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Splurge Monday’s Workwear Report: Floral-Printed Wool Polo Sweater

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A woman wearing a floral top (white, red, green, and yellow) and olive green skirt

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

My budget for knitwear is a little bit less than this Oscar de la Renta sweater requires, but how gorgeous is this floral-printed polo? The colors, the fit, it’s all perfect. I searched long and hard for something comparable in a more affordable price range, but I think this might be something I’ll be looking for in consignment shops in 5-10 years. 

The sweater is $2,490 at Net-a-Porter and comes in sizes S-L. 

Sales of note for 9/11:

302 Comments

    1. Yes. But maybe a skirt option I can sit down in? ODLR’s customers don’t seem to wear stuff like that.

      1. What’s really odd to me is that they edited the skirt so the back view doesn’t show the weird tail thing the actual linked skirt has.

  2. Okay so I’m the director of Department X at a mid size company. The director of Department Y is not doing well at his job and the company hired a consultant to basically audit/review Department Y. Our departments work on some projects together, but day to day our work is different.

    The consultant keeps asking me questions about the inner working of dept Y. I’ve been answering some questions and then just redirecting him when I don’t know, but the consultant is definitely asking me because I’m helpful and the people who should answer him aren’t.

    How big a deal is this? Should I continue being helpful – that feels a bit like being a doormat. Department Y succeeding or failing doesn’t affect me. I already look fantastic compared to Director Y so that’s helpful.

    1. I’d basically tell Consultant what you said here, if you haven’t already. Like, “if you need more info on how Y’s functions impact X’s work, I’m happy to help, but I don’t have significant insight on these operational questions, and A and B on Director Y’s team are the right source for that.”

    2. Presumably someone more senior than you is paying the bill for consultant’s work, and will be listening to the recommendations from consultant. You continuing to help, to the extent you have capacity to do so, means that this is an opportunity to position your ideas of how Department Y should run or other related organizational changes you think would be beneficial. Of course, while continuing to do as you say – emphasizing that it is your perspective and you don’t know exactly the inner mechanics.

    3. Have you been instructed to act as a resource to the consultant? If not, does your own manager know and believe this is a good use of your time?

      1. A resource sure but not the main contact. My manager knows but I was debating whether to highlight to her how many questions he’s had – maybe I will do it in our next 1-on-1

        1. Talk to your boss now. This is internal politics at the highest level and you don’t want to become collateral damage. Get insight from someone who knows what’s going on.

          1. Oh I know exactly what’s going on from every direction. I’m not worried from a politics perspective. But I think I will bring it up to my boss before making changes. Half the time the help I= provide is posting in a public channel “hey so-and-so help the consultant” – so it is just playing traffic cop and redirecting consultant. But Director Y should be doing that.

        2. On reflection, yeah, this is worth a big-picture convo with your manager before saying anything general to Consultant – if it turns out you really shouldn’t be spending time on this, I like my script above, but best to find out.

        3. Yes, make sure your boss knows how heavily the consultant is leaning on you and is okay with that continuing (or not).

    4. Is your concern more along the lines of “Am I picking up too much slack/less valuable work?” or more “Am I risking blowback by being the one to say the things everyone knows are bad in Dept Y?”

      1. More “Am I picking up too much slack / less valuable work”. Everyone is very clear about how bad things are in Dept Y. I mainly think that if Dept Y isn’t providing the info consultant needs, that is just further evidence of the problems and I don’t want to paper over that.

    5. Do you want anything in Department Y to change? If so, you should answer their questions.

      If you don’t care, you could likely delegate their questions to someone on your team.

      1. I do want things in dept Y to change, and I answered the consultants in depth questions that he asked everyone at the beginning. What I’m talking about is the million “so what’s the process for/where’s the manual for” questions that I’m not even best positioned to answer since it’s not my department!

        1. It’s normal that they will have more/more targeted questions as work goes on. The initial questions are to figure out where to go deeper.

          Keep in mind that fairly or not, it sounds like they will not get the info if you don’t give it to them. If you want things to change, you probably have to give them the tools to recommend it.

    6. Maybe it’s what I’ve seen in too many PE companies, but everyone’s job is on the table when consultants come in. Align with your boss on expectations and then answer what you’re asked without too much more. You want to look helpful but not a contributor to the problems.

      1. It’s not an overall consultant or a PE situation, it’s specific to Dept Y. Hmm maybe that’s why Director Y is not answering the consultants questions. That’s not making Director Y look any better

        2. If Director Y is right there, and consultant is working directly with that department (which I’d assume has employees other than Director) why is consultant reach out to you with basic questions about where the manual is or what the process is or who to talk to about what? Why isn’t someone — anyone — in Department Y answering those questions?

          1. They work collaboratively in some fashion. If she doesn’t know the process or (quite likely) if the consultant believes it should be housed with X instead of Y or X isn’t doing a good enough job QCing what Y is doing, then it does look bad. Or it can be as simple as the consultant identifying a gap and wanting to make sure both departments have a similar understanding of the process.

            Usually it’s better to give the partial story you know than to look like you know there is a bad process and you’re deliberately not part of the solution.

      2. This is what would give me pause. You don’t know how the information you provide is going to be interpreted, shared, cherry-picked, or acted on. I would be careful what you say. It could impact people’s jobs. Maybe you don’t care and feel above the fray, but in companies, it’s rare that you truly can speak freely.

    8. I would loop my manager in to discuss with the consultant what’s in scope for my department versus the other department.

      In my experience, truly bad managers excel at blaming other people for their failures. He’s supposed to have a manual? Nope, that’s Department X’s job!

      So I would make sure that the consultant understands the scope of what your department does, and then hammer with: “per previous, this is within Y’s scope.”

  3. ISO sports bra with *molded cups*. I have a bunch of sports tops from Athleta but they all have the removable cups, which I hate with the fire of 1,000 suns. They never stay put and also I have to unfold them after every wash!!! I prefer molded rather than just layered fabric, to avoid headlights. TIA!

          1. I don’t even think eyes are necessary since this goes under your shirt! It doesn’t have to be pretty.

        2. Let it gooooooooooooooooo. If you don’t have a molded cup recommendation, you’re under no obligation to respond.

      2. The kind up trashy foam stupid cup that is removable is NOTHING like a molded cup. We get it. You learned how to sew in home ec and you are mad that people no longer have those skills. For what it is worth, I taught my son how to hem and sew on a button. I still prefer a molded cup.

        1. +1000. A molded cup is an entirely different (and better) shape. I don’t want to sew in the nasty little foam piece. Nothing about that sounds appealing.

        2. Nope, I learned from my mom. Did you not ever mend anything at home as a child? Weird.

    4. Right there with you and no, I sure af don’t want to add finding a seamstress to my to-do list. Try some of the Anita options from Title Nine – you have to check the labels but they’re the best I’ve found for this. Target also has added more molded cup options in recent years.

      1. I agree with you, but this is the kind of thing that I would think any dry cleaner could handle, not a specialist.

        2. But molded cup options are out there – why would we buy an expensive non-molded cup option only to add another $20-40 to get them sewn in when it’s not designed for that anyway? I wish people would just answer the question.

          1. Why would you pay $20-40 to do something that requires absolutely zero skill? Just do it yourself.

          2. Because I don’t want to. I have zero interest in learning how to sew to do this. Why are you pushing this so hard? It is normal and reasonable for women to want the product to be acceptable off the shelf.

          3. You don’t need to know how to actually sew to do this. It is simpler than sewing a button back on. If you can thread a needle (and dear god, I hope you can), you can do this.

            You can rail about what should be all you want! But practically speaking, this is a problem you can solve for yourself with your current sports bras in under 5 minutes.

          4. You’re being obtuse. Women are allowed to not want a sewing chore when they just want to buy a sports bra that works. The removable cups are a bad design choice and it’s great that more brands are offering molded now. In addition, the removable cups are often thick and weirdly shaped – I wouldn’t WANT them sewn in. I want a thinner, smoother molded style that doesn’t offer excess padding where I don’t need it. Sewing in the badly designed component sounds like the worst of all worlds and a great way to ruin an expensive item of clothing.

          5. Okay, trash the ones you already own and write dozens of words complaining instead of solving this issue by sewing them in or buying molded cups and just moving on with your life, I guess! Good use of your time on this mortal coil and your emotional energy.

          6. I used to be able to thread a needle, but realistically, it would be a real effort now (health stuff).

            But it’s also frustrating to spend money on a defective inferior product that needs to be fixed while it’s still brand new, and yes, I’m willing to complain about it. It’s such a pattern in products sold to women!

          7. I guess you are welcome to spend your life complaining about things you can’t change instead of changing things you can.

          8. This is the most obnoxious comment type on this entire board – when someone asks for a specific product rec for a genre that exists, someone chimes in to say “just do it this other undesirable way instead,” and then thrashes it to absolute death when the person says they’re uninterested. What makes you this way?

    5. I no longer remember the model names, but Panache makes these and are good sports bras in general

    6. I just bought several from under armour! There is an outlet store in my city so I don’t know the names. I got high and medium impact ones.

    7. No suggestions, but want to confirm your annoyance. Why do sports, or any kind of bra manufactures do this?? If you don’t want padding, you are going to take the little pad out and throw it away. If you want padding, you don’t want to faff around with unfolding the little pads, etc. I cannot think of a situation where I might want padding sometimes but it others.

      Related, I ordered a bunch of bras in the Nordstrom sale and returned all but one, and I’m not sure I’m keeping that one. I’m a 32DD, I need some support. Why on earth are underwire bras made where the cup is just a thin flimsy bit of fabric? I need at least a little support all the way around. The cups don’t need to be padded like a life jacket, but a thin layer of foam or even a thicker fabric would help. I also prefer nipple coverage – don’t need my colleagues to be able to tell if I’m cold by looking at my top.

      1. I really don’t get it. They’re so annoying. At least attach them with a few stitches that are possible to take out if some rare people want to.

        1. They’re so annoying and they’re often weird shapes too – some round, some elongated, etc. I’ve started leaving more brand reviews (figured I should since I always read the ones from other people) and I always dock a star for sports bras with removable cups and I say why.

      2. It is because they are designed by people, most probably men, who don’t do the laundry. Anyone who does the laundry HATES the cup moving around.

        1. Haha my husband does the wash and is inevitably annoyed when the inserts fall out.

      3. They annoy everyone except for the women who immediately take them out. It’s meant to appeal to everyone, but it just ticks off most people.

      4. I’m the one person who seeks them out. After my mastectomy the implant was rejected so I’m flat on one side. I throw away the removable pads but the pocket is great for holding my foam or silicone insert.

    8. I just got some Yvette front zip sports bras from Amazon and they meet your criteria. I’ve been very happy with them so far. I would be careful about the sizing though – the size it said I should get was definitely too small.

    9. Under Armour! Bonus that many of the high-impact sports bras have hooks in the back to avoid dislocating shoulders when taking the bra on and off :)

      1. +1 to Under Armour. They have great sports bras. I would definitely look at the high-impact options.

        UA has a medium-impact sports bra with the removable pads, and there must be something magical about how it’s constructed. I’ve owned numerous versions over the past five years, and the pads actually stay in place when washed.

    10. Victoria’s Secret has these – I had a few back in the day. Their Incredible sports bra has molded cups. They probably have more styles.

  4. What’s everyone’s favorite shapewear these days? need something for some smoothing under a dress.

  5. I live near Raleigh and have a rental house with a paver patio that keeps pumping out a crop of weeds even in a drought. I had been pulling them but took a vacation and then it was too hot and now it’s overwhelming. How do you all manage this? I had thought to just pull them out, but they came back (with friends). If I spray, they may die, but I will still have to pull out the dead weeds. It could be lovely, but it just looks like a hot mess.

    1. I can’t quite picture what’s happening, but sometimes you need to replace them with a plant that will look right there (like something very low profile) so the space they’re taking advantage of is already occupied.

      1. she means weeds are growing through the gaps between the paver stones on her patio, not an intentional garden bed situation.

        1. That much I understood! Sometimes people plant creeping thyme or something low profile, but it may depend on the size of the gaps.

      2. I do love the look of an intentional low profile plant between the pavers. Find your local university extension for recommendations on what does well in your area, but a creeping thyme is common for a reason.

      1. The two chores my husband and teenagers fight over are powerwashing and paver flamethrower-ing. Both very immediately satisfying!

        1. I heard about the flamethrowers, but thought it was something so straight out of Caddyshack that I’d melt the vinyl siding or burn down the stairs. It’s not a comical thing a la Jacka$s?

        2. I’m not ashamed to say that I love a good powerwashing session. It’s so satisfying!

    3. Pour boiling water on the weeds. You’ll still need to pull out the dead weeds, but it will be a one time job.

    4. Not a chemical-free solution, but pull them out, then sprinkle Preen in the cracks to keep them from re-emerging. Repeat 2-3 times during the growing season.

      1. +1
        I used Preen for the first time this spring and was really impressed on how it tamped down weed germination.

        It’s not a today solution, but a next year solution. You’ll apply it in early spring.

        1. I try really hard to not use excessive chemicals, but I’ve used it this season in a couple of areas that had constant weed problems despite my best efforts and have been quite impressed.

    5. Is this the type of patio that has a real base and polymeric sand between the pavers? If so, clear out the weeds, clean out the surface dirt between the pavers, and refresh the polymeric sand (follow the instructions and do it right). It’s work, but worth it.

      If these are just pavers set on top of soil, you need to either plant something you actually want between the pavers, or accept that they will need weeded frequently.

      1. OP here and I have no idea about sand (of any sort). The underlying soil is clay. IDK how it was originally built and don’t want to put a lot of time or money into it. The flamethrower is looking . . . cathartic.

    6. There’s a flavor of weed killer that’s meant for pavement and will prevent germination for one year. Read the labels at Home Depot – it specifically says 365 days on the front. I think the container is silver.

      1. As suggested on the internet, we had good luck with vinegar+salt killing our patio weeds.

        I liked that my kids and pets were fine with it vs a real herbicide. It became my 10 yo’s job to go squirt the weeds. Usually we’d have to do it 2-3 times per summer.

        1. Just a heads up, horticultural vinegar can cause pretty serious burns as well as respiratory issues. You’re supposed to use PPE when using it. It’s not a gentle solution by any means.

        2. And that salt stays in the earth forever, as opposed to commercial pesticides that degrade quickly.

  6. I’m on a trip to New York visiting a friend and her husband. My plan was to stay with them three nights and then stay at a hotel four nights. When they found out I’d booked a hotel for the second leg, they said I should cancel and stay with them longer. I had originally booked the hotel so I don’t overstay my welcome and that it doesn’t get old having me here, but it is really nice getting to spend time with them and a hotel sounds lonely comparatively (though I’d also have more freedom to make plans with other friends guilt-free).

    Does keeping the hotel make sense? What would you do in my shoes? We are 30 for reference and have been friends 4 years.

    1. Fish and guests….

      I’d keep the hotel. They’re being nice to offer to extend your stay, you be nice by saying you want to {something} – experience that neighborhood, be closer to XYZ things you want to do, whatever. End the stay on a high note of wanting more.

      2. +1. Even with my very best friends I simply need my own space after 3 days. I’d emphasize that the hotel gives you access to a neighborhood you want to explore, it’s a treat to yourself, etc. etc.

    3. Hotel.

      If it was one extra night I might take them up, but four extra nights (more than twice your original stay)? That’s too much to impose on people I want to stay friendly with, even if the offer is sincere.

    4. Do they have a guest room or are you staying on the couch? [And before everyone comes for me, I had a 2 bed apt with one room used as a guest room when I was married and early 30s in NYC. This was before wfh was really a thing, so it wasn’t an office.] If you have your own room (that isn’t also, say, one of their offices), I think it would be fine to stay longer. If you are sleeping in their office or in the living room, I would say the hotel is nonrefundable and go stay at the hotel.

      1. Yeah, to me it totally depends on how big/well set up for hosting their house is. If it really is a big hosting house, I’d stay longer. If it’s a normal house, I would keep the hotel.

        1. I have a big hosting house, I’d be nice an offer the whole trip but I’d be delighted in reality when OP departs for a hotel unless she’s my absolute BFF in the whole entire world. Even then….

          1. Maybe off topic, but why do you own a big hosting house if you don’t really like hosting people?

          3. 2-3 days is fun- you’re catching up and the novelty of the guest is fresh. Longer than that, and you want to just get back to routine!

    5. I’m from a background where family/friends NEVER stay in hotels if they can stay with loved ones. It feels very formal and distant.

    6. This is so odd to me. I like the people in my life so even if I’m mildly put out by hosting, I’d rather host them and maximize time together.

      And, if they’re close friends how put out are you even?

      1. See above. A few days is a delight. After that I have my job, my routines my other friends to see. I’m not going to make your vacation mine.

        1. But what’s stopping you from doing those things with a house guest? I have no qualms having a friend stay with me and be like great! We’ll spend the weekend together, but I’ve gotta go to work and the gym starting on Monday, but we’ll grab dinner together at night.

          1. You feel obligated to host when you have a guest. It’s not that hard to understand. That gets tiring after a while. We are not in college living the dorm life.

          2. Idk, I’ve always said for weeknight visitors “you’re welcome to stay with me! But I’ve got XYZ, and should be around ABC”.

    7. You did the right thing in booking a hotel rather than imposing yourself on a friend for a full week. That said, if you want your own space or to stay in a different part of the city, then keep your hotel. However, I would never tell a friend who had booked a hotel in my (very tourist friendly) city that she was welcome to stay with me while secretly hoping she would not stay with me. Give your friend the courtesy of assuming she is not playing weird mind games and offered to host because she genuinely wants to host.

      I invited my brother, SIL and their kids to spend a week with me and she called my sister to ask if I really meant it. (Fortunately, my sister was able to assure her that I am not that nice. If I do not want people to stay with me, I am very capable of telling them that!)

      1. I stayed with friends for a whole week, but we were clear that I wasn’t expecting constant entertainment. I had things to do, and so did they. We had dinner together a couple of times. I took the trash out, did the dishes I saw even if they weren’t mind, stripped the bed and started a wash. I think I even replaced the sheets. Afterwards they told me I was an amazing guest and welcome back any time.

  7. Anyone have experience with Halara? I like the idea of bra or shelf bra tops and dresses, and they have several. Their wrap skirts are also intriguing me, not sure if I want built in shorts at work but may try.

    1. It’s thin plasticky junk. Kudos to them on their social media presence and referral program though because every other influencer seems to loooove them.

    2. Soma sometimes has summer dresses with built in bras. I tried them last summer and they are decent quality.

      Question about another online retailer – anyone have any experience with OGLmove, or whatever it’s called? OGL something.

      1. I have experience with OGL too, haha. Do I buy too much from instagram?
        I have a few of the boat neck tops with built-in bras, I really like them. Note that there are two lengths, depending if you want to tuck or not tuck them. I find them reasonably well made, especially for the price.
        Earlier this summer I bought some t-shirts, pants, etc and they were all super cheap and poorly made and I ended up returning them all at significant cost. The linen pants were more like nylon rain pants, the stitching across the bottom hem of the t-shirt could not have been made worse, and the v-neck had a pucker right at the point which was clearly very poor sewing.

    3. I think there was a question that I replied to about Halara last week. I ordered several items a couple years ago and it was all 100% unwearable crap. I think I ended up donating or throwing it out. It was so badly made. Definitely not worth it.

    4. Last time I checked, it seemed like they sold the same stuff as those other generic amazon brands with terrible names.

  8. I have had some lifestyle drift with my eating and activity that has made me gain more weight than I’d like. what are your favorite ways to get a little more incidental activity (I moved to a car dependent city a few years ago which is part of this) I already work out, it’s more changes around the margins of my life that are stacking up. and I’m trying to pay a lot of attention on the food side to like what do I actually love vs what have I just fallen into consuming as a habit. appreciate any things that have been helpful for you to get a little more activity or consume a little less.

    1. Read “the body electric” by manoush zamarodi and give the recommendations a try.

    3. Low or no carb snacks between meals. No liquid calories except a couple drinks on the weekend. Meals should be 75% protein and vegetables. Don’t keep junk food in your house but do keep healthy no-prep items (nuts, seeds, fruit, precut veggies). I used to do these things naturally but it’s easy to slide into bad habits over the years.

    4. Switch to making a cup of tea instead of grabbing a snack
      Pay attention to portion sizes
      Park further away
      Take stairs
      Be less efficient with walking (i.e., take the longer route, even if it is just to the printer and back)

      1. Yes to paying attention to portion sizes. Tracking my calories with Lose It was a game changer for me. It helped me truly pay attention to portion sizes and evaluate my choices in a more objective way.

        Taking a walk at lunch is another habit I love because it’s also enjoyable and gives me energy.

    5. Exercise: Park in the farthest spot from the store. Return the cart BEFORE unloading the last two bags and carry them back to your car. Take the stairs (but that’s obvious). Don’t ever go through the drive through for anything — always go in. Go for a 10 minute walk whenever you get the inkling; short adds up. Walk to the furthest bathroom from your desk. If you have the choice of doing one trip carrying things or two, pick two.

      Eating: ask yourself “is this what will serve my body best right now, or am I on autopilot?”. Commit to actually eating any produce you eat before it goes bad (this forces me into better choices both at the store and at home). Buy the fancy fizzy waters if they make you drink more water and less soda. Buy really good coffee so you can learn to love it with minimal mix ins.

    6. If it’s hard such that you’re counting every bite, a GLP1 will make all this go away.

      1. Based on OP’s post, I don’t think this is what they are asking about at all. They are asking about how to get more movement. I think we all know where some folks here land as to GLP-1s, but not everyone wants to take them, for a variety of (valid) reasons.

        2. Look, I wish GLP1s had been invented at the start of my midlife weight creep when it got hard like OP is describing. It doesn’t have to be this struggle anymore and people still think it needs to be. Worth saying until these posts are no longer necessary.

          1. No, it’s not worth repeating until everyone is on a GLP1. Glad it helped you but some of us are done with it being shoved down our throats at every opportunity.

          2. Some of us are okay with a little extra weight as we age – it’s proven to be better for your health past about 60 or so, especially for women. I think putting on 10-15 pounds in your 50s is actually an advantageous evolution and I want society to be okay with that. Pushing GLP1s is not helping.

          3. Some things require effort. That’s okay.

            I’m really against taking a medication to make cosmetic things easier.

            I think a GLP1 for actual medical reasons is fine, but it can’t be good for this many people to be on medicine for vanity.

            Just like we worry about screens not allowing kids to learn how to b bored, I think too many adults are over optimizing everything too.

            Do I wish I was skinnier? Especially as someone who eats decently well and is decently active? Yes of course. But I have no problem putting in some work to get the results I want … just like I have to do in every other aspect of my life

          4. Good god just shut up. You are not anyone here’s physician. You think you’re providing some great public service, but you’re not. You think GLP-1s are some obscure product? They’re not. You assume we don’t know about them? We do. You’re obnoxious af, you deflect attention from genuine answers, and you are probably making people feel bad by implying they’re dumb, lazy, uninformed, or otherwise misguided because they don’t want to take a GLP-1 for whatever reason. And lest you think I’m bitter because this affects me, I’ve always been thin with no effort. Lucky me. I am just really tired of hearing you badger people.

        3. And even if OP wants to take a GLP-1, which is not what she asked about, she has to move more!

        4. If this were someone struggling with controlling blood pressure, there wouldn’t be this sort of immediate anger about exploring medicine. That’s what makes me sad. Going on a GLP was life-changing for me. I listened to way too much negativity and fear-mongering that kept me from pursuing sooner–and getting myself out of prediabetes, joint pain, etc. Not for everyone certainly. But earlier intervention sure can make a difference when it comes to weight.

          1. A lot of people prefer to try lifestyle modifications before going on medication for blood pressure, cholesterol, etc.

          2. I know a lot of people that when they’re told they need to lower their BP or cholesterol or blood sugar look for lifestyle and diet adjustments first. Of course there are people who will first go towards medication (and I’m very pro-medicine!!), but I see nothing wrong in trying lifestyle adjustments first.

            I also think, while being a “manageable” weight is overall good for our health, there’s a huge difference between needing to lose weight to no longer be obese vs. wanting to lose 10-20 lbs for aesthetic reasons. Almost everyone I know on a GLP1 is on for aesthetic reasons. While that’s fine if that’s what you want, there’s NOTHING wrong with people who don’t need to lose weight/be on a GLP1 for medical reasons NOT wanting to go immediately to a medical intervention without trying lifestyle adjustments first.

          4. I used to be prediabetic. I lost significant weight without at GLP-1 using calorie counting as my primary focus. I am no longer prediabetic. I am truly thankful there are GLP-1s for people who need them, but I’m also worried our society is forgetting that weight loss can also be done through individual effort in many cases. I get if you’ve struggled with your weight for decades, a medication might be the best option for you. But some people really can look at what they’re eating and realize steady improvements based on awareness and tracking, especially if you only need to lose 10 pounds.

          5. It really depends where we’re starting from how many lifestyle modifications there are left to make. I’ve definitely seen people lose a ton of weight just by starting to pay attention before! Statistically most people can’t, but sure it’s worth a try.

      2. I hate that this is the automatic recommendation when OP acknowledges that a little mindfulness will make a difference.

          1. Yeah, managing a life-long prescription medication. Weeeeee! Your attitude is just so gross. Let people live their lives the way they want to.

      3. OMG. Not everyone is obese. GLP-1s are for diabetes and obesity, not for everyone.

          1. The fact that you can get them off-label from a shady on-line pill mill doesn’t make it appropriate.

          2. They’re never going to do a RCT for PMOS; they don’t care about women’s health enough. But I’m definitely jealous of the outcomes patients are getting from some very low doses.

          3. I love it when women act like pharmaceutical companies wouldn’t love to sell them more pills. Yes, girl, they’ll do an RCT if they think it will increase their profits.

          4. They leave money on the table when it’s something that would benefit women every day of the year.

    7. Learn portion sizes (it is absolutely astounding to me what an actual portion of salmon/chicken/rice looks like!!!!), move a little more and try to avoid liquid calories. I was just on vacation last week, so I feel like I am recalibrating this week. I started by measuring out portions and getting back into my usual exercise routine. Take it slow! Building good habits takes time.

    8. -Take the stairs.
      -Park at the far end of the parking lot.
      -Make a menu plan for the week. Make a grocery list sticks solely to the menu plan, plus household goods/pet supplies as needed. At the store stick to the list. Eat the menu plan.
      -Figure out a couple of healthy meals you don’t mind eating and that will freeze well. Batch cook them and feeeze in individual portions. Mine are Ratatouille Lentil Soup and Moosewood Red Gold & Black Chili, and hopefully they are served with a green salad or steamed green vegetable on the side, but maybe with nothing but a nice whole grain sourdough piece of toast (loaf sliced and frozen so always available).
      -if you like salmon and have an air fryer, look up air fryer salmon from frozen.

      1. Batch cooking and freezing individual meals is great for having a solid, healthy lunch. I make chicken, bean, and cheese burritos (with a low-carb tortilla). It really helps set me up for success. Soups are also great.

    9. On the movement side

      – default to the inconvenient option. Parking far away is a common suggestion but also things like, refill your water bottle at work in a pantry on a different floor (ditto on using the restroom), if you need to speak to a coworker try walking to their office instead of calling back and take the longer route, stairs over elevator
      – at home pick 2-3 silly rituals that involve movement. Some of my current and past ones include 3 sun salutations in the morning before brushing my teeth, doing 1 minute of air squats before a zoom call starts where I’ll be stuck sitting, 10 pushups before I make my coffee in the morning, 1 song dance party before starting the dishes, for the first 5 minutes of watching television I make myself do some gentle stretches, I try to do the NYT 3 minute workout snack once a day, I balance on one leg while brushing my teeth (electric toothbrush reminds me when to switch legs), whenever possible I try to do anything where I only have to listen on a walk
      – gamify it with a pedometer if that sort of thing motivates you. This works really well for my husband who will often be seen pacing around the house if the weather is gross at like 8:30 pm because he want to hit his step goal and not break a streak

      On the consumption side, my only tip is don’t keep things you don’t want to snack on in the house. It doesn’t eliminate the mindless eating in other settings but it was weirdly eye opening to me to see how much my candy/chip consumption decreased when I just stopped bringing them in the house. I tell myself I can still have them I just have to go get them and usually the effort involved helps the craving pass (although sometimes I am driving to target late night because I’m really craving chocolate but that’s rare and makes it feel extra special and indulgent instead of guilty or gross like I used to when eating chocolate on the couch)

    10. A few ideas that work for me:
      – Order groceries online, so you don’t get tempted by “fun” purchases in the store. Make a meal plan and only buy what is needed for that meal plan.
      – If you snack, have a set rotation of healthy snacks that you buy; don’t deviate from this. If non perishable, keep at work/in the car/other places you might get hungry and thus be tempted.
      – Even if its more expensive or more wasteful (packaging), buy pre-portioned options. Ditto pre-chopped veg. Basically, make it as easy as possible to make healthy choices.
      – 10k steps a day, no matter what. I find myself coming up with ways to get more steps during the day (more frequently get up from my desk to take a lap, walking an extra block to get coffee from the further location) so that I don’t have to go walk laps around my apartment at 9pm to hit my goal. Another fun way to get steps is to do a Youtube cardio dance workout.

    11. Do you have a yard or property? If so, take on some of the outdoor maintenance for the movement opportunity.

      If not, can you get out and get movement in a park or your neighborhood? Maybe some community cleanup work like taking a walk around the block and picking out all the litter you can find along the sidewalks.

      Double up phone calls with a walk. Even just pacing around inside the house, from room to room or up and down the stairs. I have a circuit I walk around my small apartment when I talk on the phone. A 20 minute call with my parents can be a 20 minute walk without going anywhere.

  9. Moms of teens, I am struggling. My kid is great. He has also taken on SO MUCH, to the point that I’m seriously concerned about burnout. He also puts a ton of pressure on himself to be the best in everything he does. While I realize this is a “good” problem to have, I know I’m overly sensitive to his desire to perform because I was that kid, too, and then crashed and burned pretty hard in college when I couldn’t keep it up anymore. Any advice I have for him is not being taken well, and I’ve been told, gently, by my DH that I need to back off and let him learn his own limits. It is SO much easier said than done. I think it bothers me more than it should because I’ve had to do so much work in adulthood to unlearn the desire to be impressive, so seeing him go down the same path (with even more intensity) is triggering the crap out of me. What’s a former high-achiever to do when parenting a teen? Because any lessons I’ve tried to impart about balance and mental health are undone the second he walks into school every day.

    2. Maybe he does need to learn his own limits, and the safer time & place to learn that is as a high school teenager, where you’re around to be a safety net, than later in life? Let him overcommit. If/when it’s a serious safety issue, you can lay down the law (“no, if you’re up at play rehearsal until 2am; you cannot safely leave at 6am to drive to the track tournament”). At the end of the semester, maybe on reflection he realizes this level of busy-ness makes him miserable and wants to pull back, or maybe he realizes it energizes him and he just needs small adjustments to allow for enough sleep.

      I think your post maybe alludes to concerns about the over scheduled/burnout part; but also the internal “desire to be impressive” part; and on that, I don’t think any teen ever hears too often “I love you, and I think you’re wonderful”. They may or may not change what they do, but you still keep saying it.

      1. It’s hard to say that when the teen is thinking “but (insert flagship school here) will only take X kids from our school and if I don’t do Y, they will take someone else and not me” and you kind of get that they are right to feel that their peers are not allies but rivals that they need to keep up with or there actually will be a high perceived cost.

        1. Yeah, it’s this. I have zero concerns about our kid getting into the state flagship. Where he gets caught up is getting into certain programs, or earning special scholarships, or whatever else he’s being told is super competitive and essential to his future. Spoiler: It’s not, but that’s the perception.

          1. How much you’re willing to do for what chance of what kind of success is fundamentally a “what are your values?” question. And teenagers are figuring out their values. You can tell your own story (“I really thought I wanted to be a supreme court justice, but when I look back at my younger years, I wish I’d grind-ed less and helped that friend move instead of spending that afternoon studying” but figuring that out for themselves is a huge part of teens and young adults’ lives. And unfortunately at those ages they will look to just about anyone else before their parents for examples.

            Maybe as a comparison – say your teen was dating someone you didn’t think was good for them/wasn’t a great relationship. You can talk about relationships mistakes you made when you were young/what makes you and DH’s relationship strong, but realistically, teens have to make some of those mistakes themselves.

          2. I know a teen who wanted to go into musical theater and the whole process was incredibly toxic. And because there are lot of big regional auditions, it impacted the whole family with having to travel to a city together, stay in a hotel, etc., etc. And families are told, by high schools, that they need to support their kid in their efforts or their mental health will suffer. You can’t outlove a toxic system. Some kids will crumble and no one will say a word when they do.

    3. Being his safety net means you are there to catch him when he falls, not to prevent the fall in the first place.

    4. Unless he’s taken on so much that he’s losing sleep over keeping up with all of it, let him be. I had a LOT going on in HS but found the activities stimulating, not a drain on energy. Like, being in the musical was a lot of time, but it was also fun because my friends were also participating.

      1. Well, he has lost sleep trying to keep up with it, which is why I’m concerned! I’ve been trying to help him figure out some time management strategies so he’s not up quite as late doing homework, and have been told that he does not need my assistance.

        1. I think you have your answer – you need to back off and not extrapolate your experience to his. The lives of teenagers today bear almost no resemblance to those of the past.

          1. I feel this so much. We have a rampant teen suicide problem in my city, maybe headquartered at the school my kids go to. The school sees them in the majority of their waking hours and yet there is a feeling like you are on a sinking ship and that there is no lifeguard on duty, just someone to send another navel-gazing email that they are so sorry the next time “a student dies” while omitting that they have killed themselves because they were so miserable and no one in their life did anything or even talked to them enough to know that they were suffering. The schools just shrug and blame the student / parents while it’s what happens in the school that schools really refuse to acknowledge or try to change. “Do better” is that they seem to say to us while not looking in the mirror.

          2. 11:20, don’t you know, it’s ALWAYS the parents’ fault when something goes wrong. /s

            Not the school, not society, not peers, not anyone but “crappy” parents. I’m so sick of it. The vast majority of parents I know are trying their best and yet constantly are blamed for not doing enough.

        2. Is it impacting the household? That’s the line where I would step in. I.e., if he is losing sleep, missing his alarm, then rushing to get around the next day and causing chaos for everyone else’s morning routine, that is not acceptable. He either needs to figure out an appropriate solution to his sleep problem himself (whether by becoming more organized and disciplined with his own free time, voluntarily dropping something off his plate, accepting lesser performance from himself, etc.) or you as his parent will be stepping in to preserve sanity in the house.

          2. +1 to having an honest conversation at a time when everyone is relaxed (ideally on a walk or in the car). Point out what you’re seeing (losing sleep, rushing, missing deadlines) and ask what’s going on and how they are feeling. Offer to set up a conversation with a therapist but mostly just listen. I’d also talk openly about mental health and what school pressure can do and emphasize that you love your child no matter what grades they get/activities they do/etc.

          3. In that case, it’s time to tell overrule his claim that he doesn’t need assistance. He may not like hearing that, but he is not the adult in the relationship and just because he declares his independence does not mean he can continue to impose his disfunction on everyone else in the house.

            Here is how I have had this conversation: There are basic standards of conduct for members of this family. One of them is that your desire to achieve perfectionism in all the things – even if the things are good! – is not above everyone else’s expectation of civil behavior in the house. Starting now, you must adhere to basic expectation: go to bed at a time that allows you to get enough sleep, get up at a reasonable time to get ready without imposing your poor planning on everyone else. Slamming doors, demanding a ride to school after missing the bus, yelling at your sister to hurry up in the bathroom, all of that ends now. You have until the end of this week to adjust your actions to align with this. No, you cannot choose a toxic solution (i.e., you cannot medicate or over caffeinate yourself in an attempt to do it all on less sleep). You can choose to cut out an activity or three, you can choose to drop the hour of video games after school if that will allow you to fit it all in and still get to bed on time, you can lighten up on yourself and be just okay at some things. If you don’t have a plan by the end of this week, I will be deciding for you. If your plan doesn’t do enough to make this workable, or if you don’t stick with the plan, I will step in. That might include dropping activities, meeting with a professional who can help you develop healthy mental habits around this, meeting with your teachers to ensure expectations are clearly understood, etc.

          4. When our daughter was a high school senior, we had to pull her from an activity that was having a similar impact on her sleep and academics and the entire family’s schedule and sanity. It ended up being a relief to her that we took the choice out of her hands. She didn’t feel like she could say no even though she knew it was the right choice for her. Despite what everyone here likes to say, a teenager is not an adult with mature decision-making capacity, and sometimes a teen still needs to be parented.

      1. Not the OP, but my kids go to a huge (too huge) high school where at least one kid kills themselves every quarter. It’s so big that its cold and impersonal and obsesses with achievement and then everyone pays lip service to mental health for a day and then the cycle repeats. It’s hard to be on this sideline and know that your kids are not OK and be really powerless to do anything to fix the cycle. You never meet the teachers; they don’t want to interact with parents (which I get on a daily basis, but sometimes there are Problems). It’s all just awful. I had been a big public school proponent, but would have gone to a nurturing small private school if I could go back in time.

        1. OP here. While I wouldn’t categorize my kid’s school as quite this big and impersonal, this is my No. 1 fear. It has happened in my peripheral social circle and although it was a couple of years ago, continues to have consequences for the friends who loved her.

          I guess I’m tired of the “mental health is so important” message getting completely counteracted by teachers, advisers, and coaches constantly pushing these kids to do more and be more.

          1. My bestie and I both have sons. There is a time when we are the sun and the moon to our boys but when they become teens, our voice saying “good morning” seems to hurt their ears. Mom to mom: you are not the best person to try to make suggestions to him right now. I completely agree with you that the rat race is insane! But you might want to find another friend or family member to have the talk with him about pulling back. I don’t agree with posters saying not to worry because the message from school, other parents and peers is ridiculous.

    6. Teens are HARD.

      I could see the burnout and feel the stress vibrating through the air. Doing the driving to get from permit to daytime license was unpleasant (so: signed kid up for more lessons with driving school for my mental health).

      Our solution was to let kid to away to a program for the summer that kid applied to and want to go to. It was really life-changing to go without a net and to get back to being parents only in the relationship. I think that there will be rocky times ahead, but it sort of kept us in separate lanes and kid got to flex the executive function muscle a bit more. Kiddo has already declined to do one activity that was a goal back in may as not compatible with larger goals and I just remarked OK vs dwelling on it one bit. Your life, your choices; mom just writes the check and loves you (as a teen).

    7. I think it’s okay to be ambitious. Imagine he were a competitive athlete hoping to make it to the Olympics. What kind of support would he need for that kind of ambition? What would help prevent burnout? For me it’s quality sleep (even if it’s not always enough sleep) and way more vitamins than I’d need if my life were more restful. But “what if you just cut back?” isn’t the advice I’d want to hear if I were really working hard on a goal.

      2. “What if you just cut back?” is a conversation with a friend, not how you address problematic behavior from your child.

        If kid really does have Olympic or Nobel Prize-sized dreams, the kid needs to communicate better and build support around him. Not drive his support away by becoming a selfish jerk with toxic habits.

        1. This is fair, but if he’s getting maternal handwringing instead of support, I can see where some conflict could arise! I agree he can’t hold the whole household hostage and that there’s a parenting opportunity here.

    8. When I was stressed in high school, during busy weeks, what I really wanted was for my mom to help keep me fed and make sure that I had transportation available when I needed to be somewhere. I wanted to be busy and doing all of those things. But it absolutely helped to make sure I had a ride and a sandwich.

    9. You being high anxiety about him developing anxiety is not going to help him not develop anxiety.

      Stop fretting. He will figure it out.

      1. They don’t always.

        A woman who lives a few streets over left the workforce to be more present with her kids. She had been a lawyer. But she thought that this would help at home (and you never really know what goes on homes you don’t live in). Her daughter was OK. Her son killed himself at home. They still live here. In that house. The one time I heard her talk about it, she said that it was her daughter’s home and moving would have meant a potential change of schools and loss of friends she could walk to at a time when she needed her friends there for her. My kids are younger and this sort of haunts the neighborhood. If OP things that things aren’t good, with a whiff of “really not good,” I feel that that is important to listen thing. You can figure things out, but not if you run out of time here.

        1. Turning to the rare scare story to guide your parenting choices is another sign of anxiety, not proof against it.

          1. They are not rare. Sadly. A lot of kids make a lot of very tragic decisions with very long tails for them and the family.

        2. It’s definitely better to remove school from the equation when it’s the single biggest problem than to try to solve everything around it.

          But I didn’t hear a single red flag about mental health or feeling backed against a wall? Taking on possibly too many commitments, and having to take some time to figure out how to balance them, and getting stressed about it… that all sounds very normal to me. It’s also fine for a household member to object to how it’s going.

          1. True.

            OTOH it’s hard to leave lifeguard mode when someone is clearly struggling in the water. Watching someone drown just a little is hard.

        3. Jfc, having a lot of activities on his plate does not mean he’s going to kill himself. Don’t fear monger.

  10. Is anyone wearing matching separates or sets in real life? They’re all over my social ads. I am not talking about a full suit, and not quite column of color (which I think may or may not be the same brand) – like pants+matching top, same fabric and same company; midi skirt +matching sweater.

    1. I bought a set of matching wide leg trousers and cropped sleeveless shell in a bright pink and orange stripe for summer and wore it a few times for casual dinners or days out. It’s a fun outfit and I felt put-together in it, but it is a *look*; I think because co-ords have been on socials so much it’s going to feel tired next year, and I avoided doing a version with the shorts because that was too pajamas for me. It was from Next in the UK, similar kind of quality to Gap/Old Navy, so not a splash out. I would consider a winter look at a similar price point.

    2. No. It looks too influencer-y in person, like you’re trying too hard. I try not to buy ultra-trendy pieces that will look dated by next year. Maybe I’d consider it if I could mix and match with something else in my closet.

    3. I do for loungewear – matching sweat sets from Loft are my go to in the winter for lounging around home. I’m not stylish, though, so I have no idea if this is still in style.

    4. yeah they are a real look. I see it (and do it) most often in beachy locations – like wearing matching breezy shorts & short-sleeved top as a coverup set, a linen vest and matching linen shorts or pants, etc.

    6. Just for PJs. Otherwise, I have never encountered a set that doesn’t make me feel like I’m in costume.

      1. Yep, I have never been able to put on a matching set where I don’t feel like I’m wearing pajamas.

    7. I have a midi skirt and matching sweater from the Fold I love, they look great together but can also be worn apart. I think of those ‘sets’ from higher end brands like Veronica Beard or Vince as modern iterations of suits – break the pieces apart or wear them together for a more formal look.
      Otherwise, no, I don’t do the leisurewear sets that are on social though I do think a matching rashguard/swim bottoms/top are really cute!

    8. I had an old-school Galatzine-style set from Talbots that is 20+ years old that I’d wear today if it still fit. That was the bomb. Worth googling the concept.

      I sort of like it and do love two-pieces dresses. But so much is pajama-adjacent, especially if the bottoms are shorts.

    9. I have a matching cropped wide leg pants and short sleeve top in a ponte-type material that I wear on airplanes (leisure travel, not business). It’s a dark color and does not wrinkle or pill, food spills wipe right off, and it’s super comfy. I feel put together in it. I refer to it as a “flight suit”.

    10. I have for years sometimes purchased a pair of pants or skirt and a matching color top of some kind. I’m short and I think it looks good on me. Now I’m trendy. Sigh.

  11. Life is moving way too fast. I believe there are ways to feel different about time. I feel the last year has been a blur. Suggestions to get out of this warp speed feeling?

    1. You need to do things that are more memorable – weekend adventures, new experiences. Laura Vanderkam is one of many authors who has written about this; our perceptions of time change dramatically when we’re experiencing something novel. If you go on a vacation where you spend the entire time reading a book by the pool, you may enjoy yourself, but time will “pass slower” and the whole vacation will feel more memorable if you go to an incredible museum one day, windsurfing the next day, out for the best meal of your life the next day, etc.

    2. Sometimes the solution is to do less, sometimes the solution is to do more. Depends on why you’re feeling “life is moving too fast”. If you’re in your routines and they don’t change much, it’s easy for things to blur together and things that happened last year feel very recent. Alternatively, if you’re doing so many things all the time and are constantly over scheduled, you don’t have any time to process or savor the things that are happening and so they also fly by in a blur. You’ve got to find your “goldilocks zone” where you’ve got the right amount of business for yourself. Easier said than done, and honestly not possible in all life stages (babies, overzealous teens, health issues coming up, etc.) but I’ve found that to be the answer in my own life.

    3. Novelty! Things feel like a blur when the day to day is the same.

      I play a few rec league sports so it’s easy to track the passage of time by what sport league I’m playing in.

      Every year I make a list of things I want to do that are low key but fun: go to A, B, and C museum in my city, hike X and Y trails, go skiing, have a lake day, check out 1 new restaurant a quarter, go bowling, go to 3 concerts. This helps me avoid the “oh shoot, XYZ is closing and I always wanted to go but never did!”, and helps me from just going to the same spots where I’m a regular all the time.

      I also make a rule, if there’s an option to do the new activity/location then that’s what I pick! So, if a friend says do you want to go to X or Z bar for happy hour tonight, if I’ve never been to Z I’ll always choose Z.

  12. A potentially fun follow up since this group was so helpful. I just came back from the weekend at my husband’s friend’s very fancy mountain house. This group helped get me ready for a full weekend of living/dining/recreating with a very, very fancy crew. Things that were really helpful —

    – Replacing my basics, down to my underwear and make up. So I had new tshirts, socks, underwear, bras, along with some new (non-fancy JCrew factory) jewelry items to wear in very casual times of day. It was a great opportunity to purge some really old, gross nursing bras and post partum undies that I had no business keeping (as the child in question is now 9).
    – Keeping a neutral palate, and mixing in pieces I already owned that are higher quality fabrics (cashmere and linen) with new neutrals.
    – New really pretty dresses for nights out (one splurge, two staples).
    – New shoes (day sandals, heeled night sandals, and a pair of new airplane shoes).
    – Blow out and manicure right before I left.
    – As predicted, we all had huge spaces to ourselves, so you never saw anyone else in their PJs. I did get one new vuori jogging set, but I mostly appeared in the mornings in my work-out clothing, which is what the hosts were doing as well.

    The only thing I didn’t feel like I had the right clothes for was the later afternoon, post activity, pre-dinner hang out – I had very casual outfits for the day and recreation activities, and dresses for dinner, but I needed a more structured outfit to put on after returning from an activity but before we got dressed for dinners out. Basically c*cktail hour at the home.

    Otherwise, people are people! They were very gracious hosts, and we had a great time.

    Also, if anyone is looking for a glow up, I recommend going through the basics refresh. It was a very overdue, needed refresh to pitch very old undies/bras/ratty tshirts. I also did order new PJs just in case I crossed paths with anyone, and turns out, I love wearing dedicated PJs (I previously was a race shirt and old cotton shorts PJs kind of person). Even my kids have commented on how cute my PJ sets are!

    2. ooh thanks for the update- I remember your original post and people talking about when to use duffel bags vs. rolling suitcases.

      out of curiosity, what type of stuff were people wearing for that in-between time? If I were shopping my own closet I would probably go with casual linen pants and a nice tee…

      1. I’m in mod with a response on the suitcase thing. Short answer – they had staff carry our luggage, and notably, they did roll our bags. Longer answer – we tried to watch carefully for other hidden house rules (so, if a host saw us doing something and gently said “oh let me get that” or “oh that door is fussy, I’ll get it” etc.), but they were blissfully unconcerned and relaxed. I don’t know if the level of wealth, frankly, made them less concerned about dings or damage, but they were incredibly warm and comfortable and non-reactive, which made us feel so welcomed and comfortable.

        For the in between hour, I wished I had a version of the Jenni Kaye Demi pants and the Tuckernuck Bessette Button Down and/or Jenni Kaye Cashmere Half Zip, depending on weather, to wear for two or so hours after coming back from a hike and before changing into my more formal evening dress.

        1. Adding in specific response to your comment that I had brand new thick cotton/guaze/linen shirts to wear with linen pants, and the materials weren’t formal enough. The look was right, but the materials made it too informal.

          1. thanks for the info! Yeah, seeing the specific examples, I get you feeling too ‘slouchy’ in the linen.

        2. This is fascinating. On Saturday night, I changed out of a tee with words on it (beloved alma mater, but still) and sneakers into a blouse and shoes. Was then called “fancy.”

          1. This makes me laugh bc IRL I spend 99.9% of my life in running clothes. I’m a part time WFH consultant, and usually find a few minutes to run during my day then am off to the races after school for activities.

            FWIW, I actually loved having the opportunity to really “dress” again. I felt more like “me” not “me, mom version,” and it made me feel confident and strong. I am firmly out of the little kid phase of life, so I am using the whole experience to be more intentional about how I dress and look.

        3. Indeed I am the suitcase poster and I promise you that you would never have an inkling of an idea that it irritates me. Those of us who open our homes generally are very good at being gracious. I posted here because there are hidden rules, like this, that no one will ever tell you about and that you would never guess.

          2. Wouldn’t you just instruct your staff to carry the suitcases instead of wheeling them?

    3. Oh, and to the extent it’s helpful, as I know we had a poster who was doing her guest house….the things that made our stay almost mindlessly easy were:
      – Dedicated washer/dryer in our part of the home, so it wasn’t like we were using the primary washer/dryer for the house, which I never would have felt comfortable doing.

      – we had a kitchenette that was designed flawlessly to include a full kitchen, including freezer, fridge, dish washer, and coffee maker, along with the full set of supplies to make coffee and have snacks. I was fully caffeinated before ever leaving our private space, and if I got hungry at night, I didn’t have to bother the hosts by using the primary kitchen (which they did have staffed, so someone would have been happy to serve you, but that made me uncomfortable unless it was a meal or other time with the hosts).

      – a linen closet with lots of linens available to us, and (yes, I realize how ridiculous this sounds), but our own private hot tub/fire pit set up.

      Ultimately, of course, out of reach for pretty much everyone, but it was a fun “anthropological” experience to have a window into how the very wealthy live. I suspect this comes from being very (wildly) wealthy, but they also weren’t fussy at all about the house. They were relaxed and welcoming, so I felt relaxed and comfortable the whole time. I thought about the poster who was uncomfortable with guests rolling suitcases on her vacation home floor (I was prepared to carry our bags, but the staff took our bags for us), and tried to intuit or watch their behavior to discern if they had any similar house rules – but they were incredibly warm and casual, so at least if we violated any rules, they were too gracious to tell us or react :) Also, again, I suspect the level of wealth protects them from worrying too much about dings or minor damage.

        1. Aside from the kitchen staff, this doesn’t sound that different from a middle class neighborhood household with an in-law suite they use for AirBnB (I’ve stayed in several while traveling).

    4. Good for you but holy shit this sounds exhausting and expensive!

      I recently had a come to jesus moment with myself and replaced all my old, stained, worn out underwear. Why am I 41 and wearing old gross underwear??

      1. Ha! I loved it :) I needed to refresh my basics and elevate my every day style, and my brain doesn’t do things without a t r i g g e r i n g event. This was the perfect catalyst for investing in myself.

        I suppose it helps that if I wasn’t up for the make over, I could easily have shown up without one new item of clothing or make up, and I still would have had a great time. We got to do some cool outdoor activities in a beautiful part of the world, and I had a great time with my husband and meeting new people. Maybe if I felt pressured by my husband or the guests to look a certain way it would have felt different? But I felt like I was doing it for myself, so really enjoyed the experience.

        1. This sounds really fun. And if I’d had the money, it would have been fun to upgrade my clothes and do the shopping!

      2. It sounds really exhausting, expensive, and anxiety-driven to me, tbh, but I’m glad if the OP had a good time in the end.

        1. What an interesting take, I genuinely wonder how you arrived at that conclusion – especially as you are a commenter on a fashion blog that is designed for professional women!

          1. I mean, there’s a big difference between dressing professionally for work and spending a weekend with wealthy people needing multiple outfits a day like Downton Abbey.

          2. Because in the original post and again here, OP went to SUCH lengths to make absolute sure she would fit in at every step of the weekend with wealthy hosts rather than trusting that she herself would be enough and appreciated by the hosts. Some of that was coming from other commenters (like the people who tried to make it a thing to worry about using suitcases with wheels) but this all seems like an overreaction. Sure, you don’t come down to dinner in your rattiest sweats, but OP must have spent a couple thousand on this weekend when she then says that they weren’t in PJs around the hosts anyway.

          3. Hmmm, as the OP, this doesn’t fit — “OP went to SUCH lengths to make absolute sure she would fit in at every step of the weekend with wealthy hosts rather than trusting that she herself would be enough and appreciated by the hosts.”

            I’ve been pretty clear in other posts that *I* personally, me wanted a glow up. I’ve had a bunch of kids. I work from home. I didn’t put this in other posts, but I don’t have a reason to dress up in my everyday life, and it frankly has affected how I see myself. I loved having the opportunity to have a reason to dress up, and I miss being in an office. I used to work in a very fancy office, and it was hard and stressful for one million reasons – but I *loved* dressing for it. This was a really good opportunity to refresh my closet, and already since returning, I’m throwing on linen pants for the bus, not my ratty shorts.

            I have posted here much in the last few years bc WFH, but again, I am surprised that the commenters on a fashion blog are telling me to ignore the clothes and that I, myself, am enough? Yes, obviously, at the heart of it, but also we are all commenting here presumably because we want fashion advice? If we are all just only wearing what we already own, and trusting we are enough without new clothes, what is the point of being here?

        2. Agree. On the surface this trip sounds like a fairy tale come to life. But I just don’t like clothes enough to want to live a lifestyle where my post-activity but pre-dinner outfit doesn’t quite hit because it was made of fabric that was slouchier than what others were wearing. I like having attire that works for my activities, but not if that activity revolves around aligning the formality of my outfit with what the UHNW peeps are lounging in.

          1. I’ve also found that people, no matter their wealth, appreciate confidence and authenticity. New clothes don’t make that impossible but OP frequently mentions being nervous about this or that (the idea of using their washing machine, the floors, etc.) and I think a little confidence would have gotten her just as far as loungewear reset.

          3. It’s not just a fashion blog, for starters (the comments cover a lot of topics), but people commenting on choices in fashion is very much legitimate. You just don’t like that some people think this level of preparation for a casual weekend was unnecessary and that’s fine! We’re not always going to like the responses we get here and that’s the risk when you post. I don’t see anyone being rude.

          4. Have you spent time with colleagues or clients in a home? There’s “nervous” and then there’s respectful of boundaries and space. I wouldn’t use a whole house washer and dryer if I’m staying for a three day weekend while being hosted by clients, as that seems disrespectful of space (and like I don’t know how to pack, ha). The washer/dryer comment was for the person designing their guest house – I didn’t use it, but it was nice to have a dedicated one.

            Regarding the clothing, I certainly didn’t skip cocktail hour bc I was worried about my soft clothes, but again, as we are presumably professional women on a fashion blog, I thought it helpful to note what the general look was. I missed the mark — I still had a great time, and participated a great deal, but for the folks who actually are interested in fashion, the outfits I linked were on point.

          5. I do think you came off anxious and nervous – things like not wanting to go down to their staffed kitchen (when no one would have thought twice and/or would’ve been glad to see a guest feeling comfortable), being concerned that you might be judged, etc. I’m not wealthy myself, but I’m adjacent to a lot of wealth (I live in the SF Bay Area) and can attest that wealthy people, at least those worth knowing, don’t expect you to match their vibe. They want you to be yourself and to have fun. Of course you still need to dress appropriately (ski pants to go skiing, a dress for a fancy dinner out), but you’re not expected to soft mimic their everyday experiences.

          6. IDK

            I’ve have the same issues with a first visit to the in-laws or an interview weekend for a spousal job (common in some industries). You want to be fine and not stick out but it’s high stakes and you don’t get a do-over.

            Makes sorority rush-tok look like a walk in the park.

          7. Good grief. OP had a great excuse to buy some new stuff she’ll continue to use and love and had a great time in the process. Good for her. I don’t know what’s wrong with so many of you.

          8. I think the other thing a lot of these posters are missing is that these were (likely really important) clients of her husband, not good friends she’s visiting for a fun weekend away who happen to be wildly wealthy.

            Like it or not, the whole thing is a soft interview. Wildly wealthy people can throw their money anywhere they want. Presumably, she wants her husband to continue to do business for these people or even do more business with them. We talk all the time about what to wear to a baseball game mixer hosted by your firm when you are a summer associate. Same thing.

        3. Agreed – I would never think about having to replace my tees and undergarments just to stay with someone!

          1. Huh. I’ve upgraded just to travel with colleagues before. Either I have reasonably polished basics already, or I don’t, in which case I’d buy some.

          3. From wearing less formal clothing / using the hotel gym, etc.

            I definitely notice when someone else is dressed casually at an outing and their bra sucks.

          5. It’s just about looking kind of like a slob vs. polished. I think for me it’s partly about posture!

      3. I am truly OK being how I am, but something like a work conference with my hated rivals will have me pulling out all of the stops. Pants aren’t 100% flattering? Out. Replace. Cheap shoes or ones not in good repair? Also out. My hated rivals are truly hated and I will do anything to not look shlubby (as 40s post-baby mom with lots of hormone and size flux, this is a challenge and ever-changing) when in front of mutual clients.

      1. Precisely the amount of money I was willing and happy and able to spend! If you are genuinely asking, I’d be happy to share a budget breakdown.

        The individuals in question are a significant source of my husband’s business, so it was, in many soft ways, very much a working weekend. Being appropriately attired was not only a personal choice, but also relevant for my husband’s profession. Since it’s a fashion blog designed to help women dress appropriately for various settings, I’m confused why folks are balking at the concept of being appropriately attired for various settings.

          1. Just for fun I’m going to guess $3-4K. And if I were going to do a basics refresh to enjoy both on a weekend like this, and then afterward to feel better about my appearance in my normal life, that sounds totally reasonable :)

        2. In short, not all of us aspire to be trophy wives or to impress the Joneses.

          I don’t think anyone is balking at being appropriately attired for the setting, it’s the concept of so many varied settings in a given day where there is an audience that might softly judge how you look. Sounds like you had a fun trip, I’m not trying to knock that, it’s just that this level of attention to minutia sounds exhausting, expensive, and full of vapid people with too much money and power for the good of civilization.

          2. It is possible to care about fashion without spending $3k on new clothes for a weekend or whatever. If it’s what you wanted to do, then great! Just don’t act astonished that we’re talking about it.

          3. This genuinely just comes across as sour grapes to me. I don’t believe you haven’t come across the idea of people feeling more comfortable when they fit in a little better. It’s not especially “vapid,” and it’s tendentious to characterize it all as “minutia.” If you understand the idea of being appropriately attired, then you understand, and the rest is being weirdly judgy for no reason.

          5. I am absolutely judgy, but with reason and I truly DGAF if you approve of my opinion. Spending thousands to impress your husband’s rich clients so they don’t judge him for having a wife who is so gauche as to wear linen when lawn was called for? Please.

          6. Eh, I know a lot of people in medicine particularly where the couple flies out for a weekend and they really want to see if you’ll adapt and stay. And if one person gives off “I can’t bear to leave Houston” vibes, it will be hard to get the offer to run a medical specialty in Minneapolis, even if the doctor spouse is qualified, because maybe they won’t last through the first winter or there will be too much pressure in the home to take the next offer that comes. Long-term stuff needs to be long-term compatible. Ever meet your in-laws for the first time? Were you wearing a free shirt with words on it?

          7. This is not my life, or my budget in any way, shape, or form.

            But I found this commenter’s question and vacation wardrobe saga VERY interesting and I thank her for sharing her experience with us.

          1. I mean this for the OP – have fun, but the clothes and thanks for the report out.

          2. Thank you, ha! I guess I was surprised at the comments :) It was fun, and more importantly, I feel better about myself, and it sounds like the clients raved about the weekend to my husband just now. So I’m happy checking a lot of boxes, and I’m going to go change out of my linen pants to go for a run! Thanks to all of you for the support and hearing the report back!

        4. I’m gobsmacked by the pushback you’re getting.

          This is all very, very reasonable IMHO.

      1. same, I was very interested in this weekend and what would be worn, and I love this update – super intel and motivating for me to replace my “postpartum” bras and undies now that my youngest is… much older! I can see how the refresh would just be fun.

      2. So was I! I’ve thought about this post and weekend several times and kind of assumed it had passed mid-summer becuase I didn’t remember whether the original post included a timeframe. Thank you for posting how it went. Sounds like a wonderful weekend with fantastic hosts and I think it’s amazing that you did what you wanted to do to feel your best. All positive vibes from reading what you have written. Enjoy your new clothes!!

      3. Thank you all!! As well as to the ones up thread who were interested in the outcome of the weekend.

        And, since I guess comments here are broader than they used to be, I had a great time — outside of the clothing elements, I had offered to plan the activities for the weekend (which I didn’t post about here bc I assumed no one would care about whether we went white water rafting or kayaking), and that ended up being a great source of joy for the group as well. They had done most of the local activities, so I found a few farther afield, and we had some epic new to all of us adventures.

        On the whole, it was a massive success – I had a lot of fun, elevated my style a bit (which I desperately wanted), and I’m proud of the itinerary I planned for the group!

        1. I’m far more interested in the whitewater rafting and kayaking than the casualwear but I know that makes me an outlier :) Those kinds of activities are the best way to bond with a group IMO. They’re fun, different, and adventurous and it brings people together so well.

    7. Hah, while I highly doubt I will ever need this info in my life :), I’m filing it away along with the notes on 3-fork dinners my mom wanted us to know about “in case you get invited to the white house”.

      Thank you for the detailed update!

      1. When I was in DC, I was able to take advantage of a lot of sudden invitations or stepping in as a +1 and had a blast. It really helped that I had stuff I could wear at the ready.

    8. I know this is a fashion blog for well-off women, but I also know a lot of us comment about and think about over consumption and… a new wardrobe for one weekend is certainly a choice!

      1. It’s a new wardrobe occasioned by one weekend and also a new life stage. She didn’t toss the clothes!

      2. Thank you for the weekend update. Your clothes sound fantastic & glad that you had a great time! Thank you for sharing.

      3. Ew. Mean girl. Poor woman hasn’t had new undies in 9 years. This was just the push she needed to get some decent clothes.

      4. Nothing indicated that she threw the clothes away or would not be wearing them again, over and over.

    10. Some comments are wild…

      Thank you for the break down OP! And the great escapism break. It sounds like you had a great time!

      I’m set dressing all of this like a Netflix drama. I’m imagining a modern mountain setting, but with all the little nuances that visiting a country manor has in a period piece. Maybe theres corporate politics and intrigue. Maybe everyone is on the suspect list when the hosts jewels go missing….

      brb going to mentally piece together my own dream wardrobe for a weekend of casual morning to hiking to cocktail hour to dinner to drinks.

      1. It reminds me of an English country house “week-end,” when one dressed differently for different times of the day. Morning frock, tea dress, something to wear to watch the men shoot, evening gown. Sounds like fun!

        1. sigh, britbox meets Orvis.

          I totally get the wanting to have the right outfit pieces for such an important opportunity as the support spouse in this situation.

    11. the amount of pushback here is so weird! I thought this was a really interesting post. And surely I’m not the only normie who goes on a beach vacation and ends up wearing three outfits per day, right?? Idk why people think it’s so crazy that you’d have a different outfit for dinner than hanging at the house, which is also different than the whitewater rafting outfit.

      1. Women buy new clothes for skiing vacations, new clothes for cruises, new clothes for trips to Europe. Too many jealous and petty women here.

    12. some of these comments are so wild. OP, I really enjoyed your original post and the update!
      it also feels like some folks here just don’t get any enjoyment out of clothes which is fine but feeling like you hit the vibe perfectly is fun and brings confidence! I’ve done weekends away with friends and couples where we have morning coffee outfits, day activity change, maybe a pre-dinner and then night out — definitely not ultra wealthy either. It’s fun!

      people constantly are asking about what to wear to a particular conference or work event…this is not that different and much more interesting!

    13. I think the complaining comments are wild. When I went on my first business trip with a boss and clients, I thought through these same kinds of things because we would be in a hotel space in a warm climate with a pool and would have meals together. I bought a lot of new clothes because I would never wear the same clothes I wear with my friends/family with clients. Same for the first time I stayed with a college friend who was from considerable wealth than I was from.

      It’s perfectly normal to get a read of a social situation where you’re going to be seeing someone in these kinds of situations and they aren’t actually your friends.

  13. I am really good at buying basics for my wardrobe and much less skilled at picking out those statement pieces that elevate it. If I were going to buy 1-2 pieces fall/winter pieces for casual and for work, any thoughts on where to start? I’m thinking a statement sweater might be the way to go for casual. I don’t love wearing layers upon layers. For work, maybe a plaid blazer?

    1. I like an interesting blazer or shoe to freshen up an otherwise solid but bland outfit.

    3. Take a spin through Me & Em. They do things so well for 2026 IMO. Nothing looks fussy. People even in relaxed outfits look good.

      I’m giving side-eye towards much in my closet right now.

    4. Also, when it comes time to replace your basics, look for the elevated version of them — make sure they are good fabric, fit really well, are in current cuts / shapes, and in good-for-you colors. That way, when you add a statement piece, the whole outfit is working together to create the statement.

  14. Today’s pick is so Spiegels 1980s down to the color, short skirt, and design. Are we doing white shoes again? Remember when we all had three pairs of pumps: one black, one white and one red?

      1. Is it photoshopped onto the model? The wrinkles aren’t consistent with her posture.

    2. I don’t remember that, but I do remember when I decided to concentrate on only black and navy shoes for my hard-to-fit feet (and my mostly Business Casual life). Sadly, red shoes are not in my budget. Otherwise, this works for me. :-)

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