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Whoa: this reader tip just blew my mind. We all know I'm a fan of strappy flats and strappy heels for work — but I did not know that detachable shoe straps existed so that you that could make ANY shoe a strappy pump. Here's the email from reader E:
This product saved the day for me, and seems perfect for the blog. I live in the southwest and almost never wear nylons or tights, but I had to go to an event in DC. I wanted to wear heels, but all my shoes felt too loose with tights on. I found these detachable stirrup-like straps, and they were amazing. They can make any heel into a strappy heel. Some have buckles, some are velcro, and they come in a lot of colors.WOW. They're $13 at Amazon, and while a lot of the pictured images involve platform shoes (shudder), I could definitely see how this kind of product could be a lifesaver for someone who only needs to wear heels with tights a few times a year. Eliza May Detachable Shoe Straps ShooStraps Check out our Guide to Comfortable Heels for other reader suggestions on comfortable brands and styles! This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!
Anon
Gotta be honest, I’d rather buy another pair of shoes than use this. They are…not attractive.
Cat
Yeah, I’m sorry but I agree. Wear flats, wear boots, skip the hose or wear thicker hose (like a tightly woven nude fishnet), buy a different pair of shoes, use a ball-of-foot or heel pad to make the shoe a snugger fit….
Anonymous
I think these are a good idea. The shoes on which they are modeled are distracting but on a nice pair shoes, they’d be great.
Anonymous
No…they wouldn’t. They’d still be weird and distracting.
Anonymous
I’ve got a foot deformity that rules a bunch of those options out, and I can see a less-ugly version of this product opening up a lot more shoes for me. They aren’t perfect, but none of the options for people in my situation are. I’m going to look into them.
Anon
Something for you to keep in mind – many good cobblers are willing to add a strap to existing shoes to accommodate feet that may not be able to wear “slip on” shoes. I’ve found this to be a much better solution to keep shoes on the feet.
Anonymous
Yeah, co-sign to “not attractive”. Certainly not polished. And, if the leather quality (or whatever material it’s made of) does not match your shoe, it becomes even more hideous. Maybe it’s like not all black pants match every black jacket, and certainly don’t make a suit. I don’t know why I’m so worked up over this, but this seems like aggressively bad taste.
Anonymous
What are your traditions for Thanksgiving morning?
I grew up watching the Macy’s parade, but we haven’t enjoyed it the past few years (I swear I sound like I’m 80) – too many pop stars, too hard to see the dancers with that logo on the pavement (I know they’ve always had one there, but it’s hard to see through the current one), fewer floats and balloons. Anyways, we’re looking for a new tradition, something that will be good for all ages. What do you do?
Cat
Board or card games to keep people out from being underfoot in the kitchen, or if it’s a mild day, lawn games like bocce ball (especially since my dad grills the turkey so it’s nice to have company outside). Agree that the parade is a yawnfest.
Senior Attorney
We just got a giant Jenga set and it is a super fun outdoor game.
Anon
I volunteer at a local non-profit that delivers a full Thanksgiving feast to people with life-threatening illnesses the morning of. I am usually in the kitchen packaging and loading the bags up onto carts, but tons of families with kids of all ages volunteer to do the deliveries. There is a buffet of food for the drivers and volunteers, everyone is in a great mood, it’s really fulfilling to do something good that day. I’m usually done by 11.
Anonymous
My kids and I, and some extended family members, run a 5k Turkey Trot in the morning.
Traditions
We serve at our local homeless shelter on Thanksgiving morning. We go for a long walk with our dog and then head to see family nearby. Afterward, we watch Meet Me in St. Louis to kick off “Christmas.”
I also bring ethnic food from my culture as our contribution to the meal, partly because I do not like traditional American (Southern) food, but also because I love the blending of cultures.
Anon
How do you start saying no to holiday activities?
Both DH and I have divorced parents and active extended families. Between all of the holiday events from now to early January, we are booked every single weekend. And that’s before we add anything like a Friendsgiving or looking at the Christmas lights in the city or any sort of important-to-us event. It doesn’t help that his family gets together multiple times – they count Thanksgiving, St Lucia, Christmas, and New Years all as separate times to get together (they do it with different “slices” of the family, but his parents/siblings are at every single one). My family tends to lump it all in one, but my nephew’s birthday is in December so I anticipate that will add another event.
Our families are really important to us, and they’ve all adjusted to “off-day weekends” to try to accomodate everyone’s families. But it’s just too much when looking at this many activities. How do we pick and choose? It’s not like we can’t hit them all if we are careful, but it’s more that I just don’t want EVERY weekend booked for two months straight. For example, how do I tell my mom “Hey we’re skipping the extended family get-together that weekend. Nope don’t have other plans yet, and of course seeing the cousins is important, but we needed a free weekend and this is the one we picked.” And we’d have to do the same to multiple events just to get a 48 hour span of free time.
Anyone else deal with this?
anon
This is really hard. It sounds like most of the family is local-ish, so it may help to remind your mom that the holidays aren’t the only time you’ll see Uncle Bob and Aunt Linda this year. As far as picking and choosing, I would alternate the extended families just like you alternate with your immediate families. Say you don’t spend Christmas with Bob and Linda this year — that means they’ll get Christmas next year.
I do think it’s important to carve out time for your own, new little family to establish traditions. So hold onto it, even if you get pushback. I’m guessing you’ll get plenty of comments this year, but they will fade over time. Or they’ll just say it behind your backs instead of confronting you about it. ;)
Anonymous
I make plans with myself and put them on my calendar. Nope, not available that Saturday, because it is important to me to spend a day alone enjoying the city. Sorry, can’t do that Sunday, am busy listening to carols and wrapping gifts. You do it by doing it. “Sorry, can’t make that one, see you next time!”
Anonymous
Well you DO have other plans. Couch bonding time (or whatever) is your plan. You don’t have to TELL them that, of course, just say you’re already committed that weekend and won’t be able to make it.
I think most couples switch off Thanksgiving and Christmas between the families, too. Like, DH’s family for Thanksgiving and yours for Christmas, then swap next year. That’s harder to swallow when you’re within driving distance of both families but… shrug. You have to maintain your sanity. You can’t be everywhere at once.
Anonymous
+1. It may even be that you NEED that time home to yourself instead of out doing ALL the tings. Like the time I had a small meltdown* at a cousin’s wedding reception the weekend after Christmas, because it was the 85th thing I had done that week, when I really just wanted to be home on my damn couch (alone). The introvertedness is real, people. But, absolutely make plans to have no plans – the holiday season is a marathon, so you need to be able to pace yourself.
*Meltdown involved stress-crying while sitting at the reception table during dinner because 1) I rode with my brother so didn’t have my own car and had no control about when to leave, 2) people showed up at the reception site, but there was no appetizers to hold over until dinner was served, so my extended family went to the nearby Buffalo Wild Wings, 3) NOBODY TOLD ME they were going to BWW – I went to the bathroom and came back and everyone I knew was gone 4) which might have been fine if my Kindle hadn’t chosen that moment to die and 5) I had hardly been home in my apartment all that week, even though I wasn’t working, because my mother kept wanting to do Family Christmas things (her local kids are all single with no kids). And I really needed that downtime. Alcohol might have helped, if there had been any at the wedding (bride and groom were under 21….) or if ANYONE HAD TOLD ME about BWW. Apparently, I’m a little grumpy about that still.
Anonymous
I am mad on your behalf, that sucks! I am 31 and my mom expects me to be around all the time, and it sucks.
busybee
Sorry but a lot of this is on you. As a bride, I would have been horrified if:
1. People left during my reception because they couldn’t wait for dinner
2. Someone was sobbing right there at a table
3. Someone couldn’t manage to introduce herself to other people and would have sat there alone with a Kindle had she brought it. Could you seriously not have introduced yourself to people? That’s like social skills 101.
It’s nice to have alone time but it’s even nicer to be an adult and manage your own behaviors.
Anon
This ^times 1000. Thanks for putting it so well, busybee.
Yes, alone time is nice and needed when appropriate (speaking as an introvert myself), but managing your own behaviors and acting like a gracious guest at a wedding is part of being a respectful, responsible adult.
SomeoneOutThere
I drop in for an hour and then leave to do the thing I wanted to do instead.
Anon
Yes. We have Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, and Christmas. We also generally have a December wedding, and it does not help that my family has about 5 different Christmas events. Our extended families live in different cities, but each is a 3-4 hour drive, so it’s the same type of thing where if we really tried we could go to all of these things. I think that the really key thing here is to change the way that this situation is framed. Instead of having everyone assume that you are coming to everything, and then you have to opt out; it needs to be more you emphasizing what you are opting in to. So, instead of saying, “We are not coming to Jojo’s birthday or St. Lucia.” It needs to be, “We are coming to Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Jojo’s birthday party.”
You also need to be very consistent with whatever boundaries you set. For example, if you consistently have an important work holiday party every year and use that as a reason why you can’t come to something, then that needs to be a consistent position you take. We have consistently told family that we come once for Christmas and will stay for 3-4 days. We will not come to any parties the weekend prior to Christmas and miss work for those, etc. Basically, whatever is not in that 3-4 day period, we don’t do. Everyone knows this now (and other cousins our age have also started doing this), so we have actually started to have less conflicts and weird requests come up because people know our schedule, etc.
Vicky Austin
This is a super helpful tactic. Thank you.
Anonymous
Your problem is you’re trying to explain and excuse why you’re not attending an event. You just say no thank you. No explanation. Don’t defend yourself. You don’t owe them an excuse.
Anonymous
Agreed. Offering an excuse feels more gracious but it’s usually not. What you’re really saying is, X is a higher priority to me than your thing. That’s generally not a very kind thing to say to someone.
Emma
No is a full answer. I am pregnant and have a toddler- so I have gotten really good at saying nope, can’t do that, sorry, see you at this other date (I wasn’t always this good at this– but having 2 mini people that depend on my health and sanity (and for theirs) has gotten me better at this).
FWIW- one thing I did this year, was pick a weekend to visit my in-laws in January, so that I could be like– oh that is the next time we will see you, can’t wait! (never mind all the other weekends in Nov/Dec that we just aren’t going to mention). I adore our families and love spending time with them, but I am jut burnt out and need downtime.
And last year, my brother went on a cruise during Xmas, a big no-no in my family because we also have a *BIG* other family bday that day, and I thought my parents were going to die/kill him when they found out– but we all survived fine.
Anonymous
We recently got to this point. Only married 2 years, but DH’s family is local and very active and close. After having plans of some form from mid-August until end of October we scheduled a weekend of doing nothing. Now that Thanksgiving is around the corner we have family activities booked for the next few weekends. I typically respond to invitations from the in-laws by stating we already have plans and cannot attend (i.e. dinner dates and sleep-ins/brunch on Sunday). Although it stinks my family is far away, it makes it a lot easier only having to deal with one family close by. I look forward to finally having a house and perhaps littles because then we can finally drive the plans!
Paging Pet Sitter
Someone on the morning thread was asking about pet sitting for their mother. We found our current pet sitter through recommendations on our neighborhood NextDoor site.
As for what I look for in a sitter, I want someone who is prompt and follows the instructions I provide. I appreciate coming home to things being neat and clean. It’s a bonus if she is comfortable giving medication. I would love for someone to spend time petting the cats and/or playing with them if they are in the mood. I also like getting updates and pictures via text/email/messenger.
Anonymous
At first I thought Kat was recommending the shoes in the picture and my brain almost exploded.
Anonymous
They’d look great with the pants and neon top from earlier.
Online Dating
How long after you begin dating someone do you have a DTR (define the relationship) conversation? Seeking anecdata!
Anonymous
Depends? I tend to wait for an issue to arise that makes the conversation relevant.
Anonymous
+1, DH and I discussed that we weren’t seeing other people, not that we weren’t allowed to, just that we weren’t, about 2 months in… about 5 months in I was suddenly moving to a city 2 hours a way (but easily accessible via train). That’s when we had a DTR convo.
Anonymous
When I’m feeling it. I’ve dated guys for 6 months and never had the talk (and let things fizzle out at some point) and then some… it just clicks and we have the talk after like 2-3 dates.
Anon
For the DTRs that resulted in a relationship:
Guy 1: A yr of back and forth will we won’t we – 19 at the time
Guy 2: 3 mths – 22 at the time. Initiated by the guy.
Guy 3: 4 months. 27 at the time. Initiated by the guy. This one stuck.
Jane
DH initiated the conversation one month after our first date (we met online). We had probably been on 5-6 dates at that point. I knew neither of us was seeing other people and we were both really interested in one another by that point.
Office Mate
Apologies for reposting from an earlier thread, but wanted to get a few more replies and answer some questions:
So I’m set to move into this shared office that is currently occupied. I’m technically assigned to the side with the window but the current person using the shared office has already been using the window side for some time now since that space was previously occupied (she’s supposed to be on the other side facing the hallway). Do I bring this up? If not, the building movers will just put me into the hallway side that’s currently empty and assume that’s where I was assigned. I work with this woman closely so don’t want to damage that relationship, but of course I’d prefer the window spot especially if that’s where I’m supposed to sit anyway.
Some followup:
She was initially sharing with that office with someone else and that person (from the window side) has since left. We had a hiring freeze for a while so she figured since no one was going to be placed in there, she might as well enjoy it. I don’t think the building management will do something about this, unless I have the issue escalated. I have since been promoted to the same title, which is why the move was prompted. Spots are assigned based on what is available so in system, the window is shown as open. It’s not uncommon for newer people to move into open window sides while the more senior person stays put. It doesn’t make sense, but that’s how it’s been done. I’ve briefly mentioned the office space to her and she seemed pretty set on keeping the window side. So I guess I’m just stuck?
Anonymous
Yes obviously
Nope
Yup, you’re stuck. In your officemate’s shoes, I would be *pissed* if I finally got myself into the good seat and someone who just got promoted and moving into my office tried to kick me out. It is not a good way to start a friendship.
Anonymous
Right? You’d be my nemesis forever.
anon
This. The “assignment” is totally random and not based on anything rational like seniority… so that doesn’t really give you a good leg to stand on to claim it. I’d be pissed and think that you were petty if you kicked me out of my seat because you wanted it. Remember what it was like to have roommates you didn’t like in college? That would be 100x worse if it’s your office mate who thinks you’re a jerk.
Anonymous
Of course. Unless you want to go into the company’s history books as the biggest d&(che bag ever. Esp. as you are not even senior to her.
anon
Sorry, you are stuck! My answer would be different (have HR handle it) if you were senior to her. It sounds like this isn’t a downgrade for you though and it would have been for her? My office situation stinks – I have the worst cube of everyone at the same level of seniority so I promise I sympathize.
Anon
Yes, and I wouldn’t even breathe a whisper of this to anybody at work. It won’t make you look good.
Anon
Wow, I’m surprised by all the negative remarks. Seems like the person occupying the office is more or less of a bully, claiming a spot that wasn’t even hers to begin with. This isn’t an open work place where it’s first come, first served. I’d try to raise this with whomever is coordinating the move.
Anon
OMG, taking an empty desk absolutely does not make her a bully. You are so wrong about this.
Anonymous
No, taking someone else’s desk and refusing to move just because she’s been there longer DOES make her one.
Anonymous
DO NOT MENTION THIS TO ANYONE, you literally sound like a lunatic
Gabriellataupeshoes
Pretty cute!