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Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. I remember desperately wanting a slouchy boyfriend blazer like this many moons ago — if memory serves I actually just bought a smallish man's blazer. So I'm excited to see that same slouchy excellence, but just for women, from Equipment. Love that it's 100% wool, lined, and available in some great colors — gray, cornflower blue, and black. All of the pictures show it with scrunched sleeves from the front (annoying), but long and straight sleeves for the “from behind” shots.” The blazer is $548-$598 at Nordstrom. Equipment ‘Jay' Blazer Here's a lower-priced alternative and a plus-size option (which is also available in regular and petite sizes). Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail [email protected]. (L-6)Sales of note for 9.10.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
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- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
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- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
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- White House Black Market – 30% off new arrivals
Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…
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And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
KT
The plus-size options are really nice–thanks Kat!
anonymous
It’s time for me to take a step up in basic suits. I really like the Hugo Boss suits I have seen and have heard good things, but how do they fit? I’m short and hourglassy, and I’m looking for something at that price point. Any suggestions?
Anonymous
Just go try them on? Personally they work well on my curvy shape but I think at that price point it’s worth going into a store.
NYC tech
I love their suits. I’m hourglassy too (though tall) and their jackets were the only ones I could button over my bust while still fitting nicely at the waist and shoulders. Definitely worth going to try them on.
Anonymous
I just bought one, and here is what I found. I’m busty but athletic, for what it’s worth.
Some jackets, skirts, pants worked, others really did not; so, don’t write off the line based on one suit. What worked better for me were shorter length jackets (curvy shaped got eaten up by longer ones); the pencil skirts over a-line; shorter rises on the pants; and non-shimmer fabrics. I find the shimmery fabrics have less weight and do not hang as well.
That said, I still needed every piece tailored so the suit really popped.
Anonymous
I’m 5’8″ and a thin hourglass/pear and Boss is my favorite brand; that said, I still need everything altered like Anon @ 11:06. The size I need for my hips/butt is usually two sizes too big on top, and the tailor always says in an exasperated tone “Why didn’t you buy a smaller size?” while pinning the top, and then has that “D’oh” moment when she gets down to my hips.
Oy
I get that a blazer adds formality, but I think if you try to put this together with work pieces it will look very sloppy. It looks like a before picture from Extra Petite (which I like for its focus on proportion, even though I am more extra than petite).
I do not like it with a dress.
I do not like it with an S.
I do not like it with The Skirt.
I do not like it in a yurt.
I do not like it with high-waisted pants.
I do not like it with Minnie pants.
I do noth think it works with pants at all.
I will not be wearing it (especially a $500+) this fall.
KT
It depends on your shape/style. On me, normal length blazers make me look incredibly short-torsoed–I need the extra length to balance me out.
Shopaholic
I actually really like longer, slouchy blazers over certain dresses. It doesn’t work with everything but I don’t think it looks sloppy depending on how you style it.
Maternity leave
I recently discovered that a senior woman in HR at my company is vehemently opposed to offering paid maternity leave. She claims that it is a “lifestyle” choice, and that it wouldn’t be fair to those who don’t choose that lifestyle. I’m utterly flabbergasted and don’t understand how she can take that position. Am I being unreasonable?
emeralds
Nope that sounds ridiculous.
KT
I don’t support that belief, but it’s certainly a common belief in certain circles, even among women.
Wildkitten
Yup. It’s both common and ridiculous.
Diana Barry
+1. Particularly in this country.
Alana
Agreed. Even if she never has children, she has a biological mother! She was once in utero and her mother had to recover after giving birth to her.
Anonymous
Does it matter? There are certainly plenty of people who believe that having children is a choice, and it’s not a choice that private businesses need to support with paid leave. And it is unfair in a way- employees who don’t have children usually don’t get a paid leave just because. I disagree with that position and I don’t think you’re wrong to find it unreasonable, but being this shocked makes you sound really naive.
Anonymous for this
So to be that person, why is this belief ridiculous?
Why should a company have to pay someone who is not there? They are literally doing no work or contributing to the company…why do they deserve compensation?
I mean this seriously…I’ve never understood this. I know it’s the way things are done and considered a GOOD THING…but it seems bad for business to me.
Having children is a serious decision to make…why is it your employer’s responsibility to compensate you for it?
If your coworker decides she wants to take a sabbatical to travel the world…why doesn’t she get paid leave?
I swear I’m not trolling…it’s something I’ve never understood.
Wildkitten
In the US companies offer paid maternity leave as a recruitment and retention tool for valuable employees, same as they offer paid sick leave, or higher than minimum wage, or any other benefit they offer without being required.
Anonymous for this
I get that..but then for child-free employees…sucks to be them?
Anonymous
Would you say that for FMLA leave? Changing your parents bedpans is not awesome, especially when it’s unpaid leave. Guys get to have heart attacks and take time off to recover. Not sure how birthing a baby (which may require abdominal surgery) is any different.
Signed,
someone who needs you to have more babies to keep funding social security
Anonymous
No. Doesn’t suck to be them. They get rewarded with higher pay and better promotions, and they don’t actually have an infant who needs tending. And if they want to not sound bitter and whiny they should concentrate on asking for paid FMLA leave. And you can’t divorce the provision of paid leave for maternity from retaining women in the workplace because reality.
Anonymous for this
But that’s my point. FMLA is unpaid, why is maternity leave any different? Taking care of a loved one–such as your example of an elderly parent–is pretty taxing and emotionally awful, but I don’t see the widespread support for paid FMLA leave, just maternity leave.
It's called STD coverage
STD = short -term disability coverage
It’s what gives you pay when you can’t work for <90 days
It applies for the first 6 weeks of maternity leave (at many, maybe not all companies) not b/c of the baby but b/c the person can't work (they are oozing, they may also be recovering from surgery, etc.) (so would they get it if the baby died — I would hope so — the recovery is often the same physically if not worse b/c of likely trauma / surgery; but this is also why adoption and fathers are sometimes treated differently)
STD coverage is also for if you have a heart attach or are in a car wreck or something else where YOU cannot work.
FMLA is if you take off work when you care for SOMEONE ELSE. That is unpaid (usually).
A few Points
1. Even if you never have children, at one point- you were someone’s infant. There are some benefits to the child of early bonding time with parents. I’ve always thought we looked at this too one sided, as a benefit that we get as adults when really it’s a benefit we receive as infants as well.
2. I work for an employer where other injury/temporary disability are treated equally, if not more generously, than maternity leave. If you were to need to be out of work for 10 weeks due to health issues, you could have temporary disability kick in for that period whereas temporary disability is absolutely capped at 6 or 8 weeks for maternity coverage. Also, for those of you asking, ‘if you wanted to take 3 months off to travel the world, could you do that?’ Well, you couldn’t use your sick time but other than that, yes- it would be treated exactly the same.
3. I don’t see this being an uncommon or unreasonable opinion at all. I disagree with it, yes, but it’s not outside the realm of sanity.
4. I’m a big fan of paid family leave. Even if you don’t have children, it’s not unreasonable that at some point in your life you may need extended time off to care for a friend or family member. When you’re caretaking for someone who suddenly needs your constant care, the last thing you should be worrying about is how to pay your own bills.
Wildkitten
If your employer doesn’t offer the benefits that are important to you, you should negotiate them. This obviously doesn’t apply to people in lower income brackets with less negotiation power, but I think it applies to people on this site.
HSAL
“It’s Called STD Coverage,” that’s not entirely correct. FMLA covers time when you miss work for yourself as well as when you care for other people. The point is to protect your job when you’re out for medical reasons, not solely to care for someone else. Sometimes FMLA is intermittent, so STD coverage probably wouldn’t apply. At my office they run concurrently – our STD policy requires a month of elimination (use PTO or unpaid leave) before it gives me two or four weeks of partial pay (depending on type of birth).
roses
It’s not equivalent to vacation time to travel the world, it’s equivalent to medical/disability leave. Women need to physically recover from giving birth, and their presence with their babies early on is pretty key to bonding and the baby’s development. Also, it’s overall good business – since people aren’t likely to stop having kids even if employers aren’t giving mat leave, you would lose a lot of valuable employees and spend a lot of money re-training if you fired women or refused to pay them anything after giving birth.
anon
“They are literally doing no work or contributing to the company…why do they deserve compensation?”
Your focus is too myopic. This line of thinking only works when you limit your analysis to the 12 weeks (or whatever) of leave- rather than looking at paid leave on a broader temporal scale. Rather than thinking of the issue of pay as compensation for each literal day worked, remember that this woman is getting paid a salary. No one comes to you on a Friday and says “hey, you really didn’t contribute at all to the company because you were sick, so we’re docking your pay.” Because your compensation is set on a larger time horizon and because its more valuable to keep you employed and healthy than to replace you or be stingy because you were out for 1 day. You’d say “um, no, maybe measure my contribution to this company by looking at what I did last week and what I’ll do this week? This is a minor bump in the road?” Question your assumption that because this employee doesn’t show up to the office for 12 weeks they are literally making no contribution to the company. Don’t just focus on those 12 weeks, you need to focus on the employee’s contribution over the entirety of her career with the firm. You assume without showing that the employer loses more money/productivity by offering 12 weeks of paid maternity leave than it otherwise would. For that 12 weeks, perhaps the employer loses money. But think about the trajectory of that employee over the course of her career. Firing her (or causing her to leave because she doesn’t have paid leave) and having to replace her means that you lose the investment and training that has been made in her, you lose money hiring and training someone to replace her, and you lose the unique talents and institutional knowledge and skills she brings. It’s 12 weeks out of, say, a 5, 10, 15 year career. In this way, it isn’t bad for business. This isn’t the most articulate response (it’s early), but my point is that fussing over lost productivity during 12 whole weeks out of a woman’s entire career misframes the issue on a temporal scale.
This doesn’t even begin to address questions of whether we want to create a society that makes it nearly impossible for women to be in the work force and also raise families, and all of the *damage* that that causes individuals and society. I’m so over “bad for business” being used as a trump card for whether an idea is good policy.
“Having children is a serious decision to make…why is it your employer’s responsibility to compensate you for it? . . . If your coworker decides she wants to take a sabbatical to travel the world…why doesn’t she get paid leave?”
See above. There are major societal benefits to providing paid leave.
Alli
This, a thousand times this. At my organization, it would cost 20% of an employee’s salary to train her replacement, but it would only cost 10% of that salary to offer six weeks of paid parental leave. It’s incredibly short-sighted to think that paying for that narrow window of time (in which, let’s be honest, many of us are still working, fielding emails and calls, and otherwise taking care of business while at home during recovery) has no worth to the employer, when NOT paying for it will cost a lot more.
Alana
+10000
This is the problem with thinking like a shareholder who only cares about the most recent quarterly earnings–it’s short sighted.
Eventually babies become adults, including future employees, neighbors, etc. Don’t we want more well-adjusted people on this planet?
moss
I think it’s short-sighted to think that a baby only benefits the parents. If we can agree that the future generation of workers will benefit us then people having babies are good for our future even if we personally don’t have children. Therefore, accomodations for new parents benefit society in a way that an accommodation for someone to go climb Everest does not. It’s not about a diva mom wanting paid time off to do something frivolous.
Someone who doesn’t think that babies are a good thing in general won’t think that maternity leave is necessary.
Anonymous
So I somewhat agree with maternity leave/lifestyle choice. I see the problems (lack of retention of women in the workplace) but as a child-free woman, I’m always left holding the bag for others… and as someone who is frequently sick and/or serving as a caregiver it is frustrating to not have the same options.
While I support the idea of maternity leave, I agree with others that it should be caregiver/family/sick leave. IMO, the resentment from others builds from having to hoard every bit of PTO in case something goes wrong, particularly in places where there’s no STD or low carryover.
In a perfect world, everyone would get more paid leave to use whenever for any purpose and people would focus on results.
Anonymous
FMLA applies to caregiver/family/sick leave as well as maternity leave. You should discuss it with your HR rep. You shouldn’t need to hoard your vacation any more than someone with a child would – and to be quite frank, most women I know do need to hoard their vacation. Your resentment may be misplaced.
anonymous
I do agree that it’s a lifestyle choice and it’s not fair to those who don’t choose that lifestyle. I’m also a huge advocate for paid maternity leave for other reasons- men are free to make this choice without professional ramifications and women should be too. Having children is a lifestyle choice I think it’s extremely important to support for this reason and many others. I disagree with her conclusion but I don’t find it shocking at all.
Anonymous
I think that maternity leave is like a lot of other things — if you don’t offer it, you will lose people to a place that does. It’s a lifestyle choice, but a pretty common one to be a legitimate business consideration (so that she is terribly opposed shows her to be very short-sighted; that you are shocked is maybe saying that you should get out a bit more) for a company to offer.
We’re not hatched from eggs in a laboratory. Eventually we have things that take us away from work: parents get sick, inlaws get sick, we have children, our children get sick. FMLA and maternity leave and other leave policies help you retain the people you want to retain and to attract the people you want to attract. Otherwise, the market votes with its feet.
Plus, it doesn’t sound like she is calling the shots. Just that she’s a person with an opinion. Not sure why it’s a big deal for people to think something that you don’t. Maybe life persuades them to adjust? If not, not your problem.
roses
The really crazy thing about this view though is that it doesn’t recognize that women who give birth need to physically recover afterwards. I’m totally in support of longer mat leave for other reasons, but at the very, very, very least, women need about 6 weeks of time to physically recover from the experience. Would this HR person say to someone who broke his/her leg playing sports and needed surgery “oh, it’s a lifestyle choice to play sports, so you don’t deserve any time off to recover?”
Anonymous
Seriously — even the Army gives you six weeks off from PT. If you own your own business, you may not even get that.
Anonymous for this
Well, someone who breaks their leg takes PTO, or if they don’t have any left, unpaid leave or FMLA without pay…they aren’t being given paid leave.
It's called STD coverage
No — they should check for STD coverage offered at work (and have their own policy, which they can get in the market place).
Runner 5
In the EU they are.
Alice
Not everyone can get STD coverage. Federal worker here. Also not eligible for getting my own policy in the marketplace.
Anonymous
Really? So what happens if you are in a car accident?
When I was a state govt employee, I had something like 15 days of sick leave (paid) and donation pools so that all of us healthy wreck-free people could donate it to people (I gave it to someone who was in a horrifying accident with a long rehab period after the hospital).
Is it like that?
Alice
Yes, similar. If you get into a horrific wreck, hopefully you have a lot of sick leave saved. And if not, there is a system whereby you can ask fellow feds to “donate” their excess sick leave to you.
For example, I have a friend in another agency who, due to complications, had to have her baby recently at 26 weeks–both she and baby have been in the hospital over a month. She is going to exhaust her sick leave before she and the baby even come home, and is solely relying on donations (which may or may not last very long).
Sacha
Does she have any children? Because as a no-kids-never woman, I will admit that I can go to that place of “Hey, why should I pay for you to pursue your goals for 3 months when there is no circumstance under which you would financially support me in pursuing any one of mine (other than, possibly, making partner)?” Of course I come back from that place pretty quickly for numerous reasons. But lots of people like to stick with gut-reaction, self-serving positions because everything that comes later is less certain, more abstract, and appears to be a potential or even likely net loss for that individual.
Renee
Yep, ridiculous. It should be “family” leave and available for other circumstances in my opinion. If a parent has a stroke and you need a few months to get them recovered and set up with care. If you sister is diagnosed with cancer and is dying. A surgery or accident that you need weeks to recover from, etc. These things happen and I think our work places can and should accommodate. I’ve accommodated 2 coworker maternity leaves recently and it sucks for those covering, but it always works out. Also, is it me, but are must senior HR females typically awful to work with!?! Probably not worth arguing with her.
Alli
This was actually the original mindset behind FMLA. The first proposal for FMLA was for paid maternity leave, and so many other family care needs were added that it evolved into 12 weeks for family care (not just childbirth) but was no longer paid because that would encompass too many situations. So while it’s great to believe it should be available for other situations, we’ve tried that and ended up with unpaid leave.
TBK
I think our conversation about maternity leave tends to be very in-the-box, which means we have stupid fights over bad options. Simply requiring every employer to provide paid maternity leave is unrealistic and ultimately harmful to women (and therefore society). Look at places that have “excellent” maternity leave laws — women tend not to get ahead there and there tends to be a larger pay gap and women have more trouble getting hired (yes, even if you outlaw discrimination). Also, while I agree that offering maternity benefits is a recruitment/retention tool, in a world where people job hop after 3 yrs or so, it makes less sense for companies to invest in female employees by offering generous maternity benefits. If it’s on the employers to offer benefits, some employers will bear a much greater cost than others. Any employer with a disproportionate number of women in their 20s and 30s will bear a disproportionate burden.
And yet, we all benefit both from more babies being born and from parents being able to stay home to care for them when they’re first born. We also all benefit from people in general being able to take time off to care for relatives. My proposal would be to create a program like unemployment. Everyone pays into it and it’s available to anyone taking FMLA (yes, I realize not everyone is eligible for FMLA; maybe we use some of the money to expand the availability of FMLA). So now the burden is shared somewhat equally by all of society (by those in society who work at least), not just by employers, and it’s available for both mothers and fathers, and it’s available if you’re caring for your sick spouse or parent, too. It wouldn’t completely replace income (just like unemployment) but it would help and employers would still be free to offer more if they want.
ss
Just curious : where are these places you are thinking of with “excellent” maternity leave laws combined with poorer overall outcomes for working women ?
Anonymous
Russia. On paper – 1 year paid maternity leave, with an option of a second year unpaid. In reality – once work figures out you are pregnant, they look for an excuse to fire you to avoid paying all that. I have family there and this is what they describe. The number of stay at home moms is astonishing compared to Soviet times, when they were nonexistent.
Snoozy
German’s fairly ordinary in this regard too. Add in schools that still finish at lunchtime in many cases, plus patchy childcare, and it’s not good.
ss
Just curious : where are these places you are thinking of which have “excellent” maternity leave laws combined with poorer overall outcomes for working women ?
Anonymous
I agree with all of this except for “we all benefit from more babies being born.” We don’t actually. This country and certainly the world is overpopulated, and I am personally distressed at millions of people being so obsessed with having their own biological kids when there are so many who need good homes. I know adoption is expensive. But so are fertility treatments.
Anonymous
Also, the argument that “we need more babies to pay into social security” (actually used above) is such an awful argument. First of all, many of the people who do not support paid maternity leave also support privatizing retirement, so who exactly is this argument supposed to win over? Secondly, it’d be a lot more efficient to skip the kids and enormous costs associated with them, and just put even a portion of that money into SS.
TBK
How do you define “overpopulated”? Most of the western countries as well as Japan are facing a population crisis.
As for places with excellent benefits and poor outcomes, look at Germany. Germany has generous benefits that make it more attractive for women to stay home. Fewer women are in the workforce. There’s less demand for daycare to the point that it’s extremely difficult to find for those mothers who do work. And the result is a work culture where there are very few women especially as you get toward the top. For more data see the piece in Slate (link to follow), which includes the following: “Europe does have its own struggles with this issue. While women there are more likely to stay in the workforce, Blau and Kahn find that the long leaves and flexible schedules guaranteed to them by law encourage them to work part time. That can stunt their careers, preventing them from moving into management. “
Anon
The western countries are facing an economic population crisis due to economic success being defined in terms of growth. The human race is not going to end because the birth rate doesn’t equal replacement in the developed world, so no crisis. OP was correct — the planet cannot sustain continued population growth and an increasingly consumerist life.
TBK
The rest of my comment is in moderation (no clue why) but here’s the link I mentioned:http://www.slate.com/blogs/moneybox/2015/02/24/america_makes_life_impossible_for_working_women_so_how_come_they_re_so_much.html
anon
I agree, and prefer the sentiment that we all benefit from wanted children being born to (or adopted by) parents who are equipped and devoted to raising good citizens. I firmly believe that parental leave policies further this goal.
I’m also intrigued by TBK’s comments on getting out of the employer-provided leave or nothing mindset. I can’t say I’m an expert in this area, but I think that might be the direction worth exploring more.
August
I may be naive but I am surprised by the discussion above. I am struggling to express my thoughts on this. In my opinion, paid maternity leave is a must, at least for six to eight weeks till the mother can recover. I don’t have children, but I gladly cover for people who take parental leave (ironically in my case all men as I am the only female on the team).
I am just disturbed by the thinking that having children is a choice. I think that argument is only partially true. The most important goal every living organism has is to reproduce. It is only for humans it is somewhat of a choice. If we extend that line of argument, we can argue that employers need not pay during restroom breaks (adults can also wear diapers right?), however law makes employers pay for them. If we calculate restroom breaks to be 12 mins per day, it is one hour per week, 4 hours per month, six days per year. If a person works for 30 years, then it is 180 work days, which is roughly nine months which is way more than maternity leave provided by many companies. How are we accounting for that?
anon
Yes. Obviously no one can force a woman to have a child, but to pretend that it’s as arbitrary of a choice as whether you would like to go to brunch or stay in and cook bacon bugs me. That’s why I cringe at use of the term “life style choice.” Whether you’d like to live in the city or the suburbs is a life style choice. Whether you go to the gym or prefer not to exercise is. But the reality of the situation is that some 80% of women have children and parenthood is an incredibly important part of most people’s lives. Again, it comes down to myopic thinking on a discrete temporal scale where instead of looking at women’s reproductive lives as a whole, we choose to focus on whether they will reproduce this exact quarter. Yeah, it may be optional for me to have a baby in 2014 or 2015 (heh, as if it was always so easy to plan), but it is *not* be optional for me to forego childbearing at all if my goal is to be a parent (and yet, it is for men). And the plain reality is that many people are strongly and reasonably driven to become parents. To pretend that deciding to opt out of having children all together carries the same weight as whether to go to Spain for vacation this year is trivializing and weak-minded approach to the issue.
And I say all this as someone who doesn’t even want kids!
Pretty Primadonna
Check and check! I just used the same example of living in the city or suburb when paraphrasing and rebutting some of the comments in this thread to my FI. “Lifestyle choice.” It’s a very bizarre way to think of procreation. I cringe as well.
CountC
I have to disagree that the most important goal humans have is to reproduce. That makes me a failure then because I have never wanted to reproduce and do not plan to. Why do I have to reproduce? Why is it my responsibility to add to the population that I think is out of control already? Who made that decision for me? If you’re a slug, okay, fine, you can’t contemplate things like food shortages, poverty, unwanted children, but as a human being, I can. I believe the most important goal for humans should be to be responsible at a big picture level, which in my opinion includes not reproducing when do you don’t want to. Why would it ever be a good idea for someone to bring an unwanted child into the world?
August
You need to calm down and reread my comment. I still assert, the one and only goal for every living organism that every lived on this planet is to reproduce. If you don’t agree, you need to refresher course in basic biology. Also, looks like you need a refresher course in reading comprehension because you never read the statement that for human being it is somewhat of a choice and again it is not a choice that every one can make, most people reproduce because they are programmed to do so. By the way, I have not reproduced as well. I may never. I don’t know at this point. That doesn’t make me a failure as a person, but from evolutionary standpoint, I will be a failure as my gene pool will cease to exist.
WestCoast Lawyer
I’m late to the discussion, but this reminds me of what I say to my children all.the.time. Fair isn’t always equal and equal isn’t always fair. We need policies that improve the quality of everyone’s work life, but not everyone will take equal advantage of them or have equal needs. My health insurance premiums are arguably higher because someone else has cancer, but I’m not going to begrudge them the benefits of the insurance that they also paid into. Your employer may offer a free gym membership that one employee uses on a daily basis and another never steps foot in the gym, but that doesn’t mean (in my opinion) that the non-gym goer needs to be somehow compensated for their non-use of the benefit. We all benefit from having employees who feel engaged and supported. They stay longer, are happier and more productive (based on my totally anecdotal evidence). Before I had children, I covered for people who were out on maternity leave, had to attend a child’s recital, had totally awesome concert tickets or were out for days because their dog died and they were beside themselves with grief. I did it because it’s what I would hope someone would do for me in a similar situation, and many have.
AN
No,you’re not. This kind of crazy is unbelievable.
Mer
Ladies, I could use some advice. I got lash extensions a month ago for a beach vacation and they were wonderful! Well 4 weeks later, they were starting to fall out and look a little odd so I engaged in some self help and removed them with coconut oil and a warm washcloth.
But now it looks like my lashes are so so sparse! They were fairly thick before the extensions and now it looks like I have barely any. I’m upset because I don’t feel like I look my best and I’m concerned they might not grow back as thick or maybe it will take years?!
Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I’m feeling really foolish for not foreseeing this as a potential outcome. I know it’s vain but my eyelashes have always been one of the things I really like about myself, so I’m feeling a bit like Samson after his haircut… :/
lawsuited
Yeah, you do lose lashes with lash extensions. It won’t take years for your lashes to grow back though: you should be back to normal in a few months.
Mer
Thanks for the reassurance!
Veronica Mars
Yeah that’s a pretty common side effect of getting lash extensions–you either have to keep getting extensions, or they ruin your natural lashes. Your best bet is to get some kind of a lash serum (or Latisse) or commit to getting your lashes done every couple months.
Mer
I’m interested in latisse, but a little hesitant due to the potential side effects. Has anyone had experience with it?
SuziStockbroker
I used Latisse (now using something else, the name of which I cannot immediately recall, from Indeed Labs).
I have blue eyes and was worried about the iris darkening/browning. Did not happen. NO side effects for me.
Anonymous
I haven’t tried Latisse, but I have used a serum called Babelash, bought on Amazon, that made me grow more lashes. I didn’t really expect it to work and was pretty skeptical of the reviews, but it really did.
Anonymous
Just wait a while. And don’t get them again. The absurd vanity of getting lash extensions for a beach vacation boggles my mind.
Wow
The rudeness of some people on this board boggles my mind. What joy do you get from being so mean to a stranger on the internet?
She is asking for fashion/beauty advice on a fashion/beauty blog. Who cares why she got them? It could have been for scrubbing toilets and it wouldn’t make a difference.
Mer
Thank you for this.
Wildkitten
+1
TBK
Is this the same “Anonymous” who’s just always in a bad mood? (The one who was also all bent out of shape over last minute wedding invites a little while back)
KC
No to stroke the troll…Do you wear mascara? Ever? Lash extensions can actually be a “low maintenance” beauty choice because you usually don’t have to wear mascara then. Which is perfect for the beach or a humid environment where your mascara may be constantly running.
Anonymous
Or, and I realize this may sound cray, just don’t wear any makeup or false lashes on your beach vacation because you’re enjoying the beach and you don’t have to be optimally pretty at all times? I just find it sad.
Wildkitten
I wear work-make-up every day but I totally love doing crazy (for me) stuff like wearing fake lashes on vacation. That’s fun for me. YMMV.
Alli
Are you still bent on criticizing her choices? I find that sad.
anon
Why is it sad? Challenge your assumption(s) that someone who likes wearing make up is feeling insecure, is doing out of a sense of real or perceived obligation, is vain, is superficial, doesn’t have her priorities in order, or that wearing make up is in any way detracting from her experience at the beach.
Pro-tip: judging someone for wanting to wear make up is just as bad as judging someone for choosing not to wear makeup.
Anon
Side discussion: As a former college swimmer who was in the water a lot, getting your lashes dyed is the “low maintenance” way to have pretty eyes while wet. Or waterproof mascara and waterproof liner. Way less invasive and easier to maintain than extension.
But please, you do you!
Clementine
Woah- I don’t think I’ve thought of having my lashes dyed…ever.
As someone who has clear/blonde lashes and frequently does crazy running/hiking/places where you sweat a lot and people take tons of pictures of you in said gross/sweaty state, this might be a good option for me.
And call me vain, but I would really rather remember myself finishing a marathon or summiting a mountain looking like myself in photos, versus the eyebrow-less/eyelashless sweaty beast that I end up with zillions of photos of…
Anonymous
Except blindness
Anon
Any Miami recs for an upcoming vacation with one-year old baby? This is our first time in Miami, so we don’t know the city at all. Will be there in early Jan. Food, lodging and sight-seeing advice are all welcome.
Also, what exactly do babies do on the beach? Neither husband and I are really beach people so we rarely go. Do they crawl around in the sand?
Anonymous
They get sunburned. Pls consider a rashguard as a minimum purchase and a good hat with the floppy things in the back to make sure ears/neck are also covered.
And investigate what swim diapers do and don’t do. Pools can be very fun for this age.
Fontainebleau is away from the hubbub but nice if you like resorts.
Lowe’s is where I love to be.
Anon
As a former lifeguard, thanks for speaking up about swim diaper limitations.
mascot
Crawl around, dig, eat the sand (usually younger though), chase the gulls, scream at the waves, run/toddle forever. It’s usually a pretty cute stage.
Anon
I would get a sun tent so baby can nap in the shade. I feel like it provides better coverage than an umbrella. I have seen people also take little blow up baby pools and fill them with ocean water so baby can play a little more contained. I usually just take lots of sand toys, water, and snacks.
Anonymous
No baby-specific advice but we just stayed at 1 Hotel South Beach and it was wonderful – beautiful rooms and pool, nice beachfront, good location, great service. They also have some sort of kids program on site, although we didn’t investigate it since we don’t have kids. Don’t pay full price, they have a lot of specials and discounts (FL resident, AAA, stay 3 get 1 night free, etc.) and you can also get good deals through Visa Signature Concierge.
Food-wise, we absolutely loved Yardbird.
Anonymous
My kids hated sand at that age. Make sure your hotel has a good pool (and no rules barring swim diapers).
SuziStockbroker
One of mine hated sand at that age too. I had brought a sun tent with me though (no pool, it was a beach vacation and we rented a cottage right on the water), and he played quite happily in that, and then I’d take him into the water with me, on my hip (actually in a mesh sling which was awesome).
Definitely a rash guard, and wide brimmed hat, and lots of sunscreen.
Anonymous
Some babies love the beach! At least mine did. +1000 on the rash guard. If you google UV protective clothing babies you will find a ton of recommendations. I would say no matter how hard you try you can’t get enough sunscreen on them to stop their tender skin from burning. The long sleeved/long legged suits were a must for my two when babies. They will play in the sand and toddle along the waves, fill and dump buckets of water all day long. I bought the sun tent for napping and it was a total waste of money. We ended up either napping on our lounge chairs under the umbrella/roof, or returning to the room to nap.
Have fun!
Anonymous
My sibling ended up in urgent care as a beach baby due to sand in his eyes – scratches cornea I think. Might want to require goggles.
Anonymous
Bring a blow-up baby pool and a tent.
Brand Advice
I’m a transplant to the South, and am also in the process of building my professional wardrobe. I’m curious — what clothing brands to people associate with Southern women in the working world?
By way of background, I’m not very fashion-conscious, but I do want to make sure that my wardrobe is appropriate and that I don’t stick out like a Yankee too much. The other day, I got a dress from Talbots that is very pretty, and my DH commented that Talbots has generally been a popular brand in the South for women. That made me wonder — what are other such brands? I figure Lily Pulitzer, but that’s a little too “too” for my tastes, personally. Anyway, what brands come to mind when you think of where Southern women would buy professional clothing.
Bless your heart
“The South” can be a lot of different things to different people.
I am partial to Akris and DVF. But I am in a place big enough where I can buy both in stores. If you are in another place, another type of job, another type of non-work lifestyles, YMMV on everything.
The South is like The North in many respects: what you need/wear in Midtown if you work in finance is not what you wear in northern Maine. And your weekend attire may be wildly different.
cbackson
The way you dress will not make you stick out as a Yankee. Seriously. I would not worry about this at all. Talbots is a popular officewear brand for women in business casual offices everywhere – it’s not a southern thing. I’ve worked in the northeast, the Pacific northwest, and the south, and frankly, the only place where transplants stuck out in terms of officewear was in the Pacific northwest, where dress tended to be more casual and there was a strange opposition to the use of umbrellas (the Patagonia jacket over business attire was more common, despite its impracticality. DRIPS, people. You get drips from the hem! This is what an umbrella prevents!).
(FWIW, Lilly Pulitzer is a common brand in the south, but not for officewear.)
AnonInfinity
I completely agree with all of this. No need to go to a special Southern Lady store for clothing. We mostly just buy clothes at all the same stores that anyone does anywhere else in the country.
Not trying to be too grumpy, but just be your normal polite self. There are wonderful (and less wonderful) things that are different about the South, but it can feel really patronizing for someone who’s just moved here to go on and on about How To Southern.
OP
Don’t worry — after reading your comment, I’m sure that I don’t want to be anything like you!
JJ
Holy cow. That escalated quickly.
cbackson
Wow.
Anon Worker Bee
Now we’ll know how to spot you as a Yankee and it will have nothing to do with your clothes :)
moss
Yep, I agree with Anon Worker Bee. That’s how you’ll stand out.
moss
Don’t worry, transplant, you won’t survive long with a b!tchy attitude like that. We’re steel and velvet. Don’t even bother investing in new clothes. You’ll be back up North in no time.
TBK
Ugh, yes that was out of line, but can we stop with the “Yankees are b—ches” thing? I’m a New Englander (so super-Yank) and married into a very southern family and the anti-Northern thing gets old.
moss
I’m sure her attitude has nothing to do with where she was raised. But northerners are a bit more blunt than we are used to.
OP
Yeah, I know I escalated things. I am still bothered by AnonInfinity’s comment that I’m trying to become a “Southerner” overnight and that I was patronizing her. I was really just asking for some advice.
OP
And I still own my comment — AnonInfinity read all kinds of things into my original question, misconstrued what I’m about, and started criticizing me. I criticized back.
AnonInfinity
Oh my. I wouldn’t normally post again, but in the spirit of reconciliation, I just wanted to let OP know that I meant no offense to her personally. I was probably a little snarkier than I should have been, and I’m sorry that it came across as being judgmental or reading into your post too much.
I don’t think that, with this question, you’re asking for tips about how to become Paula Deen or some sort of other caricature. What I meant to say, and what I should have said, was, “Be yourself. It’ll be fine.”
anon
nah, don’t try to justify your needless escalation. you’re being super rude. it’s monday. no one has time for that. she didn’t even criticize you, she gave you a tip to fit in (which you’re doing a bang-up job doing) based on her experience. you basically chewed her out for no reason.
AnonInfinity
I think my reply was eaten somehow, so apologies if this posts twice.
OP — I did not mean any offense to you, personally, and I’m sorry it came across that way due to my snarky tone.
What I meant to say, and what I probably should have, was, “Be yourself. You’ll be fine.”
Anonymous
I would say umbrella aversion applies to most of the west coast.
cbackson
It’s so strange to me! But maybe I was Doing Raincoats Wrong in some way.
Em
Nobody wants to carry an umbrella for nine months of the year, so we just don’t and make our peace with getting wet.
hooded raincoats 4 life
I’m with Em – even with an umbrella it’s hard to avoid being at least a little damp, and having a hooded coat makes it easier to hold your coffee and still have a hand free to open the building door! I leave my Columbia jacket at home and have a more fashionable cut (and longer) hooded jacket.
cbackson
Honestly, I lived in the Pacific northwest for 4 years, and I totally found the umbrella to be preferable to the raincoat (especially because it’s usually endlessly dripping, rather than blowing around), but I was clearly the only one.
(But I also moved in large part because I hated the weather, so I clearly wasn’t meant for that whole meteorological situation.)
Veronica Mars
Anything that’s classic and preppy will resonate and look Southern. Vineyard Vines, Brooks Brothers, Southern Proper (casual accessories and menswear) are good places to start. I also think Lilly has some lovely solid dresses, and workwear appropriate pieces (for a casual office). Then beyond that, having the Southern “look” which isn’t really brand-specific. (Tortoise-shell accessories, gumball pearl earrings, pearls in general, monogrammed everything, “done” makeup and hair)
cbackson
The problem with Lilly for the office is hemlines. So often too short, although I do have a few pieces that work. My off-hours wardrobe is like a festival of Lilly, though.
But honestly, my office is full of women in Theory and Ann Taylor and Banana Republic and The Skirt and pretty much the same brands I saw in other places that I worked.
Amelia Bedelia
I do agree that in the North (i.e., NE), women tend to wear far less colour than working women in the south. When I moved to Houston several years ago, I was dismayed to find that women don’t wear a lot of black and grey — i.e., 90% of my then wardrobe. So, I tried to soften my neutrals to browns and creams. But I still had a few people note that I dressed “differently” with no colour. I just don’t like wearing bright colours. Many women in my field (law) did.
Anon Worker Bee
FYI Native South Carolinian and we don’t consider Houston (or any part of Texas) the South.
Amelia Bedelia
good to know. I do a lot of business in Atlanta (not sure whether that is “the South”) and I’ve made the same observation about colour. Maybe I’m lumping it all together, though. I have never visited South Carolina. they may love black there!
And I’m glad I saved all of my black for when I moved out of Houston . . .
cbackson
I would say that there is definitely more color in the office in Atlanta than in other places I’ve worked. Part of it is that it’s so hot so much of the year.
Anonymous
I’m a Texan, and we don’t want to be part of the south! We’re just TEXAS.
Anonymous
I agree — Texas (TEXAS!) has a category all its own.
Sort of how the New River Valley has its own weather system. It is just that way.
OP
I have definitely noticed differences in the amount of color and patterns that women wear. That is what I’m trying to nail down. Thanks!
Stormtrooper
I don’t really think there are brands that professional women in the South stick to for the office. There are things you would wear that would make you stick out – like stockings in the summer unless you’re in front of a jury. Basically, it’s about not melting outside and wearing layers inside to deal with air conditioning. Also, once “winter” rolls around, some people bust out their leather coats when it’s 65 degrees out. Just be prepared and don’t feel obliged to participate.
CPA Lady
I’m in a mid sized southern city, and I think everyone here just wears normal mall brands– Ann Taylor, J Crew, and, yes, Talbots.
The main experience I’ve had with a new coworker who moved down from New Jersey is that his wife (a lawyer) wore clothing that was a little bit tighter than what is typical, and really giant flashy earrings. I don’t know if that’s a New Jersey thing or not. The earrings were really the only thing I saw that gave off a “not from here” vibe. That and they were super excited about learning to “cook southern”. Haha, like we were some kind of exotic species. It was kinda cute, actually.
Anonymous
Seriously — there are at least 50 kinds of southern anything. And you can start a big fight / PHD dissertation just by saying “XX is [not] in the south.”
Same with New Jersey: for a small state, it is immensely varied and peopled and clothed and accented and food-ed.
Renee
I’m not trying to be snarky but helpful with this comment.
Three things. First, the “south” isn’t really homogeneous the way you assume. There’s the “south” that was part of the original 13 colonies, which can be different from the “Deep South”, which can be different from the south defined as those states that fought against the “north” in the civil war. Plus, coastal cities can be way different than inland areas, and each city, like Atlanta, Nashville or Birhimgham, can have its own dress code and fashion. I would never assume fashion in Vermont was the same as NYC, Pennsylvania, Maine, etc. It would help to know the city and state to answer your question. Also, asking people about the “south” is a good way to needlessly offend. I wouldn’t do that when you’re there.
Two. Here’s The best advised based on reading between the lines. I think you’re asking about the East Coast South, which can be a lot like Connecticut or maybe Villanova, PA, and other old-school parts of the east coast north. If you could wear it in Connecticut (like Greenwich, not Harford), you can probably wear it in the South, minus all the nautical themes, which gets replaced in the “south” with magnolia leaves or some other floral motif. You do wear more color in the south but I think that’s also true of non-NYC places in the North too and also BC of the heat.
Third, but a subscription to Garden and Gun magazine. I think it’s awful but I think it’ll scratch your itch. Read it privately though – this is about you getting info on “southerners” without them knowing you view them as a bit alien and being offended. Also, And I guess this is my 4th tip. Nordstrom is great in the South. I’d go there but in the city you’ll be living in and not worry again. Maybe also buy one or two Lillt P items.
AnonMA
I overheard a conversation on my way to work today with two women who said they plan on sending their kids to either boarding school or having full time nannies for the majority of their (hypothetical) kid’s childhood so they can travel for work (and fun) , the kid can get a superb education/be surrounded by well connected people, etc. It made me wonder, (and perhaps it is judgmental of me to think) why even have kids if you already know you will be working/traveling most of the time and cant/wont see them much? I know its a common thing among people with high powered careers and in more powerful/influential circles. What are your opinion on this? I’d be interested to hear all sides.
Anonymous
I think that boarding school is often a social choice (especially if everyone in your family has already done it). It is often a suberb education (and definitely a different education than non-boarding schools).
I know families of pilots who felt like it was how they ensured constant oversight of their children and also people stationed overseas (Saudi Arabia in particular for ARAMCO employees).
It’s not for me, but I’d send my kids to boarding school for the summer just to experience how very different it is (I was a day student at a boarding school during one of my parents’ many moves). But kids are grownups a lot longer than they are kids and it’s one way to do things. And I never doubted that the parents loved their children and sacrificed a lot to give them the school opportunity (and at 60K a year a kid, we could not affort it).
Anon
My opinion is that everyone will have a different opinion on how much time is desirable or necessary to spend with a child, and as long as my husband and I are on the same page about our kids, then I don’t care. I don’t want to send my children to boarding school, but a lot of my friends attended boarding school and plan to do the same with their kids. I don’t want to stay home with my children, but I know women who do this, too, and who can’t imagine only seeing their children for a bit every morning and evening and then all day on weekends. You do you.
Wildkitten
This.
cbackson
Because they have a different view than you do of what they want for their lives and families, and what good parenting means. The degree of intensive, hands-one parenting currently favored by upper-income people in the US is something of a historical anomaly, and isn’t necessarily common outside the US. When I lived in Central America, full-time nannies were the norm, even in families where the wife didn’t work (I never met a family where the husband didn’t work). The idea that somehow you have to “earn” your good-parent status by changing diapers and cleaning up after your children may not be uniquely American, but it’s certainly not universal. There are different views and approaches to the role of the parent in the child’s life, and what kind of time the parent spends with the child.
lucy stone
My husband went to a religious boarding school in the Midwest, so not the fancy Exeter or Andover people usually think of. I think it really shaped his relationship with his parents differently since he didn’t live at home during the tumultuous teenage years, and his rebelling was always against school rules rather than his parents. To this day, he is not close with his parents and will go months without talking to any member of his family.
K
Interestingly enough, my siblings and I all went to boarding school and we did go to the typical ones you think of and, yet, we’re all very close to our parents and to each other. My mom went to boarding school, as well. And my dad was a day student at a private school.
In fact, I’m at my parents’ house right now. And we had a great family day at the beach yesterday. Next weekend I’m taking one of my nieces for the weekend.
So honestly, I don’t think you can stereotype about boarding school vs public school and/or time spent at home. I see my family all the time. I adore my nieces and nephews. In my family, education comes first. You go to the top school you can get into.
And when I was a kid, we lived in a very rural area where the schools weren’t good and there wasn’t much opportunity. By the time, my siblings went away, we lived in an area with better schools, but it wasn’t really fair to tell them they couldn’t go…
lucy stone
Oh, I don’t know that you can stereotype either and I hope my post didn’t imply that. My husband is from a super religious family and that probably has more to do with the lack of closeness than the boarding school itself, but his mom will sometimes make comments like “No good member of our religion has premarital sex” or “You never drank in high school” that are totally out of touch with what really happened.
anon a mouse
I’ll never be able to afford boarding school for my kids, but when I was a teenager, I desperately wanted to attend boarding school. Probably because I read too many teen romance novels where exciting adventures happened there.
Anonymous
Hahah, same here. I wanted to go to Hogwarts so badly. Oh, to have a pre-teen imagination again.
KT
Pfff pre-teen imagination. I’m 30 and still want to attend Hogwarts
Anon
Right? I’m re-reading the books, and re-watching the movies, and I want to be at Hogwarts every.day.
Senior Attorney
When I was a kid in the early 70s my parents had a book about this super-progressive “alternative” boarding school in England called Summerhill. (Just googled it and apparently it’s still in operation!) OMG I wanted to go there so bad…
Em
Honestly, I think it’s largely a way of reinforcing and transmuting class status to the next generation. I’ve worked with people who went to those boarding schools. They were not better at their jobs or better education than me (or at least not more so than any of my other co-workers). But they did, to a person, have a sense of entitlement that I have not really encountered from anyone else. I don’t want that for my own kids but I can’t deny that it probably worked well in ensuring that the next generation maintains the privileged lifestyle of their parents.
SuziStockbroker
Yes. Not saying this is always the case, but in my industry many many people send their kids to very exclusive private schools or boarding schools, and it seems almost entirely about reinforcing and transmuting class status to the next generation, and the connections they’ll make.
A young man at another firm, who is working for his father (a very successful broker), told me at the gym once that I really needed to get my kids into the pricey school he went to and then referenced how he went and “now look at him, taking over his dad’s business one day”. Um, you don’t need to go to a particular school for that. This young man will be successful, because his dad has built a very strong practice with excellent support staff, associates, and proceesses. I don’t thing this kid would be able to do the same, frankly.
He has also been kicked out of the gym now for thinking he is entitled to work on on a certain machine for 60 minutes, and not have to share it with anyone else. Repeatedly.
So yeah.
Now, I have other friends who have children in boarding school, and those kids are lovely.
Anonymous
I went to a boarding school outside of what seems to be the Magic Circle of schools (so if they kicked you out, you might have then gone to my school), although I think that an influx of foreign students has make it more academically exclusive than it was when I was there. Price-wise, I went when a middle-class kid could afford day tuition and maybe upper-middle for boarding (many people went to state u for college, so those years were less expensive for parents). Today, I would feel priced out (and I’m a partner at a law firm, smaller market though).
I saw enormous scholarships, to the tune of maybe 10% of the class on full scholarship (many from inner cities you have heard of) and another 10% on partial scholarship. It was life-changing in the best possible way.
I didn’t see a lot of this brat behavior — most people were very humble and hardworking (and hard-partying and liked their cocaine). Almost all were first-generation students — so their parents were self-made and had largely gone to State U if they had been to college at all. Many doctors’ kids. Not a lot of CEO kids. Lots of people became teachers.
Again: not Choate, etc. and things may be different there.
Anon for this
Such a great point. I was a low-income student (family income <$20,000) with a full-ride to one of those boarding schools. Bc I went, I received excellent college counseling and went to a college with excellent financial aid and came out with minimal loans. Because of my minimal loans and the intellectual and social capital I accrued at both institutions, I was able to go to grad school and get a great job. I am now on my way towards being in the upper-middle class – a status I may have achieved otherwise but was surely made easier by that first turn of events.
Anonymous
One forgets about parenthood. The on-and-on-ness of it.
Were you a very involved mother with Robert and Rosamund?
Does it surprise you?
A bit. I’d imagined them surrounded by nannies and governesses, being starched and ironed to spend an hour with you after tea.
Yes, but it was an hour *every day*.
Anonymous
You win the comments today
Manhattanite
Love!
Hollis
I was starting to feel ill about reading these comments until I saw your post!
saltylady
I think the kids would be fine at boarding school– mine are VERY excited about two weeks of sleepaway camp next summer, no homesickness at our house. It’s me that wouldn’t fare well– the thought of them just living elsewhere makes my brain hurt.
As for full time nannies, whatever floats your boat. I have a part time after school nanny and it is pretty awesome when she stays with the kids while we take a very rare weekend away. I’m not sure what the heck I would do with a full time nanny all day while I wasn’t working and the kids are in school. But we’re normal people in a non-giant house who don’t run charity balls and such.
Dumped
Think I am just looking for some rawrs this gloomy Monday morning.
I’ve posted a few times in the past months about being dumped by serious boyfriend via note, and my resulting mental health crisis.
While we were dating, my boyfriend and I lived a nice lifestyle for folks in their mid20s – nice rental apartment in a decent neighborhood in Brooklyn. We were making similar salaries, though he had significantly more savings than me.
Things are ok for me now, but my life is definitely mediocre compared to before. I’ve moved to a pretty scary neighborhood, have a kind of gross rental apartment, and have had a lot of breakup-related financial issues (having to move without any notice, etc).
I just found out my ex got this new hotshot incredibly well-paid job and that he bought a 1.5 million dollar studio (!) off Central Park. I know this has nothing to do with me and I should just let it go, and that it’s such a materialistic complaint – but also just feel grouchy that his life has improved so much, at least outwardly, while mine’s declined. Also who buys a 1.5 million dollar 450sqft studio? Sigh. Grr.
anon
That’s rough, I’m sorry :( I’m glad you’re okay for now, and things will only get better :) Also, you don’t really know his life has improved so much, just that he has more money/stuff than he did before. Maybe he’s a mess. Maybe he’ll suck at his job and get fired or something. Maybe things will turn around for you overnight. You’re in your mid-20s and have a lot of life left. Things can (and will) change in a major way.
Wildkitten
Can you do anything to fix up your rental? Paint it (and paint it back when you leave), roll out a pretty rug, swap a light fixture, hang a motivational print? See if there’s a way you can spend a small amount of money to feel better about the space you are in.
Anonymous
Glad you’re doing better. While he may have a nice place and more money, he’s still a jerk. Don’t focus on your life before (easy to say I know), but really focus on the future. Set some goals just for you!
Alli
I’m sorry you feel this way. A long time ago, my boyfriend of three years broke up with me via email. We never spoke again. Such a winner! Anyway, I’m married (to someone else) now, and I’ve heard he is too, and no one really cares anymore (except that I would probably not be friendly if I ran into him, because who breaks up with their girlfriend of three years via email?).
Coming from that situation, I have two pieces of advice. One, try really really hard not to care what he’s doing. I know that’s hard. But you really shouldn’t care if he has a new job or if he bought an apartment. I know you can’t make yourself not care, which is why you shouldn’t really KNOW those things. Whether it’s social media, word from mutual friends, or keeping in unnecessary contact with your ex, cut all of those off and do whatever you have to do to not be exposed to his current life. It’s not your problem anymore, and his life doesn’t deserve the five minutes of your attention that it took to learn those facts. He is literally not worth your time anymore, not even the time it takes to get caught up on his latest developments.
Two, make your situation the best it can be. I second Wildkitten– make that the cutest rental possible. Get on Craigslist and get a cute dresser that’s painted a fun color (pay $250 for it and sell it for the same when you move). You seem to be sad about the rental– how soon can you move? Start looking for better places and make that your goal. Do you want a new job? Do you want to get in really great shape? Now is the time to start working on those things– that’s a much better use of your time than thinking about what your ex is doing.
Side note, I don’t know anything about real estate in NYC, but I wouldn’t want to be partnered with someone who makes hasty/flashy purchasing decisions, and that’s what a $1.5 million 450sgft studio sounds like to me.
Rarara
Yikes, and many hugs to you. I third the make your apartment adorable suggestion — and then throw a party! It can be a small one but I always found that having other people warm my space, even just a few friends over tea or cocktails, helped cheer me up (AND help me feel like I’m winning at life.)
Gail the Goldfish
People who buy 1.5 million 450 sq-ft apartments shortly after starting a new job are those who apparently don’t remember 2008 or have a far higher risk tolerance than I do.
Blonde Lawyer
This! Remember the appearance of wealth does not equal wealth. Net worth is the value of the assets minus your debts. There are many people with fancy cars (with big loans) and fancy houses (with big mortgages) that have a much lower networth than the person with the paid off Honda and sensible apartment.
Anon
+1 Also, money doesn’t buy happiness. Or class.
Renee
Yep. I’m definitely NOT impressed with a 25ish year old who does this. You’re better off!!! I’d try to find awesome roommates and get a new place as soon as you can. Lots of good potential roommates out there who want a nice place like you do! Even if you have to wait out a lease, it’ll be over soon.
DisenchantedinDC
Okay, I am officially ready for fall (I saw a girl wearing shorts and knee-high uggs this morning carrying a yoga mat on my way to work, so I’m not the only one). Has anybody seen awesome/great deals on wrap coats this year? I’m a fringe size (16-ish) so can sometimes go regular or plus size.
Runner 5
There was someone in open shoes (sandal-type) scraping condensation off her car this morning on my walk to the bus-stop – we have a similar season disconnect over here too.
Beth
Check Violeta by Mango. I know Mango currently has some great wrap coats (not on sale, but I find their prices on coats super reasonable generally) and Violeta usually has gorgeous stuff.
Can you wait?
It’s still a little early for the great deals on coats. I would recommend waiting until the after Xmas sales and then look at Nordstrom’s. But if you have trouble because sometimes your size/color can be gone if you wait for sales, then consider buying at the Thanksgiving day sales. If you are just looking for black, usually waiting is smart.
I actually love this time of year, and even though I’m in Chicago, it is fine to enjoy this transition season however you want fashion-wise. It is in the 80’s today. Shorts and boots sounds cute to me (although I’m not an uggs fan).
DisenchantedinDC
Oh, I mean, I *could* wait, but was thinking it might be fun to have a nice new adult coat for this fall/to wear over things to nice holiday parties this year!
Tetra
Boden has some interesting sweater coat type things, and they’re currently having a 25% sale.
heatherskib
Caphillstyle posted some today.
passed over
I am a young associate at a small firm doing mainly agency work, and my firm just got responses from the government on two cases that I handled. The responses were handed off by the partner to another, more senior associate at the firm to handle.
I want to know why this wasn’t assigned to me, and what I can do to get the next one assigned to me, as I feel like it would have been a great learning opportunity for me, and I am disappointed that I will not get to handle these matters.
Can I ask flat out why it wasn’t assigned to me or why it was assigned to the other associate? How should I word that question?
Anonymous
You just might not be senior enough to deal with the responses. I’d offer to help out the senior associate and phrase it as “so I can learn, and maybe be ready to handle response on my own next time”
Maddie Ross
Focus on the second part of your question (how can I get the next one), not the first. There could be any number of reasons you didn’t get to do it — quick turnaround, no time to explain or answer questions, the senior people needed work, they thought they could do it more quickly, you just aren’t senior enough, etc. None of these have anything to do with you. So long as you’re not concerned that there’s a work product issue, just let it go. The senior people sure aren’t thinking about it. But, you certainly can do something about getting work in the future. Just simply tell them – I’d love to help with the next one.
Herbie
No. But do ask the more senior associate whether there’s anything you can do to help and make sure to mention to the assigning partner that you’d love to work on similar issues in the future because they really interest you.
Wakey Wakey
I’m not really a breakfast person, but when I eat it, I feel better and more productive in the morning. What do busy people usually do for breakfast? Eat it at home? At work? Any healthy breakfast suggestions?
breakfast
I’m not a breakfast person either. When I decide I am going to force myself I keep it simple, healthy, and fast. I’m also running in the morning.
I eat it at home if it will literally take me less than 2 minutes. If it takes more, I pack it the night before and take it to work.
Favorites are grabbing a hard boiled egg (cook a bunch the weekend before and keep in the fridge) or yogurt, some sort of fruit, and maybe a handful of almonds.
JJ
I keep protein bars and oatmeal in my desk at work. If I can’t handle breakfast at home in the mornings (which would be Greek yogurt or peanut butter toast), I’ll eat breakfast at my desk when I get to work.
Brit
It varies for me – I’m in a pretty casual office about breakfast, so I keep a large container of quick oats and brown sugar at the office for some mornings. Other times I’ll make breakfast burritos at home over the weekend in a huge stack and then bring them to the office to microwave and eat – they’re great because you can really make them how you like them. Peppers are something in eggs that freeze and then reheat well and add a little extra crunch and flavor to it. If you’re trying to keep it healthy, instead of using breakfast sausage, you can use ground turkey as a meat base. If I’m doing really good on time in the morning, I’ll usually scramble some eggs with cheese, throw them in a plastic container and just them at my desk.
lucy stone
I eat a Chobani with added flaxseed as soon as I get to work, and then a banana around 10:00. I hate being awake in the morning but know I feel better when I eat breakfast, so I have no qualms about eating it at work.
Alice
I eat it at work…I get to work 15 minutes earlier that I would otherwise, than have breakfast + coffee at my desk while checking e-mails, reading articles/blogs, warming up to the day. I usually make breakfasts for the week over the weekend, package it up, and grab and go. Favorites include:
– Baked oatmeal (with bananas/berries/nuts in the summer, pumpkin puree and nuts in the winter) and have it warmed with full fat Greek yogurt
– Black beans / Spanish rice / avocado / Greek yogurt
– Muffin tin egg white frittatas (with veggies, herbs, ham, cheese, whatever)
Also, if you don’t love breakfast food, just eat something you do love. Soup, sandwich, whatever. I also eat leftovers for breakfast at times!
New Tampanian
+1 on the muffin tin egg white bakes. Make a bunch on the weekend, last through the week. Can even freeze for quick grab and go
Pesh
I’ve attempted making these a few times and they always end up kind of dry or rubbery. Any tips on the best way to bake them?
Anon
I like oatmeal for breakfast. I make it in the microwave in the morning and eat it at work. I usually mix in some kind of fruit and pecans. Sometimes I make something like breakfast sandwiches, breakfast burritos, or little egg muffins (eggs mixed with veggies and cheese and baked in a muffin tin) on the weekend and heat them up in the oven at home and then eat at work. (I find heating in the oven works better than in the microwave so they don’t get soggy.) I also do plain greek yogurt with fruit and honey.
lawsuited
I buy Liberte yoghurt and berries on Sunday and take them with me to the office on Monday so I can dish up and eat my breakfast at the office the rest of the week. Liberte is so good that’s it’s basically like eating dessert for breakfast so I never want to skip it.
anon
This, it’s the greatest yogurt in the entire world.
They also make a greek version, which is a better for you but really still quite delicious, but almost none of our area grocery stores sell it and therefore I weep.
anon
Nothing wrong with the 2 minute bowl of cereal eaten standing up in the kitchen! I eat a high-protein, high-fiber one that keeps me full from 7 am until noon. Same thing every single day and I am not ashamed!
Manhattanite
+1. I generally buy the highest fiber cereals I can find. It’s a good way to get fiber into my diet as well as calcium from milk or soy milk. If I’ve got an extra 5 min, I add cut up fruit.
Miz Swizz
I eat breakfast at work and it’s usually:
a toaster waffle with peanut butter
yogurt, fruit and granola
baked oatmeal
I’m not hungry right when I wake up and I don’t like forcing myself to eat so I usually eat about 9, after I get here and get settled in for some email.
Herbie
Cup of yogurt at work every morning. Occasionally a bagel with cream cheese if I’m feeling particularly naughty.
Portland recs?
Hi! I’m headed to Portland for about 5 days (from NYC) and have never been. Any recommendations/suggestions for restaurants/fun things to do would be greatly appreciated!
Portland
Which Portland?
Anonymous
I love Maine, but “Portland” without a modifier means Oregon.
Anonymous
Not for me. I think it depends on where you live. I have lived on both coasts, and in Maine, and in California and New York. A New Yorker (which the OP specified) going on short vacation to Portland will often = Maine.
Portland
That’s kind of a bizarre response.
Why do you get to make that arbitrary “rule”?
Wildkitten
Because one has 3 million people and one has 200,000.
Portland recs?
Portland, Oregon. Sorry, I didn’t realize there was another Portland :)
Portland
Yup… I was going to start talking about lobster…
I recommend spending a day driving out to see the waterfalls just outside the city. Should be a beautiful time of year to enjoy this.
Anonymous
Food recs: Pine State Biscuit, Mucca Osteria, Voodoo Donut (apparently Voodoo is touristy and the more local option is Blue Star but I tried both and much preferred Voodoo), Salt and Straw Ice Cream, Cassidy’s restaurant.
BankrAtty
Eat at Lardo and Pok Pok. I prefer Blue Start to Voodoo–guess you will have to eat donuts twice. ;) Go to a food truck park in a neighborhood (better than the complex downtown, IMO); many of them have live music and/or fire pits. Drink some local beer. Walk or run along the river. Drive 20 minutes outside of town and hike at Multnomah Falls. The Japanese Garden at Washington Park is pretty incredible. Powell’s Books is fun. So is the two story Athleta store around the corner. Have a good trip!
Anon
I would second Multnomah Falls (and do the hike, don’t just hang out at the bottom), Powell’s Books, and the Japanese Garden (depending on the season – when we went not much was blooming). We ate at Voo Doo and it was a fun experience. We ate brunch at Cheryl’s on 12th and it was fantastic. If you drink, our favorite brewery was the Growler Guys – awesome selection and the owners are SO NICE.
Batgirl
I have to say, I just did that hike two weeks ago and thought it was overrated. It’s basically straight uphill and the views are better from the bottom (the bridge, at least) than from the top. So go do it if you’re looking for exercise, but the trail itself and the view at the top aren’t that remarkable.
Chicago Bean Accounter
Powells Books, McMenamin’s Kennedy School (old school converted into a place with a hotel, themed bars, restaurant, theater), Stumptown for coffee, VooDoo Doughnuts, Salt & Straw for ice cream. The park with the Rose Garden and Japanese Garden is pretty. If you like beer, do a Brewvana beer tour – so much fun. The food trunks are awesome too.
We rented a car and drove out to the coast (about 1.5ish hours). You drive through a beautiful state park, and the Tillamook Cheese Factory is out on the coast too!
TBK
We did pretty much this exact list of things (including Tillamook) and it was FANTASTIC. I would add in a trip to Pok Pok for the fish sauce wings.
Sydney Bristow
I agree with pretty much all of this. Do not skip Powells if you even remotely like bookstores.
I ate at Lardo the last time I was there and loved it.
anonypotamus
LOVE portland.
Food: Tasty & Sons or Tasty & Alder (same owners and similar menus, different locations), Blue Star Donuts, Little Bird or its fancier sister restaurant Le Pigeon, Ned Ludd, Ox, Roe, food trucks, check out distillery row in SE Portland, Bamboo sushi (a few locations) for sustainable sushi, and if you like whiskey, go on a week day at 4pm when they open to the Multnomah Whiskey Library – totally worth the experience, just once. :) oh and definitely Pok Pok for the wings.
To do: Powell’s Bookstore, Japanese Garden/Rose Garden, drive along the Columbia Gorge and go hiking. Multnomah falls is pretty, but touristy. a little further along the river is Wahclella falls, which is a pretty easy hike with beautiful waterfalls. On saturdays along the river there’s a fun market and good people watching.
J
Donuts – Blue Star for sure. If there’s a line at both the downtown Voodoo and Blue Star, Coco donuts are good too. Pip’s donuts if you’re on Fremont in NE (I live in Portland and obviously love donuts)
Food – Pok Pok is good, but there’s one in NYC. Same with Stumptown. Hit up Coava or Water Ave. for good coffee, Smallwares for fusion and adventurous palates. Andina (Peruvian) is my favorite restaurant in town. Never had a bad meal or experience there. Second Anon’s rec for Cassidy’s – that’s a popular food service bar for a reason. Imperial is great. If you’re staying downtown and feeling the effects of a beer tour or you accidentally ended up at Scooter’s instead of Cassidy’s and had too much tequila, the Schnitzelwich cart on SW 4th and Stark has the best hangover sandwich of all time.
If you go to Multnomah Falls, check out the Oneonta Gorge which is about 1/2 mile down the service road. Bring waterproof hiking shoes and a sense of adventure. You have to climb over a sizeable log pile to get to the best part so caveat emptor. Bridal Veil is also a great gorge hike. After your adventures eat at Shirley’s Tippy Canoe in Troutdale.
J
also, the gorge and most of the hikes there feel like tourist attactions to me during most of the summer, I highly recommend the Coastal Range for hikes. If you go to Tillamook to see the cheese factory, there’s a good hike near University Falls. You can have it be as short as 1/2 a mile or as long as 8 – and it’s all beautiful. Plus this time of year is good for finding chanterelles (JK – don’t do that if you’ve never looked for mushrooms before)
Anonymous
All great recommendations but sadly the Japanese Garden is closed until spring (major renovation/construction). If you are looking for hiking closer in Forest Park is great. If it’s a clear day you can hike to Pittock mansion and have a fantastic view of Mt. Hood.
Definitely spend some time in the West End (borders the Pearl district & downtown- home to Tasty & Alder, one of the Blue Stars, Multhnomah Whiskey Library and lots more). Also if you are flying and don’t have time to get to Pok Pok for the wings you can get them at the airport! Pdx has great airport food!
Portland recs
Thanks for all the great recommendations!
Shopping help!
I’ve switched from wearing dresses almost all the time to more separates, and now I’m the hunt for simple silk (fake is totally fine, I’m going for the look more than anything) shells and tshirts. I’m a very busty cusp size (usually a 14/16 but really anything from a 12 to a 20 because sizing is crazy) and I am having a really hard time finding anything that fits! I just want some simple blouses that are a step above a cotton t-shirt, everything I try on is cut really straight and pulls at the bust/hips, or is just a tent. I like the look of a lot of the pleione tops at nordstrom but they don’t work on body type. Does anyone have any advice? Or even commiseration…this has been a surprisingly frustrating search. TIA!!!
Maddie Ross
I’ve said it on here before, but I’ve had really good luck lately with Uniqlo for this sort of top.
Shopping help!
That’s a great idea! Thanks for being patient and repeating it, I totally blanked on uniqlo. Do you have any experience with how accurate their size chart is?
Maddie Ross
I find that their pants run a bit large, but the shirts are fairly true to size. (Oh, and I certainly didn’t mean I had a problem repeating – I just meant that I have been singing Uniqlo’s praises for awhile ;) Good luck with your shopping!).
Shopping help!
Thanks!
Ems
I’m a 34D top and Uniqlo extra large is still pushing it when it comes to the structured silk tops. I had one looser/boxier style that works but I found it terribly thin and not as nice as the structured ones from Uniqlo.
I usually pick up whatever 100% silk shirt offerings I find at AT/BR/Reiss/Pink. My Reiss and Pink ones have really held up.
KT
I’m a 16 and finding shells was a pain for me. If they fit my bust they were too snug at the hip or they looked like a tent.
Not a high-fashion option, but check out Dress Barn’s pleated neck shells. They are really lovely, the fabric drapes beautifully without pulling at my chest or hips, and is available in regular and plus sizes. I have the plain neutral colors (black, white) and some patterned ones to wear with my suits.
Shopping help!
I’m checking out their website right now and I’m very pleasantly surprised – thanks for the suggestion!
anon a mouse
Boden – in particular the ravello top, but they have a lot of other nice options as well.
Tetra
+1 — and I find they run big, so I take a 12 even though I’m usually a 14/16.
heatherskib
Agreed on Boden. I’m a 36G and happy with the Angie top in 14.
Wordy
Look at the Ann Taylor dressy tee. Comes in several colors, machine wash on delicate, looks good under a jacket or loose. I have a couple at 40% off–I’ve gotten so much wear from them, I probably could’ve paid full price and would have been happy.
Lilly
Sounds like we share a body type. Talbots sometimes has silk shells with some pleating at the neck. I watch the website and grab one or two of these from time to time. Also, I launder them on delicate and in a lingerie bag, then hang to dry, then iron on a fairly hot setting. I’ve even taken a still somewhat damp one and ironed it dry.
Anonymous
Talbots and Jones are good bets, but what you should really do is buy a tent and get it tailored. It’s a really easy alteration and will make all the difference.
heatherskib
Oh and have you tried pepperberry? The sizes have variations based on how busty you are, so it can be a great option to find things that actually fit….
Jackets
Suggestions for jackets for fall? I prefer a classic, bordering preppy, look in general. I’m pear shaped (6 top/10-12 bottom) and just really have no idea where to start or what to look for. What do you all suggest?
Jackets
Oh and I’ll ideally find something under $150.
WorryWort
Has anyone here sought professional help with anxiety issues? Mine have come and gone over the years but it’s becoming increasingly problematic over the last six months. The littlest things cause panic attacks (checking my bag at airports, driving at night, etc.) It’s becoming a problem, but I have no idea where to even start to get help! My primary care physician? Advice would be super appreciated!
Anon
You can start with your Primary and maybe get a referral to a psychiatrist. Your primary may feel comfortable prescribing you medication based on your visit. You may want to explore the root cause of the anxiety to attempt to work through it with a psychiatrist or psychologist. Psychiatrist is just more convenient with regards to medication and talk therapy rolled into one. You’ll certainly be asked if anything happened right before the anxiety became more problematic. What have you done in the past with your anxiety? Have any major life changes occurred?
AnonInfinity
Yes, definitely. You can get help with this and deal with it. I am a huge proponent of cognitive behavioral therapy. I’ve dealt with severe anxiety for a long time, and it changed my life. I found a psychologist who practiced it by searching online. I still have some problems, but I now know better how to deal with them because it helps me stop the anxiety spiral once it starts (or sometimes even before it starts).
I did not try medication, but I understand that medication combined with CBT can also be very effective. Others can probably speak to that.
Shopping help!
I’ve struggled with this a lot. What helped me in the most immediate way was a cognitive behavioral therapist – she taught me things like deep breathing exercises, how to recognize anxiety symptoms and control them before hey escalated into full on panic attacks, and reworking negative thought patterns. It was a very practical hands on approach, we focused totally on behaviors and skills and not on the causes of my anxiety. I found that once I had those skills and had my anxiety more under control I was able to try a different kind of therapy and work on deeper underlying issues. Asking your primary care physician for a referral is definitely a good place to start! It can be scary to ask help – you’re absolutely doing the right thing.
Anon
I went to my primary care physician and got a prescription for Lexapro that helped immensely. I was on it temporarily, but I feel that even though I’m not on it now, it still greatly improved the way I think and deal with things.
Doc
I’m a big fan of the meds + behavioral therapy approach when you are actually having full blown panic attacks….. which often send folks to the ER and are crippling. It takes time to learn behavioral therapy, but it can be wonderful and very effective. Meds can help you sooner while you are learning, and sometimes you can decrease them over time.
FYI – SSRIs like Lexapro are popular meds for anxiety, with benzodiazepines (Valium, ativan etc… ) sometimes given to help with acute attacks. Sometimes the SSRIs will initially make you feel MORE anxious for a short period as a side effect. Talk to your doc about what to do if/when it occurs. If you can ride it out and use benzos to help until you get past this transition (which usually decreases as your brain/neurotransmitters stabilize), you can often get very good relief with SSRIs over the long term.
Hang in there. It can get better.
http://www.npr.org/2014/01/06/260152542/fear-of-fainting-flight-and-cheese-one-mans-age-of-anxiety
Anon
I struggled with anxiety and depression for years and finally got up the nerve to mention it to my primary care dr. I had no idea where to start either and knew I didn’t want to go to a psychiatrist. He did suggest therapy, which is not a solution for me, and gave me a prescription for escitalopram. After trying out some different doses, 20mg works best for me and it has been such a wonderful change for me. The first few weeks/months I had some minor side effects but they have mostly subsided and the positives outweigh them. I do get a little anxious at times but prior to the medication the same situation would have given me a panic attack. I highly recommend you speak to your GP – no need to talk to a specialist unless they recommend it.
Anon for this
FYI if you’re considering medication, there’s actually a genetic test you can take (most psychiatrists offices offer it) that helps narrow down which of the many types of medications would be the best for you. It can really help so you have a more focused list of potential meds rather than doing a shot-in-the-dark approach of just starting with lexapro or zoloft.
Anon
I started addressing my anxiety when little things would unnerve me for much longer than they should have. I started with talk therapy and after a couple visits she suggested I see a psychiatrist about meds. I’ve been on meds for a few months now and the difference in my life is immense. I wish I had done this a long time ago. My doc put me on Busiprone (sp?) which is supposed to be less addictive and not cause weight gain. We have tweaked the dosage a few times and I’m not at a comfortable point. The anxiety is still present but no more anxiety attacks, twitching eyes, shortness of breath, etc.
KS IT Chick
About 6 weeks ago or so, I posted as an anon talking about needing to manage my anxiety issues, due to the impact they were having on my performance at work.
I went to my PCP (an internist) and managed to put myself into a full-blow anxiety attack sitting in the exam room while waiting for him to come in. He gave me prescriptions for Lexapro & Xanex. After 4 weeks, I went back for a followup, and he cut the Lexapro dosage in half and stopped the Xanex. I’m scheduled for another followup in about 3 weeks, and I’m expecting to stay on this dosage going forward.
I wish I hadn’t waited until I was on the edge of being suspended at work to ask for help. Our community doesn’t have a lot of mental health resources (the mental health center only does drug & alcohol addiction counseling; the lone psychiatrist only treats geriatric dementia), so getting counseling isn’t in the cards at the moment. But, I’m managing.
Start with a healthcare provider you feel comfortable with and let them help you find the right resources.
DisenchantedinDC
Seeing my GP today for my annual physical – any things I might want to ask about that most people forget? I had a GYN appointment this summer so I’m good on that front.
Terri
Have you had your Vit D levels checked?
K120
I give an update on family medical history and ask if it changes their recommendations for testing and timing of visits. My GP often doesn’t ask for it so I try and remember to bring it up.
Gail the Goldfish
“If you draw blood to test __, who processes the lab test and can you find out how much it will cost?” The doctor’s not going to know the answer to this question, most likely, but someone in the office should. I learned this one after I got a bill for $450 for some pretty basic routine lab work at my annual physical because it “wasn’t preventative” and was processed in office as opposed to an outside lab.
Terri
I MAY be in a position next week to give my 2 weeks notice at my current job. Based on where I may be going, my current company may choose to walk me out. Not sure, could go either way. Besides causally cleaning out extra stuff from my cube, so I’m not left with a ton if that should happen, any other suggestions.
And suggestions in general for giving notice appreciated.
Brunette Elle Woods
Make sure you have any important information, contacts, documents, etc. You may not be able to access your files/records or e-mail.
JJ
But don’t take anything that would be considered your employer’s confidential information. That will set off all kinds of alarm bells.
Anonymous
+1 to contacts.
Any personal documentation saved on your computer. You can easily transfer to a google drive. Make sure not to take anything proprietary or subject to confidentiality. Emails that you may want at a later date that pertain to your career or personal life that are on the company’s server.
Copy of current handbook or termination policy which refers to your rights to accrued unpaid PTO if that applies in your situation.
If you have a company phone and not a personal one, start thinking through that. Same with car.
As for giving notice, what I did this previous go-around was write up the official resignation letter but before giving it to my boss I sat down and had a conversation to let him know. In reality, I kind of had two bosses so I went to both. I made a list of where certain “projects” stood and what items needed to be addressed or followed up on after I left. We were involved in some DC stuff as well so I had a calendar of events that they needed to keep apprised of and any decisions that they had to make with regards to attending or not. My departure was pretty smooth though due to the fact that I got my “dream job” so aside from the initial shock people had that I actually GOT the job, they were all really excited for me.
Best of luck!
anon
So tired of companies with bad return policies. Anyone have any luck returning after 30 days with Tumi?
Anonymous
No experience with Tumi, but you might consider checking to see if your credit card offers return protection. For example, some Amex cards offer a 90 return guarantee where they’ll take back the item and refund the purchase price (up to $300/item, $1000/yr) if the retailer won’t take it back. If your current card doesn’t have this, may be worth getting one that does–return policies really are getting trickier.
Vanessa
We had a great experience. DH returned a wallet that was falling apart at the seams (literally) about one year after he bought it. He didn’t even have a receipt. He was in there buying something else, the sales associated noticed and when he said he bought it a year ago they replaced it on the spot no questions asked.