ByElizabeth Hours Updated
Comments 299 Comments

Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Eloise Roll-Sleeve Floral Print Silk Blouse

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. It’s getting to the point in the year when I’m waking up and getting ready before the sun is up. To put it mildly, it’s a bummer. This bold floral print would certainly brighten my dark, chilly mornings. The lavender and red combination is unexpected, but I think it works here. I would wear this silk blouse tucked into a black pencil skirt. If you run cold, I would wear some kind of thermal camisole underneath. I like the Uniqlo HeatTech line.  This top, which is from Alice + Olivia, is $295 and available in sizes XS–XL. Eloise Roll-Sleeve Floral Print Silk Blouse For straight sizes, this Rachel Parcell top and this Halogen top are more affordable, as is this one from Talbots for plus sizes. This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support! Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.

Sales of note for 12.13

  • Nordstrom – Beauty deals on skincare including Charlotte Tilbury, Living Proof, Dyson, Shark Pro, and gift sets!
  • Ann Taylor – 50% off everything, including new arrivals (order via standard shipping for 12/23 expected delivery)
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – 400+ styles starting at $19
  • J.Crew – Up to 60% off almost everything + free shipping (12/13 only)
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off everything and free shipping, no minimum
  • Macy's – $30 off every $150 beauty purchase on top brands
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off, plus free shipping on everything (and 20% off your first order)
  • Talbots – 50% off entire purchase, and free shipping on $99+

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

299 Comments

  1. Elizabeth, I love the Blouse–the design and the material — but in the winter, it is far to open to stay warm, especially if you work in a drafty office like I do. I recommend wearing a Cami underneath, but the men like Frank, our Accountant, will likely tell you that they do NOT approve of Cami’s b/c they cover up everything in front, but I think it is better to be warm in the winter then to give men a cheap peek at our boobies. After all, they wear undershirts, button downs and ties, so there is really nothing for us to even want to see. Why should there be a double standard? There shouldn’t. FOOEY on men like Frank!

  2. Favorite 6 to 8 week workout routine that you can get from free videos and do at home with no equipment? I do one-off videos from places like fitness blender, but I’m starting to think that I need more structure during the winter months. I would love to find something that has fairly short exercises that I can do each day after work. My main goals are improving my core and lower back strength. TIA!

    1. It’s not totally free and does require a set of hand weights, but I absolutely love the Gillian Michaels 30-Day Shred.

      1. Exactly what I was going to say. The 30-day shred is amazing. The workouts are short, but really effective.

        I started off just using cans of soup or water bottles as weights, and upgraded as I got stronger

      3. 30 day shred is a great rec – it’s one I go back to often. When I’m tired of 30DS and need a change, I really like Beachbody’s 21 Day Fix. Also not free, but same concept – simple workouts that you can do at home without complicated equipment that take 25-30 minutes.

    2. Start with 100 burpees a day. takes less than 15 minutes and will go a long way to transforming your physique and improving your health.

      1. During law school, I did 100 squats a day, but would break them up during my long haul lecture days. Would go to the bathroom during class (oops) and do 25. Took about 5-6 mins, helped productivity, and gave me energy. And I agree with 100 burpees a day, that’d do a lot for ya.

      2. The only thing is burpies are awful (even if very effective). I wouldn’t want to discourage OP before she got far.

    3. Have you tried one of fitness blender’s workout plans? They have 6-8 week plans that give you a routine 3-5 days/week, depending on the plan. Highly recommend.

    4. The Nike Training Club app is amazing. They’ve recently added premium features, but they still have lots of awesome routines/plans and the videos are super helpful and explanatory. I started with it in undergrad when I had never done any kind of physician activity to now, I do CrossFit and feel super comfortable with or without equipment coming up with my own stuff, still love NTC workouts!

  3. Vicarious shopping request…

    Where to find a camel-colored knee-length A-line skirt? I’ve googled and searched all of the usual places (Nordstrom, Talbots, JCrew, Bloomingdales)… there is one at JCrew Factory but not sure of the quality of the material.
    Has anyone seen anything nice out there in that color? Willing to spend up to $250…

    2. In the past, I’ve actually had good luck with the quality of wool pencil skirts from JCrew factory.

    3. I think Uniqlo had some in that color and style. Sounds like they might be a little below your range, but I’ve always been impressed with their quality for price. :)

    4. I have the J Crew Factory one and it’s actually very nice (material is pretty thick).

  4. Kitchen has no backsplash, just drywall. I want to put up some sort of tile backsplash (lots of frying, red sauce, etc.). I was thinking of plain white 3×6 subway tile with white grout. Then I hear from the friends-of-handmade tile and the tile sellers who have handmade-looking tile (they say handmade is not obvious in white and is really only worth the $ in colors) and also larger sizes. Only the real handmade tile is very expensive, but it’s not such a small space that it’s not a budget killer.

    1. Will I regret larger tiles (will be in running bond)? 4×8 doesn’t seem so big. But really big tiles are harder for me to visualize — will they look cool or not cool?

    2. The handmade-ish ones just seem to have a less uniform surface. Again — will it be less classic? Or more typical of the world that was (house is older, if that matters)? Or just not much of anything since white subway tends to be invisible anyway (the goal, actually, vs my oily-smeary drywall that I’ve scrubbed clean too much).

    1. I have white subway so I’m no help but I do notice in the house flipping shows that they’re doing wildly patterned graphic tiles on backsplashes. Lots of black and white or blue and white and the kind of patterns that continue across tiles so that it takes like a 3×3 grid of tiles to see the complete pattern.

      It kind of reminds me of when I moved into my first grownup apartment and the kitchen was a holdover from the 1970s, but things come back in style. Just for me, personally, I would get sick of it. But it’s in style right now.

      I would say buy what you like and can live with for the remainder of your time in your home. If you’re planning to sell next year, lean more toward what you think will please buyers. Otherwise, please yourself.

      1. I really love the look of the strong graphic tile backsplashes, but in 5-10 years it will look dated and people on the home shows will insist on ripping it out. Your point about the 1970s kitchen is well-taken – all that avocado green, mustard yellow and reddish brown looked incredibly hip at one point and was in all the home and design magazines. Within 15 years people couldn’t get rid of it fast enough.

        We have a rough-textured tile backsplash in our kitchen (not our choice, it was there when we moved in) and we want to get rid of it. I don’t think it’s handmade but it’s definitely not what I would think of as “kitchen backsplash tile.” It hangs on to grease and splatters like no one’s business. I don’t believe this was intended to be backsplash tile – the previous homeowners just liked the look of it – and then they didn’t seal it appropriately. I had restaurant-style stainless steel backsplashes in my last house (that we chose) and we really couldn’t beat it for durability and clean-ability. We’re currently exploring options for replacing the existing tile that don’t involve demoing the tile but we may have to go there. Subway tile, to me, is a pretty clean, classic look and the slick tiles will be easier to keep clean and stand up to repeated cleaning better than something handmade.

    2. Can you go to a store and check out in person? I have trouble envisioning this type of stuff, so when we were remodeling our kitchen, I made several trips to the store just to make sure.
      If a store is inconvenient, can you take an amazon box (or any other boxes) and cut out 4 by 8 and see how those fit on your dry wall? If you have crayon, you can also color them yourselves!

    3. Death to white grout! Especially if you want tile because of grease/frying.
      Larger tiles can look nice and can look very neutral, though really the tile backsplashes we’re mostly used to are a fairly recent design trend, so “classic” is debatable.

      1. I had a house once where a prior owner put in copper tiles, which looked really cool, but I think that that is expsensive now. And might look odd if everything else is stainless.

        What is classic? Pressed tin (or are those just for ceilings) with designs? Just put in a stainless steel plate behind the (stainless) stove?

        1. Nah, “Classic” could be just about anything, and is historically extremely utilitarian. The kitchen as we know it today didn’t really exist before the 1930s. Some were tiled- wall and backsplash with regular 4X4 field tile. Many (I’d speculate most) were simply painted. Since it’s such an easy thing to modify, as trends changed over the years, that’s an easy thing to update.
          I’ve seen quite a few 50’s-70’s era remodels where the installer just ran the counter formica up the backsplash.

    4. I have 4×8 tiles in my kitchen and actually really love them. Less grout to worry about, too. And speaking of that … I know white-on-white is classic but I would personally go nuts trying to keep white grout looking good. I’d seriously consider a dark charcoal gray (sister used that with white tiles and it looks great).

      As far as textured vs. flat, that’s really a personal design preference. I know that I personally would get really tired of that, but my aesthetic tends to run more clean/minimal.

      1. Not the OP but our next project in our kitchen is the back splash, and I hadn’t even thought about how darker grout would be easier to keep looking clean. Our top contender right now is a white herringbone tile, and I think it might actually look better with darker grout anyway!

        2. I have white herringbone tile with medium grey grout. It looks awesome and really makes the pattern stand out

        3. I just installed this in my bathroom and loved it! White herringbone subway tiles with charcoal grout.

      2. I had white tile with dark gray grout in my last house and it looked great.

        1. What were your counters? I can see it looking lovely next to darker countertops to reference them, but not sure how it would look next to lighter countertops.

          1. Not SA, but I did the same thing as her tile in my last house, with dark green soapstone countertops and I love how it looked.

    5. I luurve handmade tiles, but can’t afford them. For something a bit more visually interesting but still classic, I like hexagonal or rhomboid white tiles.

  5. DMV ladies – Any recommendations for a stylist for wavy hair? I prefer to keep my wavy instead of blow drying it straight and I’ve had a really hard time finding a stylist that will give a good cut to work with natural waves since moving to DC. Any recommendations in NW or downtown DC? Prefer to pay $125 or under but could be convinced to go higher if needed.

    1. I know a couple people who have had success at Parlour Salon on U street — they have several Deva Cut stylists.

    2. That’s my hair, too, and I’m sad to say that I never managed to find one. After years of looking, I finally gave up and now go to one where my mom is 2.5 hours away. It’s an excuse to visit her and it’s a fraction of the cost.

    5. Robin at Metropolis salon on 18th street in Adams Morgan does a great job with my wavy curly hair. I don’t think she’s a curly specific stylist but several of my curly friends and I are all committed now! I believe $90 per cut.

    6. Kristen at Bang in Logan Circle – I have wavy/curly hair and mostly let it air-dry, and her cuts have been perfect. She was recommended to me my a friend with wispy, fine hair, so I think she’s just generally fantastic. She’s also decisive and doesn’t take forever to cut your hair. https://bangsalon.com/stylist/kristen/

    7. Gabby at VSL is Dupont Circle gave my wavy/curly fabulous, very inexpensive cuts for years – if she’s still there!

  6. I need some guidance. How soon after an interview can I make a feedback inquiry? Had a final interview- with firm managing partner and would be line manager-on 18th of November and they have not gotten back with good or bad news. I thought it went well and I am angling for good news. Should I probe? Is it too soon?

    I was hoping to have an offer before christmas break and start serving my notice period (3 months) from December with the hope of reporting to the new place in April, neatly at the beginning of 2nd quarter. I know this make me wishful/ an*l, but still! The wait is painful- especially because I am currently writing the 2020 strategic plan and budgets for my current employer when I may not be there to deliver whatever I am promising.

    1. You just have to wait. With Thanksgiving especially, that slows things down. And no phone call from you will nudge them faster. Plan as if you don’t get it, and get excited if you do – you can’t perfectly time notice periods. Good luck, the waiting is hard.

      1. “Plan as if you don’t get it, get excited if you do”

        Great advise. Thanks! Wil try not refresh my personal email every hour.

    2. November 18th was only two weeks ago and one of those weeks was the Thanksgiving holiday where at least in my experience, very little non-essential work gets done (assuming you’re US). I’d give it at least another week. Waiting sucks.

    3. I think it’s way too soon — especially considering you had the holiday in there. Proceed as if you don’t have the job until you do, and don’t feel bad about it.
      I’d wait at least until the end of this week to follow up.

      1. Thanks to you both anons! I am in the UK so Thanksgiving wasn’t much of a distraction these sides.

        The rational side of me knows its too soon but the emotional side is soo eager.

    4. The wait is painful, but wait you must. There is literally no reason for you to inquire, really ever. They’ll decide when you decide. Your inquiry can only have a negative effect. Employers are aware that job seekers want to know ASAP whether they’ve gotten the job. You don’t need to remind them.

    5. Agree with everyone else. I feel your pain, though. When my son was interviewing for his current job they left him hanging for what seemed to be an unreasonable amount of time at every single step of the way — after first interview, after second interview, after having him in to lead a group (he’s a therapist). It was horrible but he ended up with the job!

      1. Taking the anecdote of your son as a sign- the longer you wait the better the rewards (repeats to self)

        Thanks Hive!

  7. Does anyone use jarjackets or some other accessory in order to be able to reuse mason jars easily? If so, would you share your recommendations on which brand/item that you use? Bonus points if you successfully use this with your school aged children.

    1. my 4yo uses an 8oz jelly jar as a drinking glass at home with no accessories, but what size are yours? did you want them to be portable – eg use as travel mug?

    2. I just…reuse the mason jar. If the tops are getting rusty or tough to clean, I’ll get new lids and rings, but otherwise, I just wash the jar and use it as is. This is the same method my grandparents used.

    3. I have plastic lids that are easier to clean than the metal lids they come with, probably found them on Amazon

    4. Wouldn’t the jar jacket make it harder to use, since you have to peel it off to properly wash the outsides? I was under the impression those were just for grip/to make pretty. Just buy thicker mason jars for longevity.

    5. Serious question – what do you use mason jars for? I’m an urban girl and I associate mason jars with country grandmas canning things, which certainly didn’t describe my grandmother (or frankly anyone I ever knew – if we wanted jam, that’s what a grocery store was for). What’s so special about them, if I may ask?

      1. To replace single use cups, I imagine. And they’re glass, so no need to worry about BPA and the like.

        1. I like that mason jars are tempered for hot and cold temperatures.

          But I’ve learned that I just cannot drink out of such a thick glass without dribbling. And I have small hands, so they’re not comfortable to hold with one hand unless they have a handle. These are my conclusions after being served from mason jars at bars and restaurants (good enough, but not something I want to have at home).

      2. They’re standard sizes and reusable. I don’t get all the Pinterest-y stuff out there re: mason jars, but as a useful container, they absolutely are. I do some canning and preserving and of course use them for that, but they’re also handy for dry storage and anything else you might need a pint, quart or half gallon container for. I find them more durable than plastic containers (my dogs have yet to chew up a mason jar, LOL) and new bands/rings or freezer lids are cheap and easy to come by. If I give something away in one, it’s not a big deal if I don’t get the jar back – they’re cheap.

      3. To be fair, I do have a country grandma who did can and make jelly, so my family used them for all sorts of things growing up. I use them as normal drinking glasses because they are easy to find and very durable. I also shop at a farmer’s market a lot for jelly, pickles, etc., and so end up with them for free. I also use them as a replacement for tupperware for certain things (soups, yogurt, oatmeal, anything that would be easy to eat out of a cylinder). And, I make pickles with some regularity, so I use them for that. The tiny ones are good for storing salt or cinnamon sugar or other spices you might mix up or that come in weird plastic envelopes. They make good containers for coins or other loose bits and bobs that need collecting because they’re clear and come in lots of sizes.

      4. What we use jars for:
        – Drinking out of (the pint-and-a-half size fits in most cupholders and they make a wide array of lids – sippy, straw, flip-top, etc. that screw onto the jar if I want to take it on the go)
        – Storing foods I buy in bulk like rice, beans, lentils etc. Or for storing foods that came in plastic bags that don’t reseal (or don’t reseal easily)
        – My husband makes cold brew coffee in 1/2 gallon size Ball jars, using jelly bags to hold the grounds. I use the same 1/2 gallon jars to make sun tea in the summertime.
        – Taking food to work (I have quart jars for salads, and use half-pint and four-ounce jars for snacks – great for portion control). Also storing leftovers; quart jars are especially good for storing soup and you can reheat the soup in the microwave in the jar.
        If you can’t tell, we are a mason-jar family but we aren’t “rustic” or “farmhousy” in the least – I just like the versatility and inexpensiveness of the jars. You can use the same jar for many purposes – they last forever – and a flat of jars costs $12 or so at Target or Wal-Mart. I have some specialty lids I’ve picked up here and there and also have a large set of white plastic lids I use in lieu of the metal lid and band that comes with the jar. You can even buy lids that are leakproof (the white lids aren’t). We don’t use single-use anything at home and it’s largely because we have a stock of mason jars to use.
        Protip: if anyone’s considering getting some mason jars for general-purpose use, get either regular-mouth or wide-mouth jars so you don’t have to get two sizes of lids. I prefer wide-mouth jars, personally, especially for food storage.

      5. I usually bring my lunch in a mason jar. I do make jams and jellies and homemade stock and liqueurs so I have a ton of mason jars. They’re also my primary freezer containers and most of my pantry storage for things like sugar etc.

        FWIW, I’m also an urban girl.

      6. I use mason jars for storing homemade liquids–cold-brew coffee, simple syrup, homemade liqueurs, fresh-squeezed juice, salad dressing, stock, sauce, gravy. They’re also great for anything stored in oil or fat (like olives) because oils will seep through plastic. We make pepper jelly once every few years, but we don’t can or pickle frequently. We live in the suburbs, don’t have a rustic style, and don’t display mason jars.

      7. I use them to freeze a whole host of single-serve meals. They’re reusable, easy to transport and clean (esp. widemouth), and cheap per use.

      8. They’re easy to acquire and wash. I never buy them, just keep them from other things like canned spaghetti sauces. Then I reuse them to store items in neat rows at the back of my kitchen counter, like sugar, almonds, coffee beans, sea salt, dried fruit, turmeric, chile peppers, etc. My husband likes to cook, so we have a lot of various spices, including things people bring us in various bags and containers. The jars are uniform and prettier.

  8. I’ve lost patience with insoles and their tendency to wrinkle, fold, and slide around. Anyone ever try padded socks in boots or booties? Brand recs would be appreciated.

    Bonus points if they cushion the sides of my wide, triangle-shaped feet.

  9. Thanks for the suggestions yesterday. I’m still looking for recommendations for a low-heeled bootie with lots of room in the instep for an orthotic wearer – I already have a high instep and the orthotic just pushes it a bit higher.

    Yesterday Sam Edelman Petty (out of my size), Blondo (which style?) and wide widths were recommended. I’d still like to check out other styles that may work for those of you who also wear an orthotic. Thanks!!

    1. I like the Lucky Brand Basel which comes in a wide width and the leather stretches nicely. It has zippers on both sides too, which could make for easier on/off with an orthotic. I do wear orthotics but I have a high-ish arch and a wide forefoot.

    3. Blondo Valli 2.0 Waterproof Bootie – I got them for $99 on sale at Nordstrom.

      I’m wearing them for the first time today. I have a wide-ish foot (don’t actually require wide shoes, though) with a high instep and they are roomy and super comfy!

  10. It’s that time of year where my in-laws ask me to put things on my amazon wish list. Please no anti-amazon screeds. This is how they roll.

    Up to $200ish in total, preferably broken into bite size pieces of $75 or less each.

    I’ve added some cookbooks already but I really am stumped. I’m all set for lotions and bath products.

    What would you put on your list, with the caveat that you can never, ever return it? They’re not opposed to buying practical stuff. They just want it to feel one level above the practical stuff you’d I’d buy for myself.

    1. A really warm cozy blanket. New kitchen gear to use with your new cookbooks? Pots and pans?

    2. Memory foam slippers. Since lot of major brands ship on Amazon now, a sweater? Rainboots?

    3. Currently on my Amazon wish list:

      – Colorful felt tip pens
      – Pretty notebooks
      – A shower Bluetooth speaker
      – Yeti coffee mug w/ handle
      – Murder mystery party game
      – An Invisibelt
      – Scented candles
      – Corelle serving dishes
      – Travel jewelry case
      – Hiking socks

    4. Anything you use regularly that you could upgrade to a nicer version of? My list this year has a nicer yoga mat than I would buy myself, and a better gym bag.

      1. And speaking of upgrading my yoga mat, anyone have opinions on Manduka Pro vs. Lulelemon mat? I don’t do hot yoga, if that impacts opinions.

        1. A studio I go to uses the basic Lululemon mats and I hate them! I have a sweaty betty one which is amazing, I’ve had it for 4 years and it looks brand new.

        2. My gym has Manduka mats and I find them super-slippery…vastly prefer Lululemon (but I never seem to be organized enough to get my own mat to the gym).

        3. not to further complicate your decision making process, but I LOVE jade yoga mats and find them far superior to both manduka and lululemon

        4. Lululemon was awesome immediately, while my Manduka took many months to break in before it was sticky enough. However, the Lululemon degraded quickly after about a year; it lost stickiness, didn’t feel as padded, and started sliding and bunching a bit. It also really shows the dirt and wear. I’ve noticed this even on darker colored mats, though it’s more obvious on the lighter colors. My Manduka still feels padded and stays put, though it’s starting to loose a bit of it’s stickiness in year 3. It still looks like new.

          I do not practice hot yoga, and I use my mat 5-7x/week.

      2. As the replies here show, it’s a really individual decision. I personally prefer my manduka to the Lulu mat I had before. However, my hands and feet don’t get terribly sweaty, if that was the case, i’d be better off with the lulu.

        Some friends really disliked their manduka, for various reasons that all break down to, it doesn’t provide the experience they want.

        So really, go out and try some mats. I suspect Lulu has some at a store to try out and Mandukas are all over yoga stuidios, we generally have them hanging around for a trial run.

    5. I would consider what I want, and then try to find the items on Amazon.

      My Amazon wish list includes things like a new Garmin, Lenox china in our wedding pattern, Nespresso capsules, fun jewelry, a light-up alarm clock, a professional curling iron, cat toys, cute vases that would be good for work, and the Zojirushi travel mug.

    7. Things on my wish list at the mo:
      -Upgraded yoga mat options
      -Dutch oven
      -Upgraded sheet pans, casserole dishes (especially broiler safe ones as I worry about the Pyrexes), slow cooker
      -Bread box
      -Fancy kettle
      -Wooden salad bowl
      (can you tell I am too obsessed with my kitchen? lol)

        1. Pretty much what it says on the tin: can go under the broiler. Not all of them can, and the difference between the Pyrex that can and the Pyrex that can’t is increasingly muddy to me.

          America’s Test Kitchen recommends a manufacturer called HIC, so I have a couple of those on my list. I’ve also found that Emile Henry and some NordicWare offerings fit the bill – or say they do.

    8. I’d go with fancy oils and vinegars or teas for at least part – less stuff to keep around the house. Also expensive soy wax candles. Not sure if it’s their style but I’d also put on there the super expensive hair products you like but don’t always splurge on (always triple check that they are not fakes from China) – I know the “good stuff” for my hair is easily 60-75 just for a shampoo, conditioner, and styler.

    9. Specifically, I’ve just bought from Amazon a few seasons of the TV show Frasier since that is my husband’s all time favorite show and it’s leaving Netflix at the end of this year. Probably going to end up on that new NBC streaming platform, but I doubt he’s going to be able to wait that long. He honestly watches about an episode a day and has probably re watched the entire series 20+ times. Are there any tv shows leaving netflix that you want?

      On my wish list is the Brevelle Fresh and Furious Blender, a new kitchen scale, some books that I want, those car seat gap filler things so that things don’t fall between the seat and console in my car (small gift, but I feel silly buying it for myself), new tempurpedic eye sleep mask, and one of those Pink Picasso paint by numbers kits.

    10. Just as an FYI, in case you don’t already know, you can put items from other sites onto your Amazon wishlist. My mom also wants us to update our wishlists every Christmas, and I frequently add stuff from other sites. She can still go to my Amazon list and just click on what she wants to get us. (For her, she doesn’t care what site she’s ordering from, she just wants an easy to access list. This obviously wouldn’t work if your in-laws only want to order directly from Amazon.)

    11. Practical items that are currently on my wish list and can be found on the ‘zon:
      A wall calendar
      Replacement pair of winter running tights
      Several books
      Fleece pullover
      Heavy baking sheet
      Kitchen rug — mine always gets super gross after a few years, despite washing fairly often
      Baggu reusable bags

    12. My current list includes:

      No One Tells You This: A Memoir by by Glynnis MacNicol
      How To: Absurd Scientific Advice for Common Real-World Problems by Randall Munroe
      NOONI Applebutter Lip Mask – Korean Skin Care Sleep Mask
      Valhalla Java Whole Bean Coffee by Death Wish Coffee Company

    13. On my wishlist currently:
      -bamboo sheet sets with extra pillowcases
      -wool cat cave (okay, technically not for me, but…)
      -wool dryer balls
      -reusable produce bags
      -a replacement for my 8 cup Pyrex measuring cup with a lid that I broke
      -a sequin warm-up jacket (I mean, Mardi Gras is coming, right?)
      -a couple of cute Swatches that I wouldn’t buy for myself
      -an aluminum rotating cake stand and icing spatulas

      1. I use my 8-cup measuring cup for EVERYTHING! It hardly ever makes it back into the cupboard!

        1. I had mine on any open shelf below the counter and I knocked it off and it smashed into a million pieces. I’ve been meaning to replace it!

    14. – A really nice Nordic ware bundt pan. They are so pretty but so expensive! Plus a nice cake stand.
      – Noise-cancelling headphones
      – Fancy slippers
      – You can get a lot of magazine subscriptions through Amazon – any that interest you?

    15. -upgraded travel toiletry bag (old one has no organization but I forget about it until I have to use it again)
      -art books
      -everyday necklace with a different stone
      -icebreaker wool leggings
      -upgraded portable battery with quick charge and USB C so I don’t have to carry separate charging cables for the battery and my phone
      -mushroom/herb growing kits
      -long sleeve UV shirts
      -backpack/duffel bag/roller suitcase/tote (most years I’m looking to replace some kind of bag)

  11. Pet peeve of the day: when I say I have to leave the office at 4, that does not mean I can have a call at 4. I do my best to avoid telling people when I need to leave; I have learned the hard way that people hear a time and they latch onto it. But sometimes they hem and haw about how long they need and I have to tell them, I have a hard stop at 4, should we schedule the call for 3? Then they respond, yes 4 would be great for a call! Seriously what is this?

    2. I’m getting that, but with maternity leave. “I’m due any day now, so [backup attorney] will likely need to handle this.” Which must sound a lot like “Sure, I would love to schedule a meeting with you next Monday. What time is good for you?”

    3. Don’t tell them what time you have to leave– sadly, they don’t care. Tell them the latest time you are available. “The latest I can do the call is 3:00– will that work?” Then they can latch onto 3 instead of 4.

      2. Agree. I rarely tell people when I have to leave. I always focus on when I am available.

      3. “The latest I can do the call is 3:00, and I must be off by 3:45” (when of course you really mean 4, but that gives you breathing room when at 3:40 they drop a bomb into the call).

        1. Oh I did this – I actually have to leave at 4:15, not 4. But that doesn’t mean I can start the call at 4!

      4. Yes, this is why airlines switched to putting the boarding time on your boarding pass, not the flight time.

  12. I’m sharing this here because I feel like talking about it in real life would jinx it somehow. I’m going on a date this weekend, and I’m really excited. We met in real life at an industry event. I thought they were cute and charming, but nothing came of it. Both a little shy. Then we matched on an app and starting chatting. Obviously, I’m keeping my expectations low, but I haven’t been this excited about a date since I got divorced about a year ago.

  13. I haven’t had a purse in a million years. It’s either an OG or just grabbing my phone/keys. Yesterday I pulled the trigger on an AllSaints bag that is big enough for my stuff and the pair of reading glasses that is mandatory for non-brightly-lit restaurants (learned that the hard way — can neither read the menu or the bill without iPhone flashlight otherwise) and any other time I have to read things. I am SO excited! It may not be the perfect forever bag, but it was $230 on sale and will really help my non-work life.

      1. The Miki cross-body. The metal chain strap option seemed to make fancy and able to also go to evening events.

  14. We go through round Corelle plates in our house. Is there a way to buy just round plates without buying whole place settings? I feel wasteful buying the mug-saucer-bowl-saladplate-dinnerplate sets and donating everything but the plates, but we need about 5 plates to replace chipped/broken ones and I’d like to get this done in time for holiday meals (4 family members home for 2 weeks * 3 meals/day = even with a dishwasher, we just need more non-chipped plates).

    1. I thought Corelle was all available open stock? If it’s an older pattern that’s no longer in production, they show up at thrift stores all the time and you can quickly find yourself up to your ears in plates!
      There’s also replacements.com

    4. Target sells six packs of just one type of Corelle dish. I bought a pack of bowls at my local store. You can check their website for what you need.

      2. Haha not OP, but the nearest Corelle outlet is about 1,000 miles away from me. God, I miss living in civilization sometimes.

    7. Amazon also sells these – I bought a set of plates and bowls (separately) because we just needed more of them.

  15. Am I right that Nashville is (right now) more expensive than Atlanta or Charlotte (both of which seem to be very expensive)?

    College-aged stepson and I were clicking through apartment listings (he is in SEUS) and we found studios in Nashville that were more expensive than what we thought were expensive 1-BR apartments in the other cities. Maybe we weren’t quite comparing apples to apples, but a $1500 studio in Nashville (IIRC) seems to make me wonder whether there are really great opportunties there (since someone is paying that) or it is just a really hot place to be now and maybe just go take a job where you want to work.

    FWIW, the Raleigh area seemed to be relatively inexpensive, but he wants to try something new at first.

    1. I live in Nashville and the COL has totally skyrocketed in the past 5-10 years. Part of it is 15ish years ago, there weren’t a ton of apartment or condo buildings. Then they all were built at once, so basically every apartment building is brand new and has amenities that command that price. If your son is ok living in a house rental or older townhome, there are deals to be found but you do have to look around and be patient. Another issue driving up rent prices is the Airbnb market. It’s been controlled a little bit but many investors bought condos or townhomes specifically for Airbnb rentals, and were grandfathered in by the time changes rolled around last year. There are indeed great opportunities here but IMO not much difference than here or Raleigh in terms of jobs. I get the sense that there are a lot of people here who work remotely for companies in other cities and they make a salary reflective of someone working for, say, a company in California.

      1. Also live in Nashville and agree with all of this. I have also discovered that a lot of properties downtown are someone’s second home. So, like BigLaw partner or healthcare executive who works downtown has a fancy condo in the city to stay in sometimes while his family lives in Williamson County.

        Amazon is also driving up the price in some of these areas. Most people thought the price of rent would stabilize when all of these apartment buildings opened but Amazon will help keep the price up.

    2. From what I’ve read, Nashville has an AirBnB problem and a bachelorette party problem, leading to housing issues – low availability, high costs.

      I think there are some people here who live in Nashville, they can confirm or deny.

      1. This is my understanding, as well.

        For what it’s worth, I don’t think the trendy parts of Raleigh are any cheaper than the trendy parts of Charlotte if you compare similar apartment buildings (I am in one city, my brother is currently in the process of moving to the other). But you can also find cheaper options in both if you’re willing to go with older apartments or less trendy areas. But I don’t think either is as cheap as some people think they are. New studios in downtown Raleigh are going for about 1200-1300; I think charlotte is about the same.

    3. Not from there, but when I was visiting Nashville earlier this year, a local told me that the city is growing by 600-800 people per week, contributing to housing shortage along with the Airbnb/bachelorette scene mentioned above.

      1. What do all of these people do? I get musicians, but they aren’t renting $$$ fancy studio apartments at first. Not students. Healthcare? Accountants? The math of this has me intrigued.

        1. A handful of major financial services firms are relocating/majorly expanding to Nashville (see: Alliance Bernstein). I know squat about Nashville, but I know that some of my financial services peers from the northeast will be relocating imminently.

        2. I live in Nashville and have never totally understood where all of the money comes from. There are a lot of companies headquartered here though that you wouldn’t think of– HCA, CHS, Dollar General, etc. Most healthcare companies are headquartered here or have a regional headquarters.

          Another issue is that most of our recent transplants are moving from VHCOL areas, so they think these prices are reasonable. They come and look for something the same price or similar as what they were living in in DC, San Francisco, or NYC.

          The new apartments coming online are also all very high-end. It is typically cheaper to rent a house than an apartment. Our mortgage is also significantly less than rent would be.

        3. Yes, Nashville is that expensive. In undergrad here, we rented an awesome little townhome 2BR/1B in a residential area near the college area (everything around it now is tall skinnies) for around $800 and that was top of the range. This was less than 6 years ago, when Burger Up was the only thing to visit in the 12 South. Living downtown is super expensive ($2,500 for a 1BR type of expensive), but you can find some “reasonable” apartments in the West area of town and the ‘burbs–he just needs to consider the commute, which can be brutal.

          We have some large SEUS law firms here. The usual suspects listed above and also a huge infusion of cash from people working at the back-end operations for large companies, earning salaries that are way higher than most Nashville jobs, but way lower than someone living in the Bay Area. I know of a few biglaw firms that have their operations folks stationed here (office rent/salaries are much lower than in [insert large city] and young workers like living here). I also know of startups that have back-end ops. people here, with the main team in NYC or LA.
          And random stuff you wouldn’t think about–Dell has a TON of young professionals in its Nashville offices (mostly doing sales, but earning nice salaries), as well as our newly minted billionaries (see Smile Direct club minting three new billionaires recently). On a related note. places like Amazon (which is touting $150k average salary jobs–what a mid-level attorney makes at the large firms) and Alliance Bernstein coming are making the market significantly worse. Throw in all the tourism and our housing crunch is awful. There was a recent article in the Tennesseean about how these “out of town” companies are bringing with them things like 18-week paternity leave, which is making local companies have a hard time competing for talent (but at least that one is a positive thing).

          Nashville was No. 1 (or 2?) in the nation for how fast the amount of sq. ft. that can be bought for $1M is shrinking (i.e., the houses just keep getting smaller and the prices are going up like crazy). Less than a decade ago, $500k would have bought you a home on Belmont (lol to that thought now). Anyway, it’s great to live here, but even well-paid folks are feeling the crunch.

          1. Totally agreed on well-paid families feeling the crunch. I live in Green Hills and our old ranch house would go for about 400K 7-8 years ago, and someone would have bought it to live in it. Now it’s considered an 800K tear down home to make way for a 2.5MM home. Ridiculous.

    4. I know this isn’t what you asked, but it’s an opportunity to teach your stepson about how cost of living factors into salary negotiations and which job offers are worthwhile. Help him walk through the math on how much extra the same job in Nashville would have to pay for it to be worthwhile. If he’s job-hunting, discuss the virtues of starting off in a smaller and cheaper city (provided it has the same or similar job opportunities in his field), as having a low overhead can make it easier to make ends meet, save a little bit of money, and, if necessary, take a salary hit for something that will pay off in the long run (e.g., starting your own business).

    5. I live in Nashville as well, and the cost of living here has gotten out of control. I was just remarking to a colleague that I have no idea how young people can afford to live here. Our house has appreciated about 50% since we bought it 7 years ago, so we’d make a nice profit if we sold it. Problem is, there’s nowhere affordable to move! There are lots of good jobs and interesting companies HQ’ed here–Smile Direct Club, Dollar General, HCA, Mars, Nissan, Tractor Supply–in a range of markets. So lots of opportunity if he can afford the rent!

  16. Unimportant question of the day, did Instagram get rid of the ability to scroll through a user’s photos (rather than clicking one at a time in the grid view)? The option has disappeared for me and it’s super annoying!

    1. If you click one in the grid view, they should load as a scrollable view of the individual photos. Maybe close your app and restart?

    2. Once you click on one photo, it’ll take you to that photo and you can scroll from there.

    3. Once you click a photo in the grid view, you can scroll up and down. I just went through this same thought process this morning! It’s annoying.

    4. Ah, thanks all – that took care of it. Now I won’t be impeded in my all-important Instagram sessions :)

  17. Does anyone else hate choosing a health insurance plan? I’m all for a universal health care system, just so I can avoid the stress of having to pick a health plan ever again. I’m a fed, so I have something ridiculous like 40 choices. I have no idea what to look for and, although generally an intelligent person, feel like evaluating any of the plans is beyond my capabilities. Like, I don’t even know how to answer something simple like whether I need out of network coverage. I don’t plan to go to a doctor out of network, but what happens if I break my leg when I’m traveling? Please tell me I’m not the only one who finds this super difficult.

    1. Oh no, I’m a benefits attorney and I still hate choosing. Part of it is that the health companies are SO BAD – just abominable – at explaining things in plain English. When I’m reading their brochures, I translate in my own head to understand what they’re saying. So yes, if it makes you feel any better, this benefits attorney hates open enrollment season, too.

    2. Do you switch yearly? If the plan you had last year worked fine, why even go thru the options yearly? I’m in DC where Blue Cross has the biggest network so BC it was when I first started this job and 5 years later, I’m still with that plan.

      1. I don’t plan to switch yearly, but I basically just picked a plan at random on a deadline with I started this job earlier this year and feel like I have to do the evaluation at least once. I also like Blue Cross, but it alone has 6 (7?) plans I can choose from.

        1. I don’t think so, there’s BCBS Standard and BCBS Basic. What are these other 5 that you’re seeing? I think you’re making an issue out of nothing — this is an hour’s worth of research max.

          2. There are three now. There is one below basic. If everything around you is in-network, go w/ Basic. You still have emergency out of network coverage and the BCBS network isn’t limited to your state.

            To Anon at 2:00 pm, the feds all have the same options.

    3. I’ve avoided changing my plan just because I vaguely already know how to navigate it and don’t want a learning curve. I’m with GEHA and have analysis paralysis about even switching plans within the plan — sure the no in-network deductible sounds great but the payments basically even out so it’s like paying the deductible that way? No advice, just commiseration.

    4. I completely agree! I’m pretty sure I’ve picked the wrong plan and am overpaying in premiums, but am trying to manage a chronic health condition and am new to the area so I decided I needed more flexibility given how hard it is to get appointments as a new patient here. I get botox for migraine and have never been able to figure how the billing works. It’s a specialty pharmacy drug and requires complicated preauthorization, but under my new plan I apparently pay nothing for it, not even a pharmacy copay, a doctor’s office copay, or my deductible? Under my old insurance I paid nothing for the botox or toward the deductible, but I did pay for the doctor’s copay. Neither makes sense to me and presumably wouldn’t be true if I had a high deductible plan (it supposedly costs ~$10,000 a year, plus the doctor’s cost to administer, plus regular checkups with a neurologist), which means I have no idea how to reasonably compare plans when I can’t figure how what I’d actually pay or how difficult the authorization process will be.

    5. I’ve always liked picking benefits—it feels like a logic game. However, I’ve only had a max of like 6 choices, none of which would be terrible for me. I wouldn’t like 40 choices.

      I agree that it’s too hard to figure out specifics for a given situation, though.

    6. I go strictly on whether my favorite doctors are in network and the lowest overall predicted spend based on my healthcare needs (for example I have some chronic but non life threatening health issues so I’ll definitely always run through the deductible in 6 mths). I try not to pay attention to anything else. It can be tricky, but doing the math with the information presented is pretty easy.

      And yes, you need out of network coverage if your state doesn’t have laws that force insurances to charge in network pricess in the case of an emergency.

    7. I’m with you. My firm offers 3 different health plans, and it’s tough trying to figure it out. Plus trying to figure out it my husband and I should be on the same plan, or each keep the one through our employers, which of our plans our child should be on…. it takes a good two – three hours each year to evaluate. There are just enough changes each year that we continue to have to go through the analysis.

      Also here’s something I find mind boggling – let’s say that there is Company A and Company B. Both companies use, say, United Healthcare for their insurer and have a similar workforce in both terms of number of employees and the type of health insurance claims the employees make over the course of a year. So, basically, the two companies are the same. However, Company A’s CEO is best friends with a guy who happens to be a heart surgeon (pick whatever specialty you want). That particular heart surgeon is typically only in-network for Blue Cross plans, not United Healthcare plans. I have learned from someone who works at one of the big healthcare companies that Company A can negotiate with United to have this particular doctor, who is usually out of network, be *in network* for this company’s specific plan. While I get freedom of contract, etc., it is just so darn confusing that everything is so different, but you may not even know how it’s different!

    8. Have you talked to similarly situated co-workers to figure out the best plan for you? I was a fed for many years, and in my office, almost everyone used BCBS (either standard or basic, I went with Standard, although in hindsight that may have been a waste since I never went out of network).

    9. You don’t need to go through all 40. Half of them in the DC area (assuming that’s where you are but IDK) are a joke and cover like nothing because they don’t have enough drs. in their network. Just look at the BCBS plans — I don’t think there are 9 — I think it’s standard vs. Basic and look at the 3 United/GEHA plans.

    10. You know, my husband is in benefits and has always talked about how much he’d love to have a small business helping people choose the right plan that meets their needs/budget. I’ll have to tell him this might be something worth doing!

  18. Heading to NYC on Sunday for a much-needed break with a good friend. Looking for lunch recommendations near Union Square. Brunch is ok if there are lunch-ish/savory offerings. We can travel to other areas. Parameters: prefer cozy/charming spot, doesn’t need to be trendy/fancy (no $$$$), casual attire, no food restrictions. Hoping for a reservation or short wait.

    Most of my recent visits have been to SoHo/Village/NoLita, so I’m a bit at a loss here.

    1. Casa Mono is right near Union Square. A friend and I went there a few years ago and it was a lot of fun. Small plates and we sat at the bar overlooking the kitchen and watched them make these beautiful little plates. The food was excellent.

    2. Taboonette is great and super casual. Their breakfast menu is available all day also in addition to lunch or whatever is being served.

  19. Will be on the west coast in late Feb/early March with a free weekend — what’s a good beach town that you can “easily” (relatively speaking) get to from one of the major airports? Ideally I’d like a nice beach area to walk around in (not attempting to go in the water), some kind of small walkable downtown though I’m fine renting a car, a luxury hotel, and sorry to say it so bluntly a place where I’m not seeing homeless people and tent cities constantly. Is this even doable in Ca? I understand there are homeless issues but I personally don’t want to go into a Starbucks and wonder who last used the milk container and whether they’ve been able to wash up in recent months. People tell me Venice is out for this reason. How’s Santa Monica? Or is it better to go to a smaller place like Newport or Laguna or does it not matter?

    1. I would go to Half Moon Bay and stay at the Ritz, but it sounds like you might be in SoCal specifically?

      1. I love Half Moon Bay but it can be cold and rainy in February/March. I know she doesn’t want to go in the water, but it sounds like she wants something warmer, ie. SoCal.

    2. Carmel-by-the-Sea or Cambria (though Cambria may be a bit more quiet than you’re looking for.) If you want further south, maybe La Jolla or Del Mar.

      1. Love Carmel but to say it is easy to get to from a major airport depends on her definition of easy. I guess maybe if she flew into San Jose.

    3. I love the Georgian Hotel in Santa Monica. Then rent a car and drive up Pacific Coast Highway and spend the day at the Getty Villa.

      Haven’t been there in a few years so can’t speak to the tent city situation but it seems there are more than zero homeless people on the beach if that’s a dealbreaker for you.

      1. It’s gotten worse lately. Venice is still a lot worse, but Santa Monica is catching up.

    5. Coronado? There’s homelessness in San Diego proper but not on the island (at least that I’ve seen).

    6. I debated awhile about replying … it’s certainly your prerogative to feel that way, and to state it so frankly. But ultimately, I decided that it’s also my prerogative to say, “You’re a terrible person” and I would prefer you not come to my state, if that’s the kind of attitude you’re going to have.

      1. Yeah, there’s a difference between wanting to stay in a nice, luxurious area (lovely hotels, good restaurants, safe to walk around in at night) and being icked out by seeing a homeless person. Boston and San Diego are lovely cities with substantial and visible homeless populations, and it would never occur to me that someone wouldn’t want to visit either one because of the homeless.

      2. Right. But you can see how someone paying $500/night for a hotel who wants to leisurely stroll around doesn’t want a tent city next door and doesn’t want to be encountering unwashed folks in eating establishments. For many who live in DC/Boston/NYC, we see it daily in our cities, why would we want to see it on a getaway?

        1. Yikes.

          I don’t know how to make you care about other people, so I’m not even going to try, but this comment makes me so sad.

      3. Lol, how cute. Come walk around downtown San Francisco for a few hours and then get back to us. I completely get and support OP’s position because I live what she’s trying to avoid daily.

        1. Exactly. People here have become PC to the point of ridiculousness. I don’t think it’s a shocking view that when taking a relaxing, expensive vacation — most people want nice and luxurious and that doesn’t go hand in hand with tent cities, needles, and the associated sounds and smells. Now I’m sure you’ll say your neighboring tent city smells like a rose garden. I’m convinced all these people here who are soooo sympathetic to the homeless so as to call others bad people for not wanting to eat at the same establishment at them live in the suburbs and go to the city 2x/yr for an event and then aww at the homeless population as they hand out a few dollars or go home and make a donation online. No way are they commuting thru this stuff in Ca or even in NYC or DC where the same problems exist on a smaller scale.

          1. Nope, nice try.
            Except for a few lucky circumstances, it could just as easily me living in a tent. I hope if I’m ever in that position, people will choose compassion over meanness. It’s a horrible thing, to be regarded as a pest; less than human and utterly unwanted. A bit of empathy goes a long way.

    7. Laguna Beach is great and easily accessible from Orange County airport. It is also close enough to Newport that you could spend time in both over the weekend.

  20. Has anyone had this issue with dependent care FSA reimbursement? I have already submitted claims for the full amount of my withholding. I have $208.33 withheld from my paycheck every month, and normally get a reimbursement for that amount a couple of business days later. This month I only got $104.16. Nobody can tell me why, or whether I will ever get the $104. My employer is saying it’s the FSA vendor’s issue, the FSA vendor is saying they don’t know why I got less, but it must be because my employer changed the withholding amount (they did not, I have a paystub showing the $208 withheld as normal). My husband had the exact same thing happen this month (same employer). I don’t want to spend a ton of time and energy fighting this if it’s just going to show up in the December paycheck (I don’t need the money now) but I don’t want us to get screwed out of a couple hundred dollars.

    1. Ask if you’re considered a “highly compensated” employee at your company; if too many “highly compensated” employees participate in the dependent care plan, your ability to use that credit gets limited or cut off. Maybe that’s happening here.

      1. Wouldn’t they have to stop withholding from her paycheck then? I understand you don’t get the tax breaks in that situation, but your employer can’t just seize money that you’re owed.

    2. That’s weird. In my experience, the person who has the relationship with the FSA company (decides which one to use) can usually help with these situations.

    3. If you and your husband are both withholding, it sounds like maybe you have already reached the max on your year. I get $208.33 per paycheck (bi-monthly) but husband does not withhold anything. I’m not exactly sure on your math, but it’s something to consider.

    4. I can log in to our dependent care account and see each contribution from each paycheck. Is the vendor showing that it received $208 from your employer? I’ve never been in your situation but I would think if your paystub shows your employer withheld the full contribution that you will eventually get the money – although it may take more calls to get it sorted.

    5. Did you hit your $5K limit? At 208 per pay period you will hit the limit in 24 pay periods, not 26. But if it’s showing up as gone from your paycheck I’d push for a three-way call with your payroll people and the FSA processors.

      1. No, definitely not. I’m only paid 12 times per year. (I only withhold $2.5k, my husband withholds the other half).

        1. Maybe just a coincidence, but we didn’t have any FSA dependent care taken out this last paycheck. We also have $208 taken out (you must be paid 26 times/year, too). When I looked at what we’ve already had withdrawn year to date, there is exactly $416 (aka 2 more pay periods worth) left for us to contribute before we hit the $5k contribution limit, and there are two more pay checks this calendar year. My working theory is that we had an extra paycheck at some point in which they withheld $208 and they’re just correcting that by not withholding this last paycheck – there was an unexpected bonus at the end of August on a non-regular pay period. I should probably check that pay stub, but I also am not that worried about it because we’ll hit the full contribution limit by the end of the year assuming this next paycheck doesn’t skip also.

          1. No, I’m paid monthly. Only 12 paychecks per year, $208.33 per paycheck = $2,500/year. My husband withholds exactly the same way, so we total $5k. We’d have to get $312 each in the December check to catch up (the regular $208 plus the missing $104).

          2. Hmm. Well, our vendor is WageWorks and I can say that this last pay deduction for the FSA dependent care was messed up. If you also have WageWorks, maybe it’s a problem on their end.

  21. Random question – how much do you “push yourself” to do things/travel even though you know it’ll be tiring? I’m spending next week and that weekend in Charlotte for work, then I return to DC that Sunday afternoon/evening. Then Monday morning I’m in Philadelphia for a meeting that should end by 1-2 pm. I’m tempted to then grab the train to NYC and walk around the city that afternoon/night and maybe a bit that next morning and then get on the LONG train ride back to DC. It’d be a nice time to see NYC all decked out for Christmas but part of me is like – 3 cities in 4 days? Unfortunately the way the work/family schedule falls this is my only chance at this getaway though I know it results in an exhausted Wed-Friday at work (and it doesn’t help that I hate the train so it’s a lot of train time over 2 days). Would you do it? 29 year old me wouldn’t have thought twice. 39 yr old me is — hmmm NYC is nice but is it worth it??

      1. I absolutely hate the “sleep when you’re dead” attitude, but I agree with the idea to “just do it.” Thinking of Laura Vanderkam’s anticipating self, present self, and remembering self system is helpful here. Your anticipating and remembering selves will be glad you did something special, even if you might get tired in the moment when it’s happening.

    2. I think I travel a fair amount, at least for someone who doesn’t do much business travel (on a plane every ~4 weeks) but this sounds like to much go-go-go for me. I’m 34 and increasingly need down time between each trip.

    3. I wouldn’t go to New York just to walk around for a couple hours and eat dinner, but that’s just me. Why can’t you enjoy Philadelphia?

      1. I wouldn’t add on the trip to NY, either, and I’m 35 with no dependents. Sounds exhausting. Philadelphia gets decked out for the holidays, too. Look into the Christmas Village.

    4. I’d push myself if I were doing well generally. If life is crazy stressful and there’s little time to rest, and this is (mostly) just piling on more stress, I wouldn’t do it. I am not a high energy person and often need a push to do the “harder” thing, but get energized when I actually do it.

    5. Depends–have you been to NYC before? At Christmas? If yes, then I wouldn’t add to the trip to do it again. But I also never found the Christmas decorations in NYC to be worth the hassle of the crowds. However, I really hate crowds, and 5th avenue in December is a special kind of hell for those who hate crowds.

    6. NYC Christmas will be there next year, I mean it’s nice to visit but it’s not a once in a lifetime opportunity

    7. In general, I pep myself up by noting that I generally don’t regret doing something once I’m actually there and doing it. But! I also try to do an honest cost-benefit analysis before doing something like this that seems particularly tiring. It sounds like your goal is to see a city that’s decorated for the season, and I’m sure that Philadelphia will also have some lovely decorations, so would it scratch that itch if you took the whole afternoon/evening to leisurely explore that city and look at the decorations there? Or is the root of it that you really want to go to NYC? If the second, it seems worth it. If the first, I would err on the side of doing something less intense.

    9. I’m pretty active and generally the type of person who is up for trying anything and spends my weekends out doing things, not at home relaxing. And there is no way I would go to NYC in that case, but I’ve seen NYC at Christmas before and really don’t think the decorations are that great. Is this something you have wanted to do for a while and haven’t had a chance in prior years? If so, I might go. Is this something that just came to you since you are going to be in Philadelphia, but had not previously been considering doing? Then I would skip it. If you want to see different decorations than your normal, I but there are some in Philadelphia that would be nice.

      1. Yeah my in-laws live in NYC and we go there in December pretty frequently. I 100% do not understand the hype about Christmas in NYC. It’s…fine? It doesn’t seem that different than any other major city to me.

      2. OP here — I’ve seen the decorations in NYC before though it’s been many years (IDK if they actually change much – the windows do but the tree etc. I think are similar year to year). This just came to me because I’ll be half way there in Philadelphia already. I actually don’t know what’s going on in Philadelphia — maybe I’ll look into that.

        Honestly I don’t even mind the extra day on the road and I feel like I’ll appreciate it AFTER the fact, it’s just the feeling that when days of travel ends that Monday afternoon, I feel like the thought of getting on another train in any direction but home will be like — uh what was I thinking when I booked it. And I don’t want to book it and not go/change my mind last minute because NYC can be pricey this time of year.

        1. Philadelphia actually has some nice Christmas markets. I saw two last year – one was kind of lame, but the other one had genuinely nice things. They were near City Hall, if I recall. And there was a whole topiary thing – like snowmen and reindeer. And also a beer garden!

          There’s also an arts school that does a Christmas market thing – I can’t think of the name of the school, but maybe there’s a Philadelphian here who could help.

        2. I would make the call last minute based on the weather. A nice 40 degree day? I’m there. 20 with a biting wind or rain/sleet? No thanks.

    10. It’s a matter of personal preference. Personally, after more than a week away from home, I wouldn’t be excited to spend 1 night at home and then spend the next night away again. I’m single no kids so I don’t have anyone waiting for me, I would just prefer to be home and feel settled again. Then again, it wouldn’t even occur to me to do what you’re considering! If you really want to see the decorations then go for it.

    11. Yeah, just hang out in Philadelphia! By the time you get to New York after a meeting that ends at 2, it’s what, like 5? I bet you could find plenty of cool things to do in Philadelphia and then go back home.

    12. Obviously the answer is to go the Speedway lights tour on a weeknight when you are in Charlotte. No lines, comfort of your rental car, etc. Or go skating at the Nascar Museum if you are staying uptown (or at the Whitewater Center if you have a car — I promise it will be worth it!). We have a small Christmas Market on North Tryon street and decorations should be up in Fourth Ward. Have a beer at Alexander Michael’s and enjoy :)

    13. I wouldn’t do it – I need time to decompress after travel and being away from home, but I’m a big introvert and I don’t think going to NYC just for a night is worth it.

    14. I’d just stay in Philly! Check out the Christmas Market in LOVE park; the tree , light show and skating rink at City Hall / Dilworth Park; the light show and Dickens Village at Macy’s, the light show at Franklin Square, the lights at Jewelers Row (RIP), or the River Rink.

      1. I’d head out to Longwood gardens west of Phila. They always have a truly spectacular Christmas display.

    16. I love traveling and won’t allow myself to just stay in the hotel all night, but that means finding unique things to do in the place I’m in. I’d spend a few hours walking around Philly or even stay the night if I had time, but I absolutely would not take the train to another city just because I was half-way there.

  22. What are people’s experiences with painting existing kitchen cabinets? I have a slightly dated kitchen (brown/black granite, dark wood cabinets (no design, just flat polished wood with handles), and slate backsplash. It reads very dark and I’d like to lighten the place up.
    I’m thinking of painting the cabinets white and changing out the handles for a refresh (re-doing the cabinets, which would require redoing the marble is out of the question for $$ reasons right now). Do they ever turn out right to paint yourself? Is it worth it?
    Also, if not white, what are color suggestions? The general open floor room color scheme is a mix of cools and warms (I promise it works, just sounds weird typing out) – cool grey and blue walls, warm fall color accents.

    1. Hmm, I wonder if removing the dark backsplash and using a light paint color would solve most of your problem.

      1. That’s what I’m thinking (although I’m holding off on the backsplash until after the cabinets to see what it looks like – it’s a mid tone green not dark black so may work). I’m wonderig about the feasibility of it – will it look weird, especially if I do it myself? Does it cost a lot for a professional to do it?

    2. I painted cabinets white in a previous house and replaced all the hardware. It made a world of difference.

      It is super time consuming. You’ll need to take the doors off, sand lightly, wipe down, and then do 2 coats of paint, letting them dry completely between coats. Possibly primer before that if they are really dark (ours were a honey oak color). We only painted the exterior facings of the cabinet boxes and the doors, not the insides — we knew that we were replacing them in a few years but wanted them to look better in the interim. Took the better part of a week, working evenings, but well worth it.

      1. We just painted ours (a warm/cool gray that actually sounds like it could work with your color scheme–Behr Rock Crystal) and the kitchen looks SO different. It’s definitely a time commitment, though, especially if you’re doing the insides of the cabinets.

    3. I painted my dated, 80’s ugly kitchen cabinets in our old house before we sold it. I painted them white and then changed out the handles and painted the walls and it really made the kitchen look so much brighter and cleaner and modern. I have also seen cabinets painted grey and that looked nice too. The most important thing is to prep them well. Clean them well with a degreaser, and then sand them, and clean them again. Then use a good quality paint and quality brushes.

    4. I remember a YHL tutorial on painting cabinets from way back, if you decide to do it.

    5. I did it four years ago and am so happy I did. My oak cabinets were stained a dark red and with no direct light into my kitchen it was too dark. My husband and I spent two full weekends doing it. It’s time consuming to wait for the doors to dry and then flip them over to paint the inside. Definitely watch lots of youtube videos. I did NOT want to sand. There was some product we bought that you rub on (liquid sand or something?) and it was so much less work than sanding and it worked very well. We primed and did at least two coats of paint. We used high-density foam rollers not paint brushes so there are no paint strokes. I am so happy with the results. Four years later they are still in great shape. It completely updated my kitchen after I added new hardware too. So worth the hassle.

    6. I took the old kitchen cabinets from my grandmother’s house to use in my laundry room. Decided to strip them and repaint them a bright yellow. (Trust me here — it’s not as scary as it sounds!) Ohmygod, the work!!! Even with stripping, sanding, priming, and using some kind of sealer my dad found, it took forever. The wood from the cabinets had soaked up any grease from cooking over the years, and that left places where the paint would not adhere, and there were places where the wood soaked the paint up like a sponge. It took forever, but with a lot of help from my dad, a lot of thinly-worn patience, and an unbelievable amount of swearing (probably the right combination of magic words,) we managed to get the cabinets painted. YMMV, of course, but everyone above has it right — it takes time and a lot of prep work, so if you’re planning to do this as a weekend project, you may want to rethink it and plan to do this when you can put more time to it.

    7. how about adding under cabinet lighting, if you don’t already have it? and lighter counter top accessories.

    8. Buy/rent a sprayer and it’ll look great. Do not paint them with a textured roller, whatever you do.

  23. Does anyone have a reasonably priced physical (not chemical) exfoliator they love? Had a facial yesterday and the esthetician got all of the congestion out of my nose and chin and recommended regular exfoliation to keep it up. Couldn’t afford the one she recommended at the spa. Thanks!

    1. I like the Aveeno Positively Radiant Daily Scrub along with the Positively Radiant Cleanser.

    2. Is there a reason you’re avoiding a chemical exfoliator? Physical exfoliators tend to be very harsh on skin and can over time actually dull the skin from microscopic scratches, especially when using something like a sugar scrub. Chemical exfoliators are more effective and come in different levels of gentleness.

      That said, I’ve usually seen recommended to avoid sugar, salt and micro bead (shudders for the environment) exfoliators and get a gentle circular face brush to use with your face soap or cleansing oil, using slow rotating motions while the product is still on.

    5. Physical exfoliators are bad for your skin and I’m surprised an esthetician would recommend one.

      1. I use tretinoin and will use a baby washcloth + aveeno body wash on my face to deal with flakes. But only once a week or so.

  24. I’m 39 and my brunette hair has been graying *rapidly* since age 33. I’ve been dyeing and/or highlighting every 5-6 weeks to mask the grays. Now I have enough gray that my roots look legitimately noticeable after 3 weeks. Three. freaking. weeks. And trust me, it’s not just a few stray hairs here and there; I’m probably 50% gray at this point. I don’t know if I have the wherewithal to keep up with the maintenance required to stay brunette. At what point do I raise the white flag and just … stop? Am I even fooling anyone at this point? And how do you even start the process when you have dark hair and a really obvious line of color?

    Emotionally, I’m still not OK with how gray I am for my age. I have as many grays as my 62-year-old mom, for reference — I went gray pretty early, and she didn’t. (She also colors her hair, and it would feel really weird to have more obvious signs of aging when my own mom does not.) I don’t like that I feel this way, but I worry about looking older than I am. I’m mostly OK with my face looking 39 but I am having a very hard time accepting my gray hair.

    1. I usually see my peers start doing blonde highlights, at least at the crown and hairline so the grey is a lot less noticeable and you can extend the time between sessions.

      1. Idk if this looks natural/youthful although I see many people doing it. I see Marjorie from The tv show Mom as an example — & it seems like so much work just to end up looking like an old lady while still living at the salon. Do you actually like the look?

        1. it’s not a natural look at all and style wise it probably peaked. The OP doesn’t like going gray and doesn’t like the maintenance – the suggestion seems to be a way of simplifying her life while not going full gray

    2. Commiseration here. I’ve been graying since I was 24 and am also at a point where the grays start showing at 3 weeks. I dye it every 4-5 weeks, but the maintenance is a financial killer and a time suck. I’m probably 60-70% gray at this point, but as I’m also in my late 30s, I don’t feel ready to give up my brunette hair. My mother still dyes her hair frequently, but I only see her a few times a year. But, like you, I don’t want to embrace the gray until my mother does. She just turned 60 and is showing no signs of stopping the hair dye. Sigh.

    3. Would it be easier just to bleach your hair white-blonde? Dark roots seem more acceptable.

    4. It’s okay to stop. It sounds expensive and exhausting and if you don’t want to keep doing it, you certainly don’t have to.

    6. I’m almost 35, a dark brunette, and at least 50% gray – have been going gray since around 21 but it’s really sped up post-30. I’ve never colored it (not interested in the time or expense of dealing with it) and in the last few years, get a TON of compliments and (nice) questions about whether it’s natural. This is probably a great time to try it since gray hair is pretty on-trend.

    7. I just bite the bullet and go to the salon every three weeks. YMMV, of course.

      Also aren’t there touch-up products for between colorings? You might want to look into that.

      And finally, I went gray for a while in my 40s and then went back to coloring and never looked back. You could always try it out and see how it feels — nobody says it has to be forever.

    8. I had a law school professor who was obviously young but had gray hair and she looked stunning.

      If you want to keep coloring, consider doing an all over lighter color to make the roots be less visible.

      1. +1 to this. I started going gray in my 20s and colored it red for the longest time because the roots showed less. Then when I got to be more gray the roots showed more so I switched to blonde and they show less now. (Also? Red dye + white hair = pink. Not a great look!)

    9. I use Clairol Root Touch Up between visits. I use a color with the same tone but a bit lighter to sort of blend things. Let your stylist know if you go this route, though, since it does impact her work.

    10. I disagree with the others, it sounds like you don’t want to go gray but the maintenance of coloring is too much. Can you go lighter overall or with highlights so the roots aren’t as noticeable? If you’re not ready to go gray at 39, I don’t see why you should have to.

    11. I did this last year and don’t regret it. I need to wear lip colour or I can look washed out but I love my particular colour of silver and it was extremely liberating. I am 42 and still having babies :P my mother also just stopped colouring her hair.

      I have have positive feedback and only one hater. ( I assume there is more who wouldn’t dare say anything)

      Read grombre on Instagram to see how lots of women do this and great they look.

    12. I feel you. I get my color (red) done every 4 weeks but my roots are noticeably visible at 2 weeks. I use a L’Oreal root spray (turquoise little can) and spray my part every morning.

    13. I am 43 and nearly 100% gray, but not the gorgeous pure white that my mom had by age 35. My natural color is dark brown. I have a pixie cut that needs trimming every 4 weeks anyway, so I get the roots touched up every 4 weeks. I found that switching to a medium brown base color with a few subtle highlights makes the contrast with the roots less noticeable.

      My husband has been telling me for years that I should grow it out gray, but I don’t feel as if it’s age-appropriate yet. There was a woman I knew who wore her hair gray at around my age, then suddenly decided to color it dark blonde. It was shocking how much younger she looked. Right now I can pass for about 37 thanks to religious sunscreen usage and years of Retin-A, and I don’t really want to jump straight to looking 55.

    14. Hitha Palepu has transitioned to grey ombre (grombre?) and it looks incredible. Check out her insta.

    15. I’m 42. The point when roots were obvious after 3 weeks was when I said, I’m done. I did semipermanent dye for a while — it doesn’t ever really wash out but it does fade, so the line of demarcation isn’t as harsh. But the last dye put on my hair was almost exactly 3 years ago and it’s all been cut off now. Now that I have some more length, I can see I’m not as grey as I thought. It’s a mixture of my original dark brown, steel grey and silver. This feels more workable than if I were all grey/silver. I use a ton of conditioner and anti-frizz products, which I think helps minimize the grandma vibe.

      The other option, as others have said, is to go with a lighter color so the roots aren’t as noticeable. Ash browns (rather than golden or reddish browns) would probably blend better, if they work for your coloring. It won’t work forever (my mom does this, and now at 72 her hair is white underneath the dye, so it looks sort of translucent — I don’t like it but it’s not my head) but it might get you over the hump.

  25. In my city, people are using AirBNBs to host crazy parties of the sort that would get you kicked out of most hotels (probably even in Las Vegas) and that you’d most certainly not have at your house. TONS of people coming just to party (not even to stay; they may be locals), hogging all of the street parking, starting at 10/11 at night and continuing past 2am, lots of bottles all over the yard and broken glass on the sidewalks. Occassionally people get into fights and shot/killed.

    I sort of get renting an AirBNB if you are a bunch of bridesmaids traveling together for a wedding or throwing a shower. No one means for “no parties” to rule out uses compatible with normal neighborhood living. But stuff that ruins life for neighbors is different (never mind the flying bullets sort of parties).

    How as a BNB-avoider, can you fight this nonsense? I can only boycott them once.

    3. Of course. Call the police about every issue and take it up with you local government.

    4. Call the police. If it persists, consider speaking to a lawyer about whether or not it rises to the level of a nuisance and such a complaint could be lodged. Document the problems.

    5. Yep, just call the cops, post on Nextdoor and get your other neighbors to do the same, write to city council, and repeat all of the above.

    6. In our city, neighborhood organizations got really involved in fighting the AirBnBs for this reason, and they are now being phased out.

      1. Our local neighborhood organizations were really, really helpful when a local business wanted to do an expansion. The expansion went forward, which was a good thing, but they also understood that the business couldn’t just steamroll over the delays and issues the neighborhood had with the project.

        That said, I am *still* ticked that our local neighborhood org basically killed off a condo project that would have replaced a bunch of mostly-empty warehouses. We need housing badly in my city, and it would have been such an improvement.

    7. Long term, get in touch with your city council and local government offices, maybe the state assembly people too. Short term, call the police non-emergency line and/or parking enforcement when there are problems. Also keep a log of bad behavior and where it is happening.

      Somewhat related, but if you can figure out the phone number for the owner/property manager, calling them every time there is a problem seemed to help when we had a parking skirmish going on in my neighborhood (I’m talking about routinely blocking 100% of my driveway with cars, not the dread “parking in front of my house” so frequently complained about on my local Nextdoor).

      1. I have a good friend who has an AirBNB in an area that tends to attract this type of thing and really wants the neighbors to call and let her know if there is a problem so I would recommend at least starting with the owner/management company first. She hates the party groups because they make a huge mess and frequently violate her no-smoking policy. (She has imposed strict limits on the number of people, turns down groups of young people, and has a camera so she can enforce the limits – but that was only after a couple of unpleasant experiences.)

  26. Talk to me about you how you developed a thicker skin.

    I’m in charge of a public process where I live that’s trying to come up with some solutions to a local problem. There’s a small but VERY vocal group that is so far to one side of this issue that many of them don’t even want to give this public process a chance because they don’t think it will ever go far enough. (And they’re right; their demands are very unlikely to be met, but are also probably pretty unreasonable.) Their criticisms stress me out so much and I’m having a hard time moving past that. It’s not that it’s personal, and I don’t take it personally. I actually know many of them and I know they don’t hate me and I think most of them even like me, at least for now. But every time I see an email come in my shoulders tense up and the 48 hours before each meeting I am super stressed. This is just me; the meetings go fine. How do I get to a point where I can Leettttt itttt gooooooo, as Elsa would say?

    1. Can you just think of yourself as an actress in a role? That you are cast as the villain and they are the righteous and they are there to vilify you in this play? That it’s not about you at all?

      I was a very tall kid and got cast as the villainess in all of the plays as a kid and somehow this is the upside. It’s not about me. I know this at my core.

    2. Think of it as a job. You’re there to get it done well with a professional demeanor, not to be nice or make friends … you’re a manager and not everyone will like you but you get stuff done. Also, making outlandish requests or extreme ones can be a negotiating tactic where what they really want/expect is for you to compromise or move even just a little bit to their side. Just acknowledging their position can help.

  27. I think it’s really useful to identify what’s making you anxious. Is it that your efforts are being scrutinized? Is it the conflict itself? Is it a fear of disappointing other people? Once you have that information, you’ll be in a better place to respond. I get a lot of mileage from taking three deep breaths and then saying out loud some kind of personal phrase that rebuts whatever my negative response is. For instance, I’m really anxious about making people mad at me, so I like to say, in the words of my brattiest friend in the third grade, “God, Skipper. They’re not going to take away your birthday.”

    1. This made me snort my soup. And I also foresee it being very helpful! So thank you for sharing.

      2. OMG! Dying for the chance to use this on my pain-in-the-a$$ co-worker. Thank you, Skipper!!!!!

    2. Ironically… the most recent family member to have me in tears tried to take away my birthday a few years back.

Comments are closed.