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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
A faux-wrap dress has all the figure-flattering benefits of a traditional wrap dress without any of the wardrobe malfunction risk. This dress from Maggy London just has the faux-wrap skirt, but paired with the banded waist of the dress, it looks both flattering and comfy.
I would pair this “midnight teal” color with a navy blazer for an easy business-casual look. The dress is also available in black.
This dress is $128 at Nordstrom and comes in sizes 0–18.
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In-House in Houston
Hi Ladies, I’m planning a trip to London in the fall. The plan is to spend a few days in London, then take the train to Liverpool. I’ve been looking at train schedules (London to Liverpool) but October schedules aren’t available right now. My question is – do trains have a regular schedules on Sundays? I’m looking to travel on a Sunday from London to Liverpool, spend Monday and Tuesday in Liverpool. Then take the train back to London on Wednesday to fly back to the US. Also is 2 days (2.5 days if you count Sunday when we arrive) too much time in Liverpool? We’re going to see all things Beatles….is one day enough? Thanks a bunch!
Anon
On a Sunday there are usually hourly trains from London Euston to Liverpool Lime Street from about 9am.
Anonymous
Thank you!!
London (formerly NY) CPA
Remember to allow a little flexibility in your plans. The trains in the UK are a mess right now and the strikes and reduced schedules (esp. on weekends and offpeak times) may well be continuing when you come since they’ve been ongoing periodically for over a year.
Cb
Yep! I’m going to Liverpool from Scotland next Sunday and I could get to Canada quicker!
Ribena
Me too – I think it’s taking 7 hours to get there when I go down in May. Good thing I, a REALLY BIG fan of Eurovision.
Cb
It would be much easier from work city but the schedule didn’t work out.
Anonymous
Yes, just use the June schedule to plan.
In-House in Houston
Thanks everyone! I was going to try to take the train from Liverpool back to London to fly home on the same day. But I think I’ll plan to spend the night in London one more night before flying back to the US. I appreciate the tips. I didn’t know about the strikes!
Anonymous
Is this dress too much for family pictures in the gray and white print? https://www.anthropologie.com/shop/the-somerset-maxi-dress2 I feel amazing in it but I guess I’m wondering if the pattern will photograph well or if it’s too busy or attention pulling and I should look for something in a solid color, or at least less busy.
Vicky Austin
I think it’ll photograph fine (it photographs fine for the website!) but would want to know what the rest of your family will be wearing to decide if it’ll balance well with that.
Vicky Austin
Bad word, sorry about the duplicate!
Vicky Austin
I think it’ll photograph fine (it photographs fine for the webs!te!) but would want to know what the rest of your family will be wearing to decide if it’ll balance well with that.
Anonymous
OP here – it’s still being worked out. Colors are gray, navy and tan but I don’t think anybody else has their outfits picked out at this point.
Anon
I’m not even into rufflepuff and think that’s a beautiful dress!!!
Anon
+1 hate the rufflepuff trend and think this is lovely
here she goes
Same!
Anon
I have this dress in the blue pattern and it photographs very well! The dress is striking and so flattering. I get a million compliments every time I wear it and whenever people see pics of me in it!
Anonymous
I read somewhere that the best way to plan family photo outfits is to start with the mom’s outfit and build from there. A bold print like this photographs well. You could put your family in coordinating solids and maybe one kid in a coordinating smaller print.
anon
PSA : some versions of the JCrew Schoolboy Sweater Blazer are 50% off on the factory site. I just found my unicorn – the heather loden color for $40!
anon
Is this the one that runs big? Or is that another swacket style that I’m thinking of?
anon
Not sure – most reviews say true to size. I took a chance on a slightly smaller size since that’s all that was available. And – looks like the 50% off ones are all gone already!
PolyD
So jealous! It doesn’t seem to be on the s*te anymore, or is it hidden somewhere?
Anonymous
It’s JCrew Factory not regular JCrew – https://factory.jcrew.com/p/womens/categories/clothing/sweaters/cardigans/schoolboy-sweater-blazer/BF227
Anon
I dont see Heather Loden though. And its $61 after using the discount code, not $40
Anon
I love the colour of this dress!
Anon
It’s pretty, but feels a little dated to me. I feel like I wore a lot of dresses like this when I was in Big Law circa 2012ish.
Anonymous
This was my reaction. I love this colour but the style is dated.
Cat
Same, this was peak Mad Men Sheath Dress era! I would have worn it with my nude-for-me heels and a statement necklace ;)
Vicky Austin
Gotta be a bubble necklace!
I will say, I was in college for part of the Mad Men Sheath Dress era, and the fact that those bubble necklaces came in every color of the rainbow was pretty great for a gal in business school and student government whose mascot was a tiger. I doubt there would have been much demand for orange bubble necklaces otherwise, but I got so much wear out of mine – and I was hardly the only one!
busybee
I loved that era. Colorful J Crew pencil skirts, knee high boots, fitted sheaths. It was a good time
Anon
Agree. Maybe this means I can pull them back out of my closet?
Anon
I am still wearing sleeved sheaths. I’m an attorney in a no-business-casual office and never stopped wearing them. I’m not sure what other style of dress I could wear with a blazer for business dress (suiting dresses are a similar cut right?). Is there something else in style that reads as equivalently formal?
Cat
I don’t think sheaths themselves are out of style, just that this one in particular – the bold color – reads as popular about a decade ago, like how the No. 2 Pencil was something every 20-something attorney had in like 8 colors.
I still have 2019 sheaths in rotation but they are more neutral suiting type colors, not brights.
Anon
It’s the body con aspect not the sleeves that make it dated.
Anon
There’s something about the wrap of the skirt (tulip style?) that feels very dated to me. I don’t think all sleeved sheaths are dated.
Anon
There’s something about the wrap of the skirt (tulip style?) that feels very dated to me. I don’t think all sleeved sheaths are dated.
Anon
I love the colour, too. Unfortunately, the crew neck is extremely unflattering on me, and the faux wrap tends to accentuate my hips. Hard pass.
Rainbow Hair
I am just thrilled – thriiiiilled – to see a dress with sleeves featured… if the neckline were a little lower i’d be all over it.
Anonymous
To me this doesn’t read body con, it reads Mennonite.
Internet activities
This weekend, I used DH’s iPad because mine was dead and charging and I wanted to look at listing photos of some properties we have been looking at. When I opened his iPad browser, there was a tab open to a p*rn site. The video subject was something about an “SSBBW” having s*x. The tab also listed past videos watched and recommended more based on viewing history. All videos involved BBWs. There was nothing worrisome or red-flag to me in the content itself- everything was consensual looking, everyone seemed of age (the women were actually older than me in most cases), no weird feeding subtext, and the s*x itself was fairly vanilla, nothing considered kinky.
I get that most men watch p*rn. I also assumed/knew that DH did as well. I also recognize that preferences are highly individualized and I’m not making any judgment calls as to BBWs or men liking them. I am however wondering if I should be concerned that I do not look like these women in the videos. I mean, I am not on the opposite end of the spectrum, in that I am quite curvy, very hourglass shape, mid-size human. I am not plus size though, and I’m definitely not in the BBW/SSBBW range that he’s getting off to.
To be clear, he has never once indicated that I need to either gain or lose weight. He is very complimentary of me overall. Our s*x life is fine (once per week usually, but we have small children). Our marriage seems good to me. I think this is throwing me for a loop because I had exes with p*rn addiction issues and have been cheated on, all of which I thought I was past after many years and therapy but which seeing these videos has brought to the surface again. Yes, I have called my therapist.
Given the above, am I worrying needlessly? Am I making a mountain out of a molehill? We obviously all have types, and we may have multiple types – maybe DH does, and I shouldn’t let it bother me because that’s constraining his natural s*xual preferences or might shame him etc. I did briefly bring it up to him and he said I’m the woman he’s most attracted to.
TLDR- should I be concerned that DH’s p*rn preferences are for women who are different from me and fit into a particular subset?
Mouse
I know plenty of women who read tons of paranormal/alien romance/ gardening books. Doesn’t mean they want their husbands to grow horns.
If you’re concerned, have a chat, at a time when you’re fully dressed and unlikely to be interrupted (easier said than done obviously)
Anon.
Agree.
I watch p*rn regularly and read smutty romance novels, but few of those fantasies are what I’d consider seriously in real life with my husband, practically speaking.
OP
I get that for sure- I’ve read plenty of smutty historical romance novels but would never want to actually be in those situations, were they even possible (you know, not a lot of swashbuckling rum smugglers around these days). Good perspective.
anon_needs_a_break
this wouldn’t concern me in the least.
well, except for him not clearing his history. That’s just amateur.
Anon
LOL yes
Anon.
Same.
Anon
Gently, yes, I think you’re overreacting. It’s just p0rn, nothing interactive, and to me the particular k1nk doesn’t really matter as long as it’s consenting adults. It’s not a reflection of you or that he secretly wishes you were bigger. It’s a fantasy escape that has nothing to do with real life.
Anon
+1 especially to the last sentence.
here she goes
Agree with all of this.
OP
Thank you, I am repeating your last sentence to myself.
Anon
No, I don’t think so. Everyone has a range of fantasies that don’t track with real life and that’s part of why they’re appealing.
But I want to push back a little on the assumption that you have to allow p*rn in your relationship. If it makes you uncomfortable, you get to discuss that boundary. To me, it’s unacceptable, it feels like cheating, and my husband and I have agreed not to partake. The P industry is so highly predatory and exploitative that I am continually shocked by so many “pro-women” people who just accept it as a “normal” part of life. It’s gross.
Anon
Agree completely. OP, in the abstract, I can tell you that most humans have fantasies that don’t match their real life s*xual relationships, and that doesn’t mean the real life ones are unsatisfactory. But it’s also completely fine to be uncomfortable with p*rn in your relationship. My husband and I do not use it, and don’t consider it to be acceptable for a variety of reasons.
Anon
I’m with you.
OP
It’s been difficult in the past for me to untangle my more traumatic experiences with exes from a more “normal” p*rn habit, but you’re right that it’s worth re-examing my feelings. The only thing is, if I now suddenly decide that’s a boundary for me, a decade into our marriage, isn’t that changing the rules mid-game? i.e. it feels a little unfair to him.
Anonymous
In a long marriage, things always evolve. Talk to him if you need to. Maybe you find a middle ground. You’d like him to not use it more than once a week/month or whatever. I’ve ebbed and flowed on this within my own marriage. Sometimes I’d reading romance novels non-stop, sometimes I’m into P a bit, sometimes neither.
Anon
Are you ready to monitor this? Good luck to you.
Anonymous
Why would anyone monitor it? You have to have trust. You say ‘this is taking up to much of your time and our time together is impacted, I’d like it if you cut back to more like x amount so our time together is not impacted’ and they do it, they don’t or they suggest an alternative. who TF monitors their spouse?
Anon
You are definitely allowed to have a conversation about it. That’s not unfair to him.
Anonymous
Thank you for saying this. I am so glad my DH does not watch P. The guys I dated prior to my DH who watched P all had some odd ideas about seggs. It’s not something I would compromise on in a relationship, just like smoking, gambling, or drugs.
Anon
My open opinions go against the grain here – I think that p*rn is harmful to marriages, even if it’s consensual-looking. (It usually isn’t, and the industry is horribly exploitative.) It literally rewires the brain and the algorithms are designed to get people addicted to it. Your uncle’s Pl@yboy, it is not.
DH had an addiction long before we met, that he successfully kicked, and it still does tremendous damage to our marriage. He simply does not believe that female anatomy is not just like male anatomy and thinks female pleasure is basically as automatic as male pleasure. (This, from someone who changes more diapers than I do and is proud of my high powered career.)
I would talk with your therapist and maybe talk with a therapist together.
Anon
This sounds like a DH problem, not a p0rn problem. The vast majority of American men watch it, and there are plenty of guys out there who understand that female pleasure is not as automatic as male pleasure and want to work to make sure their female partners are satisfied. Being a feminist in other aspects of life like parenting is nice but irrelevant.
Anon
Research disagree with you:
https://extension.usu.edu/relationships/research/effects-of-pornography-on-relationships
Anon
I’m not saying p0rngraphy has no impact on relationships or male expectations, but this sentence “He simply does not believe that female anatomy is not just like male anatomy and thinks female pleasure is basically as automatic as male pleasure” just makes your DH sound like an idiot. It’s one thing to think that as a 19 year boy who’s s3xual experiences have primarily been p0rn-related, it’s another to think it as a married father who apparently hasn’t even watched p0rn in years. At this point, if he doesn’t understand that women are different and don’t get off as easily as men (despite his wife telling him that!), he’s being willfully obtuse and it seems like a real stretch to blame a long-ago p0rn obsession.
Anon
LOL this is not research, it’s a highly biased article from the university of UTAH that cites research (quite old research from the look of it).
Your DH sounds like an @sshole. My husband watches p0rn weekly and still is very focused on ensuring I get the necessary attention to O every time. Hard agree with anon at 10:27 – p0rn isn’t the problem here.
Anon
Anon at 10:37, have you been with a lot of typical men? Done research?
I think you overestimate the generation of men who grew up on internet porn.
Anon
My generation grew up with internet p0rn, yes. I think anyone under about 35 had pretty widespread access to it from teenage years onward? All the men I’ve been with have watched it, and while there have been varying degrees of interest and skill at pleasuring women, all of them would have vehemently disagreed with the idea that women are the same as men and get off automatically the way men do.
Again, not saying p0rn doesn’t have an impact on teenage boys’ expectations and cultural norms (like being bare down there) and certainly there are s3xual issues like “death grip” that can come from too much solo work, but if a married father who apparently hasn’t even watched p0rn in years is refusing to understand that women have different anatomy and pleasure for them is more complicated, the problem is not the p0rn. I really don’t see how that’s controversial….
June
Yes, Anon is right. There is no reason a married man “needs” to store pornography on his iPad, where his kids could get access to it when they are looking for a tablet and get more then they barganed for. Moreover, studies show that:
User faces difficulty becoming sexually aroused without pornography.
User loses interest and engages in fewer sexual experiences with partner.
Partner may view pornography use as infidelity and a betrayal to the relationship.
Partner feels sexually inadequate and threatened by pornography use.
Partner may feel that certain sexual activities desired by user are objectionable.
Both user and partner experience a decrease in relationship sexual satisfaction and emotional closeness.
Relationship trust decreases due to dishonesty and deception about pornography use.
One or both partners may be concerned about children’s exposure to pornographic materials.
Since you are married to this dufus, get him to erase this from his tablet and stop so that your marrage and kids will not be affected. The thought of my kids getting access to my husband’s sperm stained iPad is more than I can imagine. This is not negotiable. Its either the porn or the marrage. Unless he is a complete dillweed, he will choose the marrage.
anon_needs_a_break
June you are so wildly out of touch I fear for your mental health
Anonymous
Or you know,
They have a good marital life, both partners enjoy P from time to time and they are both careful with electronic devices. Everyone lives happily ever after. Plenty of people occasionally view P, it’s a problem if it’s affecting relationships but not otherwise.
Cerulean
I mean, do you allow your kids on your “sperm-tainted” bed? Parents don’t need to (and literally can’t) make every single facet of their lives child-appropriate.
Anon
Not everyone gives their kid an iPad. Mine don’t even know what that is.
Clara
Honestly though this sounds like a husband problem not a media consumption problem. If he’s as high powered as you say he can easily find the information he needs, he just chooses not to or not to believe it.
Anon
Yup, this.
OP
P*rn was definitely a gateway drug to worse issues for an ex of mine, so I’m naturally inclined against it at this point based on experience. I have tried to separate my own trauma from the p*rn itself but it seems like it might be worth exploring that with my therapist. I’m sorry for what you have dealt with re: your DH too!
Anon
Can you talk to him about it and explain the feelings it brought up for you? At a minimum, I would ask him to be a little more careful – if you have kids, there’s a chance one of them could have found it (maybe not if they’re super young, but a risk in a couple years).
FWIW, my husband and I are pretty open about p*rn watching and I really appreciate it. If he’s in the mood, he’ll often just tell me he’s going to go self-garden. He’s mentioned that to friends and they thought it was super weird, but I think it’s been great for our relationship. It takes away any taboo or shame from the act (and puts less pressure on me when I’m not in the mood to garden).
OP
We had an initial talk where I tried to ask questions but he was clearly embarrassed and defensive. I was not trying to shame him and I didn’t use or imply any fat-shaming regarding the women involved, but I imagine knowing him that he feels some societal pressure about the whole thing. Like if he were looking at p*rn of hot college girls it would sadly be more socially acceptable (among toxic masculinity and our thin-obsessed culture at least) than to look at BBWs. I could be wrong and it could just be general embarrassment.
Anon
Maybe I’m more straightforward than most, but I would talk to him about it! In a very lighthearted way, I’d say, “so, I used your iPad and saw X. X, huh? That’s your thing? What else are you into? I personally am into Y when I watch/read/fantasy.” And be willing to talk about what does it for me. And then use that as a springboard to talk about fantasies, desires, maybe a gardening to-do list??
Anon
+1
Anon.
I like that take. Why not take this as a little “stimulant”?
Anonymous
As someone who absolutely like to keep what I read/watch separate from how I engage with DH, please don’t be offended if he doesn’t want to talk about it. My interests predate DH and are not related to him. I am not unsatisfied in the least with our current gardening.
June
Yes, but when he is F**king you, he is thinking of weird things that he could later want you to do for him! Expect the steaks to get a lot higher the more he watches. And unless you want to have to do a variety of disgusting things for him, cut him off now!
Anonymous
This is not remotely true. As I said, these interests predate DH and are unrelated to DH. When I’m with him, I’m with him mentally and physically. This hasn’t changed in the last 30 years so I can’t imagine it will now despite your fear mongering. People have s$xual thoughts unrelated to their partner, it doesn’t mean they are cheating or going to be immoral. It means they are human.
Anon
It seems like you’ve had a traumatic experience, based on some of your other posts today. I’m sorry you’ve been through that.
I just wanted to put out there that this has not been my personal experience (either from my own viewing habits or from those of my most serious partners, including very long-term ones)
Cerulean
Guys this is a troll. Steaks. C’mon.
OP
In my initial questions/convo, he didn’t really want to discuss it, seeming very embarrassed. I wasn’t trying to shame him so didn’t press too much at the time, but I will gently revisit once more I think.
Anonymous
Try talking about your own interests (you mentioned books above).
Be clear about if the issues is (1) what he is watching, (2) that it was accessible easily – so accident re kids concern, (3) amount/frequency he is watching (4) what if anything you are asking him to change.
Maybe offer how you handle each of those for your own interests and it will make him feel more comfortable.
Anon
It may not even be that he is looking to get with the women like those in the videos or find them the paragon of attractiveness. He could like different things about them like genuine enthusiasm rather than fake moans, natural curves vs plastic surgery, or whatever it may be that’s easier to find in these styles of videos. I wouldn’t give it much though.
OP
I remember once asking him before about p*rn habits and preferences and he said he liked amateur videos of normal people, particularly curvy women (his language) as it wasn’t “fake.” Now frankly, I’m not convinced about the “realness” but I can see his point there generally.
Anonymous
Non issue. What I like to read/watch is very different from DH. Still super into him. Wouldn’t want him to be anything other than himself.
As long as he is not watching it over spending time with you (and it doesn’t seem like he is), it’s fine.
Only caution is that as your kids get older, he needs to be more careful. Our 3yr old came close to seeing something when DH didn’t realize she knew his iPad password. He grabbed it in time but it was close.
June
Trust me. The 3 year old is already as smart as his poppa, and will be able to access it easily later unless you have dual authentication on and he does not have access to your iphone. That kid will be able to see everything he wants by the time he goes to 1st Grade. Do you want him to be known as the class perv? I wouldn’t. Your husband has got to keep his porn out of the house. Period.
Anonymous
Oh please. How is the 3 year old getting his dad’s fingerprints? You have to be a troll. You don’t need dual authentication to hide something on an ipad.
Anon
This is obviously tr0lling. The syntax sounds like Ell3n.
OP
I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has responded so far. All of your comments have been thoughtful and I truly appreciate every single one of them. Thanks for helping me with my gut-check on multiple angles of this situation.
Anonymous
Related question – does anyone pay for a porn subscription? My son is a bit young for it now but I suggested it to my husband since I don’t want computer viruses and ransom hacking and all that… he seemed horrified at the idea but the security is a concern, no?
Anon
You’re not going to get a virus or hacked from watching a free video on one of the major p*rn sites. It’s like watching Youtube.
Anon
I do! Sure there’s a lot of free material all over the internet. But I believe in supporting companies that align more with my values, so I have had a paid subscription to a woman-owned and run site for many years. I don’t worry about viruses, and I like that it doesn’t feel exploitative and the material isn’t demeaning.
Anon
That would be extremely weird. Please, do not offer to pay for a porn subscription for your son.
Anon
Yeah I think I’m pretty sex positive but this is too far for me.
Anon
Good point. I’m the Anon above who said I have a subscription, but it is for me only. I don’t have kids, but that aspect does seem weird.
Anonymous
I think the red flag is that he’s not using incognito mode for this. Discretion!
Anon
It’s fantasy. Maybe he’s never gardened with women that look like that and is curious. Maybe he watched one and went down a rabbit hole. Maybe a friend told him about the genre and he wanted to check it out. Who knows? It definitely isn’t a judgement of you. Remember there’s a lot more to a marriage than physical appearance too. I would use this as an opportunity to discuss and explore fantasies together.
Anon.
For anyone who’s following the British royal kerfuffle and needs a laugh, I saw this on Insta this morning and laughed for a good minute, rewatching it several times: https://www.instagram.com/reel/CpWxRzBDDfm/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y%3D
Anon
Love it!
Anonymous
…That’s kind of amazing.
Anon
Wait – what happened now?
Anonymous
Nothing. Just the usual Californian royals trying to stir up drama about who does/doesn’t do what at the coronation next month as though buddy was more important than 5th in line. Like who even remembers who was 5th in line when the Queen was coronated? Just move on and enjoy the sunshine.
Anon
The monarch is crowned. The ceremony is a coronation. Coronated is not a word.
Anonymous
I mean Merriam-Webster and Oxford English Dictionaries disagree with you and say coronate and coronated are words but you do you.
Anon
Love it when the grammar police come out and are wrong.
Cat
Whoever was after Princess Margaret, right? (Since Charles & Anne had been born at the time?) The fact that I don’t know the answer off the top of my head (like hmmm, was it the Kents) is revealing for H’s future.
Vicky Austin
It was Gloucesters, then Kents, but I had to Google that, so your point stands!
Anonymous
OMG! I just wikipedia’d this. It would have been a Prince Henry and a Prince William. You’d think they would pick some new names! Margaret wasn’t married/didn’t have kids in 1953 so it would have been Elizabeth’s dad’s next oldest brother who was Prince Henry and his son Prince William. That Prince William was born 4th and died 9th per wikipedia.
Maybe this is completely wrong but hilarious if true. Just clicked around on from QEII’s wiki article.
Anon
No idea, probably nothing. I feel like this is the sort of thing that makes sense to Prince Harry but just seems to be the sort of thing that to anyone else, is just stuff you get past (in part, in families, we often take turns in being the offender and the offended, not because we are doing anything wrong, but because we are humans and the most intense relationships are the ones that bring out the most intense emotions in ways that are inscrutable to outsiders). Like when I go to church, I just have one view of the Prodigal Son story, mainly shaped by My role in My family (and, derivatively, a certain sibling and what that sibling has done and how that sibling has been treated vs how I have been treated) and I just am absolutely stuck where I am and don’t see that as likely to change. Big difference is that I’m not going on Oprah about it.
Anon.
Nothing specific, I just like royal gossip and am so curious about how the May coronation festivities will be handled. I read somewhere Harry and Meghan were invited (as IMO they should be).
I’m not one to take sides, but think the British royal family has many issues (interpersonal, but also racism, classism etc), and at the same time I think the way Harry & Meghan are handling their exit afterlife is not smart.
I’m just eating popcorn and enjoy royal fashion.
Anonymous
They’ll definitely be invited. They’re just mad about having to sit with the less prominent non-working royals and get less publicity (there are like 8 non-working princes/princesses I think?) vs. the working royals. Even though they quit their jobs. It’s like any family business, the family and the job are two different things. Coronation is a work event.
Anon
I don’t think they’ve said any of this. You’re basing this all on what the British press are saying, and they’ve shown how unreliable and inaccurate they consistently are about royal matters.
Anonymous
I don’t read British press. I work in protocol adjacent role for a similar type office outside and I’m familiar with protocol layers on seating for working vs family. We have the same head of state vs head of govt separation. Are they even getting any coverage? I feel the Putin/Xi situation and Paris has taken over the news everywhere.
Anon
It’s the “they’re mad” comment you used. I don’t think they’ve said they’re mad – I don’t think they’ve said anything about the coronation at all.
Lily
Anon @ 11:52, you literally said “they’re just mad,” but cite no source. Are they your personal acquaintances? For all we know, they don’t care at all about where they’re sitting and may not even want to go but are being pressured into it by Charles.
Anonymous
I’m mean they’re not going make a press release statement saying they are mad but their faces were pretty clear at the Jubliee when they got seated with Princess Beatrice and not Prince William. I don’t see why this is different. They’re already using the title for their kids which is a big 1980s Andrew ‘don’t you know who I am’ vibes as well. Other modern grandkids don’t use them.
Or maybe I’ve dealt with so many family members who were mad that they were not closer than ABC govt person that I’m jaded about the whole thing.
Anon
Who are the other modern grandkids? Princess Beatrice? Prince George and his siblings?
Anon
So basically you’re talking out of your ass @1:17
Anonymous
@ Anon 2:32
Are you shocked I don’t know them personally? Really? No one here ever comments on celebrities/politicians without knowing them personally. Clearly I’m totally out of line. What I do know if protocol seating and how difficult families can be with expectations at state related events. Based on how they were at the Jubilee, I’d be shocked if they are excited to be in the back and not on the balcony. I guarantee you none of the logistics staff want them there based on how they acted at the Jubliee. Oh wait, since I don’t know the logistics staff personally I better not say that on an anon internet board I guess.
Anonymous
Queen’s grandkids are:
Princess Anne’s kids – Zara Tindall and Peter Philips – no titles
Prince Charles’ kids – Prince William and Prince Harry
Prince Andew’s kids – Princess Beatrice and Princess Eugenie
Prince Edwards kids – Lady Louise and James, Earl of Wessex
None of the great-grandkids have titles except William’s kids prior to Queen’s death and Harry’s kids now. I don’t get the point of titles for kids who are 6th/7th in line to the throne and only drop down from there when George/Charlotte/Louis have kids in 15-20 years. Like if they have two kids each then Harry’s kids are like 12th and 13th in line for the throne which seems kinda cringey to be like ‘call me Princess’ when you have an ordinary job/life. Current kid in 12th doesn’t have a title.
here she goes
omgggg that’s amazing.
Anon
Amazing!!
anon
I’m dealing with some persistent feelings of not being enough, in any part of my life. I realize I need some therapy around this, but are there any books, podcasts, media around this topic that you’d recommend diving into, too? And hopefully nothing that rings of false positivity or is overly sweet, if that makes sense. (I have checked out Brene Brown before, and she’s hit or miss for me. I appreciate that she is research-based, but sometimes I feel like she’s talking in circles and I still don’t really understand how I’m supposed to incorporate that into my actual life.)
Anon
I’m just wondering (brought in by someone I know, born female -and now exploring feeling like a man), is this what defines men and women in a world where women work, drive cars, and own property in their own right? Women do this and have Brene Brown and the like and man don’t either? Can think of so many men who never do anything wrong and know it all (so it is like middle school never ends for them) and women who are the opposite. Not all of either. Maybe self-help for men is largely workout tips?
Anon
Lol there’s a whole genre of self help for dudes too. Cal Newport and Mark Manson spring to mind as very bro-y self help gurus.
Ribena
Or worse – Andrew Tate and Jordan Peterson.
Anon
Or incel stuff — you aren’t getting any and it’s all the women’s fault
Anon
My ex-BIL had 4 kids and went to work and then watched football all weekend. My sister being peeved at years of this was her being an ungrateful b*tch, not him not carrying the weight of parenthood at all, and any counselor telling him otherwise was a d*ck or some other bitter woman who didn’t appreciate her man. My sister spent years trying to fix herself (the women’s self-help part of the bookstore really seemed to confirm to her that she needed fixing, like by its very existence as a long stretch of books) and my BIL doesn’t seem to be able to have a relationship with a women of independent means or one that doesn’t involve yelling at them to be grateful. So some guys need a bit more of this and I can see women needing to be told that maybe they aren’t the problem.
Anon
@11:53
I’m so sorry for your sister. I know generations of men like your (thankfully) ex BIL and I don’t think any self help book is going to help them, because they don’t consider themselves broken. And never will.
June
The men who think they walk on water and who’s S**t don’t stink need to wake up and smell the coffee/ toilet. It is not Chanel #5 in there. It’s S***t, and it is the same as their superiority attitude. It’s got to be flushed down the toilet before the stink becomes unbearable.
Anon
I mean, I am a woman who has zero interest in self-help of any sort (I’ve also never experienced imposter syndrome, and don’t general feel most of the insecurities that people seem to argue are part and parcel of female life). And plenty of men are absolutely into self-help (see: Jordan Peterson).
Anon
What in the frillyheck? This is not what defines a woman.
Anon
Honestly, in 2023, I am not at all sure what defines a woman in the western world (where I didn’t always live — I used to be somewhere were every aspect of my life was circumscribed by my gender).
Rainbow Hair
I think there’s a difference between “women are like this, men are like that” and “our current societal BS around women generally teaches them to see certain things differently than it teaches men to see those things.” We receive a lot of messaging about how women vs men are supposed to present themselves, and some of that will almost inevitably sink in on some level.
Anon
This this this this!!!!
Anon
I like the Happiness Lab podcast and recently an episode on this subject resonated with me. The guest was Rachel Goldstein Turow and it was based on her book The Self-Talk Workout. I bought a copy though I haven’t read it yet. But it may be what you’re looking for, it may be worth checking out the podcast episode for discussion about this issue and some tangible recommendations.
here she goes
The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz has elements that have stuck with me and are helpful in this area. In particular his writing on the fourth agreement “always do your best” was unique and very helpful.
It’s Easier Than You Think by Sylvia Boorstein is very good as well and helpful with these feelings. Based on Buddhist teachings but useful to anyone.
I agree about Brene Brown books. I respect the heck out of her, but her books miss the mark for me.
here she goes
A podcast suggestion: We Can Do Hard Things hosted by Glennon Doyle, Abby Wambach, and Amanda Doyle. Highly recommend. Not at all woo woo or sweet, really just very thoughtful discussions of walking through the hard things in life.
Anonymous
How about something more practical, like The Confidence Code?
312
Would recommend the Mel Robbins podcast for this.
Paula
I was reading an article by a start up founder whose money was tied up in SVB, and she wrote that when she was unsure about being able to meet payroll, some employees told her that they would be okay missing 1 payroll and to pay other (probably more junior) employees first. In this type of situation, where it is really not your companies fault at all, would you be okay with getting one paycheck late?
On one hand I get that some people need that paycheck to make rent and some people could probably survive a missed paycheck or two. But it just seems wrong to work and not get paid for it.
Anon
No. It’s wrong and it’s illegal. I know start ups intentionally blur work-life boundaries, but I would be pissed if I weren’t paid because the founder lost all the money this way. That was a dumb business move that was totally avoidable, not like taking a risk that didn’t pan out or something.
Anon
I would not be “okay” with it, in that I would immediately file a complaint against the company, but I would agree to it if there were no other options for getting everyone paid. (Can the execs loan money to the company? Maybe the people who created this mess should figure out how to inject liquidity into the company – that’s what they are paid for.)
Paula
This was a small start up so there were not that many “execs” but yes they did loan money and get investors/family/friends to loan money short term, although I think it still came short of covering all of payroll.
I’m a little surprised at the anger at the business owner – I don’t really think its irresponsible to have your money in a bank, and they’re not responsible for SVB failing. Yes they probably should have diversified banks at least a bit, and will now, but I don’t think they’re the most egregious people here.
Vicky Austin
I think I would be looking to get out if there was any whisper of not being able to make payroll for any reason. But I’m generally not inclined to work for start-ups anyway.
Anon
In the abstract, yes. Makes sense to prioritize the lower level employees who need the paycheck more.
For this particular founder? No. There was certainly bad luck in the SVB collapse but knowing her and the kind of work environment she cultivates, it’s hard for me to believe ego wasn’t a factor in her company’s problems. And I really doubt those employees voluntarily offered to forego paychecks.
Anon for this
Winnie? Seems like a good service. What’s going on with the work environment?
Anon
Sounds like it’s a matter of missing one pay cycle or getting laid off entirely. I’d go for getting laid off and hopefully getting paid double later on.
Anon
Something I never understood, is that I thought most businesses pay for pay-roll insurance? Wouldn’t insurance kick-in if you thought you were going to miss a pay cycle? I know several people who have been or are business owners, and they all mention as payroll insurance being expensive but necessary. I don’t understand if my local coffee s shop owner has it, why would a start-up not have it?
Anon
What is payroll insurance? My understanding is that there is workers comp and ELI, but nothing specifically protecting the company’s ability to make payroll. Wouldn’t that be a revolving line of credit? Or would the company have not passed underwriting because of this risky practices?
Anon
Employee benefits attorney and small business owner here, and I’ve never heard of payroll insurance. No one has ever even tried to sell me such a thing. Many business owners maintain a line of credit that could be drawn upon quickly in such a case, but if the LOC is with the same bank that holds their checking account, that’s not going to be much use.
Anon
There is no insurance for guaranteeing you make your payroll. There are surety/completion bonds, but those guarantee your obligations to third parties, not employees
You may be thinking of payroll taxes, which is a colloquial term for the taxes that are deducted from your paycheck (social security, Medicare, maybe disability insurance, etc)
Anon
I think she’s thinking of workers comp and employer liability insurance, which can be colloquially called “payroll insurance.”
Anon
Ok, if so, just to be clear, workers’ compensation covers employee medical and partial salary replacement if they are injured on the job. Employer’s liability (not the same as EPLI) is a subcoverage of Worker’s Compensation that protects the employer from certain unusual third party suits related to an employee injury.
None of these coverages protect the employee’s paycheck in the event that the employer doesn’t have the money to pay them.
Anonymous
Are you thinking of unemployment insurance? Meaning what the employer pays into the state unemployment insurance fund to cover unemployment payments?
Anon
I’m a junior employee so I’d be one of those people who needs that paycheck.
About a month into my first post-college job my company messed up payroll and we were not paid on Friday but were paid the following Monday. My boss, who I was close with, offered to front me some money from her personal savings if I needed it because she knew I was 22 and making 24k a year, but no bills were due that weekend so I didn’t need to do that. She was LIVID on my behalf, which I appreciated
Rainbow Hair
I once worked for a tiny firm that was very willynilly about paying me. I’d call and say “I need you to pay me, it’s over a week late.” “Oh, are you going to get evicted?” Like, no, but I don’t work for you for free, a-hole. Shockingly, he never improved, and the number of “if I don’t get paid by Friday I will be unable to continue to work for you” emails I had to send… Another employer (this was abroad) realized they forgot to deduct my ‘rent’ (they provided housing) from my paycheck for like 6 months so they just suggested not. paying. me. for the final few months of my contract. When I told them that I needed money to live, they were shocked and disappointed that I wasn’t doing this for the love of the work alone. So yeah, based on those experiences, I’m pretty vehemently opposed to working for free.
On the other hand, my current employer missed payroll on a date in mid December last year because Wells Fargo flagged the higher #s as fraud (they were in fact bonuses, and WF had received and acknowledged written notice that the #s would be higher) — and we almost immediately received an email from the CEO saying how enraged they were that the bank had effed this up, and that everyone was working madly to get us paid within 12 hours. And folks were indeed working frantically to get it solved, and we did get paid that next day, and they ensured that WF paid any overdraft fees that arose from the delay… and I’m OK with all of that.
So I guess my answer comes down to the attitude of the employer toward folks not being paid – if the employer realizes it is totally unacceptable and bends over backward to get it fixed ASAP, I can live with it. If the employer thinks that “we’re all on the same team, who needs to get paid right away?” that’s a huge red flag and time to run away.
Vicky Austin
Agree entirely. I was once part of the team working frantically to get payroll paid when the bank effed up, and it was stressful AF, but it was absolutely not a cash flow issue or the result of a la-di-da attitude towards people’s paychecks, and we made sure to communicate that as soon as we were aware of the issue. I think that’s a completely different ballgame than expecting employees to take the brunt of known financial crunches ahead.
Anon
Your first paragraph: that’ so illegal! Payroll isn’t when they feel like it. I would have reported the business to the state agency (Labor? Employment?) the second time it happened. Then I would have looked for another job.
Anon
I work for government, and in lean budget years, have experienced temporary salary reductions. While it was not paid out this way, it effectively meant I worked 2/52 weeks for $0. I didn’t like it, but the alternative was layoffs that would have been awful for many others. Demoralizing but I did not job search because I like my job.
Anon
I worked for an F50 company that was talking about imminent layoffs. Several employees suggested temporary salary reductions rather than our colleagues losing their jobs, so much so that senior management had to address it. In a nutshell the answer was no, they had a plan and they were sticking to it, and they did a 10% layoff. And then those of us who were left behind had to do the work of those missing colleagues for no more pay, so it worked out the same, excerpt for the laid off people! Them many, many of us quit as soon as we could find another job.
I only know a handful of people who are still there out of the hundreds I worked with daily for all those years.
Also Public Employee
Exactly. Government paychecks are smaller, but they are regular and dependable.
Anon
I worked for a non-profit that delayed one paycheck right after 9/11 because of 9/11 related complications. I was fine with it but would not have been fine with longer or more.
Anon
Any recs for the Amalfi Coast, especially Positano? Not interested in Capri because I did that on a previous trip, but hoping to take the ferries to explore the little villages like Amalfi, Ravello, Praiano, etc. We’ll also have a day in Naples at the end of the trip if anyone has recs there. I know it’s a little grittier than the most frequently visited parts of Italy but this is my sixth trip to Italy and I’m excited to see something a little off the beaten path.
anon
Check out The Positano Diaries on YouTube. The channel is about an English women who lives in Positano with her family. She vlogs about daily life, but I think she has some travel tips in there as well.
italia
i wouldn’t call positano or naples off the beaten path!
I stayed in Sorrento last year and visited positano for a day – i was so glad i wasn’t staying there. It was claustrophobically crowded. Beautiful, but sorrento was much more my speed.
Anon
Oh Positano for sure is not off the beaten path. I meant Naples. I realize it’s a major city but I hardly know anyone who has actually visited, except to catch a train to the Amalfi Coast or Pompeii.
I had the opposite experience – stayed in Sorrento my last time on the Amalfi Coast and preferred Positano, so that’s where we’re staying this time. However all my trips have been off-season (March/April). I understand summer crowds are very different.
Anon
I am found of Vico Equense, though it’s very small!
I honestly wish I had left more than one day for Naples even though I’d been there before. To me it feels almost inexhaustible, but I am interested in history and art history, so I’m very happy spending my day in churches, museums, palaces, and gardens, in between meals and coffee and desserts. Make sure to check the schedule for what is open on the day you go!
Anon
Fond* of
NYC Librarian
I stayed in Naples for 2 nights last May and liked it a lot. I loved the MANN (where all the Pompeii and Herculaneum artifacts are, plus the Farnese marbles), and I also enjoyed seeing an opera performance at Teatro San Carlo. I highly recommend Culinary Backstreets’ food tour of the city. Naples is getting more and more “cleaned up” and touristy every day. I found it to be cleaner, quieter, and probably safer than where I live in NYC.
Anonymous
My family took a day trip to Naples from Sorrento and we had read and heard a lot of negative things about the city beforehand but it was one of the best days of our trip. We did have a wonderful guide to help us see Naples.
JD
For Naples, definitely go to the museum, it’s great, especially if you’ve also been to Pompeii! I haven’t been to Napoli in 15 years, and my parents were stationed there in the 80s. There’s a lot of people watching and old traditions there. Make sure you wear your purse inside your coat or use a money belt. It’s a lovely, complex city.
Since it’s been awhile, I’ll just say check out a recent guidebook or online reviews and pick a few local places to eat at. Amazing food.
Look up the old school pizza restaurants in a guidebook and go to one. The pizza is amazing, it’s not just hype. If you celebrate Christmas, go to the San Gregorio Armeno area and consider buying a nativity/creche and figurines. Naples has whole streets dedicated to specific crafts to shop from local vendors. They have over the top baby clothes from what I remember if you have kids or siblings with kids.
Check out a recommended bakery/cafe in a recent guidebook, and get a Sfogliatelle pastry. I still remember the last one I ate. Also, look out for Italian chocolate brands that you can’t find in the US.
anon
If you like hiking, check out the Path of the Gods trail. You get up above town on the hillside and the views are amazing.
Spouse anxiety - resources
I’d greatly appreciate any resources the hive can recommend about (re)establishing healthy relationship dynamics when your partner has a mental health condition that makes them rejection-sensitive and/or less likely to perceive the effects of their actions. Specifically anxiety, in my husband’s case, but I suspect similar challenges from depression, ADHD etc so any references are welcome.
I’m increasingly aware of how much our lives are shaped by his needs (wants?) and how few of mine are being met. Want to see if there are ways to address that before I consider ending a 20 year marriage, but the condition itself makes hard conversations seem impossible. Also hard to disentangle what’s “inconsiderate jerk” & what’s “coping mechanism”
(“Therapy” is on the todo list; finding a therapist & getting in will take some time and I’d like to do some self-directed work in the meantime)
Ribena
I recently read Allison Raskin’s Overthinking About You and while it’s more about early dating and getting into relationships than about long term relationships, I wonder if the insights might be useful here?
Anon
Different take here, but it sounds like you’re looking for objective criteria on what’s acceptable and there’s no such thing. It sounds like you’re deeply unhappy and that’s okay in the sense that you don’t need permission to be unhappy and to leave.
Emma
Agreed. My ex had depression and he objectively needed help and support. He was also awful to me and I was miserable. I gave him as much time and support as I could and then I just snapped. It’s ok to put yourself first sometimes.
Monday
If the husband isn’t in treatment and actively working to get better, then I agree with this. If he’s doing everything he can but still struggling, I’d have a softer view.
June
I also agree. If your relationship is failing, you need to ask yourself if the pluses outweigh the negatives, and follow accordingly by either arranging to get him the help he needs, or just DTMFA if you determine it is not worth it. I spent years with a dude that thought of me as an outlet for sex, and not as a partner. As a result, when he wanted sex, he was nice until he got it, then afterward ignored me until the next time. I figured I did not want to be just a pinata for his sexual needs and told him not to come by again. He kept trying for about a year, but finally gave up when I would not let him in my apartment. Do the same. You will be much happier.
Anon
FWIW, the “condition”is acting as an excuse here and you can ignore it as you consider your options. My ex-husband had depression and used it as a weapon to excuse all kinds of terrible emotional behavior and lack of contribution to the household. My now husband also has ADHD and depression but is a fully functioning partner who takes my needs into full consideration and is an equal partner. The TL/DR, don’t let the diagnosis get in the way. Plenty of people are great partners with those conditions.
Anon
I’m always perplexed when someone cites depression as an explanation for why someone is consistently hurtful and cruel. Exhausted, sure. Relatively more negative than a very peppy person, not surprising! It’s literally a mood disorder. But a lot of the most severely depressed people I’ve known have been kind and generous people. I think there is more going on if someone is actively mean, or at least, I think it’s not a necessary effect or coping mechanism.
That said, I don’t know many people with ADHD that I would describe as fully functioning (not forgetting things, losing objects, missing deadlines, etc.). Maybe on successful meds.
Anon
Well with my husband who has ADHD, he’s developed a lot of coping mechanisms over his life and meds help too, but mostly he recognizes the issues that come with it and has a bunch of systems to deal. Think, neat as a pin – everything has a place so he doesn’t lose things, meticulous calendaring of deadlines and reminders to start things, self awareness to know how long things will take and starting early, etc. is it something to deal with? Sure. But it can be managed well such that he’s absolutely a fully functioning adult who drops way fewer balls than I do.
Anon
I guess I just wouldn’t underestimate the meds here. A lot of people are going without their meds right now, and the “scaffolding” systems just aren’t working the way they used to!
Anon
Coming back to myth bust a bit, meds for ADHD just help DH concentrate if he needs to, they’re not something he takes daily. Having systems in place is actually how many people with ADHD function and function well. You might be surprised to learn people have it who you wouldn’t suspect because they’re quite competent at work and life.
Anon
Unfortunately, I have noticed that depression in men (often when described in medical circles) often manifests as “irritability”. Which in many ways can mean…. being a mean A$$hole. Not saying it is an excuse, but it is actually a reason why it is undertreated. It doesn’t always present as low mood/fatigue/loss of interests etc.
Monday
+1, and I’m a woman whose depression often shows up as anger/irritability too.
Clara
I’m a woman whose depression manifests as very strong anger, but I don’t actually take it out on people. In fact, I often isolate myself because I know I won’t be able to speak to people politely.
Anonymous
Depends on how adhd manifests. From the outside I look fully functioning, but no one sees that it takes extra effort and coping mechanisms and excruciating attention to keeping my planner 100% up to date. No one sees how I stay up too late because I spent an extra two hours on the couch in the evening telling myself I need to go shower. No one sees that I use the random day off I take at regular intervals to decompress from the stress of just doing an average flexible job to acceptable levels and maintaining minimum levels of hygiene and home maintenance.
Anonymous
“No one sees how I stay up too late because I spent an extra two hours on the couch in the evening telling myself I need to go shower.”
This is me. DH sees this.
Everyone else sees the mom who is making sure I don’t miss swim registration or random wear X day at school or the employee leading the onboarding for new employees etc.
Runcible Spoon
I feel seen.
Anonymous
You need a therapist to work through what is coping, if the coping is not working for you, what other options/strategies can he use.
Like DH struggles to understand that sometimes sitting by myself in our room is a coping mechanism that allows me to calm myself and reset. Attitude magazine/website recently had a good article about this issue.
Spouse anxiety - resources
(More context since it was asked). He is on medication and admits he has “bad days” and is struggling… but also isn’t pursuing other treatment. So I do want to give credit for that, while still trying to figure out if I can expect him to be the partner I want (and how to communicate what I want in a way that maximizes the chances he hears me).
Anon
Sure doesn’t sound like the medication is working well; does the prescriber know how it’s going?
Anon
+1
It is ok for you to be honest with him, and tell him what you see.
Often wives are the best historians when knowing when treatment for mental illness needs a change.
It is very common for meds not to work, or stop working with time. Sometimes you need a change of medicine, an addition of a 2nd medicine, or a combination of therapy/medicine/lifestyle changes.
The best treatment for mood disorders is often medicines (that can be tapered over time)/therapy and some sort of stress reduction (ex. via exercise/yoga/mediation/massages/whatever…)
Anonymous
What do you want? It may just not be compatible with what he wants or how you as a couple address the problem. Like if he’s not able to do a sufficient amount around the house, can you pay for more household help?
Not mental health related but I recently had a big weight lifted when I stopped pushing DH to travel with me. He has made a few major sacrifices for our relationship that have resulted in him not being interested in lots of travel. I LOVE to travel. I’ve gotten myself to a place where I’m genuinely excited about solo travel or travelling with other family/friends. It’s a price of admission thing. Just because that’s the price I’m willing to pay doesn’t mean it’s right or wrong that others are not. I bring up the example in part because we have been together 20 years as well and our lives have definitely changed over that time but we are opting to continue the journey together.
It sounds like you want him to be ‘better’ but sometimes with mental health it’s like diabetes or high blood pressure – you don’t get cured, you just have varying degrees of success in managing.
Anon
I just don’t think it matters if he’s treating or on medication if he’s still a jerk who doesn’t meet or even see your needs. You deserve more than that.
Anonymous
The medication process can be really draining and cause people to give up. Usually they want people on a medication for 6-8 weeks, then assess effectiveness, then change dosage if not effective, then another 6 weeks of still not working, then titrate off, then start again with new medication and repeat ad nasuem until something works. When you’re depressed, the first medication not working can be really demoralizing.
Anon
It is also really demoralizing when you’re not really actually depressed; the meds are so hit and miss that it can take a really long time for them to realize that they’re barking up the wrong tree and the meds aren’t working because the symptoms are actually from another condition altogether. I can’t wait for a new era of psychiatry to arrive that is less trial and error.
Anonymous
Right? How do we not have tests for this stuff instead of the endless trial and error?
Anon
Well, a huge proportion of health care is actually like this.
Even with clear diagnoses, sometimes the best treatment for each person is unclear.
And many things don’t have perfect tests to diagnose.
And many things change over time, and only then does a diagnosis become clear.
You would be shocked if you knew how much of medicine works behind the scenes. Maybe not?
Anonymous
I am very late to reply, but I find the ADHD partner sub-reddit to be very helpful. There is a pinned post (not sure of the correct term) on RSD the you may find very useful in your decisions. I’m in the exact same boat. Virtual hugs to you.
Anon
I just received a summons for jury duty. Last time was three years ago –yup, pandemic. I didn’t get placed (I don’t think they were doing any jury trials at all), but this time… ARGH!
June
Look at it as an opportunity! Imagine if you are picked to be on the jury for a big trial? You could write a book about it afterwards!
Anon
If you don’t want to get picked, just volunteer a lot of info to all the questions they ask. Someone will find something they don’t like.
I think it would be fun to be on a jury though.
Senior Attorney
Please don’t do that. Most of us will never be called to serve in the military and serving on a jury is our one and only opportunity to sacrifice for the civic good. Please go in there and answer the questions in good faith and serve in good faith if you are selected.
Signed,
Was called but didn’t make it into the box last summer and the games people played just about destroyed my faith in humanity
Anon
You can volunteer on Election Day. One and Done, unlike jury duty.
Anon
Aren’t the lawyers all playing games with the jury selection process too?
Anonymous
No. They are not “playing games”. Thank you
Anon
+1
Thank you Senior Attorney.
Anon
I would be far more amendable to jury duty if I could time it (even within a few months). DH is on summer break – give me all of the June trials! Alternately, can I ask for not fiscal year end?
Anon
Same. In my jurisdiction they let you give them a list of dates you can’t do it, so I submitted all our vacations (we plan far in advance, lol) and some busy work periods. But it would be great if you could tell them when you DO want to do it.
Is it Friday yet?
I had a period where I was unemployed, and wished I could volunteer to do jury duty then a few times to get it out of the way for when I had a job again. Of course, I never got called while I was unemployed, but have gotten called four times (including next month) in the five years since!
Anon
This! Especially when a lot of people do contract work, getting called in the middle of an eight-month contract can be devastating but they would be thrilled to do it immediately after it ends.
Ribena
A family member of mine works on a big international sporting event with a four year cycle and keeps getting called for jury service immediately before that sporting event and having to beg off. It’s almost predictable at this point.
Anon
In my state, you can defer once for any reason. It think it may only be for 90 days, but can help if the jury service is at a bad time. If the summons doesn’t say anything, call the clerks office and ask if you can defer
Anon OP
OP Here. I’m self-employed, in accounting, so I *guess* I could try to get work done will sitting in the pool room. But I’ll have to leave my elderly dog in the car the whole day! I can’t leave him alone! Gah!
At least, during any kind of voir dire, I can emphasise how many lawyers I’ve worked for and oh yeah, that one time I was going to be a rebuttal witness in a very famous murder trial. Does that still work? Telling counsel how much work you’ve done for law firms?
Anonymous
It might. But I have left a lawyer on a jury before because there were too many worse choices.
Anon
Perhaps, but not necessarily. Plenty of lawyers and even judges serve on juries. It’s better if you can share opinions that are controversial in the context of the trial. I got struck by truthfully saying I would have a hard time believing a law enforcement officer was being fair if the defendant was a person of color.
Anon
Generally, it helps but doesn’t ensure you won’t be picked. Unless you are in DC, where it seems like every jury ends up with at least one if not more attorneys. They are just too big a part of the jury pool
Anon
Looking for a Brunswick stew recipe
If anyone has a favorite one!
Anon
Are you still here? If not, will repost on afternoon post.
Anon
Still here!
Anonymous
I have my mother’s adapted from a recipe in an old Southern Living that is really good, but as written it is an all day affair that involves smoking a chicken and pork roast for 6 hours with hickory woods chips, so I’ve never made it myself (though if you can find smoked chicken and pork for sale you can just sub that). But if interested, post a burner email and I’ll send you a picture (because it’s handwritten on a recipe card…)
Anon
Any recommendations for career coaches specializing in mid-life transitions? I can’t imagine working in my field for another 15 years. I’m in a senior role, and I am totally burnt out of the work. It’s work I kind of fell into, and I’m having trouble figuring out how to identify transferrable skills or even explore other career paths.
Anon2
I recently turned 50 and started having a career-crisis. I worked with a coach through a service provided by my company. She’s not necessarily a career coach specializing in mid-life transitions, but I found her to be extremely helpful in determining my next career step. I worked with her through a free service provided by my company. Here is her professional site: Ahna Machan at Audacious Changes https://audaciouschanges.com/
Anon
I’m right there with you.
I’m frozen at the moment.