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Coffee Break: Graf Lantz Masks

I'm fully vaccinated (hooray!) but still masking up in public places. As I've been out and about far more than last year, I've been hunting for the most breathable masks that still work, and these nice ones from Graf Lantz were at the top of Wirecutter's list, so I bought some. So here's my mini Graf Lantz mask review!

I really like the Graf Lantz masks I have! There are a ton of pros: The era loops are adjustable — there's a nosebridge that's adjustable — and you can buy PM 2.5 inserts that, as near as I can tell, don't affect the comfort of the masks at all. They're even made from organic cotton that's OEKO-TEX certified, and they're handmade in LA. I got two regular masks and a “petite” mask for my 9-year-old, but I could also wear that petite mask.

The only real con is that they're a bit expensive, but compared to others I was considering (like Under Armour's $30 sports mask), they're not that bad.

Psst: If you bought some stretchy neck gaiters last year and now aren't using them for much, AND you have curly hair, they're my new favorite way to sleep and protect my curls. (The ones I use are “cooling” gaiters, like these.) So, so not sexy, but very easy and comfortable: I just scrunch the neck gaiter around my neck, flip my long, curly hair over, and roll the gaiter up so it's like a headband and then stretch it out around my hair. It's essentially a “pineapple,” but without sleeping in an elastic, which I find incredibly uncomfortable if it's tight enough to hold my hair in place.

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Sales of note for 12.5

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151 Comments

  1. If you were supposed to get a package and it was never delivered and the retailer is refusing to give a refund until it completes an “investigation,”, how long would you wait before opening a credit card dispute? My package was allegedly delivered on May 12, but I work from home, was here all day, and can confirm that it was not delivered. The “investigation” with USPS has been open for a month now with no resolution and the retailer is refusing to give me a refund until it’s complete – and even then, if USPS insists they delivered it, I won’t get a refund at all. The value of the package is $50. Am I being unreasonable here? This is from a major name retailer I’ve never ordered from before, so it’s not like I have some sketchy history of trying to scam them(??) or anything.

    3. Open the dispute but fair warning, I did this once and the retailer banned me from shopping there again.

      1. Woah! Was it a big name retailer? That’s ridiculous. Some credit card companies have purchase protection so it won’t come out of the retailers pocket.

          1. Just say the name, this is an anonymous internet forum, they’re not going to track you down.

          2. I have heard of Sephora doing this. They shut down people fairly regularly, if you read Redd1t, over things like returns, using multiple shipping addresses, etc.

        2. Yup. Supposedly I can call to resolve it (which I imagine means paying it back) but I’m not interested in shopping there if they can’t get something so basic right.

    5. If perchance your card is American Express, they will refund you now and fight it out with the retailer themselves.

    6. Thanks all. Dispute it is – I was trying to be nice but $50 is a lot of money to me.

      1. Most retailers will accept your word for it without putting you through this nonsense, fwiw, unless you have some bad history – which I saw you commented above that you don’t.

        You’ve already been *more* than nice.

  2. When you give presentations via zoom, is there a trick to making it look like you’re looking at the camera while you’re looking at notes on the screen?

    3. I typically just move my notes to just under the webcam. It’s as close as you’re going to get. This has worked for me for 3+ years of more than 50% of my job being done via Zoom.

    4. If there is no way for me to get things set up as people are suggesting above, I practice different angles to see what looks best to the viewer. If I’m only going to be periodically looking at notes, I want it to look like I’m looking at notes, not just looking off in a weird direction for no reason.

    5. I put the zoom window by the camera, so when I’m looking at the people it looks like I’m looking into the camera.

      1. In addition to above suggestions, I position myself slightly farther away so it’s harder to see my eyes darting back and forth between my notes and the camera. And then occasionally sit forward for emphasis and look into the camera.

  3. Is there an overall view on this re law firm recruiting? When you are more senior and are coming from a non traditional background, is it better to use a recruiter to present your resume to a firm or to apply on your own? When I was a junior/midlaw in NYC biglaw, it seemed like there was a slight edge when switching from one firm to the other to do so without a recruiter as it saved the firm money to not pay a recruiter. Now though I’m not sure. I’m 16 years out of school, interested in a boutique/mid sized firm in my area. While I did 10 years in biglaw, the last 5 have been government and while relevant to what this firm does, I’d imagine they need a bit more “explanation” regarding my background. The firm seems to invite applications directly per its website but recently I also spoke to a recruiter who seems to have some relationships there and has placed 4-5 people there in the last few years. Is it just more common to use recruiters for counsel/non equity partner type roles?

    1. In non-NYC/mid-law, the preference would definitely be to go without a recruiter if possible, because recruiters are expensive.

  4. What is your favorite housewarming gift you have received, or like to give?

    My single brother just bought what he calls his “forever” home…. a condo in Brooklyn that he thinks is finally in a location and of a size that he would be happy in through retirement. He’s around 50. He has lived in NYC/Brooklyn for many years.

    Any recs of favorite gifts? He is a simple guy in many ways, but enjoys food/biking/music and is an interesting and sweet guy who is always trying new things and having adventures.

    1. Somebody gave us a personalized cutting board for a wedding gift and I still use it and love it. They have a ton on etsy.

    2. I’m not sure if this helps in this situation, but when I moved out of NY a friend gave me a painting of a NY landmark that has been my favorite in all the places I lived (including now that I’m back in NYC!). So maybe a framed painting or photograph or somewhere relevant to both of you? The only caveat is that people can be very particular about their home decoration.

    3. My favorite housewarming gift was a first aid kit – given with the wishes that “may you never have to use this”. For other milestones, my favorite has always been the opportunity to buy art, gift cards to galleries (or cash) to get something of my choosing. Another quality has been really high quality and well-sourced meat, for interesting food experiments.

    4. Whatever you do don’t get a monogramed bible for an atheist. Worst housewarming gift ever.

      2. Fellow atheist who was given a Bible by the housekeeper living with the family I stayed with in sub-Saharan Africa during some graduate-level fieldwork – obviously I didn’t need or want it, but it was still a kind gesture and I’ve kept it all these years.

      4. My MIL gave us a giant picture of the Last Supper. My husband has left the Catholic Church and made his reasons for doing so clear to his mother. She is still upset we don’t have it hanging up!

      5. My family has one relative who gives framed Sallman Head prints to every couple for their wedding gift. The frames are so gaudy it’s become a family joke, but the best part is the giver always makes sure to tell the couple the painting is for the bedroom wall.

    5. I like to give coasters and cookbooks. Sometimes I give a copy of The Roasting Tin by Rukmini Iyer along with a roasting tin (I like the big 9×13 metal ones from IKEA)

    6. I think someone here recommended it – was something like a 5-gallon bucket, a basic tool set, and maybe a $25-$50 dollar giftcard to the hardware store.

    7. I got fancy big wine glasses, set of chef knives (acceptable in my culture, although may be a no-no in others), plants (I am a houseplant addict), a set of candles in nice glass jars, original posters made by artist from of my “before countries”, fancy food basket with selection of local coffee, beddings and bathrobe made of linen. Also coffee table book showing highlights of my “new country”. What makes a new place feel like home to me is the smell of coffee and not-bare walls, so if you know his taste, I would get him some wall art and coffee/food or glasses (they seem to disappear all the time).

    8. Some of my favorites have been a crate of Penzeys spices, a new doormat, or an Amish-made broom! If you’re not dedicated to it being a surprise gift you could ask what he’d like for a bike hanger / lift since those can be pricey.

      1. I think a doormat is a great idea! The nice ones always tend to cost more than I want to spend on myself so I think that is a great gift.

        1. Agree. And it is one thing you don’t usually take with you from home to home.

      2. Be careful with doormats, some apartment buildings in NYC are very strict about not allowing them. They are technically banned by the fire code but some buildings don’t enforce. I wouldn’t get one as a gift for someone unless they had specifically mentioned it. .

    9. When my mom moved I got her a self-inking return address stamp. I ordered it on Etsy (obviously it has to be customized). I know most people don’t send much mail these days, but my mom is hard to shop for (if she wants something, she has already bought it for herself!) and she loved it and would not have thought of it.

      1. I got one of these as a closing gift from my loan officer. I put it away but recently found it and was so excited to use it.

    10. A nice easy care houseplant in a pretty pot. Spend way more on the pot than the plant. Most nurseries will pot it up for you if you buy both from them. My go-to is a mature pothos plant in a glazed ceramic pot with built in saucer, mainly because even the blackest thumb can keep a pothos alive.

    11. My favorite housewarming gifts were 1) a Home Depot gift card; 2) a bottle of laundry detergent and a jar of Nutella.

      2. Who mails things anymore? That would have come in handy in the old days where you mailed physical checks for your bills. But not today.

  5. What’s your go-to lightweight summer jacket? I have light cardigans, which feel too autumn-y, and I have a faux leather jacket that I love, but is sometimes too warm. What do you recommend?

    1. Jean jacket? Old Navy has tons. They also have utility jackets that seem pretty versatile.

      1. Haha. You just blew my mind about having more than one jean jacket. I have no idea why I hadn’t thought of that before!

      2. Already had a jean jacket and resisted a light green utility jacket for a long time because I just thought it wasn’t my style (preppy with a little (cringe) hipster thrown in) but now that I have one I wear it all the time!

    3. On a similar thread someone suggested a loose linen shirt worn as a jacket, which could definitely work for some outfits.

      1. +1 – an oversized linen shirt or a linen jacket. Also loving a very light utility jacket and Paige denim jackets because they are super soft.

      2. +2 I wear this every weekend. Mine is from foxcroft and is meant to be a shirt jacket so it is tunic length. I have it in two colors. They sell some version most summers, or you can look on resale sites.

    4. for an actual jacket I like the JCrew Perfect lightweight jacket.

      For something that can be worn inside without looking like I forgot to take a layer off, cotton cardigans aren’t ‘autumn’ looking to me?

    5. Airy linen (or linen-blend) open cardigans, like the Nic & Zoe lightweight 4-way cardigan. Bonus points if it’s 3/4 sleeve.

    8. I’d love recs for good faux leather moto style jackets. Essentially something that can look like part of the outfit and not just outerwear, and a reasonable price point. Real leather is fine too, I’m just trying to be budget conscious.

      1. BB Dakota makes decent faux leather jackets at a low price point. Anthropologie has them sometimes too. The best time to look is when the fall season merchandise is in stores.

      2. Express has fantastic Minus the Leather jackets- i buy them every two years or so because i do wear them out (I wear the elbows) but they are FABULOUS.

  6. I want to thank everyone for their fragrance inputs last week. I went out and smelled Chanel No 5 L’Eau (nice) and then Eau Premiere, and fell madly in love with the Premiere. I nave never felt I could pull off the original but this one is so much more wearable for me. I love my new scent so much! Thanks again.

  7. Everything has fallen into place for my husband and I to start trying for kids (he gets home next month and his time with the Air Force is done, I found an in-house job near our families, we can afford a house in this area). I stopped my birth control at the start of the year when I switched my insurance because of my new job since I knew we’d be trying once my husband comes home.

    My mother got me on the pill as soon as I had my period. But now being off of it I feel amazing, I never felt this good with either of the brands of birth control I was on. My mood is better, I sleep better, I feel less blah and I feel sharper all around. I never new I felt bad until I started feeling good. I’ve been on birth control continously since I was 11 so obviously a lot in my life has changed. But I have only ever heard women say the pill improved their mood/health etc. Did anyone else notice an improvement/feeling better once they stopped taking birth control. Note: I’m not suggesting everyone should stop or that the pill isn’t important for women but I can’t get over how good I feel.

    1. Yes. It’s actually pretty common. I am done having kids and my husband is getting snipped next week because I refuse to go back on birth control

    2. One thing that I’ve heard a lot of women agree with is that off the pill they had a higher…drive.

    3. I’ve heard this is common! I stopped for nearly a year after taking it for nearly 20 years, and was so excited for this higher sex drive, better sleep, weight loss, etc. And…nothing. Glad you are feeling great though.

    4. Is that considered acceptable or healthy to put an 11 year old girl on bc pills, potentially for decades? I’m not judging, but I didn’t realize people do this?

      1. yes, I started at 12 because my periods were awful and irregular.

        As it turns out I feel way better *on* than off.

        1. I had some middle school friends who started on the pill, and it was usually because of severe menstrual cramps.

          As an adult, it may be helpful to see how you feel off the pill if you’ve used it for many years. My menstrual cycle has changed many times over the years. Right now, I’m having the easiest period ever.

        3. I didn’t start until I was 22 (college) but was on it until I was 29. Felt awesome on it, got a blood clot, now can’t take it :( So now I am back to the irregular periods, low energy, and hormonal imbalance of my youth.

      2. I wish my mother had done this for me. I have PCOS and have never in my life had regular periods, from the time I started. I would skip months and then have terrible cramps and flooding bleeding. I also had terrible, horrible, no-good-very-bad hormonal migraines. Getting on the pill my senior year in high school (I took myself to Planned Parenthood) was a revelation. I stayed on the pill until I decided to TTC, and then got a Mirena IUD that I will leave in until I turn 50.

      3. My daughter started fairly young for acne control. It was the only thing that worked. She’s 20 now and still taking it. Obviously we did this working with both her pediatrician and her dermatologist.

      4. Who even knows. I was put on the pill very young because they did a million tests and found nothing for my extreme periods (11-14 days of soaking a pad every hour, and passing out from the pain multiple times per month). Now my endocrinologist suspects the decades of BCP might have contributed to my thyroid problems.

        There’s just not enough testing done because nobody GAF about women’s long-term health; the goal is making sure that guys aren’t getting “trapped” by child support. Look at the very minor side effects that derailed male BC studies.

        1. Yes, it’s lazy doctoring, but women’s healthcare is regularly reduced to reproductive function. I saw a big name endocrinologist to seek help for my underlying conditions (PCOS, PMDD, and probable endometriosis), and the entire conversation was, “If you aren’t TTC, you need to be on the pill. If you are TTC, let’s do Clomid.” He couldn’t compute that I wanted to feel better, not family plan.

          I ended up seeing a relatively wooy functional MD to get help for the underlying conditions (apparently I was deficient in magnesium and zinc, I really do need methylfolate and not folic acid when it comes to PMDD symptoms, and I was too insulin resistant to handle the pasta centric diet I was on). But research on these interventions is lacking because no one cares, so the interventions I rely on now are derided as not evidence based, and only kind of wooy doctors were even willing to work with me on taking an approach other than the pill.

          I wonder if the other obstacle is that women’s reproductive health is getting messed up by pollution somehow (endocrine disrupters? xenoestrogens?), and nobody wants to admit what a big problem it is?

        2. That’s not quite accurate. The issue is that it’s easier to stop one egg that is released once a month (and you were born with all the eggs you’ll ever have) versus trying to stop millions of sperm that are constantly being “manufactured” for lack of a better term.

    5. Yes, I felt so much better off hormonal bc pills. After about 8 years with only condoms, I got a copper IUD and will have that until I am 52. I was on bc pills for 15 years and am honestly kind of mad about it still (in the sense that it was pushed on me so easily without any true discussion of hormones, other options (although there weren’t many then perhaps?).

    6. I’ve also heard many women say they feel better off the pill. For me, I felt good at first, great during the middle of my cycle, but wretched in the last half of it. I experienced terrible depression and mood swings, brain fog, lack of focus during the week before my period and to some extent during my period itself. Everyone’s different. It got worse the longer I was off the pill. I did a lot of reading about it when I went through this, so take an anecdote about a review of other anecdotes for what it’s worth, but it seems like your experience is more common than mine. Glad you’re feeling better!

    7. Absolutely. I am so much happier and healthier off all hormonal BC, including Mirena. Because of this, I would never ever ever put a teenager, much less an 11-year-old, on the pill no matter how terrible her periods were. I cannot believe I wasted so many years of my life wrecking my body and brain with BC. It might be great for some people, but it is terrible for others and the medical establishment gaslights women who dare to mention side effects.

      1. I was that 11 year old girl whose life was being destroyed by menstruating for 11 days out of every 21, with about half of the 11 days filled with flooding, literally having to get up every hour during the night, terrible cramping, resulting anemia and exhaustion, etc. I am so, so, so glad that my mother did not take the position of the previous poster that BC is never appropriate for teenagers (or in my case, pre-teen). I am thankful that I was able to live and function without bleeding and cramping and exhaustion controlling my life.

    8. I think it can change over time, too! When I was a teenager with really irregular cycles and just awful cramps the pill was wonderful. Now that I’m in my 30s I really appreciate the increased s x drive and I also think my mood is overall better, although it’s a subtle change and hard to exactly blame on BC. We definitely know hormonal birth control is never one size fits all, but I think even for the same individual the effects can be different.

    9. I feel much better off the pill than on it. I used it for probably 10 ish year, stopped to have my first, went on the “mini” pill (progesterone only) during breastfeeding, then went off that due to migraines. I felt like I was flying my first week or so off the mini pill. I didn’t have as big of a noticeable change going off the regular tri phase pill.

      Post pill, I used a good old fashioned diaphragm, alternating with my husband using cond0ms, and using these methods worked except for when they didn’t, and now we have our son. Which was fine, I would just say he came earlier than planned.

      Then my husband got snipped, it failed, which we fortunately figured out via test tube and not another baby, so I then got a tubal ligation. Whew!

    10. I think this really common for a subset of women. There’s no way to get real progesterone on any existing version of the pill. Progesterone makes me feel relaxed and happy, but progestins make me feel wired and stressed (and grind my teeth all night, which is not great either). Some of them also give me headaches. The synthetic estradiols make me feel tired and bloated and make it harder for me to maintain weight. My blood sugar and blood pressure are better off the pill. I read somewhere that when hormonal birth control was originally approved, it was argued that since women weren’t the core of the workforce, it was okay if they don’t feel their best, and anyway anything is healthier than pregnancy. I assume the early versions of the pill had even worse side effects, but it’s always been an issue.

    11. I had a very similar experience when I came off hormonal birth control 2 years ago after having been on it since age 13. I was shocked by the improvement to my general mood, mental clarity, and sleep. I was particularly astounded at the increased drive to “garden.” And yet before coming off of the pill, I would have told you that I experienced no side effects from hormonal birth control, because I didn’t know anything different! Frankly I found the experience disheartening; these changes made a huge positive impact on my quality of life, but the side effects of hormonal birth control were always just dismissed as the price of admission for being a person with a uterus.

  8. TW….loss of a pet
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    We had to say goodbye to our beloved dog last week. It’s the first time we’ve lost a pet as adults; we’re DINKs and while we know our dog isn’t a human child, we loved him so much and it’s been really difficult.

    Do any pet lovers have recommendations for a rememberance, specifically (1) a piece of jewelry, maybe with a custom paw print or incoporating cremains, and (2) someone who can do a slightly stylized pet portrait on canvas? I keep seeing Facebook ads but not sure which companies to trust. Open to other suggestions if you’ve done something you love to commemorate your pet.

    1. I’m so sorry. I am a mom and have suffered through lots of losses of beloved humans gone too soon, but I lost my crap nearly as hard when my favorite cat died.

      We buried her in the backyard and had a sort of gravesite for her. It has since become overgrown by an unruly plant, but she would have loved lying under that plant, so it still seems sweet to me.

      If you want a pet portrait, I’d probably go through etsy and pick a real artist and not a random company.

      Again, I am really sorry for your loss.

      1. Thank you. It does feel like losing a family member, and especially because I wasn’t expecting to lose him for a while. All of my human losses thus far have been more expected. Your kitty surely loves the shade and security from that plant.

      1. Same – I posted a comment with links to some options from Etsy so check back if it doesn’t appear!

      2. Thank you both, Anon and eertmeert, I’ll watch for your comments to come out of mod.

    3. I got a tattoo for my first adult pet loss. It was hard, DH and I are forever dinks and we had had her since we were in undergrad. My tattoo turned out so well it’s actually one of those tattoos that people make posts about on the internet and pretend is theirs, luckily the image is not identifiable as me.

      1. I would love to see it if you are open to sharing. We’re forever dinks too and it’s been almost 16 years with this pup. The other night I was seriously thinking about a tattoo. Is yours something you will add to in the future for other pups?

        1. I definitely plan on getting more for other pets (we’re a many cat, one dog family). The tattoo is just a really high quality portrait. I’m not super comfortable sharing the image, since I know a few of my peers read here.

          1. Thank you. I didn’t immediately think of a portrait – totally understand keeping that private.

    4. There are so many options on etsy, from engraved photos to jewelry with stones made from cremains.

      https://www.etsy.com/listing/623366943/cremation-necklace-pet-loss-gift-ashes?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=pet+cremation+jewelry&ref=sr_gallery-1-14&organic_search_click=1&frs=1

      https://www.etsy.com/listing/924324292/cremation-jewelry-necklace-personalized?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=pet+cremation+jewelry&ref=sr_gallery-1-6&organic_search_click=1&frs=1&bes=1

      https://www.etsy.com/listing/949593794/6mm-round-cremation-ring-stainless-steel?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=pet+cremation+jewelry&ref=sr_gallery-1-4&organic_search_click=1&frs=1&bes=1

      https://www.etsy.com/listing/808290706/personalized-crescent-moon-cremation?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=pet+cremation+jewelry&ref=sc_gallery-1-1&plkey=9c430e8f00aa88da54c5427a9866bfa099da92fd%3A808290706

      https://www.etsy.com/listing/941360172/personalized-teardrop-urn-necklace?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=pet+cremate&ref=sr_gallery-1-17&organic_search_click=1&pro=1

      https://www.etsy.com/listing/849633928/pet-memorial-pet-cremate-personalize-pet?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=pet+memorial+necklace&ref=sr_gallery-1-45&organic_search_click=1&pro=1&frs=1

      https://www.etsy.com/listing/846659267/personalized-pet-portrait-necklace?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=pet+memorial+necklace&ref=sc_gallery-1-8&plkey=787307c3fc95f3f48222d1a65b73b14517172558%3A846659267&pro=1

      1. Thank you for these. I had to put my darling dog down yesterday and can’t stop thinking of the joy he brought me so I will be picking something out from here to remember him best.

        2. I am sorry for your loss. Having something to remember him is a comfort. I have a locket with something of my dad on it and it really helps.

    6. I am so, so sorry for your loss. My husband and I remember our dogs who have gone before us with hand carved boxes to house their ashes, and small framed photos on top, together with their collars.

      And I will also offer you this: as sad as you are right now, start thinking of the next dog you can provide for. It will honor the dog you lost if you will give your love to one other who needs it.

      1. Thank you so much for this. I just picked a hand carved box and a portrait from Etsy. I’m glad you mentioned the next dog as well because it is a good way to bring some light to a very dark time.

  9. I just really dread eating out when I’m trying to lose weight. I don’t want to decline a dinner invite from a friend I’m longing to see who has a very rare baby sitter and really wants a night out, but it’s just so hard.

    1. No suggestions, but right there with you. I just got back from a lunch and I was second-guessing my order the whole time.

    2. can you suggest a movie, bowling, putt putt or something non-food related instead?

        1. If dining is truly make-or-break then I am sure you can come up with an alternative activity. Or you don’t really care about seeing this friend.

          1. I’m so confused. I am going out to dinner with the friend, it is the only option for her. I just hate how much I know it will derail me and how hard it is to find healthy options out.

            And honestly Idk why that makes you feel like being mean to me.

    3. ? It’s one meal. It won’t make or break your diet. Pick something like fish or chicken prepared without cream and with a side of vegetables. I had great grilled mahi-mahi and asparagus on Saturday. It’s a great reason to try something you would never make for yourself at home because it’s complicated to cook (I can never get grilled fish right).

      1. I agree. Do your best and enjoy the time with your friend!!!

        You can get back on plan tomorrow. Honestly, I understand being in the zone on calorie counting/dieting/healthy eating, so much, but the times I’ve been there I could have used someone to tough-love me and remind me of where seeing a dear friend ranks compared to the calories in a single meal.

    4. Does your night with your friend have to be food-centered or would they be up for something less traditional? If it’s just the two of you it might be easier to negotiate something different like a concert in a park where you can lounge and chat.

    5. I have had to navigate this a lot over the last 20 months. The key for me has been to check the restaurant’s menu beforehand, decide what I will order (including any potential substitutions for side offerings), and stick to it. Then portion control is everything. Be prepared to leave some food behind.

      1. Agree on portion control. Restaurant portions are HUGE. I almost always take half home.

        1. They are so huge, they can often feed me for two meals. I am the crazy hippie who brings her own tupperware to pack the leftovers without needing a single use container. And knowing that I plan to take home the leftovers (and not wanting to only take something ridiculous like two pieces of potato) actually is helpful to stop eating when I feel full. If I don’t have a firm plan to take the rest home, I will continue eating somewhat mindlessly plus out of obligation not to waste food. When I have the container ready, it’s more like ‘I feel kinda full. If I stop eating now, I have enough to take home to enjoy this delicious meal all over again later.’

      2. I usually order an appetizer for my dinner and just ask to have it served with the entrees.

        1. +1 to this, add in that many times the appetizers are more creative/tasty than the entrees, so I end up getting a better meal anyway.

        2. I do this a lot because the appetizers are often more interesting than the entrees. It doesn’t help with my real issue with restaurant food, though, which is oversalting that makes me bloat terribly.

          OP, just go, order what works for you, and don’t complain to your friend about your dietary issues.

    6. This is why I hate diet culture. It’s not your fault this culture exists, but I encourage you to fight against it. A night out with your friend after the 1.5 years we’ve all had has to trump fear of calories.

      1. Yes. I am the one who posted above about checking the menu beforehand, and a good alternative really is to just give yourself a break and enjoy the evening. There is also a middle ground — eat whatever you want but don’t overeat. In my case, I was navigating eating in restaurants often — 3, 7, 10 meals a week — for both work and social reasons. It wasn’t a special occasion.

      3. +1. One of the signs for me that food had too much influence over my life was that I used to stress out about meeting people for dinner. What better self, better health or better life are we striving for if it can’t include going out to eat with a friend? I hope you can go and enjoy both the company and the food.

    8. Makes me sad that you would completely decline a dinner invite. Maybe proactively research and locate a restaurant with healthy options? Order salad with dressing on the side? Fresh fish with sautéed or steamed veggies?

      1. I didn’t? I am going. And I have researched options, and they are not good, and salad with dressing on the side is just leaves.

        1. I’ve had a lot of fun eating bad food with friends. Eat what you want/need at home and crunch on leaves while you spend time with you friend. Here’s hoping a good visit helps.

        2. Don’t eat a full portion, eat less for breakfast and lunch, or don’t worry about your diet for one meal. This does not seem like a difficult problem to solve.

        3. I have eaten salad with dressing on the side for the last decade– you dip your fork in the dressing first, then put the salad bite on your fork, then eat it. It tastes completely normal but you end up using only like 20% of the dressing. Otherwise they put on way way too much. Dressing on the side doesn’t mean don’t eat the dressing; it just means you control the dressing.

      2. I have dietary restrictions so I have to do this at a lot of restaurants anyway, but my go-to when I want to eat out but am trying to keep calories down is to order a salad with grilled protein, no croutons/nuts/tortilla strips, and no cheese, with oil and vinegar dressing on the side. If there’s a diet out there that doesn’t fit into, I am glad I don’t know about it. As long as OP and her friend aren’t eating at Long John Silver’s, there’s likely something on the menu that can be modified to be low cal/low sugar/low carb/low fat/whatever the eating plan is.

        I also agree, though, with the advice that life is short and this is one meal out of hundreds of thousands the OP will eat in her life. She doesn’t have to go hog-wild but enjoying one meal with a friend and exceeding her macros for the day is not the end of the world. This is why I personally love my weekly If It Fits Your Macros structure, because I can eat anything I want, I just can’t eat everything I want. And, if I have a day where I blow out a couple of macros, I can make up for it by making different choices the rest of the week.

    9. Go! It’s ok to go and not eat much – you’re paying for being able to sit and hang out. You can take extra home and toss it.

      1. After being at home during the pandemic, I also appreciate paying for someone else to deal with cleanup! SO MANY DISHES.

      2. Why take it home if you are going to toss it? Save the container and just don’t take it home.

        1. +1 You don’t need to do this to try to save the restaurant’s feelings or anything.

    10. Ugh same. Had a whole weekend out of town for a wedding so ate out every meal. It was stressful.

    11. I’m sorry, I know how you feel. I can eat so few things due to my severe GERD that restaurants are a minefield. People say things like “treat yourself, it’s okay every now and then” but the pain and gallstones don’t care about that.

    12. Every single restaurant other than fast food offers a salad to which you can add protein. Not sure what the big deal is.

    13. I feel like this whole post should have come with an eating disorders trigger warning.

      OP I hope you are really hearing what people are saying to you and you realize how obsessed you are with food, such that you’re weighing ONE MEAL against seeing a good friend.

          1. +1 there’s no way one meal will derail an eating plan in the absence of other issues. If it was required work dinners once or twice a week, that would at least make sense.

      2. It’s just making a mountain out of a molehill. Eat a yummy salad with your protein of choice on top. Or a chicken prepared grilled vs fried. Ask for veggies instead of French fries on the side. Eat the bread only if it’s truly delicious, not out of habit. This just isn’t that hard to eat healthy, not be deprived or feel like you have to count calories, and enjoy the time with your friend.

    14. Sorry for all the “why are you making this so hard, it’s easy” comments. All the tips are useful already, I’m just here to sympathize. The difficult part about eating out for me is the “desire hangover.” When I’m eating at home I get used to particular flavors and choices and it is easy to eat well. The entire point of a restaurant is to make people want to eat–so it’s harder to stick with my plan without just envying everyone else, if I decide to do that. And I often have a sort of bounce-back reaction, “I kept it together in the restaurant so now I’m going to eat 16 bowls of cereal.” And if I decide to have what I want at the restaurant because it’s just one meal (this is a perfectly logical choice), I spend the next few days to a week white-knuckling my way through cravings for hyper-palatable foods. So I get the dread.

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