This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
This floral sweater from Nordstrom Signature isn’t the type of thing that I would normally gravitate to, but it caught my eye during a casual scroll this week. It would pair nicely with a wide range of other neutrals or even with some of the colored suits we’ve been seeing this season. (This Hobbs suit is still on my mind!)
If you’re in a denim-friendly office, I would also love to see it with some dark jeans.
The sweater is $269 at Nordstrom and comes in sizes XXS-XXL.
Sales of note for 10.24.24
- Nordstrom – Fall sale, up to 50% off!
- Ann Taylor – Friends of Ann Event, 30% off! Suits are included in the 30% off!
- Banana Republic Factory – 40-60% off everything, and redeem Stylecash!
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
- J.Crew – Friends & Family event, 30% off sitewide.
- J.Crew Factory – 40% off everything
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Up to 30% off on new arrivals
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 40% off entire purchase, plus free shipping no minimum
- White House Black Market – Buy more, save more; buy 3+ get an extra 50% off
Anon
How do you all feel about benign neglect in the workplace? I used to thrive with a lot of in-person interaction at work and got this in my 20s — collaborative work, lunch with people, working late brainstorming, lots of back and forth, happy hours, ordering in dinner. It was what I thrived on.
Fast forward, over my 30s, this shifted in part because I started running, often solo due to other job cuts, a small business unit that was externally focused. I also got married (not a factor), had kids (definitely a factor, and have no local family (but now have elder care responsibilities that involve out of town travel and more remote work). The pandemic had out schools mostly closed for a very long time (like neighboring states and counties returned to normal a year before we did, when our kids did something crazy like 2 days a week for kid A and 1 week on / 2 weeks off for kid B).
At any rate, we are meh on return to work. We talk a good game about encouraging it, but recognize that it’s really for junior people and people who are struggling who need a reboot before they are counseled out. OTOH, I have barely been at work this summer (combo of kid with chronic condition, parent with acute illness, and a summer nanny who flaked on us and we couldn’t manage to backfill for August). I like that there is no pressure, but OTOH, if I died, how long would it take anyone at work to realize it? 3 months go by and maybe they figure I haven’t entered any time because I’m busy? I guess I just feel like I need to remember the upside of no one caring because right now I just feel very alone (like I had a major win yesterday and it was like just my one hand clapping — maybe shop to fill the void? no victory lunch interested me b/c it would be eaten alone). [I tried to talk to my office head but couldn’t find him. After several days of telling his admin before I went dark for a long time that I wanted to get on his calendar and e-mailing, I called his cell, left a message, and never heard back.]
Anon
Isn’t this what quiet quitting is?
Anonymous
Seems more like quite firing.
Anon
Meh, depends on the workplace. I haven’t worked much since the early pandemic and am still here.
Anon
I think that is for when you aren’t doing any work or much less. Not when you are doing the work under challenging remote circumstances (baby in NICU for a month and your leave is up).
Anon
Ok, there’s a lot to unpack in your comment and all its parentheses but it sounds like it’s a problem with your job and your workplace culture.
Deedee
agreed. this is not what the LW wants nor what the folks in charge want
you need connection
Anon
Work on your use of parentheses with all your free time, OP.
Anon
Sorry you hate your life so much.
Trish
What is wrong with YOU, anon at 11:21?
Anonymous
haha and brackets too!
Ellen
Yes, she is like many people I went to law school now in their 40s who’ve worked as attorneys for more then 20 years and really prefer doing something else; anything else, really. She’s burnt out, and would relish the thought of sitting at the pool all day sipping pina coladas if she has the resources to do so; she is married, so hopefully her husband is carrying the torch and bringing home the (kosher) bacon because he will want their kids to make something more of themselves. She does NOT presently reveal any weakness in her marrage, but if she maintains a lackadaisacal attitude toward work, who knows how long she will be able to keep her husband from taking up with a young hot woman who sees him as her meal ticket, as his model is getting long in the tooth. I counsel the women here NOT to bite the hand that feeds you, because even a dirty hand is better then no hand at all. I don’t have (or want or need) that option because I have always been industrius, and have built up a retirement nest egg that does NOT depend on any man to fund (other than my law firm). So I am set, but for those who aren’t, please take care before chasing away your man, because none of us are as sexueally desireable as we were 20-30 years ago (other than mabye Christie Brinkley, who also BTW does not need a man to support her).
Cat
I don’t know what you think the benign neglect is – you’re feeling neglected because wins aren’t celebrated as naturally when you’re remote or it’s harder to stay connected with colleagues? yeah, there are lots of upsides to remote work, but enhanced camaraderie isn’t ever going to be one of them.
anon
+1. This is a huge downside to remote work. You have to work a lot harder to foster relationships and connection.
Anon
It’s only a downside if people don’t want to work hard at those things. Which it feels like some people here feel like their good looks and scintillating personalities (lol) should be enough. Some of us have always had to work hard at connecting with people and it’s actually easier now that we’re not running from meeting to meeting all the time or having people make snap judgments about our capabilities based solely on how conventionally attractive we are.
anon
What in the actual world are you talking about? Most of us have to work at this stuff.
anonshmanon
There was a very interesting conversation on AskaManager some years ago, about two types of people. I cannot remember what they were labeled, but there was basically one type who prefers the interpersonal relationship to be spelled out explicitly and frequently (these are people who value things like small talk, taking extra time for polite back and forth, thanking and praising effusively, and building a rapport by discussing a variety of topics). Then there is the other type who is all down to business, and doing good work for each other is how you build that relationship.
There was a whole comment thread about how either side perceives effective interactions and it was a very interesting read. Basically, love languages but for work.
anon
Wow. Bitter.
anon
Anon at 1:21 – don’t get mad for getting called out on your own bad behavior and toxic assumptions. Just try to be better. I bet you can do it if you try.
Anonymous
It sounds like the benign neglect is almost zero connection or communication with anyone from her company; the recent win just highlighted that there’s no one to tell, and no one to notice. The benign part is that no one is upset with her or her performance. She can’t even manage to get a conversation with her boss, though she has tried all the avenues she has.
I”m sorry, OP. I’ve been in a similar situation, and it’s incredibly demoralizing.
Anonymous
So… you admit you have a lot going on with child/parent etc, and that the things that used to help you “thrive at worK” like ordering dinner together and going to happy hours just aren’t possible right now. But how is that “benign neglect”? I feel like that implies that it’s your office’s fault that they’re being flexible?
I think when you’ve leaned out it’s wrong to think that the social and support system will just be there immediately for you when you want it. You could try encouraging something yourself among fellow online workers – friday happy hours Zooms or “weekly wins” message threads. But that may be beyond you right now.
It’s ok to have priorities – sounds like work and the social system around work aren’t your top priorities. can’t your husband/child/parent help you celebrate your wins?
Anonymous
If your boss won’t contact you despite you reaching out multiple times, thats neglect.
Anonymous
yes – but her big win just happened yesterday but then she said “After several days of telling his admin before I went dark for a long time that I wanted to get on his calendar and e-mailing, I called his cell, left a message, and never heard back”
so i guess i’m confused when she wanted to get his attention and what “went dark for a long time” means
Anonymous
In my 40s I realized that your job never loves you even if you love it. Like I’ve seen lawyers spend 30 years with a client department and then 2-3 years later, we’ve had a staff churn on both ends and they are basically forgotten.
Do your job for the money and the work. Connections with great colleagues to commiserate with and share wins with generally helps offset a benign neglect corporate culture.
anon
Isn’t this the truth. I had the best work team when I was in my late 20s through mid 30s. While my current team is talented and likable, I have never felt the sense of camaraderie that I did during those golden years. It was a unique combination of personalities that were very complementary in a way that I’ve never experienced before or since. The downside is that I became overly loyal to a situation that eventually went sour when some of those OGs left. I’m still in the same org, with a new boss (thank god), but my approach is different now. Work is work. The camaraderie, when I find it, is lovely, but I’m more emotionally removed. My life is also much different now. With two school-age kids, my time after work is spoken for, and I don’t have as much mental bandwidth for workplace friendships. Most of the time, I’m OK with this. If I left, it would maybe hurt people for awhile but they’d move on relatively quickly.
Eliza
+1
Anne-on
+1 to this. I had two sets of amazing colleagues in my 20s. I left one role and then the second team split up as leadership changed. It was fun to be social/super connected at work but in retrospect work was also taking up a lot of the energy I now reserve for my close friends/family/myself – I don’t want or need my work colleagues to be my besties and to have lots of downtime with them. But in many roles (big tech, consulting, etc.) you spend so much time at work and in the trenches that it can be a shock to the system when that isn’t there any longer.
Are there any professional organizations or affinity groups you can join? I’ve found those scratch the itch for me while also expanding my professional network.
anon
+1M. I had an amazing group of colleagues at two separate offices in my late 20s-mid 30s as well (and I’m still friends with some of them, though we’ve all moved on). I felt a deep sense of loyalty and commitment to my work, in part because of the mission (it was public service). But eventually, I realized my work and worth was not being valued/appreciated, and I was never going to be promoted or advance in the way I wanted to. I left and now am at a new company where although there is far less camaraderie, my opportunities for advancement are much better and I feel appreciated. Do I miss the close connections with my colleagues? Of course. But ultimately, for my career, I know that this is a much better situation.
Anon
This is it. I am in my mid-40s and realized after I had a major health crisis that happened at work, after which I was out for two weeks, that the drum kept beating whether I was there or not. And if I had died, they would have said some nice things about me at the weekly staff meeting (hopefully) and then everyone would have just moved on. My family, however, would have been devastated and would have lost a mother, wife, daughter, sister, friend, etc. and that would have had a LOT more impact on their lives than my employer losing an employee.
This is why, ladies in your 20s and 30s, it is a terrible, terrible mistake to prioritize your career over having hobbies and finding fulfillment outside of work, finding a partner, nurturing your friendships, being there for your family, or having children if you want them. Your job is never, ever going to love you back. Your coworkers are likely not going to come to the doctor’s office with you and hold your hand while you wait to hear the diagnosis. Your boss is not going to stay at your house and make sure you’re eating and hydrating while you’re recovering from a serious illness. The CEO of your company will not attend your parent’s funeral with you and hug you while you’re crying. A job is a job is a job, and even the folks who think they’ve made it to some high-and-mighty place in the world are not as important as they think. And when they retire or die, within weeks they’ll basically be forgotten. Think about all the businesspeople from the 1990s and the early 2000s who used to be in the news all the time, and now no one even remembers who they are.
If you feel like “nobody at my job cares about me” that’s not a revelation to anyone but you. You are correct: they don’t care about you. Your family cares about you. Your friends care about you. So set your life priorities accordingly, or suffer later on.
anon
PREACH.
BeenThatGuy
YESSSS
Anonymous
AMEN to that!!
Runcible Spoon
Yes — your work friends are not your friends (unless they become your outside-of-work friends). I learned this the hard way as a workaholic in my younger years, and I am painfully mindful that once I retire (on the horizon) I probably won’t be in contact with any work friends anymore, as you lose the one thing you have in common.
More Sleep Would Be Nice
+1 – I’m learning this the hard way. It’s important to like your work/find meaning in it. Even if the meaning is a paycheck – I agree with the posters that have said money does not buy happiness but it can help you problem solve more effectively.
The way capitalism works, a relationship between a person and organization is not meant to be forever, and no, your job won’t love you back.
Anne-on
This. I felt like the grinch in my 30s when more companies started rolling out the ‘tech worker’ perks (free food/cool offices/etc.) and I commented to some younger colleagues that they were doing this to try to get people to stay later so we’d work more hours and they were shocked (shocked!) at how cynical I was. Nope – tech execs publicly talked about how they wanted their workers to blend work/life to their benefit (more hours!), but I guess coming to that realization is still a right of passage for workers.
More Sleep Would Be Nice
Girl, same. I was in my late 20s-early 30s at a “cool” company that did this stuff, and I was like – “I’d rather just get the time off/see this in my paycheck” and I was definitely giving grinchy vibes. Like, no I don’t need to go to a holiday party in an insane venue – I’ll literally take a doord*sh giftcard instead.
A few years after my departure, the company got bought out by another company that’s been in the industry forever.
Anon
I don’t know how to help you but I commiserate. The best time in my life was when I was a public defender and we were constantly busy and surrounded by supportive colleagues in the trenches. I now have a solo firm at home and I am lonely. I exercise more, sleep better and eat healthier but I am craving interactive work. Grabbing lunch with my friends isn’t the same as working on a project together. I am afraid that remote work will have major negative mental health impacts over time on our culture. Similar to the impact on the lonely housewife.
PolyD
That’s an interesting comparison, to the lonely housewife (although when most women were housewives they had each other). Something to think about.
Anonymous
Why are you weirdly making up a problem
Anon
People on this board can be so nasty. Get over yourself.
Anonymous
News flash: Random late night brainstorming and happy hours going on around you all the time would probably still be isolating and challenging to workplace success because a married life with kids doesn’t support that as much. And the type of oversight many experience in their 20s means less opportunity to shape things your way. Grass always looks greener. That said if no one can tell whether you’re even working, that’s a sign of bad culture whether in person or remote.And you’re clearly missing some human interaction. Although it sounds like you would have been out a lot of this summer regardless of work setting.) I would explore going in more often while it’s all in your control and setting up lunches to try to mix with some of those more junior people. If that doesn’t scratch the itch, find another opportunity that’s hybrid.You need to create a balance that works for you while also being realistic that nothing is perfect.
NY CPA
“We talk a good game about encouraging it, but recognize that it’s really for junior people and people who are struggling who need a reboot before they are counseled out.”
I think you need to reframe this. From my experience, even if junior people benefit the most learning-wise from being in the office, it’s because they are there being part of an office eco-system–observing office norms, listening in on conversations of things they’re not directly involved in, being brought into meetings with more senior folks, etc.–and that requires people from all levels to be there. I’ve heard that the people who push back on RTO the most are mid-level managers with families and commutes, not Gen Z, but those are exactly the people needed in the office to help the junior people learn.
NY CPA
Also, I really missed the commraderie of being in the office and I love that social aspect whenever I’m in now. It sounds like that’s something you’re missing and should prioritize for your own benefit.
anonshmanon
Yup, and as much as I empathize with management being hesitant to put forth a rigid 3 days in office-rule, my company’s current approach of ‘we’d like everyone to come in more please if it’s not too much trouble’ means that the senior staff stay home and take advantage of the flexibility, while the less senior workers don’t feel like they have that political capital, so they make an effort to come in, just to be on video calls from the office.
No Face
I am a big advocate for figuring out what you want and getting it. If in-person collaborative work makes you happy, then pursue a path that leads to that. That could be anything from more networking lunches to changing jobs.
I would be considered about a non-communicative workplace because of the negative impact on advancing my career or avoiding layoffs.
Anon
Some of your language makes me think you’re in consulting (maybe running a specialized service line). If so, the good news is there should be plenty of connection available but you have to lean into it. You have to go to the office social events, go to practice lunch and learns, etc. A very easy step is get involved as a mentor to junior folks.
As others have said, I don’t think this is all on your company. If you are in consulting, I would at some point worry that you are too isolated and don’t have enough people in your corner. If for no other reason, you need people to socialize your wins for you – go get those relationships.
Anonymous
Not to hijack, but I wonder if being back in the office would really help anyway. I am just a different person than I was 3 years ago, and I imagine that’s the case for many of us. I’m struggling to fit into a world that has changed and showed me that many people are not good, that they don’t really care about my (high-risk) family members or the greater good, that they value very different things than I do. I can’t really go back to being the person who cares about rooftop bar priorities or college choices. I’m working on reconciling this new world view with my place in it, but it will take longer than I expect.
Anonymous
Yeah I mean if you hate your colleagues then it will be difficult to reintegrate.
Anon
And if you hate people then it will be difficult to reintegrate into society. I don’t think the commenter is doing herself any favors.
Anon
Surely it’s also difficult when society hates you?
Anon
Society is not considering you. This is not new. The world owes us nothing, really.
Anon
Not caring about the minutiae of other people’s lives does not equate to “hating people.”
Note to those of you posting in these WFH conversations with the denigrating comments about how people who want to work from home are just antisocial misanthropes: I don’t know if you realize this, but you’re coming across narcissists who are completely offended that folks aren’t just fascinated by you, all your minute little life choices, and what a fun person you are and what great taste you have. It’s so self-centered. No one is obligated to think you are fabulous or give you constant ego-reinforcement that you are so great and amazing, which seems to be what some of you need from other people you interact with in the most mundane ways.
I don’t know if you realize this, but this constant drumbeat of “everyone should be extroverted and love to talk to other people! I love to talk to other people and I’m just sooooo happy!” comes across for me as desperate, insecure loneliness. You folks do not seem happy to me, at all. You seem like you define yourselves by how other people perceive you, which to me is the definition of unhappiness. I am sure you are very lonely, on the inside, and spend a lot of time wondering who you really are. And just as an FYI: some of us actually do know who we are, without having other people constantly stroke our egos.
Anon
Anon @ 1:48 – what are you even going on about? Nobody is talking about WFH. Walking around lamenting that ‘many people are not good’ is a recipe for misery, regardless of where you work.
Anonymous
I don’t hate them, but I sure am disappointed in many people right now, and my values no longer seem to align with theirs. I wish things were different – this gets pretty lonely! – but c’est la vie, I guess.
Anon
Anon at 1:48. Are you yelling here about an argument you had with someone else? It is so oddly misplaced and unreasonably angry. Literlly no one here is mad at people who want to work from home. People are commenting on how it is a huge adjustment and change and that impacts all of us differently. I hope you worked out whatever issues you have with someone else by venting here. lol.
Anon
@ anonymous at 10:37 – YES to this observation. I know which of my colleagues thinks it’s OK to control other people, which think it’s no big deal to storm the capitol building, which think it’s more important to get their nails done than to get vaccinated and not cough on others. And although I don’t know those particulars about other shoppers in the grocery store/movie theater/whatever, I know that those types are present in those spaces. When people ask how we are, I start with “we are fortunate and healthy” (I started this in March 2020 and have kept it up). I think a lot of people don’t realize how precarious life can be and how quickly one’s fortunes can change. Do I care about getting my hair done every six weeks more than I care about not infecting my immunocompromised family member? No, and I doubt I ever will.
Anonymous
I bet you are fun at happy hours.
Sunshine
Is it possible you’re an extrovert living a more introverted life now, and the lack of social interactions is leaving your cup empty? Your second sentence, in which you describe what you found fulfilling, and think you’re someone who likes a lot of interactions with others and now, because of covid restrictions (initially), WFH and kids, you’re not getting that. If your work is not the place to find that anymore, but I bet you can find it at other places. Your social cup sounds chronically empty.
Anon
If how you feel about your job is truly the most important thing in your life – beyond your need for flexibility so you can caregive for your family, which would be my main priority – you need to get a job that is full time in-office. Remote work doesn’t work for everyone and there are companies out there who are not entertaining even hybrid work. I also think your manager kinda sucks and you might want to think about moving within your current company to find a manager that’s actually invested in helping you, as an employee, do your job and grow in your position. Unfortunately, there’s no right in the Constitution that guarantees us a great manager who cares about our work and our career progression; we have to seek those people out for ourselves.
Anonymous
I think it sounds like you need to let your job be your job and build a support system elsewhere.
Maybe work would never notice if you died but your network would let them know!
Anon
Get a new job.
Anon
Has anyone gotten bags from Haute Shore? I read about them on gofugyourself and I think they are really cute (at least for tote bags). I love that some of them have racing strips (and some you can get monogrammed also). They aren’t super spendy.
Anon
Omg! My cousin has one of these that I’ve admired for a while but never knew the brand (and always forgot to ask). Now I finally know and can purchase one!!
My cousin has had hers for maybe 3-5 years (trying to remember when I first noticed it). She has a neoprene tote. Looks like it’s held up well. She’s an upper middle class mid 40s working mom in the Northeast, I feel like it fits that vibe. I pretty much only see her in the summer (we live in different states, but our parents both have beach houses in the same town). It’s perfect for living at the beach (she doesn’t use it as a beach bag, but the racing stripe and neoprene make it feel nautical).
Anonymous
Both the OP and 929 sound like ads.
Anon
Op here and I’m not an ad! I love gofugyourself but check here when I haven’t heard of a brand IRL. The website is cute but has zero reviews and no one in my flyover city has these. I was looking for a laptop tops and this has been a nice diversion and is reasonably priced. It looks fun! Maybe I will go with MZW but for me that is expensive and I fear still not formal enough for meetings.
Anon
Anon at 9:29 here – promise I’m not an ad. Regular commenter (without a handle, I’m just always Anon). I was just excited to finally get the name of the brand.
Senior Attorney
Wow, those are super cute. Now I’m wishing I’d gotten one of those instead of a Baggalini for my travel crossbody…
Anon
I like how they are like a Neverfull for people like me, who can’t be spendy and want my monogram, not LV’s. If it is as lightweight as it’s billed, I may get it as a weekend item. I have an LL Bean bag, but it is too open and I like this bag’s matching pouch.
Anon
I just looked it up. They look like something a mommy influencer would use, so I’m a no thanks.
Anon
+1 I looked it up and these are hideous! Literally the only person I can see being into these is Amy Poehler’s mom character in Mean Girls.
Elegant Giraffe
These bags are often used for gym bags in Dallas.
Anon
Talk to me about Furoshiki. I am a crafty person (not Japanese though). I really like the idea of pretty ways to wrap things and the fabric reminds me of my mother, grandmother, great grandmother and various aunts who sewed. Is it a way to just buy really expensive fabric pieces that I will somehow never master (which is OK — I have bins of yarn for knitting that I am slowly using and do needlework on occasion). Someone just tell me to pull the trigger pls.
TokyoRette
Go for it. It’s literally a square piece of fabric. You can go as high end or simple as you want, and it is really not that hard to ‘master’ the art of tying a furoshiki.
Anonymous
Not Japanese either, and wrapping things in cloth has been a thing in my family for generations…you don’t have to get all pinterest levels of fancy if you don’t want to.
We totally just do something like wrap a set of dishes in the tea towels that are part of the gift, and simple things like that.
anon
It’s a nice idea that I also wish I have a lifestyle for but ultimately don’t. Do you see yourself packing bento boxes or food containers for someone to take home? Do you see your gift recipients enjoying the fabric wrap their presents came with? Do you see yourself using the fabric in any other ways like a scarf or wall art? It’s my own conundrum with the Hermes scarf. The size engulfs me as a scarf and I’m not nearly chic enough to think of alternatives like wearing it as an arm sling. But I get your love for nice textiles, so I’d say get a couple of pieces to see how it works out in reality before committing to drawer’s worth.
Anonymous
I think these would be great for use within the household, where you can keep and reuse them. Unless your extended family and friends also use furoshiki (so you are all basically just trading them around at gift-giving occasions) it seems expensive and wasteful to use them for gifts outside of your household.
Anonymous
Agreed about keeping and reusing if your audience is amenable.
My MIL and I have been trading the same stash of Christmas print fabric “gift wrap” for the last decade. Either via wrapped presents or one of us flat out asking the other one for more sheets :)
Seventh Sister
Cheaper cloth might actually work better.
I wrap up my lunch in cloth squares I got at a Japanese grocery store a couple years ago. I’ve tried a bunch of things, but the cloth squares are the easiest, most consistent way for me to wrap up a bunch of lunch items so I can throw them in my tote bag. I think something similar would work for gifts.
The cloth squares are fairly thin polyester (maybe cotton blend) and fairly large. The ends are hemmed/sewn closed the way that a cloth napkin would be finished off.
Anon
If we were friends and you wrapped a gift for me in the furoshiki style, I would be utterly charmed. But then I wouldn’t know what to do with the piece of fabric.
If you wrapped a gift for me in something I could use, like a pretty dish towel or linen napkin, I’d be delighted.
Anon
I like how clothing companies have periodic drops and collections so we get excited and keep buying clothes. I wish that a stylist could come to my closet (and bins of off-season clothes) and pull out maybe 30 items for a month that they I get to experiment with, get tired of, and then get something new in a month. I don’t need more clothes, but I’d pay for someone to do this. But does this exist? For a normal working non-celebrity non-model adult?
Anon
Look into project 333. You’d have to choose the pieces yourself, but it’d accomplish the same thing.
anon
I have done this a few times, and I like that it forces me to think of combinations I might not try otherwise. Especially when I’m getting bored with my clothes but know I don’t really need anything new.
Anonymous
Yes, this is totally something you could hire a personal stylist from your area to do. Just now, I googled “personal stylist” and my city, and got a lot of results. And I live very far from any hub of celebrities or models. Just try one for a month, and see what happens.
Anon
Some of my friends use Nuuly to rent casual clothes. You get to keep the items for a whole month.
Peloton
Poshmark your old clothing and use it to pay for a Rent the Runway or Nuuly subscription.
(I say this as someone who I don’t think even owns 30 different pieces of clothing, haha. I did RTR for years while working in big law, and it scratched my new clothing itch while also being no-hassle dry cleaning—the dream!)
Anonymous
I’m covering for a sick partner today who has a call with another lawyer known for being mean. Just, cutting and mean- I’ve been told to expect personal attacks on my client, interruptions, etc. I have similar expertise in the legal area so am totally confident in my ability to handle the substantive matters, but I’m weirdly nervous about handling the acerbic nature. Any tips for taking control of a conversation with someone like that on the other side?
Anon
Unfortunately, IME staying cool and calm is the most effective way to get through this. It’s unfortunate because I usually want to fight fire with fire and be a flaming b1tch right back. Anywho. . .
Try your best to not react to the insults and keep redirecting to the substantive points, responding with “please don’t interrupt me” and continuing with what you were saying even if over him rinse repeat, etc.
If it’s truly bad and wildly unproductive, I would probably say something like, “Attorney X, this has devolved into personal attacks and I am ending this call as that is in the best interest of my client. I’m happy to resume this discussion when you are able to discuss the matter in a professional and civil way.”
Although that is a very shots fired response so YMMV especially as you are covering for someone.
Deedee
sometimes being literal helps.
what did you say,?
what do you mean by that?
are you implying something, because my experience is very different
Anonymous
Second this. And if you can say it with absolutely no inflection, just a totally flat tone, that can help too. They want to get a reaction and if you can make it clear that won’t happen it should move things along. “Let’s try to keep our emotions out of this and stay professional” (with the heavy implication that they are the ones that are being too emotional).
Anon
“Why are you saying that?” is another good blunt question, that makes people stop and think about what they’re saying.
I have also used “that’s a pretty (interesting, fascinating, complex, bold) statement, can you unpack that for me a little bit? Why are you saying XYZ?” When asked to explain their nastiness, the nasty person usually backs off.
Anonymous
Joe, the Judge has ordered us to confer before filing a motion. Do you have a response on the point I just raised or should we assume you are refusing to provide the requested material?
Anonymous
I always enjoy making myself a post it note bingo card and check off the behavior as it happens. Reminds me that it’s a them problem and not a me problem.
‘Could you repeat that?’ after something particular egregious can be useful. People lose their temper, say something egregious but if they have to repeat it, it sounds silly/hyberbolic.
Anon
I do the calm app meditation before difficult interactions. And pray and breathe.
Anon
Continue to speak calmly and authoritatively.
“Your client is an idiot who did X.”
“Substantively, the legal issue here is Y. The factors for assessing Y are A, B, and C.”
My mental mantra for these interactions is “it’s nice that you think that but it doesn’t matter to the issues.” “Nice” isn’t ironic or sarcastic; it’s an understanding that I’m not the thought police, nor is he a child and I’m his mommy who needs to teach him manners. In some ways, the bad behaviour is an advantage: I get to look calm, brilliant, and in control while he’s losing his s–t.
TokyoRette
Is the other lawyer male? Try”You’re becoming emotional.”
Anon
Bahahaha love this
No Face
This is my favorite. I say, “This seems to be an emotional issue for you, but blah blah blah”. It sets them off every time.
The important thing with dealing with a man toddler or actual toddler is to hold firm on your rule.
Anonymous
I’ve used this, it’s super satisfying but I wouldn’t say it’s productive. An older male attorney insulted my youth/perceived inexperience and, after repeated unsuccessful attempts to get back on point, I asked him if we should reconvene at a time he was feeling less emotional. He proceeded to get more emotional – yelling and cursing. I told him if he continues to speak to me that way I am hanging up, he did, so I hung up. Then I sent a very factual, non-snarky email – that I would be ok with the judge seeing – memorializing the conversation.
anon
If extra cranky, “Are you done now? Or, do you have more venting to do”
Anne
I like responding to yelling or meanness by calmly saying no need to yell/insult, I see you feel strongly but we can all remain professional here. Works for me most of the time.
Runcible Spoon
This. Super helpful, unimpeachable reaction, maintains professionalism and control over the call, but unmistakably gets he point across that the cranky person is at fault and needs to shape up. I’m going to borrow this technique.
anon
I love this thread. I am not a lawyer, but found all of the advice/examples extremely useful and they would transfer nicely to my world.
Anone
My mentor used to say to adult men who are acting like children, “I’m not your wife and I’m not your therapist. File your motion.”
Anon
I get the point but hate the implication that speaking to his wife that way would be okay
Anon
I’ve shut this stuff down by telling opposing counsel that his insults/sneering/etc. were not in his client’s best interest because they just make me want to work harder on the case.
Anon
In particular because you are covering for someone, I would just stay focused on their goals – are you trying to reach agreement about something or pin them down and get to a clear impasse? Trying to gather information? What do you have authority to compromise on? If the other lawyer is going off it’s rarely effective to match their mood. Instead, I’m really clear at the beginning of the call about the goals (thanks everyone for making the time, today we are discussing/resolving/addressing XYZ) and keep returning to that over and over again by calmly saying “okay so to confirm, what is your position on X?” or “I hear your concerns but we simply cannot do X. Instead, we can do Y.” Good luck!
Anonymous
Spain/the kiss – thoughts? I feel like the fact that his mother is on a hunger strike over this kind of tells me everything I need to know about this dude and his background.
Anon
As someone who was non-consensually kissed by a law firm partner after a Christmas party when I was a first year associate, he should be fired/removed (however that works for this federation)
I DGAF that his mom went on a hunger strike. That’s some ingrained misogyny/ patriarchy if I have ever seen it.
Carla
Well the mom behaving like this shows where the “I can do no wrong” attitude started from . . .
It’s horrific. I can’t believe so many people across Spanish soccer world are supporting him.
Anonymous
Not only is he going to be suspended for good by the Football Federation, as it is a crime under Spanish law, the prosecution is going to file charges if J. Hermoso wants to go ahead.
A pity that the victory of the team has been overshadowed by this jerk.
Deedee
thank you. had a grad school administrator dean dude who used to break boundaries like this and then act like you were nuts to think rules applied to him. in no world is this ok
Former soccer player
I thought it was gross and wrong. I admit when I saw the video of the players reaction after, in her social media, I couldn’t tell if she was joking about it being consensual or not. (Sounded like sarcasm to my USA ears but I recognize she’s not from USA!) When she and the team clarified non consensual, that was enough for me. (And then I saw all the other inappropriate displays – absolutely should be fired.) Hunger strike is a weird choice.
Anon
Hunger strike is the extreme end of play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
Eliza
I have second hand embarrassment.
Anon
Dude should be held accountable. Full stop. I was thrilled to see members of the men’s team and other male soccer persona back this woman and her team. I sincerely believed it would have been brushed under the rug and just called an emotional reaction or something equally dismissive when I saw the first headline about it. IDGAF about the mother.
As a former relatively competitive soccer player, there is SO MUCH abuse in the system. Probably true of many youth sports but few headlines rise to the level of this or Nasser/gymnastics mess. My own high school/club team’s coach is in prison for acts against underaged players / my fellow teammates. We suspected it at the time but he was The Best Coach Ever, a person of authority and we were nationally ranked – he was our ticket to the future (as we were told). You didn’t cross him and you did what he said. He was caught/found guilty in roughly 2008(?) and since then my antenna has been up to hearing other similar stories across the country and, if you actually pay attention, omg it’s rampant and barely makes national headlines. So, as far as I’m concerned, serves this dude right to lose everything over something so flagrant. May others observe and learn.
Runcible Spoon
Slightly off-topic, but I understand abusers deliberately place themselves in positions of authority and access to their victims, e.g., sports coach, teacher, youth pastor, scout leader, judge, police officer, talent agent, film producer/director, Big Brother/Big Sister, foster parent, etc. Unfortunately, that paints all of these folks with suspicion, but there is a good reason volunteer organizations now have vetting and training against this and other sorts of offenses.
Shelle
I immediately thought of a PBS special on Marin Alsop showing her career development as a conductor. A quick clip of her finishing up a performance and her mentor Leonard Bernstein rushing onto the stage and giving her a bear hug as she’s practically still lowering her baton. You wouldn’t act like this to a man you mentored / coached / supervised.
Anonymous
Same reaction. He’s awful. Those poor women who put thousands of hours of work into their victory and this overshadows it. Only good thing may be that it’s a bit of housecleaning on the soccer association in Spain like Hockey Canada had recently.
Anon
F*ck that guy. His mother is the ultimate manifestation of a “boy mom” and all it implies.
Anonymous
YESSSS
Seventh Sister
As someone with a son, that mother’s reaction just makes my skin crawl. That’s a level of enmeshment that is just plain creepy.
Anon
Amen.
Anon
His behavior was gross and clear harassment. My DH is a soccer fan and told me about it in horror. His mother is an enabler.
Runcible Spoon
Yes, precisely — the mom taught the coach to behave as if women overreact with drama. The international soccer federation, women’s national team, and men’s national team response in support of the abused player tells us this problematic behavior from this coach was not a one-off.
Anon
My mother owns a family beach house with her brother. They’re both in their late 70’s and have refused to put the house in a trust. In the event that it somehow isn’t seized by Medicaid and one of them died, could my uncle’s children force a sale of the house unless we buy them out? I am just utterly confused how this all works and am resigning myself to the likelihood that the house itself will be sold but that I could potentially purchase another one with my proceeds from the sale.
Cat
This is a question for a T&E lawyer.
Anon
And even in a trust, this can still happen. Absent a benevolent trustee with a strong spine and a solid trust agreement, nonsense can still happen, as well as things you just don’t like or prefer. Just make sure that the insurance and taxes get paid.
Anon
Absolutely-I unfortunately just don’t have the funds to meet with a T&E lawyer at this point. Basically, my mother keeps insisting that if her brother were to die before her, the other relatives couldn’t force a sale of the home because “I still own my half.” I’ve told her repeatedly that this sounds wrong to me, that I’d assume the other owners could insist on being bought out or force a sale, but that’s just my instinct that someone could not be forced to pay taxes etc on a home or otherwise forfeit the assets (meaning, that they’d want it to be sold/bought out in a timely fashion.)
Anon
How is the house titled? Are they joint tenants with right of survivorship or do they each own half? What does his Will say?
Explorette
You are correct, your mother is wrong. The court will partition the property if it is possible, and if not, they will order it be sold.
Anonymous
Right – ask her what good is half of a house if the people who own the other half would rather have money than half a house.
Anon
Can your mother meet with a T&E atty at this point? It shouldn’t be you alone. Does she have the funds?
It’s surprisingly inexpensive in my experience.
Anonymous
Yes of course it could.
Anon
Gah. My MIL was similarly selfish and in denial about her immortality. We paid for a lawyer to do her end of life documents and told her that she could leave all her money to DH cousin for all we cared. But she needed a health care surrogate and power of attorney. It worked and yes, she did put home in trust for DH.
Anon
How is her mother being selfish?? She shares ownership of the house. She can’t give away a house she only owns half of.
Anonymous
Not planning and leaving a mess for your heirs to deal with is selfish.
anon
She is being selfish because her head is in the sand about her future financial situation and the impact that may have on her child. Denial is selfish.
Anon
Probably. And you can’t do much about it because it’s not yours. I’d not worry about it and just see what happens eventually.
Anon
+1 Like another poster mentioned. This is too complex to try and plan around. I wouldn’t waist too much thought on it and just see what happens when the time comes.
My In-Laws that have all their properties in a trust, are now learning with their E&L attorney they’ll have to sell their properties or Medicaid will take seize the properties for long term care expenses. So even if you have everything in a trust, if it’s not the right type of trust or if properties are placed in a trust within a 5 year claw back. It just doesn’t really matter.
Anon
Do they have joint tenancy with the right of survivorship? And then there are factors like where the property is since laws differ based on location. It might be worth it to ask a lawyer – it may be cheaper than you think.
Anne
The house should be sold if neither side wants to buy the other side out.
Anonymous
You have to pull the deed to see how the house is titled. If they each have survivorship rights then the heirs of the person who dies first will have no rights to the house, unless the survivor deigns otherwise.
Anonymous
No answer to the legal question but can you reframe a trust to your mother and uncle as a way to help keep a good relationship between your cousins and you? Alternately, would you feel comfortable approaching your cousins about this? You could talk to them about it now, before someone dies and everything gets really emotional.
Anon
I have a good work friend who has been in the middle of this for years and years. There have a lake cabin that her parents owned, when they died she and her brothers owned it, and the next generation are young adults and also used it.
My friend is a single lady and lives closest to the house, so she has taken on the entire burden of it. She wanted to make very needed maintenance/improvements, brothers wouldn’t pay, so she did them herself.
Then her brothers wanted to sell, and she had to get a mortgage to buy them out. Of course they got 1/3 each even though they never paid her for the maintenance and improvements.
And now that that’s done, the brothers and their kids all seem to feel free to “claim” weekends and summer weeks at the cabin. She’s like “but it’s my house now” (and she lives there full time in the summer) but the brothers’ kids are like “but Grandma and Grandma wanted it to be for USSSSS!” and now no one really gets along anymore.
It’s a nightmare. I would let the house in your family get sold upon either owner’s death, frankly. If you’re in a position to have a second property by yourself, then you should do that independently.
NYCer
+1. Jointly owned family vacation homes that continue to get passed down to kids, grandkids, etc. often times lead to more headaches and fights than they are worth.
OP – this is only going to get more complicated after your mother and her brother die and you own his house with your sibling(s) and or cousins.
Anon
I would just laugh at them and say “That’s not how property law works.”
Anon
Thoughts on Spanx pants? I tried on a pair of the kick flare pants that were full length on me and they were surprisingly flattering. Hoping I’m not deluding myself, but they seem to be a decent option.
BeenThatGuy
I’m wearing a pair of Spanx pants today. White, straight, ankle length. They are fantastic. Totally opaque. I’ve never had a pair of white pants like this; the inside is silver. Not a lining per se, but the inside of the fabric is silver.
anon
Wow – intriguing! I had given up ever owning white pants again.
Thanks for sharing.
Veronica Mars
Bought a pair of their stretch jeans secondhand due to some ongoing abdominal discomfort I’m having with real jeans. They’re surprisingly good. I wouldn’t want to pay full price but they’re nice and stretchy.
Anonymous
The size/shape of this year’s black bootcut pants didn’t work for me off so I returned them. But I have a pair of black work pants and skinny jeans that are workhorses in my wardrobe. And yes I know skinny jeans aren’t “in” but idk what else you’re supposed to wear with knee high boots if, for example, it’s cold and wet.
Wardrobe Dilemma - Classic Navy Blazer
Thinking through fall fashion, and want to invest in a really nice white button down shirt and classic blue blazer. Have ordered a couple of white shirt options but am stuck on the classic navy blue blazer. Am torn – I consider this an investment piece and one that will fill this hole in my wardrobe for many years, so am eyeing the Veronica Beard. But the price is super high and thinking the cut may be out of fashion after 3 or 4 years. For about a third of the price, I can get a J Crew blazer, but not had great luck with the quality of their pieces.
Does anyone have the OG in the classic navy blue blazer – I will most likely pair with jeans for casual, and nice slacks for works – gold buttons, in a timeless cut? I will spend what it takes but don’t want to throw $$ away on a piece that will be out of fashion in 3 to 5 years.
Cat
Brooks Bros? Smythe ($$$)?
Veronica Beard reads trendy to me.
Anne-on
I was not happy with the quality of Smythe for the price fwiw. Bit of an off the wall option, but is it possible that you’d fit in a boys size? Lots of schools require navy blue blazers for formal events and they are barely used before the kids grow out of them, and I’d bet there are a ton available on resale sites.
Otherwise I’d go with Ralph Lauren or Brooks Brothers.
Anon
I like BR because I can play with regular and petites to get something where the scale of the piece really works for me.
anon
Yeah. I wanted the VB one forever and finally tried it on – it did not work in either of my usual sizes. I am tall but have short arms so I think a BR petite is right for me.
Anon
Vineyard Vines?
https://www.vineyardvines.com/product/womens-outerwear/knit-blazer/196784735563.html
Anonymous
Ralph Lauren, Brooks Brothers, Hobbs. VB is too trendy.
Anon
I just looked on Ralph Lauren out of curiosity and they have some really beautiful, classic navy blazers. This is really lovely: https://www.ralphlauren.com/women-clothing-jackets-blazers/wool-flannel-blazer/648716.html?dwvar648716_colorname=Navy&cgid=women-clothing-jackets-blazers
Anonymous
Smythe.
Anon
I think you’re looking at blazers wrong. They’re not intended to be the same style for years and years. I see them as a piece you get and wear regularly for a couple of years and then replace. Get navy only if it works with your wardrobe. Some of those classics lists are great on paper but don’t translate to workhorse pieces. Personally, I’d spend the mo eh you’d be comfortable with on a blazer you’ll wear weekly at least, for a couple of years.
Anonymous
disagree – brands often have the same style for years and years and years. the classic blazer has never gone out of style. smythe duchess, mcqueen (the one with the slanted pockets), rag & bone slade, ‘agence chamberlain, etc.
Eliza
Also disagree. Navy blazers are as classic as it gets. I have a JCrew version that I’ve worn for at least a decade. It doesn’t look dated.
Anon
A third voice to say that navy blazers are classic. But it can’t be in a trendy shape. It couldn’t be “shrunken” ala the aughts and be considered classic, nor can it be the David Byrne-style oversized blazer of today and remain classic. It needs to be the standard blazer shape available every year, and you have to be cool wearing a classic look and not being on-trend.
Anon
I think you’re looking at blazers wrong. They’re not intended to be the same style for years and years. I see them as a piece you get and wear regularly for a couple of years and then replace. Get navy only if it works with your wardrobe. Some of those classics lists are great on paper but don’t become workhorse pieces. Personally, I’d spend the amount of money you’d be comfortable with on a blazer you’ll wear weekly at least, for a couple of years.
Anon
I wore the white Banana captains blazer today and got asked twice if it was Veronica. It’s not forever quality but I think that nautical double breasted style will make it a couple years and that’s fine with me.
AIMS
I really like this sweater, but does anyone else feel apprehensive about buying sweaters these days? I feel like everything is so quick to pill that I don’t even want to bother anymore.
Anon
I feel like that with towels, which never hold up. I have had such good luck with sweaters that I haven’t actually rebought lately.
Sybil
Where are your sweaters from? And same question for your towels – I’ve been using the same towels since 2013 or earlier with no difference in quality, so maybe towels have been going downhill?
Anon
Sweaters are from Lands End, LL Bean, Banana, Biden, and Nordstrom’s house brand. Mainly cashmere and merino and one is cotton. One died from moth holes but that is on me or, rather, some moth caterpillars. Nothing really spendy, just quality basics.
Towels are from everywhere.
anon
I’ve pretty much decided that I’m done with wool and cashmere. I can’t stand how they feel, even when I layer with another shirt. Acrylic is junk and usually pills. So unless a sweater is mostly cotton, I am not interested.
Anonymous
Same.
Anonymous
Yeah, I don’t buy Nordstrom knits because the quality is awful. I stick with a couple of brands I have had good luck with: Antonio Melani at Dillard’s, the Saks house brand knits and the Tahari brand knits.
Anon
I really like this sweater, but whenever I’ve gone into Nordstrom in the past their sweaters generally seem low quality and have that pilly look to them even brand new.
Anon
I haven’t bought any in a while, but a few years ago I bought a bunch of merino sweaters from Banana Republic men’s in small. The women’s are terrible and pill or get holes instantly, but the men’s were much thicker and have held up well. They’re kind of slouchy on me, but even though the sleeves are long, the cuffs stay up fine. I also have some super cheap cotton sweaters from Old Navy that have held up remarkably well. But agree about sweaters in general.
Anon
IME 100% cotton or a cotton-nylon blend pills the least for me. I’ve had good luck with the all-cotton options at BRF, Target, Old Navy and Duluth Trading.
Anonymous
I love sweaters and get excited when they start hitting the stores. I buy mainly from the men’s department because I find the quality superior, and it is often easier to find natural fibers.
Anon
My Land’s End cashmere sweaters from winter 2022/2023 were total workhorses for me. I almost can’t wait to get them back out for fall. (But I totally can wait, because summer 4 ever!)
Anon
If it lists acrylic as an ingredient (ha, that’s not the right word, what am I thinking of?), it doesn’t get added to cart.
Anon
That’s the word.
Anonymous
Ingredient works, so does material or component.
Also same. I want to reduce the amount of plastic in my life.
Sweater Weather
I have to sing the praises of uniqlo on this one. Sturdy fabric, won’t wrinkle, holds up, and cheaper to boot. I’ve switched over from Banana and J. Crew and not looking back.
Anon
Look for sweaters without acrylic. That’s what causes bad pilling.
Personal Finance 101
Can someone give me an investing 101 as far as what to do with truly excess cash? Assume retirement is fully funded, emergency fund/vacation funds/capital project funds are ample, high-yielding debt is paid off, and other debt is just a 3% mortgage.
Right now we have $$ sitting in a savings account yielding 4.75%. Feels really good at that rate and I expect it will remain that high for another 6-12 months so I’m not in a rush but know I need to start thinking about next moves. I know a lot about finance (a niche of which is my day job) but personal finance beyond the very basics has always a black box to me. I think it’s 75% me just being conservative with my own money because of the (bad) risks I’ve seen people take in my work life, and 25% just being too exhausted from my day job to find the energy to self-study this in my otherwise free time. I feel like my brain operates at a finance 701 level and I totally missed 101 somewhere along the way.
Mutual funds? Index funds? All of those put me at risk of losing principal and are subject to market fluctuations, yes? People are talking about buying US Treasuries given current yields. If I buy a 3-year tbill, do I have to hold to maturity aka for the full 3 years? Is the yield annually paid out? Where can I learn some of these super basic things/options? My financial planner, who I’m about done with for other reasons, keeps pushing VUL insurance and I’m just not comfortable with that (but maybe I should be?). She never brings up any other kinds of investment vehicles like index funds.
Anonymous
I bought some I-bonds.
Anon
The rate for I bonds now is lower than 4.75%, so unfortunately that ship has sailed.
Anonymous
oof tell me you want to be poor by playing it too conservatively without telling me you want to be poor by playing it too conservatively
NY CPA
Stick it in a low-fee ETF, e.g. one that tracks the S&P 500. Don’t try to beat the market because it statistically wont work in the long-term.
Clara
Is it an issue to have all the money in that one ETF?
Right now most of my money is in a couple S&P 500 resembling ETFs, I worry that I should diversify a bit more
Anon
+1 This money sounds like it should be in a non-retirement investment account (ex. typical brokerage account) with just an autopilot mode S&P 500 fund strategy. Over a long period of time this money could be the funds you set aside if you want to delay using retirement funds later in life or retire earlier than expected.
Anonymous
agree 100% but would say vanguard S&P fund. i don’t get ETFs but i’m an Old!
anon
It’s best to use index mutual funds in your IRA/retirement accounts, as they through off taxable gains every year that you would like to avoid adding to your yearly tax bills. But in your cash/brokerage accounts, it is nicer to buy ETF index equivalents, which are like buying a stock with much less ongoing yearly gains to pay tax on – you pay the most when you sell it.
So my brokerage account cash is all in VTI (Vanguard Total stock market index fund – US)
Peaches
What are your long-term goals – do you have family members you want to provide for? Do you want to buy a vacation home, do a massive renovation, move somewhere you love? I think having these kinds of goals will help you find clarity and guide your new financial planner (when you find one) to a good solution.
OP
Quite honestly none for now. I feel like we spent our 20s and early 30s saving, saving, saving to achieve the goals we had, we’ve been smart (and lucky at times tbh) and here we are. We’re in the thick of life with little kids in our “forever home”. We’d move but not giving up that 3% mortgage any time remotely soon so no need to save for a down payment. We fund vacations out of cash flow. Renovations are done for the foreseeable future. Bought two cars all cash 2 and 3 years ago. No family members we’d need to care for out of our pocket, thankfully. College and childcare is accounted for/planned for elsewhere in this larger puzzle.
I realize we’re incredibly fortunate but sort of has me in this “so now what” state of mind. We’re both 38 and kids are 5 and due in November, and no more kids after this one.
anon
So no need to simply upgrade your life with pricier houses/lifestyle. You’ve won the gain. Now use money to make your quality of life and happiness greater for you, your family and the community. And invest for the long term. So that you can retire before health issues hit one of you.
anonshmanon
Sounds like you really have a lot covered! I’d probably look into charitable giving more closely.
Anon
You might consider long term care insurance.
Bette
I am in a nearly identical situation, including careers, and highly recommend the podcast “whitecoat investor.”
It’s geared towards doctors, but is really applicable for anyone in a high earning career. It gives very practical advice for smart people who have money and want to be thoughtful with saving/investing, but don’t want to spend all their time navigating person finance rabbit holes.
He also has several short and very straightforward books on set up your finances and create a financial plan.
His answer would be do max out HSA, do backdoor Roth, then invest in a taxable account – ETFs in Vanguard such as VTI (total stock market index.)
Explorette
Your financial planner is not a financial planner, they are a life insurance salesperson. There are plenty of low cost robo-advisors out there that you can open an account with and invest based on your personal risk tolerance. It is very easy to set up and takes the decision making off you. The one I use, betterment, also has an option where you can pay extra and talk to an actual financial planner that is a CFP. That sounds like a good option for you to start on your education. I assume Charles Schwab and the other big players have something similar.
anon
+1 that the financial planner sounds like an insurance salesperson, not someone who is looking after your interests.
OP
This is definitely one of my issues. She’s a CFP and (but?) an Ameriprise affiliate. She was worth her weight in gold about 6 years ago as we came in to our dual high earning jobs and I needed a financial therapist, truthfully. I grew up with parents who fought about money constantly and I was basically hoarding cash as an adult as a result. I was so afraid to spend anything for a long time. She really was tremendous as we got systems set up, the basics under our belt, etc. But now we’re in coast mode and her answer is “buy insurance”? I’m not a fool.
anonshmanon
In that case, I really do wonder if it’s time to think about where you could make an impact pledging consistent support to a cause that you care about. The reason I’m repeating myself is that like you, my family wasn’t well off, but now I find myself with a HHI at least in the top 10%, higher by some calculators, and between that ‘we are a modest family’ legacy and living in a HCOL area, I’ve realized that it’s extremely easy to feel like ‘the rich’ are always other people. Supporting local charities (with a monthly check rather than a random one-off donation) is just such a powerful thing.
Bette
Go to vanguard. They have very low cost financial advisers who are actually fiduciaries. Your advisor does not seem like she was actually a fiduciary (meaning responsible for your $ health, not just a sales person.)
OP
May be too late to see this, but all CFPs are fiduciaries, no?
Even still, I wonder/have wondered if the Ameriprise affiliation is somehow – errr – clouding the tactics/strategy of this one particular fiduciary/CFP. Wasn’t a concern or thought until this VUL thing has come up in our last three meetings (every 6 mos) despite my repeated hard no.
Anon
Consider charitable giving to a cause you care about.
Runcible Spoon
Start by investing in index funds with Vanguard, TIAACREF, or similar “no-load” managers. You could get fancy by dividing the investment allocation among Large Cap, Small Cap, and International. You could look at I-bonds as an alternative to the savings account or CDs offered by your bank that are at promotional interest rates. These are 30-year bonds, but are cashable after one year with a three-month interest penalty for the first five years (NBD if you need the cash at that point), then cashable early in full after 5 years. (I noticed recently that for the first time in many years, they now have a “fixed” portion of the interest rate.) Also, start/continue 529s for the kids, and start putting away money for the next cars so you can pay cash again. While you don’t want to sell and move up to another house due to the favorable interest rate on your mortgage, you can look into buying your next “forever” home, and instead of selling the current one, rent it out, keeping that mortgage (this can be auto-pilot-ish, if you use a property manager, well worth the monthly fee that is a percentage of the rent, and most expenses are deductible — bonus!). Good luck!
Sybil
After a summer of soggy beach towels, I’m planning to switch everyone in the family to Turkish towels next year. Any specific recommendations/places to keep an eye on for end of season sales?
Anon
We have the Sand Cloud towels. I bought a bundle so no choice of color/design, but they seem to have held up well.
Cat
I just got a Sand Cloud one as a gift and love it – soft but strong, has anti-sand properties.
Anonymous
Love our Dock and Bay towels, although they’re pricey.
Gail the Goldfish
SandCloud. I gave in to the Instagram ads one time and now have like 5 of them. I also use the big ones as a lightweight summer blanket.
Anon
Yes! I just bought a set of six to replace our beach towels. Calcala on the large river shopping place. I bought six different colors so they kind of match but it’s easy to tell which one is yours for the day. Have used and washed them 2 or 3 times now, and I like them.
Anon
Wetcat. They were stocked at our VRBO in St. John this year. We had a group of 10 people and everyone agreed the towels were amazing.
Anon
I’d find ones you like and reverse image search to see where they’re cheapest. A lot of the Turkish towels out there all seem to be made by the same factory, just resold as different brands.
Anonymous
I got a few at a Marshall’s/Home Goods in the beginning of the summer. They’ve held up well. I forget the exact price but I think it was around $10 ea?
Anon
Cacala
Anon
Antiochia! They are SO GOOD. I have some that are ten plus years old and still going strong. Beautiful weave, nice colors, wear like iron. They just get softer with age.
Anon
But them on Etsy from sellers in Turkey. They’re a fraction of the price of US online retailers.
Anan
I bought several towels from a booth at an International Festival here in DC this summer, and have been really happy with them – I even bought a swim cover up in the same material that I wore constantly this summer.
https://www.buldano.com/
It looks like they are having a sample sale right now.
anon
Every October, my mood nosedives, and I get very depressed. It usually lifts by mid-November. I’ve deduced that it’s because of the shortened daylight hours and other stressors that peak during this time. I would really like to get on top of it earlier this year, to hopefully not let it get so bad. But I’m honestly flummoxed. I’m on an SSRI year-round. I exercise. I get outdoors. Anyway, if there’s anything I can do in September to mitigate the worst of it, I’d like to try. Because October is actually a really lovely month, in terms of weather and beauty, and yet every year I struggle hard.
Anonymous
Make a bucket list. I started doing seasonal bucket lists with my kids during the pandemic and now I have one for myself too for each season. Helps me look forward to different things about each season. Doesn’t have to be outside – just somethings to look forward to. For example, I schedule myself a facial for the day after the kids go back to school as a reward for surviving the back to school stress.
TokyoRette
Buy new cozy winter bedding. Eat a lot of veggie-rich hot pots and stews. And if you use a running or other exercise app, join a leaderboard challenge or something to step up your exercise.
Anne-on
Have you tried a sun lamp in the AM? I’ve found it surprisingly helpful.
anon
I haven’t, mainly because early AM is my workout time and I haven’t been able to find the time to do both.
Anonymous
Put one in your office. I’m in northern Canada and a few lawyers here have them in their offices on their desks. You can get non-ugly/medical looking ones at Costco.
Shananana
I got a small one that sits on my desk and use it in the AM during my scheduling/email/work catch up hour and it does make a big difference for me. Am in a same, do all the things, have the meds, and still have periods of time that it all builds up and need extra support.
phones
+1
You don’t need any extra “time” to use the lamps. You just put it near where you are sitting anyway.
It is just as important as exercise, if you are SAD prone (which is really, really, really common), so try to think about how to add it somewhere to how you are already living your life.
Anon
Vitamin D supplements?
Anon
+1 and hormones depending on age and situation.
Anon
Try a vitamin D3 supplement (2000 IU daily) and a sunlamp (can be under $50) for 20-30 min in the morning and see if that helps.
Anonymous
Have you tried a SAD lamp?
Anon
I get like this in March, so I try to put a get-away on the calendar mid-month to look forward to. I have done all the same things as you, but I just feel like March sloooooogs forever. Now, we always set a ski trip mid-month, and I find that the planning/prep leading up to the trip is a wonderful distraction at the beginning of the month. I also always anticipate the trip, so it feels less like I’m drudging through the monotony of that time of year. By the time we return, the month is half over, and I’m excited about the upcoming fun stuff as the weather warms up. Based solely on conditions, I’d probably rather ski in February, but the mental health boost is significantly better if I wait until March, when the doldrums really settle in.
Anon
+1 one of the best things about having school age kids is having a default vacation week in mid March. We always go somewhere relatively warm and sunny.
Anne-on
+1 – my son and I both declared that the mid-March break needs to be somewhere warm, otherwise winters feel endless at that point. When we get back we start to look for plant bulbs as a mental ‘spring is almost here!” exercsie and something is always starting to poke up through the snow (usually the skunk cabbage but I’ll take it!).
NaoNao
Are you into home decor at all? I have a couple sets of micro-seasonal decor like early fall, Halloween fall, late fall/early Xmas and those are fun to put up and enjoy. I also like switching out my candles for the exact right scent–early fall is maple and leaves, mid fall is all the Halloween fun, late fall is berries and ivy/mistletoe, etc. I have a wreath and tabletop decor, pillowcases/decorative pillows, and garlands. The Terrain garlands from Anthropologie are $$ but *stunning*. Maybe making a bit of an event of decorating and a little ritual and ceremony might help you transition from the end of summer to a new season.
I also do little capsule wardrobes and give them an in my head only name, like “Berry Girl Fall” or “Gothic Mid-Winter”, just a bit of whimsy like that.
Finally, I’m into indie fragrances, and I do a season switch. While summer is stone fruits, tea, honey, and beachy stuff, fall is maple sap, pumpkin, dried leaves, dark berries/fruits/jammy scents, winter is brisk and cold and sparkling, summer is bright florals and breezy ozonic. I’m mostly into the brand “Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab” but there’s so many options out there it’s almost overwhelming! Super fun diversion and pick me up :)
Anon
I switch out my candles and hand soaps to seasonal scents too!
anon
OP here, and yes, I do love the fall decor. It’s my favorite, even more so than Christmas. I like your idea of capsule wardrobes. I feel like I have stuff to look forward to, and yet I find life very very difficult during that stretch.
Anne
The SAD lamp quite literally changed my life. I’ve been using it regularly for 15 years.
Anonymous
I finally realized I really need to start using my SAD lamp in September. This year I’m also planning on getting a lot of pre-made meals for the family and otherwise making it the easiest possible way to make a good choice. i might also use some melatonin to get to bed earleir.
Anon
If you really think it’s the lower daylight hours, get a SAD lamp
Anon
I love the fall but where I live it gets very grey and dim from cloud cover, so there are few sunny days. I take vitamin D, use a SAD lamp while exercising in the morning, and in the winter practice what I call Stop, Drop, and Sunbeam. SD&S means when the sun is out, you are out. Even if it is just 10 minutes to stand outside the office or walk with the sun on your face.
Naomi
I have a mild cold but its bad enough that I have a headache and I’m feeling “foggy” – its hard to focus. I took some meds but still don’t feel great. I’m WFH and didn’t want to burn a sick day – yesterday I mainly monitored Slack/email and did some simpler tasks while lying in bed. But now today I’m not feeling well either.
Any suggestions either on feeling better or what I should do work-wise?
Anon
So… you may have Covid. This was how I felt a few weeks ago. Mild cold with mostly congestion. Very foggy. I didn’t start thinking it was Covid until I had fatigue that outlasted my cold symptoms followed by night sweats. The only thing that really helped was rest.
Eliza
Covid has been going around our area like wildfire in the last few weeks. It hasn’t helped that schools are back in session.
Covid
Same.
Anon
Yeah, that sounds a lot like my case of COVID, and I can confirm, as a person who is married to someone who tracks these things, that COVID is on the rise in the US right now.
Anonymous
Make a list of work things on your plate. Identify the ones that have to be done today or tomorrow and do them. If nothing truly needs to be done then pick a couple of shorter things, preferably those annoying time wastes that you’ve been putting off.
Anon
Take a sick day and sleep!
Anon
+1 to it might be COVID. It is on a huge spike right now. A friend is a city manager and he said current wastewater levels are off the charts. I am currently sick with COVID and doing what you’re doing – cancelling all nonessential meetings and checking email intermittently. Fluids and rest seem to be the only thing that helps.
Anon
It might be Covid, but it might be a regular cold too. I always feel a bit foggy and out of it with a cold.
Anon
It is probably worth it to see a doctor in case it is COVID (which a ton of people have right now). I’d be taking Paxlovid and probably also Metformin to reduce odds of still feeling this way months later.
Nora
Any sunlamp recommendations? I have to start work early in the morning because of coworkers in different time zones and starting work when its very dark will be tough, think a sunlamp would help.
I’ve been fine now because its still light out when I start working, but when its pitch dark that’ll be hard.
Anon
I got a basic Verilux one of A maz on last year (I get seasonal depression when the days get really short) and it works great. I think it’s called the HappyLight?
Anon
Yep- this one for me too.
anon
+2
From Costco
Anon
I would anti-recommend the Philips alarm clock that was featured here a couple of years ago. It has no battery and unplugs really easily, I have to reset it at least once a week and keep it away from bed lest I accidentally hit it while asleep, unplugging my morning alarm. The snooze / off button is tiny. The light is nice but almost everything else about it annoys me.
phones
If you are a frugal type, what phone service do you use? I only want phone service. No bundling with anything else. Only one phone for me.
For years I had Republic Wireless and it was perfect for me. Only $15 per month for everything I needed – I do most of phone stuff while on Wifi. Republic was bought and I am losing my plan.
Any recs?
Sybil
Mint seems to be the go-to in the Midwest.
anon
FWIW, my husband had Republic and his new plan is the equivalent almost exactly of his old one. He was on a slightly more expensive plan than you are, I think $25/mo, and it stayed the same price. you might be able to spend very slightly more a month and just stay with whatever the new company is called.
Anon
Boost. Had it for years, it’s been great. 4 lines with unlimited talk, text, and data for $100 (so, $25/line).
anon
This is what RW is switching to. Glad you have had a good experience.
Anon 2.0
I have Verizon prepaid and it around $29 a month for one phone with 5G of data. Like you, I use mainly wifi. The downside is you will be throttled on data during peak times if you are prepaid which can be a pain at times. I bought my own phone out of pocket as well.
anon
I heard that US Mobile may have comparable options – has anyone tried it?
Anon
Mint if you were happy at $15 a month.
Tello if you barely use your phone.
Anonymous
I like US Mobile, which is similar to Republic wireless.
Anon
Mint works great in the Northeast! DH and I switched 3 years ago. Here’s a referral code for a free month ($15): http://fbuy.me/twEpL
I have it on autopay just like any other bill, even though it’s technically month by month.
Kitchen Reno
Planning a full kitchen remodel and would love any thoughts on appliances you love or hate! Specifically:
– fridge (probably doing column fridge in main kitchen, column freezer in pantry)
– induction range
– double oven
– dish washer
– pebble ice maker
Also open to hearing about any other kitchen features you love/hate! I’m working with a designer and getting a lot of ideas from Studio Dearborn on the gram but appreciate hearing personal experiences.
Anon
If I was designing a kitchen I’d want drawer inserts to organize Tupperware/lids and Ziplocs of all sizes, plastic wrap, tin foil, etc. Organizing these kinds of things in my rental kitchen drives me up the wall.
anon
+1 to the idea of planning the interiors of the cabinets. Pull out for the lowers, some sort of system for the uppers. Account for spices, etc.
Concealed trash and recycling bins
Do you have a pet? Account for a nook somewhere to put the food and water bowl.
Don’t forget about non-kitchen thinks that generally end up in the kitchen area – charging cables, mail, other general “drop” items. I’d love a built in desk in my kitchen area.
anon
+2
I agree. For me the ideal kitchen is less about ?fancy appliances that are really not adding much benefit, and breakdown much more often and are pricey to fix. The ideal kitchen is beautiful, well designed, with perfect storage for my needs.
But maybe OP is a gourmet cook giving frequent parties, so that has different needs.
Anonymous
Or she’s opting for resale. No judgement but I find when people see high end appliances and semi custom cabinets the kitchen reads high end. When they see full custom cabinets and middle range appliances the kitchen reads middle range. Fwiw I don’t find my high end appliances break much but maybe I’m lucky? My worst experiences have been with mid range and low end appliances.
anon
Interesting – our “low end appliances” have all lasted multiple decades. It is the newer stuff that breaks, and sadly purchasing extended warranties is now often cost effective for this equipment.
Cat
Dishwasher, I am perpetually commenting on my love of our Miele with the third drawer (silverware) at the top.
Wine fridge?
In general, designing in a way that the kitchen will look nice even when it’s in “daily life” mode. Like- do you have a lot of hand wash/air drying stuff? Maybe you’d prefer a double sink so the dish drain will be sunken in the ‘dry’ sink’s bowl.
anon
I also love my Miele dishwasher.
Anon
This is random but as far as “luxury” appliances, I was recently comparing column cafe fridges vs subzero. My house has a late 2000’s subzero that just needed service work for it’s first time. It was recently fixed for less than $400 with a local certified tech (broken fan). The fridge came with my house so I was doing some research. I was surprised to realize a subzero is only $3-4k more than a cafe fridge at a similar size. And with a little research on reddit, I learned a lot of appliance techs see subzeros as buy it for life fridge. Some reported even servicing 30 year old sub zeros and still being able to get OEM parts for it.
Given this fridge is already 15+ years old but is still working well, I’ll definitely keep it in mind if we remodel our kitchen. Specifically my house as the one with a see through glass door and people are always complementing it when they see our home for the first time.
Anon
“only $3-4k more” I am sure I didn’t pay more than $1500 for my GE Cafe fridge. So “only” three to four times the price?
Anon
Maybe she meant for a built-in fridge? Subzero fridges are more like $8-9k minimum.
10:58 Poster
I can see how my post is vague. I am comparing to some of the built-in column cafe fridges that run around $10k . Versus a new sub zero of similar specs is around $13k.
Anon
my dad who is very very frugal was convinced by their kitchen designer to get a subzero, and he is so glad he did. the food also lasts MUCH longer than a regular fridge, so what he has probably saved on food waste has made up for the cost difference.
and yes, all the drawers. some people i know also have a fridge drawer built in to store drinks. built in step stool.
anon
My MIL has a subzero and swears that food stays fresh for weeks in it.
Anne-on
I’d look into the larger fold away appliance garages where it’s a floor to ceiling cabinet and the doors open fully and then fold back into the casing. The one we’re planning on has the shelf for the coffee/toaster but the cabinets below are configured to have outlets plus larger water bottle storage.
Anon
Pull out drawers for every lower cabinet, garbage and recycling, and the pantry. A pull-out spice rack or drawer next to the stove is fantastic. Soft close cabinets. Lots of outlets. Make sure there’s usable counter space next to all appliances, especially the stove. A separate beverage fridge keeps guests out of your way as you’re cooking. Your layout should enable someone to reach the fridge, sink, and garbage without bumping into the person using the stove (my pet peeve when I’m cooking).
Anon
Drawers but be aware of workflow when you’re putting them in! My last house had drawers opposite the dishwasher, but you couldn’t have both the silverware drawer and the dishwasher open at the same time, and the silverware drawer was 4 feet wide but in the centre of the prep space, so you couldn’t have one kid set the table and the other make a salad without them being in each others way.
anonshmanon
also layout pet peeve: in my old kitchen, we would constantly get in each other’s hair when one was cooking and the other was emptying the dishwasher.
Anon 2.0
Pull out shelving!
A dedicated area to organize spices and herbs
A small closet or area to store a broom, swiffer, etc that allows it to be concealed but easily accessible
Under cabinet lighting
Not sure of the official name – but one of those glass “rinser/sprayer” things that you just push the glass down on
Anonymous
I did a full kitchen remodel last year. I absolutely love my Sharp drawer microwave. I didn’t even know a drawer microwave was a thing until we started that remodel. It makes stirring food and checking if it’s done so easy. I have no complaints with my Bosch dish washer – absolutely get third row/silverware tray. I really wanted an induction range, but I needed a downdraft vent given the layout and sadly that ventilation doesn’t exist with an induction.
Anonymous
love our double oven
HATE our “drawer microwave”
love the lazy susans for the corner cabinets and pull-out shelves for lower cabinets
wish our cabinets went all the way to the ceiling even if we probably won’t use the space, just feels a lot cleaner in look and makes me wonder less what dust is up there — if they were glass doors you could put decorative pieces or fun lighting up there
wish our sink were bigger or not divided — we can’t even fit a W&S serving platter because the 2 sides are both too small. I also HATE that our sink is on the island because then all of the dirty dishes and everything pile up in the middle of the room, would much rather have the sink near a window in the back of the kitchen.
wouldn’t mind a pot filler above the stove.
hate having white cabinets on the lower cabinets — they get so many smudgies and scrapes and food spills. i’d be open to painting them dark but some of the pieces would be weird (e.g., the cabinet around the fridge is one solid wood cabinet if that makes sense so painting it 2 colors would be weird).
definitely make sure the space for the fridge accommodates the largest size fridge depth/counter – i forget what ours is but it isn’t the biggest size, was a pain to find one when we moved in, and still feels like it sticks out too much.
if you think you want to have built-in lighting under your cabinets or somewhere else (like under an island or above the floor) work with an electrician before you start building to make sure you can do what you want. i’d also add more outlets everywhere and make them the kind with USB.
oh also I totally want a toe-kick vacuum — skinnytaste has written about hers i think
Anonymous
Very happy with my Bosch stove top. Planning on Miele dishwasher when current one dies. Medium happy with GE profile double wall ovens – lower oven does not get as hot. Love having two full size ovens. Use both on the daily.
Sunshine
Drawers instead of cabinets below the counter. I’ve had this in three houses that we have designed and built. Pulling stuff out of drawers is so much easier than cabinets. We keep plates, bowls, cups, etc. in our below-counter drawers. If you can arrange for those drawers to be across from the dishwasher, then unloading the dishwasher is super fast because you just pivot back and forth between the two.
My mom loves her drawer microwaves, and I don’t. But I’d take the drawer microwave over having one sit on the counter.
We cook, and the induction cooktop is better than gas or electric. But you may have to buy new pans for it.
I prefer having over counter and under counter lighting rather than having cabinets extend to the ceiling.
A friend who is very tall built countertops 2″ above the standard height, and she and her husband love them; they said they always had to lean over to cook on standard height counters and the sink even more so.
I prefer three compartment sinks (one side to wash, middle to rinse, and other side to let drip dry). I hate single compartment sinks.
If you have a big family or like to entertain a lot, consider installing two dishwashers – one on each side of the sink. A childhood friend had this and it was amazing.
Anon
We have two dishwashers and I love it. We have a large family (4 kids), and eat most of our meals at home, and it means we never have dirty dishes piling up.
Anon
I love single compartment sinks, and love having one large enough to soak my largest lasanga pan.
Anon
We got a Beko refrigerator in our remodel that has an interior light that is meant to keep food fresher longer and that thing works really well — produce lasts much longer, even soft cheese doesn’t mold as fast. We waste so much less food now.
I’m on team giant one bowl sink — large enough to lay a baking sheet flat. Under cabinet lighting and any other kind of lighting that you can think off — are you going to eat at the island and would like a dimmer switch? Lid storage!
Anonymous
My parents put a pebble ice machine in their outdoor cabana. The adore it but it is SO LOUD even outside so that’s something to consider. I’d put it in the pantry rather than the kitchen.
I love my double wall ovens despite the fact that they are less than chic. I find myself using them a ton- if you need to make a brisket and crispy potatoes one large oven doesn’t cut it.
Tragic fact: I do find food stays fresh longer in a sub zero. Whether it’s worth the extra expense is up to you. Column sub zeros were out of our budget so we opted for a combo.
Per my cousin who sells appliances: fridge and freezer drawers tend to break a lot.
Senior Attorney
Pull-out everything
Under cabinet lighting
Big yes to the double oven
If you entertain a lot, consider a second dishwasher. We have a lot of dinner parties and that’s one thing I really wish I had.
And not on your list but we LOVE our warming drawer and use it every day for warming plates, keeping food warm, and proofing dough
Senior Attorney
And speaking of lighting, make sure you have good task lighting on all the work areas. My husband’s kitchen designer had apparently never cooked a meal so there were dark areas over the stove and the sink and we had to add task lighting after the fact.
Anon
We bought a house six months ago and we’re planning the remodel now after living with it for a while.
I love the LG induction cooktop that the previous owner installed, but it has one glaring flaw: touch controls (like your phone). Yes, having this sleek glass thing on my kitchen countertop is lovely, but when I’ve got a pot boiling over, I don’t want to be sitting there trying to mash on just the right spot on the “screen” to get the temp on the burner to go down. I want a dang knob! With just a quick turn of the wrist, you can turn the heat down with a knob, but with a touchscreen, you have to mash the less-than-super-sensitive (because otherwise a food splatter might activate it) exact right spot four times to get it down from, 7 to 3, say.
I also feel this way about the need for buttons and knobs for basic tasks in the car, not burying them in a touch menu. (Yep, I’m 85. You kids get off my lawn!) So you know yourself. If you love tech, I think you’ll really enjoy the sleek glass top. If you’re over here like I am railing about the extinction of knobs lol, take that into account and get an induction model that comes with knobs.
Anonymous
we just did a kitchen remodel that wrapped up june this year and this is what we got:
– fridge: bosch 800 series. love it
– induction range: i loooved the thermador freedom series cooktop but it was not in the budget sadly. we got a bosch 500 series induction cooktop and have happily used it all summer – really like it
– bosch 800 series speed combo oven (also a microwave) stacked with full oven. we don’t have a ton of space and went for an integrated oven/microwave stacked over the full oven. with more space i would have done a separate microwave and double ovens
– miele g7156 scvi dishwasher. it is 3 layers (silverware on top) and the best dishwasher ive ever had. we use it 1-2x a day and love it. it pops the door open to finish drying so everything is always dry.
Anonymous
Late to this but we got GE as a mid range option and I’m not a fan- after five years we’ve called the repairman for the fridge, dishwasher, and oven, and had to replace the hood. Only five years! Of fairly heavy usage, but still. Also we ordered them without testing them in person and that was a mistake- I probably would have sprung for a better fridge if I had seen what I was getting in the store.
Things I like in our remodel- microwave off the counter but not above the stove, two thin cabinets for cookie sheets and stuff, a lazy susan in the corner that holds weird shaped appliances, pull out drawers, more outlets than you think you’ll need, and tons of lighting options.
Runcible Spoon
GE fridges permit temperature by degrees (and not 1-5, whatever that’s supposed to mean). I regret putting the microwave over the stove — don’t do it! (Your hand gets burned with steam from the boiling pot.) Echoing others, drawers in bottom cabinets, except corner units, which should have integrated, stacked “Super Susans.” Use the space above a non-built-in fridge for a cabinet that can hold cookie sheets and trays. Built in roll-out double trash drawer near the sink (one compartment is for recycling). A second, smaller bark sink with a beverage fridge nearby and pretty glass-front cabinets above for the drink ware (but also near the dishwasher for unloading ease). I couldn’t install ceiling-height cabinets, per my contractor, because my old house would have non-plumb ceilings due to settling over time. Instead, he installed rope lights above the upper cabinets, and those have turned out to be my favorite remodeled kitchen feature!
Sallyanne
We just finished a kitchen remodel this May. Subzero fridge/freezer combo. This was high on my husband’s list and we love it. Miele dishwasher with third rack and pops open when finished. Best dishwasher we’ve had. No induction range or wall ovens to offer an opinion. We do have a Venta-hood which is so quiet and strong. Wish I had done a pot filler…
Anon
+1
Anon
Absolutely.
Senior Attorney
For reals.
Anon
I want more of the money we spend on medical services to go to the actual services (doctors, staff, people who answer the phone and should be sufficiently trained to know what they’re talking about) and less to go to the CEOs and shareholders of the conglomerates and equity firms that are buying up all the healthcare facilities in this country.
That is all.
Anon
I want that for every service.
My CEO is a billionaire who makes $40 mil a year. I am a worker bee making $75k and living paycheck to paycheck due to the wild cost of living increase.
anon
Me too.
Universal healthcare – one payer.
Too bad that even if we get a Medicare for all, the payments to many doctors are so low that many medical departments will struggle. Right now our private health care system subsidizes our public Medicare/Medicaid system. It will be a rough transition, but it is necessary.
Anon
I’m scared what this would look like in the USA. I feel like we would have candidates running for office promising to cut M4A benefits to fat people or people who can’t work pretty much overnight!
Anon
+100000
Anon
+1000. I live in MN where a lot of the large healthcare companies are (United HealthGroup, Medtronic, etc), so have several friends that have worked for them. Can confirm that the CEOs truly only care about profit, particularly at UHG which is notorious for treating their workers like sh!t.
Anonymous
I want the money I spend on insurance to go to the medical providers, not 40 people hired to come up with bizarre reasons to deny every claim.
BikeAnon
Any recommendations on backpack pannier combinations? I’m setting up to bike to work (3 miles, easy terrain) and need an easy-to-use backpack pannier that can accommodate a 14” laptop. I’ve checked out REI and Amazon and don’t see anything I love. Ideally a bag that looks less “river guide” and more “chic attorney” is what I’m seeking. Does it exist??
You want something European, not REI
Basil SoHo bicycle backpack or the grey Basil Urban Dry are nice.
As is the Weathergoods city backpack pannier, and the Temple Bike one.
But does it have to be a backpack pannier? I would have thought that what you REALLY want is a Hills & Ellis leather pannier bag. The New Looxs ones are nice, too, but not as lovely as the Hills & Ellis. They do a backpack pannier as well, but it’s not as pretty as the professor bag.