Deal Alert: The Nordstrom Sale is Gooooooodd

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1. I love Nordstrom. That is all.

   1. So very much. And Classiques Entier in paricular.

   2. And Halogen has been my frugal salvation.

   3. I swear 90% of what I wear is Classiques, Halogen, Caslon, or Zella. And thanks Kat, I just picked up a few things.

   4. Me too. And Diane van Furstenburgh also! Rosa goes to White Plains all the time, and she gives me what she does NOT like, now that Ed lets her buy first and then decides what work’s for her. He is VERY devoted to Rosa b/c of the kid’s. I want a husband like Ed, as long as he does NOT fool around. YAY!!!

   5. That olive and black dress is gorgeous. Someone needs to snap it up!

2. Help! How do I word an email to opposing counsel to essentially asking to adjourn a trial because I’ll be on maternity leave? Maybe I just say that?

   1. Yes. And if opposing counsel refuses to enter this order by agreement, he/she is glassbowl whose refusal to accommodate must be broadcast to all. I suppose there might be an extenuating circumstance that might justify refusal to agree, but that’s a one in a million case.

      My daughter is 17 and I can still tell you the name of the attorney who objected to my request to change a hearing, not even a trial, to an EARLIER date to accommodate my leave. I can also tell you the name of the judge who shut him down.

      1. Thanks, housecounsel. I’m really trying to get out of the mindset that my maternity as a huge unreasonable upset that I need to apologize for at every turn, but it’s hard!

         1. I am pretty sure if you posted this on a regular morning thread, you would have dozens of us “senior” attorneys backing you up loudly. Do NOT apologize. I say this as if it is easy at first. I know it isn’t. But I have had two more kids since the 17-year-old and it does get easier and eventually becomes second nature. This may be the first time you have to firmly assert that family comes first but it won’t be the last.

   2. I request your consent for an adjournment of our trial date until after xyz date as I will be on maternity leave.

      And if the say no you write to the court, request the adjournment, and inform the court that opposing counsel refused to consent.

      1. And attach the email as an exhibit.

3. Yes yes yes times infinity.

4. I’m looking for a little advice — or perhaps a ‘script’ — for an awkward conversation that I need to have with my assistant.

   Someone just came to see me, but because my door was closed she checked with my assistant. My assistant told the visitor that I have a private appointment blocked off everyday at this time. 1. I do not have any such thing (unless outlook has somehow gotten the better of me), and 2. if I did have such a thing, I would certainly want the “private” appointment to remain private. It wasn’t relayed only in a “she’s busy” manner, but in a speculative, gossipy, “what could she be doing” manner. This is not the first instance of what I feel is gossipy behavior.

   I need to communicate this concept to my assistant. But…I sometimes have a tendency to be unintentionally scary. How do I kindly, gently, tell her that gossip is not tolerated in a way that will be heard….and not make me the subject of more gossip or make her feel terribly scolded.

   The goal is to fix, not reprimand. Any ideas?

   1. I have a tendency to be too nice but this is what I’d say:

      Hey Assistant, the next time someone comes to ask if they can interrupt me when my door is closed, could you please tell them it is fine to knock [if there are exceptions, like she can see you are on a call, list them here]. You may not know this, but sometimes I close my door when I am drafting or need to focus. I don’t mind being disturbed during that time unless I have specifically blocked off my calendar. When X came to see me this morning, I did not have anything blocked off in my calendar. I was _____ing. I wouldn’t want anyone to think I was unavailable when I really was available so I’ll count on you to invite people to knock on my door from now on.

      Doesn’t reprimand but hopefully does fix.

      1. I like this approach. It doesn’t address the “gossipy” behavior, but TBH I don’t think you’re going to be successful at stopping that. I think you need a new assistant who won’t intentionally undermine you to your colleagues.

      2. This is the best approach–remember you have to keep working with this person. If you poison the relationship by being too aggressive, cross-examiney, or hostile, you may have to deal with ripple effects down the road. Remember the assistants have networks of their own, and you may not know where her network leads to. Keeping it low key and letting her know a knock on the door, or an e-mail from the assistant to you that so and so would like to see her gives her clear direction and re-orientation without declaring war. Preserve the relationship by giving clear non confrontational direction. If the problem persists–then you may need to change tactics.

   2. Well, there is nothing you can do about gossip. Gossip will happen and people will talk. I have been told that, now that the only other woman attorney in my office left, I am a target of gossip in my office. I don’t ask. I have been told (not by HR) that someone instituted a sexual harassment claim on my behalf. I don’t ask. I don’t want to know and I don’t want to give it any credibility by asking. Plus, I have no poker face so I can’t hide any reactions.

      I would just stop my my assistant’s desk and mention that you were drafting/in a teleconference this morning and if you missed anything. Remind her that if your door is closed, it’s OK to knock.

      I caution against overreacting. That really causes gossip.

   3. I feel like being scary is not the very worst thing in this particular situation.

      1. “Assistant, I understand you informed visitor that I have every day at this time blocked off as a private appointment? I don’t have that on my calendar- can you show me where you are seeing it so we can figure this out?”

         1. +100

         2. Followed up with “Ok, so I need for you to avoid misrepresenting my schedule to people who are looking for me – if I don’t have something blocked out on my calendar, you shouldn’t be telling people that I do. Can you agree not to misrepresent my schedule to others going forward?” when you inevitably discover she has no basis for what she said.

            (Blatantly cribbed from AAM scripts, because she is the Queen of All Workplace Scripts.)

         3. This gives the assistant a chance to explain and you can clarify. I feel like she may believe that door closed = not available.

   4. First, ask your assistant what happened. “I heard X came by to see me, but my door was closed?” Then stay silent for a few seconds and see if she’ll explain. If she doesn’t, I’d say “She said you told her I have a daily private appointment?” And give her the opportunity to explain herself. There could be a reasonable explanation, or innocent misunderstanding.

   5. (In a breezy, friendly tone of voice). “Hey, something weird happened today. Visitor said that you told her that I wasn’t available at (time) because I had a standing private appointment. But I don’t have a standing private appointment, at that time or any other time. Did visitor misunderstand something? Or maybe you got me confused with someone else?” “Well, I’m worried that it made me sound like I have some super secretive business every day at that time. If my door is closed, make sure to tell people it’s because I’m working, haha!”

   6. Thanks for the ideas!! At the end of the day, we had a very brief conversation yesterday focused mainly on fixing what ever is going on in outlook that makes it look like I have things scheduled. I also mentioned that ‘private’ things really should stay private.

      The whole thing bothered me a lot, but the advice to not overreact was well taken. Nothing to be gained from creating drama.

5. I think I’d start by telling her what you heard from the visitor. Ask the assistant what she said, and if she confirms what she said, ask why she would say such a thing (awkward silence which you will wait out).

   I think I’d continue asking questions – wouldn’t you agree that this might give someone the wrong impression? We wouldn’t want to do that, would we?

   As I type this it sounds very passive aggressive. But you said you wanted to be gentle so I tabled my first response!

   1. That second paragraph makes me want to vomit. That is how you speak to a small child.

      1. Aaand most of the office assistants in my company have the IQ of small children, so that is how they need to be treated!!

         1. You must be real fun to work for.

            1. I was reading it as sarcasm. I’m hoping I was correct. If not, yeah, you sound like a real joy.

         2. I feel like there used to be a tazdevil that wasn’t a troll.

         3. tazdevil is one of our newest trolls; see comments on yesterday’s threads.

      2. Not even that, it’s how you’d speak t o a child you wanted to be condescending to.

      3. It reminds me of Dolores Umbridge

         1. This. This is what this interaction reminds me of. I would be so offended and not respond well if anyone- supervisor included- spoke to me like this.

      4. OK. I re-read my response and agree it comes off as pretty condescending. There are several better ideas here.

6. Vent: I’m a legal aid attorney, and a client showed up unannounced today; no open case, worked with him previously. Wouldn’t’ tell our front desk why he was here, potentially being difficult (although that’s unclear). I was on the phone, in a meeting, as our front desk could see on our IM system. Front desk IMed my colleague, who IMed me because I was the last one to deal with this client. I said I’d deal with it but I was on the phone.

   One of our front desk staffers came back, however- friend of mine, but he’s a staffer and I’m an attorney- and told me client was at our front desk. I mouthed “Wait,” and then “He can wait,” and then “WAIT,” as I had also IMed the front desk. I try to get off the call, but the attorney I’m on the call with (another attorney in our office, although much more senior to me) reminded me that unannounced clients don’t get to dictate time and that they can wait. Which I agreed with.

   So, friend shows back up, and starts HUMMING THE JEOPARDY THEME SONG outside my office and making obscene hand gestures (not the bird. Much more obscene. I don’t know what he was doing). Obviously this is incredibly distracting, and now I’m incredibly flustered. Trying to not let that show on the call, but I’m sure it was obvious. Friend is saying “YOUR CLIENT IS HERE” and I finally wrote “Tell. Him. To. F-ing. Wait.” He said “Okay, okay!” and left. I was very frustrated- that client showed up unannounced, wouldn’t say why, and that I was being interrupted multiple times when I had made clear that the client could wait until I was done with my call. I looked super unprofessional to the other attorney and just felt foolish and embarrassed, which is not something I handle well.

   Got off call- client was sitting quietly in the lobby. And then he started yelling at me and I didn’t know how to handle it and I got even more flustered and frustrated. I eventually had to go get my supervisor to handle it because I was just completely floundering and the client was super upset. It’s not that I can’t handle it, but I didn’t handle this case originally, don’t know the details, and didn’t want to say something that wasn’t in the file. supervisor didn’t handle it either; person who handled it doesn’t work here anymore.

   After I got back to my desk, I told Friend “Thank you for handling that. When I’m on the phone though, and it’s unscheduled, clients can wait.” His reply was very terse and he’s now not making eye contact with me, which doesn’t bother me- his vast unprofessionalism, however, does. And making me look unprofessional also bothers me, immensely- I HATE being embarrassed, and I am. I emailed other attorney to explain and apologize but I still feel horribly bad and am trying not to cry. Client yelling didn’t help in the least, I also hate being yelled at- although I usually deal with it much more firmly than today, I was just so flustered and off once I even got to the client.

   Is this something I should bring up with him later? Should I just let it go? I’ve been trying to professionalize our relationship since I began as an actual attorney (we started as front desk (him), intern (me), and it wasn’t a problem, but now that he actually has to do things for me, he’s being very difficult). I don’t feel at all like it’s something that should go to his supervisor, I’d mention it to him first, but today really, really bothered me.

   1. If it were me, I’d reiterate the policy to anyone who works between the front door and my desk so that it’s consistently clear. There should be no need for 12 people to tell you the same thing, it should be one known policy.

      As for clients yelling, you can’t control that or them. Instead, have a preset script in mind for those moments. “I hear that you’re upset, I cannot hear why until you lower your voice.” Or even, “I’m happy to try to help but I don’t bring people into my office who are yelling.” If the person continues, maybe you can just walk away and suggest they come back another time when they can calmly articulate the problem? Tone is important here so it’s not demeaning, but so you are clear and unwavering in this policy.

      As for the employee, if it’s his job to work under you to do things for you, I’d say to sit down with him and discuss it behind closed doors if you haven’t already. “Look, I get that you probably think of us as equals since we started out pretty similarly, but that’s not our roles now. When you do x, it creates y situation, which is problematic because… Is there something we can figure out so that these situations don’t happen again or should I try to find out if someone else can be assigned to me instead? I don’t want things to be strained but I also can’t have this happen again.” If you’ve already tried this, I think you have to either go to the supervisor or email them (depending whether you want documentation), address the concern, explain the history and how you’ve already tried to handle it, and ask them for advice.

      Sending hugs in the meantime!!

      1. Thank you.

         Policy: Yeah, probably good. This was the first time it had come up, but it was incredibly irritating to have three people touching base with me. Supervisor, fine. Supervisor and front desk supervisor, cool. Friend showing up at my door? SNARL. I already asked if I could talk to the front desk supervisor to figure out the best way to handle something like that.

         Clients Yelling: Yeah, I’ll actually ask my therapist if we can practice that. I’m very much an empathetic people pleaser and people yelling at me is not good. I can and have handled it- using a very similar script- but those skills don’t go as well when I’m already anxious or upset or flustered. Which is something I’ll work on.

         Friend: I am not supervising him, nor is he assigned to help me. He covers the front desk, handles calls and clients who come in, and has set tasks that assist all of us. I haven’t tried it, because until now, I haven’t had anything I would classify as a “problem,” as much as a small annoyance- things like him giving me s**t when I ask him to do something he does for other attorneys but then he does it. I am still too upset to have any conversation with him- I do not handle being embarrassed well, and a certain amount of that comes from that I got out of an abusive relationship where if I screwed up at all I was humiliated in public or privately, so I’m hypersensitive to being embarrassed (current thought process: “Oh g-d, she probably thinks I shouldn’t be an attorney, I’m so bad at this, why didn’t I handle that better, I want to crawl under a rock.”). I might wait until after I have a chance to talk with my therapist tomorrow, and continue to create some professional distance between us. We’re all friendly at the office, but I do think he sees me as an equal, so I may need to have a discussion with him aboutthat. I also haven’t done enough to make that not the case, so I need to do better, too. I tried to bring it up to my supervisor but both of us were still a bit on edge from the fun client interaction.

         1. While I’m not normally a fan of making sure someone knows they’re not on your level (it feels demeaning and unnecessary most of the time), this person thinks he’s equal or above, which is creating major issues from the clients to you to your supervisory situation. So it can’t continue. If you’re not the person to reiterate things, maybe your supervisor or his supervisor is?

            Just remember, anyone observing knew this wasn’t about you or anything you did or didn’t do, it was clearly the mismanagement of everything from this guy that just made it clear he needs guidance.

            For now, deep breaths so you don’t throw a punch ;)

   2. I definitely think you should talk to your coworker. He was incredibly rude and unprofessional. But, I’m not entirely sure what you should say to him. I don’t know that I’d handle it well if I were in your shoes. I totally understand why you’re flustered.

      1. If it was just the jeopardy theme song, I would say deal with it yourself in the ways described above. But you also mentioned that the coworker was making extremely obscene hand gestures while you were on the phone? That, for me, gets to the level where a supervisor or an HR person needs to be involved. That was totally and completely inappropriate. Someone needs to tell him that, and to tell him not to do it again, to anyone – and that person shouldn’t have to be you if you don’t want to address that.

         1. I’m a day late to this thread, but the hand gestures would be HUGE deal for me. I would document the incident, bring it to HR, and document HR’s response to you.

7. I forgot to look at the Nordstrom website last night. Will definitely check out which of the items on my Wish List are on sale and still available with the blue DvF of particular interest.

   1. I bought that DvF dress in black after seeing it here and LOVE it. It’s a nice thickish ponte knit and very flattering cut. Perfect length for work. Order a size up — I’m normally a 4, and size 6 is perfect.

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