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Updated: Nov 11, 2021 73 Comments · by

Gift Idea: CozyChic Throw

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Oooh: this is a new markdown, and I know because I checked for it on Friday — Nordstrom now has the Barefoot Dreams blankets marked down 30% off. If you haven't felt a Barefoot Dreams product in person, here's the 411: they are crazy (crazy) soft — machine washable — and they hold up really well.

(My oldest Circle cardigan is probably three or four years old at this point and no holes or anything else yet.) This is a GREAT gift for pretty much anyone from guys to grandmas. It comes in six colors and WAS $147, but is temporarily marked to $102. Barefoot Dreams Cozy Chic Throw

Sales of note for 9.30.24

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

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Comments

  1. Valentina

    Hi all, does anyone have a FRAME Les Second or any other FRAME tote? Can anyone speak to their quality? I’m tempted as some of the colors are on sale and they have an additional discount today, but I’ve only recently started hearing about this brand.

    TIA!

  2. Anonymous

    Ladies, please can we talk about depression and anti-depressants? I’m falling behind at my job, I’ve isolated myself from my friends, I no longer do stuff I used to enjoy doing. But I’ve had bad experiences with withdrawing from ADs and don’t have the time or energy to find the right cocktail. (Plus a family member killed himself after going on Prozac so I’m wary in general.) What is the difference between needing medication and bootstrapping yourself out of it?

    • Anon

      Can you bring up your concerns with your PCP? I agree that you should carefully consider whether antidepressants are right for you, but you need to engage professional help here in one way or another. There’s really very little “bootstrapping” your way out of depression.

    • Anon

      Can you talk to a professional and see what they say? Depression can definitely be situational – I was very depressed (actually depressed, not just unhappy) when I was in a toxic job, and leaving that job completely alleviated the depression. But if you’ve tried changing things about your situation and nothing is improving, then you might need medicine. A professional can advise you better.

    • Anon

      I think the first step is therapy, and a good therapist can help you to navigate the various tools to manage depression (some pharmacological, others not).

      To answer your question: when things in your life are being affected, it’s time to get help. If you are falling behind at your job – not merely “not excelling” – then you need to get treatment. (FYI, you can get into a vicious cycle in which the stress and despair of the effects of depression only exacerbate the depression, and no matter how good you normally are using a toolkit to manage depression, you will need help. Ask me how I know this.)

    • Anon

      There’s a new genetic cheek swab test you can take that matches you to medications that will work best for you. For me, it matched perfectly with my lived experiences–which ones worked and which ones didn’t. The lab that does this is, (starts with M) is shady as all get out and does outrageous weird billing so ignore that noise, but it’s 100% worth it. (Basically they try to scare you into paying more, just wait for it to go to 3rd notice which it never does, worked in a drs office and got tons of patient complaints.) FWIW for tapering, the speed at which they want you to do it is laughable– my doctor said a “slow taper” would be over 6 weeks. Crazy! I insisted on going down as little as I could, as long as I could, and I’m on month 3 of tapering with no side effects (I read online it takes your body 4-6 weeks to adjust to a change, so I’ve gone down half a pill each 4-6 period and after 5 reductions will be at zero).

    • Anon

      Have you had depressive episodes before? I think there are a few different types. I have periodic episodes which last 3-4 weeks. Because I know it will pass, I don’t do anything about those other than make myself comfortable and perpetually have a freezer stacked with prepared meals for my family. But when I developed PPD it was completely different and needed medication.

    • Anonnnn

      The first thing I need to do when I feel this way is check my thyroid and how I’m sleeping. Then I need to make sure my vitamin D is fine. Low B12 used to be a factor for me as well until they figured out I have pernicious anemia and need shots for life, which I assume is not common (I would guess that most people with pernicious anemia were originally misdiagnosed with depression, but I would also guess that most people with depression are not B12 deficient).

      When those pieces are in place and something is still off, I have found that 5HTP and L-tyrosine are plenty for me if I just need more serotonin or more dopamine. Unfortunately, amino acid precursors in psychiatry aren’t well researched (there is more research for L-tryptophan, since it was used in psychiatry before SSRIs, but I found 5HTP easier to find than straight tryptophan).

      In general, my sense is that medication response is highly individual, and the best thing I did was see a good psychiatrist to work out what would work for me. In my experience, gynecology and primary care could not wrap their heads around “a bad experience on an SSRI” as a thing that even really happens (they thought I was just giving them a hard time), but my psychiatrist was unfazed and even helped me figure out my underlying conditions.

    • Anonymous Lawyer

      Not sure if you’ve considered this, but there are different types of ADs. Wellbutrin is in a different class than Prozac and it’s worked very well for me whereas Prozac has not. Wellbutrin blocks the reuptake of dopamine, whereas Prozac blocks the reuptake of serotonin. Whichever type works better for you probably depends in part on your brain chemistry.

  3. Anonymous

    Does anyone work at a firm that fines you for being tardy on entering your time? A friend is a paralegal at a national firm. She told me she’s gotten emails from the firm threatening to fine her for not having put in her time for the previous week. I’m a lawyer at a different national firm; in theory, the firm can dock your bonus or raise if you’re consistently late on your time – but that’s future discretionary income, not income you’ve already earned. A fine seems really odd to me, especially for an hourly employee. Is this a normal practice?

    • Anonymous

      Mine does, but only for equity partners. And in theory, I think they will fine or hold pay for supervising equity partners if their supervisees are delinquent, but I don’t know if that actually happens (they do fine partners, though). I don’t think there’s any penalties for salaried or hourly staff, other than obviously negative impact on performance review.

    • Anon

      Mine (allegedly) would take money out of your bonus, but I never heard of it actually happening.

    • Anonymous

      I’ve never heard of fining, but our firm has a hard deadline for time on a monthly basis. If it isn’t entered, it doesn’t get counted/billed, which is a big deal. People make the deadline, end of story.

    • time entry

      Amlaw 200 here. We have tiered fines starting at 3.5 days or more, and I believe there are different sets of tiers for attorneys versus paralegals.

    • Cat

      I’ve heard of this type of policy but not actually seen it enforced. For associates, the real threat is that the partner in charge gets p!ssed at you because tardy time entry can sometimes mean they have to write it off — reputational harm is way worse than a monetary fine.

    • anon

      Mine is even worse – it withholds pay from the equity partner you’re working for if you’re late with your time entries. Imagine the shame of getting called into the partners office over that…

    • Anonymous

      There was an update letter on Ask A Manager today about a company that fined people for being late to work. Apparently the accountants would come around to the desks to collect cash.

    • anon

      Yes, we are fined. You get a set number of waivers per quarter and copious warnings that time is due.

      • anon

        We’re AmLaw 50, and they introduced this when our clients started getting much tougher about late bills.

    • Anonymous

      Yes, I’ve heard Alston and Bird does this – something like $25 for each day you’re late.

    • Small Law Partner

      I used to work at a firm that did this. I am one of those entry my time every day kinda people. But I was fined a substantial amount of money (more than 1k out of my pay) because I was in China for several weeks for work and could not connect to VPN to “release” my time. I tried get that refunded due to the reason, but I guess I was supposed to manually type out my entries and send to someone in accounting. I was mad, but I kidna felt liek, OK maybe I should have checked. The next time I was in China and could not connect, I created an Excel sheet and sent to the person in accounting they told me to. The accounting people didn’t enter it (even though they never told me), I still got fined, and could not get refunded – this time was more than 3k due to the amount of time I was late/gone. This was reason 28916515891561651 I left that firm.

  4. Bathroom flooring for brunettes

    I have a choice of bathroom flooring thanks to having to rip out two (!) layers of tile in the course of fixing some water damage.

    In the past, I’ve loved a white hex tile floor. So pretty! But I’m a brunette and it quickly became obvious that I shed all sorts of hair at a frightening pace. I should buy stock in Swiffer!

    Alternative tiles are: black/white hex pattern (cabinetry is white), or some black penny round tiles. I am a bit frightened of other colors becoming something I’d hate in a few years or rethink and I am not a fan of gray. But the dark tiles will just fool the eye and knowing me (and my brunette family), the floors will quickly become filthy or just overrun by tumbleweeds of hair and dust bunnies.

    White to keep us honest?

    • let's chat bathroom tiles

      I like the black and white hex idea. The pattern and contrast sound really pretty and it would hide hairs better than plain white but not be quite as stark/dark as plain black.

  5. Who do belts look good on?

    Do you think belts look good on you? If so, what do you look like?

    I am short, with a really high waist (like below my ribs) and almost no torso. I also have monster hips / thighs and a bit of a tummy. And of course, I’m also flat-chested. I cannot get belts to really look good with everything. Or maybe I just can’t figure out how to style them for me? I think I have such a wacky rise that I never wear anything tucked in. The dresses I wear don’t really have belts (other than the Etsuko, which fits me like a dream but I keep the belt at a loose setting so as not to really emphasize that my body is built like a T-Rex).

    • Anonymous

      What type of outfits are you wearing with belts? I never wear belts anymore. When I used to work in a more dressy office, I would sometimes wear belts with an a-line dress and I would wear it right underneath my bust to give a more fit and flare style.

    • Cat

      Not much but more because I don’t like the bulk or fussing with them. When I do wear them, it’s over A-line dresses to emphasize my waist. But I’m a long-waisted hourglass.

      Meghan Markle is a good example for you perhaps? I think she looks best in sheath dresses (the yellow boatneck from last summer was a stunner) or the skinny pants + blazer look. I don’t think belted dresses work particularly well on her as they emphasize her straight torso (though she obviously disagrees given how much she wears them!) – the Carolina Herrera belted denim dress being the exception.

    • Anonymous

      5″4, 112 lbs, rectangle build, long torso. I don’t generally wear belts, I prefer a stream lined look. I had a thicker (3-4 inches) belt I work a few years ago, looked good and sometimes a dress comes with a thin one, that looks fine as well.

      Sounds like you have a figure similar to KKW, don’t recall seeing her wearing belts regularly.

    • Anon

      I do love belts but I think the trick is to balance the top with the bottom. I’m a short small hourglass leaning pear with a very high waist (mine is AT my ribs) and if I’m wearing a belt at my natural waist I must wear some shoulder or neck detail to get more volume up top: cap sleeves, a boatneck or cowl or funnel neck, a big collar, epaulets, shoulder buttons or zippers, bat wings or dolman sleeves, or even a giant necklace on a short chain. Long sleeves don’t work unless it also has shoulder pads (which I love but sadly they seem to be on the out again). If I wear the belt low, grunge style (like almost at the crotch), I need to wear a drapey voluminous blouse on top to essentially eliminate the hip curve, and I tuck it very loosely into the bottoms unless it has a straight hem. I think this is a very comfortable look that can easily go edgy with coated or distressed straight leg jeans, but I don’t see how you could wear this to work. You definitely need two different sets of belts for each look. I don’t like the in-between look (belt around the belly button or an inch below) on most people because unless you’re built like a classic model it tends to pooch out at our belly and look constricting. And I never tighten the belt all the way, it should rest comfortably or you will look like a sausage.

    • Triangle Pose

      Yes, they do. I have similar coloring and body type to Jean from Extra Petite. I borrow a lot of silhouettes from her. Her shapes, textures and drapes work for me but I don’t like mall brands and designer purses as much as she does so I stick with the brands I like.

  6. website for replacing knobs and hardware and such?

    We have a 1920s house that got some updating done in the 1980s, so charming period pieces like cabinet knobs, door knobs, and drawer pulls were discarded in place of black plastic things straight out Alexis Carrington Colby Dexter’s dreams.

    I went to a local store to start replacing them back to little crystal knobs, etc. but had total sticker shock. Any recs for good interwebs stores for period / period-like pieces for older houses? That are budget-friendly?

  7. Personal Finance Q

    I’m putting together my budget for next year and could use some advice. Next year will be the first time that I am able to max out my retirement ( 401k and ROTH). That will leave me with about $1k a month above my regular expenses. My emergency fund is fully funded. I would like to save for a downpayment, but live in a VHCOL area and need to save another $60k-70k. I would also like to take a vacation this year (I haven’t taken more than a weekend trip in several years) – I would budget around $2-3k for the vacation. I live very frugally and my basic expenses are already as low as they can go (including rent in my affordable-for-the-area neighborhood). I have no debt, and I don’t own (or need) a vehicle. I work for the government and just got a big promotion, so my raises will be pretty nominal in the next few years. I’m in my mid 30s, have a child from a prior marriage and am not interested in more kids (child’s college fund is accounted for). Current retirement savings are “on track” based on my age and income according to several calculators.

    In my place, what would you do? Keep maxing out the retirement, take a vacation, and let the downpayment fund grow at a snails pace? Or redirect some of the money towards the downpayment to make that goal more achievable?

    • nuqotw

      It sounds like you want to max out your retirement and that’s definitely not “wrong” so go ahead and do that. But you could reduce your contribution a little bit if you prefer; that’s not wrong either.

      Given that, it sounds like if you just save $1K/mo you will have your down payment in 5 – 6 years whether or not you take the vacation. So maybe take the vacation?

      I’m not sure from your message why you need 60-70K more for the down payment. If it’s sheer affordability of the payment then I totally get it. If it’s avoiding PMI, you might shop around on the mortgage a bit – government workers are often eligible for some kind of credit union membership which includes more favorable mortgage rates. I was surprised (and delighted) to get a no-PMI loan with just 10% down in my M-HCOL at the credit union. My regular bank didn’t even try to match the offer.

    • UHU

      Take a vacation.
      Max out retirement.
      Grow down payment.

      Do you live frugally because you’ve had to or because you like to? Honestly, in a VHCOL, I’m not sure that buying a house make financial sense, by the time you’ve saved the rest prices will increases plus there’s a ton of maintenance and extra charges associated with ownership rather than renting (that I’m guessing is what you’re doing), of course. YMMV. Maybe, redirect that down payment money to a holiday home in a spot you like, and let it when you’re not staying there.

    • Anon

      If you need permission from an internet stranger, I’ll give it to you: it’s ok to take a vacation. And if you’re on track for retirement, go ahead and save for that down payment. You’ll need to get there somehow.

      PS – Roth isn’t an acronym, it was a senator’s last name.

      • Anon

        401k and Roth also aren’t necessarily separate things. My 401(k) IS a Roth. People here frequently use “Roth” when they mean “IRA.”

    • Anon

      I made a soup last night full of veggies to mark the end of thanksgiving indulgence and it was really good.

      Sauté 1/2 white or yellow onion, diced, in olive oil. Add salt. Add 3 cloves minced garlic.

      Before garlic browns, add 1 can diced tomatoes, including juice, 1 can chicken broth, and 1 can full of water.

      Add 1 capful of dried Italian seasoning, and salt and pepper to taste.

      Simmer as you peel and dice (1/2”) one small russet potato. Add potato.

      When potato begins to soften (which won’t take long if you do a smallish, 1/2” dice), add one 12 is bag mixed frozen veggies. My bag had corn, carrots, green beans, and peas. Add more hot water if too thick.

      Taste again for salt and pepper and serve as soon as veggies are warm.

      Any frozen veg you have on hand would work but I really liked the combination in the bag I used.

    • Anon

      I made instant pot chilean sea bass. I used fillets, not a whole fish. It was amazing! But increase the time to 4 minutes unless your fillets are under 1 in.

    • Coach Laura

      I’ve made all twelve of Pinch of Yum’s freezer meals. They are fabulous – and she has some that are fully vegan, all can be easily made gluten free. Many are quick – very little prep or chopping – in the instant pot or easy in the slow cooker. I make the lasagna and bake it and then put it into smaller serving sizes for our small household but you could make a full-size lasagna for larger families or to serve to guests. My favorite is the lasagna and second is the (non-tandoor) tandoori chicken, which is made in the instant pot or slow cooker.

      • AnonInfinity

        Thanks for the link– these look amazing!

        Did you prep these all at once, or a few at a time?

        • Coach Laura

          They’re all very easy except lasagna which isn’t as easy but better than some involved lasagnas (purchased prepared tomato sauce). I made 4 a night in about an hour (in the evening after work) other than lasagna. On a weekend day you could probably make 12-16 of them.

  9. Attire

    Hi all. I applied for a lateral attorney position and I was invited to meet with the recruitment partner. I suspect if it goes well, a formal interview will follow. I only have one interview suit, so my options for the informal meeting are: interview suit with casual top and then rewear the suit with a more classic interview top if called back, black suit dress with black and white tweed blazer, or navy going out blazer with matching skirt and knit top. I don’t have time to get anything else. Thanks in advance!

    • Cat

      No one will notice that you re-wear your interview suit. I wouldn’t go with a “casual” top for the recruitment partner, though. As a lateral, I’d expect a more interesting top that’s still formal — so nix the plain button down in favor of a bold silk blouse, lightweight sweater, etc. and don’t feel obligated to wear your super conservative black heels that you might have chosen as a law student.

      • OP

        Thank you. By casual I meant a thin cashmere sweater or a patterned silk blouse, not a t shirt or anything.

    • Small Law Partner

      I think it depends where you live and what kinda firm we are talking about. I would expect someone to wear a dress or skirt with a blazer for this (although i would not look down on a suit at all!), but I am in SoCal and work at a non-biglaw firm.

    • Anonymous

      I think that your “informal interview” with the recruitment partner is likely the most important one that you will have. I’ve been in this situation, and it’s usually the partner coordinating the recruitment that has the ultimate say on who gets hired. I would treat the interview as important, even if it is informal.

  10. Anon

    Prefacing this by saying I know I’m extremely fortunate to be in this position. What’s the best way for grandparents to help us with college? Just a 529? Or saving in generic investment vehicles in their own names? Or in a joint account with me? For what it’s worth, my husband and I are upper middle class and while we wouldn’t expect aid at state universities, I think we’re in a position to get significant aid (but not a free ride) at some of the more elite private institutions, if our kids get in and choose to go (big “if”s, I realize). My understanding is that a 529 fund reduces the student’s aid award dollar for dollar, but money in the parents’ or grandparents names does not reduce the aid as directly (although of course the parents’ assets are part of the financial aid calculation), so maybe saving outside of a 529 is better for that reason? I’m also a little concerned about having too much tied up in 529s. My husband and I have been contributing to 529s up to our state’s tax deduction threshold, and after 18 years that will more than cover four years at our local state schools, so I don’t know that it makes sense to tie up additional money in college-specific funds.

    • Anon

      First question: how old are your children? The advantage of a 529 is that the money grows tax-free. If your children are young, then 15-20 years of tax-free growth is an amazing thing that you should think long and hard before passing up. If they are older, it’s different.

      Likewise, why would you continue to contribute to a 529 when the kids are older? Our general plan is to stop contributing around middle school or early high school, as the benefits of tax-free growth are not that substantial over 3-5 years, but we could run into problems with money being tied up in a 529.

      Talk to a professional about the ways in which colleges view 529 plans. Depending on how it is set up, it may be considered the child’s money; other times, it may be considered part of parental assets. My understanding is that colleges expect you to pay (loosely) 5% of parental assets + 35% of child assets every year. That essentially means that all of the child’s assets go towards college, but about 20% of parental assets do. The rationale is that the child’s assets are usually things like a checking account containing money from summer jobs, whereas the parents’ money is house, savings, cars, etc.

      • Anon

        Kids are young, preschool age. We get a really nice tax break (on the order of $2k per year) for the contributions, so I just assumed we’d keep contributing as long as could – even if the money is not growing much in the account, it’s saving us a lot because of the tax implications.

        • Anon

          Even if the money grows at 3% in the 529, it will have increased by over 50% by the time college rolls around, and that entire increase is tax free.

    • anon

      In my opinion, unless grandparents are very wealthy, it’s better for them to keep the funds in their name. It’s impossible to predict what kind of care aging parents will need or how much money they will go through. Tying a lot of money up in 529s means it’s not available for them to use as they age. If they’re still healthy and feeling generous when your children are ready for college, they can choose to help then.

    • anon

      I don’t have advice, but a grandparent saving in their own name isn’t the child’s money and can’t be counted on even if the grandparent has the best of intentions today.

    • NYCer

      One other thing to consider for grandparents who are wealthy. Grandparents (or anyone) can make tuition payments directly to the school, and it is not considered a gift or counted against their annual gift exclusion amount (i.e., grandparent could pay $35K private school tuition directly to the school or university, AND give the grandchild the $15K annual exclusion amount – or $30K if the grandparents are married and splitting gifts – in the same year).

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