Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Elio Cotton Shirt
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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
A classic white button-up is a must-have for a lot of professional women, but why not make it a little bit of fun? The ruffle details from Nili Lotan give this classic menswear-inspired shirt a slightly more feminine spin.
I would wear this with a sweater or a blazer that lets the tuxedo cuffs pop out and say hello.
The blouse is $490 at Nili Lotan and comes in sizes XS-XL.
A couple of more affordable options are from Quince ($60, XS-XL) and J.Crew Factory ($66, lucky sizes XXS-3X).
Sales of note for 8/21:
- Ann Taylor – 25% off fresh fall styles! Also, there's an online-only warehouse sale — $20 tops, $25 sweaters, $30 pants, and $40
- CVS – Epic beauty sale, $10 off when you spend $30 (Walmart is having its “Beauty Event” as well right now!)
- The Fold – Up to 50% off, further markdowns
- J.Crew – Last chance summer styles on sale
- J.Crew Factory – 8/21 only: 50% off pants and shorts, and free shipping on all orders
- J.McLaughlin – Extra 40% off sale
- Lilysilk – Anniversary sale, save up to 70%
- Me & Em – Sale! Up to 60% off (new lines just added, exclusively online)
- M.M.LaFleur – Lots of new pieces added to sale (Try code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off on other items)
- Nordstrom Rack – Clearance, new markdowns up to 75% off! Nice selection of Vince, Veronica Beard, Reiss and Rag & Bone, a ton of affordable work dresses from Calvin Klein, Maggy London, Eliza J, and Donna Morgan
- Revolve – 20% off most beauty!
- Talbots – End of season clearance, extra 70% off markdown tops and extra 60% off other markdowns
- Theory – End of season sale is on!
I just found out at our annual department conference we are going to have a casino night at a local country club. It’s about an hour after the workday ends, and we’re in an area where people tend to dress on the casual and not stylish side of the spectrum. Of course, there is no dress code specified. What would you wear? Is this a wear something a little more fun than usual to work and take the blazer off? Or do I need a work cocktail dress? Budget is 500 or so if not super trendy and can be worn again.
What kind of company do you work for — is it large and formal? You say your area is casual and not stylish. But what’s your company like — do people dress stylishly or formally for work? I guess what I’m asking is, Does how you dress for this party actually matter to anyone at the company, and you’re just dressing for yourself to feel confident in what you’re wearing, or is there a set of stylish/formal people that you need to “match” at this party?
People dress formally but their styles are not very current. This is a bit of a gap in my wardrobe so I don’t mind buying something if I can get more wears out of it. I would like to go less boring than black dress and blazer as that’s never been my style.
work conference IME = some people will go OTT, others will yawn and turn up in average business casual, and others will dress more nicely than normal as a nod to being festive.
If you don’t have colleagues to collude with on which approach you’ll collectively take, I’d probably wear a LBD that day.
I can ask around but I was curious what other people interested in fashion would do. If anyone wants to do any vicarious shopping I would love the ideas. I thought I had all my outfits picked out but none will work well for this so back to the drawing board.
+1. A black dress that you can wear with a blazer during the day and then take the blazer off for the evening would be my move.
Also if it’s really casual (my industry = really casual), I really like a jean jacket with black dress.
Me and em has a denim blazer I’ve been eyeing maybe that could work?
My vicarious shopping specific recs – I was looking for knit black dresses specifically because I think they travel well. I do have a personal preference for ribbed knits, reflected in my picks – I know that’s not for everyone.
Cotton Cashmere Ribbed Sleeveless Midi Dress from Quince
LORETTE DRESS from Sezane
Ralph Lauren Rib-Knit Elbow-Sleeve Polo Dress
People will probably just wear whatever they wore to work.
+1
This would be my guess too. I doubt people will change into cocktail attire.
Personally, I would go the route of wearing something a little dressier to work and just run with that for the event. I would only buy something if it filled a gap.
I am rebuilding my wardrobe after being remote for a long time so no issues buying something.
A dress feels very fussy to me. I just got the Leopard version of the Tuckernuck jacket featured here last week and it’s a fun piece. In your shoes, I’d buy that and a pair of black cigar3tte pants and wear with pointed toe flats. That will take you all day and into a country club in the evening.
If I already owned a sparkly or embellished top or blouse, I might throw that in my work bag and change into it after work. I’d pair it with the black skirt or pants I wore during the workday.
I’d wear a LBD and pop on something sparkly and/or colorful after work, like a big necklace, dangly big earrings, cocktail ring, or sparkly pashmina, and a small shiny clutch. Maybe add metallic shoes/sandals (thinking gold, silver, or even a fun hot pink).
Just don’t wear a big necklace, big earrings, ring, pashmina, clutch and sparkly sandals all at once or you will look like you’re going on a cruise or something.
What are your favorite ways to add more nutrition and/or taste to daily staples? I’m trying to jazz things up a bit and add more variety but could use more ideas. So far I’ve been enjoying adding pumpkin seeds to salad, adding bleu cheese to salad, adding red chili flakes/sauce to noodles, using good mustards for a variety of things, adding pesto to homemade pizza, and a few others I’m probably forgetting. I want more meals to be really tasty, especially since we mostly eat at home these days. No mushrooms or mayo.
I recently switched from unflavored collagen powder to chocolate collagen powder and it’s made my daily coffee much more of a treat. I just do coffee, chocolate collagen and regular milk but it tastes much more decadent. I don’t think I can go back!
Adding generous amounts of fresh herbs to sandwiches, salads, soups, pizza, pasta – just about anything. Personally, I like basil, parsley, cilantro, and mint. Try cooking more with aromatics such as onions, ginger, garlic, celery, cumin seeds, sesame seeds, etc. I also like to use sesame oil with Asian cooking for extra flavor.
You could experiment with different salts as a seasoning.
For more flavor, seasonings and spices like you are doing, try including fresh herbs as well as other concentrated flavor carriers like good vinegars, soy sauce or tamari, chili oil, etc.
For nutrition: add just one more veggie or fruit beyond what a recipe calls for. In addition to pepitas, you can sprinkle chia sees, ground flax seeds, hemp hearts, sunflower seeds, or chopped nuts to all manner of dishes.
+1 to all of this. Fresh herbs in particular add a lot and are easy to grow in the summer months and you can freeze extra pesto for the rest of the year.
Try adding dressings and sauces made with things like tahini, miso, or sesame oil and dried or fresh fruit and or nuts to salads. The Cookie and Kate creamy tahini mustard dressing is good, and roasting veggies or making salad dressing with miso and or peanut butter and soy sauce is another variation. Dried fruit like cranberries can also be really good in a salad made with brussel sprouts, kale, the aforementioned tahini dressing and seeds or nuts for crunch. Rotate in things like roast sweet potatoes or a sliced apple or pear and or bleu cheese, for example.
I do this to bulk things out.
Pancakes made with sweet potatoes, pumpkin or ricotta cheese.
Every sauce has lentils in it. I use 4 veg for each meal. My kids have ADD combined and diet has a significant impact on their ability to focus.
Just be wary of how many calories you are adding. Cheese is great until you see the calories. I also have to watch oxalates for my autistic son as he over absorbs it then has issues. This means limited spinach and no blending or using left over vegetable water.
Try Japanese rice toppings – furikake. If you can’t find them locally you can get them at Am@zon. I put them on hard boiled eggs, salads, bagels w/ cream cheese, etc. Nice little sprinkle with few added calories.
More on the nutrition side – add flaxseed or nutritional yeast! Flaxseed is great in oatmeal, soups, etc. nutritional yeast has a cheesy flavor and can be added to savory dishes.
I’m thinking of what else we currently have around. Lemon and lime where relevant (I use the “True Lemon” brand crystal packets if I’m out of the fresh fruit). I like to add lemon to raw chicken before cooking and to tinned fish before eating. Preserved lemon can also be good with tinned fish. Lime I use more often on raw fish before cooking, along with the good cumin. Sumac where relevant.
Lately we’ve been using a lot of the little jar of Siete brand salsa cremosa garlic and jalapeno in various dishes, and we’re working our way through a jar of prefab chimichurri (mostly on steak or fish). Any salsa you like can work as a condiment on proteins or on salads.
Toasted sesame oil on tofu or noodles. Since you like mustard, it can sometimes be elevated further with fresh chives or with capers or just good jarred horseradish (and some sharp provolone). Upgraded soy sauce or tamari really is better in dishes where you’ll actually taste it. Miso can be a good one too.
Slow cooker meat stews can get pomegranate molasses, or tomato paste and anchovies, or star anise and black soy sauce.
We’re slightly obsessed with Toby’s brand Ranch dressing right now. If your diet allows, I’ve heard that dry packets of Ranch dressing seasoning have a lot of uses.
I think there are slightly different goals here but some of what i do:
– add peanut butter to oatmeal or shakes for protein. I buy the one that is just roasted peanuts and salt from Whole Foods to avoid extra sugar and oils.
– add an extra egg or a couple of tablespoons of plain yogurt to things like pancakes, banana bread, etc. The additional egg is extra good in crepes.
– sprinkle Everything Bagel seasoning on whatever I can think of; it’s great on avocados/avocado toast, the aforementioned peanut butter oatmeal, etc.
– double the amount of veggies called for in any veggie pasta/fried rice type recipes, round out things like chicken or beef tacos with some extra beans (and veggies), or add fruit and veggies where I can (for ex., sliced tomato on top of bagel & cream cheese or apple/banana slices on top of waffle with chocolate peanut butter). The more I do this, the more I can think of places to do it and the easier it becomes.
Easiest answer—get a garlic crusher.
My favorite flavor booster for veggies right now is Vinegar Salt that I found when I was on vacation in South Africa last year. It’s like a dash of vinegar on my veggies/ potatoes/ popcorn without making them soggy.
If anyone knows of where to find Vinegar Salt in the US, I would love to know. I only brought two bottles home with me and I’m going to be so sad when I finish them.
Also +1 to furikake. Also TJ’s Anything Bagel Seasoning.
Badia makes a vinegar salt, so check stores that sell their products. Walmart and Publix both sell the brand, though I have never looked for vinegar salt specifically (but now that I know it exists, I’m going to!).
My biggest nutrition booster is that I buy a ton of fresh produce at the farmer’s market every Saturday and plan our meals around using them up. All of our dinners are vegetable-heavy, and at least a couple times a week are vegetarian or vegan. And this time of year when fruit is abundant, there’s a lot of fruit, too. I made a salad with peaches, radicchio, basil, shallots, and pistachios the other day that was amazing.
There are lots of ways to make things delicious, but one of the easiest is good condiments. I keep a lot of them on hand to zhuzh up things: chile crisp, several hot sauces, bottled Thai peanut sauce, harissa, tamari, dijon mustard, lots of vinegars (rice, sherry, balsamic, red wine, and apple cider), toasted sesame oil, and kewpie mayo.
I also make flavor boosters that I keep on hand, like toasting a whole package of pecans when I need a few and then keeping the toasted ones in a jar to add to salads and yogurt. Or quick-pickling a red onion when I’m making salad or tacos and then using it for everything until it’s gone. Any fresh herbs that start drooping get blended into pesto and frozen in small containers to add flavor to future meals.
I was in a car accident and both parties were at fault according to the police report. My insurance company attributed 100% of fault to the other driver and theirs did the same (attributing all fault to me) and now the matter is in arbitration. The other driver also brought a personal injury suit. Their insurance company called me yesterday to ask if I would do some recorded Q&As. My insurance company said it was entirely up to me whether to participate. Any thoughts about this? I was thinking I could ask for the questions in advance? Or just not participate. I don’t really have anything to add to what is already in the record and would just be reiterating that we think the other driver was at fault.
this sounds like only downside potential to me, but ask your lawyer!
Get a lawyer.
This. Lawyer, lawyer all day long on this. Do NOT ever speak to the other parties’ insurance again.
Should I call them back to let them know that I won’t be doing the recorded Q&As or just let them get back in touch with me and then tell them that? When they called yesterday, I told them it wasn’t a good time for me and they gave me their number to call back so I feel like owe them a call. Thanks for all of the replies too!
Call *your* insurance company, tell them about the outreach, and let them (and the lawyer) handle from here.
oh wait I forgot you already told them. Personally… I would just not return the call.
NO!!! Call your own lawyer. Do not engage with the other side. This isn’t a c*cktail party.
No, do not call them back. If they reach out to you again, either don’t answer or if you cannot restrain yourself, simply tell them to stop calling you. They have your insurer’s contact info. They are not attempting to question you for your benefit.
Exactly this. You might end up saying something that could tank a lawsuit of your own or be damning in the other party’s lawsuit against you.
Never would I communicate directly with the other insurance company beyond telling them to stop contacting me and go through my agent if they have questions.
When my teenage driver was in an accident, the other insurance company was very aggressive in trying to get her to agree to a recorded call. Fortunately for us, they tipped their hand by connecting with her VM without realizing it, and started off with “when you caused this accident, did you consider the impact your negligence would have on our client?” The agent hung up when they realized they weren’t talking to a live person, and we were able to teach our daughter that the other party was not to be trusted.
The other party was 100% at fault per the police report. They ran a stop sign and t-boned our daughter but were contesting it based on dashcam footage showing a completely different intersection and a completely different vehicle.
That’s infuriating! Don’t talk to them, OP.
Do you have a lawyer defending you in this suit? If not, you should. And if you do have one, the insurance company should have contacted your lawyer, not you. I am a lawyer and don’t think you should do this. You certainly shouldn’t do it on your own, but your lawyer may advise that he or she fills out the responses, and that could be an okay idea.
Ask your insurance company for a lawyer under your auto policy to help defend this claim.
If there’s an arbitration and a lawsuit pending then your insurance company must have appointed counsel. Get in contact with them.
But obviously no you shouldn’t agree to do what is effectively a deposition without counsel present.
Do not talk to them. Common sense.
Is the lawsuit amount in excess of your policy limits? If so, lawyer up immediately. Ethically insurance defense counsel should represent you all the way, but an insurance company ponying up their policy limit and exiting stage left, leaving the insured exposed for the rest of it, is not completely unheard of.
Who told you that it was up to you to talk to the other side? Was it a lawyer or someone else? If someone else, talk to the lawyer handling the case. If it was the lawyer, call them back and ask them if they thought that was the answer that needed to give from an ethical standpoint. Ask them is they were in your shoes would they do a Q & A with the other side. If they won’t answer or crawfish on you, retain personal counsel. I’m having trouble imaging how personally talking to the other side when there is a lawsuit could be beneficial to you.
My friend is dating someone who is bad news. He is methodically isolating her from family and friends, and we are concerned for her emotional and financial well-being. Her parents feel completely helpless and rightfully fear that anything they say will push her closer to him. Has anyone experienced this and found a way to get through to their friend? I am currently one of the only people she is still comfortable with and I’m just shocked at how far things have gone.
I think all you can do is let her know you’re there for her.
The best thing you can do is nothing. Or not much, anyway. When she’s eventually ready to get out, she will be too embarrassed to reach out to people who warned her about him. She will need a soft place to fall that feels nonjudgmental. Let her know you love her and support and respect her decisions.
Stay in her life. Don’t speak badly about him and make sure you’re nice to him, as much as it kills you. Don’t give him any ammunition to turn her against you. She needs to know there’s someone who cares about her and won’t judge her, so once she realizes how bad things are she feels like she can come to you.
Have the “I think this guy isn’t great for you, and I’ll do whatever I can to help you if you want to leave or feel unsafe, but I love you and want to stay in your life” conversation exactly once.
Then don’t badmouth him, and keep in contact.
Stay in her life. Don’t say anything directly bad about him. You can say “If my-boyfriend did that I would be really surprised” or otherwise just say that you think the behavior is odd, but do not directly criticize the boyfriend. Do let her know when something is not normal. Just providing information but completely non judgemental.
We did a lot of this with a friend and luckily now they’re divorced. Lots of stories about “cousins” or “articles we read”. It was frustrating and painful, and tbh we did not know what to say after when she was like “oh he was horrible wasn’t he?”. But it worked.
I know it’s always touted as a classic but is it just me who feels like a waiter when I wear a white button up?
I like buttoned shirts, but I never wear them in white and usually not in solid colors, either. It’s always a subtle stripe or pattern.
Same, although less so when I style it differently. Cuff the sleeves, wear it with a silk scarf, top it with a sweater vest, definitely avoid pairing it with a dark, solid colored suit.
Would never wear the silk scarf or sweater vest but
love the look of crisp white shirt with dark suit. For me it’s the jewelry that makes the difference.
I only wear them if they have some texture, like linen or a knit. I would not wear a woven white shirt.
Now that you mention it I have a white gauze button up that I like wearing in the summer.
I only wear them with denim or patterns for this reason – def never black!
I rarely comment on the actual fashions suggested here, but I did think that the “every professional woman should have a white button up shirt” advice is not at all true. They were a pain when they were in fashion and I think most of us are happy to have moved on. They often just look boxy and wrinkly, and have revealing gaps between the buttons. Longtime readers will remember the anguished pleas for a shirt that fitted like Pam’s from The Office, seemingly without realizing hers were custom made to fit like a glove. There’s no reason at all to wear that style unless your employer requires it and their name (and yours! ) are embroidered on the front.
I agree. I think a white-button up is only a classic in theory but not in practice. Also, does anyone else work in an office where there is often a dramatic difference in dress styles between young associates and older partners (jeans and sneakers vs suits and blouses)? Frizzy long unkempt hair or hair pulled back in a clip vs. blow out? I just think it’s fascinating, like every rung on the ladder has its own subculture and reference points, all hanging out there for all to see.
Granted, I am not in law, but I’m kind of shocked by how the younger gen dresses and grooms for work. They look straight-up sloppy. Like, yes, I see that you’re wearing a dress, but it’s in a thin baggy knit fabric with no structure, and you look like you barely ran a comb through your waist-length hair. Yes, I’m judging.
To follow on: You don’t need a ton of money to not look sloppy, imho. I’m not expecting executive or even mid-level polish. Just, please look like you tried.
I feel like the long ungroomed hair is a pandemic leftover. Many people skipped regular haircuts while WFH, which was understandable. And long very “done” hair is glamorized now – what we see at work is the “weekday don’t care” version of long, time consuming waves and curls they would do for a weekend night out. I saw a young woman on train the other day who had hair above her shoulders with obvious grooming, and she really stood out (in a good way, to my old eye).
The whole thing (the clothes, the hair, etc) looks so odd to the generation of us who got corporate bobs after college and put on suits and stockings to go to work without a second thought. Because we wanted to look like grownups who belonged in the workplace and wanted to be taken seriously. My main issue at the time was not having enough money to buy the lovely suits I wanted, not a sense of oppression that I had to wear a suit!
10:38, that’s an interesting thought about the long hair being a pandemic leftover. To make it clear, I don’t think everyone needs to go corporate bob unless that’s your personal style. But when your long hair is loose and full of split ends … eh, it’s not a great way to present yourself. I am just old enough that I also remember wanting to use clothing to fit in (hence, how I ended up here). I was not offended by the need to dress up for work.
I would be happy to wear a suit to fit in/to be taken more seriously/etc.
But it seems like the expectation now is that you look quite polished but *also* that you look effortless. So a suit would be out of place but I need *just the right* more casual clothes, and perfect hair/teeth/nails/natural makeup, that look polished but not like you’re trying. And also, now, ozempic apparently. It is kind of a lot! Like, I absolutely brush my hair. But there’s a lot more to it. I wish I could just wear a suit and call it good.
Huh, it’s the workhorse of my wardrobe. I love them and consider it part of my essentials.
oh I totally agree – hadn’t noticed that in the text of the post until you mentioned it. It’s in my rotation as a way to calm down a busier bottom, but by no means is it a “must have.”
I think its that if it fits you easily, then it can be a staple. It’s a staple for mens workwear (although a bit boring). But I’ve never found a button down that really fit so I literally never wore them, even when they were in fashion.
I wear an oversized white button down from AYR at least once a week and never travel without it! Different strokes.
Agree. I wear a white button down consistently (as well as other solid colors). I get so many compliments and never understood the waiter comparison. It is a classic look for a reason.
Agreed. I’m baffled by the hate. It makes getting dressed so much easier because it’s just the base for everything else and looks great on its own.
I think the same thing when I see them, especially when paired with black pants. That was the uniform for my high school job, and I haven’t owned a single one since then.
I did have to wear one every day as part of my school uniform so maybe I still have some unresolved trauma, lol.
My controversial fashion opinion is that women shouldn’t wear button front collared shirts like this. There’s always a gap when looking at you from the side, even in a properly fitting shirt worn by a smaller chested woman. And no, wearing a cami doesn’t make it better that I can see under your shirt. The style just isn’t made for a woman’s shape.
I personally don’t like to wear this style, but as someone who sews: if the shirt fits properly there will not be a gap in the button band. If the button band gapes, it’s because the shirt does not fit correctly and/or the buttons are not placed properly to work with the specific wearer’s anatomy.
Only if you’re buying menswear, there are plenty of brands cut for women.
Not if you’re truly an AA or A cup. Some of us just never had this problem.
I am currently wearing a white shirt with navy pants and joked with a colleague that the navy is how you know I am not a waiter!
I easily have a half dozen white button downs. I love a statement blazer for testimony days and feel like button downs are a great underpinning for me.
I have an enormous lollipop head and a crew neck sweater/T looks absurd on me.
I love a button up shirt, but never in white. I like a darker color or pattern that can hide the inevitable stains that come from not being too precious with my clothes.
Same, all of mine are in patterns.
I hate ironing, so this look is a no-go for me even before we get to the ruffles.
Sezane makes a shirt like this that is really beautiful. I have it in silk and in cotton and wear both all the time. It’s probably a bit cheaper than this version, too!
I really struggle with sezane. I really like the aesthetic but somehow very few of the styles actually work on me. I’m short, short waisted, and curvy. I’m not a big person but somehow many of the pretty blouses make me look…. very round.
Same and I’m tall and thin, I don’t really understand who they’re cutting their clothes for.
Ooh good call. I love this one:
https://www.sezane.com/us-en/product/rym-shirt/ecru#size-0
J Crew made one previously that was like this but in a blue and white pinstripe with a white ruffle collar/cuffs and I still regret not purchasing it. It was such a good mix of masculine and feminine.
To the commenter yesterday afternoon who is having problems with her sister after their mom passed, I’m so sorry. It seems sad all around. Focus on enjoying your dad’s company, even if don’t tell him you and your sister are distant.
I have a bottle of Mielle Rosemary Oil, which is supposed to be good for improving thin hair. I haven’t really used it yet because I don’t know when/how to use it without making my hair look greasy. I usually shower/shampoo in the morning. last night, I put just a few drops on my scalp before bedtime and then washed our this morning. is there a better way?
Do you have the light version? Sounds like it will work better for you, if you’re worried about greasy (i.e., you have straight and/or thin hair).
I have fine, pretty dry hair. I use the light oil maybe every few weeks. Before bed, I put 3-4 drops in my palms and rub them together to heat, then apply the oil to my scalp using my fingertips, especially around the hairline, ears, and where I part my hair. I end by massaging whatever is left into the ends. Sometimes I comb it through.
It doesn’t really look greasy, but it is. I change my pillowcase in the morning after doing this and wash twice when I wash my hair.
I can’t say if it’s making my hair regrow thicker, but it’s a nice “hot oil” treatment for dry scalp and hair.
I have fine hair and I have this product but I stopped using it. I looked it up just now and the carrier oils are ” jojoba seed oil, castor seed oil, and coconut oil.”. Those are too heavy for fine hair. They work great for curlier or thicker hair. I use hair oil all the time but mainly oils that are olive oil based.
My understanding is that you are supposed to gently massage the oil into your scalp, let it sit for anywhere from 20 minutes up to an hour or two, then shampoo it out. Not put it in and wear it all day.
I have some and while I like the scent of it, it seems to be bunk on actually making my hair grow thicker. If anything, it seems the gentle massage is what might stimulate better blood flow to the scalp, improving general scalp health and possibly eventually hair growth. If you just don’t have that many hair follicles to begin with, though, it’s not like it is going to create new ones.
I’m almost 40, coming off a layoff where I landed quickly with a subsidiary of my prior employer, but keeping my eyes open for opportunities to grow my career.
There’s a lot of content out there about women my age opting out of corporate and building their own thing. What about for women who want to get back on the horse and feel like they have another fight left in them? My confidence is shot after my last boss, though I know I have more to provide than what I’m doing now and I want to test myself and see how much farther I can go. I want to retire early but not this early. Any authors, influencers, sites to follow for women who DO want to grow in corporate? Especially those who re-found themselves after a setback.
Do it, it’s a lot easier to have a regular paycheck and benefits. The other voices just need to be loud as they try to make a fraction of their prior income. Don’t let them get in your head and deposit those sweet checks of actual money every other week.
PS – if you’re a writer, this could be a nice niche you could pick up.
Do you have more insight into this? I feel AI has devalued writing work a lot. What are you envisioning? Corporate communications within her role at a brick and mortar job?
No I’m thinking of she wants to be an influencer, getting in on a topic without voices early is the way to do it. That said, it needs a hook. I’m thinking hobby not job.
I often wonder this. Am I completely sick of my work environment and the politics? Yes, so much. Would I find it just as stressful to not have a guaranteed paycheck every month? Probably yes. The thing that goes unspoken is that often the women who get to opt out either have a high-earning partner or another source of income. And that’s fine, but it’s probably not realistic for most of us.
A lot of the women striking out on their own DO want the steady paycheck and growth of a corporate job, but age and gender discrimination come in hot and heavy, albeit quietly. Those jobs are just plain hard to come by. Sorry :-( I hope you prove to be the exception and land exactly where you want to be
I love this. I’m an in house attorney and our CEO is constantly asking me about referrals because he thinks I must know a bunch of women (early 40s) ready to get back into the workforce or lean in harder. So the people who realize we are an untapped demographic are out there. In my circle it’s actually the women who seem less motivated to go for it.
That being said, I’d network, even informally. We recently hired a mom of one of my kid’s friends. She actually came through a recruiter but then I pushed internally and externally for her. But yesterday I was speaking to a mom I’ve known for a couple years who didn’t even realize I work. So I’m trying to talk about work a bit more and at least put it out there that I’m still clocking into an office five days a week unlike many (MANY) moms I know. (sorry mom focused but that’s my circle right now)
Those people are the exception not the rule. And it’s more interesting to read about the chick who left her corporate job to open a fancy cupcake store in Georgetown than the woman who continues to slog away at her desk.
But yes there are lots of us, and I suspect there will be more in our generation because more women are the primary breadwinner. I can’t afford to quit my job to sell pottery at craft fairs because I’m the one paying the mortgage and daycare; DH doesn’t make enough to pay both.
Women’s affinity groups in law have been great for learning from other women who are in the thick of it. There’s probably something similar in your field.
As for rebuilding your confidence after a horrible boss – I’ve done it. Probably not what you want to hear, but it just takes time. I tried therapy, too, but time and success is better therapy than sitting in someone’s office mulling over how to feel better about myself. If it helps, I think every successful woman has a horrible boss in her past (and maybe present). If you weren’t great then they wouldn’t feel the need to knock you down a peg. If you weren’t great then you wouldn’t be asking the questions you’re asking. You’ll get back to feeling like yourself and you will have built more resilience because of this. The next time some jerk tries to knock you down a peg, you’ll be able to resist it better.
I started my own business after a layoff (and currently make more than I did in my prior job for fewer hours), but it’s definitely not for everyone and there are certainly benefits to a guaranteed paycheck and employer-funded retirement contributions. If you feel excitement about continuing to climb the corporate ladder, I think that’s great and you should go for it.
I am one of those women and am in community with a lot of those women. Many of them have been laid off from senior roles and have been looking for corporate work for well over 6 months, some even a year. Many of them are doing their own thing so they have money. It’s easier to get contracts approved or a former colleague will outsource a project or two. I think people who stick it out end up replacing their salaries after the first year, but that’s about hustle anywhere.
For info sources, it’s probably the same, but women are the ones being pushed out of the workplace this past year so naturally it’s the conversation. But a lot of the advice about building a brand and expertise are true in business building and staying in house.
Your confidence will come back with time. I was laid off in the past, and it made me fearful and doubtful (I still remember waking up in the morning with a weight on my chest, just feeling the rejection like a physical pain). Fortunately, in the next job I landed, I thrived and was respected, so that helped me stop feeling like something was wrong with me or that all companies are shark tanks. That job was low-paying and I was there too long, but I ultimately doubled my income with my next job. So remember that the job you have can be a stepping stone if need be! That’s normal and fine.
The comment about the bad news guy reminded me – years ago, I cut contact with a good friend who was in yet another horrible relationship. On top of that, she lashed out at me and my husband in some pretty terrible ways. It was bad enough to hear the constant complaining about the guy, but being insulted wasn’t something I was going to tolerate. Since then, her social media posts have been all rainbows about how wonderful her life is.
I recently heard from a mutual friend that the relationship has continued to go downhill. I feel strangely vindicated. I don’t like this feeling. It’s petty. I thought better of myself than this. Has anyone else worked through something similar?
schadenfreude is a human emotion. Acknowledging it helps to squelch it! And mute her, if you don’t want to unfollow, to help avoid her posts to keep bringing up the feeling.
You’re human.
I have an ex-friend like this. If his relationship went south, I would privately cheer. Ex-friend and his current person are engaged, and their relationship is the result of an affair. That apparently went on a long time before he finally came thing and broke up with his wife, who remains a close friend of mine to this day.
I do not wish him good things or a happy relationship, TBH. I would feel schadenfreude if his fiance cheated on him.
Reframe this: realizing that you were correct in your initial instinct isn’t petty. Having your intuition validated lets you know you can trust yourself. Your perceptions are worth listening to. You don’t have to revel in the misfortune of others, but you can give yourself credit for seeing the truth of the situation.
I wrote above about how my friend finally divorced the alcoholic loser. I felt the same way. It was odd to hear her say “did you know that guy was trash” when yes of course we all did. I was frustrated that she had dismissed my concerns for years, and even tried to give me dating advice based on putting up with mens nonsense because women are “built different”. It did confirm for me that my intuition is correct actually.