Holiday Weekend Open Thread
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Sales of note for 3/15/25:
- Nordstrom – Spring sale, up to 50% off
- Ann Taylor – 40% off everything + free shipping
- Banana Republic Factory – 40% off everything + extra 20% off
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles + extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – Extra 30% off women's styles + spring break styles on sale
- J.Crew Factory – 40% off everything + extra 20% off 3 styles + 50% off clearance
- M.M.LaFleur – Friends and family sale, 20% off with code; use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 40% off 1 item + 30% off everything else (includes markdowns, already 25% off)
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- I'm fairly senior in BigLaw – where should I be shopping?
- how best to ask my husband to help me buy a new car?
- should we move away from DC?
- quick weeknight recipes that don’t require meal prep
- how to become a morning person
- whether to attend a distant destination wedding
- sending a care package to a friend who was laid off
Something about the neckline looks very formal to me. It would seem weird and out of place to wear that for a casual outing.
Yes, the neckline looks to me like it belongs on a prom dress circa 1992.
I think it is adorable, but I also think a lot of what is out now, and especially with Reformation, is replicating looks from the early 90s. Which was when I peaked, so I am on board.
I was a little young in the 1990’s to “peak” — I think that happened around 2002 or so, given the number of men that were pursueing me then, but I DO love this look! I think that is b/c I am a retro kind of gal, who appreciates QUALITY vintage clotheing. My ex’s mother wanted to give me some of her dresses from the 1950s which she could no longer fit into, but they were not of any quality I could wear, so I told her I was allergic to mothballs (which I am), so I did not have to wear those things. FOOEY!
This is the exact cut of my prom dress, circa 1994!
I think the proportions of the little mini sleeve thingys bring it back down on the casual side. And the fabric.
It does look formal like Audrey Hepburn in Roman Holiday. But I think you could wear a denim jacket (blue or white or other) over it for a casual outing. (And now I read Kat’s blurb above and she said Audrey Hepburn too lol.)
Nordstrom has a “Looks” section for many items. They style a similar black Reformation dress with a distressed blue denim jacket, wedge slides and sunglasses for a “Summer Nights” outing. I love this feature on Nordstrom’s website because I can never create outfits and am bad at styling.
Nothing is “easy” that can’t be worn with a regular bra.
Yeah, the dress I was looking at was same brand but tank top style that you could wear a regular br@ with. You wouldn’t catch me in a strapless and I can’t/won’t go without.
Yes, and also we need to keep in mind that after a few drinks, most men will very quickly try to slip one (or both) of the straps down as soon as we are alone with them. Been there, had that done to me in college more then I remember, especially with the Flashdance tops that virtually invited horny men to go directly for our boobies. FOOEY! Thank GAWD that look has not come back, tho Frank, our gross Accountant, would go wild if it ever did.
What are the rest of you doing for the 4th? I am staying here in NYC b/c I have a case coming up on Monday that I must prepare for and I did NOT want to go out to LI with all of the LIRR delays. Also, I will NOT go to the fireworks b/c it is downtown and I do NOT like getting schmusshed in the subway by scuzzy peeople who just like to grab and take cheap shots they could never do above ground. DOUBEL FOOEY!
I was thinking Roman holiday too! I just wouldn’t wear a bra… but I’m a compact b cup.
Nordstrom has nothing smaller than a large, and black is only available in plus sizes. Why are so many of the items featured here already sold out in many or most sizes? It is annoying and certainly results in lost affiliate revenue—I was considering purchasing g the dress after clicking the link, but my size is unavailable.
Depending on the affiliate link, bloggers can earn a commission even if you never purchase the linked item or even buy something else another day (due to cookies that can last days or weeks depending on the retailer). Kat is one of the few that is relatively transparent about this, which I appreciate!
Just read a little further . . . it’s also available at Reformation, where it is available in black in XS, S, and M. One more click, you were so close!
Long time lurker, first time poster here who is often in awe of the helpful guidance of the hive :) I was hoping for some collective wisdom as to a (token) birthday present for a friend who has temporarily relocated to Pasadena CA. I’m not based in the US (and g***le hasn’t helped much) so I’m uncertain as to what the best options are – I was thinking some kind of gift card for a cute local coffee shop/ bookstore/ tickets for a local attraction…? Ideally it would be something which she can do solo! I don’t want to get anything big as we don’t normally ‘do’ birthday gifts (or bulky as she is only in town for 6 mths!) but I would like to get something thoughtful as she doesn’t know anyone locally so I’m guessing it might be a lonely time. She has wide ranging interests (super intelligent scientist who likes the outdoors, culture and crafts!) if that helps! Thank you in advance!!
I’d be happy to take her to lunch or drinks. Just sayin’.
Other than that, Little Flower Candy Co. is a super-cute cafe/candy/tchotchke store and she can sit by herself and have a cappucino. They also have a somewhat larger location called Lincoln — both are great. I don’t see any gift card option on their web sites but I bet if you called they could accommodate you. https://littleflowercandyco.com/ http://www.lincolnpasadena.com
Also Vroman’s is the go-to local bookstore and she can have a great time browsing there. https://www.vromansbookstore.com/
Awww thats so sweet – might be hard to explain the random-blog-commenter connection though :p
Little Flower Candy Co sounds super nice – I will give them a ring tomorrow but otherwise is looks like Vroman’s is the overwhelming recommendation!
I’m not in CA and clearly not OP’s friend, but if I were, I’m pretty sure being linked up with Senior Attorney might be the best gift ever.
Vroman’s bookstore is charming and a local favorite. Jones Coffee Roaster is in an old house with like, complicated staircases. It’s cute!
Thanks! Both sound perfect :) Looks like Vroman’s is the best bet for a gift card.
I saw the discussion about filial responsibility on an earlier thread and a few people commenting that looking it up was terrifying. I just some cursory searching and I am also shocked that it’s possible for the state or facilities to sue children and win. My parents and in-laws are not currently in a state with these laws on the books, but surely there’s a way to shield yourself from the risks of being on the hook for expenses that you didn’t consent to? It’s one thing to offer help of your own accord, but entirely different to have someone else spending money that you don’t know about, don’t have a say, didn’t otherwise participate in spending. Both sets of parents have not made wise long-term financial planning choices, and at least one set expects to continue to live a certain lifestyle indefinitely. Is it possible to set a limit on the help we give so that we don’t end up subject to filial responsibility laws that would force us to pay hundreds of thousands of dollars for long-term care?
My understanding of filial responsibility laws is that it’s not about maintaining a certain level of support. Those laws say that if your parents can’t pay their own bills, the nursing home or whoever is owed money can sue their children for it, regardless of whether the child has ever supported their parents in the past or has any emotional relationship with the parent. It seems incredibly incredibly unfair to me (what if your parents are neo-Nazis and you think they’re morally repugnant!?). I think the only way to shield yourself completely from the risk is to have your parents in a state that don’t have filial responsibility laws on the books. It seems like most states except Pennsylvania don’t really enforce these laws though (the commenter who brought it up was in Pennyslvania and when I was googling to learn more about it, I kept getting hits about court cases in Pennsylvania. I couldn’t really find any evidence of enforcement outside of PA.)
My impression was that, other than PA, these laws are mostly used in situations where the parents have intentionally moved assets/money to the children for the express purpose of avoiding paying their bills/debts/hiding assets from creditors.
Yeah that makes a lot of sense and is way less unfair.
Agreed! I think it’s wrong to put a broad law on the books that’s basically attempting to close a loophole about gifts or reduce the effects of fraud, but when the result ends up being that facilities can sue any child for the expenses incurred by a living parent, about which they had no say, that seems incredibly unfair.
Right– For example, in GA, the filial responsibility law allows the “county” to recover expenses that the County pays, but there is no support for elderly adults that would ever be paid by the county… so they have a law, but it does nothing.
Sure there is . . . https://seniors.lovetoknow.com/Assistance_for_Georgia_Senior_Citizens
None of those appear to be assistance provided by the county
I saw this yesterday too and was previously unaware this was a thing. I am an attorney and I did some brief online reading of recent case law, and my parents are in a state that enforces these laws (PA) – there are recent appellate decisions upholding payment of 5-6 figures a year. I plan to consult with our estate planning attorney (we are in CA though), and see if he advises consulting with a PA elder law or some other kind of attorney. I want to understand the true risk, and do everything we can to mitigate this. My parent who is likely to live longer is the one I would expect to make foolish financial decisions (and who I do not speak to because this person was abusive to me in my childhood), and my husband and I have high incomes and also have substantial savings. Thinking our retirement and other financial goals could be delayed/totally derailed by this is truly infuriating.
Yes, my parents currently live in Virginia which has a law, but I haven’t researched to see if it’s enforceable. They want to relocate at some point and I plan to let them know about this law (I can’t imagine they know it exists). They would never ever want my sister or I to be on the hook for anything like this and would be similarly horrified.
This is almost our situation exactly (also in CA), though our parents aren’t in PA. We don’t have kids (and don’t plan to), so the usual exemptions for having other dependents to care for don’t work for us. We’ve also been generally discussing estate planning now that we have a sizable enough estate and siblings are having children, so figuring out how to structure family support in a way that we’re comfortable with in the long-run is top-of-mind lately.
I think that’s smart. My in-laws currently live in a state with no law, but I think everyone assumes when they need nursing care they will relocate to our state or my husband’s sister’s state, which both have these laws, though hopefully not enforced like in PA. My husband and I are not high earners, his sister is a deadbeat (the female equivalent of a surfer dude who lives paycheck to paycheck) and paying for even a year or two of memory care could literally bankrupt us. I can’t imagine losing my home and my daughter’s college savings to pay for my in-laws’ end of life care. They were awful, emotionally abusive parents to my husband and didn’t give him a dime after he turned 18 (and not much before then, honestly). It seems so fundamentally unfair that their inability to pay for things could destroy our lives and, by extension, our daughter’s future.
can you report back what you learn from your attorney? if my fil goes first, my mil will have no idea how to manage anything and i can see this turning into a financial disaster.
I’d be happy to. Similar situation for me, except my parents (although there are potential in-law problems too). They refuse to do proper estate planning and refuse to look into care options in advance. If my dad goes, my mom will need to go into a care facility of some kind immediately, will have to manage insurance paperwork herself which she will not do correctly or diligently, AND have complete control of finances which she has never had any part in managing. I knew it would be a total disaster, but I didn’t know my husband and I could be on the hook.
IANAL, but my sense after poking around on the web yesterday is that you as the child can’t do much to mitigate the risk other than taking out LTC insurance for your parents, but your parents can protect you through proper Medicaid planning.
That was unfortunately my sense too, but I was (perhaps wrongfully!) hopeful that a specialist in this area of law would have some helpful guidance.
So I’m in Canada and this may not be true everywhere, but our law definitely has an exception for parents that weren’t supportive or present in their children life, or were abusive or anything else that means they don’t deserve filial support. It’s also rarely enforced unless parents moved assets to their children for the purpose of securing government assistance, or any other extreme scenarios as mentioned above.
Especially since so many hospital bills are bunk and so many nursing homes have crazy, trumped up charges. I remember my aunt saying that the nursing home kept administering some $$$$ hearing test to her mother — who had been officially deaf for 20 years.
This is something that we think about constantly for the past year since my FIL passed away. We live in PA, husband is a life and disability insurance wholesaler and I’m an attorney. We have intervened in my MIL’s finances to prevent her from giving money to my manipulative SIL because these could be considered gifts rendering her ineligible for public assistance. My husband is now financial power of attorney, thank goodness, and we are helping her sort her finances, insurance needs, and other paperwork (such as applications for medicaid and other coverage) and she is thankfully allowing us to do so. If you have parents living in PA (even if you live in another state – that does not matter), then please consult an elder care attorney and financial planner!
Husband and I live just outside of Philly. MIL moved here under a year ago. We have 4 other parents, who, while not here now, may be at some point in the future. After the passing of my BIL, husband is responsible for 3 of them. This thread and recent discussion has me feeling a bit anxious. We had kids late and we will hit the perfect trifecta of aged parents, kids entering college and trying to retire. Oh, and we are not high earners. Anyone want to open an assisted living place with me over the border in DE?
In looking this up, I read that for generations Florida was known for not having these laws. Now I’m curious if grandparents were originally “retiring to Florida” strategically!
Retirees come to FL because there’s no state income tax.
Has anyone been penalized by Nordstrom or other places for returning too much stuff? I went a little crazy during the sale in May and am worried now…
If that was a thing, I would for sure have been penalized by Nordstrom by now.
Amazon once sent me an email that said (in essence) “We noticed you’ve been returning a lot of your purchases lately. We are giving you the benefit of the doubt that all these returns are legitimate, but we want you to know that we reserve the right to deny any return at our discretion.” It seemed like a CYA email that legal asked them to send. I cut back on ordering from them for a while, but eventually resumed my regular ordering and returning patterns and never heard anything more.
Yes. Nordstrom cancelled my account because they said I returned too many things. This happened a few months ago after shopping there for years.
This happened to me too. I was shocked that they’d do something like that without any kind of notice or a warning, but now I am apparently banned from shopping at Nordstrom – online and in person (I guess unless I use cash and never return anything). Honestly, it stings.
Just curious – how many items (or percentage) have you returned per month? I could understand a retailer to take such an action IF you order loads of items (20/month) and return 90% of them each time (and past the time limit foe returns). This will automatically be flagged by their system as a potential fraudulent behavior. Otherwise, they need to accept the risk of things looking differently on the screen and in real life and you should also be protected by law with a right to return ecom items for free within 14days of order (at least in the EU, surely a similar consumer protection mechanism is in the Us as well).
I didn’t really buy and return things every month, it was more big purchases around the anniversary sale over several years with buying multiple sizes and yes, returning a lot of what didn’t work due to sizing issues or things looking different in person. Everything I returned was unworn, in the same condition that they sent it to me, tags attached, the vast majority of it still available for sale at the same price.
That said, I understand why they did what they did, but I just wish they had given me a heads up. If I had known there was a problem I would’ve been happy to adjust my shopping without it coming to this. Oh well.
I know someone who had Nordstrom Rack/Haute Look block her. It’s something to do with fraud risk if the threshold of purchase to returns is too low. They’re trying to go after resellers but can’t go after individuals. At least that’s what I read after she told me that. I return stuff all the time from NR so must be a huge rate of return. For what it’s worth, getting blocked with NR didn’t affect her being able to shop in person or Nordstrom.com.
I received an email from Nordstrom Rack a few months ago basically saying – we noticed that you returned X% of what you purchased in the last year, we want to know why we are not serving you well and how to improve. I wrote them back a long email saying that I am a very loyal Nordstrom customer and card member, and that the returns were simply due to the fact that I had bought a number of dresses for a wedding, and ended up keeping only one. They replied and thanked me for the feedback, and I haven’t heard anything since.
I’m shocked that Nordstrom banned the other poster. I have returned so much from there over the years. To the other poster, are you a Nordstrom visa holder? I find it hard to believe that they would ban customers who also carry the credit card.
I’m the Anon at 3:55 and yes, I am (was?) a Nordstrom visa holder.
I was a Nordstrom Visa holder – perhaps technically still am.
I just got a message like this from ASOS. I was mad! I had ordered and returned maybe five items over the last year and a half. All were returned in perfect condition, tags attached, never worn, and well within the allowed time. I don’t understand what their issue is.
Did you pay for shipping? If not, you are costing them money. Customer service aside, it’s not hard to understand the business side of this decision.
Stores have a different business model than they did 20 years ago. Instead of paying for storefronts and sales associates, they pay for shipping. Most of the stores are not in my urban area, as I’m not going 45 minutes to an hour out to the suburbs to try on a dress. If they want to stop paying for shipping and add stores in my area, great and I’ll go try on a dress in person. Otherwise, shipping is just a normal cost of business for them, just as more storefront locations used to be a normal coat of business.
Very interesting! I have returned two dresses to ASOS in the past month. Both were too big. I ordered three and only one fit. According to their size chart, they should have been too small in the bust. They were all three ordered in the same size. I feel like that’s not my fault at all.
Is there an eco-friendly way to get rid of worn-out business clothes? I already donate old sheets/towels to animal rescue, but they’re not going to cuddle kittens with my frayed suiting.
Is it too worn for something like Dress for Success? My alma mater’s career centre also has a program for donating suits so scholarship students can go on interviews.
In NYC, there is textile recycling.
Also in San Francisco — curbside pick up as often as you need it.
You can compost cotton, silk, wool, etc. Shred the fabric first.
Any recommendations for retailers for loungey/comfy but still classic/modern looking leather sofas? We’d like leather for the durability, but this will be in our family room, so comfort for TV watching is still a consideration.
American Leather. So comfy and beautiful. Downside: on the pricier side.
I have been very pleased with the two leather sofas I have gotten from Macys. I get lots of compliments on the current one (style no longer available) and it is in very good shape after heavy use (main sofa, dogs) over ~6 years.
My husband and I inherited the Macy’s leather sofa and armchair my parents bought around 1998. The sofa seat cushions are on their last legs, but it has suffered through daily use its whole life, including being large dogs favorite spots. The armchair is fairing much better, has another 15 + years in it, but it didn’t receive the butt time the sofa did. My parents still have the matching loveseat, and it is the same condition as the armchair.
Like most things, quality has probably gone down somewhat, but dang, if I could replace the exact model I would in a heartbeat.
Have you thought about taking the cushions to a professional upholsterer? They ought to be able to replace the stuffing/foam inside with new, durable material.
Room and Board
Room and Board is made by American Leather.
Or…Room and Board sells American Leather products. May or may not be most of the leather products sold by R&B.
I am not in the holiday spirit this week. The Fourth has never been my favorite holiday, but I feel extra blah this year and have zero interest in the parades, fireworks, or even bring social. Anyone else? I’m sucking it up for my kids’ sake but I really want to be left alone in the air conditioning!
Same, it’s hot and incredibly humid in my area, we have two weeks (!) worth of fireworks that really upset my dog, and the current political environment makes it impossible for me to get excited about celebrating the country.
Commiseration. I am stressed out from work and just getting over being sick and want everyone to leave me alone with a book in the A/C. It will be hot with too much risk of thunderstorms to do anything outdoors, and my family will expect me to entertain them for the entire weekend.
same. I feel like everyone is always talking about big family cookouts and boating outings at someone’s lake house and I’m like… stuck in the city with no real plans.
I’m trying to keep my focus on really small things: my husband is running a 5K and Kiddo is excited to watch him; cold beer is delicious and I’m happy for a reason to drink it on the weekday; cutoff shorts and red lipstick! I’m deeply *meh* on the parade, annoyed by the fireworks, and, y’know, horrified about America-things in general, so… yeah. Happy family, cold beer, cute clothes, long weekend – that’s my focus.
We’re doing cheesy neighborhood things we don’t usually go to, like a town cook out and a block party, because the individual connections don’t have the freight of current politics.
I am finding this overwhelming I guess? There is so much to do, what I need to do is unclear on certain things, I am constantly in fear of breaching the sales K inadvertently and losing my deposit, and I am just totally stressed out. I am having anxiety problems, including severe panic attacks, for the first time in my life! One panic attack was so bad I almost went to the ER, another I had to lay on the floor of my office for over an hour doing breathing exercises and listening to rain forest sounds, and sometimes my hands shake so badly I cannot do simple tasks like put on mascara without stabbing myself.
Not really a question, just ranting and if you have any advice on how to get through it all without losing my mind, that would be great. Should I get to a psychiatrist stat and get some short term medication, or just tough it out for the next few weeks? I saw my PCP because I was afraid this was something more serious like a heart or lung problem, and he suggested I could do this or wait and see so it is basically up to me at this point. I am honestly baffled at my reaction to this. I have an objectively stressful job that I don’t get stressed out about (bet the company contigency-based litigation), but that somehow pales in comparison to escrow?! Huh?
Ok, I’m an anxious person and did find house-purchasing stressful, but what you are describing is an out of proportion response to the stress of escrow. I would suggest you reach out to your PCP again about a referral. That sounds too severe to “tough out.”
Do you have a realtor or real estate attorney who can take on some of this, or can you get one? Agree that this is not at all a reasonable reaction.
Thanks for the responses. If you didn’t gather, I also don’t think I am having a reasonable reaction!
We have two real estate agents working together as a team. They came highly recommended from 3 co-workers who used the same agents in the same area. But I have generally not been happy with the level of service I am getting, but as a first time home buyer, I have no point of reference. My beefs are that they explain things I already understand in painful detail and at the same time don’t explain things I don’t even when I ask repeatedly. I also get conflicting instructions from the real estate agents, escrow agents, bank, and/or homeowner’s insurance company and feel baffled about what to do. I’ve resorted to copying all the relevant parties on emails, asking them to do what needs done and let me know if I need to do anything, and hoping for the best. Oh, and reading every document I get, especially the K, very very very carefully in an effort to ensure we don’t mess this up by missing a contractual deadline.
I asked real estate attorneys at my firm for a residential real estate attorney recommendation, but they told me I really don’t need one for the type of transaction I am doing. But now I regret that choice.
I feel like it is too late to find a different agent or get an attorney?
Honestly, it is normal to be stressed out but your agent and your escrow agent are the professionals here and the reasonable thing to do is let them do their job. Remember the seller wants to close this deal as much or more as you do — they are not out there waiting for you to mess up so they can snatch the deal away from you.
Yes it’s too late to get a different agent but if you feel like you want an attorney you can do that if it makes you feel better.
+1
An attorney sounds like overkill, plus it’s just one more person who’s going to give you possibly different direction than everyone else.
Just keep plugging away and trust that if you miss something or make a mistake somewhere, somebody will correct you. Senior Attorney is right that the buyer isn’t just sitting there waiting for you to make a mistake.
Thanks for the encouragement, I appreciate it Internet Strangers. I close in less than a month, so I just need to make it until then. It is so good to be reminded that Seller wants to get this done too, and likely isn’t waiting for me/escrow/my agents to make a dumb technical error so he can use that as an excuse to pull out of the deal.
One more thing to add, if everything is in order and literally all you’re waiting for is the agreed-upon closing date, ask if the sellers would be interested in moving the closing date up. I did that with my last house and it made things WAY more convenient for me and saved some money (it’s cheaper to close at the very end of one month than the very beginning of the next). Getting it OVER WITH a week sooner was a huge plus, too.
If your house is under contract, it’s almost certainly too late to get another agent (assuming you signed a buyer’s agreement with that agent). Is this just a first time residence (i.e., not a rental, etc.)? I’ve bought three houses and on each one have just trusted that the people guiding the process know the deadlines and will tell me what to do. I’m a lawyer, fwiw, so am generally careful. It is annoying that the agent isn’t explaining the parts of the process you are wondering about. Mine did that when I sold my first house and it was nerve wracking, so I understand that. But they all also have an incentive for this deal to go through properly, so it’s unlikely they’ll let deadlines drop. It’s really hard to be the first time buyer or seller, but the insurance, mortgage, and realtor folks do these easy transactions every single day so I think sometimes they forget that not everyone knows all the behind-the-scenes machinations. You should not get a real estate attorney for this if you’re being advised not to because that’ll just add another person in the middle to slow the process down.
Yeah first time residence and yeah under contract. I would be FINE with letting the agents handle this if they were, you know, actually handling it. They say they are going to ensure I am not missing anything, but then there have been numerous last minute scrambles because they either gave me the wrong instructions, or didn’t tell me something was coming up. For example, I was so busy with last minute calls one afternoon that I had to use two phone lines simultaneously while I was also sending emails to get it all done in time! And despite doing EXACTLY what the agents told me to do on homeowner’s insurance, I found out I didn’t actually handle it right and….another scramble ensued. Perhaps the agents are incompetent and that is the problem. I don’t know.
This is partly just the nature of the beast. It’s horrible but somehow it gets done.
Just remember that every single person involved in this transaction really really really wants it to close just as much, if not more, than you do.
If it makes you feel any better, I was four days away from closing and my lender still couldn’t get the right docs from my home owners’ insurance company. I called on my own, got what they needed, and closed on time even though the seller didn’t fix everything he was supposed to (Money is still being withheld in escrow). My buyer’s appraiser flagged an issue in my basement that is entirely typical of the type of house/area and even though that’s a pain in the was NO ONE IS WALKING. We all still want(ed) to close even though I wanted to strangle my seller and I am sure the buyer is annoyed with me about some of the inspection stuff.
I am a lawyer and I don’t read the contracts honestly. I let my realtor do it. He has no incentive to screw it up.
Do you have some crazy complicated lending situation. I never gave a second thought to escrow. I got my loan docs submitted, did my home inspection, fought about that a bit, and then waited until closing with the exception of the ins thing. I am struggling to understand what deadlines everyone is getting close to missing but then again, if you’re in NYC, maybe it’s just crazier than everywhere else on earth.
Yes, if you’re having panic attacks this bad start taking meds immediately. Once you’ve done that figure out what is going on with the sale because nothing you’ve said makes any sense.
Yeah…gently…you know you need to chill. No one is out to get you, the deal with close. This is very very very routine for everyone involved, except you. If they’re not worried, you shouldn’t be worried. Accept that things will happen more last-minute/rushed than you wish they would.
I’m in a very similar position – bought a house about a week ago, closing in late September. My deposit (i.e. “earnest money”) is 5% of a big big number. I won’t lose it. You won’t lose yours. The worst-case realistic scenario is that closing is delayed by a day or two, and that is certainly not the end of the world.
As far as what to do? Maybe talk with friends about their experiences buying/selling in your market and see if the delay/last minute stuff is par for the course? I suspect you will hear that it is. Then I would chill. I know, easier said than done, but stupider, less organized people than you manage to successfully buy houses all day every day.
Haha, this is going to be my new motto for everything: “Stupider, less organized people than me manage to do X Thing all day every day!”
OK, so through a somewhat weird set of circumstances, I am taking a leave of absence from work for the next 3 months. Unpaid other than cashing out some vacation time, but I do have plenty of savings. And while there are some things I *need* to do, I’m also going to have a lot of time on my hands, and I can totally foresee realizing two and.a half months in that I did nothing but read this site and others for 90% of the time, which I don’t want, since this is a rare opportunity and unlikely to happen again.
Unfortunately there wasn’t much planning ahead able to happen, or I might have made some big plans. Right now I have a couple of small trips to family/friends planned, and a few things I’m hoping to motivate myself to do, but thought it would be interesting to hear if y’all had any suggestions!
I would probably try to get really good at a thing — like not a work thing. Right now I’m taking circus fitness classes, and I’d make it my goal to like, do tricks A, B, and C on the silks, and then do lotsa stuff to get there. Or to regain my confidence in painting, or to do the Couch to 5K thing (well I would never do that I hate running, but something *like* that). Or I’d try to check off my major household projects that I can DIY — paint the gazebo, get the backyard somewhat presentable, etc.
I would probably try to take a creative class such as painting or drawing or writing. I would also maybe try to take a spur of the moment trip through like site where they have deals – like Travelzoo or something like that where a lot of planning wasn’t required.
I kind of want to know how this came about. I would love to take a 3 month sabbatical without losing my job, but it doesn’t seem possible.
PS I would drive across the US.
Not OP but I was able to take a 4 month sabbatical (unpaid except using accrued PTO) when my husband had a temporary assignment in Europe. If they hadn’t let me go, I probably would have quit, and I think they knew that and decided letting me take 4 months off was better than having to hire and train my replacement. I’m a good performer but not a superstar.
what about a long hike or bike ride? I’d do the pacific crest trail, the camino de santiago, or the one in Appalachia. Or bike/drive across the US or Europe or something?
Otherwise – what about getting a promotional gym/fitness membership? Get one of those “30 days unlimited yoga for $30” passes, do yoga every day and then move to “30 days unlimited spinning” or whatever.
Heck yeah. Either a thru-hike on the PCT or Camino de Santiago would be on my list for sure. I also like the idea of driving across the United States – starting in Florida and ending up in Alaska, or something similarly epic. You could start an Instagram and try to get sponsored! (kidding.)
Other ideas:
– Backpack through Europe
– Work on a kibbutz in Israel
– Go on a serious yoga retreat in India
– Trek through Southeast Asia
Seriously this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity many people would kill to get…it’s worth it to spend some savings to make this really worthwhile, IMO. Can you rent out/sublease your place to cover those expenses while you’re gone? If you spend the entire three months surfing the Internet that will be a tragedy.
Epic adventure. *If possible.* Extended stay in those places that have long intrigued you or that are a long journey away.
I would do some sort of yoga retreat in or a language school. Or try to volunteer in another country. Also– check out Travelzoo for last minute deals. I feel like this is a really good opportunity to do some sort of Central/South America trip– most of those countries are fairly cheap, but because of how far apart places are and how long travel takes, it’s normally hard to do much in a typical 7-10 day vacation.
This is definitely something I’m contemplating. Unfortunately part of the reason for time off is health issues (not FMLA-level, though) so extensive hiking is pretty off-limits for now. My issue with travel is I really prefer to go with a friend, but don’t have any friends with time off on semi-short-notice. Am taking advantage of some programs locally for free museum entry, planning to check out the city pools, sign up for some unlimited yoga maybe (though I keep saying I’ll go do that “tomorrow”, so far!). Multiple doctor appointments, though some are just routine ones I’d been putting off.
Circumstances were a bit weird, but essentially was wiling to quit, and they offered this instead.
Oh just saw this, sorry about the health issue! FWIW, I absolutely love traveling alone. You don’t need to do something physically exhausting but a change of scenery might be nice.
Why not make a last minute plan? Check out what flight deals you can get, find an Airbnb somewhere you’ve wanted to go and just go!
If you own a car, I’d just get it in and go. Flip a coin at major intersections, and see where you end up.
I took 6 months off 10 years ago under what sounds like similar circumstances. I kicked it off with a visit to a healthy retreat type place, took a cooking course and a meditation course, took one big trip that involved volunteering and sightseeing, helped my parents with a renovation they were doing, planned a nice birthday party for my Mom,etc. I liked being out in the middle of the day and going to places like the hardware store (renovation related) because I was not rushed. I loved it. Looking back for me it was important to have things to do but also important to have time to just “be”.
I periodically have 2-3 months off from work (I freelance and there are slow seasons once or twice a year). Things I like to do:
– ambitious cooking/ baking projects (I made croissants one time from the Tartine cookbook. Got into making sourdough bread.)
– clean out my closets and label the spices in my pantry (very pedestrian, but so very satisfying)
– sign up for yoga/ excercise classes
– long rambling walks
– one time I went to a language school abroad for three weeks. I don’t like solo traveling either, but there was a built in community in attending a language school that made it not so scary for me to go.
– day trips to local sights (even minor ones) that I always say “I’ll go see that some day.” – – Look up fun and interesting restaurants in my area.
– volunteer
– lunch with friends – particularly friends on maternity leave
I find that when I have time off I really need to plan my days or I will fall down an Internet rabbit hole and not leave the house or even get out of my pjs. Which is fine once in a while, but if I do it two days in a row I start feeling gross (mentally, emotionally, physically.)
The language school sounds really interesting! Would you recommend the program you used? Were the classes pretty diverse age-wise (not all study abroad college students etc.)?
Yes!
https://www.scuolaleonardo.com
I took three weeks of Italian in Florence. This was fifteen years ago, but I had a really great time. The language didn’t stick as much as I wanted because I didn’t have a means of practicing once I got home, but it was very immersive. I lived in an apartment with a bunch of other participants in the program, but they also had a homestay option where you could live with a family of you wanted, which might have been better for learning the language. I think most of us in the apartment were in our 20s and early 30s, with a few women from England who were on their gap year, but I think the school itself had a wide range of students.
What about volunteering somewhere, if you aren’t doing that already? Or if some local nonprofit has an event coming up, volunteering to staff the event? It’s something I want to do some day, once my day job isn’t so crazy…
Since I live near DC, if I had two months off, I’d do a lot of daytrips to see the all Smithsonian museums again in the middle of the day in the workweek, when they’re not so packed.
I was going to suggest this – it’s actually great timing to work on a campaign, if you’re so inclined.
Just needed a place to vent-
I commented a couple months back about getting back into dating after a very long dry spell and how I felt nervous and apprehensive about gardening with someone new. I met someone who seemed really great- smart, sensitive, thoughtful and kind. After weeks of getting to know one another, I felt comfortable enough that I gardened with him for the first time last Friday, and… looks like I’ve been ghosted. Or at least he has not reached out since then, so… ghosted, right?
The rational part of me knows that it’s a him problem, and not a me problem and these things happen with dating, but I can’t help but feel mortified and I keep asking myself, was it/I that bad?
Ooof, I’m sorry. Jedi hugs from an internet stranger if you want them.
Oh, man. I’m so sorry. Big hugs!
Boys can be icky!!
Aw I’m sorry! You can never really know why someone ghosted, so it’s not productive to speculate. Just move forward and meet more people if you’re ready.
Reiterating what you know — it is a HIM problem not a YOU problem. I can think of reasons he hasn’t messaged ranging from “he’s just a jerk who wanted a notch in his belt” to “he’s realized he wasn’t ready and can’t figure out how to communicate that” to “he believes that women have s3x and then expect an immediate relationship commitment” or a million things in between. There’s nothing to be mortified about: you waited the time you wanted to wait, you behaved the way you wanted to behave, and trust me you’re not ‘bad’ at s3x. I’m sorry, being ghosted is the worst.
Hello. I have this issue where I get tension headaches probably about once a week from clenching my jaw, particularly on the right side.Usually it radiates down my neck, too. I wear a mouth guard at night, but sometimes during the day I clench unknowingly when I get stressed. It isn’t high stress, either. It’s just low-grade, everyday, get-your-work-done stress. I do aerobics 3 to 4 times a week, but I guess that is not enough to keep me from doing this. Agh! Does anyone else have this problem? How do you handle it other than buy ibuprofen?
This really sounds like something you should ask your doctor or dentist about.
I talked to my dentist, and he gave me the custom mouth guard. I guess next step is doctor.
See if you can see a TMJ specialist (my dentist referred me to one). The specialist xrayed and then referred me for PT. The PT involved massage and touch at different trigger points at the top and base of my skull. I was kind of skeptical. It made such a huge huge difference. I did maybe 6 appointments And has been night and day since.
This is exactly the kind of insight I was hoping to learn. Thank you!
I’m so sorry this happened to you. It sucks and sometimes people suck. I recently had a bad dating experience and it has made me really gunshy. I went out with a really nice, normal business type guy last night, who couldn’t have been more gentlemanly and I just felt no spark at all. Like you, I feel like it’s me… ugh. Sympathy and commiseration!
Yes, Hugs. I do not trust men who tell me what I want to hear any more b/c most really just want me to take my clothes off for them and have $ex. One jerk told recently me we should just go back to my apartement, take our clothes off and “hold each other”. I remembered that line from college, where a guy tried that in my dorm. Fortunately, my roommate was inside, so when he wanted to come in, she said she would NOT feel comfortable with him and me in my bed. FOOEY on men like him! Once these guys get you to have $ex with them, they disappear, and all you have to show is a bunch of dirty sheets and pillowcases to wash. But do not worry, just do not fall for the lines any more so quickly. I would have waited a while, until you really knew he was on the level (again 95% of them would go away after 2 months, but you really do not want or need a guy like that again!) DOUBEL FOOEY on him!
I’m so sorry. I’m Old but I think ghosting is just the absolute worst, especially when it’s someone you’ve been seeing for weeks and have gardened with. Even if he had a freakout after and realized he couldn’t do commitment, he owes it to you tell you that, not just disappear.
Has anyone ever rented an RV? My MIL’s house is too small for guests and too rural for nearby hotels, so my husband keeps Air BnBing a house for way too much money.
I wonder if it would really be cheaper than the Airbnb?
Than an entire house, yeah, probably.
I have not but a friend did. We were flying somewhere for a wedding and he booked too late and couldn’t get a room. He said the RV wasn’t that much more money than a rental car and hotel combined. It was also novel and everyone wanted to go hang out in his digs. Not sure it’s the best choice in your situation though.
Why not go ahead and get all the info so you can make a good decision? No reason not to look into it.
Have never rented one, but have “camped” in the Class A 32 footer my inlaws had. For just a couple it was quite nice to stay in. It had a tiny house vibe, with miniature versions of everything you need and lots of nooks and crannies for storage. For the situation you describe it sounds like a brilliant solution. Just make sure to research where you’ll dump the black and gray water, since the inlaws house won’t have proper hookups. I think campgrounds will let you do it for a fee.
Has anyone been diagnosed with overactive bladder? I described my symptoms to my gyn, who referred me to a urogynecologist. I’m seeing him soon, but am just wondering what to expect. Right now, I go about 20 times a day and relief from that would be life changing.
When you go is there much there, or is it just that you have a constant urge without much production? I had a long spell where my bladder was super irritated, and I felt like I had to go all the time. I cut out acid things from my diet (citrus, canned tomato products, coffee) but what really helped was marshmallow root powder dissolved in water a couple of times a day. Yes, this sounds like total hokey woo-woo hippie medicine, but it honest to god worked. I only use it very occasionally now, as it healed up the irritation. You and order it from Amazon.
I have interstitial cystitis, which has bladder urgency as a symptom. All of these are things I do to get through it when my bladder flares up. I also use aloe vera capsules in addition to the marshmallow root, and cut out anything spicy – even black pepper. Check out interstitial cystitis diet, and you will find a list of safe foods.
If you cannot live without coffee, check out Coffee Tamer on Amazon. It’s basically calcium, but it dissolves and absorbs most of the acid in coffee without changing the taste. You can also use this in ketchup or tomato sauce.
Re: the urgency, drink a lot of water. It sounds counter productive, but it feels so much better to actually pee versus dribble.
I also do bladder training, which has the goal of taking control back over when you go to the bathroom. Google it. It’s sort of like the couch to 5k – you start small with holding off on going to the bathroom for a couple minutes at a time, and hopefully end up with a more normal bathroom schedule. Combined with the diet change and keeping hydrated, it really improved my quality of life.
Internet friends, I’m really struggling with my life right now. I just feel like I’m at rock bottom and I don’t know how to change things.
I’m college educated and had good grades, but struggled finding a job. I make ~$35k right now as a 30 year old, doing something I don’t need a degree for and isn’t at all what I want to do long term. I know what I want to do, and have applied to a million jobs doing that, but it’s just not working. I worry that the longer I stay in my current role, the less likely I am to ever get something resembling what I want to do and the less likely I’m ever going to make a solid, enough-to-not-live-paycheck-to-paycheck salary.
I don’t really have any friends, so I spend all of my non-work hours alone. I’m really freaking lonely. I’ve tried joining things and doing activities and being a “regular” at places…and I still spend my time at these activities alone. Dating is completely hopeless.
I’ve been eating and drinking my feelings, so I’ve gained a ton of weight and I don’t feel attractive or good physically.
I’m just so tired of struggling in every.single.aspect of my life and never having any luck. I basically cry every single night when I get home from work because I am SO miserable but any changes I try to make don’t work out or I don’t have the financial cushion to take. I just cannot do any more of this, but I feel guilty because I don’t have anything truly terrible going on, life is just an endless circle of blah and more blah.
Your post is late and you may not get many replies; please consider reposting next week earlier in the day. And I feel you…it sounds lonely and difficult. I hear how you’ve invested a lot of effort trying to change things, but without the results you want. It sounds like addressing whether you depression might be key, plus dealing with your drinking, if it’s true you’re “drinking your feelings.” It’s hard to make other changes when those issues are in play.
Big hugs. Life has many seasons. Please don’t believe your life needs to stay this way. You can make a rich and satisfying life that feels better to you. I am not saying it will be easy or quick, but you can move through this.
Hugs. That’s awful.
What area are you trying to break into?
Some other suggestions: therapy, if you can find one who uses a sliding scale or takes your insurance.
Find one aspect of your life that is within your control and commit to working on it for a certain amount of time. Do a Couch to 5k. Stop drinking for the rest of July. Take an online class. Volunteer at the pet shelter for the next two months.
The goal isn’t to lose weight, get a job, or make friends: it’s to take steps in a direction that are good for you. You need to put a couple of tally marks in the “win” column, to see yourself as someone who accomplished something and is capable of accomplishing more.
Commenting to add my sympathies and to validate the fears and unhappiness you’ve expressed as real and reasonable! I’ve been there, but most of the advice I received wasn’t that helpful, so I don’t know if mine would be. My personal experience was that (around the same age as you) I had reached such extreme personal and professional happiness at the same time that I approached it with a very “burn it down and start over” mentality.
30 can feel old for that, but I promise you – it isn’t. Neither is 40 or 50, actually, depending on your circumstances and the career. I know people who have re-trained and started entirely new careers at 50.
I put every option I could think of on the table: looking for a new job, quitting without another job, moving to another country or state, going back to school, ending my serious relationship, roommates, clubs/meetups, joining the military… And I gave each of them serious consideration even if I thought I knew I’d never choose that option.
I ended up quitting my job without another lined up and staying afloat for a few months using up my savings and living an extremely frugal lifestyle. I decided I wanted to live in a different state across the country and entirely change my career. I started applying for every job I saw in the new location and career, until I finally got an interview and landed a very junior position. Over the next few years the relationship ended, I moved in with roommates, and cultivated my interests and made a few friends. I worked hard to develop marketable skills and save back my emergency fund.
The move made a big difference in my happiness and also helped me break some bad health habits, but I would say it took many changes and a couple years before I felt regularly happy and like I was making progress. If I had it to do again, the only different choice I would make is not quitting the job without anything lined up. I would have tried to find a less emotionally draining temporary job to pay the bills or at least some of them while I searched for something in the new location.
Good luck, and I hope at least some small things start to look up for you soon. A few marks in the “win” column, as someone says above, are immensely helpful.
Hugs~
Some seasons in life are just poopy- ‘ve noticed that even one thing getting “fixed” makes everything seem better. Could you focus your energy on just one of the things that is making you unhappy and let others be for a bit- maybe it is eating better, or maybe it is being active.
I feel like trying to “get a grip” when “everything is awful ” is overwhelming and only serves to make you feel worse :(
Maybe post a city and other readers could provide some support?
I know my story won’t be much help but it might provide hope. In the past 2 years I’ve gone from 28k in admin to 60k in policy, my job is genuinely important. It’s also incredibly empowering to see the looks change when people realize how successful I am now. It was all a lot of work but I made very detailed plans and followed through even when I wanted to (sometimes literally) die. Getting this job probably took me 1000 hours of work whether that’s studying, applying, writing tests, interview practice, the interviews themselves etc. I left nothing to chance.
I am going to make a very specific suggestion–join one of those low cost gyms, if you have one in your area. We have a few that are around $30/month, and I think there are some which are closer to $10/month. The point isn’t to lose weight–but rather that you have committed yourself to doing something (say 3x/wk) that you have paid for. So you get up and go to the gym (or go after work, whatever). But you are starting to build some structure in your life around movement, which will in turn have a positive impact on the rest of the stuff. Even if you are just going and walking on the treadmill while listening to podcasts or audio books–this will help. The structure will help too. Your confidence level in yourself will go up (because you followed through! and went to the gym 3x/week!), and you will start to be more interested in trying other new things (which will eventually open up doors for a job change or for meeting a new guy).
Which city are you in? I will buy you a drink, commiserate and brainstorm ideas with you if you are in the Bay Area, post a burner email if so.
Hi-
Your post made me tear up. Four years ago, I could have written it. I was depressed. You might be, too. I recommend a visit to your primary care physician to discuss that possibility and whether an antidepressant could help. In my experience, meds don’t solve your problems – but they help clear the fog so that you can. Since $ is tight, you might want to check out one of those remote\online therapy services rather than doing traditional therapy. (I basically think everyone should be in therapy. It’s just lovely to have a disinterested sounding board.)
Next, re: weight. If I had a perfect solution to this – I’d be wearing smaller pants. But…I know I feel better when I cook\eat at home. And it helps keep expenses lower! A place to start could be checking out recipes and picking one to cook each week to bring for lunch. Give your mind something to focus on – researching, planning, grocery shopping. Productivity AND a hobby! A walk around the block – literally just one block – can do wonders for your mental state. Find a podcast that you like, and do a lap after dinner.
As for dating? It’s really not fun. Until it is. I online dated for four years, and have no solution for this other than…just keep at it. Take breaks when you need to. And know that it’s a slog for everyone who didn’t get to marry their college boyfriend/girlfriend. Really. Even for your crazy pretty model lookalike acquaintance who constantly gets approached in bars.
I agree with people here who have talked about different seasons of life. This is a hard one. But seasons change – and this one will too. Keep taking steps toward where you want to go. If you’re in DC – I’d happily buy you a drink and brainstorm\plot…
I could have written most of that in my late 20s. Annony’s suggestions above about planning are spot on and I did a version of the same thing when I tried to break into my field. It will take effort and you need support while you do that.
Do you live near your alma mater? They sometimes have career counselors or job fairs.
Have you networked extensively? Joined an industry group? Talked to alumni from your university who are in your desired field? You might also try to find a career coach who is going through certification training and would work with you for free. This might help give shape to your search, structure your efforts so that you can put in the 1000 hours that annony talked about above.
Without knowing the field it’s hard to advise but have you investigated temp work? Some temp work is more like contract work and might be a way to get your foot in the door at a desired spot. Don’t just go to any temp agency but try a few and see if any specialize in your desired field. Some specialize in accounting, some in tech work, some in healthcare.
Some cities have job search groups where job hunters get together for moral support. You might benefit from going to some meetings to get you a social outlet and more support.
Hang in there. Post again with the desired field as there are lots of people on here from different fields.
I need new bras. I wear a 44I . Anyone have recommendations for online shop with more than 4 options? I’ve been a strict goddess Clara wearer but I can’t find a good price or sale so I’m open to trying others unless there’s a sale I’ve missed this weekend.
Thank you.
Have a look at Figleaves.com
They carry 44 band in larger cup sizes. I’m assuming your 44I is a US size, so you’d have to make sure that you look at the right sizes (there’s no I-cup in UK sizes, it’s just straight from HH to J) and a conversion table, but you’ll have lot’s of models currently on sale there.
European ladies, I need help! My workplace is AWFUL. It is basically full of behavior that would be illegal in most parts of the world (Yelling, name-calling, threatening, etc) and the work used to be fun, but now sucks! The team has a ridiculous amount of turnover because they keep firing people willy nilly (you’d think that would not fly in EU, but meh)
So anyway, I want my employer to fire me so that I can go on social benefits and find a job (‘m super close to signing something but each day here is maddening). How do I make them fire me?
Hey, so you probably mean well but Europe is composed of at least 27 different countries, all of which have different labor laws. So apart from the really obvious answer – be awful enough that they will fire you – we can’t be that helpful . Also, not that you asked but this seems like a bad idea to me. I would recommend (i) enquiring with your local government authority whether you can get benefits if you quit under certain circumstances or look into a claim for constructive dismissal AND what kind of benefits you would get if you are fired for gross misconduct or incompetence; (ii) trying to tough it out until you sign something new; and (iii) speaking to a local labour lawyer about all of this. If your town or industry/market is small, your reputation might be shot.
(signed, I grew up in one of those European countries and that’s what I would do)
I’m in Germany :)
I’ve been trying to tough it out for a couple of months now and it has gotten progressively worse :(
If you can get a doctor’s note saying that your work environment is detrimental to your mental health, you can quit and still qualify for unemployment in Germany (assuming your work history qualifies etc.)
Germany has pretty decent labour law, so I would definitely try to pursue “the right thing to do” path. If you are in a bigger corporation, you should have HR and perhaps even a compliance team. After consulting with a lawyer (many companies have some sort of Employee Assistance Program, where legal services are provided), I would first report this behavior to both department, because this is the definition of bossing/mobbing. I would visit a GP or psychologist, describe what you are going through and how detrimental it is for your health and chances are, they will put you on sick leave. Let the internal investigation run its course, chances are the company will find enough evidence to support your claim and to want to find a solution, which will work for you. Which may be a decent severance package or to keep you on payroll while job searching. All this provided you are truly being harassed at workplace.
You could also quit yourself, you would still have a notice period, chance to use up accrued vacation time and still be eligible for benefits (limited time).
Talk to the lawyer or read up on the local labor law first.
Chicago ladies (and those in the know)! I have a business trip to the Chicago area in September and I’m planning to tack on a couple of days at the start and another couple at the end (travelling from UK). I’d like to do a bit of culture and lots of shopping! Can you give me some recommendations about areas of the city to base myself and what to do/where to go whilst I am there.
Thank you
River north. Terrific hotels and restaurants everywhere, and close to Michigan Ave and Rush Street/surrounding shops, and a nice walk to museums. September is a beautiful time to visit Chicago. Enjoy!
+1 to River North unless you plan to rent a car.
For the heavy shopping, I like the Fashion Outlets in Rosemont or Oakbrook Center – Michigan Avenue has a lot of shopping, but hiking from place to place gets tiring.
For the culture, the Chicago Architectural Foundation boat tour is a must-do and easily walkable from River North (leaves from intersection of Michigan Avenue and Wacker). If you are in the City on a weekend, I love the Frank Lloyd Wright bike tour in Oak Park (take the train to Oak Park and then walk to the start point). There are free days at the Art Institute and the Lincoln Park Zoo is always free. If you like theater, Steppenwolf has excellent productions; Victory Gardens Theater is more off the beaten path, but consistently good.
Some of my favorite places in that area for solo dining are The Purple Pig (right on Michigan), Frontera Grill (on Clark, sit at the bar), Xoco (Frontera’s counter service sister spot next door; if the line is long, the hot chocolate and churros alone are divine), Shaw’s Crab House (on Hubbard) and FoodLife (in Water Tower Place). The Aviary is worth the Lyft ride to try out the cool drinks.
Two other things I love in that area – Teuscher in the 900 North Michigan shops has these unbelievable “crumbly” caramels and Firecakes Donuts on Hubbard does these donuts filled with ice cream that are really special.
River North is very easy to get around and get to a lot of attractions, but it is a neighborhood that long term Chicagoans generally try to avoid as it is kind of a generic part of town — shopping, restaurants with a lot of other tourists, etc. I would probably stay at the Freehand if I were going to stay in that part of town, but there are a ton of the big chains around and you will have no problem finding a comfortable place to stay. Staying outside of River North at a place like The Robey (Wicker Park/Bucktown border) puts you more into the neighborhoods. Hotel Lincoln puts you in a pretty, if a little quiet, part of town and it has a great rooftop bar. But The Robey and Hotel Lincoln likely will not be as convenient to your work meetings, though they may be a relatively cheap Uber ride away.
As for culture, do you want to do museums (like Art Institute, MCA)? Live music (Green Mill, Chicago Symphony Orchestra, Empty Bottle, the Hideout, Thalia Hall)? Ethnic food (18th Street in Pilsen for Mexican is probably the best kind of ethnic food you couldn’t get in London, for example)? Or sampling some random Chicago street festival (you can just google your dates and see if the season has wrapped by then)?
Shopping — Michigan Ave has all of the big international brands, but places like Wicker Park/Bucktown, though being inundated by big chains, will have smaller shops as well. Chicago Mag will also let you know if there are any fun sample sales going on when you are in town.
All that to say, Chicago is a great time, and like stated above, September is awesome — people take advantage of any nice weather to just get out and enjoy the city.
Hi! My partner and I live in Santa Barbara and are looking for a weekend or 4 day getaway. It will be our first in six years before kids. Anyone have any recommendations of places in Southern California or Mexico? We are hoping for mellow beach/pool relaxing. Would prefer simple rather than large resort. Four stars and above ideally. Thank you!
So funny because there are so many great places right there where you live!
Try Terranea Resort in Rancho Palos Verdes. It’s big but it has All The Stars and just divine. Sit at the pool, drink champagne, and look at the ocean.
Shutters on the Beach in Santa Monica is a lot smaller. If you do that I would definitely suggest a trip to the Getty Villa, which is right up Pacific Coast Highway. (And the “regular” Getty, too, if you are museum likers.)
I haven’t been but Malibu Beach Inn looks pretty great, too.
I can’t help with your recommendation, but I live in SB too and would love to meet up, if you’re interested! Do you have a burner email, or I can create one and post!
Also in SB and would also love to meet up!
i’m the anon at 1:33 – email me at snn1326 at outlook dot com!
I’ll be paying off my student loans this month (!) and need to decide where to invest the money that would have otherwise gone toward loans. I’d like to keep it somewhere that will be accessible in the near term (5ish years). Any suggestions? I was thinking about a high interest savings account, but don’t know if a higher return option would be smarter – and if so, what? For context, I’m in BigLaw in a HCOL city, no kids, mid-30s.
I’d do a high yield savings account until you have a 6-month emergency fund built up, then start investing. Read up on the Bogleheads three-fund portfolio to get you started, then you can adjust as you get more comfortable in the market.
Bogleheads Forum is the best for saving and investing advice!
Is anyone else stuck working today? I hate biglaw so much, but my husband and I are neck deep in student loans from both undergrad and law school, so we are both stuck working in biglaw for the forseeable future. I’m jealous of everyone who gets to be off at barbeques/with loved ones. My husband I barely get to see each other as it is and it would have been great to spend today together or take a long weekend. Instead we are both stuck working. Thanks for listening to me vent.
When DH and I have days like this, we eat lunch ‘together’ via speaker phone. It makes eating at my desk less miserable and nice to connect a bit with DH. We try not to talk about work. Even 15 minutes helps.
Is it possible for you guys to work from home more often? My husband and I are also in biglaw with long hours (and will need to be for a while longer also because of loans), but when we can, we always escape to work from home. It’s still “working” so I wouldn’t necessarily call it high quality time, but it just feels so much nicer to be in the same room as my husband working. We can at least chat with each other sometimes and eat together, take breaks together, etc.
At night, or during holidays / slow days like this, my husband and I will FaceTime each other for a few minutes just to chat about our days and see each other’s faces. It’s not great, but it helps give a boost of good mood :)
Yes, I work for the government and we are open today. Although it’s pretty darned quiet around here…
The Hubs and I are both lawyers and The Kid’s camp is open today, so we are working (because who knows when The Kid will be sick and one or both of us will have to cover the day). The Hubs and I met up for lunch at a place between our offices, which really brightened up the day. When The Kid goes to the grandparents for a week next month, we will work at a coffee shop together at least one morning, which also is nice.
The Hubs is a partner now, but when he was an associate, the key was a strict schedule of planned trips. Every other year was a ten day trip out of the country (preferably some place with iffy wifi); the alternate years were long weekends every quarter, which were easier to schedule. One of the keys for us was to have some of those quarterly breaks be to places we went to often, so that we did not have to do a lot of advance planning; just book the regular hotel, reserve a couple meals at favorite restos, and then wing it from there.
Question for the lawyers here: how do you pick yourself up after a loss? I feel crappy not just over losing, but for beating myself (T14 law school, biglaw, somewhat well known) up over losing to someone who went to a low ranked law school and is at a no name firm. The loss was shocking to everyone including the other lawyer but I don’t like the judgemental way I am feeling. I don’t want to be that person. How do I move on from this? The colleagues who worked with me on this feel bad over the loss also so I can’t complain to them.
People go to low ranked schools for lots of reasons – family nearby that need their help (e.g. mom with cancer), maybe they were from a lower income background and needed the full-ride scholarship they got at that school over the acceptance but no scholarship from a higher ranked school, or they only got into lower ranked schools becuase they goofed off in undergrad and actually buckled down and worked in law school, or they have a kid and the other parent wouldn’t agree to a move to a higher ranked school area. What school you went to can heavily influence what firm you end up at.
I chose a lower ranked school over a scholarship at a higher ranked school because the lower ranked school was in the city where DH worked and we could live together. We would have had to take out way more loans if we had to maintain two homes. I wasn’t willing to bet that the higher ranked school would guarantee me a job that would make up the difference.
Litigation is (supposed) to be about the person with a the better factual support/argument winning. It is not a competition between attorneys to determine who’s smarter.
Are you a new attorney? This is just such an odd post, because every attorney regardless of how good loses sometimes. And if you really feel like your client was supposed to win because you had the better factual support and the law was on your side (not because you are “a better attorney“), then your client you appeal. For what it’s worth, the best attorney I know went to a “no name school“
Right. I agree with the above that some excellent attorneys go to no-name schools for certain reasons (scholarship, etc.) but even setting that aside and assuming the other attorney is way less competent than you, I don’t think you understand that law is not a judgment of “whose attorney is better.” Having an incompetent attorney can destroy a good case, but even the best attorney will not have anything close to a 100% win rate because sometimes the facts and law are not on your side. And also, judges/juries do stupid things sometimes, so even if you’re the better attorney and have the facts on your side, nothing is guaranteed. It’s really weird to take this so personally.
Remind yourself that it’s not a reflection of your value as a person. I’m similarly situated, and your life can be defined by your job in big law. Make a list of things you like about yourself that are not work related. Look at it. Remember wins and losses will come, careers will move, but you will still be these other things.
Agree with all of the above comments and also, tacking on to this one in particular, I think sometimes you have to steel yourself up so much to be confident that the fancy alma mater and/or BigLaw firm association can become part of the things you tell yourself about why you’re an awesome lawyer. And that may be true. But the inverse doesn’t necessarily follow.
Agree with this 100%. Good grief. The facts are the facts, and the law is the law, and no attorney is a guarantor of a particular result. And you really really need to cut it out with the “school rankings” thing. If you don’t want to be that person, then don’t be that person.
Realize all that “prestige” you’re desperately clinging onto ultimately means nothing and reevaluate your life and how you define yourself
I think it’s going to take some introspection from you to get over feeling superior. Remember that there are all sorts of reasons why people end up at the law schools they do, and that doing well in school doesn’t make you a great lawyer. In my practice area, the law strongly favors the other side, and those lawyers usually went to our local just state school and work at small firms. I lose all the time! They’re great lawyers!
Lose the ego. Your top law school doesn’t define you and someone going to a lower ranked school doesn’t define them. As someone who did not go to a top law school, this is incredibly insulting.
For various reasons, I seem to be staffed on all the “losers.” I console myself with the opportunities it’s given me…(humble brag) I’m going back to do my second Federal Circuit argument next week (after a couple in the 5th, and one in my state’s Supreme Court).
Like SA, and a bunch others said, I can’t help the crappy facts, or the law being against me. I can only advocate the best I can. And I guess I’m petty, too. Because at the end I want to be able to say, “well, at least I did better than OC!”
Is there a compelling reason NOT to give one months’ notice of quitting, instead of two weeks? I work on a small legal team and I know me leaving will be impactful. I understand there’s a risk (albeit I think a low one) that I could be shown the door two weeks sooner than intended, but we can absorb that if it comes to that.
Also, practically speaking, how have you all found the best way to quit? E.g., set up a meeting – but then what do you call it? Drop the news on a Friday afternoon? Say I’m quitting and then slide the letter across bossman’s desk? Reserve eye rolls, please. This is my first departure from a professional job and I want to do this as, well, professionally as possible.
Thanks in advance for any advice.
How I do it:
I schedule a 1:1 meeting with my manager at the end of the day, have the resignation letter printed and signed with me. I am a straightforward person and tell manager that I am resigning, I will (not) take remaining holiday and when will be my last day in the office (your case may be different due to legal environment, I am based in EU). I assure them to make proper handover and thank them for our time together. If they ask for the reason of resignation and I want to share, I briefly comment (most cases, it was a better developmental opportunity elsewhere).
Don’t overthink it, your manager has been through this multiple times.
Being on the other side of the table, I prefer employees to hand in their resignation at the end of the day, so that we both have time to process it & cool down.