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Updated: Oct 30, 2018 136 Comments · by

Coffee Break: Prism Heels

Coffee Break

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kirkwood-prism-heel-pumpsOooh: a 2″ heel that is not only fashionable, but one of the Barneys' team's favorite heels (according to an email newsletter I can no longer find)? Sign me up. I like the winey purple color here, and the gold, prism-shaped heel — while unusual — seems pretty demure considering the height. Love. The pictured shoes are $595 at Barneys New York, but they're also available at Saks, Bergdorf Goodman, and FarFetch (where they have a taller, stripey prism heel on sale for $292). NICHOLAS KIRKWOOD Prism-Heel Pumps P.S. Ooh, I haven't seen Sarah Flint shoes online before, but Barneys has a decent selection. P.P.S. Looking for a more affordable option? These $129 heels are so cute they may have to be a featured selection on their own sometime soon (available at Zappos and Nordstrom). (L-all)

Sales of note for 9.10.24

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Comments

  1. Professional hair?

    I posted in the morning thread for advice about to say when people say my hair is unprofessional (I’m of Irish decent and Caucasian but I have an African ancestor and my blonde hair is the same texture as my African ancestor). It’s always a sensitive subject because I know it’s not the same because I am Caucasian and I always tread carefully when discussing it. Thanks to the hive for all your thoughtful comments and advice.

    • SG

      You might already know about these sites but I will recommend them anyway: (1)naturalhavenbloom dot com. I do not want to put a link incase this goes to moderation. The site has lots of info about curly/kinky hair written by someone with a background in hair science. There are also sites like black girl with long hair and curlynikki with info about styling. Your curly hair is not unprofessional, don’t let anyone make you think it is.

  3. socks

    Anyone have ideas for a gift box for a friend moving to India?

    My friend came to the US for graduate school and is now moving back to her home country. I was thinking it would be fun to put together a little gift basket of things she might miss or have difficulty finding at home. So far I have: extras of her favorite drugstore makeup (she’s dark-skinned and apparently it’s really difficult to find makeup there if you aren’t pale?), a selection of chocolate from Trader Joe’s (any other TJs recs?), a jar of Better than Bouillon, since she’s mentioned she likes to cook. Any other suggestions would be great!

    • Wanderlust

      Postcards from your city, pictures of the two of you, “uniquely” American foods, such as fun flavored potato chips…?

    • S

      This is a thoughtful gift! I’ve been to India a few times (Indian-American here). Your ideas are all great! I will warn that chocolate melts very quickly en route to India, so I recommend sealing in a Ziploc bag. A tote from your graduate school would be cool, because plastic bags are being banned across many states in India. You’re a nice friend!

    • Anonymous

      Oreos, peanut butter, and salsa are the American foods I miss the most when abroad.

      • Sydney Bristow

        My SIL misses goldfish crackers and Girl Scout cookies the most. She stocks up when she is in the US and send them to her sometimes throughout the year.

      • Anonymous

        My good friend who lives abroad misses Reese’s Pieces and Girl Scout cookies.

      • Anon

        Wouldn’t do Oreos – they have them in India now. I’m pretty sure salsa isn’t available and peanut butter is starting to be available but not widely — so Reeses are a good choice.

    • Anon

      You can now buy SO much of what’s sold in America in India as well now — but I always feel like peanut butter isn’t a thing there yet. So if she likes them — something like Reeses? Also I’d give one keepsake gift as well — not just consumables. Something from your grad school – like a shirt or bag or something she could use at work or home? Did she adopt any sports teams while she was here? You could give her something that team’s logo if she’s into that sort of thing.

      • lost academic

        Must agree, my Indian roommate and her Indian friends couldn’t stand peanut butter and were disgusted by the concept of it (obv all people are different, but since this is a native Indian moving home vs someone raised here moving to India…)

    • Anon

      Tshirt or keepsake from the school you met at. I find that the school tshirts are always a conversation starter at the gym :)

      Fun lipsticks, face creams or the like that she would enjoy using back home.

    • Anne Elliott

      Most Indians couldn’t care less about peanut butter, tbh. They’re a big thing only in the US.

      I’d do a skincare package. Plus sunscreen. Figure out what she likes to wear and get her stuff like that.
      many Indians wear far less makeup than their US sisters. E.g. It’s rare to see eyeshadow and blush at work. Usually just lipstick and maybe eyeliner. It’s a hot and dusty country so women usually wear loose powder and no foundation.

  4. Anon

    Has anyone here ever been diagnosed with cellulitis? I was just diagnosed with cellulitis of the left bre*st, which seems kind of weird – there’s no entry wound, no fever or anything like that, and it seems very uncommon for it to be diagnosed on that body part. I’m wondering if I should push harder for more investigation of this mysterious redness/lump on the left side. TIA!

    • Anonymous

      Yes, actually. On my breast, twice. My doctor said a common culprit is a sweaty sports bra after working out. All it takes is a microscopic cut for bacteria to enter into and get infected. Its also apparently common among nursing mothers, which doesn’t apply to me but may apply to you.

      • Anon

        Hm, also not nursing but good to know about sports bras. I always try to change out of them quickly, but will be extra cautious now just in case that happened to me. Did a course of antibiotics do the trick for you?

        • Anonymous

          Agree with other poster… it can happen.

          But if it does not resolve quickly with antibiotics and if it is associated with a lump it should be followed up. If it is painful, then it is more consistent with an infection.

      • Anonymous

        Ditto. I had it when I was nursing. Antibiotics sorted it out with no further recurrence.

  5. BigLaw Mommies

    Are there any BigLaw Mommies who have worked through having children, have a working spouse, live far (like a plane trip) from family? How long have you made it work? The *only* people I’ve see make it work for long have non- or nominally-working spouse, local family, or two nannies (or 60+ hours of childcare per week).

    I have two in elementary school and it is just nuts and I don’t see this working out long term.

    I could take a pay cut and go part-time, but while it is easy to get PT $, I doubt the work would scale back to match (it would be like being on-call all the time probably, waiting for the 80% of work to come in). Hiring more first years at work doesn’t help.

    If you have made this work (like all the way through high school with normal kids and an intact marriage), could you pls write a book / have a blog?

    • Anonymous

      Well, being on call is very different than being in front of a computer working. You can do household chores or see your kids while you wait for the work to come in. How does your firm handle it if you work more than the 80%? At my firm, your salary is adjusted. So if full-time is 2000 and you go on an 80% schedule where you’re expected to bill 1600 and then you end up billing 1900, you get paid 95% of your salary, not 80%. So there’s no possible financial downside to going part-time. I would try it and see if it helps things. It doesn’t have to be a forever thing – you can ramp up again when your kids are older and more independent or if your spouse is able to cut back his or her hours at some point.

      • Anonymous

        I think the problem is that you don’t work shifts. If work comes in at 4 on deadline on something you’re staffed on, you just have to do it then. So you may not really be able to keep any sort of schedule or have any downtime b/c in a 12-hour span, you might have 6 hours of work show up, depending on how you’re staffed.

        The only people I knew who had this work for them long-term were either people who just wrote appellate briefs (so on a schedule and at their pace and no trial work at all) or seemed to do mainly lobbying. There is flexibility (work from home) and yet no flexibility (a deadline is a deadline).

        • nutella

          Yes, this is the problem I think with the part time setup at most biglaw firms. One associate in lit was doing this and was on her way out when I left (she was about 8 months in to the part time setup and miserable). I don’t know how senior you are, but this was especially a problem for her in our environment of all male partners except for 4 women who did not have children. (Nothing wrong with that, but she certainly identified that it was an uphill battle for her due to a lack of understanding from the partners.) This was litigation but it was a problem on the transactional side, too. There was one associate in trusts and estates who seemed to have a clearer boundary, but I don’t know if that was due to how small the team was, the nature of the practice (this was drafting, not litigating), her all-female partner heads, or maybe all three factors. Also don’t know how longterm her happiness was with that setup. Good luck to you; it really stinks. Everyone I know left for somewhere smaller, government, in-house, left work all together, or has a mostly stay-at-home spouse or fulltime grandma/nanny but even those most aren’t sure they want to remain in biglaw.

        • Anonymous

          Yes, and it’s certainly unrealistic to expect that cutting back to part-time will allow you to work a 9-6 schedule. But lowering your billable hour requirement can give you some much needed breathing room when there’s not an urgent assignment. I don’t know about you, but when I was an associate in Big Law there were plenty of times I didn’t have anything to get done that day, but I worked until 7 or 8 pm because I needed to get my 8 billable hours in for the day. If I’d had a 1600 hour minimum instead of a 2000 hour minimum, I would have been able to leave the office by 6 pm much more frequently.

          • Anonymous

            *I mean…”I didn’t have anything that had to get done that day.” There was always lots of real work to be done and I certainly wasn’t doing busywork just to bill it, but it wasn’t always urgent and if I’d had a lower minimum I would certainly have worked less. Maybe not 20% less but definitely less.

      • Scarlett

        Beware not all firms work this way – mine did not; if you went 80%, salary was 80% regardless of what you billed. If you were lucky, you could get an hours bonus if you went over your target. There was definitely a financial downside and in hindsight, I would never have gone “part time.”

    • Anon

      Why not get full time household help for 40-60 hrs/wk? Someone who takes care of the kids but also meals, laundry, cleaning, groceries etc. That would mean that when you’re home, all you’re doing is spending time with your kids – not trying to figure out whether you need to go buy food for dinner and then cooking it and cleaning up?

    • Ally McBeal

      I’ve made it work so far and my kids are now at the beginning of elementary school. We have close to 60 hours of childcare a week — 8-6 at school, then an evening nanny two nights a week. No local family. My husband has huge flexibility, but works a ton of hours. And I’m on a part time schedule, which really works for me because I just have a lower billable target – so it’s totally worth the pay cut. I outsource laundry and cleaning. I’m not a partner but for right now, this is working. We’ll see how long I make it.

      I would seriously consider going part time. It will take a little while for you to feel the impact – it usually won’t get you out of existing cases or projects – but it may allow you to scale back over the next few months. Go part time, then re-assess in six months to see if it’s working.

      • OP

        Maybe that is what I am doing wrong. I have school/after care just from 8-5 and I’m FT. I was hoping to be more present in their lives and less harried. But if I would still need 60 hours of care on a PT schedule, that is not what I’d hoped to hear. [Plus, much harder on the money front — I’d need a PT nanny and I’d probably have to stay FT for that, but I’m not sure I can bear FT much longer.]

        • anon-oh-no

          My husband and I are both Biglaw partners. we have school aged kids (1st and 4th grade). We have done just about every possible type of child care, but we now have an au pair and it is literally the best thing ever.

          You get 45 hours of child care a week (don’t really need more than that for kids in school). She does the kids laundry, helps clean up after them, and has dinner waiting for us so we can all eat together (or whichever one of us is in town …) at night. We also have cleaning ladies that come once a week and do the rest of the laundry as well as general cleaning. My husband and I actually spend more time (certainly quality time) with the kids than we did with other forms of child care and if a call pops up or we have to stay late, the kids don’t get too put out because they are with the au pair, who they love like a sister.

          Other benefit of an au pair is the expense, or lack there of. Its much, much cheaper than daycare/nanny etc.

          • Ally McBeal

            My current life goal is to make enough money to buy a bigger house so we can hire an au pair.

        • Ally McBeal

          I don’t think 8-5 is remotely sustainable for a full time lawyer (or even a part time lawyer). We have 8-6 care through school, and our evening babysitter picks up the kids twice a week and handles bedtime with them. I know a lot of people would scream about missing out on dinner with the kids, but for me, having two long days at work is essential to getting things done and often allows me to take the weekend to really be home and present. I also think that the daily routine of pick-up and drop-off is brutal and am happy to outsource that a few nights a week. Our evening babysitter only works 7 hours a week, which is not a lot of money but life-changing in terms of sanity.

    • me too

      I’m a senior associate in biglaw on pace for 2200+, DH is a midlevel at a busy plaintiffs’ firm, we have a 1 year old in full time daycare and I am losing my mind and basically have no time to myself, no time for my husband, and no time for my marriage. Celibate since conceiving because I have no interest and I can’t find the time or energy to care because I’m barely holding it (work, child responsibilities) together as it is. There is no way we can have another kid in this mess. I think we need an evening nanny already. I don’t want to get divorced but I have no time and also community property is definitely not in my favor. I’m pushing through this year because I want a market bonus but may have to go part time next year because this is totally unsustainable.

      • >^- -^

        You sound miserable. (not like a miserable personality, just like you feel miserable).

        I don’t know about your life your relationships. One thing I AM SURE OF, though–this firm gives no f!$_ks about you or your family. In 10 years, almost none of the same people will be there.

        I know it’s great $ and great training. But, I would think long and hard about how much you’re willing to sacrifice to be a success there, or to get an extra 50K (or whatever market bonus is).

        signed: also an attorney with small kids, having a moment of clarity on a fashion blog

      • Another thought

        What about an au pair if your house is set up for it? They could provide an extra few hours of childcare in mornings, evenings, weekends and I’ve heard it works out to be much more reasonable than a nanny.

        But regardless, my personal opinion is that you need to take a deep breath and hire more childcare. Even if that is not financially sustainable long term. Commit to more childcare for a month or two months so that you can get back on your feet in your marriage and your life. Much cheaper than burnout or divorce.

        FWIW I am also big law with a one year old and a spouse who works a ton and parents who are out of town.

        • me too

          Thanks but we’re in a high COLA and don’t have a bedroom for an au pair, unfortunately. High COLA also makes extra childcare very pricey, but you’re both right that we need to hire more because burnout and/or divorce are worse. As soon as I find the time to interview them and pick one. You’re right that the firm gives no fs about me, but that $100k pre-tax bonus is my kid’s college fund.

          • anon

            Have you run the numbers to see how much longer you need to stay to accomplish your goals? That big chunk of a college fund has plenty of time (15+years) to develop some appreciable returns.

          • Another thought

            I’m also in HCOLA (bay area). I will not argue that it’s insanely expensive. Assuming you decide to throw money at this, what about two evenings/week, plus five hours on a Sunday, from staff at existing daycare, for the next month? We hire daycare staff on ad hoc basis for $22/hr (going rate).

          • But

            But you’re taking home ~$65k of that? I mean, it’s real money, but idk how many people youd meet would sign up for a divorce and being very unhappy for foreseeable future for that $$$

      • Anonymous

        Can your husband reduce his workload and take on more home/childcare work in a way that will make your life easier?

      • Anonymous

        I feel your pain. At about the same time as you (my first was a year old) I nearly had a breakdown at work. Or basically did have a breakdown. A partner and I that I had never worked for really butted heads and it ended up with me in tears, in front of her. She held it over me for the next month or so, all while I was slowly dying inside. In retrospect, I think it was postpartum depression, but I was so “in it” that I couldn’t even recognize it. I left BigLaw and the money. At the end of the day, what is the point of living? Is it to be miserable while swimming in cash or is it to enjoy the husband you love and the child you are going through all of this for. Don’t get me wrong, I sometimes miss being able to spend money on whatever I want, whenever I want. But at the end of the day, more time with my child and my husband are WAY more important.

    • Anon

      I have not, but my boss has done it – in finance, not in law, but still working 80+ hour weeks and made Partner during that time. She has 3 kids, a husband who has a flexible (but still very demanding and time consuming job), and her family lives in a different country that is very far away – like 8 hour flight. She has a live-in nanny. Her kids are all in school now, so I think that takes the burden off quite a bit, but I’m sure it was a struggle for the first years when they are young. She always comments that her schedule has really freed up now that the kids are older. I expect it isn’t sustainable, but it doesn’t need to be, the worst is the first few years.

      Agreed that you’ll need to outsource more and pay for more child care help to do it, but it should scale back in the longer term.

    • Anonforthis

      Not to be the helpful voice of dissent that isn’t really welcome…

      But have you considered going in-house? This was me in big-ish midlaw a year ago, and I found an in-house job and oh my gosh, night and day. The expectation of being on call all the time was actually hardest for me, and switching to a job like the rest of the world, with vacation days and sick days and nobody in the office after 9 pm, has been like coming back to life after years of twilight. The work I’m doing is more interesting and more fun. Don’t believe the hype that all the truly good lawyers stay at firms. That’s something people at firms tell themselves, and each other.

      • ELaw

        Also in-house. I really do feel like compared to my friends in Big Law I only work part time. It’s a regular 9-5 job, with extremely occasional (like once every couple of months) quick answers to emails that really can’t wait and take less than 30 minutes in the evening and on the weekends.

        The pay cut is real though. It was worth it for me, but OP YMMV.

        • Triangle Pose

          That’s funny because I make more in-house than I made in Biglaw. Granted, I left super early and this doesn’t take into account recent raises in my market to match NYC, but I was happily shocked at the numbers when it came out – 401k match and other $$$ perks, I make more now than each year at the firm – including bonuses.

        • JayJay

          I make more in-house than I did in BigLaw. I left as a 6th year associate and we weren’t NY market at my firm, but it was close. I have a MUCH better lifestyle, 2 kids under 4, my husband travels half the month, and I’ve been able to be good at work and not go crazy taking care of my kids. If in-house is an option, I highly recommend it.

      • Triangle Pose

        +1000! I don’t plan on having kids and this is still true for my entire life. Going in-house was the solution to 95% of my work and personal life problems. Biglaw was unsustainable even for me as an unmarried person with a dog.

    • Anonymous

      I am in BigLaw. I have a two and three year old. (So, we have not hit elementary school yet.) My husband works a job with a lot of hours. However, his schedule is very flexible except for one week a month where he works non-stop with no flexibility.

      We have no family nearby, and we have a nanny that works 50 hours per week. However, she is flexible about doing more. We rarely have her do more. We have cleaning ladies that clean our house top-to-bottom every other week.

      This year I will bill around 2050 hours- plus I have done another 500 hours of promotional and firm related work. I am a senior associate, and I have been told that I will likely make partner soon. I am in a niche practice area, and I have a unique skill set. For the most part, I have flexibility and autonomy. I love my job.

      I do not have much (if any) alone time. (Self-care is admittedly a problem right now.) Most of my waking hours are spent with my children or working. However, I am active in my faith community, and I serve on a board of a non-profit.

    • Anonymous

      What I’ve heard about part time is that you’re not going to be able to cut back in a way that’s proportional to your pay. So if your firm won’t pay you extra for hours worked above the agreed upon threshold, it can be a very unfair situation. Certainly, working 90% and getting paid 80% is objectively frustrating. But it sounds like you’re really at a breaking point and might benefit from cutting back. You’re unlikely to really be able to cut down to 80% but you will work less part time than you did full time, and it sounds like you could really benefit from even a few extra hours a week. At the very least, it could be a short-term solution while you figure out what you want to do long-term.

    • Anonymous

      Yes. One kid in elementary. I bill 2500 hours a year in a practice with a ton of emergencies, am basically guaranteed partnership when I am up, and have a spouse who works 60 hours a week and also travels 5 months out of the year. I make it work by:
      -we picked a school based on (1) length of care available each day, (2) whether school guarantees break and summer camp, and (3) proximity to home, because commuting time is wasted time.
      -I do drop off; spouse does pick up. This allows me to be available for late night filings, which I have a lot of. I can also do early morning calls with clients and colleagues on the East Coast before kid wakes up.
      -Daily schedule: I set up a home gym and work out at 5:30, then shower, then work for an hour before kid wakes up. Drop kid off between 7:30 and 8:00 depending on how the morning is going. At work from 8:30-6:30, then home by 7:00 for dinner. Husband picks kid up at 6, does homework and preps dinner (more on that below) before I get home. I play with kid from dinner until bedtime at 9:00, log back on for at least an hour, and often longer.
      -I do nonbillable work (billing, time entry, etc.) over the weekend at home (I naturally wake up before my family), and also spend at least a half day in the office each weekend on bilable work.
      -I have a housekeeper who works one full day a week. She cooks, cleans, washes, folds and irons.
      -I try to schedule grandparent visits (both sets are a plane ride away) for school breaks, usually with them coming to us. Occasionally we go to them and I work remotely.

    • Anon

      Is the money really worth it? I am an attorney in a mid-COL area, and it is totally normal here for women to work truly part-time hours (20-30 hours a week) while they raise their family. They may not make partner, but they earn a good living still, and have a career. Is working 60 hours a week really what makes you happy? If it is, that’s great, but I do wonder about how many people in our society work a lot to buy things that don’t really bring them any happiness.

  6. Shipping a car

    Has anyone shipped a car to Canada from the U.S.? I am looking for info on how to do this i.e. companies, what documentation is needed. I will be moving there for a 2 year contract position in Nova Scotia. At the moment I know that since I will be a temporary resident I don’t have to pay import duties but cannot sell or transfer the vehicle whilst there. Any other information would be helpful.

    • Impatient

      Not car shipping, but I know people who have done the high speed ferry from Portland, ME to Nova Scotia and had good things to say. It’s five hours and shipping your car looks to run around $199. Not sure where you’re coming from, but if you’re anywhere near the Northeast, that’s a lovely route. The CAT ferry runs June 15-Oct 1.

    • Anonymous

      I immigrated to Canada from the U.S. 10 years ago. I drove my vehicle and other belongings over the border. There is no tax on personal belongings when relocating.

      Personally, I would recommend maintaining the U.S. title and registration for the vehicle, as your stay has a defined endpoint and will be short in duration.

  8. purplesneakers

    Y’all, I need help.

    I grew up never bothering with makeup (good skin + different culture) and while I absolutely do NOT think women who don’t want to wear makeup should be forced to, I’d like some tips on the opposite… getting comfortable wearing makeup.

    I have great makeup. I even know (mostly) how to put it on. The thing I fail at is remembering to actually DO it. Which is a real shame, because I find I’m much more centred on days I take ten minutes to line my eyes, dab on powder and blush, and put on lipstick. Does anyone have any advice for me on remembering that this sort of stuff doesn’t happen automagically and I need to build time into my routine to do it?

    • Anonymous

      I don’t like this about myself, but I now have a Hated Rival at work. It has made me step up my game big time, b/c we compete for the same work from the same clients (she is a lateral hire). I need to look as good as I am, which I never felt before.

    • Anon

      It sounds like you might just be a no-makeup person. Have you tried out a new hairstyle or particular wardrobe choices that can give that same confidence boost without needing to add a whole new routine?

    • Anonymous

      I’ve had luck doing it in my car in my office parking lot. I also forget during the morning rush, but for whatever reason I can remember then. Major downside is that you have to get to work 10 min earlier or be 10 min later through the door.

    • Godzilla

      Where do you put moisturize/do your hair? Put your makeup there, right in front of you.

    • SW

      Before I get in the shower, I take every daily product I use (deodorant, dental floss, makeup, styling spray/cream, etc.) out of the cabinet and put it on my sink counter. Then I put everything back in the cabinet as I use it. When nothing is left on the sink, I’m ready to go. That’s the only way I can remember everything.

  9. Anon

    Any way to ask about a corporate invite w/o looking desperate? Was at a biglaw firm for a number of yrs and left 3 yrs ago. Every few yrs they throw a reception for alums — they invite former associates and partners who spent over x yrs at the firm. I am over x — and I haven’t gotten an invite, although my peers have. I was invited to the reception they held 2 yrs ago (when I was in the middle of a move and couldn’t go) but not to the one being held next month. Can’t think of any reason I would be excluded on purpose — I spent more than x yrs at the firm; left on good terms etc. I want to go not bc I miss them so much (I’m not close with the partners though not on bad terms or anything) but bc it’s a good way to reconnect with dozens of former associates who are now off in in house jobs, other firms etc. — the people who were my colleagues but not necessarily close enough to me that I can just randomly email them to ask them to lunch. I almost want to email an admin person and ask — hey are you doing an alumni reception this yr, would love to participate. But then it’s a stuffy law firm — I keep thinking maybe I was excluded for a reason so that admin person would have to ask a partner if I could come, and then the partnership would yuck it up over how I am sooo desperate that I’m asking for an invite . . . . What does the hive think?

    • anon

      I think you just email the department in charge of these things (marketing?) and ask. I doubt the partners are running a detailed comb-though of the invite list

    • Maddie Ross

      Are you in-house, or at another firm? IME, these tend to be more for in-house people, even if the lateral move was on good terms. So if you’re at another firm, you may be excluded so as not to be competing for client contacts, etc. If you’re in-house, shame on them for not inviting you. I’d probably reach out to an attorney there I knew and ask. I’d only reach out to admin if there was a specific person there who handled this type of event planning (i.e., I wouldn’t reach out to an old secretary or something).

      • Anon

        OP here — thanks. I’m NOT at another firm (I know the firm does sometimes do events where they exclude folks from other law firms as competition – typically this isn’t one of those events). I know/used to know the admin person who coordinates this or is at least involved. Figured it would be the least “petty” to ask her — rather than asking my closer contacts at the firm who are junior partners, who will likely have to end up justifying if/why some people are excluded. The admin can either send me an invite or just ignore me.

        • Anonymous

          Do you have a friend who is also an alum who can email on your behalf?

          “Looking forward to the alumni event. Was talking to [OP] and we realized she didn’t receive an invitation. Would you please re-send?”

        • cbackson

          I don’t think it’s petty at all – I ask for invites to stuff like this all the time and I’d just say something like “Is the alumni event being held this year? I’d love to attend.” They’re networking opportunities, not social events (obviously, it’s really not cool to ask for a social invitation).

    • P

      I’m at a stuffy firm. The people who are in charge of this sort of thing are not always competent. Absolutely ask for an invite. I’d ask one of the lawyers there whom you know because it’s a great excuse to stay in touch. You could frame it generally – “ran into X and was thinking of Firm. Would love to be included in any alumni networking events that you might have.”

      • Anon1

        This. At my firm there is NO partner assigned to the alumni event, which means it is put together entirely by the Marketing dept. You’d be shocked what qualifies for competence in that department. It really could be ANYTHING — like last time you RSPV-ed and said “sorry I’m moving,” and they take that to me — she lives in Alaska now and will never ever come to NYC again for an event, off the list for all future events . . . .

          • Anonymous

            Yeah. Not everyone who reads this s!te is a lawyer. Plenty of us are marketing professionals. Way to be a jerk.

        • Anon1

          Get a grip. Maybe you all are awesome marketing professionals wherever you work. At my particular biglaw firm, as well as many others I know of, support departments like marketing are complete disasters and the people who work there aren’t the most competent. Is that truly impossible?

    • Anon in Biglaw

      Our alum coordinator left so I think some alum things are falling through the cracks while they find a replacement. Perhaps your email info was typed in incorrectly or was missed via a transition? Definitely worth reaching out as alum departments LOVE knowing what alums are up to :)

      • Anonymous

        I work in midlaw and staff is stretched so thin. I can’t imagine having an alumni coordinator but it’s got to be one of those things that pays off if you have the right person in the role!

        • Anon1

          I’m in biglaw at a firm that doesn’t have an alum coordinator — so our alum event is handled by some disorganized combo of Marketing and Recruiting. Marketing is a disaster, so Recruiting steps in to help out since they are used to throwing events — except Recruiting doesn’t care about this events bc it’s not like they are recruiting to bring alums back into the firm (with very very rare exception).

          I think alumni things are only good if done right. Otherwise — as with OP — you forget people, leave out people etc. — and then you have alums in good standing feeling insulted or wondering if there’s some issue, which is NEVER good from a long term relationship building/maybe this person could kick over business to us in a few yrs – perspective . . . .

    • bridget

      Unless you did something embarrassing at the last event or have been publicly reprimanded for malpractice, just send an email to the admin and stop overthinking it, already.

      Just say you enjoyed the two you went to and want to know if there is another one scheduled.

  10. Secondee

    I’m in my mid-twenties and have been seconded to New York from my firm’s London office for 6 months. Do you have any recommendations for must-sees whilst I’m in the city? I don’t anticipate that I’ll be working BigLaw hours, so I should hopefully have a decent number of weekends and evenings free to sightsee. I’ve travelled with two other associates from the firm with whom I’m friendly, but I’m wary of us needing some time apart to decompress, so I’d be very grateful for recommendations for solo activities or ways to get to know other people in the city.

    • Anon in Biglaw

      I would do the circle line around manhattan when you get a chance and the weather is good. there’s a lot of history/sightseeing on that trip.

      I would do the Met/MoMA, eat at NYC restaurants (cheesecake at juniors, ramen, NYC slices, drink at the frying pan or any other waterside bar) clubbing in the meatpacking since you’re mid-20s, observation deck at the freedom tower, walk the neighborhoods

    • anon a mouse

      What do you like to do? If I were in NY with lots of evenings free, I would try to see all sorts of shows. Broadway, Off-Broadway, improv, etc. But that’s just me.

      • Secondee

        Thanks, making time to see lots of shows is definitely on my list, although my thought was to save it for slightly later in the year when the evenings aren’t so lovely. Do you have any recommendations? Hamilton was obviously high on my list but I understand you can’t get tickets for love nor money. I’m also planning a trip to the UCB.

        • Emmer

          You can definitely get tickets to Hamilton now on the secondary market. It will just cost you 5-10x the price of a face value ticket.

          Make sure to see (experience?) Sleep No More!

        • Improviser

          YES YES YES to UCB! If you can, sign up for a level 101 class that meets on evenings or weekends. Great way to meet people!

    • Anonymous

      I just discovered this was a thing yesterday. And I find it fascinating. What is the arrangement? Is it like foreign exchange? Does someone from NYC go to London? Are you supposed to be trained in US law or is it more about seeing how other firms operate? Tell me everything!

      • Secondee

        It’s a fantastic opportunity. Most of the junior lawyers at my level after 18 months at the firm go on secondment, either to an oversees office or in house with a client for 3 to 6 months. It’s not quite an exchange, as there isn’t an equivalent programme for junior lawyers from all of the network offices to do the same but a number o f the European offices do send referendars to the London/US offices. We won’t be US qualified, it’s more about building an internal network within the firm to assist with multi-jurisdictional matters, and partly as a recruitment tool I think frankly. It seems pretty common across the London based firms with international offices.

        • Anonymous

          So you’re at the NYC office of your London-based firm?

          The examples I saw yesterday appeared to be a US firm and a different London firm, but I don’t know if they have any affiliation that’s less obvious.

          Enjoy the opportunity! It sounds great!

    • ELaw

      Governer’s Island is pretty, has great views of the skyline, and is not nearly as mobbed with tourists as any other sight-seeing spot in NYC.

    • Ellen

      You should definiteley go to 30 Rockefeller Plaza (Top of the Rock) sight seeing, and the Rainbow Room for dinner (on the 63rd floor, I think). There are great view’s there. For NY Deli, go to Kat’z downtown or the 2nd Avenue Deli near me. For shoppeing, there is 5th Avenue, or Lord and Taylor (at 39th Street). You will probably go to Grand Central Terminal where it is very pretty and there is food, and there is more food at Eataly around 23rd Street and 5th. If you like Sport’s (I do NOT), there is the Mets, Jets and Giants, and if you will be here for Baseball Season, you can see the Yankees too. We also have cultural event’s like Parade’s, so think of St Patrick’s Day Parade on 5th Avenue. I am sure there will be some peeople at your law firm that are nice, so if you meet a guy, he can take you out for fun. Good luck on your secondeing here. Hopefuly your manageing partner will be as nice as mine is. YAY!!!

    • anon

      NYer here. I recommend: the Harlem zone of Central Park (near 125th), rowboating in Central Park near Bethesda fountain, the high line, Brooklyn Bridge park, cheap dim sum in Chinatown, walking around Brooklyn heights and fort Greene, century 21 – union square – soho for shopping, Staten Island ferry for a view of the Statue of Liberty (you can just exit and return), the met (especially Greek and Roman section and the temple of dendur), Bryant park and the east village for people watching

    • Anne Elliott

      I loved the 1-2 boat ride around Manhattan. Forget the name but you can Google it.

  11. NYAC

    See if someone is a member of the New York Athletic Club — they could maybe sponsor you as a guest? I think it’s worth a visit (also Travers Island). Great location — CP South, right by Bergdorf’s. It’s a very old-NY place. And get a t-shirt — someone back in London will chat you up about it.

    • Secondee

      Thanks, I’ll definitely ask around the office to see if anyone has membership. I hadn’t heard of the club before, but it looks really interesting.

  12. PSA

    I’m randomly sharing this here since it recently came up in my office that this isn’t common knowledge.

    You can schedule emails in outlook. (Essentially you delay sending). I find this helpful for when I need to pass on information while it’s fresh in my mind to a coworker who is out of the office (I schedule it to send upon their return so that it doesn’t get buried in their inbox) and sometimes even sending things to myself (ie, remind myself to bring up X at a meeting via email that arrives 30 minutes before the meeting).

    Note that outlook will list the email according to it’s received time (the delayed time) but the sent time/date stamp when you open/print the message will give the time you sent it (the earlier time). So don’t try to be coy when you are Conspicuously Working Remotely, etc.

    Obviously test this out by emailing yourself first.

    • Anonymous

      I only just discovered a week ago that you can add reminders to emails in Outlook!

      Someone here kindly posted the tip and it’s been a game changer. I feel silly for not having known about it before. Now every time I send an email that requires babysitting/follow-up I schedule a reminder alert to notify me that I need to check in on it.

    • AttiredAttorney

      I love this feature from when I’m working late and sending things to my direct reports. I don’t need to stress them out by seeing an email from their boss at 10pm, I’m just trying to get it off my plate, so delay send till the next morning is awesome.

      However, I can’t figure out how to do this from the outlook app on my iphone, droid, or from the website version for remote log in.

      • Cb

        Yes, I’d like to do this too but it seems like it is restricted to the desktop version versus web interface. I like to take care of student emails on the bus / in the evenings but am trying to maintain the illusion that I work 9-5 and they shouldn’t expect an immediate response.

        • Coach Laura

          I think you can save it as a draft on your device/web application and then send it when you get to a desktop and/or it becomes the right time to send. You’d just have to take the extra step of scheduling a reminder to send the email. Clunky but possible.

          • Not That Anne, The Other Anne

            I do the “save as draft” thing to avoid the 24/7 availability idea.. I’ll write a bunch at night and then send them the next morning. I otherwise don’t usually have anything in my draft folder, so if I see something there, I know it’s because I need to send it out.

    • Aunt Jamesina

      Another cool feature that’s on gmail that I wish worked for my Outlook account at work is the plugin Boomerang. It lets you schedule emails to reappear in your inbox, so that email about a project that I don’t need to touch for a week can come back when its needed and not clog up my inbox.

  13. SA

    Just found out I’ll have an afternoon and evening free in Boston next week, any suggestions what I can do by myself? I’ll be buried the rest of the week so touristy sight seeing seems like what I’m looking for.

    • LAJen

      Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum! Fanueil Hall! Harpoon Brewery Tour! And dinner in the North End–don’t choose a place on the main drag; try something tucked away on one of the little side street alleys. And do the touristy thing and get a cannoli at Mike’s Pastry.

      Or take the T to Cambridge and just go wander around the gorgeous homes and campuses around Harvard.

    • Brown

      If you like history/museums and will be downtown or in Ft Point, take the ferry from Long Wharf to Charlestown to check out the Constitution ship, visitors center and museum. The ferry is a great- and cheap- way to get out on the water and see the sky line. You could walk or Uber back to the North End for dinner. Unless you never have time to shop/are coming from a town with no stores, I wouldn’t recommend Faneuil Hall and Quincy Market. It’s all chain mall stores. However, it’s a decent place to eat if you dont like to eat at restaurants alone. Isabella Stewart Gardner museum is excellent and does have evening hours one night a week (and the restaurant is good).

  14. fake coffee snob

    I know Dagne Dover is fairly loved on here – what size do y’all like? I bought the 15″ in cork (on major sale!) but I’m regretting the size choice. My laptop is only 13″ but I do like being able to carry my lunch in my bag as well – which might be a bad idea, since I walk a decent distance as part of my commute. Do you regret having a too-big/too-small work bag?

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