Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Gina Ponté Knit Dress

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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

I love a ponté knit dress for a comfy, forgiving office look. This dress from Hobbs London would be a great piece for a morning when you want to look pulled-together but aren't up for assembling an outfit. I’d add a simple earring and pendant necklace and boom, you’re ready to go.

We’ve discussed which tights to wear with navy before. For a more formal office, I’d probably do nude-for-me pantyhose, but for a more casual look, I might try to find some matching navy tights.

The dress is on sale for $138.75 (originally $185) at Bloomingdale’s and comes in sizes 2–14. (Note: Bloomingdale's is offering free shipping through 12/22.)

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Sales of note for 1/31/25:

  • Ann Taylor – Suiting Event – 30% off suiting + 30% off tops
  • Nordstrom – Cashmere on sale; AllSaints, Free People, Nike, Tory Burch, and Vince up to 60%; beauty deals up to 25% off
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20 off your $100+ purchase
  • Boden – 15% off new season styles
  • Eloquii – 60% off 100s of styles
  • J.Crew – Up to 40% off winter layers
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off sweaters and pants
  • Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 40% off last-chance styles
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – End of season clearance, extra 70% off markdown tops + extra 60% off all other markdowns

Sales of note for 1/31/25:

  • Ann Taylor – Suiting Event – 30% off suiting + 30% off tops
  • Nordstrom – Cashmere on sale; AllSaints, Free People, Nike, Tory Burch, and Vince up to 60%; beauty deals up to 25% off
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20 off your $100+ purchase
  • Boden – 15% off new season styles
  • Eloquii – 60% off 100s of styles
  • J.Crew – Up to 40% off winter layers
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off sweaters and pants
  • Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 40% off last-chance styles
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – End of season clearance, extra 70% off markdown tops + extra 60% off all other markdowns

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

264 Comments

  1. I love this! Too bad I have no idea where my postpartum size will land.
    Quick update and thanks — after yesterday’s advice, we have an intake appointment with Pacific NW Fertility for oncology related fertility preservation this morning. It was super fast and easy to set up, and it turns out Amazon’s reproductive care benefits are rather extraordinary. So we are feeling hopeful. Still nothing from pathology. Thank you all so much for the well wishes and advice!

    1. Good luck!

      I feel like many companies that are horrid to be at nevertheless have great headline-grabbing benefits (egg/embryo freezing! Because we will work you to the bone during your 20s/30s!). Glad they are coming in handy for you.

      I briefly considered this when my monthly self-exam found a lump. (So: do the self-exams!) Just running around to deal with the lump was such an eyebrow-raiser in the office that I figured I’d never last through any treatment let along something requiring still more trips to still more specialists (IIRC, I had repro coverage through DC law so it was not optional to offer as a benefit), never mind any eventual reconstructive surgeries / tatooing. Just getting the mamogram prints released for a second opinion at Hopkins was an ordeal . . . Ugh. It was so, so awful. I remember my boss at the time was “well, it’s not like you have cancer” so why are you out so much? Um, I don’t know definitely that it’s not and I’m a big freaked out being several decades younger than everone else waiting for the mamogram.

      1. Wow that sounds horrible. I’m so sorry your boss said that — that’s horrifically insensitive. Yeah, I am oddly glad that we found this during maternity leave, though it’s certainly not the leave I dreamed of. The sheer # of doctor’s visits would be manageable with WFH and the reputation I’ve built, and if I work through treatment, my department has a history of doing well by cancer patients, but still.

    2. Good luck to you! I posted on the moms thread suggesting you post here for more feedback. I’m so glad they got you in so quickly! Sending good vibes for good news from pathology asap!

    3. Sending good vibes to you on the pathology results. Having been through that process 2 years ago, I can tell you that honestly the waiting is the absolute worst part. Hoping you get good news!

  2. Have you ever considered negotiating salary for a job offer, but ultimately decided not to? If so, what influenced your decision? Any regrets about not negotiating?

    1. If you thought about negotiating, I think you should go for it! I didn’t for my current job but they came in higher than what I asked for.

    2. I didn’t negotiate salary because I knew that there was no wiggle room (executive position in state funded higher ed). I did negotiate for other things that helped me such as an executive coach, and I think that was to be expected. When I’ve hired people I’ve also been upfront when I’m offering a salary that I can’t raise and I’ve had people negotiate for other things such as a one-time housing allowance, etc.

    3. What’s your reason for doubting? I think it’s almost always worth it. Unless you come back with a counteroffer that’s wildly out of market the new company is not going to pull your offer over it… and all your future raises are going to be based on it!

      1. +1 to this! I recently negotiated for a little over 10% of the offer, and not only did they give me exactly what I asked for, I got a higher bonus and more RSUs as well. I know it’s a cliche, but I truly do think it’s leaving money at the table if you don’t ask.

    4. I didn’t negotiate after a couple of internal promotions and I regret it. I successfully negotiated the salary at my current role and got what I asked for. It wasn’t a dramatic amount but even asking gave me a self-esteem boost. I say go for it, unless they’ve explicitly told you there’s no wiggle room.

      1. Totally agree, ask in 95% of all situations but there are some cases where you will be told there’s no room and asking can be tone deaf. Those are rare situations though, and typically for very well compensated positions.

        1. At a nonprofit, trying to negotiate salary on a promotion will be perceived as tone-deaf no matter your pay grade.

          1. Completely disagree. I’m incoming board chair for a large nonprofit, and it’s just as normal for people to negotiate their raise as at any other company.

    5. Always ask! Negotiating is not an offense to the company. Maybe salary isn’t the main focus, but choose what’s important to you and ask what can be adjusted. I have never accepted a job offer without trying to negotiate (and usually I am at least somewhat successful).

    6. I have always negotiated even for an internal promotion where I knew there wasn’t much wiggle room.
      I do have a (male) former coworker who once had a job offer revoked when he tried to negotiate. But honestly that’s a sign it would’ve been a terrible place to work.

      1. +1 I once had a job offer revoked when I attempted to negotiate. And I am soooooo glad now that that happened and I didn’t end up working there.

    7. I guess it depends what you mean by negotiate. There was no back and forth when I joined my current firm because I was already above what they paid other associates at my seniority, but they were willing to match to get me.

  3. Please tell me about your experiences with an IUD. My gyn has recommended it for irregular bleeding (I am finished having kids and my husband is fixed). How is it with the strings – is it a pain having to check them, can your partner see them etc)? Any feedback welcomed! Thank you also to those who replied to my post last week about going to the gyn – the nurse put a pad on the table and it was no big deal. She said it was common for someone to need to come in while they were on their period.

    1. Unless you use a speculum in your gardening, no one is going to see the strings :)

      I had two Mirenas for a total of 10 years, CF by choice. The first insertion, NGL, hurt like hell – but it was over quickly. I cramped and spotted for a couple days and then nothing. Checking the strings was NBD until they fell off; a quick ultrasound confirmed it was still in place and then I never thought about it again. Periods went from a week of heavy tampons to a pink smudge for two days. Overall pretty great experience.

    2. I think most people love theirs but I hated mine. I got it before I had kids and the strings weren’t a big deal but it caused cramping and spotting that never went away.

    3. Mirena is great for stopping bleeding, but what most doctors will not admit is that it can cause weight gain and a miserable mood. I also felt like it caused trouble with blood sugar regulation. I was ravenous all the time and would have a lot of hangry energy crashes that would leave me completely unable to function–two or three hours after eating, I’d be so hungry that I literally didn’t have the energy to get out of my chair and get a snack. All of that went away as soon as I had Mirena removed, and I effortlessly lost the 13 pounds I’d gained.

      1. I also had a bad Mirena experience. I spotted heavily enough to need a pad at least half the month for over a year, and also got acne and gained weight. All stopped when I got it removed.

      2. Curious if you were on hormonal BC beforehand and had similar symptoms? I was really worried about switching from the same BCP I’ve had for 20 years, but was optimistic given that it was basically the same hormones as Mirena, but Mirena is in lower doses. I’ve had no issues so far, although I did have a bit of chest soreness the first few weeks, which I think is a symptom of me going off the old BCP.

        1. For me, I was miserable on Mirena and had it removed after a year or so. Weight gain, mood swings and painful acne truly affected my wellbeing. (I was not on hormonal BC beforehand). After Mirena was removed, I switched to Paraguard and have zero complaints other than a heavier period.

      3. This is so interesting and relevant to me. I’ve had mine for 4 years and gained 15 lbs that just will not budge. I asked my doctor whether it was related to Mirena and she completely dismissed me and said that there was no correlation… but looking on the internet shows that there’s at least enough anecdata that I shouldn’t ignore a possible relationship. I’m ready to get mine out for other reasons but not looking forward to the return of bleeding… that’s been a nice benefit.

      4. I also gained weight on Mireya as well (that has yet to come off even four years after having it removed…) My doctor swore it didn’t cause weight gain but did concede that it makes you “tired.”

      5. I spotted for the first year and loved it for the next three. It was worth it to me vs pills because I had less anxiety and less weight gain in comparison. I just got my second one and the pain of the uterus measurement was more than the pain of the insertion. The first time was an 8/10 for pain, very briefly, but I hadn’t given birth at that point.

    4. I have a Mirena and I love it. It is painful when they insert it, and I will be taking mine out this spring, and I’ve also heard that can be painful. I actually never get my period anymore, which my gyn says is fine. Will randomly get spotting. Also, no strings/don’t check on them/partner can’t see them.

      1. For me, getting it removed didn’t hurt at all and the reinsertion hurt less than the first time.

    5. I have had my copper IUD for almost three years. It is far better for me than oral/hormonal BC (I suck at taking pills regularly and also hated adding hormones to my body). Checking the strings is super easy. No one can see them, but I have had partners who say they can feel them occasionally. It’s never been an issue – more like a general comment when talking generally about sex or BC.

      I like that I can set and forget.

        1. Perhaps not, but she also asked for other data like strings and so I provided that as strings are strings.

    6. To semi-jack this thread, since I’m in a similar position- does the IUD interfere with libido and cycle the way birth control pills do? I was doing OK on the pill for most of my adult life, but since going off it entirely (6 years ago), I’ve been really enjoying the resurgence, particularly mid-cycle (near my now otherwise pointless ovulation). I hate having to deal with heavy or unpredictable (though not unmanageable) periods, but I’m resistant to any sort of intervention that would take this newfound enjoyment away.

      1. It has not interfered with my libido at all for the 15+ years I’ve had one. I never could find a pill (after trying six different kinds) that didn’t have troublesome side effects for me, of which the libido thing was one. I haven’t had any of those same problems on the Mirena.

    7. I’m on my 4th Mirena, I got one after I had my son and have had them (almost) continually ever since (barring one gap between removal and replacement when we tried for a second child – nothing happened and I wasn’t willing to go through fertility treatment again, so I had a new one re-inserted). I had to have my son via c-section before his due date so I never dilated, and therefore insertions are never a picnic, but it’s a few minutes of discomfort and then five years of not worrying about birth control – or periods, for that matter (I haven’t had one in years). Prior to getting an IUD I had irregular, extremely heavy periods with serious bleeding/clots and cramping, and not having to deal with periods has been a huge blessing and positive change in my life. I only feel the strings if I go looking for them (and you don’t have to, unless you suspect for some reason the IUD has come out, which I can’t imagine you wouldn’t feel as it was happening as I can feel it every time mine is removed). My husband has never said he could feel the strings. Not everyone has a good experience with them – my best friend had one for about two years and had spotting and cramps that never got better, so she had hers removed. But I love the Mirena, and given that I have a strong family history of uterine fibroids and people who have had to have hysterectomies due to bad periods, I’m very happy with the results I’ve had. I am 44 and did a replacement this year; my GYN told me that I can leave it in for 7 years and then remove it at 51, at which point I could get a replacement, but I doubt I will.

    8. I have a Kyleena IUD. I am very happy with it for the most part. Extremely light periods (1-2 of very light bleeding), the strings are a non-issue, no weight gain or mood changes. My only complaint is that I do get some cystic pimples on my chin that I never got without an IUD. It is bad enough (for me) that I am considering removing the IUD, but someone else may feel differently.

    9. I got mine for the first time in July. I love having it because I don’t have to remember anything but OMG it was so painful getting it put in. Like a mix of the worst cramps I’ve ever had for probably 45 seconds straight plus bleeding for several hours. It took me 3 days to not feel sore, and honestly at least 2 weeks to get over the memory of how bad the pain was. I would still have done it looking back now, but definitely was not so sure about my choice in the first few weeks.

    10. Okay, caveat that I am obviously an outlier due to the low failure rate of IUDs, but:
      1- after my son was born I had a copper IUD for several years. I don’t remember insertion being very painful but I was 6 weeks post partum and you know, childbirth memories were fresh. My midwife also had me come back a week later to check it and at that point she trimmed the string very short; I could still feel it though, but the OBGYN who removed it later said they were short. My only problem with it was very heavy, long periods – I bled for 10+ days IIRC. Eventually I got fed up with it.
      2- after having problems with the pill (which I had taken for years pre-kid without noticing problems, but this time felt it was causing stomach upset), implant (never ending spotting), I eventually tried an IUD with hormones, I think it was Kylena or something. Insertion hurt like hell but over fast. This time, it was inserted at Planned Parenthood. They did not suggest I come back to get it checked or trim strings. I got my period right after it was inserted and used my menstrual cup as usual. A week or so later I realized I could not feel the string, panicked, went to OBGYN. (She did not insert IUDs, which is why I had gone to PP). OB could not find it either, sent me for a pelvic ultrasound. Pelvic ultrasound and x-ray revealed it was gone. I assume it got pulled out when I was removing my menstrual cup and I didn’t notice it. After all of this drama, we gave up and just use condoms, which work for us.

      If you get one, please talk to the doctor about risks of using a menstrual cup with it. I later remembered reading a warning about this on the cup. I think the risk is greatest right after insertion – the DivaCup website suggests waiting 3 months. And ask the doctor to trim the strings fairly short. And maybe look at what is in the cup when you empty it!
      https://divacup.com/iuds-and-the-menstrual-cup/

    11. On my second Mirena now. Insertion wasn’t fun, but getting my cartilage pierced hurt more.

      My first one I had zero periods, but on this one I get light ones at completely random times. It’s a PITA, but I had life-ruining dysmenorrhea without BC, so in comparison I prefer this.

      I had the strings trimmed extra (at second appointments) for both, because they scratched my husband. You could actually see the red marks on his…gardening tool.

      I don’t notice any affect on my appetite or weight. I was significantly overweight when I got my first one, just due to bad lifestyle choices. I lost 60 pounds while having the IUD and have maintained the loss steadily for about three years now.

      I do suspect it may have caused my stubborn acne that didn’t exist until my late 30s, but becoming a tretinoin user cleared that up.

      I used BCP with skipping periods for over a decade, and in comparison this is much better. I had frequent migraines and mood swings on BCP, but none of that on Mirena.

      1. Forgot to mention that I’m CF, since they say IUDs are horrible to install on women who haven’t given birth. That hasn’t been the case for me.

    12. I have a copper IUD, so my experience won’t help you for irregular bleeding, but in terms of the strings, I’ve actually never been able to feel/check mine. The gyn checks it at my annual exam and they’re always in the right place, so I don’t worry about it. Mine’s due to be changed next year, so I’ve had it almost a decade. NGL, insertion hurts. A lot. [no children. May not be as bad if you’ve had kids]

    13. I am happy with my mirena. It’s my second (first was in for 5 years). I never check the strings. My husband has never mentioned seeing or feeling the strings. The insertions were not memorable. I have been thrilled with the whole thing.

    14. Birth control is safety tested against the risks of pregnancy, not non-pregnant health, and the risk/reward calculus just doesn’t work out for me if I’m not using it as an alternative to pregnancy. I’ve stopped seeing gynecologists who have nothing to offer besides birth control (often not even a real diagnosis).

    15. I ‘ve had a copper one for 2 years but just chiming in to say that insertion was NBD for me. I read all of these horror stories online but it was honestly no worse than a regular pap for me. I don’t ever check the strings. In the beginning my partner could sometimes feel them but I think they soften up over time and now he doesn’t notice. I just had an ultrasound for something else and everything appeared in order.

    16. I got mine at age 45 after being done with kids, had a second one after the first. Love love loved it. I had been on hormonal BCP for 25 years and I – as opposed to those above – was able to lose the BCP hormonal weight gain. No periods, no side effects, absolutely no downsides for me. If you’ve delivered kids va-inally, insertion would probably be less painful than mine, as I had only c-sections. My daughter got hers inserted at 26 after my recommending it for years for her painful, long periods accompanied by mood swings and it has been a lifesaver. Insertion was ok for her having had no kids.

    17. Love love LOVE my Mirena :) I took 600mg ibuprofen before insertion, but still cramped during insertion and for a day or so after (like a day of the worst period cramps ever, needed to alternate ibuprofen and acetaminophen for 24hrs) and occasionally during the first couple months. But only spotted for a few months during my normal period time and haven’t had a period since (which is a-freaking-mazing). I had fairly painful periods, so even just aside from not having the bleeding, not having the pain has been fantastic. I checked my strings for the first few months, but haven’t in a while. I’ll occasionally feel them when self-gardening, and my husband has never had a problem with them (I did warn him they were there just so he wouldn’t be surprised if he felt them, but not been a problem). Getting it replaced in a few months and honestly planning on having one forever unless actively TTC or pregnant… there is no way to overstate the quality of life improvement of not having to worry about periods!

    18. My mother had irregular bleeding and she had a uterine ablation and it worked very well. I think that Mirena does not permanently address the issue and the ablation did.

    19. It was horrific. The pain and nausea were so severe that I ended up in the hospital. TBH, I would recommend a hysterectomy any day over an IUD.

    20. I’m a little late to this today but I think I recently posted about this right before I got mine. Today was my one-month ultrasound check-up. What lead to getting one was having my period 3 times in 6 weeks. I went in to get this figured out. It was determined that the BC I had been on for the last 9 months just wasn’t working right. (I should not have been getting a period at all). They recommended an IUD and I had THE SAME questions as you. Ultimately, I decided it was worth a shot. Doctors prefer (and it’s easier, I guess) for you to get one during your period. Mine was all over the place so I just had to call when I got my period and they slotted me in the next day. The doctor had also prescribed me something to help “ripen” my cervix. I’m a generally small person in that region and I’m childfree. I asked for this just knowing my body. You may want to do the same and, if you are particularly sensitive to pain, ask for a low dose pain med. So… here’s my experience:

      – The insertion pain was… a lot. Probably the worst pain I’ve ever experienced. BUT it was not for longer than a few minutes. AND I, apparently, my uterus or cervix (I can’t remember) takes a hard right and narrows. So… that made insertion much more difficult. My doctor is a rock star for being able to do it, tbh. I did nothing for the rest of the day. Took another aleve at some point and a x*nax (it helps relax the body). There was a lot of cramping and still a dull pain. The next day I was perfectly fine. I was a little shocked. If/when I get my next one, I’m asking for pain meds for the insertion itself.

      – I’ve spotted every day up until a week ago. I cannot feel the strings but I also have not gone looking for them. I just mean day to day you don’t feel them.

      – You cannot garden or use a t*mpon for the first month. Just be aware. I almost used a t and had to google to remind myself. A month later, you’ll get a tr*nsv*gin*l ultrasound to make sure it is still in place where it should be. These things can fall out and it’s usually when you’re bearing down to p**p. That’s why they do the check. I’m a tad crampy today because of it.

      1. OP here – thanks so much for this info and for all the other replies – very helpful and lots of good points to think about. I am leaning towards getting one because it seems like the best option. My gyn was not recommending the ablation even though that is what I went into the appointment wanting. Appreciate all the replies!

        1. Late to the party, but want to say I am on my second and OMG is it great not having periods! Coming off your terrible experience lately, I think you will be happy.

        2. I’ll just add a second plug for someone who had a good experience with a Mirena and didn’t really experience any side effects other than my period stopping. (Though I have a serious GI condition and was always gaining and losing weight so who knows how that impacted it).

          The only reason I haven’t had the new one placed is that I want to do it under conscious sedation and then there was a Pandemic. But now that OB-GYNs are starting to have more capacity again, I’m thinking of following up on it soon. (Though I’m sure I’ll have to fight my insurance for coverage but I just can’t do it awake; it was too much for me).

        3. Just in case it’s not too late – I was in BCP for my twenties and early thirties, and when I went off, I realized they made me depressed and anxious, and hid/treated? endometriosis. I ended up in emergency surgery for the end, and tried to go back on the pill, to terrible mental health results. Doc (who is amazing) asked if I would try Kyleena if she gave me a Xanax to come in and a cervical blocker (local anesthetic – pap smears HURT, so I was VERY scared of insertion.)
          Insertion sucked but I’d do it again. Had lots of random spotting and long periods, but six months in, bleeding has been dramatically lighter than I had before. Still have cramps, but it could be the endo, still figuring it out. Main point though – for me, the Kyleen (mini Mirena) has been dramatically better than any BCP I tried from a mental health standpoint. Even with unpredictable spotting still and period timing being off, it’s better than any of the prior alternatives!

  4. Good morning- any ideas for a great Christmas gift for my beloved nephew? I’d like to use a local SFO vendor if possible. Budget $150. He lives w his girlfriend (love her too). He is:
    New to SFO
    Into tech, his dog, music, the outdoors, travel
    Not into alcohol
    He is probably better off financially than me
    We’ve done Milk Bar in the past
    Thank you.

    1. I like to buy other people’s dogs fancy dog treats. I would do that and maybe a cider mulling kit for the humans and call it a day. I don’t have a local vendor to recommend.

    2. The airport? Or San Francisco?
      For dogs, the foggy dog has cute items
      For a date night, a gift certificate to Tock (new online reservation system that has the newest places)
      For music, a membership at SF Jazz

    3. For the humans: get them a gift card to Tadich Grill. It’s one of the oldest restaurants in SF. Have the sand dabs or the dungeness crab Louis. Local crab season will start around Dec 1 this year so the timing is perfect.

      For the fog – If you think they would cross the bay, there’s a dog washing place called mudpuppys at Point Isabella, the most amazing off-leash giant dog park at the mouth of the bay. I took my dog there for the ultra wash which was like a spa day for him and saved us a vet visit because they did his @nal glands, and it was $80 including a good tip. They also have an adjoining cafe and they sell dog toys.

      Mudpuppy’s also has a location in the city in the Castro if they don’t want to cross the bridge.

  5. I’m hoping to start flying with my 20-lb cavapoo. Any tips/tricks – best airlines, good carriers, etc? My pup is definitely on the larger side of the acceptable range for in-cabin flying (i.e., not sure he can technically stand up and turn around in a carrier) so I’ve been hesitant so far.

      1. Sorry if I’m being dense – why not? I’m not trying to pass him off as an emotional support animal or anything like that.

    1. I’ve never flown with a dog, but my cat is just over 20 pounds, and 20 pounds is the limit for carry on pets at most airlines. I’m a little unclear how they enforce this, he’s also probably too big to stand and turn around in a carrier that would fit under the seat. This forced us into an extremely unpleasant cross-country drive last time we moved, and now that we’re considering moving again, I’d be curious to know how rigidly these weight limits are enforced.

      1. Awww love to hear about a chonky cat. Mine is only 7lbs and it’s a constant worry.

        1. One of mine is similarly tiny, and now takes twice daily thyroid meds. May be worth getting bloodwork, if you haven’t already.

          1. I’m the poster with the giant cat, and he also takes thyroid meds. He’s big, not just fat, but my vet did say he’s the fattest hyperthyroid cat she’s seen. I think hyperthyroidism is pretty common in older cats, so definitely worth doing regular bloodwork.

            If we do move again, though, it would be in the summer, so putting him in cargo isn’t an option, and I don’t think it’s ever an option from our home airport, since all the flights are on regional jets and carriers that connect to the main airlines in hubs. Driving was hard on him (cried all day and night), and I’m sure he’d also hate flying, but at least it would be over faster…

          2. His thyroid was normal over the summer but since then he’s lost over 2lbs so I’ve booked him in for a follow up next week. Wee nugget rules my heart

      2. Our cat used to weigh 20 pounds (now maybe 18, after some dieting) and would be above the limit in Europe (17 pounds). He is a big boy with a cute little ‘beer belly’.

      3. They’re not going to weigh your animal, it’s more of a guide as to what size animal can be handled appropriately through security and can fit under the seat. FYI you have to take the animal out of the carrier and carry him through security. The carrier has to be scanned like any other carry on luggage. Alternatively you can go to a room in the back and let TSA paw through all your stuff.

        I recommend a harness and leash even if you don’t walk your cat. I walked through security and my cat almost bolted out of my arms, even though he was sedated as much as the vet would allow. I had to quickly kneel down to wrap my body around him, otherwise he would’ve been gone. Fun fact, making fast ducking movements around TSA is inadvisable.

    2. The good news is that it’s much less risky to fly a pet as cargo in the winter vs in the summer.

      Signed,
      spring recipient of a cargo-flying extra large cat due to a military deployment timed for summer where cat would have to connect somewhere in Texas or LA

    3. My airport is a Delta Hub, so all of my flying experiences are with them. My dog is 16-17 pounds, and she can turn around in the carrier but definitely can’t stand all the way up. I’ve had her for 7 years and have flown her maybe 20 times, and only one person has ever commented on it. Most of the time, they don’t even see her, I can leave her on the ground at the counter in her carrier. I use the Sherpa Deluxe Delta carrier (bought on Amazon).
      I would have your dog get comfortable with the carrier – using it every time you’re in the car, etc, so he doesn’t freak out when it comes time to fly. We also give our dog some meds to make her fall asleep during the flight. The day of, we don’t feed and extremely limit water, and take her for a long walk or run right before we head to the airport.

    4. My rich neighbor has a vacation house half the country away from us and a yellow lab. They drive it each way vs fly the dog. They go to for at least a month but would board the dog or find a pet sitter or very good friend to trade favors with for just a week (e.g., holiday trip).

    5. Before lockdown, I was on a flight to . . . Naples? Somewhere retiree-heavy in Florida. I feel like I was the only person on board without an emotional support animal. I’m not sure if they’ve cracked down on that or if it was how people beat paying fees, but it was a bit crazy. So possibly be prepared for holiday travelers on both sides of you also having pets of some sort, which can be interesting.

      1. I regularly flew cross country pre-pandemic and someone brought their emotional support dog, a shepherd mix, who alternately sat on my feet, or in the aisle where everyone tripped over him. Owner was of course non-apologetic and entitled. I like dogs but I also paid for an extra leg room seat and got less than standard leg room. I do hope the airlines have cracked down on these abuses.

        I am an animal lover and have two cats and a dog, but people have to accept that part of pet ownership is taking responsibility for them yourself and not foisting it off on others.

    6. On our last flight, we debated bringing our 10 lb dog who has no chill, and realized even if she’s the right size, she lacks the temperament so we will forever board her or drive unless there’s an emergency, in which case we’d need to drug her (and not a fan of that). I’d factor your dog’s personality in as strongly as her size.

    7. We fly with our cat a ton. A couple of things:

      – On Delta at least, your pet carrier counts as your carry-on, so you will be limited to just your personal item.
      -You have to get to the airport by the checked baggage deadline even if you’re not otherwise checking bags in order to get your pet carrier tagged (at least at my airport).
      -Your pet will require a separate ticket; it’s $125 each way on Delta.

    8. I have flown multiple times with a pet or with someone with a pet. We have the same Sherpa Deluxe Delta carrier and have never had a problem. The gate agents have only once in the ~20 times looked into the carrier. Even with the 20 pound limit including the carrier, they’ve never even mentioned that it is 20.5 pounds or whatever. The dog(s) have been relatively happy and I would not do it if it were too hard on them. It does get expensive and adds extra time for check in. Always counts as a second item but you wouldn’t want to have two other items anyway as that would be too much for one person to carry.

    9. I’ve flown with my cat. I got meds to relax him from the vet. I put a harness and leash on him for safety when walking through the metal detector. I held him close to me because he was scared. He is fine on flights, doesn’t make any noise or have accidents. I put the carrier on my lap and it has a zipper on top so I can stick my hand in to pat him. Once we flew with a barky dog. It didn’t phase him. I’ve never had anyone weigh him with or without the carrier. Most people don’t even realize I have a cat. The carrier looks like a duffle bag.

    10. We flew with our ~20 lb dog a lot until we had a kid and then flying with both was too hard so we stopped bringing the dog. We took her on probably 40-50 domestic flights, plus to Mexico a couple times. We flew both American and United and had good experiences with both. We used the Sherpa carrier, she can’t fully stand up in it but was fine lying down for the duration of the flight. She was not an emotional support animal so we had to pay $125 each way for her ticket. It was annoying but it usually wasn’t that much more expensive than paying for dog sitting ($30-40 per night in our area). Our dog is extremely neurotic in general but always did well on flights and we got a lot of compliments about her behavior.

  6. Please recommend your favorite brand for leather wristlet – Levenger? Lo and Sons? Brighton? Cuyana? and why is it your favorite?

    1. I really like my Brahmin wristlets; they have an interesting color selection and some interior organization. My current ones are turquoise and cream for Summer, and Walnut, and Black (because they go with my work totes).

    2. None, most annoying kind of accessory. If I need that little, use a pocket. If I need more than a pocket, a small crossbody. Clare V makes a perfect one.

      1. I still haven’t found enough magical pants and skirts that have pockets deep enough to hold something that I can eschew the wristlet.

        1. And that is what the small crossbody is for! I just cannot with the wristlet, it literally makes one hand unusable.

          1. Clutches make one hand unuseable, but a real wristlet can slide up the forearm enough to get out of the way for something like carrying coffee or unlocking a door. So that is why I like (a good) wristlet.

            I apparently have narrow, sloping shoulders (shoulder straps slip off more than I’d like), and actually using a crossbody strap “cross body” often ends up feeling awkward for what I’m wearing at least on a petite extreme hourglass figure (though maybe I need to just accept this, at least when I’m not wearing button up shirts).

      2. I hate cross bodies with a passion. So uncomfortable to have something draped around your torso, and if you wear nice fabrics a cross body can completely ruin them.

    3. I would check out Coach for something like this. High quality, usually well designed. I have a very small crossbody from Coach that I love & wear all the time & it came with a wristlet strap that you can clip on and remove the longer strap. It’s smaller than the crossbody linked to above. That one is a lot bigger than I would personally need or want.

  7. Dumb question of the week: is anyone else who uses instagram through a browser rather than the app having trouble logging on this week? Across multiple laptops and phones and browser types, I can enter my username and password and appear to advance but then the site never loads. All the troubleshooting advice I’ve found online is either oriented around the app or hasn’t worked.

    Maybe this is the kick in the pants I need to leave all of Meta behind…

  8. Does anyone have a good system for deciding how many of something you need? Let’s say bedsheets, pillows, coffee mugs, holiday stuff, cardigans etc I think I can declutter better if I have specific goals

    1. How often do you use all of them? That’s probably the most telling sign of what you need to get rid of, like a cardigan you wear once a year.

    2. I base most of this on how often I want to do laundry or clean, which is pretty individual, and how much more storage space I have. And obviously, young children benefit from having extra sheets and clothes.

    3. You need way less than you think you do. Sheets, one set of you have laundry at home. Coffee mugs, 6 if you have a dishwasher and love with someone, clothes, different story but I bet you only wear 1/4 of your wardrobe normally. For that, I’m ruthless about tossing (postmark if you want to feel better about getting rid of barely worn things that didn’t road test well).

    4. 2 complete sets of bedsheets per bed, unless you have a kid sleeping in it and may need to clean more often. Pillows: 2 extra, plus the appropriate number by beds; 0 decorative pillows (I hate them?)

      Coffee mugs are a hard one for me because I love them! I just get rid of the ones I don’t love :), I end up with extras. I have 6 of my “favorite” because they’re a set, but I use them daily.

      Holiday stuff: 1 box. I’m not into decor, and it holds all of my ornaments and home decor. You may have more, but consider having a set amount of space (2 boxes? 1 shelf in the garage, etc).

      Have you thought about Marie Kondo’ing? I know that’s kind of opposite what you’re thinking, but if you’re asking for quantity it makes me wonder how much you truly love what you own.

    5. For bedsheets and blankets, we do 2 sets for all beds plus enough blankets and pillows for the maximum number of people we have sleep over. So, we keep an extra comforter + pillows for when there is an air mattress in our office.

      For clothes, first step is purge everything that doesn’t fit and hasn’t in the last 3 years. Then I go through and generally throw out/donate all “basics” that haven’t been worn in the last year — if you didn’t wear that hoodie all pandemic, it’s not getting worn again. Exceptions for special purpose clothes – e.g., that really warm sweater that I only use when visiting places in -10F, or a crop of gala dresses (… that fit without spanx, they will stay forever).

  9. After six years our Calphalon pots look terrible — very scratched even though we only use plastic utensils on them. They are technically under warranty but it’s going to cost upwards of $100 to mail them in for an assessment to determine whether the company will replace (and that process could take 4-6 weeks, not ideal over the holidays).

    So, I’m in the market for new nonstick cookware that is high quality and will last longer than a few years. Please recommend yours!

    1. Following because same – our nice-for-us calphalon is unusable now. I think we’re eventually going to splash out for enameled cast iron – we don’t need a ton of truly nonstick pieces.

    2. I don’t think this exists. Nonstick cookware just only lasts for so long. I only have one small nonstick pan that I use for cooking eggs and am just resigned to replacing it every so often. For most cooking, there’s no need for nonstick coatings.

      1. This. I buy one cheap nonstick for eggs every few years, but my lifetime pots are Le Creuset (a Dutch oven and a braiser, and I think that’s all you need)

        1. I agree that nonstick pans are consumable, and last Christmas I replaced all my nonstick cookware with Le Creuset enameled cast iron, which I love. That said, I never got the hang of cooking breakfast on enamel (fried eggs and hash browns just stuck, darn it!), so I got a couple of Le Creuset nonstick pans and they are the best nonstick I’ve ever had, even though they were fiendishly expensive and I don’t expect them to last forever.

      2. +1000, the coating disintegrates over time even with careful use. We keep one at a time in the cabinet for making eggs and expect to get 2-3 years regardless of brand.

      3. Totally agree. Get some real cookware like All Clad, learn to cook just about everything with non-nonstick pans, and buy a cheap Teflon pan for eggs only.

      4. You know that old joke of “if nothing sticks to teflon, how do they get it to stick to the pan?”

        The answer is poorly.

    3. I’ve had my eye on Caraway Home pots and pans, but can’t speak to their actual quality because I don’t own them.

      1. I think Pinch of Yum the food blogger did a review of them a couple days ago, I would try her Instagram.

    4. Six years is actually a long time for nonstick pans to last if you use them regularly. I would replace your pots with stainless steel All-Clad and only get nonstick on one or two skillets and your griddle and grill pan if you use those. You really only need nonstick for eggs and pancakes.

      1. You don’t need nonstick at all. I make eggs and pancakes in my all-clad pan multiple times a week and they don’t stick. The key is heating it up properly before you add the oil, and then heating up the oil properly before you add the food. Nonstick cookware is really bad for you and should be avoided. It’s also such a waste of money. I’ve had my cast iron for over 10 years and I expect to have it my whole life. My stainless steel All-Clad pans all look as good as new from when I got them five years ago.

        1. The oil is the problem though, when I’m counting calories, I want to be able to cook an egg with no oil. You’re adding over 100 calories to your meal if you put enough oil in the pan to cook properly – especially if you’re cooking for one!

          1. If calories are that important to you, alternatives include hardboiled eggs, softboiled eggs, or poached eggs, none of which require using cheap, toxic pans that are terrible for you and the environment. I find softboiled eggs the easiest for quick meals.

      2. This is what we do. Nonstick surfaces just don’t last; we have to replace our two nonstick skillets every 2-3 years even though we’re careful with them. The majority of our cookware is stainless All-Clad and I’ve had the same pots and pans for almost 20 years now. Periodically I take them out and scrub them with a Chore Boy pad and some Bar Keeper’s Friend and they look fine. I get our nonstick skillets from TJ Maxx – the nicest/heaviest I can find for around $30 a pan, so then when they have to get thrown out after a couple of years it wasn’t a huge investment.

        One of the best cooking tricks I ever learned was to cook things that stick, like chicken breasts or fish, on a medium heat (not high) and leave it alone in the pan until it cooks enough that it naturally releases on its own. If you try to pick up the meat and it’s sticking, it’s not done cooking on that side. (If it’s browning too fast, the heat is too high.) This trick made dinners taste better and pans easier to clean; double bonus.

        Also will say, my husband was very skeptical about the expense on the All-Clad pans as I was buying them – they were expensive for us back in the early days of our marriage. But we’ve never had to replace them and with basic maintenance they still look good. Very worth the investment IMO. I bought one pan at a time as I found them online on sale, or in TJ Maxx/Marshalls, and within five years had a nice set, more that suitable for our needs.

        1. +1 I bought All Clad pots and pans in a set from Sur La Table in 1998. I still use every single one of them several times a week. You really can’t go wrong.

    5. Durable nonstick cookware does not exist and is bad for you. The chemicals that make it nonstick offgas (and if it chips, it gets into your food) and can actually kill household birds. Don’t waste your money trying to find a better version because it truly isn’t out there. Stick to high-quality stainless steel or cast-iron. Once you get used to cooking on the good stuff, you won’t miss the cheap stuff.

      1. +1

        And if you mess up and it sticks, leave some Bon Ami on it or use Dawn Powerwash; it’s not that bad.

    6. Nonstick is ultimately going to be disposable no matter the price point. Some hold up a bit longer than others, but will still scratch no matter how much you baby them. Either purchase knowing that they’ll need to be replaced, or else (what I’ve done for the past ten years) use stainless, cast iron, and/or carbon steel if you want to buy it for life.

      1. This. You can treat them like delicate little souls and they will still scratch. Replace every few years.

        1. I’m surprised I’m seeing so much advice to just “replace every few years.” That’s not only expensive, but extraordinarily wasteful, and all when good alternatives exist. Those toxic chemicals in your pan are still toxic when they’re in the landfill. I think we all need to make consumer choices like we give a sh*t about the environment.

          1. You can be stubborn about it if you want, but we don’t need to pretend like it’s a good choice to keep using these crappy, toxic, wasteful pans when there are high-quality, safe, and long-lasting alternatives that literally work just as well. It’s like people who insist on wearing a bandanna to protect against COVID when surgical masks exist and are in fact easier to use.

    7. I can recommend avoiding the Green Earth Ozeri line. I bought them because I prefer molded handles rather than riveted, and they are not easy to find. The finish starts to cloud and dissolve and get hogged up in less than a year of light use and babying. Very unhappy!

    8. I’m also struggling with this. I’m on an abnormally low-fat diet, so nonstick cookware if a must. I can’t find anything that holds up.

    9. Agree with everyone else. DH and I have been buying cookware for 15 years, and we’ve never had a nonstick pan last more than a few years, even with babying (hand washing, plastic utensils, foam separators). We’ve been through 3-4 brands, with different types of coating.

      Like other commenters, I recommend a set of stainless steel pots and pans, then add what you need based on what you cook. In terms of non-stick, we have an enameled cast iron dutch oven, a cast iron fry pan, and 12-inch nonstick Calphalon pan with curved sides. I’d like to add a 6-inch Calphalon pan for when I just want one or two eggs and don’t want to wash such a large pan.

    10. I’m on team Cast Iron Skillet! Works really well, without any concerns about the chemicals used to make things non-stick. Only drawback is they are a bit heavy.

    11. Is anyone happy with carbon steel? Cast iron is the best nonstick surface I’ve ever used, but it’s just too heavy for me!

      1. I have a carbon steel wok. It’s fine nonstick-wise, although I haven’t tried to cook delicate egg dishes in it, but it’s very thin and really only good for brief high-heat cooking. It would be hard to regulate a simmer.

      2. Yes, we have and love our De Buyer carbon steel crepe pan, although it’s not that much lighter than cast iron.

      3. Yes, we have and love our De Buyer carbon steel crepe pan, although it’s not much lighter than cast iron.

    12. I bought a Tramontina aluminum nonstick pan that’s been holding up quite well. I recently bought a Zwilling ceramic nonstick stainless steel pan and I’m pleasantly surprised by it! Sturdy, heats evenly, love the surface. I also have a cast iron skillet

    13. We switched to stainless steel from non-stick and will never go back. Once you get used to the fact that they heat up way faster, they’re essentially better in every way. Particularly since you can just take whatever your favorite metal scrubber to them to clean them.

  10. I am having my first colonoscopy next week and I’m a bit nervous. I think the procedure will be fine, it’s the prep I worry about. Any pro tips or things you wish you would have done? I think someone asked about it recently but I can’t find that thread. Thanks for encouragement and words of wisdom.

    1. Do not make any plans the afternoon/evening before. Seriously, clear your calendar of meetings because you don’t know how it’s going to affect you. The procedure is quick and easy.
      I wish I had put a protein bar in my purse for right after — I was starving!

      1. Good to know! Not the OP, but this is coming up for me, too. There is a Chic-Fil-A where I’m having mine done. Will that be too spicy/oily for right afterwards? My driver will likely hang out there anyway. Or go with bland (my bland of choice: the name-brand animal crackers).

        I have a packet to read over Thanksgiving. Oh, joy!

        1. I was able to eat anything afterward but I wasn’t hungry. I was very thirsty and so glad I had a smart water in my bag for the ride home. I think I just did a protein shake after with a lot of water and went to bed.

        2. I would have had no problem eating CFA afterwards but I don’t have a sensitive stomach.

      2. I do have to work but my last meeting finishes at 3 and I don’t start the prep until 6 except for the clear liquids diet. I worry a little about that. It’s worth it I suppose. Good point about the protein bar. Thanks!

    2. Ask if they will let you take tablets. I think it’s called sutab or something like that. You don’t have to drink anything gross that way. It’s honestly not bad at all since you’re out the whole time. I’m so glad I had it done. Age limit just lowered to 45.

      1. I did the SuTab prep and it was probably better than having to drink the usual prep, but you still have to drink a lot of water. I actually threw up after the second set of pills, and was worried the prep wasn’t complete enough. Fortunately it was. My sister asked about it, but her doctor didn’t let her do it because of possible kidney damage? I haven’t really looked into whether this is a serious risk.

        I didn’t feel much like eating after my procedure, but everyone seems different with that. I was kind of loopy/euphoric after being done, probably because I was so exhausted and dehydrated going in, and then they hydrated me, I got a nice nap with the anesthesia, and I was SO happy it was over! I did take the day of the procedure off and spent most of the day sleeping.

        1. That sounds awful. I didn’t feel nauseous at all. I used the Sutabs twice–once with my first colonoscopy and a second time before the surgery I needed to remove the tumor they found when they did the colonoscopy. (Stage 2 thank heavens–it had literally gone through two of the three walls so I was hugely lucky to have gotten the colonoscopy when I did.) Both my GI and the surgeon were good with using the pills. However, a second surgeon I saw (for a second opinion) preferred to do liquid prep–he didn’t worry about any side effects but said he preferred as assurance cleanse would be complete–my guess is that he just likes to replicate the same process every time to support the same results. Anyway, just want to underscore the importance of having a colonoscopy and to not let the prep idea scare you. It truly wasn’t that bad. I’m only 47 and this probably will have saved my life. Had I waited and it travelled, the five year outlook is MUCH worse than if it’s still in the walls. Also, to whoever is reading–I didn’t have a single sign. No pain. No blood. No weird bathroom issues. No family history. Apparently because my tumor was in the ascending colon (the start of your colon), that’s not unusual. Only reason I got the colonoscopy was that I was anemic when I went for a normal physical. If you are reading this and my age–please schedule it. I beg you. It’s really not a big deal and I feel stupid now for thinking how it would be in comparison to what I’ve gone through.

          1. You had good doctors – anemia can be a sign of colorectal cancer in women, it’s too bad that it’s usually written off as just one of those things.

            Very happy for you that your cancer was caught early enough. And you are absolutely right – I put off my colonoscopy longer than I should have (I was 52 when I had mine) and I got lucky, but it was dumb to put it off.

    3. I had my first one last month. It was not as bad as a I thought it would be. My biggest suggestions is to drink the prep through a straw. It makes it easier if you don’t like the taste. Also, get a list from the facility of the clear liquids you can drink and have them on hand so you aren’t starving. Also, baby wipes may be helpful or some other soothing wipe. Plan to just sleep or lounge at home after — I was pretty tired after.

      Honestly, it wasn’t that bad and hopefully you only have to do it once every ten years. Good luck!

    4. Chill the liquids, drink slowly so your stomach doesn’t get too full (which will make you queasy), and consider putting some cream on your bum if it gets sore from all the wiping, or use wet wipes. The prep is the worst part.

      1. +1

        Get some baby wipes and use those (do not flush even if they say flushable).

        Honestly it wasn’t that bad.

    5. I’m a pro at these due to GI issues.

      Pre-scrub the bathroom. You will be spending a lot of time there, you deserve a fresh clean room.

      Buy baby wipes and double line the trash can. Even the most cushy dry paper will rip you up with that much wiping. A bidet may help if you have one, but the consistency is…not ideal, so don’t be surprised if it just spreads the mess around.

      Have tepid bottled water ready in the car for after. I’m always insanely thirsty but incredibly sensitive to temperature, so a cold drink makes me puke.

      Be careful for the next couple of days to shower in lukewarm water and use a rich skin cream all over. Dehydrating myself that badly makes my skin feel two sizes too small.

    6. I’m trying to schedule my first, so no personal experience, but I’ve witnessed my husband make all the mistakes:

      1. Follow the prep directions to the letter. Don’t think you can “speed it up” (that was really bad)
      2. Make sure you’re clear on what you can and can’t eat in the days before you start prep. One time, his doctor gave him a really specific diet, but he didn’t read until the day it started and we didn’t have the allowed foods available, so he had to make an emergency grocery run. Another time, he was reading the less-stringent instructions that said “nothing with seeds” while eating a tomato salad. Oops!
      3. You will likely be really hungry afterwards. Make sure your ride has time to take you to eat somewhere.
      4. Both DH and other friends have raved about the sedation for a colonoscopy being like the best nap ever, so there’s at least that to look forward to!

      Good luck, you’ve got this!

      1. I agree that that sedation was amazing. Like the most pleasant, positive, deep nap I’ve ever had. I should be grateful that experience isn’t available as an illicit drug, because I’d be addicted very very quickly.

    7. If you’re doing a liquid prep, buy at least 2 flavors of gatorade to mix with it. I find it more palatable to rotate flavors.

    8. Thickly apply some aquaphor or a&d ointment on your wiping area. Get the big tub. Use after every bathroom experience. You will thank me.

    9. I wrote above about the aquaphor (lifesaver!) but what I really want to tell you is that people think it will be like a bad case of diarrhea but it’s not. It completely cramp-free and everything just flows out of you like a firehouse. Also unlike a more natural case, you can’t hold it at all. You really can’t. During the worst parts I literally stood in then bathroom reading my phone because I wouldn’t have made it in time if I’d been standing in another room.

      Don’t expect to share a bathroom with anyone. If you only have one bathroom and have to share it with others, get a hotel room. I’m serious. When you’ve gotta go, you’ve gotta go.

    10. OP here – thanks for all the good advice! Thanks to this community, I feel more prepared.

  11. For those with Joan of Arctics, do you wear them just as snow/slush boots or as regular footwear that you don’t change out of? If the latter, do you wear them with boot-cut or straightleg bottoms? Those new-fangled pants with the shorter legs are throwing me. Plan for visible/statement socks, I guess?

    1. I actually have the kids version of the Joan of Artics because they come up too high on me in the women’s version (I’m only 5’4, my legs aren’t super long). They are rather heavy – I wear them for days out in the snow/snow shoveling/when it is actively coming down hard but IMHO they are not comfortable for full day wear. They fit fine under snow pants but otherwise I wear them with skinny jeans for ease of swapping out shoes later. I’m an elder millenial so I refuse to have soggy bottoms on my pants when skinny jeans are a perfect solution – I don’t care about being fashionable in a snow storm though…

    2. I find them way too heavy to wear for anything other than actual tromping in the snow, so would always change indoors.

    3. I only wear them while outside in the snow, cleaning off my car, shoveling, etc. They are super warm but also heavy. I tuck my pants into them or wear snow pants.

  12. How are people doing with winter office clothes? It’s been two years since I left the house looking like anything but a college student (would say high school student, but they are apparently devoted to shorts regardless of temp, judging by the kids I’ve seen how that schools are open again here). Today, I look like a grownup with a job (but, man, did it require some thought, some trying on of clothes to see what still fit, and the finding of black tights).

    1. Winter office clothes are so much easier than summer ones for me! In particular my favourite outfit which is a black velveteen pinafore dress (nicer than it sounds) over a patterned blouse of some sort. Fully aware it makes me look like an overgrown kindergartener, but it’s comfortable, warm, and doesn’t require any fussing with as the day goes on. Plus the sound guy for a panel I was on last week was pleasantly surprised by the fact that I had pockets (for the mic pack)!

    2. One thing I’m noticing. My winter uniform originally was suits, then pencil skirt + sweater, then dress + tights, and now it seems we’re back to skirts (but not pencils; sometimes big swingy things or more A-line mod ones, but knee length or at least midi-length, some of which I’m coveting after seeing strangers on the street in real clothes again in our central business district).

      1. As a long-legged pear I am super excited by the fuller, longer skirts. My time has come!!!

    3. My taste and comfort level have definitely shifted in the last two years, so I’m slowly building a new wardrobe. I’ve always tended to have a capsule-ish wardrobe of limited items that go together well, so I’m sticking to that formula. I’ve also changed jobs to a place with a slightly more casual standard than my previous role.

      Things I’m liking:
      – Natural fiber tops – Thanks to perimenopause, I just can’t with a lot of the synthetic shells I used to wear. Wool, silk, cotton, and rayon are much more appealing now.
      – Pants – As a hard-to-fit pear, I’m finding more pants that work lately because the styles are more forgiving. Love wide legs!
      – Dresses & skirts – I’m still wearing pencil skirts, but I’ve always preferred a below-the knee to midi length on them. I tend to wear them with a slouchier top than I used to.
      – Toppers – Open cardigans, soft blazers, and longer cardigans are way better than structured jackets.
      – Shoes – I’m loving the trend of chunkier footwear – Gen X, so lug soles and combat boots are my happy place! – so I’m wearing low to medium height block heel booties and lug sole oxfords now, and am in search of my ideal “professional” combat boots.

      1. I have some winter boots that are lovely, but they have 3″ heels on a platform. It seems silly to buy a flat pair, but I feel that at least I’d wear that.

        1. After a year and a half in sneakers or slippers, 2″ is the highest heel I’ll wear anymore. Buy the flat boots!

    4. I went to the cancer center here in Seattle last week and saw a 50+ woman in an outfit and I was so amazed, having not seen any work fashion (other than politicians in the Senate on TV). She was obviously an administrator. She had on a chunky knit off-white cardigan and a plaid wool pencil skirt in earth tones, ivory cable tights and brown boots and a coordinating wool/knit scarf. I don’t know if it was an “in fashion” outfit but it’s something I would have enjoyed wearing to work in the pre-covid times and it looked nice on her. I literally have gone nowhere except to the Seattle Opera (masks were de rigueur and they actually required and checked photo ID that matched the vaccine card) and one in-person dinner in a mostly empty restaurant, and I am really missing going somewhere looking nice.

  13. I have my eye on some sheets from LL Bean that are a bit outside my budget at full price. Do you think they will have any sales coming up soon due to TG/Black Friday?

    1. They usually have a 20% off coupon for black friday, but rarely more than that so pounce when you see it.

  14. Providing an update…
    A few months ago I posted about DH getting a new job offer across the state and how sad I felt about leaving my job. Well, he accepted that job after much deliberation and will start next August. I know many of you told me not to tell my job until I had to leave, but I felt like I really knew my boss and trusted him so I talked to him yesterday. He confirmed my beliefs that my current position doesn’t work well remote, but he will help me find something within the company for me to switch to, when the time comes. He also mentioned he’s working on a few things internally that could be a viable option, but he can’t make promises yet. We ended the meeting with him saying the last thing he wants is for me to have to leave the company because I’m moving, which should be our last resort.

    Overall I’m truly relieved that conversation happened, and now I can actively work on my next step. Thanks so much to everyone who shared their input, DH and I reviewed all of the responses together. Overall this has been a stressful few months, but I think our relationship is stronger for it.

    1. That’s so great. I’d still set a mental end point to get a clear plan hammered out from current job (maybe March) and if they aren’t sure you can start looking externally, but sounds promising and just nice to get that feedback from someone you respect.

    2. Thank you for the update! I really love it when people come back and let us know what happened next.

  15. I’m looking for a new technical midlayer for skiing and winter sports that isn’t too tight in the arms. I have disproportionately large arms for my size and most of the options I have found from my usual brands are too snug in the arms to fit a base layer under comfortably. Any suggestions?

    1. Men’s items? My arms are teeny. My DH’s aren’t terribly beefy, but are easily at least 2x as big as mine and he never complains. He is an LL Bean / Duluth regular.

    2. Costco has merino wool tops that are my winter staple, and fit bigger than the Icebreaker equivalent.

  16. Fun shopping question: what do you wear to bed? I’d like to upgrade my pajamas from ratty maternity tee shirts (baby is now 4!) but I can’t seem to find something that works for me. I don’t want anything too warm or crew neck/high neck and nothing too goofy. Ideas?

    1. I wear a matching set of PJs that I bought in 3 colors form TJMaxx. Long sleeve button up on top, shorts on the bottom. After 38 years in this world, I discovered I sleep better with long sleeve tops & shorts vs the short sleeve tops & long pants I’d been wearing my entire life.

      1. +1 for Soma. I have three nightgowns that I rotate. They keep me from waking up gasping and pouring sweat. In winter I add an electric blanket that turns off after a few hours.

    2. I would sleep sans clothes if the dogs didn’t also sleep in the bed so I make do with boy short underwear and a tank top.

    3. I wear boxer style shorts and a tank with a very lightly supportive built in bra. However Lake Pajamas May have good options for you. They are running a sale now… have had one of their robes for 3 years and it still looks new.

    4. I really like the Simply Vera Wang line at Kohls for pajamas. Most are made of modal, and I find them just as cool as Soma’s Cool Nights line, but for much cheaper (watch for coupons, Kohls always has them).

    5. Soma intimates cool nights tops and pants, bought as separates. I like the sleep cami that has a little seam under the bust for light support.

    6. I JUST upgraded my ratty college t-shirt to an Athleta sleep shirt (I think it’s called the CYA sleep shirt) and I love love love it.

    7. Printfresh PJs with the camisole. Crisp poplin and company is led by a woman. They are pricey so I am slowly accumulating sets via birthdays, Christmas, etc.

  17. we want to buy an extra fridge/freezer for our garage. anyone have any suggestions in terms of brand/model?

      1. This. We got a bigger chest freezer than I wanted over the summer because it was that or wait another 3-4 months at a minimum. We also had to replace a fridge that died unexpectedly and when we gave them our specs (size, price) and told them we needed it urgently as our old one was dead we had literally 2 choices.

    1. Go with a basic design (skip the water dispensers, etc.) that gives you the most space possible. Shop at he scratch and dent department at your local appliance store – this will allow you to know it’s actually available (anyone else try to buy appliances during a pandemic? it’s not easy) and it will save you a ton of money. Often the appliance is not scratched or dented at all but is a floor model that’s been discontinued or updated.

    2. Do you have your “dream” refrigerator in your kitchen now? If not, move that as the back up and get the fridge you’ve always wanted. That aside, go for a floor or scratch/dent model.

    3. Look for one that is “garage rated.” Most fridges regulate their temperatures according to the temp in the fridge compartment and ignore the temp in the freezer. If the temperature of the garage gets below about 55 degrees, the cooling unit will not run enough to keep the freezer frozen. A garage rated fridge will not have this problem.

      1. This was a mistake we made when we bought our garage fridge/freezer. Apparently some come with kits if they’re going to be used in a garage, but they’re easy enough to get otherwise if you can’t find one specifically garage rated.

    4. In our cold climate we can only keep something like a fridge in a heated garage. Consider if this is your climate as well.

    5. Depending on where you live, check to be sure that the refrigerator is rated for the temperature range that will occur in your garage.

    6. Garage rated, in stock, and self defrosting or whatever you call it if that’s important to you. We just bought a chest freezer, and brand really didn’t seem to matter to get the job done.

  18. Any recs for very warm/cozy pjs?

    I live in a cold/snowy area and am always freezing. Prefer jogger style pants that have elastic at the ankles so they don’t ride up when I’m in bed.

    I think the last pair I had was LL Bean…

    1. They aren’t pjs, but the Lululemon scuba joggers are CRAZY warm and cozy. If those aren’t in budget have you thought about an electric blanket or heated mattress pad?

  19. I’m so tired of taking care of everyone and everything. I wish I could run away to a cabin in the woods with no DH, pets, children, or subordinates constantly requiring attention. Thanks for reading my rant, I’m going to go hide in the bathroom and cry until yet another person needs help.

    1. Can I join you at that cabin? Or maybe one next door? I am tired of being in charge of everything.

    2. +1. I love my kids. I also don’t know how many more times I can solve problems that have obvious solutions that children consistently reject: tired and don’t want to sleep, can’t find the toy and won’t look for it, hungry and don’t want to eat, cold and won’t get dressed, want cuddles but don’t want Daddy, etc.

    3. Oh goodness I’m sorry. I’ve been there. Sometimes it feels like people are picking little pieces of you off and at the end of the day there’s nothing left. Take care of yourself any way you can. Hugs!

    4. I’m so sorry. I know exactly how you feel. I am so tired of fixing everything for everyone all the time. I want someone to fix something for me. Just once. Just one time. You’ve got this. Be kind to yourself. And I’m sorry.

    5. I’m so sorry. I’ve felt the same way, especially when my kids were younger. However, I noticed that there was almost no amount of alone time that was enough and frustration quickly returned. Instead I needed to reframe my thought process. I had to reset my own thinking (what was my role in this, how did my frustration impact those around me, what did I need to do differently, etc.) AND do more helping by showing (let’s do this together, here’s how you can help yourself, etc.). Was it perfect? No, but it helped tremendously. And I learned that when I wanted to flee to a cabin by myself, I had to bring back the reset.

      1. +1 I also find it helps to tell myself to treat childcare as if it was my job for that moment. And then drink lots of coffee or tea.

    6. I’m so sorry. Look at the second letter here. That was me in 2016

      https://slate.com/human-interest/2016/03/dear-prudence-my-in-laws-only-give-gifts-to-one-of-my-kids.html

      It did get better. Gradually. I did not run off to the cabin in the woods. I kept my job until I found another that required somewhat less travel and wasn’t having layoffs at the time (though I did eventually get laid off and it was one of the best things that has ever happened to me!) My mother eventually passed away, which broke my heart, but in hindsight I’m glad I stretched myself to care for her and be with her as often as I could be, and I don’t regret that. My kids are older and more independent now – they require more money than time – and life is just easier now.

      You’re in a tough season of life. It will pass. I know it’s hard and stressful and maybe you can change some things about your job and your needy coworkers, but your kids will get older, you will get older, and you’ll settle into a different but very likely easier lifestyle.

      Hang in there!!

    7. Can I live down the lane in my own cabin? I’ll come over and wash your dishes if you can teach me how to split firewood. I am sick of living in a small house with three other people who can’t manage to put things away, in a town where you might as well have three heads if you aren’t a Very Important Businessman or a Perfect PTA Mom.

    8. Oh girl I hear you! Hope you can carve out some time for you. I’m so tired of being in charge for everyone and everything. FFS!

    9. I feel you. I’m so desperate to be left alone that I went shopping in the middle of a weekday, had a meltdown, and abandoned my grocery buggy and left the store. Three times in five minutes, in three different aisles, someone appeared out of thin air and absolutely had to have whatever obscure product was directly behind my back, forcing me to dance out of their way. I could feel the rage building behind my eyes that I couldn’t even have half a foot of aisle to myself in a gigantic almost-empty warehouse on a Wednesday-f*cking-morning. After the third time I walked out to the parking lot, got in my car, and screamed like a banshee.

      1. I’m not a holidays person for many reasons, but I always feel like my fellow Angelenos are extra rude in November and December. I was walking through a complicated mini-mall parking lot last weekend and nearly lost it at some dingus who was backing up without any regard to pedestrians or any other car trying to get in or out of the lot. This is also the time of year most likely to result in being rear-ended by a luxury car in my neighborhood.

      2. I’m sorry, that’s awful! I definitely understand and totally shop at obscure hours for solitude too.

    10. I am with you except I want to take the dog with me. He is the only one I don’t mind doing things for right now!

  20. Is a cashmere blanket a really stupid gift for a toddler and/or baby? My toddler neice is very into soft textures lately and would love a cashmere blanket, but not sure how it would hold up under normal toddler wear and tear. Was considering buying one for her and her baby sister for Christmas. TIA!

    1. It’s going to be a pain to wash. There are other “luxury” baby blankets out there, like Little Giraffe. Crate and Barrel also makes a nicer, more affordable one.

    2. Wouldn’t it get gross pretty quickly? I’d go for one of those silky faux fur ones instead.

      1. Yes, look for ‘minky fabric’ blankets – it’s a very plush fleecy polyester fabric that can be laundered.

    3. yes. pottery barn kids also makes super plush blankets and given that she is a toddler im sure would love it just the same. i would say, buy them both a kid size so they can get more use out of it. the sherpa pom pom blanket from there looks soft.

    4. get her a little unicorn blanket! my kids got them as baby gifts and still use them

    5. It’ll be a pain to take care of. The ‘lapin ultra fine fur’ blankets from RH are SO warm and fuzzy that we wound up getting 4 of them (2 for the couch, 2 for the beds) – I’d highly recommend those or a similar faux fur option.

    6. My kids hate anything wool. To their skin, it is not smooth and always seems scratchy vs some garden-variety fleece or acrylic item.

      1. Yeah, I’d never give a kid cashmere. The PB chamois blankets are so soft and hold up amazingly well.

      2. Full grown adult here, cashmere feels so nice in my hands but as soon as it touches my shoulders, neck or torso I become one giant itch.

    7. Look for a plush blanket with satin binding. My kids were into both textures at that age. The plush against their faces, their fingers on the slippery satin. You’ll find a lot of these blankets marketed toward babies have satin bindings for this reason.

      Don’t get a baby cashmere!!

    8. Thanks all! Why do they even make cashmere toddler gear? It’s so cute conceptually but in practice…..different story

  21. Just found out my favorite coworker, who basically carries the project we work on due to his technical wizardry, gave notice. Absolutely best for him and his family to move on so I am very happy for him, but I am also so bummed and so worried about what my work life is going to be like in the near future. It’s pretty much impossible to hire programmers where I am right now.

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