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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
This houndstooth cardigan is not the type of thing that I would normally gravitate to, but something about the happy color combination is really speaking to me right now. The red/pink combo looks cheery, but not childish, and the houndstooth pattern is a classic.
I would wear this to a more casual or creative office in a heartbeat, and might even break it out for a more relaxed Friday in a slightly more formal place.
If the red is too bold for you, it also comes in a green-and-black pattern that’s a little more subdued.
The sweater is $37 on sale at River Island and comes in sizes XS–L; it’s also available in plus sizes. Nordstrom also has it in regular and plus sizes.
Sales of note for 10.10.24
- Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
- Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
- Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
- White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles
Anonymous
SOS Mattress help please!
Bought a new Stearns and Foster pillow top mattress in January and have had it for 3 weeks now. The edges of the mattress feel high, when I am laying on my back I feel like one side of my body is higher/lower than the other. I find myself turning in my sleep more. I called S&F directly but they weren’t much help. Will the edges flatten with time if I sit on the edge of the bed? Our old mattress was one my husband had for a long time (13 years) and per the tag it was also pillow top, but the surface felt even. We can exchange one time within 90 days but the mattress has to be equal to/greater value than the one we bought which was already one of the most expensive in the store. I hate returning things and ideally want to make this work… any experience appreciated. This is my first ever mattress purchase!
OP
should have mentioned this but we did try this out in the store first and the edges did not feel like this
Anon
Go back to the store and see if the same style mattress feels like yours. That should let you assess whether you have a faulty mattress.
Anon
What size mattress and is it being adequately supported from underneath? Sounds to me like it’s caving toward the middle rather than anything to do with the edges.
OP
queen and we got brand new split box springs as well. bed frame is sturdy wood
Anne-on
Would it be possible to exchange it for a mattress with a separate topper? I have a latex mattress that I love which is quite firm, with a wool and cotton topper for a more cozy feel. I flip the topper manually for even wear (and it can be more cheaply replaced if it starts to compress).
anon a mouse
I’d give it another week or two, and then do an exchange. There is always an adjustment period.
Did the one in the store do this? If not, it’s possible you have a bum mattress, since you say it is well supported.
Anon
Pink and red is one of my favourite combos, I love this cardigan!
anon
I love this toooo and same re pink and red!
Anon
When I was a little girl I had a pink dress that I loved that got to be too short so I started wearing my red pants under it. My mom hated it and always told me that red and pink don’t go together so that is stuck in my head. Maybe I should give it another go!
OOO
We’re hosting Easter for DH’s family for the first time. I’ve never made an Easter meal so I want to keep things really simple. Can I buy a ham from the grocery store that comes pre-cooked and just warm it up in the crockpot? Which store has the best ham? Consumer Reports says Target but I have tried Walmart’s ham a few years ago and that one was good too. Do I need to make extra glaze? For sides I am thinking roasted vegetables like carrots and asparagus, scalloped potatoes, fruit salad, green salad, deviled eggs, dinner rolls, and for dessert a carrot cake from the bakery. Does this sound right? Any suggestions on simple recipes for sides would be awesome.
Anon
Sounds like the perfect Easter menu!
We’re lamb not ham people, so I can’t comment on which ham is best.
Anonymous
Heat your ham up in the oven. Buy a spiral ham, it’s already cooked, all you are doing is warming it through in the oven and getting whatever topping you put on it (I like apricot jam and brown sugar) crispy.
Anon
+1 to spiral ham, that is the best kind
Trixie
I have never found a better ham than the honey baked ham, that’s the brand name. It is delish! Because the ham is rich and sweet, it is nice to have some dishes that are a bit sharp for contrast. I would think about doing roast potatoes with green onions instead of scalloped potatoes. And a lemon dessert is always nice for Easter. Enjoy!
Anon
+1 if you have a Honey Baked Ham near you, it’s worth the splurge
Vicky Austin
Or roast the veg with plenty of lemon zest – I always do my mom’s lemon garlic green beans recipe for Easter and it’s the perfect accompaniment to some rich-but-punchy potatoes and decadent ham.
OP, I posted a longer reply with some potato tricks and my favorite dinner rolls recipe that got stuck – do check back!
Josie P
+1. Honey baked ham is AWESOME. I recommend the boneless and ordering early!
No Face
+1. They truly are perfect.
Honey Baked Ham and the rest of OP’s menu sounds phenomenal. I want to come over!
Anonymous
Honey Baked Ham is the way. Which is why our town’s honey baked ham has traffic control around thanksgiving, christmas, and easter (not kidding. They put up one of those giant road signs “Traffic for ham pickup.”)
anon
This is delightful.
NYCer
Adding to the chorus, Honey Baked Ham is the way to go if you have one near you.
Vicky Austin
I agree, this sounds lovely! Don’t bother making extra glaze. Ham is generally pretty moist as long as you warm it up gently (which the crock pot will do an excellent job of).
Your sides sound great. Scalloped potatoes are a bit more time-consuming, but here’s a trick from Ina Garten: you can prepare potatoes ahead of time! Just slice or dice as necessary, then store them barely covered in water in a closed container in the fridge a day or so ahead.
My favorite dinner rolls for holidays are these: https://sallysbakingaddiction.com/tried-true-honey-butter-rolls/
I follow the Make-Ahead/Overnight instructions in the notes and have never had a problem. But I’ve also done big batches of buttermilk drop biscuits for Easter, which take less time and then become delicious vehicles for leftover ham and a smear of mustard in the following days.
Cat
All of that sounds totally fine and classic, although have never attempted crock pot reheating. Honey Baked Ham (brand name) is more expensive but delicious.
go for it
Sounds fabulous! I will add that if you can get the ham as a spiral it makes a beautiful presentation.
Anonymous
You probably have a Honey Baked Ham store in your area from which you can pre-order the ham and pick it up. (Using a slow cooker to reheat it would not be my first instinct but it might work. I’ve never used one so not sure.) The rest of your menu sounds like a predictable Easter meal for White Americans, which seems like what you are aiming for.
DeepSouth
The Costco serial ham with the glaze included is great. Your menu is perfect.
Anon.
I think your sides sound great. We’re lamb people, too, and usually get a lamb shoulder roast.
We always do roasted vegetables:
– asparagus with cocktail tomatoes, tossed with olive oil, salt n pepper, and parmesan grated on top
– carrots and halved brussel sprouts tossed with a marinade of honey, mustard, olive oil, salt n pepper
20 min in the oven and usually turns out great.
Anon
I’m not sure a full size ham will fit in a standard crock pot, but most commercial hams come with warming instructions that are very easy – just time and a low heat oven. You can do it!
For sides my family does potatoes au gratin (my kids are nuts about these) and steamed asparagus with an easy balsamic and oil dressing. The potatoes are the only difficult part, but that’s all in the slicing. The rest is easy.
Anon
I should add – I forgot this because my kids are older now – when we had egg hunts we had so many boiled eggs we usually started Easter dinner with deviled eggs. Sometimes the egg dye had reached the white of the egg so we had splotchy pink/lavender/green/blue deviled eggs but that was part of the fun. Now I sometimes boil a couple of eggs to peel and chop and sprinkle that on the asparagus (no balsamic dressing if I do that)
We don’t serve too many courses because everyone has usually been eating Easter candy all day.
Trixie
I think that honey baked hams will ship a ham, if you do not have one near you.
Ellen
Yes, but if it comes in the mail, it will not be fresh, and it could become inedibel if it is not delivered the same day b/c of the shigella they keep talking about in the news.!
Anonymous
Good morning. Looking for a gut check here. My husband injured his arm and likely needs surgery. ( I’ll have more information later today.) Because of this I’m doing nearly 100% of childcare and housework. Please trust me that he’s not faking it or doing less than he could on purpose here. He’s done more than the majority of this stuff for a decade and is extremely upset about his inability to hold our toddler. It would be fine except I’m also drowning at work. Im just not feeling capable of or interested in working after the kids are in bed or or the weekends to make up for this. I can outsource some of it but not most of the increased household workload. I’m wondering if a loa is appropriate maybe even Fmla? Part of me thinks, yes a family member has a major if not long term health issue and my household responsibilities have at least doubled. But the other part of me thinks other women with just kind of terrible husbands do this every day for years at a time and it’s not a reason to take leave. If it matters, taking time off wouldn’t negatively affect any of my colleagues.
Anon
Yes take the time off.
Anonymous
+1 those other women have to leave or forego promotions. You don’t. Take loa then come back with all guns blazing!
Anon
This has nothing to do with other people’s terrible husbands. You have a family member with a health issue, take leave or FMLA.
Cat
+1
Anonymous
Right. You’re making up a problem here. When you have enough problems!
anon
+1 … this is why FMLA exists.
Anon
+ 1 million. This is what family leave is for! This is why we keep fighting to protect and expand family leave, for situations like this! Take the leave!
Anon
This is what FMLA is for.
Anon
If you have the option, I don’t see why not.
Anonymous
Yes of course take time off. Enjoy the fact that you have a decent job.
anonshmanon
You are not thinking rationally here. Other women white knuckle it when there is no other choice, and it comes with repercussions that may be invisible to you. You have a choice available to you that sounds like it could be very useful to protect your sanity, your family and your professional reputation at the same time.
Transplant Mom
Do it. If it makes you feel better, my husband took three months off from his job while caring for our family. I wasn’t able to do anything to help (post-surgery myself) and the time off was crucial to getting everyone back on track and healthy. Not to mention your husband might feel pressure to do things he’s not medically cleared for if you seem overwhelmed.
Anon
“But the other part of me thinks other women with just kind of terrible husbands do this every day for years at a time”
And their careers stall out.
Take the leave.
No Face
Either take time off, or outsource! Whichever makes the most sense for you and your family.
Anne-on
This. I’d take at least a day or two off of work to triage and analyze your situation. What do you need help with the most and how can it be most easily solved – time/money/lowering standards/etc. We’re particular about food so a meal delivery service wouldn’t be a big help with a sitter coming in for 4 hours on the weekends so I can power through laundry/errands/groceries would be amazing. Is there a wash/dry where you can drop off your laundry and pick it up cleaned/folded? Can you get a cleaning service? Is there a great teacher at daycare or a neighbor who can watch the kids for 2-3 hours in the evening or just be an extra set of hands at bed/bath time?
Good luck – and don’t punish yourself trying to hold yourself to an imaginary standard. Nobody is going to give you an A+ in being a mommy martyr – take the help and take care of yourself too!
No Face
Good point! OP, even if you take FMLA you are not required to do 100% of the work yourself.
Even without a household injury, paying the middle schooler down the street to play with my kids while I do other things is a great resource for me!
Anonymous
My husband had major surgery, and I took 10 days off to run the house and help him (he could not do stairs, drive, lift things, prep food). After that, I worked from home for 3 weeks after to do all kid pick up and drop offs. Don’t be a hero, take time if you can, focus on healing.
Anonymous
My friend just went through this and took 3 weeks of FMLA leave to get through the tough part. Similar situation – husband had a shoulder issue, couldn’t lift his arms, etc. Totally reasonable!
Anon
Oh honey, I had a terrible husband. I don’t want any woman to live like that. Take the leave. I’m glad you have a partner who shares responsibility fairly. I hope he recovers quickly. Hang in there.
Senior Attorney
+1
Take the leave.
Anon
if you go that route, make sure your FMLA request is centered around caring for your husband due to his medical needs versus household duties, as that’s how FMLA is written and it could complicate approval if that’s not how the need is phrased. Not discouraging you from pursuing it, but as someone who deals with these that can be a distinction.
Yes, def ask for flexibility, LOA, PTO – whatever you need. My husband (who also does the majority of our housework, and equal childcare but we have bigger kids who can’t be picked up) had planned shoulder surgery last year, and sometimes I needed to be fully available (e.g., to drive him to appointments and sometimes attend them), sometimes I could mostly work with flexibility (on his actual surgery day, I took my computer and did low stress work in the waiting room), and sometimes it was a hybrid (like I could work at home as long as I was a shout away if he needed my help to warm up lunch or pick a file up for him). If you’ve got a decent boss, I’d perhaps start with “I’m going to be out for the next week, and will check email occasionally to do triage. If I have more capacity to work once things are settled, I’ll let you know.”
Def outsource! Is there a family member or sitter who can help with childcare so you’re not spread so thin? or housekeeper/cleaning service that can come more frequently? Order all the takeout, hit all the easy buttons, and be kind to yourself.
Op
Thanks to you and to everyone. The distinction you pointed out is what I was poorly articulating: I’m not actually going to be caring for him, just picking up his slack around the house. I have to figure out how comfortable I am representing the situation to HR as anything but that. Btw I work for a huge company and each time I took fml with my kids (run of the mill pregnancies and births that they were notified timely of) they acted like it was the strangest, most unusual request. So I’m really dreading this and probably overthinking it.
Betsy
It sounds to me like you are overthinking this. Is it really true that you are not taking care of him at all? Like you’ve taken over meal prep and laundry as part of picking up his slack but only for your children – he’s on his own to make dinner for himself one handed? I suspect not! It sounds to me like the part of this that is overwhelming you is picking up his slack around the house rather than taking care of him, and that makes sense. But the leave is still related to taking care of your husband while he recovers from his injury. And if he needs surgery the amount of direct care for him that you have to do will increase, as well.
Anon
OP – take a breath.
You are panicking and you don’t even know what is going on yet! See the doctor, ask them detailed questions about the injury, what surgery might be needed if any, what the recovery time is if any, and how disabled your husband will be afterwards.
It is ok to be up front with your issues with childcare (NOT housework….) and your work hours, and ask the doctor honestly what they think you need to know now so that you can care for your husband, and maximize his recovery.
Have you ever used FMLA before?
This is not a chronic medical problem, but an acute medical problem which absolutely can be a reason to use FMLA. But it is not used for doing housework. It is for care and medical management of the person who is sick.
Can you take tomorrow off? Hire some help ASAP for a babysitter on the weekend and in the evenings for a few hours (you have daycare?) and ask any close friends/neighbors for some help for a day or two. And take a day or two off yourself if needed, just to see where things fall. You need some time to think.
I have taken FMLA leave before. It was because I had to give care directly to the family member. For example, taking relative to chemo/managing their rehab/doing all the doctor appointments etc… and the family member couldn’t do these things themselves because of physical/mental issues. The spirit of FMLA is to be caring for a family member – safety, medical care, medication management, doctor coordination etc..
If you are saying you need FMLA….. to do more housework…. that is really not right and a fair use of FMLA.
But I’m not sure you are saying that, right? Does your husband need you to take him to appointments? To therapy? To help him get dressed? Bathe? Treat his pain?
But he can…. take a taxi. Take a pill himself. Go to a doctor’s appointment himself. Wipe himself with a bedbath cloth, or skip showers until the weekends. You could even hire a caregiver to help him for a couple hours a day. Caregivers can do light housekeeping, as well as help him with dressing/bathing, help him do his exercises or even change dressings, do things like laundry and preparing him a meal. You can hire childcare.
And your husband has an intact brain, yes? HE can fill out every form, make every call, even if it takes him more time to do with one arm.
Remember, to get FMLA you need a doctor willing to sign a form agreeing that your husband is so disabled that his medical needs require your care. That is the limiting factor.
I would read the FMLA rules and as long as you are following them, then I would absolutely take it if that’s what you need. But you can’t say it is for doing housework.
Anon
Caregivers do light housekeeping because light housekeeping is part of caretaking, right? Like if someone cannot prepare their own meals, wash their own dishes, etc.
Anon
Absolutely – hired caretakers (caregivers is actually the preferred term) often help with meal prep and dishes. Most of these caregivers are hired for elderly patients with chronic medical conditions and often do a mixture of things… anything that is difficult for the patient to do on their own, within reason.
But as a wife, you cannot ask for FMLA to make meals and do your husband’s dishes. The OP mentions one injured arm. But he can pick up a phone and order take out. He can walk and grab an apple from the fridge, warm up leftovers in the microwave. He can put a dish in the dishwasher or soak them in the sink. He probably can even unload a lot of the dishwasher himself. He can throw in a load of laundry, using those cheap wire collapseable baskets to carry laundry up/down stairs. He can do online food shopping. Some of the food delivery services will even bring the food inside and help with unpacking! I know a few seniors that use this service. The injured husband can call all of HIS friends and ask them to help drop off a dinner meal one night and/or help him hang with his toddler so wife can work.
I mean… I know quadreplegics and amputees (one arm) that live alone, independently. And the OP hasn’t even indicated if your husband has function of the hand on his injured arm. If he does, then there is still so much he can do for himself.
No doctor I know would sign a form for ?unlimited FMLA help with meal prep and dish washing for the spouse of someone with her husbands degree of injury…. but who knows.
But if he has surgery, the surgeon will absolutely have a timeline for how long he might need more hands-on care, and would honestly tell you if FMLA is appropriate.
Anon
Yes, this. You will not get approved if you submit paperwork saying you need time off to look after the household or children because your husband is injured. You have to be using the time to be taking care of your husband. If you can’t truthfully say that, I wouldn’t take leave personally.
Betsy
Take the leave. I was in a similar situation except didn’t have FMLA available and had to white knuckle it. It was awful and I would not wish that on anyone. I burned out really badly and it was really, really hard. Take the leave, and I hope your husband’s recovery goes smoothly!
Seventh Sister
My husband broke his arm really badly a few years ago and it was dreadful. While it wasn’t his dominant arm, there are SO many things you do with two hands that you don’t even realize – he could barely drive, dress himself, take a shower, etc. for weeks. I really regret not taking more time off – it was super difficult and even an extra “off” day a week would have made a big difference. One thing with FMLA is that you can actually take intermittent time, which I didn’t know for quite a while.
Nesprin
Schedule a day off to plan this out- call a family member to come watch the kid for a day so you can take a breather, or take a day off work when kid’s at daycare.
On that day, start the paperwork for FMLA so that you have the flexibility to take leave as you need (or don’t need! if you set up FMLA, you’re not locked in) and so that your job will be protected if you slack a bit at work.
Get quotes and hire literally every bit of help you can afford (housekeeping, dinner prep, added childcare hours, food delivery etc).
If you have friends/family that can help out, call them in and ask them to do specific things- i.e. if you have a MIL who complains she never gets to see the kid, she can bring dinner Thursdays and watch the kid.
Anon
+1
This is what people do. Accidents/illnesses happen. It stinks, but you are fortunate if you have friends/family/money/your health…. use those things now. Take a day or two off to get things sorted. Hire help Talk to anyone you know that has had an injury like your husband’s to get advice. And take it one day at a time.
Taking FMLA to help with household management….. is not what FMLA is for. If you can find a doctor that disagrees and is happy to sign the form, then it is your choice.
Anon
I just got an ad for a dating app called The League. Has anyone used it?
Anon
A few friends have, most absolutely hated it but I do know one couple who met on it and got married.
Anonymous
Yeah it was just like hinge or bumble but with more douchey guys.
Anon
I tried The League and didn’t go on a single date. I’ve gone on countless dates from tinder, hinge and bumble. I feel like The League is more professional men with worse social skills.
Anonymous
Is it for Ivy League graduates? The benefit I would find with an app of that kind is that you wouldn’t have to weed out guys who graduated from Duke.
anon
I really hope this is a joke
No Face
Either way, I found it hilarious.
Pompom
ha same
Anon
I’m laughing. I’m a west coaster so I have no idea what weeding out guys who went to Duke means, but substitute Stanford and I follow.
Anon
Me too!
Anon
Gross. Although those who weed out potential dates based on whether they went to an Ivy League school deserve each other, so.
Anon
It bills itself as an app for people with prestigious educational credentials, but it sounds like they admit anyone (maybe just any woman?) with a college degree. I found an article about in the Rutgers student newspaper. My guess is it’s for men who are very proud of their Ivy degrees to find women who are into men who are very proud of their Ivy degrees.
Anon
It really has nothing to do with Ivy League degrees. That’s not required to get on the app.
Anon
I mean they market themselves as catering to the “academically elite.” It’s obviously not just for people who went to HYP but having flashy academic credentials is a criteria for getting in, at least according to their own marketing.
Anon
Whatever will they talk about on the first date though? /s
Anon
I went to duke and I support this use of the app.
Anon
The app includes people who went to Duke. I’m pretty sure any bachelors degree is allowed.
anon
It’s nothing special. They only send you a handful of profiles per day. I frequently saw those same guys on Hinge or Bumble so I would’ve come across their profiles anyway.
lz5
dating sites are a volume game and there just weren’t enough people on it to make it worthwhile. Also, you do you, but for me there was too much geographic distance to be practical (I live in a major metropolitan area but it was matching me with people hours away). I also ultimately concluded that women may want to date men who are similarly educated to them but, honestly, I don’t think the average guy cares if you want to Cornell even if he went to yale.
Anon
It’s matching you with people far away because it doesn’t have many users. That’s what that means. So if dating is a volume game, this isn’t the right app to be on.
Anon
As a Yale alumna, I think the vast majority of men who graduated from Yale are not only ok with a woman who went to Cornell, they would prefer it. I know a man with dual Harvard degrees (and a very high net worth) who is open about the fact that he exclusively dates women who went to “lesser” Ivies and private schools like USC because he wants women who are well-educated and well-bred but less smart and ambitious than him. It’s very gross, but I don’t think it’s uncommon, even if most men aren’t so upfront about it.
Anon
“Well-bred” omg I just vomited
Seventh Sister
This sort of thinking trickles down to the USC guys – I remember the ones at law school who would go around saying they only wanted to summer at the firms with “hot” associates and only wanted to date women who’d majored in early childhood education. These were GenX/elder millienials, FWIW. I had to tamp down my urge to strangle but hey, at least they were being honest about being gross?
Seventh Sister
I haven’t really kept in touch with these giblet-heads, but I do know of one who married a much younger woman and he was absolutely gobsmacked when she left about a week after she figured out he was screwing around with someone at the office. Surprise!
thanksgiving anxiety
I’ve only dated 2 HBS guys and neither cared about my job at all; both wanted me to just be available for trips/dates whenever they were and one even wanted to pay me current salary for me to quit my job so that I could just hang out with him all the time. I guess like a sugar daddy situation but we were almost the same age and I was a lawyer. If I had met them after COVID and could have worked remotely I probably would have been down…I’m still instagram friends with one of them and he’s always at gorgeous resorts all over the world doing his little spreadsheets or whatever.
One of them was from the League actually, LOL.
Anon
When I was in Med school, there was contingency of guys that would go and have lunch at the nearby women’s college, that had a popular nursing program. They made it clear what they were looking for.
At least it made the screening easier for the women med students….
But in my experience in a very academic path, the higher you go up as a woman, the fewer men in your world interested in dating you.
thanksgiving anxiety
I don’t like online dating but I felt like that was on of the better apps I used. I preferred it b/c almost all of the guys on there had real jobs and it only shows you a few profiles a day. Less options mitigates some of the things I hate about online dating.
Anon
OP here. Thanks for the info. I’m not Ivy League so I guess I may not get in? But I think I’m going to try it, because I’ve been on Hinge and Bumble for years and I’m attracting a lot of losers on there. I’m in DC. I’ll report back if I use it.
Anonymous
I’m in DC and met my husband on it, so I’m very biased and say go for it! I think it wasn’t snobby education-wise so much as it did seem to be men looking for long term relationships.
Anonymous
What is everyone doing for the LastPass data breach? I’ve changed my master password but do I also need to go in and change all passwords stored in LastPass?
Cat
Being grateful I stayed old school with a little spiral notebook of passwords tucked away at home, lol.
Anonymous
same here. I feel safer not having them on the internet with how easily things get hacked
Anon
With the passwords in code. :)
Liza
+1 – the very concept of LastPass made it seem inevitable this would happen…
Anon
+1
I knew it was only a matter of time…
Anon
I don’t use LastPass, but I use a different password manager. I probably would change passwords, but I’d prioritize ones that actually matter over ones that don’t hold much personal information. I still think that password managers are a much better tool than a notebook, as they allow me to use long, unique passwords for my many accounts and keep them synced across several devices in multiple locations. No way that works with a notebook at home.
Leatty
I changed the most important ones (like banking), but haven’t changed all of them. I doubt anyone cares what my Nordstrom password is.
Anon
They might care if you have credit cards saved in your profile.
AIMS
I think if you’re concerned about security, step 1 is not saving your credit cards to shopping accounts.
Anon
It’s very rare that stores keep your credit card info in a way anyone could steal. They only show you the last 4 digits and if you want to ship to a new address they make you renter the full number. There may be some exceptions, but that’s been my experience everywhere I shop.
anon a mouse
I have had my credit card hacked twice from it being saved in a store profile (the most recent one was Sephora, no I am not buying $2000 of men’s cologne to ship to another state). I don’t ever save a credit card now.
Anonymous
This may feel true, but make sure you don’t have any saved credit cards in there. That’s one way people get access.
Anon
I haven’t done anything. But I use LastPass for convenience, not security.
Anonymous
There was a NYT article a while ago where he described using Keepass and then somehow putting the export into his dropbox on a regular basis, so it was out there but less likely to be hacked.
I haven’t changed my master password but I turned on two-factor authentication for all the crap I never wanted in LP at all like bank info. Exported my stuff. Seriously considering deleting my account.
Coach Laura
Security experts say every LastPass user should change all of his or her passwords along with the master.
I went looking for the article on Keepass and the export. https://www.bleepingcomputer.com/news/security/keepass-disputes-vulnerability-allowing-stealthy-password-theft/
Found this: https://www.nytimes.com/2023/01/05/technology/personaltech/lastpass-breach-password-safety.html
Wirecutter recommends 1password or Bitwarden and also turning on two-factor identification.
Anonymous
I don’t think it’s that big of a deal from what I’ve read. To be safer, I changed my master password and adjusted the settings to 600,000 iterations. I pretty much have anything important with multifactor authentication already–most things like your bank or credit cards should already be asking for that anyway. I don’t save credit card info with stores.
I suppose I could get in the habit of doing what my mom does and use a different credit card for shopping online vs. in-person.But to be honest, the two times I’ve had credit card info taken were local grocery stores. So I also think those upthread being smug about their notebooks are kind of naive. Your credit info is probably always going to be vulnerable somewhere along the line, The best thing you can do is simply monitor charges frequently.
Anon
Yes my credit card number has been stolen twice at gas stations and once at a McDonalds. Never online. Also it’s annoying but it’s not like you lose any money – the CC company will reverse any fraudulent charges.
Anonymous
How do you know where your card number was stolen, though? I sometimes have suspicions, but generally you have no way of knowing where they got the number, just where they tried to use it.
Anon
+1
Anon
It happened to a bunch of people so they did a police investigation and it was in the local newspaper! I live in a very safe area and the police are bored so they always investigate stuff like this.
Anon
I use the native iPhone and windows password storage. Hope they’re not next! I’ve put two factor authentication on anything financial.
Anon
I did a lot of walking and am finding that shoes that I walk around the office in (for years) are not shoes to walk several miles in w/o a ready supply of bandaids for hotspots. I need to get some loafers (aiming to expand my wardrobe of flat footwear), but am looking for anything you all have / love that isn’t shredding your feet on the regular. I imagine I will wear sans socks.
Anon
I always change shoes at the office – I don’t walk miles in my office shoes. Different shoes for commuting (sneakers, etc).
Cb
Yep, I commute in Converse and change into flats. I had to walk to something today and regretted it.
Anon
Yup. Commute in sneakers and wear pretty shoes in the office.
My office shoes are comfy enough to walk to get lunch or go to a meeting in another building.
Anon
I have yet to find any shoes that I can wear without socks and walk miles in without shredding my feet. Socks are a marvelous invention, and I resent that women fashion seems to think we shouldn’t wear them.
Curious
+1.
Anonymous
Totally agree. Plus no socks doesn’t help when you’re cold. Sometimes I just wear socks and know it’s a “frumpy” look. I’d rather be comfortable.
pugsnbourbon
Are you looking for strictly walking shoes, like sneakers for a commute? Or dressier shoes you can walk more in – say you’re at a conference and walking a lot more than usual, that kind of shoe?
Anon
Dressy shoes I can actually walk around a city or convention hall in. Not commute to work in if walking.
Anon
Lean into the 90s/Gen Z trends and wear sneakers for city walking.
pugsnbourbon
Gotcha. I’ve worked on campuses and in museums, so a decent amt of walking is involved. I find my Dr. Scholl’s loafers to be pretty comfortable, and I don’t wear socks with those. I do put some moleskin around the heel to prevent hot spots. And I still miss the Dr. Scholl’s oxfords I bought in … 2016? and wore into the ground. I think people on this page like the Cole Haan oxfords.
pb
Gucci loafers are the most comfortable shoe I’ve ever worn at work. I am a teacher and I walk about 3 miles around school and stand nearly constantly.
Anonymous
YMMV on if these work for your workplace, but I love my Rockport Cobb Hill shoes. I couldn’t have worn them at my east coast law firm (rubber soles, round toes) but I work in admin for a hospital system elsewhere in the country – am often walking all around large hospital campuses and needed closed toe professional shoes I can walk up to a couple miles a day in. I have T-strap, Mary Janes, and ankle boots.
Anon
Has anyone ever closed a 529 plan when the plan is at a loss from your initial contribution value? We are considering doing this, and the 529 administrator couldn’t tell me whether there would be a penalty or tax in this circumstance. They only said that you would pay tax on the interest and a 10% penalty on the interest, and that they didn’t know what would happen if I closed the account when there is a loss.
Elle
Hi! In finance, but not an accountant so I would double check with one. To my understanding being at a loss doesn’t change anything, you pay taxes and penalty on the amount you remove from the account. Unless there is a pressing need, I would wait until the market recovers.
Elle
Looked into this a little further. You would just be taxed on the gains so I think if you sold at a loss there would be no tax implication but you would still have to pay the 10% penalty.
Anon
I don’t think so. The 10% penalty is on gains, not the principal. There’s nothing to penalize.
Anon
Thank you! I read that the 10% penalty only applies to the interest earned and not the principal. I haven’t found an answer to whether there is any penalty or tax implication if there is no interest and the value is less than the original principal.
Anon23
Is anyone else following this former Littler associate’s LinkedIn posts with all these allegations against the firm? I have no idea what actually happened, but mostly fascinated watching her post + Littler bring a (successful) TRO against her. Like watching a car on fire…
startup lawyer
link?
Anonymous
link please!
Anon
Another call for link please!!
Anon23
https://www.linkedin.com/in/uliana-kozeychuk-945946172/recent-activity/
Link! Apparently she is on TikTok as well… but I don’t have TikTok…
Anon23
Hat tip to twitter for the link to the court docs: It’s DC-23-02509 in Dallas County – search here https://courtsportal.dallascounty.org/DALLASPROD/Home/Dashboard/29
Anon
Omg she has “Littler Abuse Survivor” in her bio along with a go fund me link
smurf
the gofundme has a whopping $40 so far!
Anon
Lol it had $20 this morning
Anonymous
People should donate $.01.
Drama Kings
Interesting because she’s also liking stuff from Heather Palmore, the woman being sued by Napoli Shkolnik for ‘quiet quitting’. allegedly.
I’m also interested in that lawyer-drama because my personal experiences with NS attorneys have been a dumpster fire
Anon
How/why would you sue someone for quiet quitting? If they’re not doing their job, just fire them. I don’t see how you can sue someone if you kept them on despite their very minimal efforts (also slightly concerned my employer is going to sue me now, lol.)
No Face
LMAO, one of her headings is “Littler Abuse Survivor.”
Anon
Her social media posts aren’t really making her case. They’re very short on facts and long on trendy hashtags. I’m not disputing that the work environment in Big Law is awful, but I would be a lot more sympathetic if she actually shared some details about what happened.
Anonymous
she seems wackadoodle. she’s trying to tell the “Littler shareholders” what really happens to associates? no one cares. she’d have better luck targeting law students to not go there.
Anon
Aren’t the Littler SHs the partners? They know already lollllll
Anonamoose
Does anyone have book recommendations for someone going through separation/divorce? I’m in that chapter of life and a friend recommended Pretty Good, Actually by Monica Heisey. I didn’t think fiction about divorce would ever be my genre but it was a really cathartic read. Does anyone have any other recommendations? Humor/optimism would be preferred. TIA!
Anon
Not a book, but the blog Cup of Jo just announced her divorce, there’s a lot of thoughtful commentary on that post and probably more to come.
Anon
I am in the same place as OP, and I have read a lot of COJ comments on this, plus searching the posts on divorce, and find the comments helpful and soothing.
anon for this
Not fiction, but Keep Moving by Maggie Smith is great for anyone in the middle of life changes.
Anan
+1 for Keep Moving. I found Smith had such compassionate and wise words for hard times.
Anonymous
“Better off without him” by Dee Ernst is a total beach read about a woman going through divorce and coming out triumphant.
Anon
It’s not a divorce but I enjoyed CJ Hauser’s Crane Wife essay about calling off an engagement. She has a memoir out now too which is mostly about her bad relationships.
Marie
Heartburn by Nora Ephron is a classic for a reason. So funny and sharp. The move doesn’t hold a candle to it.
Not a finance person
I am expecting a large one time payment at work (think bonus but not bonus). Is there any way to change my withholdings so the whole thing doesn’t just go to taxes? I understand I will need to pay taxes on the amount at some point but the way the extra payment is allocated in the same check with my regular salary, it ends up putting me in a much higher bracket for that one check and then I end up seeing less of it than I otherwise would, if I am understanding past practice correctly. Work will not issue separate checks. I suppose this will even out at the end of the year but I would rather not wait for that. So far all I can come up with is to just max out my retirement contribution for that pay period but I could really use some extra cash right now, too, so wondering if there is something else I am missing.
Anon
You can change your withholding for any cycle, you just need to get ahead of payroll and change it back. Be sure you’re doing the math right too.
Not a finance person
But what do I change? For ex., if I am currently filing jointly with 2 dependents, is there a way to make my withholdings be less for a given time period? Looking at the forms, all I can figure out is how to make them more by having additional withholdings but not less.
Coach Laura
The max number of dependents you can enter is 9. In the past, I have changed my dependents to 9 to minimize taxes on a bonus payment, and changed it back afterwards. HR used to do that sort of thing but recently, mine have all been accessed online via the HR portal for the organization.
Anonymous
Not really
Anonymous
My understanding is that it’s just a rule that 25% of bonuses are withheld for taxes at time of payment, regardless of whether your marginal tax rate is higher or lower than that.
Not a finance person
Not a bonus, per se, and not how this ends up. Last time, I got just under 50% in my check because of how the taxes panned out. I think I may get the money back by way of a refund later because it does not accurately reflect my earnings on a month to month basis. I suspect the answer is there is nothing to do unless I want to direct extra to retirement funds.
Anon
That’s not how bonus taxes are withheld for me, but maybe it varies by employer.
Anon
I’ve done this in the past but I’m single with no kids. I just changed my 401K contributions and had the majority of it go there to reduce the overall taxes of my bonus.
PJ
Withholding does not equal actual taxes due. It will get trued up when you file for 2023. You can use the IRS withholding calculator to adjust for the rest of the year if you want.
Anon
Put the extra into your retirement for this paycheck, then reduce your retirement contributions for the next several paychecks so you have extra money. Of course, you’ll pay higher taxes in those subsequent checks, but it will overall be less.
Example: divert $10k for next check into retirement.
Subsequent 4 pay periods: reduce retirement contributions to whatever gets you a company match, and pocket the additional money.
Peds?
Any recommendations for Peds? I’m looking for thin no-show socks that I can wear with loafers that don’t slide down and bunch under my feet.
TIA
pugsnbourbon
The best no-show socks I’ve gotten were from, of all places, Aldi. If there’s one in your area, keep an eye on the weekly ad to see if they ever get stocked again.
Second best are Target – thick but not sweat-inducing.
Anonymous
I like my from Stance, though whether they’ll work for your particular shoes will depend on the shoes’ vamp
DeepSouth
Ondo are great no show socks.
ALT
I got some good one at Marshall’s—the brand is MeMoi. They have grippy edges, are very low profile and have a good cotton content!
Peds
Thanks everyone! Will definitely checkout your recommendations!
Anon
A friend is getting promoted to Colonel and I’m invited. It is a 2- hour drive to go to and I’m planning to go. What do I wear (I’m not military) — more formal or more festive attire. A black suit seems sad, but my closet has a lot of black, even in spring. Rufflepuff? No one else there knows I’m a lawyer, so can just look like a mom / wife (both accurate). Also, how long are these? I can’t stay over due to kids being Ok to get their dinners but too young to be alone overnight (teens).
Vicky Austin
Do you have a nice black (or other sedate color) sheath dress with an interesting detail? That’s what I usually see female family members wearing at promotion or retirement ceremonies (I grew up in a military town so there are quite a few in my social media circle).
Anon
OK — so dress as if for a work event. I am guessing my husband (not military) should wear a suit then?
Vicky Austin
I think a suit or a sport coat/khaki or similar pants type outfit are both fine.
anon
Rufflepuff does not seem to be the vibe for a military ceremony. I’d err on the side of nondescript and boring.
Anon
Promotions aren’t huge events the way changes of command are. Wearing something office appropriate is fine.
Anon
Former military here and current milspouse. Promotion ceremonies are NBD. Unless something about the invitation indicates this is a dressy event, you’ll be fine in business casual. I went to one in Dec and wore ankle pants, cute loafers, a blouse with swacket, and my usual daytime jewelry. Everyone else there was similarly attired. If the promotee has kids, they’ll likely be running amok before and after the ceremony, along with the children of guests.
The actual ceremony itself only takes 5 minutes or so. (National anthem played on a speaker, reading of the orders, pinning on the new rank, a few words from the promotee, done.) The promotee may or may not have asked someone to speak (sort of like a best man speech – but professional – “John’s a great coworker, I remember when he started out…”) and that time can vary. There are likely to be refreshments which could be as simple as sodas or could practically be a full meal, depending on the promotee and their spouse’s style. And then people stand around a chat – for how long depends on circumstances (is this 2:00 in the afternoon on a weekday and everyone just got up from their desk for a few? or is this 5:00 on a Friday?).
If this is on a military base, do allow extra time to get on. You’ll need to go to the visitor’s center, possibly stand in line and wait, and show your ID (and maybe car registration?) to get a pass to be on base.
And since it’s a 2 hour drive, I promise the promotee will totally understand if you don’t come since it’s such a short event. I’d say the inverse is actually true: they’ll be surprised if you DO come since it’s such a short event.
Anon
Looking into a legit Expresso maker (nespresso is no longer doing it for me), but need one that works well for beginners (joke in my family is my hands grow out of my arse).
Does anyone have a breville? Thoughts? Looking into bambino plus, infuser, or barista touch.
Anon
Have the Breville Bambino (not the plus) and love it. We have used it literally 2 to 3 times a day since 2020 and it’s working perfectly and makes delicious espresso. Get it!!!
AIMS
My mom has this and it’s much better than my Nespresso. For me, Nespresso is only good because of the convenience but the quality is nothing like the real thing.
I also like my little stove top Bialetti – both for ease and quality, if you want a low tech and inexpensive solution. I basically use that when I want “good” coffee and Nespresso when I want super easy, convenient coffee and start the day with a pot of French Press because, maybe, I have a bit of a coffee problem…
anonshmanon
We are a long time Breville household. They last forever and can be repaired. Our previous one is 15 years old and still running, but we had to pass it on to some friends when moving to the US. The preparation is much more reliable/less fiddly than a DeLonghi. I don’t see our model on the website, but it’s similar to the $500 range ones. It comes with a milk steamer. We pair it with a Breville burr grinder.
Anonymous
I have the Breville Bambino Plus. I like that it froths the milk automatically. It is pretty much foolproof. It did start leaking from the base after a year, but the company replaced it under the warranty. I’m pretty sure the leakage was caused by backflushing it with the included disk, which has no hole. I bought a third-party disk with a hole (which used to be what was included with the Bambino Plus) and the second machine has not developed any leaks.
I highly recommend getting a grinder with an integrated scale.
Anom
Follow on question – do you have a preferred milk steamer to go with the espresso maker?
Anonymous
Most real espresso makers have a steam wand built in.
Anon
I have the baby gaggia below and I don’t actually like steaming milk with it. It works fine there’s some finesse to it, and then I have to clean the nozzle and run some steam through it. I prefer the cheapie stand-alone milk frother I ordered from Amazon. I can’t recommend a specific brand because the brand names always change, but they’re all basically the same. I usually just look for a combination of reasonable price and good reviews.
Emma
I have a Jura. Might be more than you are willing to spend but you push a button a bam, it makes excellent expresso (as long as you buy good beans). I have the basic model and a caffeatly steamer, not the integrated steaming function (which seemed like a hassle to wash).
Anon
Go to coffee geek and look at recommendations. I ended up buying a reconditioned Baby Gaggia and 10+ years later it’s still going strong. The nice thing about a real espresso maker with a pressurized portafilter is that they’re repairable.
Oh so anon
We love our Breville Duotemp. Whatever you choose, make sure you get a good grinder to go with it!
Anonymous
Interview Advice: I am interviewing for a state government role where the questions are rigid, provided in advanced and interviewers will not have seen my resume. I’ve never interviewed before where the panel hadn’t seen my resume and am finding it hard to prepare while remembering they will have zero context and I’ll need to explain literally my entire relevant work experience in my interview answers. Have any of you had such an interview? How did it go? Any tips?
Anon
I don’t think it’s that different. When you’re talking about something you’ve done, just preface it briefly with your job title and where you worked.
Anonymous
It’s super interesting, the questions are very much not targeted to experience so I need to proactively find a way to bring up my experience in every answer if I want them to know it. Questions are things like “what is your vision for the agency,” etc.
Anon
Yes, surely you just add “When I was a job title at employer, I….” at the start of your usual answers? Generally when interviewing I don’t assume that the interview will recall the details of my resume that clearly. I also only assume they’ll be particularly familiar with the subject matter, acronyms etc. if I’m applying for a very similar role to my current one.
Anon
+1. When I’ve interviewed people, especially phone interviews in the format like you’re describing, there are usually a lot of candidates and I definitely don’t remember everything about each one.
anonshmanon
Will you be able to ‘tell us a little bit about yourself’, and just give a 90 second resume before the questions start?
Calrayo
My agency does interview panels like this. I practiced giving a brief overview of my work history in the first question (usually the first question is vague and allows for this; it’s something general like “how is your work history relevant to this role,” and then after that the questions are more specific), highlighting the relevant roles/skills in a few bullet points. The panel may also not be able to ask follow-up questions or give much reaction to your responses, so be prepared for that. Good luck!
anon a mouse
The no follow-up thing is important and can be jarring, it’s so different from other interviews. If that’s the case, it’s important to really provide a full answer to the questions, to talk in detail about your experience so that they really understand your roles and responsibilities. The STAR model (situation-task-action-result) is really helpful here.
Anonforthis
Academia here, and yes, spot on. We are not allowed to ask follow-up questions. And your responses are scored to how well and fully you answer each question. So be sure to include any information relevant to the question that my help you. We can only grade your response/s on what you tell us, and can’t ask follow-up questions to your initial response.
Anonymous
OP- thanks, that’s my plan for the first question . I usually do reference my various roles and experience but might say less about it (ie reference something that I accomplished in my role of X at X law firm but not also say I worked there for 8 years and did xyz other things there). That’s what’s jarring.
There are no follow ups. I’ve done that kind of interview as the interviewer and it is so unnatural and also so hard to pay attention!!!
Calrayo
Another tip – these are often timed, but don’t get thrown off if you finish early. For the role I eventually landed, my interview panel took maybe 1/2-2/3 of the allotted time, but that was because I had clear examples of my qualifications and was able to move through them quickly.
Anonymous
How do you keep going in a toxic job while you are looking for a new one? I have been pushing through and telling myself that it’s not me, it’s them, but I cannot endure this much longer. I think I am being set up for a bad performance review when in reality I saved the organization from the consequences of its own poor management. I am so senior and so specialized that it could take months or years to find another job, if ever. I have already been searching discreetly for six months and have just one semi-promising lead. Meanwhile the current job is causing serious damage to my professional reputation, and leaving abruptly would probably make it worse. And I can’t really afford not to work. We could scrape by for a few months but it would wreak havoc on our long-term goals, especially since our daughter is about to apply to colleges and her financial aid offers will be based on our 2022 income. I feel so trapped.
Anon
Financial aid should be recalculated every year, so I wouldn’t worry too much about that piece of it.
My solution has been to lean way out and do the bare minimum, but I don’t have the issue you do about my current job affecting my professional reputation.
Anonymous
It’s true that financial aid is recalculated every year, but in year 1 it’s a difference of about $50K in EFC that we won’t be able to afford without my working.
Anon
I believe there’s a way to file a same year adjustment if your income situation changes dramatically. Although I would expect schools to be skeptical if you left the job voluntarily. I know someone who sent kids to an Ivy for nearly nothing because the high earning parent quit her law job right before the kids started and they qualified for free tuition under the father’s K-12 teacher salary. That’s sort of scammy and I wouldn’t be surprised if schools are getting stricter about tuition breaks when one parent has voluntarily left the workforce.
Anon
In your shoes I’d quit and regroup if you really think the place is causing harm to your professional reputation. Perhaps you can negotiate a severance – I did this in your shoes. Now I consult for the company, but I much prefer this to being an employee.
Anonymous
Can you lower your salary expectations to open up more possibilities? I work in a really niche area. Not the same, but I was suddenly let go while having outstanding reviews (they hired a man who was personal friends with my boss who could do my job for cheaper.) I needed health insurance so knew it would probably take me months if not a year or more to find the “right” fit, so I went somewhere smaller while retaining my title and took a pay cut. But it got me what I’ve needed, which is income while I plot my next path.
Don’t quit if you don’t have to. It’s ALWAYS easier to find another job when you have one currently and being unemployed will be more of a ding than perceived reputation, especially if opportunities are few to begin with. Even if you get a bad performance review, few employers will share that info ever. Also question if going slightly different than the current job would open more opportunities, even if it’s not the ideal. Sometimes you just need a lily pad to land on until you can regain sanity and hop to what’s best.
You’re in a better spot than you realize. It only feels like you’re trapped until one day you get the right interview and next thing you know, you’re not.
Anon
I could co-author this post. For surviving the current job that sucks away my soul, I’m putting my energy into “who is the person I want to be?” I can’t stand myself feeling bitter and sensitive, so I focus on being positive. Write my gratitudes (trains your mind to look for positives, right?), find fascination in the human behavior of people who are being unpleasant, laughing when I can.
Anon
OK — so dress as if for a work event. I am guessing my husband (not military) should wear a suit?
Anon
Yes, he should wear a suit
Anon
Does anyone have advice for fighting dandruff? Mine had gotten worse recently. I was previously using Neutrogena’s T Gel but it hasn’t been giving me good results – just seems to make my hair greasy. I think it may be worse because I recently started perimenopause, but I don’t actually know if that is the case (I have noticed generally that my skin is drier which is a new problem for me; I’ve always had quite oily skin). Any suggestions would be very welcome! I wear a lot of black and navy and…it isn’t great to have this issue.
Anon
Have you tried pyrithione zinc shampoo?
AIMS
Rausch Anti Dandruff Shampoo – you can get it on amazon, a little goes a lot way, and my hair and scalp have never looked or felt better. A friend recommended it who doesn’t even use it for dandruff because she read about it in some NY Mag article on “things I can’t live without.” It’s just the best shampoo, period.
AIMS
Oh, and it also smells amazing…
Anonymous
Try Nizoral shampoo. Let it sit on your scalp a couple of mins before rinsing.
Anon
+1 I tried this shampoo a couple of weeks a go for the first time. And it really helped.
Nesprin
Go to the DR and get the ketaconazole shampoo.
Anon
I mostly have seborrheic dermatitis on my face, not my scalp, so I use a prescription ketoconazole shampoo for that, but I also use Head and Shoulders with apple cider vinegar to try to keep it from spreading to my scalp and because it works well on my very oily hair.
Anon
Are you sure it’s actually dandruff? Dandruff is caused by a fungus that needs a drug to kill it (hence why dandruff shampoos have that Active Ingredients panel on the back of them); dry scalp causes regular ol’ flakes that most of us colloquially call dandruff. If it’s just dry scalp, I head to the black hair care aisle to get a small bottle of oil (fits in the palm of your hand – there are lots of different kinds, olive, biotin, etc) and go home and section my hair and coat my scalp in it and let it soak in for a while, then wash out. There are an assortment of scalp-moisturizing shampoos out there now.
Anom
Job application question: I submitted a job application at a company where I have a contact. She referred me in their on-line system and also personally reached out to the hiring manager. Is there anything else I should do at this point to advance my application? Reach out to any other contacts at the company? Or just sit tight and see if the hiring manager reaches out? The applications for job are due by next Friday so presumably interviews wouldn’t be scheduled for a while. My contact I already reached out to is the most highly placed contact that I have at the company who knows my work.
Anecdata
sit tight
(one exception would be if your current referrer is highly placed in the company but you have close references who are nearer to the actual role — like you worked with someone on the team you’re actually applying to)
pugsnbourbon
Sit tight.
Anon
Just sit tight.
Monday
After the comments about Alison Green/Ask A Manager yesterday, I was curious enough to look into it more last night. This is not about the relevancy of her advice or anything about her blog’s commenters–I was looking into her history of complicity with s3xual harassment as reported by the Washington City Paper in 2010. Thanks to the person who posted that link. (The harasser was Rob Kampia, Green’s boss, the ED of the Marijuana Policy Project where they both worked)
It looks to me like her actions were inexcusable. If I were one of her staff members, there would be nothing she could do or say to compensate for her years of covering for him.
That said, I did not find any proof that she’s taken anything down regarding these events. She was quoted in the Washington City Paper in 2017 when they ran a follow-up article due to MeToo, and in that statement as well as a post the put on her own blog she said very clearly that he was a serial predator and she regretted all she did to enable him. So: it appears that she did something seriously wrong, but also that she’s owned it.
Someone mentioned her taking down a post, or some cover-up activity. I am interested if anyone can elaborate on that since I didn’t find any specifics.
anonshmanon
I think somebody used the term pulled, not in that she removed content, but that she ‘pulled that cr4p’ in her former job.
Monday
Ah ok, that would make sense.
Anon
Yeah this. Also she did kind of change her story about what happened.
Monday
Her story absolutely changed–from a version that minimized the situation and defended herself (and to some extent Kampia), to a version that did not. Do you mean anything else, post-2017?
Anon
Pre 2017 this was how HR functioned. Not excusing her. Screw them all. But it wasn’t limited to her company.
I have specific experience with this.
Monday
Oh, I don’t think this was an isolated thing, nor am I sure at all that things are much better since 2017. I also have personal experience.
Anonymous
For everyone who likes to hit a certain number of steps each day – how do you do it? walk at end of the day if you’re not there? mini walks in the middle of the day?
Anon
I’m trying to step at least 6500 steps a day. Which is not a lot for most but between icy/cold midwest conditions and very sedentary job, it takes some effort for me.
A couple of things I do. I have an elliptical, so I’ll hop on that for 10 minutes before work if I’m WFH, I try to do a 1/2 hr walk/jog on it in the afternoon, on my fitbit I have notifications set to alert me to step 250 steps per hour during work, during work I’ll try to take passive calls standing/pacing if I can, and sometimes at the end of the day if I’m below my goal, I’ll toss on a youtube video (ex. glow with jo works for me, lots of walking in place.)
Monte
I hit 10,000 a day. I am in Chicago, so a very walkable city and I run a lot of errands on foot to balance out the fact that I am still fully remote. I have also gone for a wintry walk at 11pm to make sure I get my steps in. Doesn’t happen that often, and serves as an incentive to make sure I get up and out earlier in the day.
Anonymous
The only way I can hit step or activity goals on a weekday is to work out and then go for a long walk first thing in the morning. Once the day starts there is just no way to squeeze in activity.
Anon
I get 15000+ per day. I go on the peloton treadmill anytime I want to be on my phone – eg to read corporette, be on Instagram, text, read the news, answer treadmills. Also go on occasional runs, do hikes with friends 1-2x a week, and do all calls I can while walking (focus better). And I have gotten into podcasts/audiobooks I listen to while walking.
Vicky Austin
I’m assuming you meant answer emails, but the idea of “answering treadmills on the treadmill” really made me laugh!
anon
I aim for 11,000 – I get there by taking a walk in the morning and again over lunch (with my husband), and then in the evening I bike (and count that as ‘steps’ by keeping my phone in my pocket) or run.
SD Recs
Hello everyone! I will be at a conference in San Diego soon and will have solo afternoon before my flight home. I’ve been before, but only to do tourist -y things with small children in tow. Any suggestions for how to spend a solo weekend day? If helpful, I’ll be staying on the water near the Gaslamp Quarter. Thanks so much!
Anonymous
Me too! I plan to either go to Coronado Island, wander around, stroll the beach, and get a fancy hotel drink OR Uber to La Jolla for fancy lady shopping and a long lunch. Go to Extraordinary Desserts too it’s amazing.
Anon
When I had some time to myself in San Diego I walked around La Jolla and relaxed in a cafe with a glass of wine and an amazing view!
Anonymous
Seaport Village is walking distance and cute, and the USS Midway is always nice to see. If you like seafood, I had a great meal at Top of the Market. The Little Italy neighborhood is nearby – I love eating at Crack Shack (Richard Blais’ fried chicken joint), and Ballast Point is a great local brewery with a fun vibe. Juniper and Ivy or Herb and Wood are also nicer restaurants in Little Italy. Balboa Park is a short drive away, which is great to walk through and tour museums if that’s your thing. People love Extraordinary Desserts in the Gaslamp as well.
Senior Attorney
I really like the Little Italy part of town: https://www.littleitalysd.com/
Also I’ve had a great day walking through Balboa Park by myself.
Anonymous
I really like the Little Italy part of town: https://www.littleitalysd.com/
Also I’ve had a great day walking through Balboa Park by myself.
Anon
I have a major leg surgery coming up. A few questions related to that:
1. What are your tips for dressing with a leg cast? I’m thinking I’ll pick a subdued color (probably black or white) and take advantage of the fact that wide legs pants are in style, while avoiding ones that are cropped so most of the cast is covered. Any other ideas?
2. What are your favorite work shoes with good arch support for wide, flat feet?
3. Any other general tips for recovering from surgery, especially when it comes to transitioning back to work?
Anonymous
Good luck with your surgery! My only fashion advice is not to do what my male co-worker did and try to enter the state supreme court building wearing khaki shorts with a cast. The security guard was not sympathetic. Your wide-leg pants sound perfect.
Anon
Not specific about dressing, but I had hip surgery and was on crutches for about a month, and it really took a lot out of me! I took a week off from work and then went back to my fully-remote job, but that next week was pretty tough because of work + not being able to take care of myself/bend down to plug in chargers/take a shower without help/etc. was physically and mentally taxing.
So! My recommendation for #3 is assume that you will be pretty limited post surgery and don’t push yourself too hard. If you can work from home for a bit, definitely consider doing so.
Anonymous
I had a knee high ankle cast, not quite the same.
– 2 crutches are horrible. You can do nothing but get from point to point and you quickly realize how much you use your hands. Get a backpack.
– It may be hard to get pants on, even wide leg. I wore more skirts than normal (in winter in the snow) simply because everything was difficult.
– your leg with the cast may lead to a foot that doesn’t fit in normal shoes, due to swelling. Don’t jam it in a loafer, embrace a sneaker or nondescript slip-on. The focus is healing, secondary is looks.
– you will end up leaning a bunch (standing, crutching/walking, even sitting) which may totally mess up your back. Try to get suggestions for what to do to even things out.