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Suit of the Week: Talbots

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pleated-peplum-crepe-suit-from-talbotsFor busy working women, the suit is often the easiest outfit to throw on in the morning. In general, this feature is not about interview suits for women, which should be as classic and basic as you get — instead, this feature is about the slightly different suit that is fashionable, yet professional. Up front, let me note that this suit comes in black, a dark wine color, and this pictured teal — and I kind of love them all. The pleated peplum jacket looks gorgeous, and the half-slit in the pencil skirt is very on trend (but it's Talbots, so you know it won't be scandalous). The jacket (Refined Crepe Pleated Peplum Jacket) is $199, and the skirt (Refined Crepe Skirt) is $99. Not pictured: the matching sheath dress and pants. All items come in regular, petite, plus, and plus size petites. (L-all)

Sales of note for 1/22/25:

  • Nordstrom – Cashmere on sale; AllSaints, Free People, Nike, Tory Burch, and Vince up to 60%; beauty deals up to 25% off
  • AllSaints – Clearance event, now up to 70% off (some of the best leather jackets!)
  • Ann Taylor – All sale dresses $40 (ends 1/23)
  • Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything
  • Boden – Clearance, up to 60% off!
  • DeMellier – Final reductions now on, free shipping and returns — includes select options like Montreal, Vancouver, and Venice
  • Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; extra 50% off all clearance, plus ELOQUII X kate spade new york collab just dropped
  • Everlane – Sale of the year, up to 70% off; new markdowns just added
  • J.Crew – Up to 40% off select styles; up to 50% off cashmere
  • J.Crew Factory – End of season sale, extra 60-70% off clearance, online only
  • Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 40% off last-chance styles
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – Semi-Annual Red Door Sale – extra 50% off

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

210 Comments

  2. Experienced homeowners, please enlighten me! If you own a home (that you plan to sell), and you are buying another home, how does that transaction work? Do the closings have to be on the same day? Also, my husband and I are in casual tentative discussions with a couple who live up the street in a larger house who plan to sell their house in the near future. Does anyone have experience doing a closed sale like this? What words of wisdom do you have? Are there substantial savings on brokers’ fees? Do we still need to hire some sort of professional to oversee the transaction?

    1. If you need the proceeds of your home sale to buy the next home, then you have two options. You can close on the sale of your home before the purchase of the next home (either same day or shortly thereafter — if it’s not the same day you would need to negotiate a rentback until closing with your buyers so you can stay there until your purchase). Or, you can talk with a lender about a bridge loan — essentially a loan against the equity that you are going to get from your home sale. This will enable you to use the equity as a down payment on a new home before you sell your existing home. Be warned that they come with high interest rates so you wouldn’t want to use a bridge loan for more than a few months.

      Re private sale – it really depends on your market and what agents charge. If an agent would charge 6% to sell a home, you might ask for a 6% discount. You could ask for slightly more, knowing that the sellers won’t have to do anything to get ready for an open house or otherwise stage the place. So much is market dependent. If you are going to finance the property, your lender will likely require an appraisal, so plan to pay for that. You probably also want to pay for a home inspection. You’ll need to find a real estate attorney to look over the contract (and potentially help you prepare the offer) and a title company who can handle the closing. If you do sell your house and buy new, try to use the same title company and they can handle the funds from the sale to the purchase.

    2. I haven’t done this exact thing before, although I’m on my fourth house. It probably depends on whether you are getting a loan and whether you need the proceeds from old house to fund new house. If yes, then you should talk w/ a mortgage broker about the requirements. Also, even if you don’t use an agent, you will most likely need an attorney to review the paperwork, submit everything and make it official.

    3. The closings don’t have to be the same day, but you’ll have to get the buyers of the first house to agree to rent it back to you until you close on the second house and can move in there. Rent backs are pretty common because there are a variety of reasons why a seller might want to close on the house before they actually move out.

    4. We did concurrent closings on our most recent purchase and it is super stressful (basically you have to be packed and out of your current home, belongings on a truck, and then move into your next home a day or two later – we spent the night in a hotel the night before closing to ensure we could allow for final walk-thru by the buyer on the house we were selling). I had only ever done cross-state-line moves before and concurrent closings make more sense to me in that situation because your belongings will be traveling as you do. That said, we could not get financing to purchase our new home without the proceeds from the closing of the sale on our old home, so we had to do it concurrently. If you can qualify to technically carry two mortgages, or have cash on hand to make your down payment without sale proceeds, you can do staggered closings. Or I have heard of people doing bridge loans or HELOCS specifically to allow them to do staggered closings. Your mortgage broker/banker should be able to help you figure out what you can do.

      1. Yes, this. We did this but staggered the closings 2 days apart (apparently with the new federal regs, it is more difficult to do same-day closings), and stayed in a hotel in between.

    5. The closings don’t have to be on the same day, but then you will be carrying a mortgage on both properties (assuming you have a mortgage on your current home and would require a mortgage for the home you purchase as well). Your mortgage payments would be prorated, so carrying both mortgages for a week or so would (probably) not be a huge burden.

      My parents have sold their home by private sale twice, and you do save on real estate agent fees, but you still need to hire a lawyer to manage the closings (escrow, registering the parcel, etc.)

    6. I haven’t done a concurrent sale/purchase, but I can comment on a private sale. We just sold our home in a similar fashion – friends of friends heard we were moving, and contacted us to say they’d be interested in buying. We interviewed a few realtors, and got estimates from them, which we used to come up with an asking price for the private sale. They negotiated a small discount, but still paid more than we would have gotten from listing our house with a realtor, since we didn’t pay realtor fees. In our market, 6% is standard. We hired a lawyer to run the transaction. In our market, you have to pay a lawyer anyway; we paid a bit more because the office provided a few more services than they otherwise would have, but it was only something like $300 extra. We came out about $6,000 ahead compared to selling our house through a realtor for the suggested asking price.

      It required a bit more organizational effort on my part, but we didn’t have to stage our house, take pictures, or do an open house or more than one showing. We have a young child, so that was a huge plus for us!

      Also perhaps relevant to you: we are renting back the house from the new owners for about two months. We aren’t looking to buy again in the immediate future, but that’s one way to manage the problem of buying/selling concurrently. You have to find a buyer who’s willing, though.

  3. Does a professional A-line dress with matching blazer exist!? Something that would resemble an A-line skirt suit, but instead with a dress? I’m an extreme pear and love wearing A-line dresses with coordinating blazers, but would love to transition that look to something more formal that I could wear in court. My budget is under $200. Any suggestions!?

      2. Thanks, but I’m looking for an A-line dress, not a sheath. I don’t care how many people tell me to size up and have it tailored, sheaths just don’t work for me!

    2. if you’re an 8-10, i have one from banana that fits this bill from about 6 years ago that I’ve worn about twice. I developed a skin crawling aversion to wool! I’ll just ship it to you.

      1. Actually, I am an 8-10! If it’s court appropriate, I would be interested in buying it from you!

    4. Probably not because A-line dresses don’t look that professional (and are frumpy). Maybe stick to an A-line skirt?

      1. This is wayyyyy overbroad. A-Line can look professional. They can look non-frumpy. And this is judgy.

        1. Totally agree.

          It can be just a subtle difference in cut to make a professional A line skirt.

          Tailoring a sheath costs more than the dress for me. That’s how much tailoring I need.

          Sometimes you just have to go with your body shape.

      3. I agree with 3:41, except I’d go one step further and say even A-line skirts aren’t really professional. This isn’t a body-judging thing. Dresses with flouncy, full skirts just aren’t as formal as straight-up-and-down dresses.

        1. Not all A-lines are “flouncy.”

          You might want to loosen the grip on your pearls before you sprain your fingers.

        2. Eh, there’s a pretty large gap between “aren’t as formal” and “aren’t really professional.” It’s a know-your-office-thing — my business casual office is perfectly fine for full skirts. I would not, however, wear one to court.

          1. Fair point. I should have said “not formal enough for court.” They’d be fine in my office too, but we’re pretty casual.

        3. Bu!!sh!t. A line are not flouncy – you are thinking circle skirts that you wear with crinolines. There is a whole vast spectrum of skirt fullness between pencil skirt and full skirt. Alines are decidedly on the end of the spectrum near pencil skirts.

          And in what world is it not body-judging to say “Unless you can wear things that are straight up and down, you aren’t being professional”. Bodies are not professional or un-professional.

          1. Maybe we have different ideas of what an A-line dress is, but when I google it I get dresses with very full skirts that look nothing like a pencil skirt. Pencil skirts and sheath and shift dresses come in all sizes…you don’t need to have any particular body type to wear one. You may think A-line dresses are more flattering on you and that’s fine – wear them on the weekend all you want – but it doesn’t make them formal enough for all work situations. I think strapless dresses are really flattering on me but I know I can’t wear them to the office just because they look better on me than sheath dresses do.

          2. Yes, we do have different definitions, and yours is wrong. A-lines are basically pencil skirts that go out instead of straight/in at the bottom. There is no fullness at the waist and not much at the bottom. An a-line will not twirl when you spin – skirts with any fullness will. Skater dresses =/= a-line.

            This is a professional A-line skirt: http://mcys.co/2cb2nNg
            This is not an A-line skirt: http://bit.ly/2cCV5nv

      4. Wowza. This pear shape with ample booty looks far more professional in an A Line than in a sheath.

        That said, most of my A-Line dresses are Calvin Klein from Macy’s and I pair them with whatever blazer matches well.

        1. +1 seriously

          You tuck my butt in a sheath it’s like….. look at my tuchus. Not work appropriate for me at all.

        2. Yeah I was going to say that the only suiting dress I own is an a-line Calvin Klein from Macy’s with a matching jacket.

          2. I own this dress in this color and in a purple color.

            If loving A-line dresses for work is wrong, I don’t wanna be right.

            Signed,
            Pear who can wear sheath dresses, but sometimes likes to not tailor

          3. Thanks, NOLA! I actually own that dress and wear it with a black blazer all the time! (Oh and to the lovely poster who thinks A-line dresses are frumpy – I get tons of compliments on that dress every time I wear it).

        3. Yes, I love Calvin Klein A-line dresses and have a bunch, but I never can find a matching jacket!

        4. The tyrrany of only one body type as acceptable is something we should stop promoting. It’s another example of how women can’t win. Bodies are not professional or unprofessional.

          If a pear-shaped woman interviews with an A-line skirt or dress, some people will hold it against her. If she wears a pencil skirt and her hips and/or bottom are too prominent, some of the same people will hold it against her.

          Sometimes I wonder how many people who hold these narrow ideas have eating disorders, or at the least, disordered eating. Humans accept that dogs come in different shapes and sizes. People do too, and the Olympics shows that there is no single best body type for everything.

      5. I don’t recall asking for an opinion on whether A-line dresses are frumpy, but thanks anyway for your unsolicited and rude comments. I wear dresses with a slight A-line all the time because it’s way more flattering on me than a sheath.

        1. After reading this whole discussion the term “a-line” has started to lose all meaning and sound super bizarre from sheer repetition.

          But I concur that the term a-line is not synonymous with flouncy (in fact, a flouncy dress would clearly not be a-line, though some people may misuse the term a-line to mean “not a sheath”) and can often be perfectly professional. Anyway, Nordstrom has a black Theory a-line dress that appears to match their suits.

      6. How about “Don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good”? Maybe a sheath is slightly more tailored or professional, but the OP has already said those don’t work on her. “Awesome sheath dress suit” is not a viable option. (She’s an adult and knows her body; we are internet strangers. I assume she’s right about this, or at least way more right than I would be.)

        So move on to second best option. That’s A-line. She’s not looking for something like a maxi skirt. Sheesh.

    5. This sounds nuts, but H&M has A-line dresses in suiting (ish) fabric and blazers in the same material. Plus, the dress is machine-washable.

      1. I came here to say this! I have 2 and they are amazing. I’ve had the dresses for…6 years now, and they basically look brand new.

  4. Love this suit. What do we think about the wine color for federal court? The teal is out imho.

    1. Sorry, but why is teal out? Too bold for the courtroom? Not being snarky – just curious. I like teal but this is a little demure for me (I work in a business v casual office).

      1. Not OP. Something about this color seems dated for a suit. Colorful suits are back but I feel like some colors are better than others. This color just feels a bit like something you’d get on the clearance rack at Macy’s.

        1. ETA: I can see how one could style this to be more modern, even in teal, but it would be some effort, I think. I think matching shiny blouse and that necklace is just not helping.

    2. it should be fine. I just bought it and my practice is exclusively federal court.

  5. Wedding gift question: hubs and I are bridesmaid/groomsman for some friends but we don’t want to buy off their registry. We’re wondering if it’s tacky to get the couple a maid service subscription? I want this to come off as “We know you’re busy” not “We think your house is gross.” They both work 60+ hours a week, have a 7 y/o and three pets. It just seems like something they would enjoy, but I don’t know if it’s in poor taste? TIA for your thoughts!

    1. Could you ask them about it? “Hey, we’re thinking of this — is it something you would enjoy?”

    2. Unless they’ve specifically expressed a desire for a maid service to you, I think it can easily be interpreted as “we think your house is gross” (or “you seem flustered and very pressed for time” which is less offensive but probably still not something you want to convey with a wedding gift).

      1. I concur here. Maid service can be spotty if you do NOT interview the maid service AND the maid to be first. I had a maid/cleaneing lady for a while and alot of my clothe’s were overwashed and shrunken. Also, I figured out that she did that ON PURPOSE so that I would just give the stuff to her. I gave her my FRY boot’s when I could not get the poopie smell off them and she said she threw it out, but then I saw her daughter wearing them. FOOEY!

    3. Buy something from the registry – these are literally the items that they are telling you they want. Definitely do not buy this for them.

      Maid Service is a personal thing – some people prefer to meet and screen their house cleaners beforehand.

      1. +1 Registries exist for a reason. The items on the registry are the things they want most. Even for very close friends, I always stick to the registry or cash.

    4. It’s a very sweet thought, but I’m not sure it would be a great gift. Letting a cleaner into your home when you’re not there is a huge leap of trust. I, personally, would have a lot questions about any company and might not feel comfortable with one picked out by a friend.

      2. As much as I’d be on board, my husband would never go for it. So it would be a waste for us.

        I agree with the advice to ask them directly about this or to just stick to the registry.

    5. The problem you run into with this is – how long do you keep it up? If you pay for a year and then cancel, and they can’t afford to hire their own, they’re going to be pretty disappointed.

      If they can afford it, but don’t have one, there’s probably a reason they don’t.

      I would definitely give them something more “fun” as a wedding present rather than something they “need.”

      1. Not only that, but let’s say you pay for a year and then the holidays come – do they tip? Do they know to provide a holiday bonus? Nice thought but stick to the registry. I suppose if you want something personal as a treat, you could give them a nice gift certificate to a restaurant you know they love, maybe where they had their first date or got engaged, etc., but that is something only you two would know.

    6. I see a lot of potential issues with this. Even if you know they wouldn’t be offended by this sort of gift, it’s really problematic to choose such a personal service for someone else. I definitely would not even recommend, let alone get a GC to, a particular service unless I had personally worked with them for a long time. And even if you had, you don’t know what THIS family’s needs are. A lawn service? I would hire for someone. Someone who’s going to be rustling around close to your mail and jewelry and gardening tools? Not so much.

    7. No way. Potentially offensive, way too personal a thing to gift someone, and either 1) it’s something they can easily afford and they probably don’t have a cleaning service because they dont’ really want one or 2) they can’t easily afford it, and it’s going to be weird when you stop paying for it and they can’t afford to continue it. It’s not like a cheesecake of the month club. If they’ve come to depend on a cleaning service and it suddenly stops, it can wreak havoc and cause more stress and chaos than never having a cleaner in the first place.

    8. meh. i woudl just get from their registry or give cash.

      I would probably put the gift cert around a bottle of wine, with a note like, “let someone else do the work while you enjoy each other” or “extend the honeymoon–no chores for you!” or something.

      1. i don’t think it’s tacky – it sounds thoughtful, but perhaps just really hard to actually implement well. good in theory, bad in practice.

    10. I did this for my parents with the same intent behind it and they were very insulted and never used it :-/

  6. What is your favorite travel memory?

    I’ll start- I went to Buñol, Spain for La Tomatina when I was 22. It’s a tomato throwing festival in a small town outside of Valencia. You get in the night before the event, the town stays alive all night serving up sangria, you meet people from all over the world and in the morning firetrucks full of tomatoes roll through the town centre. But before you get to throwing, they grease up a giant pole and put a ham on top. The people in the crowd compete to see who can get to the ham first. The tomato throwing begins only when the ham is reached. Then thousands of people throw tomatoes at each other until everyone is covered in tomato goo. Then the fire trucks hose down the streets, the buildings and everyone participating. It took a solid 4 years for me to enjoy tomatoes again, but it was such an fun experience!

    1. I may be outing myself here. My husband and I went to the Vancouver Olympics in 2010 and it was just the most amazing experience ever. The sports, the organization, the friendliness of the volunteers, the (weirdly) clear portapotties on Cyprus Mountain – all of it was wonderful. Most of all, the atmosphere was just so happy – even with large crowds at night there were families out with kids and everyone was just random high-fiving and so chill. I have never been more proud to be Canadian. I honestly get teary just thinking about it now.

      1. Going to the Eurovision Song Contest final in Scandinavia. Crazy, but awesome. Also, taking my parents to Paris and Vienna (they’d never have managed it otherwise, and it was great, even if Dad ordered spaghetti bolognese from the children’s menu in Montmatre) and going on the Sound of Music tour in Salzburg with my sister. I live in Europe, and my family’s from a long long way away, so all their visits are pretty special.

        1. “even if Dad ordered spaghetti bolognese from the children’s menu in Montmatre”

          ahahahahaha…. this cracks me up. <3 dads.

          Your dad and my dad should be travel buddies….

          1. I had fois gras ;). My Dad left our home country for the first time at 59, and saw his first snow visiting me at 61, so I can forgive his taste in food. At least schnitzel was on the adult menu in Vienna!

            Dads are great! (Though it’s nice to know I don’t have the only hopelessly uncool specimen out there.)

      2. I’m SO jealous. Going to a winter Olympics is one of the top things on my bucket list. I’m eyeing 2026 already. I love or would love to visit all the cities considering bids and I will have a 10-year-old daughter who would hopefully be really excited about it.

        1. No idea what happened to my name in last post.

          I would go again in a hearbeat. The only things I would definitely say is that bobsled is the one sport that is better on television unless you get a spot right at the top and watch the push off. Otherwise you stand and wait for five minutes, thing speeds by in blink of an eye and then repeat. On tv, you get all the splits and where people are ranked so it is a bit easier to follow. There is a photo of me when we were there looking so surprised that Canada won a medal as I had no idea our sled had even come down the run.

    2. Potentially outing myself here too, but some of my happiest travel memories are from a trip my now-husband and I took to South Korea, particularly the hiking (and I don’t even like hiking that much)! It was fall and the weather was perfect. I remember one hike outside of Gyeongju, up through fall leaves to this beautiful mountain with a little shrine on top, and I bought a soda at this little stand and we stood there looking at the view and it just felt so great. That evening (this is where I am almost definitely outing myself) we were guests on a cooking show, I think because of my husband’s striking looks! And then on the same trip, outside of Busan we got hopelessly lost hiking to Seokbulsa and had to ask strangers for help (by just repeating the word “seokbulsa” since we didn’t speak the language or have maps or anything), but when we got there it was SO awesome and worth it, and then we also got lost trying to go home and sort of hitch-hiked/charmed our way into a ride to the nearest metro, and then had this great feast at a restaurant by our dumpy little hotel. Man that was a great trip.

    3. I have 2. The first is staying at a beach house near the Great Barrier Reef for our honeymoon. The house was exactly my style, there were only 10 homes on the spit of land and so it was basically a private beach, and it was the most relaxing few days I think I’ve ever had. Also on that trip, we hired a tour guide to drive us around for 48 hours in what is called the “table lands” outside of Cairns. He was so knowledgeable and knew a ton of locals so we got to see cool things that most people never do. We dropped in on a former tin miner who was in his 70s or 80s who had a huge collection of old motors that he kept in perfect condition. It sounds weird, but it was fascinating to meet him and see all these things along with a huge collection of other antiques and hear him talk about his mining days. We also wound up at this old photography shop with the owner who is a conspiracy nut. He had a great collection of really old cameras, photos, and old spy equipment and was so fun to talk to. It was a fascinating couple of days.

      The other was when we stayed in a castle that was built in the Middle Ages along the Rhine in Germany. Everyone in town was so nice and it was the coolest place to stay. We took a boat up the river and saw a bunch of other castles then hiked up one hill to tour another. They were about to close, which would have been fine, but the tour operator took pity on us (I looked awful as I don’t normally hike!), said she wanted to practice her English, and gave us a private tour. Part of the grounds had been dug up and archology students were studying the recently discovered and unearthed temple in the castle. Later that day we wound up all alone standing in incredibly impressive ruins of a church. Being so close to water, old castles, and ruins is about as good as life gets for me. I loved that trip.

  7. I have just re-entered the workforce after ten years because I took time out to stay home with my kids (they are all school aged now). I have a question about something I have noticed:

    I worked in an office from 2001-2006. Back then all the women in my office and all the ones on my commute only wore skirts and dresses if they were long enough to hit the top of the knees (if not longer). Most wore items that were long enough to cover the knees but if no leg showed above the knee it was fine.

    Since I’ve returned to work I’ve noticed that this has changed and I feel like the weird one because all my skirts and dresses at least go to my knees or cover them (and I did buy new clothes, I’m not talking about the old clothes from 10 years ago). Most of the women I see and all of the women I work with regardless of age wear skirts that are well above the knee (I’m talking inches).

    When did this change? I’m not being judgemental, and I don’t think anyone needs to change how they dress just because of my opinion. I’m just wondering when it happened because it is so different than what I’m used to.

    1. I’ve noticed this in … the past 2ish years? Personally I still buy skirts that hit just above the knee because I’m uncomfortable with how high shorter skirts ride up when I sit (for the office — on weekends I’m comfortable showing more thigh). But a lot of women I work with wear shorter skirts than I do, and they don’t seem uncomfortable, so to each their own.

    2. I’ve been in the workforce more than 10 years, so I feel like I can comment on this a bit and I think it’s just a style change. Office clothing has gotten a bit less formal in the 10 years you’ve been out, but mostly it’s just a style change. Remember, in the late 1990s, the skirts were really short (a la Ally McBeal), then they seemed to move a bit lower. Now perhaps they have crept up again a bit. All of this said, I think the most flattering look for most people is right around the top of your knee, so I wouldn’t feel bad wearing what you described. Covering ones knees, unless an actual midi-skirt, to me, isn’t really that flattering.

      1. This. Just a style. Plus, it IS summertime, and a hot one. Wait two months and see how much skin is covered…

        1. I agree – when it gets cooler you will see longer skirts worn with boots – my official winter outfit.

    3. I think it corresponds to the chunkier 90’s style shoes and looser shirt fits. I am not down with it in the summer, but in the winter a slightly above the knee cut goes better with heeled boots (and tights).

    4. I actually think this fall there is starting to be a trend towards longer skirts again….I am relatively tall (5’8″) & like skirts to come to the tops of my knees or longer when standing (lest I show off too much leg when sitting).

      For the first time in many years, I can actually find skirts that meet this requirement without searching
      I have bought a number of pencil skirts in the past 3 months that either come to the tops of my knees, or even middle/bottom of my knees. Will post a couple of links as reply.

    5. Considering you showed questionable judgement in giving up working in this day and age, you probably should be worrying about bigger things than how long someone’s skirt is. Your focus should be on all making up for all the time you lost moving up the ladder in your career.

      3. This reminds me of the study that someone did on internet trolls, which basically confirmed that many had antisocial tendencies. What’s the point of being so mean for no reason? (Although I guess Ann Coulter has made an industry out of it, I don’t consider her much of a role model.) There’s no prize for being the biggest @sshole. You probably have other things going on in your life, you could actually vent about them here instead of lashing out anonymously.

  8. Hi all,
    I’m struggling with something and hoping Corporettes can help. In May I moved into a rental apartment where it’s been one thing after another. The first problem was that they rented me the wrong apartment – I viewed their “model” and liked it, but asked to take the one upstairs, which turned out to be substantially smaller. The leasing person didn’t know and while I wanted to cut her some slack, what bothered me was that I asked for the courtesy of a phone call after I’d moved in and never got anything until I sent strongly-worded emails as far up the company food chain as I knew how to do.
    About two weeks after I moved in, they informed me that the bathroom upstairs from mine had a leak and a construction crew would need to take apart my ceiling. That went on for two weeks, and again I had to scream and holler because at one point halfway through they clearly had forgotten anything was going on – workers didn’t show up for two days. I got a phone call from the manager saying that it would all be taken care of that day and I had to inform her there was no way, given the fact that the ceiling was still in pieces, it could be done in one day. It took three more.
    I kept meaning to send an email to her and her higher-up explaining why that was so awful an experience: it was invasive, filthy, and I thought it was unacceptable that the building management clearly had no clue what was going on. I had pictures of how thoroughly demolished the bathroom was, which I had to live with, for nearly two weeks, and of how the dust covered everything. But it was an exhausting process moving into the apartment, my job is demanding, and I just kept putting it off.
    Since that time there have been a series of other little mickey mouse things that have bothered me but I keep telling myself to deal with it: excessive bugs, construction that we were told would be done in early July dragging through August, glitches with the “parcel pickup” machine, etc. Until yesterday when I came home from a week away and discovered someone had been in the apartment “fixing a leak.” There was caulking on my bedroom window sill.
    Besides the two week bathroom ordeal, they’ve been in the apartment at least once, maybe twice, making building-wide upgrades. Even if you just count the bathroom construction as one incident, they’ve now been in my apartment more often than any other manager/landlord in my 10+ years of renting apartments. This is a new city to me (DC) and I’ve been a homeowner for about the last 8 years, so I might be wrong, but this seems excessive. I understand that a property owner needs to have access in case something goes wrong, but… once a month? Don’t I have a right to privacy too? If there are really so many things that so frequently require a repair and an entry, at some point do I get to say this property is unlivable for me?
    I also simply don’t know how to handle this. My inclination is to fire off a strongly-worded, tense email to everyone I know in the company and say “if this happens again, I move” with some of the sentiment I just expressed. I feel like I need to start documenting things in writing in case… but I don’t know in case what. I wouldn’t know what next steps are if this continues. Lawyers? Court? I don’t think a nicer tone would get me anything… am I wrong? And am I wrong to consider these entrances excessive/intrusive/etc.?
    I appreciate any guidance.

    2. Does the lease permit them unannounced access to your unit? Start there. If it says explicitly that you have to be notified before entering the apartment, then they are in violation of your lease and have some legs to stand on (as opposed to being dismissed as just ‘needy’ or something).

      All of that does sound excessive. The construction thing… I think you’re SOL. But the rest of it that is impacting your exact unit, I think that’s worth pursuing.

      1. You know what slayed me? the first section of the lease says, the tenant must be given a copy of this lease. It took literally three emails and phone calls to get the signed copy of the lease back. But you’re right: that’s a good place to start. Thanks. This is hard for me to separate out all the different strands of what’s going on here not because there’s not a logic to them but because I moved into a rental apartment to minimize drama in my life. : )

    3. Definitely document. If management is as clueless as you say, they probably aren’t aware of all of the issues and not saying anything is definitely not helping.

      Also, move.

    4. “If there are really so many things that so frequently require a repair and an entry, at some point do I get to say this property is unlivable for me?”

      Legally, this property is not unlivable. Not even close. You’re welcome to decide that it’s not a good fit for you, personally, and move.

      “I feel like I need to start documenting things in writing in case… but I don’t know in case what. I wouldn’t know what next steps are if this continues. Lawyers? Court?”

      I mean this gently, but taking this to a lawyer or court would be laughable (I am a lawyer) (No lawyer would take this to court, or probably even write a letter on their letter head. I wouldn’t).

      Basically, you must assume that the people who work for corporate property owners are a) less competent than you are and b) significantly less invested in the details of your apartment and experience than you are. Clearly, this is super annoying. I understand that. I had a similarly frustrating experience with a small reno that was taking place in my apartment, we’re having issues with package pick up, they announce maintenance (“clear this space!!”) with 1 day’s notice… etc. But at the end of the day, you’re yelling into the wind if you expect some meaningful acknowledgement of these grievances. Continue to advocate for yourself, esp. wrt entries into your apartment (get someone to promise you 2 days notice or whatever). But nothing that you’ve described is even close to actionable and frankly, really isn’t that bad. You’ve been living there since May and they’ve been in 2, maybe 3 times? This is not excessive. Save yourself the trouble and the heartburn and try to let it go, or move.

      1. No, I appreciate that. You’re right, and what I meant when I said “lawyer? court?” was flippant because I understand that’s excessive and silly. It’s not unlivable now but I believe that having someone enter on a regular basis because there is a problem that requires repairs on such a regular basis is also excessive. All the other stuff is just noise, but I feel like because there is so much other nonsense due to the construction they should be going out of their way to make the rest of the living experience nice. I guess never having been in this situation I don’t understand the nuances of escalating complaints. If I move and they come after me for a fee… what do I do? I can have all the documentation in the world but…

        And it’s Daro, not Bozzutto. : )

    5. Hah, I wonder if you live in the same Bozutto-managed community I do in DC… clusterfuck doesn’t even begin to describe it. Sadly, this is common around here.

      1. Yeah this sounds exactly like my DC apartment except we don’t have any fancy parcel machines to break.

    6. See http://ota.dc.gov/sites/default/files/dc/sites/ota/publication/attachments/Tenant_Survival_Guide.pdf

      See also, http://www.dctenants.com/ (Totally worth it. )

      I’ve actually had better luck renting in DC off of Craigslist — they aren’t always as fast as a company with on-site maintenance, but they typically do a much better job of actually taking care of THEIR house at the end of the day. Rental companies have been making money hand over fist in DC for the last 5-7 years and especially with the election year shift coming, there will be a whole new flood of people arriving in the city. They won’t have to work very hard to resign a lease with someone else. Good luck

  9. I’m a CPA. I focus on business issues, but have worked on everything part of the tax code as I was coming up the ranks. I worked hard to get where I am (worked through school). I am still working even though I have 2 children (school aged). I am the breadwinner, so scaling back at work is not as easily done as I’d like.

    My parents are solvent retirees, but not rich. The live like they are poor, which is probably the main reason they savings.

    They just asked me how much $ they can give my sister (living off of alimony that was more than I made until I was well into my 30s; has not worked since before having kids) without incurring gift tax.

    My head is about to explode.

    1. Can you gently point out the inequity? I had a vaguely similar situation with my father. I pointed it out to him; it turns out it hadn’t occurred to him and that wasn’t what he was intending. Also point out to them that they should be careful to keep enough money for themselves to cover unexpected expenses (especially if they’d then turn to you for help with these expenses).

    2. You may want to gently bring up the idea of estate planning with them to ensure that this present gift is credited out of your sister’s future inheritance. I’m not an estate law attorney, but I believe this can be done. That way it’s all still equitable, but they’re giving your sister her share in advance of their demise.

      1. Not necessarily equitable. What if Mom and Dad need the money for future health care, and there is no estate left to divide? Then sister has received a nice chunk of change as a gift while Mom and Dad are alive and OP gets nothing.

        1. That’s certainly a risk to consider. And equity might require Mom and Dad to designate OP as the sole beneficiary of any life insurance or other after-death benefits. But OP should know that it’s an option she might address with her parents, if equitable distribution is a concern.

    3. I would probably just let it go. They know what they’re doing. They probably feel like she’s going through a hard time right now and one way they can support her is by providing financial support. I do want to point out that I’m not sure that how her alimony compares to your salary is the relevant consideration, frustrating thought it may be for you. It’s how the alimony compares to her cost of living. If she’s earning $10k a month of alimony she may still be struggling if she has an $8k mortgage, and – interpreting this in the most favorable light to your parents and sister – perhaps they are helping her out until she can downsize her lifestyle to match her alimony payments. But even if they’re just planning to support her indefinitely, it’s their choice to make.
      (This is all assuming you’re not supporting them financially. Because if you are, I’d make it clear that support is going to be reduced by the amount they’re giving your sister).

      1. +1

        If we are talking about a one time 14K gift (or whatever it is now…), while I realize the inequity… she is going through a divorce with a house she can’t really afford and kids, right? And she is planning to retrain and get back out to work (for the first time in many years), right? And she is probably going to downsize once she goes back to work, right?

        Divorce sucks. Divorce with kids sucks more. She’s got a lot going on. Try to encourage her if you can, and let your parents help her if that’s what they want.

        FYI – 14K barely covers one month in a decent nursing home these days, so it will not make or break your parents’ future, from what you describe. But if you think they might spend down so that they may have to go on to Medicaid in the next 5 years due to their health issues/limited resources, you could point out to them that this large gift will be noticed and they will have to pay it back before Medicaid will pay anything.

        It is natural to feel resentful. I would have a hard time bringing up inheritance because of this, and you may come off as being petty and insensitive. Sometimes it is better to let things go, and try to help your sister become independent… for your entire family’s sake.

    4. I was/am in the similar situation. I have a sister who works and makes good money, she is married, owns a house, has a comfortable life etc. However, I make more than her. My parents always feel she is poor compared to me and try to compensate for that all the time (paid for her wedding, gave her interest free loans when she was buying a house and then again when she was buying a second property, and even small gifts like buying her birthday presents etc). My little sister is also kind of used to this pampering. I was brought up as the elder one (I am just 1.5 years elder to her..!!!) and was expected to be responsible etc, so I am used to taking on responsibility and being independent. I don’t get even the small gifts..it just doesn’t occur to them.

      It annoys me and sometimes it is hurtful. I let it go because it is my parents’ hard earned money and they can do whatever they want with it. Also, I have no doubt that if I was in her situation (not a bad situation my any standards), they would have helped me the same way they are helping her and I have no doubt that they love me the as much as they love her….

  10. Now that I’m married, I definitely need to get a will prepared as my husband has kids from a previous marriage and I want half of my estate to go to my family. My husband already has one. Is it ok to use the same attorney he used?

  11. Those floral robes that bridesmaids and the bride wear while getting ready before the wedding — yay or nay?

    1. I think it’s a cute idea, assuming you’re gifting them to your ‘maids (definitely don’t ask bridesmaids to pay for them!). But they’re certainly not necessary and not doing them is an easy way to save money if you’re budget-conscious.

    2. Over the top. Whenever I see these, I think “sorority girls getting ready to party freshman year” instead of “grown up woman preparing for a fun but also serious and significant occasion in her life.” I can’t explain why, but the overwhelming amount of spending on unnecessary wedding-related trinkets (as opposed to basic decorations, like flowers) seems to undermine the momentousness of the occasion for me. Maybe it’s because this spending seems to be focused on BRIDESMAIDS! instead of, you know, the actual couple/ceremony. So, Nay.

    3. It’s really useful to have a garment that opens in the front so you can take it off without pulling over your head and risk messing up makeup & hair. People could just wear zip front hoodies or whatever they have but I think a gift of a cute robe would be a nice thing to have if it’s in your budget.

      2. I’d much rather receive a hoodie than a robe I’ll never use again, but keep in mind the hoodie part actually interferes with your hair. You’ll need to tuck the hoodie down inside the back of the sweatshirt, which makes it less fun and cute.

    4. I think they’re lovely and they make for beautiful “getting ready” photos but as a woman who weighs more than the average bridesmaid I get major anxiety at the thought of being asked to wear a silk robe and be photographed in it. That’s on me, though.

    5. If the photo op is super important to you, then get them, but if you think it’s going to be a cherished gift that your bridesmaids will get a ton of use out of I’m here to tell you that I’ve had 3 so far and chucked all of them because they were ill-fitting, cheaply made or not my colour/style.

      1. Yeah, this is part of the hesitation – a nice one would be $60+ but it still wouldn’t be that great of a gift, and a cheap one will just be… cheap. Hrm… Maybe matching tank tops?

        1. Just let people wear their own clothes. If you have cash to spend, pay for or make a contribution towards their hair/shoes (if you’re asking them to have their hair done or wear particular shoes).

          1. AMEN.

            I have received these and thrown them all out for being ill fitting or cheap (one smelled so horrible and gave someone a rash)… or honestly just unnecessary. I don’t need another robe or bedazzled tank top or whatever. Honestly, it is – at best – one photo of the many you will take that day, too. If you have the cash, I would much rather it be spent on hair, makeup, or dress. I don’t even need the matching gift of a clutch or jewelry, either, as those mostly get tossed too.

          2. +1. The best bridesmaid’s gift I ever received was the gift of professional make-up application and hair styling. It was so great to not worry about that and also to feel a little pampered. Much better than a trinket that would ultimately end up in the donation bag.

    6. I think it’s a little played out. There seems to be a checklist of things you have to do in order to get your wedding featured on Style Me Pretty (neutral bridesmaid dresses, pink somewhere – usually in the flowers, an outdoorsy setting for photos, glittery table numbers) and I feel like flowery robes for getting ready is also on that list. I went to a wedding this year that was objectively beautiful but every element just screamed “Style Me Pretty” and as a result the wedding felt almost kind of…basic is the word, maybe? It was beautiful and no doubt expensive, but not personalized at all. I would rather see a bride who puts her bridesmaids in bright green because it’s her lifelong favorite color than go to another wedding with bridesmaids in blush gowns because it’s supposed to be aesthetically pleasing.

      1. In moderation for the double T’s, I think. Trying again:

        Good Lord. I am getting married this weekend and up until now I have been blissfully ignorant of Style Me Pre*t*t*y. And now I can’t look away… Today’s wedding has, like thirteen or fourteen bridesmaids! Can’t. Look. Away.

        And Anonymous at 3:25 p.m., you will be pleased to know that my dress is bright green (with matching veil) and my Man of Honor is wearing bright blue… ;) I don’t think he’d go for the flowery robe, somehow!

    7. If you want to match, but aren’t interested in spending the money, the last wedding I was in the bridge “recommended” we all wear chambray button downs while getting ready, so we didn’t mess up our hair and makeup. Nearly everyone has one of those. Or you could even purchase at Old Navy for your maids on the cheap. (Bonus – everyone got to wear pants of their choosing, so no flashing.)

      1. +1 I asked my girls to wear flannel button downs. Everyone got to either use a shirt they already had or buy somethingt of their choosing that they would wear again, but we were coordinated so it looked cute in photos.

        1. Go to hell? Is it not enough a bought a dress you asked for? Now I need to be suitable costumed to get ready to wear it?

          No. No no. Let them wear whatever they want.

          1. Wow. This seems like a rather extreme over reaction.

            I do think it’s weird to dictate what your bridesmaids wear while putting on makeup, but this doesn’t response doesn’t seem force appropriate to me.

          3. I hate weddings and hate bridesmaid dresses and hate everything and I think these flannel/chambray ideas are fun.

        2. If a bride requested that I wear a chambray button down or plaid button down in order to get ready for her wedding my eyes would roll so far back into my head they’d disappear forever. “Nearly everyone has one of those” – I don’t, although I would feel like I had to buy one or risk ruining the goddamn getting ready wedding photos. Honestly, the “bridemaids are my Barbie dolls to dress however I want so that I get the photos I want” madness needs to stop.

          1. I think it depends a lot on what expenses the bride is covering. If you’re asking bridesmaids to buy a dress and shoes and pay for their own hair and makeup, then yeah asking them to buy any kind of “getting ready” outfit is absurd. I paid for their dresses and hair/makeup, so I felt completely fine asking them to wear silver-ish shoes and a solid color button down for getting ready. I don’t think anyone actually had to buy anything, and if someone had had to, it would have been way less than what most bridesmaids spend on the dress.

          2. They are still your friends or family members who you presumably love and respect. I agree that the bride paying for the ridiculous getup takes some of the indignity out of having to wear mandated, matching outfits, but it doesn’t change that there is absolutely no compelling reason that all your friends need to wear the same thing while putting their makeup on before your wedding even starts. The picture-perfect wedding expectations are just getting to be too much.

          3. yeah. Asking your bridesmaids to wear a button/zip shirt for hair and makeup? Fair. Dictating that they spend their own money on ANOTHER MATCHY THING if they don’t already own it? Bridezilla.

            I didn’t even have the photographer during the “getting ready” hours. We took a few pics on our regular cameras but the idea of a daylong girly photoshoot a la Taymerica? Just sounds exhausting. Plus, now speaking from years later, I can’t imagine I’d be treasuring the “here’s the random makeup person applying blush to me” photos anyway.

          4. gosh i’m glad i’m a little older, so i can either politely NOPE out of weddings i don’t want to be in, or, largely, trust my friends not to make me buy a f*ing Getting Ready Shirt.

            i treasure my wedding photos, but i hate how much weddings have just become photo shoots. aren’t you celebrating your marriage too?

        3. The problem is that this stuff is trickling into every aspect of the wedding. I’ve seen brides request that bridesmaids wear specific, matching outfits for each event in a multi-day bridal shower. It is out of control.

          2. My SIL did this. They had coordinated dresses for the bachelorette party, for getting ready, and for the wedding. Not only did she do this, but her friends did it for weddings she was in as well, according to FB photos. I think it’s way over the top and strange, and would object to it if I were ever asked to do something like that. Seriously, how do pictures not look good if everyone in them is wearing different things? Since when is it true that photos of people in non-matching outfits are bad photos?

          3. YES. The most recent atrocity I’ve seen is requiring troupes or women to wear matching sashes denoting your presence in the wedding party/party related to a wedding while out in public. The worst offender is “Bride Tribe.”

          4. I assume the bride tribe sashes are to get free drinks at the bachelorette, right? That’s probably a solid investment. Sashes are cheaper than shots. Wear a sash, get free shots.

          5. I assume the bride tribe sashes are to get free drinks at the bachelor 3t t 3, right? That’s probably a solid investment. Sashes are cheaper than shots. Wear a sash, get free shots.

    9. If you like them but don’t want to impose them on your bridesmaids, get a nice one for yourself!

  12. What are your favorite brands for blazers that you can wear with dresses? I’m trying to simplify my work wardrobe to just sheath dresses + jackets. I feel like a lot of jackets look like they’re too long when I try them on with a dress.

    1. I don’t have any specific brands to recommend, but I think jackets to wear with sheath dresses are generally best when they are more of the “chanel” style – so collarless and hit between your natural waist and hips. More traditional style jackets (collared, hit around hip length) to me don’t look as polished or coordinating.

    2. My favorites are from The Limited and (I think) Classiques Entier. I like ones that are shorter (slightly above hip height), have a more clearly defined waist, and a collar. I also don’t really buy blazers with the intention of buttoning them (for this purpose), because I could never get the fit quite right without extensive tailoring. I also have the J Crew schoolboy and the one that fits my shoulders is boxy and the one that is less boxy is a tad too tight in the shoulders and I should really donate it.

    3. I am doing the same, though A-line dresses are also in the mix. I agree with Maddie Ross as to all the above. I recently purchased a 1-button jacked from The Limited’s suiting collection; their jackets hit high, so I feel they’re suitable (hah) for a dress. The collar is fairly slim. I am very pleased.

    4. AT and BB having been doing pretty well lately. But it’s also know your size/fit. I’m a petite and their petite sizing works for me.

  13. Any podcast suggestions? I’ve recently started listening to them and absolutely love them! Non-mainstream ones are preferred. I don’t think I can handle one more Serial, Freakonomics or This American Life suggestion.

    2. Smart Enough to Know Better is really great, though they haven’t been putting out new episodes lately. I’m also enjoying Revolutions.

      If you want something that will make you laugh so hard you can’t listen to it while you’re driving, try My Dad Wrote a P o r n o. Seriously, I thought I was going to crash my car and had to turn it off.

    3. I was *just* thinking about this today. I have a very long commute, and consequently, a LOT of podcasts in my regular rotation:

      – The Motley Fool podcasts. There are 3 or 4 daily podcasts, and 1 weekly podcast. The Rule-Breaker podcast is great for advice that is very targeted to the individual investor.
      – West Wing Weekly
      – America’s Test Kitchen
      – The Presidential podcast
      – Science Vs.
      – The Sporkful. Deep, deep dive into food. Love it.
      – Pop Culture Happy Hour. Weekly podcast about tv, movies, music, entertainment, but really thoughtful and analytical.
      – Reply All. Hard to summarize – weekly deep dive into issues that arise from a weird intersection of technology and life.
      – Slate Money – Super wonky analysis of the week’s economic and/or financial news.
      – Question of the Day
      – Fresh Air
      – Radiolab
      – 99% Invisible
      – On the Media
      – Left, Right, and Center
      – APM Marketplace
      – Planet Money
      – Dear Sugar.
      – Longest Shortest Time.
      – Things Your Mom Never Told You – I don’t love it, but a lot of my friends do.
      – The Mortified Podcast – Kind of like The Moth
      – The Moth
      – Death, Sex, and Money
      – Note to Self
      – Slate’s Working podcast

    4. What are you interests? I listen to podcasts literally 4-5 hours a day, so I’ve been through a bunch, but they can vary so widely based on taste, hobbies, interests.

    5. Call Your Girlfriend! Not for everyone, but good fit for liberal-leaning feminists or baby feminists with an interest in the world.

      2. I’ve been enjoying “Throwing Shade” which bills itself as a “weekly podcast taking all the issues important to ladies and gays and treating them with much less respect than they deserve.”

        1. Throwing Shade and 2 Dope Queens are my very favorite podcasts right now. Enthusiastic thumbs up!

    6. I don’t know why, but I kind of hate Freakonomics. I don’t like Malcolm Gladwell’s Revisionist History either, though others seem to enjoy it.

      My current slate it:

      Science Vs.
      Politically Re-Active with W. Kamau Bell & Hari Kondabolu
      Slate’s Political Gabfest
      NPR Politics
      Sooo Many White Guys
      Radiolab’s More Perfect (no new episodes recently)
      2 Dope Queens
      Embedded (between seasons)
      Surprisingly Awesome
      Ask Me Another
      Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me
      Reply All
      Death Sex & Money
      Invisibilia (between seasons)
      Radiolab
      Hidden Brain
      Planet Money

      1. I completely agree about both. I listened to the entire first season of Revisionist History and couldn’t get into it, and I feel like I don’t fit in with any of my friends anymore.

      1. Ooh this one sounds really good. It’s so easy to forget the details of the presidential races once someone wins so it should be interesting to relive these or learn something new.

    8. I LOVE podcasts. My favorites:

      The Message
      The Black Tapes
      True Crime Garage
      You Must Remember This
      GPS with Fareed Zakaria
      WTF
      The Nerdist
      More Perfect
      Stuff You Missed in History Class
      Bitch Sesh By Alene Too
      How Did This Get Made

      1. A fellow Whispering Alene!!! Are you in the Facebook group? I honestly think we could be BFF solely based on your podcast list. Check out “Throwing Shade”!

    9. Keeping it 1600 – about politics.

      Two former Obama staffers laughing at the Trump campaign while at the same time being absolutely terrified he might actually win.

      Gives really interesting insights to the mechanics of a campaign, e.g., the strategy of setting expectations low for a debate for your candidate and high for the other.

    10. Oh No Ross and Carrie. I discovered it on the NPR earbud website. I recommend starting with the Mormon investigation episode.

    11. So if you’re into the fiction podcasts (serial dramas) then there are some great ones:
      Welcome to Nightvale,
      TANIS
      The Black Tapes
      The Bright Sessions

      Some other non-fiction:
      The allusionist (Language related)
      Lore
      Futility Closet (This is a great podcast)
      You Must Remember This (History of Hollywood)

  14. I’m having surgery next week. It’s not ‘routine’ per se, but not open heart or anything. Still, it’s surgery with full anesthesia.

    I’m married 3 years, no kids. We don’t have any legal docs apart from a marriage certificate – no power of attorney/will/medical-decisions-type governing documents. Is that necessary? I’m in MA, if that matters. I don’t expect anything to go wrong of course, but want to have some sort of reasonable preparedness in case of emergency. Any advice, or is the fact we’re married enough for DH to be granted decision making rights, etc? Should I scribble something on paper and sign it so that we have it ‘document’ in case of emergency?

    1. Sometimes the hospital has forms for you to use. But it’s helpful to sit with Beloved Partner and go through options of pain management, quality of life issues, etc.

    2. If you’re legally married, it should be fine. If you just had a “wedding” so you could gift grab from your friends and family, you need an additional document. ;) (Hope all goes well with the surgery!)

      2. No, a thousand times no! In my state, it doesn’t matter if you are married. Call a qualified attorney ASAP and get your will, poa and living will done before surgery!! I had a new client call on Tuesday saying he was going in for surgery Saturday and we managed to get his documents done and executed Thursday. They should and probably will charge a premium for such short notice but it’s much better than the alternative!

    3. Sometimes hospitals can provide an advanced directive. My hospital gave me one for labor/delivery. I mean yes, the fact that you are married is enough for your husband to be granted decision making rights but then you have those weird one-off cases like Terri Schiavo with parents arguing….so It’s better to be safe than sorry.

    4. No need. Docs will defer to your husband. But it is time to think about any preferences you have. You will get through the surgery fine, but this is a perfect door to discussing if you have ANY preferences if something were to happen and you can’t speak for yourself.

      We all could be hit by a car tomorrow.

      I really want my organs to be donated for example. One of my friends doesn’t want to be intubated or shocked no matter what. It’s also fine to trust your spouse’s judgment, if you do. but if you have any strong feelings now is the time to say them.

      1. For your friend, please make sure he or she speaks with a lawyer. The legal requirements for do not resuscitate are much higher than just who gets to make decisions. Absent a legally binding DNR, medical personnel usually have to try.

        1. A lawyer and maybe someone who understands the circumstances in which you might get “shocked.” It’s not always something that happens when you’re horribly injured and quality of life will be terrible if you survive. I’ve been defibrillated, because I went into sudden cardiac arrest due to severe dehydration – I can’t imagine that your friend would really want lifesaving treatment to be withheld in those circumstances (note: once recovered, I was fine from a physical health perspective, although the whole experience was un-fun. I do not remember the defribrillation, obvs). I mean, maybe she would, but I have to feel like she’s not aware of all of the circumstances in which that treatment is used.

          1. Appreciate your excellent points.

            My friend is well aware of the issues and has a DNR/DNI and her family is aware.

            I just put that up there as an example of things that younger folks like us never think about, but really should be discussed anytime you are going into surgery or a major procedure.

          2. I know I don’t know you or your friend, but this makes me sad…I wouldn’t be here if I hadn’t been defibrillated, and again, I had no lasting physical effects. If I’d died from dehydration because I had a DNR that prohibited defribrillation…that just seems like such an awful outcome (and so unnecessary). Do you know why your friend is opposed to it?

          3. +1 to cbackson. And the same thing applies to intubation. A friend’s husband was intubated in an emergency and is now an extremely healthy 35 year old who runs marathons. I understand not wanting to be a brain dead vegetable, but there are plenty of people who are intubated or defibrillated and turn out completely fine, physically and mentally. As the daughter and granddaughter of doctors, it’s just mind-boggling to me that someone would choose to die rather than having a quick procedure that could easily save their life.

    5. The hospital should have its own health care proxy form for you to sign before the surgery (IIRC when I went in for minor surgery I got one…since it was under general).

      Also, they should defer to your DH but in MA, the health care proxy is not a hard, binding document, it just serves to clarify your preferences.

    6. I would sign a power of attorney (for financial matters). If there’s an incapacitating event during surgery, it would be helpful for your husband to have access to all of your separate accounts. In my state, there’s a free version of our POA on the Secretary of State’s webs*te. I would check online and at least fill that out. (Agree that your husband should be fine to make medical decisions).

  15. Are ear crawlers appropriate for a professional office? Crawlers are the kind of earring that “crawls” up you outer ear. Sometimes, you wear matching studs and a crawler up one ear but not the other. Bauble bar has a few, including the “Hatshepsut” ear duo.

    I’m west coast, in a law firm that focuses on start-up clients. We don’t go to court or have regular face-to-face meetings with the few institutional clients we serve. I’m well established in my group and with my clients. I tend to dress conservatively but wear statement jewelry like c*cktail rings, bib necklaces, and threader earrings. I have a very short haircut so my ears are visible.

    Would a crawler earring be akin to non-traditional piercings or just another statement piece?

    Thanks!

    1. Totally acceptable.

      But, I have a non-traditional piercing so. I wear a nose stud. I work in a business casual office, in a conservative southern city. I otherwise dress conservatively, but I like my nose stud and I’m not taking it out.

    2. I think it depends on your outfit. I always say that you can get away with doing one thing ‘wrong’, if everything else is right.

      For me, it is sweaters that might be just a little too casual. But everything else is 100% business.

    3. Late reply, but it sounds like they’re fine given what you’ve said about your workplace.

      I also tend to dress pretty conservatively and simply in my biz casual office, but I have a pixie and love wearing interesting earrings. I’ve also gradually been “pushing it” with my haircut and now have a half-shaved head. It’s awesome.

  17. First year attorney here. I have three weeks next July between first and second year (mandated by firm policy) and I want to go on a good trip. My husband can take off 2 weeks. Where should we go? Not Europe, we both spent a lot of time there growing up. Budget is under $8k. We love nature, hiking, outdoorsy stuff as well as history.

    2. I would go multiple places in South America – Peru, Bolivia, Argentina, Chile, etc. It is probably the wrong time of year for Patagonia, but it is high season for the Inca trail (book at least 6 months ahead of time).

    3. Thailand! It’s the rainy season but it doesn’t usually rain all day so you’ll still be able to see a lot. And it’s off-season, so there are cheaper prices and fewer crowds.

      1. I second this, but I’d limit my time in Thailand and add Vietnam, because it’s my fav. (and Thailand was not, I guess). You’ll get a great mix of beautiful nature (go to the beach in Hoi An! chill by the Mekong in Luang Prabang! stay at the Ban Pako eco-lodge in the jungle!) and history (Angkor Wat and surrounding! Plain of Jars! maybe Hue?!).

    5. Curious if you work in the US or not. I’ve never heard of a law firm having associates take 3 weeks off between first and second year and am wondering if there’s some unicorn firm I’m not aware of.

    6. Cool. Might be stating the obvious but since you can take 3 weeks, might be worth the cheaper pricing to go Wednesday to Wednesday and help hubby pack/prep and unpack before and after.

      I’ve always wanted to do the western Canada train along the Rockies. I forget where it starts but it ends in Vancouver (and I know it’s not the Olympics anymore) but I really want to go there now that I read the fav travel post above.

      Other options: Iceland, Alaska

      1. Just did ten days in western Canada and it was amazing! Totally a great place to consider as summer was perfect weather, it was totally affordable and there were tons of wonderful hiking and active things to do.

    7. Grand Canyon raft trip – preferably 16 day rowing trip rather than motor trip. The most stunning and fascinating place I have visited in any country.

    8. Indonesia and Malaysia (they’re the one part of SE Asia that doesn’t have a rainy season in July). I wouldn’t recommend most of the rest of East/SE/South Asia that time of year. I also would not go to Argentina or Chile that time of year, it would be pretty cold (parts of Peru will be too). If you want to go to South America, maybe Colombia, Ecuador, and/or Bolovia – their weather is pretty similar year-round.

    9. Nepal, Namibia, Japan are all great options.

      Have you considered hiking the John Muir trail? You have just enough time and it’s the right time of year. Kilimanjaro might also be something to consider.

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