Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Fei Tie-Front Organic Cotton Dress
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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
The moment the temperature gets above 60 degrees, I’m ready to break out all of the jersey dresses in my closet. They’re comfortable, washable, and easy to throw on and go about your business. This tie-front option from Modern Citizen would be fantastic to add to my collection. I love the shape and polish that the tie provides, and the midi length looks a bit more contemporary than some of the knee-length versions I have now.
This brown color is lovely, but it also comes in black, olive, “dusty blue,” and “dark maritime.”
The dress is $168 at Modern Citizen and comes in XS-1X and XSP-1XP.
Sales of note for 5/22 (Happy Memorial Day Weekend!)
- Nordstrom – The Half-Yearly Sale has started! See our roundup here. Good deals on Veronica Beard, Vince, Reiss (esp. coats), as well as Wit & Wisdom and NYDJ
- Alex Mill – Special small-batch pieces up to 50% off
- Alexis Bittar – 30% off SS26 styles
- Ann Taylor – 40% off + extra 15% off your purchase including new arrivals
- Aurate – 25% off with code
- Bare Necessities – Up to 40% off, including tons of bra-sized swimwear
- Boden – 30% off everything
- DSW – Use code VIPBESTIES to get 25% off regular price and clearance
- Express – Flash sale, 25% off all dresses and sets, including sale!
- Evereve – Additional 20% off all clearance items!
- J.Crew – 40% off your purchase and 50% off swim
- J.Crew Factory – Extra 60% off clearance + extra 20% off orders over $125
- L'Agence – Long weekend sale, with lots of pieces 25% off
- Lands' End – 50% off + 10% sitewide — and $10 off totes
- Loft– 50% off your purchase, and 5/22 only: $25 dresses
- Mango – 30% off everything, and free shipping with $260+
- M.M.LaFleur – Memorial Day Sale, up to 70% off this weekend only! (Try code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off)
- M.Gemi – Memorial Day sale, prices up to 60% off
- Nordstrom Rack – Clear the Rack! Nice selection of Vince, Veronica Beard, Reiss and Rag & Bone, a ton of affordable work basics from Calvin Klein and dresses from Maggy London, Eliza J, and Donna Morgan
- Printfresh – Up to 70% off select sleepwear, apparel, and accessories
- Revolve – Up to 80% off sitewide — and 20% off all beauty, including brands like Tower 28, RMS, Oribe, and more
- Rothy's – 25% off sitewide
- Sue Sartor – 30% off sitewide
- Supergoop – 20% off sitewide + free Glow Stick (also, free shipping with $50+)
- Talbots – 40% off one item and 30% off your purchase
- Theory – 25% off sitewide (see our notes here)
- TOCCIN – 30% off select items with code! (You can't stack codes, but on full price items try code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off!)
- Vivrelle – Looking to own less stuff but still try trends? Use code CORPORETTE for a free month, and borrow high-end designer clothes and bags!
For those here without kids, what do you do for your parents for Mother’s Day and Father’s Day?
I don’t want to come off as an ungrateful child but I’m in my 30s – my dad’s expectations for what we do for Mother’s Day for my mom seem outsized given the fact that I am fully grown.
That’s probably because he loves his wife–that’s not a bad thing. I’m in my 40s, no kids, and I have brunch/lunch with her every mother’s day. My sister has kids and sometimes she hosts to avoid the drive, or we go to mom’s house.
Why would you being fully grown have anything to do with how you celebrate your mother?
Not OP, but to me, I think that children who live in the same house as their mother have a greater obligation to do something than an adult who lives thousands of miles away!
I agree with this, but if it’s within an hour’s drive, take the time to celebrate.
I always used to forget, once I was out of school. There isn’t an industry pushing the day where I live, so unless you go to school or kindergarten or happen to be in a florist’s, no reminder.
My dad BBQs for the family. I bring dessert and my sister brings a salad.
I give her flowers and chocolate and take her for brunch and a pedicure on a separate day.
DH’s mom isn’t local so we snail mail drawings and card from the kids and video chat in the afternoon and send her flowers and a brunch basket.
DH and the kids make me breakfast in bed and I sleep in or read/take a long bath why he chauffeurs to various activities or takes them for a hike.
Sounds like a nice family life!
Trader Joe’s has some nice boxes of Belgian chocolates on their candy aisle this year.
I usually send a card. If I lived closer, I’d probably try to go see her.
I’m going home for brunch and staying the night before. It’s a huge deal and both my parents would be mad if I didn’t come back or tried to just call/send a card.
For my father? Nothing – if he wanted me to celebrate him as a father, he should have been a better father.
For my mother? I acknowledge it and usually happen to be in town that weekend anyway, but that’s because I’m home to support one of her big hobbies, which feels more important that weekend. I always check in if she wants to do something for it, but we’ve talked about how she’d rather receive flowers or acknowledgement at random times, which I do.
For most of my adult life, I sent a card and called. Now I live closer and we usually get together for a meal, either at my house or a sibling’s. I don’t think I’ve ever in my life given my mom a gift on mother’s day, we’re not a family that’s big on physical presents.
Card, small gift, and lunch or dinner out. Basically the same thing as when I was a kid, except the small gift is now purchased instead of handmade.
My favorite thing to do is walk through a greenhouse with her and then plant everything we bought right after. Some years it works out and some years I just call home. FWIW, I have kids and don’t give a crap about mother’s day for me. My Mom’e very favorite thing is to have the whole family at church so she can show off the grandkids to her friends.
I love this. I am going to start buying a plant on Mother’s Day in her memory and plant it. She would have loved this.
I’ve been long distance from my parents since college but I send a card, call, and send a Clinique gift card, which she uses for Black Honey when it’s time for a gift with purchase. She doesn’t need more stuff, but little treats are OK. Dad does flowers so I may send flowers at the end of April because she likes them.
We used to do more but now the moms get annual NYT subscriptions and flowers sent to their houses. For Father’s Day, my dad normally picks out something specific under $200 that my mom has vetoed (for good reason as it is normally ugly or impractical to store) and he launders his tacky item through his children under the guise of father’s day.
I hope you dad’s laundering has become a source of humor in your family because this sure made me laugh
We get together sometime over the weekend for lunch or dinner. We’ve never done gifts. My “gift” from my kids/husband is that I don’t have to think about food for the day – they are in charge of everything from meal planning, ingredient purchasing, prep, and clean up.
I send a card and flowers?
I’m not local and certainly not making a trip down to visit them.
Exactly this.
Same and I am local. It’s a made up day that I’m willing to acknowledge but not plan around.
I mean, they’re all made up days.
Some are more made up than others.
I send a card and I call. We’ll usually get together in person at some point in May or June for a joint mother’s/father’s day celebration. I did more for my mom earlier in my 20s/30s (flowers, gifts etc.) but honestly she’s been a pretty cruddy mom/grandma so I focus on my own family and save the money.
I send flowers and a card. And I call her on the phone.
She doesn’t like to go to restaurants on holidays, she won’t come to my house (fair enough, it’s a 2 hour drive), and even if I bring a meal to her house she won’t sit down the whole time because she’ll be fussing over everyone. Efforts to go to some event like an outdoor market or park have always had poor results. Flowers, a card, and a phone call seem to be the only way to make sure she actually has a relaxing day.
I get them very personalized gifts that are not ostentatious and spend time one on one with them. We are not a showy family, but more of a quality time family. My mom likes gardening, so we’re going to get coffee and walk around our local nursery together for a couple hours.
And not to be depressing, but if you’re in your 30s and she was in her 30s when she had you, your window for active activities for Mother’s Day, like hiking or walking around for a few hours, may close sooner than you would think.
60 is really not that old.
My dad’s first knee surgery, which didn’t go especially well, was at 64. That’s not that uncommon an age. I’m just saying don’t assume current mobility will last forever. I hope it does, though!
On the other hand, my mom finally got her really bad knee replaced at 71 … and scheduled her not-as-bad knee as soon as she could after the first. Her mobility has improved and she gained an inch!
It’s an age when things can change, fast, for the worst.
For real, this is hardly universal.
and walking around a garden center is not exactly strenuous.
I’m 62 and feel like some of y’all are measuring me for my coffin. How “old” the 60’s are really depends on one’s health, and a lot of the things that can quickly lay someone low in their 60’s are the same that can do that to someone in their 50’s or 40’s. I’m not trying to start something – I actually think it’s hilarious that there are people who seem to think I might have one foot in the grave.
Right? Good grief I’m 67 and not quite ready for assisted living at this exact moment in time…
I think I touched a nerve with the 60 year olds 😂 May all of you continue to have the mobility you currently have for a long time! Because routine surgeries go wrong sometimes, and you might not be able to walk more than a mile despite having been a runner all the way up to 64 (and that being the reason you need the surgery in the first place).
We’re all going to end up disabled unless we end up dead first. Take advantage of your health while you have it. That’s all I’m saying.
It depends on the person. But if you are mid 30s, your parents may be close to 70. My mom really slowed down in her late 60s, and by 70 couldn’t walk a half a mile. At 75, she finds walking in big stores difficult. That’s not true for a lot of people, but it’s hardly uncommon.
My Mom recently died in her 60’s. Yes, it isn’t that old, but many people get diagnosed with cancer or have other lifechanging medical complications by then. Even just age related arthritis means no more hiking.
I’m sorry for your loss.
In my family, health issues tend to start accumulating in people’s sixties, and it does slow people down a lot including what they’re willing to do. I know not everyone experiences this the same way.
This.
I’m not sure the age thing is relevant – to me at least, as a kid I was mostly… doing what some adult told me to do for my mom! In College aged & early 20s, I was so wrapped up in my own life, it honestly didn’t occur to me to even call. In my 30s now, it’s much more apparent that this kind of stuff makes my mom feel loved & appreciated, it’s important to her, and I *can* do it, so why not? I’m not local, so I’ll call & send a card/flowers/small gift if I can think of one (just for a sense of the variety of families – my mom would be horrified if I sent her a gift card :) – I think it would feel like getting money from me. But a small gift with a personal connection – this is my favorite book I’ve read this year and I thought you might like it; you complimented my lipstick at thanksgiving so I got you some) is meaningful to her. What she would like most is quality time and I do visit regularly but not usually in May.
That doesn’t mean what your father is planning is reasonable for you, for your other commitments, etc. But I’d treat that as a separate question from “should I still do something for mother’s day now that I’m an adult”
I totally agree with your first paragraph. Young kids should make a card; please no breakfast in bed that takes hours to prepare while mom is starving and then leaves crumbs on the bed. Adult children are in a better position to do something that is more genuinely thoughtful and more substantial. When I got my first job out of college I was so proud to be able to take my mother and grandmother out to lunch for Mother’s Day.
I do have kids, but my mom is local and we have brunch with her.
What are your dad’s expectations? I don’t think expecting a family meal is over the top if you live within a 1-2 hour drive. If you live farther away, a card and flowers or food/drink seems sufficient.
My mother is a militant fundamentalist full of hate so I search to see if there is an obit yet.
My dad lives too far away for regular visits, but we call to chat and wish him a happy day.
Thanks all! I live nearby and see my parents several times a month. Usually we just do a meal out, card, and $50ish gift – but my mom and I have both pushed to move away from physical gifts at all occasions.
My dad told me last night we need to celebrate on Saturday this year, which I was not expecting. I have a big personal accomplishment being celebrated on Saturday and was salty that a) this came off as a demand and not a request and b) was so last minute and c) with no regard for my own commitments. He now thinks I’m not being appropriately supportive of my mom and I think he’s not being appropriately supportive of my accomplishment.
I’m more than happy to celebrate my mom, but if she can’t do Sunday I don’t see why we can’t postpone a week.
It’s great that my dad really loves my mom, but he cares about a nice Mother’s Day WAY more than she does.
Really, my frustration is with my dad’s handling of the situation not celebrating Mother’s Day but secretly I don’t really get celebrating Mother’s Day as adults (I also don’t get wishing anyone but your own mother/grandmother/mother of your children happy Mother’s Day. Nor do I really get acknowledging someone else’s anniversary. I do send my parents an anniversary card at my dad’s insistence).
Perhaps I am cynical. Does your dad have a tee time or sportsball watch party planned for Sunday?
His demand sounds pretty selfish, tbh, and I would hold a firm boundary that you are looking forward to celebrating your mom on a day that doesn’t conflict with your prior commitments as a responsible and autonomous adult.
My parents are apparently a leaving for a short vacation on Sunday morning. Great for them! But I can’t move my Saturday commitment.
Your dad is being ridiculous. Talk to your mom.
+1.
OP – I also agree with your last parenthetical a lot!
your dad is being absurd. your Mother is still your mother. i wish my friends who are also mothers a happy mothers day. growing up i did big things for my parents anniversary, including planning a surprise party for their 10th at age 8 (still not sure if they were actually surprised), now if i remember i text friends and my in-laws (my in-laws have enough trouble recalling their own anniversary, so…)
What your mom wants for Mother’s Day is what matters, not what your father wants. I’d tell him you’re planning directly with mom and stop talking to him about this.
Oh yeah that’s unreasonable. I was one of the “you should celebrate in person if you’re local-ish” commenters, but if she has a conflict on actual Mother’s Day you can find a mutually agreeable time in the next week or two. Your dad is being unreasonable, and it sucks that he’s not acknowledging your accomplishment.
Thank you. My dad is usually great but I’m feeling burned by his oversight of my big thing.
My family is a very low expectations kind of family, so celebrating holidays is always seen as nice-to-have but not required. Same for birthdays. One of my sisters is an ICU nurse and was finishing up a shift and obligated to visit in-laws on mother’s day, so they had a casual Sunday dinner this past sunday, all the kids except myself were able to make it. I had previously invited my mom up for a hike and lunch around mother’s day, whenever fits in her schedule. So we’ll be hiking this weekend and brunching with my toddler. I usually buy my dad some milk duds for father’s day and call it good, one time I was feel bougie and took him and my mom out for hibatchi.
A card. I live 7 hours away by car and we aren’t close. Speaking of, does anyone have advice on what to put in a card when your mom was never really there for you?
Mother’s day makes me sad.
No advice on wording, but man this resonates with me.
I have kids, but I’m not local to my mom. I send her a small gift (<$50) and call her the day of. My kids make me cards (teenagers) and my spouse does a small gift and this year we're going to a restaurant I've wanted to try. My MIL passed away – she had very rigid and high expectations of Mother's Day so it was a delicate set of negotiations for several decades.
I’m in my early 30s and live 8 hours drive from my parents. My sister lives a flight away, but my brother is local to my mom, as is her mom. I realized I haven’t been with her in person for Mother’s Day in 10 years- part of it is because I was in grad school and it also lined up with exams and no long weekend, so feasibly couldn’t make the trip. I always send a card and gift and call her; she’s with my dad, brother, and grandma (sometimes her sisters). I want to go in person next year, though.
I always used to forget, once I was out of school. There isn’t an industry pushing the day where I live, so unless you go to school or kindergarten or happen to be in a florist’s, no reminder.
Can someone catch me up on how grad schools and loans work in 2026? I had planned to work and go back at some point but now I am thinking that outside of 20K of loans, I’d have to either plan to self-fund with savings or pivot to the closest field where you could borrow more than that. Is there a good place to learn that still thinks that a graduate degree can be worthwhile and also isn’t trying to lend you money for school? And am I also right that loan forgiveness really won’t be a thing in the future? Happy to stay working or consider part-time (which is an awful lifestyle but a way to do it that doesn’t involve so much debt).
I worked full time and studied part time, getting the degree done in 3 years. It was stressful at times, but not unmanageable.
You don’t mention anything about the “why” you’re going to grad school. I’d only be OK assuming debt for it if I knew that coming out of grad school, I’d be earning a higher salary.
If you’re merely going to acquire the learning, but there’s no attendant salary increase, I’d definitely save up for it first, or cash flow as you go.
For some things, it’s kind of expected you have it as you progress (policy, for example) which is why I was fine to do it part time and cash flow it. There’s no immediate pay off, but it’s a box you need to eventually check.
Yes, working full time + part time grad school waa certainly not my favorite time in my life but it was doable
There’s no option to be fully funded?
I think it depends on the field now, but really limited to things like law school and medical school. Not getting a masters in nursing for being a nurse practitioner, but you can also do that part-time (but not nurse anesthetist, which has to be FT, for 3 years).
It’s often limited to PhD vs. masters, but I promise that funding is not limited to law school and med school.
Sometimes it’s limited to the best applicants.
I think generally OP should specify what broadly she’s hoping to go to grad school for!
I’m a professor and this is extremely field specific. As a general rule, you shouldn’t attend a PhD program unless it’s fully funded, and there are also lots of masters programs that offer funding, either for research or teaching assistantships. These are most common in research programs, but sometimes professional masters programs also offer funding for a small number of students, though this can sometimes happen in a somewhat random fashion, usually through personal connections with a professor who needs a student for a project or if there are extra TA spots that need to be filled. However, cutbacks in federal funding make all of these positions harder to come by and most programs that rely on research funding are reducing graduate admissions due to uncertainty over this. Students that would previously have been funded by federal grants are now getting TA funding and there’s less money for everyone.
Do people get masters degrees outside of science and education and nursing?
Yes, of course they do — there are master’s in almost all fields. Is this a real question?
Yes. Some career paths that literally require masters degrees: any sort of therapy (PT, OT, counseling, speech), city planning, social work, to be a member of the clergy in many denominations, dietician, librarian,
Some that essentially require masters degrees: architecture, public health, teaching, policy work, some types of engineering (biomedical, environmental ), international development.
And, anything that requires being a specialist: economist, historian, etc.
My personal thought on grad school is unless it’s a professional program where you must go full time and/or prestige really matters AND you’re all but guaranteed a high paying job after: do not take out loans. Go part time and pay your way through.
Medical/dental/PA school, certain law and MBA programs (+the right post-grad plans) are worth it. Maybe a few others I’m not considering. Otherwise, it’s not worth it.
If it’s a PhD, don’t go unless it’s funded.
I/my friends have the following degrees and went part time: MPA, MHA, MPH, engineering, MSN/NP, education, plus random specialized MA/MS programs. Part time grad school was so common in my friend group that we joked that the late 20s are just spent cramming in grad school between attending weddings!
I agree.
I will add that taking out loans for medical/dental/PA, prestigious law and prestigious MBA are worth it if you graduate and end up in the relevant career. So I think you still want to be honest with yourself about how competitive you are, how healthy people in your family tend to be, and what your safety net/fall back plan looks like, since sometimes life derails plans and then you’re paying back the same loans but without the hoped for career.
Here’s how people in my life did it:
1) pay cash (rare, usually only if rich parents and right after undergrad)
2) get employer to subsidize
3) get merit money
4) work for the school
I did 4; my husband did 3. We both ended spending about $40k on the degrees. He got an MBA and an MS. I got an MPA.
I went to a state school for grad school for this very reason! Paid all cash
I have a new job. Should I get the non-medical review life insurance through said new job? Late 30s, single, decent health if overweight, non-smoker. I have no dependents but very much want dependents.
You don’t mention anything with cost or coverage so not sure what you’re asking.
It’s about $25 a month for 1x my salary.
Sounds too high. You could probably get a 20 year term policy for much less (unless your salary is extremely high, like 500k).
This is more than I pay for my medical-exam term policy that is 10x my salary.
Yes. It’s usually very cheap.
is anything included at no cost? The couple of places I’ve worked, somewhere like 1-2x your base salary was a ‘free’ employee benefit. Given my spouse is healthy and working at a high enough salary to support himself if I passed, we have enough savings to pay off the house if we had to, no dependents, and no other debt, have never felt the need to purchase more.
I’ve never bought life insurance. I have no dependents and don’t plan for any. I’m now married but DH can support himself financially without my income. I never considered paying into a policy worth it because my untimely death would not have an economic impact on anyone.
I don’t worry about my death but do care about lingering disability. I get what is free and supplement with 30-year fixed cost term life at 10x salary and the biggest disability policy. At some point, you can easily become uninsurable, which will limit your ability to have your own business or consult, etc.
I thought it was partly about becoming a dependent, not just having one? You get a devastating diagnosis, your partner needs to provide a ton of caretaking, you both spend a fortune on healthcare and accommodations, and then you die with a pile of hospital bills. Dying can have an economic impact of its own basically!
1. You don’t get the money until/unless you die, so if you become, say, a lifelong quadriplegic, it might not help.
2. #1 is not entirely true, because in certain cases you can sell your life insurance policy to a third party company, but it won’t be worth nearly as much as the face value.
3. Since I’m an actuary, not a lawyer, I might be wrong, but I thought medical debt doesn’t usually transfer to your surviving spouse?
A new disability is more of a long term disability policy kind of thing (or like you said, cashing out on the policy in some way). I was responding more to the “untimely death” idea, since it helps to remember that a lot of untimely deaths aren’t instantaneous. They can involve terminal conditions that unfold over time, or the complications of acute injuries or infections that just keep building up.
I’m also not a lawyer, but I thought that while actual medical debt doesn’t transfer to another person, it doesn’t just go away, and some states do see married people’s assets as combined? Not all the bills that can rack up are categorized as medical though.
Medical debt doesn’t tra…fer to another person in the sense that they’re liable for it out of their own savings. But the estate is liable for it. So the estate would have to pay it down before your survivors would inherit anything. This would normally have a significant impact on a spouse and children.
If you have a spouse or a kid, yes because it’s usually cheap. Without these, I do not see the point in getting anything extra. You can always get it later if you do get married.
Not necessarily on getting it later. Most places I’ve worked, you buy in when you start or you have to do a medical evaluation. But it’s also been free or very cheap.
Everywhere I’ve ever worked it’s been an option at open enrollment and if there’s a qualifying event like getting married.
What kind of scenario are considering that someone would need money if you died? Is the insurer contractually obligated to let you keep your policy at the same rate if you leave your job (for example, if you got too ill to work for too long)?
If you have no dependents, I wouldn’t get it, personally. The point of life insurance is to provide for your dependents when you’re dead.
Except it is money of last resort via a cortical settlement if you are dying.
If you are dying do you really care?
Yes.
Eek — viatical settlement and yes you care. Dying quickly is easy and cheap. Dying slowly is harder in every possible way. If you become incontinent or have severe GI distress, how long do you want to be in filth as your skin breaks down. Minutes? Hours? Days? Do you want pain meds? With any regular frequency?
And what will you still have left to do? Money can help make the difference between getting those things done and not being able to (even if your list is just seeing people you care about one last time; this is a very common thing that people want to do!).
Ask HR if sign up is open at a later time. Past jobs have required a decision at hire and then you cannot add it later, but my current one ties life insurance to open enrollment season and reasons.
If you have the option to sign up later without a medical exam, I would not bother with anything other than the free level now. Without dependents, you aren’t really insuring against anything.
That said, I am tempted to get my very healthy 21 YO a policy now so she can take it over at today’s rates should she have dependents down the road.
Marriage or the birth/adoption of a kid is a qualifying life event that legally entitles you to change your elections. It’s not HR’s choice.
That’s true for health insurance, not life insurance. Or you might be able to enroll but it requires a medical exam or costs more.
For health insurance.
My current job applies those same triggers to the various life insurance and AD&D policies they offer, too. My prior job offered the ancillary policies once at hire and you had to lock in then. You could drop them later, but you could not elect more coverage for any reason. There is not a mandate to offer those, after all.
I don’t think you can “take over” an employer-sponsored plan at “today’s rates.” When I left one job I was offered the option to continue paying for the life insurance, but at a much higher rate. And the rates for employer-sponsored insurance rise regularly. It seems like you are thinking of term life insurance, not employer-sponsored.
Yes, you are correct. Context makes it clear that I was considering a term life insurance policy for my 21 YO.
Most term life insurance policies are 20 or 30 years. If you got one at 21, it would expire just around the time you age likely to actually need the policy but when you are less likely to qualify for one.
Maybe? I’m 40 and we just canceled our life insurance because our kids are older and we have sufficient savings for the surviving spouse/kids. The years when you really need it are when you have tiny kids and not much in savings, and for a lot of people that’s late 20s and 30s.
The goal – at least in my opinion – is not to set your kids up for life such that they never need to get a job. It’s to cover their expenses through 18, pay for college and ensure they have a small nest egg to launch into adulthood. That doesn’t take gazillions of dollars.
A 30 year term puts her at 51 when it expires. That’s generally beyond having very young kids to care for and a mortgage balance would be significantly paid down.
I think this depends on where you are located. In my HCOL area, most people in professional jobs don’t have kids till mid to late 30s. 35 for a first kid is on the young side. And they don’t buy a house until their 30s, and require both salaries to pay for it. At 51, you are still in the thick of having kids at home and a mortgage.
In my early 40s and considering dropping my life insurance policy once our mortgage is paid off in two years.
That is our only debt and we have no kids at home, so the policy isn’t really needed. I had a medical condition that developed in my 20s, causing my premiums to be higher than they would be had I obtained the policy earlier.
As a single person, I’ve always paid for extra disability insurance in case something happened to me
Yes, this is key.
Out of curiosity if you have a newer iPhone do you have a screen protector you like? I got tempered glass ones because I read those were best but the glass protectors themselves always shatter and break so it feels like I’m using a busted iPhone.
better the protector shatters than your actual screen!
yeah, I think this is the protector serving its intended purpose!
I use the tempered glass ones, and they last well. The fact that yours always shatter and break might indicate your phone is getting rougher handling, so I’d recommend a tougher phone case, if you don’t already have a heavy duty one. And then changing the glass whenever it breaks/shatters so you have the feel of a pristine phone.
OP again – I’ve had an iphone for years and years and this iPhone 16 is the first that seems delicate. Same case maker as before. My husband has the same screen protector on his and his is even worse than mine. Again, owned iphones for years and years without even a single scratch.
I wasn’t going to use a protector (never had before) but my phone was in the same pocket as my keys and got a slight scratch so I said ok, maybe I need a screen protector.
I’ve never used a screen protector (I really don’t like them) and I’ve never cracked a screen despite dropping my phone constantly. A good case should protect from normal dropping.
Same here. I keep my phones for 3-5 years and then pass them onto my kids until they aren’t supported, and I’ve never needed a screen protecter.
Same. People in my life really like them though, and they like the ones that somehow you wipe on. Verizon does them in their stores.
Same. Have literally never used one, and I drop my phone on a fairly regular basis.
Same. I drop my phone constantly. I rely on the case.
It is possible to crack a screen if it falls just right, like onto a small sharp rock that is smaller than the width of the screen.
But for most falls onto a floor or the sidewalk, the case sticks out enough that the screen isn’t touching anything.
Why don’t you just peel off the broken screen protector when it breaks and replace it? They usually sell in packs of two and for my last two iPhones I think I’ve replaced the tempered glass protector once midway through the life (once for a weird bubble thing that emerged and once for a chip on the edge).
Umm you just pop it off and put a new one on, that’s how they work.
Why are you not replacing the broken screen protector? And have you considered changing how you handle your phone to avoid damage in the first place?
Hey, some of us aren’t perfect and just drop things. Not gonna change easily.
Okay, but dropping is the cause of why things are busted. It’s expected that things will break if you treat them harshly.
I drop my phone many times per week and have never broken it or its protective case in any way. I use highly related phone cases. The harsh treatment has been a non-issue with the right case.
Yes, miss perfect. I’m not the OP. Just stating an obvious fact that I guess you have not learned yet.
I just use whatever otterbox has or recommends. I can be pretty rough on my phones. It’s still cheaper to replace the case or protector
If you wore contacts as a kid/teen, what age did you start? My 10 year old wants them but I’m not sure she’s ready for the responsibility. However, she refuses to wear her glasses, which she needs, so I’m close to caving on this. I didn’t start until I was about 12, so I guess that’s not that far off?
11, but at that time, dailies and monthlies weren’t a thing – you got contacts that were expected to last you a full year. While you want your kid to be careful with their things, the downside of an ‘oops’ is a lot smaller now!
Yes, that’s a good point! But it also makes them more expensive, right? Dailies are a lot more expensive than just glasses.
Depends on your insurance, I’d expect. Mine covers one vision benefit (either contacts or glasses) per year.
Of course, and you need a backup pair of glasses. But no one has ever chosen contacts for the financial benefits.
Dailies are the most expensive option. For monthlies – perfectly fine for me; only once in 30 years has a contact not lasted the full month – insurance covers some of the cost.
If you buy a full year there are rebates and incentives. like they’ll waive the fitting fee. for a kid it would be worth it. is the kid trusted to brush their teeth and wear clean underwear every day?
I started at 14, but that’s when my vision got bad enough to really need them. I certainly could have handled wearing them earlier, and with daily disposable lenses, there’s way less care to worry about than back then. I don’t know that all 10 year olds could handle it, but I could have. Is your daughter a responsible type or one who doesn’t pay attention to details? And how much responsibility are you willing to take for her if she doesn’t? You can always try it and only let her wear them a limited number of hours or days at first, though that might just set up fights.
I started in 8th grade so 11-12? I was a very responsible kid though.
I was 12. It was 1988. I was a fairly responsible kid. My vision was not good. If you wear them, you know the level of responsibility needed.
My 10 year old isn’t ready but she doesn’t refuse to wear her glasses. She still makes her dad wash her retainer and occasionally brush her teeth (I refuse).
I just can’t fathom having a parent who loves you enough to brush your teeth. Sounds great.
Or loves your teeth that much
Honestly this sounds like a kid who isn’t ready for contacts – even with dailies, you need clean hands for putting in and taking out and also need to clean up the wrappers in the bathroom ew. When a kid can show they can be trusted on that, then maybe
Around that age and got LASIK in my 30s.
I was 9.
was 16, and I was barely responsible enough then! But now that there are dailies, I think a lot of the responsibility goes away, because you can supervise putting them in / taking them out and make sure she has a backup pair in her bag along with backup glasses for while she’s at school. For me, the irresponsibility was things like not washing hands first, losing the contacts (which adds up with monthlies!), or sleeping in them. 16 year olds are resistant to the sort of supervision I described above, so you might actually have a shot at creating good habits in a 10 year old if you’re willing to put in the time for supervising for a couple months.
My parents made me wait until I was 18, which I don’t think was very fair (my dad had a bad experience with much earlier ones, I think -they later said it was much easier with me then they thought and let my little sister get them I think at 14).
I was going to make my kids wait until middle school, but my daughter’s eyes were changing so rapidly the doctor recommended some specialized contacts that are supposed to slow that down, and she started using them right before she turned 10 (about a year ago), and it’s gone really well. So, I would recommend setting some goals (you have to show that you can keep the area for them clean for a certain period of time or similar to prove you can handle it), but I don’t think she’s necessarily too young now.
10 seems young to me, but glasses refusal is a problem.
I didn’t start contacts until 13-14. That’s when my kid started, too.
I think it was 12. I was immediately pretty responsible with them. I never slept in them, and used to get so annoyed that doctors assumed that was the case. I strongly prefer contacts to glasses, so I get where your daughter is coming from. I had the 2 week ones from the start, and still mainly use those.
I recently learned that the average person is a wildly non-compliant patient. I’ve luckily recently gotten a wonderful primary physician who has explained this sort of stuff to me.
+1. I hated wearing glasses as a kid and still do. If your kid wants peripheral vision, the ability to wear sunglasses, or to play sports then contacts are far superior. Because she’s young get a one month supply of dailies and make her demonstrate responsible use before ordering more.
I started wearing contacts in 5th grade, so I was 10. I have vivid memories of sitting at the kitchen counter practicing putting them on, so I could wear them on a field trip next day.
Assuming cost is not too much of an issue, get her daily contacts. It gets rid of the risk of losing a contact, and significantly lowers the risk of eye infections. Instead of needing to clean the contacts everyday, she just needs to have clean hands when she puts them on.
What specifically are you concerned about when you say you’re not sure she’s ready for the responsibility? I’d think a kid would be more likely to lose glasses than contacts especially if she’s not wearing them. Are you concerned about hygiene? If my kid was bad at handwashing and toothbrushing then I probably wouldn’t want them to have contacts.
Can you identify steps she can take to show you that she’s ready? Like, if you brush your teeth and wash your hands at designated times every day for a month (or whatever – pick a reasonable time) without being reminded then you’re ready for contacts?
I started wearing contacts at 12 and I really, really needed them, so it was a great change for me. I had hard contacts (bc it was the 90s) and they were a pain. They also weren’t disposable, but it was worth it so I didn’t have to wear glasses all the time. If your kid isn’t wearing their glasses all the time, she probably doesn’t need the correction enough to make the pain of wearing contacts worth it. I’d wait. My kiddo got contacts last year at 11 and I thought she’d love it. It’s been really really hard and she almost never wears them. But she’s not as blind as I am and she can technically do most things but seeing the board at school or the movie screen or something without them.
Does she have astigmatism? With astigmatism, it’s next to impossible to get the prescription exactly right because contacts are not made in every possible combination of corrections. I have astigmatism and have never been able to use contacts for daily wear because I just don’t see well enough with them; I use them only for sports and for formal occasions where my glasses look out of place with my outfit. If a kid has contacts that improve her vision somewhat but don’t totally fix it, she will want to wear the contacts all the time and won’t realize how just much fatigue and difficulty it’s causing her. I would fear it would impact her performance in school.
For a 10-year-old without astigmatism, I would allow contacts if they demonstrated that they could consistently maintain impeccable hygiene without any parental prompting. This was the requirement we had for our daughter to her ears pierced around that age.
This is inaccurate. Hard (RGP) lenses can correct astigmatism well.
+1 – hard lenses are actually better at correcting astigmatism than glasses because they actually change the shape of your eye. For me (with severe astigmatism), the hierarchy of correction is (1) hard lenses (best), (2) newer soft, toric lenses, (3) glasses. Switching between the two can actually be harder bc the correction between glasses and contacts is different, so you may feel like you’re not getting the correction you want.
This is too broad of an answer. Perhaps it depends on how severe the astigmatism is. I have it and have always felt I see better with contacts!
Same
This isn’t true for many people. I have astigmatism and contacts work perfectly.
I was 16? 17? because I got them when I started color guard, but I really wish I had gotten them earlier. I like contacts so much more than glasses (really I need to consider Lasik or something but it freaks me out). It also took me quite a while to learn to put them in, though–I had to go to the eye doctor several times before they were content that I would be ok and could actually use them. For some reason I think it would have actually been easier to learn if I were younger.
LASIK is the best money I ever spent
Same! Got it at 28, now my eyes are aging normally
I started in 6th grade.
I started wearing glasses at 8, contacts at 13, and went back to glasses permanently at 18.
Third grade. Hard lenses. It wasn’t my choice as they were medically necessary. It was fine.
18. Contacts were expensive then, I worked extra to pay for them. Not sure 10 is old enough, especially when sleeping in them can cause a lot of damage
I was 13. My daughter just failed her vision test and I got her both glasses and contacts. She’s 12.5, responsible, and am has had to manage braces/headgear and has done great.
Also, she plays a lot of sports and would not be able to wear her glasses so it was either nothing, contacts, or sports glasses.
I asked my son’s ophthalmologist and he said we could do contacts whenever I thought he was physically ready for them. (He’s autistic and hates when his glasses fog, but the fine motor skills aren’t quite there yet.)
I had great eyes as a kid, but the presbyopia has been wicked since age 45. I don’t have any other eye problems needing correction. Is there anything surgical that can fix this or will life being an increasing series of progressive readers? I have an Tx version now after getting past 1.75 on drugstore progressives.
I think there is a surgery for this!
My mom swears her eye vitamins made a big difference for her. Personally I just take a 45+ multivitamin and hope that’s covering me.
My DH has been trying these multifocal contact lenses. Concept is not easy to explain well, so recommend web searching for it. Might work for you?
I switched from regular contacts to multifocal about six months ago. They took a bit to get used to, but it’s been a relatively easy switch. OP, might be worth looking into. Presbyopia IS an eye issue, and it seems like you need some correction! It’s not a moral failing.
Now that the weather is better, I am out walking frequently, but often alone and in somewhat isolated spaces. I would like to take some type of small personal safety device. I used to have one that would let out an ear-piercing sound if activated, but I’ve lost it. I’m thinking something to wear on a lanyard around my neck or carry in my pocket. Any recommendations? Should I do mace? Mace plus noise? Appreciate any advice.
Go somewhere else?
For me, the right combination would be noise-maker + self-defense device. Mace is complicated because: wind. I’d look into one of those kitty/brass knuckle keychains or something similar, and potentially invest in some self-defense classes so you are confident you can help yourself, should you need to do so.
I will just warn you that the sound only options will not lead to help coming to your aid. People will assume it’s a car, bike, or house alarm. If you are using them to scare someone off in an isolated area, they may work for that purpose, just not the summoning help purpose.
I wouldn’t put anything around your neck unless there’s a safety breakaway — you may end up strangled in a struggle.
Ultimately, your most effective strategies are route selection, awareness, and a pocket knife or well practiced fist you’re willing to jam into someone’s testicles.
Exactly! And what is the point of a noise maker for self defense in an isolated area?
This is insane
mace and be comfortable using it.
What are you trying to protect against? Mace or noisemakers aren’t really going to help if your fear is rattlesnakes, for instance.
Pepper spray on a keychain and a charged phone.
I am in the woods alone a lot and I walk around the city a lot alone. My best advice is absolutely no ear buds/headphones and tell someone where you are going and when you estimate you’ll be back. You can also use a fitness tracker that will send an alert to people if you are stationary for more than X amount of time. I don’t carry anything bc I assume it will be used against me and I just don’t feel the need.
This and walk with someone or near people who are already there.
No good answer here other than to interrogate with yourself what the safety issue really is that you are trying to solve – people or animals. Safety devices (noise, etc.) work best against animals. For people, I am an avid solo runner and my best decision for safety is to let my spouse know when I’m running, share my location, and when I should be back. If I’m late, they check my location to see if I just got distracted by starbucks on my way home. I also plan routes where there are people and places (gas station, shops, cars driving by, etc.) to run to. Don’t think just in terms of pedestrians, but just general people around – enough experience has taught me not to discount that construction or other trades are the most likely to help or be concerned if something seems off.
And if it’s animals, I’d highly recommend thinking in terms of general emergency planning: anywhere you might get attacked by a moose, you are far more likely to die from breaking your ankle & getting hypothermia, or getting lost. The stuff that makes the most difference is going to be – charged phone + extra battery + sat communicator if you’re anywhere near out of cell phone range, someone else knowing where you are & when you’ll be back.
Bear spray
Apple watch; noise alarm and bear spray on a ring in my pocket.
I didn’t find a personal safety device at all helpful. However pepper spray, was, and I’ve used it before. Recommended.
There were some posts yesterday about bloating being the reason why clothes fit differently even without corresponding weight loss. Isn’t bloating water, which would be measurable on the scale? Or is bloating air???
Is there a quick way to reduce bloating? I need to get into an outfit this weekend that is a bit tight.
If you have until Saturday I’d cut way back on salt, processed food, and eat as clean as possible until then along with as much low impact exercise as you can fit it.
Bloating is primarily farts for me.
I’ve also always associated bloating with air that needs to come out. But I see the word tossed around in weight loss discussions a lot and think it is often used for the phenomenon that I think of as water retention.
It can be either and is often both. Other comments are correct: Cut back on salt and processed foods. Don’t overdo it with the caffeine. If you do have some, maybe favor green tea because it has a bunch of qualities that can help with this. Most importantly: Drink plenty of water.
I would limit both salt and sugar, hydrate a lot, and only eat foods that I find easily digestible and that doesn’t slow down my digestion.
Easily digested is key. Don’t suddenly go crazy with high fiber things. Pasta and a plain, low fiber breakfast cereal like Crispix or corn flakes. Your body won’t hold onto extra water to help digest it. Get and drink some lemon & ginger tea to get rid of excess water.
This—and use papaya enzymes to help digestion if that’s an issue
It can also be poop. You want to make sure you’re able to get your #2s in order. But also, consider spanx.
Has anyone here systematically exercised their CCPA or other privacy rights to reduce the amount of data companies have on you? How did you go about it? (And yes, I’m in California and actually have CCPA rights!)
Hahahahahahaha. No.
Well, sign up for DROP (Delete Request and Opt-out Platform) through CalPrivacy as a start. But that only helps with data brokers that are actually compliant and registered with CalPrivacy. The vast majority of shady data brokers are not, and do not care.
After that you have to exercise your rights piecemeal against each company, and compliance is spotty.
Right, I am looking for a systematic plan to do the work piecemeal.
Yeah, I wish…
Be aware of its limits. If you have an ongoing relationship with an company, they are not going to delete your data because they need it to provide the product or service you purchased. And once you do business with them again, you have to start all over. I suppose you could wait until whatever you bought is delivered and then have them delete again, but life is short and that is a lot of work.
I honestly do not bother because so much data is in the hands of offshore companies that ignore US law. And because of my profession, a lot of my information is public record. I just assume I have about the same amount of privacy as my mother who grew up in a tiny town with party lines – which is to say none at all.
You could also sign up with a company like Optery or DeleteMe and they will do a lot of the work for you (and I think get better results than just the DROP mechanism). It’s not perfect, but it’s better than doing it all piecemeal.
I’m with you, I’m a privacy lawyer and I haaaate all the information about me that’s out there and getting monetized and sold. But it’s such an asymmetrical battle trying to take it on.
I’m not totally familiar with the CCPA but as someone who works for a company that collects data, it is not really data that affects your life at all — IP addresses and cookies and so forth, it’s all anonymized. and the cookies thing may have changed in the past year or two.
my kingdom to remove my phone number and email addresses from the mailing lists, but THAT isn’t available anywhere easily.
I am going through a series of treatments that will compromise my immune system. I think I will still have some energy but I need to plan to be home a lot more for the next 1-2 years. I live alone. A friend suggested I get an arcade game or pinball machine. I love this idea. Anyone actually do this or know anyone? They look so expensive online so I want to do it right.
No advice, but I love pinball and hope your treatment goes as well as possible.
I really like this idea! Caveat that it’s noisy, but what about skee-ball?
Honestly, I would just get a console and buy arcade games for that. The big 3 (Playstation 5, XBOX One, Nintendo Switch 2) all have arcade-style games, and they usually have versions of the classic arcade games like Galaga or Pac-Man or whatever. A cabinet is really expensive and takes up a lot of space. I like pinball, but I can’t imagine playing it for very long in one go. You can also get a plug-and-play console that is basically a hard drive with a bunch of old games already on it and comes with a controller or 2 (google NES classic for an example of what I mean).
I’ll put in a plug for Stardew Valley, which is a “cozy” farming simulator game. You inherit a farm and have to improve it. It’s simple to play but can get pretty complex if you want it to, and you can do a lot to decorate and customize your farm. It’s not difficult and there are no penalties for doing basically whatever you want, you can’t “lose” the game. You also become friends with the villagers in the town and can marry one and start a family. It’s got old-school graphics which means most computers can run it easily, but is also on mobile (I find mobile harder to play though). It’s a game people who haven’t previously played games and don’t think of themselves as gamers usually like. You can get it through GOG dot com or the app store on mobile and the consoles I mentioned before.
Why not a more standard video game system? A PS5 lets you play more than one game + even game with other people online which sounds like it could be valuable if you’re stuck at home.
Alternatively, there’s a ton of ’emulator’ type arcade systems which let you play older games on ebay or the like, if the feel is important.
I love pinball, but I think it’s kinda boring to play at long stretches at a time, plus they’re big. We had a pacman machine in my basement, but same thing. I’d just get a console system or computer games. Honestly, if I suddenly had a lot more free time at home, I’d probably just resubscribe to World of Warcraft and re-live my college days of spending way too much time playing that.
Another benefit of a regular console system is that your public library could have free games! I have the original Nintendo Switch and I get games from the library frequently.
And maybe consider your neighbors if you life in an apartment building. Pinball can get NOISY. Vibrations, bells, whistles, etc.
Just throwing another idea out: my friend recently had to spend a period of time mostly homebound for medical reasons, and she got really into challenging Lego projects.
If you have the space for it and the sound isn’t an issue for apartment neighbors, a pinball machine sounds like a dream come to life. I would play hours of pinball.
And no, I would never consider getting a console game to scratch the pinball itch; that’s like telling people who love to read to subscribe to podcasts. Not interchangeable.
I’d look for sale items before buying one new — I’ve seen them sold by arcades when they’re upgrading or I’ve also seen some come up at local auctions near me.
That said, 100% on the console. We probably use our Switch most. We have the first Meta Quest and it has a lot of beta issues so I’m waiting until the next version comes out (the 4?) but it’s really fun and good for exercise and meditation and just chilling out.
BUT – if you have friends who have consoles then get whatever they have, because you can often play online together.
I’ll post in the afternoon thread too in case it’s too late on this but–one thing you don’t think of with pinball machines is maintenance. They actually require a fair bit of regular cleaning/maintenance, and it’s hard to find people who can do it these days. (My dad had several in a restaurant in the 90s/early 2000s, and even then it was a niche skill)
I feel like work has turned me into a boring person. I am so mentally depleted at the end of the day that even reading a book feels like too much on most days. Then weekend rolls around, and I have to push myself to do anything fun. My kids are older, and in theory, I should have more time and energy for hobbies. I’m very tired of living like this. (Already on an SSRI for anxiety.) Any thoughts or ideas? I do work out 3-4 days a week.
Start small and easy. Get an adult coloring book or wooble kit or grow some herbs or something else that appeals to you and is easy to do at home with a few minutes a day. Establishing a habit is the hardest part. Once that’s done, you can scale up to expand to other interests like maybe taking a class at a local museum or garden center or joining a rec volley ball league.
If you do push through and get yourself out of the house for an evening or weekend adventure, do you enjoy it and come back revitalized, or are you too exhausted throughout to enjoy it?
Are you in peri / have you ruled out all the normal medical stuff associated with exhaustion?
Yes, I’m in peri. I hate it here.
Seriously, have you checked B12, iron levels etc?
I cannot tell you how exhausted B12 deficiency left me.
I had labs checked about 9 months ago and everything was “fine.” This has been going on for awhile. It has occurred to me that maybe I’m depressed, but I don’t think so. I have been depressed, and this doesn’t feel like that. I really think that it’s entirely due to using up so much energy trying to navigate my job.
Energy is a physiological resource though; if we’re using it up, then we need it to be replenished, which only happens through different kinds of rest and nutrition.
Blood work can’t always exclude every deficiency (I’ve had it miss deficiencies in B12, B1, and magnesium before, and it’s well understood how that can happen).
Generally I’d look at this like, what if this weren’t my job draining my energy; what if it was training to compete in some athletic sport? What would my coach advise to make sure my ambitions are fully supported? What kind of doctor would I see? “Fine for an American” is really different from “ready to compete.”
I am in exactly the same boat except I don’t work out. I joined a gym and did classes for a few months but then got out of the habit and dropped it. Hope to see some other replies but commiseration! My only hobby right now is taking baths lol!
There was a report on NPR this morning about taking a 5 minute movement break every hour or so that refreshes the brain — try that! The reporter said it’s supposed to give you more energy throughout the day and prevent fatigue.
+1
It’s amazing how much more energetic I am when I’ve been moving at least somewhat regularly, rather than being parked at my desk for hours and hours.
I don’t know if it’s the same but I am listening to the last episode of Lab (podcast), and they are talking about this! It helps fatigue, productivity, and mood.
What hobby lit your fire as a kid? I know a couple women who started dance or music classes in their 50s and seem thrilled.
+1. It’s a life hack to realize that you can do what you loved as a kid as an adult.
+1,000,000 to this. I’m retired and getting back into music. I’m taking piano lessons and voice lessons and am in two choirs and it’s SO MUCH FUN!!
This this this!!!
This feels like it’s probably medical (physical issues, nutritional or depression).
Though, I notice my energy depletes if I’m not regularly working out and eating well but it sounds like you’ve got that covered.
I am by no means anti-antidepressant, but assuming you’ve already done all the other medical checks, just wanted throw out the idea that the SSRI could be an issue. Lexapro knocked me out.
I had no energy and just wanted to sleep all the time. Switched to Wellbutrin and I was a completely new person. If you’re sure it’s not worth tweaking meds, you’re getting enough sleep, and all other medical stuff is fine, I second the idea of returning to things you loved as a kid.
+1 I’m swapping from Wellbutrin to another med because the Wellbutrin made me incredibly angry/tense/anxious 24/7.
Yes, Lexapro, while working great to reduce my anxiety, made me incredibly unmotivated. I couldn’t get off the couch to do anything.
Is the SSRI part of the issue? (When I was prescribed an SSRI for anxiety, I felt like I would come home from work and sit and stare. I had no initiative to do anything. Later I learned the anxiety symptoms were actually from an autoimmune condition that had been missed!)
I’ve been on an SSRI for a decade at this point. No dosage changes anytime recently.
That makes it sound unrelated. But I still wonder about energy depleting medical stuff. Sleep apnea? Unstable blood sugar? Thyroid? Iron? I’d see if your doctor has any ideas for anything not yet tested for. Or see if a B complex makes a difference or not.
For me, this is what happens when I consume too much processed food. I need about 2 weeks of really intentional, clean, healthy eating to break out of this funk.
+1
Cutting back on sugar — almost cutting it out completely — made a massive difference for me.
Start planning. And plan social things – have friends over for dinner on the weekend. Doesn’t need to be fancy but clean up in preparation, mix up some drinks, set a table. When you have things and people to look forward to, it takes you out of the boring routines.
+1 – and be spontaneous too, like today is cinco de mayo and taco Tuesday. Invite some friends over for takeout Mexican food and have a Tuesday party.
I have this dress and love it. It’s easy to dress up or down, machine washable, just an absolute workhorse.
I’m so sorry to hear this, because I have a closet stuffed full of jersey dresses but I luuurve this.
I’ve tried dresses like this, but I am a bit lumpy and the fabric tends to show all of it.
I am a huuuge fan of jersey dresses but there is a threshold where I get too lumpy to wear them and need to get back to my preferred size.
I’m so tired of being a single, childless 30 something. As an adult, I get that most accomplishments are really only exciting for you and a spouse, I get that. But I’ve had a pretty bad@ss year and I’m very proud of myself but I’d love a little bit of external validation. But it seems like the only things that warrant any celebration are marriage and babies and maybe buying a house.
To add salt to the wound, I really want marriage and kids. It hasn’t happened and it might not. So, I’ve really invested in other relationships, my career, and hobbies. So, this year I am graduating with my Master’s (6 years in the making as Ive paid out of pocket and only take classes when I can afford it), running an ultramarathon and a half iron man, and taking a bucket list solo trip. I get that this is a) pretty common stuff and b) stuff that matters WAY more to me than anyone else. But, it feels like my immediate family doesnt care because it’s not the typical marriage and kids accomplishments. My friends are supportive but are all partnered and get wrapped up in that.
I really love my job/the mission, and am proud of my career, but as a fed it’s pretty awful these days. And housing costs in my city have way outpaced government salaries so rent is getting tight and I could never buy a house solo. So maybe I have to give my dream job up too.
Stranger here telling you I’m really psyched for you for all your accomplishments! I haven’t done/couldn’t do them!
Throw yourself a party. Seriously. I did this for similar things when I was single and in my 30s. Dirty secret is the only person who cares about all life events is the person having them so if you want to celebrate them, you need to make it happen. No one plans a wedding for you either.
Amen to this! I had the best retirement party of anybody I know, and it’s because I planned and paid for it.
I would totally come to your Badass Year Party!
If you invite me to a party to celebrate you where I can dress up, drink free booze, and eat free food, I will gladly do so whatever the reason.
For what it’s worth, it seems like a lot of educated people in big cities meet their person and get married in their mid/late 30s. So I’m hoping this works out for you.
Regarding celebrating accomplishments: I got on a plane and flew halfway across the country to see one of my best friends run the Boston Marathon. It was the equivalent of a wedding, IMHO, so I wanted to be there.
I don’t think any of these things is common! Your accomplishments are awesome! I agree with the person above that you should throw yourself one or more parties.
Sounds like you need more running friends. Those are your people and truly appreciate your 70.3 or will geek out appropriately over your ultra. I did a handful of 50k’s and Leadville last year and my family is like “oh that’s nice, why?”
This internet stranger thinks you are awesome. Ironman is wild. I’m 100% sure I would drown, so I consider you with awe.
This. Running friends are the best. I will fully admit that years ago I absolutely balled when I saw that my running friends woke up at 5am to cheer me on a race that I was running a few towns over for proof of time and cheer me on. Like, yes, my husband was there, but it hits differently. And, the people that run with you are the people that show up for everything (and you show up for them too).
This is true. I’ve seen running friends show up for people even when they were facing difficulties completely incompatible with continuing to run. And I’ve seen those people who can’t run anymore show up for their running friends. It’s not my scene, but it’s legit!
(*bawled in case you care)
Yes, I know no one besides me cares. But I’d just love someone in my life who does care.
Maybe spend a little time volunteering for something meaningful to you? Sometimes we need to find validation and meaning within ourselves, you know?
Damn girl good for you! I am sure there are many in your broader circle looking at your big trip and ultramarathon with envy. That’s awesome
Where do you live? If you are in my town, let me buy you a drink or a meal to celebrate you and all you have accomplished. That’s a lot!
Those are big milestones OP,! Congrats!!!
I’m really bummed that I’ll be working the week of my wedding (new finance job). I have to save my 5 PTO days accrued for the honeymoon. Any advice for this? I will get off at 3 pm the Friday before my wedding for the rehearsal dinner. Understand this is a first world problem but ugh!
This is something I would have negotiated before starting, but talk to your boss now. I cannot imagine not giving you Friday off at a minimum.
Talk to your boss about going negative in PTO.
It might not be that bad, especially if the wedding is local. I was in Big Law when I got married and took 2 weeks off for a honeymoon, so I worked the Friday before. I did get married on a Sunday so I had an extra day but I also had to fly across the country for my wedding. It worked out fine and in hindsight I’m glad I saved my “wedding time off” capital for a longer honeymoon (I think 2 weeks total was the max I could get away with).
If you can’t take an unpaid day it’s not ideal but doable. Make your RSVP deadline a few days earlier than you planned so you have more time to finalize the seating chart and print place cards. I ordered mine online from Staples. Go to the bank to get cash for tips (and your honeymoon) as early as possible. If you’re making welcome bags assemble them the Friday or Saturday before, even if they take over your living room. Put any items for your venue in clearly labeled boxes that Friday or Saturday too. Give yourself Sunday to handle the “oh crap” errands. Schedule a no-chip nail appointment Wednesday evening. Steam your veil and pack your day-of bag Thursday night. Friday drop off those boxes at the venue on your way to the rehearsal dinner. If you’re feeding the getting-ready crowd on Saturday get breakfast and lunch delivered. Don’t bother with extra snacks. All of this will be easier if your fiance or a willing family member helps.
If you’re leaving for the honeymoon right away take care of everything a couple weeks early: make a detailed packing list, go to the currency exchange, and print copies of your reservations.
Why you would need time off earlier than that? It’s not like you can get your makeup done on Thursday or decorate the venue on Tuesday.
Come on. There’s a million things to do before the rehearsal dinner.
As a married person myself, I’m honestly struggling to think what I would do to avoid climbing the walls if I had taken time off before my own wedding. There actually wasn’t much to do before the rehearsal dinner beyond simple errands on my way home from work the week or two before.