This is a cute necklace, as pictured — but when you realize how the various pieces disassemble so you can create several different necklaces (or bracelets) out of the pieces, it’s really cool. I think it would be great for travel — many looks, one necklace. (I’m counting 8 different necklace looks!)
Here’s Cuyana’s description:
A modern interpretation of the classic gold chain, our Double Chain Necklace is handcrafted in New York from recycled brass and plated with 14-karat gold. While the thinner chain can be shortened to wear as a choker, bracelet, or anklet, the thicker one features 3 links—perfect for adjusting to your preferred length or to be decorated with our embellishments.
Cool. They offer pendants you can purchase to embellish different iterations of the necklace, but you could probably just add your own as well.
The necklace is $228 at Cuyana.
Looking for something similar? I can’t find anything as ingenious as the Cuyana necklace, but if you’re looking for something more delicate, this $550 necklace is lovely. (This $1500 necklace looks very similar, but, you know, $1500.) On the more affordable side, Jordan Road Jewelry at Intermix has a lot of layered look necklaces, and this $60 layered necklace is getting rave reviews but has very different details.
This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!
Workwear sales of note for 5.26.23:
- Nordstrom – The Half-Yearly Sale just started! See our thoughts here.
- Amazon – Memorial Day Sales! Lots of discounts on Amazon Essentials and more.
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off lots of sale styles (prices as marked).
- Anthropologie – Extra 40% off sale.
- Banana Republic Factory – 50%-70% off everything + extra 25% off purchase (ends 5/31).
- Boden – Sale, up to 50% off.
- Brooks Brothers – Extra 25% off sale; already up to 70% off (ends 5/31) – also mix & match sale with men’s shirts, 4 for $249.
- Cole Haan – Up to 50% off sale styles (ends 5/31).
- Eloquii – 400+ styles starting at $19; up to 50% off everything.
- Express – Summer kickoff sale, 30-50% off everything (plus $35+ steals) (ends 6/1).
- H&M – Up to 60% off online and in-store.
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off “dressed up” styles (lots of cute dresses!).
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off everything, no exclusions.
- J.McLaughlin – The Sale Event, extra 30% off.
- Loft – 40% off full-price styles
- M.M.LaFleur – Short but sweet sale (ends 6/1).
- Madewell – Get 30% off your purchase.
- Ministry of Supply – 25% off sitewide (ends 6/1).
- Sephora – Up to 50% off select beauty.
- Shopbop – Up to 50% off designer sale!
- Sue Sartor – Lots of cute dresses on sale!
- Talbots – Extra 40% off all markdowns (ends 6/1)!
- Theory – Up to 60% off + an extra 20% off.
- Universal Standard – 25% off sitewide (ends 6/1).
Other noteworthy sales:
- CB2.com – Up to 50% off everything!
- Joss & Main – Up to 60% off, plus an extra 20% off with code.
- Tuft & Needle – Save up to $775 on mattresses. (Reader favorite bed brand; Kat really likes hers!)
- West Elm – Memorialy Day Sale, up to 60% off.
WWYD? I am so so exhausted and burnt out and completely stagnant at work while working a lawyer job that requires me to literally work a few hours a week. Meaning I am paid full time but have probably like 20 hours of real work per week. Most would say – great, time to party or have hobbies. IDK I feel so exhausted and hating all work and the concept of work. Back story is I came from a toxic biglaw firm where I worked all the time for people who weren’t nice to a government job where the people are nice, the money is over 200k, but the work is mind numbing. For a variety of reasons I didn’t have a choice when I took this job, so I took it. Didn’t like it at all at first because the work was such a step down. Then had a period of liking it for a few years for the ability to have a life. Then pandemic happened to life shut down for me for several years due to being high risk, and while I didn’t like the job I very much appreciated the amazing amount of flexibility we have regarding work from home.
But I’m over 40 now and feel like this can’t go on forever. Like if I was 55, I’d say so what just finish out your career. But 20 more years of this makes me want to run away. I have an industry that I have some experience in, where there are some opportunities right now, so logic tells me – start talking to people to see if a move is possible. I’m too senior and too entrenched in my current role to just be able to apply to these other jobs cold or use a recruiter – I feel like the only foot in the door would be networking.
Problem is I’m so not WANTING to work or exhausted by the idea of work that I feel like, what if I were to get someplace new and crash and burn? I mean I’d hope that work I actually wanted would make me be who I used to be – the type A person who resides on this board. But IDK I’m so uncertain now. FWIW there’s no physical reason for the exhaustion or feeling daunted. WWYD? I don’t even know what I need to kick start myself here.
I really really hate diagnosing people over the internet (or at all)… but something about this says you would be well served to use your free time to talk to a therapist. If you haven’t done so, get blood work done too, including hormone levels.
FYI, you can absolutely apply for jobs blindly.
+1 to applying for jobs blindly.
You are the only one stopping you from applying. Go find a job posting that looks even slightly appealing and apply to it today. Also, last week someone posted about taking a long hard look at your values and let that help guide you in your next career step.
Yup – you know what to do! You just need a kick in the butt.
You are right – you still have a long life ahead of you. Time for a change. Don’t give up now, if you are so clearly unhappy.
Just start with a lunch/coffee or two with some friends/colleagues to just start asking questions, saying you are open to opportunities, get advice. There is nothing to lose, and the additional social interactions may actually help your mood (?mild depression and the joys of perimenopause ;). It is amazing how these simple conversations can spark interests/ideas and re-instill confidence. If you are financially secure, relatively, it is a great time to think about what really matters to you in life, and how you want to shift things in this next phase.
You have a lot of options. And sometimes that is overwhelming when you are Type A.
Start slow, but start a few meetings/emails/lunches.
You can do it.
A 20 hour a week job where you are making over 200k? What is this job because I will happily take it.
I’ll fight you for it — especially if there is at least 1-2 days of WFH in there. I would read so many books!
I have a job that rarely requires more than 20 hours per week of work (I don’t make anywhere near $200k though). I read a LOT of books.
My story has a lot of similarities. Went from a law firm to a government job where I had very little work to and was bored out of my mind. I tried to lean really hard into my hobbies and non-work parts of my life, but the malaise from spending a majority of my days at work with almost nothing to do bled into the rest of my life and I was just miserable all around. I was also worried about my ability to dial it back in, if I found a new job that actually required more of me. I found a new job and honestly, the part of my brain that knows how to be engaged and work hard clicked in almost immediately when it needed to again. I would absolutely recommend reaching out to your network.
No advice but you’re not alone. I’m a little younger than you but have followed a similar path and am finding myself in a similar place right now. I’m just not sure I have the drive to work hard anymore (and new jobs are always hard) so finding a new job sounds like an insurmountable task and whether my drive would come back at that new job is unclear. Combine that with how hard it could be to get back into my current government job and I get that very stuck feeling.
Did you restart having a life? I am restarting my social life and it has improved my well being so much! I’ve also gotten committed to my fitness.
You can absolutely apply to jobs out of the blue, so do that whenever something seems like a good fit. Are there any new projects at your current job that could challenge you?
“Did you restart having a life?” is a great question. I made a change like this when I was in my early 30s. I went from BigLaw to a job that only required 20 hours per week of work. And I restarted my life. I started reading again, marathon running, dating, making friends and then seeing them for coffees and lunches, etc. More than a decade into this job and I could not be happier with work and the flexibility I have for my personal life.
However, I also recognize this lifestyle isn’t for everyone. Some people find a lot of fulfillment from their employment work. If you’re one of those people, then absolutely go find a job that challenges you and gives you fulfillment. You have a lot of career left, which means you may have a lot to offer the world.
I ramped up having a life after the pandemic and it gave me the life force to be more engaged at work without changing jobs. It all works together.
This. You don’t need to rely on your job for fulfillment.
When I found myself in this position I just went all in on things other than work and it has worked out great. But… I was in my mid-50s so I understand how that’s not satisfactory for your situation.
WWID? I’d do what I did, in fact — go to therapy and get some clarity about what makes sense for the next step.
What if you were to go someplace new and thrive?
Sometimes, being bored can actually lead to that “exhausted” feeling. I am also struggling with being underworked after years of overwork. At the end of the day, I wonder how I can feel tired when I did not fill the whole day with actual work. It is because doing nothing actually saps your energy, but having a worthwhile and fulfilling task can actually revitalize your energy. And your mind is probably racing away thinking of millions of “what ifs” because your work is mind-numbing, and that can also be exhausting.
Boys on the Side
Whoopi Goldberg to Mary Louise Parker: “Sometimes when you don’t know where to go, the smartest thing to do is to stay where you are.”
Disagree in this context. OP stays where she is and doesn’t even try anything else and life and career pass by with her being unhappy, disengaged, and exhausted. It’s just a job, it’s worth it to try for something that’s a better fit.
“Like if I was 55, I’d say so what just finish out your career.” I cannot agree with the (ageist) notion that anyone, purely because they’re 55 or any other age, should say “so what” and just “finish out” a career that makes them as unhappy as OP is describing. At 55 you are might have another 10 or 20 years of work ahead of you. Often, you’re at the height of your abilities. That’s not the time to say “so what, suck it up” without even trying to improve your situation. My advice to OP is to apply for some new jobs and see what happens. Or start a business. Launch your own firm. Lean into hobbies or volunteer work. The possibilities are endless.
I didn’t realize the Yay Or Nay post underneath this an archived one was from 2016–I originally post this comment there, then scrolled up and saw a comment from Ellen and was like “Wait a minute…”
Anyway! Anon from yesterday with the “not looking for anything serious” guy. Thank you for all the advice and commiseration–it was definitely the wake up call I needed to realize I was kidding myself. We already have plans for Thursday that involve a ticketed event I’ve been looking forward to–I figure what’s the harm in enjoying one last date, so I’m still going to go to that and then plan to break it off this weekend. I’ll be taking the advice of the poster who suggested framing it as “I’ve realized we want different things so of course we can’t see each other anymore” rather than asking if there’s a chance he changed his mind. I assume he will take it in stride and let me go on my merry way, but will update the hive if anything interesting goes down.
Sounds like a great plan. Have fun on Thursday!
Please let us know how it goes. Good luck this weekend.
Good plan. Enjoy the event and congratulations for putting yourself first!
I just want to say that you should not be reluctant to garden one last time on Thursday if you want to (unless you are a person for whom that instantly creates *deep feelings* and thus this would make it much harder to move on).
sounds like a great plan! also thank you for noting the early post – I was reading and trying to figure out why NONE of the links worked. I was like, how is everyone seeing these!
I was confused by how many posts there were so quickly. I was thinking people REALLY cared about light blue suits
Jumping off yesterday’s comment about“investment” jewelry, I’m done with gold plated pieces like this. Sure a solid gold one is probably 10x the price, gold-plated is not worth $200-300 to me.
I was going to say the same thing. I am completely over gold-toned, gold-fill, and gold-plated. They all instantly tarnish on me. And if I’m buying costume jewelry, it needs to be $20, not $200, because it is literally disposable.
This is probably why I like pearls so much!
Agreed. Real gold isn’t in my budget so I’ll just stick to costume jewelry that’s actually cheap. I wear a gold toned bezel set cz necklace everyday. It was $15 on Amazon. I’ve worn it for about a year without problem. I love that I can leave it on at all times, I have no issues working out, showering or sleeping with it on!
Obviously I’d love a real gold, real diamond version but that’s a few years down the road :)
My only piece of everyday jewelry (sorry, wedding ring!) is a sterling silver hamsa my now-husband bought for me like 15 years ago. We got it at a mall kiosk for idk, less than $20? I’ve gone through a few chains but the pendant is doing great.
Exactly. It’s $25 costume jewelry or real for me – I’m not spending $300 on jewelry that I can’t hand down to the grandkids (if I ever have grandkids).
So much this. I developed a nickel allergy this past year and I blame pieces like this. Too many years of cheap earrings and necklaces, and now I can no longer where sweatshirts with zippers or even jeans because the rivet button will give me a rash. Wish I had known this was a risk with wearing cheap metal over time.
I grew up poor, so I thought I was just being cheap, but I agree with you. Costume jewelry is supposed to be inexpensive.
I disagree – I had this attitude early in and bought a lot of gold crap at macys. Opals, sapphires, emeralds, garnets, onyx, pearl, topaz. 14k gold or white gold.
I couldn’t give it away now – it definitely wouldn’t sell on poshmark. Meanwhile brand necklaces like this do still have resale value.
Huh? This sounds…odd? Like, it’s still gold an emeralds. I thought gold is literally the original thing that retains value. You can give it away to me :-)
Yes, gold plated I really prefer it to be actually affordable! I know the price of gold has gone up since I started shopping for jewelry but $200+ should be real solid gold.
I posted roughly a month ago about starting Ajovy migraine treatment. I’m happy to say that it’s been a miracle drug for me so far. I have had no side effects, and ZERO migraines since starting it (unmedicated I was getting 10-15 headache days per month and on my last medication I was getting 5 per month). Just got approved through my insurance, so I’m thrilled. I’ve gotten migraines consistently for the past 23 years– since I was ten years old– so it feels kind of surreal to find something that’s working so well. If you also get migraines, definitely recommend trying one of the CGRP drugs if you haven’t already!
Amazing! So glad it worked for you.
I am a migraineur, fortunately only a few times a year, but when I get one, it’s a doozy and it’s been mistaken for a stroke in the ER before.
Great news. Thanks for sharing!
Amazing! I also get migraines but I’m one of the lucky ones for whom regular old Tylenol helps a lot and I can usually manage my symptoms with that and lifestyle changes. I’m so glad you found a dr*g that works for you.
Thank you for posting. I just had a convo with my neurologist about switching from botox to emgality because the botox isn’t working as well as we were hoping. I’m really nervous about it (what if it doesn’t work as well as what I’m doing and I’m back to square one?) but stories like this give me hope.
Yeah! I was nervous too for exactly the same reasons (Nortriptyline and strict lifestyle changes were working okay, but not amazing, and what if I lost the progress I had made) and I’m so glad I listened to my doctor and gave it a try.
I’m so happy for you, though also jealous that you had better luck that I did. I hope it continues to work!
Yeah, I’ve heard for some people it suddenly stops working after a few months but I’m pretending not to have seen that. I hope you are able to find something that works as well for you.
I am waiting on an offer for a new job (yay!). This job will have an office, which I’ve never had before. I’ve spent my whole career in open office h3ll.
To keep me distracted while I wait for my offer (I’ve been told it might take up to 2 weeks due to HR delays!), what do you keep in your office? I’m used to having 1 drawer in a large open concept office so an office is new for me!
Disclaimer: Obviously since I don’t have an offer yet, I’m well aware anything could happen and I could not end up with the offer. I’m just day dreaming for now. Please indulge my daydream :)
Lots to Learn
Wraps in black and off-white, illegal space heater, basket with necessities (kleenex, one set of stainless steel silverware, one picnic-style knife in sheath, mini sewing kit, toothbrush and toothpaste, mirror, brush, lint roller, tampons), basket with snacks, hydroflask cup, lip balm.
I recently moved from an office to WFH. Here are the personal items I kept in my office. Mostly, though, it was a mess of work files and papers most of the time.
On the walls:
– family photos, hung on a column next to my desk so I could see them
– a painting by a student artist (a friend’s ex-girlfriend) of a local icon. Kinda generic, a little abstract
– posters with graphic prints related to our city, mostly in my favorite color, and a gift from a friend
– my college and law school diplomas (but this was a stuffy law firm where people did that kind of thing, and probably is not recommended in most offices, even most law firms)
On my desk:
– a mug in my favorite color
– my own ergonomic mouse and keyboard
– a bluetooth speaker/ wireless phone charger
On my shelves:
– my own books related to my profession
In my drawers:
– a plain black shawl
– tea sachets
– a bag with a few backup toiletries and makeup items (contacts, contact solutions, toothbrush, floss, hair ties, chapstick, lipstick, mascara)
– extra glasses
– a bag with backup OTC medications
– a bag with extra pads and tampons
Ha, I work in an accounting firm and I wouldn’t call us stuffy, but everybody, including the most senior partners, hangs all the diplomas in their offices. Definitely a know-your-office.
This job is in higher Ed, so I’m sure diplomas are welcome.
My undergrad diploma isn’t framed (in fact, it’s still rolled up in the tube and is under my bed at my parents house. I’ve never even taken it out of the tube!) and I don’t graduate from grad school til May!
Don’t assume prematurely that diplomas will be displayed in your higher ed office. In many places, I’ve seen people be decidedly nonchalant about degrees or titles, kind of like ‘we all have PhD’s here, so don’t make a big deal about it, or you look foolish’. There are multiple layers to this, but just figure out your office vibe before you go framing them.
+1 I’m higher ed (staff) and no one has diplomas framed. It was way more common in the law firms I worked at before coming here, even though most people here have as many or more degrees.
Oh, I have no plans to frame them (it is expensive!!)
Yeah in my very non-stuffy office with many first gen lawyers we all have our diplomas up — we worked for that.
+1 for diplomas
Canned food and snacks for emergency lunches (soup, single-serve jerky, tinned fish)
A small toiletries and makeup kit for desk-to-dinner, freshening up after a workout or sweaty walk from lunch, etc
Personal office supplies
Wall and desk art
Do you have any living, working artists that you love? When I’m a little flush / when I see something I’m wild for, I love to buy art for my office. I currently have prints from Liana Fink, Kaye Blegvad, and Amy Hastings, and some original Broad Sides pieces in my office. I also have prints from artist friends, a set of surreal black and white photographs from my SIL and a large scale piece by my (professional artist) brother. And then some of Kiddo’s art and some family photos. When someone cool comes into my office and says “oh I love that Pink Batman!” I can urge them to follow the artist on instagram and maybe help their career a tiny bit! (That’s mostly just a nice story I tell myself so that I can continue to throw money at pretty things for my workspace.)
It’s also a great time to treat yourself to the prettiest desk stuff — file folders if you use them, a memo pad if that’s your jam, your favorite pens…
Does anyone have recommendations for articles and/or podcasts about communicating with someone with serious mental illness? I’m supporting my mom who is struggling with my father’s not-yet-diagnosed illness (he’s begun seeking care, but can’t get an appointment for a full evaluation with a regular psych anytime soon – it’s wild and sad). In the meantime, my mom asked if I know of anything for helping her cope, specifically when my dad gets manic and aggressively wants her to agree with his own take on the situation. He will not let it drop and has a very strong victimhood mentality at the same time. It’s easier for me because I don’t live there and have to face it all the time, although certainly not easy. Most of the resources we’ve found, often through NAMI, heavily emphasize that family members should not get upset, should be endlessly patient, should remind themselves that the person who is sick is the one who’s really suffering, but that’s ringing really hollow to both of us right now in month 3 of this hell. We’re also not finding vague platitudes about “self-care being important” helpful. I think we both need specific tips/communication strategies so we know how to effectively say things like “I understand that’s how you recall that night” or similar without blowing things up. We already have the book I’m Not Sick, I Don’t Need Help and found it useful otherwise, but we need a bit more. Thanks in advance.
I’m sorry, that’s so hard. Its not a perfect match, but dementia success path on Instagram may have some helpful scripts that also work in your situation. Good luck
Based purely on your description of what would be helpful, I’d recommend looking for resources about communicating with narcissists. Your dad may or may not be exhibiting any characteristics thereof, but it sounds like your mom needs a way to assuage his emotions while protecting herself, which this might help with.
Can your mom connect with a therapist for herself? Having a trained person offer her support and practical tips could be helpful.
NAMI has family support groups. It could be helpful to interact with people who are going through the same thing, rather than the generic tips.
+ 1 to all of this. I’m so sorry you are dealing with this.
In addition to NAMI, you could look for support groups through local mental health facilities and the Depression and Bipolar Support alliance.
Oh, yes, I should have mentioned that she booked a therapy appointment, but the first available is at the end of April. We kind of knew the system had a lot of problems before this, but man, it’s personal now. Thanks for the idea about NAMI support groups.
Get on the cancellation list – there was always last minute cancellations
This is so hard. I remember this time well when my father was sick, and honestly it did not improve until he saw a psychiatrist and started medication.
Make sure he gets on the waiting list for the psychiatrist in case there is a sooner cancellation. Your Mom can also call every couple days to check if they have a last minute cancellation and sometimes he can be seen sooner.
Look into what needs to be done if your Dad suddenly decompensates and becomes threatening/aggressive and your Mom needs to call for help. Some cities have special phone numbers you call for psychiatric emergencies that are alternatives to 911. If possible, your Mom would benefit from a therapist to help her through this rocky time.
We walked on tiptoes. It was scary at times and extremely damaging to family because of the things my father said to us. But amazingly, despite my father’s serious mental illness, he finally accepted treatment (medications and brief counseling sessions with his geriatric psychiatrist – the best specialist if your father is elderly). And once treated, my father’s response was miraculous. Sometimes it really gets better. Truly.
I strongly recommend you help your Mom find the NAMI Family support group in your/your Mom’s area and go to it. It can vary as to who goes, how they are “run”, but I found them extremely help. You can find one in your area too and go yourself! While they may sometimes have practical advice, the main benefit is having support and encouragement coming from other people who understand exactly what you are going through. They can be a good source of getting those suggestions of what to say. Usually what my Dad said that was upsetting, was so awful I could barely speak so I can’t help too much there. I did find the book I’m Not Sick… helpful in scope. I had to constantly remind myself that my father was sick, and part of the disease was not realizing he was sick, or I couldn’t bare to be in the same room as him.
For my father, distraction was key. Making sure he got sleep, got outside every day if possible, and exercise if possible. My Dad actually enjoyed exercise and it helped release manic energy, and then he slept better. If there is ANYTHING that gives him pleasure (that isn’t a risky/manic behavior) — encourage that as an outlet. Movies/TV/radio can be distracting.
And your Mom has to get out of the house. Somehow….. If your Dad has any friend that he hasn’t alienated that is willing to sit with him/watch a movie with him etc… just so your mother can escape for a few minutes or hours, that can help tremendously.
Just adding to the above – some communities also have psychiatric emergency rooms and even psychiatric urgent care centers available. If things are really getting bad you might be able to get your father evaluated and into some kind of treatment at one of those right aay, even if he doesn’t meet criteria for in-patient admission.
Are you familiar with DBT workshops? I’ve mentioned them here before. They basically teach how to respond based on different cues and give the exact language and things to say when someone is worked up or heading into what they call the “red zone” (they have a green light/yellow light/red light metaphor for reacting).
I think they’re designed more for C-PTSD and personality disorders where it is really important to set certain boundaries without harming the patient. But they are all about strategies to keep things from escalating and becoming harder on everyone (blowing things up basically).
There may be resources to look up that outline some of the scripts.
Thanks so much, everyone. I really appreciate the recommendations and will be checking out the support groups and DBT workshops. It’s also just nice to hear acknowledgment of how hard this is for us too. Thank you.
Just going to add that the vague platitudes of self care sounds familiar. It took me literally years to realize that doesn’t mean bubble baths and a glass of champagne, it can mean having and using boundaries, having a plan for what-ifs, prioritizing therapy, spending some time with friends, getting enough sleep/exercise/hydration etc. Hope that helps.
Hive – advice please. I have multiple family emergencies happening this month. My mom is sick, my brothers kids are in legal trouble, my grandfather just passed, I’m 3 weeks fresh off a breakup…. this is taking a lot of my time and emotional energy. I’m a private practice attorney ata small firm – I’m a partner but in an island so to speak, no associates dedicated to this area and we’re short staffed anyway. I am so tired, and behind on getting things to clients. I haven’t missed any “real” deadlines (no urgent deals, or case deadlines) but I have missed the ones I set for myself (I’ll get this to you by the end of next week type of statement). Clients are being kind but my list is so overwhelming. Help?
I’m so sorry.
I’d focus first on doing what you need to do for your family and second on work and focus on pretty much nothing else while you’re in survival mode.
When I had similar cascading family emergencies when I had just started a new and busy job, I relied on takeout, my house was a mess, and I just did the bare minimum needed to get through the day. The family stuff lasted a few months for me and then I was able to come up for air which is when I had time to deal with my emotions.
I was young and single at the time, which was a blessing and a curse. I had literally no extra money so the takeout was a huge strain on my budget but was very helpful. It was a huge blessing though ti be responsible for no one else at home, so that might be a silver lining to the breakup.
Don’t feel badly about calling in all of your client goodwill. They will understand. When my long-time boss was diagnosed with terminal cancer and was retired with zero notice, I took over her entire workload overnight. It took me 6 months to get everything on track. Every single client understood and was amazing about it. I felt like I burned through 20 years’ of goodwill in that 6 months, but we did not lose or even get a complaint from a single client.
I went through a big family emergency in January through mid February, and I’m a sole practitioner. Unfortunately, January and February are my busiest times at work. I can’t say I was a perfect worker during that time, I did a lot of managing the family issues during the day and doing the bare minimum work at night, but I got it done and I’m out the other side.
I definitely did not seek nor did I agree to take on any new projects during that time, I tried as best as I could to manage my clients’ expectations about turn-around time, and I was late with a couple of things. My clients still seem to like me, I haven’t lost any so far, and the family problems haven’t gone away but are now less urgent. Hang in there and big hugs to you xoxo
What are your favorite granola bars? Or really any other light breakfasts that travel well. I usually do kind bars but getting sick of them.
I’m sure there are bars out there with better protein to sugar ratios but the Blueberry Bliss Luna bars are my favorite travel snack
RIP the cookies and cream Luna bar, which tasted 50% like Oreos, 50% like chemicals, and got me through law school. I think I was the only person who liked them!
The lemon Luna bars are my favorite. I brought them to the hospital when I was giving birth and I always have at least a couple with me for travel.
Adding to this, I just ate a Luna Nutz Over Chocolate bar. I also keep a stock of their blueberry, lemon, and raspberry flavors. The taste is pretty good. And you can read the inspirational sayings on the wrapper in a deeply sarcastic voice. Progress, not perfection.
Damn, I really used to love those Nutz over Chocolate bars. They were my breakfasts most days, sometimes a snack, and I viewed eating one as taking a daily multivitamin. The “tasted 50% like Oreos, 50% like chemicals” is such a spot-on description of them – I laughed when I read that! Except the Nutz over Chocolate are 50% cookie, 50% chemical.
Kodiak, the protein pancake people, are now making granola bars that aren’t too bad.
I love the crunchy Nature Valley peanut butter bars
I just ate one for lunch at my desk. And on sale at Target this week.
I am really enjoying the Autumn’s Gold grain free granola bars. They’re available at Costco.
I had a serious peppermint Luna bar addiction awhile back. I got a Jimmy bar as an airplane handout and d-mn it worked because I loved it. Citrus something.
DC Inhouse Counsel
I like the RX Bars in the Blueberry flavor. Tastes and smells like a blueberry muffin.
Yes to RX bars! I’m a fan of the vanilla almond and peanut butter flavors
Maybe this isn’t what you’re looking for, but I like to go to the bulk food bins at Whole Foods and pick up whatever individual components sound good to me at the moment (usually some combo of nuts and something sweet) and make my own trail mix for this kind of thing.
Bobos oat bites
Thinking Out Loud
I just tried these a couple of days ago and I like them. I also really like Bob’s oat bars, both the banana and peanut butter and jelly flavors.
Anon for this
I’m feeling so sad today. We just made an appointment to have our 15 year old dog put down tomorrow. I’ve been through it twice before, and we vowed we would never wait too long again, as we did with our first dog, but this is so hard. And while I know it’s the right choice, and that it’s time, I’m overwhelmed with guilt and sadness.
I’m so sorry. Better a day too early than a day too late, as the saying goes.
Just because it’s the right choice doesn’t mean it’s not incredibly painful! There’s nothing worse than putting down a beloved pet, I’m so sorry!
I am so sorry. I am at the stage where I revisit the “now?” question every single day and it is tough. You made your decision for reasons; please give yourself grace to enjoy today with your much loved pet.
Oh, I am so sorry. I’m sure you’re making the right choice; it sounds like you’ve given it careful thought based on past experience. I’m sure your dog has had a wonderful life.
I’m so sorry. Losing a pet is real grief
I’m so sorry. It’s hard. Please don’t subject yourself to guilt! You are taking care of your beloved pet in the best manner possible under the circumstances, and it is so much kinder than letting them suffer.
I am so sorry. We went through it in December and I sill randomly start crying. Losing your best friend, because that is what your beloved dog is, is as tough as it gets… Long distance hugs from internet stranger…
I’m so sorry, it’s so hard. I try to think of it as like, the hardest thing I’ll have to do to thank a pet for the many years of love they gave me. I don’t know if that framing helps with the guilt part (certainly it does nothing for my sadness) but I’m sharing in case it does?
What are your favorite brands for high-quality trousers? Want to start scouring resale sites and don’t know where to start.
The very best pair of pants I ever bought were from Diane Von Furstenburg. Still going strong after six or seven years.
Just a reminder that it never hurts to ask a company for something… the worst they can do is say no. I just got 60k expired Marriott Bonvoy points reinstated even though the internet swears Marriott never does that.
Hooray for medium wins!
Please share how! I am in a similar boat
It was a somewhat unique situation. I had the points in an account in my maiden name, but transferred them to an account in my married name so I can transfer them to an airline account in my married name. (Sidenote: Marriott makes name changes nearly impossible. I’ve been married 15 years and this is the only account I have still in my maiden name!) The maiden name account had been active and had recent transactions that kept the points from expiring, but the married account is inactive but apparently was created many years ago, so the points expired immediately upon being transferred into the married name account. So not a typical lapse, because I did have hotel stays in the last 24 months that would qualify to keep the points from expiring. But I still appreciated them reinstating the points. They didn’t have to.
My kids have iPhones. I use outlook (and have an iPhone) and run all my things on my work calendar and a paper calendar. How can I link things on my outlook calendar to my kids’ phones’ calendars? Outlook invitations don’t seem to work.
Could the invites be hiding in their phone calendar inbox?
I just invite things to my husband’s gmail and it shows up in his iPhone calendar.
Yes – you have to accept the invite for it to show up on your calendar, don’t you? (Android heathen, but Outlook and Gmail communicate just fine for me.)
Is anyone knowledgeable about car loans at respectable car dealerships for people with no credit? My family has “adopted” a newly arrived refugee family. The family needs a car because…America. But dad has just arrived in the US and has no credit record here. He does have a new job that pays $48k. I’m naturally leery of those sketchy independent “no credit needed!!1!1” car dealers. We’re just looking for something under $10k, but will he be able to get a loan at a traditional dealership?
I’ve heard great things about this person – she can work with you remotely if needed: https://www.cowartautoconsulting.com/
I follow her on Tik Tok & she’s fantastic! When I’m in the market for a new car I’m definitely hiring her!
Try applying for financing from a cooperative bank or credit union. They may have more flexibility than a traditional dealer with better rates than a “no credit needed” seller
Credit unions are a great place to start. Maybe call around and explain the situation.
Is he a permanent resident or on a visa? My understanding is that many places refuse to give loans to people who are not citizens, permanent residents, etc.
Is there a refugee settlement agency that paired you with the family? If so, I’d start by asking them. This has to come up a lot and there might be a friendly local credit union or car dealership that helps.
In that situation, I would post on Nextdoor asking if anyone would like to donate a car. The ideal situation would be if someone was hoping to get rid of a car for an elderly relative who can’t drive anymore. Sometimes people can be convinced to give up their keys if they feel that it’s a charitable act. It could be worth a try.
Agree that this is worth trying. My grandmother was persuaded to sell her car, finally, when it was to my cousin’s fiancé who needed a reliable car for work. She hadn’t driven it in years but didn’t want to give up the keys.
I’m also convinced this is why my MIL and FIL just bought a car. FIL shouldn’t be driving–and REALLY shouldn’t b driving 3 years from now, which is when my kid gets her license. MIL already texted us “we just got a car that will be great for [my daughter!]” It wouldn’t surprise me if the car “needs to come over a year early so she can practice in it” aka get it out of the house.
Advice on telling people to MYOB about dating?
Well not exactly. I’ve just realized that I’m probaby demi-interested-in-gardening, and I just want to take a break from dating for now. I don’t care if I ever get married/have children or not, and I think I pushed myself into situations I shouldn’t have been in due to more or less societal pressure. Now I want to take some time and a break from dating and just figure out what I want.
The issue is I’ve been more open with friends about dating, asked them to set me up with people etc . . and now I just want that to stop. Normally I would just change the topic or something but I feel bad since I did ask for their input before. And these are pretty close friends.
So I’m looking for a script. “I’m just going to take a break from dating for a bit.” “I think I want to take it slow these days.”
“Thanks for thinking about me, I am taking a break from dating for a few weeks/months” and then let them know when you’re ready to get back.
Yup, no need to complicate. I’d just say I’m taking a break from dating.
Looks like you wrote your own script in the last paragraph.
You were up-front enough to ask them to set you up. You can just tell them what you said – I’m going to take a break – but I think the trick will be to make it clear that you’re not asking for advice. I am personally ok with saying, “let’s change the subject” when that kind of stuff starts, and I hope you are too. “I’m taking a break” is a complete sentence and doesn’t require any negotiation.
True. I’m just nervous about the “oh but why” and the “its hard for everyone” and “there are so many fish in the sea” – yeah none of these are relevant comments but I’m not getting into what is.
I’m sorry what? This isn’t up for debate.
There are plenty of reasons why people need to take a step back from dating. I got a lot of pushback and pouty face when I did that but it was worth it. My husband took a long break from dating after a particularly bad breakup. Both of us met in a good emotional place, which never would have happened if we hadn’t let wounds heal.
Yeah of course this makes sense. I think a lot of my friends are in the “we’re coupled up so lets interrogate the single person phase” but as you said its just not up for debate.
You literally just said it.
“I’m just prioritising my friendships for now” has worked for me.
Gold-plated for over $200!? Yuck! Gold-plated is cheap, disposable, costume jewlery, not something to spend $200 on.
I would rather wait for one of the jewlery stores in a mall near ne to have a sale and buy a 14 carat chain for about $50 more.