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Updated: Dec 8, 2022 350 Comments · by

Thursday’s Workwear Report: Finsbury Pant

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A woman wearing a white blouse, black pants, and black combat boots

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

I’m a big, big fan of these pull-on pants from the British brand Saint + Sofia. The fabric definitely veers more towards the casual side, but if your office leans more towards the casual side of business casual, I think they’d work just fine.

I would style them with a blazer and loafers for a comfy, but pulled-together look.

The pants are on sale for $59 and come in sizes 2–18 in both a 28″ and 30″ inseam.

Sales of note for 9.30.24

About Elizabeth

Elizabeth is a 30-something lawyer living on the East Coast. She spent seven years as a Biglaw associate in NYC, three years as a partner at a medium-sized firm, and is now in-house counsel for a large company. She loves Diet Coke, '90s sitcoms, and dresses with pockets.

Comments

          • Anon

            I’m relieved because I had very real concerns for her as a female prisoner, and also as a lesbian. I feared that she would be treated more harshly for that. And by treated, I mean raped.

          • Anon

            I hate to say that being sent to a work camp in Siberia looked pretty dire. Also pretty sure that life for prisoners is lots of pain, hunger, and misery.

          • Anonymous

            I’m relieved as much as I am concerned for Paul Whelan who wasn’t released. I don’t see how that is wrong. It’s called having empathy for others.

    • anon

      Pot smoker in exchange for an arms dealer…not exactly a fair trade. Because she had to smoke some weed, a truly dangerous person is released.

      • Anon

        These trades are never truly fair. Countries who value their people pay dearly for them. Maybe the arms dealer will be like so many other Russians who falls out of a window (srsly, what is the deal with that method of death and that country???)? OTOH, I doubt I’d ever be a tourist in Russia in my lifetime. Saving my $ for Ukraine and other places where I’m pretty certain to get on my planned return flight.

      • Anonymous

        When you’re thrown into the gulag on made up grounds as a political pawn we will def leave you there to rot don’t worry!

        • Anon

          The thing I always admired about Ross Perot was that he got his people out of prison in Iran. When I’ve said that at work, I’m always assured that they will not be coming for me. A friend used to have to sign exfiltration agreements, where she waived suing her employer if she got hurt during any attempted exfiltration (but it seemed like they might at least try to get her out).

        • Coach Laura

          It was just trace amounts. I don’t think famous people should be rescued before others but I am glad the US tried to get her out and is trying to get others out. Reading about horrific conditions in Russian prisons, particularly the one to which she was sent, I think it’s torture and against international norms. But, hey, what else is new, right?

          But, I think perhaps she was careless or naïve and didn’t realize the peril into which she was sending herself. If I were to travel to Russia and some other countries and if I was a user of CBD or marijuana or anything, I’d buy new luggage, new bags, new clothes etc., to make sure that there was no contraband attached. But like others, I’ll never go to Russia again until the regime is overthrown and the Russian mafia/gangs are gone. It’s not safe. I am lucky in that I went to Moscow and St. Petersburg in 2006 when it was much safer to visit and had a wonderful, amazing trip. However, quite a sight to see troops with semi-automatic weapons at the Moscow airport.

      • Anon

        Agreed. It also makes every subsequent American visitor to Russia less safe, as Russia knows it can pluck any one of them out of a tour group and swap her for a high-value Russian criminal. Brittany wasn’t an innocent tourist–any fool knows you don’t take drugs into a foreign country, but her criminal act has put plenty of them in danger.

          • anon

            How is this bigoted? She was happy to profit from a Russian paycheck and knew exactly how corrupt their government is. Then she was reckless enough to knowingly break the law in a country that has no due process. Obviously they gave her a very harsh prison sentence in comparison to the crime she committed but I don’t have a ton of sympathy for her. This wasn’t a tourist who accidentally broke the law. I wouldn’t call the prisoner swap a fair trade either.

          • Nyc

            Actually it isn’t. I’ve worked in foreign policy and agree this was a shortsighted move by the Biden admin. I hope Americans are more cautious about traveling to certain countries in the future so we can avoid escalation

        • Anon

          The alternative is to take a “don’t negotiate with terrorists” stance, which is also horrifying. OTOH, leaving Paul Whelan, a Marine, behind is to me a sign of our team on this blowing things. I don’t know that we have any other arms merchants around that we could trade (can we go grab one pls? ). I really don’t like negotiating for one and leaving the other. Both of them deserve to come home and how we have had our bite at the apple.

        • Anon

          IMO, the fact that she wanted a Russian paycheck and was stupid enough to bring whatever CBD oil with her is frustrating. I just got back from Mexico and was smart enough to not bring my gummies with me.

          • Anon

            If nothing else results from this, I hope people will learn to check their baggage/luggage for mj products before departing on an international flight. I have no problem with people using mj; I don’t use it myself but it has been game-changing for some people I know who have chronic insomnia or nausea. But taking it into a foreign country is just dumb, straight-up. Check your freaking suitcases/carryons for potential contraband before you leave the house, which also includes prescription pills that aren’t in a prescription bottle (this apparently can be a problem in many countries).

            Additionally, I think people need to be less naive about traveling internationally. There are some places in the world where they’re just looking for reasons to detain Americans. A guy I went to high school with got popped carrying a joint on a trip to Juarez and ended up in a Mexican jail; his parents had to bribe officials something like $30k to get him out. Best prevention is not giving them any reason to detain you if you’re stopped.

          • Just sayin

            You are assuming they need a reason. We are talking about Russia here. History shows that Russian police don’t need a reason to arrest people. It is a very white American perspective to think we can control whether or not we get arrested in another country.

        • Russian roots

          The pot was planted by Russians. They do not play fair. She is not dumb enough to bring pot into Russia. If we paid women athletes more at home they would not need to travel to Russia for income. No one deserves to land in a Russian prison.

      • Anon

        Unpopular opinion among US liberals, but I agree. I don’t care that Brittany smokes weed, but it was pretty dumb to bring weed to Russia and I don’t think the US should have given up a dangerous criminal to get her back.

      • Russian-American

        This was clearly 1000% political. My family members in Moscow tell me that while weed is not as ubiquitous there as it is in the US, it’s certainly available for the interested (as opposed to the 90s and earlier, where it was virtually unknown and considered to be like heroin).

        The political situation there is not good for anyone right now, and the future seems bleak, which is incredibly sad for me because I haven’t seen my mom since 2019, extended family and friends even longer, and at this rate I don’t know if (not when) I will ever see her again.

        • Curious

          Yeah, a friend had to leave for her safety due to her dissent on the war, and others seem to have gone silent. That is nothing compared to your fear and loss. I hope you get to see your mom again.

          • Anon Elder Millennial

            Thanks, Curious. Most of my family has steered very clear of politics since Uncle Misha ended up in a labor camp in the 40s, but a distant cousin is currently hiding from the draft, and I worry for him. No good options there, really.

      • Anon

        Russia probably wouldn’t agree to exchange two prisoners for the arms dealer and doubt we have another high value prisoner

          • Anon

            She’s not. It was just political pressure from US liberals. I myself am liberal but wasn’t invested. It’s Russia! What did you expect!

          • Anon

            I was referring to the arms dealer when I said high value prisoner. Read it again.

          • Anon at 10:06

            I was referring to the arms dealer when I said high value prisoner. Read it again.

      • Anonymous

        Ummmm. WTF Putin actually. And Whelan is a very different situation. I’m sure the US is working very hard to get him home as well.

        • Anon

          I hate to say that I think that Griner was a better look for Biden to free than Whelan. He had better be on the short list to get out next or I will be very upset. Bad look to leave a Marine behind.

      • Anonymous

        It actually has to do with the “reasons” that the two were detained. She was there on a drug charge all along. Whelan is held for reasons of “espionage”–so it’s a higher bar to try to clear. Do I think he was a spy? Absolutely not. But it’s going to make it much harder to get him out.

        The gross thing I’m seeing is people saying she was released over him because she “looks” better for Biden because she is black and a lesbian. Just disgusting.

    • Anon

      i’m kind of confused by this. like didn’t she do something that is illegal in Russia? granted the sentence seems completely out of proportionate to the crime, but i don’t know that i think letting an arms dealer go free is a good thing.

      • Anon

        Yes and also I’m sure I broke some law or other on my short car commute to work. And IDK re vape cartidges b/c I don’t vape, but it’s not like she was running a fentanyl smuggling operation, either. It seems as bad as a customs declaration with a mistake on it, in the grand scheme of things. In a country where you can always bribe people to look the other way (source: got rid of our business in Moscow over honest FCPA compliance problems — too much willful blindness).

        • Anon

          Come on, it’s not the same as a traffic violation. It’s pretty obvious you don’t take drugs to a foreign country.

          • Anon

            I’m just saying, the circumstances under which it happened made it clear that they were targeting her. And given their reputation for honesty and straight dealing, even if she were clean, they would have found another problem (or maybe another player). But I think they were going to get her no matter what.

            I mean, I wouldn’t have done it, but I don’t have that stuff. But it’s not like people don’t take stuff with them (cash, especially) all the time. I bet half of Americans working abroad are in violation of FBAR reporting and yet it does not keep me up at night (the penalties are so draconian though that it may keep US people working abroad up at night).

          • anon

            I think it’s both. She broke the law and in a way that is clearly more serious than a traffic violation, and it was stupid (yes, stupid) not to be hyper careful to ensure you weren’t bringing a cannabis product to a country where it’s illegal. And at the same time, she was treated with the harshness that she was because it was politically valuable to Russia to do so – a normal tourist would probably have gotten shaken down for a bribe, not sent to a prison camp.

            You see the same thing happen with drug charges in China all the time. Moral of the story is do not, do not, do not do drugs/buy drugs/transport drugs in a country without due process, even cannabis.

    • Anonymous

      I’m happy for her! During her case, I learned how WNBA players have to take “off season” gigs, which is why she was in Russia. It is sad to see the pay inequity in women’s v. men’s professional sports. Also, with all the attention to the men’s World Cup right now – don’t forget the Women’s Team USA are the reigning champions. Signed, former college athlete

        • Anon

          Man, the privilege is just dripping from this comment. WOW.
          You realize the average American can’t even afford a $400 emergency expense? Much less being out of work for six months. Check yourself.

        • Anon

          you win asshole of the day, and there’s a lot of competition, so be proud!

      • Anon

        I was curious about this. I only knew of Ekaterinburg b/c it was where the last Tsar’s family was murdered. Who are the women’s backetball fans there that are paying their players $1M to play there? Is it not money laundering? We can’t fund that here with ticket sales and merch, so how is that math so wildly different in Russia?

        I am a tennis player and maybe pay to see a pro match once a decade (don’t live in NYC, where that would be a different story), so I’m sorry not sorry re supporting professional athletes but my passion is actually playing and maybe spending for lessons with a pro here and there or a clinic. My math isn’t great on sports spending generally vs spending on men to the exclusion of women. If I were a basketball fan, I understand that the women’s game is actually better for watching (but still: I’d rather be playing basketball, but for us people who are short and old, there aren’t really opportunities for that once you’re out of college rec leagues).

        • anon

          Basketball is very, very popular outside the US, including (in many countries) women’s basketball.

          • Anon

            I just have a hard time seeing Russian men and women spending that much money in a city like Ekaterinburg on women’s pro basketball. Is college basketball not a thing at all?

          • anon

            College sports don’t exist outside of the US – at least not in the way they do here. They’re voluntary clubs that people do as a hobby, not high-level pre-professional leagues that are on TV and for which people receive scholarships. And Ekaterinaburg has a population north of 2 million people.

          • Anon

            I just don’t see the math working out (2M people is a lot, but that’s like the size of metro Charlotte). Add in some money you want to launder and I’m sure that the math works much better.

          • Anon

            Are Russian women’s basketball games held in an NBA sized arena and generally sold out in the lower bowl at least? Do they make tons of $ for the team in booze sales and food? Do Russians buy a lot of merch? I do not understand how this business is so successful there. It’s not a state supported industry (or is it?). Truly not seeing how the money works out.

      • Liza

        As of 2022, the league average of salaries in the WNBA is $102,751 among 151 athletes.

        They don’t “have to” do any such thing.

        • Anon

          OK — if that is the salary, take out some $ for agents and lawyers and also taxes. That doesn’t leave a ton left to live on in a HCOL city, which most teams are in / near. A high school gym teacher may do about as well but have a pension on top of it.

          • Anon

            Griner is well above average. She’s a star not a regular player. Her WNBA salary is $228k. In no universe is she poor or making less than a high school gym teacher (and high school gym teachers pay taxes too, so that argument doesn’t even make sense).

        • Anonymous

          That’s less than I make at a nonprofit…they’re elite athletes with a limited time span to actually work due to the physicality. The pay is way too low for the damage they do to their body.

          • Z

            Exactly. If I had a long offseason and the opportunity to work overseas for a bigger paycheck, I’d probably do it too, even if I was making above average here. We all know that money talks.

        • Anon

          Don’t athletes also make a ton of money o endorsements? I doubt her WNBA salary is her only income.

    • roxie

      I’m so happy and relieved.
      The fact that Whelan’s family is also happy and relieved – and that Putin purposely waited until after the midterms so Biden didn’t get a political win – is important and tells me all I need to know about the awful commenters on this thread complaining. Psst, your MAGA is showing.

      • Anon

        Eye roll. The US came out on the bad end of this trade deal – it isn’t somehow a kind right wing take to point that out.

      • Anonymous

        What is the MAGA implication in the vast majority of these responses? The whole thing is awful, but trading for a dangerous criminal and not getting all our citizens back is less than ideal. And while Griner was certainly targeted, I think we can all agree that if you’re traveling to Russia or any other similar country, you need to do everything in your power to not give them a reason to target you. There’s nothing MAGA-y in that take.

        • Anon

          This! I don’t go to certain countries period! I’m not sure if she entered Russia before or after the war but either way, Russia is not exactly a friend of the US. I’m anything but a Trumper and still think this isn’t a good trade. Also, just because Whelans family is happy she is free doesn’t mean it’s a good deal or that they are not furious in private.

      • Anonymous

        Huh? I haven’t commented but my immediate thought is that it is silly that we place such value on an athlete that it makes her a target for politicization. She was not there for any purpose other than to play a game. That is her contribution here, as well. But someone who served this country is still in Russia and virtually no one knew his name before today. Not MAGA. Just disappointed in this whole saga. But Putin can KMA.

    • Anon

      Did not expect to open this site to all these truly awful takes this morning. I know empathy is a weakness for many of you, but I didn’t realize how bad it was.

      • Anon

        Truly awful take. Viktor Bout’s release js not without danger to innocent people. Where is your empathy for them?

      • Anon

        Where is your empathy for the past and future victims of the “merchant of death” that was freed because a us athlete making millions decided to bring illegal substance to a country where drug penalties are high?

        • Anon

          This guy is going to be put to use immediately for the flow of weapons into Russian created war zones. So my empathy is with the Ukrainian civilians.

    • Anom

      Whelan doesn’t sound like such prize. But he was at least tangentially prepared to be detained as part of his work in Russia, even though it was civilian work. Griner is a total civilian.

      • Anon

        She’s a civilian who was happy to live in that country for multiple months per year and profit there but not to abide by their laws apparently.

  3. TokyoRette

    I’ve seen a few posts lately from people thinking of traveling to Japan. I live in Tokyo and have loads of Japan travel experience, especially in the areas of food, hiking, and hot springs. I’d like to give something back to this community–hit me up with your Japan travel questions!

    • Anon

      Can you commend to real food served in Japan and how to prepare for that if your local options are hibachi-style restaurants and sushi places. Asking for my kid who really wants to do a student tour to there but is a picky American teen. I think I had had authentic Japanese food once and was not prepared for cold noodles after so much Benihana.

      • Anon

        Not the OP, but Yoshinoya is everywhere and their basic beef donburi is well suited to an American palate. I would LOVE to have one just off campus in my US college town and I think it would do well, particularly among the late night crowd.

      • Anon

        Not the OP but fried pork is everywhere in Japan and my picky husband happily ate it for many meals when we visited.

      • TokyoRette

        There are so many food options here. If you are going to very rural areas it will be rice, vegetables and fish but in the cities there are lots of options.

        If your kid has texture issues it may be tougher. There is a wider range of textures in food served in Japan, especially slimier foods (squid, okra). But in any mid-sized to large city you can get sandwiches, pizza, meat-on-rice (Yoshinoya as mentioned below) etc. And usually exchange student coordinators are very understanding of non-Japanese people’s food preferences.

        For a sense of what kind of food people eat at home here, check out the cooking site Just One Cookbook

    • Anon

      My bf is dying to go to Japan and I want to go to the spas. He, however, has a very visible ratio on his shin and calf. Will he not be allowed in certain spas?

      • TokyoRette

        Most spas and hot springs are pretty strict about not allowing people with tattoos in.

        He has three options:
        1) Cover it up with a bandage. You can buy (white/asian skin tone) flesh-coloured plasters at drug stores here.
        2) Find a spa that allows tattoos. There are a few, mostly in big cities
        3) Book a hot spring in (ryokan) with private spa bath (onsen) in the room. The Japanese you want is “温泉付き客室”

    • Anon

      Amazing! Could we repeat this during the weekend post? I am sure that would have a wider reach.
      I am considering going for 2w in end Feb/beg March and would welcome recommendations.
      I am thinking of 2 days in Tokyo, then move to Kyoto for 3 days (or more) and beyond that, I am clueless. I will be solo traveling, interested in photo, good food, museums, getting a feel of local life. I can do spa once.
      What places should I add to my schedule and thank you for specific redommendations.

      • Meara

        A friend and I went back in 2018 and had a great time in Nikko—lots of great stuff to see and smaller than some of the other places so less crowded and easier

      • TokyoRette

        Tokyo and Kyoto are the most-dos, but I also recommend:

        *Hiroshima (not only the history, but also nice relaxed vibe in the city)
        *Seto Inland Sea, especialy Naoshima Island for the art
        *Shimanami Kaido. Series of bridges witih walking/cycling paths connecting a series of islands that link Shikoku island with the main island. Close to Hiroshima)
        *Koya-san. Shingon Buddhist temple town in the mountains. Temples welcome overnight guests
        *Kumano Kodo. Buddhist pilgrimage trail through the Kii peninsula
        *Yakushima, if you like hiking. Island in the far west of Japan with 7000+ year old cedar trees
        *Nikko, as recommended below. Temple town about two hours from Tokyo.

    • Anonymous

      Love this! Would love some recommendations for autumn foliage trips. Both places and timing.

      • TokyoRette

        Autumn foliage is so gorgeous here. Best time is November. Early Nov in western Japan, late Nov in eastern Japan.

        Kyoto is the most popular spot because it is just lovely, but it is also horribly crowded.
        Tokyo ginko trees turn a beautiful gold color around the third week of November.

        Off-the-beaten-path recommendations near Tokyo, if you like a bit of hiking, are Senjogahara, about an hour drive from Nikko and Oze-ga-numa. Both are marshlands surrounded by autumn forest with wooden boardwalks.

  4. Paging Horse Crazy

    I saw your post late yesterday about job ideas for your husband. With his background in construction and being a mechanic, corporate facility maintenance could be an option. That’s what my husband has been doing for the last 20+ years.

    He does have his boiler operator’s license, but that is not always required. His last job was somewhat physical with climbing ladders and needing to get into small spaces to fix machinery. However his new job is pretty low-key and he works a standard 9-5 schedule. His group manages four large buildings as part of a corporate headquarters here in our city.

    Corporations will sometimes contract out this work to companies like JLL or CBRE. My husband found his last position for searching for things like “maintenance tech” or “facility maintenance” on Indeed.

    Hospitals and universities also have an on-site maintenance staff. Another option is maintenance for apartment buildings.

    Also check for job postings with your local city or county. I have seen job postings for landscape and parks maintenance.

    Good luck!

    • Anonymous

      I work at a university and our maintenance guys get tuition free for their kids. And we can’t fill the positions.

      • FP

        I also work at a university and maintenance / facilities team also gets an amazing tuition benefit after 5 years (50% of our extremely expensive tuition that can go to any accredited college that can be used as a top-off after any other financial aid) for up to 3 dependent kids. I encourage anyone to check these positions out!

        • Anon

          The benefit of tuition that can go to any accredited college is pretty rare. Most universities only offer tuition discounts at that institution.

          • Anonymous

            I know, it’s definitely a retention tool at our school. I’ve seen other schools do consortium discounts, which can be a great option too.

      • No Face

        My cousin does HVAC and just switched to a university. He LOVES it. Less work, the work is easier, and he gets great tuition benefits for his family.

    • Anon

      Adding to this that in my state, all regular employees of the public colleges and universities qualify for free tuition for the employee, spouse and kids, with good health insurance for all. A building maintenance job at a higher ed institution could result in big savings if these benefits are helpful.

    • anon

      Adding that doing this at universities or research labs (DOE, USDA etc) could come with a meaningful mission.

    • Paging HC x2

      Just came here to suggest the same – please encourage your husband to regularly check and apply to local city or county job postings. We are desperate for hardworking, experienced people, especially those who already live and reside locally. (As you know, the cost of housing is so expensive which unfortunately makes it challenging for us non-tech folks.) Applications are really low per posting, so there’s a good chance of landing a slot.

      Also, for your earlier posting re: shoes – I also wear size 10.5/11 (wide feet, occasional plantar fasciitis flare ups) and I’ve had a lot of luck with the Softwalk brand. I’ve ordered from DSW or Macy’s. I work in government too, so cute flats are a must!

    • Anon

      I work in facilities management for one of the large real estate firms and we have tons of opportunities for facility maintenance technicians. There are stationary jobs where you are assigned to one building and there are mobile jobs where you’re in a van traveling between multiple sites every day. Both are in huge demand. Starting pay for mechanic is around $30/hr, depending on the city. If you have potential, we pay for school to get your HVAC license. Non union engineers make $38-40/hr in Bay Area and NJ (there is very little non-union in NYC). We are unionized in major cities. Union HVAC engineers make $53-56/hr in NYC / San Fran and 46/hr in NJ. I see a lot more women entering the field in the last few years. It can be an excellent career for someone who doesn’t go to college. I have seen HVAC engineers become facility managers in their 50s earning 100k+.

  5. MagicUnicorn

    Trying to shop for a hard-to-decipher couple (my sister & BIL). I know they enjoy puzzles and have all the mats, sorting trays, and the like so I am thinking a really great puzzle. Does anyone have a favorite? Thanks!

    • MagicUnicorn

      Should have added: wanting to spend about $100, whether for a single amazing thing or a group of less spendy but fun ones.

    • Anon

      I got a custom puzzle a few years ago and it was awesome. If you have a meaningful photo for them, that might be an option.

      • Anon

        Careful where you order from. My husband got me one of these, and while it was sweet the quality was terrible. We threw it away.

    • An.On.

      Have you looked at any wooden ones? They’re practically heritage pieces. I got the “Carolina Parakeet” one from Liberty Puzzles (https://www.libertypuzzles.com/wooden-jigsaw-puzzles/category/birds ), and it was genuinely harder than I thought it would be based on the number of pieces, and very enjoyable. I think Artifact Puzzles was the other wooden puzzle company I was considering.

      I love puzzles, but picking them out can be a little taste specific, as to size, difficulty, shape, picture, material, etc, so maybe a gift card to one of these companies. Modern Mrs Darcy also constantly recommends various puzzles, so you can check there for other jigsaw suggestions.

      • An.On.

        Also, some more recommendations for “normal” jigsaws because I have a lot of opinions:

        Funny ones: Jan Van Haasteren

        Puzzles within puzzles: I liked the “Lost in a Jigsaw: Diagonal Maze” set but they’re out of print although you can get at least the first one used. Something similar might be the Mystic Maze and others from the Magic Puzzle Company, but I haven’t opened mine yet, so I’m not sure.

        Americana: Charles Wysocki

        Good quality puzzles: Pomegranate, Galison

      • MagicUnicorn

        The Artifact ones look like exactly what they are into! Thank you so much! Since they offer gift cards, I am going that route so they can pick exactly what they want.

    • Anon8

      Liberty wooden puzzles are pretty cool and around that price point. If you’re looking for something more hip, Piecework has weird and interesting puzzles.

    • Puzzles

      Our family is also big on puzzles. One of the most challenging and fun was the Chicago Gangland Map 1000 piece puzzle from Urban General Store.
      There was also Where’s David Bowie — 500 pieces (or, Where’s Prince).
      Pop Art Puzzle — 1000 pieces.
      We really enjoy puzzles that are collages or a group of little pictures, like Nat Geo’s Photo Ark: Baby Animals (500 p.). We find those a lot more fun to do than the ones that are one image.
      Good luck!

    • Carolyn

      New York Puzzle Company has some great puzzles – I framed one I did of a New Yorker cover and its the first thing people comment on when they come into my living room.

    • Anon

      Lands End has ‘my hometown map’ puzzles which are a map of an area. I got one for my SIL of the area they have their vacation home in, so that was fun for them to do while they are there.

    • Anonymous

      Puzzles are a know your audience kind of thing, so get something that can be exchanged. I love puzzles, but never start the ones that don’t appeal.

      I like Ravensburger brand for classic puzzles. 1000 pieces are great – a challenge but not too complex.

      There is a new type of puzzle they might love – or hate. The image on the box is from a different point of view or perspective from the puzzle. So you have think about angles and how would the scene look from a different pov.

    • BB

      This is on my holiday list for myself: Magic Puzzle Company (Series 1 or 2). They are like jigsaw puzzles but have a sort of gameplay feel to them. It’s hard to explain and I haven’t done one yet, but it sounds so cool! Basically, the way you put it together tells a story or game in of itself.

  6. Anonymous

    Fun question for today: if you could travel back in time and tell yourself something as you’re graduating college, what would you say — particularly for career advice?

    I saw a Twitter thread on this (except you could only use 3 words) and was pondering for myself.

      • Anonymous

        I set up a 3 min send delay on my email outbox and love it. I use it more for adding things to emails I forgot to say, or deleting emails once I realize I didn’t respond to the most recent message in a conversation and the like, but it is invaluable for many reasons.

        • Anon

          I will draft an e-mail and if I am at all piqued or hot, I will delete all entries in the TO and CC lines, just keeping me in as a bcc. I then make myself print it and take a lap around my floor (at least) and read it carefully on paper before deciding what the next step should be (call? edit? do nothing?).

        • Anonymous

          Ha. If I did that I would get so many text messages and calls during that 3 min delay asking me to respond to the email.

          • Duckles

            I have had partners calls me asking why I haven’t responded to an email yet when it hasn’t even hit my inbox yet. That is biglaw.

          • Coach Laura

            Yes, not in big law but banking. I had a crazy boss who would send me an email. I would be at my desk, reading it and getting a reply ready and he’d show up at my door, surprise me and make me jump by asking me why I hadn’t replied yet. He’d also work all weekend so I’d have to reply on the weekend (not typical in the position/company and not for customer reasons) and if I replied that I would have to check (because we weren’t allowed to have files at home) he’d just do it himself. And then he’d tell me that I didn’t have to reply on the weekend, not to feel obligated, but would ding me on my review for not being timely with responses. Crazy, crazy awful man.

      • Ribena

        Yes! All the way through education I was told ‘just keep your head down and work hard’ and then for my first job was in an extremely dysfunctional team where it was all about what other people thought of you.

    • Anon

      “Your family ia far more cruel and dysfunctional than you think. Flee and do not look back.”

      “Do not graduate law school in 2008-2010.”

    • Anon

      You don’t have to be perfect all the time to be worthy of love or success.

      Start taking better care of yourself now (eating well, drinking less, exercising more). Don’t waste a bunch of years not feeling healthy and amazing.

      Find an excuse to go see and gun your grandmother soon.

    • Sunshine

      If I could go back a few more years, I would include
      1. Transfer after freshman year to a better college.
      2. Take some business, accounting and or finance classes in college even if those aren’t in your major.
      3. Transfer after 1L year to a better law school.
      4. Keep saving as much money as you can while you’re in BigLaw so you can take the job you love but doesn’t pay very much when you’re burned out.
      5. Don’t stay in BigLaw so long that you hit the depression wall; it wasn’t worth it.
      6. Travel when you’re single.
      7. Make more friends, who will hopefully be life-long friends, when you’re in school; making adult friends is hard AF

    • Anon

      Focus more on making and keeping friends and finding a life partner. Your career will be fine, but life isn’t fun without friends

  7. Anonymous

    In a bit of a slog right now with work, recovering from Covid, grad school, and general end of year business (fun business, but busy nonetheless). December is a 3 paycheck month for me so looking to spend a few hundred dollars of my extra paycheck on a fun splurge.

    I already have a massage envy membership so will be treating myself to a massage after my final. I almost never spend money on buying things for myself as all my money goes to grad school.

    What’s your favorite treat yourself splurge in the $200-$300 range?

    I’m toying with classes for a hobby, a fancy hairdryer (it took me 30 years but I’ve started doing my hair!), a Cuyana tote to replace my work bag,or gold hoop earrings but am definitely open to other ideas.

    I’d love something that feels luxurious, feels worth the splurge, but also will get frequent use.

      • OP

        I definitely have a boot problem, but that’s one I indulged back before I started grad school when I had spare money so I’m actually pretty set on fun shoes.

      • OP

        Oh drying with a round brush so it looks like a blow out it instead of letting it air dry. Nothing fancy. But now I get to have good hair most days instead of hoping for a magical natural good hair day.

        • Anon Elder Millennial

          I just got an airwrap as a gift and it is… lifechanging (I kid… sort of). I mostly just use it as a blow dryer and then the brush attachments (I’ve tried the curling thing but haven’t really used it much) and it somehow dries my hair faster but at the same time doesn’t seem to damage it as much? My hair feels better to the touch than with a regular hairdryer. It’s outside your budget, but if you are willing to go higher, or want to look a the dyson regular blow dryer…

          • OP

            I’m very tempted by an Airwrap or the Shark version! Since I like DIY blowouts I’m very interested in the brush attachments

    • Anonymous

      Definitely don’t spend $300 on gold hoops. Go buy those today – my favs are the bauble bar ones at Target and Pavoi from Amazon. Both are less than $20.

      • OP

        I have plenty of gold toned hoops but was thinking of treating myself to real gold ones!

        • Anon

          I’ve had my real gold hoops for ages and I love them. I’d look at Macy’s because they always have great sales on things like this for the holidays.

  8. Holiday corporate gifts?

    Like these pants! I know this has been discussed before but I can’t recall any specific suggestions. I need to get gifts for a host of work-related people — clients, people who referred work to me, people who are not my assistant but have gone above and beyond in the last year. Price range $100-$300 for different people. I don’t really know particular tastes and am not able to ask. Anyone have any favorite gifts/things you’ve been thrilled to receive in similar situations? Also, one associate went absolutely above and beyond this year and I’d like to get her something as a thank you. She’s also someone I count as a friend despite our age difference. Two young kids, lives in an outdoorsy place. Any ideas for her?

    • Anon

      For colleagues I know well-ish, I’ve gone with things from Cuyana. They have a bunch of small leather goods that are lovely in the 100-200 range. For clients, I love a box of MilkBar cookies.

    • Anon

      I feel like presentation really makes the difference on stuff like this. I’ve used White Spruce Market for Gift Boxes in the past to friends and family. Each box includes a hand written card which is a nice touch if you’re looking to be hands off with these gifts.

    • Anon

      outdoorsy lady: REI gift card plus heartfelt card saying you appreciate her effort

    • Anon

      I am a consultant and received a goodie box from one of my clients. What I like about it is that it’s small/local brand stuff. I was really touched to receive it.

      (And somehow the two chocolate items are dark chocolate, which my family will voluntarily leave to me – SCORE!)

  9. Anon

    Is MM Lafleur quality good for the price point? Is the 20% first purchase discount the best discount for full price items?

    • Anon

      I feel like yes, for the Etsuko, which is a great workhorse dress for work (have used mine 7+ years). Once you know your size and dress preference, you can get great deals used.

        • Anon

          I have 4 Etsukos — two bought at a pop-up in my city, two via resale (one is a pattern) when I needed to size up for my COVID-15. I also bought a Sarah deliberately too large so that I’d always have something I can layer when I literally had no clothes that fit (hello perimenopause shape shifting). I wear it belted now with a J Crew Juliette cardigan-jacket thing and it works when the A/C is on too high in the summer (but it is 95 and humid outside).

          • Anon Elder Millennial

            I really want this thread to become one-upping each other on who has the most Etsukos! :)

            Who’s got 6??

          • Anon

            It is such a good dress. If they are reading: I would love another non-solid option in the same fabric (not the fabric from the crackle version but I love how the original crackle looks).

          • Curious

            The original crackle is beautiful, and that dress is amazing. It is the only item of clothing that has ever made me wish my workplace was more formal.

          • Anon

            I have none. Doesn’t work for a tall who wants to wear things knee length (not above knee).

    • Anonymous

      Every dress and pair of pants I’ve ever bought from them had the hem fall out. That said, my favorite suit is from there and I’m wearing one of their tops today! They tend to be a little snug through the shoulders and bust for me, but I’m broad shouldered.

    • Anon

      disappointed in some of the things from mm lately. sweatshirts are a hard no as lounge wear. prices are high lately and lots of nwt on second chance and poshmark fwiw.

    • Anonymous

      I like their machine washable pants for my fairly conservative office (lots of blazers, not many full suits). I have 3 pairs of foster pants and 2 pairs of tinsley. They all get regular wear and have washed well. I’ve had mixed luck on shirts, am not a big dress person (but like the one I have), love the pants.

    • Anon

      I have a number of dresses and two piece dresses from them. (Two piece means matching skirt and top, both in suiting type material.). They’re what I reach for any time I need to present or have a more business formal appearance. I also have a top that is navy pinstriped that I wear all the time with navy pants for a business look.

      I’ve had all but the navy top since MM La Fleur was fairly new – I was a box subscriber – and they’ve all held up well.

  10. Therapy?

    Can someone walk me through the finances of therapy? How much do you pay, how often, does insurance cover any of it? Etc.? Also, how did you find your therapist?

    I worked with a therapist earlier in the year and found it helpful, but she was $250 per session, all out of pocket. I have had a difficult time finding anyone who takes my insurance.

    It’s not critical now, but I’m pregnant and would like to have options before the baby comes. I previously have struggled with what I now believe was undiagnosed and untreated PPA and it was — not fun. So I’d like to have at least a game plan going in in case I need it.

    • Anon

      I found a clinic near me that is staffed by LCSWs. My therapist is great and we meet by zoom. I have insurance through my government employer and it’s very stingy so it’s hard to find people who take it. They pay $55 and I pay a $15 copay. In the explanation of benefits thing I get, it seems like the clinic bills $125 for the session, my insurance says “nah”, gives them $55, accounts for the $15 I pay, and everyone just moves on? None of this makes any sense to me but it seems to be how these things work.

    • Anonymous

      My therapist is out of network which is pretty common. My insurance covers 60% of out of network mental health care after meeting my deductible (which is $0 under this plan). I pay my therapist directly via Venmo. I then submit proof of payment and the invoice to my insurance company on their website by filing an out of network claim. They then cut me a check for the amount they cover.

      • pugsnbourbon

        +1, this is how I’ve done it, tho I’ve never had a $0 deductible (nice!).

      • Senior Attorney

        Same. The number of therapists who will actually do the insurance billing is vanishingly small, but “I don’t take insurance” doesn’t mean you can’t get the therapy covered (at least in part), it just means you have to do the paperwork yourself and wait for reimbursement.

        • Anon

          I find this so frustrating. There’s been zero overlap in my life of times I felt a need for therapy and times that doing the paperwork myself wasn’t a stressful burden. I would have been content if we could have done it together during the appointment time; at least that would have been objectively and concretely helpful.

          • Senior Attorney

            I feel like this is super genius and next time I am in that position I am going to suggest that to my therapist!

    • Anon

      I definitely think you should find someone experienced with post party depression even if you don’t think you will have it. I have seen my therapist since 2018. I used to go bi-weekly but only had to pay a $20 co-pay. Now she left her previous employer, as did I, so I have to pay $250 a session. It’s nice to have someone available who knows me so well. She bills me and I submit my statements to my health insurance company and get reimbursed. I think I just have to make my deductible and they pay a decent amount so my out of pocket is “only” about $80 a session. I only go monthly though unless there’s something else going on. It was a lifesaver during covid when there were no available therapists.

    • Traveler

      If you have an EAP through work, check what the options are there. My company provides up to 25 sessions a year through Lyra (virtual) at no cost to me. The person I connected with is fantastic.

      • Ginger

        +1 We don’t have Lyra but I’ve heard positive comments from folks that have used our online EAP program. It’s worth a try. And I’m not in HR :)

      • anon

        +2 I did Lyra for a few months and found it very helpful. I’ve since transitioned to a therapist who accepts my insurance. She isn’t amazing – but she’s pretty decent and I honestly don’t want to deal with the hassle and cost of an out of network provider.

    • Anon8

      Psychology Today listings are where to look for a therapist. One of my BFFs is a private practice therapist and grew her whole practice from listing there.

      I’ve previously paid a $25 copay for an in-network therapist (found of Psychology Today). Now I’m paying $300/session OOP for an ultra-specific migraine CBT specialist. I’ve found both of them helpful– I think it has a lot to do with if you mesh with the specific person.

    • Anonymous

      Our insurance only covers therapy with a diagnosis but my son has been seeing a therapist for 8 months, twice a month, and we have paid $0.

    • Anon

      I did BetterHelp and paid out of pocket but using HSA money. It was about $80/visit.

      • Anon

        I started BetterHelp a month ago and have been very pleased so far. My appointments are virtual and the therapist I matched with offers some evening sessions, which has been great.

    • Anon

      1) I never found a therapist in-network who was taking new patients

      2) both therapists I’ve engaged (for my kids) have been out of pocket

      3) if you go that route, make sure they will agree to give you a statement with a diagnosis code for each visit (the first one I engaged refused to do so, which totally pisses me off every time I think about it)

      4) you pay out of pocket, and then send the statements yourself to your insurance company. They won’t pay anything at first, most likely, but at some point when you hit your out of network out-of-pocket max, they will kick in. But only with “usual and customary” reimbursement, which if you live on a VHCOL area like I do, will be about half of what the therapist actually charged.

      Best of luck. It’s a game meant to make you give up.

  11. anon

    soliciting suggestions for vacation destination! Would like to do a four night getaway over new years for me and my husband. Thinking a large european city or Iceland (not beach). Coming from nyc. Looking to do some culture and explore somewhere new, and okay with being a little splurge-y ($800 a night) since it’s a short trip and we really won’t have time for a longer vacation for a while. We’ve been to Paris before but no other european cities (not necessarily opposed to Paris again). suggested destinations/hotels?

      • Anon

        Second Lisbon! I’ve been to Paris, London, Stockholm, and Copenhagen, but Lisbon is my favorite! However, I think they are experiencing flooding right now so do some research first!

    • Vicky Austin

      Iceland sounds lovely – and somebody was just asking about Iceland trips on a recent thread, too!

      • Anon

        Yeah I would let flight prices be my guide. Check award flights too – sometimes there are crazy good deals on business class seats last minute if they haven’t sold the seats.

      • anonmi

        This was my thought. Look at direct flights from your preferred airport and choose something from those options that sounds fun.

    • Anonymous

      I loved Seville, but I’m also a history nerd so maybe Madrid is more your style? I also liked Lisbon a lot too since it wasn’t just history – their tile museum was really one of the best things I’ve visited and a day trip to Sintra was very easy.

      • Anon

        I love Seville (and Florence), but they’re small cities not large ones, and they’re hard to reach from the US. For 4 days you want somewhere you can fly nonstop.

    • NYCer

      I would probably pick Rome or Barcelona. Or even London since you’ve never been.

    • Senior Attorney

      I’ve done London for New Year’s and it was fabulous. I love Iceland but remember in the winter it’s going to be dark for something like 20 hours a day. Good for seeing the Northern Lights but cold and not terribly conducive to sightseeing beyond that.

  12. Anon

    Any good recommendations for dressy black booties with a 1″ heel (not flat and not higher)? Price not an issue. Prev. there was an Aquitalia model that would have been perfect but they don’t offer it currently. Too many low-heel types are very out-there and casual and I need soemthing I can wear with tights/dresses (having some foot issues so the booties with 3″ heels are out for this winter).

  13. Anon

    Our teen has done scout camping for years and some STEM camps, which seem to be a hot thing. Teen how really, really wants to be an accountant now. We have no accountants in the family, but kid reads the WSJ every day, so it seems to be a sincere interest. School does not even offer economics, so teen is asking whether there are sleep-away summer camps, maybe at a college, for accounting or at least business-major-type exploration? High school freshman and technically old enough for a summer job. I want to encourage this, but nothing in our city seems to be like this — lots of sports camps and STEM, but not the accounting part of the M in STEM. And I get that internships in this field are mainly for college accounting majors.

    • Vicky Austin

      Everyone I know who had high school exposure to actual accounting took the business courses in school and did Business Professionals of America.

      • Vicky Austin

        Oh, just saw your note about not even an economics course – wow! I’ll have another think.

      • Anon

        NC; would be open to sending kid to a camp from ATL to maybe as far as Richmond for a campus-style camp. Not interested in anything via zoom (per kid; would rather just read a book).

    • Curious

      Are there any local small businesses that could use help with the data entry part of keeping the books?

      • Anon.

        Or non-profits you work with? My mom served as treasurer of our church when I was a kid and she’d have been thrilled for some help or someone to shadow her.

      • Anon

        Yikes — I just checked this out for my kid. 12K for OOS tuition and fees — I’m sure it’s a great experience. But my wallet got a chill.

        Does anyone know if generally, a high school student could take classes at a local state U or community college in the summer?

        • Anon

          I’m sure they could. I did so decades ago, and that’s how I got my chemistry credit for high school, which also carried over to college.

          I’m an actuary and not an accountant, but I’d expose your kid to the idea that a finance major might be more in line with interests like reading the WSJ than an accounting major would be. I think you can become an accountant with either major. Econ is another option, especially the quantitative side.

          • Anon

            I was thinking that too – I wondered if accounting necessarily would align with whatever about the WSJ interests him. Fwiw I’m in finance.
            That being said, accounting is a pretty difficult and non-intuitive skill set so if he likes it and gets good at it that could set him apart in a lot of areas of finance.

        • Anonymous

          Community college, yes. State U will probably have grade level and GPA requirements and will be more expensive. When I was in high school it was very common for kids to fulfill high school requirements by taking summer community college courses.

        • Aunt Jamesina

          Yes to the community college option. Universities might let a HS kid audit, but I’m sure that varies widely.

    • Anon

      I feel like the University of Mississippi had something like this. Whether they do post-COVID I don’t know. (They actually have one of the best respected accounting programs out there. And Oxford’s a darling small town in the summer that’d be totally safe for a teen.)

    • Anonymous

      Not the same…but could you ask a local accountant? Maybe s/he’d have ideas and/or want an intern.

      Heck, ask your own accountant.

      Absent that, maybe he could take an Econ class at a local community college, or check out math camps and see if any have areas of focus he’d be interested in.

      I’m laughing at the vision of an “accounting camp” full of freshman boys but I also totally know what you mean and think there could be options :).

    • Anon

      So, I’d encourage your teen to learn about Finance, not accounting. it’s more versatile and more business-y. accounting can cause you to be pidgeon-hoked as “only” an accountant, even if you can move across many industries.

      finance people take accounting too, just less of it.

      Also encourage her to subscribe to Matt Levine’s Money Stuff email newsletter. it’s free and fantastic.

      • Anon

        + 1 I made the same comment as a reply above before I saw your post. Agree completely.

      • Anonymous

        Most accounting programs have a finance component as well. Many junior students I have hired participated in DECA which is described below. Junior Achievement can also be helpful if you have that where you live. Be careful not to focus on the “bookkeeping” aspect of accounting to the exclusion of all the other aspects. I have done so many interesting things as a CPA (Big 4 partner for 15 yrs, CFO, standard setting, etc, etc). If your child wants to be CPA, make sure the college selected provides all the required courses.

    • Anonymous

      Not for this year since kid is only a freshman but The Wharton School at UPenn has a summer program. I think it’s more geared towards juniors or maybe soph IIRC but they would be getting the experience of a few weeks at the number one business school in the world, so it would really crystalize for them if this is what they want in terms of college and career. I mean some would say only consider this if the kid is actually competitive for a school like Wharton or else they’ll just be disappointed to get to do a summer program there but not go to college there, but IDK I feel like the experience itself could be very valuable from a more long term perspective. YMMV just wanted to mention it as a Wharton undergrad alum myself.

      • Anon

        That sounds great. For my budget, it would be like a study-abroad trip (something very different from what your home school will be like). After COVID learning loss, pretty sure even if kiddo had Wharton potential, that is devolving into a slog (BUT remote learning was when the WSJ habit was picked up) of academic rebuilding which may mean if we get into any good state school, that will be OK.

    • Anon

      Ask your teen to do a math workbook at home for 80 hours a week to get a preview. Just kidding… sort of. Maybe check out if your state has Governor’s schools.

    • Elle

      My NC HS had a DECA club which is a marketing and finance. It was a great experience for me to get interested in finance and accounting. I wouldn’t have known it existed if not for a teacher mentioning it to me – so worth exploring that or potentially founding a chapter at her school!

      • anon

        I did DECA in high school and it was a great experience. You may not gain specific accounting knowledge but it was the first time I learned to think on my feet, answer questions on the fly, and act professionally. It’s more like pre-consulting experience.

  14. busybee

    Where have you successfully sold work clothes? I see many posts for people who buy work clothes used- where do you buy them? I work fully remotely now and would like to sell my old wardrobe. I’ve tried Poshmark with no luck. It seems that it’s all professional resellers. My clothes are all excellent condition, 00 and 00P, classic styles in brands like J Crew and Banana Republic. Surely there’s a market somewhere? I tried to donate them to a local org but was told that they don’t have a need for them.

    • Liza

      Not sold, but from a buyer’s perspective, I’ve purchased secondhand clothes on FB Marketplace and Goodwill. I’m not sure why it being professional resellers on Poshmark would make a difference – why does that mean you can’t sell on there? You may be asking too much. When I buy kids’ clothes secondhand, I want to pay about $1 per item, or about 10% of retail value. That’s probably a good benchmark for how you should be pricing things. That being the case, when I am done with clothes, I just donate them to Goodwill. It’s not worth the time/hassle to sell for pennies on the dollar.

    • Anon

      There really isn’t a market for it. Your experience is showing you this. Work clothes and clothes in general aren’t investments despite what the fashion industry tries to tell you.

      • Anon

        Yep. Wish I had figured this out earlier, frankly.

        As for the resale clothing market – formal work clothes, especially, there’s just no market for. Offices that weren’t casual pre-pandemic are casual now, or people are WFH. I think some people who do have to wear business formal (or even business casual) are hybrid, so only need a few work outfits to make it through the workweek vs. needing a complete wardrobe of business formal clothing. I know some folks here are still working in finance or Big Law and they’re in big offices and big cities and they still have to dress up, but that’s not anywhere near the norm. I don’t see women in suits any more, period – print dress with a blazer is about as formal as it gets – and if I see a man in a suit, he’s usually a car salesman or he’s headed to court that day (and not necessarily because he’s a lawyer). The male CEOs and entrepreneurs in my city wear shirts and slacks if they have to dress up; otherwise it’s a Patagonia half-zip and jeans.

        • Anonymous

          This is my experience! I just went back into the office a few months ago on a hybrid basis. Pre-covid, I wore suits or suit separates daily. Now its knit pants and nice shirts with a scarf or soft blazer/sweater. We had an Important Client Facing Meeting this week, and no one wore a suit.

    • Anon 2.0

      I think the size could be an issue as well. 00 and 00P are small and not a ton of people wear those sizes.

    • No Problem

      With Poshmark you honestly have to promote yourself on the platform. You need to reshare to your followers several times a week and also share to the parties that are relevant for what you are selling. And also don’t expect much $ – prices should be no more than 1/3 what you paid for them and ideally much less. It’s helpful to search for sold items in the brand/category of what you are selling and see what the final prices were. Offer discounts for bundles and make offers to people who like your items. Sales will happen, but they will be random and fairly slow.

      Otherwise, stuff like that gets snapped up in my local Buy Nothing group. There’s always someone’s teen who needs some nicer outfit for a summer job or someone who just graduated college and needs to start a work wardrobe.

    • pugsnbourbon

      Check with your local college/community college – they sometimes have closets as part of their wraparound services.

    • Anon

      I buy on Poshmark all the time and I have no idea if the sellers are professional or not. Your audience for 00 and 00P workwear is going to be a lot smaller than the sizes most adult people in need of workwear are after.

      • Anon

        Yes, if you think of sizing as a bell curve with 14-16ish being the mean, 00 and 00p are way out in the tail of the curve, meaning you have far fewer potential customers than someone selling for the average size 14-16 5’4” American woman. You may just need to give it more time.

        And yes, price appropriately. When I buy things online, I favorite or follow “maybe” items I come across. When a seller responds to that by offering me a 10-20% discount, that’s often what makes me pull the trigger.

        • Anon

          This is what I was thinking. Millions of people – myself included – gained weight during COVID. 00 means you’re already among the smallest of adult women! My former size 12-14 self is now a 16-18, so I’m going to Poshmark and buying lots of work clothes, but it’s all in larger sizes.

          • Anon

            I just donated a huge amount of 12 to 16s because they sat in poshmark for a long time so expect a long wait.

            domestic abuse and similar organizations will take in their own schedules.

    • Anon

      Honestly when I’m on poshmark, I don’t look at JCrew or BR items because the quality has gone downhill so much and I can’t tell from what era something is online. Also lots of sellers don’t clearly indicate when an item from these stores is from the Factory store, which is a different quality and pricepoint. I have many great JCrew and BR workwear items that are 10+ years old and in great shape. Is there a consignment store near you?

      Since we were discussing MM Lafleur above, they have a resale site and I have bought things there and been happy with the experience, but don’t know how it is from a seller point of view.

    • Anon8

      I’ve had much better luck selling trendy items (HHH nap dress, realisation par silk dress) than work items. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever sold a work item on Poshmark, even when I lowered the price quite a bit. Unfortunately I think there’s just too much to wade through for brands like J Crew and Banana Republic for people to even notice your listing.

    • Anon

      IMHO, J Crew and Banana aren’t worth buying used; they aren’t fast fashion, but I can sale stalk new things and buy cheap enough. I buy MMLF and similar quality used. You’re also a 0 or 00, which is not easy to find buyers for.

    • No Face

      You are pricing the clothes too high. I’m sure they are in great condition, but they are still used. I buy used clothes on eBay. The most I will pay is about 30% of the original price for something in excellent condition. Anything more than that, I can just buy new during a big sale weekend.

      If you want to get it over with, take all the clothes to a nicer resale or consignment.

      • Anon

        I can’t even get rid of my work clothes at consignment shops. Even they don’t want them!

        Poshmark has taken some of my stuff – but they’re not accepting any new selling kits right now (too high volume) and you get paid VERY little per item.

    • New Here

      There are some brand-specific groups on FB that you can join and sell. I’ve had luck with one called The Closet Cleanout and another called BST Ann Taylor/LOFT/Banana Republic/J Crew/Talbots.

    • Anon

      Thread Up. You won’t make a ton of money but I am always looking for petite sizes on that site.

    • Anon

      I buy from eBay. I tried Mercari for a while but received a damaged item and there was a lot of rigamarole in getting a refund. eBay is much easier.

      I generally only buy extras or replacements of items I know my size in. For instance, I like the Talbots bi stretch straight leg pant, which they don’t make any more, so I’ve been buying extras on eBay.

      Please include measurements of all items – for me, the most important is inseam as I am tall – and disclose any spots, snags, or worn areas, because you don’t really want returns or bad reviews.

    • Anon

      I have actually sold work clothes on Poshmark successfully. I have sold a lot of clothes on the platform though, so I think my listings reach a bigger audience than most do. Generally, the items that sell the best tend to be:
      A) Like new condition. No one is buying an item in good/ok condition. It needs to be excellent or used with tags.
      B) Item is from a quality, not a fast fashion brand.
      C) Item is something easy to tell the sizing ahead of time. For example, I have had good luck selling items that are still sold in stores in different colorways, like the J Crew Resume Dress or Cameron Pant, etc. Ann Taylor is more difficult because the sizing is not consistent across the brand.
      D) Prices tend to be about 10-30% of retail unless it’s a “rare” item like a sold out item on Everlane that is still promoted by blogs/influencers, etc.

      • thanksgiving anxiety

        +1
        I priced things about 20-30%, but accepted most offers which usually ended up in the 10-20% range.

    • Duckles

      I sold all my work clothes (mostly banana level, some nicer) on Threadup a couple years ago and got a few hundred dollars. They don’t seem to be accepting more clothes though. I also haven’t had luck on Poshmark or Mercari or ebay for any clothes/shoes/bags.

    • thanksgiving anxiety

      I’ve had good luck on Poshmark (my stuff was size 2-4, so I had a larger market) but you may be pricing things too high. Most people won’t pay much for used Jcrew and Banana Republic because those brands are already cheap to begin with and easy to get new half off on sale. I’d expect to get like $5-$8 on a Jcrew top on Poshmark. I made bank on my old Lululemon stuff though. I offered deals for bundling cheaper items so that I could at least get rid of like 6 things for $20 or whatever.

      Last time I checked, you could still do the donation bags on Thredup and at least have a write-off.

      • busybee

        Thanks all for the responses! I will try pricing my items lower and see what happens.

        • Anon

          Do you have a burner email? This is my size and I buy these clothes on Poshmark but sifting through all the listings is not my idea of fun. Lizzyhicken01 @ gmail .com email me!

  15. anon

    Any recommendations for a mens sweatshirt in a moisture wicking fabric? I’m buying a present for a sweatier than average guy. Thanks!

  16. BB

    Okay, help me maybe feel like less of a grinch here? I took over managing a team about a year ago, and I guess the tradition had been that everyone buys the manager (now me) a gift. I am very firmly in the “You never gift up” camp. I’m not new to the company and my last team did not give me gifts, so it’s not a company culture thing. I had a conversation with my team yesterday about “Gifts go down, not up” and explained the power dynamic reasoning, even though we have a great team culture etc. etc. They weren’t shocked, but maybe looked a bit crestfallen? I know they buy the gifts because they enjoy it, but for me, it’s one of these “We take a hard line on it because you never know, and better safe than sorry.” Ugh.

    • Liza

      Would it be helpful to redirect their gift-giving/collaborative energy into buying a gift for “the team,” such as a cookie or cheese tray for everyone to enjoy? (If you’re working in-office.)

      • Vicky Austin

        +1 – this is a nice way to redirect that energy since apparently they were looking forward to expending it.

      • BB

        They already do this, which I’m generally fine with. I have a slight concern about people feeling obligated to participate, but the team does have a good culture. It’s the giving up that I take a hard line on.

    • Anonymous

      Is it possible they had already bought your gift?
      Another redirect option is to collaboratively give to a local charity or toy drive.

    • anonshmanon

      Maybe you can soften the ‘blow’ (not that it should be one, but changing routines is always a Thing) by preparing some thoughtful comments on how you appreciate the team (and individual reports if that works), so they feel that the relationship-affirming aspect of a gift is still happening.
      My work does a donation drive (monetary donations or logging volunteer hours at the food bank), which is nice, although maybe not what helps you here.

    • Anonymous

      I’m on board with the idea of not gifting up, but mandating it like you did does strike me as grinchy. I think you could have said something after the fact or informally. But a mandate like that, in a culture that embraced it, is likely to have the wrong effect.

    • Anon

      Make an optional gift / secret santa type event where those who want can bring in their wrapped gifts and can then play a game to do a gift exchange. That way they can use up the gifts they already got plus maybe get something back!
      In other words, have them gift each other!

      • MagicUnicorn

        +1 to redirect in a fun way for a group that is really into gift-giving. Do a white elephant exchange with some basic parameters (either a real gift in a reasonable price range, a silly gift that is used only, or some type of theme that fits your team’s vibe), and make sure participation is opt-in only without pressure.

    • anon

      I’d be really grateful that you took a hard line, though I might not say anything. It’s really difficult to say, “hey, I don’t want to participate in team culture of giving a gift to the boss.” However, I, personally, wouldn’t want to participate in this and wish the norm of not giving to those above you was more solidified.

      Call me grinchy, but I don’t want to add to my expenses or to-do list.

  17. Anonymous

    Passive Aggressive Anonymous Online Advice:

    Please do not use nail polish remover in the office, even if you have your personal office door closed. That smell travels and lingers horribly. My entire office smells like a nail salon today and my asthma is not happy. It’s much better to go around with chipped nail polish than to do this.

    • Anon

      I once walked in on a coworker with her foot up on the desk painting her toenails, which she continued to do for the duration of our conversation.

    • Vicky Austin

      Yikes on bikes – when I worry I’m annoying for whatever reason, I’ll remember that people do this!

    • Anon

      At my last job, the person in the cube behind me would routinely clip her nails and toenails. I finally asked her to please do that in the bathroom. She looked me square in the eyes and said “oh okay” and then continued to do it in her cube.

  18. Anonymous

    Saw this IG channel which I found interesting and was hoping we could play the same here as we have such a range of ages and life experiences. Basically the young IG channel owner walks up to people in the streets mostly in Toronto or Montreal who want to speak and asks the following

    What age are you and how do you feel about being that age or what is it like being that age.
    If you could go back and re live any year of your life what would it be and why.
    What is something that mattered to you a lot when you were younger that you realize does not matter at all now in life.
    I will post my own answers once this gets thru mod and I hope others do too as I am curious what people will say.

    • Anonymous

      38, it’s pretty awesome except that I’m starting to actually look old- hair is grey (but dyed), eyes and forehead are starting to wrinkle. Am debating fixing the skin but haven’t made a call yet. My kids are all out of diapers and all but the last are in elem school. The youngest tells me I’m beautiful every day.

      I’d re-live another year in college. It was the best! I was super poor when I got out, otherwise I’d re live that too. Or maybe another year as DINKs with my husband. We had 3 but they were all awesome!

      What used to matter: being right

    • Anonymous

      This is a great question, but it’s pretty late in the day for a morning thread. You’ll get more traction if you repost in the afternoon.

      • Anonymous

        I’m going to take this advice as I think there are some great answers and life wisdom to be had. Thanks.

    • Anonymous

      – 42 and I love being 42.
      – 36 because I gave birth to my second kid and it was just so joyous and relaxed. I was good with my career, had enough money to be comfortable, and was healthy and happy.
      – How I look when I go out in public. 30 year me would cringe at what I wear to the grocery store, etc.

    • Senior Attorney

      64 and can’t believe I’m this old because I still feel as young as I ever did
      I don’t do backsies but thanks for the offer!
      Haha I was so mortified about (what people would think about me) being twice-divorced (and then thrice-married) but now I literally don’t care one bit

    • Anon

      57. My 40s were the best – my kids were little and cute, my career was headed in the right direction, and I was full of energy and hope.

      That said, I like being 57. One of my very closest friends died suddenly at age 54 this year, so I’m much more in touch with my own mortality and know that every day is a gift, and I try hard to treat it as such.

      And having college aged kids is fun too!

    • Anon

      I’m 38. It’s good! I don’t have any major health problems and honestly I don’t really see signs of aging in myself (no grays, no visible wrinkles that I see), although I don’t care about beauty as much as a lot of people. I think at this stage of my life how good a year is is mostly determined by how much fun my kid is at that age, and my kid is currently 5 and an absolute delight. (Age 3/36 was NOT GOOD lol, and 35 wasn’t good either because that was the height of the pandemic).

      Junior year of college was super fun. My best friend and I were both single all year and official “friends” of a fraternity and we basically lived at their super nice house, eating all their chef’s delicious meals and hanging out with the brothers in low key, non-drunken settings. The boys called us twins and we leaned into it, dressing alike and what not. It was like having a twin sister and a bunch of big brothers and as an only child that was a very fun feeling for me. But honestly I’m very excited about the future, having an elementary age kid, traveling more, etc. and college BFF and I are still as close as sisters.

      I can’t really think of anything, although I agree with the previous person who said going out in public in schlubby clothes like leggings. So let’s go with that.

    • Anonymous

      I’ll bite:
      I am 49. Being this age is strange as it sounds old but I feel younger than I did in my 30s. I thought my life would be very boring and sedate now but instead I am constantly meeting new people, making friends, and dating. I go out most nights of the week.I am in better physical shape than I have been in since my early 20s (for reasons). I am growing in my career in major ways. And I recently discovered that I can feel all those butterflies about a crush that I felt as a young person. (I admit I am indulging a bit of a midlife crisis after “losing” a lot of years that just seemed to go by marked by nothing.)
      I would love a do-over of age 23. I made sooo many mistakes and miscalculations that year – work and relationships and school and money, all of it, with very lasting negative consequences.
      I thought pleasing my parents and getting their approval mattered a lot when I was a young adult and I wish I had cared a lot less about that.

    • Anon8

      I’m 32 and love being 32. I am more confident and self-assured than I’ve ever been. I don’t worry as much about what others think of my life choices. I live more true to myself than I ever have. Since turning 32 I’ve gotten help for my anxiety, finally gotten my migraines under control and was accepted to a creative writing MFA program. It’s only getting better!

      Honestly, I don’t think I’d go back. I sometimes miss feeling 22 but I was an anxious wreck who spent most of the weekend in bed hungover, so no thanks.

      I used to feel so self-conscious about leading too “boring” of a life. I started working at a generic corporate job right out of college, married my high school sweetheart and still live an hour from my hometown. I really wanted to throw it all away and go travel the world or whatever, because that seemed more exciting. Now I see that the boring stuff enables the exciting stuff — my LCOL city allowed me to afford to buy a house, working a corporate job has gotten me enough money to pay for grad school out of pocket, I’ve put in enough time at my workplace to have six weeks vacation next year. Last year I took nearly a month off to travel the US in a camper van.

    • Winter

      50. I really like it. My family in a good place, professionally I’m right where I want to be, and my finances are in a good spot to retire before 60 if I want to.
      My best decade was my 40s (although the 50s are looking good!), but I don’t need to relive them. No particular year was my fav.
      I used to want to get promoted to a specific level/title in my profession. Now I most certainly do not and will not pursue it if it comes up. It’s a great presige-y title, but I can see now from a level below that I would not like the actual work they do all day and my skills/interests/energy/goals align so much better with what I’m doing at my current level.

  19. Anon

    My name is, let’s say, Julia. I was on a work call just now where someone kept talking about “Julietta” and saying Julietta will do such and such, this is a question for Julietta. Finally, someone else says “Julia…are you going to respond?” I said “Oh I didn’t realize you were talking to me.” I think they thought I was being sarcastic! But I honestly had no idea they were referencing me. So many new people have joined our organization lately and I just assumed there was someone named Julietta…

    • Anon

      I’ve been in this boat. And it’s probably not the most mature thing to do. But I usually try to spin the same thing back on the same person to drive the point. “Mark=Markus, Richard = Rich, or if they have a simple name switch if for another Bob = Al” etc. I’ve only had to do a couple of times, but it’s worked each time to make it stop.

      • Anonymous

        How was OP immature? She didn’t realize they were talking to her. If someone is asking someone else to do something then it’s kind of on them to figure out the person’s name!

      • Anon

        You know that Dick is a perfectly acceptable nickname for Richard, right?

        Source: married to a Richard, who is sometimes a dick

        • Vicky Austin

          In the perfect alignment of stars where I needed to get back at somebody called Richard, I’d love to employ this.

      • Aunt Jamesina

        This seems really aggressive unless the person in question has been corrected about your name previously. People screw up! “It’s actually Julia!”.

      • Ginger

        I probably would’ve piped up and said “I just need to confirm here . . . there’s a Juliette on this call and these tasks are not directed to me. Do I have that right?” Although, honestly, hearing the nature of the tasks being assigned to Juliette would probably have clued me in immediately that they meant me and just messed up my name.

    • Anonymous

      I mean….we’re those things obviously yours? Like were they marketing questions and you are Julia, head of marketing?

      • Anon

        No, it wasn’t clear from the context. A lot of the people on the call work in the same general area, so while these could plausibly be my tasks they could plausibly someone else’s and it hadn’t been made clear to me in advance that these were my things.

      • Anon

        (OP here again) and also it was weird, they were sort of talking about me like I wasn’t there. Like they were saying “We should ask Julietta about this, someone should follow up with Julietta, etc” which sounded to me like she wasn’t on the call. If they’d said “Julietta, what do you think about X?” I probably would have figured it out because I knew there was no Julietta present on the call and I was the only one there whose name was at all similar. But the discussion really sounded to me like she wasn’t on the call and they were saying they were going to check with her about this stuff later.

    • Anon100

      I would just say your last sentence, “Oh I didn’t realize you were talking to me, I thought you were talking to a Julietta who may have recently joined our firm.”

      My other option would be “My name is Julia, not Julietta, so I thought you were talking about someone else.”

  20. PSA Re Men and HPV

    I’ve seen folks on here and IRL say things like “my partner/boyfriend/husband tested negative for HPV.” That’s almost certainly not true since there is no reliable test for HPV in men. What they likely mean is, I had a STI screening and it was all negtive. They just don’t realize the “all” didn’t include HPV. Stay vigilent about your health.

  21. nuqotw

    To everyone who responded about the lunch thing yesterday – thank you. I posted my thing and then work took over.

    Looking at the responses, we are going to lighten up a bit. Paying for school lunch is not a hardship – it’s $3.75 / lunch. He gets $8/week in allowance. We had a talk last night about what he wants to eat for lunch and:

    (1) We agreed that he would have to keep paying for school lunch if that’s what he wants.
    (2) He told me some things that he would like better than the current fare on offer and we agreed we would shop for them. (It emerged that the set of things he wants to eat for lunch has little overlap with the set of things he wants to eat at home. Somehow this possibility hadn’t occurred to me.)
    (3) He wants a bigger lunch (I don’t know why this hadn’t come up but I feel terrible. I figured he would tell me if he didn’t have enough food but I was clearly wrong. I was packing the same amount of food I got for an elementary school lunch.) I am going to shop for a larger lunch box / set of containers.
    (4) We agreed on some ground rules for the lunch, e.g. it cannot be all dessert and no sandwich.

    And then we baked cookies, so he has some cookies in his lunch today, which are definitely on the list of things he wants for lunch. :)

    • Anon

      That is so sweet! I love your follow up. I thought people were hard on you in the responses.
      If he gets his pocket money, then he can spend it on “fun” things like buying food at the cafeteria to replace or supplement the “boring” home food he’s brought. As a student I had the same rule, and having me pay out of pocket helped me to be more discriminate rather than to just get the chips/cookies packet every single time.
      For my kids, I order hot lunch 2x/week and boring home lunch the other days. Our lunch is $6.50 and leftovers from our dinner are not just cheaper but healthier, so we compromise with a mix.
      Don’t feel bad about the quantity! My middle schooler is apparently on a growth spurt and recently told me “I ate the lunch, but I was still hungry” which made me order a bigger lunchbox too. He is also ravenous when he comes home after school and frequently eats a full meal which clued me in that I need to up the quantity.

      • Yep!

        My teen now eats full meals at 10am, noon, 4pm, 630pm (dinner w family) and 10pm. I’m reasonably certain his smallest meal is the dinner w family.

        • nuqotw

          I’m one of three sisters. I’m told I will be shocked when I learn just how much a teenage boy can eat.

        • Anon

          Hahaha I tell people all the time that my son eats the equivalent of a full meal about every 3 hours. Also sure dinner with us is his smallest meal. It floors me how much this kid can eat and not gain weight. He just keeps gaining vertical inches, to the point that we already have to shop for new pants as the ones we bought in August for back-to-school are too short.

    • thanksgiving anxiety

      My parents also only gave me enough money to buy lunch at school a couple times a week and it worked well for us. I got used to making my own lunches and planning meals ahead but still got to have my favorite lunches at school (they were different each day of the week).

      Those habits allowed me to waste all of my money on clothes instead of fast food in college :)

    • Anon

      You sound like a prison warden. You may win the battle but you’ve lost the war. He’s a
      hungry child FFS

    • Anonymous

      Your son was hungry, using an allowance to subsidize food to feed himself and you were bragging about being cheap because you didn’t think 3.75 to put food in his belly was worth it and you figured he should eat the same amount of food as an elementary aged child. How is this ok?

      • nuqotw

        He *is* an elementary aged child and I packed him a lunch because I feed him.

    • Anonymous

      You had a great conversation! You HAD a conversation You decided to adjust. He knows you are willing to adjust. You both win. :)

    • Kit

      If he wants 2 school lunches per week he has to spend his entire allowance on it. There are kids in this country that tragically go hungry because their parents can’t afford food. I don’t see food being a place where I’d put my foot down about unnecessary spending, unless it’s pure junk food. But most school lunches are protein, half ass veg, and a carb. And it’s warm food in the middle of (now) a winter day. This scenario feels odd.

      • Anon

        I think the allowance amount was just for comparison. I read the post as her saying they’re going to start paying for his lunches.

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