before sleeping I would apply a healing ointment like Weleda Skin food

  5. paging Diana Barry (dressing warm at home)

    I suggest wearing merino base layers and then putting on pants/top over those. You could then add a fleece jacket if you wished. It’s basically a pared down way of dressing for the ski slopes. But the merino wool will keep you toasty warm.

    • nuqotw

      Can you recommend some merino base layers? Even real silk long underwear isn’t cutting it in my office these days.

      • Anon

        Not the OP, but Ibex, Smartwool, Icebreaker, wooland.com pieces are all good.

      • Anon

        Ibex is my favorite, but Smartwool is a close second. Both come in multiple weights. The lightest weight, I wear on top all year round. The medium weight is great for winter when I’m being active.
        I stalk Poshmark for older Ibex items – I’m wearing one of their dresses today with tights in my arctic office.
        Snag also makes wool blend tights at a good price point. I haven’t tried them out yet, but want to.

    • Diana Barry

      Thank you! Unfortunately I have gotten sensitive to wool so I can’t stand it as a base layer (too itchy). Same thing with wool socks, I have to wear 2 layers now.

      • Anon

        Uniqlo fleece lined tracksuit pants and ‘extra-warm’ Heattech tops are my favourite winter basics, along with microwaveable wheat packs. Hope you keep cosy!

  6. Anonymous

    Has anyone done the Kentucky bourbon trail? Tips on where to stay, eat, and things to do? DH and I need a budget friendly but fun break after the holidays. The bourbon trail has been on both our lists for long time and we don’t mind the cold (esp with bourbon to warm you up!). I’m thinking of splitting our time between two locations, maybe Louisville and a cabin somewhere with a hot tub?

    • Anonymous

      Random non-helpful observation: I’ve been on a number of business trips in that area and what always amazes and disappoints me is that none of the restaurants serves, or apparently has even heard of, any bourbon c0cktails other than mint juleps.

          • Anon

            If you have a lot of money to spend, you can get some great dining and drinks experiences in Louisville. Anything less than $$$ is hit or miss; some is fine, a lot is mediocre. Almost everything in Lexington is at least good; if you’re downtown near Rupp, you have to try really hard to go wrong. I think the only Midway restaurant we don’t like is Brown Barrel. Serafini and Bourbon on Main in Frankfort will take care of all of your bourbon cocktail needs.

            But once you’re outside of those cities, it’s really a crapshoot. The place to eat in Bardstown is Chili’s, unless you get a seat at Bardstown Bourbon Company. “Literally along the bourbon trail” doesn’t mean that the restaurants are good; it means they are catering to tourists. Tourists want mint juleps.

            There’s a list of restaurants that I’ve given, which is hardly comprehensive. You can find their menus online and see that they either have creative bourbon cocktails or expect that their patrons are going to want bourbon on the rocks (as evidenced by serving Pappy and other single barrels).

    • Anon

      Kentuckian here. Bourbon:

      First thing to note is that it’s become substantially harder to get tickets for tours and tastings. Three or four years ago, we used to just walk into the distillery and buy tickets for a tour that day. Only one time did we ever have to wait, and that wait was about an hour. These days, tickets sell out well in advance.

      Buffalo Trace is sold out for the month of December. If you’re open to January, get on your computer around 8 am on the first Tuesday in December to book your tickets and cross your fingers. Note that they no longer have tasting tickets (15 minute experience) available on their website for booking; it may be something that they are no longer offering or it might be something you have to book in person. BT is a great experience and Frankfort is a cute city.

      Maker’s Mark sells out about three to four weeks in advance of a tour. Even if it’s sold out, you can go to the gift shop and dip a bottle of bourbon in red wax, and Star Hill Provisions is open for small plates and cocktails. (The website says they are closed. Ignore it.) The tour, however, is definitely worthwhile, so book early.

      Bulleit is not that far outside of Louisville; it’s an easy drive. Angel’s Envy does a good tour.

      If you’re looking at a second location, I recommend Lexington. Woodford is an easy drive (~20 minutes), Town Branch is underrated (they are the ones who do Kentucky Ale, and their Kentucky Sundown is not to be missed), and James E. Pepper is in the Distillery District, which is a lot of fun. IMHO, the food scene in Lexington is better than Louisville.

      Continued….

      • test run

        +1 (native Lexingtonian) – Woodford is the tour I always recommend to out of guests, and Castle and Key is a newly restored distillery that is beautiful to walk around (the drive is prettier in the fall/summer when it’s lush and green, but it will still be nice in the winter). . If you want you could spend a night in Louisville, drive to Woodford in the morning, then go on the Lexington (these cities are like an hour and a half a part – so we’re not talking long drives!). Plus if want to do a cabin with a hot tub, you’ll want to go to the Red River Gorge which is east of Lexington. Would recommend the 21c hotels in both cities.

      • Anonymous

        Woodford is pretty, too, and fun to tour (I don’t like bourbon, so I was the DD for our trip and can’t comment on the actual tastings. We went for a bachelorette party, and it was a great time. Had some good dinners in Lexington, but unfortunately I can’t remember the names of any restaurants).

    • Anon

      Kentuckian recommendations, food and places to stay:

      Everyone likes the Galt House in Louisville. It’s also right downtown and within stumbling distance of the various distilleries.

      Louisville Slugger Museum, Churchill Downs. The Louisville Zoo is fine; Cincinnati is better. There’s a lot of history – battlefields, old estates, etc. If you’re into golfing, there’s good golf.

      Louisville restaurants: this is a good list: https://www.southernliving.com/travel/south-central/best-lousiville-kentucky-restaurants
      Frankfort: Serafini restaurant.
      Midway, which is midway between Lexington and Frankfort and is a really adorable small town: Goose and Gander (Serafini’s sister restaurant), Don Jockey’s (Mexican), Mezzo, Ouita Michel’s bakery. Any of Ouita Michel’s restaurants are going to be great (Wallace Station, Honeywood, Holly Hill, etc.), albeit expensive.
      Lexington: Carson’s, Corto Lima, Bella Notte, Dudley’s on Short, Crank & Boom for dessert. If you’re feeling very splurgy, Jeff Ruby’s. If you’re feeling not-splurgy, Smashing Tomatoes.

      • pugsnbourbon

        Not OP, but have been eyeing KY for a weekend visit and these are great recs! Thank you!

      • Anonymous

        Oh my goodness, no! What person has every liked the Galt House?!?! Do NOT stay there. Gross. The Seelbach is much nicer if you want a historic place. Or 21C. Or one of the newer chain hotels.

        • Anon

          Several of my friends have stayed there and liked it well enough. It is the official hotel for the Derby, Churchill Downs, and the Derby Festival Marathon. It’s obviously not your cup of tea but plenty of people find it to be acceptable.

        • Anon

          This is harsh but true, unless it has been renovated in the last few years. Galt House is really dated. The Brown and the Seelbach are both lovely.

    • OP

      These are great recommendations, thank you so much! Which city would be more fun for NYE: Louisville or Lexington?

    • Anon

      Caveat that I don’t drink bourbon but I found Louisville disappointing. The food was overhyped (most of our meals were pretty mediocre) and there was nothing much to do that interested us. We ended up going to the science/childrens’ museum three days in a row, which thrilled our toddler, but was underwhelming for the adults. I like Lexington and Kentucky horse country a lot more. The bourbon trail goes between Louisville and Lexington, so I would base yourselves in Lexington and just do a day trip to Louisville for bourbon and Biscuit Belly (the only restaurant meal we had in Louisville that wasn’t underwhelming).

  7. H13

    Winter coat help, please! I have been wearing a Lands End long down coat for 10+ years. It is like wearing a sleeping bag which I like (I am always cold and I live in a very cold and snowy place). I would like a new coat that has a little more shape, however.

    Must haves:
    Petite sizing
    Hits below the knees
    Temp rating for below zero
    Hood
    Under $200 but negotiable since I keep things forever

    • PolyD

      I got a long down coat from Eddie Bauer a couple of years ago that has nice shaping to it, so it doesn’t look like wearing a sleeping bag. Not sure if they carry petites, though. They usually go for 50% off around Thanksgiving, although all bets are off this year.

      • Curious

        +1 my visiting-my-parents-in-Chicago-winter coat is Eddie Bauer and cute. And very very warm.

    • Shelle

      My mom has the LL Bean ultralight down coat. Fits all your criteria (she is petite) except possibly the price. She bought it with a coupon but even then it was pricey although she thinks it’s worth it. It is tapered at the waist so it might have the shape you want?

    • Anonymous

      I got one from Athleta years ago that I absolutely love. Kept me warm in the snow in Chicago.

    • A

      If you have a Patagonia outlet near you, I highly recommend going there and talking to a salesperson. Patagonia is incredibly well-made and the outlet prices are amazing.

    • Anon in Minneapolis

      I have the North Face Arctic Parka. It’s very warm and not too puffy. I combined a sale (at backcountry dot com, I think?) plus Rakuten to get it well under the listed $300 price.

      • Anon

        I used the North Face arctic for a trip to Russia (I got a NWT on eBay ) and it kept me toasty warm the whole time. But for reference I am 5’4 and it barely hit my knees.

    • AZCPA

      So…I think the answer is a new Land’s End. I have both the Squall and Expedition styles (for cold and COLD) and they aren’t overly puffy, and mine (there are some style that don’t have this) have a bungee to provide shape at the waist. I have a petite in both coats and they look great. The Expedition I have is below and I think best based on your criteria, but there is also a longer version that rated for even colder temps.

      https://www.landsend.com/products/womens-expedition-waterproof-down-winter-parka-with-faux-fur-hood/id_353257?attributes=32671,43326,43398,44256,44967

  8. design

    I am starting a Pinterest board with an eye towards decorating my house. The look I am going for is serene and airy but not too sterile, mostly light neutral colors with some accents of black and dark wood, lots of natural materials and clean lines. Something like Scandi but with the furniture leaning more Shaker than MCM. (I have a couple of Gat Creek pieces that I adore and am pining for a Thomas Moser dining table.) Looking to elevate a cookie-cutter “transitional”-style home. Can anyone recommend Instragram accounts, blogs, magazines, designers, etc. to follow for ideas?

      • Anonymous

        Agreed! My in laws have some gorgeous pieces, a few of which they inherited from their parents.

    • Anonymous

      I like studio McGee (though I don’t really care for the show or the mormon have 10 kids vibe but her designs are so good), Ann sacks catalogs and rejuvenation catalogs

    • Anonymous

      Airy Shaker aka Thomas Moser is my aesthetic too! Definitely covet the pieces my in-laws have from TM.

      Check out Chilton’s of Maine. All made by local woodworkers. We recently splurged on a bed and nightstands. Be warned: said Maine woodworkers can be slow…took 7 months to make (and the sales guy had steered us toward pieces made by their “speedier” artisans). And minimal discounts.

      I also have Vermont Wood Studios bookmarked

    • Anonymous

      Lauren Liess on the insta
      Absolutely gorgeous design, very natural (although not dark wood)

  9. Anon

    WWYD. My MIL who lives in NJ accidentally ordered some shoes from Nordstrom for herself and accidentally shipped them to our home in another state. She realized the mistake shortly after placing it and called Nordstrom right away to cancel the order so it wouldn’t ship and they credited her credit card and in her Nordstrom account online it shows the order as ‘canceled.’ However, Nordstrom sent the shoes to my home anyway. I tried to go online to print a label to mail them back, but I can’t because the order is canceled and already refunded. What do I do with them? I don’t really have time right now to schlep to Nordstrom in-person (moving next week), but it also feels wrong to keep them? Or am I overthinking this and retailers account for stuff like that?

    • Anon

      You’re overthinking this. Enjoy your free shoes or give them away if you don’t need them.

    • Anonymous

      Have MIL chat on line or call Nordstrom customer service and e-mail a shipping label.

      • Anonymous

        Nordstrom definitely resells a lot of returned items. I have gotten some of them.

        It’s wrong to keep something you didn’t pay for unless the retailer tells you to keep it or wants you to pay to ship it back.

          • Anonymous

            Honesty and integrity is important in all things, large and small. Just keeping the shoes because “big retail” tells you something about a person’s morals and values.

          • Anon

            Eyeroll. Let me guess, you thought you were totally fighting the man by shoplifting CDs when you were 15, didn’t you?

          • Anon

            What a weird and inappropriately hostile comment. I have to ask, what was your mental goal in posting this?

          • Anonymous

            It’s not about benefiting the retailer. It’s about giving myself a clean conscience.

    • Anon

      Call your local Nordstrom. There’s a possibility that they might ask you to bring the shoes in after your move; they might tell you to keep them.

    • No Face

      Overthinking. Nordstrom has already moved on from these shoes. Wear them if they fit, donate them if they don’t.

    • Cat

      I would live-chat Nordstrom and explain. 95% odds they’ll tell you to just keep the shoes and enjoy the bank error in your favor. (This happened to me with a NAS order that said shipped for 3 weeks before it actually showed up.)

      • IrishMidori

        Agree. Nordstrom accidentally stuck an item I didn’t order in my box once, and when I contacted them, they were like, keep it, our bad.

    • Ellen

      No don’t do that. They will eventually track you down. Just call customer service and tell them what you said here and they will send you a free mailer. That is what I did and now I have a personal shopper there who saves stuff for me.

    • anon

      Will you see MIL over the holidays? I’d just hang onto them and give to her if you see her, or otherwise keep/donate.

  10. Ginger

    Overseas Christmas Gift Ideas Needed! I send gifts to three sets of relatives in Germany. In the past I’ve sent flowers, uniquely American food (which cost a small fortune to ship) and last year I sent puzzles from Amazon. I’m looking for some new ideas. Amazon was kind of impersonal but at least the shipping cost was reasonable. Any other ideas out there? Thanks!

    • Anonymous

      Mini potted Christmas tree? A lot of U.K. places do these so I’d guess Germany might too. A fancy wreath for the door?

    • kag

      If you’re ordering puzzles from Amazon, can you order them via Amazon.de? Shipping will be free (or very low fee).

    • Anon.

      If they are living in a bigger city, can you find out whether there are restaurants offering nice brunch packages for delivery, or any local shops putting together product sample kits or experiences like beer tasting? These have been a huge hit with my family – but may be harder to find out if you don’t speak German.
      Flower subscriptions for a monthly bouquet?
      If that’s in their wheelhouse, can you get them cool coffee table books about the US, like architecture, national parks, vintage cars, or trips like Route 66 (it’s such a cliche, but I know many Germans who are very into the American road trip experience)?

    • anon

      American living in Austria, so might have similar needs/ideas. First – are you able to order with Amazon.de or another German company? (My parents can’t figure out how to send using amazon.de, but I’m pretty sure that’s got to be possible!) I’ve been getting hit with very expensive customs duties for packages sent from the US – it would be wise to check with them about things if you don’t want to surprise them by having to pay $40 for the etsy package of $20 baby onsies, for example. If you do have a way to get American food to them, I would kiss someone who gave me some salsa (what they sell here is weirdly sweet) and trader joes pumpkin pie spice (the lebkuchen spice mixture here is slightly different, and I really miss my pumpkin muffins, pumpkin pie, pumpkin everything). To Austria you can send beauty products from the british site Cult Beauty pretty easily (they take care of custom’s issues) – I gave myself the present of some Drunk Elephant this year, which I can’t get otherwise. If they have a Kindle, you can send them books easily. (I try to avoid Amazon in general, but, I’ve given them a small fortune ordering Kindle books since I moved here….) Good luck!

      • Anonymous

        It’s absolutely possible for non-Germans to use Amazon.de. I’ve had great luck finding stuff on Amazon.de that I can’t get anywhere else, and high quality. You don’t need to read German. Just log in with you normal username and password on the Amazon.de site, and then change language – a little flag symbol by the search bar.

        • Anon

          Thanks for the confirmation. I’ll try to video chat with them and see if I can help them figure out out.

    • Ginger

      Thanks for all the ideas. I’ve ordered from Amazon.de in the past. I haven’t tried Dallmayr, so that’s an option. I sure hope that that my previous packages haven’t resulted in the recipient having to pay a customs duties. I may just go with flowers this year. Who doesn’t love a beautiful arrangement?

  11. Anonymous

    I’ve fallen into a habit of consuming negative media and I’d like to shift to something more positive. Think, reading AITA and AAM, the news, trashy reality shows about people being awful. No one thing is harmful but I feel it’s not that healthy to choose to focus on so much complaining. I’m already a complain-y person, I don’t need to surround myself with complaints. Does anyone else have this issue? What is equally engaging that I could read or look at instead?

    • No Face

      I am focusing on fun books and video games. I’m currently reading Beach Read, the latest Jasmine Guillory book is on deck, and I’m improving my Mario Kart game.

    • Anonymous

      I feel better when I don’t read the news. I still have my subscriptions to real news to support journalism, but I mostly skim headlines and don’t actually click through to the articles.

      I escape to Zelda Breath of the Wild when the real world is no fun. I just finished To Say Nothing of the Dog, which was fun, and now reading Evvie Drake Starts Over which has a slightly heavy premise but quickly turns feel-good. Podcasts: Make Me Smart and Her Money. TV: Dancing with the Stars (but fast forward through Tyra, she drives me crazy) and House Hunters International for the vicarious travel.

      And Peloton trainers’ inspo phrases. On their own, I would roll my eyes, but combined with sweat they’re not bad. This morning one told me “complaining is not conversation!” which I kind of love.

      • Senior Attorney

        My husband and I are diehard House Hunters International fans. We even have our favorite realtors (Adrian in Paris for the win!!).

    • Anonymous

      I made efforts toward this goal a few years ago and it was wonderful for my mental health. I generally don’t watch TV (never have) but when I do, it’s happy shows like Parks and Rec, the Good Place, Crazy Ex GF. Sharon Says So on Instagram is wonderful if you want to keep up the news but in a nonpartisan, not-angry way, while I unfollowed a lot of fashion bloggers and influencers because I didn’t want to be tempted to spend more money (not exactly the same as your question but it helped me!). I read A LOT of books.

      • Anon

        +1 to watching shows like these. I also really liked Jane the Virgin, the Babysitters Club, and the Great British Bake-off. I read a lot as well.

        • Anonymous

          The new season of Babysitters Club is out! Thanks for the reminder, this was a great nostalgia watch for me.

      • Anon

        I would also like to add the Nate and Jeremiah fix up your house shows, and the British version of Location, Location, Location

    • Annie

      My solution for this is to read books. They’re interesting, engaging, and I feel like they actually broaden your horizons. I only read fiction, mainly crime and historical fiction, but at least it gets me thinking about how other people live.

    • Anonymous

      Books are the way to go. I love childhood favorites for tough days – things like Anne of Green Gables, James Herriot, Harry Potter.

    • anonymous

      I have this issue. I’m trying to replace it with stuff that’s light hearted and highly specific (read: difficult to lead me elsewhere) when I’m just looking for some place to rest my eyes. For me, focusing on highly visual stuff works– facebook groups about dogs and instagrams about nature photography are engaging and leave me thinking about happy stuff. I add in NPR and thoughtful articles about issues I’m interested in by people who are actually knowledgeable – i.e., not randos complaining with comment sections full of randos complaining and snipping at each other. I also tell myself that I only have to go one day/one week without reading forbidden negative media. By the time that period is up, I usually don’t want to revisit it. I also try to notice how much better I feel without it so I am focused on what I’m gaining rather than what I’m “losing,” and so I can really appreciate what it’s doing to my mood.

    • Senior Attorney

      Online, there is nothing more positive than Humans of New York on Instagram and Twitter.

  12. nuqotw

    Folks – I finally persuaded my spouse to spend money on getting the house cleaned. It was a Rubicon for both of us to cross because we didn’t have much income when we got married. Even after we had the income we just couldn’t imagine spending it on things we could do ourselves because we hadn’t had income for so long.

    The cleaners came yesterday for the first time and it was AMAZING! Even more amazing than I could have imagined. For the first time in years (YEARS!) I came home and didn’t feel immediately overwhelmed by a never-ending mess. Furthermore, we are now in agreement on spending money to get done all sorts of other things we nominally could do ourselves but haven’t gotten around to. I see a new shower stall in my future!

    Moral of the story: it’s okay to spend the money.

    • No Face

      My advice to couples getting married is to hire someone to clean your house as soon as it makes financial sense, even if you can only afford it for once a month or once a quarter. Reduces the stress and marital conflict dramatically!

      • test run

        Yes! I’ve been to several pre-wedding events where they ask you to write down advice for the couple on a little card and I always say something to this effect. I was also someone who had a hard time stomaching this expense, but buying our way out of ever having to talk about cleaning the bathroom has been really good for my marriage.

    • Anon

      Yay, what a load off your mind!

      I want to hire cleaning help, but I am absolutely petrified of our cats getting loose. One is a little Houdini and we live semi-rural, so hawks are prevalant.

      • No Face

        If there is a room you don’t need cleaned (like a utility room or walk in closet), the cats can stay in there during the cleaning. Or you can put them in a carrier.

        • nuqotw

          I feel like that’s quite cat-dependent. I cat sat as a teenager and need to sequester three cats to feed a fourth cat wet food laced with medicine. Two of the sequestered cats took it in stride. The third was traumatized by 10 minutes in the basement.

        • Anon

          I’m not locking them up for 10-12 hours, and I don’t have the luxury of coming home in the middle of a work day.

          • No Face

            House cleaners can work on weekends too, but if you don’t want to hire a cleaner you certainly don’t have to!

          • Anon

            @ 11:25, WHY did it not occur to me that they could come on weekends?!?!? You are brilliant, thank you!

    • Anan

      I feel like hiring a regular cleaner and discovering mobile check deposit (the in days when I was a freelancer and always forgetting to deposit my fees) are two things that probably saved my marriage. Or at least greatly improved.

    • Anonymous

      Yay! Yes, if we fall on financial hard times, cleaners are only one step above internet service on the list of things we’ll consider cutting. I come from a very Midwestern self-sufficient family, but I’ve come to realize that I have more money than time at this point and life is too short to take a long time doing an OK job on something that someone who’s being paid to do it could do much faster and better.

    • Cb

      Someone told me that a dirty house was the only problem in life that could be solved by throwing money at it. We have a cleaner come for an hour 1x a week and it is lifechanging – we have to do daily clean up, kitchen messes, tidy, but no one is scrubbing toilets or grumbling about toilets not being scrubbed. I know people have ethical concerns, but we pay over asking, and are super happy to accommodate kid schedules/if you need to bring your kid with you, and pay for weeks where the cleaner/kids are ill or are self-isolating.

      • Anon

        Is bringing kids along a common thing for house cleaning? Because that would definitely not work for me. We are CFBC and have fragile stuff all over the house (husband is a pro musician, I keep bonsai and throw pottery). Just trying to get a sense of what’s reasonable. (Of course last-minute cancelling would be no big deal, I get that people have lives.)

        • anon

          Part of having other people regularly in your house for cleaning and – not relevant here – childcare is that things will get broken, misplaced, and even occasionally stolen. If the thought of that really bothers you (as it does me), then a getting a cleaner isn’t necessarily an improvement.

          • Anon

            This is good feedback, thank you. I don’t think a house cleaner is right for us, based on this.

        • AIMS

          I don’t think it’s common but anyone bringing a kid to clean your house is probably more concerned about their kid breaking something than you are so I wouldn’t worry about it.

          • Cb

            I don’t think so at all, but we had a cleaner with quite complicated family situation and I think she’d bring her kids along occasionally (after asking). We have a child and nothing was fragile in the house, pretty sure kiddo watched TV or read a book. She was with an agency so if she didn’t work, she didn’t get paid. I don’t love agencies though, our second cleaner told us about being sent to really unsafe situations.

        • Anonymous

          My wonderful cleaning person has brought 1 or 2 of her kids on occasion, depending on school schedules and whether her babysitter was available. With the baby, he was always in a carrier. The older daughter was school aged and self-sufficiently entertained herself. No issues of kids running wild in our house. Obviously, YMMV.

        • Anonymous

          Also, our cleaning person always asked ahead of time if it was okay to bring the kids, and offered to cancel or reschedule if that didn’t work for us.

    • Anon

      I would be divorced right now if we hadn’t gotten a housecleaner 15+ years ago. Not exaggerating even a little. My husband and I are very aligned on most things, but could not come to any sort of middle ground on when the house is “clean enough.” His idea of clean and my idea of clean are very different, and we could not reach a sustainable compromise position after a truly herculean amount of effort. We had the housekeepers come and now the house is clean enough after the housekeepers clean it, and we do appropriate (but not burdensome) cleaning ourselves between housekeeper visits. I would give up a lot of other things I pay for before I gave up paying our housecleaners.

  13. Thistle

    Do SAD lamps really work?
    I live up North and as I’m WFH I often don’t see daylight Monday to Friday. It’s busy season so I struggle to get outside at lunch (often I don’t get our at all during the week). I was about to order SAD light box when I saw all sorts of warnings about these being medical devices and that rather should only be used with the guidance of a doctor. I’m in the UK so perhaps the websites are just trying to cover their backsides as I’d never be able to get a docs appointment to discuss something like this.

    Any advice?

    • nuqotw

      We have one and I love it. 15 minutes of light in the dark morning is great! I’ve never consulted a doctor about it.

    • Anonymous

      Ok so two things- one, leave your house every day don’t be ridiculous. If you can’t leave at lunch leave for a walk in the dark pre or post work. It is not healthy to never leave. Two- yes they work get one.

      • Anonymous

        +1. You need to walk, even if it’s in the dark. It’s not healthy to not take even a 10-minute outside break. There isn’t a lifehack to get out of that.

      • Anon

        I have to say I was confused by the “I WFH and don’t see sunlight.” I also WFH and am able to get outside way more than when I worked in a giant office building in a windowless office. Back then, I was in a situation where I wouldn’t see daylight between the beginning and end of work. Now I get outside several times a day, at least to let the dogs out. OP, block time on your calendar daily to go for a 15-minute walk around your block or just sit in a chair in the sunshine. It’s likely more doable than you think it is. No one will ever care about your wellbeing more than you do; you have to set the boundary and hold it. If getting outside and being in the sun makes you feel better, you have to make it a priority.

    • trixie

      I have a light, and I love it, it does make a difference. Here in the USA I don’t think there are warnings about “guidance of a doctor” but if your SAD is serious, thoughts of suicide, etc., I would consult a doctor. I bought mine on Am@2on, after doing some research on line. The Wirecutter, part of the NYT, has reviews of things like this. I use mine in the mornings while drinking coffee for about 1/2 hour. Good luck! And go for it, there is no downside.

    • No Face

      Piggbacking to ask for specific brand recommendations?

      I often don’t see daylight because I am back in the office most days. I found it easier and more pleasant to get outside in the middle of the day when WFH.

      • Kelsey

        My lamp is called “Day Light” and I got it from am-zon and it looks like a regular desk lamp, but the top part can be positioned to face me directly.

    • Anon

      I use a sunrise alarm clock from Amazon and it’s made a huge difference to how easy it is for me to wake up in the dark mornings.

      I’m not a doctor, but I assume those warnings are for people who would camp out in front of it for 8 hours a day.

      Also – yes get out at some point each day. Even in busy season. I usually work through my lunch, but I try to take 15 minutes each morning and afternoon to walk my dog and breathe fresh air. I actually block the time on my calendar to make sure I get that break.

    • anne-on

      I think they make a huge difference, but according to the research they are best used first thing in the morning after you wake up (like 6:30/7am). I’ve still seen benefits from using them at lunch/at 3-4pm for 15-20 minutes. But I think even just eating breakfast while sitting in from of them can help!

      • Cb

        My alarm goes off, I switch on my SAD lamp, and read for 20 minutes before getting out of bed and it makes a significant different in my alertness first thing.
        But get outside everyday, if you are so busy that you can’t spare 10 minutes, there’s a broader life issue. The other day, the sun peaked out after days of rain, I was slammed with work, but I went and sat on a bench for 30 minutes and did email on my phone.

      • Thistle

        I’ve been taking D3 for years. With less daylight hours and even less (if any) sunlight in winter, its a necessity.

    • Coach Laura

      I have a SAD light and did a lot of research (reading clinical trials and articles) because there is some evidence that SAD lights are bad for people with certain eye conditions. I have cataracts, a genetic cornea disease (causes cornea to ulcer and cause blindness) and I have macular degeneration, also genetic, that is in early stages. So the SAD warning probably means to check with an eye doctor before using and to never ever look directly at the light. The instructions say that, but I’m sure some people sit and look directly at the light. For me, I didn’t buy a light that you sit in front of but instead I use a daylight alarm clock that lights up the room for 30-60 minutes and I turn my face to the light but keep my eye lids closed and don’t look at the light. This was shown to be helpful for SAD and safe for my eye conditions.

    • Anonymous

      One of the medical things is how to use them. Things like, f you want to be more awake in the morning and get to sleep earlier, you use them in the morning, for a set amount of time (and don’t stare right into them!).
      If you want to be more awake at night, and sleep for longer in the morning, you use them in the evening.
      If you don’t need to regulate sleep, and just need the light boost, maybe lunch time would be ideal.

    • Ellen

      I have a pair of leather chaps that I wear around LI when I visit mom and dad, and people think I am an equestrian! I am not, but it is tight and highlights my tuchus, which is why I wear them when I walk around Manhasset, and women are very jealous of me.

    • Anonymous

      Probably. I think you can safely get the rest of this winter out of them without looking too passe, but next year is probably the end. Moto are already done.

  15. dark

    My house has open-concept living/dining/kitchen that all new construction is cursed with. At the time I was dissuaded from putting any ceiling light in the living room to not ruin “sight-lines.” But floor/table lamps just aren’t cutting it. Suggestions for a shallow ceiling light that isn’t distracting? Or is this what ceiling fans are for?

    • Anon

      I know they’re considered tacky or undecorative or whatever, but we have in-ceiling can lights and I adore them. They’re unobtrusive, slim and sleek, and get the job done. I hate taking up floor space with lamps–one more thing to dust and to trip over.

      • Anonymous

        + 1 – I can’t imagine not having lights to avoid messing up sight lines though – what a weird idea! Light fixtures can be like jewelry for the home. We have a mix of recessed lights and a close to the ceiling chandelier because our ceilings are fairly low (60s era apartment building). You could also look at flush mounted lights, but get one with multiple bulbs so you have enough light. Don’t put in a fan unless you want a fan. Put in light fixtures.

      • dark

        I’ve got them in the hallways and kitchen, I don’t know why I didn’t even think of that. Thanks!

    • No Face

      We put in canned recessed lights on a dimmer after having this problem. I like the dimmer because sometimes I only need a little extra during the day.

    • Anon

      You can probably search for any “flush mount” light and find a lot of options with a low profile.

    • Anonymous

      Check the blog Laurel Bern Interiors. She has several great posts about avoiding common mistakes in overhead lighting.

  16. Vicky Austin

    In an effort to not waste them, I put a bunch of chives in some butter, and now I am at a loss as to what to do with this very chivey butter. What would you put it on/layer on top of it?

    • nuqotw

      I would put it all over some potatoes. Baked, roasted, mashed… all of the options are good!

    • London (formerly NY) CPA

      I love chivey butter on top of grilled pork chops. Also on top of mashed vegetables–either potatoes or a mixture of carrots and parsnips. Yum!

    • Anonymous

      If you can’t use it all up right away, you can freeze it in smaller portions.

    • Elegant Giraffe

      baked potato/other potato item. maybe a cheesy sourdough or asiago bagel?

    • Anon

      You can freeze this and bring it out when you’re ready for more. Just scrunch it up in a log.

    • Vicky Austin

      These are all brilliant ideas!! Thank you all. For some reason I was thinking “bread?…” and then stalling out.

    • pugsnbourbon

      Popcorn along with salt and garlic and onion powder. Or use it to make snack mix.

    • KS IT Chick

      On steak, or on pot roast. In mashed potatoes. Over steamed vegetables. Under the skin of chicken before you roast it. Melted and dipping for steamed shrimp.

    • Anon

      Make scrambled eggs with the butter. It’s how I make all my scrambled eggs except I cut the chives intro the butter as it melts in the skillet.

  17. ifiknew

    Gift ideas for a girlfriends bday? I know this is the most generic question ever but she doesn’t have any interests that are out of the ordinary. She’s got two young kids. I’d love to hear any items you’ve recently gotten that you love or are on your holidaylist. Price Under $100.

    • Anonymous

      Someone suggested ice cream delivery yesterday either here or on the moms board. I think that’s a great idea.

      • Cb

        Ooh, I’m dairy free and someone sent me the most amazing brownies. I’d also like a really artsy flower arrangement or a wreath.

    • Anonymous

      In my opinion, every house with young kids can always use more Echos. I’m slowly moving toward one in every room so my kids can play music and ask the weather without carrying ours around the house from room to room.

        • Anon

          +1 My BFF gave me a Google Home and was pretty insulted when we gave it away. I’m sorry it hurt her feelings, but I refuse to have a device listening to my conversations in the privacy of my own home. I’d say at least half the people I know feel the same way, but I work in IT so I know a lot of people worried about privacy and cybersecurity.

    • Curious

      Face masks? That’s body care I can wear while tending a baby. Grub Hub or similar gift card.

      • NYCer

        +1 to face masks. Otherwise, if you know she likes massages or pedicures, a gift certificate to either of those would be nice. (Even better if you can join her.)

        Personally, I would not love to receive ice cream, but I am probably an outlier on that one!

    • Sarah

      I just bought myself those “Wicked Good” sheepskin slippers from LL Bean, and they are making me super happy as the temperatures drop around here. They’re under $90 with tax.

    • AIMS

      You could order her a special meal on Goldbelly, which comes frozen and can be made when she’s just too tired to cook.
      I also like to send the birthday truffle cake from Milk Bar. It’s always a hit.
      Someone gave me a fancy hair mask recently and i love it.

  18. Shoes w/Fit Similar to Clarks?

    Hi all. I have found that Clarks pumps/high heels work really well for me in size and comfort. The 3 inch heels give some height but are still comfortable for me, and I like that the shoes feel sturdy. Are there any other brands with similar fit that I could check out? Thanks!

    • Anonymous

      I really like Naturalizer for a sturdy and comfortable heel. I have two pairs and can where them for events where I am running around.

    • H13

      Try Naturalizer. I have two pairs of heels that I can where all day and run around in for work events.

    • Anon 2.0

      I think Rockport are somewhat similar to Clarks. Some are rather dowdy and needed weeded out but there are a few practical gems hiding in their offerings.

  19. Sarah

    Does anyone have a favorite source of round neck long sleeve t-shirts to wear under v-neck sweaters? Somehow all the long sleeve t-shirts I’m finding from my usual sources are high crew necks, that look strange under a v-neck.

  20. Cb

    Can I share a Tuesday win? I started a new job in week 3 of the academic term (TT academic, first lectureship) and have struggled to find my teaching groove. Like it’s going fine, but it isn’t the experience I’m used to as someone who really thrives in the classroom. And I got the most absurd and entitled complaint from a student, which knocked my confidence a bit. I had a group of MA students today and it was so, so good, I felt super confident with the material, they had lots to say, they were more informal with me than they had been, and it was just a good classroom energy?

    • Curious

      I’m so glad you got a good moment :). I think it takes 6 weeks to settle into anything, and entitled students stink. Rooting for you.

      • Cb

        It was fairly shocking, a “We are paying to see you…” in response to my encouragement of students to ask questions / do a lightening round of responses.

        • anon

          A friend of mine works in higher ed with grad students and some of the entitlement is horrifying.

        • Anon

          I’m glad you had a great win today!

          In regard to that entitled complaint: I was in an executive education class with a numbskull like that one time (“the company is paying these people to educate us, I don’t know why they’re making us do all these exercises instead of just telling us what to do,” etc. – that kind of BS). He finally made a comment similar to the one you heard to one of our instructors about “I think YOU’RE being paid to tell US how to handle that kind of issue” and she replied, “Oh, really? Is your company going to pay me to follow you around for the rest of your career and make all of your decisions for you? If they’re interested in that I’d love to submit a proposal.” I loved that answer and it certainly shut down Mr. Entitled. We were absolutely there so we could learn how to analyze and solve problems ourselves, not to have someone give us all the answers for everything, and the instructor did a great job of making that point.

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