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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 146 Comments · by

Coffee Break: Anette Pumps

Coffee Break

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Diane von Furstenberg Anette Pumps There seem to be a ton of newly-added, nice pumps on deep discount at a number of stores — ShopBop, Neiman Marcus, Saks — check 'em out. For today's post I'm liking these purple DvF pumps. I like the snake embossing, the pointed toe, and the lovely purple hue. They were $278, but are now marked to $139 at ShopBop. Diane von Furstenberg Anette Pumps (L-all)

Sales of note for 9.16.24

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Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. Liz in the City

    Is anyone else having issues seeing today’s posts on the home page? I’m still only seeing the blue belt from Monday on the home page and can only get to today’s (Tuesday’s) posts from the Facebook links.

    • meara

      Yeah, I’m on my phone, but I can only get here from Facebook, otherwise only yesterday is showing up.

    • Kat G

      Other folks are saying that on the Ann Taylor blue belt post from Monday — apparently the posts that were there just disappeared. I’m going to try to flush the caches and see if that helps.

      • preg anon

        Now the home page shows this post but not the right number of comments. At least we’re heading in the right direction!

      • Nonny

        Yup, I only got here (just now) by clicking all the “next post” links from Ann Taylor onward…(on Chrome)

      • Anonymous

        I’m still only seeing the Ann Taylor blue belt post, with 102 comments, this morning (7/10, using Firefox). Had to swith to IE to see the more current posts).

    • Maggie

      Yes also only seeing the blue belt post and have to click through to next post. Firefox. This did however show up in Feedly (though I didn’t click through from there).

      Anddd just got the posting comments too quickly notice when I tried to post my comment.

    • L

      Yup. Earlier today I was able to see everything through the previously on post. A few minutes ago I cleared my history in Firefox and only saw the belt. Same in Chrome. I was able to get to this post by clicking through the ‘next post.’

    • SoCalAtty

      The only post showing on the homepage for me is yesterday’s snake belt.

  4. Me too!

    Me too! Now that it finally showed up, anyone with a good recommendation for a bikini waxer in Arlington, VA? I’ll trek to DC, if she’s great. As an incentive, I’ll tell everyone in Arlington or DC about the greatest hairstylist I just found, her name is Aundrea and she’s at bubbles in pentagon city. I just cut all my hair off on a total impulse and she really did the best haircut I’ve ever had. I had originally gone to a very expensive salon in McLean and my haircut looked like a 1990’s politician’s wife. I cried. Aundrea fixed it beyond my wildest dreams for significantly less money. I just wanted to sing her praises, while I’m in a good mood!

    • Anonymous

      Tammy at Polished in Georgetown. She’s fast and she’s cheap – $40 for a Brazillian (not sure for just bikini wax)

      • nice cube

        thanks for the stylist recommendation – ive been thinking about cutting my hair off.
        for waxing, i really like going to Bliss Spa in DC. it is pricey – $80 for a brazilian, but the wax they use is less painful.

  5. Young Consultant

    Wedding Question-

    I am just reaching the age where my friends are starting to get married. I recently received an invitation to my first “peer” wedding…. for labor day weekend, 2 months after most people I know who got invited. A few of my other friends also got invites in the past week, so obviously this is a second (or maybe even third!) round of invitations. Is this a common practice? I wasn’t really expecting to be invited to this wedding, and I wouldn’t say I’m offended, but it seems just a little rude in general to give second/third round invitations to weddings…

    But maybe I’m just not clear on what is normal. I’ve been to a lot of weddings, but they have all been family weddings where I made the first cut, haha.

    • SFBayA

      This is normal. Don’t be That Girl who gets upset over this. Wedding guest lists are absolute hell to create and manage. The couple probably had a long list of mandatory family invitations which may or may not coincide with who they actually want to see. Maybe they had to invite X# of family members and their venue holds X+(.10X) people, such that the first round of invitations meant 90% family, and 10% friends. Thus, only their very best friends could make the first round. Once various extended family members decline the invitations sent in the first round, the couple can use the newly open slots previously occupied by Xs to move down the list to people they want to invite but couldn’t squeeze in during the Mandatory Family Invitation round. It’s ok if you don’t want to go, but be gracious in your acceptance and attendance or declining the invitation.

      • goldribbons

        +1. Wedding guest lists are terrible beasts. Go or not, but be gracious and don’t hold the venue/family restrictions against your friend(s).

        • preg anon

          I agree with this. I do think two months is a *smidge* too long between rounds, but I can totally understand where they’re coming from. And seriously, doing a wedding guest list is worse than you think if you’re not married.

          • Anne Shirley

            Is it really?!? I’ll grant you pregnancy being hard to understand, but no, as a single lady I think I can understand the terrible horrible stress of throwing a party. This is how the phrase smug married came about.

          • preg anon

            Well, I certainly don’t mean to be smug, although I can see how it seems that way. I had no idea if you’re married or not. All I was saying was how much harder it was than *I* thought it would be. I’ve never thrown a party where I had so many competing demands of in-laws, your own parents, etiquette, etc. It turns out your own views have little to do with it. And I’ve never thrown one where every single person who came cost so dang much. And it’s not always a matter of “just picking a venue that accommodates your guest list.” I wanted to get married at this place that had special significance to my family, and it was smaller than I wanted. But it was so special to my dad that I was willing to do what it took. In the end, not everyone who came could be sitting down at the reception at the exact same moment, although we were pretty close. I didn’t do rounds of invitations, but I had to cut people who I wouldn’t have otherwise. It was worth it to me to get married at this place.

          • Mpls

            Wow – this single lady understands just fine. Family invites for my brother’s wedding numbered probably 150 people. There are always family politics pushing against budget issues and venue sizes for these things, that it can making planning pretty stressful.

            Yeah, it’s just a party, but it’s probably the biggest, most involved/choreographed party many people with ever through in their lives. And most of them are not professional party planners, so I imagine it does come with a fair bit of stress.

            Bottom line – take the invitation at face value. They invited you, so go if you want to or don’t if you don’t want to. Trying to read some message into the timing of the invitation isn’t going to be helpful.

          • Anne Shirley

            Oh I’m sorry Preg Anon I hope it didn’t sting too much! Maybe just a smidge. But it stings for me when women I’m friends with morph into brides who think I can’t possibly understand because I’m not planning a wedding.

          • Mpls

            You betcha, preg anon.

            To some extent, the first tier is the people you HAVE to invite. The second tier are the people you WANT to invite, but can’t because of the have-tos.

            And it’s only a gift grab if you buy into the idea of gifts being obligatory. But that was a rant for yesterday.

          • Anonymous

            Are you saying that not everyone has a seat at your reception?? I don’t think you are really in a position to say something is not rude

          • preg anon

            Oh this is so special. I don’t even know why I’m responding. It was a buffet with dancing and lots of mingling at a location with large grounds for people to walk around; it was not a seated dinner. It worked out fine, but thanks for worrying about my guests.

          • JJ

            My reception was the same, preg anon…buffet, dancing, and mingling and I don’t think everyone could have sat down at the same time.

            Although I do enjoy the visual of your reception being a seated dinner and you making B-list dinner guests hold their plates while they eat standing up.

          • Gail the Goldfish

            Yea most weddings I go to don’t have enough seats for every single guest. Because they’re buffets, not sit down dinners.

          • Anonymous

            Are you guys serious? I’ve been to ton of buffet dinners but everyone had a seat. It’s one of the rudest things I have ever heard of to have a wedding where you have to fight for a place to eat your food. I can’t believe that’s a thing. I thought cash bars were bad

          • Anonymous

            Are you guys serious? That’s like the rudest thing I can think of- I’ve been to tons of buffet wedding but everyone had a seat! I can’t imagine having to jostle for a table to sit with my friends, I can’t believe that’s becoming a thing. I thought cash bars were bad

          • Houston Attny

            I’m single, have never planned a wedding and had NO IDEA it could be so complicated. So, Anne Shirley, even though I’ve planned several parties, I’ll happily put myself in the clueless category. And, preg anon, I didn’t read smugness in your comment at all.

            The OP mentions that several people she knows got invited earlier than she did. Perhaps there’s a lesson there – if you are going to have ‘tiers’ of invites, make sure all the ones from a certain group are in the same ‘tier’!

            Also, for what it’s worth, I am not engaged, and my mother has already told me several people who MUST be at my wedding. I will be the bride who gives up a week before the wedding and elopes. :)

          • JJ

            Yes, Anon, it did lead to several knock-down, drag-out fights among my guests when we only had 170 seats for 175ish people. And friendships were forever demolished as a result of the jostling for seats.

            But I saved money; so that’s the most important thing, right?

          • preg anon

            We were maybe like five people short. I promise you, it was FINE. There were constantly empty seats at every table because people were moving around. It’s not like there were people eating while standing. And you know, I get so tired of all of this wedding judgment. We didn’t do two rounds of invitations, but we had more people RSVP yes than expected, so we ran out of space by a little bit. If we had had two rounds of invitations, we would have been judged. As it is, we are being judged (by anonymous internet strangers who were not at my wedding, mind you, not by people who actually attended). And a cash bar – we didn’t have one, but if they can’t afford alcohol so have none, you’re going to be offended, but if they have a cash bar, you think it’s the rudest thing ever (besides my seating arrangements).

            Seriously, in the course of about an hour, I have been called a smug married person and been told that the seating arrangements at my wedding were the rudest thing anyone can think of. I guess it’s time for me to sign off for the day.

          • SoCalAtty

            It is tough to put together a guest list if you are limited on space. I didn’t want to deal with that, so I put together the guest list first, then found a venue that would hold everyone. But budgets don’t always permit that! Also, if you have a special venue, like it sounds like preg anon did, then the venue won’t always have enough room.

            Mine was a sit down dinner, so doing the seating arrangements was really fun too. Not really so different than planning a fundraising dinner with visiting dignitaries. I had a whole excel spreadsheet to keep track.

            I actually had a really good time planning my wedding! Anyway, to the OP, it could have been anything.

        • Smug married

          Holding my hands up as the worst wedding hostess ever.

          We only invite 30 people, with maybe 20 extra in the evening. We went non traditional. We excluded pretty much all our extend family. And we provided soft drinks and pimms in the day and a welcome pimms plus toasting drink at night, otherwise open bar.

          We loved it. Our friends had a ball.

          But we are Brits. So lets blame it on our eccentric nature shall we?

      • Anne Shirley

        It might be “normal,” but I think it’s rude and ridiculous. I mean, sure, be gracious and just fill out the RSVP card, but the gracious thing to do does not involve telling your friends they’re second rate because you’d rather do that than just pick a venue that accommodates your guest list or say no to family.

          • KLG

            As someone who invited 200 people to her wedding, I see nothing wrong with wanting all your friends and family there and I don’t see it as a gift grab. But I do see it as reinforcing that some people are second string, which I think is rude.

          • Anonymous

            The problem I that you found them not worthy of spending money on the first time you considered your list. But now you are saying but come spend money on me now!!

          • NewMama

            It’s not really a gift grab when you spend more per guest than the guests spend on gifts for you.

        • momentsofabsurdity

          I don’t think it’s that rude/ridiculous. Obviously, most people understand that unless you have an unlimited budget, you can’t invite everyone you’d like to have attend. Is the solution to have a bunch of empty seats, once you get your declines/acceptances and find the declines are higher than you anticipated?

          I don’t think I’d be offended by a second round invite, especially for a not so close friend.

        • TBK

          Totally agree. There are people we would have invited if we could have, but making it explicit that certain people are B listers is just not polite. (I’m not sure it’s a gift grab, though. But still rude.)

        • L

          Sorry, I disagree. I have been on both ends of this and seriously, how are you not understanding of this? Places have limits, budget have limits, and yes people’s priorities are different. For some families, inviting Great Aunt Selma is not optional and for other families people would wonder why you’d invite her knowing she can’t/won’t come (and then will presume you’re trying to shake her down for money).

          Not all brides/grooms/weddings are about what you buy for them. Some people genuinely are excited to have as many friends and family celebrate a special moment in their lives. If your friend is an a**hole and out to grab gifts, you should reconsider why your friends with them and not go to their wedding.

          If your friend is a normal person who has limitations, you can either a) be offended that they invited you in the ‘wrong’ round or b) be excited you get to see your friend get married.

          • Sydney Bristow

            This is such a contentious thread that I hesitate to comment, but I agree with you. I’m not married myself, but I don’t see my friend’s invitations as a gift grab. I love being there to see them get married and buy them something off their registry that I can afford. I try to pick something that I have some sort of connection to them with (currently debating a sheet set called “TriBeCa” because I moved to NYC and away from my former roommate who is getting married and a board game because we used to play them when we lived together). I’ve also purchased a gift for friends who got married but had a tiny wedding that I wasn’t invited to. I did so because I wanted to, not because they expected it or because it was required. I also don’t think I’ve ever considered how much money the couple is spending on me being there and then purchased a gift of an appropriate value. Honestly I don’t think I’ve ever heard of that, so maybe I’m making a major faux paus.

            If you’re invited to a wedding and you want to attend to celebrate what the couple is doing, then go. Give your friends the benefit of the doubt when it comes to being in a second tier invite group and assume there was a reason that seemed rational to them for doing so, even if it doesn’t seem rational to you.

            I also tend to take these threads as advice for when I get married though. I’d never thought of many things that have come up in these threads and its interesting to see what people view as rude or not.

        • LH

          I am a smug married and I completely agree. I think its beyond tacky. Invite the number of people you can afford, choose the people that should be included in that number and deal with it. Its what people have done for centuries (I really think this is a very recent practice). If its a situation where you think you may have a low response rate (e.g. destination wedding or something) I think its ok to put out feelers to try to get a sense of who is coming and who is not before you send any invitations. Save the dates are good for this too and I think it is a lot more acceptable to send a smaller number of save the dates than you do invites (although personally I wouldn’t and didn’t do it). But definitely don’t do “rounds” of invitations. Every etiquette book in the world says that is wrong.

      • Diana Barry

        +1. It is absolutely typical to have a second tier of invites based on higher-than-anticipated decline rate. You are eating the cost regardless, and if you have 10 fewer people than the venue holds but are paying full price, that’s $1000 that you are spending for no reason unless you invite more people.

          • Anne Shirley

            No it’s fine. Diana’s wedding to Fred and my someday nuptials with Gilbert were different, but both lovely.

          • Jo March

            I love that we have Anne, Diana and Marilla on here. Now, who is going to step up and call themselves Rachel Lynde?

            …or better yet, Josie Pye…

          • Marilla

            Even kindred spirits can’t always agree. And I would totally hang out with Rachel Lynde! We also need a Meg March (I know she’s no Jo, but I loved her anyway).

            For my two cents, I don’t love the 2-tier wedding invitation practice and didn’t use it. But I don’t think it’s worth getting upset about, either on a personal or a philosophical level, and I’ll agree with preg anon that wedding planning is more stressful than it would appear (and frankly more stressful than it ever needs to be, but there are a lot of heightened emotions and expectations from family members that crop up and complicate everything).

          • Jo March

            On a totally unrelated note, we have decided Marilla is totally on our top 3-5 list of girl names for Baby Bhaer :)

          • Nonny

            I was always fond of Meg. Maybe I’ll be her. I feel like I need a better name anyway.

      • Bee

        I’d rather be included in a second round that excluded entirely. A friend who was not in a position to pay for a wedding had a small (but free) venue and had to cut a lot of people who were very close to the couple. Some invitees pulled out more or less at the last minute, and I know the excluded friends were very hurt that the couple did not reach and offer them the empty seats, even without a lot of notice.

    • a.k.

      It’s still 6+ weeks before the wedding – this is not a big deal. Getting invited a week or two before might be a little different, but I’d go and have fun and not worry about who got invited when.

    • Young Consultant

      I was not expecting to be invited, so I don’t mind and likely will not attend, I just find the practice kind of strange.

    • Bonnie

      Completely normal and not rude. Many places require you to pay for a certain number of guests and since you can’t tell who is going to come before the RSVPs come back, many people do multiple rounds of invites as space becomes available.

      • Anne Shirley

        Or, crazy thought, if you get a venue with a minimum of 150, and a max of 175, you invite 175. If only 140 RSVP yes, you eat the cost or use it to upgrade other things at the reception. And hey look! You haven’t told anyone they’re totally good enough to give you a gift if everyone you really want there can’t come.

        • goldribbons

          I planned to do this at a venue with a max of 150 and a minimum of 100, but then only got 70 acceptances (of 150 invites, I kid you not) and so sent a “second round.” We were paying for 100 people regardless and it just seemed that allowing 30 plates to go to waste was incredibly unnecessary.

          • preg anon

            Yeah, I would have done the same thing. Don’t you have different levels of friends, all of whom are special to you?

          • Anne Shirley

            Yup. I just don’t typically send tiered invitations to parties so they know exactly which group they fall in.

          • Olivia Pope

            Anne, your plan could make sense if the venue was also the caterer.

            My venue and caterer were separate entities, with different absolute deadlines for headcount. At a certain point, I was locked down with how much food and booze I had to pay for (300 people!). I invited 330, trying to gauge the number of people who wouldn’t be able to make it. Then life happened, and some people couldn’t make it when they thought they could, and others could make it when they thought they couldn’t, etc. The guest list amount changed constantly before the wedding.

            If the guest list then dropped to 270, why wouldn’t I invite 30 more people? People who I like but didn’t think I had space for? Why would I eat the cost when I could share with more people? Sharing isn’t rude in my opinion. I would never be annoyed with anyone for inviting me to their wedding, even if it was later than everyone else.

            (And I didn’t expect anyone to buy me a gift. One of my best friends just apologized for not buying me a gift, but honestly I was just glad she could make it!)

          • Anne Shirley

            You wouldn’t invite more people because there are worse things than empty seats at a wedding, and telling people you wanted them there, just not that much, is liable to hurt feelings. Even if you don’t expect a gift, it is customary to bring/send one to a wedding you attend.

          • SoCalAtty

            My venue was also the caterer. I had to pay for 200 dinners, whether there was anyone there to eat them or not. I had some last minute cancellations, and had not originally included “+1s” in my first round of invites. When we fell below 200, I opened the invitations up to +1s. That solved the problem without sending out a second round of invitations.

            If I had fallen 25 people short, I would have ended up paying several thousand dollars for empty seats. I think “X family members that were mandatory invites can’t attend, so I’m able to invite everyone I originally wanted to” is a fine explanation.

        • HSAL

          Super late to this thread, and kind of glad, but I’m totally on Team Anne Shirley. Find a venue that accommodates the people you want to be there. Depending on the friend, I wouldn’t necessarily be offended if I was B-listed, but I do think it shows that you’re more concerned with quantity over quality.

          One thought to the OP – could it have been that the people who were invited months ago got Save the Dates, not actual invitations? Even for a holiday weekend, sending invitations four months early seems crazy. Now is when they should be going out in the first place. They may have just sent the Save the Dates to people they absolutely had to invite, and expanded the guest list after they heard people say they couldn’t make it.

    • Young Consultant

      I was not expecting to be invited to this wedding, and I really do not mind where I came on their guest list. I likely will not invite this person to my wedding and would not have made scene about this in any case. I was just surprised, and find this practice strange as a general thing.

    • bananagram

      Not a fan of this practice. But I always ask myself how much I want to let one party invitation effect a friendship.

      • Anon

        Yeah, this is the kind of thing I would seriously roll my eyes over, and then forget about it. Is it a little rude to me? Yes, especially the two-month gap. Is it horribly offensive, such that the friendship is ruined? Not by a long shot.

    • MissK

      My coworker for one summer who got married during his clerkship before showing up at the firm sent our fellow summer classmate/coworkers an invite 2 mos before the wedding which I thought was a nice way of handling the not-as-many-family/close friends-can-make-it problem. I had a prior engagement and could not go, but would have otherwise attended as we could become future coworkers for a long time/even partners later on.

  6. Canceling/ Not renewing Credit Card

    Credit Card TJ: My credit card (southwest visa) expires next month, and the husband and i have decided we do not want to renew. conventional wisdom tells me just not to activate my new cards (which they mailed to us this month) rather than canceling the cards which apparently has a negative affect on our credit. is this the case, too, for cards that have annual fees? i would hate have inactive cards and still end up paying the 50$ annual fee. Is there anything else I should know about changing credit cards in terms of how-to and what-not-to-do? thanks!

    • goldribbons

      Usually if you call and tell them that you no longer want the card because of the fee, they’ll waive the fee. Simply not activating your new cards will accomplish NOTHING, and it will not remove the card from your credit report (so it will still show that you have the credit account).

      • Canceling/ Not renewing Credit Card

        Isn’t it fine for the credit card to stay on my credit report so long as there is no outstanding balance? For some reason I thought that was actually good for my credit. Or is it a ding to have a credit card even if it’s all paid off with no balance?

        • goldribbons

          Oh that part is up to you. I thought you wanted it off of your credit report, and just wanted to make sure you were clear about that. Your score takes into account how much “unused” credit you have, so sometimes people want to lower their credit limit or close cards for that reason, but I’m unclear on the whole formula.

          • Sydney Bristow

            The unused credit is good for your score! You want to use a small percentage of your available credit, which is easier to do with higher limits. You just need to keep the adds active by charging something (even just $5) a couple of times a year.

        • Eleanor

          Yes, it is good for your credit score for the unused credit to stay on your report. This is because using a large portion of your available credit makes it appear as though you really need credit and are financially unstable. An open card increases the amount of credit you have, so you are using a smaller fraction of your available credit. This makes it clear you are stable enough that you don’t need to max out your credit cards.

          • Ella

            Does this mean I should be asking for limit increases when my credit card company tells me I’m preapproved?

          • goldribbons

            @Ella, no. I disagree with Eleanor’s comment partially. You should discuss this with your financial advisor or someone you trust, because there’s a certain percentage of used credit that gives you the “ideal” credit score, and going above or below that can decrease your score. I just don’t know what that magic number is.

          • Sydney Bristow

            I’d never heard of the minimum percentage before. I’ll have to look into that. I’ve been really interested in learning personal finance stuff like this lately. I know that utilizing less than 30% of your available credit is good and that utilizing less than 10% can get you a great score.

    • Sydney Bristow

      My understanding is that you have to actually cancel the card that has an annual fee. To avoid some of the negative hit on your credit, try opening a new card that doesn’t have an annual fee before closing this one. That way your available credit and percentage of credit used (or whatever the technical phrase is) will be similar after opening a new one and closing the old to what it is right now.

      • AIMS

        I would call the CC company and see if you could switch to a no-fee card. So your card continues, but you aren’t paying the annual. I did that with Amex after I got sick of paying them a fee every year.

  7. NOLA

    I’m curious – I finally got the NAS catalog and there were a couple of pictures of dresses where the model was wearing pumps with a pointed toe and crossed ankle straps. I’m obsessed but I didn’t see anywhere in the catalog where they were identified.

    • ML

      I saw those too!

      I found where they were in the catalogue (and remember thinking – “too expensive!”) so pretty sure it’s in there. I can look at the catalogue tonight when i get home- i bookmarked the page, I think.

        • NOLA

          You know, I wondered if they were the Sam Edelman pumps that were on another page in red. But then I couldn’t find them.

        • NOLA

          Thanks for the link! I hadn’t seen the online version and, yep, those are the ones. So beautiful. Covet covet.

          • SoCal Gator

            That was me — forgot to put in my name above. The online catalog is really great — lets you see things you might have missed in the paper one. I have my heart set on a new leather jacket. Not sure if I want a bomber or moto one.

  8. momentsofabsurdity

    The time has come… to sell my car! I would love any tips/tricks from people who have sold their cars through private sales. I don’t know much about cars, beyond general recommended maintenance, and I’ll be selling the car on my own (as a young female in an urban area) so I want to make sure I do it right/safely.

    I originally planned on selling it to the dealership but now I’m thinking I will post it in Craigslist for $300 or so less than blue book value and see what that yields (which would still give me $1000 or so over what a dealership would give me) and if that doesn’t work, bring it to the dealership. I know they’ll take it, but they said they’d give me $2500-3000 for it, whereas a private sale should yield me at least $4200 (Blue Book value for “fair” condition is $4800). It’s not in extraordinary condition – it’s got paint chips galore from living in the city – but it runs great, will probably run another 100K miles or so (Toyota) and is generally an excellent beater car to drive around the city. I do own it outright so the sale should be (hopefully) simple.

    How long do cars typically sit on Craigslist (I’m in Boston, if that helps) before selling? I was going to list it this weekend with the hope of selling it by August. Is that reasonable? I plan on getting it detailed and cleaned this week, change the oil, and take photos with a nice camera. Then I plan on taking people’s personal keys to hold onto, if they want to take it for a test drive (I’m a bit nervous about getting in the car with strangers from Craigslist).

    Are there any tips people suggest for doing this? I hope to sell it quickly and will price it/negotiate on price accordingly. How do I ensure I won’t get scammed? Obviously, I don’t plan on selling it to someone who won’t come see it (sorry Nigerian princes), but are there other security precautions I should take? I planned on asking for a cashier’s check, but then learned those are actually forgeable and will deposit into your account (before the bank realizes it). Should I do the transaction at the bank itself? Should I have a sale agreement written up of some sort?

    I am so excited to go car free, it’s not even funny.

    • Silver

      You might want to consider asking for a certified check from a major or local bank or cash. I’m optimistically paranoid so I’d also offer to meet in a public parking lot and take the ride with the person along with a friend. In terms of negotiating, I’d start out at the KBB value and then see how much people are willing to haggle. If it’s below the KBB, as a buyer, I’d wonder why. It’s ok to stick to your guns on the price point, wait it out and call people back if you decide you want to accept an offer. Also, be prepared that you might be asked to have it looked at by a mechanic, and it’s ok to ask for that to occur at your location of choice.

    • Anon

      First and only time I ever sold a car, I posted it for around $300 under KBB value. I immediately received about 30 emails about it, so I think it may have been a bit low but I wanted it sold quickly (had already bought another car). The first person who showed up was wearing a Toyota mechanic’s shirt and tried to scam me by saying that the car had blown a head gasket and then he offered some ridiculous lowball price saying he was CRAZY to offer any money for a car that would never pass smog. I said no thank you, took the car straight to get smog tested (it passed with no problem), and sold it to the second person who showed up (the day after I posted it on Craigslist). He had the money in cash, drove the car around the block, and bought it there and then.

      The trickiest thing was what to do with the test drives – I didn’t feel very comfortable letting people drive off in my car, but I also didn’t feel very comfortable riding with them as they were strangers. For the person who bought my car, his friend had driven him there and was waiting around with me, so that seemed OK (but still, I took a risk that he would drive off – though I’d rather have that happen than put myself in danger getting into the car with a total stranger).

      Here are my tips: Wash the car first. Get the documents from the DMV beforehand (can’t remember, but I think you need a bill of sale and a transfer of title). Get copies of the signed documents (I think they get the originals). Have a friend there with you if you can. Get cash for the car. Don’t invite them in to your house. Know how much you’re willing to bargain – most people will at least try. As soon as they leave with the car if they take it there and then, transfer the title online with the DMV (at least that’s how it worked in my state) – that removes liability for you for the car as soon as they drive off (say, for example, they don’t have insurance in place).

      • Sydney Bristow

        I’ve only done it once myself too and had the people test driving it leave me their car/house keys while they were test driving it. I’m not sure if that was the best idea, but it worked.

        I’ve heard that a good way to deal with the money is to meet the person at their bank branch and either take cash or have the cashier’s check written up right there. That way you know they have the money to cover it.

      • Alice

        +1 for most of this. Also posted a Toyota (a 1998 Camry) for KBB price, and received tons of emails offering full price. Had my dad available to come with me on test drives. Met at a public place. And took cash–if you are in the thousands of dollars realm, it’s not too much of a big deal.

    • MissK

      Maybe first advertise through your network first? (to weed out the CL killers)

    • Scarlett'ette

      Don’t know if you’ll check back at this point, but take extra precautions with the test drive. Recently just outside Toronto a young man (Tim Bosma) was murdered by people who test drove his truck (he went with them). It seems the best suggestion is to take their license/ID and possibly their own keys to keep while letting them test drive alone. I suppose it’s better to deal with a stolen car than something worse.

      My experience in selling cars as a single female is that people will really try to lowball their offer. So start around the same price as other similar cars or the same as the book value. They’ll often take it to their own mechanic and come back with some story about expensive repairs, so it might be worth it to get a report done by your own mechanic. And definitely go for cash or a certified bank check. Good luck!

    • Bizzyb

      I bought my current car from someone on Craigslist, and thought the process went pretty smoothly. My husband and I met the seller at a store parking lot. He held on to my license while I drove the car around a bit. I asked him if he could take it by my mechanic’s garage for them to check out (they did this for free b/c they are awesome, but I would have paid otherwise). Everything checked out and the next day he met me at my bank where I finalized the payment.

      • Kim

        Regarding the DMV, in some states you can write out a bill of sale yourself – names of purchaser and sell, date, item description with VIN, and amount. You can write it in crayon or whatever, no need to be notorized. Of course if you haven’t paid off your car that’s more complicated and something I’ve never done.

  9. Leigh

    Question for you ladies that work out: I just registered for my first half marathon, and now have to begin training. My issue is that my hair (long) is impossible to manage while working out. How do you ladies with longer hair put your hair up while you exercise? Ponytails tend to slip out, anything with pins also starts to slide, which causes the pins to dig into my scalp. Braids are ok, but still somewhat annoying on my neck. Anyone have any brilliant ideas for me?

    • Mpls

      I use ponytail holders that have extra rubber grippers on them (they are also the thicker kind that work better in thicker hair). You could also try twisting it up into a bun and clipping it into place with those alligator clips (I usually use the smaller ones – 1 inch width, for example) instead of bobby pins.

        • Nordies Lover

          Say it aint so! Those elastics are my absolute favorite. (And I love the Seinfeld reference.)

          I second these elastics. I have long, thick wavy hair. I put it into a pony first (not too high, not too low) and then twist and wrap the hair into a bun, secured with another elastic. It’s not the prettiest, but I can’t stand noticing/messing with my hair while running, so this does the trick.

    • anonypotamus

      My hair is long, past my bra band, and I usually put it up in a ponytail first, using two ponytail holders. Then using a third one, I twist the ponytail up into a tight sort of messy bun and shake my head around to make sure it feels secure. Or you can braid the ponytail and wrap it and pin it. If I have some texture spray or hairspray, particularly on the ends, pins seem to hold better.

    • Ses

      Best tip I’ve gotten is to put half of it in a ponytail with one band, then gather it all along with the half that’s already in a band into a second band for a full ponytail. I have long straight hair and this is the only method that keeps my ponytail from loosening while I’m running.

    • Lady Harriet

      I have waist-length curly hair, and I put my hair in a high messy bun with a silicone ponytail holder (don’t remember the brand, but probably Conair or Scunci). I then twist two spin pins through the bun to make it more secure. Sometimes I’ll use a soft elastic headband to keep my bangs and short layers off my face, but it makes my hair stick up in funny ways so I don’t do it in public. I hate to have hair on my neck when I’m exercising because it’s so hot and itchy. If I’m doing something like swing dancing where I want to look a nicer but will still get really hot and sweaty I make the bun a little neater and will usually leave some curly ends sticking out the top of it for a sort of Regency hairstyle. By high bun, I still mean on the back of my head, not the top.

    • Anon

      Topknot or braid it along the hairline and finish it in a low ponytail. Use Goody Stay Put elastics to prevent it from sliding out.

    • big dipper

      This is late, but I put my hair into a ponytail, and then braid the pony tail. It keeps the braid off my neck, and keeps my hair from getting all knotted.

    • KLG

      My hair isn’t that long but it is thick so I always use two of the thicker ponytail holders when I run to keep the ponytail from loosening as I run. In high school, I ran cross country and a lot of the girls did braids or the method Ses suggested.

    • Digby

      I put my hair in a ponytail or braid, then wrap the pony or braid into a bun-type shape and use a big sturdy rectangular barrette to pin the whole thing to my head. I have a really pretty barrette from France Luxe – silly expensive for a workout barrette, but it’s the perfect shape, holds lots of hair, and doesn’t budge.

  10. Vegas bound

    If you had a Saturday night in Las Vegas to kill but were going to be by yourself, what would you do? I like good food, some gambling (but not a high roller, not sure I can bankroll any of the table games), and live music. Not into the club scene.

    • Olivia Pope

      I would have a date night with myself! I would take myself to a nice buffet (because I’m a glutton), take myself to a concert or show, and then go to bed.

      That sounds amazing actually…

    • Laura B

      Second date night with myself! My date would involve a ride on the New York New York roller coaster, dinner at a really nice restaurant (yep – I would absolutely eat alone in a high end restaurant), and then drinks/dueling piano show at The Piano Bar at Harrah’s.

    • East Coast Anon

      Go see the new Michael Jackson Cirque du Soleil show at Mandalay Bay. It was amazing!

    • SoCalAtty

      The last time that happened to me, I had a really nice room (corporate rate) and treated myself to a night in, awesome food delivery (I think from Meal Runners) and a movie. I had a great view of the strip and could crowd watch. It was great.

  11. SRPAFTO (semi-regular poster anon for this one)

    So I kind of broke up with my long-term, live-in BF. Kind of being the operative part of that sentence. We had been waivering for awhile and I always gave him another chance – I never had the strength to really be like, no, this is it. But on Sunday night I did for the first time and I told him it was over in no uncertain terms. He asked for another “last” chance (there have been many many last chances). I gave it to him although I still don’t believe I have a future with him. FWIW, he’s a great guy, I just don’t think he and I are compatiable for the long run and I’m at such an age/place in life where long-run is the goal. I’m weirded out that we’re falling into the same patterns (albeit with him trying harder, but still similar stuff). I just feel so lost and confused. We aren’t broken up – apparently – but are we going to? And if so soon? Oh and my sister is getting married this weekend. Everything is insane. I don’t even know what kind of advice to ask for. Maybe this was just for me to express myself, I don’t know. How do you find yourself when you feel lost?

    • Bee

      You’re not lost, you already know what you want to do. It’s just hard to pull the trigger. You will feel so much better without the uncertainty of a failing relationship looming over you. Figure out where you will be staying – without him – until after the wedding, then you can start implementing a more concrete exit strategy when things have calmed down.

    • Silvercurls

      I have no answers, only more questions. Prior to this past weekend, were you and BF planning to attend your sister’s wedding together? If yes, can you patch things up sufficiently to attend as a couple (if only not to be a distraction from the main event) and then quietly go your separate ways several days later?
      Is your sister’s wedding no big deal except that it makes your life look inadequate in comparison? Hopefully you have a good relationship with your sister and she wants most of all for you to make choices that leave you feeling happy (or at least confident that you are doing the right thing, even if it isn’t fun fun fun 24/7).

      If BF is a great guy, are your incompatibilities truly non-negotiable? Do you differ in your bedtime preferences, spending/saving habits, religious beliefs, desire to have or not have children, or interest in being monogamous? Can you discuss your differences calmly and constructively, or wryly but humorously, or are they flash points that always lead straight to conflict?

      If you are sure that where you are with this guy is not good enough and never going to be, it’s probably time to end things. Does breaking up seem impossible because it’s never convenient for one of you to move out? You won’t be the first woman who decided to move towards a better set of circumstances (even if you’re not the one who ends up moving to a new residence). Breakups are disruptive, but short-term discomfort is worth it if it gets you into a better position for the long term. Good luck, and take care of yourself.

      • SRPAFTO

        Yes we were (are?) planning on attending together, and I can definitely fake it through the wedding weekend (sort of feel like I’ve been faking it for awhile now anyway). He’ll wind up in pictures and I feel kind of badly about that, but not really – there will also be pictures without him.
        I think we have gotten to the part where our differences are non-negotiable. We have tried for awhile, btu soem of them are about attitudes towards money, religious/cultural differences. I think what finally pushed me over the edge was that I don’t find him supportive of me and that we don’t communicate well. We just don’t react to each other’s personalities well. And I think these are things that are not changeable – they are inherent personality traits, part of what makes each of us ourselves.
        But yes breaking up seems impossible logistically. I know these things can be done but its so hard to get there. It would be easier if he was a jerk and I could kick him out (lease in my name and I can afford the place on my own if I had to – he can’t). It’s just so hard. And I know he wants to make this work but I just no longer see the glimmer of hope that I held on to, for probably too long.

        • goldribbons

          I always recommend books, so here, I would recommend Too Good To Leave, Too Bad To Stay. Good luck, hugs, and you’ll get through this!!

          • Parfait

            +1 on that. Totally helpful to me when I was in a similar situation. The first question, “how good were things when your relationship was at its best?” really gutpunched me. Wow it was actually never all that great.

        • Kelly

          If you’re breaking up with him (and I actually don’t understand why you’re not broken up if you told him it was over), then I think it’s really cowardly to use him as a date to your sister’s wedding.

          Breaking up with someone requires a lot of courage and integrity; you’re scared now, but you’ll respect yourself more down the road if you act honorably now. Which does not mean toying with someone by “faking it” through a wedding only to drop a bomb soon after.

    • s

      Just want to give a different perspective. I was once in a three-year relationship where we were really happy and had talked marriage frequently and were on the same page with almost everything except that he really wanted kids with a SAHM to raise them (and me not) and couldn’t understand my devotion to my job. He broke up with me with much the same talk about needing to do so for what is “best in the long run.” I was absolutely devasted. I can’t even describe the shock and hurt. But now, 7 years later, I can’t thank him enough. He was right–it truly was the best thing for both of us. I went on to marry someone who has a wonderful teen whom I love but doesn’t want more kids. My career has taken off and I feel lucky every day to lead the home and work life I do. And although he hasn’t found the right one yet, I know he’ll be a wonderful father some day and enjoy every moment with a big family living in a traditional-type arrangement. He’s still a great person, and (I think) I am, too. Sometimes though you just really do recognize that what is a great dating relationship isn’t necessarily the same as what will work well for where you see yourself some day. It really is OK. If you’re not feeling it, you’re kinder cutting it off sooner than later. It may be hard to do, but you’re really doing both of you a favor. Just a view from the other side…

  12. TO Lawyer

    So there was flooding here yesterday (not as bad downtown as in other places) and we lost power for a bit. And apparently there are rolling blackouts today and tomorrow and more rain expected. So in the interests of being well-prepared, what are your best tips for a blackout?

    • NOLA

      For me, I need a way to charge my phone without having to sit in the car. I just bought a Samsung battery pack that will allow me to charge my phone 3 times. And it won’t die in the middle of the night. I also bought a flashlight that can be made into a lantern so I can read without having to hold a flashlight. Bought it on clearance at Target last year. And a cooler helps. Put a bag of ice in your freezer. I know way too much about this.

    • Anne Shirley

      Wine. Headlamp. Fully charged kindle. Deck of playing cards. Jar of Nutella.

      These were my Hurricane Sandy essentials.

    • downstream

      download a few movies onto your ipad (those things last hours and hours between charges).

      if there is still cellphone service, you can listen to the radio on your smartphone.

      Instant coffee.

    • Jo March

      Hope you get through ok, TO Lawyer! My mom’s assisted living facility is power-less and they’ve moved everyone to the Holiday Inn! (which is good, because having MS = airconditioning is a necessity in the hot and humid).

    • Bloom

      We just went through extended power outages recently, and really the only thing affected was the food in our fridge/freezer. In a short power outage you can get by if you just don’t open your fridge or freezer, they will stay cold for several hours. If the blackout is expected to be longer, you may want to have ice and a cooler on hand if there’s anything you want to salvage or be able to access easily! The only other advice I have is pretty obvious – know where your flashlight/candles/batteries are.

    • Miss K

      head lamp
      charged ipad with tv/movies/books
      candles
      flashlights
      matches
      canned food?
      peanut butter/bread if you know blackouts are possible
      water — in containers/bottled
      if you have an electric stove, maybe one of the camping ones/ butane burners?

      twitter was the best for getting updates from the city services so i downloaded the app during sandy

  13. SV in House

    Reposting from this morning: I am traveling to DC for due diligence over the weekend. I am largely an observer, there due to subject matter expertise. What to wear? Meetings will be at outside counsel’s offices. Thanks!

    • Darby

      Whatever you want, you’re the client and it’s a weekend. Personally, I’d wear something that would transition well to whatever I planned for after work.

  14. Weird sizing -- does anyone else have this?

    Banana, Gap, and Old Navy are owned by the same people. Here are my sizes for pants:

    Banana — 10 (bubble butt — no specifically curvy sizes in trouser jeans)
    Gap — 8 (gap curvy jeans)
    ON — 6 (shorts, no mention of curvy)

    My head wants to explode (and the package delivery guy, who must be baffled by the large # of packages going into and out of here).

  15. SA

    Are pointed toes in now? I missed this. I tried on cute wedges today but didn’t like the toes so I passed on them…

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