Holiday Weekend Sales!

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1. I went into Macy’s and they were practically giving things away yesterday! If I only were NOT at my credit limit, I would have bought out the store! And then last nite, I saw the Macy’s fireworks up close and personal! So wonderful, tho getting the 4 train took along time after the show was over. But, It make me glad to be an American again, even in the face of all of the stupidity I see every day on TV. FOOEY on those that would detract from America! Why doesn’t everybody just learn to live in peace with each other rather than try to $crew their neighbor to get ahead?

   I read this morning about some new female personal body items in the NY Times and see that even Walmart is carrying them at a much lower cost then Myrna paid for mine. I will look these up, but if the HIVE has used them, I would like for the hive to post with their own expereinces using them! YAY!!

2. Is anyone readying today? Going off of a post yesterday about taking 3 months off… I’m on maternity leave until Nov. Kid #1 is in full time daycare and kid #2 is way easier going than o expected. Husband is back at work. I’m passed the freaking out about having a newborn stage, so want to enjoy probably my last big break til I retire. But of course have restraints :). What would you do with the time off? I’m in the DC area.

   1. I think I’d nest. I’d purge everything in my house and redecorate to make my home ultra-comfortable and functional. I’d get rid of kitchen stuff I didn’t use and buy appliances that would make my life easier. I’d donate towels and sheets and table linens that didn’t “spark joy.” It is so hard to fine time to do this kind of thing when you’re working and raising kids.

      1. Also yoga or Pilates or whatever way it feels good to you to move your body.

   2. I had a chunk of (pre-baby) time off while living in DC, and I visited every Smithsonian. It was a fun project and can be done with a baby in tow if your child likes to be worn and is a good napper. There are seventeen Smithsonians in the DC area, and two in NYC. I saw the NYC ones during a three-day girls trip. But with it being high tourist season in DC, you may want to wait until Sept and October.

   3. I’m here today (ugh). My second was much easier too, though I didn’t take nearly as much advantage of it as I should have. I spent time each day in the gym (it has good daycare and she was happy there). I did a little traveling with the baby to see family. I did a little house organizing and purging. If I had been more on top of things, I would have spent more time organizing photos and working on photo books.

   4. Organize all paper documents in your house and shred what you don’t need. This took me over a week during the furlough this winter.

3. Is it disingenuous for me to take on a key role in a big project that has a 2-3 year time horizon for completion when I’m planning to leave the company in a year and a half?
   I’ve been asked to step into a role on a high-profile project involving a lot of our company’s senior leadership. It would be a great opportunity for someone who was planning on a long career with the company. That person is not me. I like what I do, but the company is a dysfunctional mess and there’s no impetus to change. I am planning on sticking it out another year and a half until I get my full retirement vesting (it’s a considerable amount of money) and then leaving (this is dependent on the state of the economy and my ability to get another job, of course).
   Part of me feels dishonest for taking on the role when I’m not invested in the future of the business, and when someone else who is invested could really benefit from this type of role. The other part of me says – eh, milk it for what it’s worth and when I leave, I’m sure life will go on. If I take the role I plan on doing the best job I possibly can, obvs.

   1. A year and a half is a really long time. Many things could change then – including that you could decide to stay. Anyone else taking on this project could have something come up that results in them leaving. Don’t feel bad and just do it!

   2. IME, a three-year commitment to a dysfunctional company is just unrealistic. So I would doubt they’ll get more true follow-through from anyone else, even someone who doesn’t have an exit plan.

      They might still be angry at you for leaving, comparing you to the imaginary perfect canidate, not the person they would have gotten and the life choices that person might have made 2 years later. So, ethically, I would be 100% okay with it. But how will it affect the reference you get?

   3. Take it! You don’t *know* that you’ll leave in exactly a year and a half. And if it takes you 6-8 months to find the perfect job (not uncommon for senior roles) the project could be done!

   4. I’d take it. The company could get rid of you at any time, so why not? Don’t leave before you leave!

      1. Yes, I agree with the OP. If a company is that disfunctional, you have no guarantees, either, Dad says. So I would take it, do what you can, and revisit it in a year and a half. For all you know, you will still be there in a year and a half, and learn to love it — it does happen, Dad says. So good luck, and if you leave, so be it.

         On another score, I watched President Trump on TV on July 4. It was pretty interesting, tho he did say there were airplanes flying in 1776 during the Revolutionary War that the military had. I thought there was something unusual about that, and have now Dad confirmed this was a faux pas. Here is the official word from Business Insider.

         https://www.businessinsider.com/trump-says-american-soldiers-seized-airports-during-revolutionary-war-2019-7

         Dad says we all make mistakes, and he is right.

   5. Agree. Take it!

   6. Take it, do your best, leverage it to leave in a year and a half. Who knows, there might be new management by then and the dysfunction is corrected or you might change your plans or the perfect job at another company might open up. People get the same advice when they ask about not taking a project or job because they might get pregnant in 2 years or might move to Europe to follow a partner. It’s just never good to give up on a goal or project because you “might” leave.

      1. +1. Take it. Don’t turn down an opportunity to develop your skills and profile with key decision makers.

   7. +1. Agree with the other replies. Do it.

4. I gave someone a second chance after getting burned, and I got burned again. I properly grieved and mourned the relationship the first time it happened, and was able to move on. I am having a much harder time doing that the second time around. I am angry at myself for giving this person a second chance, for believing what I now see is BS, and I am so incredibly disappointed in him. I can’t get any closure from him and it’s eating me up inside. I should not even be giving him one ounce of my energy, but it’s so hard to stop this time around.

   Any suggestions? I have a therapist :)

   1. Ugh, I feel you and I have been there and done that, so know that you’re not alone. I will say that closure doesn’t come from other people, so as much as possible, try to let go of that hope. At least for me, this is one of those kinds of things where the only way out is through and it just takes time. And a good therapist to remind me that it is okay to be angry/sad/disappointed/whatever, and that spending time thinking about it and having those feelings isn’t something I need to feel guilty about.

   2. I can relate to this so much in the disappointment and loss of a long-time friend. What helped was trying to remind myself that it’s better to have learned even the second time than have wasted even MORE time. Also realize it is a problem with the other person—you aren’t wrong for trusting in the wrong person. It’s a them problem they’re not worth your trust. It’s tough. But I’ll be honest, it was way easier to mourn the second time. And as time went on balance of bad outweighing good was so much easier to see. Surround yourself with good people, stay busy. You’ll get your confidence back sooner than you think.

   3. Thank you both for your kind words. I really appreciate it.

      1. This happens all the time, and I’ve done it myself as well. Think of it this way: apparently you were not fully convinced the first time that this person wasn’t good for you. You had to try again in order to prove it. Now you’ve done so, and no wonder it hurts and is harder than the first time. This time the bad news is real, and you’re fully accepting it. You couldn’t move forward without this lesson, and so being angry at yourself isn’t fair.

         Also seconding the statement that closure really isn’t granted by someone else–you make your own closure, and it may take a long time.

5. Has anyone tried Soma clothing? I’ve only bought their intimates before. How is the quality and sizing?

   1. I have had many Soma dresses and I really liked them. I don’t have any in my current size, partly because a lot of the dresses I had are in styles that I no longer where, although they were very nice and good quality dresses. I do have a slub knit cardigan thing in white with blue stripes and it’s a really nice casual piece. I bought it in a small (I’m about a 6) and could have worn it in a XS. You might want to go to the store and try some things on.

6. Just tried on this dress which is on deep discount right now. Unfortunately, it didn’t sit right on me, but it was such a nice substantial fabric, with a slip inside and a beautiful deep green.
   If you always need more room in the chest and shoulders, this might be for you. I have C/D cup and there was was quite a bit of room, but the bottom half was snug.
   https://www.express.com/clothing/women/jacquard-square-neck-sheath-dress/pro/07802319C/color/DEEP%20TEAL/e/regular/

   On the way home, I found some awesome Tahari pants for $3.50, so it turned out well!

   1. *at Goodwill, obviously…

7. Ugh, this whole online dating thing may be too much for me right now. I went on a date with a really nice guy on Tuesday and I felt like there was no spark. Everyone else seems to be pretty nuts or not who they say they are. I spent my morning dealing with 13 straight messages from a former colleague’s ex-husband, who appears to be in a manic phase and decided that he *really* wanted to date me (I won’t even get into the details of the crazy stuff he was saying to me). I really want to meet someone right for me. Just wondering if this is the way to do it. I don’t seem to like the “nice and normal” guys…

   1. You didn’t really ask for advice, but I would go on a second date with the nice guy. Sometimes spark takes time to develop.

      1. Oh, I would. At the end of the date, we said that we should go out again. It’s not like we ran out of things to talk about. But, he has been decidedly less interested since that date. He was texting me every day, now silence. When I am feeling lukewarm myself, that doesn’t help. Anyway, there are other guys interested and, at this point, I have time, but the effort is getting to me, weeding out the crazies from the guys who are worth talking to.

   2. I’ve only been doing this for a few months, and I read a great article at the beginning that suggested it should be viewed as a bit of a long game. I’ll hear from one guy frequently and then he goes quiet for a bit and comes back. I actually do the same to some guys too. I think most people are chatting with or pursuing a few leads at a time. Sometimes the focus is on some other person but it can often shift back again. I don’t get too invested or bothered when this happens. If I like them and they reach out again we just pick up where we left off. I should say that I never thought I would be chatting with/dating more than one person at a time, and at times I feel uncomfortable about it, but that just seems to be how it works. I am old, and it took a while to change my mindset about how dating should work. But viewing it as something you dabble in and taking conversations/dates as they come helps take the pressure off from finding ‘the one’ I think.

      1. that’s what I was doing for a long time, but then, with the summer, I had more time, so things changed. I think you’re right. I need to dabble and think of it as much longer term.

   3. If you feel you are attracting the wrong kind of guys, have a friend, preferably male, give you some honest feedback on your profile. I tried to keep mine brief but then realized it was attracting guys looking for h**k ups. Changing the profile helped weed some of the wrong guys out.

      1. I have thought about that, but I don’t really have straight male friends my age. I’ll have to think about it. I liked the format of OKCupid better than Match, as it sorts some of that out, and gives you an opportunity to be a little more creative with your profile, but it went nowhere quickly. A friend suggested eHarmony because men on there have to be interested in a relationship or they wouldn’t bother. That’s where she met her boyfriend. I just don’t know if I have the energy to try yet another site.

8. FWP, but I need a new interior designer and design and build firm in Northern California (SF, San Jose, East Bay, Sacto would all be fine). We had someone we really liked, that we used for decades, but she retired and sold her company to a complete jerk.

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