ByKat Hours Updated
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Coffee Break: Squiggle Hair Clip

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gunmetal silver squiggle hair claw clip

Claw clips are back, and this squiggle clip from Anthropologie feels like such a fun version!

(Remember, don't drive in your claw clips, you don't want to be in a collision with one between your head and the headrest.)

The clip comes in several neutral colors, and is $10 at Anthropologie.

Sales of note for 3/26/25:

  • Nordstrom – 15% off beauty (ends 3/30) + Nordy Club members earn 3X the points!
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale + additional 20% off + 30% off your purchase
  • Banana Republic Factory – Friends & Family Event: 50% off purchase + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – 50% off select styles + extra 50% off all sale
  • J.Crew – 30% off tops, tees, dresses, accessories, sale styles + warm-weather styles
  • J.Crew Factory – Shorts under $30 + extra 60% off clearance + up to 60% off everything
  • M.M.LaFleur – 25% off travel favorites + use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – $64.50 spring cardigans + BOGO 50% off everything else

157 Comments

  1. We are getting a puppy in two months! Its our first one. Have a couple questions:
    1. Name ideas! It will be a female Bernedoodle. So far we have come up with Lady, Daisy, Aria, Roo, but haven’t been sold on any yet.
    2. Looking for any dog items you love. I have the following on my list: crate, gates, stainless steel food/water bowls, ID, collar, 4-6 feet leash, bristle bursh, hard rubber toys, poop bag, scooper, bones. I welcome any specific item recommendations!
    3. Any favorite books on dog training/owning a puppy. I have a couple that friends gave me, but looking for any others that anyone can recommend.

    1. Soggy Doggy products – the doormat for the yard entryway and the shammy for baths

    2. Found My Animal leashes are very well-designed on top of being durable and beautiful. Pricey, but after an incident where I accidentally let my dog off his leash in the middle of the street because the clip to his collar was easy to release, I invested in this superior design.

    3. I like the Easy Walk harness to prevent dog pulling on the leash, and I love using a waist leash.
      For toys/feeding, back when my dog would eat a meal in under a minute, I used feeding toys to help slow her down and give some mental stimulation during feeding. My favorite is Bob-A-Lot.
      Also useful: kongs (filled with PB and frozen as a nice treat that can last dog a while), licky mats (spread on pb or yogurt, freeze). I would use them if I had to put the dog in another room/away.
      Highly recommend positive reinforcement training, especially with a clicker. I’ve spent thousands on dog trainers for my reactive dog, and clicker training has been the best!

    4. I wouldn’t go with Aria, personally. Both because I don’t think it’s an easy name to call a dog (picture yourself calling a dog in a field – doesn’t exactly roll of your tongue to say 3-5 times in a row) and because I would hate to start GoT conversations with strangers who ask me my dog’s name.

      For beds, Orvis will give you a lifetime guarantee on dog beds but you have to purchase from them directly (my dog has never met a bed he couldn’t destroy, although theirs def last longer than most).

    5. The Gentle Art of Raising a Puppy by the Monks of New Skete is wonderful, especially if you haven’t had a dog before.

      1. My positive reinforcement trainer told me not to read this one. A few private sessions with a trainer were invaluable to me. I met a dog named Ellie on the weekend – liked the way it sounded when she called her. If I had adopted a female dog, her name would have been Ivy.

    6. We got to know our pup before we committed to an ID for him and ended up getting monster from chewy:

      https://www.chewy.com/quick-tag-disneys-muppets-monster/dp/292842

      For crate, I love the collapsible crate in case you need to take it with you (with two doors so you are not limited on where to put it):

      https://www.chewy.com/midwest-icrate-fold-carry-double-door/dp/45376

      Love Chewy autoship for food. Just love Chewy — they sent me beautiful flowers after our senior dog passed away last winter, so I am a customer for life.

    7. For beds I would suggest either Orvis or LLBean, and you definitely want one with a removable/waterproof cover for the mattress (I have lost count of how many times I’ve had to wash our dog bed cover and the mattress protector after accidents). I like the gentle lead for walks as our girl (75lbs) pulls (still, at 10, ugh) so this was the easiest way for me to have good control over her. If she isn’t crate trained I would definitely start that process, it will make your lives much easier in the long run. Definitely ask your vet but I found it handy to have dried pumpkin flakes and a few cans of the ‘gentle’ dog food and plain chicken broth for upset tummies after the dog inevitably eats something it shouldn’t and has tummy troubles.

    9. LL Bean waterhog mat for under the water bowl.

      Picture yourself yelling it in a crowded park when you’re p’d off and it’s time to go and the dog just won’t come. Do you sound ridiculous? Is it clear to understand? Easy to pronounce?

      Mane n Tail shampoo (yes, the horse (and people!) shampoo) if your dog turns out to be a mud lover or a roller in stinky things. The fancy shampoos are fine if your dog is a couch princess, but for real dirt, Mane n Tail gets my hound dog cleaner than anything else out there.

    10. On names, controversial but I love human names. We do a “genre” for our pets, think 18th century literary characters, 70s television, famous couples, etc. and we give our dogs first, middle and last names too.

      1. People names are the best. I know a dog named Phyllis and it suits her perfectly. Our dog is George.

      3. I also love category names, specifically food (Hoagie, Poboy, Biscuit). But I also like human names and know a dog named Paul.

    11. Harness for walks.

      I highly recommend enrolling in a training class for puppies vs. reading a book. So much of training basic commands and leash manners is mastering micro behavior and reward timing. That’s a ton easier to do in person. Being around other dogs in that type of setting is also a really great, safe way to begin socialization.

      Less fun from the list, but I’d also invest in a Bissell green machine. There are bound to be some oops moments with a puppy, and even the best house-trained dog will still have the occasional vomit or muddy tracks or whatnot. Well worth the invest to avoid stains on rugs and furniture.

      1. + 1 for a Bissell carpet cleaner. Slight change in diet or found something gross to eat on a walk gives my girl diarrhoea and what better place to wipe your bum than the hallway carpet!

    12. Congratulations! You may also find when you pick up your puppy none of the names you considered “fit” that puppy. When we picked up our now 13 year old dog as a puppy, when we met her in person we decided that none of the names we had picked out worked for her. Several hours after getting her we settled on “Clara,” which was not remotely on our radar, but it suited her perfectly and still does

    13. Poodle crosses are so much grooming work, they need brushing every day so I’d get a collection of slicker brushes – larger for body and smaller for face, legs and ears.

      Wahl pet blow dryer on a stand. Unscented shampoo (dogs noses are 400 times more sensitive, so they are much more likely to roll in something gross to get artificial floral stink off themselves).

      My standard poodles preferred ceramic water dishes over stainless steel.

      Puppies don’t need bones yet, save that for after they have their adult teeth.

      Car harness.

      Pile of washcloths for washing their face after eating; cleaning their ears and wiping off eye boogers as they stain the hair.

      What food has your vet recommended and what food is the puppy currently being fed?

        1. +2 I can’t imagine the time commitment for getting a poodle the size of a St Bernard! That’s at least 4 hours of brushing every week! And $2000 each year at the groomers. Are you ready financially and for the time commitment?

          Pet insurance or your own saving account. Prone to luxating patellas which are $10k each time and the time off work to care for them post surgery.

        2. Yeah, groomers tend to dislike poodle mixes too. I thought I wanted a doodle, but after doing some research ended up with a standard poodle, and couldn’t be happier with her.

    14. I thought the Fi collars were very extra and rolled my eyes at them until our dog got lost, in a blizzard in sub zero weather in a rural area not near our home, for one week while we were across the country on vacation. It was the most horrible experience. We drove home immediately and searched for days and mounted a full marketing campaign to spread the word (which worked – he was found via our signs and sponsored Facebook ads). He came back safe and surprisingly healthy, although exhausted. The evening he came home I ordered the Fi collar and our puppy has had one the entire time we’ve had him.

      Besides tracking, they also have step and sleep trackers that are stupid fun to monitor.

      Also, I finally got pet insurance. After years of thinking I’ll just save a savings account for pet expenses, I’m glad to just have the insurance and be done with it.

      1. Gosh, I’m glad you found him safe and well and can see how one of those collars would be amazing in a blizzard.

  2. What artsy-craftsy classes have you taken that have really been cool? I feel like the universe is telling me to go take a class like on jewelry making or alcohol ink or flower bouquet arranging or cooking or something.

    1. I took a candle making class that let you blend your own essential oils, dye the wax, and add dried flowers on top. Totally worth the $20 or whatever. Biggest takeaway: add WAY more fragrance than you think you’ll need.

    2. I took jewelry making a long time ago, and I still wear the earrings I made. It made me realize that jewelry making was definitely not the hobby I was going to have for a lifetime. It was a lot of fun and I learned a tremendous amount but ultimately it’s not where my talents lie. I have taken a lot of cooking and food/wine appreciation classes. They were fun and I learned some tricks and tips. I would really like to take a baking class at King Arthur Flour and I would love to take a cake deorating class. I love to cook and bake. Most recently I took a “how to knit a sweater class” at a local knitting shop. I’ve knit for ages and had made baby sweaters previously but making my first full size adult sweater was something I was finding daunting and the class got me over that hurdle. If something sounds interesting and fun, take the class!

    3. I’ve taken a ton of jewelry classes and now have started setting up my own bench at home. I also took a couple of tile mosaic classes and made a couple of small projects, but didn’t love it enough to keep doing it. I want to take a wheel pottery class in the near future. I looooove art classes; such a great outlet and change from the kinds of activities I do at work. And I am not super creative or artsy.

    5. I took an alcohol ink resin coaster making class and it was really fun! I gave one of coaster to each of my four local girlfriends. It was nice to give something handmade!

    7. Print-making. Loved it. Check your local community arts centre and see what appeals.

    8. You guys just talked me into something I have been thinking about forever… I signed up for perfume school!

    9. I took a drawing class that I loved – felt like I actually saw improvement and didn’t require a zillion materials. Also really like embroidery classes

  3. I am interested in talking about sizing (without degenerating into complaints about how everyone is vanity sizing these days).

    I’m coming off of a substantial weight loss and after being in upper plus sizes for decades, am now able to shop outside the plus section. But I cannot figure out what size I am. At Ann Taylor, I’m a 14/16. At Theory, I’m an 18 (and let me tell you, I almost burst into tears when I tried on those suit pants and they FIT). At Old Navy, I can wear anything from a 12 to an 18. When I shop at Macys and pull things from assorted brands, I sometimes am a large and sometimes don’t fit into an XXL (especially when it’s more of a juniors brand, but not exclusively). This is SO DIFFERENT from before, when I was reliably a 3X in everything. Is this just what it’s like in this part of the sizing spectrum? Is there any way to navigate this other than just trying a bunch of stuff all the time? And is there any such thing as a “true size”? I don’t even know how to interpret comments like “runs large” or “size up” because I don’t even know what my baseline is.

    1. Welcome to women’s clothing in the US. Oh, to be a man and just say 15 1/2-33 for shirts or 39 regular for suits and know that what you get will fit.

      1. There’s vanity sizing in men’s too. I’ve been trying to help my college aged son buy some new duds. I measure him, order that size, and he’s swimming in it. 36” waist pants are more like 38-39” in diameter so far.

    2. Alas, that’s just how it is. I find sizing varies a lot by brand/cut. I have pants in about 3 different sizes on the label that all fit. And even within brands, sometimes I have different sizes in different pants. I have given up trying to buy pants online and just shop in stores again for this reason. Shirts do seem to be easier/more consistent, though.

    3. Sure! Let me help:

      When you are buying your new wardrobe, you are best off either going in person or sticking with brands that have consistent sizing.

      If you are buying online, check the size charts. Many of them are quite accurate, and “size up/size down” is usually in reference to that brand’s usual sizing.

      Some online shops have “true size” calculators. You input height, weight, and a piece of clothing from a known manufacturer (Ann Taylor, Brooks Brothers, etc, not Rando McSuit because that isn’t in their system) and it will estimate what size you can wear and how well it will fit (loose, normal, tight).

      Don’t try the juniors brands, even if you’re short or in your 20s.

    4. Welcome to women’s clothing. There is no standard sizing scale so every company -and even different lines within the company- all have different size scales.
      Just ignore the number on the label and buy what fits.

    5. To paint with a very broad brush, the cheaper the brand, the smaller the size and the closer to a “true” size. So it totally makes sense that you’re an 18 at Theory (a higher-end brand), a 14-16 at AT, and a 12 at ON. (I can’t explain the variation at ON, though, other than items being styled small/large, i.e. oversized sweaters vs. crop tops.)

      For me, a solid pear, I find that Talbots (almost 100% of the time) runs 1 size above the size I can wear in almost all other brands (J.Crew Factory, AT, Orvis, LL Bean).

      1. I once read something like the medium is generally the medium for that brand’s customer base and I find that to be a good rule of thumb to work from. I think you can extrapolate number sizes similarly his way. And then if something is meant be very youthful or is a non-US brand, it will often be sized smaller and same with swimwear – I generally go up one size in any numerically sized bathing suit. I hear you on the frustration though!

        1. This actually makes a lot of sense. Medium at LL Bean is going to be very different from a medium at, say, Hollister.

      2. I think this is accurate. I have shorts, pants, and skirts ranging from size 2 (ON) to size 10 (Theory) and they all fit well at the same weight. And seeing how the range of sizes fits the exact same body is a great reminder to not let the size of clothing dictate mood or self-esteem. Otherwise, it’s just annoying.

      3. This – with Eileen Fisher and Brooks Brothers to be exceptions to this rule (I size down one size from jcrew etc. at those stores).

      4. This. Higher end brands (think base prices for items other than t-shirts are $500+) are generally consistently sized within the brand and across brands and you will be a couple sizes bigger than cheaper brands. Everything else is a roll of the dice.

    6. Yeah, I dunno. I have pants in my closet in sizes 12, 14 and 16 that all basically fit the same.

      1. I do know that 14 is basically my base. I need 16 in brands that are cut slimmer through the hips and thighs. Sometimes 12s if the fabric has a lot of stretch.

    7. I’m currently wearing everything between a 4 and a 14. This is partially because I’m large busted and need a much larger size on top, especially in blazers or things that aren’t stretchy, but even in pants I can run the whole range of S-M-L at the same retailer, depending on the rise, cut, material, and how I want them to fit. It’s incredibly frustrating and it stops me from buying clothing because I hate that returning things that don’t fit means they’ll mostly be thrown away. I wear petites, which generally aren’t carried in stores near me, so I don’t have much choice but to order online.

      1. I know I’m limiting myself, but I have returned to shopping in-person and only buying online if I’ve tried the style before OR the in-person version doesn’t quite fit and I’m reasonably sure that sizing up or down will do the trick. I can’t deal with the constant revolving door of returns. So, I’m kicking it old school and basically doing one big shopping trip per season.

        2. I shop in person exclusively and have never considered that I might be limiting mysel, lol…

        3. I’d love to shop in person, but everywhere I look the “curvy fit” line is online exclusive. Same with anything plus size. It’s very frustrating.

    8. Basically yes – just check the size charts. It’s useless to look at the labels. Generally higher end and European brands are more true to size.

      And vanity sizing is 100% real and intentional. Overheard a whole convo at an airport once about how they were strategizing to shift the sizes so their old size 10 would be a size 7 and then move back to even sizing after 3 years and shift the 7 to a 6. Because straight up changing 10 to 6 would have been too obvious and people don’t like explicit vanity sizing.

    9. Yes – this is what it is like. You just have to try on a bunch of stuff.

      Most places will have a chart online about what body measurements correspond to what size (bust, waist, hip measurements), so that can give a rough guide. Some even give garment measurements (which are different from body measurements, so you account for being able to move in the garment)

      There is no “true” size. I sew, and commercial sewing patterns have been using a similar 2/4/6/8/etc size numbering for decades, and their measurements are totally different from ready-to-wear. I *think* their body measurements have been more consistent over the decades, but they really aren’t any relationship to an outside standard. The numbers really just indicate if it’s bigger or smaller of the same garment from the same brand.

      1. Yes – commercial sewing patterns and to some extent wedding dresses are not vanity sized. Those are the sizes that are what was meant when people refer to Marilyn Monroe as a size 12 – she’d be like a 4-6 today.

    10. Yes, and it’s annoying AF because this size range isn’t often in stores so you have to buy/return, buy/return constantly, and hope you don’t get flagged for fraudulent return practices (ahem, LOFT).

      signed, size 14 and fed up with fashion

    11. Firstly, congrats on your new shape :))

      Welcome to women’s clothes!
      I’m an XS to a L!

      Buy what fits you well & ignore the #s! Generally, if the item has no stretch you will be a larger size.
      One pants trick~ button a pair that currently fits you well, bring that around your neck, they should meet without an overlap. This will provide you with a baseline size.

      At the store do the same thing:
      if there’s an overlap, they will be loose on you….
      if they are really tight around your neck, they will be tight on

      It is a trying on game, bring an item in multiple sizes to the fitting room.
      And if it fits well, different colors in the same thing will often fit differently. Crazy making!

      If you lived near me I would take you shopping, I dress a lot of my friends.

      Keep us posted.

    12. Not to mention that US sizes are different from the rest of the world.

      I’m in Australia which is the same as the UK and when shopping in the US or US websites I have to do the maths to go down 4 sizes and then check the size charts with your ridiculous inches instead of centimetres!

    13. This is one of the reasons I love buying from places like Poshmark. I can ask for actual garment measurements and compare against pieces I own that fit me well. The size tag number doesn’t really matter, and I am able to find things that fit better than when I try relying on a store brand size chart (which is often unreliable or vague).

  4. DH got into an argument over the weekend with his college friend group, since three of his four college friends vocalized support for Vivek Ramaswamy. One said he’d vote for him if he were the nominee, while the other two said things along the lines of “he’s making some really good points… it’s a lot more nuanced than people understand.”

    I’ve been suspect at least one of these guys for a while – I think he’s a flat-out bad person and bad friend. The other two I thought were middling and okay, but now I resolutely don’t want to spend any real time with them. They aren’t DH’s closest friends, though they are very social and see each other often. I think because they are tech bros and arrogant, Ramaswamy’s way of speaking really appeals to them. But I think to be against democracy, climate change, and womens’ rights are just too big of hurdles for me to get over and I feel actively angry knowing these guys would be willing to vote against all of those things in order to get lower taxes and anti-ESG regulation.

    I guess I’m just asking for input. Is it unreasonable of me or am I judging too harshly? How would you all feel about this if it were your DH’s friends? I’m thinking I’ll just politely decline social events with them, but I wonder how others would approach.

    1. Omg definitely would avoid socializing with gross tech bros like that. DH picks his own friends but especially after we had kids, he’s a lot more concerned about climate change and the future so he’s probably dump guys like that as well.

    2. I think it’s a mistake and dangerous to to stop socializing with people who hold different views than you do. I am grateful for the multiple perspectives I get from having an actually diverse group of friends.

      1. This is me too. I have friends who are far more left than I am and who are far more right than I am – and sometimes it depends on the issue who swings which way. I want friends who have different perspectives because they read different things, listen to different things, work in different industries, have different life experiences. They challenge me and make me think about why I believe what I believe more deeply – and hopefully force me to reassess when I cannot support my existing position. I don’t want to only be friends with people who either vote R or D.

        But if the person is just a bad person, then I would not stay friends.

        1. Pretending that people who want to force me to reproduce and stay home with no way to provide for myself, who think climate change is a hoax and won’t do anything to stop/reverse it, who think it’s OK to call my kids antisemitic names (there are data showing this leads to violence) and want to prevent voters under 25 from voting are simply people with whom I “have policy disagreements” is what got us into this mess where it is OK to say all that stuff publicly. I mean, I guess that’s progress because they are telling you who they are straight up instead of hiding it?

          OP, stay away and give money and time to the other side.

          1. The fact that you think that’s what people think show how much you live in an echo chamber/bubble. I’m a democrat with many republican friends and none espouse what you’re saying.

          2. @ Anon at 6:07 – Vivek literally said “climate change is a hoax” and part of his platform is making it much more difficult for voters under 25 to vote.

          3. 6:07 – the current Republican party doesn’t believe in climate change or support mitigation, and they are anti-ab0rtion, anti-voting rights and anti-immigrant. Your Republican friends might say they don’t “espouse what you’re saying,” but they’re still voting for those policies.
            I’ve heard plenty of people say they vote R for the economy or for their retirement, and that’s fine, but they need to stop kidding themselves that they’re not like THOSE Republicans.

      3. I agree to a point. There’s political views like what the government should spend its money on- fine we can disagree on those.

        And then there are views like X group doesn’t deserve to be protected as full citizens, or it’s totally fine to attempt to overthrow the government sometimes- I am unwilling to socialize with folks who disagree on those.

    3. This is hilarious to me because I went to college with Vivek and it’s crazy to me people are actually contemplating voting for him for president!!!

      But generally I wouldn’t end a friendship over someone’s vote. If they’re your DH’s friends and you don’t like them in general, I think it’s fine to decline to hang out with them though.

        1. We weren’t close and I don’t have any real tea. He was just your typical ultra bro-y guy who thought he was way smarter and more important than he actually was. They were a dime a dozen at Harvard. It’s just weird to see someone you knew as a teenager doing keg stands and trying desperately to pick up women being taken seriously as a candidate for president, you know? Also makes me feel old because politicians have always been quite a bit older than me and how there’s one my age.

      4. Have been in business meetings with him so you can guess my industry. He was an arrogant douche then too.

      5. My husband knew him through college friends too. DH said he was a friendly guy, but obsessed with prestige and status, even for an Ivy Leaguer. My husband apparently wasn’t suitably impressed when Vivek got into Yale Law. (My husband’s – very reasonable! – take was “why are you going to law school if you don’t want to be a lawyer?” Vivek’s answer: “because it’s the best law school in the world.”)

        My husband thinks Vivek is bored just being a rich successful businessman and basically decided to do this as an attention-seeking hobby (he apparently didn’t care at all about politics until recently). Personally if I had a net worth of $950 million I’d be sunning myself on a yacht in the Seychelles but what do I know :)

    4. If you think they are bad people in general then it’s easy to politely beg off. If you think they are otherwise okay, I might continue to socialize as long as they don’t talk politics during said social events. (There’s a good reason for the rule against talking about religion and politics in polite company.) But if my husband wanted to break up with them as friends over politics I would certainly support him in that, too.

    5. If someone is truly a conservative, why wouldn’t they support the person who actually accomplished conservative goals? That would be President Trump. DH’s friend is probably well-intentioned, just a little naive. Support DH and attend social events when invited, just avoid political conversation with this individual.

    6. One of my best friend’s husbands swings way opposite of me politically. He is a generous, lovely, fun person and I haven’t stopped hanging out with him or her.

      If he was just a bad person, I’d politely decline to socialize with him. I don’t think he is a bad person even though I vehemently disagree with some of his political positions, so I still socialize and have a good time hanging out with both of them.

      1. this is something i struggle with. i don’t know how to reconcile someone who is still a trump supporter, after the january 6th attack, after everything he has said and done, etc. being considered a ‘good’ person? like if someone supports trump, doesn’t that mean we don’t agree on very fundamental things, like how to treat other people? my kids just started in public school in a blue city in a red state and so it is something i am trying to wrap my ahead around.

        1. This is where I am. GOP got Roe v Wade overturned. I don’t see how someone who doesn’t think I’m a full human who should have charge of my own body is a good or kind person.

          1. Except most pro-life people do think you’re a full human. They believe that the baby is also a full human. I’m pro choice and know a lot of pro life people and have never met someone who thought women “weren’t full humans.” You either understand that and are being dramatic for rhetorical effect (which is unhelpful in making change) or you don’t, in which case you need to spend more time taking with people who disagree with you.

          2. Anon at 6:34 – ultra conservative people may claim to see women as “full” humans, but they evidently define that term differently when it comes to bodily autonomy and reproductive rights, for instance. You present a false dichotomy in your either/or statement.

          3. I’m not a full human if I don’t have full control of my body. My sister almost died giving birth when her uterus ruptured while in labour in a university hospital. She will not survive another pregnancy – but sure – let some middle aged white guys tell her kids that she has to risk her life if she gets raped and gets pregnant. She’s had enough trauma for one life time. Being told that they were trying to save his wife but they didn’t know if she would make it was enough to make my BIL realize his ‘pro- life’ views were bull$hit.

          4. I do not need to spend anymore time talking to people who don’t think I should have full control of my own body. Do you tell domestic abuse victims that they should spend more time listening to why they deserved it as well? F U very much and stay out of my body.

        2. This is where I fall, especially with Trump and his ilk. I don’t know anything about Ramaswamy, so I’m not sure where he falls on that continuum.

        3. I can certainly understand the struggle you are having. I think it’s easier for me to compartmentalize with him because he is genuinely otherwise lovely. Admittedly, if he was in my face about it, I absolutely would not spend time with him. The rest of the friend group lands where I am politically, but we all feel similarly to how I feel and some of the other husbands (who align with me politically) are very close with him.

          All that to say, it’s a bit out of sight out of mind in my case. I am not saying this approach will work for everyone, but I try to remind myself that people are complicated and life is nuanced sometimes. Maybe this isn’t one of those times for you, and that’s okay.

          I didn’t add more detail around how my friend may or may not react to how he votes in 2024 based in discussions she and I have had because it is not my story to tell.

      2. I have (or had) a work friend who was becoming a personal friend. Her husband is a lefty, probably left of me, and she’s an avowed republican, though she claims to be pro-choice. So we didn’t really talk about politics but then when Roe fell, I was upset and talked about it, and she agreed because now more of “those” babies would be born. I thought I misunderstood, so kind of did a whaaa?, and she dug in with some straight-up, old-school unmistakable racism.

        I feel like I could be friends, maybe, with some one who held moderately conservative views, but obviously racism is an immediate deal-breaker.

        I honestly don’t know how this woman and her husband manage to stay together.

        1. I’ve no idea how people can say they are pro-birth without also being pro-maternal leave, pro-healthcare and pro-free preschool. If you want those babies to born, you have to look after them.

          1. They are not pro life. They only want forced births. They care not at all if some women and babies die along the way because it’s God’s will and women aren’t supposed to work anyway so what do you need maternity leave for.

    7. It sounds like you’re not close to them and don’t think they’re great people regardless of political leanings, so I think it’s fine to beg off any hangouts with them.

    8. I’d feel the same way.

      It’s hard to spend time with people who actively work against your rights; democracy and the future of the world for everyone’s children.

    9. I’m a conservative but Vivek is an idiot. I wouldn’t end a friendship over someone voting for him, but I also have trouble imagining any of the kind of people that I’m friends with doing so.

  5. On a scale of 1 (totally fine) to 10 (creepy stalker who should be reported to the police), how weird would it be for me to track down a descendant of the man who built my historic home and send them a letter a) graciously inviting them to visit the home of their ggg…grandfather at any time and b) asking if they have any information or family lore about him?

    I’m an amateur genealogist and the search has been very easy since the family had rather poor outcomes and generally only one person per generation survived (😬). A modern obituary from 2015 lists the name of a living daughter with a unique name in a uniquely named town, and google turns up her address…

    1. I think it’s fine. I’d probably ignore this letter but I don’t think it’s creepy to reach out once.

      1. Yep, I live in a historic house and would not do this about my own house. If I received a letter like this, I’d shred it. I’m not going full 10 here but definitely above 5 on the creeper scale.

    2. It would be weird. Inviting them is more weird than asking about historical information.

      1. I agree that asking for info is less weird than asking them to visit. I would probably ignore such a letter myself but you never know who may share your interests. Obviously, don’t keep writing if they ignore your first overture.

    3. this seems weird and a little just, off, especially if there’s no reason for you to be reaching out (I think a reasonable reason would be something like you found a family heirloom or old letters or something and wanted to pass it on to the heirs)… I would not do this.

    6. I think it would be fine to reach out and just say that you are living in the house now and wonder if they have any information or memories of it. I wouldn’t offer a visit or inquire about him, just the house.

    7. I would focus on asking for info about history of house. Let an invite to visit flow from that if they engage.

    8. I think this is fine. My parents live in a house that’s been in our family for 4 generations, so if we ever lose the house then I think it’d be very cool for a future inhabitant to reach out. My family beach house is 134 years old, and while it’s been in our family since the 1960s, I would love to learn more about its history.

      Obviously, if you reach out and don’t hear back, don’t reach out again (that makes it creepy stalker level).

      My grandfather reconnected with his long-lost first cousins in a similar fashion (immigration, moves in the US due to the depression (leading the two sides of the family to opposite coasts), WWII and his military service, and the fact that his cousins were all female and all changed their name upon marriage meant that they had lost touch in their 20s and didn’t reconnect until their 80s!). One day my uncle received an email asking if he was related to “grandfather’s name”. My uncle originally thought it was spam, happened to mention it to his dad who was like oh yes that’s my first cousin.

    9. 10

      I know people can find all kinds of info about me online. And I know people google stuff all the time. I do. I don’t begrudge anyone this hobby. But I would find it very creepy for someone to contact me because they’d tracked me down based on the fact that they knew the home address of one of my distant past relatives.

      If she was this easy to track down, I’d assume that it would be equally easy for her to find the house where that person lived and she could reach out to you if she’s interested.

    10. Not weird but I’d reorder, seek information first. If they respond and are interested in more, you can extend an invite. I’d at most offer to send some current photos in an initial outreach.

    11. 5. I can’t imagine many people would actually respond to such a letter (I definitely would not).

    12. I would put you at 8 for your a) option, and 6 for b).

      It does seem in bad taste, since you’re also specifically pointing out that you know the family has had poor outcomes and presumably tragedies, and you want to “graciously” invite them for gossip. Depending on factors you do not know, that could be ripping up old histories, rubbing it in, making somebody sad – because you want stories about your house. You want a fun story, for them it’s their life and family.

      They could be delighted, but why not just be a regular genealogist for a little longer, and start at your local library and look at microfilm of old newspapers and other available sources?

    13. Seconding that it’s creepy to invite them over. Also you may not like what you find out. For example my great grand parents both died in the house they built in 1900. I pass it every so often. I bet the current owners are happy not knowing who basically bled to death in their bedroom or dropped dead in the dining room.

    14. 10 to inviting them, 3 to introducing yourself, explaining you’re an amateur genealogist, and asking for any information they may have about the property or its residents.

      2. This is my rating, too.

        Additionally, if this stranger is as far removed as you describe, she may have less info than you do at this point. You might find out more relevant and interesting material by checking with your local community resources. The library, local property records offices, historical society or museum, etc.

    15. Asking me for personal information about possible family “lore” because you bought a house of someone in my family I’ve never met and may not even know existed? Bananas weird.

      On the contrary, if it’s a letter (vs a highly researched email address or phone call), the worst they can do is tear it up and that’s that. So, do you care if someone out there thinks you’re Bananas Weird in the off chance they want to respond? That’s your call.

    16. I’m super into local history and architecture, so I would be very into this provided you aren’t murdery, but I suspect people who feel the same way are a (very small) minority.

      1. Maybe I’ve known one too many amateur genealogists who latch onto information that doesn’t quite seem believable, or ventures so far into an interesting story that they lose sight of who is actually affected in the present (or who cares), but I am not into it.

      2. And we wonder why our sense of community is dying. I genuinely don’t understand some of the responses here.

    17. How historical is the home? I’m not asking what year it was built; I’m asking if it has historical value because her ancestor built it. Was her ancestor a famous architect, a Senator, or inventor? Or was he just some normal well-to-do person who built a nice house that hasn’t been torn down?

      That makes a big difference… and I say this as someone whose family occasionally gets letters regarding a well-known ancestor with very few remaining descendants. I would be very creeped out if we got contacted about some other ancestor.

    18. I mean… no? 9 only because a police report probably isn’t necessary, but good lord. To paraphrase the inimitable JG:

      You were so preoccupied with whether you could, you didn’t stop to think if you should [Google the address of a descendant of the guy who built your house].

    19. So my ancestral home was built in the early 1700s and remained in our family until the 1950s, when the maiden aunt living there died and my parents declined to move to a super old house in a rural area. I’d be perfectly happy to answer a letter and provide information about the house of the current owners asked (they likely wouldn’t, because the history is well-documented). I wouldn’t invite them over – see if they respond with interest to your letter, and if they exchange goes well, you can say that they’re always welcome to visit if they will be in the area.

    20. If I were her, I’d think that was nice and be super interested to have a look around your home from the outside.I’d provide you with a copy of a photo of him and anything else I knew about his work.

      Is she feels differently to me, she can ignore your letter or decline. As posters are always saying, it’s an invitation not a summons.

    21. I would love to get a letter like this. Then again my grandmother once marched up to her childhood home – over 75 years after she had last seen the house – and very politely and Southernly explained who she was and asked them to give her a tour of their house and they did! They even gave us sweet tea.

      1. Same! Our house is antebellum and we’ve had several local people stop by over the years to share stories that their families have passed down over time. We’ve been thrilled to be able to add to the history of the house, which included weddings and no doubt funerals as well as possible occupation.

        I’d send a letter without a second thought and I think most old house/geneaology/history buffs would too. If you don’t get a response, that’s the end of it, but if you do, it could be amazing.

    3. Interesting. If you subtract out her birthday meal, which is probably unusually high for a dinner out, they spent $327.77 on food for the rest of the week, which seems pretty low. But as she uses groceries she bought the week before, she charges herself $0. At the end of the week, she buys $75 worth of groceries, which she says is less than usual because she’s going on a business trip the next week. It would probably be more useful to total up the cost of the at-home meals, or to say what a typical week’s grocery bill is.

    4. I’m jut shocked how you can have that high of a HHI, have been working for over a decade, and have so little in savings

      1. That does seem really really low, even for someone who might have had mid-six figures of educational debt. I wonder if it doesn’t include retirement? I feel like sometimes people say “I have $X in savings” and exclude their retirement accounts.

      2. It’s Dallas. Everything is bigger in Dallas…. How much is one paycheck, after taxes? $4,729.12. My spouse’s is $3,163.

        That is a post tax income of $122,957.12 (bi-weekly so x26). Thats $207,043 or 37% in taxes, healthcare, pension etc. Might it be that she is a newly admitted equity partner?

        I am thankful for her mention of creamed spinach. Its my daughters favorite and I now make it at home as very few restaurants have it on the menu.

  7. TW weight loss

    If you’re on a GLP med, what have you told coworkers and others about losing weight? If you lost a lot of weight (like 100 lbs) – how long were you losing before people noticed? I just started Wegovy and ideally would like to avoid telling some family members who I see weekly. (Would not want to lose weight more quickly than 2 lbs per week max…)

      1. I think at this point, just about everyone will automatically assume that you’re on Ozempic. Ozempic weight loss looks different than Weight Watchers or keto weight loss. But also, most people won’t care.

      1. Not telling people things does not automatically equal shame. Sometimes things are simply not someone’s business, even when they are family.

    3. I’m pretty sure that anyone who sees you regularly will notice and assume you’re on Wegovy (or that you’re sick but don’t want to talk about it). Some people will comment, most people will wait for you to bring it up. As someone who has both gained and lost weight due to a chronic illness, I’m in the never ever comment on people’s bodies unless they say something first camp. If you don’t want to say anything, don’t. Otherwise feel free to casually mention the Wegovy as it feels appropriate (most likely when eating, as it will affect what you want to eat).

    4. Hello! I just lost 100 pounds. Here’s how this will go. Many people will say “You look great.” To that, I say, “Thank you.” Some people will say, “You look amazing, did you lose weight?” I say, “Thanks, I’ve been working really hard.” Others will say, “You look amazing, tell me what your secret is.” To them, my response varies. If they are people who are kind; who have visibly struggled with their weight; who are close to me, then I will say, “Thank you. I had weight loss surgery and lost 100 pounds. I’m working really hard to keep it off.” If they are Nosy Nellies and ask the same question, I say “Just hard work!” Then change the subject.

      I found that most of the people in my world never once commented on my changing body – it’s like everyone had gotten the memo that you Do Not Comment On Bodies, to the point where I was like, “Do I still look exactly the same?” I hope that you have a similarly low-pain experience.

      1. I’m glad you had a good experience, but I don’t think your experience is the norm. When I had thyroid disease a few years ago and lost about 10 pounds very quickly EVERYONE I know commented on it (and I am not a small person, this was significantly less than 10% of my bodyweight). A former colleague stopped a work meeting to make me talk about my exercise routine (“uhhh a chronic illness that could kill me if left untreated?!”). It was horrible. I have lots of friends who gained or lost weight and got lots of comments on it, so sadly I think lots of people have not gotten the “do not comment on bodies” memo.

    6. I know this might seem odd, but if you want to avoid telling people, then just don’t tell them. Full stop.
      If they comment then say something vague like ‘it’s been a lot of work’ or whatever generic phrase you like that gives them zero informaion.

    7. I had weight loss surgery about 13 years ago and for reasons that I honestly don’t even remember, it was important to me that people not know about it. If people said I looked good, I said “thank you.” If people asked what I was doing, I said “I’m just eating a lot less,” which was true. There was always a big flurry of comments every time I bought new clothes to fit my shrinking body, but generally I would say people commented less than I expected them to. And honestly, people really don’t care as much as you think they do. They might mention it in passing but it’s out of their minds the next minute.

  8. I just paid off my student loans!!!

    Covid was terrible for so many reasons but I couldn’t have paid off my loans so fast without the pause!

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