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Updated: Apr 15, 2021 131 Comments · by

Coffee Break: Geo Necklace

Coffee Break

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I noticed a while ago that Ann Taylor has a lot of nice, affordable statement necklaces. I like them because they're not like the huge bubble necklaces we all remember from a few years ago, but at the same time they're more substantial than the delicate designs that are everywhere right now. That means you don't have to do a lot of layering and deal with tangled chains, etc. I particularly like this kind of necklace for work because it gives a little pop of color near your face. It will work with a scoopneck, and it excels with a crewneck or other high neckline and also with a V-neck, as shown on the site. I like the kind of fiery cayenne pepper feel of this one, but there are a bunch of other options, including this pretty mother of pearl necklace in both silver and gold for $44.50.

So if you like this style of necklace, make sure to take a swing through Ann Taylor's jewelry offerings. The pictured one is $69.50 full price, but keep an eye out for the site's frequent sales. Geo Necklace  

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Comments

  1. Anon

    Might post this again tomorrow since the afternoon threads are usually quiet, but can anyone recommend a good sunscreen for sports that also works as a wind/cold barrier? My cheeks get red and inflamed from wind when I’m hiking or skiing in the cold, although I’ve been good about avoiding burns. I don’t like my current greasy sunscreen though and would prefer to try something different. Would love to avoid strong fragrances and any super sketchy ingredients (e.g., parabens). TIA!

    • Anonymous

      Have you tried a layering a thick moisturizer over the sunscreen? I like CeraVe cream when my face feels tight. A very thin layer of Aquaphor might work for more windy conditions.

    • Anon

      Can you wear some kind of ski mask? I don’t think even the thickest sunscreen is going to give any protection against cold and wind.

      • Ellen

        I am very fair skinned, so I do NOT like going out in the sun to much, particularly in Winter b/c of all the snow that reflects up to my face. I think that for fair skinned ladies like me, we have to use Neutrogena Sun Block, which is NOT greazy, and it works wonder on my skin, like Nivea. The manageing partner told me to make sure that I keep out of the sun in the summer, even at his place in the Hamton’s, b/c he does NOT want me to look like a lobster! I think he is right b/c Grandma Leyeh spent alot of year’s in the sun and she now has skin that looks like a prune. I do NOT want to look like that in 50 years. Even tho I love her, I say FOOEY to prunes b/c they make me poop to much!

    • BB

      I’m not a medical professional, but I am pretty sure your problem isn’t the wind per se. It’s the cold. You’re literally getting frostnip (the step before frostbite) which causes your skin to get red and inflamed. I love the cold and this happens to me a lot. The only way to prevent it is to cover up your skin, which I hate to do because I kind of enjoy the cold feeling. Otherwise, after I come in from the cold, I put very thick mask-like moisturizer on my face that evening. I like the Avene “mask” creams. They aren’t actually wash off masks, but are actually thick moisturizers.

    • Is it Friday yet?

      I picked up a tube of Dermatone (also comes in a tin) at the mountain one time because it was at the register and looked interesting, and now use that on top of a normal sport sunscreen for skiing. It does sit on top of the skin rather than absorb, but I don’t think anything that actually sinks in is going to prevent the chapping – you need that physical barrier.

        • Is it Friday yet?

          Right now, just a Neutrogena sport 80 spf. I’ve also used it with Supergoop and La Roche-Posay, I think. Whatever sunscreen you like should work fine.

    • kk

      OK grains of salt here as I read it in another random internet forum last year during the polar vortex but…
      It’s possible that if you’re using a water-based moisturizer, the water molecules are freezing on your skin.
      Try using an oil base instead? I also find that Weleda Skin Food does a nice job protecting my face when I’m skiing – I slather on a thick layer.

    • anon

      SunBum facial stick is a very good barrier that doesn’t easily come off. I use in summer and you could put it on thick in winter. No joke about needing sunscreen for winter sports.

    • Silly Valley

      Blue Lizard sensitive is the one that I use for similar situations. It’s an all-mineral sunscreen, titanium/zinc.

  2. Cabinet knobs and bin pulls

    Does anyone have good sources for cabinet knobs and bin / cup pulls? Something in between HD and $$$ per item? I have a house from the 1920s with Alexis Carrington Colby Dexter’s lacquered brass kitchen hardware in it (and the finish is starting to chip off). I’d like to start replacing but struggling to find a source that works with an older period house. There are (of course) a zillion knobs (which are at least less pricey then pulls).

    • Anonymous

      You might search for Amerock. They are sensibly priced and come in a range of finishes.

      • Anonymous

        This is fantastic! Hardware at prices where I don’t think of selling a kidney :)

      • Anonymous

        Oh my goodness, so many beautiful things! The quality is OK? I’m a bit hesitant that hardware is a bit out of their lane for a clothing store. I can’t have nice things if they are delicate; they need to be a bit hearty.

    • Anon

      Browse House of Antique Hardware and then reverse image search the ones you like to find them cheaper.

        • Anonymous

          Find what you want. Link to them in Pinterest and then go down the rabbit hole. I’ve found a lot of PB items (same manufacturer) at lower cost. I’ve also found some seriously good Arhaus dupes that way.

  3. Anonymous

    My partner and I are traveling to California in April for a friend’s wedding, and the trip coincides with the “anniversary” of the day we made things official. I know, it’s a little cheesy, and not nearly as important as wedding anniversary, but we like to celebrate it in some way each year. I’m thinking of making a reservation at a nice restaurant on one of the nights. We’ll be doing a couple nights in downtown San Diego, a night in La Jolla (well, technically two, but the other night is the wedding), and then a few nights in San Francisco. Does anyone have a favorite date night/special occasion restaurant in any of those places?

    • Anon

      In SF, Acquerello or Campton Place. I lived in the Bay Area for a while and tried most of the nice places and those were my favorites in the city. We went to Campton Place on an anniversary and they really fussed over us, which is not the case at every fancy restaurant (and it’s kind of my pet peeve – if I’m paying hundreds of dollars for a meal, you should acknowledge my celebratory event!)

    • Anon

      My best friend lives in La Jolla, and the last time I visited her we did cocktails at Polite Provisions and then dinner at Et! Voila in San Diego. Loved both of them – highly recommend! Also, the Grass Skirt speakeasy tiki bar in San Diego could be a fun date night!

      • Anonymous

        Oh, that tiki bar sounds fun, we should probably do that! I don’t want to plan out our whole trip in advance but that sounds right up our alley, maybe for our first night there. I’m going to start putting together Google doc of stuff we’ve heard of that we’d like to do, that’ll be on it.

        • Anon

          It’s super fun, but I think you need a reservation, so I would make one. (Because it is a speakeasy, it doesn’t look like a bar from the entrance, you go in, they ask your name, and then take you through to the speakeasy part! So just go to the entrance even though you’re like what is this?!)

          • Anonymous

            Makes sense! Also, I just googled Polite Provisions and that place looks adorable as well!

    • Anon

      We totally celebrated our datingversary! In some odd way I actually still feel a little more attached to that date than I do our wedding anniversary now.

      This will be a YMMV thing, but the House of Prime Rib in San Francisco is our special occasion place. YUM. If you are even entertaining this idea, make a ressie now. If you are vegetarians, this does not work. :)

      • Anonymous

        Thank you for reminding me of this gem my great aunt used to take the family when we were in town. It would not be my personal choice for an anniversary, but I have such fond memories of that place and you sparked them.

    • Nesprin

      George’s on the cove for La Jolla. We went there after we got hitched, and we still talk about how good it was.

    • Anonymoose

      My current food crushes in SF are Cockscomb (not fancy at all) and State Bird Provisions (nicer, but I would not say fancy). Both Coi and Boulevard are more upscale and pretty celebratory in my view.

      Also, do not miss Donut Bar in SD. The Boston cream donuts are in my top 10 in the country.

      • Anonymous

        Oh, that’s very close to where we plan on staying so I’ll be sure to check that out!

    • The original Scarlett

      In SF, for spendy special occasion go to Quince. For less spendy but romantic, L’ardoise. For celebratory fun, Che Fico. For a great neighborhood spot, Pearl 6101. I personally do not care for the other places listed here – the steak houses are steakhouses, Boulevard is business dining, so is Cockscomb, and Acquarello Is in an odd building (good food, not great atmosphere). Don’t want to start a restaurant war, and great service is lacking these days which I think people are responding to, but I’d steer you in a different direction.

  4. Monday

    Weren’t the huge bubble statement necklaces popular more like 12 years ago? Late aughts?

    The jewelry at Ann Taylor (and other mall clothing stores, actually) usually looks cheap to me.

    • Ellen

      Kat, I really like these these necklaces, and b/c Anne Taylor is a great designer, how can any one of us loose for $40? For those of you who are on the fence, I suggest you follow Kat’s recomendations and try one on and see for yourself. I will get 2 different colors to match my work dresses.

  5. anon

    Betabrand pants — worth it, or not? My office is on the dressier side of business casual. It would be SO NICE to have stretchy pants but not if they look like my actual yoga pants.

    • Anonymous

      YMMV, but I’m curvy and they were way too tight for the office for me. I’ve had great luck with the Eileen Fisher slim crepe ankle pants.

      • BeenThatGuy

        Same. They are very tight on my generous thighs and booty. I do like them but they are NSFW for me.

    • Anon

      I’ve had great success buying stretchy but professional pull on pants at Macy’s. Brands are Alfani and Charter Club.

    • JuneLily91

      I am kind of obsessed with my Betabrand pants. I am slightly in mourning that I have now crossed over into wearing “stretchy” pants, but I really really like these. I don’t really like “tight” fits, so I ordered up a size and have been very pleased after several washes/wears.

    • Anon Probate Lawyer

      I really like my BetaBrand pants – only for days that I’m not seeing clients though.

  6. Abby

    I officially signed new job’s offer letter today (: As soon as my background check goes through I am done at this job! Is it weird that as much as I’ve hated this place, I’m kind of sad?

    • Anon

      Congrats! I think the mixed feelings are normal! (Or maybe not, I’m leaving my job this week, and I am also having mixed feelings. I keep telling myself it’s the Stockholm Syndrome talking! ;)

    • Anonymous

      Not weird at all, they called it Graduation Goggles on the show How I Met Your Mother. A situation can suck most of the time, but the second it’s over you start looking back on all the good times you’d had and ignoring the bad parts. Google “graduation goggles” and you’ll see the clip where that concept comes up.

      • Vicky Austin

        Ha, so true. I went to college in a crappy town and I knew it, and now I miss it. Funny what the memory tries to pull on you.

        Congrats Abby! I’m sure the sad is normal. Maybe even just grieving the fact that you won’t have many positive memories of this job.

      • anon

        haha this is totally me with relationships. I only remember the happy moments and not the bad ones.

        • Anonymous

          Ha yes, same here. Now that I have a really awesome relationship with someone I’m probably going to marry, I can finally look back at all my old relationships, see them for what they were; not necessarily bad for the most part, but in hindsight, it should have been so obvious that none of these guys were right for me.

    • pugsnbourbon

      Congrats! And not weird at all to feel a little sad. Once my last big project wrapped up at OldJob I had to hide in a vacant office and cry. While eating a donut.

    • So Anon

      Congrats! Not strange at all. I felt that way when I left biglaw. I was so happy and a little misty-eyed to be finally leaving. It was a very odd sensation.

    • Anon

      Congratulations. Totally normal. For me I’ve always felt — it’s time to leave, I don’t want to be here/don’t like it — but I’m leaving the devil I know for the UNKNOWN where I have to prove myself again. That’s where my fear, anxiety, and sadness come from. But it’s a good move. You sought out the job for a reason — you’ll be great!

    • Jennifer

      I left a job last year that I was so excited to be hired for. Mostly due to a boss with no communication skills and slightly senior co-worker who made my life hell. But I was sad when I Ieft, mostly because no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t make the position work and I really wanted it to work out. Maybe your sadness is similar.

  7. So Anon

    I need to up my game a bit on my work wear. I work in house where the vast majority of the employees veer towards very casual (as in leggings in the winter with uggs and flip flops in the summer), but the execs tend toward business casual year round. I generally stick with business casual and brands like banana republic and ann taylor for their petite pants. I feel like I have gotten into a rut and want to make my look a bit more sophisticated. I look young for my position (Senior Counsel) and am working towards stepping into more of a leadership and combination business/legal role. The challenge is that I want to look pulled together and sophisticated without overdressing or being asked if I am going on an interview or to a deposition every time I leave my office.

    I am headed to NYC this weekend, with my two elementary kids in tow. I won’t have a ton of time to shop (kids have limited patience for shopping), but I was thinking of stopping into the MM LaFleur shop. I haven’t tried the clothing before, but I think I can make it work for my environment. Thoughts? I’m open to other suggestions as well!

    • Anon

      If you get questions about being overdressed when wearing pants from banana republic and ana taylor, then you are just going to get a lot more of them wearing MM LaFleur. They stuff is on the fancy end of business causal at my law firm.

      • Anonymous

        IDK — I feel that you can casual-up the solid dresses easily and wear them still even though my office is casual. I mean, I wouldn’t take my style direction to get in line with flip-flop wearers (but could get on board with clogs and kork-ease sandals).

        Flats vs heels
        Giant artsy scarf (I like Beck Sondergaard, which someone here recommended)
        Moto-type jacket
        Longer chunky cardigan

      • BB

        You can totally add in some MM LaFleur pieces into a casual wardrobe, especially the tops and even the jardigans. I almost bought the Woolf one to wear with jeans and colorful sneakers for my casual office. I have a long-sleeved top from them that I wear with casual pants, but also wear under a blazer for dressier days.

        • Anon

          I wear the Woolf jardigan a lot with jeans. Regular blazers seem like costumes on me.

    • Anon

      People will eventually get used to you wearing what you usually wear. Incorporate dressier pieces into your weekly rotation, and eventually, no one will notice.

    • Anon

      This may be an unpopular opinion here, but MMLF’s quality just isn’t there. The jardigan is the only somewhat worthwhile piece I have. The dresses are ponte (which is fine), but the hems fall out after 1-2 wears. My Old Navy/Target ponte dresses have held up much better for literally 5-10% of the price.

      • anne-on

        +1. I just don’t really get it for the cost. I’d rather go to Reiss, Hobbs, LK Bennet (the last two are at Bloomingdales) and try on for size so you can sale stalk them. Dressy elevated separates or just nice dresses (but not suiting) are my go-tos. Jcrew obviously has bigger/better showrooms in NY so might be worth trying on a going out blazer there as well.

    • ER

      I think the key for this is good jewelry, nice bag and shoes, and (sorry to say) refreshing your wardrobe frequently enough so that items are not too worn.

    • Anon

      Have you tried the ponte dresses at Boden? I feel like that is more the type of thing you need.

    • Anonymous

      I wouldn’t waste the time going in store. Order a bunch of stuff and try it on at home.

      • anon

        Do this – it is super easy. I just ordered, tried on and sent back the following: Etsuko dress, Saint Ambroseus jardigan, Peggy top, and a pair of black pants. None of them fit me right but I love their dresses. Four dresses that I love – I have 2 Sarah and 2 Giovanna. I tried a couple of other dress styles and they didn’t work for me.

    • Edge

      MM is great for this type of shopping. Not the cheapest, but they’ve really been adding more creative/casual styling on their site.
      You can spend an hour and they have everything pulled, plus a space for kids to sit and read/watch videos.
      The key is to be as explicit as possible in your demands. If you have something that you MUST try, it’s best to preorder and deliver to the store (stylists can help coordinate) and then return if you don’t like. Otherwise it’s a bit of a gamble, if they have it in stock
      They do have a falling hem problem, but have always handled complaints well and provide a partial refund to get it repaired locally.

  8. Anonymous

    Vent: Just had my performance review (biglaw associate at a firm with discretionary bonus structure) and there was no mention of bonus so I guess I’m not getting one. I’m by no means a star associate, but toss me a few bucks to acknowledge my efforts and sacrifices over the past year. Firms shouldn’t be surprised when associates leave if they aren’t going to make them feel valued. End Vent.

    • Anon

      Ugh! My firm (possibly the same one!) was soo stingy with bonuses and they were so vague about it too. They would never tell us anything like what percent of associates got bonuses or what the average bonus was, and people in Big Law aren’t known for being forthright about the fact that they didn’t get one, because it’s such an “expected” part of your compensation. I always had decent but not outstanding hours and never ever got a bonus. My impression from informal scuttlebutt was that at least a third and possibly half the associates did not get bonuses, and at least at my firm it all seemed to come down to total number of hours, not quality of work. Not really why I left (it was the lifestyle that did me in), but I found it incredibly annoying.

    • Anonymous

      Did you ask? This is not something to guess about

      Please ask…. and be prepared to state why/what you deserve.

      • Anonymous

        OP Here – I thought about it, but I’m looking to move in-house anyways so it feels a bit like a wasted effort at this point and too little too late as the decision’s been made by the executive committee. Though I do feel that I deserve SOMETHING at least. I’m planning on pouring that energy (which I would normally use to ask/fight the decision) into finding a great in-house job.

    • Anon

      I’m a little surprised that there are biglaw firms where not getting a bonus is a “normal” thing that happens for a % of the class. I was at a vault 30 firm – and closer to 30 than 1, and the only times bonuses weren’t paid were when you were otherwise being terminated — i.e. probation/we’d like to do a second review in 6 mos at which time we’re surely going to get rid of you so start looking. That would be a few people per year as we got more senior and they needed to ease people out as they weren’t looking to promote any/many associates to partner. But at your firms 1/3 of people can not get bonuses and still come back to work next week or in 6 months?? I had no idea . . . .

      • Anon

        I’m the Anon at 4:24. My firm was at the lower end of the AmLaw 50. I was never on the cusp of being fired. I always got great reviews, until the last year when I got an ok-to-good review due to some conflict with one particular partner I hadn’t worked with much before. Even in that year, the overall message from the firm was that I was a valued associate on track for partnership (although I know they aren’t always honest about partnership prospects, I certainly did not feel like anyone was showing me the door and I left for other reasons almost a year later). As far as why no bonus, I was just told that my hours weren’t high enough, even though I always met stated minimums and my hours were usually close to the median for my practice group (they did give us that data). According to more senior associates and partners, my firm was notorious for being unusually stingy with bonuses though. I don’t know if that’s really true or if it was just a function of associates inevitably grumbling about how their firm is worse than others.

      • Anon

        Was at Vault 50 firm – they actually provided us the stats – only 30% of associates hit top bonus numbers, about 20% received none (didn’t hit “soft minimum target”) and the rest got somewhere between $5k and $15k so they could say “almost everyone gets a bonus”. When you hear about the 35k, 50k, and more a other firms, it feels almost like an insult, an acknowledgment of “we know you worked hard, but we’re only going to give you a cursory bonus that you only see $3,000 of at the end of the day”. Great. thanks. That was worth 3,000 hours of my life (if you count billables + random nonbillable research + recruiting and countless client dinners.

      • Anonymous

        I’m OP and same deal here as anon at 4:41. The review that I had today was certainly not negative – I would say it was mostly positive with a few things to work on, and absolutely no impression that I’m being shown the door. In fact they expressed that they want me to be happy here and know that I can meet the couple of expectations that I need to more consistently meet, and asked me to come to them if I need any further guidance on how to do so. I wasn’t even told that my hours weren’t high enough (although I assume this is the reason for no bonus because I know I just barely met my target). It feels whiney complaining about it especially in light of the fact that I am actively looking for an in-house gig because I can’t deal with the lifestyle of Biglaw, but you do feel annoyed and under-valued ultimately given that so many of your peers are able to just assume they are getting a bonus and can easily pay down their law school debt as a result. It will definitely make it easier to leave when I do (hopefully in the near future!).

        • Anon

          I don’t really get feeling undervalued. Your salary is how they show you how much they value you. You want more than that, but that doesn’t mean you’re undervalued.

      • Anon

        Were you in NYC? My impression is that NYC offices are more likely to pay bonuses to everyone. At my (vault 30) firm, everyone in NYC got a bonus and people in other offices got a bonus if they hit 2100 hours. It was a clear requirement, so everyone knows on January 1 if they are getting a bonus or not.

  9. Anonymous

    I’m a Delegate (ABA House of Delegates). We got an email inviting us to wear white suits on a particular date during the meeting in honor of suffrage and the right to vote. I don’t own a white suit, but I do own an ivory suit – sort of an oatmeal-like color. Is this close enough? A friend of mine told me do NOT wear red, as it’s ‘anti suffrage’ so I’m not sure if ivory is somehow a slap in the face (close but not close enough). I probably don’t have time to go buy a white suit so if ivory is a no-no, I’ll likely wear something like navy.

    • Anonymous

      As a side note — were the male delegates invited to wear white suits?

    • LaurenB

      Not a lawyer, but when was the last time people wore a lot of white suits? When Hillary Clinton was about to become POTUS. And I think ivory/oatmeal was considered “close enough.” You could maybe find a scarf that has white/ivory in it to “whiten it up.”

      • Anonymous

        I had a white suit and my kid grabbed my bottom with donut hands and now I have a white suit with blue handprints… do not recommend

    • givemyregards

      I think ivory will be fine – I doubt very many people will be in stark white suits and will be wearing something similar. At the very least you’ll blend in better than if you’re in navy.

    • Ribena

      Ivory is close enough. In the UK you’d be wanting to accessorise with purple and green but I don’t know what colours are associated with the suffrage campaign where you are.

  10. Salmon mom

    K. This will sound ridic. Can someone suggest suiting with jackets that are more the cape style? Like designed for your arms not to go in the sleeves?

  11. Anon

    If coworker had stomach bug on the weekend (IDK what day), took Monday off, came to work Tuesday — would you be fine with meeting with them in their office for 1-2 hours on Tuesday afternoon? After a nearly 2 hour meeting coworker #1 mentions that they were out Monday because of a weekend bug — I didn’t give it much thought. Coworker #2 who was with us proceeds to freak out about how she should have told us, it’s ridiculous that we’ve just been sitting in your office exposed for an hour etc. Coworker 1 feels bad but is like — I’m fine, I feel fine, I’m eating normally/drinking coffee etc., what was I supposed to do – take the week off? And this workplace is flexible with days off and telework, so people don’t tend to come in if they’re sick.

    As far as I’m aware coworker 2 doesn’t live with a young child/older person and is healthy herself but just worries about lots of things from health to news to everything. FWIW — we were sitting at least 2 ft away from said coworker, didn’t share anything like pens etc, did not order in lunch/share food. Am I being crazy here in saying – there’s nothing to worry about?? I feel like parents always say that after such sicknesses kids go back to school after x hours but IDK what x is.

    • Anon

      Norovirus (stomach bug) can theoretically be contagious for up to 8 weeks and no one can stay out of work that long. Realistically, if you have decent hygiene, you’re unlikely to pass it along if you’re healthy enough to come to work (ie., not actively having GI symptoms). I think coworker #2 is way overreacting, and I don’t think you can expect employees to stay home from work once they’re fully recovered from an illness. Honestly, at many places with limited sick leave, employees come to work while actually vomiting or running a fever, so Coworker 2 should count herself lucky that she wasn’t exposed to someone who was actually ill.

    • Anon

      Maybe it’s just be but I prefer people just not mention these types of things — ignorance is bliss! I’m sure we have all been in meetings where we’ve sat 2 ft away from a coworker on a Tuesday who was sick on Sunday — and we never knew and it was fine.

      Sounds like coworker 1 was responsible though — sick on the weekend, took an extra day off, came back when she felt better, and didn’t share food with people. IDK what more you can expect. And prior poster is right, there are many people who just don’t have the sick time so they’d just come to work — coworker 2 should feel lucky about not being in that type of workplace.

    • Anonymous

      Kids go back to school as soon as working parents can get away with it because no one has infinite vacation time, and because every virus/bacterial infection is different in terms of when and for how long it is contagious. The rule of thumb is often fever/vomiting/rash-free for 24 hours though. Coworker 2 is being crazy. All viruses are different in terms of when and for how long they are contagious; many can be transmitted before someone shows symptoms.

    • EM84

      I am immunodeficient and I would chill. Just wash your hands and don’t shake hands/hug/kiss with person in question.

  12. Rainbow Hair

    Here’s one I haven’t seen before — NASCAR. For [reasons] I’m going to a “NASCAR themed” cocktail party for work. I don’t even know. When the theme has been “white party” people do wear white, when the theme was “1920s” people did wear fringe and hats and such, when the theme was “old west” there were cowboy hats… But NASCAR? Help.

    What would you wear?

  13. Anonymous

    How many hours of sleep do you think you’d need each night to be truly well-rested – not “good enough for my current lifestyle”? I’m considering trying to reach this for a month and seeing what happens.

    • givemyregards

      9 – that’s how long I’ll naturally sleep on the weekends (maybe up to 10 if I’m really exhausted) and it feels so. nice.

    • anon

      Truly well-rested? Nine.

      As it is, I’m lucky to get 7 on most weeknights. 8 if I go to bed ridiculously early.

    • Anon

      10. I have really high sleep needs. Since I obviously don’t get 10 hours every night, I can sleep for much longer when given the opportunity. 12, even 14 hours at once. It’s been like this since I was a kid, and now my kids have the same need for an incredibly high amount of sleep, so it’s clearly genetic.

    • backtobiglaw

      9. Although I’ll sleep for up to 12 on the weekends if the dogs cooperate.

    • Anon

      9. It sucks for my lifestyle, but as often as I can (2-5 nights a week) I go to bed at 9 and get up at 6, or 7-8 if it’s weekend and I’m “catching up.”

    • Anonymous

      I’ve been tracking my sleep for a while on a couple of different apps; I’ve been using the apple watch app lately. I find that deep sleep and quality sleep are better metrics than the total # hours of sleep. I need about 1.5 hours of deep sleep and close to 6 hours of quality sleep to feel really on top of things. Sometimes I can get there with ~7 total hours of sleep. But sometimes I can sleep 9 hours and still not feel very rested because I didn’t meet the other metrics. Like if I have a few drinks on Friday and then sleep in on Saturday morning… and I still feel lethargic.

    • Sleepy in Seattle

      Probably 9-10. I was recently diagnosed with mild sleep apnea, so I think I could actually feel better with less if the sleep I was getting was quality sleep, but 9-10 consistently is where I feel good for me. But I need 9-10 hours of sleep, so that would be like…10.5 to 11.5 hours in bed, according to Fitbit ‘s “up for this % of the night” metrics. Which never happens and is nearly impossible to do consistently. When I set my own schedule, I do end up evening out to 9-10 hours but the last time that happened was during bar prep 4.5 years ago.

    • Vicky Austin

      9 for me too. I don’t fall asleep super easily so I’m lucky to get more than 7. I could absolutely have better sleep hygiene, however.

    • MagicUnicorn

      7 to 8, and it would be heavenly if they were uninterrupted (by random outdoor sounds, snoring partner, the need to pee or sneeze, etc.).

    • Ellen

      I would love to sleep 9 hours, but even when I am in bed for 10, my FITBIT says I only get 5-6 hours, b/c I am a light sleeper and do NOT get enough REM or DEEP sleep. I think that I used to sleep better when I had a boyfreind b/c of the activities we did b/f I went to sleep, but I also had to sleep on the wet spot alot and I got tired of that and just threw a towel over it, but that was not comfy. So all in all, I sleep better now but not as deeply as I did when I was shareing a bed with my ex.

  14. anon

    How do you deal with realizing you’ve hit a point in your life in which you mentally can’t push yourself to do more? Like, the stamina and desire just isn’t there. I always considered myself a hard worker, but over the past few years, I’ve been much stricter about maintaining boundaries, saying no to stuff, delegating, etc. Part of that was out of necessity after I became a parent, and part of it was because I was dealing with burnout issues on a much-too-regular basis. I’ve realized that if I’m going to be a healthy person, I have to be more on the “work to live” end than “live to work.” I know that comes with a tradeoff, in terms of career progression. I need my space, and downtime, and quiet — all of which are hard to come by when you’re working full-time and raising kids.

    I went through something similar in college. I pushed myself to be a good student and in a million extracurriculars because I thought that’s what success looked like. None of it came naturally; I had to work at all of it. Problem was, I was too inexperienced to recognize that the constant pushing didn’t actually work for me. I was so unhappy and lost 15 lbs. from stress at the end of my junior year. I was so stressed that my hair was falling out. I now realize I had a major issue with anxiety, which of course went undiagnosed because I didn’t talk to anyone about it.

    Because I apparently learn this lesson the hard way, I have repeated that pattern several times in adulthood. Different circumstances, same old pattern. And despite knowing that overwork is not good for me, I feel immense guilt about not being a total workhorse anymore. I feel like a lazy a** because I do not check emails after my kids go to bed. Or work on weekends unless it’s an absolute necessity. I have good boundaries, and yet I’m still completely DONE by the time Friday rolls around. I’m turning 40 soon and it scares me that I seem to have lost my drive, if that makes any sense. I exercise 5x a week, eat relatively well and have no major health issues to speak of (well, other than the anxiety, which I now treat with an SSRI).

    I don’t even know what I’m asking, other can anyone relate to being a faux high achiever? And wishing that you could be different and not require so much maintenance just to remain energetic and on an even keel? This is my particular version of imposter syndrome — that people will figure out that I’m actually lazy.

    • Anon

      I struggle with this same problem and have done the same over-commit myself until I get sick thing. There is a podcast from Heather Hubbard called “When Yes Means No” that I found really helpful in helping me think of things. The whole premise is that it is really easy to say “yes” to a bunch of things when you are framing it as, “Oh, I guess I should go to this networking event because otherwise, I have nothing to do tonight.” But really, saying yes to the networking event is saying “no” to something else. The decision should really be- -“Would I rather go to the networking event or go to yoga/spend time with my dog/etc.?” The time you are “not doing anything” needs to be valued because you are actually doing things during that time.

    • Anon

      I’m having a moment here because I feel like you just wrote out everything I just said in a voice message to my life coach. Maybe she is posting here to get ideas on how to help me. Really weird! Including the “work to live rather than live to work.” Except I don’t have any kids and I didn’t have the problem in college.

      One thing I’m focused on as of today is to try to be more enthusiastic in my life. Try to find something to be enthusiastic about with each task. Instead of ughhhh have to call back another potential client. I want to think yay, I have a potential opportunity to help someone.

      I have no innate desire to just work though. I like being a lawyer. I like the work that I do. But if I could spend my days cuddled with my dogs on the couch that would suit me just fine.

      • anon

        I’m not your life coach, but I could probably use one! My lack of enthusiasm is a big problem at this point.

    • anon

      I think you need to find something to do that brings you joy – not work and not filling your time to feel or seem busy. when you love something you are doing, you get in the zone and you don’t feel tired, you are energized….honestly sounds like you push yourself to do things you don’t love because you think that’s what you’re supposed to do. That’s a slog.

      • anon

        OP here, and I think there’s truth to this. I get in the zone when I’m running or reading. I’d love to find another activity that gives me that same feeling.

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