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Frugal Friday’s Workwear Report:

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. project-social-ribbed-neck-tee Happy Friday! This ribbed tee looks perfect for work and beyond — the perfect kind of tee for layering beneath suits as well as a good “jeans and tee” kind of shirt. I like the idea of layering delicate necklaces at the neckline, but this kind of top is also perfect for a brooch or two, placed high, near your clavicle. It's $35 at Nordstrom, available in black, gray, and apricot. Project Social T Scoop Neck Ribbed Tee For plus sizes, this tee only has ribbing at the neckline, but I love the shirt in general – gorgeous. Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-all)

Sales of note for 12.13

  • Nordstrom – Beauty deals on skincare including Charlotte Tilbury, Living Proof, Dyson, Shark Pro, and gift sets!
  • Ann Taylor – 50% off everything, including new arrivals (order via standard shipping for 12/23 expected delivery)
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – 400+ styles starting at $19
  • J.Crew – Up to 60% off almost everything + free shipping (12/13 only)
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off everything and free shipping, no minimum
  • Macy's – $30 off every $150 beauty purchase on top brands
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off, plus free shipping on everything (and 20% off your first order)
  • Talbots – 50% off entire purchase, and free shipping on $99+

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

317 Comments

  1. Serious question: Has anyone here worn a brooch in the past 10-15 years? I honestly don’t think I’ve seen one in any office in years.

    And I think if I put one on this shirt, the shirt would be too flimsy and it would flop over. But maybe I don’t understand brooches.

    1. The blogger at Blue Collar Red Lipstick often wears them and looks chic. I think it’s tough to make them look current.

    2. My grandmother had a really lovely collection of brooches. I’ll occasionally wear them on the lapel of my winter coat. You could also put one on a hat, if that’s a thing you do.

      1. Maybe that’s part of the problem. I live somewhere where we don’t really have winter coats or need to wear hats.

      2. I wear them on coats too. I also have one shirt that works very well with broaches. It’s a round neckline with a large trim. I put an oval or rectangular broach just below the trim and it looks really good.

      3. I also have some super sparkly vintage ones from my grandmother that I wear on my winter coat and people comment on them all the time. I’m not sure they are like cutting edge fashion choices, but they make me feel emotionally really good. Plus sparkly.

      4. I went through a phase where I wore them on a denim jacket and that was kind of fun.

        1. +1 I wore a vintage cameo brooch on my denim jacket and though I was toooo cooool.

    3. I really like brooches. I understand they’re not trendy, and some might even consider them tacky, but I work in a very laid back field and just don’t care. Having said that, I wouldn’t wear a brooch on a shirt like this. Normally I wear them on blazers.

    4. I have a few brooches that I inherited from my mother. The only time I’ve worn them is on a black sheath/jacket combo. That’s my go to interview outfit.

    5. I wear them on the left lapel of my blazer everyday I wear a suit. So 3-4 days a week. It has become my trademark I think, when I wear a blazer without one my assistant and my children tell ne my blazer looks «empty». I am very particular about my brooches though. Always figural, flowers or animals, but never to cutesy.

      On t-shirts? No. Sometimes on sweaters that are on the chunkier side.

      1. I wear them on standard jacket lapels always, otherwise to me the jacket looks boring. Not so much on Chanel-type jackets or no-lapel jackets. Never wear them otherwise.

    7. Only on winter coats, where I’ll wear like 3 at once. I really do like them, but I think they’d look ridiculous on a tshirt.

    8. I wear them from time to time, but I’d never wear one on a t-shirt like this. As you say, the fabric’s not structured enough and the weight of the brooch would drag it.

    9. I wear a brooch on my wool winter coat. I think its cute and retro. I would never wear one on a shirt-especially this thin shirt.

    10. If you really wanted to wear a brooch with a thinner fabric, you could pin it to the shirt and your bra strap underneath. However, I’d be mindful of also not creating a hole in the fabric, which is why they work better with coats or stiffer materials.

    11. I wear them. usually on blazers (often tweed), on scarves, or on long strands of pearls

    12. I think HIllary Clinton wore one the other day. That may gave you an age range.

      I do think wearing one on coats is different.

    14. +1, I love wearing a broach to pin a long wool scarf in place, especially in the fall/winter when it’s cold and windy!

    15. I had this same thought. I’m 32 in the Southeast and can’t remember the last time I saw anyone remotely near my age wearing one.

      1. I am so glad to see her daring to feature something not made for women with larger chests! How to look professional with big breasts has been discussed on here many, many times.

  3. I know it has been discussed before – new jobs/promotions while pregnant – but my question is for how many people has being pregnant or about to go out on maternity leave affected your immediate career plans? I am up for a new job/promotion at my current employer. I have held off on telling my boss/colleagues other than HR about my pregnancy, mostly because I am shy about personal things. I spoke with HR early on and they seemed to think this approach was completely acceptable. I am now 6 months. I was told that I would be suggested for a great new job starting the new year. I am due over Christmas. My question is, do I tell the person putting me up for the job now before he/she puts my name in, or wait until after the interview to bring this up. I know a lot of previous posts have been optimistic that jobs will “work with you” if they really want you. My fear is that while they may want me specifically for the role, they would have no way of substituting for me while I am out for the first three months of the year, which is coincidentally the first three months of the job. Any thoughts on how to approach this? I am also interested if it didn’t work out for you too, as I would like to temper my expectations accordingly. Thanks!

    1. Of course they can substitute. But at 6 months unless you don’t work face to face with these people ever they for sure know you are pregnant already.

      1. Anonymous at 9:55, I’m not sure that’s true. I just hit 24 weeks and am only up 4 lbs (within my normal “range” but have gained 4 lbs since conceiving), not in maternity clothing, etc. I think people carry differently.

        That said, if you’re showing, Anon, maybe they DO already know. I just wouldn’t bet on it.

        1. Bahahaha. Everybody knows. Just because you haven’t gained a lot of weight doesn’t mean people don’t know. There are so many things that give away pregnancy besides a basketball shaped belly. I usually know well before people announce because their faces puff up. Heck, I’ve guessed pregnancies of some bloggers I follow just based on comments they’ve made about their eating habits or emotions.

          1. Yes. It is always visible in the face well before the 12-week mark, even for people who don’t gain much weight.

        2. Oh god I’m sorry to burst your bubble but nah you are totally showing, everyone can tell, same as with literally every single other pregnant woman. 100% of my pregnant friends are like “I didn’t really show until 7 months!!” And I’m like ummmhmmmm sugar those boobs of yours announced your pregnancy loud and clear at 10 weeks I was just being polite.

        3. Yeah I gotta say, I’m only 13 weeks and have only gained a pound…but my body looks really different. I have a supportive workplace so I announced last week and found out that 2 ladies in my office guessed I was pregnant at least 2 weeks prior.

        4. I will dissent – I am observant but unless I am extremely close with a coworker, spending hours staring at them, I don’t notice. I don’t memorize coworker’s bodies or faces enough to tell if they have lost or gained weight and I agree- some people carry differently. I have a friend who at 7 months you couldn’t tell because it was winter and she wore these chunky sweaters and just carried very small. I also have a friend with ongoing illnesses requiring surgery that makes her small frame bloat in her belly, making her look like she is pregnant and she’s not nor ever has been. I think people can be so judgmental sometimes.

          Anyway, OP, at 6 months some people may have guessed and some may be totally clueless. We don’t know and you don’t know, so follow the good and relevant advice above.

        5. So many obnoxious Anonymouses who believe their experience is the only valid one!

          My rack should have announced it, but my friends who knew I was trying hadn’t yet realized when I told them at 4 months. I’ve actually lost weight in my face. My stomach didn’t start showing until week 28, and at week 32 people still aren’t comfortable making an assumption. (This is not a humblebrag — it’s actually been a bit of a letdown. My life was very uncomfortable until I popped and could breathe and bend again, plus I’m oddly disappointed that strangers seem not to notice.)

          I am not particularly fit or fat — I just have a long torso. People show (or don’t) differently.

          1. Agreed 100%. I stopped following here for year because of a browser issue at work, and it seems like everyone’s a jerk now.

            I’m also having that uncomfortable ab thing at 24 weeks. I’m not tall, but have a long torso and the abs of an ex-gymnast and current acrobat/marathoner, which I think is why my stomach hasn’t changed much. My abs are actually in pain pretty much all of the time now. I’m hoping they give up the fight soon because it freaking HURTS. I’m noticing that the defined V shape over my hip bone is sort of… deepening, I think because the ab wall is getting pushed out. It’s a weird look.

            I have a coworker I could tell was pregnant at 5 weeks, and one that I saw weekly until she was 7 months pregnant, when she announced. I had no idea, and she was 31 weeks when she announced! Crazy. Everyone’s experience and looks are different.

          2. Also, I wish my rack would announce it. My 34A-Bs were solid Bs for a while in month 2, and now they’re back to normal, only somehow more painful. Boo. That is one side effect I would not mind.

          3. I think it depends on the observer. I was once invited by some guys I often hung out with at conferences to come speak at their place. I did so five months pregnant. I drank a glass of wine with dinner, but when the after-dinner plan was a pubcrawl, it was really awkward. I was on the market and so not announcing the pregnancy. The next time we saw each other at a conference, they said they had not had any idea, but that one of their colleagues, a woman in her late 40s who had never seen me before knew. I don’t think she was some kind of see-er. I think she probably had kids and had probably had friends who had kids, whereas the guys had not yet entered the parenting stage of life, so pregnancy was not on their radar.

      2. I interviewed for a job at 6.5 months. After the offer, I went in to discuss details, including maternity leave. My interviewer, who had been my opposing counsel on several cases over a four year period and thus had seen me many times while I was not pregnant, was visibly shocked when I told him I was almost seven months pregnant, to the point he asked me to stand up because he couldn’t tell I was pregnant, let alone in my third trimester. I am tall, and gained very little weight other than the baby, so when I dressed in work clothes I looked the same until I was very far along.

    2. Ordinarily, my response would be don’t mention it and just wait for the interview. I interviewed for a new job (multiple rounds over a several month period) and never mentioned that I was pregnant. By the last two rounds it was really obvious that I was pregnant so the only question I was asked was, basically, “given your pregnancy, when would you want to start?”

      But… if you’re going to be on leave in 3 months, why haven’t you told your boss? I think you need to tell your boss that you’re going to be out. And I think you should say that you know you’re up for this new role and that you are really interested in it and would still like to pursue it.

    3. We can tell you’re pregnant. Guaranteed. A friend recently kept her pregnancy a “secret” till around month 7. We all knew.

      1. I can say that in the last 10-15 years, I’ve only “missed” spotting a pregnancy before it was announced twice and that was due to either very good fashion choices or body type. Usually it’s a combo of extra food/snacks, no coffee/wine/booze, lots of furtive doctor’s appointments or morning sickness plus puffiness. Plus I’m nosy (not that I ever ask anyone ahead of an announcement).

    4. Personally, I think mentioning your pregnancy in the context of hiring telegraphs that it is a fact relevant to hiring, and it really shouldn’t be. If you are the right person for the job, your pregnancy and subsequent maternity leave should NOT disqualify you, and based on your comments, I think you should keep reminding yourself of that. Workplaces must, and do, figure out ways to accommodate pregnancies and maternity leave (and isn’t it so worth it in order to retain kickass women on your staff?), and your workplace will figure it out too if you get this promotion.

    5. Original poster here – I gotta tell you I am surprised by the substance of a lot of the responses. I have been a long time follower, and thought asking a legitimate question would get legitimate answers. I didn’t ask you how I looked. In fact, I didn’t mention it for a reason. I lost a lot of weight during my first trimester due to being very sick. I also dress in a way that is not noticable. I dont live in a vaccum and have been told repeatedly by friends and family that I am barely showing if at all. I also sit behind a desk for most of the day. Not to mention, I have older male superiors, that I do not think are really thinking I am pregnant. Moreover, I dont see these people often. It is possible at this point that people think I have gained some weight, particularly after my earlier weight loss. But even in light of all that, I was asking for suggestions on how to deal with this issue, which regardless of how I look, is stressful. I found the majority of responses to have missed the point and detract from my question. Thank you to the few that responded regarding actual hiring policies.

      1. I have no problem believing that many people may not notice, even if a couple do. The work issue is really up to you, imho. Legally, it shouldn’t be a factor, so you are not under any obligation to reveal it. You didn’t say if this new position involves an entire new division with a whole new team or if it will be the only new position. I think that makes a difference in whether they can delay the start of the new position. Otherwise, I think Lawsuited nailed it.

        1. Oh, and I interviewed for a job in mid-June, had a baby in early Oct. When I showed up for work in mid-August, the older man who was my boss was visibly startled at my belly, which by then was unmistakable.

  4. This looks too thin, too low, and too casual to wear to work, even on casual Friday. I also find ribbed fabric unprofessional.

    1. Casual Friday is different in every workplace.

      And ribbed fabric unprofessional? Really?

      1. Sometimes the things that get categorized as unprofessional here really boggle my mind. Ribbed fabric??? Full skirts?

        Apparently I’m super unprofesh at all times.

        1. I don’t think ribbed fabric or full skirts are “unprofessional,” but I do think they are both pretty casual and thus do not belong in court or worn under a suit. Either would be fine for my casual side of business casual office.

          2. @anon2. Because there are so many options. I don’t know if I’ve ever seen a man’s shirt with ribbed fabric.

          3. Agree that ribbed fabric is casual. And that men don’t usually wear ribbed t-shirt to an office. (The only male equivalents that I can think of are thermal henleys and ribbed under tanks – neither of which would be appropriate in a professional office).

          4. I’m anon directly above – and worth mentioning that while I agree ribbed is causal, it would be appropriate in my very casual office on a Friday. One of the higher ups just walked by in a hoodie (a woman, fwiw), to give you a sense. So I’d wear it but wouldn’t consider it professional ;)

    2. I agree, other than the ribbed fabric point (not the most conservative choice but not an automatic no). You can see a hint of cleavage even on the very thin model so I can’t imagine the boobsplosion on me.

      Also, a brooch (which I haven’t worn since maybe 2008 anyway?) would just sag on this fabric…

    3. Maybe not unprofessional, but certainly not appropriate under a suit.
      It would look great with jeans and a colored linen blazer.

      1. I agree it would look good like that. I’d be uncomfortable with so much upper chest exposed at work, but YMMV.

      2. Casual sleeveless a-line dress (could it be any worse!!), oversized athleisure cardigan, Birks (it just got worse!!!). Somehow, the world continues to spin.

        1. Which cardigan? Athelisure stuff holds up so much better to my rough treatment of my clothes.

          1. A Zella one from last season. Doesn’t look like mine is still available but there are so many great athleisure sweaters out there that are 100% fine for casual offices…and they’re all machine-washable!

          2. Also my favorite secret athleisure weapon is a reversible wrap pencil skirt from Lululemon. Work pajamas.

        2. I’m tempted to look up the skirt, but that CEO is such a pig. I don’t get Abercrombie for my kid for the same reason, different CEO.

    6. I agree it’s too low, but the fabric would be fine in my workplace on Friday. I agree it’s insane to suggest it could be worn underneath a suit. I feel like Kat has really lost touch with what professional women actually wear.

      1. I would totally wear this under a suit. I don’t even understand what you mean. In fact, I’m thinking of buying it for exactly that purpose so that I have something sleeved if I need to take off my jacket for the metal detector.

    7. It’s not that ribbed knit is inherently unprofessional- but just that a lot of ribbed knit tshirts are a “shrunken” cut. I’m thin, but busty, and the ribbing stretching across my chest doesnt look professional at all- even if the shirt would be fine on someone else.

      1. A-B cups here. I think ribbed fabric is flattering and love to wear it. But still, that low neck is not for me at work!

  5. Anyone here experience a severe intolerance to eating beef? My husband often has violent vomiting and severe stomach pains usually after eating beef – specifically steak or roast. We’ve often found he has an inability to digest the non-ground beef he eats. Last night he had two bites of a pot roast soup I had heated up and he woke up this morning with vomiting and stomach pains. Is the only way to avoid this to not eat any more beef? Other red meats (duck for example) don’t bother him at all!

    1. I don’t want to play doctor, but when I stopped being vegetarian beef (and even more so, pork) made me wildly ill. If there’s no underlying medical issue, you might try papaya enzymes. It contains papain which is apparently very helpful in breaking down proteins in flesh. Since his problem is more with un-ground whole meat, I would start there. I don’t think eating papaya or supplements could HURT anyone, but YMMV.

      1. Oh man, I can’t really do beef either. It’s a mild allergy for me, but it makes my stomach really upset if I have more than a couple pieces of jerky. Burgers are out. I’ve heard good things about papaya extract too. Couldn’t hurt to try. Or just leave the burgers and steak alone.

        1. The supplements honestly taste like chalky papaya candy to me. I was finding excuses to take them until my bottle ran out. They’re portable and cheap, I’d just throw a handful in a ziploc in your purse. I think it’s supposed to be ideal to take as you sit down to eat, but taking within a half hour after has worked fine for me.

      2. Yes! I have a co-worker who has a beef allergy (diagnosed by a doctor, not a self-diagnosed intolerance).

        1. A friend of mine can’t eat any mammal meat since a tick bite. Weird, but it is actually a thing.

      2. This is really fascinating to me. I had no idea this existed. I knew a dog with a beef allergy and thought it was so unusual.

      3. Me too!!

        It has been a decade, and people have told me it must be in my head. However, the vomiting is not in my head.

        I went pescatarian, but have recently considered reintroducing chicken. I might look into the papaya enzymes.

    3. Red meat is hard to digest. Yes, I’d stop eating it. Unhealthy anyway. And also ask a doctor. You want to make sure that any sudden change isn’t a symptom of something.

    4. Yep. Haven’t eaten beef in 20+ years, except for a few bites here and there. I have a couple bites and immediately feel off, and don’t try again for a long time.

    5. I find this embarrassing to admit since I am so powerful and strong but I can’t eat steak either. Even medium well lamb chops. I will violently barf it all out within 12 hours and then be completely fine. One bite is my limit. I can eat well cooked red meat – like burgers (even cooked medium), stews, curries, etc. I consume beef burgers 2-3 times a month and I’m fine. Other beef…..maybe once a month?

    7. I have a pork intolerance. I can eat a few slices of bacon or a sausage but beyond that I get stomach pains. Non-processed meat is for some reason worse; last time I made shredded pork I felt like hell then woke up that night vomiting.

      No idea what it is, just don’t eat pork any more except bacon on/in something and the odd sausage.

      1. The Wikipedia says that Cat-Pork Syndrome is a thing. Basically, some people allergic to cats are also allergic to pork. So bizarre!

      3. Holy crap, that is fascinating. I have a pretty severe cat allergy, and don’t eat pork. I assumed it was because I was vegetarian for more than a decade.

        It seems like pork in particular is hard for folks. I’ve talked to ex-Kosher/Halal keeping friends who also found it impossible to integrate in to their diet without unpleasant effects.

    8. I stopped eating beef and pork about 20 years ago and now get really ill if I accidentally eat it. My understanding is that your body eventually learns to digest those proteins again but it’s not worth it to me to go through the pain.

  6. I just found out my team is moving office buildings. I’m very excited because this will shorten my commute considerably, but I’ll be sharing an office for the first time (although it will be a lot bigger than my current office). Any tips for office-sharing? I tried to do a search here because I’m sure it’s been discussed before but I can’t find anything.

    1. How many people will be in the new office? If it’s just one, you can expect a period of adjustment while you each get used to each others’ volume, work style, etc. If it’s more than one, you’ll want to get noise-canceling headphones if noise bothers you, and have a plan for when you need to be on conference calls (if multiple people have simultaneous calls it can be really hard to concentrate).

      1. Yep, just me and one other person who will be one of my co-workers. Thankfully we don’t really do phone calls, since we don’t work with people outside our organization and our culture within the organization is to send an email or walk over to someone’s office.

        1. Be prepared for the walking to other peoples offices to need to change. As an office sharer I can say it is really annoying when people come to talk to one of us, it is really disruptive for the other person. My office mate and I usually try to shut it down and take the convo to the hall… But it is inconvenient for sure.

    2. If you have the total homey office vibe going on–fridge, coffee maker, mini crockpot or microwave, personal decor, etc–I’d totally do the new-roomie thing and ask what the other person likes to add to their office. The clash could be awkward if either one of you does up the whole office so the other person feels like they’re in someone else’s space or if you play dueling hotpots.

  7. If you need a workday laugh.

    Let’s pretend my name is Jennifer, for the sake of this story.

    It’s my last day of work in Big Law. I’m going in-house to get away from some truly evil partners. I’m in my exit interview with a big-deal partner from my firm, and I’ve just finished reviewing the matters I’ve transitioned and walking him through the memo on the same subject. The partner says, “You’ve done a fantastic job on this memo, and I really appreciate your hard work. We really wish you all the best. Jessica, it’s just been such a pleasure working with you.”

    JESSICA. And no, it wasn’t purposeful. He really didn’t even notice. I just said, “Thank you very much,” and left.

    This, in a nutshell, is EXACTLY why I am leaving.

    Bahahahahahahahahahaha!

    1. Wow, that is so messed up. Good thing you’re getting the last laugh! Take yourself somewhere else where you’ll be appreciated.

      1. YES, name on the memo. I’d emailed him copy as well that morning, and he’d responded with a time to come by and discuss.

    4. Ugh.

      There’s an annual project I’m responsible for. My boss’s boss always had to review and pass it up the chain for signature. One year, the fifth year I had done it, he said, “Hey, remember that [annual project] you did a few years ago? We should do that again!”

      My face, you guys.

      I’m no longer at that job.

    5. Just wait until he calls you Jessica at the pitch meeting to get your company’s new big deal.

      1. Former biglaw attorney here pushed out by some nasty tactics and landed in-house. It is *so* satisfying when they all come crawling back for your business! ENJOY YOUR LAST DAY!

        1. YES. One of the worst snakes recently added me on Linkdin. I was like WHO ADDS WHO NOW B*TCHES

        2. I am going to a friend’s bachelorette in a week and it includes a shower of gardening accessories that you wear. I need to purchase a gift for her, but I don’t generally wear stuff other than what I buy at Target, and her tastes are way, way, way, nicer than mine. WAY. Can anyone point me in the right direction? I either need something so funny/silly/over the top that the brand doesn’t matter, or something that isn’t going to shame me among people who socialize with the Bush family. Price range around $100.

    6. My name actually is Jessica, and I regularly get called Jennifer by mistake in all sorts of setting. As in, I receive emails to jessica.mylastname@domain.com that begin “Hi Jennifer”, and letters from opposing counsel addressed to “Jennifer [MyLastName]”.

      I know your real name is not Jennifer, but my bizarre experience has led me to believe that Jennifer and Jessica are just weirdly interchangeable names.

      1. I mess up common masculine names that start with the same letter and have the same cadence. Matthew/Michael, Jim/John, Dan/Dave, Cody/Cory, it’s like my brain stores only half the info. There’s a Tom I know that I call Tim in my head every single time, even though I KNOW it’s wrong.

      2. They appear to be. I’m a Jennifer and I used to get called Jessica a *lot* (you know, when I actually saw humans outside of the 4 lawyers I work with…).

      4. Ok, but COME ON YOU GUYS, this was my exit interview!!! He should’ve at least gotten it right this ONE time!!! Don’t make excuses for the mean nasty old partner who never bothered to learn my name!!

        1. That’s right, girl!

          I hope your new job is FABULOUS, and they finally appreciate you.

          Good luck!!

  8. Has anyone ever noticed needing less sleep with age? I’m 27 and just started grad school and find myself definitely needing my 8 hours (sometimes more), but I’m wondering if I’ll ever be able to get away with less and still function at a high level. There’s so much I want to do and only so many hours in the day. Also, for those of you who work >60 hours per week, how much sleep do you get?

    1. Not in my anecdata — in my Biglaw years, I would be tired-but-functional on 6 hours a night if I had to. That got harder and harder as the years went by. I’m happiest getting 8-9 a night, sleeping about 9:45-6:30. I have no children or commute (well, it’s a 10 min walk) to speak of, which very obviously helps me sleep so much.

      I have heard that as you get older (like, menopause older) you often sleep less.

    2. I’m 29 and feel like I need more sleep… I’m so tired constantly and find it much harder to function on less sleep than I used to.

      Even when I go to bed early, I still can barely wake up 8 hours later so I’m hoping I can get by on less sleep eventually. This is getting unsustainable.

      1. Listen to your body. Some people need significantly more than 8 hours, and if you’re one of those people then sleeping only 8 hours can really damage your health (even though that number is plenty for lots of people). Making time for sleep is just as important as making time for exercise or any other healthy habit. And you may be surprised to find that going from 8 to 9 hours doesn’t cut into your free time by anything close to a full hour a day, because when you’re better rested you’ll be much more efficient at work and chores.

      2. Or you might be like me and are assuming it doesn’t take you as long to fall asleep when it really does…add in time it takes to fall asleep and see if that helps. I find even when I add in an extra 30 minutes I feel a lot better.

    3. I think you need less sleep when you get into your 50s and 60s, particularly if you have slept well your whole life and aren’t sleep-deprived. My mom was always (like me) someone who needed 9-10 hours a night to feel well-rested, but now that’s 65 she regularly goes to sleep at 10 and wakes up at 5 naturally.

      1. I think this is right. I’m always amazed when I visit my aunt and uncle (78 and 79) how little they sleep, with no alarm clock/drug help. But I remember falling asleep standing up as a teenager

    5. Not really…. At least during your working adult life. Not sure why you would think this is possible?

      I could get away with very little sleep in my 20’s and even early 30’s. But with aging, the repercussions of irregular sleep schedules or not enough sleep takes its toll. I can’t stay up late anymore, and always feel and think better when sleeping enough/regularly. In my 40’s, I have more difficulty with intense cognitive tasks later in the day, as I get more tired, and really suffer if I don’t sleep enough. Never mind how I looke….

      Your brain and body really change with aging.

      There are studies showing that some people need less sleep when they are more elderly, but even that is highly variable. And these folks are generally not working, and able to sleep regular schedules that their bodies like, which is half the battle.

    6. It seems to really depend on your individual circadian rhythms. Husband, at 30, still needs his 8+ hours and has always done; since having a baby I’ve become a biphasic/ interrupted sleeper: conk out with baby at 8, sleep 3-4 hours till he wakes up, put him back down, stay up and read/ get some work done etc, sleep another 3ish hours for an average of 6-8h/ night. Previously I was happiest getting 7-8h.

    7. I’ve recently found this. My personal theory is that it’s because I’m drinking a lot less than I did in college and law school, haha.

    8. I find that the older I get the healthier I eat. And the healthier I eat the less sleep I can get away with.

    9. I never slept 8 hours in my early 20s but I’m not sure it’s because I didn’t need it as much as I do now (early 30s), I think I just didn’t know what it felt like to get a good night’s sleep. Now that I know what it’s like to be well-rested, I notice it a lot more when I don’t get my 8 hours. Or maybe I’m just in denial about getting older.

    10. I’m mid 30s and if anything I need more than I used to. 8 hours a night is my minimum to be a happy, functional person.

      Every time I read about someone in a demanding job who has decent work life balance it turns out they only sleep 6 hours a night. Which is super depressing because I can only do that for 1 or 2 nights before I become a haggard, sick, cranky mess.

      I work in law and want kids soon and have no idea how I will pull it off.

    11. So when I was routinely getting 4-5 hours a night as a surgical resident I thought I was functioning fully on it. I believed I was one of those people who just do fine on 4 hours. I wasn’t tired, I was thinking well, I was doing well at work, etc.

      However, when I took some time off to study for my board exam and starting getting 8 hours a night I was truly AMAZED by how much better my brain function was. Suddenly, I didn’t have to write things down- I just remembered them! I thought more quickly. I made fewer small errors (like missed typos in emails and things like that). My mood was more stable. It was a real shock.

      So I guess my point is that you learn to function on the amount of sleep you are able to obtain- but that it might not be your maximal function (even if you think it is!)

  9. Have any of you ever gone to this? It is in Palm Springs in a couple of weeks. If so, what do women wear? I know some men who have gone (all older, so dress either super-formal or in golf attire b/c they are semi-retired), but they are not helpful for my suitcase.

  10. I posted this question before at an odd time – thought I’d try again on a Friday morning. I’m going to watch a family member run (do?) a triathlon and am considering whether my 2.5yo would be entertained and safe, or whether I should leave her home. I’ve never been to such an event. Thoughts?

    1. This is fine. You just have to stay being the lines. They’ll go by once or twice and in between she can run around to her heart’s content.

    2. There will be a lot of waiting around and craning of necks to try to catch a glimpse of your relative. I would only take a kid of that age who is easygoing and patient, and I’d probably take a jogging stroller for restraint purposes. I would also take some kind of not-too-noisy noisemaker (those plastic clapping hand things are great) or flag the kid can wave to cheer on the competitors and entertain herself.

    3. Personally, I’d rather watch paint dry than spectate a triathlon (DH has done them for years, I stopped attending many, many years ago.) They’re pretty boring to watch. However a 2.5 yo will be safe (as long as you don’t let her run into the road) and maybe the start/finish is at a park with a playground? Also, be prepared for port-o-potties– is the child potty-trained yet? Bring wet wipes.

    4. Depends on the set up — check out a course map and try to figure out where you can watch. With a tri, you’re typically getting short glimpses of the competitor at different stages. I took my 3.5 year old & 6 year old to watch DH in a tri a few weeks ago (and the year before, and….) We saw him before he started, saw him briefly while he was in the water (as they were swimming along the shore — if they’re not doing that, it’ll be harder), then had about an hour or so where we waited out the bike ride, saw him on the run, and then saw him on the finish. This was a sprint length and his time was ~1:45. Bring a stroller/snacks/other items to amuse the kid, but it’s not inherently impossible to do with kid(s).

    5. Having been the athlete and dragged DH along to pick me up (this was pre-kids; he would usually go for a run around the area while I was racing) – it depends. How long is the triathlon? If it is a sprint, sure. They’ll be done in an hour or two. If it’s a half Ironman, that is 5-6 hours of spectating (ie craning neck to catch a glimpse…’was that her? I’m not sure, they’re all wearing the same bike helmet and sunglasses’) and athlete dropoff/ retrieval.

      What is the route? Are the start and finish in the same area, along with transition? This increases chances of seeing the athlete. If it’s point to point, not so much.

      What is the spectators’ area like? Is there a park with a playground? A 2.5yo should know not to fall into the sea/ lake, right? There will definitely be portapotties. Sometimes there will be family activities (for athletes’ families) — face painting, mini races, popsicles for purchase…really depends on the race organisers. Check out the race guide.

      Safety – do not let her fall into the water, run onto the bike course, sneak into transition, or get onto the run course and she will be fine! In several years of endurance racing I’ve never had a problem with a kid on the course so this shouldn’t be a huuuuge worry…

      How big is the triathlon? 100 folks – ok. 10,000 – it will be a zoo, and not in a good way!

      Either way, it *may* demand reserves of patience that a 2.5yo may just not have…

      1. Thanks for these detailed thoughts. It’s a full Ironman (would only go for part of the day, and obviously 2.5yo would mean I probably wouldn’t see the finish). It seems to be basically taking over a small town and wildlife refuge, and the spectator guide indicates several spots all over to see different parts of the race, including next to a park. There appear to be hundreds signed up. I do not see any family-focused activity.

        My kid is not particularly patient and tends to be a withdrawn observer in new situations. Sounds like she and I would both have a better day if I did not bring her.

        Thanks, all!

        1. You’re welcome! Good luck! Do you have to travel far to get there – in which case it’s more of a weekend away – or is it near you? If it involves family travel, you’ll want to scope out local kids’ activities. Seriously, there ought to be spouse and family groups for families of athletes to get together and commiserate…I mean hang out.

          1. It’s near enough to just go for the day. I’ll ask around but it sounds like it will be just me. Thanks again.

        2. If it’s IM Maryland, I’ve done that race and the spectating on the run is great (so my SO tells me). The swim is not spectator friendly except for the start and finish, which is a blur. The bike is definitely not spectator friendly unless you hang out at the high school for Special Needs bags – it’s a 2 loop course of 56 miles each so hours of waiting. The only IM that I’ve spectated is Kona and I’ve never made it the full day – it’s a 17 hour race with a good hour before the start and hour after if you have any hope of getting out of the race venue without total chaos. Totally exhausting. And honestly, the very best part is the finish – for the athletes and the spectators. My SO gave up watching and now does them with me – it’s that bad.

    6. Is your kid outgoing, like interacting with people? I keep toddlers entertained at races by having them hold posters, cheer for the participants, give out high fives, do their own “races” (away from the course).

      GCA has great advice above, but if you do decide to take your daughter, there’s a lot going on at a race that can be entertaining to little ones.

  11. Lawyer salary poll – would you guys be willing to anonymously share your salaries? I feel like it is so hard to get an accurate sense of what people are actually making. Trying to decide if it is worth staying in the government or explore in-house. And it is way too awkward to ask friends. So this forum would be an amazing informal resource. And if you are willing to share — thank you!!!

    I’ll go first:
    1) HCOL area, government attorney, $130k, great hours, no bonus.

    1. Very LCOL area (a nice four bedroom house is ~$250k), small firm, $81k, 1800 billable hour requirement, no bonus.

    3. In-house, Atlanta, $145K salary, total annual comp approx. $230K once you include bonuses (cash and stock).
      Great hours and great people.

    5. $95k, in house in Houston, last year’s bonus was $30k (it was my first year of bonus eligibility but coworkers have said it was a very low bonus year)

      I’m a 5th year. Would folks also mind posting experience level?

    6. HCOL area, government litigation, 5th year, awful hours, $75k. Definitely not in it for the money.

      1. Also, HCOL area, government litigation, good hours, 78k. Been practicing for 6 years, but only 1 year here.

      2. Washington DC, government litigation, 8th year, $155K, no bonus, awesome hours and work.

      3. LCOL area outlying Washington, DC (in the four-state area — it’s about 2 hours to the city during the workweek if I need to go).

        Local government attorney. Class of 2011. Great hours, great people, small department. $72K.

    7. Medium-sized city in the Midwest, non-equity partner, ~15 years of experience, variable hours, $180,000 + variable bonus depending on year.

        1. do you make less as a non-equity partner than your firm’s associates? assuming your biglaw firm is on cravath-scale.

          1. Not the anon above but at my firm non-equity partners got a bump when associates got the Cravath bump because 7th year associates were making more than non-equity 1st year partnera

          2. I’m not the Anon above, but it seems her comp is pretty low for Biglaw even as non-equity partner unless she’s working half time. When I left in 2012, I was making $305K as “of counsel” (which at a capital-partner firm is like income partner). I definitely didn’t make less than associates unless they were really banking huge hours (I was not).

      2. interesting. non-equity partner in biglaw in large Midwestern city w/ 13 years experience. $400k total ($350k base + $50ish bonus)

    8. I think you also need to know what year we are in.

      Austin; small firm; $110K + bonus of $15-20K; 1800 hours, a portion of which includes practice development. 5th year.

    9. Very low cost of living state, government lawyer, 8 years experience, good hours/flexible. 70k plus good benefits and retirement plan.

    10. Thanks for starting this. Would love to hear from small/medium firm and in house folks especially. My contribution:

      DC; fed govt; litigator in biglaw, more corporate/compliance work in gov’t; 11 yrs out of school; 160k.

    11. We did one of these a few years back and it was so very helpful.

      7th year. Low cost of living area. Very small firm. $91,000 base. Once my receivable reach 3 times by salary, I get 1/3rd of everything over that. Basically, the bonus kicks in when we win big contingent fee cases. Last bonus was $25k. I also get a nominal $3k or so around the holidays.

      The partners experimented with different billable hour requirements but decided they care about revenue not billables. Since a chunk of our work is contingent, this makes a difference. They still review our billables generally to make sure we are working but there is not real punishment. They look to commitment to the firm more. My true billable are usually around 1500 but my actual time billed is closer to 2000 with firm management and marketing stuff, new client meetings that don’t end up hiring us, board commitments and the like.

      1. Firms should really evaluate this model more. Even non-contingency based practices.

    12. Med/high COL, 6 years experience, state government, ideal hours but no flexibility, 80k with great insurance and pretty good retirement plan.

    13. Lowish COL area, 7 yrs experience, in house, sports industry, good hours, exciting job, great people $83k no bonus

    15. This type of information is invaluable! FWIW: Prior to going in house, I asked a few close lawyer friends in my geographic area their salaries to gauge where I should stand in negotiations.

      In-House for small/medium company that is a sub of a major, international corporation. Ten years out of school. MCOL, New England. 97K, employer contributes 3% to 401k and matches another 6%. 20% bonus. Excellent health insurance and vacation. Job is 9-5 with very occasional evening/weekend work.

      1. Can I come work for you, please? If I work until 3 am one more night this month, my head is going to explode.

    16. HCOL at a nonprofit legal services firm. Starting salary is $45K, managing attorneys supervising an entire independent office make $75K, the executive director makes $95K. The prevalent myth that nonprofits misuse funds makes me weep. This salary structure is common nationwide.

    17. HCOL area. Mid-size firm. Generally decent hours, generally decent people. 12 years practicing. $180K. Bonus is a joke though.

    19. NYC in house, 5 years experience, $220k salary, variable bonus, hours aren’t awful all things considered.

      1. Do you think this is a function of being in NYC? Or are you in/tied to banking/hedge funds? Posted above — at 160k in a non litigation gov’t role now and have always toyed with coming back to NYC but given that I’ve gotten used to the lower COL life in DC, I’ve always said that I don’t want to do NYC under 200-225k.

    20. Austin, government/non-litigation, $85k, great hours and flexibility, no bonuses but great benefits. Fifth year.

    21. Med/High COL, non-profit in-house (small non-profit, legal dept <5), 8 years practicing, one year here, great hours, $150k, no bonus.

    22. Low-ish COL area, large regional firm, 5th year (I think? I may count as a 6th year. I lateraled and my year is not entirely clear), 1800 billable requirement, 148k

      1. And I was previously at a small firm in a fairly niche area of practice in a HCOL area making I think 78k as a late 2nd/early 3rd year when I left.

    23. 5th year in major Texas city, midlaw, $145k, negligible bonus, 1850 billable requirement.

    24. LCOL, in-house non-profit, good hours with some flex, $89k, no bonuses but good benefits and a generous CLE budget. 3 years experience.

    25. In-house in chicago. Here for 1 year, big law 2 years before. $110k, $15k bonus, awesome hours and environment.

    26. Super HCOL area, govt litigation, 8th year (but only 1 year at this job), 103k, no bonus. Dream job, but prob couldn’t swing it w/out BigLaw spouse.

    27. Midwest LCOL. 5th year small to midlaw, 85k plus bonus with 1800 hour requirement. Firm is typically known for below market salaries with bigger bonuses.

    28. MCOL, 9 years out, state government, $80K; almost no perks except the incredibly flexible hours

    29. Small firm, MCOL, non equity partner, 13 years, 135k, no bonus, good retirement plan, lousy health plan. Tons of flexibility.

    30. Biglaw, very very HCOL area (Bay Area), class of ’08, niche practice, $315k (Cravath scale), bonus last year was $100k, long hours and lots of stress but firm is very flexible on face time.

    31. ’14 graduate. Just moved from big law (Cravath scale, $190 + bonus) to in-house ($160K, plus up to $15K bonus, plus $30K stock options). Highest COL city in the country.

    32. Very HCOL area (L.A.), gov’t litigation; $130K, 10 years out, no bonuses or meaningful perks besides job security.

    33. Original poster here. Wow, amazing responses. Thank you all so much for sharing! I wish this was a thing in real life.

      Kat: maybe we can do an site-wide anonymous survey twice a year? Might also be helpful for fields outside of law?

      And good point – years of experience matter. I’m 11 years out. Bummed out about missing out on bonuses, especially in a HCOL area, but I work 9-5 which is pretty great.

    34. Very HCOL area. Large boutique in niche practice area that has become commoditized since the recession. No raises since 2008. Compensation in law firms is so bad that I know 8 people with 5-15 years of experience who left the area for lower COL in the past year. If my SO didn’t have a great job, I’d be loading the moving truck tomorrow.

      2005 grad. $120k salary. Will make ~$30k in bonuses this year. About 1200 “billed” hours from 1800 “billable” hours (write-offs are killer).

    35. MCOL, state gov’t (dept head, 7 direct reports), $110K after two promotions in 2 years, I started at $77K, great benefits, 40-hour week. I’ve been an attorney for 8 years, 6 years private practice before jumping to gov’t post-baby.

    36. NYC, non-government regulator, 2007 grad. $135k base, 6% 401k match, 10-15% typical, 20-30% possible bonus. Decent hours (some people manage just about 40, seem to get lower bonuses/raises, others are closer to 50 on average).

    37. This info is fantastic! I’m HCOL, biglaw, $210K (Cravath scale). Great people, really interesting work, 1950 billable requirement. Class of 2012, took a haircut when I lateralled.

    38. HCOL (bay area). In house at large international tech company in legal management role. Cash comp $350k (salary, bonus) plus stock. 10 years out.

    39. I know that you asked for lawyer information, but I noticed that halfway down you said it would be useful for non-law as well. I am in a JD-preferred position, so despite being late, I will throw my info in here!

      JD-preferred, contract manager/administrator, larger international company, Class of ’08, $87k, negligible bonus in the years I have been there (our BU business is down), amazing hours, amazing co-workers, interesting work, okay health insurance, good 401k matching, gym in the building, other wellness and employee perks like that, 15 minute commute.

    40. LCOL, 8 years practicing 6 years at current job with nonprofit government contractor (same pay scale as government lawyer), about $100k salary, usually $10k-$20k profit sharing for retirement, decent benefits, variable hours but manageable and flexible. Also great coworkers, good boss, and fascinating work that helps people. I lucked into my position and I’m never ever leaving.

    41. LCOL in southeast. In house at $110k, 7% 401k, and $10-25k bonus based on company performance. Great hours and great coworkers. Class of 2010. No plans to leave this job if I can help it.

  13. What’s your favorite way to relax and recharge?

    I haven’t been sleeping well for over a month. I was feeling stressed out before going on vacation last month, but vacation was super busy and not at all relaxing. So now I’m back, still not sleeping well, and feeling stressed. I’d love to go do a spa weekend but it’s out of the budget (unless someone can suggest a good, inexpensive place near NYC). So I’m trying to recharge this weekend.

    Normally when I have a weekend with no plans, I just hang out in my sweats, watch tv or read, and just generally pass the time. That doesn’t really help me feel rested and recharged though, especially when my sleep isn’t good. Any suggestions?

    2. Can you go to Spa Castle for the day? There is one in Queens you can get to via the 7 train + bus, and I think there is also one in Manhattan. The Queens one might feel like more of a mini-vacation though!

      1. Spa Castle on the weekend will be crazy. Get yourself to Kingspa (shuttles from 32nd streetish) in NJ. Evenings/mornings are calmer.

    3. Fresh air! Go somewhere you can be outside and hike/walk around for the day. Turn your phone off and make a point to not look at it.

      You could easily spend many hours walking the grounds near the Cloisters, for example. Or if you wanted something further afield, take the train to the beach and spend the day there. Pack a book, and some snacks, and push through the initial feeling of being out of your comfort zone.

      1. +1

        Fresh air always recharges me. Could you also just get an hour massage or something instead of a full spa day thing? More affordable. A day of fresh air followed by a massage (either that evening or the next day) sounds like an awesome weekend to me.

      2. I’m sure this only applies to someone single/no kids… but for what it’s worth, weekends where I make a point to not use social media/email (no facebook, no instagram, no work emails, no personal inbox) + No TV except maybe a movie at night leave me feeling the best. Starting Friday night until Monday morning. What to do instead? Read for leisure- novels, magazines, nonfiction. Cook- dinners + something to freeze for emergency dinners + a snack or baked good. Online shop/brows sales. Call my parents/siblings to catch up. Nap if I get drowsy mid day. Fold some laundry. Go on a walk outside with lots of greenery around if available. Catch up on blogs. It sounds crazy but you really feel like you’re coming back to reality Monday which does a good mind trick of making you feel like you “got away.”

        1. I’ve been on a social media fast for the past month or so. I was considering turning my phone off and disconnecting all my devices from the Internet. I do feel like weekends are better and feel longer if I read instead of watch tv.

          These are all great suggestions. I’m considering them all and looking up the specific spa ones. Hopefully I can report being much more relaxed on Monday! Thanks everyone!

    5. Walk. Get yourself physically tired to help sleep. Like, on Sat, set an alarm. Get up. Get dressed. Go walk 2 hours. Actually do stuff.

      And I love Spa Castle in Queens, but there is naked time involved.

    6. Go to Great Jones Spa. They have this water lounge with hot and cold plunge pools, a sauna, and a steam room. You can use the lounge for free if you book a service over $100 or pay a $55 fee if you book something less than that (or, I guess if you just want to use the lounge area but I’m not sure – you should call and check). I think most of their 60 minute massages are around $145, so you can get a massage and spend a few hours in the lounge. Not sure if that meets your mark for inexpensive, but it’s so so so relaxing. Honestly, while the massages are very nice, I’d pay the fee just for the lounge alone.

    7. You must try watching ASMR videos. The ASMR community uses whispering, soft-speaking, and other soothing sounds as a way to relax you. There is a lady on YouTube with a channel called “GentleWhispering” that’s voice is so soothing that it is impossible not to relax after hearing her speak. I’d recommend her video called “Made just for you…ASMR 3D sound.” Believe me, you won’t struggle to relax again if you start watching these videos regularly.

    8. Your normal weekend of hanging out in comfy clothes and reading and watching tv is what I generally do to recharge, but since that isn’t working for you, maybe try something more active? Yoga, a long hike or bike ride, kayaking, a climbing gym.

      I recently went on vacation for a week and did a lot more yoga, biking, swimming, and walking than usual. As a result, I was going to sleep earlier, sleeping well, and I felt great and very recharged when I came back from vacation.

      I wouldn’t have imagined that being that active would be relaxing, because other times I’ve been active, I’ve felt great but exhausted. Although, my other super-active periods were when I was adding something active and time-consuming on top of my regular work schedule. So the active vacation worked wonders for me. Maybe you could try a physically active weekend, instead of a quiet lounging one?

      1. A good chunk of my vacation last month was in a national park and super fun and active. But I just didn’t feel recharged by it. The fresh air did wonders in the moment though.

        1. Have you been screened for depression?

          I have a history of depression and disturbed sleep is often one of the signs that it is coming back and I need to address it.

  14. I really wish they would start making tees in more than just basic colors. I have enough black, white, beige, and gray. I need dark plum, cherry red, and deep forest green.

    1. Eddie Bauer FTW. Their Fall pallette of tees is really nice this year.

      I also like Poetry tees (it’s a british catalog company) but theirs are in the pricy range, but often linen or with satin accents.

    3. I’ve really liked Target’s 3/4 sleeve boat neck tees. They come in cute colors and stripes, are totally work appropriate, and are often 2 for $20.

    4. I must need more coffee, because I originally read this as “trees.” LOL But hey, maybe they do need trees in more colors, too.

    5. Try Judy P tops. Although rather stretchy fabric, the fronts are double lined. A host of great colors. There’s their own sales online and I get mine through local boutiques as well as, shockingly, the Gumps catalog in San Francisco. Tanks, ballet necklines, v neck, scoops, 3/4 sleeves. I stopped buying “t shirts” that pilled, whether BBrothers knits or not.

  15. How do you fill in your eyebrows?

    I love the full brow look. I see gels, stuff that looks like a mascara wand, powders, pencils…what do you like?

    I’ve tried a Smashbox powder. It came with 2 different colors plus a wax. The girl at Sephora said to mix all of them together and apply simultaneously. I felt like it went on too heavy/looked too artificial.

    I then got a cheap ELF pencil with a spoolie brush on one end. The color is a brown, and it doesn’t quite match me. I have very dark, nearly black hair and eyebrows.

    1. I like Origin’s eyebrow pencil. I’ve tried several other brands and not liked them nearly as much. Brow powders are too fussy for my lazy @ss so I just use the pencil.

    2. loreal has a new kit. It has a wax and powder check that out maybe?

      I have med/light and it works so the dark one may work for you

    3. I use Ardell brow powder and a small angled brush. I’m Indian and I have black hair and black brows and the powder is a dark brown color. My eyebrow hair is long and thin and the hair grows downward so I’ve always had trouble getting my brows to look groomed. I’ve watched a ton of YouTube tutorials and with trial and error found that the brow powder works best for me.

      I’ve heard good things about Anastasia brow pencils and L’Oreal is supposed to have some good options too, but I haven’t tried those myself.

      1. Do you remember any of the videos that were helpful for you?

        My eyebrow hair is very, very long, and grows down and sometimes up (now with occasional greys, unfortunately). I require a lot of trimming and maintenance for hairs growing outside of my primary browline. They are also quite dark, so very obvious when they are not right, and I don’t do a great job.

        The last time I went to a brow place for pointers (and I only ask them to pluck), it cost nearly $30 for literally 3 minutes work, and I can’t say they taught me well enough to maintain. They also talked me into buying a “pencil” that you use for literally drawing in eyebrow hairs one at a time to gain a more realistic browline. But the effect didn’t last the day.

        1. Sure! Commenting from my phone right now, but I’ll check on specific vidros and get back to you.

          I think I started by searching for “eyebrow tutorial”.

          I used to get my brows threaded, but they just turned out okay and I ended up cleaning them up on my own.

          I just recently got a Tweezerman,which is great. After tweezing,I’ll trim some of the longer hairs that are pointing downward. Sometimes I’ll even do some cleanup after my brows are filled in. Finally,I do tweeze along the top to clean up stray hairs and create a clean line.

          Maybe it’s just me, but I’m brow obsessed. Mine drive me crazy,always notice when someone has great brows!

        2. These are ones I saved on YouTube:

          How to fill in sparse eyebrows (Samantha Reilly)

          Easy Eyebrow Tutorial (mayratouchofglam)

          The perfect eyebrow tutorial (TheChicNatural)

          How to fill in your brows fast (Hollie Wakeham)

          1. You’re the best. Thanks so much for taking the time to post these.

            I need to become you!

      2. I use the NYX cake eyebrow powder. For best results I almost never use the wax and then go over with spoolie. The NYX for me is a really good dupe of the Anastasia brow powder duo.

      2. +1 Gimme Brow during the day, definitely! So so easy, I thought it would look gross because of the wand but it’s super natural. At night, I use another Benefit product (Eye Zings) in either medium or dark depending on the level of intensity I’d like.

    6. Can’t deal with powder, have been meh on other pencils, but I LOVE my (swear to God) $1.99 Wet ‘n’ Wild brow pencil. My hair is a medium-dark brown, but my brows are almost black and their Brun e t t e s do it Be t t e r is a perfect match.

      Quick comb with attached wand + filling in with sketchy-type pencil strokes + final comb/blend = natural-looking perfection. I’m also diligent about getting my brows waxed and trimmed, which helps keep everything orderly enough that I don’t feel the need for a gel.

    7. I use Soap and Glory’s eyebrow pencil. It’s one of the few ones at my price point that comes in a dark but cool brown.

    8. Anastasia brow wiz. It’s a very soft pencil that comes in a wide range of colors. $21 at Sephora.

      1. Yes. Any of Anastasia’s brow products, honestly. I like Brow Wiz, and the larger Brow Definer are great. I like to layer powder (lighter color in the inner side of my brow, and darker towards the tail end) over the pencil. If I want real staying power, I’ll add wax (either as first or last step).

        To make it look less heavy and more natural, use the spoolie to brush through after you apply product.

      2. Anastasia brow gel. It’s quick, very easy, and gives a natural looking result. I am a very dark brunette and use “chocolate” which is almost too dark for me, so get a shade lighter than what you think will match.

    9. You got bad advice from the girl at Sephora. Brow powders kids like that are intended to be applied (although it’s makeup so there are no “rules”) with the lighter powder in the front of your brows, the darker powder in the ends/tails of your brows, and then the wax on top to keep it all in place.

      I usually use the L’Oreal Brow Definer (it’s a very thin waxy nib on one end and a spoolie on the other) and really like it (it’s very similar to the Anastasia Brown Wiz). I also love the Benefit Gimme Brow one days when I’m feeling lazy and just want to run something quickly through my brows and go.

    10. just throwing this out there because I am brow- challenged and when my new facialist mentioned this, I had never heard of it and I
      immediately started a savings fund – microblading!

    12. I shape my brows with an Anastasia Brow Wiz, and then fill that shape in with Anastasia Brow Pomade.

  16. Any recommendations for a make up vanity/dressing table? New place bathroom is too small to do all that stuff, but the bedroom is big enough to fit some kind of desk/table doodad. Plus it’s always been my dream to put on my make up and jewelry at a nice table in the morning. But looking on wayfair/amazon etc, most of the tables look sort of childish or flimsy.

    1. Any good vintage/antique stores in your neighborhood? I am still mooning over this vintage lucite vanity with gold accents and a huge circular mirror over the top — it figures into my Fancy Woman Getting Ready fantasies on the regular. I saw it about 5 years ago in an antique store and it didn’t fit into my life. But maybe you can find something like that? And then you can get one of those stools topped with floofy (fake) white fur that are so in right now!

      1. Me too. Mine is the long, slim glossy one- I think it may be called the Besta? The drawers are nice and wide.

      2. Me too! I love my dressing table so, so much. Can’t imagine going back to doing hair or makeup in the bathroom.

  17. To yesterday’s poster who forgets makeup: I thought of you today. When I’m running late, I put on large sunglasses, come into my office, and do my makeup there. Today was one of those days.

    I keep a neutral 4 color eyeshadow compact with a mirror (a freebie from Clinique), eyeliner, mascara, and a BB cream in my desk. I also keep a cream powder compact in my purse, so I smear that on in the car to cover up any visible redness/acne prior to walking into the office. I highly suggest it!! No one is the wiser. If you don’t have an office, go into the bathroom to do it.

    1. I have an emergency “kit” in my office as well. I often forget mascara (the one thing i ABSOLUTELY need). I made that mistake once and never did it again.

  18. I am travelling for business. Only going 2 nights so it is not worth the company $$ to pay for a checked bag (usually I go for longer) .
    How do I do the carry on? What are must have essentials? I have 1 pair of dress pants, a blazer, 2 tops and heels in my carry on. I am wearing dark denim, blazer, top and flats on the plane.
    I make taking make-up (having a hard time paring down) and travel personal items).

    My husband thinks I am over-packing….
    help?

        1. Yep, anything that is a liquid or gel (liquid foundation and concealer, cream blush, brow gel, lip gloss, etc.) need to fit into the baggie.

    2. If you want to check a bag, just do it. The company can afford it and for all the know, you have a medical reason to do so. Otherwise, I usually put eye drops, hand lotion, conditioner, makeup remover, mascara, face lotions, and face wash and that is probably it in my liquids baggie.

    3. I carry two toilietries bags- one is clear and functions as my baggie- all liquids go in that one, and all non-liquid items (toothbrush, qtips, makeup compacts) go in the other, which stays in my suitcase or my shoulder bag. I would leave the neck pillow at home, and take only one hair implement (curlers, curling iron, or flat iron).

    4. I use spare and clean extra contact lens cases for this. I dole out moisturizer, BB cream, etc., into the cases and label with a sharpie. That way, I can get everything I need into my carry on. I also use hotel toiletries that I grab from previous trips. I also wash and reuse empty face cream containers for this purpose. Basically any small container that can be reused is.

  19. I don’t have many assets but in the event of something happening, I really don’t want what little I do have going to the various people the state considers my next of kin (no kids, not married, etc.) . Is there anywhere I can go to set up a quick trust to name someone specific? Would I get laughed out of a bank for not having enough money? Any ideas as to what it might cost to set something up?

    1. I also have no kids, not married, 2 brothers that don’t need my funds, which are modest compared with their own.

      I simply added a beneficiary name on my major accounts – my bank account, and my retirement account. That is the bulk of my $. I don’t own property. I guess the contents of my apartment are worth something, with some jewelry and a couple things of value. Those I’m ok with going to my brothers, and them deciding. My family gets along though, and I suspect they would donate most of it.

      I believe when my father set up his will/trust it cost $2-3k.

      But I don’t think you need a trust. I would just add beneficiaries, and then hire someone to do a simple will.

      1. I didn’t realize I could name a beneficiary for my bank accounts. That really simplifies things. Thanks!

        1. I have a friend who is 3 years out of law school and went solo and will do a basic, uncomplicated will (as well as a POA, MPOA) for around $300 (LCOL). Maybe ask around and see if you could find someone in a similar position.

    2. If you can name beneficiaries, that is the easiest thing to do. I don’t think you need a trust unless you have a reason to have one, like minors (caveat that I am not a T&E attorney).

    3. California has a statutory will that you can use for possessions and/or real estate. It’s very simple and doesn’t allow for sophisticated legal maneuvers.

      Other states might have a statutory will as well.

          1. Really? Totally assumed I was the only NL ‘rette!

    2. I did not click on this but assume this is about Gander, Newfoundland.

      It was really amazing what the town, and Citizen and Immigration officials (of which my sister was one at the time) and many many others did to help get this enormous (proportionately) number of people out of those planes and fed and housed. Not to mention all the other airports in Canada, who handled and landed thousands of US bound international flights.

      I was intensely proud of my country that day, while devastated by what had happened. I know more than the average Canadian (through my sister’s accounts), and I actually tear up a little thinking about it even now.

      1. I read the book “The Day the World Came to Town” about Gander’s 9/11 story. Interesting book, fun read.

    3. Love that story. I visited Newfoundland with my family growing up. It is such a beautiful place.

  21. Any lawyers here who have been threatened by an opposing party? I’m a fairly new lawyer, in civil practice, and just received a very obvious, very real threat from an opposing party who said he was “committed to punishing all” of us – the two lawyers on the case (including me) and our client rep. This guy is scary – has an open carry permit, is generally lawless. I am not a criminal attorney, so I have never dealt with people like this before in my cases. I have major anxiety about this case anyway, and this now is pushing me over the edge. Any and all advice is helpful.

    1. I would, at a minimum, report him to the bar. Call the police if you are truly concerned. Other options: request that all depositions be conducted at court under the authority of the judge, insist that he go through a metal detector or be wanded coming into your building.

      I had an opposing counsel once that I thought was going to hit me in a deposition, was very verbally abusive (lots of screaming at me and obscenities), and we almost got to the point of all the depositions being conducted at the courthouse. (He lived a couple hours away from where I practiced, so that made it better.) Also had an opposing party who actually hired someone to try to kill my client and his family (in a commercial litigation case), so police were called. They did nothing, and he was wanded coming into our building for his deposition.

      I was young in both situations and would handle them differently now. Now, I would stand up and walk out of the deposition and involve the court immediately. I would report him to the bar. I would involve the judge. As a young associate, I fought back but didn’t take the steps I should have.

    2. I’d file a motion for sanctions today, report him to the bar, refuse to communicate by phone, and conduct all depositions in the court house.

      2. Does he have a lawyer? Does the lawyer know about the threat? You need to call his lawyer and have a conversation telling him he needs to get his client in line, then send a follow-up email or letter memorializing the conversation. That way if you want to get security or police involved later, there is a documented basis for doing so. And contact your bar association for more advice.

      3. Immediately: Notify whomever sits at the front of your firm about this person with any an all information you can give them. Let any partners or managenent that should know about the situation if you believe this person could come to your office.

        Tell the opposing counsel (if the party has counsel) about the threats. Follow up with a letter asking for a written response as to his plan of action.

        If his plan does not include not having depositions conducted at the courthouse, request that as a party has a right to be at depositions (at least in my state). For any depositions that are conducted elsewhere, find security, private or otherwise to sit outside the room.

    5. Yay! Fruegel Friday’s! I love Fruegel Friday’s and this ribbed TEE shirt from Nordstrom’s. I can actually wear this at work on Friday b/c there are no court date’s scheduled for me on Friday’s!

      As for the OP, yes, I too have been threatened by opposing council. I IMMEDIATELEY told the judge and manageing partner that this guy bared his dirty teeth at me and said some horribel thing’s after he was looseing his case and the judge reprimatned him, held him in contemt of court and fined him $2500 for act’s unbecomeing of an attorney and counselor at law under the NY PENAL LAW I think. So do NOT be silent and take stuff from these looser’s. REPORT THEM EMMEDIATELY to the Bar association and they could even be suspended! YAY!!!!

    6. Get the court involved – when I was litigating, I had a couple of situations where opposing parties made me feel unsafe & the courts were great about permitting us to use their conference rooms for depos.

    2. Marissa Mayer is the worst at this. Her pride over working through her (very short) maternity leave did women a disservice. It’s her choice to do it, but she could have stayed private about it, instead of touting it as an ideal. Sheryl Sandberg seems to have a much more realistic approach.

      1. Completely agree. Still have not heard a peep from Marissa Mayer on twins. I hope she is eating a hefty dose of humble pie.

      2. Also? Maybe I’m just a super big B, but if I was going to run around town bragging about working through my (very short) maternity leave, I’d want to be able to put my (shareholders) money where my mouth was in terms of corporate growth. Yahoo isn’t exactly booming, Marissa. So, you may be putting in the hours, but what exactly are you accomplishing?

  23. Is it weird to google a friend’s registry so you can choose a baby gift you know she’ll like (I never received the registry info directly since I don’t live nearby and wasn’t invited to the shower)? It takes 2 seconds to Google and I figure my friend with a newborn might appreciate not being bothered by a “where are you registered?” email but I don’t want to come across as a creeper.

  24. Ixnay on the plus size choice, Kat. I looks exactly like a Carol Hochmann pyjama top from Costco. Shudder.

    1. Waiting until I was 30 to start contributing to my retirement funds. I’ve been maxing them out ever since, but dammit those lost years…

    2. This is a great question. Mine wasn’t catastrophic, as I mostly lived modestly and started an IRA earlier, but I wish I had been comfortable with the idea of investing. I was terrified of investing for too long and kept everything in cash, and then moved to high-fee fund. In retrospect, I should have started throwing everything in to a low-cost Vanguard or Fidelity index fund like VTSAX. Much simpler, much lower fees, many fewer documents.

    3. Not opening a ROTH IRA every year, and maxing out my 401K every year.

      And then going with Fidelity and putting IRA money in managed, high fee funds instead of simple Index funds.

      So now I recommend….. live within your means AFTER maxing out your 401k and ROTH every year. Invest from the start with Vanguard, index funds, low fees.

    4. Getting a DUI. I had to use a credit card to pay for a lawyer and it just took off from there. I had about $12k on it when I graduated from law school and paid it all off before I bought my house while working in MidLaw (in a year).

  26. Well my boyfriend of 4 months broke up with me. I know it’s for the best because his reasons were so lame (he wants like someone to keep him in line rather than someone who tolerates his bad habits) but just back to the drawing board this weekend. Did not see that coming…

    1. I’m so sorry. My best advice would be to let yourself feel your emotions and don’t try to fight them. It helps you get over them faster. A lot of people advocate for pretending to be happy and unaffected, but all that does is let the negative emotions accumulate until you have an emotional breakdown. Journaling helped me a lot during my breakups too.

  27. UGH indeed. Sorry this happened to you. It sounds like you two weren’t compatible and looking for the same things, but I’m sure it stings. Any breakup will, so take care of yourself and be kind to yourself this weekend. Its not you…its him…for real.

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