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Frugal Friday’s Workwear Report: Georgette Button-Front Top

A woman wearing a blue floral top and white pants

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

I was browsing through Nordstrom Rack looking for stocking stuffers recently and I came across this beautiful floral top from Gemma + Jane. I tend to shy away from navy tops because most of my favorite pants are black, but I think this moody floral would look fantastic with black trousers.

As we’ve said before, the key to wearing black and navy together is to make it look intentional, and this shade has enough blue in it that you won't look like you got dressed in the dark.

The top is $24.97 at Nordstrom Rack and comes in sizes XS-XL. It also comes in a black floral. 

Looking a floral in plus sizes? Try this Nordstrom blouse — it comes in 1X-3X and is on sale for $70.

Hunting in general for blouses in pretty prints? As of 2024, some of the reader-favorite brands include L'Agence, L'Amour Vert, Equipment, Smythe, and Tucker NYC. On the more affordable side, check out NYDJ,* Halogen*, Loft,* and Kut from the Kloth. For plus sizes, check out Catherine Gee (and the asterisks)!

Sales of note for 12.5

343 Comments

  1. Happy Friday! Looking for book reccomendations similar to Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn? I like suspense/mystery books. Bonus points if they have minimal to no graphic scenes (violence, adult content, etc).

    1. Not entirely similar because it’s historical fiction, but I do recommend The Rose Code by Kate Quinn.
      The Paris Apartment by Lucy Foley might be more in line with what you’re looking for.

    2. There is a giant market of “domestic thrillers” thanks to Gone Girl so you’re spoiled for choice – look at any new releases section in a bookstore and it’s full of them. I like Lisa Jewell’s books.

    3. Gillian Flynn wrote several other books that are better than Gone Girl, so look for those. Paula Hawkins — The Girl on the Train, plus she has a new book out. Any book by Ruth Ware. Any book by Mary Kubica, I really liked The Good Girl. This is my favorite genre of reading, so I may think of other suggestions later.

      1. I really like The Good Girl by Mary Kubica also. You should check out “Local Woman Missing” if you haven’t already.

    4. Sorry, forgot to add: looking for author recommendations also. There are so many out there!

    5. Have you read old mysteries? They don’t tend to be graphic. Think Sherlock Holmes, The Great Train Robbery, etc.

    7. These are my favorite mystery/thriller authors:

      Riley Sager
      Lisa Jewell
      Ruth Ware
      Lucy Foley
      Mary Kubica

    8. God of the Woods (Liz Moore)
      I didn’t like Thursday murder club but it’s extremely popular so maybe worth a try.
      Five year lie (Sarina Bowen)
      First lie wins (Ashley Elston)
      Everyone in my family has killed someone (and its sequels)
      Stone cold fox (Rachel Croft)
      A most agreeable murder (pride and prejudice + murder!)
      Killers of a certain age

      1. YES to God of the Woods. I loved that book. Also The Guest List by Lucy Foley.

      2. how did I not know that Everyone In My Family Has Killed Someone had sequels?! thank you!

    10. Anything by Tana French although I might like them more because I listen to them as audiobooks, so I hear them with the Irish accent.

      1. I was just coming to suggest Tana French.
        Also Flynn Berry, speaking of Irish. Exit by Belinda Bauer is another good one, and I enjoyed the audiobook. The Cormoran Strike series by Robert Galbraith (JK Rowling).

        Anthony Horowitz is one of my favorite contemporary mystery authors, his writing is a little more light-hearted (more like Thursday Murder Club) and cozy murder mystery than suspense, though.

    11. Closest I’ve found is a book called His & Hers: A Novel by Alice Feeney. So, so good. Listen on audible if you can–the male versus female perspective is so much better that way.

      You’ve got some other great recs here. I’d add to the list anything by Megan Goldin. Start with the Escape Room.

    12. With the caveat that I hated Gone Girl, in the genre if suspense/mystery, I really like Northern Spy by Flynn Berry and The Love of My Life by Rosie Walsh.

    14. I second a lot of these recs, including for pre-Gone Girl Gillian Flynn, Ruth Ware, Lisa Jewell and Tana French (which are more detective stories than thrillers), and would add Nicci French and maybe Claire Mackintosh to that list. You might also look at older books by Barbara Vine, a pseudonym used by the mystery writer Ruth Rendell for her psychological thrillers. I also have liked recently:

      The Girl Before, JP Delaney
      Things Don’t Break on Their Own
      The Plot [and awaiting it’s sequel, The Sequel]
      Behind Closed Doors
      Keep Her Safe

  2. Can we have an anonymous rants thread? For those who read Cup of Jo, her Monday post this week kind of devolved into that in the comments section, and it got me thinking about mine…

    I hate, hate, HATE the trend of TVs in every public space. Airports, hotel lobbies, bars, restaurants, even gas stations while I’m fueling up… make it stop! I do not need to be entertained, stimulated, informed, advertised to, or enraged every waking moment, much as the corporate overlords would like me to be.

    What’s yours?

    1. People on speaker in public (phone, audio, video of any kind) – and I agree with you on TVs everywhere
      The stench of cheap pot smoke
      Tinted windows – pedestrians can’t see if the driver can see them

      1. Hah I kept thinking I was smelling foxes or skunks or something until my husband finally set me straight that pot smoke smells that bad these days and is that ubiquitous outdoors.

        1. Yes. I’m pretty live-and-let live but I didn’t like tobacco smoke and I don’t like this skunky weed that is everywhere. IDK what the solution is in a dense urban area, but even when we were outdoors during COVID, we couldn’t escape it. It is everywhere and awful and so bad. Eat it! Because I don’t want to breathe it.

      2. Oh my goodness, people on speaker phone. I’m a frequent bus/train commuter and have loops because I cannot deal with the crackly grainy conversations or music. My mother-in-law does it because apparently holding your ear to your head causes cancer… and I’m about to commit a murder. Last time, I made her go downstairs because she was shouting down the phone at her partner while our kid was sleeping.
        General poor behaviour in public – vaping on the bus, in the queue for the bus stop, on the playground at school pickup. Littering.
        Cars parked illegally at school pick up.

      3. Lightly tinted windows, fine.

        Some are so black that the driver could be a dog or a space alien and I wouldn’t know.

        1. Come to SF where we have robot cars with no drivers. You stop caring about things like this.

      4. I absolutely hate that I smell pot the minute I get off the subway. I think it should be legal but I wish we could have it restricted to designated smoking areas. I also don’t understand people having full conversations on speaker in public or blasting music without earbuds.

    2. Winter coats. Wearing a coat to get to the subway, taking it off on the subway because it’s hot, putting it back on again to walk from subway to office, hanging it up at the office. I just hate winter coats. It’s like having a small child again, always something to think about and look after. Eff coats.

      1. Behind you on this one. I love the warmer temps because I can just get up and go. Most people think I sound insane when I complain about this!

        1. You’re not insane – or if you are, I am too! Going outside in the winter requires EFFORT.

      2. The way I see it, winter coats aren’t the problem; the problem is heating spaces so much that they need to be constantly doffed and donned. I loved the bus driver who dressed as warmly as we did and left the heat off. I hated taking the bus when the driver had no coat and cranked up the heat, so we all had to take off our coats too or sweat miserably.

        1. Exactly! Why are indoor spaces warmer in the winter than they are in the summer?

          1. Idk where you live but indoor spaces are not that warm in the winter, usually 68 at best which is unpleasant to work in while stationary.

          2. Stores for sure. That absolute BLAST of heated air at the entrance which I’m sure is supposed to feel welcoming but really makes my contacts feel like curling up at the edges. But I’d be way more comfortable browsing in my coat if it was 50 inside… aka approx what the summer AC always seems to be set at.

          3. NYC conference centers, apparently. I dressed for the 50 degree outdoor weather in a seasonless wool blazer this week and thought I was going to melt as soon as I got indoors. The conference room had to have been pushing 80 degrees even before the attendees were seated. It stayed that way the whole event through.

          4. The colder the weather outdoors, the warmer the temperature indoors. The cold states with real winter are the worst offenders.

      3. This is why I usually wear a coat that’s a bit lighter than the weather calls for. For one thing, I run hot in general. But I also know that between walking, my commute, the bus, etc., I will be plenty warm.

    3. People who walk their dog unleashed or allow things such as jumping on guests when they arrive. But don’t worry, “they’re friendly!!! they just want to say hi!!!”

      1. Whenever that happens to me I’m so tempted to invade the dog owner’s personal space and start sniffing them. I’m friendly too! Want me to lick you!?

        1. I would pay good money to see this. Completely agree with these complaints about dogs.

      2. I have weirdly delicate skin, so when people’s friendly dogs jump up to greet me, their friendly claws leave me bleeding. I like animals, but people can be unreasonable!

        1. What do you recommend saying when people let their dogs do this?

          Unfortunately, I emit some sort of odor/pheromone that most dogs love. I have had some terrifying encounters, both on the street and indoors (including place of work where the Boss brings in his dog….) where unleased dogs come running full speed at me from out of no where and jump on top of me.

      4. I would modify to ppl that walk any dog under 50lbs unleashed. Years of experience says that big dogs unleashed are rarely a problem. Mostly because a big dog is only ever unleashed when it is very well trained, e.g., human is never catching a pointer until the pointer is ready to be caught.

        1. I have a leash trained cat since this is the legal way of letting my cat get outside and get fresh air where I live. Big dogs unleashed are a problem for me.

        2. Many states and municipalities have leash laws. Follow them, please, because many of us make decisions based on the idea that any dog we encounter will be leashed.

        3. Unfortunately, I have plenty of anecdotal experiences to counter your positive experiences. Anyways, I’ve never really understood why, if the dog is supposedly so well trained that it’s going to stay within 6 feet of its owner, which is where it needs to be, it can’t just be on the leash. And I say this as a dog owner and lover of dogs!

        4. I once had a giant unleashed dog run towards me down the block and jump on me and start licking my face. It was terrifying. Got the “he’s just being friendly” thing from the owner. I theoretically like dogs but I’m always on guard around big ones now.

      5. +1 million; I love dogs but trust 0% of them and don’t care if they are friendly, put it on a leash.

      7. Totally agree and I own a dog. It’s sooooo arrogant to walk your dog off leash when there is a leash law.

    4. A gas station I stop at has those stupid little tvs in the pumps that play ads on rotation… like PLEASE why must I be subjected to ads for random crap while I’m pumping gas? Ugh it makes me unreasonably ragey.

      1. I changed my default gas station to avoid those things; I hate them. If I accidentally end up at one, I cover my ears and look away because I’m petty like that. I’m paying you money for gas; you don’t get to monetize me with autoplay ads too!

        1. Maybe we should start keeping tape and paper in our cars. It wouldn’t eliminate the noise – and it would eventually be removed – but It would be satisfying in the moment.

      4. I HATE these too! Usually you can silence them with one of the buttons next to the screen – usually the right side second one down, for some reason. It’s not necessarily labeled but usually works for me.

        2. Yep, and if that one alone doesn’t work, pressing each button in order from top left down, then top right down will usually mute it.

      5. Yep, and if that one alone doesn’t work, pressing each button in order from top left down, then top right down will usually mute it.

    5. I hate always-bright headlights in cars m, but also cars that leave headlights off entirely on cloudy/foggy days

      The new trend of “make a passkey” and “we’ll send you an email with a code instead of you using a password” 🔪🔪🔪

      I was just thinking I was irrationally annoyed at something yesterday but don’t remember it

      1. The 5 step process to verify my work Microsoft account makes me ragey every time. It takes so long.

        1. I am a uni lecturer and you don’t get access to the classroom til right on time, and then have to do 5 steps to login…

      2. Oh the headlights. I fully agree. I wonder how many accidents are caused by people being completely blinded by those stupid unadjusted headlights – usually on cars that are already higher so they shine right at me in my little Prius.
        And +1 to drivers without headlights in the winter. Is there any reason to not have them on all the time, actually?

        1. I just renewed my ljcencd and prepped for a written test, just in case. (They can spring one on you.) The drivers handbook in my state recommends looking at the lane markings to the right of the car you’re driving when the opposing driver’s lights are too bright. I’m going to give it a try. I’m regularly blinded by halogen headlights and/or idiots who drive city streets with their high beams on at all times.

          1. I just bought yellow tinted driving glasses to help me with this and they really work!

    7. When I unsubscribe from a corporation’s email, and they immediately follow up by sending me a bunch of “sponsored” emails (aka ads)

    8. IDK if this is a rant or just me being evil but traveling with the masses is so unpleasant, I want a quiet lounge with refreshments like a civilized society. Sucks to have to pay to be around others who behave.

    9. Retailer websites like Godiva that require you to make an account to place an order with a discount, and the default option is to save your credit card information. Then they send you two emails a day because who doesn’t order chocolate several times a day? It’s a gift for my mom, and once delivered, I’ll try to delete the account (bet I can’t) but seriously, you cannot harass me into buying more.

    10. I join you all in the hatred of ever present TVs, people who don’t wear headphones (I blame apply removing headphone jacks for this trend), and the hatred for headlights that are so freakin’ bright. I’m 40 years old, I’m not old enough to hate driving at night, and yet I do.

    11. This makes me sound like the grinch, but I dislike the consumerism over the holidays. I see posts on here where people ask for advice to what to gift their family members. If you have no idea what to buy someone close to you, then maybe just skip the gift giving? Instead of buying more stuff, maybe focus on experience gifts.

      And then there are people who get disappointed because their spouse didn’t get them a thoughtful gift.

      I also don’t have kids, so I understand that is completely different. My annoyance is just with adults buying each other random stuff.

      I enjoy gift giving for birthdays and special occasions, but something about Christmas just feels so performative – like oh, I have to get someone a gift just because it’s Christmas.

      Maybe because it’s because I’m getting older, but I’m definitely in my decluttering/minimalism phase.

      I actually do enjoy the Christmas season, but prefer spending time with family over the gift giving.

      1. Best thing about the pandemic is my siblings/parents all agree to just…stop doing gifts. Sibilings and I all make plenty of money and are usually buying the things we want already.

        Mom might still do something if she was in a crafting mode. But the only gifts I get are for the niblings these days. It’s amazing.

        1. +1 I usually get something small for my parents because my mom’s love language is gifts, but all the adults agreed to stop giving gifts when we were basically doing random consumables.
          Little kids we get physical gifts for. Teens get gift cards and maybe a small item

          1. I tried to stop adult gift exchange in my family but then I realized the sibling gift exchange is the only gift my sister gets. Her husband is awful. So I will happily keep it going for her.

      2. +10,000. I exchange Christmas gifts with zero adults in my life, and we are all happy about it. Bring on the lights, food, cold walks to see lights, etc. I love this time of the year and feel so much freedom that I don’t have a gift list or have to dread getting gifts that I don’t want and have to figure out how to dispose of.

    12. My current pet peeve is the marketing for the Wicked movie. The number of product tie-ins is mind-boggling. I don’t want to the emaciated skeletal stars every time I look at the news or social media. And the movie isn’t even going to be any good because they’ve literally doubled the length of the show so they can stretch it out over two movies and double their revenues. We have another entire year of this hype to look forward to.

      1. I would have watched wicked with gleeeeeee, I am exactly the target audience. However the marketing and spongbobs mistress have put me off the movie so I won’t be going.

      3. They had some weird ads emphasizing Ariana Grande’s friendships, I guess to counteract the whole cheating drama. She’s very talented but I don’t need them to try to convince me she’s a girl’s girl.

    13. When people play the martyr about how hard their life is. Guess what, life is hard. Everyone’s life is hard, just in a different flavor than yours. We all have some combination of life choices and sh*t happening. Yours’ is not special. Mine is not special. Get in the trenches and deal. Do what’s in your control to make things easier and get on with it.

      1. Eh, I’m ruthless towards people who make bad decisions, they need to deal, but I have a lot more sympathy for people who have been dealt a bad hand through no fault of their own such as medical issues.

        1. This. I’m not so sympathetic when people make bad choices and have to face the consequences but I feel awful for people facing medical issues.

      2. Are you talking about run of the mill problems (work is stressful, being a working parent is hard, being a SAHM is hard), or are you pretending that things like chronic illness, family deaths, and divorce don’t wreck people?

        1. Not the OP, but we all deal with the stuff that wrecks people. It’s not like some people get a pass on that. Maybe they aren’t dealing with a crisis today, but often that’s just a reprieve or a lull or it’s on its way to happening but not here yet. But even when it has passed, it hasn’t really ever passed. Grief changes but doesn’t go away.

          I guess it turns some people toxic and their grief (or whatever) is drowning them and they are clawing at me and I don’t want to go down with them. I can’t. I have to keep my mask on and get it on first or it’s all over for both of us.

          2. But that’s different than saying that we are all going through the same level of hard?

            And what’s this about “clawing at [you]”? People aren’t having a hard time AT you.

          3. My BIL cheated and left my sister for his affair partner. They prefer her and their kids to the kids my BIL had with my sister. It’s a wrecking ball in life and it has wrecked my sister’s life (and having a bad parent and a wrecked parent has been a bad situation for my nieces and nephews). But I flee from her. She has become the darkness that drowns out light and she will suck all of the oxygen out of any room. She has lost all friends and remaining family members because this thing that has harmed her has broken her so much that she now breaks other people and takes everyone down with her. We are the problem; she doesn’t want help (money, yes, but not help that would change her or not validate every single thing she does). I have problems of my own. Problems as in PROBLEMS. I don’t know what to do but it’s not fundamentally my problem AND I can’t fix it. It is sad.

          5. I feel this way from the perspective of the drowning person; I know the grief and the medical crises are consuming me and that I have nothing to give. As far as I can tell the best thing I can do is just steer clear of people who are doing better.

          6. Some people just become broken. And I’ve seen families with addicts where they are so traumatized by the pain and stealing and lies and scary people coming by their house that when the addict dies, they can’t have a funeral because it has just wrecked everyone and they don’t want to have to deal with fellow users showing up and making a bad situation worse. They had to keep those people out of hospital rooms and hospice and they are exhausted. It’s sad and IDK how to help but something like that is radiating toxicity and leaves a lot of people in its wake. And for fellow family in recovery, they can’t visit because the addicts often feed each other and we all fear relapses more than we love our relatives.

          8. I have sympathy for my sister and yet she has become abusive to everyone and we are not the problem. She can’t hold a job because she is combative there and her kids need a functioning parent. They are nearly adults and they will escape from this soon but it’s just bad. My BIL’s bad decisions have left a long wake of destruction that will take decades to fix, person by person, which may be possible but may not ever happen.

          9. I agree with this to an extent. Everyone goes through things that are hard and we shouldn’t compete with each other for who has it the hardest. That being said, we don’t all lose our mother to breast cancer in high school, or lose our child due to mental health issues or addiction. Some people really do get the “hardship” award.

          10. I mean, there is no telling what may just take a person down and they become down for the count.

            I know a lot of people who are divorced and a lot of kids of divorce. It’s hard. It doesn’t stop (toxic parent show up uninvited at your wedding with his newest GF and some additional kids) and shows up without warning. Not everyone is wrecked by this, but I know a few who just never overcame it.

            Ditto death of a parent, death of a child. I know someone who had their only kid kill themselves at home and for economic reasons they had to keep living there. She took 2 weeks off of work to stay with her sister. She’s strong and yet I can’t imagine how she gets through each day. She did finally move from that house.

            Just because something bad didn’t break you, doesn’t mean it might not break someone else. But it’s not a competition. Everything is so unique to the individual and circumstances.

          11. Regarding Anon at 12:02s comment: counterintuitively, it helps me to understand that I might actually be down for the count and that’s not an unreasonable reaction. I don’t have to “power through” or “come back stronger.” It gives me the mental space to focus on the problems at hand and not push myself to “be okay” long before I’m ready.

          12. I have a friend like this. She was a pit of negativity and drove her husband away though, She was less good at hiding it after her husband left.

        2. Not OP, but I get where she’s coming from. Yesterday I was in a discussion about what people were thankful for. Two of the things were “enough to eat” and “clean running water.” Everyone agreed that it was so wonderful that none of us had ever faced hunger or had to live without running water. What I did not say was that my own mother lived in a home without potable water for several years after I graduated college and she finally divorced my abu$ive father, and that I had grown up without enough to eat (or medical care, but that wasn’t the topic of discussion). I just smiled and nodded.

          Another person in the group said they were thankful that their family faced no serious difficulties, yet I know that they are going through absolute he11 with their child’s serious mental health issues right now.

          Most people have their own legitimate challenges. We just don’t all feel the need to broadcast them to the world. In fact, the people with the most serious issues are often the toughest and the most private.

          1. “Everyone agreed that it was so wonderful that none of us had ever faced hunger or had to live without running water.”

            I grew up very privileged (“family name on a college building” privileged) and I would not make that assumption. People’s lives fluctuate too much and plenty of very successful people work so hard precisely because they came from nothing.

          2. I think that WNC has shown us how tenuous having running water is. Rural places with a water line from a well (vs city water), city water where the lines are broken or water isn’t drinkable (so you can’t wash dishes and bathing small children gets tricky), etc. Asheville has potable water now, but for a tourist town relying on fall tourism to sustain jobs, not having potable water has risked the roofs over a lot of people’s heads (and some people are living in tents and trailers and cars or driving hours). Life can get very hard very fast.

            I’m grateful for the helpers. For large machinery. For rebuilding roads and bridges and taking away giant fallen trees and rebuilding lives.

          3. What was the point of a discussion about things you’re grateful for if you’re just going to lie? That type of activity would make me so uncomfortable, fake bonding is my cryptonite.

          4. I am still not sure about social norms that pressure people to hide hardships as the alternative to broadcasting them in an unhealthy way? I value the choice to be private and don’t appreciate too much pressure to share, but I’ve also encountered communities that are far too oblivious before too (people who share opinions or factoids about minimum wage workers or about food or housing insecurity without any awareness that anyone in their own social circle might have first hand experience).

      3. In a similar vein, I’m sick of therapy culture. Not everything is “trauma.” “Boundaries” are not what most people think they are. Not every parent is a narcissist. Not every child needs a 504. The solution to an untenable work situation or legitimate worry isn’t anxiety medication–it’s fixing the external problem.

        1. I agree except the external problem for a child so often is the way things are done at school. I don’t think 504s work very well though.

        4. +1 “My therapist says I need to limit myself to 2 meetings a day.” That’s not how this works – go seek out the Office of Disability Accommodations and go through the ADA process with them. In the meantime, stop canceling meetings until you have approval!

        6. I am particularly bothered by people who say offensive things and then claim that their comment “triggered” you when you call them out on it.

          I’ve been in an abusive relationship. Certain things psychologically trigger me. Me telling you that what you said is racist or sexist or transphobic isn’t me being triggered – its me telling you that your behavior is unacceptable.

          1. I also hate it when people claim that something “triggered” them when it just annoyed them. “Triggered” has a specific meaning.

        7. +1, and many kids who do need a 504 would be better served in specialized private schools.

      4. +1, and many kids who do need a 504 would be better served in specialized private schools.

        2. Exactly. The people who disagree are often the ones who haven’t had their lives blow up on them.

          1. I hate this assumption. Sometimes the people who don’t want to play suffering Olympics would actually win but would rather move on

          2. I hate this assumption. Sometimes the people who don’t want to play suffering Olympics would actually win but would rather move on

          3. Okay, but sometimes no one is playing the suffering Olympics, but someone can’t move on because they’ve been left with unmet needs and they’re not self sufficient. If you can tell that someone is not doing well, it doesn’t therefore mean they wouldn’t rather move on.

          4. I’m the one who posted it and it’s because my life is easy! I’ve never had death, I’ve always been wealthy, I’m conventionally pretty. Honestly life is really easy for me and I don’t at all agree with the statement that life is hard for everyone. That’s why I think the original anon is mean! Like no, if your whole family died tragically and you were abused in a foster home, your life is way harder than mine.

      5. “You’re not special” would go a long way here with the daily not-so-humble bragging about how gifted everyone is, what great schools they went to, and now rich they are now. You are honestly not that special. Really.

        1. Getting to go to great schools and get rich is outlier. I would rather people recognize it’s “special” than think it’s just normal!

      1. I hate neurotypical people who choose not to behave, I don’t begrudge neurodivergent folks though.

        2. The problem is that the line for what qualifies as “neurodivergent” is currently misplaced. Neurodivergent requiring accommodation is a nonverbal or barely verbal autistic person, not a self-centered obnoxious adult who only wants to talk about themself or a rowdy boy who hits other kids.

          2. The point was about people who choose to ignore social signals, or sometimes even explicit requests to move on and discuss something else, not your own issues regarding ND.

          3. Choosing to ignore social signals is the exact opposite of being unable to pick up on social signals.

            I think “refuse to read the room” wouldn’t have brought up disability in people’s minds, but “can’t read the room” is pretty ambiguous.

          4. I am saying that most people need to follow social norms and we use “neurodiversity” as an excuse for poor behavior.

          5. Eh, I have a kid who is autistic and even a “low-support needs” person often has a spiky profile where they may have some significant needs in some areas or can become disregulated (and then all bets are off — they really need a reset button and can be stuck in a disregulated state for a bit). It’s not that simple.

          6. but 11:09 social norms can and should change if a big portion of the population is not served or represented by those social norms. (1 in 36 kids are diagnosed with ASD and growing, there is a huge wave coming.) i’ve been thinking about this a lot since the election and the right’s problems with lgbtq++ people and activities – i think a lot of people don’t have problems with people living their life they’re just tired of changing the norms so they/them is now acceptable grammar, etc. but shouldn’t norms change as society does?

          8. Some people definitely have a better read on when words are meant more vs. less literally!

          9. The point is that most people use a diagnosis as an excuse to CHOOSE not to pay attention to social signals, when in fact the diagnosis should tell them that they need to work harder to do so.

          10. I promise that you would not like the results of a ND person who doesn’t register social signals working harder to do so. You may find it annoying when people are oblivious, but when people are constantly actively putting a lot of effort into reading social signals and getting it repeatedly very wrong… that will annoy you more. There is no evidence for “working harder and therefore getting it right” unfortunately; I know that is how it works for people who don’t have a relevant diagnosis, but that’s part of what distinguishes people who just aren’t trying hard enough from people with a disability in the first place.

        3. Regarding why ND isn’t the issue, an example:

          I’m 43 and separated. People will, knowing both of these things, ask me if I’m going to have more babies. (No, this isn’t prompted by anything I’m doing.)

          That is a mild “failure to read the room.”

          I will usually answer with “I’m 43 and my marriage is collapsing. That’s a bad idea on a number of levels.”

          My ND friends actually get it. They take the statement at face value, consider the logic, and move on. Many of my NT friends do as well.

          Some NT people ignore the straight meaning, also ignore the subtext (“bad idea on many levels” = “just drop this and let’s talk about something else”), and keep pushing the issue.

          One memorable time, two other women were trying to explain, like “my pregnancy at age 37 was so much harder than at 33, I can’t imagine being 44 and delivering,” or “those risks are real,” and the asker… didn’t back off. Then she was all shocked Pikachu face when it finally dawned on her.

          It’s an extreme example, but it’s the one that highlights why it’s not a ND issue. It’s a “read the room” issue.

    15. People who pick up phone calls in public bathroom stalls. This happens so often?! Just trying to pee without an audience!

    16. People who tell me all forms of marijuana are just fine and not the next national health crisis. I can send them the latest research but it doesn’t seem to make a dent.

    17. I hate perfume, or at least I hate it when people wear too much perfume or cologne. My grandmother told me that someone should only be able to smell your perfume when they kiss you. Grandma was wise. I do not profess to have a particular sensitivity (as long as we are ranting, I will add people who claim to have particular sensitivities to things when they are really just annoyed by said things). I am just grossed out. I am the mother of teenaged girls and walking through crowds of teenaged girls is like being asphyxiated in a cloud of synthetic vanilla. Sol de Janiero, I am talking to you.

      Also, men should smell like soap. Dial, Safeguard, whatever.

      And before I get attacked, let me provide an example of the “particular sensitivity” thing. At a recent fancy dinner out the server asked our large group if anyone had any dietary restrictions. My mother said, “I can’t have anything spicy.” Not liking pepper is not a dietary restriction, Mom. Maybe just don’t order the pasta with the chile crunch.

      2. I’m with you on the perfume rant.

        I became very scent-sensitive during pregnancy, and don’t use perfume or intensely scented things any more. I travel to Europe often, and despite being a mask-wearer in indoor spaces, especially there I smell too many people from too far away. I should not have to be subjected to your Eau-de-whatever when I’m walking behind you outdoors in a park!

      3. Agree. I love the smell of perfume and cologne but I’m generally grossed out by the smells of mothballs and body odor and pot and patchouli and just the stale mildew smell of laundry washed in natural detergent. It’s not a sensitivity it’s just stuff I hate. It would be weird for me to insist there’s a medical reason for every old hippie in my life to used the laundress detergent and cashmere mist deodorant right?

        1. As a perfumer, I cannot stand all the scents added to laundry. They are STRONG. And now we have scent beads. Those are for people who have already gone nose blind to laundry scents after being exposed to them 24/7. Just no.

          1. I’m 1128 and I hate those too. Hate dryer sheets. I love laundress signature and regular soap flakes. But that natural lavender detergent smell is really prevalent in my life for whatever reason. I don’t know if it’s mildew or mothball like or just lives in mothball houses but it’s not my jam. Clean but smells dirty somehow.

      4. Eh, I can’t tolerate beans or spicy foods, if the restaurant is asking me, I’m answering the question so they check if I order something that conflicts with this. I’m not always scrutinizing a menu in a social situation.

      5. My daughter is obsessed with the Sol de Janiero scents and almost every day we have to have a conversation about how much is too much.

        1. Perfumer from above. Best therapy for oversprayers is to have a variety of scents to rotate through. If you use Sol de Janiero every single day, you stop smelling it, and feel like you need more sprays. You should try a freshie or a lightly floral to alternate to. Glossier just introduced two flankers for their popular You fragrance – a woody floral and an gourmand/amber – she might try one of those. They’re insanely popular.

          The key is to actually alternate. No wearing any same fragrance two days in a row.

          1. I never heard this before but it makes perfect sense. Thank you for your expertise!

    18. Everything is a login. Everything is a different log in with different passwords. Work? Fine. Email? Great. Needing a login for my gym and another log in for the bootcamp class I need sometime and a login for the hair salon I use in order to make an appointment and then all the logins for online shopping… No. Too much.

      Also – people who loudly complain about children like the children can’t hear. Parents can be obnoxious and entitled, we get it – kids can make noise. But like… kids deserve to be allowed to exist in society?

      1. Right? I miss the practice of 2-tiered logins… a simple one for payment only and a more secure one for actual changes to an account. If someone wants to hack my account to pay my bill, for heaven’s sake LET THEM! (Yes, I know there are reasons for security, but paying a utility or whatever is already annoying no matter the login process)

        1. Believe it or not, someone might want to “hack” an account to pay a bill. I have paid utility bills for people going through a hard time, and I would love to have been able to just input their account number and put money towards it. Maybe don’t even show me the outstanding balance!

          1. I’m the OP of that one and you’re absolutely right! It should be easy to do nice things anonymously.

    19. I hate how it seems like I need to subscribe to buy stuff. I want to buy the thing one time. Buying the thing does not make us friends. I do not want to set up a recurring purchase. I do not want to be asked each week/month if I want to buy the thing again. I do not want to give you all of my identifying information right down to my birthmarks.

    20. Not everything needs to be an “experience”. No, mortgage company, I don’t want a home ownership “experience” from you. I just want to pay my damn bill.

    21. I hate it when people who walk their dogs pick up the poop but leave those little plastic poop baggies on the ground. Sure you say you’ll come back and get it, except clearly many people aren’t. And if it’s too gross for you to carry, isn’t it too gross for everyone else to walk past and sometimes step on? It would be better for the environment to leave the poop be on the ground directly.

    22. Things I hate:
      1. Social media influencers who block public spaces with their tripods and selfie sticks, trying to (badly) perform some stupid dance. And promoting questionable beauty and lifestyle things.
      One of our neighbors is a TikTok-er, and I’ve actually scowled at him when he walked in front of our driveway with the camera facing my house while I was bringing in the groceries. Leave me and my house out of your exhibitionism, please.

      2. When colleagues cannot summarize a topic concisely in 5 bullet points. I work in an executive-facing function and have noticed I become very impatient when I receive an email that would be 1 full page of text printed, without any structure, no subheadings, paragraph breaks etc. Don’t unload your random thought salad on me!

      3. In email, not addressing every point I asked. I asked you 3 questions, numbered in a list. Why are you only answering 1 of them in your reply? (It’s ok to answer “No/Yes” or “I don’t know.”)

      1. Adding that how I deal with these annoyances is on me – being in my 40s and perimenopause certainly does not help.

      2. I get irrationally angry when people film in the gym. Dude. I pay 200 bucks a month for a private gym and now I have to worry that you’re broadcasting me all over tick tock? I swear when I was young and cool something like broadcasting your workout was try hard and embarrassingly uncool. How do you not die of shame setting up a tripod to film yourself?

        1. +1 to 2 & 3. And I bow at 11:31’s use of a numbered list with space between points. We’d get along so well if we had to correspond at work ;)

      4. I started just blowing past people doing that in Paris (copying the Parisians) and now I do it in LA as well. It feels fantastic, plus it makes more work for them. If you want to film without interruptions, get a permit to block the street. Also people taking pictures of their food in the middle of dinner. Dude, it’s a steak. Get over it.

    23. Drivers who think stopping for pedestrians in a crosswalk is optional. It’s not. Fucking STOP.

      1. This!!!! I’ve often threatened to run for town council on the platform of free parking and five thousand dollar fines for blowing past pedestrians in the mid block crosswalks.

          1. Thanks. I’m going to lose to someone who think space lasers turn frogs gay but it might be worth the fight.

      1. Same here. It’s gross and performative. If you are straight and married, you have a husband or a wife. If you are married to someone of the same sex, you have a spouse. If you are engaged, you have a fiance/ee. If you are living with someone outside of marriage or engagement, you have a partner. If you are dating but not living together, you have a boyfriend or girlfried.

        1. I’d be interested in your views of people who are not straight but in straight passing relationships. Should they lie for social ease or are they allowed to say spouse.

    25. People making an illegal U-turn at the intersection of the 6-lane highway and the side road to get to my house. I have seen SO many accidents in that spot. But more annoyingly, it’s a long light, and the illegal U-turns take twice as long as a legal left turn. There’s never a police officer there to enforce the rule, and yesterday, DH and I saw a police officer make the illegal turn (with no lights on or any indication of an emergency in progress).

    26. People who park their cars, boats, RVs, etc. on the street in our subdivision. You have a two-car garage and a driveway. Use them. The streets are not wide enough to drive down when there are cars parked on both sides, and all the parked vehicles create dangerous places for kids to hide and then dart out into traffic.

    27. Smelling pot smoke in outdoor spaces and semi-outdoor ones like my gym’s parking lot. Why is it that you can’t smoke tobacco within about 50 feet of a building and pot smoke is A-OK? Pot isn’t harmless and it’s stupid to pretend like it’s totally fine and should be in every public space.

      Saying, “no worries” instead of “you’re welcome” when someone thanks you. It just sounds condescending.

      People who talk all the livelong day about kindness and tolerance but if you say the slightest thing that isn’t 100% in line with their views on a topic (i.e., where to put a bus stop) you are MAGA.

      People who blow up when you enforce a boundary. I was in a PTA meeting this week and when I told someone to stop saying the same thing over and over, she shouted, “What’s your problem with me?” I told her. She was really mad.

      1. Telling someone to shut up isn’t really a “boundary”. You sound like someone abusing therapy speak.

        1. Telling someone to stop repeating themselves is telling them to “shut up”? Wow.

          1. Yes? Or at least it’s just as rude. They can express themselves how they see fit, and it’s not your place to police them unless you’re the chair of the meeting (or otherwise formally empowered to take on that role).

      2. Telling people “no smoking” means “no smoking ANYthing.” They think “oh, it’s not tobacco, so it’s okay.” NO. It’s not!

        1. It’s tied in to the whole wellness-natural-crunchy pipeline. Tobacco is for squares, so it’s forbidden! But outsiders smoke pot, so cool and definitely allowed.

    28. Hate TVs and won’t go to Shell gas station because of the ad screens. The worst is the LOUD MUSIC everywhere. People at the gym bring their own music but the music is blaring and it is not all good work out music. I used the app Soundprint for restaurants. I feel like a good citizen every time I recommend a quiet restaurant

      1. Or Old Navy Christmas commercials. The Jennifer Hudson one is ubiquitous right now, and I hate it.

    30. Being your dog everywhere. I don’t want to deal with your dog at the grocery store, the mall, or really any other store. Just because you love him doesn’t mean mean it’s appropriate or that I like him.

      1. And “emotional support” dogs are NOT service animals. KEEP THEM OUT OF THE GROCERY STORE. Sez I who loves my dog.

  3. Having a pre-holiday party this weekend and looking to play a Christmas movie in the background – what are your favorites available on Hulu or Amazon Prime?

    (I am usually a big no Christmas before Thanksgiving person but this is technically not a Christmas party – I just thought it would add good ambiance).

    1. Die Hard for Xmas movie.

      I do love The Sound of Music just because I will sing along and even play the music if asked or imbibing.

    3. I’m not the anon above, but I agree with the hate of tvs in public spaces. If there’s a tv on, I can’t help but keep looking at it, rather than at the people I’m supposed to be talking to. Unless this is a party with kids and you want it in a separate room for them or people who want to escape the party, I doubt keeping all your guests distracted and not interacting is really what you want for ambiance.

      1. +1. Unless you have a huge house, it just ruins the party. The people who don’t want to watch the movie are distracted by it, but still talking some. And the people who want to watch the movie are annoyed at the others for talking.

        If you are looking for something for background noise, just put on some music. But unless it’s a very small party (which makes the tv idea worse), you really don’t need more noise

      2. +1 For events like this I’d usually put a yulelog video on instead if I just wanted to avoid my TV looking like a big black hole while entertaining. Youtube has a ton of ambiance music screensavers that are perfect for this with music for just mellow background music.

    5. I’d go vintage with Miracle on 34th or Wonderful Life as I assume the sound is off and it’s just for visuals.

      1. PS – if you or can borrow a projector, these look even better silently displaying on a wall.

        1. Why not run the crackling fireplace channel, if it’s just for visuals? Or, they are not Christmas movies, but I’d see if I could find some old Busby Berkeley musicals and just have loops of over the top musical dance numbers playing on the wall!

    6. Last night I put on Snoopy Christmas background ambience on YouTube. 2 hours of Snoopy on his dog house, decorated for Christmas and instrumental music playing.

    9. Best story on this:

      One such party my work friend, the host, decided to play home movies from when his kids were really little. No sound. It was adorable. Then suddenly host was running across the room to turn it off yelling “don’t look, don’t look!” Dad was in the bathtub with baby in that particular clip. It was HILARIOUS.

  4. Help me plan a party I’ve been meaning to have for decades since attending as a kid. My good friend’s parents had one and I was more of a teen when I went; I hung out in the basement with my friend and other teens chatting and playing video games and cards and we went upstairs intermittently for snacks. IDK what the adults did, presumably mingle and eat/drink.

    New years day, open house. Family friendly. My kids are in elem/middle school.

    Hours? Food? Entertainment?

    I’m thinking 12-4 (12-5? 1-5?) with enough food to make a meal out of it but not necessarily a designated meal. For example, a chili station.

    Our 1970s suburban colonial has a kitchen is more functional that social so the food will mainly go in our massive dining room. I’m thinking of setting up tables and chairs throughout the house for people to sit and eat so they aren’t all crammed in the dining room (which is big, but not 30 people eating at once big). Do I spread the food around all the rooms on the main level, or keep it in the dining room for people to go into and serve themselves?

    For beverages, I’m thinking of putting those in the kitchen breakfast nook. Do I do some kind of alcoholic drink in a bar set up or just have wine/ bubbly out? I don’t think the kids attending are old enough to get into any real trouble with alcohol. Do you think coolers with cans and bottles works better than cups & things requiring pouring?

    Kids: I’m thinking of directing older kids (tweens) to the basement for video games/movies/games and younger kids (2nd graders) upstairs to our playroom. I might move a TV into the playroom for the event so they can have a movie on in the background? With kids this age where the kids will be friends or classmates or even cousins do I need structured entertainment? They can also play outside if the weather is nice but we are in NY and it could be warm or 0 on new years day. If it’s nice I’ll have some kind of outdoor fun (basketball, lawn games, etc)

    House: do I put things on my white living room couches to protect them from The Masses? If so, blankets? Slipcovers? I am not ready to go full on 1980 grandma with a plastic cover :).

    Do I send a massive e-vite and make it “regrets only” or should I ask people to RSVP yes and get a better sense of headcount? I’m planning to invite the neighborhood, plus families of our kids’ friends (who are also our friends), my husband’s gym friends and some local family (and there is a lot of overlap in these groups). Invite list could easily top 300 people but I’m sure we’ll only yield a sliver of that and it will be in waves throughout the day. How do I word “if you have house guests please feel free to bring them too, it’s truly an open house”?

    Finally…when it’s over how do I make sure people leave? :)

    1. I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again, catering is your friend here. I’d do Mexican and set up a spread in your dining room. Restaurants can deliver and in many areas you can get a taco truck to come. For those numbers I wouldn’t even try to cook.
      Hire some help too. Taskrabbit is great for this. Having someone cleaning up as the party goes on and helping with drinks and keeping food fresh is priceless.
      No slipcovers etc. they look messy and most stains can come out. If you’re super concerned flip the cushions to the side that’s more stained so you can flip them back after the party.
      I wouldn’t worry about people leaving, the bulk leaves early and the remainders are your good friends.
      I would say RSVP not regrets. People will fail to reply either way but you need to get a sense of your crowd to buy enough food and drinks. I prefer paperless post to evite.

      1. With regard to the couch I think textured throws generously draped are the way to go. They add atmosphere and keep your guests from freaking out. I’m relaxed about spills but my guests aren’t. Also dark denim will mess up your white couch worse than red wine. Please don’t ask me how I know.

      2. Once again, this is very know your area – picking up a few aluminum trays of pasta from the pizza place would be fine but hiring a taco truck or any sort of help would be WEIRD in my circles.

        1. I’m the OP and catering wouldn’t be weird in my area but a taco truck isn’t the vibe I’m going for. I’m looking for “nibbles all day” sort of vibe.

        2. I personally do not give a FF about what’s “weird” in an area. It’s my party and I’ll cater for my convenience if I want to. And that should be the mantra for anyone else who thinks they need to pretend to be casual or whatever. Make your life simple and enjoy yourself at your own event. Don’t be the maid.

          1. You can enjoy yourself and not be the maid without hired help.

            I usually have two open house style parties a year, and I’ve never hired help. Usually one includes a meal, for which I’ll grab deli trays or something similar, and one is later and no meal just apps.

      3. I personally don’t understand the need for hired help – I entertain a lot, as do my friends. I grew up going to a lot of these types of parties too – no one has ever had help for a casual, open house type party (which most of these are).

        Even though our parties can get quite lively, people still clean up after themselves (just make sure the trash and recycling are easy to find!). It’s easy to pop into the kitchen to quickly refill the chips and salsa or something. My friends are more than happy to pitch in with the refiling too. It really doesn’t take away from the fun, as long as I’m not cooking a full meal (popping more frozen mini quiches in the oven and plating them is easy to do while enjoying myself).

        1. Oh yeah – a great tip: buy some cheap extra trash bins for this event and scatter throughout the house. You’ll want one in each room and one near the backdoor. They only cost what, $10? $20? Very important for guest ease and comfort.

    2. Growing up, we always went to a family friend’s house for an open house on NY Day. My parents and brother still go, and I have such fond memories of it.

      The focus of it was college football bowl games. They’d bring in extra TVs to have all of the games on in the family room at once (no sound). Several of our family friends are former college football players, so there was always vested rooting interest.

      Drinks were in coolers in the kitchen – soda, juice boxes, beer, and then wine on the counter. In the kitchen there were a few crockpots with hot roast beef, hot turkey, and meatballs, rolls, and cheese for DIY sandwiches. The dining room had a large spread set up – cold cuts, veggie tray, fruit salad, pasta salad, desserts. Chips and dips and other snacky foods were spread out throughout the party.

      Kids played in the basement or outside (NJ so similar weather). There was no adult supervision and we had so much fun – to this day I’m still friends with several of the kids from these parties and they’re such good childhood memories.

      It was a true open house – I’m sure that the family doesn’t even bother with an invite these days. Most people who came were the 15 or so core families of my parents’ friend group, a few other families that we were friends with but not as close with, some coworkers or college friends and teammates of a few of the guys, and random relatives of not only the host, but others too. So, as you said with your party – lots of overlap between the groups. The kids were all friends (or had spent enough forced time together because their parents were friends), so no structured entertainment needed (though this was the 90s/00s, so we were used to entertaining ourselves). Sometimes we’d spilt into older kids and younger kids, depending on what we were playing, but sometimes we’d all play together (usually sports outside or if indoors in the same room playing different things).

    3. I think the fun of these parties is the prep, so I wouldn’t cater, but I would make sure to have a mix of hot/cold, sweet/savory, easy/hard and just prep alot. The othere advantage is having leftovers for a few days of family dinner while we eat up the leftovers. I would send a massive evite but not bother with RSVPs or regrets only because no one will do either and it honestly doesn’t matter to me. I would just say, please feel free to bring your houseguests.

    4. Hear me out: go to Rent-A-Center, rent a set of brown couches for the weekend, and just put the white couches in the basement or a storage unit or a Pod. You will destroy your couches otherwise and the cost of steam cleaning them (or worse) will far outweigh the cost of this plan.

      1. This is wild!

        I swear no one on this board knows how to throw a casual, laid back party with loved ones.

          2. Dude, I’m having a gathering soon and buying frozen quiches and cases of non alcoholic drinks. A friend is bringing charcuterie. Another friend is bringing wine. That’s it. I am not a gazillionaire. That’s what I can do. People here can be wildly out of touch about how other people live and how much money they have.

        2. For real!

          For reference, my circle is mostly friends I met as a kid going to private school and parents of my kids’ private school classmates – pretty much everyone either attended or sends their kids to a ~40k a year private school in our MCOL area.

          We have frequent parties and get togethers with this group – because we love each other and love spending time with each other. Our parties really run the gamut in size, formality, and vibe: large NFL watching parties, a big, fancier NYE party, casual summer pool parties, huge open house parties at holidays, smaller dinner parties.

          We (royal we, the whole group here not just DH and I) virtually never hire help of any sort. The rare exceptions are if someone’s hosting a milestone birthday party at their house they’ll usually get a caterer. But 200 person Christmas open houses and a dressy surf and turf NYE party and a 10 person dinner party are all uncatered. For bigger parties we might grab a tray of pasta or something similar from a local place, but that’s it.

          Maybe we’re all too WASPy, but I cannot fathom someone hiring staff, let alone renting different couches, for a normal party! That would be seen as gauche, to be honest.

          1. In my circles we mostly entertain the way you do but I would never call someone gauche for throwing a fancier party or hiring help. That’s so judgmental and mean spirited, especially towards someone who is trying to entertain guests in their home, which is a lovely gesture no matter how one does it. I went to public school and I think I have better manners than you.

          2. I cannot stand this overconsumption trend and the everything has to be picture perfect trend. Hiring couches for a freaking party in your home is literally insane.

      2. I would be so embarrassed if I was throwing a party and my friend was like oh did you get a new couch (upon seeing that the couch is different from the last time they were over) and I had to be like oh no, I rented it for a party

      3. …isnt the point of a party like this to spend time with your loved ones? Who will love you regardless of how fancy the party is?

    5. I would not invite 300 people and yes i would ask people to RSVP. I’d do brunch food- bagels, cream cheese, lox, tuna, egg salad OR as someone else said I’d do deli meats, bread etc and some salads. Your house might get dirty but you clean it up after. My parents used to host Hanukkah parties for 100+ people each year.

    6. I had neighbors who did this and called it Noon Years Eve when our kids were all little. Big hit!!

      1. I’ve done Noon Years on New Year’s Eve with kids. You can YouTube New Year’s countdown from another time zone so the kids get a taste of New Year’s without sacrificing a decent bedtime. Parents and kids loved it!

    7. I do this every year! Brunch, 11-4. Usually 10 families invited but not everyone comes and some people don’t stay long. I serve bagels, spreads, lox, fruit, some sort of coffee cake or pastry thing, and a savory vegetarian gluten-free breakfast casserole. Coffee, juices, seltzer. In my crowd no one wants alcohol that day. Many friends also bring some food to share. It’s really fun and everyone looks forward to it every year.

      My apartment is about 1000 sq feet and we lock one bedroom for the pets. There’s one bathroom, and I don’t hire caterers etc. I’m thinking of ordering a cheese plate this year though bc a nearby place does an amazing one. Biggest caveat is to have kids hide any toys they don’t want others to touch.

      Do it, it’s fun!

  5. A friend wants mooncat nail polish as a gift. I’m looking at their website and I’m a bit confused. They do look really cool. But do you need the magnetic wand every time to apply them + get that look?

    1. Not all of their polishes are magnetic. But yes, the magnetic polishes do need the want every time to get the right effect.

      I have tried almost all of Mooncat’s formulas and they’re all great. If your didn’t specifically request a magnetic polish, I would suggest going for another formula (or only one magnetic and a few others) because the magnetic might be more effort than she wants to bother with.

      1. Do you know how you can tell if the nail polish is magnetic or not?

        1. It should say in the product description if it’s magnetic, and you can filter by formula on the website.

      2. How does the wand work? I have some magnetic colors and a wand and need to figure this out. It was sent automatically based on ordering that type polish IIRC.

  6. My dad won an iPad, 9th generation. Its brand new, unopened, still in the wrapping. He gave it to me but I realized I don’t want/need it. How/where can I sell it? I’m not on social media so no access to FB marketplace. Is craigslist still a thing? It retails for $199 but I’d be willing to take half that.

    2. Any chance a friend would want it and would pay you $100 for it – win win? Friend could want it for themselves or as a Christmas gift.

    3. do you have a friend with kids who might want it for them? tbh I would just give it away rather than sell, at that price point.

    4. I would give it away. Lots of kids would love that for Christmas. Sign up for the post office santa program and pick a letter asking for an ipad

    5. Can you trade it in to Apple or Best Buy? You’d get a gift card, and not as much as it’s worth, but it’s probably the lowest effort.

  7. Citizens Access lowered my savings rate once again and now its at 3.9%. Is it worth the hassle to move my money to another bank with better rates? I’ve got about 50K in there, its my emergency savings.

    1. This prompted me to check my Capital One and they also lowered to 3.9%. I’ll probably wait a few weeks and see if anyone keeps higher rates before I consider moving.

      1. 1) Thanks for checking Capital One so I wouldn’t have to
        2) What would you move it to? It seems like everything is moving down.

      2. The fed lowered rates. I don’t know why you think these things don’t move in lockstep, but they do.

    2. I would look, it only takes a second to pull up Bank Rate or Deposit Accounts and see who is still high. I might move if it looks like rates hold another week or so, moving accounts is so easy, and totally worth the “hassle” to me. I don’t spread things out, but I do have money in 3 places for different reasons.

    4. I just checked and Ally is 3.85 and the VUSXX treasury money market fund is 4.59% (for its 7day SEC yield). I think that can change quickly though.

      Ultimately I wouldn’t move stuff around for less than a full 2 percentage points unless you have other reasons to. Just a big PITA. But if you don’t need all of the $50k maybe look into CD rates, i think you can still get 6 month-12 month ones for around 4, at least at ally.

    5. I almost never find it worth the hassle. For a quick look across a lot of banks go to Nerdwallet

        1. They do for adjustable-rate mortgages, so why wouldn’t they do it on HYSAs?

    7. How often do you dip into this fund? Maybe put it in a CD if you want to hold it at a higher rate for a while as it seems rates are going down? It’s not as fluid but some CDs can be cashed out early (for a penalty fee) if an urgent need strikes, so on the balance you might find it worthwhile.

  8. Is Uniqlo heattech actually good at keeping you warm? I’m looking for a long sleeve shirt with a scoop neck to wear under sweaters and blouses because my office is very cold.

    2. That’s what I wear for the same purpose. I don’t think Uniqlo is any better or worse than other brands of long underwear I have.

    3. Costco has a version of this sold in a two-pack and I love them. They wash/hold up really well, too.

    4. I wear it for the exact same purpose and I think it’s ok. Not sure if it works better than other brands at keeping warm, but I like that it is a thin, non-bunchy top that I can wear under anything as an extra layer. The tops have also held up well to lots of wearing and washing.

      For true warmth, the only thing I’ve found that really works is merino wool.

    5. I wear the 32 degrees version. Yes, they do add a layer of warmth. Then I sleep in it. It really helps.

  9. How to deal with very harsh feedback… I’m about 12 years into my career and have only received glowing feedback for the entirety of my career – always picked for the big projects, etc. I have a new manager and after 3 months she told me I’m not up for the role, just generally not hitting the mark on anything. I’m not completely surprised by the feedback as she has been generally unpleased with my work up to this point, but I’m absolutely crushed by this. Any tips for how to deal? I don’t want to be defensive, I’m open to the fact that maybe I’ve been getting overly rosy feedback up to this point, but its so hard not to feel completely demoralized by the situation.

      3. +1, if the feedback was this black-and-white, and it was this negative across the board, she is going to be looking to let you go within 6 months, in all likelihood.

    2. I would say this is a bad fit (either you and the manager or the manager and the company or even you and the company if the company has moved in a different direction). What to do:
      1) start looking for a new role. It doesn’t have to be at a new company if you have a good reputation in your current company. Some of my best hires were people looking for refuge from a bad boss in other departments. Put out feelers.
      2) can you get feedback from peers or your boss’s peers on your overall performance? If done right, it might lead to an opportunity (see #1). This is very know-your-office but again, if I had someone coming to me from another department whose work I valued, I would be open to a conversation with them.
      3) if it’s a style thing, think about how the differences between your current manager and former management. Can you work together to figure out the best way for you two to align on expectations? Do you need more check-ins? Phone or zoom vs email? In person vs remote? Do you have a sense for the kind of instructions your manager has? Maybe she’s getting pressured and passing it along; you might be able to manage up and help her out.

      good luck!

    3. sounds like New Manager wants the opportunity to choose their own team. I’d start hunting.

    4. I don’t have space this morning to give advice, but I just wanted to quickly chime in to say how sorrow I am. This happened to me, and it was devastating. I am not tough-skinned (though maybe I should be) and I genuinely desire to do well, grow, and please my supervisors. So it hit extra hard.

      I will say that it seems like unfair feedback to give after only 3 months. To come down like a load of bricks on an unsuspecting employee, after only 3 months . . . ????

    5. This happened to my husband in tech. He was always a strong performer, getting bonuses, until he got a new manager. Suddenly he sucked according to her, and was forced out and replaced by a younger less expensive hire. Look for a new job, you can’t fix this.

    6. This happened to me about one key part of my job under a new manager — get a new job asap. My manager happened to leave and surprise surprise the glowing feedback came back under the new new manager.

  10. Deciding between Dyson Airwrap and Airstrait (this will be a gift from my in-laws). Any recs? Context:

    – I have lots of thick, dark hair that comes past my shoulders.
    – I do not work in an office so I only need to look “done” a few times per week (2-3?). I currently split my “done” looks between hot rollering and straightening with a flat iron.
    – I probably wash my hair 2x – 3x/week…closer to 2.
    – I’m pretty lazy about all things hair and beauty but my hair is definitely one of my best features.

    1. I think it comes down to how do you prefer to wear your hair – my hair gets too flat when I straighten it, so I only like to blow it out with a round brush. I have the Shark FlexStyle and I love, love, love it. I wash my hair 6-7x a week and I blow it out probably 5x a week and it just always looks fantastic. I’m also lazy with my hair (and used to always air dry), but its SO worth it to me to blow it out. I can go from just out of the shower sopping wet hair to dried and styled in 10 minutes or towel / slightly air dried hair to fully dried and styled in 5.

      I think the AirWrap would be more versatile than the Airstraight, and you can still style it straight (paddle brush attachment, round brush depending on how you use it)

      1. I love the shark too. I bought it after trying the Dyson which tangled my hair in knots and made it look fried. For once the cheaper product is something I preferred.

    2. Similar hair, and fairly proficient with a good blow dryer + round brush. The Airwrap has a good amount of novelty to it and I normally take it on holiday as I can do straight and curled looks without having to schlep everything with me. So, solidly a novelty and fun to use but won’t replace your every day blow dryer. If it is more a blow dryer you are looking for, I recently got the Dyson Nural which I’d solidly suggest putting in the running. Favorite feature is that it shuts off when you need to put it on the counter to resection your hair so you don’t have contact lens cases flying everywhere.

      1. I am Shark FlexStyle obsessed, one of the things that tipped the scales to the FlexStyle for me was that it can replace my regular hair dryer too! Truly an all in one tool

    3. For my extremely thick hair, the Airwrap wasn’t a powerful enough blow dryer to actually dry it. It’s more for styling.

    4. I dropped $500 on the Airwrap and I never use it. Ever. I think I have twice. It takes forever, and I have not very thick wavy hair that is past my shoulders. I prefer my Revlon drying brush over it BUT from what I have read I think the Airstrait would be way better for my needs.

  11. can anyone recommend a good money book (or podcast or youtube channel) for a 13-year-old boy who is curious? thanks!

    2. He’s older than the target for Marketplace’s Million Bazillion podcast, but *I* learn things from it, and find many episodes are legit funny, so maybe give it a try.

      I liked Motley Fool You Have More Than You Think when I was around 18… it’s for adults, but a 13 year old interested in money might like being taken seriously enough for a grown up book.

  12. We are invited to a family wedding to be held in Aiken, SC. We will be there for a weekend in the spring. What to do in between wedding events with two teens? Bride’s extended family is from there (she was an Army brat, so her life and adult life were largely elsewhere except for holidays and family visits). It looks golf-y?

    1. This is fairly specific, but AIken has a huge equestrian community. Depending on when you’re there, might be a polo tournament or something (and almost certainly a regular horse show of some sort, but those are of less interest to non-horsey people than polo).

  13. I posted about a week ago about whether to buy Taylor Swift tickets, that I was on the fence, etc. etc. Anyways – I did and I’m going this Saturday! And I got lucky and purchased before they shot up to 3x what I had to pay (already $$$$) on the second hand market.

    Thanks for encouraging me everyone. :)

    6. I am so glad you didn’t listen to the (admittedly well-meaning) commenters who discouraged you!

  14. I’m wearing a dark green velvet faux wrap dress to a Christmas party. What would you wear for shoes? I can’t wear any type of heel. My feet want to wear black leather booties with tights but I don’t know if that’s the best look. I have an array of flats.

    2. I’d wear sheer black hose and patent leather pointed toe flats. Booties + tights is not a current look.

      1. I mean, if there are restrictions on heel height, I think booties go back on the table. She didn’t ask for the most current look–it sounds like she wants to look put together and appropriate for the event.

  15. My SIL is due in April and I’d like to get her something for Christmas to help her get through these last few months. Doesn’t have to be pregnancy specific but it should be pregnancy safe. I originally got her a fancy skincare gift set from Sephora but I later realized some of the products aren’t pregnancy safe (thanks to the Yuka app, which a pg friend recommended). I’ve already sent her a pregnancy pillow, fun and cozy socks, and the barefoot dreams cardigan. Has to be shippable, unfortunately we won’t see them in person until after the baby is born.

    1. Gift certificate for a prenatal massage. I got a generous one from a former boss and went every 2 weeks towards the end of my second tri, weekly for my third. My OB said it was one of the things that helped me go full-term (I was borderline high risk).

      1. Thanks I do love the idea of a massage, though I’m concerned about optics of a GC. I would absolutely pay for a massage for her. But I don’t think her husband would be happy to see a piece of paper that says hundreds of dollars are being spent on a luxury.

        There are some socioeconomic and political tensions to navigate. I’m not traveling to their home state – one of the states where women are dying from miscarriages – because I’m newly pregnant and high risk. SIL understands but a lot of that side of the family thinks I’m some snotty, spoiled, hysterical liberal snowflake because I don’t want to risk death to coo over baby clothes at her shower. Especially when I can afford to travel but they can’t, because they make barely above minimum wage, which is somehow the liberals’ fault too. Basically, I just want to do something nice for her that won’t get her in trouble with/an earful from her husband/in laws.

        2. I can see how it would reasonably be perceived as flaunting your wealth to give a luxury gift like a massage.

          I wouldn’t give a massage gift card anyway because some people don’t enjoy or can’t tolerate massages. When I was pregnant a massage would literally have made me vomit.

        3. You gently lie about finances and make sure that there’s no dollar amount on the thing that jerks can get their teeth into.
          You won a massage at a raffle or a work giveaway or got a huge discount for doing something for a friend and knew she deserved it. Or you make her appointment and pay directly.

        4. With these facts, just venmo her money. Tell her she can use it for whatever she wants whether it’s boring or frivolous. More than any pillow, extra cash will make her life better.

          1. Don’t do this. It’s going into a joint account, undoubtedly, and her husband will take it just to be a dick. I’d bet good money on it.

    2. Pregnancy related: gift certificates for a pedicure or a prenatal massage.

      If she has hobbies that are important to her, something related to those can hit the right note. I appreciated when people treated me like I was still me, not a faceless gestating meat sack, during pregnancy.

    3. I’m due in 1 week, so this was fun to think about. Things I’ve needed in the final months:
      * Compression socks. Kindred Bravely actually makes cute/comfy ones.
      * A new, beautiful notebook and pen. There are so many notes to take during this phase of life!
      * Some fun books. The anxiety definitely ticked up for me here in the end, and reading has helped to center me. Non-baby stuff only!
      * Doordash (or similar) gift card. You could write a cute note about how it will help to support those cravings!
      * This is not cute or fun but — a grabber. You know, one of those things you can pick items up with at the end of a stick. I’m so huge and can’t move well, it is so necessary!
      * I’ve been too nervous to try a prenatal massage, but women love those too.

    4. – Crocs – the regular kind. Perfect for hospital showers and just general grippiness.
      – Nice lotion.
      – Snacks
      – Button up pajamas size XL – J Crew, LLBean, Gap, 100% cotton or cotton/modal
      – Gift card for amazon. Everyone gives new moms books but it is so much easier to listen to an audio book.

    5. Another idea, if you can find a yoga studio near her with prenatal yoga classes, maybe a gift card to that studio would be nice. I always slept so much better after going to a yoga class while pregnant.

    6. When I was pregnant, my SIL gave me a tote bag with some magazines, a craft, and a puzzle. Of course you can tailor this to her interests or hobbies, but I enjoyed that it was focused on me but pregnancy safe, and that it sort of gave me permission to take a break.

    8. I like the idea of Crocs, or Uggs. When I was very pregnant and my feet very swollen, having a pair of shoes I could slip into without having to bend over was really nice.

  16. The comment above about compression socks made me think to ask my question. I have about 5 pairs of compression knee socks I wear during cold weather. I like that they stay up and don’t slide down during the day – the compression helps with that – but taking them off last night I felt like I was bruising myself. I scrunched them down to my ankle but getting them down over the back of my heel www really painful. How do you all do it?

    Can you recommended any warm knee high socks that actually stay up but aren’t compression? My current ones are 20-30 mmHg- maybe that is too firm?

      1. +1, Smartwool are my fave

        But also, those are high compression. Like that’s what I wrestle on to wear for an overnight flight. Trying to bunch them up for pulling on or off like a normal sock is not how they work; you have to wriggle them an inch or two at a time!

    2. Get socks that are made for skiing and snowboarding! Darn Tough, Icebreaker and a bunch of others all make good ones.

    3. Thanks to those who responded! I just put a pair each of Smartwool and Darn Tough on my Amazon wishlist (I have family who are inevitably going to order me something from there, so may as well be practical!)

    4. You need to roll them off like pantyhose, not scrunch them down like socks. Otherwise it’s tough on both the sock/your fingers!

    5. Do you wear rubber gloves when you take the compression socks on and off? That can help with traction so that the sock doesn’t bunch around the ankle before you pull it up or off.

    6. Also, cotton or wool knee highs from places like Falke (German) M&S (UK) or Gudrun Sjoden (Sweden) if they ship you way.

  17. Tbills! Can buy them online. The website is a little clunky, but it gets the job done. 4.5%+ yesterday on tbills up to 26 weeks.

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