Weekend Open Thread
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Whether you're celebrating Pride Month or just really, really into rainbows (or both!!), there are a ton of fun rainbow things to pick up this month. I'll put some of my favorites below the jump (there are especially a lot in the NHYS!).
These particular Franco Sandal sandals are available in seven colors — while the rainbow option is not on sale, three colors are marked down (including a lovely tan). The shoe is $99 full price sale options are $75.
If you're hunting for more affordable rainbow things, definitely check Target – they've been big supporters of the LGBTQIA community before it was popular among corporations. (Love this $20 tote!!) (I just saw a great Twitter thread about this…)
(This year, Target donated $250,000 to GLSEN, an organization that works to give every student the right to a safe, supportive, and LGBTQ-inclusive K–12 education, and awarded a grant to Pride Live, which is creating a Stonewall National Monument Education & Visitors Center at NYC's Stonewall Inn.)
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And, because I'm apparently really into it (in fairness, one of my sons has been obsessed with rainbows for a while, so I'm super aware of all of the products on the market…)… here's a slideshow of some cool Pride gear from Target. I may have to buy that “Ew, David” shirt…
Sales of note for 2/7/25:
- Nordstrom – Winter Sale, up to 60% off! 7850 new markdowns for women
- Ann Taylor – Extra 25% off your $175+ purchase — and $30 of full-price pants and denim
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 15% off
- Boden – 15% off new season styles
- Eloquii – 60% off 100s of styles
- J.Crew – Extra 50% off all sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40% off everything including new arrivals + extra 20% off $125+
- Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 40% off last-chance styles
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 40% off one item + free shipping on $150+
Would love to know favorite rainbow items supporting the community more directly/directly (though I think showing support visually is wonderful in all ways!). Any favorites you guys have?
The St James rainbow striped shirt is so cute and $15 per shirt is donated to the Born This Way foundation.
Not exactly a rainbow item, but one thing you could do during Pride Month to really help the community directly is to set up a recurring donation to a local organization helping LGBTQ+ people. I send $30/month to a local org that provides housing for trans and queer youth who have been kicked out of their homes of origin by their parents when they come out, and your area might have something similar.
Are many retailers donating a portion of the profits of pride related items to support the community?
I feel more and more like it’s pride month is another way for retailers to line their pockets while also supporting politicians that would take rights away from LGBTQ and more people. Better to donate directly to organizations or politicians who actually work to better the lives of these people and through that work all people everywhere. We are all better when there is less discrimination and more human rights for everyone.
That said doesn’t banana republic, gap and j crew usually have some sort of love or pride related offerings this month? Or Oreos. Opportunity abounds to sell rainbows in June.
Rainbow washing, like pink washing for bre*st cancer, is real. Buy something because you like it and want to be an ally. If you think you’re really donating money, just donate money. It’s such a farce.
I am very supportive of all causes that promote equality, but I just prefer to donate money rather then buy tee shirts that I give to my cleaneing lady or Rosa’s kids. As far as the LGBTQ+ things are concerned, Myrna is also very supportive tho she is not LGBT either, and she has lots of men who want to be her boyfreind b/c she is very financially sucessful. Because Dad manages all of my money and investements with Ed, I really have no idea when if ever I will be able to pivot and do other things like Sheryl Sandberg, who wrote “Lean In”. For now, it’s get up and go to work, so I am up and expect to be @ work (here at home) before 9:00 am after I shower and bruch my teeth! YAY!!!! Happy Saturday to the HIVE!!!!!
YES!! I wrote a long post about this and had ideas in it for donations and shopping but it’s stuck in m0d… hoping it is approved before everyone stops reading for the day and weekend!
Rainbow washing is so annoying. “hey look at us, we’re inclusive and support you” for the month of June and then back to business as usual from July to May.
The Human Rights Campaign shop is great: https://shop.hrc.org/
Anyone want to shop for me? I’m looking for a low heel (1-2″) in black that could go with pants and skirts. Something on the dressier side.
https://www.sarahflint.com/products/perfect-pump-50-black-suede
Two thoughts…LK Bennett kitten heel sling backs. Chanel two tone block heels.
Yes, there are lots of cute rainbow things in June but PLEASE don’t blindly buy in. Spend 10 seconds researching whether it’s a company taking money for Pride or if the maker is actually inclusive. Rainbow-washing is real and none of us need to literally buy in, especially when there are so many inclusive companies out there. (Also, if you see it on et$y, message and ask them for their website and try to buy direct so you actually support small makers.)
It actually harms the community to buy rainbow from those whose money goes to politicians or campaigns or programs that promote anti laws or harmful policies.
Also, whether you like it or not, the rainbow means something and if you are someone who is not supportive of LGBT+ people, don’t dress as if you are safe if you aren’t. Rates of harm and su!cide are so much higher in this community and seeking supportive people is a real thing. Wearing rainbows but not being inclusive is just cruel.
(And yes, I know this board may talk about how fashion is fashion and anyone can wear what they want. True. At the same time, we can’t pretend symbols and words don’t have meaning and, in this case, that meaning doesn’t impact safety.)
This community is under more attacks than ever (FL, I’m looking at you, especially today), so please be mindful that Pride isn’t rainbow and Gaga season, it’s a time to speak up and speak out about the need for treating all people like people rather than like political pawns.
(Yes, I am absolutely fired up over the way tr@ns people and youth are being repeatedly harmed for the political gain of some and yes, I absolutely believe that people’s lives are more important than someone’s political aspirations.)
If you’re looking for shopping options, Phluid is great. Trevor Project and Ali Forney Center has items and needs volunteers and funding. Tr@nsKids Purple Rainbow Foundation needs donations and support. Every school and public library needs more inclusive items on their shelves for rent (so you can buy and donate). There are also numerous scholarship funds for LGBT+ youth you can donate to or you can go to g0fundme and donate to tr@ns people seeking funding for medical care.
If you want to talk more, drop a burner. If you are LGBT+ or love someone who is (which is most of us), Happy Liberation Month! <3
Thank you for this!
Similar to the pink ribbon washing around breast cancer.
Hi – I am the posted from this morning’s thread about an LA vacation. If you had 3 days in LA with kids (ages 5 and 8) what would you go see? I realized that I haven’t been to the places I mentioned in 30 years and things have probably changed (slaps head). I was thinking Santa Monica peir, Venice, La Brea Tar Pits, and Griffith Observatory. Also, is Venice beach still kid-friendly?
I was at all of those places about 5 years ago, as a solo tourist, and I think they are all fun and appropriate for a kid. I would definitely not skip the tar pits. I have really vivid memories of visiting those as a 10-year-old. I also loved Universal as a kid.
I went to the La Brea tar pits a few years ago and had a great time, so I’d definitely include that.
I was in LA over spring bring with slightly older (9 & 11) kids and the highlight was the tide pools at low tide (we also did Disney & Universal, so that’s saying something!) I think we were in Rancho Palos Verde.
If you like dinosaurs, the Natural History Museum is near USC and pretty great. I’m always sort of “meh” on Venice Beach, but maybe the Saturday morning Farmer’s Market in Santa Monica? It’s an easy walk from the pier (it’s also on another weekday but I forget which one).
We live in LA, my kids are almost 4 and 6, and they adore the pier, esp the older one so I’d definitely include that. We have not been to the tar pits but used to go pre-kids and have been meaning to take them now that they’re older, there were always lots of kids around when we used to go. Venice beach area is iffy, lots of tents and homeless population that they occasionally clear out. If you want a full day beach experience I always like going a little further north to Will Rogers, or even south Santa Monica area a little north of Venice is nice. Avoid swimming in the water right near the pier, the water quality there is always worse. I would not plan on all four of the things you listed unless you have three full days (not like Fri night to Sunday night).
I’d either hit up the beach in the morning (pier doesn’t open very early), head to the pier in the afternoon, and then do Griffith one day (include a hike if you’re into that) and tar pits another. Or make the beach a full day thing (maybe even head up to malibu for that), another day for the pier (get brunch in SM or Venice before the pier opens), and then pick tar pits OR griffith for the other day. Enjoy!
I looked up Meghan Markle’s outfit to understand what people were saying earlier in the morning post and… what? Maybe I’m misremembering comments but they seemed negative and talked about how it didn’t flatter her short-waisted body. But it looks great to me? And isn’t unflattering? Am I crazy? Full disclosure I’m even more Team Meghan because she is short-waisted like me.
People just hate to see a woman without a tiny waist. It’s just internalized misogyny.
She no it’s evolutionary. Women with thick waists are considered to be pregnant or menopausal therefore infertile so men are programmed to stay away
You are not crazy! I *think* what the poster this morning was saying is that a belt adds volume around MM’s waist in a way the poster did not like.
I think some people have an obsession with every aspect of an outfit making a woman look like she has a “perfectly sized” chest and hips with as small a waist as possible, and long skinny legs. Perhaps there are other methods MM’s outfit could have used to make the nipped in waist appearance, but I do not agree that every aspect of an outfit has to make the wearer look like they conform to the “ideal” beauty standard and “ideal” body shape. So, I thought the color and fit were beautiful and the garments were gorgeous. It’s clearly her style and she appeared to feel good in what she was wearing.
Meghan’s waist is fine. She is small on top so her waist is large only compared to her small top. She’s gorgeous and perfect.
I totally agree with you! And I don’t think her waist is large by any measure. I was just trying to articulate what I think some of the earlier posters were saying. One of them definitely said she has a “thick” waist. I disagree!
like one person said it was unflattering, most were positive or didn’t care for the look but not in a way that was about Meghan’s body type. Shrug. I don’t think it’s a great color on her and it looked kind of uncomfortably stiff. But if you like it, that’s cool.
At a church service for your grandma in law is “stiff” really a bad thing?
She looks great and the negative people were nitpicking. I literally can’t see a thing wrong with what she wore and thought the proportions were fine. Sorry that not all of us have a perfect hourglass shape? Meghan has a lovely figure, not that it really matters.
I have somehow ended up on Royals tik tok before and it kind of stuns me that people have so much time and energy to dedicate to hating Megan Markle. WTF. It seems to come from a place of “I like Kate therefore I must hate Megan.” It’s beyond ridiculous.
I don’t have social media pages about it, but I really dislike her and it’s not because I like Kate. I used to really like both of them, but I thought Meghan and Harry handled the whole exit from the family so poorly and I think both Meghan and Harry seem incredibly immature for late 30-something adults who are parents.
I think she looks great and happy. I don’t think it’s her best outfit, but there’s nothing wrong with the waist. I would have loved to see it in half a size bigger and with a softer collar to match the softer curves of the front opening and the hat, but that’s just my preference. The gloves worked great with the 3/4 sleeves.
Zara Tindall’s hot pink coat dress was my favorite, of the ones I’ve seen so far.
Oooh, yes, the hot pink is fantastic.
I didn’t care for it because of that cape thingy on the back that stood out. I thought it (falsely) made her look like she had poor posture, sort of slumped at the shoulders.
Yes, I didn’t like the cape on the back. I don’t think that the designer meant it to stick out like that. Otherwise the dress was fine.
I occasionally like seeing what Kate wears and was very interested in Meghan when she became engaged up to the wedding. I mainly just follow the instagram. But when she went to California she wanted to be left alone, is never seen in public so she is not appealing to me as someone to follow for fashion. I have nothing against her, I’m just not into following Kardashians or whomever in Hollywood.
She is built like a box. The dress was unflattering.
Eyeroll
LOL. I’d love to see some of you people who feel the need to criticize other women’s bodies post pictures of yourselves. I’m sure we could find some things to criticize about you.
It’s not a bad dress, but she’s not dressing in her lines. Megan Markle is a Kibbe natural which means she looks best in softer, rounded pieces. Between the long vertical line, the perfectly horizontal belt, and the pointy collar, the dress is too angular and rigid for her frame. The collar in general draws the eye up to her wider shoulders and short waist giving it an unbalanced look. The dress is wearing her, not the other way around.
I think something like this would’ve suited her better if she still wanted to go with the crazy hat: https://www.google.com/shopping/product/2496150748294185268/image?q=elegant+dress+with+sleeves&client=safari&hl=en-us&biw=414&bih=715&prmd=sinv&scsr=p:7908474566904011363,17877438647665777456,2561080080240668544,17740066856819284819,10795285079247255621,13987742119935606423,15261275619110138862,9719288951196090667,5449841732085608500,14893410938069849831&prds=cid:2496150748294185268,cs:1,sgro:iv,mvi:0
The piece has similar elements but is softer. The more open neckline compliments her shoulders and this belt allows for more curve.
So I was the one who said the belt accentuated her waist which is thicker vs the rest of her. That is NOT called being short waisted. I am short waisted and my waist is slim. (I don’t belt because I don’t like the look, but that’s personal.)
Obviously there is no rule saying M has to look slim. But the question was what we thought of her and DOC’s outfits and I gave an honest reply. And was flamed by some commenters.
Absolutely no need to want to look slim or accentuate the most flattering parts of oneself of course. But then be prepared for fewer compliments. If that’s something you’re after.
She has millions of dollars at her disposal and she could pick any dress. She choose one that accentuated her thick waist.
Due to many circumstances, I am living with family and this means paying about 1/4 of the usual cost of living in VHCOL area. I can be here indefinitely but I am 39 and miss my independence. My work is contract-based or freelance and I am naturally very much a saver having grown up very poor, making it hard for me to spend anything but I also worry about making financial decisions now that I may regret later. Average income is about 60k. Childfree but hoping to someday find a husband, though I certainly no longer expect to. I currently have about $230k in retirement, $25k in savings, and $10k in checking. I sometimes think I should wait until I have enough in savings that, even if I never put in another penny, I’d end up with enough for retirement but maybe I’m prolonging not living fully. Other times I think I should trust that I’ll always find more work, but that feels scary. (I am likely to always live in a VHCOL city as that’s where my people are.)
I am trying to figure out how much I should have in retirement or savings before I spend the monthly money on rent plus the money to set up an apt since I don’t own furniture or furnishings, etc.
Any recommendations on how to decide the right numbers before spending more or how to decide when it’s worth the risk to do it?
That is definitely nowhere near enough for retirement if you’re only 39, even with compound interest.
I’ve always heard that the rule of thumb is to have 1x your salary in retirement by 30, 2x by 35, and 4x by 40. If OP is making $60k and is fine with her current lifestyle I think she’s ok.
That implies that you’re continuing to invest. She is speculating that she might not continue to do so. That is not going to work then.
OP isn’t trying to retire – she’s trying to figure out when she will have enough money to justify moving out of her family’s home.
OP, this is a really personal question and there isn’t a one-size-fits-all answer. I was living with my parents during COVID, and I had a lot of trouble justifying moving out and basically tripling my expenses.
I moved out about a year and a half ago, and though I’m saving nowhere near as much money, I have an actual life now, which I didn’t really before. I started going on Hinge dates, met my current boyfriend, made a group of friends (my roomies) who I’m super close with, and started going to 10 hours of workout classes a week.
I also grew up poor and have always had to combat against the feeling that I can’t live until I have enough money to retire without working. But, honestly, you only have one life. It might not be until you’re 60 that you can stop putting money away until retirement, and I personally don’t think you should sacrifice years and years because of anxiety and guilt around not optimizing every penny.
Saving money is not the end-all-be-all. I’d recommend calculating what you really need to be saving in order to retire comfortably at the age you want to, and then figure out if you can move out and still save that amount. Also think more broadly about what you really want from life: a husband? more time with friends? certain hobbies or passions you’d like to explore more deeply? Is there a way you can have all of these things in your current situation – in which case, what steps would you want to take? If not, is it worth the cost of moving out?
And think about feelings. How do you want to feel most of the time? Challenged or safe? Comfortable or open to new experience? There are no right answers, but it’s worth allowing yourself to make decisions based on qualitative things in addition to quantitative. You may be able to build your dream life while living with family, but you may also find that there are things that would come from living alone that you’re denying yourself because of money anxieties. There is way more to life than money (provided you have your basic needs met) and it’s liberating to let yourself live without guilt.
If you can find more job security and increase your income (not sure if you’re committed to freelancing) that’s worth exploring too.
Best of luck!
This is an excellent comment on multiple fronts. Good things to consider.
This is so on point. Also, if you live at home and don’t have a social life you reduce your odds of having a relationship. Depending on who you end up with, that alone can game change your retirement options.
So? Who needs to live at home until they are ready to retire? No one does this.
so… while $230k is a lot (it really is!) in retirement savings for someone who makes around $60k, the anon at 3:16 is correct it’s not enough for retirement in a VHCOL. either you’re gonna have to make more money or move somewhere that’s MHCOL or LCOL to make the numbers work, esp with inflation.
She doesn’t want to retire now – she’s wondering if she should wait until she has enough to retire without savnig more to move out.
You and Anon @ 3:16 should get your eyes checked. She doesn’t mention early retirement at all.
i actually *do* need my eyes checked annually for genetically bad vision and astigmatism so there’s that… but back to the point it was this sentence that i misunderstood “I sometimes think I should wait until I have enough in savings that, even if I never put in another penny, I’d end up with enough for retirement but maybe I’m prolonging not living fully. ” it’s not early retirement that i’m worried about for OP, it’s that she wants to live in a VHCOL area and is making 60k a year. sure OP can try to save more, but there’s only so much to squeeze out of a 60k salary before you have to give something up, be that retirement savings, general savings, or utility bills in a VHCOL area.
She didn’t say she’s going to retire with only $230k! Where is everyone getting this?
I haven’t yet regretted maximizing my retirement fund (43). My future self always thanks Me.
If you want to keep the money you can now save more liquid but also growing you can look into I bonds, a Roth IRA or just investing. Plan for about 5 years before touching the money for the first two options to avoid any penalties. In the meantime, ally bank just raises their savings rates I think, so you can look into stashing money there for shorter term savings.
Omg stop this nonsense. You don’t need to wait one day more. Get a hold of your life. Stop stagnating out of anxiety. For the love of all that is holy just move out and figure it out.
I always hate when posters respond to comments like this. You don’t know her situation, so why would you call her concerns “nonsense”? Making 60k in a VHCOL city might not give her ANY room to save if she moves out – we have no way of knowing what the situation is. It’s also unkind to imply she needs to “get ahold of her life.”
If you approach people this way in real life when they come to you with concerns, it may be worth analyzing why you feel so entitled to approach things as black-and-white and come at people with that kind of tone. Life is complicated. You don’t have all the answers. Thinking you do is probably inhibiting to better understanding and openness a lot of time, FWIW.
I’d start by coming up with a budget, figuring out whether it’s actually viable to live on your own on that income and how much you could still save. I also live in a VHCOL area and would be surprised if you could easily get by without roommates, unless you’re very frugal. If you spend $24k per year on rent for a studio (this would be on the very low end where I live, but might be possible if you got a good deal), can you cover your other expenses on your salary? What does it look like if you spend $18k on a shared apartment? Make sure all of those numbers are accurate for the current housing market and your other expenses and think about how those different lifestyles would compare to your current situation.
Having survived cancer, I can say that one thing we often don’t think about is the risk we die young. I’m still trying to figure out how to word this, but I’ve started thinking along the lines that when the chance of dying before I get to do X (e.g., moving out) is equal to the risk of not having enough in retirement, it’s definitely worth spending the money to live! So — what are the odds you’d really end up in a position to not fund retirement more? Where you’d have no options? They’re probably pretty low until you’re 60 or so. Odds are also low, but non zero, that you won’t live that long. If both risks are actually the same, you have more room to enjoy independence than you might think. Does that make sense?
Surviving cancer did much the same for me. I’m more focused on an acceptable-to-me balancing of “taking care of my future” vs “enjoying the now”.
I’m late to this discussion, but what is your savings target? How long do you plan to work? How much do you need to live on in retirement? How long do you expect to live? You’re right that $230,000 won’t go very far if you don’t have social security or other income.
In the US the full retirement age is no longer 65 and goes up to 68 pretty soon. I wanted to work until 70 but sometimes life gets in the way. Disability insurance and long term care insurance may be important too.
I would play around with retirement calculators, read the online Money Magazine or Kiplinger’s’ personal investing and retirement articles and investigate whether your 401K provider (I’m assuming that the $230,000 is in 401k or investments) has free retirement planning or counselling. Some employers have it offered free, but if not you can learn a lot by reading.
I do agree that you shouldn’t put your life on hold until you save enough to hit that magic number, especially when you don’t know (or didn’t indicate) how much you have as your target savings and what you are doing now to save. If you can save nothing when you move out, then that might be why you’d live with relatives longer, especially as you don’t want to leave the VHCOL area. Maybe look into a side gig or an alternate source of income or boosting your job title and income in the future. But I don’t think living as a pauper or with relatives forever is a solution.
What can you do to increase that income? It sounds like that would solve a lot of these questions for you.
With a gross income of 200k (solo; not partnered up) which is going to rise to 225k in about 1-2 years and then be capped, what is the max housing amount you’d be ok spending per month (so principal + interest + taxes + HOA in the DC/Va area)? The down payment actually isn’t the issue as I have a lot of flexibility on the amount for that. Ideally I’d want a house in the 2000 sqft range – TBD if that’s a townhouse or SFH but if it’s a SFH I’d want a small yard only, not acres or a wooded lot or anything like that. FWIW HOAs in this area aren’t like NYC HOAs – often it’ll be like $2000-3000/yr.
Obviously the answer on forums like this is spend at little as possible and I get that. But I’m curious what is the MOST you’d feel ok spending if you wanted a nice place – like you’d still feel you could save for retirement and it wouldn’t keep you up at night. [Yes I’ve had this conversation with a lender and they seem to think nearly a $2 mil home is perfectly fine since I could put down more than 20% – I don’t agree and won’t be buying at the top of the range I’m approved for].
I’ve never lived in DC but depending on whether it’s a townhouse or SFH (and the age of the place) I’d throw “repairs/rooves/etc” in when you’re coming up with your number. Like 2000 mortgage,500 taxes, 150 HOA fees AND 500 sinking fund, or whatever is reasonable for what you’re buying.
I’m making a little less than you and I’m in government so it’s not really going to move. I have no HOA but high taxes (no income just property taxes) so I’m paying 3630 in mortgage and taxes. I knew that going in, but I wildly underestimated how much I’d pay on utilities and maintenance/repairs. I wish I were more at 3000 for mortgage and taxes to make room for repairs.
It’s important to know what the HOA covers when thinking about maintenance costs. Lots of townhouses cover all of the outside stuff, so you shouldn’t have to worry about the roof… though you could always end up with a special assessment if the HOA has done a bad job of budgeting. Mine also covers trash and landscaping (including water), which could be another several thousand per year if you were in a SFH instead and didn’t want to do your own yard work.
Yes, fair. And if you have a HOA or COA please check all their finances! I ended up with a literal 90K assessment :(
3k
Seems low-ish to me. We paid $3k fairly easily on a HHI of $150k while also paying >$1,500 a month for daycare.
I think it depends in part on what your other expenses/priorities, your lifestyle, and the type of house. If you were buying a fairly new townhouse where things shouldn’t start to break for at least 5 years, I think you could go to 4500 all-in, knowing that you’d spend a little less on maintenance at least until your income rises. If you like a healthy travel budget, lots of eating out, designer clothes, have a car payment or student loans, then you probably want to keep it closer to 3500. I make your salary and have a PITI of 3800 and it’s fine, though I’m staring down $40K in new windows in the next 2-3 years and I feel like there are a million other things I’d rather be doing with that money.
Our HHI is $200k and our monthly payment (mortgage + interest + taxes + home insurance + HOA) is $3,500 in SoCal. It can get a bit tight with $2,000 in student loans and a car payment, which you may not have. Agree that the repairs are what will do you in. Our home was in great condition but a bit older (built in 1998), so we still had to replace the HVAC, dishwasher, and stove within the first year because they were all breaking down. Fingers crossed they don’t all break down at the same time in 5-10 years, but with homeowners’ luck, they will.
I’ll give the same answer I gave the person above- come up with a budget and run the numbers. We make $60k less than you and pay $3k per month and are still able to save plenty, so I’d be comfortable putting a good chunk of the extra toward a nicer place if that’s what I really wanted- so maybe $5k per month? But it really depends on your priorities. Do you want a nicer place or money to spend on travel, clothes, cars, etc…. or if you have other significant obligations, like student loans, dependent family, chronic illness, I’d want more of a cushion.
Another plug for the NYT buying versus renting tool- you can compare opportunity cost, expected appreciation etc. VHCOL areas are their own thing and claiming 1/3 income isn’t going to really work.
Today I did The Thing that I’ve been putting off for months, and it was laughably easy. It took only 10mins from the time I walked in the door! It took me longer to drive to the place to do The Thing but I’m glad I finally got it done. So if you’ve been procrastinating on your own Thing, you may be pleasantly surprised that it’s easier than you expected.
Thank you!! I’m halfway through hemming my new pair of wide-ish leg pants (one side is basted, the other just pinned), and they look SO MUCH BETTER. Why did it take me so long?
And congrats on your Thing :)
I’m an attorney with 10 years experience, I have been at two firms and in house (recruited for all post-school roles). I was told in law school that attorneys always have a one page resume unless we have a CPA license and experience or prior professional career. I have sent my resume to three friends and they all said I need another page. I switched practice areas a few years ago but the roles I’m applying to mix both areas. I also have significant involvement in many pro bono organizations/nonprofits. Am I going to be considered if I have a two page resume? I’d rather leave something off than have hiring managers bin my entire application.
I’ve followed the rule that you can add a second page at 10 years.
Same and it’s worked OK. I recently started my second in-house gig after two law firm stints, so I’m like 1 step beyond the OP.
I don’t think anyone’s going to be so offended by 2 pages as to chuck the whole thing in the garbage – but make sure the most important stuff is on the first page obvs in case they stop reading. Also don’t spend a lot of space on early associate stuff as that just won’t be relevant for a 10+ year professional
I have the same level of experience and have a 2-page resume. I got a job in house at a Fortune 500 company last year, so it doesn’t seem to have held me back.
I don’t know any real person who would throw away a 2-page resume for a mid career professional!
No one will throw it out for being 2 pages.
I am 14 years out and have had a two page resume for almost 10 years and have been hired at law firms, gov’t, and in-house x2. It’s fine. Law school career offices are generally worthless.
that advice was correct for law students, but not for someone mid-career.
2 pages is ok for your experience. Don’t use all the space just because you can – a well-edited resume is always more effective – but it won’t get tossed automatically!
Voice of dissent here, I’m 25 years out and my resume is one page (I’m also a GC and do a lot of hiring). It’s an ad, not a collection of everything you’ve ever done. I’d never toss someone over a long resume, but being able to distill your experience down to a succinct presentation is a skill and speaks to your overall presentation skills. The best resumes I see are 1 page.
I’m also a voice of dissent. I do a fair amount of lawyer hiring at all levels. I don’t want to spend a bunch of time looking at your resume. Tailor it carefully to the job you are applying for, minimize the area given over to education and other interests, and get it on one page. If there is some reason you are a non-traditional candidate, write a cover letter that explains it to me in a paragraph or two.
Is anybody else struggling with elder parents EXTREME Covid paranoia? My dad has had two organ transplants and has blood clots in his lungs. He is convinced that he will die if he gets Covid, and that he will get Covid “this month” since 2020. He has not left home for almost 2 years. I run all the errands. He is also the main caregiver for my mom, with advanced Parkinson’s. She is basically bed bound. He will not allow anybody in the home, has fired the limited help he did have, and combusts with depressive and anxious rage if anybody tries to gently reason with him to allow more help or respite. My mom seems well cared for. I don’t know how he does it.
I live above their garage in a legal MIL apartment. We live in a remote area. I am beaten down from having no life at all except sitting here waiting for an emergency big enough for me to be allowed inside while watching my parents slowly die. If I so much as leave the property, my dad makes passive aggressive comments about me bringing the virus home. I wear a KN95 mask and stay 10 feet away from him at all times, only outside. Last night he sent me an article “35 ways to get COVID” with “taking a hike” highlighted – because I went on a hike a few days ago.
He is not wrong about the risks but gosh I feel like his prisoner here. I am 43 and there is nothing I can do without inviting his rage, criticism, and bitter complaining. My brothers are no help at all, “that’s just how he is” and then they go home. I have plenty of money to move away but then he/my mom will have no safety net at all. Plus I cannot imagine how my dad would react to such an extreme betrayal.
How do you deal with elders that just want to spiral? Is there a duty in this context to at least stick around? Or should I save myself and let him make his self-destructive choices while insisting the Covid risks have never been greater? I think I can last another year like this, but not 3 more…
I would move. You can still be a safety net via phone and financial support. At some point you need to prioritize your own life and it sounds like that moment is now. Yes, there will be conflict but you’re living with your own internal conflict now. Get it over with and move.
Yes he is wrong about the risks.
I’m sorry OP, that would drive anyone up the wall!
I’m sorry you’re dealing with that.
the article would be the end of it all for me. passive aggressive comments? wearing a mask and staying 10 feet away at all times? not allowed in the house? it’s going to get worse, not better.
he’s wrong about the risks, and you *ARE* a prisoner there. it’s time to get out and away from that. if you choose to still be a support, you can do it just as easily over the phone as you can from 10 feet away.
If he has two organ transplants and blood clots in his lungs he probably will die if he gets COVID. He probably will get COVID if he goes out or is exposed to someone who does. That doesn’t obligate you to live there or entitle him to treat you poorly.
+1
I agree with this too. It sounds like the best course of action is you moving out, him continuing to stay super locked down and you visiting him with an N95 on (possibly also outdoors and/or socially distanced, depending on his comfort level).
he probably wouldn’t *die* if he used dr. zelenko’s protocol (100% non-death rate) and stayed off of a respirator + remesdivir but you all want to act like we know nothing about COVID 2 + years later. I feel sorry for those who have been destroyed by the propaganda.
Yeah a respirator is what you use when removing asbestos. I think you’re looking for another word. Don’t doubt that you’re an expert, though!
I mean, he’s not wrong about the risks to him, and probably to your mother. I have a recent transplant person in my house and you really don’t want Covid. That doesn’t seem unreasonable. He’s probably also hugely stressed out. Most caregivers have depression and anxiety and that sounds like what’s happening here. It’s not unreasonable. That said, you don’t have to be there. Move out! That’s how you fix this. They don’t need you as a safety net at the moment and it doesn’t sound like they want you as a safety net at the moment. You can always come back later
I think it’s reasonable for your dad to want you to wear a mask around him at all times if you’re doing riskier things like seeing friends indoors or going to indoor public spaces with no mask. The concern about hiking is definitely misplaced, but I don’t think that’s the fundamental issue here – it’s that your attitudes toward Covid are fundamentally mismatched, as they should be, because there’s basically no chance you’d die and a pretty good chance he would. (It’s a misconception that only the unvaccinated are dying – 40% of US deaths last month were in vaccinated but high risk individuals). But it’s also perfectly reasonable for you to decide you can’t live with his precautions, move out and visit him with a KN95 on. If he sees that as a betrayal, that’s a relationship issue not a Covid issue.
He’s not wrong about being high risk, and it’s understandable for someone in his situation to be frustrated, but he’s wrong about the risk of getting covid from you if you’re not even going inside the house, and he’s definitely wrong to take out his frustration on you. Can you have a conversation with him about how this is affecting you, or is he too far down the rage rabbit hole? You may just have to issue an ultimatum that he needs to be more reasonable with you or you’ll have to move to maintain your own sanity. Ideally this wouldn’t mean abandoning him completely- can you move somewhere close enough that you’re still easily available in an emergency? Covid is never going away, and for some people that really does mean their lives won’t be the same as they were before, but it’s never okay to treat you the way he’s treating you now. You need to come up with some sort of sustainable solution that meets everyone’s needs as much as possible, but doesn’t mean you just get trashed on constantly. If he’s really not willing to change his behavior, then you might have to actually cut ties. I’m sorry, this sounds so hard.
I don’t think you have an obligation to stay. Actually, to the contrary, it’s better for your parents if you get some distance. Better to leave when you can still think of them fondly and have some good will to help them than stay until you’re in such a terrible state that there’s no good will or ability to help left. Being a prisoner in this way would break just about anyone.
I imagine things are probably beyond this point, but have you asked him to discuss his idea of being Covid safe with his medical team? If they can talk sense into him, it could be good for everyone.
If you’re not allowed out in the house, I assume the support you provide is grocery and errands? Any chance you can move but continue to be close enough to do those things 1-2x/week? You wouldn’t have to interact with him – leave all the purchases on the door step for him to retrieve after you’re safely gone. Or if you don’t even want to do that, drop it in your brothers’ laps and move. I’m guessing as the single daughter you get a lot more BS and abuse than they ever would. I bet at some level daddy understands once you move that if he talks to your brothers like than even once, they aren’t stopping by with groceries.
There are 2 problems here… First, you think it’s extreme and paranoia when it’s legitimate for his health and legitimate as his role of caregiver. Your opinion of this is likely clear to him so he has no choice but to be defensive when you obviously don’t respect his boundaries based on your wording here. Second, you are tying yourself to him and them. It forces you to live in the same setting of boundaries he does, even though your own boundaries are clearly much different.
If he’s not letting you in anyway, so there’s no benefit to him in your being there, you should move. Go somewhere else, live your boundaries, and then follow his when you want to see them; whether it’s suiting up with masks or quarantining first or only waving through the window.
If you are determined to stay there for whatever reason, you have to find a way to reevaluate your perspective as he’s not paranoid nor extreme, he is following medical advice for his own life and he is doing so knowing that his wife isn’t going to be okay if he becomes even slightly or momentarily ill.
All of that said, I am so sorry that one of the ways this virus is impacting you is that it is stealing time away from your parents, just as I am so sorry to them that it is stealing his sense of safety and keeping them both from leaving home and enjoying the weather or anything, let alone enjoying some respite help. <3
Move away. His reaction ro that is his problem. You are moving because of the way he treats you. You cannot continue to shield him from the logical consequences of his actions.
You deserve a better life than this. You are not required to sacrifice this much for them. Move. Reclaim your life and your power. your parents will figure it out.
Why are Russian oil baron’s yachts getting seized? I don’t quite understand why they are getting sanctioned – not disagreeing but I don’t exactly understand it.
Russia is a kleptocracy, under close Putin control. No one gets to private yacht status without his approval.
So countries are seizing assets to punish the barons for being associated with Putin? And selling the yachts to use proceeds for … Ukraine? Or just storing them? I am missing a logical link here, I know I’m missing it, I just can’t figure it out.
I think it’s the other way around. Putin only stays in power because the elite of the country is complicit. (probably true for a lot of countries, but I guess the truth becomes true-er, the less democratic a place is?). So they are being assigned partial responsibility for the government’s hostilities, and targeted with sanctions. Then their assets are getting investigated and seized if the case can be made that they are connected to any criminal activity. (which means that we could have made that case before, but choose not to?). The proceeds go into a general fund.
https://news.bloomberglaw.com/us-law-week/how-does-the-u-s-take-ownership-of-russian-oligarchs-assets
It’s both ways, I think.
This. It doesn’t matter. The goal is to create pressure for regime change.
A guess: The only people who can stop Putin without force are the people who own those yachts.
The word you’re missing from your question is oligarch. Would recommend reading up on the creation of the current oligarchs at the end of the Soviet era. These are not rich people who happen to be Russian.
What are the “cool girl” brands these days? Hunting for a dress and it took me way too long to think of Reformation. Madewell? Zara? What else?
I don’t have the answer but am following… Where do people here look to stay on top of trends? With two toddlers and two years of Covid I feel completely out of the loop!
The Mom Edit
Reformation, Aritzia, Everlane, Oak and Fort, Madewell, Anthropologie, Revolve. Lots of cute boutique brands you might have to poke around for. Look at brands’ instagram accounts and see what speaks to you!
+1 to all of these. I would add Free People, lulus and…this might get a huge eyeroll from a lot on here but I would add Abercrombie depending on your age and aesthetic. Honestly it is really different than it used to be and seems to target more 20-30 something crowd and has some really cute stuff including a couple of dresses I would totally buy right now. (And it is under entirely different management etc from the infamous old one so you don’t have to feel morally bad about shopping there).
Depends on which type of cool you’re going for!
At some point I switched to higher quality and to brands which suit me rather than because they’re necessarily fashionable. I guess less cool, more style? Maybe share what you think is cool and we can help.
Osei Duro, Rachel Comey, Mara Hoffman
These three. Also Nili Lotan.
Finding a roommate: what are your tips and tricks? I’m two years post-grad and it’s time to move out of my parents home. But the problem is now that I’m having great difficulty finding a roommate. I’m primarily looking in Facebook groups geared towards students and young professionals but I’m almost never receiving responses when I message them. Maybe my intro needs work? Maybe it’s just a numbers game?
Has anyone else experienced this or have any advice? I actually want to have roommates instead of living alone so I can make friends – all of mine have moved away. It’s also much cheaper.
Maybe look for a house that needs a spot filled? I got mine (from craigslist, which is where I advertise my rental) many years ago because they felt sorry for me since I was currently living in a dangerous spot and had gone through an attempted mugging, but it did sound like there was a lot of interest… so I was lucky (but I don’t think there was anything special in my initial email to them)! It was a fun group and I’m still in touch with a couple of them.
I’ve had a lot of roommates over the years. Would post on FB groups and on Craigslist. Would also ask friends if they know of anyone who is looking for a shared living situation. I tried to give as much info as possible in my listings, which I think helped – aside from the home/apt. info, I would talk about myself and what kind of person I am, and what I’m looking for. Think it helps people get to know you & alleviates the difficulty of the fact that you’re a stranger. Also would list the rent as a flat rate for rent + utilities. Good luck!
Suit advice please. It’s time to retire my beloved Calvin Klein workhorse suit and replace it with something that fits my now-bod. What’s your experience lately with Le Suit brand? I’m eying some in the Macy’s website that look promising. In the past I’ve had LeSuits in the past that I liked at first but eventually felt like they looked polyester double-knit (not in a good way). The setting I’m shopping for is making presentations at conferences, so it’s gonna be a travel outfit: full suit on presentation day, jacket & pants worn as separates on the other days of the event. There’s not an iron-clad dress code in the industry (nonprofit / social impact finance). The look I’m going for is “stylish professionalism” – for these gigs I don’t need a full “bosslady don’t mess with me” vibe.
I love Le Suit suits. I’ve always been confused as to why they weren’t mentioned as a budget option in some of the posts.
I don’t normally buy clothing that requires special br@s. I’m willing to wear a standard strapless and that’s about it! Alas, I just received this fantastic jumpsuit that won’t work with a standard strapless, and it’s flattering enough that I’m seriously considering a specialty br@ to accommodate it. I’ll post a link below to avoid mod.
It’s got long straps that create a low-cut V in the front, tie into a halter around the neck, and then crisscross in the back. But the start of the pants is quite low, such that a strapless running across the back is several inches from the start of the pants. I own a multi-way br@ with a waist converter and I tried that on, but it barely came in below the pants and it was quite uncomfortable.
I’m thinking that I could get cups sewn into it? I’m busty enough that I can’t go without anything, but maybe cups would work?
Here’s the jumpsuit, though the front is not so low-cut on me (the material is a bit fuller, so the V starts just above my sternum, not nearly at my belly button): https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09PR7M57C?ref=ppx_yo2ov_dt_b_product_details&th=1&psc=1
Fashion tape plus nipple shields. Essentially you can’t wear a bra with this. A stylist would cover your nips and then use tape to lift/separate. There are lots of tik tok videos on how to do this and What tape is best.
+1
There is no specialty bras for this. Tape.
I’m going to try tan colored gaffer tape to tape the b**bs for an outfit I recently got – I’ve seen it as a solution people like and it looks secure.
Life insurance / estate planning question. [I may need to ask again on Monday for more responses]
Background: Husband and I have a revocable trust set up as a part of our estate plan. We have elementary aged kids and live in a community property state if that matters. We’re finally doing the Thing and purchasing life insurance policies for ourselves.
Question: How do you set up your term life insurance policy if you have a revocable trust? Specifically:
1) Who should be the beneficiary on policies? The revocable trust? Or the other spouse?
2) Who should be the owner on your term life insurance policy—you, your spouse, the kids, or the revocable trust? I thought I read somewhere that if you are the “owner” of your own life insurance policy, there could be tax implications (it’ll be subject to estate taxes?)
Someone here might know, but for me this would be worth a quick call to the person who set up the trust for advice.
You make your spouse your primary beneficiaries and your kids secondary beneficiaries. There’s no benefit to using your trust for it. If your kids are underage, your will should lay out who will be the guardian for them, and the guardian will manage the life insurance proceeds along with the trust.
I disagree with this. Name your spouse and then the trust. There are a lot of benefits to naming the trust and not minors, mostly consolidation of management. The trustee of the trust will have management control over all the other assets, why not the insurance proceeds as well? They might even need those proceeds to pay off a mortgage held in the trust, etc. The trust will be managed for the benefit of the kids. If you named the kids, then a separate proceeding will need to occur to name the guardian as conservator of the kids estate. It essentially creates two trusts to be managed. Also, the guardian and the trustee might not even be the same people.
latest boden catalog just arrived here even though I have requested to be removed multiple times.
I’m disappointed to note that the models were all very thin white mostly blonde and able bodied women. I found it really tone deaf even as I fit most of those descriptions.
any recommendations for similar styles in more inclusive brands?
If you really want to be inclusive, please stop using the phrase tone deaf.
Oh for Christ’s sake. As someone who actually *is* tone deaf, as in unable to distinguish musical pitch, this term is not offensive.
Hahaha – touché!