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Coffee Break: Esperance Pumps

louise-et-cie-esperance-pumpThese well-reviewed pumps (available in four colors!) are 45% off over at Nordstrom — nice. (Black and bisque are still full price at $117, but note that they come in narrow and wide sizes as well.) I like the classic shape, the comfortable heel (2.75″), and the price: they're $59.98. Louise et Cie ‘Esperance' Pump (L-all)  

Sales of note for 12.5

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

165 Comments

  1. Need to buy a set of gardening costumes for a friend’s bachelorette shower. Looking to spend around $100-150. This is someone with much fancier tastes than me– I buy stuff for gardening at target mostly. Please send me in the right direction. Alternatively, does anyone know of a place to buy “gag” gardening costumes?

    2. don’t waste your time or money on “funny” ensembles.

      What’s wrong with picking up a set of Hanky Pankies at Nordstrom for $50 or so? But if you’re really wanting to spend that much, I love Natori nighties/lounge wear. Simple sexy, not complicated. You could also check out Anthro’s selection if that’s her style.

    4. Seriously, “gardening costumes”? This is what we’ve devolved to? I’m going to guess that my post will not go into moderation if I say “lingerie.”

      1. I tried posting this on Friday and ended up in moderation purgatory, so that was today’s solution– “gardening costumes”…

        I’ve never been to this type of shower before and I don’t really know what I’m doing here! Thanks for the ideas, all.

        1. I love this, but it did take me like 30 seconds before my brain went Ohhhhh! “GARDENING!” Time for more coffee.

        2. Part of me wanted to answer your question extremely literally and suggest you check Lowes or Home Depot.

          1. Yes, I always have that problem when someone uses the gardening euphemism. Especially the woman who caught her husband watching ‘gardening shows.’ I read that and thought ‘wow, this person needs to get a life and stop caring so much about her husband’s boring hobbies’ and then I read it again and went ‘ohhhhhhh.’

        3. I bet the mod was due to the ending of the word Bach***. The type of party you are having. It ends with the same thing as the name of this place.

    5. Depends on the bride. I’ve done Gap Body for super simple tastes and included a gift receipt since most people have a Gap they can return to.

  2. Hey Senior Attorney! Congrats on your nuptials this weekend. I debated whether or not this would be appropriate to post, or if it’s just too bizarre, but I think I drove by your wedding procession on Saturday. We were running errands in downtown Pasadena and all the cars in front of me slowed to a crawl to watch what at first I thought was a parade and then realized it must be a wedding. My husband and I were smiling and saying how much fun the couple must be to plan something so awesome. Then he said, “And it’s so cool the bride is wearing green.” I almost lost it. He had no idea what was going on when I started shrieking Senior Attorney! Senior Attorney! Anyway, I hope this isn’t too stalker-y, but I just wanted to say I always thought you were wise and kind, and if that was your party, now I know you are also crazy fun, too. This random ‘r*tte was sending you all the best on my drive-by.

    1. HAHAHAHA!!! OMG!!! YES!!!!

      WHAT??!?!?!!!

      YES!!!!

      I am dying right now!!! OMG THIS IS THE BEST THING EVER!!!!!!!

      Can’t. even. stand it.

      1. Oh good! I’m so relieved. I was worried you might think it’s too weird. My mother lives in Pasadena so I am frequently there running down to Colorado Blvd. I’ve never met you before, but I’m pretty sure this had to be you. You looked lovely and the procession was just about the most amazing thing I have seen. Like I said, before my husband pointed you out I was already thinking that this couple had to be the most fun-loving people ever. I’m assuming from the green dress it had to be you. AMAZING. I was totally freaking out, and debated circling around until my husband was like, um, you’re freaking out! I was beaming for a good hour afterwards. I can’t believe stuff like this actually happens. It’s so unreal! Congrats again.

        1. Can we see a link to the green dress if there’s one online?!?!

          That would be a great Monday afternoon pick me up. (For me anyways)

          And congratulations!

          1. Respectfully, I feel like the details aren’t mine to give, and I’m being deliberately vague out of deference to SA.

          3. Also, from seeing the dress on the street would not expect you would have a link to it on the internet. Haha ;-)

        2. Would it be too personal to share some of the highlights SA? My imagination is going wild with this amazing procession. I am not even sure what this would entail?

          1. I have to preface this by saying that if it were up to me, we would have had a civil ceremony at the courthouse and gone out to lunch at my favorite restaurant. But Lovely Husband really, really wanted to have a big party so that’s what we did. And I am totally outing myself but whatever…

            6:30 a.m. we had a bike ride with about 20 of our cycling friends. We had jerseys printed with a tuxedo and a wedding gown and the best woman decorated my helmet with flowers and ribbons

            10:30 a.m. was church wedding for 250 guests. I was escorted down the aisle by my divorce attorney, who is also a dear friend. My son was my attendant and Lovely Husband’s surrogate daughter was his attendant. Also in attendance were two Marine sergeants in full dress blues with swords. The service was beautiful and personal and was performced by the (amazing female) Episcopal priest who did the funerals for LH’s mom, wife, and sister-in-law. He says they are “three funerals and a wedding.”

            At the end of the service we walked under the swords and out the door where we were met by a mime, two stilt walkers, and a Dixieland second line band. We walked three or so short blocks to the reception, escorted by two off duty police officers who stopped traffic so we could cross in the middle of the street. It was pretty amazing. Oh, and I was handed a Mardi Gras umbrella and LH was handed a Panama hat as we left the church, and the guests were given wands with ribbons to wave.

            Reception was brunch and featured, in addition to the mime and another band with singer, a magician, a balloon animal guy, and two photo booths. And, uh, 400 cake pops instead of a wedding cake. The attendants rocked their speeches and it was all amazing. That went until about 2.

            At 6:30 there was an after party at the home of a friend of mine for 150 of the heartiest partiers. Open bar, New Orleans-style buffet, DJ and dancing. LH and I did our first dance to “LOVE” (L is for the way you look at me…). That went until about 11:30.

            We spent the night at the Langham Hotel, which gave us a complimentary upgrade to an 1100 square foot “cottage suite.” With two bathrooms and private patio. Amazing.

            All of it. Amazing.

            And the best part is I got to marry the best man in the world.

          7. SA this sounds like the best wedding ever (and that dress is out of control beautiful). You’re still my internet role model! Didn’t you plan all of this in a really short time frame too (like a couple of months)?

          8. Geesus SA. You actually stopped traffic! Sounds like you had a wonderful wedding, and wishing you all the best.

          9. You all are too sweet!

            MargaretO, we got engaged in March so it was just six months. The best decision was to hire a wedding planner. She was amazing. We hired her in early May so basically the whole thing came together in four months. Couldn’t have even begun to do it without her!

            And yeah, stopping traffic was LH’s thing. He was undeterred even though getting that to happen was the very hardest part of the whole thing! And you should have seen him when it happened. He was like the Mayor of Happy City!

          10. That is very impressive even with a wedding planner. It sounds like it was an amazing time mazel tov!!!

        3. You should have parked and identified yourself. I would totally have made room for you at the Corporette table…

          1. Oops moderation…

            You should have parked and identified yourself. I would totally have made room for you at the Corpore*t*t*e table…

          2. Actually I think I saw a different wedding…..

            JUST KIDDING! This is obviously the joyous parade I saw. (I was waiting with the cars the cops were holding back.) Congratulations!!!

          3. LOL obvi a different parade with a bride in a green dress!

            Did you see the tall cop waving his ribbon wand? Too much fun!!

          4. Haha. There was SO much to look at. I was taken with the stilt walker who was somehow marching. Absolutely incredible.

      6. I was having a terrible horrible no good very bad day, not home until after 10 p.m., but I came here and saw this and woo-hoo, it made my night! So happy for you, SA and LH, and love love love the wedding story.

        Congratulations!

    4. LOVE THIS. All I can picture is George on Seinfield saying, “TWO WORLDS COLLIDING.”

      So great. Every happiness SA!!!

      I think of you almost every day when I silently chat to my fuming self, “Assume good intentions. Assume good intentions….”

    5. OMG, that’s so wild! Too funny. I love it that you knew who it was! I loved seeing all of the pics on Fb. It looked like a blast, SA!

      1. It was a super blast and as you can see, heavily influenced by New Orleans!!

        1. Yes, it was! Of course, this was a special trip for the two of you. I’m so glad I got to meet you both!

    6. Mazel tov, Senior Attorney! Happiness, health, and more happiness to you and LH and all of your families. And special appreciation just to you for being such a good part of this community.

  3. So hoping not to make too many folks mad at me here but I can only ask this question on an anonymous board — living in a new city where I only know 1-2 people; don’t see those friends as often as I’d like bc life. So when they try to schedule a get together I try to make every effort to attend. Thing is one of the friends is got a dog and wants to have a bunch of people over to meet the dog this weekend — it would be like a dozen people. I really don’t like dogs AT ALL. Mildly scared of them, mostly grossed out. So do I just not go? Any way to go and stay away from a puppy — I’m guessing no, it’ll be all over everyone. I don’t want to announce to this friend that I don’t like dogs bc I feel like that’ll mean no more invites to hang out at least for the foreseeable future — the dog is her new thing and she won’t sacrifice time with the dog for hanging out with friends who don’t want to be around her dog (most socializing with her is at her home – we don’t work near each other and she likes for her house to be the hang out house which my apt can’t be). This isn’t like a BFF or anything so I feel like I can’t be as blunt as I could be with a lifelong friend.

    1. I think it’s fine to tell your friend you’re not very comfortable with dogs (I’d use that phrase rather than saying you don’t like them). If she’s a good friend she’ll totally understand you declining this invite and will agree to meet outside her home or put the dog in a different room when you come over in the future (if you’re so grossed out by the dog that you won’t hang out in her living room when the dog is in the bedroom, I think that’s unreasonable and something that’s on you overcome, but I definitely understand why you don’t want to go to a “meet the dog” party or have the dog climbing all over you. And if she’s a good friend, she will too, no matter how much she loves her puppy).

    2. Your choices are “go and suck it up” or “don’t go and face the consequences.”

      It seems like if you’re not willing to be around the dog, then the friendship is going to suffer. You need to decide whether that is okay with you.

    3. Dog owner and huge dog-lover here. Provided your friend is 1) not a jerk and 2) has half a brain, she should be able to figure out a way to spend time with you at her place without you having to deal with her dog (although not at the puppy-welcoming party, which is all about the dog).

      Case in point: one of my closest friends in my city is not comfortable around dogs. We have a large (80lb) lovable dog who thinks everyone is his best friend. So when they come over for dinner, we eat outside in the backyard and the dog stays on his leash next to my chair. Everyone is happy.

    4. What’s the alternative to telling her you don’t like dogs? If she likes to hang out at her house and she has a dog, this is just the first of many times you’ll be faced with telling her no (or asking her to put the dog away while you’re there).

      I think it’s fair to say “Congratulations on the new puppy. I’m sure he/she will be keeping you very busy! Thank you for inviting me to meet him/her. Unfortunately, I have a fear of dogs that makes it very difficult for me to be around them. I don’t want to miss out on spending time with you though. Would you be up for [dinner/movie/drinks/brunch, etc] on [Friday/Saturday/Tuesday, etc]?” (If you think she’d say “But my puppy is adorable and you’re going to love him/her!” just tell her that you’re allergic (if you don’t mind the white lie, anyway).

      Please just don’t do what a former friend of mine did and tell her “I don’t understand why anyone would spend time or money on a dog when there are so many adoptable children in the world!” Uh, what?

      1. I think this is very good advice. I have a couple best friends with dogs – when we go over to their places, the dogs are there but they’re very good at controlling them and/or not bringing them over if we’re entertaining at someone else’s.

        I’m not a big dog person (although not really fearful of most dogs) so that may change things.

        Also – your former friend is cray…. you can go out on a Saturday night and leave your dog at home – I don’t think you can do that with a child

        1. She lived in a world of extreme personal preferences thinly veiled as moral absolutism. Truly a gem.

      2. Absolutely second this opinion to phrase it as “I’m a little scared of dogs/nervous around dogs”. Allergy is even better if it’s mildly true or you dont mind the white lie.

    5. I mean, yeah, if you’re that grossed out by dogs then you just don’t go. If you worry that it will affect your relationship with her to explain your dislike for dogs, then make up another legitimate-sounding excuse.

    6. I love my pet. My world revolves around his furry needs.

      When someone is allergic to him or is like, “You go and snuggle him and I’ll hang over here,” I do not care. Whatever – not their pet.

      What gets under my skin are the jokes about the type of pet, people who just have to say that they don’t like any of that type of pet, etc. Just keep it to yourself, is that so hard?

      Anyhoo, get a chew toy from the pet store, go to your friend’s house, avoid saying that you think dogs are gross, hand over the toy, and hang out for an hour with a glass of wine. If need be, say that you’re so very happy for her but are truthfully a bit afraid of dogs.

    7. I am a dog person, but don’t go to the party. When puppies are puppies, it is much harder to avoid them – they don’t really listen and do crawl all over and kiss people.

      It makes me sad when people hate my dog. So just tell friend you are busy.

      Once the dog is bigger and (hopefully) trained, you can go over and it will be easier to avoid.

    8. One of my best friends is not a big fan of dogs. She’s not scared of them but they’re not pets in her culture (she’s Chinese) and she finds them really gross. I had a party to introduce friends to my new dog (who was a six-year-old rescue, not a puppy, so she wasn’t super rowdy). It was fine – the other guests all took turns playing with the dog but she didn’t and instead just chatted with whomever wasn’t playing with the dog at the moment (including me, when other dog lovers were keeping my pup occupied). Eventually the dog fell asleep in someone’s arms and we all sat around talking about non-dog things. I certainly wouldn’t have been offended if she’d declined to come to the party, but I’m glad she came because I enjoy her company and I understood that not everyone wants to have a dog slobbering all over them. Just be upfront with your friend about the boundaries you want, whether that’s not being in the same room as the dog or not having the dog give you kisses or whatever.

      1. i second this approach. Usually there are plenty of people there to get their dog fix and the non-dog loving friend can just hang back and not have to worry about the dog at all

    9. Do you want to have no friends? Suck it up and go. Srsly. You don’t have a phobia you have a mild dislike. Tough it out.

    10. The upside of this event is that if you go you’d go from knowing 1-2 people to knowing 12 people.

      2. I’m also not super comfortable with dogs – I definitely like them more than I used to, but I don’t like them jumping on me, licking me, barking at me…. maybe I will pet them if I’ve been around them long enough. But usually not right away.

        Fortunately for you, lots of people really like dogs! Usually if I’m at a house with a dog and the dog comes for me with that “HEY YOU! YOU LOOK LIKE FUN AND/OR A STRANGER LET’S PLAY AND ALSO CAN I EAT YOUR FOOD” look, I get a deer-in-the-headlights look and someone who likes dogs intervenes to distract the dog. Or the owner calls the dog over. A bigger crowd can definitely be your friend here, especially if you’re open about not being 100% comfortable with dogs.

    11. +1 to the not comfortable with dogs. Just tell her. One of my bffs is allergic to my cats, so we do things outside of my house. Another friend is like you, not a fan of dogs, and I have 2 cats and dog. I appreciated them telling me straight up. Otherwise it would have been weird if they always avoid my apartment and want to do stuff at their place.

    12. Is it really a puppy or just a new-to-her dog? If it’s a puppy, I wouldn’t go if you don’t like dogs. Puppies are pretty much all over everyone they meet and unless she plans to have it in her arms at all times (doubtful), you’re probably going to get way more contact with the dog than you want. If it’s an adult dog, I agree with the advice to go and seize the opportunity to make new friends. You can pet the dog once or twice, tell her it’s cute and then politely avoid it.

    13. My dog is the whole world to my husband and I. She’s a very spoiled princess.

      And I am not offended in the least if someone declines an invitation because they’re afraid of her. She’s our little doll baby, but to other people she’s a fluffy harbinger of doom (if they’re afraid of dogs).

      I’ve had friends very quietly and politely tell me they were afraid of pups and wouldn’t be coming to X,Y, or Z where they knew dogs would be there. No harm, no foul.

      If you want to make a kind gesture, perhaps send her a card with a gift card to Petco or a local pet shop; puppies need so many things! That can help show you care about her and her new addition.

      But if you do decide to go, just don’t sit on the floor (most people will because it encourages the most puppy play!). The good thing about puppies is that they collapse out of nowhere from exhaustion and is likely to spend 50% of the time sleeping.

    14. I’m a little surprised at how polarizing this question is. My 2 cents: it really depends on your friend. Since you don’t know her that well, probably don’t go. However, after the party has passed, please do be up front with her that you don’t like dogs (you can say you think they’re gross). If she’s a good friend, she will handle it well and steer your hangouts away from being around the dog. If she can’t/won’t do that…you gotta find some better friends. Sorry for you to miss out on an opportunity to meet new people, but it just doesn’t seem worth it – the puppy will be everywhere and like a baby everyone will be cooing over him and it will seem weird that you’re not into it (even though it’s perfectly normal not to be into it and I say this as a dog lover). Somewhat unrelated but – why am I not allowed to do this for baby meetings? I find babies gross and depressing since I can’t have one, but if I ever told a friend “no I don’t want to meet your baby” I would instantly be (even more of) a social pariah. /end rant

      1. Suggest *not* saying you think dogs are gross. As an analogy if a friend cooked a terrible meal to share you might say it’s not really your thing, or not my taste, but it would probably hurt your friend’s feelings to say it is gross. Just say you’re not really a dog person and are a little afraid of them.

    15. Go and halfheartedly play with the dog for 5 minutes. I’m sure other people will be all over it and you can just chill with a glass of fine. I feel you, I don’t like dogs. I always feel put on the spot to pet a relative’s dog while we’re eating and it is not something I’m a fan of. I don’t know how to get away and wash my hands without coming off as very rude, because it’s constantly wandering over to attempt to sit on my lap.

    16. OP here — didn’t say it clearly enough before. This isn’t being billed as a “meet the puppy party.” More of a — lets hang out, we haven’t seen each other in ages and I’d like to host and hey -my new dog will be here by then.

      Yes it’s a puppy. I don’t want to lose a friend over this — and I feel like I will if I make NO gesture to care about something important to her or if I don’t lose her, we will become more distant. But I’m also from a no-dog culture so wasn’t raised around pets and just grossed out. Like already thinking — that the jeans I wear will have to go straight to the dry cleaners bc I’m not putting them in my laundry machine and I’ll have to jump in the shower the moment I get home bc I’m not sitting on my furniture having been touched by dog. I know it’s my own issue but ugh – what a thing to lose a friend over.

      1. Or, just get over it? Put your jeans in the washing machine, take a shower, and get a grip. It’s not about her being offended. You have 2 people you know. Do you want to die alone with a plant? Suck it up and make the effort.

      2. I was deathly afraid of dogs as a child and am still nervous around certain dogs (barkers, to be specific). I would be very uncomfortable around a new dog, especially if there were a lot of other people around and the dog might get very excited.

        I cannot imagine, if I told a friend with a new dog this, they would want to end our friendship over my not coming to her party. If they did, they are not a good friend.

        I’d emphasize the fear part, not the grossed out part, to be sure. Have tact, and make it about YOUR shortcoming, not that dogs are gross, and she should understand.

        1. Not sure if you’re still reading but I’d really love to know how you mostly got past your fear.

      3. You can still make a gesture that you care about her and the dog. Buy the dog a small stuffed toy (this costs $5 or so). Ask her to hang out. Give the toy to her with a card that says “Congrats on the puppy {insert name if you know it}!” Explain that you didn’t grow up around dogs and you’re a little scared of them, so you think it would be better to wait until the dog is older and calmer before you meet it, so you’ll regretfully have to decline this invite, but you look forward to hanging out with her again soon. And then follow through.

        Unless she’s a terrible person or you handle this really badly, I just don’t see this being a friendship-ender. Normal people understand that not everyone is a dog person and will still hang out with friends who don’t LOVELOVELOVE their beloved dog (and I am a huuuuuge dog person, fwiw).

      4. If she is even a remotely “normal” person in terms of her reactions, you are not going to lose her as a friend by telling her that you’re afraid/unaccustomed to being around dogs. Just be honest and don’t overthink too much. She’s your friend for a reason – presumably because she’s a nice person.

      5. Are you from a Muslim culture? It sounds like it, from the need to clean your clothes immediately and not contaminate your laundry/couch. If so, I would just tell her directly that culturally/religiously, it’s difficult for you to be around dogs, and suggest getting together at a restaurant another time. I have a dog and I have Muslim friends, and I truly don’t hold it against them that they don’t want to hang out in my doggy home.

        1. Yes, CHJ’s advice x 1000. Please make it very clear to her that you’re not /afraid/ of the dog (which is met with “but my dog is nice/let us help you with your phobia”). Try to explain to her that you didn’t grow up around them and it just makes you uncomfortable (you don’t have to call her puppy gross). I would even go so far as to tell her you’d have to get your clothes dry-cleaned. I totally get it, but a LOT of dog owners do not. We have Muslim friends who have a little girl and the look on her face breaks my heart – she is SUPER uncomfortable when the dog is around. So we put him away when she comes over (he could not care less – more naptime). It’s not her fault – he’s a big animal and to her they are dirty and scary. Good luck! I know this is a hard situation and probably not the last time you’ll face it.

          1. OP here — yes I’m Muslim. Not THAT religious but still believe and dogs were to be avoided at all costs growing up, if one came in contact with you, you had to change clothes etc. Result of that is I’m in my 30s and totally not used to and not ok with dogs.

            To the person above who let me know I’d be alone with a plant . . . maybe, but at least a plant isn’t a dog.

          2. I had NO idea about Muslim cultural beliefs and dogs. I just googled it. I really think the people giving you the advice here have no idea about the religious aspects. If you told me that avoiding contact with dogs is as important as avoiding pork I would totally understand.

        2. I don’t understand this comment. My husband feels exactly the same way. I know several people who grew up here in the states and have no religion to speak of who feel likewise. I personally am also very anxious around dogs due to a bad bite as a toddler, but have no issue with mess/animal dirt, etc.

      6. I mean, I would be hurt if I got a new dog and my friend literally didn’t acknowledge it, but I wouldn’t be hurt if a friend who was scared of dogs declined to come hang out with the dog. I agree with others to frame it as scared rather than grossed out, and make sure you ask her how it’s doing and act interested in the dog and how it’s adapting to life with her. We all feign interest from time to time when our friends want to talk about things we don’t particularly care about and you can too. But you don’t have to be around a dog if they make you uncomfortable and any decent friend will recognize that.

        1. Yes, frame it as “intimidated by dogs” or “afraid of dogs” or “extremely uncomfortable around dogs” and not “grossed out by dogs.” If you are up-front about not wanting to hang out with the dog but wanting to hang out with the people, maybe you will get an answer like, “Oh, don’t worry, the weather will be nice and there will be plenty of people hanging out on the patio while the dog stays inside.” It’s worth a try if you would like to expand your social circle.

  4. This is really sad. Don’t go to a party centered around a puppy if you don’t want to see a puppy.

  5. Probiotics – it seems so many people I know are claiming life-changing benefits. Is it really a thing and who do they help – or are they just trying to get me to buy their stuff from their new MLM gig?

    1. I didn’t realize they were an MLM thing. I take one every day that I buy on Amazon. They help me with…regularity.

      1. I take PRO-15 sold by Hyperbiotics. I wouldn’t say they are life changing but I have noticed a difference.

    2. I take them every single day along with my multivitamin. I just buy them at Target, not off of Facebook or at a product party.

    3. If they’re trying to get you to buy a particular brand of probiotics, it’s probably kind of an MLM thing. But that doesn’t mean that there aren’t benefits from probiotics. They’ve been very helpful to me for avoiding complications when taking antibiotics and avoiding foodborne illness when traveling in the developing world. But the ones you can buy at the grocery store are fine, no need to get expensive “brand name” ones.

    4. MLM and probiotics are two totally separate things. Don’t buy MLM stuff.

      There are benefits to probiotics – ideally you’d get them in natural form like via yogurt, sauerkraut, kimchee (spelling?) etc. My life is too busy for this so I try to buy probiotic yogurt and I also take a probiotic supplement that I buy at the grocery store. There are lots of different probiotics so the Activia yogurt that works for me may not work for you – try a few different ones. Same for supplements.

      Basically, it should help with digestion issues generally – constipation, bloating, diarrhea etc. I feel like these are worsened by modern lifestyles because we spend a lot of time sitting in offices – but probiotics are no miracle cure for anything.

    5. Which MLM is shilling probiotics?

      I firmly believe that if you’re eating a truly healthy (for you) diet of foods you probably don’t need to do much supplementing.

      I listened to a podcast episode (can’t remember which show) where the guest talked about the way modern Americans try to solve problems by adding things to their lives: Want to lose weight? Get a personal trainer. Want to quit smoking? Buy a patch. Want to get more organized? Buy containers and a journal. The guest posited that most modern “problems” are better solved by taking things away. Lose weight by eliminating bad foods. Quit smoking by de-stressing, not drinking, and not buying cigarettes. Get more organized by getting rid of items you don’t need and saying no to things you don’t want to go to.

      All this is to say I think we’re better serving our guts and digestion by taking stock of what we’re eating, how we’re sleeping and what kind of activity we get, rather than by taking supplements. But, I am not a doctor.

      1. Plexus, Thrive, USANA are brand people I know are marketing. I’m sure there are additional supplements involved, but I believe probiotics are a part of these brands. Likely more out there.

        1. Of those I only know Plexus, but I wouldn’t say Plexus is selling probiotics. It’s a whole weight loss/health “regime” and I think probiotics is actually a pretty minor part of it (although I agree that people who shill Plexus tend to be into probiotics). Definitely don’t buy that crap, just get yogurt with active cultures or probiotics sold in the gut health section of CVS or a grocery store.

          1. Really dumb question here that I’ve always wondered about: is all yogurt of relatively equal probiotic value? Or should I be buying one that specifically advertises it has probiotics in it?

          2. I think you want to look for ones that say “live cultures” or “active cultures” or something like that. Probably ones that specifically advertise as having probiotics are fine too.

    6. An interesting question! I researched this recently because my fiancé came to the UK from the US where he was prescribed probiotics by a doctor. In the UK, you can only buy them in health food shops, not pharmacies, because our national medical body does not recommend them. (In the US, just go to Walgreens or CVS – no need for MLM.) By which I mean, the national medical body does not think probiotics are harmful, but they are not convinced they have positive effects. There are studies which found probiotics were useful in particular circumstances (I think some IBS patients, and after some gut diseases?) but no studies showing they help healthy people long-term. So, in summary, they won’t harm you may not help you either!

    7. I say see a gastro doctor if its something you are really worried about. My gastro doctor said that yogurt is not worth anything if you actually need a probiotic and most probiotics are worthless and just very expensive things you eat to just have everything destroyed by your stomach bacteria.

      VSL#3 is a very concentrated probiotic that is sold from pharmacies. It must be kept refrigerated. It however is an OTC so if you don’t see it out, ask and they might have in back due to the fact it must be kept refrigerated.

  6. Hi ladies! I have a dilemma. I have a plane ticket to Norway for 10 days over Columbus Day weekend, but had to shorten my trip due to work conflicts. I’m attending a weekend event there, so I can’t shift my non-refundable flight to another time, really — and the change fee is pretty hefty. Here’s the question: would you go to Norway for 5 days and pay additional $$ to change your flight, or swallow the loss and not go at all? Thanks for any insight!

    1. Depends. What are you planning to do? If just visit one or two cities, I’d probably go for five days. If you’re hoping to drive all over the country and see fjords, that seems hard to do in five days and I’d probably reschedule the trip entirely to a time when you go for longer (I’m assuming either way the change fee is similar – if there’s a big difference in fees than I’d go with whatever is cheaper).

    3. I’d go, but Norway has been on my list of places to travel for a long time.

    4. Ask yourself if you’d be willing to buy tickets for a 5 day trip to Norway for the cost of the change fee. The (unfortunate) fact is that you’re not getting back the original cost of the tickets so that (already gone) money shouldn’t enter into your decision. This is actually a great example of the sunk cost fallacy.

    5. We did Norway this summer over 3 days. We flew to Oslo on a Friday night, woke up got to the train station to start the ‘Norway in a Nutshell tour.” Went to Flam on the train. Spent Saturday night in Flamm. Left Flamm Sunday after lunch on the boat to go towards Bergen. Got to Bergen about 8 pm. had dinner and woke the next day and few to Denmark.

      This was part of my sister’s trip where she did London, France, Germany, Denmark and Norway and those short few days in Norway were her favorite part. We had gorgeous weather so check that out.

      But google Norway in a Nutshell and read up on the Rick Steve’s post about it. We had enough time for a bike ride and a kayak ride (book in advance) in Flamm. We could of course have done more time in both Bergen and Oslo and in Norway in general but loved even the small taste we had. BTW its expensive so do plan on spending a lot on food.

    6. Would it be possible for your work to pay the change fee? I have a coworker who had a 2 week vacation booked (and the vacation days approved and on the calendar) and something came up at work that he absolutely could not miss. He shifted his vacation back by a few days and the company paid the change fee since the company imposed the change of plans upon him.

  7. Random acts of kindness: today I saw one of the regular buskers at the train station taking money out of his guitar case and giving it to a lady so she can buy a ticket. I don’t know either of their situations but it seemed a very nice thing to do.

    2. That’s really sweet.
      About 15 years ago, my husband sat on a park bench in Washington DC, and a seemingly homeless guy asked for change. My husband said, Sorry, I don’t have any money, I don’t even have a job, I just came from an interview. And the homeless guy gave him a pep talk!

      Another time a homeless guy on the DC metro train gave my son in a stroller a dollar for being cute! He (the homeless guy) said he loves to give it away when he can. I said we do, too.

      Love this image…

    3. Few years back, I was a poor foreign graduate student in this country. I had no family or close friends, living with a terrible room mate and trying very hard to get a job. I was so lonely and the room mate had managed to hurt me enough to make me weep early in the morning. Then I went to my part time job which was a computer lab where I used to work as an assistant. I was asked to help a group of women who worked as housekeeping staff at the university learn basic computer skills. So I was helping a lady who had come here as a refugee from Congo. That day was the first time I saw her. She looked at my face and asked me what was wrong. I tried to stop myself from tearing up, but I couldn’t. She was so compassionate towards me. As both of us were foreigners, it was hard to communicate in English. She even said I should give her my resume, because she works as a house cleaner for some one who was in a good position in a company in my area of study and she will pass it on to him. It was like God came down for me in her form that day to get me through. That was the last day I saw her. I will never forget her for the rest of my life.

      1. >t was like God came down for me in her form that day to get me through. That was the last day I saw her. I will never forget her for the rest of my life.

        AnotherAnon, this is beautiful. What a reminder of everyone’s ability to touch the life of another person.

      2. Thanks for sharing this – it gave me chills. So important to remember that we can impact the lives of everyone we meet

  8. My last serious relationship ended 3 and a half years ago. I’m was the one who ended it. I went no contact and have not seen or spoken to him since it ended and I haven’t heard about him from anyone else. I’ve been single since it ended. I’ve had a few disastrous blind dates and that’s it. I have tried online dating and meeting people through friends but I haven’t gotten anywhere.

    I was looking at Facebook this morning and a picture of him popped up in the feed of an acquaintance. He got married on Saturday. I couldn’t find his new wife on Facebook anywhere but I looked at his feed and but they had their first date 3 years ago and got married on their 3 year anniversary. I wouldn’t have known it was a wedding by the pictures because they got married in a park in non wedding clothes. I am pretty sure they asked guests to give to charity instead of getting gifts because they met at a fundraiser for wounded soldiers and his wife is a former soldier who lost part of a limb. It was weird. I ended things because he had no drive or ambition and I see he is still working the same job and up until recently at least was living in the same apartment.

    I don’t know what I am feeling (regret, surprise, some combo of both) but I admit to being shocked when I heard he moved on so quickly and got married. I had a blind date on Saturday that went nowhere.

    1. Sorry you’re upset and I agree it’s often weird to see an ex get married, but honestly I wouldn’t say he moved on “so quickly.” Meeting someone new six months after ending a serious relationship isn’t weird at all and getting married three years after meeting sounds about typical, especially for people in their mid-20s or older. Rather than blaming this guy, who’s done nothing wrong by moving on and getting married in a park in non-wedding clothes (you sound so judgmental about that and I’m not sure why except that it makes you feel better about your own situation), focus on moving forward with your own life. You broke up with this guy for reasons, and it sounds like those reasons still apply, so there’s nothing to be regretful about.

      1. I can completely understand why it might feel odd to hear this news after not speaking with/seeing your ex for three and a half years. It’s a very strange transition indeed to go from knowing every detail about someone’s life while you’re their partner (what they had for breakfast, what kind of underwear they put on, what song they sang in the shower, etc.) to then only seeing snippets through Facebook. So of course big news like a wedding comes as a surprise.

        But, their wedding sounds like it was really lovely. I would be totally happy to be married in a park in non-wedding clothes. And the fact that they asked people to donate to charity in lieu of gifts strikes me as a really generous, positive thing.

        Just remember, it’s not that either one of you is winning or losing. You don’t need to compare yourself to him or anyone else.

      2. +1 It can be weird to find out how an ex has moved on or changed or whatever else, because it’s easier to think of them as a static piece of our past. But I don’t think there’s anything weird about hitting it off with someone 6 months after a serious relationship ends and getting married in a casual wedding 3 years later. If your judgment is that he still has no ambition because he is in the same job and living in the same apartment, then all the reasons you broke up with him still exist and there’s no reason to be upset here.

      3. I don’t really see the judgment here. She said she wouldn’t have known it was a wedding. If I saw a picture of a couple in a park in non-wedding clothes, I wouldn’t have immediately thought it was a wedding either.

      4. Yes, some times thing’s work out strangeley, in your case seeing a guy who was not much 7 year’s ago moveing forward and getting MARRIED, while you remain singel with no real prospect’s. I am kind of like that ALSO, but my ex was (and still is) a schlub. FOOEY on Schlub’s. In YOUR case, YOU MUST say to yourself that you are STILL better off without him, even tho he found a woman to love and MARRY while you still have no man in your life. I know in my case that I would be PETRIFIED to have to come home to a schlub every night who love’s the bottle as much or more then me. You are NOT a loser just b/c you are singel and he is MARRIED. Yes, you would feel better MARRIED, but ONLEY to a real man, not a schlub. If this guy has become a real man, that would be different, but as far as I can tell, he does NOT sound like a go-getter, even tho he may have found a woman. He in all likelihood is the same schlub, only 7 year’s older. That is NOT what you EVER wanted in a man. Keep your chin up and your eye’s open and some guy will walk into your life and dazzel you so that a year from now you TOO will be happy AND Married! YAY!!!

    2. If you hate his wedding then it’s probably best that you didn’t have one with him. He wasn’t the guy for you. My biggest pro-tip for online dating is to immediately move it offline. Did you read Aziz Ansari’s book yet?

      1. More great ADVISE from Wildkitten! YAY Wildkitten. YOU sound like you have it all together in this area also! FOOEY on schlub’s and YAY for women like Wildkitten who know how to deal with them!

    3. You need to worry less about them and more about you. It all sounds…pretty stalkery, honestly. Finding out their first date was three years ago? To theorize that they asked gifts to give to a particular charity? It sounds like you looked for a wedding registry. And there’s nothing wrong with working at the same job or living in the same apartment. I agree with Anonymous above that you sound really judgmental. You probably made the right choice by ending it. He found his person and I hope you find yours.

    4. I don’t really understand some of the comments you’re getting. I think you had a normal reaction to learning about a significant event in your ex’s life in an unexpected way. You’re probably surprised or let’s just put that label on it. No need to dwell beyond that. I think Nati said it well. It’s not a zero sum game here. If you haven’t found the one you’re looking for yet, keep looking! Your ex wasn’t it then, and he’s definitely not it now. Or take a break if you need to and then keep looking. Onward and forward.

      2. I’m with you, L&L. OF COURSE this is weird. I have a weird reaction when an ex views my Linkdin profile. You aren’t really asking for advice, but mine is that it sounds like part of the strange feeling is a feeling that you’re not happy with the path you chose. When I find myself there, I usually need to take a step back at the underlying beliefs behind my path choices or feelings or both.

        So maybe I feel bad because my SO doesn’t have a fancy job. Is that because his not having one really makes me unhappy in our life together, or is it because of my lurking belief that if my SO doesn’t have that then it means I have failed as a Woman In Society? Maybe I hate my job because I’m not good at it, maybe I chose the job because I believed it was important to have a certain type of job.

        What I’m trying to say inarticulately is that maybe it’s worth exploring these feelings for your own happiness improvement, but feeling this way does not mean that there’s anything wrong or weird! Definitely not a stalker. If that’s the definition, I’m stalking half my high school class and everyone who I ever went to college with.

    5. The part about his wife being “a former solider with a missing limb. It was weird.”…. All the details that you tease arched about him.
      It seems bitter and kind of hateful.
      Like others said, it’s most likely for the best because you seem to dislike everything about the man. More effort into finding someone to make you happy and things like this will not affect you at all. I know it’s hard but try not to fixate, stalk or compare. Just do you and focus on what makes you happy :)

      2. I read that as, ‘it was weird to find out like this,’ not as ‘their wedding/relationship is weird.’

    6. Thanks all. Besides being shocked to see the pictures after no contact and not hearing anything for all this time, I was just a little surprised that he got married. When we were together I realized that he wasn’t the marrying kind, at least I thought. I never thought he would meet a long term partner given where his life was, it didn’t seem to fit one and that’s why I ended things. But he did this big elaborate proposal for her which was amazing even without a ring. It was so unlike him to do something like that, again I thought. That’s where my surprise came from. Also he didn’t want to end things and tried to convince me the day I left and that’s why I was surprised he was with someone else only six months later.

      1. On the flipside of that last sentence, maybe he didn’t want to end things with you because he wanted to be in a relationship, so not surprising that he ended up in another serious relationship six months later.

        1. Yeah, when I broke up with my ex (totally my decision) he cried and begged and told me he couldn’t imagine his life without me, etc. and then three months later he was in a serious relationship with someone else. I think sometimes a lot of that begging someone to stay comes from a fear of being alone.

      2. I don’t mean to pile on, but how do you even know any of the details surrounding his engagement if you are not in contact with him? What purpose does it serve you to search the internet and social media sites for more information about someone who you concluded was not for you? I mean this in the best way, but his life and marriage and proposal are really none of your business, so please stop looking up stuff about him – there’s no upside to you and it will only be upsetting. Focus on your friends, family, life, work, home, hobbies, etc. – i.e., things you can control – instead.

    7. I can relate to the “so quickly” feeling. I had a loser ex who was a total manchild, no ambition, financially irresponsible. Yet he found someone willing to marry him (that poor woman) and settled down before I did. There I was being a Responsible Adult and doing all the right things and it wasn’t happening for me, but he just floated through life from one friend’s couch to the next and somehow it just fell in his lap. Even though it wasn’t all that fast, it still felt fast to me because I didn’t even have a BF, nevertheless a partner I was ready to commit to.

      Tbh, I was angry. I deserved married life way more than he did. I had worked hard for it. What did he do to get what I wanted before I did? I know those aren’t nice thoughts and everyone deserves happiness blah blah blah, but there you go. I think you just have to let yourself feel what you feel. His marriage really has nothing to do with you or your path or you finding someone who’s right for you.

  9. Kat – can we get rid of the twinkledeals dot com ad please? I don’t need knickers popping up in my sidebar. Thanks.

  10. These shoes in black to wear with LBD to the symphony and theatre, for a mom in her late 30s who would like to feel as if she has at least some sense of style: yes or too frumpy? The heels are a little lower than I’d like, but it is so rare to find shoes that actually come in my size.

  11. I have a colleague whose style I adore; she always looks put-together, professional and on-trend without seeming fast fashion. I would love for her to teach me her ways, even if it was just “try this type of pant with these shoes.” Would you think it was weird if a (younger) colleague asked you to help her with fashion? We work in the South in a male-dominated business casual environment, if that matters at all.

    1. MRW- I doubt anyone would ever ask me (fashion challenged) but if a younger colleague asked me to coffee and wanted answers to styling questions in my male-dominated industry I’d help…as long as you promised not to become my clone. I’ve seen some younger colleagues copy other’s style *exactly* before and it passes flattery and goes to stalkerish.

    2. If she’s outsourcing her style you may be able to find out who’s helping her (and get his/her help yourself). If she just has a great eye it’s probably too big an ask. I’d try fishing – perhaps complimenting her shoes and then saying how much you admire her style. With luck she’ll reply that she always goes to a particular store/ uses a personal shopper/ etc and you can follow up.

      I’m in tech too, and use a personal stylist since my idea of matching is to wear all the same color. Apparently it works since a female colleague recently commented on my ‘cute jackets’. Hooray for outsourcing!

      1. +1 Instead of asking for instruction (too big of an ask… and kind of weird although flattering), subtly ask about her sources (ie, stores she frequents, blogs she watches, stylists she uses).

        And on your own, make mental notes about what you like about her outfits. Don’t COPY her outfits, but maybe you like that she wears bright accessories over neutral basics, for example.

  12. I promise not to copy – that’s creepy and kind of pointless. I’d really like to learn HOW to shop…for items that don’t scream “I bought this at Forever 21 because I’m poor and trendy.” @Gouda, would you mind sharing how you hired a personal stylist? That sounds amazing and a little over my budget atm. I’m hesitant to try stuff like Stitch Fix because it seems overpriced for what you get and geared toward SAHMs (not that there’s anything wrong with that).

      1. It kind of is. It’s perfect for SAHMs and teachers. I don’t find they send me much that I can wear to work, so for me it’s just weekend clothes and for SAHMs it can be everything.

    2. Try Invent Your Image. She does some consults via Skype and is amazing. You can google the company name

    3. I like the site Putting Me Together. She has great posts geared toward capsule wardrobes and business casual.

  13. Hi everyone! Long time lurker, first time poster. Thoughts on leaving a stable government job for a startup? Website is vague on how many employees exactly, but the job posting (which is on the company website and I found via a college alumni FB group) does mention that the work is remote. As in, the startup is so small/new they don’t have an actual office. The specifics of the position are also not very detailed; the posting essentially said “because we are a startup, the new hire would do whatever was needed, though these would be the main parts.”

    I’m 27, in a government law job. I’m not happy at work and have been kinda/sorta putting my feelers out there. Was thinking another year or two would be a better time to leave, but then I stumbled across this posting today. Obviously if red flags come up if I go ahead and apply, I would not pursue the position. Part of me is very excited at the thought of working for a brand new startup in a field that excites me. The other part of me thinks I would be crazy to leave a very stable position for the great unknown.

    1. I mean, on the two ends of the job security spectrum, you could not find anything more opposite than the kind of position you’re in now. Are you sure that’s what you want? I’m not making a value judgment, but I think it’s a question to consider. There is a middle ground (established private companies where you could work as in-house counsel). I’m also a government employee and this is my thinking. It would be a much too radical, risky move for me. But then this line of thinking is also why I was drawn to the government.

      It doesn’t hurt to apply, potentially interview, and see how you feel. None of those things mean you’re roped in.

    2. What stage of funding is it in? Who (angels, VCs) is backing it? What are the credentials of the executives and the founders? Whats the product, who are the customers, how stable is the industry of their customers? Around here, no office and brand new often means implosion is very soon and then you’re SOL. Of course, occasionally it’s a unicorn and you’re employee #5 at facebook.

    3. I work for a start-up – we have around 30 people now and our financial situation is very stable. More than half our company works remotely, especially software engineers. We are not in Silicon Valley so the best way to get talented engineers and other high quality people in specialized roles is to open it up to allow remote work so we can recruit nationwide. So I would not discount it immediately because it is a remote position.

      Everything that anon in SV said is excellent advice. Also, take a good hard look at yourself and the reality of working at a start-up. If there are fewer than 10 employees, you’ll need to be very comfortable with uncertainty and things feeling like they’re constantly in flux, because they are! If you get a strong sense of identity from your work, it can feel like your identity is in turmoil when you’re working for a tiny company that no one has ever heard of which has a good chance of failure. If you haven’t worked remotely before, there’s a mental / emotional component to that which you’ll need to think through – it can sound appealing to have pretty flexible hours and work in your PJs every day, but your daily human interaction will decrease significantly.

      All that said, it can be really fun and could potentially be a great change! I would suggest that you explore a little further and get a better feel for the company while also doing some soul-searching to make sure you’re at least aware of the upsides and downsides.

    4. I added another comment which is in moderation, but one other thing to consider – they might not be as small as you think if they are bringing on a full-time legal position, unless it is a law / legal start-up.

      1. Thank you everyone for your very helpful and thoughtful replies! I definitely have a lot to think about. I do get a strong sense of identity from work, which lately has been kind of all-consuming. And with the remote work– my dog would be thrilled but I can see myself getting kind of lonely.

        Anon in SV–thank you for those questions, as I hadn’t thought of some of them. How does one find out what funding stage a company is in, and who is backing it? I’ve done what Internet research I can find, but is there another resource I should be using? (I apologize in advance if that’s an absurdly elementary question).

        1. That’s not an elementary question. Ask them.

          Ask then what the cap table looks like, in terms of percentages of ownership (do the founders own 100% of common? who owns the preferred? how many series of preferred have they issued?). Ask them where their funding comes from. You don’t need to know the exact dollar amounts invested (that’s arguably private, fair enough), but I would want to know that Founders own approximately 40%, angels own 52%, employees own 2%, and other investors own 8%, for example. Which means the founders don’t control the company. Or that the company has been through four rounds of preferred shares and they’re all owned by one founder’s dad, which means guess who has the power. Or all owned by Accel or Sequoia, in which case I’d consider accepting because those funds are very, very good at vetting a company (though they are also often wrong, that’s part of the game). Or all owned by a very wealthy man in the middle east, in which case, having worked on the back end of those cases, I would think very very very carefully before accepting that offer.

          Or maybe they have only their own money invested and this company is very very early stage, in which case you need to recognize that most of these companies, almost all of them, will fail. And that they have no adult supervision (or interference) as they try to monetize their idea.

          Have they actually even monetized the idea yet? Have they actually sold product yet?

          Offer to sign an NDA, because the point of you asking is not to broadcast it but to evaluate what they’re offering. If they won’t tell you, ask them why not, but if they won’t tell you, I would absolutely not consider the opportunity at all. Or go in with the complete and full understanding that they may run out of money next week and then you will be totally unemployed.

        2. Also, how comfortable are you being the bad guy, at figuring out alternative solutions, at redirecting energetic, excited, brilliant people (often men) into doing something other than their original plan? In start ups, the lone legal person’s main jobs include 1) anticipating risk and telling their bosses “no, you cannot do that, that is ILLEGAL.” But I want to!!!! It makes sense !!! I want to move fast and break things! “No, that is ILLEGAL and you CANNOT DO THAT. But you can do XYZ which kind of gets you what you want.” and 2) contracts – employment contracts, licensing contracts, supply contracts, preventing HR disasters, and making sure the cap table/stock options/board documents are all appropriately documented. Are you comfortable being that person? Sometimes, your bosses are going to be mad at you because they don’t like what you have to say. Hopefully though, if they are good people, later they will thank you for your astute advice and you will be helping to create something amazing, which is not something lawyers often get to do.

          Of course I only see the problems by the time they get to my desk, but a lot of what I see is the legal person being the canary in the coal mine loudly tweeting “no! no!” as she is ignored and her bosses do the thing anyway, at which point it needs a team of biglaw to fix a year later. In-house at a start up is absolutely not a job for a shrinking violet. It’s the right job for a lawyer with very savvy people skills, redirection skills, analytical skills, and is very smart.

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