This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
If you’re looking at the color of these pants and wondering if I’ve completely lost my mind, the answer is maybe, but hear me out anyway. I saw a woman wearing orange trousers with a crisp white blazer the other day, and she looked so chic that it was downright shocking.
I really love the cut of these high-waist, straight-leg pants from Alice + Olivia, and while I’m not usually a big orange person (Cool Winter over here!), I might be a convert. I would wear these with a white top and brown sandals, but if you are feeling adventurous, a bold floral print would be gorgeous, too.
The pants are $295 at Nordstrom and come in sizes 0–14.
For a bright orange style at a lower price, try these pants from Ann Taylor ($98), which are available in regular and petite sizes in two fits, regular and curvy, or this pair from ASOS ($55 at Nordstrom), which comes in sizes 0–14.
This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!
Sales of note for 10.24.24
- Nordstrom – Fall sale, up to 50% off!
- Ann Taylor – Friends of Ann Event, 30% off! Suits are included in the 30% off!
- Banana Republic Factory – 40-60% off everything, and redeem Stylecash!
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
- J.Crew – Friends & Family event, 30% off sitewide.
- J.Crew Factory – 40% off everything
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Up to 30% off on new arrivals
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 40% off entire purchase, plus free shipping no minimum
- White House Black Market – Buy more, save more; buy 3+ get an extra 50% off
Cb
I have a pair of burnt orange trousers which are surprisingly versatile. With a navy wool sweater in the winter, a Breton in the winter.
Anon
I’d much rather wear this color than straight beige.
Anon for this
I know there’s the Friday items that tend to be under $50 but I wish we had a day of items under $20 and I always wonder who buys the Monday items and what their life is like since I can’t imagine living a life in which I could even consider spending $295 for pants, let alone ones that are so memorable that they could rarely be worn.
If you’ve bought a Monday item, please seriously tell me, what is your life like?
Cat
A few times a year I’ll purchase something of the Monday brands, though only if I find a lucky size piece on a sale rack ;)
Given the limited office presence in my future, I’m happy to pick up only a handful of new pieces a year, knowing that when I *do* want to wear them, it’s for a meeting or event where I want to look like a complete bada$$. So the casual “oh look, Banana’s having a sale, let me check it out and end up spending $85 for some new tops” has pretty much disappeared from my spending.
Cb
I’ve found myself spending more on less lately. I’m teaching 2 days a week tops, and no one cares what I wear, so spending £100 on an ethically made linen sack and wearing it all winter seems like a reasonable thing to do.
Ribena
I wish I could do this. I bought a summer dress in the Toast sale last winter… saved it for months for nice enough weather… and shrank it a bit in the wash (forgot to check the label and assigned a ‘delicate’ cycle would be fine when I should have hand washed it). Kicking myself – this is why I can’t have nice things.
Cb
Oh no, that’s the worst! I have a tiny wardrobe (one in each city) and I do feel like I wear through things more quickly because of it. But I do find something satisfying about wearing clothes out… it means I chose correctly and wore things for a longer time.
Panda Bear
+1 – I’m willing to spend $$$ on something I really love, is good quality, and will be wearable for years to come. I don’t make the money others do here either, but I am lucky enough to be in a position where I can be a bit selective – though certainly not everything I own costs “Monday post’ prices!
Anon LA
This is all good in theory – but on any given day people on this board are opining that clothing that was perfectly fine two years ago is now hopelessly unfashionable – and that particularly applies to pants and shoes. I would happily spend $300 on the perfect pants if I thought I could wear them for years. But in 3 years this silhouette will be dated. The rise, length, leg shape, etc. will have changed. Same with all these lug sole loafers.
I do not buy fast fashion because I feel no need to be trendy, it tends to look as cheap as it is, and it wears out in a year. The exception is white shirts; I go through white shirts fast because I am a complete klutz.
But I would not spend this much on shoes (except for something like hiking boots) or pants. I would on a jacket or dress because they are less susceptible to rapid swings as long as I avoid the trend of the day (exposed zippers anyone?) So my choice is either to complete ignore trends, which gets me labeled frumpy and out of touch or to buy things I think will last 2-3 years and price them accordingly.
Anon
Eh, I think these pants yes, they will be out of style. But I have pairs of straight leg theory pants that still look fine (with different styling) 5 years later. The trick is NOT buying the most trendy item when you buy it, which keeps things from looking dated over time. Sure, I don’t expect them to look good in 10 years, but I’d call 5-7 years of wear out of $250 pants (wearing each every 2 weeks or so) a good deal for me.
Similarly, I bought a Burberry trench over a decade ago – their most classic model they’ve made for decades. Still looks good. Definitely one of the lowest cost/wear items in my closet given I wear it every day during the spring and fall.
Wheels
Second this.
Buy something well made that I love and wear the heck out of it. The difference in the quality of fabrics means you aren’t having to buy so much clothing which then ends up in landfill.
Monday
I would not buy these pants, but I have spent about $300 on a few pairs of pants that I own! I make less than half of many on this board, so it’s a matter of financial priorities and not just “having the money.” I spend almost nothing on food, and rarely travel. I haven’t been on a plane since 2017 I believe (though I did have some trips canceled due to Covid). My car is old and was bought used. Etc. Clothes are really my biggest spending area.
Anonymous
I have bought items from Monday brands, but on off season sale. They are amazingly well made from good fabrics and last for ages, making them a good way to limit the churn of items in and out of my closet. My less expensive pieces only look fresh enough for work for a couple of years.
Anon
Hmm, DINK, big jobs, I’d buy those pants shown today if I wanted them. I’d also wear them frequently. I won’t spend 1k on one item of clothing (bags and shoes, yes though), but $300 pants aren’t out there.
Anon
Yep, this. Big job, DINK, mid-30s so most other financial priorities are on automatic. I’ll spend a lot on pieces I like, but I also buy frequently from Zara, Mango & H&M for more trendy weekend wear.
NYCer
Same, except we have two kids.
Peloton
At this point, I don’t think it’s possible to buy even semi-ethical fashion under $20. The only clothes that’s below $20 definitely involves worker exploitation.
I’m not saying everyone needs to buy $295 pants, or that exploitation can’t happen and higher price points—just that it is virtuallyguaranteed at the price point you’re proposing.
Anon
+1
Plus, anything at that price point I find wears out so quickly and is generally not a flattering cut. I’d rather spend more per item and have a smaller wardrobe of garments that fit well and last more than a few washes.
I think second hand is a better option at the above mentioned price points.
Anon
Yes. When I was completely broke, I bought nice things at consignment shops or on end of season sale and wore them for years. They last longer and look so much better.
Formerly Lilly
Yes there’s a point at which it’s false economy.
“The reason that the rich were so rich, Vimes reasoned, was because they managed to spend less money.
Take boots, for example. He earned thirty-eight dollars a month plus allowances. A really good pair of leather boots cost fifty dollars. But an affordable pair of boots, which were sort of OK for a season or two and then leaked like hell when the cardboard gave out, cost about ten dollars. Those were the kind of boots Vimes always bought, and wore until the soles were so thin that he could tell where he was in Ankh-Morpork on a foggy night by the feel of the cobbles.
But the thing was that good boots lasted for years and years. A man who could afford fifty dollars had a pair of boots that’d still be keeping his feet dry in ten years’ time, while the poor man who could only afford cheap boots would have spent a hundred dollars on boots in the same time and would still have wet feet.
This was the Captain Samuel Vimes ‘Boots’ theory of socioeconomic unfairness.”
-Terry Pratchett, Men at Arms: The Play
Anonymous
This is so true. My shoes made in Spain are indestructible, and have stayed with me through many cycles of inexpensive shoes from China.
Anon
+2 my dad used to quote my grandfather as saying “the best is always the cheapest,” which is to say, you might pay more upfront for quality, but in the long run it’s the best value. I don’t believe in this for everything, but I do think about it for certain purchases.
Anon
It’s so easy to spend $$$ for something that wears out really quickly these days though (and isn’t lined, isn’t quality, etc.).
Anon
Agreed. Quality overall has gone downhill so $$ doesn’t necessarily mean quality
Anonymous
+1 I don’t think this is actually true for most clothing items with today’s materials and production. Silk and cotton will wear out faster than polyester, suede and delicate leather will wear out faster than faux leather.
Anon
Agreed.
Anon
Agreed.
I spend about $2000-3000 on clothing per year, with most items are in the $100-300 range, my income in the low 6 figures. I try to buy from ethical brands, but I think a lot of that is marketing so I focus on wearing what I already have and buying things I think I will wear for a long time. I stop into consignment stores a few times a year when it’s convenient and have purchased a few nice things this way — I love this especially for special occasion items.
No Face
At that price point, you would be much better off buying used anyway.
A $15 pair of jeans could not be made ethically and will fall apart soon, requiring you to buy more jeans. The jeans I’m wearing cost over $200 originally, I paid $20 for them, and I will wear them once or twice a week for years. Plus I knew they would fall apart on the first wash when I bought them, because someone else has already worned and washed them.
anon
If you adjust pre-fast fashion clothing prices to today’s dollars, you get in the range of the Monday morning picks. Other than thrift store finds, you are not getting semi-ethical (either from how workers are treated or from a number of wears standpoint) for under $20. There is a reason why many well made clothes are at least 200+.
Anon
I just don’t know who can afford to spend $200 on a single piece of clothing …
Anon
Many people.
Anonymous
Many *wealthy* people. Not most people.
Anon
People who skip buying 10 $20 items and just buy the one $200 item. That’s what people are telling you. I don’t think I’ve ever bought a single thing from H&M for example, and none of the clothing at Target ever holds any charm for me.
anon
Go look at closets in an unrenovated 1960s house. If you only had 5 feet to store your and your spouse’s clothes, one $200 dollar item looks a whole lot different than having a walk in to store 10 items from target. There was a reason why your grandma only had one good day dress, not a closet full. Clothes used be expensive as an expenditure compared to income. A fair number of people spend $200 on a single item of clothing without being super wealthy because they buy more in line with the quantity of clothing bought historically.
anon
As someone born to cheap parents who didn’t make much money and who believed spending money on clothing was a moral failure…. way more people than you’d think. I grew up solidly middle class, am now a lawyer making a perfectly reasonable salary but way less than anyone in biglaw or even fancier midlaw, I generally do not care about clothing and yet still have paid $200+ for a single article of clothing.
A leather jacket that I love and reach for all the time and, if properly cared for will last a decade or more? Sure, easily worth $250 (search for sales!). The cost per wear of this item v. jackets that don’t fit well, or fall apart, or just look bad because they’re not well made (on top of being unethically made) makes it worth it. I realized I was wasting more money trying to buy more cheap clothes to fill the “gaps” in my closet. I didn’t struggle to find something to wear because I didn’t have clean clothes in my closet, I struggled to find something to wear because that sweater had pilled beyond belief, those pants were too baggy in the butt to feel polished, this shirt is translucent and thus requires a cami or something, those shoes hurt my feet and/or reek at the end of the day because they’re synthetic, and so on.
We all know that the people commenting here are not representative of the average slice of the global population, or even an average slice of the population of first world countries. Love it or hate it, for most of us dressing professionally is not avoidable.
Anon
Anon at 11:55, my point is that many folks, myself included, also aren’t buying 10 $20 things. I agree it’s better to do quality over quantity, and I agree that there’s gross over consumption when it comes to clothes. But it’s still absurd to think most people can spend $200 on a single piece. I think my entire work wardrobe costs $200 and I’ve had many of my pieces for 6 years
Anon
+1 to 12:31
Cheaper clothing and shoes just don’t wear well.
Anon
I also grew up with a family who thought that it was a moral failing to spend money on clothes and thinks you need to be well dressed for work.
I finally figured out that I actually need to put clothing on my body on a daily basis and there is nothing wrong with buying and wearing nice things.
Anon
I buy a mix of nicer pieces from thrift stores and cheaper Old Navy/TJ Maxx pieces. Even stores like Gap and Loft (on same) are pricier than I can swing.
I am generally really hard on my things (I’ve literally broken credit cards, gel nails last me 3-5 days, etc. I’m just a bull in a China shop) and I wash/dry all my clothes together – no delicate cycles/hand wash/line drying.
With few exceptions, my Old Navy and TJ Maxx clothes have lasted for 5+ years. I agree the quality isn’t awesome but it doesn’t usually come apart after a few washes like people always say it does.
I agree that cheap clothes are definitely made unethically and I’d love to support good labor practices, but I can’t afford to do so yet
pugsnbourbon
I’m in the same boat. I try to buy less overall (capsule wardrobe, every new piece has to go with everything else, etc) and stay away from things I know I will instantly ruin (looking at you, polyester blouses). I do wash on delicate and hang/lay flat to dry. Fabric content matters too – a cotton or cotton/nylon blend sweater is going to hold up a lot better than an acrylic one.
MagicUnicorn
Your point about being hard on things and washing all your clothes together is an important one that I think is worth emphasizing.
Caring for items after they come home is part of the cost. Just like not everyone can (nor chooses to) afford higher upfront price tags, not everyone has the desire, skill, or means to maintain those items in a way that will make them last. Knowing yourself in this way is a good thing.
Anon
Absolutely this.
Anne-on
I don’t buy the multi-thousand dollar pieces, but a few hundred dollars for dresses/pants/blazers, and $1-$2k for high end coats is definitely not out of the question. I pretty much only have in-person meetings with senior folks, so my ‘in between’ filler pieces are nonextistant in a way they weren’t when I was in the office 5 days a week. Now it’s either statement piece, or jeans and a top (or shorts and a top) with very little in between needed. Not having to spend $$ on those filler pieces (which were mostly Banana/Ann Taylor/JCrew on sale) makes it easier to justify the higher end pieces. Also to the other comments – I tend to buy things that are more classic/boring but in high end fabric and then I can wear them for years. I can see how that wouldn’t work if you prefer to constantly switch things up though.
anon
+1 this is me. I’m at $200k, single early 40s and WFH, but travel to attend senior level meetings and would absolutely spend $300 on these pants and rock the heck out of them at a quarterly meeting. I buy items from The Fold usually, because at my level and income, I am expected to look a certain way, but I also want to be not stodgy.
I live in an LCOL, own a home, and still have student loans (not far off my mortgage payment), so I am able to afford $300 pants when I want them as a statement piece. I don’t “need” to do it often though, as I work from home.
AIMS
I think some of this is also just time. If you’re relatively stable in your sizes, at a certain point you just don’t need to buy as many clothes as you get older. When I started working i needed *everything* but now that I have been working for over 10 years, I mostly update things, get a few new tops and can spend $200-300 on a dress I really love every now and again without it being too big a deal.
Anne-on
This. I also know my style much better now at 41 than I did at 22. I know what brands/sizes fit me and stalk sales/buy off season things – the $200 wool sweater when it goes on deep discount in March, the black flats I’ll wear all winter long in July, etc. I do still shop more than I should as I get bored/to fill gaps but much, much less than when I had to acquire a whole work wardrobe (and be in the office 5 days a week).
Anon
I love these pants (love orange) and if could afford them (I can’t), Id I keep them for 20 years but my price per wear is still kind of high. Even if I wear them 15 times a year (which is a lot for orange pants), that’s only getting me to $1 per wear.
I think statement pieces like this don’t really go out of style because they’re so unique. But, this is still assuming my size/shape doesn’t change which is unlikely over 20 years
Anon
The $1,000 dresses will never be in my price range, but a $300 pair of pants is not that far out there.
Trish
We just spent 250 dollars on twill pants in navy blue for my husband. He works at home and rarely needs to dress in any long pants. We thought one nice pair that fit well would do the trick! I agree, I only splurge on nuetral colors.
Cb
For some Monday fun, what are the most worn items in your closet? For work and for casual?
pugsnbourbon
Earlier this year I bought three pairs of black skinny jeans from Target because I was tired of getting dressed. Boring, but definitely the most-worn!
Anon
If jewelry counts: my college ring (signet style, worn on right hand), then my gold knot studs, then my engagement/wedding band. Those definitely have the lowest cost per wear at this point – like cents or less per wear.
After that, for casual clothes: my preferred pair of Gap jeans from ~4 years ago, a 3 year old Patagonia fleece, and a bunch of LL Bean flannel shirts that are 2-8 years old.
For work: a pair of black ponte pants, and a couple dresses in the $100-300 range like Brooks Brothers, The Fold. I work in a true business casual environment (no blazer, but no jeans) so not a ton of cross over between my casual and work clothes.
Cat
work – linen straight leg ankle pants (2018 purchase)
casual-casual – Athleta brooklyn shorts
casual-cute – Nap Dress, sorry not sorry
Curious
Lolol to the last + commentary
Anonymous
A pair of FSNY vaguely foot colored flats. I wear them whenever I don’t want to wear black accessories.
Anon
Wfh for the past 6 years so casual/work are the same. In the summer, I regularly reach for my Costco “travel pants” in olive green (similar to athleta Brooklyn) and a black or navy scoop neck from target. + my trusty EVA Birkenstocks. That or the breathe on jumpsuit I got from old navy last year.
Winter is usually jeans + ls tee + puffy vest.
Anon
I am wearing that ON Breathe jumpsuit as I type this. So comfortable.
Cb
For casual, a pair of black GAP sky high skinny jeans and Marks & Spencer black linen wide legged trousers. Both are at pennies for cost per wear at this point.
For work, a purple linen sack dress and a linen open front blazer.
Anon
Most worn work summer: J.Crew Factory Holland linen blazer (I have multiple colors)
Most worn work winter: Talbots Aberdeen blazer in the various stretchy knit materials (ditto)
Most worn casual summer: Columbia Sandy River shorts – every dang day. So comfy. (Multiple colors – noticing a theme?)
Most worn casual winter: Costco Mondetta joggers (out of stock – I have 4 pairs – the theme continues)
Anonymous
How’s the sizing on the columbia sandy river shorts? I’m a 14 with thick thighs and a slightly smaller waist. L or XL?
Anon
XL. Last year I was a 14 with thick thighs and was an XL. This year I’m a 16 (sadly nearing 18) with thick thighs and definitely need the XXL. These are my favorite shorts because they’re thigh friendly!
Anon
Since I WFH and can dress casually – my most-worn items are Zella joggers and J Crew striped tees.
Vicky Austin
Casual/casual Friday at work: red Converse (4+ years) and Old Navy Breton top from 2019
Work work: red Uniqlo cardigan (also going on 4 years) and red Payless flats (RIP, also going on 4 years)
Anyone who cares to guess my favorite color is welcome to. ;)
Cb
I’m so impressed with how long your Converse last. Mine last 6 months tops!
Vicky Austin
Ha, “last” is probably generous, but I used to go through them in 6ish months when they were my daily driver shoe! This pair has held up much longer since I only wear them a couple days/week, but they probably need replacing.
Curious
Purple! ;)
Ribena
All deeply unglamorous items.
Work – basic black pleated skirt from M&S, camel coloured cotton cardi from H&M, and a Boden grey wool felt blazer.
Home – probably the green zippered hoodie I bought from Sainsburys (supermarket) in 2020 to replace one I’d had for ten years from Uniqlo which was literally falling apart. And in winter I live in Chelsea boots for both work and casual.
Betsy
I haven’t worn it 100 days in a row, but the Wool& Rowena dress is on regular rotation in my wardrobe!
Ribena
I’m just accepting that mine is too short for me. Will have to invest in the longer length
Anon
For those who have this dress or other Wool& items, I would appreciate input on fit and sizing, wear, etc. i have come close to buying but always chicken out after I add to the cart.
Betsy
Depending on the brand, I’m typically a 16 or 18 and their XL fits me well, both in their stretchier blend fabric and in their 100% wool fabric. They tend short though. I’m 5”6’ and have the longer version of the Rowena, and it is just long enough to wear bare legged. If I had the regular length it would definitely require leggings! The Rowena is sort of a sack dress, I always wear it with either a belt or a scarf to create some shape, but some of their other dresses (the Clara, for one) have more structure and shape. I have three dresses from them and I really love each of them.
Ribena
I have the Rowena in a L and wear a U.K. 16-18 (US 12-14?) – I’m much smaller on top than in the hips and it fits well there. I’m 5’9” (but with all my height in my torso) and have the original length and it’s too short to wear with anything other than opaque tights. I wear it unbelted though, I like the sack feeling.
Anan
I have the Wool& Willow dress and it is definitely my most worn work item. I’m 5’3, 125 lbs, 36 B cup- I got a small, and I think a medium might have been fine too, just a little looser around the shoulders. But the small probably layers under things better. If I got a sleeveless dress I would probably get a medium. And definitely the linger length because I am pretty active at work and don’t want to flash anyone.
They do have an easy return policy. I ordered a couple dresses to try on and had no issues returning what didn’t work.
Most worn casual-
Summer: plaid linen shirt dress bought from rent the runway. Or oversized men’s linen button down worn as a third piece.
Winter: Noga pants from Duluth Trading Company.
Anon
Thanks to all for your input.
Anon
rag & bone Simone pants. I have maybe 5 pairs at this point (all bought secondhand on Poshmark or eBay) and they hold up quite well—some are 6 years old and are a little faded but generally great. My go to work pant.
Anon
Work (wfm now): multiple pairs of M&S flat waist straight leg joggers (look like normal trousers on camera).
Casual: last year slightly cropped camo print combats. This year rolled barrel leg jeans.
Ribena
Are the joggers these ones? They sound perfect
I have been browsing at M&S and found this: https://www.marksandspencer.com/cotton-rich-straight-leg-joggers/p/clp22511885?intid=mobile_app_pdp_share
Anon
Yup. They wash well too. I allow them to drip dry.
IL
Jeans, always and forever. Almost every pair of jeans I own is worn until it literally disintegrates.
Fun WFH fact: I’ve almost entirely stopped wearing shoes. I only wear them to work out or run to the store, so I’m wearing shoes less than 8 hours a week. I just bought a pair of sneakers and realized it was the first shoe purchase in 18 months.
Anon
I’m so confused…you don’t leave the house except to go to the store? Or you do leave the house but you don’t wear shoes?
IL
It’s only a slight exaggeration, but I mostly don’t leave the house. I WFH, exercise at home (except for barre class where I don’t wear shoes, haha), and don’t have local friends in the new town. So except for picking up lunch, groceries, or the odd 2x month shopping trip or date night with my husband, where would I go?
Anonnyia
What about a walk in nature or at least to a Park?
Anon
I am thinking she has a killer wraparound porch.
Panda Bear
Somewhat tragically, my most worn things for the past 2+ years are multiple pairs of black cotton wide-leg PJ/lounge pants from the Gap. When I actually get dressed, though, I’d say my all stars are a pair of jeans (Madewell) linen trousers (Jcrew), a gray cashmere sweater (Eileen fisher), and/or a black cotton t-shirt (LL bean).
Gail the Goldfish
Hah, same for me on the Gap lounge pants. They’re the best for WFH.
anon
Casual: Anything from Athleta, especially the linen shorts and Farallon joggers. I wear them several times a week and pretty much lived in them while working from home.
Work: Dress pants from Loft, because it’s the only brand that consistently fits my figure correctly. So I put up with the fast fashion part, knowing that I’ll get a lot of wear out of them while I have them. In the fall/winter, the sweater jackets from J Crew Factory.
anon
Oh, and I wore my Liverpool jeggings to death. I’m finally retiring them now, due to changes in body size and them being less current, style-wise.
JTM
I’ve slowly been stocking my closet with pieces from Universal Standard and they are by far my most worn items and also the items that I love. The tees, jeans, Hathaway joggers and Geneva dresses have become my go-to wardrobe since I started WFH exclusively. And when I travel, those are the items I reach for to pack as they are comfy & versatile.
cookie monster
Work: jersey dresses for work from places like Talbots, Nordstrom, etc. I have a dozen and love them. They wash nicely with no drying or ironing required, they hang nicely and are flattering and comfortable, and I get compliments all the time. I very rarely wear pants.
Anne-on
Work – the Fold ‘workout’ stretch trousers in green. They are washable, look like real pants, but feel like yoga pants. I had to grit my teeth to pay $300 for pants but they’re worth it and I bought another pair in navy.
Casual – The lululemon ‘scuba’ (sweatpant material) joggers. Other joggers are either too baggy or short on me but these were like magical unicorn pants and I wore them nonstop this winter.
Anon
My most worn items are probably a handful of sweaters I knit for myself. I have one that is like wearing a blanket (big, boxy, thick) and I wear it over my pajamas or over my WFH clothes. It’s presentable enough on Zoom and I would feel ok wearing it out of the house to somewhere like the grocery store.
During the pandemic, I’ve pretty much only worn Birkenstocks around the house and on errands. My feet have never been happier.
Curious
Calvin Klein 5 pocket ponte pants. They are getting to the point I can’t even find them secondhand, so I am now searching for what’s next. Need to see what folks are wearing to the office, but I’m guessing the new pant of choice will be from Universal Standard and hopefully last longer than the Calvin Klein. Shirts: long sleeves from Banana Republic. I have yet to find a summer option I like as well. Work and home are basically the same clothes for now.
Anon
Vuori performance leggings. I dare you to pry them off me.
Anonymous
Casual: Icebreaker merino joggers and tees.
Work: Various merino and cashmere thin knits – the absolute workhorses are Uniqlo merino basics.
Anonymous
My most worn items are not neutrals, which I always have to remind myself when shopping. I have a kelly green leather jacket, a dark brown and orange knit sweater, and a black silk skirt with bright colored florals on it. Life’s too short to wear the same white shirt on repeat.
PolyD
Ohhh, you probably won’t see this, but I am jealous of the kelly green leather jacket!
Trish
WFH – Target Universal Thread dresses or yoga pants and tee-shirts.
Going out: Loft cropped flare jeans, black leggings, or cropped JJill wearever pants and cute tops that I’ve had for years.
My belly has grown since covid and I don’t want anything squishing it.
Ellen
This is a beautiful color for Rosa and a very stylish pair of pants for her, Elizabeth. I am not long-legged enough like Rosa to pull this one off without men getting focused on my short legs and long body, and with my tuchus, which I am working on, I am not anxious for people to start looking at it now, which is what the high waist will get them focused on.
I hope all is well with the hive, but my dad is livid over Gas prices. He has a big SUV, and now pays well over $100 to fill the tank! He picked me up and we drove to Rosa’s in Chapaqua to see the kids and celebrate Erik’s 6th birthday, and that was fun. Erik looks just like Ed with Rosa’s blond hair, which makes both Rosa and Ed happy and Erik is in first grade where the girls are very interested in him already! I wish I had a guy who looked like Erik interested in me! I hope he does not turn into a sneaky schlub like my ex, going for as much as he can get with girlfreinds, then moving on after he’s got what he wanted. FOOEY on that! I’ve played that situation so many times, even with guys who were schlubby looking, like my Alan.
But anyway, have a great day, Elizabeth and the HIVE! The weather in NYC is great today so I will be “working” at the park today! Hopefully I will find a cute guy to buy me lunch! YAY!!!!
Currently
The current trends tight now just do not work for me. High waisted jeans, tucked shirts, dresses with cutouts, all of this is a no in my current size/body/age. However I am worried that my clothes that I think read classic just look dated. My typical attire is some type of silk blouse (equipment, Rebecca taylor, joie) and pants, either skinny/straight leg jeans or pants. What are some easy ways to update my look to be fresh?
I was thinking modern jewelry might help, but open to thoughts here.
BeenThatGuy
Your description reads classic to me. I think the best way to update the look is with on trend shoes and fresh haircut.
Glamour has some hair style ideas: https://www.glamour.com/gallery/best-summer-haircuts
I found this for shoes: https://www.womanandhome.com/us/fashion/shoe-trends-2022/
Anon
Make sure your shoes are current – no more round toed ballet flats! Loafers, mules and pointy flats are better. Wide leg pants too.
When you say modern jewelry I think of dainty pieces – think Catbird. Minimal, dainty studs.
Anon
Of course, the article posted by the previous poster lists ballet flats as current and shows your basic, round-toe ballet flat in the editor’s picks. There’s no knowing.
Anne-on
I’m seeing high end ballet flats (like the French Sole ones, not the Tory Burch medallian ones) a lot in ‘street style’ photos of influencers and celebs. Which, again, was very 2008ish and is coming back around again.
Anonymous
That is disappointing. They were ugly the first time and won’t be better now.
Anon
The Karl lagerfeld quote about giving up abc buying sweatpants is how I feel about flats, to be honest.
Anon
All of your items sound fine. I’d also just expand your searching for new clothes, not all dresses have cut outs – I’d never wear those and I buy dresses all the time. I love that most now have sleeves and I’m not allergic to ruffles. I’d say pay attention to shoe trends, add a square toed slide with a puffy top to freshen up your existing stuff.
PolyD
Loft and Banana Factory have some good (short sleeve and sleeveless) shirt dresses – no ruffles, no cutouts, midi length.
Anon
Oh, they have sleeves all right. Puffy sleeves, ruffled sleeves, voluminous sleeves, none of which I will purchase as they make me look like a linebacker.
PolyD
Some don’t. I have one from Loft that has a kind of mix between short and cap sleeves, and that style seems to be still there and come in a few different colors and prints (stripes). I just ordered a sleeveless linen shirt dress from BR Factory yesterday.
I get that there are A LOT of rufflepuff (I love that term) dresses out there, but sometimes I think people here load up the page of dresses at a shop, notice rufflepufffs in the first few lines, and then give up. You have to look at all the things to find the things you want! And I guess I have patience for this, because back in my day, before online shopping, you had to go from store to store, or department to department in a department store, to find something you liked – how much easier to do that from your couch!
Anon
And some of us love a ruffle puff, too. I’m kinda tired of the constant hating on them.
PolyD
Yep, Anon at 11:06. Some rufflepuffs are quite nice! I have to be careful because I have a small frame and some of the extreme ruffles are overwhelming.
Plus I think some posters forget that not all of us work in offices where the only acceptable dress is a sheath dress worn with heels, matching jacket, and pearls!
Trish
Ruffle puffs look terrible on many women. If you can rock them, go for it!
Anonymous
It’s summer. Don’t worry. You’ll look fresh if you’re not as sweaty, so the silk is a good idea if it keeps you cool.
No Problem
The only thing I would say to ditch would be the skinny pants. Just replace them with any other cut (slim/straight, boot cut, wider leg) and you’ll be good. And then make sure your tops are proportional for the new pants styles: if you used to wear longer and looser tops with the skinny pants, those don’t really go with looser pants so go for shorter (hip length is fine) and less voluminous tops.
Cat
lol you are basically saying to replace your whole wardrobe – bc most people had gradually accumulated tops that pair with slim pants.
OP, if you rotate in some different pant styles, I’d first suggest experimenting with tucking in your longer tops rather than running out and buying. Silky shells and blouses are friendly to both tucked and untucked looks!
No Problem
Well she also mentioned slim pants, which I have several of and am keeping. It’s only the truly skinny vacuumed-to-the-leg that I’m ditching and advocating for ditching. And most of my tops have been ok too, it’s just the tunic length stuff that went well with the skinny pants or leggings that don’t work at all with other pants styles. I never did tend toward the more voluminous stuff because that doesn’t work on my body type. It just depends what the OP’s silk blouses look like and how long they are! If they aren’t a full tunic length they probably can be tucked in and look great.
anon
Although I have resisted tucking, I’ve been doing it lately with the longer tops that I still like, and what do you know? It’s a completely different look without buying anything.
anon
I think it’s all about the shoes and accessories, including handbags. And there is nothing wrong with classic dressing. Stuff that fits well and flatters is a million times better than a trendy item that you don’t feel comfortable wearing.
Anonymous
My company has “MetLife Legal” as a new voluntary benefit, basically for $250 a year you get access to legal services. Wondering if anyone has experience with this? I have been meaning to get a basic will made, nothing too complicated, that’s the only real legal service I imagine needing this year. I imagine, though, that that alone would make it worthwhile to sign up for a year of this service. Reviews online don’t seem great though. I am in NYC so I can imagine if the compensation this plan offers isn’t great, that decent lawyers might not want to take it (but again, super simple will is all I think I need).
Anonymous
I wouldn’t bother. You’re better off just hiring your own lawyer.
Anon
I tried it twice and was unimpressed both times. I think it could be better in a small town.
Formerly Lilly
They bid this out to cover their obligations. Do you really want the low bid lawyer? At least in my part of the world, this work is going to either the newest lawyer or the one who is in dire need of business, at an average at best firm. Which is not to say that there may be some perfectly competent lawyers doing this work, it’s just that the odds are not in your favor.
No Face
I’d let them handle a traffic ticket or something along those lines. Don’t try to cheap out on your estate planning.
Anonymous
We have the same legal plan through my husband’s employer and recently used it for the first time to close on a house. We had a good experience and plan to set up wills and healthcare POAs next.
Anon
My friend got sued by his former employer over something extremely petty (honestly they were just trying to get even with him for leaving and it was all driven by his egomaniac former manager) and he was able to use the legal services like you describe at his new employer to defend himself. He was quite happy with their services.
Anon
I paid for it for 2 years and the one time I needed legal services, it was awful to use. They really only give you a list of people and then you have to call them yourselves to see if they’re available and willing to take on your work. Most were out or not willing to take it on. I opted out the year after that. I think it’s just better to hire your own lawyer when you need one as others have suggested.
Ellen
My firm thought they wanted to expand to consumer law, so a few years ago, we joined a fixed pay legal services organization. We got alot of people that wanted all kinds of complex individualized work we really did not want to handle for a fixed fee. So we told the organizing company that we did not want to participate any more. We had about 15 cleints, grossed about $5000, but spent about $25,000 in billeable time. Not great from our perspective either. FOOEY!
Curious
I did a will through my company’s legal services. I sent 2 pages of grammatical, spelling, and other corrections. I paid out of pocket to update the will and other estate documents this year. No errors and better advice.
Camla
I’m not sure if one can recommend actual people here but my whole family has used https://sciaccalaw.com/ and got excellent, professional estate planning services at very reasonable cost.
Anonymous
Anyone else who prefers to live in an more suburban area as a single, no kids, late 20s/early 30s person? I moved to suburban NJ for work (think towns on the train line like Morristown, Princeton, etc.) and I actually really love living in a suburb with lots of trees, hiking, water sports, etc. but with fairly good access to major cities (I adore NYC and go frequently but don’t want to live there). Where I live now is also a good location for my career as I work in pharma. However, I always get a lot of flack from people, including city-dwelling coworkers, about living in the suburbs as a single woman (I already get a lot of unprompted comments for simply being a single woman, but that’s a different story). Anyone that can relate? I feel like I need to justify my decisions, which is frustrating and makes me second-guess myself. I’m also not in a hurry, or even sure I want, to get married or have kids.
Anon
You can waste time worry about what other people think or you can just life the life you enjoy. Do the latter. It doesn’t matter whether anyone else can relate, do you.
Ellen
My firm thought they wanted to expand to consumer law, so a few years ago, we joined a fixed pay legal services organization. We got alot of people that wanted all kinds of complex individualized work we really did not want to handle for a fixed fee. So we told the organizing company that we did not want to participate any more. We had about 15 cleints, grossed about $5000, but spent about $25,000 in billeable time. Not great from our perspective either. FOOEY!
Anon
When I was your age, I moved to a similar town in Massachusetts – think Weston or Sudbury. Actually considered relocating to Princeton NJ for the pharma jobs and everything I loved about my then-town at half the price.
Never got flack for it; people thought it was a mature choice. Also, it was great for networking – so many people 10+ years older than me and at the height of their careers.
If I could do it all over again, I would. The quality of life is great. Safety is great. My suggestion is to enthuse about how affordable and safe it is, which people definitely understand single women wanting.
Anonymous
I live in sudbury now and the only reason I would give it pause is the taxes here are stupid bonkers and the only reason I pay them is we have 4 kids in the public schools. ;) If it isn’t for the schools, why would someone put up with the crazy town politics, high taxes, huge lawns requiring $7k/year in upkeep, poor sidewalks, septic systems and lack of highway access?!
I’d pick somewhere less built for families but still suburban.
Ellen
I may be coming out to suburbs b/c living in the city has not gotten me a decent man. At my age, I will have to get a divorcee, likely with kids, but hopefully with enough in the bank to allow us to live in a nice home in Weschester, hopefully Chapaqua near Rosa. I don’t mind the suburbs at all, having grown up on Long Island, but Im glad I was in NYC so I could make partner before the pandemic. Now that I am a partner, I can probably work from home more than ever, and assign work assignments to a good associate, when I find one.
PolyD
I am older than you (54) but have always lived in the suburbs, even in my 20s and 30s, and am single, but partnered, and no kids. I live close to DC and I think it’s a perfect area. If I wanted to, I could catch a bus in front of my building and be at either of two metro stops in about 15-20 minutes. From there it’s a quick 15-20 minute metro ride to most places I want to go in DC. I can drive to downtown Silver Spring or Bethesda in less than 10 minutes, I can get to the Beltway in about 5 minutes. I can walk to nature paths in about 10-15 minutes, depending on how fast I go. I have easy access to a bunch of good grocery stores and restaurants.
I still rent, in a very well-managed (repairs are done promptly, packages are never stolen) building. My apartment is around 900 square feet, and for rent, all utilities, and garage parking, I pay under $2000 a month. And I have a balcony.
I sometimes think about moving into DC proper (or Bethesda, actually) when I get to a point where I don’t want to drive and don’t need to go to an office. But right now, I couldn’t get anything like what I have for what I’m paying. I also like the relative quiet and calmness of the ‘burbs – I like going into DC, but after being around all the humanity, it’s nice to come back to the quiet.
I’ve belonged to the same bookclub for a number of years and yeah, the city-dwellers always had a hint of superiority. But the funny thing is that a lot of them have relocated if not to the suburbs, but farther out in DC to more suburb-like settings. So yeah, live where it suits you best, who cares what other people think? If I were you, I might ask these people why they are so concerned that you are living someplace you really like, even if it doesn’t suit their image of where you should live. It’s quite odd to me that they should even care!
anon
Live where you want to live! If I were single, I also would opt for the suburbs for the exact reasons you mentioned. If people give you flack, talk up what you love about the place, in a cheery voice that basically shuts down the negative commentary.
Why are people this way and what are they trying to accomplish? So rude.
anonshmanon
yeah, those people are rude and they don’t have a point.
Anonymous
I live in NYC but many of my friends have lived in the suburbs since we graduated college. Most were single and met and married people in their suburban area. They also made friends with other folks their age in their suburban areas, through work or hobbies. Some people are just not city people! As a city dweller myself, I definitely see the appeal. It’s quieter, they were able to purchase homes younger, they have more space, lots of access to the outdoors. They have access to many wonderful things I do not living in the city. For example, I have a friend who has always lived in the CT suburbs and bought a used boat that she takes out most days after work in the summer. I have another friend who lives in the NJ suburbs similar to you and does tons of outdoor stuff (hiking, camping, beach in summer) and hits the city once a week for dinner with friends. I have always loved going out to visit them.
I think there’s this weird cultural stereotype that young people live in cities and older people live in suburbs. I’m starting to experience the reverse (getting lots of flack from my suburban friends who think I should “grow up” and move to the suburbs). You should do what you like!
Anon
If you’re happy living in the burbs, go for it.
As a city dweller, I only roll my eyes when my suburban friends NEVER want to come into the city for anything.
Anon
I roll my eyes at anyone who is unwilling to leave their home town regardless of whether it’s a city or a rural small town.
Vicky Austin
I grew up in a town people routinely trash and have never lived anywhere particularly glamorous, but I’m really glad I’ve lived in a few different places. I had someone ask me recently if 911 was also the emergency number in the state I had moved from.
Anon
We have some neighbors like that. As a more typical suburban family of married with kids, it’s great – so nice to be around a mix of people living different kinds of lives. I think especially since Covid started lots of people have wanted more space and a quieter home life and have found it out of the city.
Anon
TBH, if you are living in Morristown or Princeton, I think of those as “towns.” Living in a town =/= living in the suburbs (Parsippany, Brunswicks). To me, towns are awesome walkable places. You may even be able to walk to the train, but probably to stores and restaurants. I liked those in college, before I was old enough to drive, and ever since. I don’t live in my new city’s core downtown, but in a town-y older area that predates cars, so very walkable. Let the haters hate.
Anon
Don’t discuss this topic with your coworkers and also stop caring what they think. I do t put much stock in my coworkers’ opinions about things that have nothing to do with work.
Anon
Omg ignore them. I live in NJ and Princeton is beautiful! It’s a great place to live. If you’re happy, then mute the naysayers. Just tell them how much you’re saving in rent!
Another Anon
Getting a lot of ads for Pax Philomena and seriously considered a kaftan for an upcoming beach vacation. Talk me into or out of?
Another Anon
Specifically
Isadora – https://paxphilomena.com/collections/midi-dresses/products/isadora-midi
Limoncello – https://paxphilomena.com/collections/midi-dresses/products/limoncello-midi-kaftan-dress
Costa Smerelda – https://paxphilomena.com/products/costa-smeralda-silk-cotton-ikat-maxi-dress-handwoven?_pos=6&_sid=06c732d8d&_ss=r
anon
I have been too and I want this to be the summer of comfort (aka kaftans).
Anon
I think Emerson Fry caftans are cuter, but I love a caftan.
Anon
Another team caftan member here. I bought a muumuu on my first trip to Hawaii and have worn it every trip since. I don’t think I can quite pull it off back home in the Bay Area, but when in Rome….
Anonymous
You should buy the emerald green one. It is GORGEOUS.
Spain - Bound
We suddenly have the opportunity spend ten days in Madrid/Southern Spain, in early July. Never been – so appreciate your travel recs.
How much time would you spend in Madrid v. heading south (where we will be staying with friends)? I’m thinking 3 days in Madrid – how does that sound.
Any hotel recs for Madrid?
Any absolute must do-s in Madrid?
Our friends have a place near Gibraltar; we will be renting a car. What would be high on your list to see/do as day trips?
From what I’ve read it will be hella hot, so planning sundresses/sneakers for most things; wrap for when I go into AC. Sound appropriate?
Normally have months to plan a trip like this so def out of my comfort zone. Appreciate any and all help!
Cb
Ooh enjoy! I spent a week in July in Madrid and it was steamy but not terrible. I wouldn’t anticipate too much AC. The Prado is really worth the queue, and offers some respite from the heat but I just really enjoyed wandering around, going to the parks where there was often live music and good people watching, and sitting in cafes drinking limonata and reading my book.
Anonymous
Do a skip the line tour for the Prado! I did a food tour that included the Prado and lunch at one of the oldest restaurants in the world. I think it was through Devour tours?
Anonymous
I just got back from Spain. It was plenty hot in late May so kind of can’t imagine July! Spent 3 days in Madrid and I think that is a good amount of time, depends on how much you like spending your vacation in a fun metropolitan city and whether you want to do day trips to places like Toledo and Segovia.
Some of my recs for Madrid: Juana La Loca for pintxos, Casa Dani for tortilla, Chocolateria San Gines for churros, La Venencia for sherry, Chinaski for beer, Salmon Guru for insta-worthy cocktails, Bar La Ideal for calamari sandwich, buy your Prado ticket online in advance and go immediately at opening, Cocol for cool Spanish home goods, Circulo de Bellas Artes rooftop for the city views.
Anon
yes it will likely. be very very hot. just check the days and times that different attractions are open! sometimes certain things are closed on Mondays, or might close mid day for a couple of hours. i was just looking at a map and if you plan on stopping on the way, Toledo and Granada are interesting to visit. I am not sure if you have to reserve tours of the Alhambra in advance.
Thistle whistle
Granada is a bit awkward to get to due to being upbin the hills. You also have to book the Alhambra in advance (and when you arrive you get a strict 10 minute slot to get into the main palace).
Thistle whistle
I love Madrid. It can get really hot (think 42 in September) so lots of sunblock is a necessity.
People recommend different neighbourhoods but each time I’ve visited I tried to stay as central as possible, near the Gran Via.the “lical feel” of an area is nice but ud prefer yo skip a 20 minute journey into the centre, espe ially if you only have a couple of days. Last time I stayed in the hotel Atlantico on the Gran Via which had a nice rooftop terrace and you could see the Royal Palace over the rooftops. The other area I’d pick to stay in is calle de Alfonso XII. It’s still central but looks out onto the Retiro.
Personally I prefer the Thyssen-Bornemisza to the Prado, but its a matter of choice. I like the Royal Palace and the Real Madrid tours, but that’s definitely personal taste. The Plaza Major is nice (but don’t eat there) but the iconic Plaza del Sol is a tourist/pickpocket trap. The ho-ho bus is a good way of getting the main sights in quickly. The streets of Salamanca are a lovely stroll /window shop and lead down to el Retiro which is lively and a welcome green space in the hot city. El Corye Inglis is a must.
There are several chains of bars/cafes for a quick bite whilst sightseeing, and often the tourist attractions do a decent lunchtime sandwich (eg the Royal Palace or the Prado).
For food at night, head down from Plaza Major towards la Latina. It used to get very busy, so head out earlier than you would expect so you don’t have to queue.
In Andalucia, if you will be near Gibralta, pick a city or two close by. Both Seville and Malaga are lively and great places to visit, but Seville is more touristy and you could easily spend 4 or 5 nights there. I do love both Cordoba and Granada but they are both less easy to get to (both really need a night or two sue to travel time).
If you get the train from Madrid to either Seville or Malaga you get to see the changing scenery of southern Spain and its a lovely way to see more of the country. Public trains are quick and reliable for getting between cities and avoid having to drive/park in the often crowded centres. If you are driving in Andalucia, it can be advisable to leave the car on the outskirts and use public transport around town.
You won’t be able to do a huge amount with 10 days so I’d do Madrid and one or maybe two other places. Perhaps a day or two in Malaga when you arrive and two or three in Seville. Despite what some prepackaged tours say, you can’t see much of a city in one day. And in Spain a lot of cities change character and only really come alive after dark.
Curious
Having spent two weeks as a tourist in Malaga and several days in Spain, I agree with the descriptions. I loved both cities. Dress is very informal, so what you’re describing sounds great to me. I lived in cotton sack dresses from H&M that I got for like 8 EUR.
AIMS
Madrid is one of my favorite cities in the world. I would happily spend a week there. One of my favorite museums anywhere is the Thyssen-Bornemisza – don’t miss it. The art is arranged chronologically and it is just an amazing way to take in the collection – you really feel like you are seeing art history come to life.
You can easily do day trips too. Toledo is lovely. Enjoy!
Anonymous
I stayed at a cool little hotel in Madrid a few years ago, the Palacio de Tepa. Pretty good location for walking around the central city. Enjoy, I love visiting Spain!
Anon
We did a summer trip to Madrid and southern Spain a few years ago and had a great time. We traveled with our young kids, so were a bit more limited in what we could do. We stay in Seville for a couple of days, which I LOVED and I wished we had stayed longer. Everyone said Seville would be too hot in the summer, but we lucked out with more moderate heat. We just mostly walked around the various neighborhoods, got ice cream, and went to the hotel pool to cool off in the afternoons. We also did a tour of the Alcazar and visited the Plaza de Espana, which were gorgeous. Next, we stayed in southern Spain near the ocean for about 5 days and explored the various beach towns, which were just ok. We took a day trip to Ronda, which was really neat and another highlight of the trip – highly recommend. We visited the Nerja caves, which were not worth the trip. If you can swing it, I also think a visit to Granada is worthwhile. We drove there and stayed overnight and really enjoyed exploring the town, and of course the Alhambra was amazing. I agree with a PP that if you go you probably need to spend the night as it’s harder to get to than just a day trip. We only spent 1 night in Madrid at the tail end of our trip before catching a flight back to the US. It would’ve been nice to have 2-3 days in Madrid, which seemed like a lovely city. We enjoyed visiting the Prado, and that was about all we had time to do. If I had to do it over, I would spend more time in Seville and less time going to beach towns (Marbella, etc.). The trains were nice and were a convenient, easy way to get from Madrid to Seville.
A
Southern Spain…. Sevilla, Granada and of course the Alhambra.
Anonymous
Does anyone have any experience with emergency passport applications? My new husband and I are supposed to be flying out of the country for our honeymoon on Friday. We’ve been planning this trip for over a year. He just realized on Thursday that his passport is expired. He called the passport office and the earliest appointment within 500 miles is the day we leave. He claims they can issue the new passport at the appointment but I am… not comfortable with that. He called his representative (House) on my repeated insistence; on Friday they said they thought they would be able to get him an appointment today but today they said the earliest appointment is Thursday. Anything else we can do?
Any relationship advice about this is also welcome. I feel so angry and betrayed. I did all the work in planning this trip. I paid for the whole trip (I make much more) and it’s largely nonrefundable at this point, and certainly will be by Thursday (I bought travel insurance but it doesn’t cover this). I want to think, “I’m sure I will make a stupid mistake at some point in my life and I wouldn’t want my spouse to help me beat myself up.” But he doesn’t seem apologetic and he’s not taking much initiative to fix it – he was happy with the Friday appointment until I told him he needs to exhaust other options. Maybe I would feel differently if he seemed as anxious about this as I feel. He acknowledged that I would be angry but that’s as close to an apology as he’s come. How do I deal with this? What do I do if he can’t get a passport? Go alone? What do I tell family and friends and coworkers? And how do I get through this week?
Anna
A friend had this issue a few weeks ago – she paid extra to an outside service to get it expedited and came on the trip. Worth looking into?
OP
Any idea which service? I found a bunch but no idea how reputable they are. And we also want to be sure to have his paperwork back by Thursday if they don’t deliver by then.
Anon
I got a passport day before I was leaving in 1 hour at my local agency. This was pre pandemic so you could walk in and do it if you were leaving in a day or so. It’s annoying but do-able. I’d call around and see if there’s something sooner.
OP
Well it’s good to know that they actually issue passports at the emergency appointment! I was pretty skeptical. But yeah as I said in the post, the first appointment within 500 miles is Friday and even a congressman was only able to get Thursday.
Anon
Take the Thursday appointment. Read the directions carefully, you need printouts of everything including proof of travel soon, they will not look at a phone. Have multiple copies of a photo just in case. Reread the directions 10x.
Anon
Or tell husband to read directions 10x. The least he can do is take this on himself.
Anon
I wasn’t suggesting OP do it, just be sure to pay attention. The last thing you want is to get rejected because you (whoever is handling it) f-Ed up the directions.
NYCer
My husband did this for our daughter, and it worked out fine. They went in the morning, and we made a red eye in the evening.
Otherwise, if you are in NYC, I have also used the service called “Rush Passport” for a quick turnaround (though I think it was 24h, not the same day like the walk-in).
No Face
On the emotional side, it is okay to feel angry. He messed up big time! You will also mess up big time in the future. Express your hurt in a constructive way (“I am so hurt that I did all this planning and you didn’t do your part. I need to be able to trust and rely on you. I expect you to go all out to fix this” or whatever) without yelling or insults.
On the passport side, let this be his responsibility to fix. If someone gives you great advice here pass the info on, but don’t take the steps for him. You don’t want a marriage where you do 95% of the work, and then fix the 5%.
If he can’t get his passport, go without him and try to enjoy it. Then he can plan a vacation for the two of you, even if it is just a weekend road trip.
Thistle whistle
I’ve seen a similar but slightly different situation up close. The person involved was very apologetic and did their best to solve it themselves. I think I would have been more upset if they hadn’t tried to fix it themselves.
This situation is very annoying but slightly (only slightly) understandable. The lack of worry and effort to solve it is unacceptable and would cause me more worry than potentially missing the holiday would. You have, somehow, ended up in the mother/organiser role, and he seems happy to let you do this (emotionally hard) work.
Pack your bags, leave them at the door and tell him you are flying on Friday (with or without him) and it is up to him to sort his own siht out if he wants to join you. If he doesn’t at least try to help sort out his own mess, then it tells you a lot about how he will act when “real” problem situations arise in the future. Hopefully it will jolt him into seeing you as an independent strong person who he just happens to be married to and not just his wife who will “sort everything out” for him and absolves him of any responsibility.
I’m sorry you are in this crppy situation.
Senior Attorney
I hate to say It, but I agree with every word of this
Anonymous
Take the appointment he has. Yes they will issue a passport there.
Cat
If it’s a same day appointment Thursday he’ll walk out with the passport I think.
If it has a few day lag time, I’d go by myself for the first few days, and have him just change the flight accordingly to meet you there. Way less $ than canceling the trip.
You’re allowed to feel disappointed and hurt but I’d caution you that your extra hurt because it’s “your money” sounds resentful in a way that’s bigger than just this mistake.
roxie
really? I think that’s hugely important here. He isn’t paying for this and therefore feels little to no responsibility and that is a HUGE problem he needs to solve or they need to solve together.
OP, if he doesn’t get his passport I would one million percent go with someone else and then I’d come home and have a real come to jesus about whether this is the right man to be married to.
Cat
roxie, that’s exactly what I meant by talking about money aspect of this – you’re describing the flip side of the problem I think. OP is resentful because it’s “her money” that would be wasted, while new husband may not feel as stressed because it’s “her money,” as opposed to both OP and husband feeling equal ownership of the problem and tackling it as a team.
Anon
I don’t get the sense OP is only resentful of the money. She did all the work, she cares, and he doesn’t! Doesn’t even care enough to be apologetic. I would be so hurt by that lack of caring.
OP
Lack of ownership is a good way to put it. I feel like he’s been pretty hands off overall. I’m more of a planner, so I get it to some extent, but it’s been a whole nother level with this trip, which is unlike him. Even “pick A or B” gets a “both sound good!” I have repeatedly explained that I want him to be involved, this trip is for US not ME, I don’t want to do this all by myself, it is stressful to make every single decision alone, what he sees as being agreeable I see as him refusing to participate, the thing he is trying to avoid -decision making- is the thing I’m asking him to do, I want to be a team – every way I know how to explain it. I asked him to handle discreet tasks like reserving the rental car – which he has done for other trips – and he dragged his feet so long I finally did it last week (after months of explaining that we will not be able to get an automatic transmission if you don’t reserve and neither of us can drive manual and it is mission critical to have a car, it is very stressful to have this hanging over my head, please I beg you do this one thing). Other things that were his job haven’t been done and aren’t going to be done but aren’t critical to the trip so meh, but I don’t want to hear complaints about how we didn’t get to go zip lining or whatever because he didn’t book it.
The money adds insult to injury but really my time and energy are the bigger spend here. Maybe if he spent his own money on the trip he would feel more ownership of it, but idk. We don’t have a joint account yet but I’m not sure it would make much difference to him if we did, if I’m the one doing all the research, weighing options, and hitting the submit button for every single payment.
OP
I left another long comment but forgot to add – even if I could get all the money back I would still be mad. This is supposed to be our HONEYMOON not just any vacation. Him being so careless with something that means so much to me – I guess not to us – is really heartbreaking. And even if he gets the passport in time, that doesn’t erase the fact that our honeymoon apparently wasn’t that important to him.
Anon
OP, you might want to quickly get into counseling upon your return and figure out of this really is the right marriage for you. It’s easiest to unwind before you marry, but also easier the sooner you do after marriage (before you commingle assets, etc.)
Cat
@OP, oof, are you sure you want to stay married to this man? Spending the rest of your life doing not only your own emotional labor but his too?
anonymous
OP – sorry you’re dealing with this. Unfortunately your comment has some red flags. I totally get your annoyance and anger. I know it’s horrible to think about, but you need to seriously think about whether you want to be married to this person. He’s already showing who he is and he’s not going to change. And you can’t nag him into changing. As the other commenter mentioned, at least look at getting counseling. If you feel up to it, please update us on the situation.
anon
OP, based on your comment at 12:30, does he want to go on this trip? Like, actually want to go? If so, and he just doesn’t want to lift a finger, is this how he plans to go through other things in life?
I’m really sorry you’re dealing with this. I would take this an opportunity to look carefully at compatibility. Now is as easy as it will ever be to get out or to reset behavior patterns.
anon
OP, your anger is justified here. You’ve done all the work, and he is barely managing to do the minimum necessary to just show up.
I have 2 perspectives that might be helpful. First, marriage sometimes requires giving your spouse grace for making mistakes, sometimes big ones. (I have a similar passport story, and so does my dad. Fortunately, they’ve faded to family jokes and lessons learned.) It sounds like your husband has a plan to get a passport, and it sounds like it will work out. I think he needs to understand your anger and that, after all the work planning this trip, you really don’t need the stress of whether or not he’s going to make it to his own honeymoon. And that, to you, his carelessness reflects a lack of care. If he can understand that, then the best thing for your marriage is grace and forgiveness.
Second, when it comes to planning trips, you probably have to accept that this is how he is (minus the passport thing). I plan every trip for my family. My husband is agreeable but does very little in terms of weighing in on preferences, logistics, etc. Even for our honeymoon, DH said he wanted to plan it and surprise me. He never did. I planned our honeymoon 3-4 weeks before we left (which feels last minute for a honeymoon, considering we knew for over a year that we were getting married and when). So, the honeymoon trip was a lesson on the price of admission. (DH did manage to show up with a passport and suitcase though.) There are pros and cons–I do all the work planning travel, but we do what I want within the constraints of budget, etc. For me, this gets filed under “price of admission.”
My expectations for DH are that he does what he needs to show up–has his documents together and packs his own suitcase. (I packed for him exactly one time, in our 20s, because he was too hungover to do it. I spent 1 minute and threw his dirty laundry into a suitcase, figuring that was a week’s worth of clothes. He had to do laundry when we arrived.) He knows better than to complain while we’re on a trip, and he’s actually appreciative that I plan and he enjoys himself. Also, once we’re on the trip, he is a team player and probably even does more of whatever work is needed during the trip.
Senior Attorney
I’m late here but totally agree he is telling you, for whatever reason, that he really doesn’t want to go on this trip. Second the idea for counseling upon return.
Anon
Agree with all of this. I also think it’s not unreasonable for him to be relieved he got an appointment and comfortable that it’s going to work out, since he was told it would and you have no reason to think otherwise. I have made big expensive mistakes before and sometimes that’s just life – unless this is part of a bigger pattern I’d try to enjoy the trip (or go alone if he can’t make it)
Anon
Agree with all this.
Anon
Do you have a good friend who can go with you if worse comes to worse and he doesn’t get a new passport?
I’m sorry, that sucks. I would be fuming too.
Anonymous
Also you don’t need to tell coworkers?
Anonymous
EXACTLY. One should never speak to coworkers about anything personal. Ever. The lines are clear. If someone asks me about something personal at work, I do not respond. I stare at them blankly or turn my head like no one has said anything to me at all. I don’t understand why people think they can be all up in my personal business just because we spend 40 or 50 or 60 hours a week together. If you are my coworker, speak to me about work or do not speak to me. We do not need to be humane or pretend we are two human beings with lives just because we have a common employer. It is ridiculous and I will die on this hill. I do not have a life outside of work if you are my coworker. And I do not care to know a single thing about your life outside of work. I am going to assume you don’t have one for the good of everyone. When will people learn this? Work is so much better when we do not engage in casual conversation or acknowledge each other’s many facets.
Anonymous
Editing to add that the OP’s in a particularly tough spot here because I would assume, based on her comment, that she already crossed the line by mentioning that she got married and this is a honeymoon. Now, because of those initial critical errors, she is going to be subjected to a stream of casual asks about her honeymoon. Big mistake, OP. I hope you learn from this. No one at work needed to know you were getting married or that you are taking a honeymoon.
Anon
Wut? Good luck succeeding with that approach.
Anonymous
Pretty sure these comments are satire.
roxie
literally can’t tell if this is satire or not
I def don’t think work colleagues need to be friends but this is alarmingly extreme, like pathologically so.
Anonymous
Satire. A response to the consistent reflexive comments here about coworkers not needing to know anything about you. Of course everyone in the office knows the OP is leaving for her honeymoon and most will make a casual polite inquiry about the trip when she returns. If her brand new husband doesn’t go, she is left in a pickle as to what to say. But the poster above takes the hard line that OP can say nothing to her coworkers. While they don’t need to know, it leaves the OP to lie or not respond or be extremely vague and maybe have someone find out later and feel deceived in some way.
I think it is hard to tell if it’s satire only because there are real comments along these lines here all the time. I am glad I don’t work with those people. I prefer the old school version of firm life that includes knowing my coworkers, their wives, their kids, etc. Boundaries, sure, but we treat each other as more than work bots.
Anon
LOL
anon
You sound delightful.
Anonymous
I am delightful. That is because I am nothing like my satirical post. My coworkers want me at every work event because I engage with them and ask about their whole lives.
Anon
Oh phew, I didn’t pick up the satire (should have, it’s obvious now!)
Anon 2.0
Code Green, I repeat code green…. we have been infiltrated by an AAM commenter. They have lost their way and found themselves here.
Anon
I would be beyond annoyed, but I also know a handful of otherwise responsible people this has happened to recently. I don’t think it’s reasonable to expect him to grovel for forgiveness. Let him deal with the consequence, which is that he is maybe delayed a day in meeting you? Aren’t most flights moveable now? I would still go as planned. Why do you have to tell anyone anything?
Anon
That’s a good point – he can still join you later.
Explorette
I would be so mad! If I were you, I would make him deal with it. If he is comfortable with waiting until the appointment, then go with that. If he doesn’t get his passport, you go without him. If you step in and fix this for him, it’s only going to reinforce his behavior. If he’s mad you went without him, well, that says a lot.
Anon
This is the stuff our representatives have to deal with? That makes me unreasonable angry and hope this is fake.
Cat
oh no, people bother their reps about this all the time. @carly just did it for a trip she booked to the Bahamas and then ignored her kid’s lack of passport until the last minute, when she badgered her senator’s office or something into an appointment.
Anon
I don’t think Carly is an adulting role model. People do it, but I wouldn’t consider it appropriate.
Anon
Yikes! You need an attitude check, I think. Members of Congress have always and will always have constituent services like this one.
anonamouse
This is actually a totally normal constituent service that your Senators’ and Representatives’ offices offer! Basically any time you are having an issue with a federal agency (Social Security, IRS, immigration, international adoption issues, VA, Medicare, etc.) the elected’s office might be able to help. Oftentimes just sending an inquiry about the status of your case is enough to shake something loose.
People need emergency passports all the time, for a huge variety of reasons (sick relatives, forgetful husbands, not realizing that babies need passports, not realizing that certain Caribbean islands are not American territories…).
Pro-Tip: more senior members of your Congressional delegation are more likely to have an experienced and professional constituent services operation. If your House rep is a freshman, you might be better off asking your Senators :)
anon
They aren’t doing anything else currently
Trish
Um, passports are issued by the USA. This is absolutely a representative issue.
Anon
But it’s an individual’s responsibility to renew their passport in time and not need to get help from their representative. What do people always say about work? “Poor planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part”? That’s how I feel about it. If it’s a genuine issue like a passport being denied for a silly reason or stalled by the government, then it’s totally different and reasonably to reach out to your representative.
anon a mouse
As long as he shows up prepared for the appointment, he will walk out with a passport on Thursday. You’re leaving on Friday. This will be fine from a travel perspective, even though it is super stressful now.
Did you have to put in your passport info when you booked the tickets? I thought the airlines flagged things like this. Not blaming you, genuinely curious.
As to your anger, I think it’s justified. Is this part of a larger pattern of you doing work and him coasting along?
Anon
He human. He made a mistake. As far as not seeming apologetic, he may feel bad and just not know how to admit it. He probably doesn’t think there’s much else to be done.
Anon
Not a great pattern for starting a marriage though. OP is completely justified in being angry about this.
anonymous
I agree. I would be supremely apologetic if I did something like this.
Anon
Yes, people make mistakes – but when they impact someone else to this extent they should do everything they can to make it right. Yes, he’s human – an adult human. If you are old enough and feel mature enough to get married, you need to know how to say you’re sorry. That is just table stakes in a healthy, long-term relationship. Why are our standards for men literally on the floor??? OP, if this was my husband I would be absolutely livid. Forgetting to renew the passport I guess I could see happening and is forgivable, but not apologizing and doing everything he can to fix it? That would be grounds for a very direct conversation about the relationship and what you need from him for this to work.
Anon
I would be livid if my spouse had this attitude towards something big like a honeymoon.
Seventh Sister
My husband made a big, huge, expensive mistake about a decade ago involving his car. Basically, he had a couple of outstanding parking tickets and an expired registration sticker, which led to his car getting towed during street sweeping. All in, it was about $1000. I was absolutely furious but really tamped it down, telling him that I was angry and disappointed, and that he had to fix it all on his own. And I didn’t lift a finger – he got to run around to the towing company, the city clerk to pay the tickets, the DMV, all on his own. I’d make it clear that you are taking this trip with or without him, whether that means you have to go alone or take a friend.
He hasn’t done anything like that again, and I think not rushing in to fix it really made a huge impression on him. He works in a very male-dominated industry where most of the men have SAHM/W who take care of anything that isn’t work (right up to buying their spouse’s underpants). Now that he knows I’m serious when I say, “You and your dad are welcome to renovate our closet while I’m pregnant, but I will check into a hotel with our newborn if it’s not done by the time I give birth.” Or more recently, “you and your mother can live in our house, along with the kids. I’ll find somewhere else to live if it comes to that.”
Seventh Sister
^I meant to say, “work outside the home” above. Work at home is work.
For better or worse, I think a lot of men are socialized to let the women in their lives fix this kind of problem. As a GenXer, most of the guys my age can be better/more involved spouses and fathers by not completely walking out of their kids’ lives, which is a SUPER low bar. My MIL always worked but also ran around taking care of stuff like passports and flight reservations for her spouse, making everyone’s lunches, etc.
anon
My husband made a similar mistake about 7 years ago. DH ran around town and get all of his documents together (license, registration, brake tags). Then I represented him in traffic court and got a $900 ticket reduced to $60. People make huge mistakes, and they have to take responsibility, but marriage also involves being a team and relying on each other’s strengths. DH also has been on top of keeping his documents since his mistakes, so it hasn’t become a pattern.
Anon
Short term I agree with the excellent advice above: you’re leaving for a trip on Friday. It’s very likely he’ll be able to join you, but that’s completely on him now.
More medium term: his actions clearly demonstrate he doesn’t care about the honeymoon as much as you do. I think relationship wise when you’re in a calmer place it’d be worthwhile to be curious about why and have some actual conversations about it. There’s a lot of possibilities tied up here- travel, marriage, money etc etc. There’s lots of potential to discover more about each other and your values if you can get to a place of open communication.
Long term: it’d be valuable to have expectations as a couple of what the minimum effort is required when someone doesn’t care much about the activity. The person who cares more is always going to inevitably do more of the work, and honestly you can’t magically make the other person do more, but it’s very fair to view it as about respect.
Anonymous
You don’t need to tell family, friends or coworkers anything, unless you want to vent, or ask somebody to come with you if he doesn’t get it fixed in time.
What they think about his mistake isn’t relevant, what you think is the important thing. You are allowed to think “oh, yeah, he didn’t go, there was a mix-up”, or you can think “I’m bummed, but I’m also exited to go to Holiday Country, I’m going to have a great time”, or you can think “yeah, we made some changes to the trip, see you in two weeks!” or you can think “yeah, I’m getting a divorce”, or “I don’t know what to think about this”, or “that week was super stressful, but I’m happy that he made it”…. etc.
Betsy
I think that some of the advice above might be an example of things looking black and white on the internet when they are actually many shades of grey. Going on your honeymoon alone while your new husband is at home without a passport is the setup for a sitcom episode, it is not actually how to start a successful marriage! But something else is going on here – you said above that your husband has been dragging his feet uncharacteristically about the entire trip, and now seems unbothered but a problem that could keep him from going on it. That isn’t a normal attitude towards your honeymoon, so I think there’s something more here. Have you talked to him about it?
Part of learning to be happily married is figuring out communication, and this situation says that you have some work to do as a couple! I say this from experience – my first year of marriage was awful and I thought about getting divorced about a million times. We’ve now been very happily married for a long time, but there was a lot of internal reflection on both sides and learning to communicate with each other before we got there. Shifting from making your own decisions to making decisions as a couple is hard, and even if you were incredibly happy together before you got married, there can be some growing pains as you make that transition. I hope this all gets sorted out and you are able to enjoy your time together on the honeymoon.
Peloton
> What do I do if he can’t get a passport?
I’d just get on the plane without him, and expect that he sort it out and join me when he can. It sounds like he’d either be able to fly with you or within a day or so.
There is a lot of anger and frustration in your post, and I think it probably reveals a deeper issue you should explore when you come back. But in the short term, you get on the plane either way, and you trust that you married an adult who can sort this out himself and come join you. And on the flight, you do whatever it takes to let go of the frustration for a week.
Trish
No matter how the trip goes, please schedule some counseling. We got married sooner than planned because I had an unplanned pregnancy. A few counseling sessions helped us develop life long (23 years) communication skills.
DH and I have some tasks that we prefer. It is not even-Steven but we both carry our weight. Is your hubby carrying his weight in other areas since it is not on emotional labor (decisions), planning, or earning money?
KS IT Chick
On Saturday, I went to a local rally for choice. We had about a thousand people show up.
I’m 50. It was inspiring to listen to younger people talk about why choice and bodily autonomy matter to them.
We had a small group of anti-choice individuals show up. Immediately, our group moved to shield the majority from seeing their signs. Very shortly, local police officers showed up and requested that they move away from where we were. They argued, and the officers reminded them that we had a permit but they didn’t. The officers drew a chalk line on the sidewalk and gave them about 30 seconds to move to the other side. It felt good to see law enforcement protecting people engaged in lawful protest!
I don’t know if we can overcome the twin hurdles of low turnout and low-information Vito, but we will try.
Anon
Thanks to you and the rally (and law enforcement)! I’m talking to everyone about showing up for mid-terms, even if they’ve never voted before.
anon
Thank you for doing this!!
Along those lines: Texas ‘rettes: I just called Senator Cornyn’s office today and one of his office workers picked up within 4 rings. I left my name and zip code with the following message for the senator.
Office number: 202-224-2934
Local number: 972-239-1310
Please continue to work in good faith with everyone involved in bringing common sense, and much needed gun control legislation to vote. I believe you’ve been appointed this task [by McConnell] and as your constituent I want you to know 1. I am very much in favor of getting legislation passed that curbs unfettered access to assault weapons and 2. that you continue to work this as a bipartisan issue and that you get this job done as soon as possible. This legislation shouldn’t be hard as the majority of Americans are in favor of background checks and other common sense measures”.
I’m afraid he’s just wasting time waiting for the news cycle to move on. I want to remind him we need him to actually work on this.
Peloton
I am staunchly on your side from a political standpoint, but man does it bum me out that “they have a permit” is a factor in what speech the police prioritize from a First Amendment standpoint.
Anon
Why?
If people want to have a planned demonstration/rally in a populated area, they should get a permit. It allows the police to allocate resources, control traffic to cut down on both accidents and deliberate assault via vehicle, have ambulances on stand by for medical emergencies, and (yes) keep groups that might end up hurting each other separated. It also gives office workers in nearby buildings a warning that access/egress might be hampered or that there will be noise. If one group of people have a permit and the counter-demonstrators do not, then the people who followed the rules get priority. I work downtown in my City and do not mind demonstrations – but the ones that end up with me trapped in my building when I should be leaving to pick up my kid make me rage-filled regardless of the subject matter. And before anyone says I should be wiling to put up with inconvenience because of X important thing – I work across the street from the federal building/courthouse. This is an every other week thing.
It is not the job of the police to make value judgments on the subject of the rally and they should not be encouraged or allowed to do so.
Peloton
Your picking up of your child, while important, is not protected by the Constitution. The Constitution similarly does not contemplate a permitting system for speech. Indeed, the very existence of said permitting system requires those who think government regulation of speech is unconscionable—or, indeed, that bureaucracy in general is unconscionable—to participate in the very system they find unconscionable.
Setting the above aside, there is no reason why spontaneous speech is less worthy than planned speech. Indeed, there are plenty of reasons why spontaneous speech should be promoted (eg, protests after an unjust verdict), and the permitting system provides an excuse to squelch that speech.
Anon at 4:28
You will note i said “planned” demonstration or rally. I understand that sometimes spontaneous demonstrations occur.
But when one group gets a permit and another one does not I can completely support the police giving priority to the people who obtained the permit.
And the right to demonstrate – like every other right in the Constitution – is subject to reasonable limitations. For example, demonstrators cannot simply shut down major roads during rush hour on a daily basis or block access to critical routes for emergency vehicles. The exit to my building is routinely blocked 2-4 times a month. I accept that as the price I pay for living in a free society and having an office in proximity to the courthouse. I do not think asking for some warning for is asking too much.
Peloton
Sure—but if a protest is planned, surely a counterprotest can be presumed. If all speech on a topic is happening at a location with a permit, the question of which speakers jumped through hoops should be irrelevant. If the counterprotest had been happening at a different location, sure, I see your point—but all of the permitting benefits you’ve described can extend to the counterprotestors, so why are the police using who went through the permitting process to privilege some speech over other speech?
Anon
Because they don’t want violent clashes that will get people killed?
Peloton
Violence is a crime, and people can be arrested for crimes. In no way did OP describe a situation that was about to turn violent.
anon
I’ve read that peplums are out of style/going out of style, but I really like this style and have 2 of these tops in different colors and am considering getting more. Do you think this shirt will look horribly outdated in a few years? or just not on trend?
https://mmlafleur.archiveresale.co/product/mmlafleur_27638
anon
I think that’s a beautiful top. It doesn’t strike me as overly trendy at all.
MagicUnicorn
That is gorgeous and I think it looks timeless and interesting, not something that will become dated.
Anon
That doesn’t even look like a peplum to me.
No Face
That top looks beautiful! It also doesn’t look like a peplum top really.
anon
Thanks all! this is helpful.
Anon
I’ve tried on this top and it looks amazing in person. I only didn’t get it because it wasn’t in the budget at the time. I’m going to keep an eye out for it in one of my colors and sizes though!
Anon
This is beautiful and I wouldn’t worry about it at all.
Speaking of the most-worn thread above, I bought a navy pinstriped top from MM La Fleur at the beginning of the pandemic when they had one of these huge sales, and it’s the top I pull on when I have a more “important” Zoom like 99% of the time haha. It’s just perfectly businesslike and unmemorable but well made and always looks nice.
Peloton
I could have worn that at any point over the past decade and fit in at my office, so no, not trendy!
Anonymous
Life insurance / estate planning question: How do you set up your term life insurance policy if you have a revocable trust? Specifically:
1) Who should be the beneficiary on policies? The revocable trust? Or the other spouse?
2) Who should be the owner on your term life insurance policy—you, your spouse, the kids, or the revocable trust? I thought I read somewhere that if you are the “owner” of your own life insurance policy, there could be tax implications (it’ll be subject to estate taxes?)
Background: Husband and I have a revocable trust set up as a part of our estate plan. We have elementary aged kids and live in a community property state if that matters. We’re finally doing the Thing and purchasing life insurance policies for ourselves.
Anonymous
Nope. Call your lawyer. Don’t be silly.
Cat
The advice you got on the prior thread was good – call the person who set up your trust.
Anonymous
Ask your estate planning attorney as this is specific to your trust and your wishes for the insurance proceeds. My attorney gave me a piece of paper with instructions on how to list the beneficiary of these policies in the binder with our will and trust documents.
Anonymous
get an estate planning lawyer and ask that person.
NYCer
General answer: You should continue to be the owner of the policy. You should name your spouse as the primary beneficiary, and the trusts created for your children under the revocable trust as the contingent beneficiary. (Assuming you want everything to pass to your spouse first if you die.)
If you have an irrevocable life insurance trust, the answers would be different.
NYCer
Source, I am a T&E attorney. But yes, always best to check with your own attorney since that person knows more details about your family, goals, etc.
Diana Barry
Agreed. Check with your own attorney! In my state, I would be advising you to put the policies into an irrevocable life insurance trust, but that’s because of our low estate tax exemption amount.
An.On.
Talk to your estate planning attorney. Even if you did the plan years ago and the policy is new, they should be able to review their notes and give you direction on how it should all be set up.
Camla
Sorry, meant to add: https://sciaccalaw.com/ is in NYC.
Anon
Does anyone get random flare ups of joint pain that is enough to disrupt sleep? For the past week or so my knuckles, wrists, elbows, and shoulders are stiff and achey, needing to be stretched or cracked. Not sure what’s causing this or if it warrants seeing a dr? Possibly relevant: I’m 26 weeks pregnant, not sure how that would be impacting my upper extremities though. Also, I had a rheumatology work up for other reasons about a year ago and was negative for any rheumatological issues via blood work, but was told fibromyalgia is a possibility without being formally diagnosed. Thanks!
roxie
Unsolicited advice but this is what I had before I realized gluten was the culprit. Consider cutting out gluten for 2 weeks and see if it helps?
Sunshine
If you try this, make sure you look into the odd foods that have gluten that you may not expect to have gluten. When I first had to go on a gluten free diet, I only knew about the obvious foods like bread and pasta. Turns out gluten is in a lot more places than that.
Op
Thanks I hadn’t considered that! Did you do any food intolerance testing? And was it 100% clear gluten was the culprit when you cut it out?
roxie
I had done a whole 30 and they advise incorporating gluten last since it is most likely to lead to sensitivities. The next morning after enjoying a beer and some pasta I woke up with intense joint pain almost everywhere; now, when I accidentally have gluten (or, you know, decide it’s worth the risk) I get the same reaction. I talked to my doc about and she agreed it is common since gluten is inflammatory but I never got a blood test, no.
Since cutting out gluten the achy spots I always had – top of my foot, which podiatrists just shrugged and said was inflamed, etc. – have disappeared.
I’ve got no skin in this game in advising ppl to try cutting gluten other than I wish I had tried it before I was 37, I would have saved myself years of low-level constant pain and brain fog. Good luck!
Anon
Hi, I have rheumatoid arthritis so I see everything through that lens, but I wasted WAY too much time thinking I could make it go away by not eating gluten or processed foods etc. before I finally got diagnosed. I even posted about it on here and got the advice you’re getting. But none of that was actually going to work.Go see your doctor and ask for blood tests.
Op
OP here, I had a full work up for potential rheumatoid arthritis in the past but my blood work was all normal, would you recommend repeating those? I’m not sure what else I can do as far as looking into arthritis. I also get flare ups in my hips, ankles, toes, and neck but the upper extremity joint pain is new.
Anon
I’d talk to your doctor. There’s no harm in getting another rheumatoid factor and antinuclear antibody test.
Nesprin
Pregnancy does all sorts of things to soften and loosen joints- go slow and be gentle with your joint.s
Curious
+1. And 26 weeks is exactly when it ramps up. Massage did wonders for me.
Anon
I had similar joint pain caused by being pregnant – you should ask your OB about it. It kind of felt like arthritis. Do some prenatal yoga, take some epsom salt baths, massage, maybe do some PT. If you have muscle cramping too they usually advise 400mg of magnesium citrate. Mine went away after delivery.
Anonymous
I definitely get achier right now while I’m pregnant (a week further than you). I think its related to the extra retained fluids making more pressure in all the joints. Probably also the fact that I’m not sleeping as well.
Sunshine
I bought a container of Bulletproof coffee creamer, and I’ve really enjoyed it as a change from my usual combo of either hot coffee with milk or cold coffee with protein powder. The container of Bulletproof is almost empty and I’m trying to decide whether to buy more or make my own in a similar vein. Some recipes suggest using coconut oil instead. I’d also be open to other similar brands. Any recommendations for either recipes or products?
Anon
It’s creamer. How much could this possibly cost? Just buy more if you like it.
pugsnbourbon
I was about to reply with the “it’s one banana Michael, how much can it cost? Ten dollars?” but I googled this bulletproof stuff and it’s THIRTY DOLLARS
Anon
Jfc
anon
It better make my coffee for me for $30
anonshmanon
the first time I heard about bulletproof coffee, it was simply people chucking butter in their cup of joe!
Anonymous
That’s what I thought it was!
Anonymous
Isn’t bulletproof coffee basically coffee with fat added? Couldn’t you just get some high quality coconut oil?
Anonymous
I like the laird superfood creamer. It’s ~20$ but for me one bag lasts a lonnggg time and I really really like it!
Anonymous
You might try Thrive, they have house brand keto products.
Cora
Did anyone read the NYTimes op ed today called “I Married the Wrong Person, and I’m So Glad I Did”? I know she’s an extremist priest and all, but wild what people are willing to put in the newspaper for the whole world to read.
Anonymous
What kind of extremist is she purported to be? She is the NYT religion columnist and pretty darn liberal.
Anonymous
https://religiondispatches.org/the-times-adds-a-kinder-gentler-anti-gay-authoritarian-christian-to-its-roster/
She’s not liberal.
Anonymous
Welp, this explains why she argued for forcing congregations back to in-person worship before it was safe, with no on-line option.
anon
+1 She’s only an extremist if by extremist you mean “not aligned to the most leftward wing of Christianity on every single social issue.”
Anonymous
That was a bad headline that did not exactly line up with the content.
anonymous
I find NYT’s headlines are routinely clickbaity and off point. It’s so irritating.
Anon
Every newspaper’s headlines are clickbaity and annoying. I guess that’s what it takes to make money these days, so I’m not going to get too mad about it.
anonshmanon
I mean, the washington post keeps running op eds that praise the reversal of Roe and argue for arming teachers… Astonishing how little people have learned about both-sides-ism from the Bush years and what consequences it can have.
Anon
I clicked on it ready to roll my eyes and I actually really liked it.
Anon
Jesus Christ… maybe she’s in such a bubble that she thinks deeply miserable marriages are the norm? Not even sure what she was arguing in favor was or what the virtue of staying in an unhappy marriage, even according to her, would be.
Anon
It’s weird to me how she equates having to work at marriages and having periods of time when you fight and don’t feel very connected (normal) with being “deeply unhappy” (not normal).
Anon
It sounds like they’ve had “depths of hell” be the standard in their marriage…
Anon
I rather disliked how she equated wanting to leave a deeply miserable marriage with finding personal fulfillment (in a frivolous way).
I was never one to assume I knew people’s lives and situations better than they do; being married has taught me that no one has any clue what goes on behind closed doors. It has also taught me that the people who think they know what is going on are projecting their own experiences.
IMHO, believing that marriage should be deeply miserable is a recipe for divorce. Fix problems in a reasonable amount of time and long before they fester, develop gangrene, and infect the entire marriage. Full stop.
VeryAnon
This struck a chord. I married for life, and reluctantly sought divorce (after having several children with ex) as it was too awful to see my children growing up in what was increasingly clear to me was an abusive household. None of our friends or neighbors had a clue (other than next door who heard the shouting and another neighbor who heard some things from ex which concerned him and which he didn’t mention until after we divorced). My point is…don’t judge, because you have no idea what goes on, and it’s so difficult to prove abuse, especially if you’re busy parenting children with an “absent” spouse who is physically there but demanding rather than help. Oops hope he doesn’t sue me…
Anon
“Extremist priest”????
She is an Anglican. I have no idea how a woman priest ended up with the Anglicans when they consider the ordination of women to be dubious. And I disagree with a lot of their theology, particularly around marriage equality,but they hardly qualify as extremist. In fact, they look pretty much like a mainline Protestant church from 1980.
Anon
I suppose it depends on your views. I agree with OP – anyone anti-gay, anti-feminist etc counts as extremist in my book at this stage in the US.
Anon
I agree with your positions on those issues – but by that definition extremist churches include: Catholics, all of the Evangelical churches, Mormons, Orthodox, Reform and (some) Conservative Judaism, and Islam (among others).
Anon
Not Anon at 1:45, but that definition definitely does NOT include Reform Judaism which is extremely LGBT-friendly and feminist. The Reform rabbi who married us (who was a lesbian) suggested putting something in our Hebrew wedding vows about my husband having to satisfy me sexually. We didn’t because I didn’t need my 90 year old grandmother hearing that, but yeah. It’s hard for me to imagine a less patriarchal religion.
Anon
Mormons, Orthodox, Evangelics, Catholics – all would be extremists in my book if I were reading an op-ed in the NYTimes informed by those beliefs. My family’s Catholic and it’s for sure an extremist religion in many regards…
Peloton
An extremist position is, by definition, one that is far outside the mainstream. 30% of Americans do not support gay marriage. You cannot seriously argue that a position that nearly a third of Americans hold is an “extremist” position. Either you don’t understand the word “extremist,” don’t understand the actual cultural milieu of the country, or you are using the word “extremist” in bad faith to say “well I really really don’t like people who believe that, so they must be extremist.” Whichever of those it is, it’s not a great look.
Anon
70% of Republicans believe the 2020 election was stolen. I find this to be an extremist view, in spite of its prevalence. Millions of Americans are explicitly racist, and millions of others are QAnon supporters. Again, I view these as extremists, in spite of their alarming prevalence.
The definition of extremism isn’t that it is far outside of the mainstream. An extremist is by definition “a person who holds extreme or fanatical political or religious views, especially one who resorts to or advocates extreme action.” Wanting to ban gay marriage or criminalize gay intimacy are fanatical/extreme religious views, even if prevalent.
Let’s not normalize fanatical ideas just because they are common. Extremism is extremism, even if “mainstream.”
Peloton
Extremism means it is an the extremity of the spectrum of viewpoints. If you want to play the “let me Google definitions game,” extreme, which is in the definition of extremism you provided, means “furthest from the center or a given point.” This is…not really a controversial point. Ironically, I suppose you have an extremist viewpoint of the definition of extremist!
I understand you don’t like these viewpoints. They are not extremist, and calling them such undermines your credibility. You can call them offensive, wrong, misguided, cruel, whatever you want—but they are not extremist.
Anon
There are two definitions of extreme and you are only referring to one of them. The other indicates the intensity of something, or a synonym for “utmost” or “very great.” Fanatical means “filled with excessive and single-minded zeal.” If the definition of extremism is “extreme OR fanatical” viewpoints, I think it is fair to assume that the use of extreme in this context can be referring to intensity of belief rather than distance from the mean.
You started the “Googling definitions game” and you are still fundamentally wrong in your interpretation of the word extremism. I’m not labeling them extremist because they are views I disagree with; I am labeling them as extremist because they are fanatical, based in bigotry rather than fact or utility, AND because they are linked to calls for extreme action.
There are many extremist views that are held by a large portion of Americans, and their prevalence doesn’t make them less extreme.
anon
Apparently some of the conferences that make up ACNA do allow women’s ordination. I was surprised myself, as I assumed all of them rejected both women’s ordination and ordination of non-celibate LGBT people.
Anon
I liked the op-ed, especially this part:
“There’s an older couple I know who are in their fifth decade of marriage. They are funny and kind and, by almost any standard, the picture of #relationshipgoals. Early on in our marriage they told us, ‘There are times in marriage when the Bible’s call to love your enemies and the call to love your spouse are the same call.'”
I am not Christian but these words are true as far as my experience goes. When the author says “I want to normalize significant periods of confusion, exhaustion, grief and unfulfillment in marriage” – that is a worthy goal. Marriage is not a thrill-a-minute endeavor. There have been moments in my marriage where I looked at my husband and felt like, who the f— is this person? And my husband is a good partner and contributes substantially around the house and is an engaged co-parent and supports my career and supports his own career, etc. We’ve gotten some idea, nowadays, that multi-decade marriages are characterized by total agreement, complete sharing of every conceivable thought and concept, and unrelenting bliss. I don’t know anyone who has a marriage like that. I know happily married people, and consider myself to be one, but no one has a completely frictionless, always-easy, always-fulfilling marriage. Because humans are humans and we’re all imperfect and we don’t stop being imperfect – and demonstrating those imperfections – once we get married.
Anonymous
I don’t agree with Warren on a lot of issues, but I do agree with her that marriage is not about self-fulfillment. Our narcissistic society tells us that it’s our spouse’s job to make us into the best version of ourselves. What about the spouse on the other end of that equation? Is that person just some manic pixie dreamgirl/dreamguy with no inner life or needs of their own who exists merely to facilitate the other partner’s self-actualization? Marriage is really about creating a whole greater than the sum of its parts. Self-fulfillment is the responsibility of each partner alone.
anon
Has anyone had a hysterectomy because of an excessive amount of fibroids/endometriosis/chronic pain? My gyn has said this is an option for me because of the severity of my conditions. Although I am freaked out by the idea of doing it, I simply can’t go on the way I have. I am in my early 40s and am done having kids, so that’s not a consideration. My fears are that it will screw me up hormonally, that I’ll gain a bunch of weight, that my s3x drive will disappear, that the recovery will be awful, etc. But my uterus is seriously making me miserable, so maybe it’s worth it in the long run.
If you’ve done it: a) did you get relief? and b) what made your recovery go more smoothly?
Anon
Yes! I just had this done in February and feel so much better I can’t believe it. I had over 50 fibroids. I kept my ovaries, but had my cervix removed. I have not noticed any hormonal changes and really love not having to set an alarm to wake up during the night to change my tampon. My recovery really was not bad, although my surgery was laparoscopic. I took two weeks off of work, but that really wasn’t necessary and I could’ve gone back after one. I put this off for years and wish I had done it sooner.
Mouse
My mom did this and had a lot a relief. Don’t think she had the side effects you mentioned. Post-kids she had a lot of pain and was done with it after years of trying to manage it. I think she still has her ovaries, but no uterus? Unsure.
Anonymous
I know a few people who had it done for this reason and they’re universally happy they did it.
Anon
Not me, but one of my best friends did. She said it was the best decision she ever made, and she waited way too long. She had huge fibroids.
anon
Has your Dr. not provided the option of a UFE. I really suffered from fibroids, many large ones. I had a UFE and it was the best thing I ever did.
anon
So worth it. i kept my ovaries but, at age 45, I think I was already having little hot flashes before surgery. After sugery these were full blown. I continue to take low dose HRT and it’s fine. S#x drive greatly improved, org#sms greatly improved and I lost weight. The recovery took the amount of time predicted (4-6 weeks for open incision). But I feel so much better after having it done.
Anon
Had this done around 10 years ago (had UFE first, as another commenter mentioned, which helped for 5 years, but fibroids came back hard). Also did laparoscopic, kept cervix (Ob recommended for gardening pleasure), and one ovary so no immediate menopause. Easy recovery—ran a 5k 10 days later. No regrets.
Oh so anon
I have posted about it before, but I had a total hysterectomy in my mid-20s due to severe endometriosis. It was the best choice I ever made and I would absolutely recommend it to anyone. Recovery was a non-issue and I went back to work six days later. I didn’t gain weight, have hormonal problems, or any other horrible outcomes.
Anon
I’d like to get some of our family history and stories from my parents down in writing – I really regret not doing this with grandparents and don’t want to miss another chance. Anyone have favorite programs or methods for doing this?
Related, we have a ton of loose photos and documents. Any recommended service to digitize them so we can share with extended family? I’d love to be able to give or send off the box and have someone else handle but if someone has done this at home and has suggestions I’m all ears.
Cora
My uncle filmed my grandmother telling these types of stories and interviewed her about her life – a nice, fairly easy way to do it.
anonymous
A saw a YouTuber (Jessica Braun) recently talk about Story Worth for documenting family history.
CHL
We used Storyworth and it was really great for my mom. She followed all the prompts that she got and added some photos and it’s really nice. My dad on the other hand, still hasn’t finished his because he wants it to be perfect. It’s an easy platform. You could also look there for prompts if you’re DIYing.
anonshmanon
lol, a podcast I listen to had story worth ads, and they pitched it for Mother’s day. All I could think of was ‘yay, for her special day, what your mom really wants is homework!’. Who knows, might be a nice service, just that framing was odd.
Anonymous
We used Storyworth as well, and my mother LOVED it, it was very doable over the course of a year, and we love the final product.
Anonia
I did the loose photos and documents myself for my father’s side. I had three or four generations worth and it was both a nightmare and fascinating. There was so much stuff that a service would have cost a small fortune. I made it my summer inside project and worked on it whenever it was too hot to go outside and was staying home. I got a bunch of binders, archive quality photo albums and page protectors, and some scrapbooks for larger things. Pick a time period and start sorting. The savings account balance sheets from seventy years ago, while interesting, got recycled. Titles to homes, letters, etc stayed. I did my best to set it up so you can grab an album or binder and look at one generation’s stuff at once. My parents are historians, I was a history major, I’m used to documents and it was still overwhelming. Totally worth it though, because family history is important to me, and I don’t want it to be lost forever. P.S. the number of random plastic boxes of documents in my basement reduced by two thirds by the time I was through. And I am much more circumspect about what papers I am willing to keep.
Lily
Can anyone recommend a cleaning service (the kind that will send 2+ people out at a time) in South Jersey? We need a full, deep clean in our new house before we move in. Thanks!
Anon
We use a small company called H&O Cleaning and love them. The owner, Nadia, is always there herself and brings a consistent team of 2-3 people. 215-626-3454.
Lily
Thanks!
Anon
Thoughts on the Platinum Jubilee? I enjoyed the Queen’s video with Paddington Bear, though I felt sad that she doesn’t seem to be feeling very well since she had to miss most of the events. The Cambridge kids are adorable. Zara Tindall and her husband seem like a lot of fun, trading hats! Didn’t see much of Meghan and Harry but it was nice to see them again, though I’m guessing it was tense all around.
I know the monarchy is inconsequential for this American, but I find them so oddly fascinating.
Vicky Austin
I couldn’t appreciate the Princess Anne branch of the family more. Zara and Prince William especially seem to be close and their kids have fun together. Prince Louis has always been my favorite – so much personality. And the final balcony appearance with the Queen in the green coat really touched me.
Ribena
She’s 96, I’m really impressed by how much she’s still able to do. Wonder if she’ll go downhill now she doesn’t have this to stick around for – in the same way we celebrated my granddad at his 90th birthday and then he deteriorated more quickly after that. (Might be treason to have said that? Whoops). Also loved the Paddington video!
Nice to see more of the kids, agreed. Just waiting for a deep dive on the fact that George has graduated from little kid clothes to full suits.
Anon
I think her decline has already begun. She seems like she’s being really struggling the last year or so having to do public events (which I can understand – 96 is old!)
Anonymous
Loved all of it. Was great to see the royals and public alike having such a great time. I’m glad Meghan and Harry were largely ignored – they attended one event, opted out of all the other events or weren’t invited, leaving for the airport before Sunday’s festivities even started; they can go live their Ca lives and leave London to those who want to be there.
Anon
Hahaha how odd that you think the Cambridges need you to defend them.
Anonymous
Huh? I’m not defending anyone. I’m just glad all the coverage wasn’t about whether Harry and Meghan were there or not there. I wanted to see the royals who wanted to be there, having a good time and we got that.
Anon
+1. I’m not a Cambridge stan but I find Meghan and Harry exhausting and am glad there wasn’t much attention on them.
Anon
As far as we heard, they weren’t allowed to film any of the “royal” events so I think the only bit that will appear on their reality show will be Lily’s first birthday party, plus them getting ready etc.
Anon
H&M opted out the Guildhall lunch after the service at St Paul’s.
Anonymous
I loved it. It was bizarre at times, meaningful, a fitting tribute to a life very well lived.
Anonymous
I’ve enjoyed the pictures and videos I’ve seen, and I think her will to just keeping going is super impressive.
I think anybody staying in the same job, doing it under public scrutiny, for 70 years running, is a major achievement. Any job done for 70 years straight is incredible.
Cat
I loved following it! I thought the Queen intentionally took it easy on some of the events not just for personal comfort, but to get the public used to the idea of her absence.
The last balcony appearance seemed super poignant for all involved.
Anon
Oh man, the Paddington video made me tear up!
Anon
I didn’t watch much of it but thoroughly enjoyed seeing the clip of Louis having a tantrum at the concert.
Mouse
I was only a tiny bit older when I told my dad’s big boss at a similar event that the seat next to me was taken because my imaginary friend was sitting there. Very glad no video footage exists.
Anon
I loved finally seeing Meghan and Harry again. Meghan looked stunning in the Dior outfit. I’m honestly shocked they went, considering they never got an apology from the Royal family for not defending Meghan from the racist press coverage. It shows that Harry really cares about his grandmother.
Thistle whistle
I didn’t watch a huge amount ( hey it was sunny in Scotland, you have to make the most of a rare occurance), but what I saw was great. It was nice to see people coming together and celebrating something positive.
I thought the queen looked great. I don’t know many 96 year old that look that lively, but I was glad that she paced herself and was picky about what she attended. Some of those events would be purgatory. She’s worked hard for 70+ years so she gets to choose her events.
It was good to see the next couple of generations showing some personality. And I really liked that the events gave priority to the working royals over the non-working ones (ie the Yorks etc al got pushed back a bit). Nice to see folk like the Duke of Kent (who does a heck of a lot) get a little time in the spotlight.
Anon
Can anyone recommend a cleaner (or cleaning service) for Orange County, CA? We just did a deep cleaning before move-in, but the cleaning service was not satisfactory.. We hope to find a good cleaner to clean the house on a regular basis.
Anon
I’ve started getting school-girl crushes on random guys in my life. It’s usually on a conventionally hot / charming guy who flirts with me, and I start having a giddy/want-to-impress them feeling. I haven’t had this tendency since high school – I’m not sure if it’s from the pandemic ending and we’re starting to see more people or what. I have a boyfriend which makes it extra annoying.
Has anyone else been experiencing this? I’m wondering if everyone gets intense-ish giddy crushes in long-term relationships and if at a certain point that part of you just turns back on once you get comfortable with your SO.
Anon
Yeah, I think it’s normal. I’ve been with my DH for 10 years and have had crushes here and there over the years. Nothing I would describe as “intense” though. I usually just try to imagine what the guy’s annoying gross habits are that you only discover after moving in together- that humanizes them again and the crush seems to dissolve.
No Face
Personally, I love having crushes and enjoy the fantasy without worrying about an actual relationship ruining everything. My external behavior stays the same though.
Vicky Austin
I’ve been seriously considering getting a lunchbox to take to work, and now I see that Rifle Paper makes a beautiful one. Somebody talk me out of it!
Cora
You’re talking me into it
Vicky Austin
wicked laughter over here!
Anonymous
I have it and it is too big to fit into a normal
Sized tote and yet somehow also too small for leftovers and a yogurt and grapes.
No Face
Do it.
I think you came to the wrong place.
Anon
amazon has cute lunchboxes!
Vicky Austin
Any particular faves? I find sifting through everything on Amazon very overwhelming sometimes!
Anon
I bought this one and I love it! Lots of space and doesn’t leak. Also comes with a fork and spoon!
https://www.amazon.com/Bento-Boxes-Adults-Leak-Proof-Go/dp/B07X7QZNH3/ref=sr_1_3_sspa?crid=3N7H8D2SV9WOP&keywords=bento+box&qid=1654540887&sprefix=bento+box%2Caps%2C152&sr=8-3-spons&psc=1&spLa=ZW5jcnlwdGVkUXVhbGlmaWVyPUEzVUVSTDRKVFpON1pMJmVuY3J5cHRlZElkPUEwNzAyNDEyUVpHVFJGSU9TNksyJmVuY3J5cHRlZEFkSWQ9QTA3NTUwOTUzT1MyNUw4VlVYUUtRJndpZGdldE5hbWU9c3BfYXRmJmFjdGlvbj1jbGlja1JlZGlyZWN0JmRvTm90TG9nQ2xpY2s9dHJ1ZQ==
Anonymous
If I could have them shipped reasonably (import fees…), I would have bought a fit+fresh one like one of these
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08VR7T5BL?th=1
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08W2SYQ5Y/ref=sbl_dpx_dining-lunch-bags_B08VR7T5BL_0
Monday
What’s wrong with a cute lunchbox? If it makes it more appealing to bring lunch rather than buy, it might even help you save money and decrease waste.
Anonymous
Super cute box! Very lovely!
If you do want to be talked out of it – in my experience it’s easier to use lunch boxes without spilling in bags where you stack your lunch in the same direction you’ll be carrying it.
So if you get it, stack it like this, even though it will be a little awkward:
https://www.lakeland.co.uk/62255/tatay-5-piece-urban-lunch-pack-with-4-food-containers-black
Cat
DO IT
Curious
I love everything Rifle Paper Co. makes. Buy their Keds, too, while you’re at it. And some stickers.