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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 202 Comments · by

Tuesday’s TPS Report: Joselyn Dress

The Personal Shopper (TPS)

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Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Elie Tahari Joselyn Dress I love little black dresses like this — the gray tweed front makes it just a little bit different, and the cap sleeves, bateau neckline, and colorblocking all make it flattering and appropriate for work. (One interesting thing:  this model — who is so omnipresent on Zappos that I think of her as The Zappos Model — is only 5'5,” which, if I've watched enough America's Next Top Model (and I think I have), seems like a rarity in the modeling world. Kudos to Zappos!) The dress is $348 at Zappos. Elie Tahari Joselyn Dress Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-2)  

Sales of note for 9.30.24

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Comments

  1. Jacket / Coat help

    This is lovely. But I suspect that it is an outdoor item (coat) and not something I can wear at my desk without getting looks (desk is freezing).

    http://www.bodenusa.com/en-US/Womens-Coats-Jackets/Jackets/WE401-CRM/Womens-Vanilla-Fifties-Jacket.html?NavGroupID=2

    I get tripped up on this every fall. Other than blazers, what else works indoors? I am trying to move away from being the Black Jacket Woman and Cardigan Woman and really, really want this (or its indoor cousin).

    • S

      That is, indeed, an outdoor coat. Can you put a warm wool shawl on your legs, drink hot tea, etc. instead of wearing a coat?

    • Huck

      Scarves! It’s surprising how warm they keep you, even if they are lightweight.

    • Anonymous

      Here in the wintery MidWest, that would most definitely NOT work as outerwear (your sanity might come into question if you tried) and would be a perfectly normal thing to wear indoors.

      • preg anon

        Yeah, I would think that’s an indoor coat, although I agree it skirts the line. But the length and buttons are what make me think it’s indoor.

      • Anne Shirley

        Well, it’s not winter outerwear, but I do think this is an outside coat. Would be good in October and some November. I think this would look off inside.

        • Jacket / Coat help

          Thanks all! I am in the upper South, so it should work as an outside coat here (my problem is still going to be needing another layer inside over a blouse). Maybe this + pretty scarf will solve my problems once it cools off.

        • CKB

          I agree. The size of the buttons, the collar and the textured wool is what makes it look like an outside fall/spring coat to me.

    • AIMS

      I think that’s an outdoor coat for transitional weather. I have a similar one from Boden from 3-4 years ago and I wear it about 4 times in the fall and 4 in the spring. I think I bought it on sale but am very happy to have it. It strikes me as the sort of piece you don’t wear a lot at any one time but wear for years and years.

      If you’re looking for an indoor cousin with a similar look, you should try a boucle jacket.

      But if you’re after serious warmth and want something different, I’d try a camelhair or cashmere blazer (BB has them every year in the fall, JCrew usually as well); cashmere or wool sweater jackets (a nice change of pace from cardigans); or those long sweater coats if your office is casual enough (sort of like this but in a warmer material: http://www.garnethill.com/mixed-pointelle-sweater-coat/310318). I have a cashmere one like that in dark brown and it is fantastically toasty. On really cold days, I pair it with a wool turtleneck, warm pants and heels. I think it looks appropriate enough for my relatively formal office, but I’ll concede that it took a little bit of effprt to find one of these that didn’t look like I was wearing a bathrobe. Now is a tricky time to look, but in about a month stores should have much more inventory.

  2. Famouscait

    For how long can one wear a mint colored blazer? Into fall and winter, or just spring and summer? And what colors would you wear it with? (So far, I can only imagine navy). I got this blazer from Macy’s last night for under $35, but am debating whether or not it’s worth keeping…

    http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://cdna.lystit.com/photos/2013/03/20/calvin-klein-mint-onebutton-blazer-product-1-7429595-925835056_large_card.jpeg&imgrefurl=http://www.lyst.com/clothing/calvin-klein-onebutton-blazer-blush/&h=330&w=220&sz=7&tbnid=uR3KMQwJPN1C-M:&tbnh=90&tbnw=60&zoom=1&usg=__bvxAl2SxLtGEMC2pAf567KDlTQA=&docid=IrpH8I0W4rML7M&sa=X&ei=4yYKUvHTOeT42gX1jYHwDg&ved=0CGEQ9QEwBA&dur=428

    • Anonymous

      Camel? Winter white? Grey? I would probably try to throw in a pop of tomato-y orange, too.

      • preg anon

        I think white bottoms might look a little lady who lunches or Easter Sunday-ish. But camel and gray are both great ideas. And, you’re right, a pop of orange would be beautiful, as would a pretty cobalt. I’m imagining a white blouse, mint jacket, navy skirt, and orange scarf—I would be jealous of your outfit! I would keep it if I were the OP, especially given the low price.

        • Famouscait

          But does it go beyond spring and summer? Would you still be jealous of my outfit if I wore this in fall or winter?

          • preg anon

            It’s hard for me to say because I live in Houston. Here, where it never gets that cold, I think you could wear this all year. If you live in a really cold climate, my answer might be different. But really, for $35, I think it’s still worth it if you can only wear it two seasons a year. It’s a classic cut, so you could wear it for years.

    • Susie

      I almost bought this too, but couldn’t find it in petite and the sleeves on the regular were too long. Whenever I buy something thinking I will get it altered it just languishes in my closet. Then I changed my mind and decided I wanted it, but I didn’t see it online or the next time I was in Macys.

    • hellskitchen

      Beautiful blazer. I don’t think it would work very in winter unless you topped an all black outfit with it? For fall though I wear mint with deep chocolate brown… it makes me think of thin mints :-). You could also pair it with deep reds or eggplant. I think if the rest of your outfit is in fall colors, then mint would be refreshing.

    • ccmo

      I have a mint skirt I wear in the winter. I actually haven’t worn it this summer because it is a bit heavy. I would probably wear the blazer with a black skirt, black tights, and black and white striped top. But honestly, I’d wear that blazer with a lot of things in the winter.

  3. Prepping for Autumn

    Anyone have recs on their favorite opaque (truly opaque, that is) tights? And maybe ones with subtle patterns? That are sturdy and will last a couple of seasons?

    My most favorite pair of herringbone patterned brown tights are probably not going to make it another season, and that makes me very sad.

    • JJ

      I love, love, love Spanx tight-end tights. I get the reversible versions and they are truly opaque. They don’t constrict like regular shape-wear, but do just enough “smoothing.” I wear them almost every day during the winter and my 4-5 pairs have lasted almost 5 years. I also have several of the subtle patterned versions from Spanx and while I love them, as well, they aren’t as opaque as the regular versions.

  4. Baconpancakes

    Anyone know how Boden dresses fit? I’d been eyeing the bow dress all summer, and when I looked again, it’s a bajillion dollars off, but I have the hips that Welsh peasant women developed in order to give birth in the field, scoop up the baby, sling it in a basket, and then keep hoeing their barley, and the dress seems to be cut fairly slim. Link to follow.

      • PollyD

        Can’t see what’s at this link, but in general I have found Boden dresses to run a bit slimmer through the hips. For most of the items, you can get actual garment measurements, so you might want to find a dress that fits you well and is similarly shaped to the Boden dress, measure your dress, and compare to the Boden measurements.

        I’m usually a 2/4 in dresses at Loft and BR and usually fit into size 4 dresses from Boden. For skirts I go up to a 6, because the Boden skirts tend to be straighter and designed to sit higher on the waist.

        • Baconpancakes

          Good idea! Thank, Polly! I just bought a non-stretchy Anne Klein that fits me like a tailored glove. I’ll measure that one when I get home tonight. I never thought of measuring other clothes before, but it makes sense, since I’ve been burned by trying to measure myself and comparing it to the charts before.

          • PollyD

            Yeah, I’ve never been able to measure myself properly, so measuring the garment and comparing it to other things I own was sort of a revelation. Happy to share.

            I like Boden pretty well, I think their stuff is decent quality and their customer service has been very good, in my opinion. The shoes, though – eh. Have seen them at the warehouse sale and actually ordered a pair this summer. For allegedly leather shoes, they all look very plasticky.

      • Samantha

        In my experience Boden, as a UK brand, doesn’t vanity size as much as some US retailers do (AT and Loft especially).
        I am a 2 in tops at AT, but my pear shape makes me either a 2 or 4 in bottoms (4 in BR) and I’m easily a 4 in Boden dresses.
        I am a huge fan of Boden dresses though, and it’s often easy to find a free shipping & returns code, so I’d say to get it!

    • anon

      tragically, I find they run very slim in the hips. I have an 12ish inch difference between waist and hips and can only really wear their stretchy jersey dresses or a-line dresses– I would not even try something like this (though, of course, if you’re willing to buy the right size for your lower half and then get it tailored that could work wonderfully).

    • Marilla

      I have no useful insights on Boden dresses but I love your description!
      – Signed, my mountain village grandma had 10 kids so I’m right there with you on the genetic blessing of hips

      • Veronique

        +3 on “birthing hips”, though mine come from my Black grandmothers and include the booty to match!

        • TBK

          Ha! Mine come from my German ancestors. The men on that side of the family are all 6 1/2 ft tall with giant heads.

          • Nonny

            And mine come from my Ukrainian forebears. The men, like those in TBK’s family, are all 6 feet tall, lanky, and have speedy metabolisms, and the women are all 5’3″ with birthing hips. How that differentiation occurred, I have no idea.

          • Joanna Toews

            “The men on that side of the family are all 6 1/2 ft tall with giant heads.”

            I just crossed my legs in sympathy.

        • Midwest Transplant

          Love this comment! I received hips from my maternal side and a bubble booty from the paternal side. Not a clue how my parents magically came together and produced daughters with the ability to not even flinch hearing about a big baby.

      • momentsofabsurdity

        I distinctly remember my tenth grade sports physical where my doctor jovially said, “Well, your hips look just about ready for a baby!”

        I’m sure my face was all “WHAT?!”

    • Anita

      I have to size up Boden dresses to accommodate my lady lumps and I’m pretty straight up and down.

    • Anonymous

      Lol. I can’t comment on the dress but I absolutely sympathize with your fit issue- I come from sturdy German peasant stock and have the hips that go along with it :/

    • Anon

      Can anyone speak to how the petite sizzes for Boden run? I am almost off the scale on the small end for most places — 00P at Banana Repuplic.

  5. jls

    Oh yeah, this girl is everywhere on Zappos. I imagine she just tries on clothes for 10 hours a day, every day.

  6. theory gabe blazer...

    PSA for theory suiting fans… a month or so ago I noticed that theory gabe blazers were on crazy sale all over the place, which I naively chalked up to regular summer discounting. I now see that there is a “new” theory gabe blazer on the market, which is a different fabric made of more than half polyester (and naturally no cheaper). I believe the old blazer (and maybe the entire old suiting fabric line?) may be being discontinued… say it ain’t so!

    • TO Lawyer

      yup they discontinued their old suiting line which is why pieces were on sale everywhere.

      • irritating

        I wonder what that strategy meeting was like: “Hey guys, let’s take a suit that people love and sells well and screw it up with lower quality fabric at the same price??! I bet folks who are willing to shell out hundreds of dollars for our suits will never notice.”

    • anon

      This seriously upsets me. This was such a staple, and I have so many pieces that match each other. I want to make angry phone calls.

  7. Anon for this

    All, I’m not sure if this is for advice or for a rant, but I am so very burnt out, and I am not sure what to do. I couldn’t bring myself to go into work today. I’m on track to bill 2400+ this year (which, incidentally, isn’t a lot, but all of it has been very high stakes and/or super stressful work). I haven’t had more than a day off here and there since last September, when I was in Europe for a vacation where I still had to take conference calls, and went straight to a 6 week project in Europe because I was already there where I was working double days. My vacation this year is planned for the last week in August, and I’m at the end of my rope.

    I am a fifth year associate at a big firm, and the big firm has a lot of women’s issues. It’s exhausting to try to do the normal 5th year associate things while I feel like I’m working uphill underwater because of the political atmosphere here. For an indication, 5 female associates in my office have left the firm in the past 2 years or so.

    All of my time has been spent traveling for (1) my 8 friends and family who are getting married, their bachelorette parties, their bridal showers, and 3 baby showers; and (2) because I have a long distance significant other. Any weekend that I’m here, he’s in town, or my friends and family in the area are bugging me because they have not seen me. I’m exhausted, have hired a cleaning person, have tried to cut out alcohol, can only muster the energy to work out on weekends. I should add that I have a chronic illness which makes it more difficult for me to process stress.

    I finally had a day without much scheduled that I couldn’t handle from home, and I just didn’t go in today. And just got yelled at for not being in the office by a junior partner who asked me to do something today, out of the blue, without any notice. I’ve been on email all morning already, and will write a few briefs today. Even when I am not super busy, I am stressed, and I can’t seem to shake it.

    Has anyone been in this position? Any advice? I own a home and have student debt obligations otherwise I would just quit some days.

    • Ugh

      So sorry to hear you’re struggling, but for some perspective…. 2400 hours IS A LOT. Like, wow.

      I can’t give you any specific advice because I’ve decided to go the other way (work for the State for ten years, make less money, hopefully get loan forgiveness if it still exists). I can’t imagine ever working that much and wouldn’t want to.

      If it’s become too much, I’d seriously consider taking a job at a different firm with a better work/life balance, going in-house, etc. Money isn’t everything and you could likely make it work with your debt and mortgage (I do!) with some budget restructuring.

      • Em

        Agreed. Do not let people at your firm convince you that 2400 hours isn’t a lot. It is a lot, and the only way it isn’t is if (a) you’re one of those genetically manic people who don’t need sleep (and if you’re not, you’re not and nothing will change that) or (b) you’re padding your hours.

        I also agree on the money – there are other ways to pay student loans and have a house; or, honestly, having a house isn’t necessarily worth being miserable all the time. Do you get to enjoy your house? There will always be financial reasons to stay; do they really outweigh all the benefits of leaving?

    • Anne Shirley

      Quit. You’re a 5th year. You’re worth your weight in gold to firms. Find a different one. There are decent places to work. Move where your SO is and get married. Break up with you SO or ask him/her to move. Stop going to bridal showers and bachelorettes out of town. Sell your house.

      When you’re this burned out, I think it’s time to really challenge the base things you think are a must in your life, because it’s a sign the big picture isn’t working, not that you need clever minor tweaks.

      • mascot

        “When you’re this burned out, I think it’s time to really challenge the base things you think are a must in your life, because it’s a sign the big picture isn’t working, not that you need clever minor tweaks.”

        I completely agree with this. Perhaps spend some quiet time on your vacation figuring out what you really, really want. This sounds bigger than what can be fixed with a couple nights of good sleep and a massage.

        • Carrie Preston

          +1 – 2400 is a ton and too much to have a non-work life. I second/third the chorus of time for a major change. For what it’s worth, I was in a similar position to you as a 5th year. I first scaled back at the firm and asked to go part time. I didn’t care about what it “looked like” because Inhad decided to leave and needed to work while I looked elsewhere. I ended up in-house with my life back and have never been happier. You can make a change too.

        • Nonny

          Yes and yes. 2400 is HUGE. I’ve been in exactly your position and the best thing I ever did for myself was get out. You don’t want to end up on sick leave because you’ve had a breakdown or fallen down the stairs due to fatigue or become severely depressed…all of which I’ve witnessed. Get a doctor’s note and take a few days off now just to regroup…and then look at your exit plan. It isn’t worth it.

        • ANON

          From some one who has done this – basically kicked my entire life that wasn’t working in favor of one that does – it is ABSOLUTELY worth it.

          Seriously, when this many things are sucking out your will to live, it is time to bring out the heavy artillery and take no prisoners. Your life is broken. Fix it.

      • MsZ

        This is great advice. You seem to have a lot of stressors that are not anywhere close to resolving themselves. Figure out which ones are the most important to you and work toward resolving them. I realize that takes a decent amount of quiet space and mental work, neither of which are in high supply for you right now.

      • MsZ

        I apologize if this posts twice – I hit “Post Comment” and the window refreshed like it would post, but I don’t see it. Anne Shirley speaks the truth — you have a lot of unresolved stressors that are not moving toward resolution (unsustainable hours, long distance relationship, firm that you don’t see a future in, chronic illness). Some of these need to be resolved, and only you can decide which ones and in what way. I realize this takes some quiet space and some mental work, neither of which are in high supply for you right now. But basically – something’s gotta give.

    • Kim Kelley

      I’m so sorry that you’re feeling stressed and burned out. I want to encourage you to really, really listen to yourself and to do whatever you need to get some rest. Even though you’re just ranting – which is totally cool and necessary sometimes, and I don’t want to overreact – your comment worries me. I think women especially just push themselves until something snaps – and, worst case scenario, that something can be your physical or mental health, or your relationships. Please give your firm a heads up that you’ll be taking a day off for medical issues or whatever you think will buy you time off the grid. Stay home, don’t travel, don’t do chores (unless that relaxes you). Sleep in, read, take a walk outside. Think about how you would like to spend your days. See if you’re close enough to the last straw, work-wise, that you may consider leaving. I know leaving isn’t possible for some people – it isn’t for me, at this point. But things got bad enough for me that I told myself that I would leave by the end of this year, and even though I don’t have anyting lined up (and I won’t jump ship until I do) I feel better knowing there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. Please take care of yourself.

    • Ellen

      Fooey on big firm practice! Hang in there, b/c we are alot alike, even tho my law firm onley has 7 attorney’s. You can take some comfort in that small law practice also has it’s downside’s b/c there is NO ONE that cover’s for me when I am out. The manageing partner does NOT want to do what I do (even tho he once knew this stuff in the 1980’s), and the other attorney’s do other stuff for the most part and I am the ONLEY one that is a black belt in WC law. FOOEY! I just got back from a vacation (where I was on call on my Iphone) onley to find that Madeline did NOTHING for me all week. I think she is mad at me b/c men are interested in me, but not her, and the manageing partner gives ME a clotheing allowance, but not her. That is b/c I go into court where I MUST win my cases for the firm and my cleint’s. She sits on her tuchus and eat’s all day, and does tax time stuff and estate work for peeople. FOOEY! That is easy b/c it is all on the INTERNET.

      Now I just learned that the cleint that I did the loan agreement for want’s to set up a releationship with an investment bank to do SWAP’s. I do NOT know anything about them and Myrna’s firm is the onley investment bank that I know peeople in, other than some guys I met in a bar who gave me there busness card’s. Should I call them and see if they can teach me about this? What about the cleint? Should I steer them to Myrna’s firm? I do NOT know the ethic’s and the protocol’s here. I found a websight on Swaps, but we are NOT a member of it so I can NOT get into it. I have to talk to the manageing partner about this b/c I am kind of over my head in this and have to learn quickley. Unfortuneately, there is no one here that ever did this stuff and the manageing partner does NOT want to learn about it. It was all I could do to let him proof my loan agreement. They got the money from the investor so that was good, and the cleint is happy with me for now.

      So, for the OP, being in private practice is tough, no matter where. That is why I want to become a JUDGE, or get MARRIED and teach at LAW SCHOOL, where the student’s do NOT give me a hard time. FOOEY!

    • Anonymous

      You sound like me, five years ago. Big law firm, fifth year, on track for over 2400, ready to cut everyone. (and, yeah, I walked out of a meeting that was so upsetting once that I went down to my office, calmly got my purse, and wallked around the city for hours until I decided whether to walk back into the office, after I reminded myself that my house mortgage payment was due in two weeks — otherwise, I am almost certain that I would have quit).
      My advice is take every day one at a time. Despite the junior partner tantrum, sounds like you did the right thing by working from home today. I blocked out time in my schedule to do something that amused me evey day, or almost every day, so I could look forward to it, rather than what I had been doing, which was resisting going to sleep because I knew when I woke up, I would have to do all that work and stress all over again.
      Long term, it might get better, the fifth year is a real crunch. Or, it might not. I stuck around for a few more years and then leaped at a chance to go into government (where the hours are better but weirdly, the people are worse — but that could just be my office). The other thing that made me feel better was that I hit a magic number for myself in my bank account at the end of my fifth year. In the middle of a spectacularly bad day, I was checking my statements for reimbursements and looked at my savings account and went, huh. I saved that much? I can quit whenever I want now and sit on my butt and watch Castle reruns and pay my mortgage out of savings. It wasnt that I did quit, it was just this feeling that I could that made me feel better. So, pick a magic number or a goal (paying off the student loans, if that makes sense) and when you reach it, the work might get better.
      Finally (and sorry for the book), sometimes having golden handcuffs is a good thing — it keeps you from popping off and quitting, and letting jerks win when you are an awesome lawyer and will have a great career.

    • B

      I feel you, and I am not a 5th year, nor do I bill that much or have that many friends with weddings (right now).

      This is YOUR life. I think it’s perfectly ok to say, I cannot go to X or Y or even XYZ this weekend because I really just need to sleep, have time to myself, read a book, etc. E.g. I would prioritize the wedding, maybe just join in for part of the bachelorette and skip the bridal shower.

      I realize it’s hard because I basically had a breakdown because I wanted to do xyz, but realized I could only do x and y or just z; and that was just one weekend.

      Hang in there!

    • Blonde Lawyer

      Your hours are ridiculous. They are not “not that much.” You are home sick. Don’t let anyone give you crap for it. Mental health is health. Whatever crabby emails you get ignore. Don’t write briefs today. Don’t answer your phone. Send out one email to whoever might be looking for you that says “I am home sick today and unable to be on my computer or phone. Thank you in advance for your understanding.” Then stick to it. There are plenty of medical reasons one might have to stay off their computer. Migraines are the first that come to mind. So long as nothing is due TODAY in court then you absolutely can take a real day off.

      Don’t apologize when you get back. If someone starts yammering just say “I was too sick to work. Happens to the best of us once in awhile.” If you want to be passive aggressive you could add “I’ve been working so much my immune system must have been really worn down. It’s a good reminder that we all have to take care of ourselves once in awhile.”

      Here is my usual disclaimer – I’m not in big law and wouldn’t put up w/ big law crap for a million dollars. And I do have student loans and I do wish I had more money but my life is more important to me.

      Consider if this is where you want to be long term and if not, start taking more unapologetic sick days and use them to look for another job. You can probably coast for 6 months to a year before anyone fires you. Take care of you.

    • V

      That’s a lot of hours, especially where people seem to be coming off of recession hours over the past 5 years. And working crazy hours on high stress projects or for crazy people ought to come with a multiplier for the aggravation toll on you.

      Can you lateral? I have done the out-of-the-frying-pan-and-onto-the-skillet move and that’s probably why I’m still here. Some of my friends just jumped straight to government (although that can involve all the work / drama for less pay, although perhaps different if you are in ERISA / tax / transactional / regulatory areas).

    • Houston Attny

      This sounds awful, Anon for this. I agree that 2400 hours is a lot! That’s more than 46 hours a week without counting a day of vacation, a single holiday, any other reason you might not be in the office. Please know you are working very hard, you’ve been doing it for years and it makes sense that you are feeling “at the end of my rope.”

      Some disjointed thoughts: do you have a supervising partner you can talk with about this? might it be something that you’ll want to discuss after you return from vacation? On your vacation, you might take some time (even a couple of hours for a couple of days) to think about if this is what you really want. Is this a firm you want to stay aligned with? Financially, what do you require to live on? Do any of the associates who have left have any career prospects they’d throw your way?

      While I think it’s good you hired a maid, you do not deserve to live a shell of a life. There are trade offs, and everything has a price. I fear you are paying with your health.

      • TBK

        I would not talk about this with a partner, or with anyone at the firm. People at big firms go on to do really interesting things. You want people to think of you only as totally capable and a super achiever, because they may be in a position to hire you for something amazing down the road, or to give you the connection you need for something amazing. Leave, but leave all your bridges in tact.

        • Carrie Preston

          I respectfully disagree with the “don’t talk to the firm” advice — when I was in OP’s shoes, the very best thing I did for myself was tell the firm that I needed a change & went part-time. I ended up leaving on very good terms (still in touch w/ the partners, former associates & have been referred for other jobs by them too) & it was a nice way to bridge the gap b/n being completely overwhelmed and hating life and taking the time to find the right next job. Of course, your ability to do this will depend on the firm & your relationships there, so this may not work for everyone, but I wouldn’t be so fast to rule it out. Big firms have seen people leave their lifestyle for years & I don’t think being another person to go or tell them why is all that surprising.

    • TBK

      First, in biglaw world, I agree that 2400 is a lot but not crazy. (Biglaw is crazy. I’m saying that, in crazyland, 2,400 isn’t crazy. So it’s crazy, but not in crazyland.) So while you shouldn’t get flak if you need to shift work around sometimes, because you’re clearly making hours, no one is going to give you sympathy until you hit the upper 2000s. (My firm’s managing partner thought 3,500 was a completely reasonable amount for an associate to bill.) Second, good luck being totally offline for a day. The only time I was was for my grandfather’s funeral, and that was only for the four hours actually at the funeral home and cemetery. So while I think other commentors mean well, I’m not sure it would fly in your world (especially since you seem to be at one of the seriously Big Bad Big Law firms).

      But having said all that, this is no way to live. I worked with an associate who, when she was a 5th, 6th, and 7th year, had to block out 30 min every morning before she went to work so she could cry. How effed up is that, to be scheduling in your daily crying time? This isn’t working for you. The people it works for have strange abilities to go 48 hrs without sleep and still be sharp for a key negotiation. They also have SAH spouses who are okay with never seeing them or they have no life at all besides work.

      I second Anne Shirley. Figure out what it would take to no longer have a long-distance SO. Call some legal recruiters. See what else you’d like to do. This is your life. As far as we know, you don’t get another one. So fix what you have because it’s clearly broken.

      • Blonde Lawyer

        I agree that those of us (ME) not in big law don’t know what it is actually like and what the repercussions would be of certain actions but what do you think would actually have happened if you completely did not respond to any email or phone calls for one day. Do you think you would be fired the next day? Do you think you would be yelled it? Do you think it would reflect negatively in your review? Do you think people would gossip about it? With the exception of being fired the next day or physically beat I think the remaining consequences are worth the benefit of taking the time she needs, particularly if she is not going to be there long term. Sometimes you break the rules knowing you are breaking the rules and prepared to pay the price.

        Have you worked outside of law? I saw a lot of people who hadn’t so very petrified in law school of getting called on and not knowing the answer. I asked them, what is the worst that will happen? You get yelled at, made fun of, humiliated, people talk about you, and then what? Life goes on. You aren’t getting shot at. Your patient isn’t dying. How rational is your fear of your superiors in big law? I agree that you may burn a bridge but could it be a bridge worth burning?

        Just my uninformed two cents.

      • Respectfully Disagree

        I have been at three biglaw firms now, and at none of them was 3500 considered normal, or 2400 considered standard. TBK, it sounds like you worked somewhere particularly awful, and perhaps OP does too, but that doesn’t mean you have to accept it if you want to be in biglaw. Also, at my firm(s), associates did get days off, and not just for funerals. Not that I love biglaw, but I don’t think that it is by its nature as inhumane and demanding as you suggest.

        • TBK

          I had plenty of days off, and on most of them, no one called or emailed me. But the option to contact me always existed, and I was expected to respond. I don’t think that’s uncommon. I joined conference calls lying in bed sick, or canceled an afternoon’s activities while on vacation to write up a memo. So did everyone else I knew at my firm and at other big firms. I think I probably could have been totally unavailable the day of my grandfather’s funeral. But in general, being on call was expected even on days off. I don’t think saying you’d be completely unavailable would be well received. Would you be fired the next day? No. And doing it once would probably wind up okay.

          But it’s the kind of thing that can result in a performance review that says that the associate isn’t available, or is unwilling to pitch in when needed. The problem with things going into performance reviews is that those get read by lots of people, and they may have no contact with you except for that review. So you may be completely stellar, but if someone gets a bad taste from you being unavailable at certain points (as it seems has happened with this junior partner), other people may come to just associate you with that review.

          As for the number of hours, I don’t think 2,400 is standard. At my firm 2,000 was the minimum and most people were around that number. However, having a few years here and there that came in closer to 2,400 was also pretty typical. You’d get the “whoa, hope they give you a good bonus!” remarks, but I don’t see any partners thinking it was a big enough deal to make serious changes for that assoiate. Going to a partner to talk about workload when it’s just past mid-year and you’re on track for 2,400 (meaning the back part of the year could be slower and you could come in closer to 2,200 or even 2,000) is not going to make a good impression on that partner. And what if you want that partner for a reference later? I just don’t see it being worthwhile.

    • BigLaw

      A bit late for this, but I have a question: When people say they’re on track to “bill” 2400 hours, are they normally including non-billable work? I ask because in the past I have been assigned enough non-billable work that my hours have reached 2500 but my billables were lower so I was made to feel like I could not “claim” to be “working that much.” But to reach 2500 billables I would have had to work 3000, which is. . . a lot.

      To fifth year associate: move firms/change jobs. It’s not giving up or failing. It’s a strategic move so you can be both happy and successful.

    • ML

      I have felt similarly to this, but without many of the long term stressors that you name- long distance relationship, chronic illness, etc. I was on the verge of quitting multiple times, so I can only imagine how tough it is for you. I also want to say that I’m also in big law, and in my (relatively few) years here, i’ve seen at least 3 people just flame out completely. As in- didn’t transition to another job, didn’t even job hunt, didn’t get good references, just completely broke down. Two of them actually had what I think were stress related mental issues and just completely stopped coming to work. The third was going full steam and then very abruptly quit with basically no notice. I say this just because I think this is a very real, logical possibility when you push yourself too hard. The firm is never going to say: “You seem really exhausted, Anon for this. Is everything okay at home? Why don’t you take a week or two off to regroup? Or at least go home early tonight?” They will never ever say that. They will keep taking as long as you are there and giving. No one else will do it for you, so you have to be the one to define your limit. It sounds like you are close to it.
      I second everything Anne Shirley said. out of town bachelorette parties when you’re billing 2400 hours a year? Are you crazy? I mean, great for being a good friend, and if that’s fun for you, than by all means, spend your “vacations” that way, but if its an obligation, i would sure as hell not go. You have to protect yourself here.

    • theirway11

      Yes! Certainly at business casual places, at least. You will be prying my brogues away over my dead body.

      love love love love (although I’m in nonprofits so law could be different).

    • Susie

      I had to google this, was not familiar with the term. Based on what I saw, I didn’t think they were unprofessional unless you are talking very formal workplace, but for the most part definitely not my style and not something I would wear to work or otherwise.

    • Woods-comma-Elle

      A colleague here wears them and she looks fabulous, they really suit her style.

    • Abby Lockhart

      I’m in — way in — for a heeled brogue at work. I have a harder time with the flat unless it is with casualwear. I think they can work well for very feminine and very androgynous looks, but I don’t sport either look.

  10. Can too-big clothes become maternity clothes?

    I’m cleaning out my closet and giving away/throwing away items that I never wear anymore. I have a lot of work clothes that are 1-2 sizes too big on me because I lost weight two years ago. I’ve been at my current weight for two years without any effort (the weight fell off naturally after leaving the grad school environment with lots of unhealthy eating + alcohol), so I’m not concerned about putting the weight back on, but I was wondering whether I should be saving any of these bigger clothes to wear when pregnant?? We will probably want to have a baby in the next 2 years or so.

    This may highlight how little I know about actually being pregnant/maternity clothes, but can your “fat pants” become your maternity pants, and if so, should I hang onto this stuff? Or is this just the part of my brain that hates getting rid of things trying to rationalize its way out of a true closet purge??

    • Merabella

      Never been pregnant – so take this with a grain of salt, but you never know what you need in maternity clothes until you get there because different people carry their pregnancies in different places. So you may just be one of those stay the same everywhere else but get a bump people, or the kind that gain weight everywhere as well. I think since you are still 2 years out from wanting to have a baby it is better to clear out your closet for clothes you wear now and cross the maternity clothes bridge when you get to it.

    • Anonymous

      Your body will change a whole lot when you get pregnant. Your hips will get wider and your belly will change (obviously). I find pants horribly uncomfortable, and only low-rise ones in a size larger than normal are tolerable. If your normal dress pants go to your belly button, you may find those unsuitable for maternity wear (but of course, YMMV). I would recommend keeping dresses, long sweaters/long shirts, and any outerwear. I don’t know what else to tell you as far as whether your clothes will work for pregnancy or whether you should keep them.

      • hellskitchen

        Second this. The way you will gain weight is different for different people. I wore some of my larger size clothes almost right up to delivering as I didn’t put on too much weight (made up for it postpartum though). But most of these were dresses and tops. For pants I had to use a belly band or buy maternity pants otherwise they would have been uncomfortable. As someone else said below, keep pants only if they are a classic item. For me, the difference between wearing a larger size dress and a maternity dress was that the latter really highlighted my belly, so for work I wore dresses in 1-2 sizes larger.

    • marketingchic

      It was my experience that “Fat” tops/dresses did work – both in the first 2 trimesters and on the way back down after coming back to work.

    • ac

      I’d say possibly, depending on how you carry, and they may also be post-natal/post-maternity leave clothes. I lost about 15 lbs before becoming pregnant and ended up using a lot of my pre-weight loss pants for the first half of pregnancy (before I was firmly in maternity clothing), and then for the few months after my maternity leave ended when I was still carrying an extra 10-15 lbs.

      Depending on your space constraints, you could always keep a few neutral and versatile pants in that size and donate/consign/etc. the rest.

      I feel like my size & shape has fluctuated soooo much in the last 4 years (heavier, lighter, pregnant, post-natal & heavy, then lighter, then pregnant again… and now post-natal and heavier). I so look forward to getting back to the weight I think of as “me” and getting rid of the other clothes that don’t work!

    • mascot

      Are any of these items classic and seasonless? Like a nice pair of black pants or jeans that don’t look dated? You’ll likely need some transition pieces for early pregnancy and post pregnancy when you really don’t have the belly for maternity clothes but are a bit too big for your regular size. But, since you can’t predict the season you’ll need them, I’d be reluctant to keep a whole bunch of seasonal clothes that may or may not be in style. You can always find new transitional pieces.

    • Jacket / Coat help

      I think that too-big clothes are useful for when you are in the closet re being pregnant but showing only in a vague way (so on a first baby, from at most weeks 12-20) and possibly useful post-partum. This applies mainly to pants, as your normal shirts should fit in this period unless they are super-fitted. Same for your normal jackets for all but the end of PG.

      “Fat” clothes were useful for after the baby came once the maternity pants no longer fit. And then for a short window (no more than 3 months).

      I’d maybe save some pants and donate the rest. Stuff that you may need a few years from now usually isn’t worth the space. Seasons and your actual experience with shape changes will ultimately determine what you need.

    • Anonymous

      I’m currently 13 weeks pregnant and have only gained 1lb (which seems to come and go depending on the day), but I definitely have a pooch and my waist has spread out. It also gets worse as the day wears on, so things that are slightly tight in the morning are very uncomfortable in the afternoon. I am wearing only (very limited number of) things that were slightly too big before the pregnancy. However, I do realize that in a few weeks time, I won’t even be able to wear these items. My tops are also small because my chest has grown.

      Basically, my short answer is that I’d love to have a closet full of previously slightly too big items right now. It would make getting dressed a lot easier. But, I don’t know if it would have been worth it to hold onto “worthless” items for 2+ years.

    • Diana Barry

      Yes! I wore all my fat clothes up until 14-15 weeks or so (especially the suits and blouses), and then again post-partum.

    • Anonymous

      It depends on your body and how you carry. I wore tops that were one size bigger throughout my pregnancy and bottoms one size larger around weeks 18-24 of my pregnancy. After that, I tried on pants and skirts 2 sizes larger and they looked awful. I had a pregnant belly that stuck straight out, but my hips and rear end did not get that much bigger. So I switched to bottoms with a maternity panel. I guess what I’m saying is, keeping the old clothing probably won’t save you from having to get some maternity-specific items and will just take up space.

  11. DC Birthday Gathering

    Any suggestions for a place in the DC or Arlington area for a 60th birthday gathering? My Dad told me today that he wants to surprise my Mom, which is very out of character for him and I’m proud of him! His suggestions so far, however, are kind of “blah” (Lunch at Maggiano’s in Tysons with everyone paying their own way). My Mom has some pretty hoity toity friends, and I want to make sure we surprise her with something she’ll be proud of. Dad is very budget-concious, so I’m thinking maybe a happy hour with a private room or something similar. Other ideas could be a concert or show of some sort. Most of her friends live in Rosslyn. TIA!

    • Anon in NYC

      What about something like the Tabard Inn? They have event space depending on the size of the party, food is good, and they seem to have a variety of special event options (cocktail reception, plated meals, etc.).

    • V

      Maybe something at the DAR? http://www.dar.org/natsociety/events/default.cfm

      My female relatives of that vintage are very into that sort of thing. I think you can also host events in rooms at the University Club and other private clubs (you probably work with someone who’s a member or someone who knows someone who’s a member and then you work with them like you would with a hotel). ANCC is also very nice and right there in Arlington.

    • potato

      No idea if this is feasible for you, but could you host a happy hour at your home? Even including the cost of a cleaner and a bartender might come out more economical than a restaurant. (Obviously, the practiciality of this idea depends on your space, how comfortable you are with the idea, etc.)

    • Kim

      Drinks – definitely cheaper and less to organize than a lunch. Maybe a play and then drinks somewhere with a spectacular view, like the bar at Vantage Point Rooftop in Rosslyn, or Sequoia in Georgetown?

      • Kim

        Play just for the two of them, not all of the friends. The drinks with friends would be the surprise.

    • Anonymous

      You can actually rent an event space for not TOO expensive at Mount Vernon and it’s a neat location.

    • DC birthday spots

      Tabard Inn is lovely. I’ve been to private events at Fiola, Tosca and Elizabeth’s on L Street that were also very nice. A brunch might be less expensive. If you want to stick to Arlington and a bit more casual, Boulevard Woodgrill and Lyon Hall do private events (and I love the brunch at Lyon Hall).

    • Anonymous

      In DC, Central has a really nice private room, but there may be a fee/minimum. Also, brunch is a good option. I had a brunch event at Cheesetique which was lovely and much cheaper than dinner/drinks.

  12. New Girl

    Any recommendations for a small air purifier I can use at work? My office is above a factory with more things floating around than I care to think about and my allergies have hit an all time low. OTC stuff isn’t helping anymore and my work is suffering because I feel awful most of the time. I’m working from home today and need to figure out what to do for my office without seeming like a prissy little b*+Ch. If you know anything that could help, I’m game. Thanks!!!

    • Anonymous

      Look up air purifying plants. They can work wonders and some of them don’t need sunlight.

    • Baconpancakes

      A good air purifier will cost you some $$$, but it’s definitely a good investment. Put it in front of the vent that comes into your office, and let it run continuously the first few days. No recs on brands, though.

    • SH

      You work above a factory with little things floating around. Kids who worked in factories with little things floating around before we had child labor laws used to get “cotton-lung” and died. Besides, you’re recognizing that something is taking a toll on your work, and you’re remedying it – this is not prissy. Honestly, if I were your boss and you came to me and asked me to buy you/help pay for an air purifier because your allergies were terrible, I would do so without a second thought (probably while taking my Zyrtec). Rock your air purifier(s) without worrying about looking prissy. :-)

  13. Ferragamo

    Re-posting from last night…
    Any tips on Ferragamo maintenance? I just purchased my first pair of calfskin Vara’s, and want to keep them looking nice. Also, any tips on how much they stretch?

  14. Merabella

    Sadly my dryer is dying. It has lived a long life and made several apartment moves, and I think it is just time to put it down. I’m perusing the different options of dryers on the market and I am totally overwhelmed – the last one I got for free from neighbors who were moving into their house, so I don’t know what is good/bad/ugly.

    Thoughts, feelings, anyone have a dryer that has completely changed their outlook on life?

    • Susie

      I got a GE steam set from Sears and I like it, though I haven’t really learned how to use all the functions yet, and it’s probably more than I need for my purposes since I tend to just throw everything in on normal setting. When I was looking at them I was a little overwhelmed, a dryer is a dryer to me, so I just let my husband decide.

    • anon2

      Check out Consumer Reports. An online subscription is like $3-4/month and I find myself checking out stuff on there all the time.

      • bgt

        If you want, you could also save the $3-4 and use your library card. Many public libraries have an online subscription you can access through their webpage.

    • ANP

      We have HE front loaders from Sears (Kenmore, which is made by Whirlpool Corp.). We’ve had them five years and I love them! Quiet, efficient, no-maintenance.

  15. a nonny miss

    TJ: I have to write a self-assessment for my annual review (my first). I’m so bad at talking about myself, I don’t know what to say and when I start to address something I’ve done that exceeds expectations, I feel like a farce and then delete it. I hate, hate, hate things like this.

    • Walnut

      Do you have to write in paragraph form? If not, I suggest starting a bullet point list for each question. I find a bullet points helps me state facts without getting caught up over the adjectives/adverbs. Once your lists are established, go back and add description and supporting details.

    • Anonymous

      Pretend you’re writing about someone else, or that you’re someone else who is writing about you. Don’t sell yourself short — you’re awesome!

    • bgt

      If it’s that kind of assessment, stick to facts, not subjective personality traits. I find it hard to say “I’m awesome and smart and everybody likes me” in a way that doesn’t feel ridiculous, but it’s easier for me to say “I accomplished XYZ and learned how to do ABC this year.”

    • AMSB

      I hate writing these too. To make it easier, I have developed a loose format for my responses. I have gotten very positive feedback in my review sessions about my responses, so it at least works at my Firm. In each response I: (1) state one or two things I have done well or achieved (“During this review period, I successfully argued a Motion for Summary Judgment before Judge X and X Court . . . “); (2) one or two things I can improve upon and HOW I am improving them (“In working with many different teams this period, I realize that I may not be communicating frequently enough with X about Y. Realizing this, I am endeavoring to update them about A project every T time period.”); and (3) if appropriate, a summary of what I have done (“During the past six months, I have drafted X motions, including X dispositive motions, X petitions, X inernal memoranda, etc. etc.”). Good luck!

    • mascot

      Actually, this is kind of helpful. If a top makes a model look busty, and she’s fairly petite up top, it’s going to be even more noticeable on a woman who is busty. Same with the height/inseam measurement so you can see if that dress really is too short for work or the model just has mile long legs.. Yay Zappos.

  17. anon for this

    Can anyone recommend a good therapist in San Francisco? My relationship ended over the weekend and I need to do something to help pick me up off the floor. I’ve never done counseling before, so I don’t exactly know how the billing works, but I would prefer to find someone within my health insurance network (Aetna PPO). Thanks in advance.

    • Cb

      Vanessa Tate! Not sure about insurance, she took my BCBS but I had to bill it myself? She’s fantastic, specialises in CBT which I found really helpful when dealing with situational issues.

      • Brooklyn Paralegal

        +1 to CBT. I don’t live in SF, but I started doing CBT a few months ago and it’s AMAZING. Also something you can basically do yourself once you learn the techniques.

        • Brooklyn Paralegal

          I should qualify that in my experience, it’s something I’ve learned to do myself. Some folks might need the presence/guidance of a therapist.

    • Susie

      Sorry don’t know any therapists but happy to recommend a good bar, and listening ear if you want to vent.

    • OP

      Thanks, all. I’ve spent the better part of my morning researching different counselors and leaving voicemails for the ones I think seem promising. Hopefully I can make a few initial appointments and find one that feels right.

  18. Sparks

    Looking for some brutal honesty from the hive. I am about to begin a one-year state appellate clerkship, and am already thinking about where I am going when its over. Couple of questions. First, is it possible to get hired at a large law firm out of a state appellate level clerkship when you didn’t summer at a firm? I worked at a county attorney’s office during school, no firm experience. I did OCI, but didn’t really blossom in law school until 2L year, so my grades were not as competitive at OCI as they ended up being by the time I graduated.
    Second, I am NOT interested in going on a partnership track, rather would just like to put in a couple of years, pay some loans back, and move on to a smaller firm or government. Is this bad for my career, or pretty normal?
    Thanks!

    • AIMS

      I think it depends on your state, your clerkship, where you went to law school, how much you blossomed and what your grades were pre-blossoming, and your contacts now and in the next year. But in the current hiring climate, it will take effort and lots of networking almost anywhere.

      • Anonymous

        Agree. I’m in a state appellate clerkship and some people I know have gone on to large firms, but not many. Those factors AIMS identifies make a big difference, especially your contacts/networking. It’s possible but you should start now.

      • OP

        I was in top 30% of my class during OCI, graduated summa cum laude in top 10%. I was also on law review and had my note published, got courtroom and trial experience and wrote appeals while working for the CA, etc. So on paper, I think I’m qualified, sounds like its more a matter of meeting the right people in the next year. My school would not get me into big law outside of my metro area, but our grads are prevalent in offices in my city.

        • NKV9

          Certainly wouldn’t be impossible here. I’m in the midwest, former biglaw. You might consider exploring clerking for a second year at a “higher” level (quotes because I think you can get useful experience clerking at any “level” and don’t mean to imply otherwise). I would be careful about how you network your first year out of law school – cold inquiries to firms might not get as many results after a firm has established its associate class for a particular year. I would focus on connecting with your fellow/co- clerks (especially those with offers), and join the New Lawyers Section of your state bar. And, of course, stay in touch with all of the contacts (employers, professors, etc.) you made during law school.

        • Anon for this

          I’m from a similar school in a medium-sized market (I think). Unfortunately, from what I’ve seen, the grads working at state appellate clerkships are not getting jobs at large firms. They are getting picked up by reputable smaller firms who don’t usually do OCI, but the larger firms are sticking to their summer programs or are hiring federal clerks.

          I don’t know what the large law firm jobs are like in your city, but if you don’t want to be in biglaw long term, then look somewhere else! I see the hours that people are working (2100+) and I just don’t get it. You can make a wonderful living and have a full, vibrant life with lower pay and better hours. Don’t necessarily pigeon-hole yourself into biglaw.

    • Anonymous

      Thinking solely from the perspective of my firm, I think getting a big firm job (in a place where you didn’t summer) out of a state appellate clerkship will be tough (assuming it’s not the state’s highest court, which will be much easier), and it will depend on the market you’re in, the upward trajectory of your grades, any recommendations that your judge can provide, any prior work experience, and how well you interview. In short, I think you’re going to have to put in some effort.

      In terms of your career path, I think a lot of people have the same idea. It’s pretty normal. I wouldn’t say that going into an interview with a big firm though, so think of an answer to “where do you see yourself in five years?”.

      • NKV9

        Totally agree, and didn’t mean to imply in my above response that you won’t have to engage in new, substantive networking.

    • Anon

      In my state (AZ) a handful of appellate clerks (both the state Supreme Court and Court of Appeals) get hired at firms they didn’t summer at. Some used their judge’s/justice’s connections to help them get their foot in the door, others did it solely through sending out resumes. You do sound well qualified on paper, so that absolutely helps.

      I will also note that many of these appellate clerks who don’t have something lined up for after the clerkship take another clerkship. With their prior clerking experience, they can usually get a “better” clerkship (federal district court) than they could have straight out of law school. That at least bought them some more time and another line on the resume before they found a job in private practice.

  19. Legally Brunette

    Has anyone been to a Boden sample sale in your city? I received a postcard talking about huge savings on Boden items at an upcoming event. Are these clothes the dregs that no one else wants or have people found great deals?

    • Famouscait

      I went to one in Boston last year – it was a zoo. There were lots of off season pieces. I’d go in knowing what size you need for Boden sizing, because some things were unclear (like shoes). I ended up walking out empty handed because I didn’t want to wait in line for an hour to pay.

  20. Foley & Corinna

    Can anyone comment on quality? I am considering getting one of their bags but want to make sure I am not wasting my money. It’s about $162 on sale. Assuming the quality is comp. to Cole Haan, I would be very happy with that. But I’ve gotten burnt on similar brands before so would love personal experiences.

  21. anon

    hi all, looking for roommate advice. I was planning on moving in with a girl/paying her half a month’s rent for the rest of august and signing onto the lease in September. the lease is month to month with 30 days notice to leave. i haven’t read the lease yet but she is currently the only one on it. she has just asked me to pay her half the security deposit, because apparently she (the girl) has paid out half of the security deposit to the old roommates as they left.

    i’m uncomfortable paying half to her, and would prefer that the landlord re-write the lease for both of us on September 1, so we can each pay the LL half the security deposit. I might be more uncomfortable bc I feel like she would be leaving first and i cant pay her half… i’m a poor law student.

    how do i approach this with her/ the landlord? I am in NYC if it makes a difference. Would it be better if I just sublet from the girl? ugh.

    • Walnut

      I took over a room in an apartment from one of the previous roommates and after I left, passed that room onto another person. Basically, the apartment was never fully vacated, just lease changes for eight or so years.

      When we changed roommates, we signed an addendum to the lease to change the responsible parties. All current roommates were always on the lease, however we didn’t put a new security deposit down with the landlord. We paid out the previous roommate for their portion of the intial security deposit from years before.

      The reality is that the landlord had a general policy of not increasing rent unless a full new lease was signed, so future roommates essentially “locked in” to the old lease rate. The last people to live in the apartment will not likely get any of the initial deposit back, however, none of us cared, because we had a lower monthly rent. It evened out in the end.

      • Anonymous

        thanks! yeah I don’t want to have the LL take this opportunity to raise the rent..

    • hellskitchen

      You could approach it by saying that you’d prefer to be on the lease so that you can start building a housing history for the next time you have to rent. When I rented in NYC, landlords and management companies liked that I could show that I had rented before in the city and was a responsible renter.

  22. PF Angie

    So, I tried on my medium-wash denim pencil skirt (from yesterday’s discussion) with different tops and all I could think of was the 90210 theme song. I was rocking my inner Kelly Taylor. I am too old and the wash is too light. To the donate pile!

    • AIMS

      Rocking your inner Kelly Taylor is only acceptable in 2013 if it comes with a Dylan McKay.

    • Miss Behaved

      I’m wearing a dark-wash denim pencil skirt today, with a black and white striped tee. I bought my skirt at the beginning of the summer and wear it once a week or so.

      • Nonny

        Which raises the question for the OP – if you like the skirt but not the wash, why not just dye it darker? Not difficult to do and it would be way cheaper than buying a new dark-wash skirt…

        • FP Angie

          I’ve tried dying jeans before – maybe I’m not good at it, but it just didn’t come out right. Anyone else have success dying denim? What products would you recommend?

  23. Veronique

    What are some of your favorite professional style blogs? Bonus points for bloggers who aren’t stereotypically tall and slim!

    • Anon

      I like Extra Petite. Even though she is thin, she is not tall (obviously…). But I really like her style and she does a good mix of more expensive peices with more affordable ones.

    • Baconpancakes

      Since starting to work in her husband’s family’s flower shop instead of the office job, most of her clothes are way too casual for a business workplace, but A Pretty Penny always looks great. She has a normal, pretty shape, not super tall, definitely not overweight but she does have feminine curves, and I love that most of her clothes are sale or thrift clothes.

    • Anonymous

      Business casual to casual: Putting Me Together
      Grad school student trying to look put together (sometimes has ideas for business-casual environments so I check once/week): Franish

  24. Jo March

    So today one of the assistants asked me straight up if I have a baby bump. I hemmed and hawed and she wouldn’t leave it alone and I finally confessed since I’m pretty bad at the straight lying to specific questions. I told her I am still just 11 weeks, so it’s not really public yet, but apparently she has a big mouth and now that she knows, everyone will know. Blargh.

    We’ve seen the heartbeat, and I’m only a week from second trimester, but we haven’t had any of the diagnostic tests yet, so I was going to wait until at least the first set of those were done (September 11). But I guess the cat is more or less out of the bag now. All I can hope is that if, goddess forbid, something goes wrong, people will not directly ask me about *that* too. Sigh.

    • Equity's Darling

      It drives me a litte crazy when people are so nosy…but, I hear that pregnant ladies endure lots of unwanted questions, so, I have a feeling this might just be the beginning?

    • Anon in NYC

      The audacity of nosy people never fails to amaze me. Why would anyone think that was okay to ask someone?!

      • Ugh

        There was a flamewar on here some time ago when some jerk asserted that people who want privacy about pregnancy are b*tches. I call that person a jerk for a reason, rather than a troll, because I think the sense of outraged nosy entitlement was 100% real: “how dare anybody not satisfy my idle curiosity!”

    • hellskitchen

      That is so inappropriate of her! Especially that she persisted after you tried to put her off. Ugh

      • Anonymous

        Its so completely inappropriate. I would have just stared at her with a blank look on my face. To continue to persist is so freaking rude. There is never an okay time to ask a woman if she’s pregnant. If she is, she’ll tell you when she wants to tell you. If she’s not, you’re an awful person and you just insulted her.

      • Senior Attorney

        And also “I can’t believe you are actually asking me this, and I am totally not going to have this conversation with you! [insert amused yet disbelieving laugh here]”

        • Jo March

          You guys are both totally right.

          Partly I can’t wait to actually be able to tell people, which makes it harder. And partly I know I do show. I can’t afford to buy a whole new wardrobe just for this in-between time when I still fit into my clothes, just in an obviously pregnant way. And partly I’m just bad at actual face-to-face confrontation. But given that I’m coming up on times where strangers will touch my belly, to be followed by all kinds of parenting drive-bys (where strangers comment on your parenting) and comments about public breastfeeding, I’d better get used to calling people out on their unbelievable chutzpah!

          • PollyD

            I’ve never been pregnant, and probably never will be, but if someone touches your belly, please, please touch theirs back and look at them innocently and say, “I thought this is what we were doing now?” I so want a pregnant woman to do that and report back here.

            I think if someone touched me unasked like that, it would be really difficult for me to not slap their hand away. Hard.

          • KLG

            Hahaha, PollyD, that is AWESOME!!! I have a friend who I know will totally want to use that!

      • Anonymous

        “You’re not allowed to ask me that.” With the optional, “You know better.”

        Because, she is not.

    • Jo March

      Also, clearly it is *not* just in my head that I show! lol :p

      There was even someone else in the bathroom when she was persisting on this! Though, that person is my office neighbour and after the assistant left, she told me that the thin walls meant she already knew, lol, but she was not going to say anything until I told her directly. Because, you know, that’s how normal people act!

      • Anonymous

        I am definitely looking chubbier and my pooch is hard to hide, but I would be so so so so insulted if someone asked me about it.

        • Anonymous

          I think it is all pooch for me right now. Things are fitting everywhere but my belly. So, like, it’s not really weird or insulting that people are looking at my belly in a curious way, lol. But straight out asking? And not backing off? Ugh.

      • LawChickie

        When I told my MP’s wife (who also works here part-time) that I was pregnant she said, “I wasn’t sure if you were pregnant or just getting fat from not having time to exercise.” Ugh. I waited until 16 weeks to tell my firm, so I guess I was showing, but STILL.

    • anon

      Umm, why do people insist on doing this?! I switched BC pills earlier this year and my chest grew and I gained 5 lbs….about a year after getting married….and I had three separate people ask me directly if I was pregnant! Are you kidding me?! I was really upset. Luckily the side effects subsided (or maybe I just doubled down on diet and exercise bc it was so incredibly embarrassing!). I’m sorry for you, Jo March! Pushy people in the office are so tough.

    • Pest

      Ugh. I hate nosy people. DH and I are TTC and if an when it happens I plan to flat out deny it until I have to transfer my cases to go on materinity leave. I will walk around like a chipmunk and to anyone nosy enough to ask I will say, “I’m not expecting. I’m just fat.”

  25. Julia

    To: Ferragamo: In my experience, Ferragamos don’t stretch but they do mold to your foot. Store them on wooden shoe trees, don’t wear them two days in a row, if they are calf leather, use a cream polish. (Like Meltonian.) I keep them in the boxes they came in. I never wear mine in bad weather, (indoor shoes only) and I have some that are 10 years old, (when they were around $200!) that still look like new.

  26. 2 to 3?

    Kids TJ–any thoughts from the wise hive about two versus three kids? We have two kids (5 and 2) and are considering going for a third. We love our kids (and usually like them), and figure we’re already deep into it so that adding another won’t be as brutal. I should add that I naively though going from one to two was going to be easy but in many ways we found it much harder than even having the singleton. That was in part due to job transitions for both parents, but in large part it was balancing the needs of a toddler and newborn.

    If we were to expand, our kids would be a bit older and we’re now positioned (in terms of school/preschool/nanny as well as our jobs) that the day-to-day change would not be such a massive shift (I hope). For a little context my husband and I both work fulltime but I have some flexibility; our kids are in preschool/elementary school and we also will have a part-time nanny to help with afterschool/evening shift; we wouldn’t need to move or anything major along those lines.

    I’d love to hear any thoughts from parents of three whether it was a tough transition or any other wisdom you’ve gleaned on this. TIA. (And sorry for another baby/kids/parenting topic.)

    • Lyssa

      I’d be interested in this discussion, and hope that you’ll repost this afternoon for more responses!

      (Currently in a sort of panic about the idea of moving from 1 to 2 (sometime in the future, not now), and I’ve almost started a discussion about it a few times myself, so I’d love to hear on that, too.)

  27. Also on the bumpwatch front

    The post above makes me wonder if any of you could give me a better response to this situation:

    My husband has an ex-wife who came up to me at an event for my step-child and said loud enough for the room to hear “WHEN ARE YOU DUE?”

    All I could do was Death Stare + a startled “Excuse me?!?”

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