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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 155 Comments · by

Frugal Friday’s TPS Report: Bow Front Tee

The Personal Shopper (TPS)· Under $150

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Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Dorothy Perkins Bow Front TeeDorothy Perkins (where the sale just hit up to 70% off) has a number of cute polyester blouse/tees with bow details. I'm liking this bow front tee, which I think might be a nice, feminine look under a suit (or perhaps layered beneath a v-neck sweater). It's $44 in sizes 2-18; also available in white. Dorothy Perkins Bow Front Tee Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-all)

Sales of note for 9.19.24

  • Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September, and cardmembers earn 3x the points (ends 9/22)
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Boden – 15% off new styles
  • Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
  • J.Crew – 50% off select styles — and 9/19 only, 50% off the cashmere wrap
  • J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
  • Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
  • M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
  • Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
  • Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – Anniversary event, 25% off your entire purchase — Free shipping, no minimum, 9/19 only
  • Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
  • Tuckernuck – Friends & Family Sale – get 20%-30% off orders (ends 9/19).
  • White House Black Market – 40% off select styles

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Comments

  1. Kathryn

    Sorry for the early threadjack. Since many of you are lawyers and other
    master’s graduates I’m hoping that you can commiserate on my anxiety at
    going back to school and incurring student debt.

    I’m in my mid-twenties and have decided to completely switch careers.
    There are a few awesome programs that will get me where I want to be
    (nurse practitioner) in only 2-2.5 years. I am really excited about
    everything having to do with this, but it will come with a huge student
    loan burden, especially if I get into the particular program I’m hoping
    to.

    I got my (minimal) credit card debt under control and only really
    started saving significant amounts of money in the past 1.5 years, so
    the prospect of now setting my finances back so much is daunting.
    However, I am pretty much guaranteed a salary almost double what I
    currently make when I graduate.

    The gist is: I think I’m at peace with being in debt for roughly 15
    years, but does anyone have any stories/advice/motivation/feedback from
    making a similar decision about any type of grad school? Any regrets?

      • Philanthropy Girl

        Sounds like me just a few years ago. I have ZERO regret – although I hate those stupid student loans.

        I went for a program that gave me the most practical, hands-on experience. I was fortunate to be in-state at one of the oldest programs for my degree in the country – added bonus!

        I say absolutely go for it. I more than doubled my salary, was able to afford “real” things – like a home, and a vacation somewhere other than my backyard, and don’t cringe at Christmas time. I had no emergency fund because I could only live paycheck to paycheck. That you even have money saved at all is awesome – and will help offset living expenses.

    • Anonymous

      I think the key here is that you’re going into the medical field where the demand is more stable. I went to law school assuming I’d be guaranteed a salary that would help me pay off my loans but now I make 41k (although I do LOVE my job!).

    • frugal doc...

      I would look into options where you can receive debt forgiveness for working in locations with need for medical practitioners. This can be a double win – lose the debt, and often the training is great/intense and you are working in an area that really needs you. While you are young, and have the energy to work hard, I highly recommend this.

      And nurses can do extremely well working overtime. Hard working nurses make more then docs in some of our academic departments with excellent benefits.

      • frugal doc...

        I would also apply for every scholarship you can find. They are out there. Scour your local town where you grew up, the financial aid office at the school you will attend, the internet, nursing association websites.

        My Medical School roommate paid for the bulk of her med school by piecing together numerous grants/awards/research assistantships etc..

        • preg 3L

          +1. Scholarships are available for grad programs, but usually require some digging. Find them!!

        • KLG

          Look for the scholarships that are for $2500 or less. Tons of people don’t bother applying for those because they are so little money compared to tuition which means you have a lot less competition for those.

        • Olivia Pope

          Also, don’t be afraid to apply for smaller scholarships that you don’t technically qualify for. I received some scholarships in undergrad that I didn’t fit perfectly because no one else applied.

      • Muddy Buddy

        I don’t know where you are, but there are also programs where you can get loan forgiveness if you work in a certain hospital for a certain number of years. My husband is a NP in the capital city of our state (i.e., not an underserved/rural area), and he got this deal for agreeing to work at a large academic institution for a few years after graduation.

        Also depending on where you are, hospitals will often just pay a huge percentage of your education. My DH got a different nursing degree as well and the hospital paid something like 90% of it. You do have to work while in school, but it was very doable. Nursing is not a field where you really have to stop working while going to school.

        Good luck! You’re choosing a great career with lots of opportunities.

        • Kjoirishlastname

          +1. It is that way where I live in SWVA. I looked into it for nursing school after I was laid off from an engineering firm where I used my landscape architect degree. I was finishing my paperwork for nursing school when the ad came up for my current job of city planner.

          I think this could be a very lucrative career move for you. I know it will be my plan should the bottom drop out. There is always a need for healthcare workers.

    • LF

      I don’t know if you want to live with your debt for a whole ten years – and I’m not an expert on this – but if you work for academic medical centers I think you can qualify for IBR debt forgiveness in ten years. A number of surgery residents (who plan to take on 2 or 3 year fellowships after their general surgery residency) I know are doing this.

    • Anon

      By the time I was done with law school, I had almost 250K in student loans. Almost 6 years later, I am down to about 15K at a low interest rate from undergrad. Getting out from under this debt has been really hard and has kept me in big law for much longer than I had intended. And I’m lucky, I got and kept the jobs that would allow me to make accelerated debt payments–this may be a much bigger concern in the current legal market than the NP market however. I would have been fine with a longer repayment timeline if I had any job stability. So, anecdotally, I would look realistically at job prospects and salaries after graduation, and do what you can to keep the debt down while in school. You mention one specific program–does this open up your post school options enough to justify choosing this program over one that might be cheaper? Have you considered going to school part time or attending a program in a low cost of living area?

      I think education can be worth the cost, and I don’t regret mine–since you know what you want to do and you need the degree to get it, I’d encourage you to do so–but think through the ways to get where you want to be in a cost-effective manner, you’ll be glad you did later!

      • Anonattorney

        Similar story but with lower debt numbers and lower salary. I graduated from law school in my late 20s with a big chunk of school debt (about $60k) and about $7K in credit card debt (dumb dumb dumb). I was able to keep my school debt low because I went to a lower tier school that gave me a bunch of financial aid. I also applied for a bunch of scholarships while I was in school.

        I was able to find a good job out of law school that paid me a decent salary. But, because I was in school and doing other low-pay work throughout my 20s, I wasn’t able to pay off any debt or save for retirement until I got out of law school. I paid off the credit card debt with my first couple of paychecks, then started attacking the student loans. I also started aggressively saving for retirement. My student loans are now down to $13K and are all very low-interest, so I’m paying $500 a month toward debt while I also put signficant chunks into my 401K (which made BANK last year in the market), emergency fund, and other savings.

        When I compare myself to other people my age (especially on this site), I know I’m a bit behind because I got started later. But, I like my job, I have good career prospects, and I’m getting things together. You can do it!!!!

    • Senior Attorney

      I can’t speak to big student debt (although I did dig out from under a mountain of stupid non-student debt a while back), but I as one of the older members of the community I can tell you that 15 years is not an eternity and if you are happy with what you are doing and the payments are manageable, it will go by surprisingly fast.

      And +1 to all the excellent suggestions above!

    • Vet

      Have you thought about the military? It’s not the answer for everyone, but can be a great way to get a free education in exchange for military service – and you’ll have a job when you get out of school. Pay is actually pretty decent, and you get to see the world! I attended college on an ROTC scholarship and partially funded my law school by remaining in the Reserves – then when I got called up for Iraq, I was able to finish paying off my law school debt because my living expenses were, like, zero for an entire year. You can actually come out way ahead financially and enjoy the benefit of great job experience and some good cocktail party stories.

      • Elie

        There is also a fellowship through the federal prison system. My BFF did this. They paid for her tuition, and I think she got a housing stipend. She has to work as a prison nurse for 2 or 3 years, but that’s the only commitment. And she loves her job and is thinking about staying permanently. I think she gets like 6 weeks of vacation and a housing stipend, plus a pension, and since the federal prison system is part of the military, she also gets military-type benefits and discounts.

    • Kathryn

      Thanks so much everyone. Much of what you said was already on my mind, but it’s good to hear it outloud from other people.

      The program I’m aiming for certainly isn’t one of the more affordable options; however, it has a few major benefits: 1) It’s where I went to undergrad and I’m dying to attend school and live there again; 2) It’s one of the best programs of it’s kind in the country, and the corresponding hospital is great and highly regarded; 3) This program allows you to get in 2 years what would normally take 4, and the time/stress savings is worth a lot to me

      I think I had completely forgotten that scholarships exist for grad school! Honestly, I made this decision in October of last year and was applying by December 1 deadlines. I’m now taking 3 online science prerequisites at a time while working full time. I haven’t had much time to think about the small details and seeing all of your suggestions was really helpful and encouraging.

  3. Anon

    Seeking financial advice: I own a condo in another state that is underwater, and my DH and I are trying to figure out what to do about it. It is rented, but the rent does not cover the mortgage/HOA fees. Selling is not an option because we would owe $50k+, which we do not have. It is an 80-20 mortgage with the 20 being a home equity loan. I am going to pursue asking the bank to forgive a portion of the home equity loan because I have read that banks have done this to satisfy the nationwide mortgage settlement and also because the debt is unsecured. But I have also read that this is next to impossible unless you stop payments and, even then, it is difficult to swing. Otherwise, I don’t see a lot of options. Refinancing the primary mortgage hasn’t worked because we missed the lowest interest rate window (my income wasn’t quite high enough considering my student loan debt, although it is now.) This situation is causing a lot of tension because we are both new lawyers with student loan debt and also daycare costs. So like a lot of people at this early stage in our career, we make good money on paper, but we feel broke. We’d like to buy a house and should be able to start to save soon for that (now building up our emergency fund), but my DH is discouraged by our financial situation. In fact, he would like me to walk away from the mortgage, which I refuse to do because I don’t want to ruin my credit and I think doing so would be unethical because we can actually pay it but doing so is a huge drain. Advice?

    • anon56

      I agree – that would definitely be unethical as well as unwise if you are trying to buy a house. Sorry, but the rent covers a good bit of the mortgage, I’m sure, so I just have a hard time feeling sympathetic. All I’m getting from you is that it’s a little inconvenient to pay it.

      • AnonOP

        I appreciate your feedback. But lest others think it’s just a little inconvenient, it’s not, or I wouldn’t be seeking advice. We’re not talking about having to give up my daily latte habit — it’s a several-hundred dollar hit every month.

        • baseballfan

          We have a similar situation although we are not underwater – we have rental property whose rent does not cover all the expenses when you consider the inevitable vacancies and when you consider repairs and other costs. It sucks, and we are actively working to sell it. But just hang in there and eventually either you will have paid down enough to sell it without bringing cash to the table, or you may be able to bring in more income from it, or something.

          I get that it is frustrating; I have been frustrated by our situation for years. But the only right and ethical thing to do is continue to lie in the bed you’ve made and hold out until you have more/better options. Being in this situation is not a reflection on you having done anything wrong, sometimes life happens and it’s not ideal.

          I agree with those who’ve said this is not a good time to buy a house. You need to keep living aggressively below your means for the time being.

        • Dr. S

          I have no advice, but I feel Anon56 was a bit snide. I just wanted to say that many, many of friends are in this situation: they did the “right” thing at the time and bought an apartment/house like they were “suppose to”. Unfortunately, the market crashed and they are all stuck underwater. It’s a rough way for promising members our generation to start out– overburdened by school debt and underwater on mortgages. You (and everyone else) have my sympathies. You did nothing to get yourself into this situation, and I am sorry that you are stuck with it.

    • anon, in your shoes

      I’m having trouble posting, but I’ll try again. I was in the same situation. I was able to refi under the HARP2 program about a year ago. I had to go through my current lender, and it’s not a simple process, but it cut my interest rate by 3% and my monthly payment a ton. Good luck.

      • SF real estate woes

        I would agree with pursuing these options. Pursue all financial avenues first. The real estate market is improving.

        I would also put off the idea of buying a house for now. That really is misguided. You are going to be a high earning couple eventually. Now is the time to live way below your means and save like crazy. Like, move to a cheaper apartment, cut the cable, cut the lattes (it DOES add up), only buy clothes on deep discount/sale, don’t go out to eat, drive cheap and reliable cars that you buy (no leases), no big vacations, and save save save. Your condo is rented, so that is great.

        Yeah, it sucks. But you can do it. You’ll get there. It is very hard to stop comparing yourself to your colleagues, but you have to do that.

        Yes, I think it is not ethical for 2 lawyers to walk away from an underwater, relatively inexpensive condo. You guys made these life choices and this has been ongoing for several years. But of course, I am not surprised by your husband’s thinking. Many out there agree with him.

        Good luck.

        • AnonOP

          Thanks. We do most of these things. I was joking above about the lattes … I take my lunch, we drive a very cheap car, we rent an under-priced apartment, etc.

    • Clementine

      Please keep in mind that any type of loan forgiveness will also be a big ding on your credit. Forgiveness of part of a principal of a loan is considered a charged-off account and is on par with defaulting on a credit card or getting your car reposessed for most lenders. For many people, it is the right solution to walk away; however, it is not something that will be without credit consequences. Many people are shocked when a short sale or loan modification kills their credit scores, but both of these programs generally require you to already be in default (which pulls down your score) and on top of that, you are not paying as originally agreed (which can often show on a credit report).

      Also, you will be liable to pay taxes on any loan portion forgiven.

      This is the moment where you basically have to either suck it up and keep renting it out, sell it at a loss and pay the difference or take a huge credit hit. Moral judgements aside, those are your options.

      If I were in this situation and had as a within 5-year goal of purchasing a house, I would keep the renters in it and look into refinancing options but keep paying it to keep my credit intact.

      • Anonn

        +1. I don’t have any advice, but want to add this anecdote: My best friend and husband are in a similar situation. They bought a house in Las Vegas that is now underwater. A few years ago, they moved back to California and have been renting there. The rent they get from their Vegas house doesn’t cover the full mortgage, so they’re still paying a big chunk of it in addition to rent in Cali, daycare, etc. Both have MBA’s and good jobs, and they now have 2 year old twins. They desperately want to buy a house, but are waiting to be able to sell the Vegas house first.

        And the good news: they are close! The Vegas market has improved a bit, apparently especially where there house is. They think they’re a year or two away from being able to sell it with no loss or small loss (under $5k). So: there’s hope! I guess my advice would be to hang in there and try to negotiate a lower interest rate. Good luck!

      • Dulcinea

        You may not be required to pay taxes on the forgiven portion if you are insolvent (your total debt outweighs your total assets). You should check this with a tax professional.

        Also, there was a tax break for people in this situation called the mortgage debt relief act which was not renewed this year, but there is a movement in Congress to renew it. If it is renewed, even if you are not insolvent at the time the debt is forgiven, you may not have to pay taxes – but obviously confirm if this applies to you when the condo is not your primary residence.

        • baseballfan

          Tax professional here – You never know, of course, but from what I am hearing, the likelihood of this as well as a number of other provisions that expired in 2013 is pretty slim. And yes, in any case this only applies to a primary residence.

        • SoCalAtty

          2nd this – it only applies to your primary residence. As does much of HARP. This is going to be TOUGH for the OP to get any kind of refi deal.

    • a2d2

      Can you provide a little more information about your financial situation? It does sound at first glance like this is a fairly easy issue and that you have the money, you just don’t WANT to spend the money. But if you make the amount of money you hint at, then it should be fairly easy to get a refinance.

      • AnonOP

        I don’t want to get into a lot of detail, but we are both lawyers, not big law but not public service either with big student loan payments and daycare costs. I think perhaps my best option is to shop around the refinance and not take the first dissatisfying answer I got, which was that the refinance would not save all that much money.

        • anon, in your shoes

          It got several quotes before I came up with something that would work and was worth it. It is awful. There were a couple of time where I lost my composure on the phone. But if you keep at it, I think you’ll find something.

        • a2d2

          We refinanced 13 months ago with the goal of paying down principal as quickly as possible and we got such a better rate that we changed our 30 year note to a 15 year note and our payment is $12.00 per month higher than before.

          Refi is the way to go, especially with good credit now.

          Otherwise, we all have to lie in the bed we made. Or sleep on the floor.

      • Anon

        A lot of people are shocked to learn that actions other than foreclosure have similar hits on their credit. Back in about 2009 when people were really losing homes left and right (I lived in a high default area) an underwriter friend said he felt bad for all the people who were struggling so hard to accomplish a short sale, because as far as they were concerned (for future loans), short sale = foreclosure on your credit. The only one short sale benefitted was the lending bank.
        I’m sure that’s not always the case with every lender, and may be different now that we all have more years on the crisis, but that’s what he told me at the time.

        Also, I know that something was put in place awhile ago so that if lenders believe you did a “strategic default” which is what you’re really talking about, they can increase the wait time before you can qualify for a new loan anyway.

        There is a time limit before you can get a new home loan after foreclosure, if you walk away. Absent a specific hardship such as divorce or job loss, this time ranges from 2-8 years depending on lender/loan program. So even if you did what your husband suggests, you aren’t going to be buying a house anytime soon unless he could qualify on his own. Plus, realize that such an act will trash your credit, so if your income is needed for a new home loan, you are going to be looking at subprime loans and interest rates for several years as well, which would make buying a new home more expensive and risky.
        Has your husband really considered the ramifications of the action he suggests? It doesn’t sound like it, and as lawyers you really should.

        • Anonymous

          From what I’ve read a short sale affects your credit much less than a foreclosure.

          • Anon

            Depending on the circumstances, it may or may not be fewer points off your SCORE. Both can have a range of effect depending on how many late payments led up to it, what your score was before, and what other factors contribute. There is no “set” number (like, oh, a short sale is 100 points off and foreclosure is 200). There are ranges that are typical.

            But in any event, I wasn’t talking about just that, I was talking about how future lenders view the event in underwriting, and a short sale is not considered a plus. Either way, you weren’t paying as agreed and the lender took a haircut (did not get the full amount owed.) for future lenders, that’s the problem, not the exact number of points that came off your credit score.

        • SoCalAtty

          I believe that the time limit before you can buy after foreclosure is only set in stone for FHA products. A conventional loan / lender can lend whenever it wants to – BUT it will be very reluctant to do so after a foreclosure.

          In fact, I’d be willing to bet that if you have a recent foreclosure or short sale, you’re not going to get any financing, anywhere. We had a 60 day late on our credit from 2009, and refinancing just last year wasn’t very easy and they gave us a really hard time about it. That was the only late payment on our credit history, too.

          If you already had purchased the house and then wanted to walk away, and planned on paying cash for everything for the next 5 years, I think that would be an ok strategy. I know many on here feel that walking away from an underwater property is unethical, but I disagree. The bank agrees to take a risk when lending money to anyone – that’s how they determine interest rates. It is some kind of balance between your financial situation and the situation of the markets. Walking away isn’t without personal consequence, and it is a really tough decision. I think that making that choice is not good for your financial picture, but if that’s the best option I don’t think it is unethical. It is true that if the bank feels it was a “strategic default” they may try coming after you for the difference between what you owe, and what it sells for, but I haven’t seen that happening very frequently.

    • Anne Shirley

      I mean, lots of people would like to buy a house, but you already have one you can’t afford. Instead of looking for ways to get out of the mortgage, I’d be making a plan to get that 50k saved up. There’s nothing wrong with continuing to rent while you get back on your feet. I get that it’s frustrating for him especially, so I would try and make sure you’re leading the way on savings.

      When I’m trying to save I channel my parents, who taught me growing up that cable is for rich people, gyms are for rich people, clothes from the mall are for rich people, and we mist certainly could not afford an avocado! They saved carefully and were able, eventually, to buy a house, put two kids through college, and travel internationally 3 times a year. There’s plenty of time to feel less broke once you aren’t actually broke anymore.

      • Anita

        By all means, live frugally, but don’t give up avocados! Life is too short.

        In all seriousness, do look into refinancing again. And try hard not to compare yourselves to others as far as owning a home, travel, etc. You have a young child and are starting out in your careers– even without the condo situation, you’d probably be better off focusing on saving right now.

      • Anonymous

        This made me laugh. Avocados are one of my favorite foods and I remember begging my mom for them at the store when I was a child. She would tell me they’re far too expensive for one piece of fruit. Now I think – hey at least I wanted an avocado and not a soda!

      • Marilla

        For us it was mangoes :) Two mangoes, 7-person family. A slice of mango was a huge treat. And I would in general like to thoroughly second that whole paragraph.

      • Anonattorney

        Mrmoneymustache always sings the praises of avocados because they have a high calorie content. If you want to live REALLY frugally, you want to get as many healthy calories for your buck. But then again, he doesn’t buy them unless they are a dollar or less.

        Mrmoneymustache is sometimes very weird.

      • Hel-lo

        Of course we all love avocados. But I think this advice is spot on – cable, gyms, brand-name clothing, coffee made by someone other than yourself, etc., are all things we can live without if we really need to cut expenses. For me, that also includes expensive local plays and concerts, and beer/drinks from a bar rather than a liquor store.

    • CHJ

      Could you talk to a realtor and run some recent comps to see just how underwater your condo really is? The real estate market made huge leaps in 2013 in many cities, and 2014 is picking up where that left off. You might be able to sell your condo for a lot more than you think you can.

    • anonforthis

      Aside from the other credit issues, you will be ineligible for a mortgage from most major banks for 3 years from the time of foreclosure on the condo. So you really wouldn’t be able to buy a house anytime soon unless a bank will approve your husband for a mortgage by himself. (I know this because my husband had a house foreclosed on in 2011 and every lender we talked to in 2013 about buying a house said the mortgage would have to be in my name alone and based on my credit alone because they would not lend to him due to the recent foreclosure. Thankfully we were able to buy based on my info, but it’s pretty daunting knowing I am the only party to the mortgage).

    • L in DC

      I’ve been where you are (losing several hundred dollars a month on a rental in another state, was underwater about $20k) and ended up finally just selling it and forking over the money at closing. It’s an awful scenario that a lot of people have ended up in after the housing crash, despite making what looked like a good decision at the time of purchase.

      As an aside though, I think the “it’s not ethical to walk away from a mortgage” bit is complete and total BS. If you were a company and you’d made a bad investment, no one would consider it “unethical” to walk away from a deal that no longer made financial sense for you. This idea that an investment is somehow a “moral” responsibility just because it happens to also be a house only benefits the huge banks who make lots of money off of encouraging people into that mindset. The bank that lent that money to you knew they were taking a risk; that’s why you pay interest. You and your husband should take a cold hard look at the numbers — at how much you’re losing, how long you think you’ll continue to lose that money, how the theoretical hit to your credit would affect both of you — and then make a decision based on those facts. It may help to talk it through with a financial planner who charges by the hour, simply because it’s hard to think logically when there’s so much emotion and stress tied up in the decision. Good luck.

      • Dulcinea

        Agree with L in DC re the ethics of this situation. Also, the big banks got bailed out by the taxpayers on loans they should have (in many cases) known better than to make in the first place.

        You could also consider a Chp 13 bankruptcy, which might allow you to bring down the principal to current value and discharge or restructure any debts you have other than your student loans. It’s worth talking to a BR professional about it, I only have minimal BR experience but it is a good solution for some people
        .

        And, obviously, some people will say that bankruptcy when you are technically able to pay is also unethical, but I disagree. It’s a business decision and if the law provides you a remedy, it’s worth considering. Depending on your state, you might be surprised how much of your assets the law allows you to keep vs. what your creditors are entitled to.

        Finally, FWIW, bankruptcy is provided for in the constitution and there are biblical references to debt forgiveness every seven years (which is supposedly where the 7 year rule for BR comes from).

        Obviously, this would impact your ability to buy a new house for several years, but it might allow you to put more in savings toward a down payment and work out better in the end.

        • MissK

          +1 on the ethical aspect. As L is saying, this is a business transaction and both parties carry risk. In a foreclosure, the bank gets the house, which they had valued at a certain amount, same as you. With better due diligence, the bank should have known the house is not worth that much and not approved the mortgage. And, clearly, you are penalized for handing in the keys, so this all strikes me as pretty fair.

        • Hel-lo

          Whether it’s ethical is something I wouldn’t really consider.

          However, foreclosure and bankruptcy mean a *huge* hit to your credit. Meaning it’s likely you won’t qualify to buy a house in the next 7-10 years. So if you are taking a foreclosure or thinking about bankruptcy for the purpose of being able to buy a house, then that just doesn’t make financial sense, ethical or not.

        • Ethics

          Just chiming in to echo the sentiment that walking away from a mortgage is NOT unethical. Contracts are business transactions and you shouldn’t let “moral” judgments interfere with what is best for you and your family. Figure out the cost/benefit to each possible avenue and decide based on that. Mortgage insurance protects the bank, plus they get the property. Banks take a knowing risk when they hand out unsecured loans. Failing to pay your debts is not a moral failing.

      • baseballfan

        I disagree. Committing to pay a debt and then reniging on the amount you agreed to pay, when you are in fact capable of paying but just don’t want to because you’d rather do other things with your money, is not ethical.

        I understand the arguments about people in bankruptcy who had medical bills and other issues that completely could not be anticipated or planned for, and I cannot fault someone for taking that as their only option in that situation. But I believe pretty strongly that one should own one’s debts and pay them in full whenever humanly possible.

        We went through a time years ago with a failing business and it was crippling. It took us 4-5 years to pay it all off, and in the meantime we cut every expense possible. But I would not have considered another avenue. We were employed, we were capable of paying, and I felt we had a responsibility to fulfill.

    • MK

      I am somewhat in your shoes (condo in another state, not underwater, but market is still too bad to sell; renting it out, but miss the mortgage + HOA fees by about $500 each month).

      The reason why I’m not selling is because my renters are paying down my mortgage, and I see the property as an investment. If I only lose $500/month, and they are paying down close to that much per month (due to the structure of the loan, principle amounts are quite low in the beginning years of the mortgage), then really, at the end of the day, I’m not losing that money and in the meantime I’m allowing the property to appreciate.

      Plus–and this I didn’t realize until recently–although you can’t deduct mortgage interest for a rental property, you CAN deduct losses on rental property. The amount you are under each month, plus any expenses you have (realtor costs, trips to visit the property, cleaning, etc.) are all deductible. This is huge for higher earners like you and your husband (especially at this time of year, with taxes due).

      • Math Chick

        A word of warning: there are a lot of nuances to what is discussed in the last paragraph.

        • MK

          Yes, I should add that we don’t file our taxes ourselves for this reason, we’ve hired a CPA to do them for us. I know there will be some hit when I sell due to deductions taken, but for now it makes more sense to take the deductions and then account for them however we have to when we sell (time value of money and all).

      • baseballfan

        You can absolutely deduct mortgage interest on rental property; it’s among the many related business expenses that are deductible (You may be talking about deducting as an itemized deduction, which of course you can’t – because the deduction goes elsewhere).

        The deductibility of rental losses phases out at higher income levels. This has been my problem; I haven’t been able to deduct any rental losses for years, due to our joint income.

        The losses carry forward until you either have enough income to absorb them, or sell the property.

        \tax geek

      • Anonymous

        It is extremely unlikely that most ordinary renting-the-condo-on-the-side people would qualify as a real estate professional to be able to deduct their losses currently. They’re passive activity losses that you can use currently if you have other passive income to offset, but otherwise suspended until you dispose of the property. This is a VERY common audit issue and many CPAs just don’t get it. I billed many hours sending hundreds of bad cases to the CPA who couldn’t admit that his mistake had cost his client tens of thousands in legal fees, plus interest and penalties on the tax liability. Not. Worth. It.

        • Anonymous

          As baseball fan notes above, you can currently deduct a limited amount of losses in the current year (up to $25,000) but you have to be under an AGI that is very low for someone who was able to afford a second property in the first place.

          • MK

            Haha, I guess you can tell I’m most certainly NOT a tax professional! I realized I got confused–what we did was itemize losses (yes including interest–I meant that you can’t deduct it like you do when you live in the property), then put them in a “bucket” that will be deducted from any income we make on the property when we sell it. Does that make sense?

  4. BB

    Should I feel bad about this?…

    I met up with a somewhat more senior colleague for lunch two days ago. She was super helpful and promised to introduce me to some other colleagues in a mentor-ish kind of way. I sent her a follow up note last night that said ‘Thanks for having lunch with me etc….I’d love to get an introduction to these people when you get the chance.” She emailed back today and said “I’ve already reached out to them to make sure they’re not busy first before I do the introduction for you.”

    Part of me thinks this shouldn’t be a big deal, but the insecure, hates-networking part of me feels bad for being too pushy. Help!

    • AIMS

      Totally fine. Just write back and say something along the lines of, “Thanks so much, I look forward to hearing back from you.”

    • BB

      Thanks, everyone! I’ve always been bad about relationship building outside of my assigned work, but am trying to be better about it now.

  5. NOLA

    Yikes! How’s everybody doing with the weather? It snowed in southeast Louisiana last night but only a mix of rain and snow here. My power went out at 3:30 am and came back on at a little after 7. Entergy said it was an animal – apparently a raccoon.

    • Mpls

      I’m tired of my feet being cold.

      At least the sun comes out when the highs dip below zero.

      • Mpls

        Oh! and it’s 30 degrees warmer than yesterday! But still below freezing (not zero).

    • preg anon

      My nanny can’t make the drive in so I’m home with a baby who suddenly isn’t napping very well and tons of work to do! And no food, but that’s my own fault.

    • PolyD

      I grew up in the Midwest and figured 10s-20s were pretty normal winter temperatures, but after 15+ years in the DC area, the cold weather is killing me. For some reason, it is making me very, very tired, and it is very difficult to leave the house once I’ve gotten home. Exercise is taking rather a hit.

      On the other hand, I just ordered some cashmere sweaters from Gap (they have some on sale for $60, no idea about quality and they are online-only, return by mail) so maybe that will trigger a warm spell.

      • NOLA

        I talked to my friend in DC last night. She is miserable! Her house (in Arlington) isn’t well insulated. And she had some kind of stomach bug that’s been going around.

      • Mpls

        I have a cashmere sweater from about 6 or 7 years ago that is still going stronger (it’s one of my favorites). It hasn’t pilled, no holes, and washes like a champ. I haven no idea if the quality is the same, but I have had luck in the past.

        Also – DC has a warmer winter than the Midwest, but is damper. It can make a difference. And this winter has been kind of depressing.

        • GlobalEmily

          +1 for the fact that damp cold feels a lot colder than dry cold. I grew up in a climate that was very cold but dry and never felt as cold as I do now living in a humid cold climate. At first I thought maybe I’d just lost my acclimation, but when I went back to visit family over the holidays it felt warmer to me there even though the thermometer said it was colder.

      • cleary

        Oh, I totally agree with this! I grew up in the upper midwest when this weather was a day-to-day reality. But (1) we were driving around, not walking – we were outside the car for maybe a minute at most, as opposed to my 15 minute walk to metro now, and (2) it is definitely more damp here.

        This has been a tough winter, emotionally (my husband’s father passed away suddenly) and financially (guess who had to cover the funeral costs? Husband is the only child without his own kids, and everyone else said they didn’t have the money. Not that we did…). Can’t wait to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

        Can we all agree to hibernate until late March? Seems like everyone is on the same page…

    • Equity's Darling

      We’re well on our way to 10C/almost 50F with sun today! Usually our weather is awful compared to everywhere else so I am going to take advantage of the mild day and go on a nice outside walk at lunch.

      • Jo March

        Lol, it’s funny how relative temps become! Winnipeg is a VERY BALMY -4 (Celsius) today and it feels like spring.

        • Equity's Darling

          I know- once May shows up, I will be annoyed with “only” +10C.

          I didn’t know Winterpeg could be so warm in January ;)

        • OttLobbyist

          Hey, Winnipeg, you can have your -26 weather back. :) Even for winter-folk, this year has been hard. I have never had a car battery die in the cold, and it has happened twice since December.

  6. New Associate

    Last year my husband and I got married and also both started in BigLaw. We’ve been trying really hard to get our finances in order since then but I’d like some advice on whether we are doing everything we can to put ourselves in the best position financially. We’re both in our early 30s.

    We have about 80K in student loans that we are aggressively trying to pay down. We’re also saving for a down payment and are contributing about 1/3 of our combined take home income to that account every month. We’re close to finishing off saving for our emergency account which will cover 6-9 months of expenses and don’t plan to buy a house til that account is complete. We’re maxing out our 401Ks (no match unfortunately) and also doing a rollover contribution into a Roth (our income is too high to contribute directly) which we are funding through a gift we received from family. We’d like to save more for retirement and for potential future children but are currently prioritizing our loans (pretty high interest rates) and our down payment (our rent is high so buying will reduce our monthly payment). We have an appointment with a lawyer coming up to complete a will/power of attorney/living will etc. We combined all our insurance policies with one company to get a discount and also pay the total balance once a year for a further discount. Our loans are on direct debit which gives us a discount on the interest rate. We sold one of our cars to cut down on costs now that we walk to work. We recently switched credit cards to one with significantly better rewards.

    I feel really good about the progress we’ve made and the work we’ve put into this but I keep feeling like there is more we could be doing. Any advice? What are we forgetting?

    • frugal doc...

      Can I just say – I totally agree that you have made fantastic progress. I am very impressed and will leave it to others to give you more suggestions.

      I see good things in your futures.

    • Anonymous

      You sound like your on track. I would save more than you expect for a house just because there can be a lot of cash required for inspections, realtor fees, closing costs, repairs, etc….But otherwise you sound like you’re in a great position and really disciplined.

    • Ellen

      Yay! Fruegel Friday’s! I love fruegel Friday’s and this BOW TIE TEE SHIRT! Great Pick, Cat — I am forwearding this on to my sister and to Lynn, who would look very cute in this.

      As to the OP, you are doieng everything right. You are already MARRIED, and to a lawyer, who will probabley make alot of money in big law (as will you, until you get pregnant and have a child, which is great). Just make sure that your husband keep’s his eye’s out for an inhouse job, b/c after a few year’s, he can probabley get a job in house, like Roberta, where he can have steady work, make almost as much money, and not have to worry about geting booted out when he does not make partner. Just tell him to grab the first in house job he can b/c he can then have more time to come home early every night and take care of your baby, when you have one, and you make sure to stay on the job until you have a baby, then get time off on the firm’s FMLA policy (which is the law, I know b/c of Rosa, who used this to get time off before she quit her job at Nordstrom’s).

      I do not have this b/c I am not in Big law. I am in WC law, and the onley one in my law firm that has compentence in the area. The manageing partner used to be our WC litiegeator but he stopped reading up on the law back in the 1980’s, so he is stale on alot of thing’s. Beside’s he does not want to appear in front of his law school freind, who is now a WC judge, so he has me doing all the court room stuff for the last 3 year’s, and the judge really likes my leg’s! So kudo’s to me b/c I win almost every one of my cases in front of him. ( not so much in the Bronx and Brookelyn court’s — FOOEY).

      I kind of think the new guy is makeing a play for Lynn, and I think they went out last night. He keep’s peekeing over to her and she keep’s smileing back. I wonder if they did anything? Lynn lives in Queen’s and he live’s in the Village somewhere. I will keep my eye’s open and ask Frank later to see if there is anything goeing on. I think it might be good for Lynn b/c she has been goieng out with some seedy peeople from the buildeing and near her, but they will NOT be abel to provide for her the way a workeing lawyer can.

      YAY!!!

    • roses

      My H and I are in a similar spot in life with a similar amount of debt, and I just made a to-do list from your post. I’m clearly not a financial expert, but you are way more put together than we are!

      I’m really curious as to how you figured all of this out. My H and I are generally very good about living below our means to pay off our loans, and we keep a healthy emergency fund and keep track of our expenses. But I feel like we don’t have a clue as to the optimal way to structure our accounts (be it savings, credit cards, insurance, etc.). Where did you even start to figure out this plan?

      • New Associate

        Roses: I really like Elizabeth Warren’s All Your Worth as a really good starting point. I also read a few other pretty basic money management books. Once you read the same advice over and over it really reassures you that its the right path to take.

        We also did a TON of research into the best insurance options/credit cards/online savings account (for emergency fund)/brokerage accounts/401K investments etc. Its time consuming but really worth it to shop around to find the best deals/highest interest rates. We found all of that information online. I’d use the recommendations on this site too. Ally, Schwab, Vanguard are all great starting points.

        Also my strongest piece of advice is to set up everything as direct debit. If money doesn’t even hit your checking account you won’t miss it. All of our savings goals are taken care of and our bills paid before we even touch whats left over from each pay check.

        Thanks for the encouragement everyone!

  7. Anon. for this

    Help! I have two days of long meetings as part of an interview next week and I’m sick. I came down with what seemed to be a cold during the middle of this week. I thought I would be better by now, but I still feel like I’m on the decline, not the upswing. I cannot get an appointment with my doctor today or in the next few days, and I have a really important week next week – two days of long meetings and giving presentations as part of a job interview. I am already feeling like I am less prepared than I like to be, although I can ignore everything else and be well prepared in time for the interview. However, I know it would reflect really badly on me if I cancel Monday (the day before). Everything I’ve read said to soldier through it- bring tissues, hand sanitizer, etc., but I would be totally grossed out if someone came into my workplace the way I am now- coughing, sneezing, everything running and watery. I’ve had no symptoms to indicate that it’s anything worse than a cold, and if it’s a cold I will be past the point of being contagious when I have to interview. What would you ladies do? Would you trust that the cold would run it’s course? I’m taking care of myself and resting as much as possible, although this situation is creating some unavoidable stress.

    • frugal doc...

      Honestly? I would give up on seeing the doctor (they can’t do anything for a cold) and keep going. Cancelling an interview series now for a cold could be seen as poor form.

      Drink drink drink
      sleep sleep sleep
      Buy some decongestants (non sedating) if you need them
      Humidify your home (a pan of water on the radiator is quick trick)
      Tylenol if you feel achey

      Actually, it is more appropriate to cancel the day before if you are sick/worse, because it shows you were hoping until the last minute that you would make it.

      Hang in there.

    • jc

      Is there anyway you can get to urgent care? They are normally still covered by insurance and will be able to get you some meds asap and maybe some advice on how to solider through. I feel like this is a judgment call on your part, but I would SLEEP SLEEP SLEEP through the weekend, drink lots of fluids and take warm showers. Hopefully by Monday you will be feeling a lot better! Get well!

    • Ugh

      I’m very sympathetic but not sure what to tell you. I went through with an interview with a terrible cold, and it was really a disaster. Like you, I’d had a slight cold that got much, much worse the day of my interview. I could barely talk and felt completely disgusting when everyone insisted on shaking my germ-laden hands (not much you can do about that when you’re blowing your nose every 2 minutes). The standard advice it to tough it out, but if there’s anyway to reschedule without great inconvenience to everyone, I’d consider it.

    • snowy

      Sleep all weekend. Do not do anything else. Eat well, get lots of Vit C and tons of water and hot tea. If as you say there’s nothing to indicate it’s anything other than a cold, two days or serious rest should really help you out.

      The day(s) of your interview, drug yourself up all you can. Sudafed, mucinex, and afrin should dry you out and limit the amount of nose-blowing and coughing you’ll have to do. You can always excuse yourself to the bathroom and de-snotify there between interviews/presentations to avoid public grossness.

      Do you have to fly to the interview? If so, I would recommend those Earplanes earplugs- they are supposed to help reduce the sinus pain that comes w/ flying while congested. I used them recently and while I still feared my head would explode from the pain while we landed, it did not and I am alive to tell the tale!

      good luck!

    • "Allergies" PSA

      Do you have access to a steamroom? If so, 10-15 minutes once or twice daily could speed the progress of your cold.

    • tesyaa

      Sometimes towards the end of a cold I feel worse for a day, then much better. Hopefully your downswing will just last this one day.

    • OP Again

      Fortunately, I do not have to fly or do any major travel for the interview. I appreciate all the suggestions as to how to get better fast. I am resting as much as I possibly can. I do not have access to a steam room, but I am taking regular steamy showers and using a humidifier. My biggest issue is how do I do all this while also doing all the prep I need to do for the interview. Would you feel comfortable leaving it to the 24 hours beforehand, given the circumstances? I really do need to do additional work to prepare my presentations, learn more about the organization, etc. Although I am a bit along in the interview process, I got new information about the position this week (after I was feeling run-down). Ugh. I’m very tempted to throw in the towel.

      • Olivia Pope

        Definitely don’t throw in the towel!

        I would spend today and tomorrow sleeping hard. Medicated hard, so you can’t think about how you’re not working. Benadryl knocks me out, so I would take that while drinking fluids and eating soup.

        Then, I would prepare.

        During the interviews, I would take medicine that mask the symptoms. Pain relievers if necessary. Spray nasal decongestant. I would drink lots of hot tea in the morning. I would bring tea bags with me so if an admin offers you a drink, you can ask for tea without relying on them having it. Carry tissues or a kerchief in your pocket so if your nose runs, you can wipe and keep it moving.

        • Otrivin!

          I am going to sound like a saleperson but…. Otrivin (or a similar decongestant spray) works like a charm to instantly decongest your nose and stop it from running. You will even be able to breath through your nose. It wears off in a matter of hours and you can’t use it chronically or you will get rebound congestion but you can certainly use it for a couple of days (provided you have no medical contraindications, of course) and it really helps to temporarily get rid of some of those cold symptoms and help you look and act like a normal human being. Most importantly without a runny nose you don’t have the sneezing/clutching a tissue look that makes people want to avoid you. I’d spray some in my nose just before the interviews!

      • Dr. S

        Can you do this prep lying in bed under your covers with a laptop? When I’m sick, I find it easier to handle to computer work if I’m lying in bed or on a couch with a blanket and some trash tv?

    • rachel

      Have you ever tried Mucinex DM? When I’m experiencing similar symptoms, I usually resort to Mucinex and have some success. Feel better!

      • LizNYC

        +1 to this. If you go to urgent care and they can’t help you, Mucinex DM might do the trick. I used this for a few days when I got sidelined by a cold over Christmas (it was as fun as it sounds).

    • Anon

      I believe, and I believe the science supports, zinc gluconate as a way to shorten the cold. Go get the zicam throat drops or spray, and use it religiously, following the instructions (no citrus, etc.)

      Tips to feel better:
      Steam room or super long shower the night before and morning of. This thins and moistens mucous in your nose and lungs.
      I’m a big fan of neti-pot or neilmed-sinurinse: this can clear your nose for an hour or more, and clear out the really clogged stuff, and make the other stuff thinner so it drains more quickly. This would take 10 minutes, twice a day.
      Mucinex all weekend, again following instructions. The medication does actually work to thin mucous. Don’t take a cough suppressant all weekend, and just cough crap up.
      Drink a TON of water. This, along with the above helps thin the mucous and allows your body to drain it.

      Day Of:
      Can you get Sudafed? It works. If you need a prescription, I might call the doctor to just ask if it can be called in. Make sure you don’t buy the non behind the counter/ prescription kind- that stuff doesn’t work. But real Sudafed does work to reduce the swelling in your sinuses and allow you to breath.
      Do take a cough suppressant the day of.

      My guess is if you do these things, and you’ve already had the cold for at least 3 days, you’ll be better by Monday. Not 100%, but at least 90%. Monday sounds like it will be day 5. Most colds are done within 7 days, so you will definitely be getting better by then, especially with rest and hydration.

      • PolyD

        Be careful with zinc nose sprays. They can mess up and/or destroy your sense of smell.

        • Anon

          The nose sprays are discontinued. I meant the throat spray. The “cough drops” give me a stomach ache but the throat spray coats your throat with less zinc getting into the stomach.

    • Hel-lo

      Med yourself up as much as possible the day of. DayQuill works for me, or the daytime version of TheraFlu.

      Until then, sleep more than 12 hours each night. As much water as you can force down.

      Take a few days off after your interview so you can sleep and get yourself actually better.

  8. Anon

    Hello ladies,

    I could use some advice about my job situation. I have written about this a couple of times in this forum and have received valuable advice.

    I am an engineer and I changed jobs within the company six months back. I had and still having a very hard time adjusting to the team. The team is has five people including the manager and myself. I have difficulty adjusting with three of them (so I like working with just one person in the team). I have been very unhappy. Also I feel I am doing the day to day work without any clear goal and I am very uncomfortable with this.

    I badly want to change the job. There are a couple of reasons why I am still working for this team. First, I am on a visa and I have to restart my permanent resident process if I change the place of my work now. I can find a different job in my company without any visa issues, but I have been here just six months. My company policy says that once a person transfers to a different team, he/she cannot move again for one year (unless asked by the company itself). Also I have been at this job for just 6 months, part of the time was spent ramping and there is really not much I have done. If I change my job now, I will start ramping again and not much work will be done for next 3 – 6 months. So my plan was to start looking for a job now and change after six – eight months. By that time, most probably I will have a green card (through my husband) which allows me to work anywhere I want. It will work out even if I want to find a job within the company as I would have completed a full year by that time.

    Last week, a gap was identified in a different team and I was asked if I can move to that team as I was interested in the job and was qualified as well. I told my manager the reasons I have mentioned above (I have not done much work in the current team, have to start ramping again, so not much work will be done for next 3 – 4 months etc). But I am constantly unhappy with the present team and it is very hard for me to work with these people. The advantage of moving to a different team is that I don’t have to deal with these people anymore, I will learn new things which I am interested in. The disadvantage is I have heard that there is not much work that needs to be done..so I might be idle sometimes (which I don’t like but feels better than being unhappy and irritated all the time).

    What do you ladies think? Should I just take up the new oppurtunity (even if it means I may be idle sometimes)? Thanks in advance.

      • BB

        +1, too.

        I don’t really see the problem here. It sounds like your priority is to stay employed while you wait to get your green card. And the only disadvantage is that you might be slightly bored in your new position. Bored >>>>> irritated + unhappy. I’d say the only reason you wouldn’t take it is if you were gunning for some sort of early promotion at your current company, in which case the extra ramp up time would be detrimental. But like I said, it sounds like you probably just want to get the green card and change companies anyway.

    • Hel-lo

      Finding enough work is a problem in many many jobs.

      Take the new opportunity. Your current position isn’t getting any better.

  9. AEK--- Milwaukee?

    I’d like to arrange for some meal delivery for a relative who will be at home recovering from major surgery in Milwaukee. Does anyone have recommendations for a restaurant/caterer/grocery that would handle this well?

  10. ugh

    I just found out I’m pregnant again–big surprise, as DD is 7 months old. I’m absolutely dreading telling the (mostly older) men I work with, because I’m sure it will elicit responses like, “you know what causes that?” or “you guys have been *busy*” (with the creepy wink/sideeye). I know I’m a 6-year old, but ugh.

    Related note, I’m also sure that the two years in a row of paid maternity leave is probably not going to be well-received.

    Any good responses?

    • Anon

      “I wanted to get my maternity leaves out of the way so I can focus on my career from now on?”

    • snowy

      Someone just asked about this the other day, so you’re not alone :)

      Why do you have to tell now anyway? I would wait until you absolutely can’t hide it, and I think people will be less likely to do the math and figure out how close the kiddos are at that point. You can also play it off like, “yeah! we are so excited to be done with the diapers and strollers after this, we just want to get it over with”

      I assume since you say two years of maternity leave in a row you’re in Europe? I had a colleague in Europe who took part-time leave with her third child, since she was older and more established in her field and a full year away would have been too much. She basically extended the leave rather than taking it all at once. I guess it would depend on your field though, if this is doable.

    • EB0220

      Pregnant chicken pregnancy comebacks part 1 is NSFW but might make you laugh!

      And congrats!

    • JJ

      Congrats! Same thing happened to me. Just tell them that you wanted to get your leave out of the way in one fell swoop so that you can focus on your job and raising kids.

      Yes, some of the older men I work with made comments. I just laughed them off and made sure that my work was good enough that they’d miss me.

  11. cold windows

    I have 3 giant windows in my bedroom and despite 2 sets of curtains, this deep freeze is keeping the temp around 55 all the time. I was looking at that shrink wrap stuff on amazon, but since I’m only a renter I’m wondering how easy is it to take off? Anyone used this stuff before?

    • GlobalEmily

      I used it in a rental house a few years ago and it was really easy to remove. The only thing to be cautious about is that if the paint job on the walls surrounding the window is old (ie. already chipping or bubbling), then some paint might come off.

      • GlobalEmily

        It did make a noticeable difference in the temperature so I’d say it was worth it.

      • cold windows

        ah ok, I’ll have to check out the paint. Its cheaper to just buy a dozen down blankets instead than lose the deposit on this place…

    • Dead Quote Olympics

      Bubble wrap– especially if you just need it for the deep freeze. No real installation necessary, no damage. Google “bubble wrap insulation”.

    • frugal doc...

      Talk to your landlord.

      If you are renting, they are likely responsible for keeping the temperatures warmer during winter. In my city, landlords must keep it 68 during the day (until 11pm) and 65 overnight. If they don’t, you can have financial recourse.

      Talk to the landlord. Ask them to assist in insulating the windows.

      I have similar difficulties in my apartment. I push the landlord, sealed up the windows (additional silicone cauk and baseboard insulation helped – the landlord/building covered it), and have a portable heater in the apartment. The landlord deducts the increase electrical cost from my monthly rent, due to the need for a heater.

    • In-House Optimist

      If you’ve got leaks/cracks in the windows, you can get a putty (it’s the same consistency as clay) substance (have no idea what it’s called, but it’s on Amazon for sure!) that you put into the cracks and it plugs the leaks and comes right off. My husband and I had to invest it it this year – it was like $40 to do all of the windows in the house so it would prob be a cheap option for you!

      • In-House Optimist

        Just reread and realized I’m not making a ton of sense… I mean like, air leaks between the frame and the window … the putty just runs along the outline of the window and plugs the air leaks. My windows aren’t actually leaking snow into the house or anything … if that were the problem, something tells me I’d need a better fix than putty! :)

    • zora

      I used the shrink wrap on windows in every single place I ever rented in NY and Oregon, in mostly very old buildings, and it never caused any damage that affected my security deposit. If a little bit of paint peels off, that is covered under regular wear and tear, as they are supposed to paint between tenants anyway in most states. Just do it now, it will make you more comfortable, and save energy costs.

  12. Paging MJ

    Just wanted to let you know: I got my Hawes and Curtis shirts yesterday and they are awesome! The fit is actually way better than Pink ever was for me (too tight), and the colors are great. Thanks so much for the rec! Now you’ve got me researching other Jermyn St. shirtmakers for women’s shirts. I don’t know why it never occurred to me to just have them sent from England instead of going to the Pink store. Thank you!

    • Lawyer Mom of Four

      I had my first when I was 30 and my fourth when I was 39. Everyone’s experience is different, but for me I was sicker with each pregnancy. The other thing that was striking to me was how much medical technology changes over that period of time (ultrasound development, esp), as well as how baby advise and baby stuff also changed. And I bought very different maternity wear when I was 39 than when I was 30.

    • MJ

      You’re welcome! So glad you love them! They are on my must-visit list every time I go to London. You might also try Charles Tyrwhit, TM Lewin and Austin Reed. Austin Reed has a royal warrant, so their stuff is really high quality, but pricy. They have really nice short-sleeved dress shirts for when summer is smoking, and really lovely suit separates (although I’ve never bought the suits–I’m a tall and they don’t make talls–but I’ve seen the suits in person and they are drool-worthy). And Austin Reed’s London flagship is on Regent St (upstairs), not Jermyn Street, but it’s very walkable.

      Also, you probably know this, but…megasales in Jan and July for most UK retailers, so get on the email lists for those and you will pay almost nothing for the shirts–they have “multiples” sales at that time where you can clean up!

      Enjoy your snazzy shirts that absolutely no one else will have :)

  13. Mamma Mia

    (Standard warning to skip if you’re not interested in pregnancy/baby stuff). I wonder if anyone can comment on the differences between having a baby before and after 35? I had my first, and a perfectly fantastic pregnancy (seriously, no morning sickness at all!), at 32. Now I’m 34, and hope to start TTC, well, sometime. I had originally hoped to get it done before that scary 3-5, but it’s looking less and less likely, and I think that’s OK. I know that there’s no magical switch that changes things on your 35th birthday or anything. But I’m wondering what to expect that would be different – i.e., different tests, different stressors, different treatment by medical staff, even different tolls on your body.

    • tesyaa

      I didn’t find my pregnancies worse as I got older. I had my first at 27 and my youngest when I was 38.

      The bigger difference (IMO) is taking care of a young child while pregnant. So actually, as your child gets a little older and needs to be carried/pushed less, you may find it easier to be pregnant than if you are always pushing a stroller or carrying a toddler. A preschooler who is mostly independently mobile, knows how to hold hands crossing the street, etc. will actually make your pregnancy easier.

      I think. But definitely, there’s no magical boundary like “pregnancy at 34 is fine, pregnancy at 35 is horrendous”.

      • tesyaa

        The pregnancy question is making me reminisce about my pregnancies. Does anyone else here remember the late Dr. Oberlander? He delivered 4 of my kids and he passed away about 10 years ago. It still makes me sad to think that he’s no longer around.

    • Anonymous

      I’m 37 and pregnant with my first, so I have no comparison to what an earlier pregnancy would have been like, but this one has been pretty easy as far as things go. I’ve had no abnormal symptoms and have felt pretty good all along. I had one early ultrasound because of my “advanced maternal age” but other than that, no extra tests or anything.

      I’ve been tired and had morning sickness in the first trimester, but have stayed active throughout.

      • Anonymous

        Oh, and I’m 38 weeks now, so I’ve been through all the stages (except the BIG ONE)

    • Anon

      Anecdotally I haven’t seen much difference in terms of the actual pregnancy experience with friends younger/older but it gets a lot harder to conceive after 35. And as you get older, it does get a little harder to physically power through things like no sleep.

    • marketingchic

      I had my first at 32 and my 2nd at 38. There was no discernible difference in the difficulty of my pregnancies. There are more tests offered when you are over 35 (and therefore “Advanced Maternal Age” – hateful term) that I declined. Beyond having the opportunity for additional tests, I wasn’t treated differently by caregivers.

      • Anon in NYC

        I believe my SIL was 35 when she was pregnant with her first (and 37-ish with her second) and her (very cautious) ob-gyn had her doing a lot more tests, but I think physically she was fine. So like marketingchic said, there may be more doctor appointments.

    • Nonny

      Having just had a baby at 39, I can comment on my experience so far, but I’m sure everyone is different.

      My pregnancy was completely normal. I went into it with some trepidation because of what I’d heard about “geriatric pregnancy” after 35, but my doctors simply said that so many people now are having babies later, it actually isn’t that big a deal unless you are older than 40. I think I got one extra ultrasound and automatic testing for Down’s and similar disorders, but that is about it.

      My baby is only 3 weeks old now and I do think the recovery time might be longer for me than for a younger woman (I ended up with an unplanned C-section) but otherwise it’s been ok so far.

      The only other thing I will say so far is that certainly in my industry (law), it becomes more difficult to take lengthy mat leave the more senior you are. I live in Canada and would love to be able to take a one-year mat leave like so many of my friends have done, but given the requirements of my job and client maintenance, it’s just not going to happen, which makes me a bit sad.

    • TBK

      I’m 36 now, 35 when I got pregnant. This is my first pregnancy so I can’t compare it to what it would have been like in my 20s (also, it’s twins, which is just a much bigger toll on your body whatever your age). But as far as treatment by medical staff, tests, etc. I haven’t noticed any special treatment by medical staff, except that my charts say “advanced maternal age” on them. But my doctor noted that in the past, after 35, they marked you “elderly” if you were pregnant. I’ll take AMA over elderly (at 35!) any day. As far as tests go, the first trimester tests for chromosomal abnormalities (like Downs Syndrome) are more important because your risk is higher. But I’m not aware that I’ve had any tests that were actually different from what would be done for a 20 year old. I have two twin mom friends who both gave birth in the last couple of months who are both a little older than I am. They both seem to be doing perfectly well with their recoveries. I’m sure your body doesn’t snap back in quite the same way, but I doubt the difference between 32 and 35 would really be that great.

    • EB0220

      I’m not over 35, but I’m on my second pregnancy and I am definitely feeling it. I was 30 with my first, and now 32 (33 when baby is born). I can’t tell if my body is more tired, or it’s just that much harder to grow a baby while chasing another kid. It’s probably a little bit of both. As other posters mentioned, there are more tests offered/encouraged related to chromosomal issues.

    • anon

      I had my two kids about the same age as you. The biggest difference wasn’t the pregnancies, but the fact that during the first I could spend my spare time researching baby gear, going to bed at 6:30 if I was tired and generally taking care of myself. With a toddler running around I was much more exhausted at the end of the night.

      Keep in mind that all the statistics premised on whether you are older or younger than 25 are based on averages over thousands (millions?) of women. There are gradual changes that take place as we age, but you personally aren’t likely to notice a huge difference in your pregnancies based on whether you get pregnant when you are 34 or 35.

    • Rosalita

      Highly recommend the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility if you’re thinking of TTC in the next year or so. It was incredibly helpful to understand the whole process.

  14. tesyaa

    The pregnancy question is making me reminisce about my pregnancies. Does anyone else here remember the late Dr. Oberlander? He delivered 4 of my kids and he passed away about 10 years ago. It still makes me sad to think that he’s no longer around.

  16. Not ashamed

    Update: I sent off the paperwork to payroll for my direct deposit change. Dh will do his next pay cycle so he doesn’t miss the autopay on his current bills.

    My account is balanced with what I had been diligently entering on my phone app. And with an unexpected grocery need at the very end of the pay period (not the usual grocery week) I had been frugal enough previously to cover the expense.

    The numbers in our budget are very conservative (usually overestimating by 1-2%) and we will still have discretionary funds even after filling “fun” “vacation” “home/car maint” and “emergency” accounts.

    I paid off one of my debts and we have a plan in place to bring everything else up to balance.

    I shared some of this with Dh and he was eager and excited. I feel as though a giant burden was lifted. We aren’t currently in great shape but we have made steps to improve.

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