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Thursday’s Workwear Report: Japanese Oxford Bib Shirt

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. everlane-oxford-bib-shirtHuh. I have a love/hate relationship with Everlane, in that while I love much of what is there, when I get it home and try it on it turns out it hates me and my curvy body type. Still: I have hope for this collarless bib shirt, made “in Japan from a slow-spun cotton yarn.” I like the half-placket, the wider cuffs, and the blousy-but-crisp feel. The bib shirt is $68 at Everlane, available in white and blue in sizes 00-12. The Japanese Oxford Bib Shirt Here's an option in plus sizes. Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-3)

Sales of note for 12.5

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

274 Comments

  1. Honestly, even without trying it on its pretty obvious to me that this shirt would not look good on a curvy body type.

    1. I have boycotted Everlane. I wrote them several months asking if they will ever stock their blouses in an XL/12-14, and they wrote me back to say that they have the highest demand for women who wear a S-M, and will not be offering a broader spectrum of sizes.

      The representative’s tone turned me off, but YMMV.

      1. +1 – When I actually looked at their size offerings, even the 12-14 measurements seemed on the small size, compared to other mainstream/mall brands.

      2. That makes me not want to shop there. Maybe if they actually stocked a range of sizes, they’d see that there was demand for XL.

        1. I understand that they are a small company, and that they may want to minimize production costs, but there are other companies that see the demand for larger sizes, i.e. MM LaFleur.

      4. I don’t understand Everlane. It’s like every single thing they make has something odd about it. When they first started I ordered a few silk blouses. Work appropriate, nice colors, good price. Only the sleeves were so tight, even when I sized up enough for the shoulder seam to travel down my arm I still couldn’t wear them comfortably. Most items are very boxy, and also on the short side. I think they’ve only had one dress offering that wasn’t well above knee. Lots of high crew necks and shirts without collars, lots of rectangular shapes. I had high hopes things would change when I read that Rebecca Bay would be joining them. I feel like I should be buying from them given their philosophy. I guess if I don’t find a thing to get excited about in over 3 years, I should admit they’re not for me.

    2. Yeah, slim curvy here and I can tell this is no bueno. I don’t even think it looks flattering on the model.

    3. Their shirts are also cut so long (like 28″ when I wear ~22-23″). It’s sad because I love natural fibers at not horrifically expensive prices.

    4. Agreed, the shape looks so weird, like almost an A-Line shape – the chest area looks smaller than the waist, so bizarre!

    5. What’s hard about online only is that you don’t know how it’s going to fit. I frankly have the Everlane ponte dress in L and I love it and wear the heck out of it (I’m currently a 12p – talbots 16p depending on brand) so they may just need to adjust their sizes online.

      I haven’t tried their silks and other items for this reason, however.

  2. Am I the only one who can’t wear this style successfully? I always want to try it, but can never get the neckline to “work.” Unlike a collared shirt, there’s no weight at the top to hold the collar slightly apart, so depending on the shirt material, either (1) both halves stay glued to my collarbone regardless of how high I button it and I look like Dr. Evil, or (2) the “top” half of the shirt flaps around annoyingly while the “bottom” half stays irritatingly upright.

    2. This looks like the kind of thing I wore when I was at the “not ready to disclose my pregnancy but showing enough that I need to conceal it” stage. Not super attractive, but presentable and did the job. I had not heard of Everlane before this but a quick perusal of the website turned me off. Seeing the comments now, I am very turned off!

  3. Can anyone recommend a particular bathroom scale? Preferably available on Amazon Prime. There are about a million, with similar reviews and price points. Should I just randomly select? TIA

    1. I have the Weight Watchers Conair Digital Glass Scale (the one that’s $18.99) and have been really happy with it for 5+ years. Only replaced the battery once.

    3. I love my fitbit aria scale and the fact that it syncs to MyFitnessPal for weight and calories eaten/expended.

  4. Has anyone tried the brand Emerson Rose? I was perusing Nordstrom’s work section and saw some really pretty dresses, but I’m not familiar with the brand at all. Would love to hear about fit, quality.

  5. I am Caucasian (Irish) but one of my great grandparents was African. My hair is blonde but it’s has the texture of a black person’s hair. I have had trouble with my hair being seen as unprofessional in the past. I know it’s not the same as the political and social issues thar black people (especially women) face with their hair and I’m not trying to compare, but it still sucks for me. Does anyone have any tips or advice as to how I can deal with this? I hate relaxing my hair and find wigs way too hot. I would prefer to just keep it natural but I don’t know what to say when it comes up in the workplace.

    1. Read about curly hair–like the book by Devachan. Off the top of my head, try an intensive moisturizing treatment, followed by some hair oil.

    2. Have you tried Curl Formers? They are no heat and you can sleep with them in. Mine are still on order but you can apparently use them to style looser or tighter curls. You might also try (if you haven’t already), hair products specifically for your hair texture.

    4. Find someone who knows what to do with curly hair. If you hear “I don’t know how this won’t end up as a triangle,” get out of the chair and run.

      I find coconut oil (the kind you can get a grocery store) to be really helpful for defining curls and taking some of the frizz out. I have tried so many products and coconut oil gives me reliably the best look.

      And this is all for you to feel good and confident. Curly or natural hair is not unprofessional. Who is bringing this up in the workplace? You have no need to justify your hair to them.

      1. I am white with hair that is naturally curly and very frizzy. There’s just nothing attractive about it. Many stylists assured me they could make me love my curly hair and none of them ever did anything good with it. They goop it up with product to the point that it feels like packing material. Coconut oil, silicon products, gels, yada yada yada — all of that works I suppose for slightly frizzy hair, but supercurly/frizzy hair will defeat that stuff every time. I started getting Japanese thermal straightening about 15 years ago and haven’t seen my natural hair since. With straightening, I can have a nice straight layered bob that looks professional and classy. But it feels right to me, so if it wouldn’t feel right to you then of course this post is pretty useless. :)

        1. Also I’ll just add that with the Japanese thermal process, my hair stays in great condition. It looks MUCH healthier than in its natural condition. Some hair just isn’t pretty in its natural condition — mine sure isn’t.

    5. If you prefer to wear it natural, wear it natural! Stop caring about what other people think about your hair. It’s YOUR hair.

      1. Agreed. And I’m not sure what sort of comments you’re getting in the workplace but assuming that it’s some sort of inappropriate question, just say something along the lines of, “Yep, this is my natural hair.”

      2. So much this. Assuming it’s clean, I think it’s professional. Wear it how you want to wear it. Texture shouldn’t make a difference. They’re the problem not you.

    6. There’s plenty of natural hair styles that are professional for your type of hair. And if anyone comments on it, you can tell them that it’s your natural texture. If you really want to put them in their place you can tell them about your ancestry so then they feel like a bigot.

    7. I think trends are changing (thank g0d…) and natural hair is more and more common. You are probably more worried about it than those around you.

      Team – no more relaxers.

    8. Irish with very curly hair as well. I spent years and years when I was younger trying to get it to straighten, partly because I bought into the “curly is unprofessional” line of crap, and caused some serious damage. After a lecture from a stylist at Devachan, I quit trying entirely. It takes awhile for the damage to grow out, but once it does, your hair will be softer. I haven’t touched mine with a straightener in 7 years and I’ll never use one again.

      My biggest tips for care are: 1) get it cut by someone who specializes in curly hair 2) deep condition and 3) wash it as little as possible (I wash mine once a week). What specific products you use will just be a process of trial and error (I like Devachan and Jessicurl), but those are the basics.

      My biggest tip for what to say if it comes up at work is: go f*ck yourself. Or some more polite version thereof.

        1. I left NYC years ago but Keith used to cut my hair. No idea if he still works there.

    10. I was at dinner where hair was the topic of discussion. A man whose parents were white and African said that he goes to salons that cater to Hispanics or Latinos.

      1. I’ve heard that barbers who cater to african-americans are good at everything because there is so much diversity in hair texture for people we have decided are black. I’m not sure if it’s the same for hair stylists for women, but it would make sense.

    11. I’m also white with crazy curly hair. It looked awful for many years of my life because my haircutters were giving me a cut that was for straight hair, a cut that looked great when my hair was straightened, which they thought I should do. I now have a haircutter who herself has curly hair and she cuts my hair for curls and it looks SO MUCH BETTER. I still have my bad days (and I keep hair oil this spray stuff) at the office for when I need it, and luckily I live in a not too humid climate, because humidity makes it way frizzier, but I feel like wearing my hair curly (although its above shoulder length, colored, and I have to go back every 6-8 weeks) is my small act of rebellion/fight the power on behalf of all other curly hairs, even those who straighten. I do not believe that the only professional hair is straight hair. I am bad at outfits so I have a shopper help me with buying clothes and looking appropriate, and I think my whole look, curly hair and all, is average to above average for my profession, which is good enough for me! Good luck. Find a good haircutter — I ended up asking people with hair similar to mine but theirs looked better, which is how I found my current haircutter.

  6. Hi all, I am returning to work from maternity leave in less than two weeks and am frantically trying to build a work wardrobe. I currently fit into maybe two work dresses. I have less than ten pounds to lose but those pounds are definitely preventing me from fitting into my old clothing. I think my best bet is to build a “capsule wardrobe” with some reasonably priced basics. I wear suiting probably twice a week and am hoping I will be able to find some basic dresses to wear under blazers and jackets I already own. Does anyone have any advice on some not super pricey basics or other things I should consider? On a related note, I was thinking about Le Tote but looking at their website suggests to me the clothing might be a bit casual..anyone have personal experience?

    And if anyone out there has advice on getting a baby to nap for longer than thirty minutes at a time, I would love to hear it all!!!

    TIA!

    2. Longer naps – black out blinds + white noise machine.

      Does baby fall asleep in a carrier (ergo/baby bjorn etc)? i found the classic baby bjorn – while not ideal for long carries – was the easier one to transfer baby out of because the whole thing unclips, so I’d just unclip the whole back piece and lower baby into the crib/bassinette.

      Lots of great ideas for dresses on the moms site – try the washable wednesday posts so you don’t have to worry about dragging stuff to the drycleaners everytime baby spits up before you get to work.

    3. Check out The Limited’s work options. I personally found some Land’s End dresses to be great, conservative, relatively forgiving and flattering (and machine washable!), but now (1 year later) I’m finding them a little frumpy. I know some people are boycotting them, but they were what I needed in the moment.

      1. That’s what I was going to say too. I have a few Limited pieces for when my normal sizes aren’t fitting for whatever reason.

    4. I am not usually a JC Penney shopper, but my twin tummy loves the Liz Claiborne wrap dresses — they have a little pleating at the waist that is actually flattering, unlike most waist details. The material is polyester, which is not my favorite, but it won’t wrinkle at all, which is another plus when you are dealing with kids who won’t sleep and don’t care to iron.
      Here’s one — they come in longer sleeves and patterns — no solid black that I’ve found: http://www.jcpenney.com/liz-claiborne-cap-sleeve-wrap-dress/prod.jump?ppId=pp5007750153&rrec=true&rrplacementtype=product2_rr

      Likewise, Macy’s has Ralph Lauren dresses in their Everyday Value price that are good for wearing under blazers and a bit forgiving if you size up. Here’s an example, but there are others:
      http://www1.macys.com/shop/product/lauren-ralph-lauren-printed-faux-wrap-dress?ID=2639867&CategoryID=5449&LinkType=&selectedSize=#fn=BRAND%3DLauren Ralph Lauren%26sp%3D4%26spc%3D412%26ruleId%3D65|BS|BA%26slotId%3D208

    5. Honestly, I’d just run over to target and get a few A-line dresses or a couple stretchy dark skirts that are forgiving or possibly even suiting (which someone on this site actually suggested yesterday!) and call it a day.

      1. That was my recommendation too. Especially if you think this may be a temporary size, Target is going to be your friend.

      2. +1 this! If you have no idea what size you might be in a few months – get some dark stretchy pencil skirts, a couple tops, and forgiving wrap/ faux-wrap dresses. If you will be pumping at work, that may be another consideration, too.

      3. OK, I find that Target is often more expensive than Loft or Macy’s when the coupons come into play!

    6. When I was in this situation last year, I bought 2 JCrew No. 2 skirts (black, navy) in the correct size – for me it was one size up from pre-pregnancy – and wore the heck out of them until the last 10 pounds came off a few months later. Not the cheapest option, but I felt much more like myself than in most of the less expensive clothing I bought to supplement, and it took some of the pressure off to fit into the “regular” clothing asap.

      Tops were much harder because I was pumping and sizing was so different than I was used to. But drapey styles were my friend (and felt way more professional with the well fitted pencil skirt). Congrats, and good luck!

      1. That’s a brilliant idea in that you might also be able to tailor it back to your smaller size later (easier than a dress or pants)

    7. Was in this boat very recently and made an appointment at Nordstrom with a personal shopper. I got a lot of nice jacket and dress combos that are working for now. Plus, I just really needed a few basics bc I stopped buying clothes last fall while pregnant. Was very pleased with the experience and I thought they respected my budget. Good luck!

    8. How about Talbots or LandsEnd ponte dresses? Some are almost always on sale and are forgiving. Many look good under jackets.

    10. Re: short naps – it took us far too long to realize when our son was about 3-6 months old that he would wake up and fuss after sleeping about 40 minutes, and then would go back to sleep on his own ONLY if we left him completely alone. He was not really fully awake at that 40 minute mark, and he needed to sleep longer, but if we picked him up and tried to soothe him (or nurse him back to sleep), it just woke him up fully. That said, there are children who always take short naps. Hopefully yours is not one!

    11. Le Tote IS too casual, IMO, for a work wardrobe. I subscribe but only use it for the accessories and weekend stuff.

  7. So I got the letter from Verizon saying that if I didn’t buy a new modem from them they were going to charge me a $2.80 monthly fee for maintaining my old modem. I argued that this wasn’t in my contract, and they countered by saying that the contract is only service and doesn’t cover hardware requirements.

    I am so mad, I feel I am being taking advantage of by cable company. Thoughts?

    2. How old is your modem? Maybe it’s time to upgrade – though I’d shop around and see if I could get the recommended modem from someone other than Verizon.

      I’ve used modems that were not on the recommended list (older, got for free from brother) for Centurylink/Qwest and Comcast, and didn’t get an extra charge – just a warning that my connection speeds wouldn’t be as advertised because of modem (Comcast) or had to take extra steps with tech support to prove the connection issue was with the service and not the modem (Qwest). And there was the time I had to get a new model because I moved from DSL service to (faster and cheaper) VDSL2 service (Qwest).

    3. AT&T is doing essentially the same thing.

      My dad had a problem with his modem one day, called AT&T. They immediately said… “we have a tech in the area…. be right over!” What service – shocked me! Well, they immediately flipped out the old modem for a new one. And then said… “there will be a $7 per month charge ongoing for the modem to cover service and replacement”.

      It reminds me of when AT&T was found to be charging some seniors who had “rented” their telephones from them starting in the 40’s and 50’s and over the years had paid thousands and thousands of dollars for a phone that costs like $10 now.

      AT&T is having to cut their cell phone plan prices to be competitive, and people are dropping land lines, so they are coming up with schemes to simply make more money. Forcing you to rent your modem is one of them.

      My internet service used to cost $14.99/month for fast enough speed, and now I have only slightly higher speed and pay almost $55/month just for internet. Just crazy to me. Comcast is truly evil, and is the only other option in my area.

      Agree you should shop around, check online discussion groups like city-data to see what people are using in your city.

      The US develops the internet and we have the worst speeds and cost of any industrialized country. Why we don’t complain more about this …. I don’t know.

      1. AT&T pulled the same modem bait and switch on me. Their modem broke and they came out to replace it, and then immediately with no warning started charging me $10/month for it. I called and they said that it was a mistake that they weren’t charging me for it from the beginning. Total BS.

        OP, you can buy your own modem, and you can buy one that’s faster than the one they charge you a monthly fee for. Or you can threaten to switch providers and see if they’ll take the fee off.

          1. So, yes, but, my SO is the one who bought and hooked up the modem. I don’t know which one he bought, sorry. He told me but I don’t remember/wasn’t listening. (I’m a reasonably adept user of technology but I don’t code. He does and when he gets technical I stop listening).

          2. I have an Arris Surfboard and have been happy with it. After moving and calculating the extra $10/month Comcast was going to charge us for renting one, it’s worth it.

          3. Thanks Aunt J. It looks like the Arris doesn’t work with Uverse. But you guys have inspired me to keep looking…

    4. Time Warner did it to us too. We bought a modem that met their requirements on Amazon. I think they tried to sell us one directly but that just wasn’t going to happen. I think we got the exact same one they were selling for much cheaper. It’s such a ripoff.

    5. Threaten to quit and they’ll probably waive the charge or give you a discount off something else. I do that yearly with Comcast and it’s kept my cable bill relatively flat over the last 5 years, while most of my friends’ bills have close to doubled.

      1. That doesn’t work for me because Comcast knows that they are the only one that provides service to my address. I actually had customer support person laugh on the phone and say, “what, you are just going to go without internet then? I don’t believe that.” If I was thinking on my feet I would have said yes, I can rely on my mobile data plan – but that would of course be more expensive and they know that too.

        1. They’re the only ones in our area too. But we have cable and internet and I can usually get them to reduce the price by saying we’ll cut at least the cable. That’s totally believable with Hulu, Netflix, etc. (although my husband would never let me actually drop the cable, but I don’t have to tell them that).

    6. I got this same letter. I need to call them – I’m not under the impression I own the modem I’m using now, and want to clarify that I’ll OWN this one if I buy it. And not have to pay a monthly fee or give it back. I also need to replace my DVR – it died and took all my saved programs with it.

    7. Just go out and buy your own moden for like $50 and tell them to PFO. In the long run it is cheaper to own your own anyways. Google it on Wirecutter. Great place to start.

    9. Buy your own modem. It will pay for itself in a few months. Check CNET for recommendations.

    10. Comcast did they to us and we switched companies. They kept our service price the same but increased our other fees by $30 a month.

  8. Trying out a “capsule wardrobe” of only outfits I know work well and I love. But how do I not get bored? I’m already feeling it after a couple of weeks….

    1. I hear you. I started getting a little bored myself.

      What I have done was focused a bit on shoes, and have a few more pairs of fun shoes in great but work acceptable colors. Also adding a few more accessories. I tend to forget I have jewelry, so I’m trying to use it a little more.

      But after awhile, you just get used to it.

    2. I’m following for advice on this one, too. I do like the idea that someone had to make sure you have an extra outfit beyond the week, so you aren’t always wearing the same dress on Monday. I think I am going to try this out, and start with 11 outifts. That way I would have a week off to get anything cleaned and can start a rotation of outfits.

      I am really struggling with my non-work wardrobe. I usually only need clothes for 2 days, but at the same time, for vacations, I would need more clothes. I know right now I have WAY too many clothes, but I just can’t seem to slim down my non-work wardrobe effectively. What does everyone else do?

      1. Awhile back a friend recommended the “10 things” system, which I have used and liked. The idea is that you should only ever have/need 10 items in a given category of clothing. The problem is that you can come up with endless categories to justify owning a lot of clothes, but I still found it helpful as a way to reduce my wardrobe. I divided my clothes into work and casual, and within casual my categories are skirts, pants, tank tops, short sleeved tops, long sleeved tops, and sweaters. I didn’t get every category down to 10 or fewer, but for some I had so few (I have 3 pairs of pants) that I felt like it was OK if I had 13 tank tops.

        I still find that I own way more casual clothes than I need, but I definitely got it winnowed down to the things I really _like_ by doing this. The trick after you purge is to try to stick to a 1 in 1 out rule, which I have been less successful at.

      2. On wearing the same outfit every / every other Monday – I actually just created a list of all my work outfits and check them off as I cycle through

      3. I feel like I’m in the same boat. I live in an area with 4 seasons and work in environments anywhere from boots and jeans on a construction site, to meeting with clients, to sales presentations, and the corporate office. Not mentioning my personal clothes, which is anywhere from leggings up to formal wedding attire. I feel like I’m drowning in clothes but I actually wear almost all of them relatively frequently. Am I missing some secret?

    3. I’ve just accepted that I’m not a capsule wardrobe person. I have a small, manageable wardrobe, and for the most part my clothes play well together so it’s easy for me to get dressed in the mornings…but I need to be able to shake things up every once in awhile. I try to have my one-off fun pieces be dresses so that they don’t have to go with anything else in my closet.

      1. +1. I always thought that whereever you end up on the spectrum of giant closet to absolute capsule wardrobe needs to correspond with whether you love fashion or getting dressed is a hassle to you. If you get bored with fewer choices (instead of being grateful for not having to choose), that trend might not be yours.

        1. damn, I fall right in the middle. I love being able to just throw on and outfit and go in the morning without spending time thinking / trying different looks. It’s seriously streamlined my morning routine.

    4. I tried the capsule wardrobe for a bit, and got so bored with my clothes I subsequently spent about $1000 over the next season (no suits or formal clothes!). Then I figured out that Marie Kondo’s “see everything” strategy doesn’t work for me, and started doing a seasonal capsule wardrobe, so that every three months it’s like I get new clothes! Except that they were just in a box under the bed, and not from a store.

      I’ve also accepted that while the majority of my wardrobe will be black/navy/white/light blue, every season I’m going to want at least two pieces in a trendy color (this year it’s maroon) and if I don’t want to wear those two pieces next year, that’s ok. (Going with a silk tee and a Betabrand work trousers.)

      And lastly, I’ve allowed myself to increase the number of pieces in the wardrobe. 33 doesn’t work for me, unless it’s JUST work clothes, not shoes, bags, and accessories.

      1. I love changing over my clothes every season. It’s a bit of extra work, but it streamlines what’s in my closet at any given time and I love feeling like I have “new” clothes without going shopping.

  9. Someone asked a question about plant websites the other day – she was looking for a site she found previously with really cool arrangements. I was really interested in the response and kept looking back — any luck finding it?

  10. Does anyone have the Fab Fit Fun Box? It looks like it would be awesome but I’m just wondering if there are any actual recommendations?

    I miss having subscription boxes – Birchbox stopped delivering to Canada and I’ve tried Ipsy before but was not impressed.

    1. I had it for one shipment only and was turned off by the fact that all their “full-size” products were no-name, seemed to be of drugstore-quality, and very strongly scented. The accessories were all very tween-appropriate.

    2. I’ve gotten a couple boxes, and I’m going to cancel. I just haven’t been impressed with what’s in it. Everything seems cheap.

    3. Thanks! That was my suspicion but I just used to love getting a monthly present in the mail. I’ll have to find something else I guess.

  11. I love the idea behind Everlane, but all of their designs are so boxy and formless. I really don’t get it! I’m still planning on ordering their loafers, though.

    1. I believe the formlessness is a trend. For the youngs. (says this curmudgeon early-30s ‘millennial’ whose shape Does Not Work with boxy)

      1. It’s something that seems to come in and out of style, and that I will never like or understand, ever.

    1. Things they do: make your home smell nice (or terrible, depending on how you feel about fragrance in general)

      Things they don’t do: cure illnesses

      1. Other things they do: annoy the hell out of all the friends you try to sell them to after you join a pyramid scheme.

        1. +1. Except it’s my SIL who sells oils…she also sells jewelry and cleaning products from two other MLM companies. Next it’ll be fitness programs. Sigh.

        2. Haha, too true.

          And to piggyback off that –

          Other things they don’t do: provide “financial freedom” for your family

        3. Agree, to all of this. They also make me question your intelligence a little bit.

        4. lol…not selling them. just general effectiveness.

          My lack of focus appears to defy medication. I’m just beside myself/really disgusted with myself.

          MAYBE SOME OILS WILL ASSIST WITH THIS HOT MESS I’VE GOT GOING ON.

          1. I’m a skeptic about essentials oils. I haven’t seen any evidence that peppermint oil is more effective than a decades long researched and heavily invested in pharmaceutical drug specifically made to address an issue.

            But I do believe in the healing power of eating raw fruits and vegetables and eliminating all non-whole foods from a diet. Soooo, I guess what I’m saying is… I’m a hypocrite.

          2. “My lack of focus appears to defy medication. I’m just beside myself/really disgusted with myself.”

            I know tone is difficult to decipher over the internet so please believe that I really do mean this in a nice way: does it defy cognitive behavioral therapy?

            Re; anon at 11:06. It totally stands to reason that eating food that is actually good for your body (including sufficient protein) helps with focus!

          3. Based on personal experience the scents can have an impact on your mood and this may help you focus. I definitely feel relaxed washing with spearmint eucyotus body wash for example whereas citrus makes me feel more wide awake. and I definitely find it soothing/relaxing to inhale lavendar. I’m sure a good part if it is placebo effect and that it’s part of a ritual but hey it works for me.

          4. Give it a try! They’re like $7 at Whole Foods. And the placebo effect is very very real so they might work even if they don’t work.

    3. I have an intelligent, science-believing friend who says they’ve helped a lot with her insomnia, but obviously anyone who says they cure cancer is a crackpot.

    4. I think they help alter mood and relax/energize/etc. but definitely don’t cure cancer. I have a peppermint oil based headache reliever – does it work because it relaxes me and therefore my neck muscles, reducing my tension headache? Probably. But it does relax me enough to reduce a headache and that means it “works”.

  13. I ordered a friend who is a new mom a baby gift through her Amazon registry. I live on the other side of the country. I got a notice that delivery was attempted and failed because her mailbox was full (why they couldn’t just leave it on her front porch I have no idea – it was $20 worth of baby stuff, not a new computer and it’s not like a mailbox has a padlock on it). But anyway Amazon emailed me that if it isn’t picked up within a few business days it’s going to be returned and then I’ll presumably be out the shipping fee. I don’t want to harass a friend with an infant into going to the post office but I also really don’t want to throw $10 down the drain. Does anyone have any ideas about what I could do? I tried calling the post office but they said I can’t do anything without the slip that was left on her front porch.

    1. Usually they leave a slip on the door saying they will bring it back for the next three days and if you sign they will leave it there. They keep it at the post office if you miss the three days or if you don’t sign it. If that is the case, she just needs to fill out the slip and tape it back to her door, no need to run to the post office- unless she missed the window.

    2. You might try an amazon chat to see if a rep could see about re-delivering, given the situation.

  14. Do you take 2 week vacations? I get 5 weeks paid vacation annually, plus about a dozen paid holidays. I’ve been feeling quite burned out and would love to take a 2 week vacation; I’ve read that is most restorative, but I also worry I “can’t” take that much time off. I would love to take a vacation and just do nothing but relax!

    My vacation time thus far in 2016:
    1) 3 days off the week before Memorial Day for my college reunion
    2) 3 days off around my birthday in July because these vacation days (from last year) were expiring Aug. 31
    3) 3 days off last week plus Labor Day (paid holiday) for an out of state family wedding

    So that’s 9 days total, out of the 25 paid vacation days I get yearly (except 3 of those days were actually from 2015, so I’ve used 6 of my 2016 days).

    Yet I’m worried about taking 10 days straight, which would put me at 19 days. Am I the only one who feels this way?? How do you disconnect, and for how long?

    For context, I work at a nonprofit law firm, with a low salary, and I work another part time gig 10-15 hours a week to pay the bills.

    1. two-week vacations are such a luxury. If you can make it work, you will not regret it. I try to take 2 weeks every other year — I think it would be tough for me to do every year.

      One thing that strikes me, though, is that if you’re really only taking long weekends, you might feel a big difference by taking 1 week off, or something like 7 work days where you could unplug from Wednesday through the following weekend. When you take a long vacation, you also may want to plan to have a day at home before you go back to work, so you have a gradual transition back.

      If you don’t take the days, will you lose them?

      1. Yes, the days expire the following Aug. 31. Its true I’ve taken long weekends, so a week off may be good. I take the week between Christmas Eve and NYE off, but that’s always super busy with travel and family. I like your idea to have a Wed. and the following week off, with a day at home to recuperate.

    2. Maybe I’m missing something, but if you’re really concerned about taking 2 weeks start with actually taking one week vacations?

      1. I’ve read 2 weeks are supposedly the magical restorative time to combat burn out.

        1. Ok, sure, but if you’re worried ease into it. Why not take the full week of Labor Day instead of 3 days here and there?

        2. I’ve heard the opposite – that the biggest mental health benefits of vacation come on the first or maybe second day and everything after that is diminishing returns. I agree that a long weekend doesn’t always feel very restorative, but one week is plenty to really get into a relaxed state, and you don’t have as big a mountain of stuff to deal with when you come back. And then you get twice as many vacations as you would if you always took two-week vacations. Four one-week vacations in a year would be way more restorative for me than two two-week vacations.

    3. Why are you worried about taking 10 days off? It seems like they encourage it at your place of work.

      1. I get anxiety just thinking about all the work I’d have when I come back.

        I also worry it’ll be seen as a lack of dedication. People often take long weekends at my office. The more senior staff (people who’ve been here 10, 20, even 30+ years) will take a couple weeks off, but they have SO much vacation time banked. I’ve been here a year and a half.

        1. A colleague described vacations as parting the Red Sea — all the work gets pushed to before vacation or after. That’s helped me visualize it. It also motivates me to power through and get as much as I possibly can get done before a vacation to lighten the load on post-vacation me.

        2. Just take it all off. You’ll be fine work-wise. In some places you’re not expected to have a life and they pay you accordingly, but you work at a non-profit and it is not financially rewarding. Probably nothing on your plate is very critical – no one will lose millions of dollars or die if you take a vacation. You said that people often take a couple weeks off – follow their lead! Not what other entry-level people are doing.

          1. Okay, I agree that you should take vacation, but as a former non-profit and former Biglaw and current govt attorney, I just have to say that the stakes are way, way higher in both my public and non-profit sector jobs than they ever were in my Biglaw job.

          2. Maybe someone will die. You don’t know. Legal aid lawyers handle pretty serious stuff.

          3. “Probably nothing on your plate is very critical – no one will lose millions of dollars or die if you take a vacation.”
            Take the vacation. I agree. But this is horrible. As Trish said- legal aid lawyers handle super serious stuff. Maybe our clients won’t “lose millions of dollars,” but quite frankly, I care more about the client who loses their house due to an unfair eviction, who can’t get a DV protection order and gets hurt or killed, or who can’t get medical care than some rich dude losing some money. This is disgusting. Maybe you should leave your glass walled high rise office and actually see what legal aid and nonprofit attorneys do instead of making offensive, privileged comments on the Internet. Ugh.

    4. Agree, maybe just a take a week (5 work days, plus the 2 weekends) and see how you feel about that? What are you planning on doing? 2 weeks can feel like a long time, especially if you aren’t used to it.

    5. Of course, I do! But I’m in Asia where this is the norm. From what I read here, the US based ladies struggle with this.

      1. Agreed. Very normal for people in my office (including partners) to take a 3-4 week chunk of leave at a time, and strongly encouraged as it becomes very clear from performance when someone hasn’t had a decent break in a year or two. Leave is generally planned 6-12 months in advance in known quieter times.

      2. What magical Asian country are you in, and should I move there? I am in Japan, where taking even a one-week vacation is pushing it.

    6. I was once told by a manager: your vacation days are part of your compensation, so why would you NOT take them? If your manager has no issue, just go for it. It’s part of your pay package!

      1. +1

        You get paid to work 5 days a week, minus holidays and vacation days. Anything more than that is working for free. I do not work for free.

        (Unless you have billable hours requirements. That’s a different pay structure.)

        1. Yaas WE DO NO NOT WORK FOR FREE!

          Do it. But if you do, do it for real. Unplug, don’t check your work email or offer to be responsive over text in an “emergency.” Own it and enjoy. When I take 1-2 weeks off (maybe every 12-18 months) I like to travel. If that’s what you’re contemplating I would just caution against planning something so intense that you need a vacation from your vacation. But nothing some careful booking and using a day of vacation for a day at home before going back into the office cant fix.

    7. Just get over it and take your vacation as much as you can handle. A lot of the women here with young family members would love to have your “dilemma”.

      1. We don’t know that OP doesn’t have “young family members” (you mean kids, right?). Nor do we know what her other personal obligations might be.

    8. 1. Take 100% of your vacation time. That’s a different issue than taking a 2-week vacation but definitely don’t waste your vacation days. You’re working for free then.

      2. Yes, I take 2-week vacations, but not every year. I worked in Big Law (with 15 days/year vacation time) for about four years and took two 2-week vacations in that time, one of which was my honeymoon. I got a lot of grief for the other one, even though it was taken in a year in which I billed 2300 hours. It’s one of the reasons I’m no longer in Big Law. Now I have 25 days/year but I don’t plan to take two consecutive weeks off for quite a while – I want to build up a good reputation first and two-week vacations don’t seem common here, although I’m sure I wouldn’t get as much explicit criticism for doing so as I did in Big Law.

      I’m a travel addict and there are really only a handful of places that can’t be seen in one week off work (which is 9 days including weekends and can easily be 10 or 11 if you bump it up against a holiday weekend). The only place I can think of that *literally* cannot be visited in one week is Antarctica, though if I were going to Australia or Africa I’d probably try to take two weeks. I regularly go to Europe or Asia (from the Midwestern US) for just one week. Even with travel, you have a solid seven days in the destination, which is enough to explore two or three different cities or regions in reasonable depth.

      1. Sadly, I don’t have enough vacation days to make two week vacations work annually. However, I took a two-week vacation for our honeymoon, and it was AMAZING.

    9. H3LLS YES I TAKE TWO WEEK VACATIONS. It’s best to give at least one month’s notice in my opinion. Lately, I’ve been doing multiple one week vacations because MORE PLACES TO GO. Do it bro, make me proud.

    10. I do! Just did it last month actually. August is traditionally a slow period in my line of work, so it worked out fine.

      I got 3 weeks of vacation this year and will get 4 weeks going forward. I absolutely use all my days, mostly in chunks and not just long weekends. I think next year will be 3 1-week vacations and a few long weekends.

      Take your time! Especially if you lose it!

    11. I’m in BigLaw and try to take a two week vacation in the summer – it’s worked two years running! I block out the time a year in advance. I usually try to be gone for about 12 days, then home for a long weekend on the back end to transition back to real life. I check email and will bill on vacation as needed, but I find that a small price to pay for the ability to be out of the office for two weeks.

    12. I typically only take 1 week vacations, but that’s because my job is usually time sensitive and unpredictable. It’s too stressful worrying about things that aren’t getting done while I’m away, and the pile of work that I’ll return to.

    13. I took my first 2 week vacation this year and it was splendid. My 2 kids (Toddler and 1st grade) had time to get used to a new place so we could really settle in. It’s cost effective in a way because the flight is a baseline expense regardless of how long you stay. i am a physician and bill fee for service so I don’t get paid if I’m not working. Still worth it.

  15. For those of you who wear a FitBit or other tracker– do you regularly get 10k steps without trying, or do you have to go on a walk/ to the gym etc. to clock that many?

    I just started wearing one and was surprised to see that I get way fewer than 10k in my normal routine. Days that I work from home I get like 2k! Days in the office I get like 6k, owing to my walk to/from the parking garage and an afternoon walk to the coffee shop. I have yet to hit 10k despite what I think of as a pretty active day (I have a toddler at home so my evenings are spent chasing her around).

    Of course, this is the point of the FitBit– to be more aware of my sedentary lifestyle/ periods and remedy it. But I’m just curious– is 10k just part of your day now (and how?) or do you make special efforts? I want to hit that number but can’t imagine fitting twice as many steps into my day.

    1. I definitely have to work to get to 10,000. Longer dog walks, etc. Office job, so days when I’m chained to my desk, I’m lucky to get 3000. Days with lots of meetings are more like 6000. I tskr evening walks to get to 10,000.

    2. I almost never hit 10k without a special effort. I hit the same number of steps as you at work, about 6k, owing to walking around the large campus. But even those walks are intentional. When I worked elsewhere I would usually only get 2-4k a day! To round off to 10k I have to do a 30 or so minute walk in the evenings. But I read that is actually how the 10k number was originally settled upon: most people have to do 30 minutes of activity to get to that.

    3. I stopped wearing my fitbit because I was allergic to it, but on average over a week I probably hit 8K. Often, though, it would be ~5-6K during the week and then 12-14K on the weekend. I live in Manhattan, am at the office ~60 hours a week, and walk to public transit for my commute.

      If you focus more on weekly numbers, you can put in an hour-long walk or jog on the weekend and bring your average up.

    4. It’s funny, I was just thinking about this the other day. My phone tracks my steps (and I don’t carry it with me to every single place), but the only times I’ve gotten to 10,000 steps is when I’m on vacation and doing active things like hiking or walking all over a city. On a normal day (desk job, car commute), it is pretty much impossible, even if I take a decent walk in the evenings. That said, I really do want to make more of an effort, maybe make 7k my daily goal.

    5. I honestly have to work to hit 5K, and 10K has only happened a few times. It’s crazy. On a normal work day I get about 3K. If I take a 20 minute walk I can get over 5K. I’m glad I wear it even though I seldom meet the goal, because it’s a reminder to keep moving whenever I can.

    6. Like you said, the point is that most people don’t naturally hit 10k steps/day. Maybe some of the NYC ladies here who commute via subway get that many. But for those of us with cars who park ~1 block of work, nah. I’ll hit 10k on weekends without trying – walking around the mall, bar hopping, dancing, and even just doing housework (I have a lot of stairs, so housework = multiple trips up and down to clean up the mess that accumulates in our living spaces).

      I get up in the morning and work out, but my Alta (no heart rate monitor) doesn’t really track lifting. On days I run ~5k, I hit my 10k steps by lunchtime so I feel super accomplished.

        1. Same, I can hit 10k by lunch if I run in the morning. If I don’t run, on a normal workday where I’m not running around a lot, I seem to be at 5-6k without making a special effort.

      2. I’m in NYC and commute via the subway and have to try to hit 5000 steps a day. I guess my office and apartment are too close to the stations.

        Like the poster above, I get the most steps on vacation. I hit 10,000 steps for the first time since I got my Fitbit about a year ago last weekend while I was on vacation.

    7. I hit 10k easily every day unless I’m home sick. I usually get upwards of 20k, especially on days I run. If I don’t work out it’s about 11-12k

      1. Do you walk to work? Wondering how you get 10k in a normal day when you don’t run.

        1. I don’t walk to work, but I do have a bit of a walk from my car to my desk once I get to work. About 1,000 steps each way. I also have to take my dog out 3x/day, which is about 1k steps each on the low end. I also just like to get up and walk around a lot at work.

        2. I do not wear a FitBit, but about five years ago I participated in a workplace pedometer challenge. I was working two jobs at the time, both very “on your feet”, and I routinely hit 10k before 3:00 pm. Once I clocked 11K before 10:00 am. Oh, retail.

          Nowadays my job is more desk-based, but I work in a very large building and spend a decent amount of time walking to meetings, picking up guests, etc. I’d say I hit 10k once or twice a week, not counting workouts.

    8. I have to make an effort to hit 10,000 steps, which is kind of part of the point. I get a lot of satisfaction out of seeing the numbers add up so I make an effort to get away from my desk and walk around the block a few times a day (something I wouldn’t normally do, but feels GREAT when I do it) and take the dog on a longer walk in the evening. Broken into a few extra bursts of activity I wouldn’t normally get, I’m able to hit 10,000 steps pretty consistently.

    9. I usually get to 10K easily but walking to the metro and from the metro to my office starts me off with about 3K steps (and another 3K on the way home).

    10. I’m too scared to wear one. I think I’d find out I get something like 500 steps. I’m a complete lump.

    11. Most weeks (7 days), I am in the 80,000 to 90,000 step range. But the whole point of FitBit is that, without “special effort,” most people are sedentary. It’s good to get some exercise every day.

      But another 4,000 steps a day is a two-mile (plus) walk, which takes about a half hour at a good clip.

    12. My long term average is about 6k a day but that’s about 25% at 2k (days when I drive to work and put in 12+ hours), 50% at 5k and 25% at 10k. For me to hit 10k, I have to walk about 5-6 miles, which is about 90-120 minutes of walking, so it does require effort.

    13. Is there anything special about the 10k steps a day? Or is it kind of an arbitrary goal? Like do medical professional recommend the equivalent of 10k steps as a minimum or is it just a round number that people shoot for?

      1. Poster above said 10k steps accounts for normal routine plus 30 minutes of exercise a day, which is what the American Heart Association recommends.

    14. I fitbit fan. I must work to get my 10,000 steps…I walk in the hallway of my office building several times a day to in steps, and then when i get home if i don’t go to gym i walk around the house, like laps…drives my SO nuts, but I get in my steps

    15. What’s the advantage of a Fitbit over an iPhone tracker? Just the wearability?

      1. I got one that could measure my pulse. Of course it made me develop an awful rash, but it did work for measuring the pulse.

      2. I like the sleep tracking capabilities of my FitBit. It also syncs with My Fitness Pal so I can track my calories and lifting there and then look at all my stats in one place. FitBit sends you a weekly email summarizing your stats.

        I was also surprised how many more steps it tracks. I don’t carry my phone with me to go to the bathroom or quickly pop into someone’s office or swing by the mail room. I usually end up with something like 3k steps/day with little mid-day errands that my phone probably wouldn’t capture. On the downside, I’m a very active sleeper, so my FitBit sometimes gives me credit for a couple hundred steps that were actually just me tossing and turning.

    16. In my experience, unless you’re actively swinging your arm while walking, the step counter is not accurate. So, pushing a stroller/shopping cart, carrying things in your arms while walking upstairs, holding a phone to your ear — those things barely register on mine. I’ll take an hr-long walk with the baby stroller, at a decent pace, and fitbit says I only took 2,500 steps. YMMV, but you probably do get more steps than the fitbit is counting.

    17. Probably too late to ask, but all the folks meeting the 10k goal, then what? Do you feel good from seeing the green number? Or are you noticing other physical/health related benefits since you started??

      1. My mood is generally better on days that I’ve made a point of walking around. I’ve also had less lower back pain, but that’s from me getting up periodically throughout the day, not getting a ton of steps in the morning and then sitting for 10 hours.

      2. Yeah, I really just like hitting the goal. I do think I all the walking helps me maintain my weight while I eat whatever I want, including a lot of sugar. But for the most part, I just find it satisfying to have some measure of health that I can point to as a success. Ha!

      3. It motivates me to move. If I come home and have not reached my 10K, then I go for a run, take the dog for a longer walk or just walk up and down the stairs.

      4. I find that I can get up and down the steps at work fast and without becoming breathless. I’ve lost some weight (but that’s probably because of my diet). My blood pressure, glucose and cholesterol #s have improved

    18. I often have to work on hitting 7,500 a day. 10,000 I’d definitely have to go for a longish walk or run to hit on a daily basis, even with chasing after two toddlers.

    19. When I first purchased my fitness monitor, I was barely reaching 3K steps a day. Now I put effort in and can reach 7-10K. I park further from my office and use the .75 mile walking trail to and from my car. I also try to have “walking meetings” when the weather allows and we don’t need to write. At the end of the day, I catch up on steps by talking a walk or going to the gym. At the gym, I strap my monitor around my ankle to count my spinning class.

  16. How to get through the day on very minimal sleep? I keep nodding off at my desk. I don’t drink coffee but I’ve already had two giant cups of tea with lots of sugar.

    2. I’ve been there. Lots of water -> pee breaks…
      Is there somewhere quiet and private you can power nap? Unused lounge, etc.

    3. Do you like chocolate covered espresso beans? Those got me through college when I wasn’t a coffee drinker. Also I second lots and lots of water.

    4. If you can control the temperature in your office, try making it a little uncomfortably cold. That helps me from nodding off sometimes. Drinking ice water also helps with that, and it keeps you needing to stand up to go to the bathroom more regularly.

    6. Eating (nutritious things) throughout the day! I always find I’m starving when I haven’t had enough sleep.

      1. Yes, I’ve been eating constantly all morning and it’s helping I think.

        Thanks all for the suggestions! 4 hours until I can go home and go to bed!

    7. 5 hour energy. I split the little bottle into two servings and it keeps me awake even if I’m nodding off.

    8. In addition to the other suggestions here, I’d say get some sunlight. Even just letting some sun in from a window if you are sitting near one can help boost your energy.

  17. What would you wear to engagement photos? I am leaning towards wearing either something formal or a c*cktail dress, maybe renting from RTR, with my fiance in a suit. Unsure of the season, so they could be outside while it’s still warm or indoors if it is cold. (No, I will not be wearing a formal gown in a field or anything.) These won’t be on Save the Dates or anything, just for us as it is included in our package. I suppose we could go casual if they are just for us, but I’d like to get my hair done and it seems weird to have a blowout with an old t-shirt and jeans.

    1. I wore a nice short sleeve blouse and black pants. Business casual. We took photos in a local state park, so anything fancier would have been out of place. I did get my hair/makeup done, too.

    2. I’d wear something in between “old t-shirt and jeans” and “cocktail dress.”

      1. Agreed. Maybe a nice pair of jeans, fun top, and nice looking boots or heels? That wouldn’t look weird with a blowout.

      2. So maybe a daytime dress? I’m a dress person and don’t like the effort of trying to match a top and pants. I’ve been checking out friends’ engagement photos and feel like tops and pants look more dated for some reason I can’t put my finger on – maybe it’s the accessories?

        1. A day dress sure. But maybe also be less judgy? They’re clothes. They’ll look dated in 3 years, tops. This is a cute keepsake not a work of art.

          1. Hmm. I didn’t mean to be judgy, I was trying to articulate what I was looking for. Business casual even during the week is just hard for me and my style is more classic. Dresses are my jam because it’s one piece and done! (And yes, I know this is not a work of art, especially since they won’t be sent to anyone, but I would still like to like a framed photo of us and not cringe at what I wore in a few years. Don’t we all have those photos where we think, what was I thinking? Menswear is much more classic.)

        2. Huh, I feel the opposite. I think dark jeans and a solid color sweater will basically never go out of style and styles for dresses change a lot more. Fwiw, I wore a casual dress and regret it, because it kind of gave me a baby bump, especially when the wind blew the dress back (we were outside). I am not a jeans person either but jeans are more flattering on a lot of people.

          1. +1 I think jeans and a solid coloured sweater are about as timeless as you can get. That’s my family’s uniform for the family photos we have taken every 10 years or so, and you can really only tell the age of the photograph from the wrinkles, or lack thereof, on the faces.

    3. I’d wear a nice summer dress. Or if it’s in fall, a sweater, pencil skirt, boots.

    4. I wore a casual dress that I felt good in + a colorful cardigan + cute wedges, and husband wore his nicer jeans + buttoned shirt + boots, and we were both comfortable and the pics came out adorable. We took them outside in Chicago in the late summer/early fall. I got a blowout but didn’t get my makeup done, and it just felt like we were going on an afternoon date.

    5. It’s one of those rare excuses to wear whatever the hell you want, because presumably you could choose a location that fits the look you’re going for. For me, that would probably be a really fabulous dress.

      1. If you want to split the baby, I did half the photos in a fun outdoor fall setting with a moto jacket/day dress (him in nice sweater and jeans) and then the second half in a fancy bar wearing a cocktail dress / him in a suit.

    6. I think a c-tail dress is too formal unless you’re a really fancy pants person. I have a friend who dresses like Blair Waldorf and she wore a ballgown in her engagement photos and it looked awesome, but I would have looked ridiculous if I’d done that. I had a blowout and light makeup done even though I wore a casual jersey dress and I don’t think it looked mismatched. An updo would be silly with jeans or a jersey dress but on most people a blowout looks pretty natural.

    7. I found a picture on Pinterest of Olivia Palermo in a black dress and her now-husband in Central Park. That’s my ideal engagement photo outfit.

      We didn’t wind up doing engagement pictures but I have a photographer friend is like to hire some fall to take similar pictures of us.

        1. This is sort of exactly what I was looking for- thank you! I wear dresses almost every day and this is what I was going for with a more classic style. (If it was going to be more formal or c-tail, it would still be simple, clean lines as well.) I don’t wear my hair in an updo (and won’t for the wedding), was planning on doing the hair and makeup test that day, too.

          Thanks!!

    8. I love my engagement photos and they were taken half with me in a day dress (nice sundress) and husband in a dress shirt, blazer, and jeans (he does this look a lot and looks like a hot vineyard owner or successful novelist).

      Pro tip- if you’re getting your wedding makeup done, try and schedule your makeup trial for the day of your engagement photos. That way you can test how the products you’re using and the look you’re getting photograph with the actual photographer who’s doing it. Also, professionally done makeup! Yay!

      And then go out for a nice dinner after the photos.

    9. my friend wore a black and white eliza j maxi and her photos were stunning (for engagement photos)

      YMMV.

    10. I did a classic sheath and heels for some urban photos with SO in a suit and then casual jeans and sweater looks for both of us for some park photos. I really liked how they turned out. I felt really me in the sheath and heels since both were things I typically wear to work on a daily basis – if that’s not you, it may look strange to you (personally, not to people viewing the photos).

    11. I like the idea of timeless… but I also love the idea of looking back and thinking, this is where I was when I was engaged to my husband. I look back at my wedding photos and always laugh at how I loved the bubble sleeves. No matter what you wear, the cut, material and how it drapes will always look dated. Wear something that you love now and look back and think, I felt awesome that day.

      1. Yup. There is no such thing as a “timeless” outfit. Part of the fun of old wedding and engagement photos is looking at the vintage clothing!

        We didn’t have an engagement shoot but when we visited the temples at Angkor Wat in May our guide knew all the best photo spots so we have a bunch of great photos of the two of us from my iPhone. I consider those our engagement photos. I felt great even with my frizzy-in-the-humidity hair and my wilted clothing!

  18. My wardrobe could use a long pendant necklace. I wondered if any of you have advice, things I wouldn’t think of before buying/wearing one? Is there a weight issue? Do some get more in the way? I lean towards something more architectural (rather than something with semiprecious stones). Advice is welcome.

    1. Alexis Bittar. Lots of geometric shapes. I dont have the weight issue, but being an extreme hourglass, I watch the length. I don’t like pictures and the feel of the “basket going over Niagra Falls” sort of arrangement. Happy Shopping.

    2. Move around in it to make sure it doesn’t lay on your chest funny. I have some that seem to wrap themselves around one of my breasts which is not the look I want at work, or anywhere really.
      Also, I think trying on in person helps vs. online shopping. I’m always surprised by what ends up working.
      I bought this lariat recently and have been very happy with it: https://www.madewell.com/p/madewell_category/allproducts/wishbone-lariat-necklace/c3651?isFromSearch=true&color_name=vintage-gold&N=0&Nloc=en&Ntrm=Lariat&Npge=1&Nrpp=60&Nsrt=0

      2. Lariats are a lot safer for the well-endowed than just regular long necklaces.

    4. I like the Kendra scott ones — it comes in a bunch of different materials (gold, silver, rose) and different stones, and then has a tassel at the bottom of the stone. I also have a stella and dot one that I wear a lot.

  19. Several months ago there was a post about undergarments, and I noticed that cotton gusset is still the standard recommendation. Indeed, that’s what I was told 30 years ago when I was a little girl, but I wonder why/if that’s still the best fabric. I would never wear a cotton shirt to work out anymore. I wear synthetic, polyester shirts that dry quickly. Cotton items hung to dry stay wet for days in my laundry room. Is this advice just out of date, or am I missing something here?

    1. I believe the thinking is that synthetic fabrics lead to yeast infections?

      For what it’s worth, my favourite brand of underwear I’ve been wearing for 10+ years doesn’t have a cotton gusset and it’s been fine.

      1. The quick drying undergarments from Duluth Trading Co (of all places) apparently have “jade” in the fabric. They keep me dry even at the gym, after mowing the lawn in a hot humid location, etc. And I pour sweat off myself at the least movement. Thanks, Sicily.

    2. Warning possible TMI….Personally the last thing I want is a wicking or “drying effect” in that area.. It ends up with the fabric getting way too wrapped up in my business so to speak … Sort of like a vacuum seal shrink wrap effect… I hate microfiber for this reason and alwYs stick to cotton. ymmv.

    3. For me, synthetic fabrics seem to hold in heat and moisture which = yeast infections. I prefer soft cotton.

    5. I’ve tried both and switched back to cotton because of yeast infection concerns and those that Dulcinea mentioned.

  20. New (in an old house) bathroom is all white. Tile, walls, sink, counter, all white. Should I do a colored shower curtain (aqua chevron maybe) or white with gold polka dots? How much white is too much white.

    1. My bathroom is all white and I love it. It’s so peaceful and soothing. I love having white towels because it looks like a spa. The majority of my apartment is white, too.

    2. I’d do turquoise or black accents : containers for shower gel, hand wash etc and co ordinate the curtain with that.

    3. No amount of white is too much if you like it. That said, you could do any other accent colors you want since it sounds like you have a clean palette to work with. Both shower curtain options sound nice.

    4. I’d be concerned that the shower curtain would look yellow and gross next to super sparkling white tile, or vice versa. Ime shower curtains also tend to pick up shower gunk over time. Maybe you’re better at washing yours than I am mine. But I prefer to ignore these things for as long as possible. See also: I never wear my contacts in the shower so I am blissfully unaware of the moldy grout that DH is always complaining about.

      1. Fell asleep in my contacts one night. Taking the shower the next day, I was so disgusted I stopped shower to scrub everything.

        Humans are FILTHY ANIMALS.

    5. Love white with your favorite accent color. To go further, perhaps a metallic thread or part of the accessories that is the same “metal” as the hardware in the bathroom? Look at various catalogues for ideas? Horchow, Frontgate have very pretty set ups. Too pricey items ime though.

  21. We got a gift in may and I meant to send a thank you card right away and then lost track of it, and still haven’t. Obviously I feel bad and like everything else that time makes worse ive now been putting it off because I feel like I need to write something extra charming to make up for the delay. Anyway, I’ll be seeing this person at a party this weekend – we normally don’t see each other often – would it be acceptable to give the thank you card in person?

    1. Added info: this is an older family member and a family event. Not a friend that I’m going to see at a bar.

    2. IMO, I would send the thank you note asap to make sure it arrives before you see them next weekend. I would send the same normal, gracious note you normally would and include a message that you are excited to see them next weekend. When you see in person, I might make a brief statement thanking them again in person for the gift. If it appears necessary during that conversation, make a genuine, but not effusive, apology for the delay in responding. (I only note the latter because my mom is a real stickler for that kind of thing, and would probably appreciate it from someone of our generation… depending on the person, that may not be necessary.)

    3. Put the thank you note in the mail before you see them. When you see them, thank them for the gift, apologize for the delay and tell them the note is in the mail. I don’t think you can hand deliver a thank you, especially when it’s late – they’ll assume it’s late because you wanted to wait until you saw them so you could save on postage.

    4. No. It would look like you couldn’t be bother mailing it. Get you act together and send it out today.

  22. Anyone have experience with AYR jeans? They have a 28-inch inseam option, which, as someone who is 5 foot, has me very excited.

  23. Along the same lines as sombras question about white bathrooms above, if you had to re-do a bathroom (master – all new tile at least) at this moment in time, what color would you use? Our current master bath is beige tile. It was brand new about 10 years ago and at that time, beige was pretty standard. Looking at the current trends and TV shows, it looks like gray and white, esp. white subway tile, are the big trends right now, but they also seem to have been “big” for several years now. Do we think they are getting ready to be phased out in favor or something new? We have a leak, so are being somewhat forced to re-do the bathroom and I figure as long as we are, I want something that’s not immediately dated.

      1. A real pita to install, even if done with larger “mosaic” sheets of 12″ x 12″ held together with a net. If it’s larger subway tiles, the herringbone becomes an issues bc it’s imperative to keep each line and every angle straight. A laser level and a boat load of patience if you’re doing it yourself.

    2. I would choose marble tiles (gray/white) – a perpetual classic, and not as expensive as big slabs. Also, seconding anon above that herringbone is lovely — you can make it out of subway tile so it’s inexpensive but looks WAY nicer.

    3. I honestly think all white everything is going to look dated in less than 5 years. The problem with white in bathrooms is that light-colored grout is really hard to keep clean. And white generally doesn’t age great. On top of that granite doesn’t age well without a lot of care. 20 years from now prospective buyers will be asking “What were they thinking? This is so 2010s.” But that being said, if you really love the way it looks, go for it!!

      I’m not someone who follows trends super closely, but a friend of mine is and she’s redoing her kitchen and bathrooms in a ultra-modern almost Scandinavian aesthetic. Clean lines, geometric patterns, bright colors, mixes of wood and synthetic material. Who knows if that will be the next HGTV trend, but it’s definitely different!

      1. Yeah, that’s exactly my issue. I like the look just fine, but don’t “love” the look. And it seems so played out already. I was kind of hoping that there was something else coming down the pike people had seen so that at least people would think, oh that bathroom is so 2017, if we tried to resell and not that bathroom is so 2013/14/15. If I’m going to spend all this money, I want more traction out of it. (B/c frankly, I like our beige bathroom just fine and am only doing this out of necessity, not by choice.)

        1. I love Moroccan tile. With all the 70s influences we’re seeing in fashion and the new backlash against minimalist, white everything, I could see it coming back.

      2. Let’s be honest, 20 years ago all white will be back in. My house is 15+ years old and all the bathrooms are all white. I’m unexpectedly trendy! For now….

      3. I love the look of all white, but I did white tile and white grout on the floor in my master bath and OMG I could not keep it clean to save my life. No more white grout for me!

        1. Actually, when the grout goes dark it means it wasn’t well sealed. The fault of the installer. They can be so. darn. lazy.

    4. Trends change all the time. I think you should just pick something that makes you happy. If you’re doing the reno just for the purposes of selling, pick something that’s popular in your market now (my area is still on dark cabinets/cream granite in kitchens even though that has been “out” in favor of all white in trendier areas for a while now). But anything you pick now is doing to be dated in five to ten years anyway, so just go with what you like best.

    5. I have pure white tile on the floor in one bathroom, and it looks all nice and clean and spa-like until three seconds after it gets cleaned. Most of the time it looks awful because EVERYTHING shows.

  24. Reporting back from our Iceland trip two weeks ago – ladies, a weekend is NOT ENOUGH TIME. Maybe if we hadn’t left Reykjavik that would be enough time?

    We spent 8 days going around the Ring Road and it was constantly, exhaustingly breathtaking, and we still skipped a ton of the cool stuff you have to hike to access. I’m already making a list of all the things I want to see/do next time (Westman Islands, scuba in the Silfra gorge, Western Fjords, Vestmannaeyjar puffin colony, Friday night Reykjavik bar crawl).

    For anyone thinking about going, I’d say go NOW, before the spots that were fairly isolated even two years ago get even more popular. We did manage to find a fairly isolated hot pot where there were only six other people at sunset, and it was magical.

    1. Did you see the northern lights? That’s on my bucket list but is one of the things you can’t really control. There was a chance to see them on our vacation last month but then stupid clouds rolled in.

      I’ve never heard anyone say a bad thing about their trip to Iceland. It’s definitely on my list!

      1. Unfortunately, not visible in Iceland until late September/October. We’re going to Alaska next year, though, and will probably see them then.

        1. Go in September-April. We were in Alaska (Denali) in August and the sky was still too bright to see them. The sun set between about midnight and 4 am, but it never got fully dark.

  25. Does anyone know a s!te that has photos of real homes that aren’t so Pinterest-ready? We’re getting ready to finish our basement and our contractor has asked me to send him inspiration photos. I’ve spent a lot of time on Houzz and Pinterest but the photos I’m seeing there are so aspirational as to be unrealistic. For example, almost all the photos of basements have some natural lighting source. I get that it looks better in photos, but we won’t and can’t have any natural lighting so I’m hoping to find some photos that we could actually copy and succeed in achieving a similar look.

  26. What do you wear when you’re allowed to wear jeans to the office but don’t want to? The jeans I own are too skinny or otherwise inappropriate to wear- what’s the equivalent in other casual clothes?

    1. I think skinny jeans are appropriate in most business casual offices. They’re basically the default style of jean these days.

      Otherwise, I wear skinny chinos.

    2. Slim-fitting pants in more casual fabrics. Loft has some good options that are cut close but not clingy.

      I think there was a thread a little while ago about a woman whose office went casual after she’d built up a nice formal wardrobe – there were lots of tips about dressing down things you already own.

    3. Just because jeans are allowed doesn’t mean you have to wear them. If you have nice business casual pants that you like, wear them.

    4. Don’t wear them? It’s fine to dress more formally if you would like. Skinny jeans are fine to wear, though.

    5. In the winter, I really like narrow cords in dark colors (navy, burgundy, forest green). Halogen at Nordstrom has had some the last few years (with a bit of stretch). Some of the designer jeans brands – AG for one – makes some two.

    6. Straight-leg jeans are fine. If you don’t like jeans, wear other types of pants.

    7. How about a t-shirt dress? Wrap dresses in less fancy fabric? What do you *like* to wear?

  29. Anyone have experience with the Everlane GoWeave crop trouser? My lower half is both athletic/muscular and curvy – I’ve got a booty and strong quads, but pretty slim hips and waist. Would these be horrible on me? I’m turned off by the “dry clean only” label but the non-wrinkling wool is really tempting. Would love input from anyone who has tried these out!

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